That headline... I can`t even watch the interview now that I`ve seen her. She would prefer non penetrative of course, she seems to be in same sex relatioship.
My ex was literally addicted to her cell phone. Before and after sex, she loved to scroll, and scroll, and scroll on her phone all this random stuff. It was highly distracting to our relationship, and I will never have a relationship with anyone addicted to their cell phone again. If I could push a big red button and permanently destroy all social media, I would not hesitate to push that button. We don't need it to survive, and it causes more harm than good.
@@letsaffirm9454I’ve often heard people complaining about people’s phone use, and seeing them from the outside I often see they actually have the exact same behavior, she might have been scrolling because he checked his phone quickly first after sex and the cycle continues
@rick... Yeah, pretty much everyone I know is addicted to their phone. I'm consciously working on limiting my time on it. Listen to a couple of worthwhile podcasts during drive time only. Check and respond to messages/texts three times a day then I turn it off. Working on touching, kissing, massage with no expectation of penetration... just feeling emotions and closeness. Patience, open listening and talking with my girl and slowly achieving that desired deep human connection my parents have.
I'm 70 years old and here are my opinions on it all. I believe that kissing ( especially out of bed ) is a great turn on for women and it isn't done nowhere enough . Also that men need to learn how to get their ladies in the mood ,again out of bed. I vividly remember in my younger days being at the kitchen sink and my husband would come slowly and gently near me and kiss me on my neck ... i would simply melt 😅. Most men ( from what girlfriends have told me ) just seem to think that they are giving pleasure as soon as they ' hop' on 😂. Horror of horrors !! Poor women😢. Making love is an art !! It's up to the men to learn that art and if he is passionate and selfless enough he will find that his partner will react beautifully. I've been one lucky lady. Actually.... i still am 😂❤😂
Proof that women expect men to be mind readers and carry all the responsibility. When men just want sex to flow with our physical desire, we would gladly do whatever our partners want in order to get a nut. It is obvious when men are in the mood 🍆. Communication is a two-way street!
It's so refreshing to listen to an interview where both parties really let each other speak. So many interviewers constantly interrupt. Thank you for being so considerate and sensitive, Steven. Karen is a brilliant and engaging speaker, I really appreciate the expertise, fluidity and clarity with which she spoke. Thank you, both.
@@kalilavalezina For example, we all know women usually tend to be overcontroling in a marriage, small things that seems like an expression of love end up taking away all the power from her men, it´s close to treating him like a child. What happens when a woman sees her husband like a child? That´s right, she loses all her sexual desires for him. There needs to be some boundaries there to keep this from happening. Respect is very important, and this situation above, plus any other way that respect is taken away from the relationship results in the women losing love interest. This is all to preserve the masculinity and power balance for the men and thus keeping the fire alive. This is a very deep topic that she simply did not touch, and in my opinion the core issue.
Ding! People now want what they see in pornography. There's little account for connecting and caring for another. People worry about themselves a bit too much nowadays and of course this applies to this topic as well
@@snorrevonflake I, for one, disagree; there's a reason I keep calling sex "physical form of expressing feelings/love" even tho many ppl roll eyes at me. What I think you mistake intimacy with is, being vulnerable. Which I am with my current bf, we talk through what worries him (psychosomatic signs and possible autism, too sensitive and reactive nervous system on my side. Not tremors, but more like uncontrollable shaking). We also both come up with creative names for our body parts and ask during the sex or foreplay what each other wants to feel fully satissfied. He feared to fail at being dominant, while I fear for being too passive since I get overhelmed by stimuli... yet, we talk about how we feel about certain gestures, actions or what was spoken afterwards. What turns us on and what gives us worries given past experiences. I think this counts strongly as intimacy. But maybe me and my bf are in that >10% who do not get non-sexual thoughts during the sex and I'm among serious miniority when it comes to women and their sexual desires.
This has changed my sex life. My husband and I listened to to this twice. We are in our 50’s. And our sex life is better than it’s EVER BEEN. Thank you for having this brilliant guest on. You are the best, Stephen!!
Our best sex was after 50, till my partner began to have prostate problems at 65 and the meds totally shut him down and then he was so disappointed in himself that he needed anti-depressants and that finished any chance of sex off. There had to be a better way but all the dr knew was meds. 😢
@@KB-ih5gf did you actually really listen to the podcast? Genital to genital sex is not the ultimate goal!!! That is a false belief that many of us picked up, because men’s pleasure have often been the focal point. Do the meds affect ability to massage, to touch erogenous zones, and so much more? There is so, so much more to sexuality than a limited tunnel vision version…that’s the whole point of the podcast.
I started thinking that I don't like sex - because every time I've had sex, and it's never been that great for me, and I decided that I'd rather spend time doing things that I enjoy more. Now I realize that I have always been distracted by a worry during sex. LITERALLY! I've had a lifetime of personal issues/traumas and I've been in survival mode for YEARS. Now, I'm 57 and I've been in therapy and doing hard work to process and learn new ways of coping with my baggage and emotions. One way for me to cope is learning self compassion - "I am good enough", "I have done enough", "I deserve good sex and I deserve love". One very difficult thing to overcome is my over-conscientiousness about my body image.
Goog for you❤. In your healing journey, please remember that you are love. You have survived this far but now you can let go. Find that place inside of you and let go of the past. The emotions you feel are jist memories. You can create new ones today. You are good enough,y are a creation of love and the universe will bring people to reflect what you have inside. Stay blessed❤😊
Very similar experience as yours, except I prayed to hate sex, because I love it, however, my partners were either abusive, addicts or I didn't feel connected. I spent years working on myself, my trauma and body image. Now, my new partner (nearly 2 years) and I had a deep emotional, spiritual and physical connection in and out of the bedroom. We take time out to work on ourselves and therefore make the relationship better. After 57 years (lol) I finally found the one.
One of the best things you can ever do for yourself is to take this advice to heart and do it... "Take every thought captive" and "Whatever is wholesome, whatever is lovely and good, this you should dwell on". This means that you need to examine absolutely every thought and feeling that goes thru your mind and decide if it should remain or not, becoz these things that just pop up in your mind throughout the day are actually not YOUR THOUGHTS, until you decide to let them stay! If you let them stay and you then dwell on them, they are now yours and the results and consequences of this are what you see in your own mental health. And many of these thoughts are not helpful to you at all - jealousy, envy, wrongful lust, anger, greed, revenge, fear, none of these are good for your mind and are actually destructive to your relationships, so for this reason you should treat your mind like a bad dog that thinks it can go outside and roll in the mud, then come inside your house and lie on your clean sheets, eat your hot meal and crap on your clean carpet... NO!!! That dog should get a hosedown before it even comes near the damn door and straight to the bathroom for a scouring coz all that dirt and mud is like jealousy, fear, anger and negativity splattered all over your walls and furniture, and living with that in your mind is horrible. But gratitude is like having the cleaning lady come in and make things sparkle, even if it's just being grateful for having breakfast this morning when there are billions on this planet did not... It is a fact that you can't be bitter when you are experiencing gratitude and gratitude will make you feel happier than allowing your mind to soak itself in fear, day after day... Think about it - it REALLY DOES WORK becoz it comes from the bible. And while you're there, why not check out its author as well coz he wouldn't put this in his book if he didn't want us all to be happy and healthy...
I am sobbing. I have been so self focused because I have a higher sexual drive than my husband. And to hear he is worried makes me so sad. I want to be there for him instead of focused on what I want. Thank you so much for this. Life changing.
Women are typically very self centered. Not just about sex, about everything. Want a great marriage and explosive sex life? TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT JUST A UTILITY WHO'S PURPOSE IS TO SERVE AND CATER TO YOU.
I love the comment in regards to low pressure...that "sex should be trivial and often, not rare and crucial". For me this emphasizes the importance of "in the moment sexuality" with a sense of playfulness and lack of heavy expectation of the ultimate act itself...those small little loving and sexy gestures are a great lead up to when it does happen.
For that to work, it has to be ok for her to say no frequently. The moment she gives "duty" sex, the playfulness and lack of heavy expectation is ruined.
@@mikochild2I see what you mean, but i kind of find it bad that rejecting the other party frequently. I mean at one point it hurts getting rejected over and over again. I mean yes, if you don‘t want to be intimate it is totally understandable to reject the partner, I also would not want to be intimate with someone who doesnt want to be. Still, at some point I wouldn‘t want to initiate anymore if i were to be continually rejected. What is your opinion on that?
I just want to say that this podcast makes me feel so f*** priviledged that I have access to these amazing human beings willing to share their knowledge for free. Steven man, you really read my mind with every single question that you ask your guests is like I'm asking them myself hahahha Blessed my parents the day they decided that I should learn English! Big love from Spain! 🧡
an occasional um is ok, but some ppl have a horrible habit of suing it at the end of every sentence, when i hear this, i get so annoyed that i stop listening to the context and instead start paying attention to every um, it's distracting
i certainly dont think open relationships are something you can just jump into, it's not for everyone unless the pros and cons have been discussed...sociatal attitudes don't lend themselves to polyamory particularly for women.
This "expert" certainly has no idea of how repulsive this would be to even bring up in a conversation. That's the kind of falacy that destroys good relationships pushing someone to give in to temptations.
Can we give two times thumbs up! Dr Karen Gurney's voice and pronunciation is so soothing and she speaks of wisdom that is needed literally all around the globe. Great episode.
I like how he always asks for the sources of the interviewees claims and statements. His most used line is, "how do we know that". Many interviewers never challenge new information and it makes the whole thing less valuable.
This lady is SMART! In a great 45 year marriage; no children. Everything she says is so true! We’ve learned along the way. Her “sexual currency “ idea is so true. Thx for having her!
And this is why you have so many subscribers….because of the people you are interviewing, the content they bring and as an interviewer you let them speak, you don’t interrupt but you are also real! I could see the cogs turning as she was hitting home for you 😂❤ I hope this hits home for all who watch this as to why you/we are not as happy as we’d like to be in this department.
So. It's not enough that we pay for internet. We watch videos, like it, sub and share, comment.. TH-cam plays you.. and you want us to pay you every month...? Serious?
