Covert Narcissists & Triangulation| How & WHY Do They DO THIS??
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ย. 2024
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For those that don't know me my name is Michele Lee Nieves, I'm a survivor myself of narcissistic abuse, I'm now a trauma informed coach and a somatic experiencing practitioner - I'm also the founder of the School of Transformation - where I meet LIVE on ZOOM w/ survivors and we do the inner healing work together:
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Ok so no offense to people that like to fish but we can say that narcissists are like fishermen in the sense that just as fishermen change bait so as to catch their fish, narcissists will change whatever manipulation tactic they are using so as to be successful in their manipulation. And so today we're going to dive into their toolbox and pull out their tool of triangulation. Narcissists love triangulation with the goal to divide and conquer which when we look through history this is a very successful tactic. For example causing divisions can break apart civilizations, think about the Roman empire one of the reasons it fell was due to the internal divisions. So bottom line causing divisions is a powerful strategy that creates tremendous distruction from civilizations, families to the internal destruction of your self esteem or self worth and narcissists know this. And so one of the way they achieve causing divisions is with triangulation. So lets break it down In this video I want to talk about what IS triangulation, I want to give you examples of different scenarios to help you notice it - especially with covert narcissists triangulation can be subtle and then last but not least if you feel like your a victim of this emotional manipulation you will want to watch to the end because I will give you some tips that can help.
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#rumination #narcissism #narcissisticrelationship #emotionaltrauma #toxicrelationship #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticfamily #covertnarcissist #triangulation #emotionalmanipulation #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecoverycoaching
Narcissists are not always victims of abuse. They are also made by parents who put them on a pedestal their entire life.
So true! I have seen one being raised and truly, she was told that she is superior as a child, trained to be cruel and treated better for it so obviously the narrative continues as an adult. The light inside of others physically disgusts this poor creature so much you can see it on her face. People who do not operate like this have no idea of the profound darkness lurking in some humans. And it never sleeps, it's always on, always watching. Waiting for the moment to strike. Horror movie stuff. Did this human ever have a choice? Where is God in this? Does she go to hell for her actions?
Trump is a great example of that.
Yep!
@@KChelseaVenus Very true. His niece, Mary, a psychologist, says his dad was a sociopath.
I’m amazed to see obvious survivors and victims of narcissistic abuse defend and support the likes of abusers like Trump. I’ve never liked him because my family is filled with people like him.
I was that kid put on to a pedestal. I definitely have been working on my own narcissism as a result. True story, it's its own wound
i hate the feeling that speaking up for myself makes me look like im actually the one causing drama.😢
Yes! I get called a drama queen or that I'm "making something out of nothing". I'm worn down
Oh, I hear you! 😢
Oh, I hear you! 😢
@@robinelizabeth7411 narcs act like that bc they don’t want you to stick up for yourself. Narcs want you best down. Narcs are creepy and evil. Mathew 12:45
You said it, me too so I would go back to silence, then back to speak up for myself, then giving up again, back to silence, yes very true!! I get it
After 20 years marriage, he took everything, home, cars, things, and 50 % kids. I walked away with peace. And, my hew husband, Almighty God, took great care of me. 20 years later, I'm a new woman.
God the Father and Yahuah Ha Messiach bless you and keep you.
I'm so happy for you!
This may sound crazy, but my covert narcissist triangulates with the dog. The dog is the golden child I am the scapegoat. The dog isn’t housetrained yet if I leave a book on the floor I am reprimanded. She lavishes affection upon the dog and turns her back on me when I speak. Her love for the dog seems exaggerated and performative likely an attempt to spark jealousy in me. This behavior used to confuse me and now it makes me sad that someone could be so pathetic and manipulative. I would do anything to escape this, With the exception of letting her win. I don’t just leave because I would be destroyed. She would wreck everything ruin every relationship burn every bridge. I just gray rock, observe, and study this thing whatever it is. I’m not convinced they have souls.
I pray for you brother. You will make a way out. Sometimes you need to lose to be able to win. I scaped a cover after many years and yes I lose it all but guess what? I gain my life back and I am happy now on my own two feet. Jesus helped me heal and protected me. Make plans.
No, well not Their Own souls anyway.
It gets worse friend, so very much worse, so very dark.
My son's mother would go have unprotected sex with Whoever, preferably someone I know, then come home and have sex with me claiming that I made her "all wet". I'm lucky I didn't get anything serious. This was only One of her sick pleasures that she felt was totally justified in doing because something I did bothered her, some normal thing I did.
