We've started a DOAC members hub on TH-cam with extra content, BTS, never before seen podcast briefs, giveaways and so much more 👀💥 You can get exclusive members access here 👉🏽 th-cam.com/channels/Gq-a57w-aPwyi3pW7XLiHw.htmljoin
total BS In which Culture in which country??? this is a BS to say an Affair can save your relationship . - a Relationship is nothing...everybody has tens, if not hundreds of relations to other person....thats all this word expresses... in a PARTNERSHIP you dont have the Problems of weak people who only have relationships... PERIOD Sit down, you failed.... i hope most people dont walk into this Trap you try to spreed out you better checkout Tony Robbins ...but this guys here have ZERO clue they talk absolute nonsense!!!
What a beautiful compliment and validation- "the best interview we have had in 30 years". Steven really has a sense of presence with the people he sits with. He listens. He asks great questions. He shares personal stories at the right time. And it all comes off authentically.
In which Culture in which country??? this is a BS to say an Affair can save your relationship . - a Relationship is nothing...everybody has tens, if not hundreds of relations to other person....thats all this word expresses... in a PARTNERSHIP you dont have the Problems of weak people who only have relationships... PERIOD Dit down, you failed.... i hope most people dont walk into this Trap you try to spreed out
He is 80 and I loved it when he took his small note pad from his back pocket and showed us, this is what I do, I sit and take notes, reflect back and not be defensive. It was a beautiful and wonderful conversation to watch from start to end. I love seeing Steven getting vulnerable and sharing his learnings.
total BS In which Culture in which country??? this is a BS to say an Affair can save your relationship . - a Relationship is nothing...everybody has tens, if not hundreds of relations to other person....thats all this word expresses... in a PARTNERSHIP you dont have the Problems of weak people who only have relationships... PERIOD Sit down, you failed.... i hope most people dont walk into this Trap you try to spreed out you better checkout Tony Robbins ...but this guys here have ZERO clue they talk absolute nonsense!!!
Dear Steven, Just few days ago we discussed with my husband why we like your interviews so much. You manage to make it so personal. Thank you for sharing your issues and challenges. It makes it so fun to watch/listen. ❤
i agree i bet a little more insiteful than if Mr. Bieber had one... although I would like to know how he's doing in fatherhood. :) ps--> I'm a secret Belieber too
Their advice in regards to same age, culture and what not might be great for simpleminded people, YET for those, that want to grow OPPOSITE might be much more VALUABLE 🤔
Letting your partner speaker and not interrupting is true relationship bond which is proven in this 3 hour conversation , listening to the power of respect, heavens angels sitting together
One of the many reasons I keep coming back for more here is Steven's ability to make himself a "scapegoat" for us..lol. You don't mind being vulnerable just to ask the right questions. Your "friends" are lucky to have you get professional opinions/advice for their issues. Keep up the good work, Steve. Lovely couple! Rich podcast!
So basically it’s not the cheating that helps a relationship it’s the help that is required to repair it. Get help before the cheating happens, then cheating is no longer a requirement for the improved relationship.
I remember reading Gottman’s book when I was in my early 20s. I saw it at a friend’s house because her mom had it on the table. The one thing I remember learning was about the four horseman/ the four things that will destroy a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. I even remember my friend’s mom talking to us about it after I picked it up and flipped through it. The whole thing stuck with me. No one had ever explained that very basic principle - and it really helped me understand the definition of a healthy relationship. She wasn’t being preachy in anyway - just casually telling chatting about what criticism looks like in a relationship, what stonewalling means etc etc. When I first met my now husband, I told him I read Gottman’s book and he said, “my parents have that book on their shelf and I’ve looked through it!” LOL 😂 I LOVED that :) We ended up re reading it before we got married and now have a copy on our table. It’s a really really good book. I highly recommend it. It’s pretty simple concepts that boil down to kindness and grace but it helps to have them go through case scenarios of real couples. I find I learn much better that way because it’s mostly told through storytelling.
@Bobab0y, Getting the Love You Want. I’ve also read 7 principles of making a marriage work and it was very good. Similar principles of getting the love you want but has more specific marriage focused case studies.
Hey, Diary Of A Ceo team...it appears from the comment section that the sensational headline about affairs saving a marriage...without the nuance of context provided with it in the interview...is actually disuading viewers from watching. I dont think that was your intent.
In my perspective it is more that the actual context and answer are not as clear and practical as the question asked … because Steven did the great job of asking a very controversial question (that does great in a trailer or headline) but the answer is far from that straightforward
The Gottmans are always so interesting and informative. The whole world needs this training for not only their romantic relationships, but for every relationship in their lives! Love their work, love their relationship. Great minds and great role models. Thank you for this!
26:07 This. Not everyone finds this, but you have to be open to experiencing it. Because if it does happen... oh my goodness. The moment when you "know" is a truly amazing one. And not in a way that your heart's bursting out of your chest. Quite the opposite. Something inside you finally settles. It's an intensely grounding experience, and such a comforting moment.
Sadly with this fast dating nowadays, I find that a lot of people disregard this subconcious voice. And a lot of men belittle this want for a "connection" or "spark" that can rarely be explained. I got called all kinds of unkind words for simply not being interested, for feeling a twang of doubt, or for having a dark premonition. This is all of our subconciousness collecting data and connecting it to years of data stored in our brains. And whenever I let myself get talked into not listening to it, I came to regret it. When I met my partner, none of this happened. Instead, I immediately recognised the kind, gentle, patient type of human I deeply appreciate. So yeah, I wish women were taught to listen to their gut feeling more.
I absolutely do not understand how they can say cheating has ever helped an affair. It is the most counterproductive advice I have ever seen and coming from gottman is a real surprise. Cheating never helps your relationship. It only breaks it.
@@terintiaflavius3349 Exactly. Working on the relationship afterwards can improve things, but it will never be as good as it would have been if the same work as put in before the cheating. Betrayal is a wound that will never fully heal. The relationship may survive, but it will always have a limp.
I appreciate the mindfulness Steven has for the listening audience when a guest makes a gesture and he'll instinctively begin describing for the listeners only.
Loved watching them talk. I have a wife and I’m a woman also. The way they talk to each other is the way me and my wife talk and it’s so nice to see from an older couple and to know I have this at a young age(I’m 26) is heartwarming to me. That “knowing” feeling came so easy and having that feeling that feels like everything opened up is just that. Great talk, and great job to you Steven. Hope to see this couple again.
Some of these comments are way too personalized. They are speaking GENERALLY not about YOU. The Gottmans are amazing and some of the best in the field !!! Love this interview so insightful.
2:01:39 betrayal is always implied prior conflict avoidance, instead of talking to your partner about what's wrong, you talk to somebody else about what's wrong with the partner. therefore, not truly, voluntarily, lovingly, listening to your partner, to allow & welcome their true healthy self to express itself, is the root crime. why are you in a relationships if you don’t want to hear your partner’s legitimate needs?!
Well your partner may not be capable of articulating anything much in relation to understanding what they want or even understanding themselves. Being on that ‘spectrum’ is a difficult thing to live with.
@@catinthehat1486 communication is like ESL, they don’t know it, but can learn too, if you slow & break it down. speaking helps people think 💯. people need one thing besides what they primarily need, and that is *time* . “the impatient man is his own enemy; he slams the door on his own progress.”
Omg I'm so happy to wake up to a new episode with THE GOTTMANS!!!❤ I rewatch the previous episode with them more than any other episode you've made! Thank you for all talking together again! It's been so helpful to my relationship and so many others. Thank you, thank you, thank you 😊
This just reminds me of just how many people don't know how to have a conversation. It's about balance. We should both be asking and sharing. But no matter how many thousands of people I meet, none of them do this. I just see dynamics of two people who only talk about themselves or one person who "broadcasts" and the other who always asks.
