Covert Narcissists & Triangulation| How & WHY Do They DO THIS??

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 569

  • @robinelizabeth7411
    @robinelizabeth7411 หลายเดือนก่อน +181

    i hate the feeling that speaking up for myself makes me look like im actually the one causing drama.😢

    • @TheresaMarie9
      @TheresaMarie9 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      Yes! I get called a drama queen or that I'm "making something out of nothing". I'm worn down

    • @SFVGIRL
      @SFVGIRL 29 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

      Oh, I hear you! 😢

    • @SFVGIRL
      @SFVGIRL 29 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

      Oh, I hear you! 😢

    • @KleeKaiPuppies
      @KleeKaiPuppies 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@robinelizabeth7411 narcs act like that bc they don’t want you to stick up for yourself. Narcs want you best down. Narcs are creepy and evil. Mathew 12:45

    • @Leannot35
      @Leannot35 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

      You said it, me too so I would go back to silence, then back to speak up for myself, then giving up again, back to silence, yes very true!! I get it

  • @jodimo
    @jodimo หลายเดือนก่อน +163

    After 20 years marriage, he took everything, home, cars, things, and 50 % kids. I walked away with peace. And, my hew husband, Almighty God, took great care of me. 20 years later, I'm a new woman.

    • @GreasyBaconMan
      @GreasyBaconMan หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      God the Father and Yahuah Ha Messiach bless you and keep you.

    • @mariacarrion4753
      @mariacarrion4753 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I'm so happy for you!

  • @myriahfitts6685
    @myriahfitts6685 หลายเดือนก่อน +210

    Narcissists are not always victims of abuse. They are also made by parents who put them on a pedestal their entire life.

    • @imaannoor5552
      @imaannoor5552 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      So true! I have seen one being raised and truly, she was told that she is superior as a child, trained to be cruel and treated better for it so obviously the narrative continues as an adult. The light inside of others physically disgusts this poor creature so much you can see it on her face. People who do not operate like this have no idea of the profound darkness lurking in some humans. And it never sleeps, it's always on, always watching. Waiting for the moment to strike. Horror movie stuff. Did this human ever have a choice? Where is God in this? Does she go to hell for her actions?

    • @KChelseaVenus
      @KChelseaVenus หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      Trump is a great example of that.

    • @stepha9108
      @stepha9108 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Yep!

    • @saturdayschild8535
      @saturdayschild8535 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@KChelseaVenus Very true. His niece, Mary, a psychologist, says his dad was a sociopath.
      I’m amazed to see obvious survivors and victims of narcissistic abuse defend and support the likes of abusers like Trump. I’ve never liked him because my family is filled with people like him.

    • @ericfair-layman2429
      @ericfair-layman2429 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      I was that kid put on to a pedestal. I definitely have been working on my own narcissism as a result. True story, it's its own wound

  • @infiniteplaneradio
    @infiniteplaneradio หลายเดือนก่อน +294

    This may sound crazy, but my covert narcissist triangulates with the dog. The dog is the golden child I am the scapegoat. The dog isn’t housetrained yet if I leave a book on the floor I am reprimanded. She lavishes affection upon the dog and turns her back on me when I speak. Her love for the dog seems exaggerated and performative likely an attempt to spark jealousy in me. This behavior used to confuse me and now it makes me sad that someone could be so pathetic and manipulative. I would do anything to escape this, With the exception of letting her win. I don’t just leave because I would be destroyed. She would wreck everything ruin every relationship burn every bridge. I just gray rock, observe, and study this thing whatever it is. I’m not convinced they have souls.

    • @anointedhealthcoach
      @anointedhealthcoach หลายเดือนก่อน +42

      I pray for you brother. You will make a way out. Sometimes you need to lose to be able to win. I scaped a cover after many years and yes I lose it all but guess what? I gain my life back and I am happy now on my own two feet. Jesus helped me heal and protected me. Make plans.

    • @EagleOxford
      @EagleOxford หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      No, well not Their Own souls anyway.
      It gets worse friend, so very much worse, so very dark.
      My son's mother would go have unprotected sex with Whoever, preferably someone I know, then come home and have sex with me claiming that I made her "all wet". I'm lucky I didn't get anything serious. This was only One of her sick pleasures that she felt was totally justified in doing because something I did bothered her, some normal thing I did.
      It gets so much darker. Think about leaving Buddy, I hope she's not as twisted as my ex is.
      🕊️♥️🍀🧠🎶💪🏼

    • @thirstonhowellthebird
      @thirstonhowellthebird หลายเดือนก่อน

      Trust me every bridge has already been burned, all behind your back. Life will be no different for you if you leave than what it is for you now. If you leave, at least you will survive. These people will poison you if they can. Be careful.

    • @J.F611
      @J.F611 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      That's rough brother. Stay strong ​@EagleOxford

    • @charlotteinfj4412
      @charlotteinfj4412 หลายเดือนก่อน +62

      Leave. You "lose" everyday you stay. There is nothing to "win" with a narcissist. That's her game and you play along by watching. You think you are not playing, but you are a chess piece. Whatever you think you will lose by leaving is better than losing oneself and your self worth. Trust me, I know. I have been there and I wish someone told me that decades ago. Whish you the best.

  • @anikalee9012
    @anikalee9012 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    Narcisist Parents
    Narcisist sister
    Malignant cult leader
    Narcissist colleague
    Narcissistic friend
    I have been through it all.
    You give the best explanation about Triangulation

    • @johnnuaxon3
      @johnnuaxon3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That's just PEOPLE. Read some history book and you will see that PEOPLE ARE NARCISSISTIC

  • @tzivier3061
    @tzivier3061 หลายเดือนก่อน +72

    So painful, but so true. Narcs will use any tool to continue their bad behavior without having to change.