It gets so much darker. Think about leaving Buddy, I hope she's not as twisted as my ex is.
🕊️♥️🍀🧠🎶💪🏼
Trust me every bridge has already been burned, all behind your back. Life will be no different for you if you leave than what it is for you now. If you leave, at least you will survive. These people will poison you if they can. Be careful.
That's rough brother. Stay strong @EagleOxford
Leave. You "lose" everyday you stay. There is nothing to "win" with a narcissist. That's her game and you play along by watching. You think you are not playing, but you are a chess piece. Whatever you think you will lose by leaving is better than losing oneself and your self worth. Trust me, I know. I have been there and I wish someone told me that decades ago. Whish you the best.
Narcisist Parents
Narcisist sister
Malignant cult leader
Narcissist colleague
Narcissistic friend
I have been through it all.
You give the best explanation about Triangulation
That's just PEOPLE. Read some history book and you will see that PEOPLE ARE NARCISSISTIC
So painful, but so true. Narcs will use any tool to continue their bad behavior without having to change.
💯
They are always looking for you to prove loyalty to them..
Yet never do even one thing to show that they are loyal or have any scrap of respect for you 😓
Yeeees,... Always want you to prove it to them, fight for them, yet they do nothing for you... They act as if you don't deserve to have them so to earn it you must work for it..
Loyalty has been a difficult discussiin fir sure
In the narcissist’s smear campaign of me, he convinced a lot of people that I was the perpetrator, and then he recruited people who used to be my friends into rescuing him when he’s the one who caused all these problems in the first place.
Narcs are really twisted.
I went no contact with all of them and I do not miss them. What that narc did was sick and wrong.
@@KleeKaiPuppies how many people who know you believed the smear campaign?
It can be devastating as it will be ever so convincing.
Have any of them changed their minds since then?
Truth always comes to light and you found out those so called “friends” weren’t your friends. They hated you along with the narcissist. Blessing in disguise sis! God exposed the no good people in your life!
@@saulescamilla3605 Yes I agree w you. Blessings are painful at first and in time the pain slowly subsides
@@fourtywater77 I’m sure some have but I don’t know that for sure bc I went no contact w them all. They have no way of contacting me. I’m safer that way and so is my family.
Mathew 12:45.
My mom admitted to me that she likes to play out scenarios. Just to see what happens between me and my sisters. The sad thing about being in a family like this is when you realize most of your life has been a lie. That you are really just actress or actor in someone's play. I have gone completely no contact with my mom. I just can't be in her life anymore.
I left my mother 14 years moved 200 miles away
She was dangerous abusive narcissist mother
Who tried to kill me
I told her i will report her to police
Not heard anything
Thank god 🙏
My narcissistic ex spouse tried to kill me too
It's so scary these people are out here in the world
I feel your pain. I had to do the same thing until God told me to forgive her or I wasn't going to make it to heaven. I reluctantly obeyed because I knew it was the Lord and not something that would come naturally from me. It turns out that by the time the Lord had finished healing my heart to be ready to forgive completely my mother was a completely different person. Wow! I would have never thought that was possible, but with God nothing is impossible.
I wouldn't recommend letting an abusive person back into your life but definitely pray for her soul and mind and that God help you heal and forgive. You will enjoy life so much better with all that weight and noise in the background. Blessings! ✌️😊
My child hood bestfriend did this to me and it messed me up so bad. I went to therapy and she tried to contact my therapist to manipulate her against me. Beyond evil and scary!
Exactly this but with my mother 😓
Dang, so sorry for your pain. Yet you can grow and learn from this. Hoping all the best for you ❤️
@@iw9338 thank you so much! Im doing much better
@@iw9338 Thank you so much! I've grown so much and doing a lot better
What a great breakdown of what they do. I had a great relationship with my daughter and over 10 years of marriage my now ex wife slowly turned my daughter against me by making my daughter the victim and her the rescuer. I've realized they try to destroy everything good you have due to jealousy. Prayers for my daughter's eyes to be opened.
I will pray you find the resolve to amend the relationship with your daughter yourself, without triangulating your ex wife's actions into your conversations with her. Good luck 👍🏻 🙏🏻
The biggest Trojan horse is TRIANGULATION.
I find the best way to defuse this entire situation - is to keep your life private, limit as much as possible contact with these folks & live your best life. Triangulation can only occur if you’re a willing participant in their sick games.