So much conflicting relationship advice out there. My gut tells me this advice will be corrected in a few years. What happened to non-transactional relationships😭. Heal yourself before you find your person. Two healthy people in a loving union ( who RESPECT each other ) should not have these issues. EDIT: Putting love and service (& ideally a divine purpose) in the center of a relationship (and generally in life) is what will stop your relationship turning transactional. That's why it's important to not only have high standards for a potential partner but for yourself also. Set an intention and don't look back. And of course healing is a lifelong journey, but healing past emotional wounds is what will stop you from attracting a toxic partner, with unhealthy habits😊
This seems outdated. And I assume for their generation this is golden advice, but some of it is a bit disconnected from the zeitgeist. Their experience makes them probably great as councilors, though.
This was a really great episode. Informative, intelligent but so natural and informative. This felt like real therapy and learning, sitting down with older, wiser, experienced, and open people who genuinely care about sharing life experience. It felt like watching a visit from your aunty and uncle over a cup of tea. I try to offer this to my younger family members and their friends. My aunties, my late grandmothers, and a special neighbour plays this role for me. We need to encourage this type of community and family support. Fabulous 🤩
Date not to impress, but to be curious about and connect with your date. Don't be goal-oriented. Let things happen organically. Esther Perel said, "Dating is not an examination of your self-worth". It's not a job interview.
Yes, differences attract but there is actually tons of research showing that we consider partners that are very different from us only for short-term relationships like affairs. For long-term relationships we prefer people who are more similar to us, e.g. with regards to values, intelligence, or socio-economic status; At a later point when they speak about age gaps they actually pick this up in contradiction to what they said at the beginning. Apart from this- the Gottman's are great!
@@gerkmonster1 I found it a bit misleading and missed at this point the importance of similarity. He also broadened it to differences in personalities him being in indoors man and her being an adventurer.
You ask such great questions, Steven, and you ask them so well, with genuine curiosity. You also possess the ability/gift to bring out the vulnerable side of a person you interview... It is good to see it an expert too. Congratulations! Wishing you many more subscribers. Thanks to you and your team!
And you shouldn't. It is a total betrayal, lack of respect and concern for your physical, mental, emotional, and financial well being. The fact they sneak around like the cowards they are shows the world they know they are wrong.
I listen to the interviews with anticipation of Steven’s closing statements. Moves me every single time how uniquely tailored, genuine and heart felt they always are. Steven, you truly have found your calling and use your talents so wonderfully. We wouldn’t have access to all this valuable information if not for you! Thank you. Really.❤
I want to encourage you. Whatever path you chose...to seek someone else, or to build a single life without her staying single.....whatever path you take. It is hard to lose a partner and it also is very hard to rebuild your life most especially if it was a great relationship.
OUTSTANDING interview. You are the GOAT of all podcast interviewers. I hate to compare to show what I mean, but thought I’d give a relevant example. I just listened to Huberman Lab podcast interview Ester Perel on relationships. I usually enjoy her interviews, but this one fell short mainly because of the way Huberman asked the questions. Huberman appeared to work so hard to ask “intelligent, informed, scripted” questions that he lost the sense of open curiosity and genuine learning…all resulting in a less than par interview for his audience. Your interview style with the Gottman’s came across very open, curious and self reflective with personal vulnerability. You helped us all learn so much more! Thank you!!!
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. The pain, the heartache and the love of loving unpacked and out there in all its rawness. Thank you for such an excellent interview with such a lovely, real and knowledgeable couple on such an important topic.
I met my wife at 19. 25 years we've had an awesome relationship/marriage. This interview is spot on. But I've never felt like I needed any of this advice. I do have to say, that when I hear Steven talk about his relationships, I realize that this kind of advice is not as common sense as it's always seemed to myself.
@@elizabethacostaana freaking everyone says this. No. I did not. I most certainly absolutely did NOT. It's not even debatable my childhood was so messed up.
@@saywhatnow57 well that’s why asked. Because there are few people who can say the same. Relationships can be tricky, and the way we manage them doesn’t always fit into what seems like common sense. Just because something worked for one person doesn’t mean it’s a universal truth for everyone. Every relationship is different, with its own dynamics, challenges, and growth opportunities. What might seem like common sense in one situation could completely miss the mark in another. It’s important to remember that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, and sometimes, we have to trust our own experiences and intuition over ‘common sense’ advice that may not apply to our unique journey. Congratulations to you and your wife, against all odds, you’re proof that we can break cycles. 🤍
I met my partner at 19 too! We’ve been together for 11 years and I agree with you! It takes a certain amount of suffering to realize what you want from yourself and your relationship and a certain type of empathy and partner that really pushes for communication and listening and compassion. When choosing a partner having someone with High Emotional intelligence was so important and someone who always thought about how to strengthen the relationship and work with each other. It takes a lot of work and maybe that comes from experience or comes from a place where you don’t want to repeat what you’ve felt in the past. Had to get the values down right away. Relationships of any kind takes hard work.. 😂
It’s not criticism from society that lets people down and fails people in loving themselves. It’s their caregivers. Their families. The way children are treated becomes the inner world they grow up with.
If we consider that 90% of who we are-the metaphorical iceberg beneath the surface-is shaped by our parents and caregivers, with the remaining 10% shaped by society, it becomes clear that the foundation of our inner self is primarily formed in early childhood. The most critical period for this development is from birth to around three years of age, and some argue that by the age of seven, much of our core personality is fully established. Therefore, the behavior and influence of parents and caregivers play the most pivotal role in shaping who we become.
@inesnathaliengoua if that's the truth then... consider this, there are people who grow up in the exact same society, environment, neighborhood, town and yet their futures are the exact opposite of each other.
As science has shown, even siblings living under the same roof do not share the exact same environment. Siblings, including monozygotic twins, have different temperaments, prompting parents and caregivers to respond to each child in unique ways. As a result, each child grows up in their own distinct microcosm.
@@ceniabelinebahnsen7862 do you realize how much time kids spend at daycare, kindgergarten, school, clubs, and nowadays with more households have a dual income due to life being expensive af, there's no way that family is the only factor. it takes a village is still as true as it always was. if you extend family to be broader than just the family unit maybe. what saved me from being an entirely wreck is the extended family and teachers for instance. but it is true that your parents especially are immensely important in forming you
Affairs can help marriages the same way a car crash can make you a better driver: you were being an idiot and it took that much to make you teachable. But a lot of damage is done in the process
Now THIS is going to be a good podcast! The Gottman Institute is LEGIT and they are definitely in the position to give relationship advice. Excited about this one.
Cheating or having an affair is inherently so disrespectful of your partner, and shameful under all circumstances. All parties involved in the relationship deserve to know the truth about each others sex and romantic lives, as according to their agreement. Cheating is the breaking of that agreement. It is lying. It is sneaky. It is dehumanizing. It is using all parties as a means to self-satisfy. It is weak.
I do agree with you on this but in our society we fail to recognize that withholding sex is also cheating. The agreement in marriage is sex exclusively with this one person then when you deprive someone's needs it is trying to gain the security of the contract while you don't meet your end of of it cheating on the agreement to suit only your needs. Refuse to buy food and it won't be long before your partner goes shopping. I haven't cheated but I did get close at one period of my life in a relationship.
I love the Gottman’s, I have read one of their books before I married my now husband. I believed it has helped me be a better wife. I also have a husband who a very giving & kind man who was on board with all the info I learned from the Gottman’s!!! Thank you for having them back!!! ❤❤
Wow!! What an interview!!! Wow wow!! and at the end they called Steven : THE BEST INTERVIEWER THAT THEY HAVE EVER HAD IN 30 years!! You deserve that man!!