Here's some shocking info: before the internet we had books. If you want extreme happiness in that department, look for the most recognized books in Scandinavia. They'll explain exactly how (80% of women can't do this) is a matter of technique, which most men know in Scandinavia. This so called expert forgot to do her research and are now giving bad advise, based on her own lack of understanding or desire to expand her knowledge
Monogamy is for stability, emotionally and financially, for your children. There is a saying, “god gives us 1000 days of passion” it’s up to us to generate passion after that. So be creative, look after yourself, get fit even after kids and work on understanding and supporting your partner. Keep an open mind and develop enthusiasm. Polyamory is incredibly difficult especially if you have children so create your our novelty. Refuse to be boring and your marriage will remain fun, meaningful and exciting. After 47 years of marriage, this is still happening. I can’t imagine risking STDs for a momentary pleasure.
@@chrismaxwell1624 marriage requires monogamy, it's a covenant. To not be monogamous in a marriage is called adultery and that means the covenant has been broken.
My success in the bedroom has been a complete failure, turned my energy towards studying then into building a successful businesses so my partner and I took separate paths in life without sex. Now Listening this has been something we need to talk about, so thanks for this video.
After escaping an absolutely horrific relationship almost four years ago, I am now extremely happy having never had or wanted a relationship or sex since. I finally feel free and powerful because I know no one can ever touch me again or try to become part of my life again
Yes! Trying to stay in the mindset when little ones keep knocking on the door saying mom, mom, mom - I want a glass of milk, I need to go poop, etc...🤦♀️😅
Our babies, we had 5, shared the bed with us till they were toddlers so collic and teething aside the babies food on the boob, helped my wife through sleeplessness .
@@haveabanana2930that’s why I rarely try to have sex while my children are awake. Waiting until they were in bed or really focused on something usually gave us enough time to be uninterrupted and have a great session each time 😅
Honestly, there is nothing worse than doing the thing -about to experience the O and all of sudden hearing, “mommmmmmmy.” 😭 I love my bedroom time but my husband doesn’t understand WHY I can’t power through that.
Fascinating! The bit about communicating with your partner really hit home for me. 28 year happy, satisfying marriage and I still find it difficult sometimes to discuss. Thanks for the conversation starters.
@szymonbaranowski8184 20 years in and you'd definitely be surprised. Some couples could walk around not communicating open and honestly for decades. Especially if both partners are uncomfortable having difficult conversations and therefore avoid them altogether. Amazing, Right!
I think she's right. Talking about sex is so difficult! It takes practice. Advocating for what I want has been one of the biggest challenges of my life, idk why, because I can readily advocate for myself in pretty much any other environment.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for ten years and together we have 3 little kids. I really appreciate this interview especially the focus on long term partners with kids. I like that Steven always makes questions to try to make this podcast as inclusive as possible for all of us.❤
Remember, if you are not fking your wives, or long term gf, someone like me is.... and we are persistently attempting to do so. How do I know the woman likes sex with me?? well if they come back again no matter how much they complain it means they want it more, again. All this other long analysis and asking about positions etc this lady is talking about is crap. You yourself should not want the same positions every time!!
@@thespiritualninja7339 ""Oh, but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄"" It is not unrealistic, but it is unnatural, forced, against evolution in all its aspects, improbable long term; I'd say specially for men. Women gain a lot for short term monogamy, pregnancy, kids and all that time of vulnerability; but they also benefit less in lifetime monogamy. Women, I would think, benefit from long term allegiances, but then men do too."
It’s such bologna what she has said. The worst therapist I ever heard from. My kids are grown. And we were & are active as much as we could. If there was spare time, we found it. We rarely went a day without it. Communication is key. Just have fun. Don’t take it so serious. Kids is just an excuse people use. It’s not true. Spending that time with our spouse is so important.
Steven, your sense of humor, your questions, and your attitude are all so brilliant. Thank you for providing us with invaluable information. I really loved this episode. I love Dr. Gurney’s open-mindedness about everything, I love how she approached these subjects and she was extremely real. She doesn’t care if people disagree with her truth, even if it triggers people, and I loved that the most about her. Very insightful and helpful. Thank you 🙏
Love how open Steven was in this interview. Sex is such a taboo topic for people so I really commend him for sharing his own experiences, which I think really added to the discussion. Dr Gurney was brilliant too. Everyone should listen to this conversation. Thanks, both!
I strongly disagree with the good doctor. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I had a small problem with sexual performance during mid-perimenopause, so we dove straight into trying to find how to improve this, which led us to Tantra. Our intimate times now last 2.5 to 3.5 hours. It's lots of holding hands or intertwining our bodies and breathing together. We breath, connect our energies, then go from there. We are scheduling intimacy or "sexy time" as we call it. WE call it a date. We have a ritual around it, which is getting our room ready, with special lighting, candles, our favorite body safe oil (avocado oil), a waterproof sheet (mostly not to get oil on our good sheets), special silky pillows and so on. We actually look forward to it. There is no pressure, but it nearly always ends in it. But not before we love each other in every other way but sexual. We realized that waiting for "spontaneous" sex did not serve us. It's been mind-blowing, it's allowed us to grow intimately like never before, and we don't get distracted, because we give ourselves time to relax into each other, we use Tantric breathing and mild meditation/awareness, then it gets more intense, and we have learned so much about ourselves. We've been doing it for 3 years. I don't see us changing it, unless we can improve upon it.
Best part about celibacy is not having to obsessed with sex. Having an intimate connection to another being should be mutual and natural and not forced.
@@Cwgrlup When you define a good relationship as only one that involves sex, it begs the question if you ever had a good one or know what one really is.
@@missymiss2357 so true given these days people even say if she / he doesn't give you sex kick them out. It's a want at the end of the day. Sex is everywhere. Accessibility to food on the other hand especially when a person can die without it is not given that much importance as much as sex. Celibacy is a good form of detachment where you appreciate the person for who they are
There's definitely a super power that develops with celibacy. It's a path people have to be curious about and discover for themselves. Our society which is sex centered, since that's what runs economies, is working hard to make everything about it. If you want to live a good, authentic life, look at what society heavily advertises and do the complete opposite.
This episode might have just changed my entire perception on sex, particularly my own sex life. Breaking so many misconceptions that main stream media has been feeding with a clinical unbiased discussion is not only educational but also healing. Every couple should add this to their to-do-together list.
Me understanding women’s hormones thru Dr Mindy has really helped me understand why they have far less desire than us and has made my life infinitely easier. I thought it was me now I have overwhelming desire to please my wife fully thru all her hormonal shifts in a month. Footrubs to conversation to avoiding conflict and know when they get a boost of testosterone to know when they are most likely be thinking of sex. It is not a given but certainly helps especially as time goes on!
So many lies spread! Women love sex as much as men and this believe has left women unsatisfied in their relationship s. I wish they will stop creating this destructive assumptions about genders. Women do want penetration physically and psychological. Just because her orgasm comes first and does not require penetration doesn't mean women do not crave penetration right after! One Women cannot speak for all of us! I wish older women will stop talking as if all women are the same or have same libido or even same taste! The amount of sex is going down in society because of technology that is destroying our social lives!
And you believe everything on social media says. You do know all bodies are different. I mean you are I assume an adult. If you as an adult need to take tips from some stranger. You've got bigger problems
As a woman high a hogh sex drive I often feel not represented at all. Mostly had partners with lower sex drives and always tried to make an effort bri ging them to the mood and i think thats just fair. What i dont think is fair is that effort is almost never valued or appreciated and it is a fricking huge effort.
I really hope her old supervisor sees this video, too. Such a smart, articulate, and talented lady who is completely across her field - a genuine expert. Will definitely be buying her book.
I was married 20 years...never talked about sex...are issues surrounding it. My husband cheated and I found out he was very capable of having sex and a lot of it. We divorced. I have had the best conversations with my partners since. It is always discussed. I refuse to settle for a sexless relationship anymore!!!
I had this, too! We were married for 12 years. He rarely touched me. We never talked about it. There was no intimacy or any effort. It was a sexless marriage. He left me for his mistress. Best thing that ever happened to me. I grew tremendously. My new husband and I talk about sex and we have a lot of it. Turns out, I had the wrong husband the first time.
Your marriage fell apart and it was ALL your husband's fault. It was his fault that s-e-x was never discussed. It was his fault that since he couldn't get what he wanted at home, he went out and found what he wanted, elsewhere. And you are the Queen of Sheba. Right?
@@JackMason-oq8lf Where in her comment did she put the blame on her ex-husband? I get that she failed to take partial responsibility, but it's not like she puts all the blame with her ex-husband.
We’re not surprised at 5 million. Your channel is top notch and many of the discussions are life affirming and changing. Informative. At the very least entertaining. You are a fantastic host. Honest and asking the questions we want answered and then sitting back to allow the guest to respond and expand.
This Doctor is spot on. What an intuitive researcher and dynamic psychologist! I just downloaded the free worksheet! Thanks for always having the most dynamic guests!!!
In my experience people who live a polyamourous lifestyle, there is always someone who feels horribly jealous or exploited. I don't like seeing people sad and drained.
Because sex is just not physical act. We r instinctually design to search for intimacy after sex. Majority of this type relationships failed miserably N the people who claim their relationship working are nothing but pair of narcissist n low self-esteem partner, period. It's not even about jealousy, it's the feeling of immense disguise n instability
@rahelkamber4839 I don’t think not works either. Just sanctioned cheating. Eventually intimacy will develop with SOMEONE and the other person will be hurt
@@marie-francoiset9402 This happened to a guy I knew. He is the one who asked his g/f to get into a poly situation and once she got a taste, the tables turned. He wanted out and she was like no no, I like this and he was HAMMERED, he even left Canada as a whole. I haven't spoken to him in ages and the crazy thing is, had he just asked me i would've talked him out of it, his girl was OMG in every way. Hot, kind, sweet, just wholesome, just why??
Bravo Steven, your saying it would be a dagger in your heart if your partner introduces the idea of an open relationship, has got you a new subscriber. ❤
@@lovelynramirez stable and secure people don’t want a selfish partner. Be single if you want to sleep with a bunch of people. An open relationship turns your partnership or marriage into a friends/roommates with benefits type situation. Making a mockery of true commitment where each partner submits to the other and becomes one. No room for selfishness in a healthy relationship.