I have never heard anyone talk about the scapegoated parent before. I had no idea others had experienced this too. Throughout my marriage, if I tried to correct our children with time out, removal of privilege etc, my husband would go and comfort them. I never understood why and I would challenge him about it. Then I would be accused of causing arguments. Over time, I became the “bad” mother and he was the “good” father. My children ended up hating me at times, and I hated myself as well. That’s what gaslighting does to you, I guess. Thank you so much for shedding light on this.
I'm so sorry you have gone through this. I've never heard of the scapegoat parent either. I knew what I was experiencing was triangulation but never understood the deeper terminology. I'm a step mother and my husband has triangulated me with his children at the sacrifice of our marriage. He threw all of his insecurities and short comings as a father over the years and turned me into the villain and "scapegoat". It's so clear now. God Bless you and both of our marriages. I have given the situation to God for only he can fix this mess.
This sounds like parental alienation, which is basically one parent turning the children against the other other parent by painting them as a bad or unfit parent
This is my mother. I never understood why she would always divulge her personal grievances with my siblings to me but it was already far in my adulthood when I realized what she's doing (having had more detached perspective after living separately for over a year) and I had to call it out. I realized even as a kid I hated taking sides in fights among friends or classmates pressuring me to take sides, calling out BS on both sides. I can be intense, blunt and have a sharp tongue, sometimes bursting the bubble of narratives of people too delusional to acknowledge weaknesses in themselves. This is why I always trigger narcissists and egomaniacs.
I am the same! I have a straight forward way pf expressing myself, especially when these wannabe tough guys(pathetic narcy punks!) Are attempting to get over on me. I have been the quiet apologetic one in this dynamic for so long and I have seen the truth and can never turn away from it. I dont respond in a meek way anymore and they just lay the tactics on thicker. They are n3ver wrong and are always right! You are the problem for reacting to their bullshit and they can never be held accountable for why you reacted in the first place. Its crazy. Its always your fault. No matter what! I cant stand it. I hate this shit. I dont like the way they just take you for a sucker that will have no choice but to go along with their narrative. It pisses me off
Been telling my sibling straight up in get togethers that we're not having Triangulation today. Life is good.
I initially acted the rescuer, but eventually understood that there's no way that one person can be wronged by others all the time. When I called him out on this, over n over , and pointed out how he couldve done better in situations, multiple times, I eventually lost my place and was discarded. And as expected, the fault was mine, I was too exacting.
I have been there, done that, to no avail. I have a sister, who I tried to warn against other sisters who had abused me in the past, and now are abusing her. What I got in return was a great deal of moral lessons and the reputation of being hard and judgmental. By the way, this was not spoken to me directly, but implied, which made me even more confused and questioning myself. After my heartache of being judged this way, I decided that I abandoned my sister into carrying her own cross. Mine is already heavy, at times… I have to be responsible for my own actions, my own decisions, my own sanity. I cannot let someone bleed into me, when I am also bleeding. I came to the conclusion that these people are only concerned about their own selves.
This is spot on. Great job at explaining how narcissists operate.
My narc ex was texting his flying monkeys about how awful i was(umknown by me) even before the wedding. What he didn't count on is the fact that i have friends, real ones, who have known me all my life, and he couldn't turn them to his side. Nor my family, who saw through him even before i did. In 3 years, i went from healthy and glowing to sick weak and debilitated. I finally had a seizure, during which he screamed and railed at me and told me i was a horrible person no one could ever love. The same day i drove away, made the 800 mile drive back to my former home in a daze and was hospitalized for a week with all kinds of nervous system disorders. Ive been in narc abuse recovery therapy since. I will never get romantically involved with another man. I had 27 years with the first husband, 2 kids 12 years apart, and they now have children. (Grands!!) That is life itself. If you are in this situation, please reach out to someone. Churches, women's shelters, local behavioral health, etc. Just because you dont have bruises and black eyes does not mean you havent been horribly abused.
Oh my gosh... I feel what you're saying a million %!
Went through the same. First 2 years was good , but then all of a sudden he had new friends & everything was changing. Luckily we broke up another two years later. So spent 4yrs together. I was putting things into place to protect myself 8 months before our final break up.
My ex was an expert at this & also at provoking me. Or I should say I wasn't aware of the dynamic & fell for it. After 15 yrs, I quit giving him drama & conflict. He quickly started having an affair. He seemed to be using this as a master triangulation ploy, as if we'd fight over him! But he wound up divorced from me. Never been happier
I imagined Nelson Muntz from The Simpsons pointing to your ex and saying "HA! HA!" 😂
What an imbecile. Mind-games & petty provocations are a narcissists drug of choice.