The Gottman’s!!! I loved seeing them & am psyched to see them here. They’re so realistic, no BS & as someone who went back in Jan to get my masters in licensed mental health counseling I love keeping up w/ what they have to say. Stephen, congrats on the over 7mil!!!🥳🥳 this has been my favorite pod for yeeears, I’ve yapped so much to ppl in my life to watch it & telling them about recent episodes. I’ve learned so much for this pod over the years, love the variety of guests you get that are leaders in their industries, independent thinkers & on the cutting edge of what they do. This pod is great cuz of them but wouldn’t be anything without you leading it. The way you LISTEN & HEAR, ask unique questions & always go where the storyteller is taking you & use that as a way to move the conversation forward & how clear your passion for this is & how much YOU enjoy learning from all these ppl makes this pod what it is & my fave. Congrats & can’t wait to continue watching you grow!!!💜💪🏾📈
I truly appreciate your podcast, but I’ve become increasingly concerned about a growing disconnect from common sense, not only in religious discourse but also in broader cultural behavior. There seems to be a troubling pattern where individuals exhibit actions and attitudes that stray far from basic ethical principles and moral values, which once served as a foundation for both spiritual and everyday life.
Ethics and morality are ultimately subjective at the end of the day. If the content has increasingly not aligned with what you believe ethically and morally, you should probably stop watching.
You make no sense with your uppity and aggrandisement of twisted projective negativity. Basically, a bunch of nonsense about morals and ethics or common sense. Your comment makes no common sense.
I really enjoyed the last episode with the Gottman's; I'm so glad to see them back! ❤ I've learned more important and useful information from the guests of DOAC (and similar podcasts), and I couldn't be more appreciative and grateful that these shows have been created and shared for free, at a time when I think it's fair to say we as the human race, need ALL the help we can get. It starts with loving yourself and learning about how you operate. We often live life, only getting a glimpse of our "instruction manual" near the end of our journey. "Oh, that's how that was supposed to work!" or "Oh, I didn't know I was able to do that!" With these high-quality podcasts, we get to inform ourselves, and write this "instruction manual" NOW, and make changes NOW, and *_hopefully_* we are masters of self, sooner, rather than later.
@@TheDiaryOfACEO ❤️ More value than I can articulate in the comments section. DOAC Team, Thank you! Side note, I might have to start my own channel 😅 I have a pet peeve of being interrupted, so if I record my own thoughts and refine them, I can upload, and those who find value in it will listen, and those who don't, won't. (or will s*** post in the comments section) 😝
It's not that having an affair can save your relationship. The rel may be saved by trying to fix the rel after recognising that it is not in a good place. And that recognition can come from any event eg stopping sleeping together, having time apart, conflict etc. Having an affair is just a manifestation of a problem with the rel, rather than a cure. But it comes with so much more negativity than the other examples and may mean it is far less likely that the rel will recover. So, are there cases where having an affair highlighted the problems and then the couple worked to fix it, yes. But there will be far more cases where the affair destroyed the rel.
likely just depends on how often the people in the relationship are willing to get help right away from a professional AND BOTH be willing to work to save the relationship. in the cases where those two things are true, i imagine they have a pretty good chance of coming out the other end with a rebuilt, stronger relationship. otherwise, its probably extremely tough.
What a fascinating and brilliant couple, much insight to be gained in listening to the interview. Steven I am a bit of an interview junkie have been all my life and I am twice your age, but you are incredibly good at what you do, probably one of the very best I have seen because you really know how to ask all the right questions! Love you podcasts❤
It doesn't matter if you are around each other all the time. If you love happens in the soul you will never be bored being with them. Unless you love them from the outside things like body, personality etc.
Thank you for introducing me to the Gottman Doctors, their work is inspiring as are they, you too with your curious mind asking excellent informative questions. The world needs to hear their understandings and findings
I married my husband after a year of dating and we lived together too. After 18 years and 3 kids still married. Doesn't always work but consider myself lucky.
Steven you are amazing. You are incredibly gifted at making people feel so comfortable and you are authentic and Real thank you for always sharing your stories
I find the more i learn about people and body language from experts that have done loads of research, the more contradictions there seems to be. I find that fascinating.
The gotmans are absolutely legends. Great wonderful people who know counseling and relationships Pattern so well. What I love about them is that they have a lot of experience in their marriage and in the work they do. It is not just a woman telling you what's wrong with men or a man telling you what's wrong with women. They bring so much more insight to how men and women tick. Thank you so much for having them on your show again.
Steven … you ARE such an amazing interviewer - your questions are superb every time . The information you provide to us all helps more than YOU will ever realise . 🙏🏼 Thank you isnt enough . But THANK YOU SINCERELY . Helen . UK .
I loved the energy and conversation between all 3! So many amazing nuggets of wisdom! Thank you...🙏 I have to say if I just look at the body language between Julie and John and John is definitely more loved up with Julie. He is constantly turned towards her and looks at her all the time. The way he speaks of her is so sweet. She is one lucky lady! Not sure cheating creates PTSD!So don't agree with her saying that.
This conversation is just delicious! The Gottman's obvious delight in each other and their delight in getting to know Stephen and his delight in the wisdom from them
THE AFFAIR MY HUSBAND HAD DID NOT AND WILL NOT BRING US EVER TOGETHER !!!TOTAL EXCLUSIVITY IS REQUIRED 🤷🏻♀️ …CREATING ARGUMENTS IS THE GREATEST KILLER OF AFFECTION.
I starting to learn men specifically when they cheat the man couldn't have their space, the woman put too much on the man emotionally and/ or the woman try to turn him to something he was not ready or wanted to be in his life in the moment the woman ask of him.
I like your name, Marina. Are you aware, speaking in all caps is often interpreted as yelling in text? What kind of response are you hoping to elicit by yelling in the comments? I’m guessing you are feeling hurt by the cheating and still have work to do to process it. I’ve been cheated on before, too, during a long term long distance relationship. It sucked, but I’m glad I learned the true character of my ex. Took me a few years to see that trust was continually broken and I eventually left that relationship. I am so thankful for the truth, even if it’s knowing someone has cheated me. With the truth, I can make more educated decisions. For me, it moved me closer to the next, better relationship.
This is a really good episode, having and hearing experiences from the most emotionally matured people on the planet is so soothing, probably the key to fix any relationship or fling if one is willing to analyse and repair the differences in this area, without being defensive and holding the walls up sky high due to past trauma out of the control of the person You're currently with.
There’s still time to be entered into the DOAC subscriber raffle!!! If you're subscribed to the channel you're in the raffle, we will be picking subscribers at random. Good luck and hope you enjoy the episode! X
4:00 greedy 7:30 10:10 strangers 11:10 turning friends into places that are not alienating 13:00 no predictors and no lists and factors 15:50 outliers - head and shoulders above any person i have met before 22:30 do they treat all groups with respect??? 23:30 reliability is s big deal!!! 26:30 the other was interesting, but she was different 31:35 look from outside if laughing or sarcasm towards each other etc / taöking about themselves instead of being interested in the other person 33:30 overconfidence, lean back 37:50 dating apps and factor equal kind treatment 46:45 needs to be interesting with the person
A lot of people believing that they are advocating for individuals to cheat on their SO, have a comprehension issue on the argument they are making. In laymen terms: cheating isn't the issue, but rather an underlying issue. In order to get rid of the symptom, you must treat the disease. In this case what they are saying, someone having an affair may bring to light issues that were lingering just underneath the surface which is what led to the cheating, and now can be treated (if willing) which will bring the relationship back to homeostasis.
I understand their point, which you explained clearly, but every bad deed has a root, a cause - it doesn't expunge the deed itself or your capacity for doing it in the future under stress. Since, according to the number John cited, infidelity is at around 30% , that doesn't mean that only 30% of relationships have problems, but that 30% of people have the capacity or inclination to cheat. There are plenty people in bad relationships that don't cheat or betray in that fashion. Causation doesn't mean correlation. So the bad circumstances simply triggered a behavior you are capable of, and always will be, which other people aren't and won't be. And so the question becomes : do you stay with a cheater - since you know they're capable of it? Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe in healing and change and rebuilding but I also believe that trust once broken, will never rebuild the same (as she mentioned when saying flat out that PTSD never goes away completely), especially in the knowledge that not all people cheat, even if in the same circumstance.