  • @wendydaniel1110
    @wendydaniel1110 หลายเดือนก่อน +67

    They are always looking for you to prove loyalty to them..

    • @Living_Connectedness
      @Living_Connectedness หลายเดือนก่อน +23

      Yet never do even one thing to show that they are loyal or have any scrap of respect for you 😓

    • @perrywambui8954
      @perrywambui8954 23 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

      Yeeees,... Always want you to prove it to them, fight for them, yet they do nothing for you... They act as if you don't deserve to have them so to earn it you must work for it..

  • @Vxruxxss
    @Vxruxxss หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    My child hood bestfriend did this to me and it messed me up so bad. I went to therapy and she tried to contact my therapist to manipulate her against me. Beyond evil and scary!

    • @notyourbae19
      @notyourbae19 21 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      Exactly this but with my mother 😓

  • @KleeKaiPuppies
    @KleeKaiPuppies หลายเดือนก่อน +136

    In the narcissist’s smear campaign of me, he convinced a lot of people that I was the perpetrator, and then he recruited people who used to be my friends into rescuing him when he’s the one who caused all these problems in the first place.
    Narcs are really twisted.
    I went no contact with all of them and I do not miss them. What that narc did was sick and wrong.

    • @davevenables3534
      @davevenables3534 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@KleeKaiPuppies how many people who know you believed the smear campaign?
      It can be devastating as it will be ever so convincing.

    • @fourtywater77
      @fourtywater77 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Have any of them changed their minds since then?

    • @saulescamilla3605
      @saulescamilla3605 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      Truth always comes to light and you found out those so called “friends” weren’t your friends. They hated you along with the narcissist. Blessing in disguise sis! God exposed the no good people in your life!

    • @KleeKaiPuppies
      @KleeKaiPuppies หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@saulescamilla3605 Yes I agree w you. Blessings are painful at first and in time the pain slowly subsides

    • @KleeKaiPuppies
      @KleeKaiPuppies หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      @@fourtywater77 I’m sure some have but I don’t know that for sure bc I went no contact w them all. They have no way of contacting me. I’m safer that way and so is my family.
      Mathew 12:45.

  • @suesteig3025
    @suesteig3025 หลายเดือนก่อน +46

    My mom admitted to me that she likes to play out scenarios. Just to see what happens between me and my sisters. The sad thing about being in a family like this is when you realize most of your life has been a lie. That you are really just actress or actor in someone's play. I have gone completely no contact with my mom. I just can't be in her life anymore.

    • @linda-nl8ib
      @linda-nl8ib หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I left my mother 14 years moved 200 miles away
      She was dangerous abusive narcissist mother
      Who tried to kill me
      I told her i will report her to police
      Not heard anything
      Thank god 🙏

    • @euphratesjehan
      @euphratesjehan 18 วันที่ผ่านมา

      My narcissistic ex spouse tried to kill me too
      It's so scary these people are out here in the world

  • @Johnnybricks-eg9ce
    @Johnnybricks-eg9ce หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    What a great breakdown of what they do. I had a great relationship with my daughter and over 10 years of marriage my now ex wife slowly turned my daughter against me by making my daughter the victim and her the rescuer. I've realized they try to destroy everything good you have due to jealousy. Prayers for my daughter's eyes to be opened.

    • @fulltimeonfire8536
      @fulltimeonfire8536 18 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I will pray you find the resolve to amend the relationship with your daughter yourself, without triangulating your ex wife's actions into your conversations with her. Good luck 👍🏻 🙏🏻

  • @ssmarcocarlo
    @ssmarcocarlo หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    I just dropped by to leave a comment. If you do what you need for your own self work. For example having your relationship with God over all. Healing from past drama, events, and people. Knowing your values, worth, and being a person of high morals. I don't see how a narcissist, or any other bad situation can penetrate your area period. God bless y'all

    • @Lillily-n5p
      @Lillily-n5p หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Very righteous and knowledgeable for someone that has never been tricked by a Narcissist obviously. You may be correct in cases where people are aware of what a Narcissist is. However in the case of someone who has never dealt with one before it's a whole different story 💯 they're really good actors and if they work out of town half the time it just makes it easier for them. Unless you're someone that doesn't feel empathy or compassion than you're golden and don't have to worry they only want what they don't have.

  • @Breasail
    @Breasail หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    I have never heard anyone talk about the scapegoated parent before. I had no idea others had experienced this too. Throughout my marriage, if I tried to correct our children with time out, removal of privilege etc, my husband would go and comfort them. I never understood why and I would challenge him about it. Then I would be accused of causing arguments. Over time, I became the “bad” mother and he was the “good” father. My children ended up hating me at times, and I hated myself as well. That’s what gaslighting does to you, I guess. Thank you so much for shedding light on this.

    • @guccigirl111
      @guccigirl111 23 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      I'm so sorry you have gone through this. I've never heard of the scapegoat parent either. I knew what I was experiencing was triangulation but never understood the deeper terminology. I'm a step mother and my husband has triangulated me with his children at the sacrifice of our marriage. He threw all of his insecurities and short comings as a father over the years and turned me into the villain and "scapegoat". It's so clear now. God Bless you and both of our marriages. I have given the situation to God for only he can fix this mess.