They literally destroy the trust & create chaos for the people that they should be supporting & empowering.
A friend of mine did this in her church that I was a part of. And of course by the time you realize you’ve been triangulated, it’s too late. The damage has been done.
This is probably the sadest thing : narcissists in church. I've known this too. Be blessed
I have a woman who does this to me at work and has done so for years. And my mom did the golden child / scapegoat with me and my sister. I was the scapegoat. This video was very validating for me. Thank you.
I just dropped by to leave a comment. If you do what you need for your own self work. For example having your relationship with God over all. Healing from past drama, events, and people. Knowing your values, worth, and being a person of high morals. I don't see how a narcissist, or any other bad situation can penetrate your area period. God bless y'all
Very righteous and knowledgeable for someone that has never been tricked by a Narcissist obviously. You may be correct in cases where people are aware of what a Narcissist is. However in the case of someone who has never dealt with one before it's a whole different story 💯 they're really good actors and if they work out of town half the time it just makes it easier for them. Unless you're someone that doesn't feel empathy or compassion than you're golden and don't have to worry they only want what they don't have.
Thank you so much for putting this analysis together. You are the first person I’ve seen accurately describe the dynamic in my home. I was the scapegoat parent, and I’ve been desperate to be understood. It’s brutal, but hearing you call it out and describe it so clearly is a healing moment. You have helped me so much over the past few years as I’ve tried to come to terms with what I’ve been dealing with. I’m so sorry you experienced covert narcissistic abuse too, and I’m so glad that you’re here sharing your hard won knowledge with us. ❤🙏
May God bless your efforts and knowledge.
It's hard to believe someone could go through this level of planning.
It comes naturally to them because the behaviors have worked for them since they were a child. They aren't sitting around plotting.
Michele Lee Nieves is an outstanding expert in the field of Cluster B disorders. I am not aware of her academic credentials, but her understanding of the highly common/and very disturbing NPD behaviors is exceptional. Thank you for your content, research, and coaching efforts.
You've explained this so well, ive never experienced anything like it. It is so damaging.
40 years trying to figure out why things were the way they were. This video helps me suddenly understand why each parent was doing this … to get teammates. They never once thought about what their children need. 💜 thanks for the vid.
One of the most amazing videos on Narcissism on the internet. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!
Great video Michele everything seems to be a game with these people.😋💞
Mine constantly says “stop playing games with me” or “I’m not playing you’re little game” - it makes so much sense now because everything is a game to them, wow 🤯
Thank you again for your support Michelle ❤
I'm Thankful for her and many others that are helping us make sense of it. Sending LOVE to you all💖💖💖
Ty! This was very helpful!❤
listening to this makes me realize why I have likely remained single
You Explained This So Well ..Currently Dealing With This Now . I Cannot Wait Until I Can Afford To Move , I Hate It Here Because I’m Very Aware Of What’s Happening
Same here . Having difficulty staying focused on packing my bags . Homeless and Penney less has to be better than this mess I let happen . Good luck , network … be human , god that part hurts also .
Same here! And he always says well if it's so bad you would have left! Knowing damn well it aint that simple. Especially since i have left myself in a pickle because I stupidly let them take the lead and it led me down a long dark bumpy rough winding narrowing road right to hell! I am so aware even to the point that i cant hold back what i know h3s doing and speak on it often. It just makes it worse for me tho. He will never look at himself for what he is. He only blames me me me . he is a victim of mine and im the one doing it all to him what he's actually doing to me! Using my words against me like i am actually abusing him! It crazy
I'm definitely the scapegoat child and thank God I don't have a significant other. This has shed so much light for me because I just realized that I have a narcissist parent about a month ago😮💨 needless to say I need your part two. It's been exhausting my whole life feeling like the black sheep. Just stumbled upon your video. Thank you for your video🙏
You have absolutely, 100%, hit the nail on the head with my situation. 😔
True. My wife did this with our young children.
She'd wind me up and then have to "protect" them from me.
I had no idea what was going on at the time, and only within the last few years have I realized what I was dealing with for the last 30 years.
Ugh this would tear me up no end. Constant, relentless nitpicking and gaslighting until you burst and then acts like you’ll hurt the children, when THEY literally are hurting the children.