What a compliment ❤ the best interviewer in 30 years. Whaaaat I mean. You are really good. I look forward to the episodes. Lately watching another podcast I wished it was Steven interviewing
Success depends on the actions or steps you take to achieve it. Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. Financial management is a crucial topic that most tend to shy away from, and ends up haunting them in the near future.., I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life!!
@@elizabethacostaana if I think something is stupid I have a right to say so. In my book, if you’re not gonna be faithful, then don’t get married. Advocating cheating is not a good idea. All kinds of sexually transmitted disease are going around, so how stupid is that to bring that home to your partner?
I'm not against open relationships. It definitely works for some people.I tried it once ,but my partner at that time became jealous of the attention I got from other men .I don't believe in one sided commitment.Women get bored too and who doesn't like novelty?if a woman's partner wants to be with new people ,he shouldn't get mad when she does the same. I think everything should be mutual in a relationship including commitment.If they can't agree upon that,they should separate imo
I am of age and I don't compare and never have compared myself with other women. I don't agree with a lot of what is being said. Many younger women feel that they always need to have their makeup perfect To try impress and men will groom themselves better too. The truth of the matter is when someone falls in love with you, They love you without the makeup. I dont think affairs help. If someone meets someone who is already with someone else, it is wise to be very cautious.
@@ChrisDaytrader The saying is true. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Steven (and or his team in fact read your message). Glad YOU TOOK THE SHOT!!! Well-Done, mate 🤝.
@@intimacywithclarissa he would have never done that. Ever. He cheated multiple times. I don’t care why would I wanna be with somebody that betrayed me multiple times? There’s no earning that trust back
34:20 how novel. Somebody who asks questions gently and then listens to the answers. Your ego truly left at the door. Thankyou. Watching whilst in South Africa.
The main issue I have with these type of relationship coaches is that they don't seem to understand how the dynamic of the relationship changes because of the children. Having only 0, 1 or 2 children will influence the relationship drastically different than having 6 or 8. The sibling relationships that the children have also influences the relationship of the parents massively.
I believe they are just speaking things in a nutshell. It would be very different in the actual therapy. But nevertheless, it would be nice to hear that specific topic and pick their brains about it.
@@angeline7359 I agree, that would be so interesting! Especially since with children the tools you learned to use as a couple seem so much harder to use with children, because you are constantly not your "best" self but rather exhausted, stressed, pressured. 😅 And also considering your choice of mate: how can you make an informed decision on wether your patient, communicative partner will exhibit the same behaviour once the added stress of kids appears? Are there any telltale signs that he (or you!) will morph into someone else?
You is the boss Steven. This conversation is indeed very insightful and informative. This couple is doing amazing things and helping heal couples. You ask questions on my behalf always. I like the way you try to get your host to imagine we are there talking with them. Well done
27:55 I know a handful of women who started to panic about meeting someone as their age advanced (they were around 35) and married the wrong person, had kids straight away. They're all divorced now 🤷♂️
There’s always an exception, right? My brother was 40 and his wife 19 when they met. Almost 35 years and three children later, they are still going strong. They spend a lot of time together. Fun and senses of humor seem to help.
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
We've started a DOAC members hub on TH-cam with extra content, BTS, never before seen podcast briefs, giveaways and so much more 👀💥 You can get exclusive members access here 👉🏽 th-cam.com/channels/Gq-a57w-aPwyi3pW7XLiHw.htmljoin
I'm so glad I'm gay!
@@JamesBarry-j7m wtf. What's that got to do w anything?
The way they turn and listen to each other? The beauty. The absolute beauty in this relationship.
Is rare
I just said the exact same thing to my husband. Absolutely beautiful ❤️❤️
“And thank you again for being the best interviewer we’ve had in 30 years.” Wow. Coming from the Gottmans? That makes you the GOAT, Steven.
I love the way he looks at his wife whenever she talks, its lovely.
Was about to comment the same thing!
He's afraid of her.
Oh, I agree! The way he looks at her is so beautiful!!
@@seabiscuit726142 where tf did you get that from blud? Seems like a projection. He stares pretty lovingly at her.
total BS
In which Culture in which country??? this is a BS to say an Affair can save your relationship . - a Relationship is nothing...everybody has tens, if not hundreds of relations to other person....thats all this word expresses...
in a PARTNERSHIP you dont have the Problems of weak people who only have relationships...
PERIOD
Sit down, you failed....
i hope most people dont walk into this Trap you try to spreed out
you better checkout Tony Robbins ...but this guys here have ZERO clue they talk absolute nonsense!!!
What a beautiful compliment and validation- "the best interview we have had in 30 years". Steven really has a sense of presence with the people he sits with. He listens. He asks great questions. He shares personal stories at the right time. And it all comes off authentically.
So true!
And often the questions are what I would ask at that moment, as well. It's like he can read my mind.
In which Culture in which country??? this is a BS to say an Affair can save your relationship . - a Relationship is nothing...everybody has tens, if not hundreds of relations to other person....thats all this word expresses...
in a PARTNERSHIP you dont have the Problems of weak people who only have relationships...
PERIOD
Dit down, you failed....
i hope most people dont walk into this Trap you try to spreed out
He did ask a couple questions that were the same from last video. He did carry on well after which made it a great one.
He is 80 and I loved it when he took his small note pad from his back pocket and showed us, this is what I do, I sit and take notes, reflect back and not be defensive. It was a beautiful and wonderful conversation to watch from start to end. I love seeing Steven getting vulnerable and sharing his learnings.
total BS
In which Culture in which country??? this is a BS to say an Affair can save your relationship . - a Relationship is nothing...everybody has tens, if not hundreds of relations to other person....thats all this word expresses...
in a PARTNERSHIP you dont have the Problems of weak people who only have relationships...
PERIOD
Sit down, you failed....
i hope most people dont walk into this Trap you try to spreed out
you better checkout Tony Robbins ...but this guys here have ZERO clue they talk absolute nonsense!!!
@@LetsFixITJoe Stop spamming the comment section
You have seven million subscribers because you are making a HUGE contribution to society by providing quality media to individuals.
Dear Steven, Just few days ago we discussed with my husband why we like your interviews so much. You manage to make it so personal. Thank you for sharing your issues and challenges. It makes it so fun to watch/listen. ❤
The Diary of a CEO is my absolute favorite podcast in the world. I never miss an episode. Thought provoking and so mentally enriching
i agree i bet a little more insiteful than if Mr. Bieber had one... although I would like to know how he's doing in fatherhood. :)
ps--> I'm a secret Belieber too
nuh uh
this guy is a scam. hes not will smith.
Their advice in regards to same age, culture and what not might be great for simpleminded people, YET for those, that want to grow OPPOSITE might be much more VALUABLE 🤔
@@henrikelanschuetzer4261 this guy is a scam. He's not will Smith
Letting your partner speaker and not interrupting is true relationship bond which is proven in this 3 hour conversation , listening to the power of respect, heavens angels sitting together
One of the many reasons I keep coming back for more here is Steven's ability to make himself a "scapegoat" for us..lol. You don't mind being vulnerable just to ask the right questions.
Your "friends" are lucky to have you get professional opinions/advice for their issues.
Keep up the good work, Steve.
Lovely couple!
Rich podcast!
So basically it’s not the cheating that helps a relationship it’s the help that is required to repair it. Get help before the cheating happens, then cheating is no longer a requirement for the improved relationship.
Anyone can cheat in the right circumstance. Most don't get the opportunity and hate those that do.
😅@@byronfoppola8676
@@byronfoppola8676 That’s greatly off topic. My comment is about the caption of this video and the answer from the Gottman’s in the interview.