    • @Kelly-oe8kr
      @Kelly-oe8kr 16 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      This sounds like parental alienation, which is basically one parent turning the children against the other other parent by painting them as a bad or unfit parent

  • @AshStar18
    @AshStar18 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +13

    I initially acted the rescuer, but eventually understood that there's no way that one person can be wronged by others all the time. When I called him out on this, over n over , and pointed out how he couldve done better in situations, multiple times, I eventually lost my place and was discarded. And as expected, the fault was mine, I was too exacting.

    • @ecysmith6652
      @ecysmith6652 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I have been there, done that, to no avail. I have a sister, who I tried to warn against other sisters who had abused me in the past, and now are abusing her. What I got in return was a great deal of moral lessons and the reputation of being hard and judgmental. By the way, this was not spoken to me directly, but implied, which made me even more confused and questioning myself. After my heartache of being judged this way, I decided that I abandoned my sister into carrying her own cross. Mine is already heavy, at times… I have to be responsible for my own actions, my own decisions, my own sanity. I cannot let someone bleed into me, when I am also bleeding. I came to the conclusion that these people are only concerned about their own selves.

  • @joistevens4454
    @joistevens4454 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    A friend of mine did this in her church that I was a part of. And of course by the time you realize you’ve been triangulated, it’s too late. The damage has been done.

  • @HamletsMill1969
    @HamletsMill1969 หลายเดือนก่อน +67

    The biggest Trojan horse is TRIANGULATION.

  • @louisegarvey6742
    @louisegarvey6742 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    This is spot on. Great job at explaining how narcissists operate.

  • @marcydrake9159
    @marcydrake9159 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Thank you so much for putting this analysis together. You are the first person I’ve seen accurately describe the dynamic in my home. I was the scapegoat parent, and I’ve been desperate to be understood. It’s brutal, but hearing you call it out and describe it so clearly is a healing moment. You have helped me so much over the past few years as I’ve tried to come to terms with what I’ve been dealing with. I’m so sorry you experienced covert narcissistic abuse too, and I’m so glad that you’re here sharing your hard won knowledge with us. ❤🙏

  • @acustomer7216
    @acustomer7216 หลายเดือนก่อน +37

    My ex was an expert at this & also at provoking me. Or I should say I wasn't aware of the dynamic & fell for it. After 15 yrs, I quit giving him drama & conflict. He quickly started having an affair. He seemed to be using this as a master triangulation ploy, as if we'd fight over him! But he wound up divorced from me. Never been happier

    • @dakoderii4221
      @dakoderii4221 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      I imagined Nelson Muntz from The Simpsons pointing to your ex and saying "HA! HA!" 😂

    • @carpathianken
      @carpathianken 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

      What an imbecile. Mind-games & petty provocations are a narcissists drug of choice.
      They literally destroy the trust & create chaos for the people that they should be supporting & empowering.

  • @Thewhiteclaylive
    @Thewhiteclaylive 17 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Michele Lee Nieves is an outstanding expert in the field of Cluster B disorders. I am not aware of her academic credentials, but her understanding of the highly common/and very disturbing NPD behaviors is exceptional. Thank you for your content, research, and coaching efforts.

  • @cyndidaugherty4907
    @cyndidaugherty4907 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    My narc ex was texting his flying monkeys about how awful i was(umknown by me) even before the wedding. What he didn't count on is the fact that i have friends, real ones, who have known me all my life, and he couldn't turn them to his side. Nor my family, who saw through him even before i did. In 3 years, i went from healthy and glowing to sick weak and debilitated. I finally had a seizure, during which he screamed and railed at me and told me i was a horrible person no one could ever love. The same day i drove away, made the 800 mile drive back to my former home in a daze and was hospitalized for a week with all kinds of nervous system disorders. Ive been in narc abuse recovery therapy since. I will never get romantically involved with another man. I had 27 years with the first husband, 2 kids 12 years apart, and they now have children. (Grands!!) That is life itself. If you are in this situation, please reach out to someone. Churches, women's shelters, local behavioral health, etc. Just because you dont have bruises and black eyes does not mean you havent been horribly abused.

    • @donttreadonme2
      @donttreadonme2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Oh my gosh... I feel what you're saying a million %!

  • @mobileradiofitter
    @mobileradiofitter หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    You've explained this so well, ive never experienced anything like it. It is so damaging.

  • @lulumoon6942
    @lulumoon6942 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    Been telling my sibling straight up in get togethers that we're not having Triangulation today. Life is good.

  • @redfullmoon
    @redfullmoon 27 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    This is my mother. I never understood why she would always divulge her personal grievances with my siblings to me but it was already far in my adulthood when I realized what she's doing (having had more detached perspective after living separately for over a year) and I had to call it out. I realized even as a kid I hated taking sides in fights among friends or classmates pressuring me to take sides, calling out BS on both sides. I can be intense, blunt and have a sharp tongue, sometimes bursting the bubble of narratives of people too delusional to acknowledge weaknesses in themselves. This is why I always trigger narcissists and egomaniacs.

    • @Desiree143
      @Desiree143 21 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I am the same! I have a straight forward way pf expressing myself, especially when these wannabe tough guys(pathetic narcy punks!) Are attempting to get over on me. I have been the quiet apologetic one in this dynamic for so long and I have seen the truth and can never turn away from it. I dont respond in a meek way anymore and they just lay the tactics on thicker. They are n3ver wrong and are always right! You are the problem for reacting to their bullshit and they can never be held accountable for why you reacted in the first place. Its crazy. Its always your fault. No matter what! I cant stand it. I hate this shit. I dont like the way they just take you for a sucker that will have no choice but to go along with their narrative. It pisses me off

  • @LTNyota
    @LTNyota หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    One of the most amazing videos on Narcissism on the internet. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!