@@AnnaWoGThere's no shortage od research out there that showcases the negative effects of having too many partners. Both for women and men. Also no idea why you'd feel sorry for a cheater who gets cheated on. They are all part of the problem. Just don't cheat, that's not too hard for anyone with half a brain.
@@AnnaWoG"opening" my first marriage was the most soul destroying, humiliating and degrading thing I have ever done in my life. Trying to believe that your wife is truly happy in your intimate relationship while she is off with someone else is lying to yourself. I am so disgusted with that past in my life.
@@mistyhola3485I do not think after watching just the trailer that I would want to watch this but based on how she speaks and the sweeping genralisations she is making and it is nothing to do with the subject matter. I just do not like her way of speaking in the bits they put out as a trailer I may watch ten mins and decide if it,is worth my time to watch this. I discuss sex with my friends quite normal for us chat about this topic, weather, kids, sex it is just a topic we do not find taboo do not think we are unusual. I am sixty my friends are up to twenty years younger and we alwayss openly discuss womens issues including how our sex life is going things we heard or read or watched on the subject. Maybe in some religious or cultural backgrounds it is taboo but not for all.
@@CraigsOverijseI wasn't too sure initially, but she does give some really interesting aspects, points of view, if you can persevere through it all. I actually find the hair style very off-putting, but remind myself that's really none of my business.
@@bianchaesson1441- I smiled to myself because they often referred to haircuts - couldn’t help noting that they actually both had the same cut. Not overly becoming yet each to their own 😊
Her closing words on her supervisor was the most insightful message! Because alot of us are told things throughout our lifetime and some words stain our beliefs of ourselves forming a limit on who we can be and the potential we hold! Her difiance and will to pull through shows that your life can be rewritten! Just like sex, illness, habits, etc you can recover! Her message has left me feeling rejuvenated and canny! Love it! Thanks to both speakers!
Her supervisor was right, she should not be a psychologist, she should not be giving advice to others, she should work on herself first. Her advice will cause more harm than good, very narrow view points shaped to fit her reality and cherry picked from the literature. The fact she doesn't mention the word LOVE or HEART once tells you all you need to know. I hope DR Karen takes time to heal from her very obvious childhood sexual trauma before advising others on the topic.
I love how open you are Steven. You are so relatable ,ask the best questions, best topics, with the best guests! CHEERS to 5M subscribers! P.s. when you have little Timmy, you and ur partner will have to settle down and stay in one place together! Life just looks different for the best!!
Love this guest. She is right on. I agree with everything she says. As a 64 year-old woman who has been through just about everything sexually, her down to earth, practical advice resonates. My husband and I recreated our sex life when I turned 60 and it is better than ever! Yes, you read that write. It is possible. We talk about sex. It wasn't always that way though. I was the one who got us going on talking about sex and he was very resistant to it at first but I kept at it and now, well, we are in a much better place with renewed interest in sex in our golden years.
There is so much that can and does go wrong with open relationships.... It's not thinking outside the box.... its nothing new. I think it is more about commitment and effort. Both are needed.
Isn't that the case for any type of relationship? It can't go anywhere when the people involved are not commited or don't put any effort into it. If you have both an open relationship shouldn't be a problem.
@@DelzDerMeisteras you stated, it's already hard enough. Add more feelings, thoughts, etc, into the mix and it just becomes more complicated. There's usually a lack of communication and expectations that comes from including even more people into a relationship
@@Soapgirl64 not everyone who is poly actively dates. I want to love more than one person. If I’m only with one person & I feel a spark with someone else, or my partner does, I value and welcome the freedom of exploration.
I love the idea of scheduling intimacy. So, I tried it. We ended up talking about the hard stuff first, how to pay our taxes. Then we snuggled on the bed and watched TV. There was no pressure to do anything. We eventually went out to eat and decided to have sex in the morning. It all worked out very well. Our communication was easier and our connection was more playful. Thank you Steven for going deeper with your guest.
Yet another fabulous foray into the human mind and human behavior, Steven. And thank you to Dr. Gurney for speaking so openly about sex and offering your twenty years' worth of research and clinical practice. (As an American, I could listen to her British accent forever!). Just a great discussion overall. Many thanks again.
This is awesome because she mentioned how it's a great idea to bring this episode up to your partner with intention of opening up that topic of conversation. Before I even heard her say this, I had already sent my partner the link to this video and I said this, "Hey, i just started watching this video and I've only watched the intro so far but I think there will be a lot of good information in it for the both of us."
And there definitely was a lot of good information and had helped me realize some of the feelings and emotions and pressure we put on each other that can kill our desire. Not that we have much trouble with desire 😉
While the expert focuses primarily on the behaviors to help create opportunities for intimacy. There is a physical piece missing. Hormone levels, overall physical health, and ongoing medical treatments have a huge impact on desire. Low hormone levels from aging while taking an antidepressant could decrease desire. Its not all about just behavior. There is a chemistry component behind intimacy.
My husband and I stopped having sex years ago due to medical issues. To be honest the pressure was finally off. I could relax and enjoy myself. We love being married, we love our time together, we kiss a lot, snuggle in his bed or mine. We enjoy each other's company. You also have to communicate to each other. We had great sex when we met in our early 50's and we are in our late 60's now. Luckily we really like each other which helps.
Steven Barlett, thank you for once again opening a "Pandora Box Topic" that is often overlooked. I enjoy your humble questions and insightful review with each video. You are a keeper for us all and future generations to come. Intelligent young man for sure!! Wishing you continued success!
When a spouse or significant other, suddenly (and enthusiastically) starts promoting the idea of "opening the relationship", chances are that he/she is already in an affair and wants to legitimize it by getting their unsuspecting spouse's approval. Ironically, many of those unsuspecting spouses end up becoming emotionally detached from their open relationship loving spouses and become emotionally connected to their "friend" and eventually end up leaving their spouses and significant others. The success rate for open relationships is dubious at best.
The first part of this is not true. I’ve known a lot of people that have opened marriage and cheating was not going on. If someone is already cheating, there’s no need for them to have the hard conversations or to put in the work that is required in an open relationship.
I understand trying to be inclusive but as a female who has struggled through various female struggles like periods etc it hurts me to be referred to as a person who menstruates. I am a woman and I have worked so hard to accept being one. When I hear the statistics of “men and women” I am confused about who is included as being a woman and I wonder how we will be able to have conclusive scientific research, if the words we use to describe bodies become inclusive to a point where they become meaningless. I don’t feel included in inclusive language. 😢
You are a women A beautiful creation of God that has so many beautiful qualities physically , spiritually and emotionally and more. God made you in one of the most beautiful likenesses he created, the things we can do as women make us so very beautiful and unique. WE ARE how God saw us as beautiful. ( Men too are wonderful in again, their own unique ways !) We are a beauty in his creation ❤️
I even get angry when somebody of the grand cult calls me cis. I am a woman and that's it. I think it is an especially pernicious form of patriarchy that guys, playing around with womanhood now want to define what a woman is and what she is not.
Steve, I love that you are very matter-of-fact (as it should be) when saying: "I couldn't get an erection"... my partner is super comfortable stating it too, and it is so important, it is like sometimes we use lubricant, and sometimes we don't need, my body takes care of it, and it is never a big deal. Keep normalising it!
@@rickymort135 I'm sorry if you have truly experienced this but I'd like to think people in relationships wouldn't do this and perhaps it also comes from lack of knowledge. If men pretend like it never happens, how are women meant to know otherwise? Just like she said in the interview, women have to not take it personally but to do that it also takes men being honest about it and the reasons 🤷
@@rickymort135how can you take such a positive non harmful comment and make such a negative from it? Sounds like a you/ environment issue, many women have been great with me when I have struggled in the past with flop and communicated about it
Poor bloke, hes either insecure or not 100% into his gf. My o/h of 13 years has never ever struggled to get it up, I feel for women and men who settle for substandard sex.
Why do I always feel like I'm sitting in on one of Stevens private counselling session. 🤣 His questions always make me feel he's asking for advice for himself.
Really good interview, some very good points were made. For example how expectation kills desire. What I missed a bit was a focus on love, intimacy, and attachments and how our feelings about ourselves impact on our relationships. These are areas that need to be considered seriously when thinking about open relationships, because this can get super complicated and painful if this is not carefully explored.
Thank you for this excellent podcast: wow, Dr. Gurney is such a great guest. And you are a gracious host with a tasteful and inviting set. Something not so common, perhaps, is that your guests speak freely-without interruption. Bravo!
Congratulations on 5 million subscribers! Been watching for around a year now and absolutely love how quickly I noticed an increase in happiness & better health
It's been hijacked,corrupted and commercialised by powers that be. Whether its government, religion, business they all have in one or another managed to create or project thoughts or fears into peoples minds for control and manipulation as they benefit or profit from it. For example look at hip hop music at one point the gangster tough image was promoted and the male stars used to project machismo and testosterone fueled lyrics and image then the powers that be switched the narrative and started to promote male rappers with a feminine image of men so the hip hop artists began to paint their nails and carry handbgs and wear dresses and some wigs and music is a powerful media of influence so wht kind of sex do u think is happening between boys and girls who are listen and are influenced to this type of music? And thats just one small example.
Because it's meant to be a sacred act of life creation and we devalue it by being overt about it. In a similar vein but for different reasons people find thinking or talking about death as taboo
I can't believe she said what I have been thinking! When a guy treats his wife like his mother, she can't just flip a switch back to 'lover'. Guys have to pick - lover or a mother. For men, I think sex can be an release/escape from the heaviness of real life or the difficulties in the relationship, but I think for women it is more of an expression of how she feels in life and towards that person. So if the 'buck stops with her' for most/all of the responsibilities, then 1) she will find it hard to feel free to have sex as her mind will be taken up with all the responsibilities and can be genuinely past exhaustion and 2) she will feel incredibly used because it isn't an expression of how she feels about that person, it will feel like a lie and pretending that everything is okay when it's not, which is almost repulsive, because it feels like further disrespecting of herself. This is how I think of it when the relationship is established, women have sex as an expression of love (and will avoid sex if they don't feel emotionally safe) and men have sex to try connect/rekindle love (but will particularly seek sex if they feel emotionally unregulated).