@@biancamichelle11 We're animals first...forced civil lab rats in this human experiment, second.
your cheating thinking even goes on your comment making no sense and contradictory in itself lololol
I remember reading Gottman’s book when I was in my early 20s. I saw it at a friend’s house because her mom had it on the table. The one thing I remember learning was about the four horseman/ the four things that will destroy a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. I even remember my friend’s mom talking to us about it after I picked it up and flipped through it. The whole thing stuck with me. No one had ever explained that very basic principle - and it really helped me understand the definition of a healthy relationship. She wasn’t being preachy in anyway - just casually telling chatting about what criticism looks like in a relationship, what stonewalling means etc etc.
When I first met my now husband, I told him I read Gottman’s book and he said, “my parents have that book on their shelf and I’ve looked through it!” LOL 😂 I LOVED that :) We ended up re reading it before we got married and now have a copy on our table.
It’s a really really good book.
I highly recommend it. It’s pretty simple concepts that boil down to kindness and grace but it helps to have them go through case scenarios of real couples. I find I learn much better that way because it’s mostly told through storytelling.
what’s the name of the book
@Bobab0y, Getting the Love You Want.
I’ve also read 7 principles of making a marriage work and it was very good. Similar principles of getting the love you want but has more specific marriage focused case studies.
@@Ytvzoey Thank you will take a look as i’m not married yet but trying to be a better partner
I love how he stares at her when she's talking and turns toward her with such intensity and interest
Hey, Diary Of A Ceo team...it appears from the comment section that the sensational headline about affairs saving a marriage...without the nuance of context provided with it in the interview...is actually disuading viewers from watching. I dont think that was your intent.
I agree with your statement. I feel stressed out by the thought of listening to this. I just came to check out the comments.
Confirmed almost didn’t watch because of the headline
That headline made me look up affairs and found the advice to not stay with a cheater
Agreed
In my perspective it is more that the actual context and answer are not as clear and practical as the question asked … because Steven did the great job of asking a very controversial question (that does great in a trailer or headline) but the answer is far from that straightforward
The Gottmans are always so interesting and informative. The whole world needs this training for not only their romantic relationships, but for every relationship in their lives! Love their work, love their relationship. Great minds and great role models. Thank you for this!
26:07 This. Not everyone finds this, but you have to be open to experiencing it. Because if it does happen... oh my goodness. The moment when you "know" is a truly amazing one. And not in a way that your heart's bursting out of your chest. Quite the opposite. Something inside you finally settles. It's an intensely grounding experience, and such a comforting moment.
So true thanks
ty!
Sadly with this fast dating nowadays, I find that a lot of people disregard this subconcious voice. And a lot of men belittle this want for a "connection" or "spark" that can rarely be explained. I got called all kinds of unkind words for simply not being interested, for feeling a twang of doubt, or for having a dark premonition. This is all of our subconciousness collecting data and connecting it to years of data stored in our brains. And whenever I let myself get talked into not listening to it, I came to regret it.
When I met my partner, none of this happened. Instead, I immediately recognised the kind, gentle, patient type of human I deeply appreciate.
So yeah, I wish women were taught to listen to their gut feeling more.
Every time I listen to a podcast with the Gottman's I find myself in tears in joy and gratitude
I absolutely do not understand how they can say cheating has ever helped an affair.
It is the most counterproductive advice I have ever seen and coming from gottman is a real surprise.
Cheating never helps your relationship. It only breaks it.
... unless you use it for repair ...
@@Strathom1It still breaks it. The bond is never the same again
@@terintiaflavius3349 Exactly. Working on the relationship afterwards can improve things, but it will never be as good as it would have been if the same work as put in before the cheating.
Betrayal is a wound that will never fully heal. The relationship may survive, but it will always have a limp.
I appreciate the mindfulness Steven has for the listening audience when a guest makes a gesture and he'll instinctively begin describing for the listeners only.
Loved watching them talk. I have a wife and I’m a woman also. The way they talk to each other is the way me and my wife talk and it’s so nice to see from an older couple and to know I have this at a young age(I’m 26) is heartwarming to me. That “knowing” feeling came so easy and having that feeling that feels like everything opened up is just that. Great talk, and great job to you Steven. Hope to see this couple again.
Some of these comments are way too personalized. They are speaking GENERALLY not about YOU. The Gottmans are amazing and some of the best in the field !!! Love this interview so insightful.
Love how they said I knew I would learn from you for the rest of my life.
2:01:39 betrayal is always implied prior conflict avoidance, instead of talking to your partner about what's wrong, you talk to somebody else about what's wrong with the partner.
therefore, not truly, voluntarily, lovingly, listening to your partner, to allow & welcome their true healthy self to express itself, is the root crime. why are you in a relationships if you don’t want to hear your partner’s legitimate needs?!
this!
Well your partner may not be capable of articulating anything much in relation to understanding what they want or even understanding themselves. Being on that ‘spectrum’ is a difficult thing to live with.
@@catinthehat1486 communication is like ESL, they don’t know it, but can learn too, if you slow & break it down. speaking helps people think 💯.
people need one thing besides what they primarily need, and that is *time* .
“the impatient man is his own enemy; he slams the door on his own progress.”
I agree. When you complain to others you are betraying.
@@ellenthom34 So therapy is a betrayal.
Omg I'm so happy to wake up to a new episode with THE GOTTMANS!!!❤ I rewatch the previous episode with them more than any other episode you've made! Thank you for all talking together again! It's been so helpful to my relationship and so many others. Thank you, thank you, thank you 😊
This just reminds me of just how many people don't know how to have a conversation. It's about balance. We should both be asking and sharing. But no matter how many thousands of people I meet, none of them do this. I just see dynamics of two people who only talk about themselves or one person who "broadcasts" and the other who always asks.
This is an interesting thought. I always find myself talking about myself too, it's a habit I try to stop
So much conflicting relationship advice out there. My gut tells me this advice will be corrected in a few years. What happened to non-transactional relationships😭. Heal yourself before you find your person. Two healthy people in a loving union ( who RESPECT each other ) should not have these issues.
EDIT: Putting love and service (& ideally a divine purpose) in the center of a relationship (and generally in life) is what will stop your relationship turning transactional. That's why it's important to not only have high standards for a potential partner but for yourself also. Set an intention and don't look back.
And of course healing is a lifelong journey, but healing past emotional wounds is what will stop you from attracting a toxic partner, with unhealthy habits😊
Most correct thing I have read!!!!
All relationships are transactional.
@@chrisbentsen1you say that because you’ve never had a non-transactional relationship. That’s your stuff. Don’t project it onto everyone else.
If you try to fully heal yourself before meeting someone and falling in love you will be waiting an awfully long time
This seems outdated. And I assume for their generation this is golden advice, but some of it is a bit disconnected from the zeitgeist. Their experience makes them probably great as councilors, though.
This was a really great episode. Informative, intelligent but so natural and informative. This felt like real therapy and learning, sitting down with older, wiser, experienced, and open people who genuinely care about sharing life experience. It felt like watching a visit from your aunty and uncle over a cup of tea. I try to offer this to my younger family members and their friends. My aunties, my late grandmothers, and a special neighbour plays this role for me. We need to encourage this type of community and family support. Fabulous 🤩
Date not to impress, but to be curious about and connect with your date. Don't be goal-oriented. Let things happen organically. Esther Perel said, "Dating is not an examination of your self-worth". It's not a job interview.
❤❤❤❤❤
Yes, differences attract but there is actually tons of research showing that we consider partners that are very different from us only for short-term relationships like affairs. For long-term relationships we prefer people who are more similar to us, e.g. with regards to values, intelligence, or socio-economic status; At a later point when they speak about age gaps they actually pick this up in contradiction to what they said at the beginning. Apart from this- the Gottman's are great!
I wonder how this relates to if it is a emotional or physical affair. i haven't listened yet just reading the comments to get a feel of the show.
Yes, I remember a study was done years ago that opposites only attract for short term and don’t last a marriage or longterm.
I dontbthink they said it as a blanket statement. They brought up genetic immune diversity multiple times. Not necessarily difference in values.