  • @pidginmac
    @pidginmac 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

    40 years trying to figure out why things were the way they were. This video helps me suddenly understand why each parent was doing this … to get teammates. They never once thought about what their children need. 💜 thanks for the vid.

  • @SheilaChung-rt5iy
    @SheilaChung-rt5iy หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Thank you again for your support Michelle ❤

    • @LOVEISTRUTH300
      @LOVEISTRUTH300 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I'm Thankful for her and many others that are helping us make sense of it. Sending LOVE to you all💖💖💖

  • @bitscollins
    @bitscollins หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    You have absolutely, 100%, hit the nail on the head with my situation. 😔

  • @brittneyvaldez1745
    @brittneyvaldez1745 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I'm definitely the scapegoat child and thank God I don't have a significant other. This has shed so much light for me because I just realized that I have a narcissist parent about a month ago😮‍💨 needless to say I need your part two. It's been exhausting my whole life feeling like the black sheep. Just stumbled upon your video. Thank you for your video🙏

  • @jasonjones4492
    @jasonjones4492 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    Great video Michele everything seems to be a game with these people.😋💞

    • @Living_Connectedness
      @Living_Connectedness หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Mine constantly says “stop playing games with me” or “I’m not playing you’re little game” - it makes so much sense now because everything is a game to them, wow 🤯

  • @ean3345
    @ean3345 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

    May God bless your efforts and knowledge.

  • @brinaechanel4236
    @brinaechanel4236 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    You Explained This So Well ..Currently Dealing With This Now . I Cannot Wait Until I Can Afford To Move , I Hate It Here Because I’m Very Aware Of What’s Happening

    • @steveanhiron6764
      @steveanhiron6764 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Same here . Having difficulty staying focused on packing my bags . Homeless and Penney less has to be better than this mess I let happen . Good luck , network … be human , god that part hurts also .

    • @Desiree143
      @Desiree143 21 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Same here! And he always says well if it's so bad you would have left! Knowing damn well it aint that simple. Especially since i have left myself in a pickle because I stupidly let them take the lead and it led me down a long dark bumpy rough winding narrowing road right to hell! I am so aware even to the point that i cant hold back what i know h3s doing and speak on it often. It just makes it worse for me tho. He will never look at himself for what he is. He only blames me me me . he is a victim of mine and im the one doing it all to him what he's actually doing to me! Using my words against me like i am actually abusing him! It crazy

  • @sayno2672
    @sayno2672 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    This is one of your great videos. Well explained and very precise.

  • @jessicagerou4132
    @jessicagerou4132 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Ty! This was very helpful!❤

  • @pescatoralpursuit1726
    @pescatoralpursuit1726 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    True. My wife did this with our young children.
    She'd wind me up and then have to "protect" them from me.
    I had no idea what was going on at the time, and only within the last few years have I realized what I was dealing with for the last 30 years.

    • @Living_Connectedness
      @Living_Connectedness หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Ugh this would tear me up no end. Constant, relentless nitpicking and gaslighting until you burst and then acts like you’ll hurt the children, when THEY literally are hurting the children.

    • @Living_Connectedness
      @Living_Connectedness หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Funnily enough when my ex would do this, the first thing he’d do is pick up our baby son and use him as a human shield.
      Ironically, if I were ACTUALLY abusive on any level, he’d have been putting my son in harms way.
      But they know you are the calm, level headed one - so they use the children to protect them, knowing you would never take anything out on your child or hurt them in any way.
      They, on the other hand….

    • @mokyan7
      @mokyan7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Yes. Then she accused me of “abusing” her, etc. I now have learned about emotional baiting, induced conversation, and ‘reactive abuse.’
      She would deliberately push my buttons and get me to respond and then flip the problems on me that I was a horrible person and mean to her
      It was a total set up and I didn’t understand what was going on. It was even used with counselors.
      Now I see it and work to be as gray rock and flat as possible, when talking with her. It’s a terrible way that she would treat someone else this way to make herself feel like she’s the normal one.

    • @guccigirl111
      @guccigirl111 23 วันที่ผ่านมา

      ​@@Living_Connectednessit's pure evil! But once you see what they are doing and understand...it's like you can't unsee it.

  • @kaylee3610
    @kaylee3610 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

    You described what I went through for decades. I’ve been no contact for 1.5 years. One of the best decisions of my life.

  • @JE-md9tm
    @JE-md9tm หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Thank you Michele 💜 This explains so much! Great knowledge, so relatable!

  • @ShadowreignGaming
    @ShadowreignGaming 5 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Very informative and helpful video, you explained these dynamics really well.