Funnily enough when my ex would do this, the first thing he’d do is pick up our baby son and use him as a human shield.
Ironically, if I were ACTUALLY abusive on any level, he’d have been putting my son in harms way.
But they know you are the calm, level headed one - so they use the children to protect them, knowing you would never take anything out on your child or hurt them in any way.
They, on the other hand….
Yes. Then she accused me of “abusing” her, etc. I now have learned about emotional baiting, induced conversation, and ‘reactive abuse.’
She would deliberately push my buttons and get me to respond and then flip the problems on me that I was a horrible person and mean to her
It was a total set up and I didn’t understand what was going on. It was even used with counselors.
Now I see it and work to be as gray rock and flat as possible, when talking with her. It’s a terrible way that she would treat someone else this way to make herself feel like she’s the normal one.
@@Living_Connectednessit's pure evil! But once you see what they are doing and understand...it's like you can't unsee it.
This is one of your great videos. Well explained and very precise.
Thank you Michele 💜 This explains so much! Great knowledge, so relatable!
You described what I went through for decades. I’ve been no contact for 1.5 years. One of the best decisions of my life.
Yes. My husband's late mother was good at this. I have 25+ years worth of examples but: When my youngest child was born, MIL, hounded me to feed my baby rice cereal very early. I calmly explained why I didn't want to but every time I came in contact with MIL, she'd push the issue again. After weeks, I thought she'd given up but then she invited us over for dinner, along with Golden Child SIL. MIL managed to position me with my back towards the kitchen where everyone else was gathered. Then she waited till SIL was walking up behind me and MIL asked me one more time. I got flustered and impatiently explained. One. More. Time. Why I didn't want to do that. But to SIL, it sounded bad because she'd missed out on the 20 other times MIL had pestered me To feed *my* baby rice cereal at a very young age. SIL, who used to be pretty nice, was clearly not happy with my exasperated tone towards her mother.
MIL also smeared me to one of her new cronies as MIL was dying. I'd had to protect my children from MIL's evil jealous behavior towards them, specifically my 10 year old daughter. MIL fed this friend stories about me, painted me as the evil brown DIL and the crony gave me the evil eye the whole time we were at MIL's memorial service. Meanwhile she was falling all over herself to meet and compliment the Golden grandson. SIL even made the brown grandchildren, aka the scapegoats, get up from their seats in the shade to stand in the sun right before the memorial service so they could give their seats to the IL's VFW friends.
Then SIL stopped talking to me unless there were witnesses. If there are witnesses, SIL is suddenly friendly like everything is back to normal. These people can't look bad in front of others. 🙄
@@jaykay3839 I hope you aren’t subjecting your kids to these people anymore. Their evil will go beyond taking seats to endangering lives. I’m no contact with family like that. Protect your precious family from their hate.
@@saturdayschild8535 Yes. Over 25 years of dealing with them. My husband's mother passed away and we never see SIL. My two oldest kids refuse to gather with her, thank goodness. So no, I don't have to deal with them anymore.
❤❤❤❤🇨🇳🇨🇳❤❤
My mother fed my breast fed baby bottles while I was sleeping - screamed at me "You cant breastfeed its too hard" when I caught her in the act! Evil shit! And we had zero issues. He latched on like a champ from the first time. I guess she was jealous or something. Totally effing insane! They are grown toddlers.
My mother inlaw turned into a nightmare after I had my son. I married an only child too. Lol. He wasn't the closest with her so she tried budding up with me and for a while, I fell for it. Now, she is no longer around me and my son, without my husband. She messed her life up so bad with me....she forgot how my mother was with me, her behavior was nothing new to me...GOODBYE!
W love to keep learning from u.
She’s spot on with this.
Very informative and helpful video, you explained these dynamics really well.
I didn’t understand why he kept talking about his sister almost in every conversation. I started thinking he’s in Love with his sister. So I started mirroring him out of frustration and talked about my son every time he talked about his sister. I didn’t even know he was a Covert Narcissist at the time. Most of the time I was neutral because I could feel the pull. I thought I was helping him see other points of view. He loved to exclude me from his family matters but I really didn’t care because I never met anyone in his family at that time. I’m extremely satisfied because I was counteracting his manipulation without realizing the damage that I was doing to that Narcissist. Shortly afterwards, 5 months later I ended up Discarding him because I was disgusted with his behavior. I feel extremely vindicated especially after I now understand what and who I was dealing with. He F with the wrong one and I would never take him back for he’s only out for revenge on me. He will never get the chance! He lost at his own game. I have identified others and my very good friend is doing the same thing. She’s constantly telling me about her other girlfriends constantly. I don’t even care because I mirrored her with my colleagues who are more educated than her. I’m glad I did that. She’s Covert too so I eventually went Silent and I have not heard from her in over a month unbelievable. I’m just glad I now know! If she doesn’t reach out we’ll never speak again! If she does I’ll know how to deal with her. Knowing brings Peace and comfort in letting those Psychopath’s go! Good Riddance.