@@7ShadowMaiden7 Making generalised statements purporting to be representative of women which I strongly disagree with. Not only that but it is also one more kick in the pants for men. Insinuating they are not even any use at the most basic biological imperative. You don’t need anyone for an orgasm, theres more to sex than orgasm. It is a poor substitute for the whole shared experience between loving partners. Just cheapening the whole thing like comparing a bowl of candy to a full course meal. They both stop hunger but only one is nourishing. Just so many things…
The podcast is nearing the end and my husband sits down next to me, glances at the screen and says, “they have the same haircut”! I nearly peed (or weed as Steven would say) my pants. 😂
Thank you for making this show and talking about themes as this. I have been raised to think that my sexuallity and my desires are something to be ashamed of. i have been struggeling with this for a long time and i still am. Making things as this a topic really encourages me to feel that i am a normal person.
Been celibate for 3 years and taking notes😅 This was so good and put words and logic to feelings I've had for a while (when I was in a relationship). Thank you
@@Amber57499why is that? I’m abstinent from sex for long periods because my bf is always away for work (months at a time), but we love sex. I refrain from self penetration because I feel very loyal to his anatomy for whatever banana sandwich reason. However, I was abstinent for 5 years before we met just because I felt no man could please me anymore. I was very bored and disappointed despite wanting it. So, if you wish to share, why have you gone so long without it? No pressure. Be well 🙏🏻
Steven, this was absolutely fabulous. Really eye opening and I can't wait to share with my husband. Karen is such a breath of fresh air: so articulate and insightful on such a sensitive topic for many. And congratulations on 5 million subscribers! That's amazing ⭐️
She is doing what lesbians love to do : turn straight women to lesbians, they love to do it like average women love to exerce attention towards high value men. I don't even blame her, any society that gave power to women collapsed like Rome. Maybe I'm wrong and history will not repeat because of the influence of big data companies and IA.
My pet sleeps with us and knows perfectly well when sex is iniciated and it's funny because since she was a puppy and got home she decided to respectfully leave the room without never being asked to do so, and when she realizes we're finished she comes back. The first time it happened we didn't realize the moment when she left the room because we were focused on having sex. She doesn't bother us at all. She's great.😂
Brilliant interview! Karen's voice and pace is so easy to listen to, she makes, what is a challenging topic for many, non-confrontational and inviting.
This is a very good informative interview, the Doctor really knows her stuff and Stephen ask good questions. The cadence and clarity of Doctor Gurney's voice give the viewer(me) a very clear understanding of the subject.
I agree, Stephen was great in this, he was interested and had interesting insights and as you mentioned asked great questions, added a lot to an already fascinating guest and topic!
I appreciate her candid , yet unembarrassed way of talking about sex and all aspects of sex, ex. Using proper names of body parts. We were never allowed to talk about sex etc in our family. 3:35
it's almost like these hetereo men have this thing called testosterone and were put on this earth to procreate. Someone's missed the point of our whole species, let alone HOW they work.
@@Rugmunchersauce3 gay tops can certainly hold the same connotation to their perception of sex, and for some bottoms/receivers/subs, it can be enjoyable to feel a sense of being dominated. However, there's a physiological difference between male receivers and female receivers: males have the prostate and hard penetration is more enjoyable. For females, most penises miss the g-spot and head straight into the cervix. As a female, I'd rather get rammed in the back door than into my cervix, and it's more enjoyable being dominated for me. Arousal is complex, and some female receivers prefer a different approach, one where the mutual understanding is pleasure would be achieved through equal power and stimulation. Not through domination and unequal power.
What a great video! She has a very comforting voice, keeps it scientific but always from the perspective of human experience. The interviewer asks great, natural questions, is a great listener and dares to open up about own experiences or insecurities. Most importantly, you both are keeping politics out of the subject, which makes it great for everyone. Thank you so much for making this episode, one of the best i've seen in a long time.
This podcast was amazing! Perfect questions were asked and Karen Gurner is a perfect elaborator. I got my newlywed husband to listen to this two days ago, and it has already greatly changed our 15 year relationship (high school sweethearts). Thank you both for the work that you do. And thank you Karen Gurner for commitment to helping so many with a subject that is so taboo. Much love 💜!
The book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski speaks about the same. The book is for both men and women. The book talks about “non concordance” all throughout the book.
I have been married 12 years and know my wife 15 years. Men have to learn that women bodies are very different than men. Women body are all very sensitive while men is mostly the penis. I am always whispering things to my wife always touching her we have been having sex 2 times a week for over a decade. She always thinking about our kids and random things and i always calm her down so she can enjoy sex. Enjoy it sex is so beautiful you need to enmjoy it. I am very attracted to my wife i actually had a type since i was like 7 or 8 and when i found my wife it ticked all boxes. I am set lol
@@carasomebody6477 not necessarily indicating an issue but if he’s as in love with his wife as he sounds, only wanting to do it twice a week seems like not a lot, unless of course his wife feels differently and 2 times a week is more than enough for her
@hattie8774 no, is okay lol I work 70 hours a week she works 40 hours a week we have 2 kids 5 and 6 years old they are also in a lot of activities and we have to take care of them without the help of family because we live in new york so even old people (grandparents)have to work here since is very expensive otherwise we would have 10 kids we love sex and kids lol the older the kids get the better the sex gets like she said. They are now both at school we can go have breakfast without getting yelled at or have sex without freaking out. But 2 times a week is what we can accommodate at the moment lol
Thank you. I really want to emphasize how important your inclination to explore confusing topics with experts is refreshing and enriching for everyone. Please and Thank you ❤
psychological safety and self-worth are that which great communication extends out of. im surprised so many couples feel so unsafe to have vulnerable/honest conversations
That tells you a lot about the state of relationship and marriage - it's no picnic for a lot of people. My stance has always been, if you're not happy in it, what's the point? I'm always amazed at how many people stay in bad relationships.
Most of the time people have sex when they are drunk! These studies dont encorparte other varibles. Weak men that can hold a plank for longer then 20s will never help women get along.
I talk with my lady friends often over the decades about sex, but don't know any woman who preferrs "non-penetrative sex"!! That is what we are wired for. The exception is medical issues that cause issues with libdo, pain and/or issues related to abuse. (or an inability to communicate in the bedroom)
As a woman, I disagree with many of the claims she is making. I’m sure she is knowledge from a scientific perspective but people like different things and she shouldn’t generalize the entire gender of women as liking or disliking something.
Looking at how she presents herself and general vibe, there may be contributing factors there which no one seems to address here, for political correctness concerns.
I agree. I love penetrative sex. My husband of 21 years is the only man who can give me a penetrative orgasm without any clitoral stimulation. My A spot and cervix are my best sex. Not only that but Naomi Wolf's book: Vagina showed that women's neural wiring is of her pelvis is like a fingerprint; its unique to each woman. Men have a pretty basic neural wiring arrangement. But it's complex for women. Some have more nerves in their clit. Some have more nerves in their vestibular bulbs. I think most women believe that clit orgasms are the best, but mostly because most have been miseducated about their own bodies. Women have 8 pleasure spots and most men and women can't name more than 3 or 4.
It would work for me. As in it would result in a breakup and the relationship would be over. Honestly, even if she suggested it, I'd be done with her. Tells me more than enough about her feelings for me...
Wow, I didn't watch yet just got a strange vibe so I went to the comments. If she believes in open relationships then she really doesn't have a clue about healthy relationships!!
Can I ask you all a favour? If you enjoy this episode, could you please hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽
That headline... I can`t even watch the interview now that I`ve seen her. She would prefer non penetrative of course, she seems to be in same sex relatioship.
But Steven, this episode was a lot off!
She is a lesbian and don't want us to penetrate our women!
What is this?
Embarrassing guests just for clicks you seem desperate
Hey Steve we enjoy your episode could bring Francis Nganuo please
F@ck it . I have already hit the subscription button.
My ex was literally addicted to her cell phone. Before and after sex, she loved to scroll, and scroll, and scroll on her phone all this random stuff. It was highly distracting to our relationship, and I will never have a relationship with anyone addicted to their cell phone again. If I could push a big red button and permanently destroy all social media, I would not hesitate to push that button. We don't need it to survive, and it causes more harm than good.
What are you doing here then?
@@letsaffirm9454I’ve often heard people complaining about people’s phone use, and seeing them from the outside I often see they actually have the exact same behavior, she might have been scrolling because he checked his phone quickly first after sex and the cycle continues
@@letsaffirm9454😂 nailed it 😂
I agree, I would push that button with you.
@@letsaffirm9454nothing wrong with discussing the topic here. Even if they left social media, it wouldn't go away or change how society uses it.
P0rn and social media addiction have negativly affected expectations, communication, connection and true intimacy.
Not really, porn is more realistic then these rom com's
Has it affected your life in any way?
@rick... Yeah, pretty much everyone I know is addicted to their phone. I'm consciously working on limiting my time on it. Listen to a couple of worthwhile podcasts during drive time only. Check and respond to messages/texts three times a day then I turn it off. Working on touching, kissing, massage with no expectation of penetration... just feeling emotions and closeness. Patience, open listening and talking with my girl and slowly achieving that desired deep human connection my parents have.
@@mas0517 I feel you brother. I'm on a similar path myself.
You’re right about porn and keep your eyes on your own woman. Why 0? What’s it about?
I'm 70 years old and here are my opinions on it all. I believe that kissing ( especially out of bed ) is a great turn on for women and it isn't done nowhere enough . Also that men need to learn how to get their ladies in the mood ,again out of bed. I vividly remember in my younger days being at the kitchen sink and my husband would come slowly and gently near me and kiss me on my neck ... i would simply melt 😅. Most men ( from what girlfriends have told me ) just seem to think that they are giving pleasure as soon as they ' hop' on 😂. Horror of horrors !! Poor women😢. Making love is an art !! It's up to the men to learn that art and if he is passionate and selfless enough he will find that his partner will react beautifully. I've been one lucky lady. Actually.... i still am 😂❤😂
Is anything "up to women"?
Yep zero accountability by women is proven here with your statement, Amazing 🎉😂
It's nice that you didn't yell at the top of your lungs, get the fuck away from me, like my ex wife did , it's quite the turn off !
I agree, but not that it’s 100% ‘up to men’ to learn!! We can help the poor clueless souls!! 💛
Proof that women expect men to be mind readers and carry all the responsibility. When men just want sex to flow with our physical desire, we would gladly do whatever our partners want in order to get a nut. It is obvious when men are in the mood 🍆. Communication is a two-way street!