  • @jaykay3839
    @jaykay3839 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Yes. My husband's late mother was good at this. I have 25+ years worth of examples but: When my youngest child was born, MIL, hounded me to feed my baby rice cereal very early. I calmly explained why I didn't want to but every time I came in contact with MIL, she'd push the issue again. After weeks, I thought she'd given up but then she invited us over for dinner, along with Golden Child SIL. MIL managed to position me with my back towards the kitchen where everyone else was gathered. Then she waited till SIL was walking up behind me and MIL asked me one more time. I got flustered and impatiently explained. One. More. Time. Why I didn't want to do that. But to SIL, it sounded bad because she'd missed out on the 20 other times MIL had pestered me To feed *my* baby rice cereal at a very young age. SIL, who used to be pretty nice, was clearly not happy with my exasperated tone towards her mother.
    MIL also smeared me to one of her new cronies as MIL was dying. I'd had to protect my children from MIL's evil jealous behavior towards them, specifically my 10 year old daughter. MIL fed this friend stories about me, painted me as the evil brown DIL and the crony gave me the evil eye the whole time we were at MIL's memorial service. Meanwhile she was falling all over herself to meet and compliment the Golden grandson. SIL even made the brown grandchildren, aka the scapegoats, get up from their seats in the shade to stand in the sun right before the memorial service so they could give their seats to the IL's VFW friends.
    Then SIL stopped talking to me unless there were witnesses. If there are witnesses, SIL is suddenly friendly like everything is back to normal. These people can't look bad in front of others. 🙄

    • @saturdayschild8535
      @saturdayschild8535 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@jaykay3839 I hope you aren’t subjecting your kids to these people anymore. Their evil will go beyond taking seats to endangering lives. I’m no contact with family like that. Protect your precious family from their hate.

    • @jaykay3839
      @jaykay3839 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@saturdayschild8535 Yes. Over 25 years of dealing with them. My husband's mother passed away and we never see SIL. My two oldest kids refuse to gather with her, thank goodness. So no, I don't have to deal with them anymore.

    • @drbushrap
      @drbushrap หลายเดือนก่อน

      ❤❤❤❤🇨🇳🇨🇳❤❤

    • @jennydrozd29
      @jennydrozd29 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      My mother fed my breast fed baby bottles while I was sleeping - screamed at me "You cant breastfeed its too hard" when I caught her in the act! Evil shit! And we had zero issues. He latched on like a champ from the first time. I guess she was jealous or something. Totally effing insane! They are grown toddlers.

  • @sanwash4563
    @sanwash4563 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    The narc over here did it all the time. He would triangulate even in the grocery store. I'm like what is this foo doing. Man when that light came on, I was like , 'YES', game over!!!

  • @PeterBornAgain
    @PeterBornAgain 28 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth-
    a stranger, not your own lips.
    ~ Proverbs 27:2

  • @Sci-d9c
    @Sci-d9c หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I didn’t understand why he kept talking about his sister almost in every conversation. I started thinking he’s in Love with his sister. So I started mirroring him out of frustration and talked about my son every time he talked about his sister. I didn’t even know he was a Covert Narcissist at the time. Most of the time I was neutral because I could feel the pull. I thought I was helping him see other points of view. He loved to exclude me from his family matters but I really didn’t care because I never met anyone in his family at that time. I’m extremely satisfied because I was counteracting his manipulation without realizing the damage that I was doing to that Narcissist. Shortly afterwards, 5 months later I ended up Discarding him because I was disgusted with his behavior. I feel extremely vindicated especially after I now understand what and who I was dealing with. He F with the wrong one and I would never take him back for he’s only out for revenge on me. He will never get the chance! He lost at his own game. I have identified others and my very good friend is doing the same thing. She’s constantly telling me about her other girlfriends constantly. I don’t even care because I mirrored her with my colleagues who are more educated than her. I’m glad I did that. She’s Covert too so I eventually went Silent and I have not heard from her in over a month unbelievable. I’m just glad I now know! If she doesn’t reach out we’ll never speak again! If she does I’ll know how to deal with her. Knowing brings Peace and comfort in letting those Psychopath’s go! Good Riddance.

  • @noobysmoo1
    @noobysmoo1 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    She’s spot on with this.

  • @crystal5925
    @crystal5925 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I have a woman who does this to me at work and has done so for years. And my mom did the golden child / scapegoat with me and my sister. I was the scapegoat. This video was very validating for me. Thank you.

  • @pauljimenez2895
    @pauljimenez2895 16 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I have been through different scenarios that were mentioned multiple times. Looking forward to Part 2.

  • @grantaugustyniak6667
    @grantaugustyniak6667 17 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I find the best way to defuse this entire situation - is to keep your life private, limit as much as possible contact with these folks & live your best life. Triangulation can only occur if you’re a willing participant in their sick games.

  • @CS-iv8tk
    @CS-iv8tk หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    My ex made me the scapegoat to our daughter.
    It was horrible watching her being controlled and her losing herself.
    The loss of a beautiful soul.

    • @terryklaus8533
      @terryklaus8533 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      My ex did the same thing. Lied about me physically abusing my ex and convincing my daughter even though my daughter never saw me hit my wife even once
      My daughter never calls me or even asks anyone how I am doing. I quit calling or texting her because she would never respond. I haven't seen her in several years and was told she got married until after the fact. Was not invited to the wedding.
      It still hurts me whenever I think about it.
      I love and miss my daughter.

    • @CS-iv8tk
      @CS-iv8tk หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@terryklaus8533 yes, I had to stop reaching out for my own sanity. I would just get false accusations and anger or no response.
      Over two years and I have heard that she is with my side of the family and has smeared me to them for years.
      I feel she might have better clarity when she has her own kids. She’s 34 and has been going on since she was 13. She has difficulty with her own relationships. I was always trying to undo what he was doing but just cause more confusion in her world. I know in her mind because the division that was being created, she had to make a choice. He did the same thing with the dog!
      My last words were to please contact me when she is ready to have an adult conversation without her bullying and belittling me.
      She has been in therapy for 5 years but definitely the wrong therapist.