@@gerkmonster1 I found it a bit misleading and missed at this point the importance of similarity. He also broadened it to differences in personalities him being in indoors man and her being an adventurer.
@acissej_01 yeah he diverged a bit
You ask such great questions, Steven, and you ask them so well, with genuine curiosity. You also possess the ability/gift to bring out the vulnerable side of a person you interview... It is good to see it an expert too. Congratulations! Wishing you many more subscribers. Thanks to you and your team!
I don't think I could ever get over an affair.
And you shouldn't. It is a total betrayal, lack of respect and concern for your physical, mental, emotional, and financial well being. The fact they sneak around like the cowards they are shows the world they know they are wrong.
@erinmorrow5001 or maybe your just quick to blame and not look within...the very thing that destroys. The very opposite of love
you shouldn' t😆😆
@@Gizmodioh shut up. i m sure you are a man. Forgive your future partner when she will cheat cmn 😂 i wanna see that. Forgive.
@roxyglow9670 I'm quite a bit deeper than you Roxy. Hope you find what you need. Love is more than sex honey, sex is nothing without love
I listen to the interviews with anticipation of Steven’s closing statements. Moves me every single time how uniquely tailored, genuine and heart felt they always are. Steven, you truly have found your calling and use your talents so wonderfully. We wouldn’t have access to all this valuable information if not for you! Thank you. Really.❤
I was 23 and just out of college when I married my wife and she was 33. Been married for 30+ years. Lost her to Alzheimer's. Now starting all over.
I want to encourage you. Whatever path you chose...to seek someone else, or to build a single life without her staying single.....whatever path you take. It is hard to lose a partner and it also is very hard to rebuild your life most especially if it was a great relationship.
What is alzheimers?
If you have money , you’ll be fine
I’m so sorry for your loss. 😢
@@yashtapase3821 memory issues like dementia.
OUTSTANDING interview. You are the GOAT of all podcast interviewers. I hate to compare to show what I mean, but thought I’d give a relevant example. I just listened to Huberman Lab podcast interview Ester Perel on relationships. I usually enjoy her interviews, but this one fell short mainly because of the way Huberman asked the questions. Huberman appeared to work so hard to ask “intelligent, informed, scripted” questions that he lost the sense of open curiosity and genuine learning…all resulting in a less than par interview for his audience. Your interview style with the Gottman’s came across very open, curious and self reflective with personal vulnerability. You helped us all learn so much more! Thank you!!!
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. The pain, the heartache and the love of loving unpacked and out there in all its rawness. Thank you for such an excellent interview with such a lovely, real and knowledgeable couple on such an important topic.
I met my wife at 19. 25 years we've had an awesome relationship/marriage. This interview is spot on. But I've never felt like I needed any of this advice. I do have to say, that when I hear Steven talk about his relationships, I realize that this kind of advice is not as common sense as it's always seemed to myself.
I wonder if maybe you had a good example at home. That tends to help. Our relationships can become a way to heal a lot of our childhood wounds.
@@elizabethacostaana freaking everyone says this. No. I did not. I most certainly absolutely did NOT. It's not even debatable my childhood was so messed up.
@@saywhatnow57 well that’s why asked. Because there are few people who can say the same. Relationships can be tricky, and the way we manage them doesn’t always fit into what seems like common sense. Just because something worked for one person doesn’t mean it’s a universal truth for everyone. Every relationship is different, with its own dynamics, challenges, and growth opportunities. What might seem like common sense in one situation could completely miss the mark in another. It’s important to remember that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, and sometimes, we have to trust our own experiences and intuition over ‘common sense’ advice that may not apply to our unique journey. Congratulations to you and your wife, against all odds, you’re proof that we can break cycles. 🤍
I met my partner at 19 too! We’ve been together for 11 years and I agree with you!
It takes a certain amount of suffering to realize what you want from yourself and your relationship and a certain type of empathy and partner that really pushes for communication and listening and compassion.
When choosing a partner having someone with High Emotional intelligence was so important and someone who always thought about how to strengthen the relationship and work with each other. It takes a lot of work and maybe that comes from experience or comes from a place where you don’t want to repeat what you’ve felt in the past. Had to get the values down right away. Relationships of any kind takes hard work.. 😂
This by far is one of the easiest episodes to listen to!❤❤❤
God bless you Steven!
It’s not criticism from society that lets people down and fails people in loving themselves. It’s their caregivers. Their families. The way children are treated becomes the inner world they grow up with.
Its both society and what we do within our homes is a contant back and forth of influencing eachother.
If we consider that 90% of who we are-the metaphorical iceberg beneath the surface-is shaped by our parents and caregivers, with the remaining 10% shaped by society, it becomes clear that the foundation of our inner self is primarily formed in early childhood. The most critical period for this development is from birth to around three years of age, and some argue that by the age of seven, much of our core personality is fully established. Therefore, the behavior and influence of parents and caregivers play the most pivotal role in shaping who we become.
@inesnathaliengoua if that's the truth then... consider this, there are people who grow up in the exact same society, environment, neighborhood, town and yet their futures are the exact opposite of each other.
As science has shown, even siblings living under the same roof do not share the exact same environment. Siblings, including monozygotic twins, have different temperaments, prompting parents and caregivers to respond to each child in unique ways. As a result, each child grows up in their own distinct microcosm.
@@ceniabelinebahnsen7862 do you realize how much time kids spend at daycare, kindgergarten, school, clubs, and nowadays with more households have a dual income due to life being expensive af, there's no way that family is the only factor. it takes a village is still as true as it always was. if you extend family to be broader than just the family unit maybe. what saved me from being an entirely wreck is the extended family and teachers for instance. but it is true that your parents especially are immensely important in forming you
Affairs can help marriages the same way a car crash can make you a better driver: you were being an idiot and it took that much to make you teachable. But a lot of damage is done in the process
Agreed. They’re wrong here but right on other parts that I’ve heard.
Remember how deadly it could be as well 😢😮😢😮😢
Yes, gotta be a better way. Just the karma would stop me. As long as we're building..to better.
I agree with your general point, but It's a lot more complex than just 'you were being an idiot' though.
@@AD-pm5px I just mean ignorant of how seriously your attitudes and behaviour were affecting your partner
I'm SO excited you have the Gottman's back. Their first episode was one of my favorites.
Now THIS is going to be a good podcast! The Gottman Institute is LEGIT and they are definitely in the position to give relationship advice. Excited about this one.
They articulate things soo well and what I love most is that they finish each others sentences.
Cheating or having an affair is inherently so disrespectful of your partner, and shameful under all circumstances. All parties involved in the relationship deserve to know the truth about each others sex and romantic lives, as according to their agreement. Cheating is the breaking of that agreement. It is lying. It is sneaky. It is dehumanizing. It is using all parties as a means to self-satisfy. It is weak.
And calling cheaters weak is saying volumes about you.
@@hasensaurus Yeah, it says that he has a brain. Cheaters lack integrity, impulse control, and perhaps morals. That makes them weak.
Smooth operators in sh!t-stained suits 👀
Your narcissism is showing
I do agree with you on this but in our society we fail to recognize that withholding sex is also cheating. The agreement in marriage is sex exclusively with this one person then when you deprive someone's needs it is trying to gain the security of the contract while you don't meet your end of of it cheating on the agreement to suit only your needs. Refuse to buy food and it won't be long before your partner goes shopping. I haven't cheated but I did get close at one period of my life in a relationship.
I JUST SAW THE LAST ONE.....AND YOU BROUGHT THEM BACK?!?!?!?
It's clearly my birthday 🥳💖✨
These videos will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!!! Thank you!!
I love the Gottman’s, I have read one of their books before I married my now husband. I believed it has helped me be a better wife. I also have a husband who a very giving & kind man who was on board with all the info I learned from the Gottman’s!!!
Thank you for having them back!!! ❤❤
What a lovely interview. I love their respect for each other and showing their love for Steve is awesome.