It's so refreshing to listen to an interview where both parties really let each other speak. So many interviewers constantly interrupt. Thank you for being so considerate and sensitive, Steven.
Karen is a brilliant and engaging speaker, I really appreciate the expertise, fluidity and clarity with which she spoke. Thank you, both.
She was actually prety bad, pro woke movement with all this polyamour thing.
@@sepisdead That’s a matter of opinion I guess. I thought she was excellent.
@@kalilavalezina Some of the stuff she said was valid and helps, but she is far from the core of the issues.
@@sepisdead OK interesting. What core issues didn't she cover?
@@kalilavalezina For example, we all know women usually tend to be overcontroling in a marriage, small things that seems like an expression of love end up taking away all the power from her men, it´s close to treating him like a child. What happens when a woman sees her husband like a child? That´s right, she loses all her sexual desires for him. There needs to be some boundaries there to keep this from happening.
Respect is very important, and this situation above, plus any other way that respect is taken away from the relationship results in the women losing love interest.
This is all to preserve the masculinity and power balance for the men and thus keeping the fire alive.
This is a very deep topic that she simply did not touch, and in my opinion the core issue.
What people are missing in sex is intimacy.
Ding! People now want what they see in pornography. There's little account for connecting and caring for another. People worry about themselves a bit too much nowadays and of course this applies to this topic as well
define intimacy
Or connection?
@@semidemiurgemeaningful connection, communication, sharing, heart connection, being vulnerable (not with external things but back to the heart)
@@snorrevonflake I, for one, disagree; there's a reason I keep calling sex "physical form of expressing feelings/love" even tho many ppl roll eyes at me. What I think you mistake intimacy with is, being vulnerable.
Which I am with my current bf, we talk through what worries him (psychosomatic signs and possible autism, too sensitive and reactive nervous system on my side. Not tremors, but more like uncontrollable shaking).
We also both come up with creative names for our body parts and ask during the sex or foreplay what each other wants to feel fully satissfied. He feared to fail at being dominant, while I fear for being too passive since I get overhelmed by stimuli... yet, we talk about how we feel about certain gestures, actions or what was spoken afterwards. What turns us on and what gives us worries given past experiences. I think this counts strongly as intimacy.
But maybe me and my bf are in that >10% who do not get non-sexual thoughts during the sex and I'm among serious miniority when it comes to women and their sexual desires.
This has changed my sex life. My husband and I listened to to this twice. We are in our 50’s. And our sex life is better than it’s EVER BEEN. Thank you for having this brilliant guest on. You are the best, Stephen!!
Our best sex was after 50, till my partner began to have prostate problems at 65 and the meds totally shut him down and then he was so disappointed in himself that he needed anti-depressants and that finished any chance of sex off. There had to be a better way but all the dr knew was meds. 😢
@@KB-ih5gfalternative doctors...naturapaths...chiropaths...homoepaths are a better route to go.
@@KB-ih5gf That is awful to hear, I wish you both find a positive way around this.
@@KB-ih5gfThe sex robots are coming...
@@KB-ih5gf did you actually really listen to the podcast?
Genital to genital sex is not the ultimate goal!!!
That is a false belief that many of us picked up, because men’s pleasure have often been the focal point.
Do the meds affect ability to massage, to touch erogenous zones, and so much more?
There is so, so much more to sexuality than a limited tunnel vision version…that’s the whole point of the podcast.
I started thinking that I don't like sex - because every time I've had sex, and it's never been that great for me, and I decided that I'd rather spend time doing things that I enjoy more. Now I realize that I have always been distracted by a worry during sex. LITERALLY! I've had a lifetime of personal issues/traumas and I've been in survival mode for YEARS. Now, I'm 57 and I've been in therapy and doing hard work to process and learn new ways of coping with my baggage and emotions. One way for me to cope is learning self compassion - "I am good enough", "I have done enough", "I deserve good sex and I deserve love". One very difficult thing to overcome is my over-conscientiousness about my body image.
Goog for you❤. In your healing journey, please remember that you are love. You have survived this far but now you can let go. Find that place inside of you and let go of the past. The emotions you feel are jist memories. You can create new ones today. You are good enough,y are a creation of love and the universe will bring people to reflect what you have inside. Stay blessed❤😊
I loved that “ you said are just memories “ you are soo right. It helped me a lot
Very similar experience as yours, except I prayed to hate sex, because I love it, however, my partners were either abusive, addicts or I didn't feel connected. I spent years working on myself, my trauma and body image. Now, my new partner (nearly 2 years) and I had a deep emotional, spiritual and physical connection in and out of the bedroom. We take time out to work on ourselves and therefore make the relationship better. After 57 years (lol) I finally found the one.
You are not alone. 45 years old and dealing with similar issues.
One of the best things you can ever do for yourself is to take this advice to heart and do it...
"Take every thought captive"
and
"Whatever is wholesome, whatever is lovely and good, this you should dwell on".
This means that you need to examine absolutely every thought and feeling that goes thru your mind and decide if it should remain or not, becoz these things that just pop up in your mind throughout the day are actually not YOUR THOUGHTS, until you decide to let them stay! If you let them stay and you then dwell on them, they are now yours and the results and consequences of this are what you see in your own mental health.
And many of these thoughts are not helpful to you at all - jealousy, envy, wrongful lust, anger, greed, revenge, fear, none of these are good for your mind and are actually destructive to your relationships, so for this reason you should treat your mind like a bad dog that thinks it can go outside and roll in the mud, then come inside your house and lie on your clean sheets, eat your hot meal and crap on your clean carpet... NO!!!
That dog should get a hosedown before it even comes near the damn door and straight to the bathroom for a scouring coz all that dirt and mud is like jealousy, fear, anger and negativity splattered all over your walls and furniture, and living with that in your mind is horrible.
But gratitude is like having the cleaning lady come in and make things sparkle, even if it's just being grateful for having breakfast this morning when there are billions on this planet did not... It is a fact that you can't be bitter when you are experiencing gratitude and gratitude will make you feel happier than allowing your mind to soak itself in fear, day after day...
Think about it - it REALLY DOES WORK becoz it comes from the bible. And while you're there, why not check out its author as well coz he wouldn't put this in his book if he didn't want us all to be happy and healthy...
I am sobbing. I have been so self focused because I have a higher sexual drive than my husband. And to hear he is worried makes me so sad. I want to be there for him instead of focused on what I want. Thank you so much for this. Life changing.
:( I’ve always ended up in relationships where my partner has a lower sex drive. It hurts terribly
Before you worry about his feelings, make sure he is not cheating.
Women are typically very self centered. Not just about sex, about everything. Want a great marriage and explosive sex life? TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT JUST A UTILITY WHO'S PURPOSE IS TO SERVE AND CATER TO YOU.
😂😂😂😂😂
°💯%‼️‼️‼️ @@LaughingblueSu
I love the comment in regards to low pressure...that "sex should be trivial and often, not rare and crucial". For me this emphasizes the importance of "in the moment sexuality" with a sense of playfulness and lack of heavy expectation of the ultimate act itself...those small little loving and sexy gestures are a great lead up to when it does happen.
exactly this
... Okay. 🗿
Let's hope you're doing your part in helping out humanity.
For that to work, it has to be ok for her to say no frequently. The moment she gives "duty" sex, the playfulness and lack of heavy expectation is ruined.
Very much agree with this.
Sadly people have been conditioned to think otherwise by movies, books, porn etc.
@@mikochild2I see what you mean, but i kind of find it bad that rejecting the other party frequently. I mean at one point it hurts getting rejected over and over again. I mean yes, if you don‘t want to be intimate it is totally understandable to reject the partner, I also would not want to be intimate with someone who doesnt want to be. Still, at some point I wouldn‘t want to initiate anymore if i were to be continually rejected. What is your opinion on that?
I just want to say that this podcast makes me feel so f*** priviledged that I have access to these amazing human beings willing to share their knowledge for free. Steven man, you really read my mind with every single question that you ask your guests is like I'm asking them myself hahahha Blessed my parents the day they decided that I should learn English! Big love from Spain! 🧡
Congrats 🎉 just wanted to celebrate your joy! This is my favorite podcast!
Otra española feliz de saber inglés. Me encanta escuchar a gente que sabe de cosas.
💜
... a Romania here ...
One Polish lady here...
If kissing stops, the relationship is going down the drain.
And under todays laws an unwanted kiss is equal to unfun forced bed sport...
Yes!!! It’s over. Limited time only.
This! Very true. People don't reaize
If that's her less favorite part?
Yeah my gf doesn’t enjoy kisses I don’t think it’s the problem we kiss but making out isn’t something we do.
She mever used filler words. She just paused if she needed to. It was really nice to listen to her!
I thought the same thing! :) She's a wonderful speaker. Very easy to listen to.
She literally just said, um , as I was reading your comment. I think she does it less than the average person.
an occasional um is ok, but some ppl have a horrible habit of suing it at the end of every sentence, when i hear this, i get so annoyed that i stop listening to the context and instead start paying attention to every um, it's distracting
She def uses filler words
@@Freeyourself206OMG SAME lmao that’s so weird
Worst advice I ever got was that open relationship would be ok. There’s good reasons most of us don’t do it
Exactly. Someone ultimately backstabs one of the other 2.
I don't believe human beings are monogamous by nature, I think we were indoctrinated by religion, culture etc.
The reason is called infidelity.
i certainly dont think open relationships are something you can just jump into, it's not for everyone unless the pros and cons have been discussed...sociatal attitudes don't lend themselves to polyamory particularly for women.
This "expert" certainly has no idea of how repulsive this would be to even bring up in a conversation.
That's the kind of falacy that destroys good relationships pushing someone to give in to temptations.
Can we give two times thumbs up! Dr Karen Gurney's voice and pronunciation is so soothing and she speaks of wisdom that is needed literally all around the globe. Great episode.
How do you reconcile her hair doo? Kinda extreme for a woman.
Interesting. I was thinking the opposite. She might be popular in the USA, but around the globe she is extremely unpopular
I got bored.