    • @Living_Connectedness
      @Living_Connectedness หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@terryklaus8533I am so sorry this is happening to you. May your daughter’s heart soften and see the truth one day xoxo

  • @Aj.8752
    @Aj.8752 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Thank you Michelle ❤ I recently faced this problem . Narcs in my life pick me as scape goat/ prosecutor. Feeling sad has why I give these vibes . They think I am easy target ? I don’t set up boundaries or standards? Not sure why they think my kindness as a tool to exploit. Not sure how to put them in their place in group settings where it’s not easy to overlook . Can you please make a video on how to protect ourselves and act when we are placed in these roles ?

    • @tommyhwang3353
      @tommyhwang3353 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      just use stoicm mindset, give npd minimum response every time npd playing their manipulation game like gaslightning, triangulation or etc

    • @tommyhwang3353
      @tommyhwang3353 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      the risk if you give them minimum response, npd will searching another supply to feed their ego....
      you want play npd game or ignore it... both have their own risk, if you decided play their game... make sure your mental healthy be priority

    • @Aj.8752
      @Aj.8752 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@tommyhwang3353- Thank you

    • @Aj.8752
      @Aj.8752 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@tommyhwang3353- Recently we had a family event in the Narc house and I was obligated to attend with other family members. When we arrived to their house his wife gave us warm welcome - Narc was not present at that moment He arrived late and greeted the person next to me and completely ignored me - I was left insulted and ignored . I felt I am disrespected - How should I deal with him next time I meet ?. Unfortunately he is in the common family group ?

    • @tommyhwang3353
      @tommyhwang3353 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@Aj.8752 door slam him, make him like never exist in your own world

  • @williamheredia7301
    @williamheredia7301 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thanks Michele.... this describes what I have been through.
    Very well said 👏 brilliant!

  • @LuvBritTV
    @LuvBritTV หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Division: that's how you know the world is run by them!

  • @edithali1263
    @edithali1263 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

    W love to keep learning from u.

  • @psychicsusan67
    @psychicsusan67 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Very powerful information!! Thank you!

  • @rob-robi
    @rob-robi 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

    So well said, like describing several people i've known for many years.

  • @iamme17449
    @iamme17449 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

    My ‘mother’ the master of what you describe.

  • @Iwillbethat1whobelieves-U
    @Iwillbethat1whobelieves-U 27 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Been through this too many times but once that light switches on like um this is your game have fun it makes letting go so much easier once you feel that disgust.

    • @guccigirl111
      @guccigirl111 23 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Righhhhht!!! It's like once you see it you can't unsee it...then there's no turning back.

  • @katbabbz
    @katbabbz 24 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Great video one of the best I’ve seen on this topic

  • @EverydaySubversive
    @EverydaySubversive หลายเดือนก่อน

    This was extremely helpful. Thank you. I see so many of my life dynamics in this video. It’s sad and disappointing.

  • @anjachan
    @anjachan 16 วันที่ผ่านมา

    my brother did it with our father! Im glad Im clear now about that.
    and my both grandmas did/still doing the same ... crazy family.

  • @imaannoor5552
    @imaannoor5552 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Spot on. No question that I am the scapegoat and my sister is the Golden Child. All my boyfriends always told me that I am crazy and my mother is a saintly victim if they spent more than an hour with her alone. Insane how she does it. People I have known for years. Then I have to start telling them the things she has done to me and they don't believe me. My mother can't even know where I work or live because she loves getting me fired or kicked out. It's crazy how everyone believes the poor doting mother.

    • @jennydrozd29
      @jennydrozd29 8 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Yes! I even had my son's dad say to me- "Even your mother thinks youre horrible. What does that say about you?" Obviously cause she got his ear. So glad we know now and stay away!

  • @cajuncrackerranch7990
    @cajuncrackerranch7990 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Great factual content on every level Michelle.
    Great work.
    Thank you 🙏

  • @taaayooos
    @taaayooos หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Life-changing video

  • @20_joy
    @20_joy 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

    This is soooooo accurate. Thank You God for saving me❤

  • @Imnotyourdoormat
    @Imnotyourdoormat หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    *"Anglers" (Fishermen) in every way and aspect of the definition ... **_are Hunters too._*

  • @CristinaArriolaart
    @CristinaArriolaart 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

    This is amazing clear insight

  • @Ribirs
    @Ribirs หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    The tipp: avoid toxic power searching people and focus on the good ones :)

    • @illyria7756
      @illyria7756 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hold in mind the ones pretending the hardest to be "good", those are the narcs. They can be quite charming on the outside.

    • @Ribirs
      @Ribirs หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@illyria7756 yes, still we know tho… we always feel it, we just can discard it because we want to do so but we always know

  • @notaclue822
    @notaclue822 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you. The narcs are just too much,

  • @Lilmoregood
    @Lilmoregood หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I need to break free because it's sad how my life is because of this.

  • @jerrybailey232
    @jerrybailey232 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Hello ✋ my name was Scapegoat. My family, one of my friend groups, and in the workplace of a past job. No more! After 2 years of therapy inside of 5 years of dedication to good mental health I can recognize the pattern immediately.

  • @iw9338
    @iw9338 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Wow, this is spot on !😡😤😮‍💨🙄

  • @MindBodyStorm
    @MindBodyStorm หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    ☯️This is so therapeutic......

  • @pescatoralpursuit1726
    @pescatoralpursuit1726 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Said another way:
    The Victim.
    The Villain.
    The Hero.

  • @billbills7158
    @billbills7158 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I didn’t have narcissistic parents. They projected all the same qualities to all 3 of us all the same. Good behavior was rewarded bad behavior was punished. No golden child no black sheep. It’s thanks to that that I’m able to see how I might be getting played. Usually it’s easy to play the game since you couldn’t care less and can see it coming from a mile out. However, once you love someone and then that narcissist attitude shows up because the honey moon phase is over that’s when it gets tough to walk away. I did and I was really upset for a couple weeks but thems the breaks.