Very powerful information!! Thank you!
*"Anglers" (Fishermen) in every way and aspect of the definition ... **_are Hunters too._*
@@Imnotyourdoormat predators.
And some have fishy fannies
The narc over here did it all the time. He would triangulate even in the grocery store. I'm like what is this foo doing. Man when that light came on, I was like , 'YES', game over!!!
My ex made me the scapegoat to our daughter.
It was horrible watching her being controlled and her losing herself.
The loss of a beautiful soul.
My ex did the same thing. Lied about me physically abusing my ex and convincing my daughter even though my daughter never saw me hit my wife even once
My daughter never calls me or even asks anyone how I am doing. I quit calling or texting her because she would never respond. I haven't seen her in several years and was told she got married until after the fact. Was not invited to the wedding.
It still hurts me whenever I think about it.
I love and miss my daughter.
@@terryklaus8533 yes, I had to stop reaching out for my own sanity. I would just get false accusations and anger or no response.
Over two years and I have heard that she is with my side of the family and has smeared me to them for years.
I feel she might have better clarity when she has her own kids. She’s 34 and has been going on since she was 13. She has difficulty with her own relationships. I was always trying to undo what he was doing but just cause more confusion in her world. I know in her mind because the division that was being created, she had to make a choice. He did the same thing with the dog!
My last words were to please contact me when she is ready to have an adult conversation without her bullying and belittling me.
She has been in therapy for 5 years but definitely the wrong therapist.
@@terryklaus8533I am so sorry this is happening to you. May your daughter’s heart soften and see the truth one day xoxo
Thanks Michele.... this describes what I have been through.
Very well said 👏 brilliant!
Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth-
a stranger, not your own lips.
~ Proverbs 27:2
Life-changing video
I have been through different scenarios that were mentioned multiple times. Looking forward to Part 2.
The tipp: avoid toxic power searching people and focus on the good ones :)
Hold in mind the ones pretending the hardest to be "good", those are the narcs. They can be quite charming on the outside.
@@illyria7756 yes, still we know tho… we always feel it, we just can discard it because we want to do so but we always know
Said another way:
The Victim.
The Villain.
The Hero.
Division: that's how you know the world is run by them!
I need to break free because it's sad how my life is because of this.
Wouw thank you for sharing.
That's what he did. Afraid of any confrontation between others. Isolating. But once he had to perform in front of a group of people, his persona shattered so much.
Spot on. No question that I am the scapegoat and my sister is the Golden Child. All my boyfriends always told me that I am crazy and my mother is a saintly victim if they spent more than an hour with her alone. Insane how she does it. People I have known for years. Then I have to start telling them the things she has done to me and they don't believe me. My mother can't even know where I work or live because she loves getting me fired or kicked out. It's crazy how everyone believes the poor doting mother.
Yes! I even had my son's dad say to me- "Even your mother thinks youre horrible. What does that say about you?" Obviously cause she got his ear. So glad we know now and stay away!
Great factual content on every level Michelle.
Great work.
Thank you 🙏
This is a great talk.
Thank you! I will be contacting you for week trial 💕💕💕
Great video one of the best I’ve seen on this topic
This is soooooo accurate. Thank You God for saving me❤
My ex husband is my narcissist. He would invite me to certain places, celebrations, or events; but, he would not tell me that others he knew would be there. So, I would show up inappropriately dressed, or without a gift, or without a dish, or ill-prepared to see someone that I had not seen in a while. He did it to make me look bad, and if I reacted, then I would look crazy or emotionally unstable. Example: I was invited to a baby shower for one of his coworkers. His girlfriend did not drive, so he drove us both there, presumably to drop us off/pick us up. I wore a low-cut, festive dress for the baby shower, thinking it was all women (as most baby showers are). Instead, it was a co-ed baby shower, and I was the only single woman there. I would have worn something totally different to a co-ed party, if he had told me the truth. He had primed the pump by telling everyone that I was lonely and desperate for a new man. Of course, I was shunned. He left out the important detail on purpose, but did it that way so he could play it off as a simple mistake. In addition, because he drove, I could not leave until he wanted to leave. I only knew him, his girlfriend, and the baby's mother.