Why do you suppose that's the case?@@aleks71438
The interviewer is brilliant in ensuring the expert keeps talking and sharing valuable information.
he is an EXCELLENT insightful interviewer
That's a literally a lesbian radical feminists. They are against penetration because they see it is oppressive to women.
😅@@donahunt832
I like how he always asks for the sources of the interviewees claims and statements. His most used line is, "how do we know that". Many interviewers never challenge new information and it makes the whole thing less valuable.
This lady is SMART! In a great 45 year marriage; no children. Everything she says is so true! We’ve learned along the way. Her “sexual currency “ idea is so true. Thx for having her!
You always manage to find surprising people to interview and interesting topics. This interview is a gem.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
exactly my thoughts
The channel is a gem :)
Its Not even a peace of cow dung 😂😂😂
And this is why you have so many subscribers….because of the people you are interviewing, the content they bring and as an interviewer you let them speak, you don’t interrupt but you are also real! I could see the cogs turning as she was hitting home for you 😂❤ I hope this hits home for all who watch this as to why you/we are not as happy as we’d like to be in this department.
Maybe, but he does manipulate his audience by seeking to be controversial, not really giving solid answers to generate repeat view's.
So. It's not enough that we pay for internet. We watch videos, like it, sub and share, comment.. TH-cam plays you.. and you want us to pay you every month...? Serious?
Here's some shocking info: before the internet we had books. If you want extreme happiness in that department, look for the most recognized books in Scandinavia. They'll explain exactly how (80% of women can't do this) is a matter of technique, which most men know in Scandinavia. This so called expert forgot to do her research and are now giving bad advise, based on her own lack of understanding or desire to expand her knowledge
Monogamy is for stability, emotionally and financially, for your children. There is a saying, “god gives us 1000 days of passion” it’s up to us to generate passion after that. So be creative, look after yourself, get fit even after kids and work on understanding and supporting your partner. Keep an open mind and develop enthusiasm. Polyamory is incredibly difficult especially if you have children so create your our novelty. Refuse to be boring and your marriage will remain fun, meaningful and exciting. After 47 years of marriage, this is still happening. I can’t imagine risking STDs for a momentary pleasure.
Men are NOT wired to be monogamous
Marriage and monogamy isn't the same thing. Marriage can non monogamous. You can be not married and be monogamous.
@@chrismaxwell1624 marriage requires monogamy, it's a covenant. To not be monogamous in a marriage is called adultery and that means the covenant has been broken.
It may not be a popular opinion, but marriage really is just a piece of paper 🤷🏻♂️
@@erynmacdonald marriage is covenant and right given by God, not the state or a piece of paper.
My success in the bedroom has been a complete failure, turned my energy towards studying then into building a successful businesses so my partner and I took separate paths in life without sex. Now Listening this has been something we need to talk about, so thanks for this video.
After escaping an absolutely horrific relationship almost four years ago, I am now extremely happy having never had or wanted a relationship or sex since. I finally feel free and powerful because I know no one can ever touch me again or try to become part of my life again
💛🌸🌼💐🌺🪷🌻🧡
I hope you can heal…and find true love ❤️
@@evka24she feels free and is happy. What part was hard to understand?
I hope you like cats
@@evka24true love with herself. Thats powerful.
I like how honest she is about couples with Children. She doesn't sugar coat it.
Yes! Trying to stay in the mindset when little ones keep knocking on the door saying mom, mom, mom - I want a glass of milk, I need to go poop, etc...🤦♀️😅
Our babies, we had 5, shared the bed with us till they were toddlers so collic and teething aside the babies food on the boob, helped my wife through sleeplessness .
@@haveabanana2930that’s why I rarely try to have sex while my children are awake. Waiting until they were in bed or really focused on something usually gave us enough time to be uninterrupted and have a great session each time 😅
Honestly, there is nothing worse than doing the thing -about to experience the O and all of sudden hearing, “mommmmmmmy.” 😭
I love my bedroom time but my husband doesn’t understand WHY I can’t power through that.
We all deal with this in our own way. Nobody can say what's best for any couple
Fascinating! The bit about communicating with your partner really hit home for me. 28 year happy, satisfying marriage and I still find it difficult sometimes to discuss. Thanks for the conversation starters.
that's weird
after 28 years people should already read own minds lol
I also have 28 years married and I have a hard time communicating.
times passes flying, my dear. @@szymonbaranowski8184
@szymonbaranowski8184
20 years in and you'd definitely be surprised. Some couples could walk around not communicating open and honestly for decades. Especially if both partners are uncomfortable having difficult conversations and therefore avoid them altogether. Amazing, Right!
I think she's right. Talking about sex is so difficult! It takes practice. Advocating for what I want has been one of the biggest challenges of my life, idk why, because I can readily advocate for myself in pretty much any other environment.
The last 30mins of this made me cry.. someone who just became a mother and is going through this
🌹🌹🌹
I have been in a relationship with my partner for ten years and together we have 3 little kids. I really appreciate this interview especially the focus on long term partners with kids. I like that Steven always makes questions to try to make this podcast as inclusive as possible for all of us.❤
Remember, if you are not fking your wives, or long term gf, someone like me is.... and we are persistently attempting to do so.
How do I know the woman likes sex with me?? well if they come back again no matter how much they complain it means they want it more, again. All this other long analysis and asking about positions etc this lady is talking about is crap. You yourself should not want the same positions every time!!
Oh but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄
@@thespiritualninja7339
""Oh, but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄""
It is not unrealistic, but it is unnatural, forced, against evolution in all its aspects, improbable long term; I'd say specially for men.
Women gain a lot for short term monogamy, pregnancy, kids and all that time of vulnerability; but they also benefit less in lifetime monogamy. Women, I would think, benefit from long term allegiances, but then men do too."
@@ggrthemostgodless8713they benefit, when system doesn't milk men to support them
It’s such bologna what she has said. The worst therapist I ever heard from. My kids are grown. And we were & are active as much as we could. If there was spare time, we found it. We rarely went a day without it. Communication is key. Just have fun. Don’t take it so serious. Kids is just an excuse people use. It’s not true. Spending that time with our spouse is so important.
Steven, your sense of humor, your questions, and your attitude are all so brilliant. Thank you for providing us with invaluable information.
I really loved this episode. I love Dr. Gurney’s open-mindedness about everything, I love how she approached these subjects and she was extremely real. She doesn’t care if people disagree with her truth, even if it triggers people, and I loved that the most about her. Very insightful and helpful. Thank you 🙏
The ability of your channel to tackle difficult and important topics, such as sex and divorce, is amazing!
Love how open Steven was in this interview. Sex is such a taboo topic for people so I really commend him for sharing his own experiences, which I think really added to the discussion. Dr Gurney was brilliant too. Everyone should listen to this conversation. Thanks, both!
I think this interview is being done extremely well.
I strongly disagree with the good doctor. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I had a small problem with sexual performance during mid-perimenopause, so we dove straight into trying to find how to improve this, which led us to Tantra. Our intimate times now last 2.5 to 3.5 hours. It's lots of holding hands or intertwining our bodies and breathing together. We breath, connect our energies, then go from there. We are scheduling intimacy or "sexy time" as we call it. WE call it a date. We have a ritual around it, which is getting our room ready, with special lighting, candles, our favorite body safe oil (avocado oil), a waterproof sheet (mostly not to get oil on our good sheets), special silky pillows and so on. We actually look forward to it. There is no pressure, but it nearly always ends in it. But not before we love each other in every other way but sexual. We realized that waiting for "spontaneous" sex did not serve us. It's been mind-blowing, it's allowed us to grow intimately like never before, and we don't get distracted, because we give ourselves time to relax into each other, we use Tantric breathing and mild meditation/awareness, then it gets more intense, and we have learned so much about ourselves. We've been doing it for 3 years. I don't see us changing it, unless we can improve upon it.
Wow nicely done. Cheers
by the time i prepare all that i already don't feel like it. but good for you both that can switch off all the electronics and be with each other.
Yes! I absolutely love this. It's something that every couple should try.
That’s great for the both of you.
I would probably never want to have sex if it was that involved. 😂
It works for some and not for others. Tantra not for a lot of people
Best part about celibacy is not having to obsessed with sex. Having an intimate connection to another being should be mutual and natural and not forced.
Yes. Abstinence has improved my quality of life immensely.
This is so sad. I feel bad that you’ve never had a good relationship.
@@Cwgrlup When you define a good relationship as only one that involves sex, it begs the question if you ever had a good one or know what one really is.
@@missymiss2357 so true given these days people even say if she / he doesn't give you sex kick them out. It's a want at the end of the day. Sex is everywhere. Accessibility to food on the other hand especially when a person can die without it is not given that much importance as much as sex. Celibacy is a good form of detachment where you appreciate the person for who they are
There's definitely a super power that develops with celibacy. It's a path people have to be curious about and discover for themselves.
Our society which is sex centered, since that's what runs economies, is working hard to make everything about it.
If you want to live a good, authentic life, look at what society heavily advertises and do the complete opposite.
This episode might have just changed my entire perception on sex, particularly my own sex life. Breaking so many misconceptions that main stream media has been feeding with a clinical unbiased discussion is not only educational but also healing. Every couple should add this to their to-do-together list.
I absolutely love how confident, convicted and well-spoken she is. One of my favorite episodes to date. I’d definitely go to get sessions with her ❤
I was just thinking the same thing!
Don't like her, can't relate at all.
Me understanding women’s hormones thru Dr Mindy has really helped me understand why they have far less desire than us and has made my life infinitely easier. I thought it was me now I have overwhelming desire to please my wife fully thru all her hormonal shifts in a month. Footrubs to conversation to avoiding conflict and know when they get a boost of testosterone to know when they are most likely be thinking of sex. It is not a given but certainly helps especially as time goes on!
Wow, good for you for actually wanting to learn more about all that! Lucky wife to have such a caring husband! 👏
@@haveabanana2930 I hope more men do this theres no reason not to try harder for any of us!
So many lies spread! Women love sex as much as men and this believe has left women unsatisfied in their relationship s. I wish they will stop creating this destructive assumptions about genders. Women do want penetration physically and psychological. Just because her orgasm comes first and does not require penetration doesn't mean women do not crave penetration right after! One Women cannot speak for all of us! I wish older women will stop talking as if all women are the same or have same libido or even same taste! The amount of sex is going down in society because of technology that is destroying our social lives!