The way they look at each other! Truly you can see how fond they are of each other. Listening to their advice seems like a genuinely good idea❤🎉
Wow!! What an interview!!! Wow wow!! and at the end they called Steven : THE BEST INTERVIEWER THAT THEY HAVE EVER HAD IN 30 years!! You deserve that man!!
The Gottman’s!!! I loved seeing them & am psyched to see them here. They’re so realistic, no BS & as someone who went back in Jan to get my masters in licensed mental health counseling I love keeping up w/ what they have to say. Stephen, congrats on the over 7mil!!!🥳🥳 this has been my favorite pod for yeeears, I’ve yapped so much to ppl in my life to watch it & telling them about recent episodes. I’ve learned so much for this pod over the years, love the variety of guests you get that are leaders in their industries, independent thinkers & on the cutting edge of what they do. This pod is great cuz of them but wouldn’t be anything without you leading it. The way you LISTEN & HEAR, ask unique questions & always go where the storyteller is taking you & use that as a way to move the conversation forward & how clear your passion for this is & how much YOU enjoy learning from all these ppl makes this pod what it is & my fave. Congrats & can’t wait to continue watching you grow!!!💜💪🏾📈
I truly appreciate your podcast, but I’ve become increasingly concerned about a growing disconnect from common sense, not only in religious discourse but also in broader cultural behavior. There seems to be a troubling pattern where individuals exhibit actions and attitudes that stray far from basic ethical principles and moral values, which once served as a foundation for both spiritual and everyday life.
What are you talking about
What happened?
Ethics and morality are ultimately subjective at the end of the day. If the content has increasingly not aligned with what you believe ethically and morally, you should probably stop watching.
Whats bro talking about
You make no sense with your uppity and aggrandisement of twisted projective negativity. Basically, a bunch of nonsense about morals and ethics or common sense. Your comment makes no common sense.
I really enjoyed the last episode with the Gottman's; I'm so glad to see them back! ❤
I've learned more important and useful information from the guests of DOAC (and similar podcasts), and I couldn't be more appreciative and grateful that these shows have been created and shared for free, at a time when I think it's fair to say we as the human race, need ALL the help we can get. It starts with loving yourself and learning about how you operate.
We often live life, only getting a glimpse of our "instruction manual" near the end of our journey. "Oh, that's how that was supposed to work!" or "Oh, I didn't know I was able to do that!"
With these high-quality podcasts, we get to inform ourselves, and write this "instruction manual" NOW, and make changes NOW, and *_hopefully_* we are masters of self, sooner, rather than later.
So glad to hear you are finding so much value in the show. Great outlook! 🙏
@@TheDiaryOfACEO ❤️ More value than I can articulate in the comments section. DOAC Team, Thank you!
Side note, I might have to start my own channel 😅
I have a pet peeve of being interrupted, so if I record my own thoughts and refine them, I can upload, and those who find value in it will listen, and those who don't, won't. (or will s*** post in the comments section) 😝
It's helped me cure my S. IV cancer.
There's little else to add.
Love it.
@@TheDiaryOfACEO I know thats a random reply here but please interview Bessel van der Kolk (the body keeps the score) if you can
Thank you
A man showing vulnerability is a huge reflection on their inner strength. That's so appealing. Don't mistake vulnerability to self pity!
It's not that having an affair can save your relationship. The rel may be saved by trying to fix the rel after recognising that it is not in a good place. And that recognition can come from any event eg stopping sleeping together, having time apart, conflict etc. Having an affair is just a manifestation of a problem with the rel, rather than a cure. But it comes with so much more negativity than the other examples and may mean it is far less likely that the rel will recover. So, are there cases where having an affair highlighted the problems and then the couple worked to fix it, yes. But there will be far more cases where the affair destroyed the rel.
likely just depends on how often the people in the relationship are willing to get help right away from a professional AND BOTH be willing to work to save the relationship. in the cases where those two things are true, i imagine they have a pretty good chance of coming out the other end with a rebuilt, stronger relationship. otherwise, its probably extremely tough.
All people have the capacity to cheat in the right circumstance.
Loved this interview. Great work all. And Julie's articulation of her 'paranormal' experience was exquisite! Long live the Gottmans.
What a fascinating and brilliant couple, much insight to be gained in listening to the interview. Steven I am a bit of an interview junkie have been all my life and I am twice your age, but you are incredibly good at what you do, probably one of the very best I have seen because you really know how to ask all the right questions! Love you podcasts❤
It doesn't matter if you are around each other all the time. If you love happens in the soul you will never be bored being with them. Unless you love them from the outside things like body, personality etc.
The Gottman’s are 2 of the best in the relationship and love ecosphere! I can’t wait! I’ve bought and gifted so many of their books.
Thank you for introducing me to the Gottman Doctors, their work is inspiring as are they, you too with your curious mind asking excellent informative questions. The world needs to hear their understandings and findings
I married my husband after a year of dating and we lived together too. After 18 years and 3 kids still married. Doesn't always work but consider myself lucky.
The grass isn't greener elsewhere
Steven you are amazing.
You are incredibly gifted at making people feel so comfortable and you are authentic and Real thank you for always sharing your stories
I find the more i learn about people and body language from experts that have done loads of research, the more contradictions there seems to be.
I find that fascinating.
Humans are complicated
The gotmans are absolutely legends. Great wonderful people who know counseling and relationships Pattern so well. What I love about them is that they have a lot of experience in their marriage and in the work they do. It is not just a woman telling you what's wrong with men or a man telling you what's wrong with women. They bring so much more insight to how men and women tick. Thank you so much for having them on your show again.
Life is full of suffering, yet i do beleive some have suffered more than others.
Steven … you ARE such an amazing interviewer - your questions are superb every time . The information you provide to us all helps more than YOU will ever realise . 🙏🏼
Thank you isnt enough .
But THANK YOU SINCERELY .
Helen . UK .
I loved the energy and conversation between all 3! So many amazing nuggets of wisdom! Thank you...🙏
I have to say if I just look at the body language between Julie and John and John is definitely more loved up with Julie. He is constantly turned towards her and looks at her all the time. The way he speaks of her is so sweet. She is one lucky lady!
Not sure cheating creates PTSD!So don't agree with her saying that.
This conversation is just delicious! The Gottman's obvious delight in each other and their delight in getting to know Stephen and his delight in the wisdom from them
THE AFFAIR MY HUSBAND HAD DID NOT AND WILL NOT BRING US EVER TOGETHER !!!TOTAL EXCLUSIVITY IS REQUIRED 🤷🏻♀️ …CREATING ARGUMENTS IS THE GREATEST KILLER OF AFFECTION.
hehe... I`m curious how you treat him inside the relationship. Only a hungry dog bites the owner ;).
@@hasensaurus LOL. What a response. Clever dude !!!!
I starting to learn men specifically when they cheat the man couldn't have their space, the woman put too much on the man emotionally and/ or the woman try to turn him to something he was not ready or wanted to be in his life in the moment the woman ask of him.
I like your name, Marina. Are you aware, speaking in all caps is often interpreted as yelling in text? What kind of response are you hoping to elicit by yelling in the comments? I’m guessing you are feeling hurt by the cheating and still have work to do to process it. I’ve been cheated on before, too, during a long term long distance relationship. It sucked, but I’m glad I learned the true character of my ex. Took me a few years to see that trust was continually broken and I eventually left that relationship. I am so thankful for the truth, even if it’s knowing someone has cheated me. With the truth, I can make more educated decisions. For me, it moved me closer to the next, better relationship.
@@11118msn…IT IS ONLY PEOPLE INTERPRETATION AS ME “ YELLING “ .
I do agreed with her comment at the end. Your questions were insightful and impactful for your viewers. Thank you.💛
There is no real strength without the vulnerability.
This is a really good episode, having and hearing experiences from the most emotionally matured people on the planet is so soothing, probably the key to fix any relationship or fling if one is willing to analyse and repair the differences in this area, without being defensive and holding the walls up sky high due to past trauma out of the control of the person You're currently with.