Another time, I was invited to a Xmas party for his family. But, he did not tell me that his two brothers were in town on military leave. He knew that I made a present for everyone, but the brothers were left out, because the narcissist did not tell me that they would be there. The whole time, he had been talking sh*t to these people about me, orchestrating the situations to make me look bad. These examples are only two out of thousands of the way he would set me up, using triangulation.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. He is not your friend. Stay far far away!
😢@@didirobert3657
This was extremely helpful. Thank you. I see so many of my life dynamics in this video. It’s sad and disappointing.
Hello ✋ my name was Scapegoat. My family, one of my friend groups, and in the workplace of a past job. No more! After 2 years of therapy inside of 5 years of dedication to good mental health I can recognize the pattern immediately.
Honestly, it's exhausting! How do they do it? It's like they have a thousand scripts running in their heads at all times. No wonder we're confused. It took a narcissistic rage for me to see them as they really are, it was a God given epiphany!
I didn’t have narcissistic parents. They projected all the same qualities to all 3 of us all the same. Good behavior was rewarded bad behavior was punished. No golden child no black sheep. It’s thanks to that that I’m able to see how I might be getting played. Usually it’s easy to play the game since you couldn’t care less and can see it coming from a mile out. However, once you love someone and then that narcissist attitude shows up because the honey moon phase is over that’s when it gets tough to walk away. I did and I was really upset for a couple weeks but thems the breaks.
So well said, like describing several people i've known for many years.
Just like in high school the narc triangulated was to get rid of me after hurting me as much as possible. I realized he was paying back his stepmother (me) and he was living out his growing up years
Like in any american highschool teen drama. 😅
☯️This is so therapeutic......
Thank you Michelle ❤ I recently faced this problem . Narcs in my life pick me as scape goat/ prosecutor. Feeling sad has why I give these vibes . They think I am easy target ? I don’t set up boundaries or standards? Not sure why they think my kindness as a tool to exploit. Not sure how to put them in their place in group settings where it’s not easy to overlook . Can you please make a video on how to protect ourselves and act when we are placed in these roles ?
just use stoicm mindset, give npd minimum response every time npd playing their manipulation game like gaslightning, triangulation or etc
the risk if you give them minimum response, npd will searching another supply to feed their ego....
you want play npd game or ignore it... both have their own risk, if you decided play their game... make sure your mental healthy be priority
@@tommyhwang3353- Thank you
@@tommyhwang3353- Recently we had a family event in the Narc house and I was obligated to attend with other family members. When we arrived to their house his wife gave us warm welcome - Narc was not present at that moment He arrived late and greeted the person next to me and completely ignored me - I was left insulted and ignored . I felt I am disrespected - How should I deal with him next time I meet ?. Unfortunately he is in the common family group ?
@@Aj.8752 door slam him, make him like never exist in your own world
Been through this too many times but once that light switches on like um this is your game have fun it makes letting go so much easier once you feel that disgust.
Righhhhht!!! It's like once you see it you can't unsee it...then there's no turning back.
This is amazing clear insight
Thank you Michelle..Have you ever noticed that these tools in the narcissist toolbox are also used on the the citizens at gooberment level? Once you see it , You cant unsee it..
Absolutely! The relief reading your comment, that people are aware and it isn’t just me seeing it.
The police, child services, mental health workers, even DV shelters are often run by narcissistic women who re-abuse the victims staying there.
Victims will always be victimized. Narcissism is a dark spirit that feeds on its victims. The way to repel a narcissist is through self-love and boundaries (no contact/starvation). They cannot survive without feeding, so they have to find new supply or they die. You're welcome.
Exactly. The government, corporate body, feeds on the population in precisely the same way the narcissist feeds from individuals ....
Thank you, it explain a lot with my so called "mother", and the dynamic she created with my golden sister and the mini husband / baby brother.
In public with them I didn't exist, in private they were awful to me and she was silent. When she was alone with me she was different and sometimes ok. So I talked to her about my life. She then used these "informations" about my life to create false narratives and stab me in the back to get sympathy. I learned too late in life she trashed me for years to play the martyred mother whereas in truth she was negletecful and abusive when I was a kid.