Thank you for being an example of validating what women's lives are actually like.
And you believe everything on social media says. You do know all bodies are different. I mean you are I assume an adult. If you as an adult need to take tips from some stranger. You've got bigger problems
Dr Gurney has such a calming voice, I really enjoyed listening to her. Great episode and very informative
As a woman high a hogh sex drive I often feel not represented at all. Mostly had partners with lower sex drives and always tried to make an effort bri ging them to the mood and i think thats just fair. What i dont think is fair is that effort is almost never valued or appreciated and it is a fricking huge effort.
I really hope her old supervisor sees this video, too. Such a smart, articulate, and talented lady who is completely across her field - a genuine expert. Will definitely be buying her book.
Me too. Just got the book. =D
I was married 20 years...never talked about sex...are issues surrounding it. My husband cheated and I found out he was very capable of having sex and a lot of it.
We divorced. I have had the best conversations with my partners since. It is always discussed.
I refuse to settle for a sexless relationship anymore!!!
I had this, too! We were married for 12 years. He rarely touched me. We never talked about it. There was no intimacy or any effort. It was a sexless marriage. He left me for his mistress. Best thing that ever happened to me. I grew tremendously. My new husband and I talk about sex and we have a lot of it. Turns out, I had the wrong husband the first time.
Same. I had all the sex drive...turned out he is gay.
Your marriage fell apart and it was ALL your husband's fault. It was his fault that s-e-x was never discussed. It was his fault that since he couldn't get what he wanted at home, he went out and found what he wanted, elsewhere. And you are the Queen of Sheba. Right?
@@JackMason-oq8lf Where in her comment did she put the blame on her ex-husband? I get that she failed to take partial responsibility, but it's not like she puts all the blame with her ex-husband.
@@keeleyhank6812 Did you initiate, or did you wait for him to initiate all the time, men want to be wanted as well.
We’re not surprised at 5 million. Your channel is top notch and many of the discussions are life affirming and changing. Informative. At the very least entertaining. You are a fantastic host. Honest and asking the questions we want answered and then sitting back to allow the guest to respond and expand.
Sexual currency; a way of being in a relationship. This women is a great speaker.
This Doctor is spot on. What an intuitive researcher and dynamic psychologist! I just downloaded the free worksheet! Thanks for always having the most dynamic guests!!!
In my experience people who live a polyamourous lifestyle, there is always someone who feels horribly jealous or exploited. I don't like seeing people sad and drained.
Because sex is just not physical act. We r instinctually design to search for intimacy after sex. Majority of this type relationships failed miserably
N the people who claim their relationship working are nothing but pair of narcissist n low self-esteem partner, period. It's not even about jealousy, it's the feeling of immense disguise n instability
Yep. They tend to be in a cycle of jealousy and revenge with their primary partner. Not a great way to live if you ask me but some people love drama.
@@LetsGoforDabashexactly!
@rahelkamber4839 I don’t think not works either. Just sanctioned cheating. Eventually intimacy will develop with SOMEONE and the other person will be hurt
@@marie-francoiset9402 This happened to a guy I knew. He is the one who asked his g/f to get into a poly situation and once she got a taste, the tables turned. He wanted out and she was like no no, I like this and he was HAMMERED, he even left Canada as a whole. I haven't spoken to him in ages and the crazy thing is, had he just asked me i would've talked him out of it, his girl was OMG in every way. Hot, kind, sweet, just wholesome, just why??
Bravo Steven, your saying it would be a dagger in your heart if your partner introduces the idea of an open relationship, has got you a new subscriber. ❤
An “open” relationship = someone who’s not that interested in you and is more interested in themselves.
He got a subscriber for that lol. What a low bar.
@Cwgrlup an open relationship ship is an oxymoron. And anybody who accepts it is a regular moron.
@@Cwgrlup and what's wrong with that?
@@lovelynramirez stable and secure people don’t want a selfish partner. Be single if you want to sleep with a bunch of people. An open relationship turns your partnership or marriage into a friends/roommates with benefits type situation. Making a mockery of true commitment where each partner submits to the other and becomes one. No room for selfishness in a healthy relationship.
There is a lot of pain with having multiple partners especially when you love someone. Even cheaters are devastated when they get cheated on.
Stick with one person then!! There is so much research that it is the best for both men and women!
well said, bravo. Sadly, many do not understand. Including this "expert".
@@KaraLey98 you think so? good luck to you then. Leave us an update, about how your life went, in 15-20 years.
@@AnnaWoGThere's no shortage od research out there that showcases the negative effects of having too many partners. Both for women and men. Also no idea why you'd feel sorry for a cheater who gets cheated on. They are all part of the problem. Just don't cheat, that's not too hard for anyone with half a brain.
@@AnnaWoG"opening" my first marriage was the most soul destroying, humiliating and degrading thing I have ever done in my life.
Trying to believe that your wife is truly happy in your intimate relationship while she is off with someone else is lying to yourself.
I am so disgusted with that past in my life.
Thank you for this. We just do not talk about healthy sex as a society.
The healthiest normal sex is masturbation 😂😂😂 guaranteed satisfaction and zero STD risk…AND no stress 🤷🏽♂️
@@mistyhola3485I do not think after watching just the trailer that I would want to watch this but based on how she speaks and the sweeping genralisations she is making and it is nothing to do with the subject matter. I just do not like her way of speaking in the bits they put out as a trailer I may watch ten mins and decide if it,is worth my time to watch this. I discuss sex with my friends quite normal for us chat about this topic, weather, kids, sex it is just a topic we do not find taboo do not think we are unusual. I am sixty my friends are up to twenty years younger and we alwayss openly discuss womens issues including how our sex life is going things we heard or read or watched on the subject. Maybe in some religious or cultural backgrounds it is taboo but not for all.
So true!!
@@CraigsOverijseI wasn't too sure initially, but she does give some really interesting aspects, points of view, if you can persevere through it all.
I actually find the hair style very off-putting, but remind myself that's really none of my business.
@@bianchaesson1441- I smiled to myself because they often referred to haircuts - couldn’t help noting that they actually both had the same cut. Not overly becoming yet each to their own 😊
Her closing words on her supervisor was the most insightful message! Because alot of us are told things throughout our lifetime and some words stain our beliefs of ourselves forming a limit on who we can be and the potential we hold! Her difiance and will to pull through shows that your life can be rewritten! Just like sex, illness, habits, etc you can recover! Her message has left me feeling rejuvenated and canny! Love it! Thanks to both speakers!
Her supervisor was right, she should not be a psychologist, she should not be giving advice to others, she should work on herself first.
Her advice will cause more harm than good, very narrow view points shaped to fit her reality and cherry picked from the literature.
The fact she doesn't mention the word LOVE or HEART once tells you all you need to know.
I hope DR Karen takes time to heal from her very obvious childhood sexual trauma before advising others on the topic.
I love how open you are Steven. You are so relatable ,ask the best questions, best topics, with the best guests! CHEERS to 5M subscribers! P.s. when you have little Timmy, you and ur partner will have to settle down and stay in one place together! Life just looks different for the best!!
Love this guest. She is right on. I agree with everything she says. As a 64 year-old woman who has been through just about everything sexually, her down to earth, practical advice resonates. My husband and I recreated our sex life when I turned 60 and it is better than ever! Yes, you read that write. It is possible. We talk about sex. It wasn't always that way though. I was the one who got us going on talking about sex and he was very resistant to it at first but I kept at it and now, well, we are in a much better place with renewed interest in sex in our golden years.
OMG
I’m so genuinely happy for you and your husband. Keep on making the world a better place 👏🏻👏🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
She might have had dopamine deficiency (often linked to ADD).
Thank you sincerely from an older couple for being so generously open about your private experiences that make us feel we are not the only ones …
There is so much that can and does go wrong with open relationships.... It's not thinking outside the box.... its nothing new. I think it is more about commitment and effort. Both are needed.
Isn't that the case for any type of relationship? It can't go anywhere when the people involved are not commited or don't put any effort into it. If you have both an open relationship shouldn't be a problem.
@@DelzDerMeisteras you stated, it's already hard enough. Add more feelings, thoughts, etc, into the mix and it just becomes more complicated. There's usually a lack of communication and expectations that comes from including even more people into a relationship
It’s about individual preference lol. Being open is actually more work.
Why bother with a relationship at all if you want it open? That’s just called “dating”, “playing the field” lol etc.
@@Soapgirl64 not everyone who is poly actively dates. I want to love more than one person. If I’m only with one person & I feel a spark with someone else, or my partner does, I value and welcome the freedom of exploration.
I love the idea of scheduling intimacy. So, I tried it. We ended up talking about the hard stuff first, how to pay our taxes. Then we snuggled on the bed and watched TV. There was no pressure to do anything. We eventually went out to eat and decided to have sex in the morning. It all worked out very well. Our communication was easier and our connection was more playful. Thank you Steven for going deeper with your guest.
Planning sex?So predictable and controlling.
Yet another fabulous foray into the human mind and human behavior, Steven. And thank you to Dr. Gurney for speaking so openly about sex and offering your twenty years' worth of research and clinical practice. (As an American, I could listen to her British accent forever!). Just a great discussion overall. Many thanks again.
I'm a long-time listener, but I don't usually comment. Adored this interview! Thank you, Dr Gurney and Steve! I learned so much.
This is awesome because she mentioned how it's a great idea to bring this episode up to your partner with intention of opening up that topic of conversation. Before I even heard her say this, I had already sent my partner the link to this video and I said this,
"Hey, i just started watching this video and I've only watched the intro so far but I think there will be a lot of good information in it for the both of us."
And there definitely was a lot of good information and had helped me realize some of the feelings and emotions and pressure we put on each other that can kill our desire. Not that we have much trouble with desire 😉
Aww
While the expert focuses primarily on the behaviors to help create opportunities for intimacy. There is a physical piece missing. Hormone levels, overall physical health, and ongoing medical treatments have a huge impact on desire.
Low hormone levels from aging while taking an antidepressant could decrease desire. Its not all about just behavior. There is a chemistry component behind intimacy.