The devil is capable of whispering in your ear just about anything in order to snatch your soul.
oy vey that's antisemitic
Interesting, can you elaborate?
@@m.toddbounds3008 they didn't watch the video. Just read the headline.
No surprise to me that theyre Jewish
Weirdo
This was an incredible interview. We listened to this on a road trip for our anniversary. So good!
John and Julie gottman are the absolute best their love lab is insane research in a good way.🎉🎉🎉
How lovingly he looks at her when she's talking..my to have someone look at you like that!
There’s still time to be entered into the DOAC subscriber raffle!!! If you're subscribed to the channel you're in the raffle, we will be picking subscribers at random. Good luck and hope you enjoy the episode! X
Lesgo
Let's go watching from KENYA 🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪
how do we know whos winning these raffles??
Watching from norway , you current amount of subscribers is larger then the population of my country 😂 congratulations
Hair and Makeup by my company My Beauty Squad :)
I’m Gorman trained and I was very happy to see you interviewing them. I’ve helped many couples with their science based approach to couples therapy!
4:00 greedy
7:30
10:10 strangers
11:10 turning friends into places that are not alienating
13:00 no predictors and no lists and factors
15:50 outliers - head and shoulders above any person i have met before
22:30 do they treat all groups with respect???
23:30 reliability is s big deal!!!
26:30 the other was interesting, but she was different
31:35 look from outside if laughing or sarcasm towards each other etc / taöking about themselves instead of being interested in the other person
33:30 overconfidence, lean back
37:50 dating apps and factor equal kind treatment
46:45 needs to be interesting with the person
I always appreciate it when these two come on the show. They've been a huge help in inspiration of a better life for myself.
A lot of people believing that they are advocating for individuals to cheat on their SO, have a comprehension issue on the argument they are making.
In laymen terms: cheating isn't the issue, but rather an underlying issue. In order to get rid of the symptom, you must treat the disease. In this case what they are saying, someone having an affair may bring to light issues that were lingering just underneath the surface which is what led to the cheating, and now can be treated (if willing) which will bring the relationship back to homeostasis.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
@@miepmiep3017 I don't disagree with you. BUT, that's because most cheaters never deal with the deeper issues. That's kind of their point.
I understand their point, which you explained clearly, but every bad deed has a root, a cause - it doesn't expunge the deed itself or your capacity for doing it in the future under stress.
Since, according to the number John cited, infidelity is at around 30% , that doesn't mean that only 30% of relationships have problems, but that 30% of people have the capacity or inclination to cheat. There are plenty people in bad relationships that don't cheat or betray in that fashion.
Causation doesn't mean correlation. So the bad circumstances simply triggered a behavior you are capable of, and always will be, which other people aren't and won't be. And so the question becomes : do you stay with a cheater - since you know they're capable of it?
Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe in healing and change and rebuilding but I also believe that trust once broken, will never rebuild the same (as she mentioned when saying flat out that PTSD never goes away completely), especially in the knowledge that not all people cheat, even if in the same circumstance.
🎉
It's irrelevant, as once someone cheats the relationship is over regardless.
Saw a clip that took the Doctors out of context, but I like their approach and also eluding to common ground. Which is nice to see! Thank you!
True - I’m 41 my husband is 55 and it’s great.
What a compliment ❤ the best interviewer in 30 years. Whaaaat I mean. You are really good. I look forward to the episodes. Lately watching another podcast I wished it was Steven interviewing
Success depends on the actions or steps you take to achieve it. Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. Financial management is a crucial topic that most tend to shy away from, and ends up haunting them in the near future.., I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life!!
It is not good to have affairs. There’s too many diseases, it takes away trust which is most important in a relationship.
Did you listen to the whole recording?
@@elizabethacostaana I didn’t bother. It’s too stupid. You either get along or you don’t.
@@Elsie-v2q you didn’t bother to watch, but you sure bothered to comment. It’s true, ignorance is pure bliss.
@@elizabethacostaana if I think something is stupid I have a right to say so. In my book, if you’re not gonna be faithful, then don’t get married. Advocating cheating is not a good idea. All kinds of sexually transmitted disease are going around, so how stupid is that to bring that home to your partner?
@@Elsie-v2qthey didn’t encourage cheating though….
Anybody who encourages having affairs, even vaguely, isn't worth taking seriously.
I'm not against open relationships.
It definitely works for some people.I tried it once ,but my partner at that time became jealous of the attention I got from other men .I don't believe in one sided commitment.Women get bored too and who doesn't like novelty?if a woman's partner wants to be with new people ,he shouldn't get mad when she does the same.
I think everything should be mutual in a relationship including commitment.If they can't agree upon that,they should separate imo
Gross!
Exactly what she said at the end!! That is the biggest reason why I listen to/watch this podcast since it even had 1 million subs. Congrats on 7+! ♥
I am of age and I don't compare and never have compared myself with other women. I don't agree with a lot of what is being said. Many younger women feel that they always need to have their makeup perfect To try impress and men will groom themselves better too. The truth of the matter is when someone falls in love with you, They love you without the makeup. I dont think affairs help. If someone meets someone who is already with someone else, it is wise to be very cautious.
This host never misses , I keep thinking he’ll run out of content guests but then we see these two grandma’s
I know this wont get read, but just wanted to say, Steven and your team are great, thx for all these videos you bring us.
Thank you!
@@TheDiaryOfACEO Thx for reply its apricated.
@@ChrisDaytrader The saying is true. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Steven (and or his team in fact read your message). Glad YOU TOOK THE SHOT!!! Well-Done, mate 🤝.
One of the best programs with the Gottman's. They just Got it !
My exes affair did not bring us closer. I could never trust him again
Curious. Did you both go to counseling/therapy?
@@intimacywithclarissa he would have never done that. Ever. He cheated multiple times. I don’t care why would I wanna be with somebody that betrayed me multiple times? There’s no earning that trust back
@@seizuregirlllll makes complete sense. Thanks for answering.
34:20 how novel. Somebody who asks questions gently and then listens to the answers. Your ego truly left at the door. Thankyou. Watching whilst in South Africa.
Look at how they turn towards each other and listen with full attention.
This was a wonderful conversation, thank you. I loved more than anything seeing John and Julie’s energy towards each other. ❤️❤️
The main issue I have with these type of relationship coaches is that they don't seem to understand how the dynamic of the relationship changes because of the children. Having only 0, 1 or 2 children will influence the relationship drastically different than having 6 or 8. The sibling relationships that the children have also influences the relationship of the parents massively.
I believe they are just speaking things in a nutshell. It would be very different in the actual therapy. But nevertheless, it would be nice to hear that specific topic and pick their brains about it.
@bsd1158 that's a rare specimen nowadays
@@angeline7359 I agree, that would be so interesting! Especially since with children the tools you learned to use as a couple seem so much harder to use with children, because you are constantly not your "best" self but rather exhausted, stressed, pressured. 😅 And also considering your choice of mate: how can you make an informed decision on wether your patient, communicative partner will exhibit the same behaviour once the added stress of kids appears? Are there any telltale signs that he (or you!) will morph into someone else?
Especially if there are special needs with your children too. It’s super hard.
They have a whole series of videos on their channel and a new book they just put out on children and parenting. You might want to check it out. :)
You is the boss Steven. This conversation is indeed very insightful and informative. This couple is doing amazing things and helping heal couples. You ask questions on my behalf always. I like the way you try to get your host to imagine we are there talking with them. Well done
27:55 I know a handful of women who started to panic about meeting someone as their age advanced (they were around 35) and married the wrong person, had kids straight away. They're all divorced now 🤷♂️
Yep "hitting the wall" is a real thing
There’s always an exception, right? My brother was 40 and his wife 19 when they met. Almost 35 years and three children later, they are still going strong. They spend a lot of time together. Fun and senses of humor seem to help.