It's brillant because no one believed me when I tried to speak. She h7t me as a kid, and when she could no longer as an adult, she used my siblings and family members as pawns to abuse me without getting her hands dirty.
Thank you. The narcs are just too much,
Oh the friend group thing. So many times over my life there has been one person in the group who is LOVELY to everybody else but im like a ghost to her.
And then you look crazy because “she’s so nice, it must be you that’s the problem”
And I can say after arriving at middle age after decades of awareness of a covert narcissist parent's manipulations it became clear to me that I was the scapegoat. And the most painful realization is that you will likely never find any allies within this cult of a family and like shedding (or ripping) off your skin you realize that you must extricate yourself from all of them. You feel like a soldier alone on a battlefield and outnumbered by the enemy. And furthermore, any explanations only seem to further enmesh you in the narrative, alienate you and make you question your sanity as you endlessly ruminate. But it is the terror of abandonment and the fear that you have been left by the tribe that is the real challenge. It's one thing when you know, but another thing entirely when the narcissist KNOWS THAT YOU KNOW and are unwilling to put up with it, that the entire narrative gets ugly. You have to find solid support. You simply have to be an authentic better person and evolve and this is something that the dysfunctional family led by the narc is incapable of, or unwilling to do.
Omg.. this makes so much sense to me. My perpetrator, Golden child brother, could do no wrong. Yet I've always been the scapegoat... My partners where all treated wonderfully by my mother, yet secretary despised. But that's only a conversation she had with my covert narc sister!!
It's all so discombobulated.. But thank you for making me feel I'm not crazy!!
Amen 🙏✨❤️ exactly true story of 3 narcissists in my life
My mom did this to me at church. This had been done to my sisters and me our whole lives. I had no clue it was her because I grew up like this all my life.
The best explanation ever.❤
The most horrifying thing about realizing my best work friend was a narcissist was understanding I was also married to one too.
If a narcissist says I’m trying to help you and they don’t,they aren’t,it’s that simple.
This video is great. It gives a full explanation of all kinds of situations. My only problem is there’s no solutions in this particular video. I will look for other videos that she has done but right now don’t feel I have gotten anything out of this.
GEEEZZZ M...nothing but the Best ✅️
Yes my mom treats me like shit and puts my husband on a pedestal..i was happy that atleast she's nice to him until oneday he told me that i must have done something wrong...
This is actually called the Karpman drama triangle and you're teaching it inside out.
Wow. This describes my ex and how he played me against my loved ones to isolate and control me. Still in recovery, but damn. The confusion and division caused my by ex is something I’ll never forgive them for. Thanks for this clear break down of what was really going on.
Wow, this is spot on !😡😤😮💨🙄
My mom was great at this game! And she played all three parts to perfection. First she’d harass my father about me doing something, like gaining weight, until he got tired of hearing it and suddenly he would become the persecutor/bad guy and order me to get on a diet. Then, she would jump in as the rescuer/good cop and eagerly offer to go on a diet, too. She usually already had the diet she wanted us to try. This is where she would start competing with me to lose faster than I could. She got to go to aerobics five days a week and I was stuck sitting in a desk all day. So of course two weeks in, I’d come home from school to hear her practically singing about already losing the projected 15 lbs. we had agreed on, and asking how much had I lost. So I never could win against her in something like that. Then if I got mad at her about it, she’d be in the victim seat faster than you could blink, saying she just wanted to help me. No, she wanted to win a competition against her 12 year old daughter.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you can expel the experience exactly how you described it. It was never you. You are wonderfully made. ❤
@ bless you! I needed to hear that ❤️❤️❤️
my brother did it with our father! Im glad Im clear now about that.
and my both grandmas did/still doing the same ... crazy family.
I've been in therapy all year and this video gave me something to bring up next session because this all sounds like typical human interaction from my eyes and I had a moment of "wait, that means I WAS being abused!"
I grew up with a family of origin opposite of what's described here. My narc mother used the children as scapegoats and her husband as the golden "child". The husband/father was an enabler extraordinaire who believed everything the narc said and never protected or stood up for the children against her rage, abuse, and bullying.
She did this because a spouse can leave you; thus your supply is gone if you've made the spouse the scapegoat. Children are helpless and cannot leave, so they make for easier supply.
This really explained it very well
Honestly what you said about them setting you up before meetings is so rampant in corporate culture the competitiveness against each other is just so bad and so insidious and I believe employers as a whole set up this terrible culture in their companies because they want the little people fighting with each other so they are not banding together against possible corporate abuse