  • @shelbybutler9714
    @shelbybutler9714 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    My ex husband is my narcissist. He would invite me to certain places, celebrations, or events; but, he would not tell me that others he knew would be there. So, I would show up inappropriately dressed, or without a gift, or without a dish, or ill-prepared to see someone that I had not seen in a while. He did it to make me look bad, and if I reacted, then I would look crazy or emotionally unstable. Example: I was invited to a baby shower for one of his coworkers. His girlfriend did not drive, so he drove us both there, presumably to drop us off/pick us up. I wore a low-cut, festive dress for the baby shower, thinking it was all women (as most baby showers are). Instead, it was a co-ed baby shower, and I was the only single woman there. I would have worn something totally different to a co-ed party, if he had told me the truth. He had primed the pump by telling everyone that I was lonely and desperate for a new man. Of course, I was shunned. He left out the important detail on purpose, but did it that way so he could play it off as a simple mistake. In addition, because he drove, I could not leave until he wanted to leave. I only knew him, his girlfriend, and the baby's mother.
    Another time, I was invited to a Xmas party for his family. But, he did not tell me that his two brothers were in town on military leave. He knew that I made a present for everyone, but the brothers were left out, because the narcissist did not tell me that they would be there. The whole time, he had been talking sh*t to these people about me, orchestrating the situations to make me look bad. These examples are only two out of thousands of the way he would set me up, using triangulation.

    • @didirobert3657
      @didirobert3657 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Your ex is an ex for a reason. He is not your friend. Stay far far away!

    • @SanathaniKarmaYogi
      @SanathaniKarmaYogi 27 วันที่ผ่านมา

      😢​@@didirobert3657

  • @marieke784
    @marieke784 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Wouw thank you for sharing.

  • @charlotteinfj4412
    @charlotteinfj4412 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Thank you, it explain a lot with my so called "mother", and the dynamic she created with my golden sister and the mini husband / baby brother.
    In public with them I didn't exist, in private they were awful to me and she was silent. When she was alone with me she was different and sometimes ok. So I talked to her about my life. She then used these "informations" about my life to create false narratives and stab me in the back to get sympathy. I learned too late in life she trashed me for years to play the martyred mother whereas in truth she was negletecful and abusive when I was a kid.
    It's brillant because no one believed me when I tried to speak. She h7t me as a kid, and when she could no longer as an adult, she used my siblings and family members as pawns to abuse me without getting her hands dirty.

  • @kittycat8363
    @kittycat8363 16 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Omg.. this makes so much sense to me. My perpetrator, Golden child brother, could do no wrong. Yet I've always been the scapegoat... My partners where all treated wonderfully by my mother, yet secretary despised. But that's only a conversation she had with my covert narc sister!!
    It's all so discombobulated.. But thank you for making me feel I'm not crazy!!

  • @OhhMyGiddyAunt
    @OhhMyGiddyAunt 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

    🎯🎯🎯 Thank you. Have a great weekend xXx

  • @wendyapfeldorf2120
    @wendyapfeldorf2120 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    The overtly narcissistic parent will be hard-pressed to make a scapegoat out of their covertly narcissistic spouse, who will not offer reactive abuse. The covert will play the victim. The overt will scapegoat a child who will offer reactive abuse, and this child will also be scapegoated by the covert in insidious ways. The overt’s golden child will be turned against the covert by the overt and will be abandoned by the covert unless the child specifically seeks out the covert. The covert will select their own version of a golden child who is neither the overt’s golden nor the shared scapegoat, and the covert and this child, who is a budding covert, will have their own measured, watered down version of the narcissist-golden child relationship dynamic.

    • @TrevorHamberger
      @TrevorHamberger หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      That's how I got to where I am. That also explains how my sister got the way she is. And my middle brother is a clone of my dad who is the ultimate abuser in this family

    • @manishadonna2726
      @manishadonna2726 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Omg... This is so messed up... 😢

  • @4everfaithfulun2Him
    @4everfaithfulun2Him 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    This is actually called the Karpman drama triangle and you're teaching it inside out.

  • @lynnschaeferle-zh4go
    @lynnschaeferle-zh4go หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Just like in high school the narc triangulated was to get rid of me after hurting me as much as possible. I realized he was paying back his stepmother (me) and he was living out his growing up years

    • @oOIIIMIIIOo
      @oOIIIMIIIOo หลายเดือนก่อน

      Like in any american highschool teen drama. 😅

  • @user-zy8gk2nn7d
    @user-zy8gk2nn7d หลายเดือนก่อน +36

    narcs do not believe in God, higher power - so when they are close to exit - u they have fear - I have witnessed it myself and this fear is deserved and well earned. They are just coming back to their master, who will take care of them properly :)))))

    • @marieke784
      @marieke784 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      There are a lot of narcs working in religions. So by carefull of what your are saving. Have you ever heard about narcs goeroes? There a lot of narcs goeroes. More then you think

    • @cidabox
      @cidabox หลายเดือนก่อน

      There are an enormous amount of narcs who believe in and use religion and other systems to do damage. Way more.

    • @saulescamilla3605
      @saulescamilla3605 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@marieke784that’s more for the image of a good person not because they actually are. It’s for selfish reasons that they’re in the church.

    • @bearclaw5115
      @bearclaw5115 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Stupid.

    • @sneak9407
      @sneak9407 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@saulescamilla3605 thank you for clearing it up.
      They don't beleive in God. They just portraying a "good person image" for a certain reason.
      Deep down, they are God and can't understand the concept of someone or something else being superior.

  • @amkul9552
    @amkul9552 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The best explanation ever.❤

  • @SusanaXpeace2u
    @SusanaXpeace2u หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Oh the friend group thing. So many times over my life there has been one person in the group who is LOVELY to everybody else but im like a ghost to her.

    • @Living_Connectedness
      @Living_Connectedness หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      And then you look crazy because “she’s so nice, it must be you that’s the problem”

  • @PeggyHartman-e2q
    @PeggyHartman-e2q หลายเดือนก่อน

    This really explained it very well

  • @HeloGirl-w2n
    @HeloGirl-w2n หลายเดือนก่อน

    Very good explanation

  • @mytwocents7303
    @mytwocents7303 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    ❤ The clarity you bring to my life! TY! To this day, his mommy time is for him alone and he has an obsession with massaging everyone he wants to place as chess pieces for him to manipulate. He kisses up to men and his chosen people around him. He triangulates with our kids. How do I break free from his manipulation? I've seen divorces happen where the narcissistic person gets harder to put up with after the divorce; they manage to keep embittering their ex to no end. The secrecy of this emotional abuse seems preferable at times...

  • @annikaraaen2266
    @annikaraaen2266 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wow. This describes my ex and how he played me against my loved ones to isolate and control me. Still in recovery, but damn. The confusion and division caused my by ex is something I’ll never forgive them for. Thanks for this clear break down of what was really going on.

  • @hazelmarieb9934
    @hazelmarieb9934 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I've been in therapy all year and this video gave me something to bring up next session because this all sounds like typical human interaction from my eyes and I had a moment of "wait, that means I WAS being abused!"

  • @mellaniecooper4507
    @mellaniecooper4507 18 วันที่ผ่านมา

    My mom did this to me at church. This had been done to my sisters and me our whole lives. I had no clue it was her because I grew up like this all my life.

  • @zengalileo
    @zengalileo 20 วันที่ผ่านมา

    It's hard to believe someone could go through this level of planning.

    • @jennydrozd29
      @jennydrozd29 8 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It comes naturally to them because the behaviors have worked for them since they were a child. They aren't sitting around plotting.

  • @stevieg6616
    @stevieg6616 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    This has me so stressed out I’m about to triangulate with some ice cream and chocolate chip cookies 😂

  • @LuvBritTV
    @LuvBritTV หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Honestly, it's exhausting! How do they do it? It's like they have a thousand scripts running in their heads at all times. No wonder we're confused. It took a narcissistic rage for me to see them as they really are, it was a God given epiphany!

  • @sharicoburn5475
    @sharicoburn5475 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Honestly what you said about them setting you up before meetings is so rampant in corporate culture the competitiveness against each other is just so bad and so insidious and I believe employers as a whole set up this terrible culture in their companies because they want the little people fighting with each other so they are not banding together against possible corporate abuse

  • @jenniferoliveira2858
    @jenniferoliveira2858 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Yep! My dad was the scapegoat.

  • @sunshine-db2zm
    @sunshine-db2zm หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Yes my mom treats me like shit and puts my husband on a pedestal..i was happy that atleast she's nice to him until oneday he told me that i must have done something wrong...

  • @adelalvarez9185
    @adelalvarez9185 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This video is great. It gives a full explanation of all kinds of situations. My only problem is there’s no solutions in this particular video. I will look for other videos that she has done but right now don’t feel I have gotten anything out of this.

  • @timefoolery
    @timefoolery 16 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    My mom was great at this game! And she played all three parts to perfection. First she’d harass my father about me doing something, like gaining weight, until he got tired of hearing it and suddenly he would become the persecutor/bad guy and order me to get on a diet. Then, she would jump in as the rescuer/good cop and eagerly offer to go on a diet, too. She usually already had the diet she wanted us to try. This is where she would start competing with me to lose faster than I could. She got to go to aerobics five days a week and I was stuck sitting in a desk all day. So of course two weeks in, I’d come home from school to hear her practically singing about already losing the projected 15 lbs. we had agreed on, and asking how much had I lost. So I never could win against her in something like that. Then if I got mad at her about it, she’d be in the victim seat faster than you could blink, saying she just wanted to help me. No, she wanted to win a competition against her 12 year old daughter.

    • @user-ek2fq2he7x
      @user-ek2fq2he7x 8 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you can expel the experience exactly how you described it. It was never you. You are wonderfully made. ❤

    • @timefoolery
      @timefoolery 8 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @ bless you! I needed to hear that ❤️❤️❤️

  • @donmulder8061
    @donmulder8061 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Whisper campaigns. I am a repeat target of these things despite minding my own business. It must be my strawberry blonde hair.

  • @edvails1539
    @edvails1539 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My ex wife said she had to have a poly relationship to be happy. Was saying that if she wasn't happy she was going to drive her car into a pole. Moved her girlfriend in after moving in another guy friend. If I has a different opinion about anything. I was wrong. When I didn't know what we were anymore as far as being married. She went to them and said how horrible I was being to her. Telling the kids I didn't want her in the house anymore. I was absolutely alone in a full house. It's taken 5 years to get back a relationship with the youngest and the oldest is still mad at everything in general. Still trying and hoping that relationship can recover

  • @a.b.2850
    @a.b.2850 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    That last scenario is what happened to me.
    My ex husband has completely replaced me in my family.