So true, I would also add past history of child sex abuse that has damaged the woman’s core personality and has not been dealt with yet . 3:46
My husband and I stopped having sex years ago due to medical issues. To be honest the pressure was finally off. I could relax and enjoy myself. We love being married, we love our time together, we kiss a lot, snuggle in his bed or mine. We enjoy each other's company. You also have to communicate to each other. We had great sex when we met in our early 50's and we are in our late 60's now. Luckily we really like each other which helps.
Steven Barlett, thank you for once again opening a "Pandora Box Topic" that is often overlooked. I enjoy your humble questions and insightful review with each video. You are a keeper for us all and future generations to come. Intelligent young man for sure!! Wishing you continued success!
What a fascinating interview!!!!! And YOU ARE CUT OUT FOR THIS Dr. Gurney. I hope your supervisor is listening too 🙌😊
When a spouse or significant other, suddenly (and enthusiastically) starts promoting the idea of "opening the relationship", chances are that he/she is already in an affair and wants to legitimize it by getting their unsuspecting spouse's approval. Ironically, many of those unsuspecting spouses end up becoming emotionally detached from their open relationship loving spouses and become emotionally connected to their "friend" and eventually end up leaving their spouses and significant others. The success rate for open relationships is dubious at best.
The first part of this is not true. I’ve known a lot of people that have opened marriage and cheating was not going on. If someone is already cheating, there’s no need for them to have the hard conversations or to put in the work that is required in an open relationship.
@emilyw9818 It's absolutely true, most of those people already have someone in mind.
This is so true. In most cases I’ve known a suggestion of open relationship means there’s affair already happening or about to happen
Loved this so much. The world needs more voices like Karen Gurneys. I bought the book straight away
So did it!
I love the comments from people who CLEARLY HAVEN"T WATCHED THE VIDEO because it's just been released. Amazing.
You are too good😂
That's me!!!😂
This channel is a magnet to incels lol
Yes The comments are more about how clever the subjects abilities.Sex is the subject,pay attention to the subject.
@@Vivi_9 does that make you an incel?
I understand trying to be inclusive but as a female who has struggled through various female struggles like periods etc it hurts me to be referred to as a person who menstruates. I am a woman and I have worked so hard to accept being one.
When I hear the statistics of “men and women” I am confused about who is included as being a woman and I wonder how we will be able to have conclusive scientific research, if the words we use to describe bodies become inclusive to a point where they become meaningless.
I don’t feel included in inclusive language. 😢
THANK YOU!!!
You are a women
A beautiful creation of God that has so many beautiful qualities physically , spiritually and emotionally and more. God made you in one of the most beautiful likenesses he created, the things we can do as women make us so very beautiful and unique.
WE ARE how God saw us as beautiful.
( Men too are wonderful in again, their own unique ways !)
We are a beauty in his creation ❤️
Show me on the doll where being called a "person" instead of "woman" hurt you
I even get angry when somebody of the grand cult calls me cis. I am a woman and that's it. I think it is an especially pernicious form of patriarchy that guys, playing around with womanhood now want to define what a woman is and what she is not.
You’re a woman! 🙌
Steve, I love that you are very matter-of-fact (as it should be) when saying: "I couldn't get an erection"... my partner is super comfortable stating it too, and it is so important, it is like sometimes we use lubricant, and sometimes we don't need, my body takes care of it, and it is never a big deal. Keep normalising it!
You're message should be aimed at women. They're the ones shaming guys for it
@@rickymort135 I'm sorry if you have truly experienced this but I'd like to think people in relationships wouldn't do this and perhaps it also comes from lack of knowledge. If men pretend like it never happens, how are women meant to know otherwise? Just like she said in the interview, women have to not take it personally but to do that it also takes men being honest about it and the reasons 🤷
@@rickymort135how can you take such a positive non harmful comment and make such a negative from it?
Sounds like a you/ environment issue, many women have been great with me when I have struggled in the past with flop and communicated about it
@barryscott3260 No body shaming is normalized now except if it is being done to women
Poor bloke, hes either insecure or not 100% into his gf. My o/h of 13 years has never ever struggled to get it up, I feel for women and men who settle for substandard sex.
Care about each other throughout the day, foreplay is how we treat each other during the day not only 1/2 hr or 5 minutes before the sexual activity
Why do I always feel like I'm sitting in on one of Stevens private counselling session. 🤣 His questions always make me feel he's asking for advice for himself.
We're all the same😅
He is😂 this is his diary
@@Grace-ms7un - True 😂🤣
@@Grace-ms7unlol good point
That's what makes him relatable.
Really good interview, some very good points were made. For example how expectation kills desire. What I missed a bit was a focus on love, intimacy, and attachments and how our feelings about ourselves impact on our relationships. These are areas that need to be considered seriously when thinking about open relationships, because this can get super complicated and painful if this is not carefully explored.
Thank you for this excellent podcast: wow, Dr. Gurney is such a great guest. And you are a gracious host with a tasteful and inviting set. Something not so common, perhaps, is that your guests speak freely-without interruption. Bravo!
Congratulations on 5 million subscribers! Been watching for around a year now and absolutely love how quickly I noticed an increase in happiness & better health
This interview gave women a bit of relief. Thanks. And also depicted men as more sensitive, which is also good to hear.
The 8 million dollar question is why do people feel ashamed or act taboo about something we were literally created and put on this planet for?
⛪️
It's been hijacked,corrupted and commercialised by powers that be. Whether its government, religion, business they all have in one or another managed to create or project thoughts or fears into peoples minds for control and manipulation as they benefit or profit from it. For example look at hip hop music at one point the gangster tough image was promoted and the male stars used to project machismo and testosterone fueled lyrics and image then the powers that be switched the narrative and started to promote male rappers with a feminine image of men so the hip hop artists began to paint their nails and carry handbgs and wear dresses and some wigs and music is a powerful media of influence so wht kind of sex do u think is happening between boys and girls who are listen and are influenced to this type of music? And thats just one small example.
Because it's meant to be a sacred act of life creation and we devalue it by being overt about it. In a similar vein but for different reasons people find thinking or talking about death as taboo
Because making it taboo made people run to the church for the licence to be allowed to do it.
@@vt6653 So you mean Sacred like in a spiritual sense? Makes alot of MF sense to me. 😊
I can't believe she said what I have been thinking! When a guy treats his wife like his mother, she can't just flip a switch back to 'lover'. Guys have to pick - lover or a mother. For men, I think sex can be an release/escape from the heaviness of real life or the difficulties in the relationship, but I think for women it is more of an expression of how she feels in life and towards that person. So if the 'buck stops with her' for most/all of the responsibilities, then 1) she will find it hard to feel free to have sex as her mind will be taken up with all the responsibilities and can be genuinely past exhaustion and 2) she will feel incredibly used because it isn't an expression of how she feels about that person, it will feel like a lie and pretending that everything is okay when it's not, which is almost repulsive, because it feels like further disrespecting of herself. This is how I think of it when the relationship is established, women have sex as an expression of love (and will avoid sex if they don't feel emotionally safe) and men have sex to try connect/rekindle love (but will particularly seek sex if they feel emotionally unregulated).
Such a great open genuine conversation ,wow!
We don't hear stuff like this anywhere.
Thank you so much for this podcast.
Whatever you think about this episode, the promo edit was top notch 👌
@@7ShadowMaiden7 Making generalised statements purporting to be representative of women which I strongly disagree with. Not only that but it is also one more kick in the pants for men. Insinuating they are not even any use at the most basic biological imperative. You don’t need anyone for an orgasm, theres more to sex than orgasm. It is a poor substitute for the whole shared experience between loving partners. Just cheapening the whole thing like comparing a bowl of candy to a full course meal. They both stop hunger but only one is nourishing. Just so many things…
im telling ya. our boy is hella profesh
The podcast is nearing the end and my husband sits down next to me, glances at the screen and says, “they have the same haircut”! I nearly peed (or weed as Steven would say) my pants. 😂
🤭
😂 totally
😂😂😂
If we’re only talking about the fade. Yours is much closer I think. In this photo anyway.
@@carasomebody6477LOL
Thank you for making this show and talking about themes as this. I have been raised to think that my sexuallity and my desires are something to be ashamed of. i have been struggeling with this for a long time and i still am. Making things as this a topic really encourages me to feel that i am a normal person.
Been celibate for 3 years and taking notes😅 This was so good and put words and logic to feelings I've had for a while (when I was in a relationship). Thank you
I have too. At this point, not even sure what I like anymore lol. Sex therapy it is
@ljh2460 Damn! Your next session is gonna be explosive 😁👌🏾
Going to have been celibate for 27 years tomorrow and it doesn't look like that'll ever change.
How for that long Amber? @@Amber57499
@@Amber57499why is that? I’m abstinent from sex for long periods because my bf is always away for work (months at a time), but we love sex. I refrain from self penetration because I feel very loyal to his anatomy for whatever banana sandwich reason. However, I was abstinent for 5 years before we met just because I felt no man could please me anymore. I was very bored and disappointed despite wanting it. So, if you wish to share, why have you gone so long without it? No pressure. Be well 🙏🏻
What a brilliant episode. Dr Gurney is so knowledgeable and articulate. Amazing.
Steven, this was absolutely fabulous. Really eye opening and I can't wait to share with my husband. Karen is such a breath of fresh air: so articulate and insightful on such a sensitive topic for many.
And congratulations on 5 million subscribers! That's amazing ⭐️
She is doing what lesbians love to do : turn straight women to lesbians, they love to do it like average women love to exerce attention towards high value men. I don't even blame her, any society that gave power to women collapsed like Rome. Maybe I'm wrong and history will not repeat because of the influence of big data companies and IA.
My pet sleeps with us and knows perfectly well when sex is iniciated and it's funny because since she was a puppy and got home she decided to respectfully leave the room without never being asked to do so, and when she realizes we're finished she comes back.
The first time it happened we didn't realize the moment when she left the room because we were focused on having sex. She doesn't bother us at all. She's great.😂
Congrats on 5 million subscribers 🎉❤
Thank YOU for being a part! Team DOAC ❤️
Can we have healthy sex?
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Can we make healthy coitus?
That's outstanding 🎉
Brilliant interview! Karen's voice and pace is so easy to listen to, she makes, what is a challenging topic for many, non-confrontational and inviting.
This is a very good informative interview, the Doctor really knows her stuff and Stephen ask good questions. The cadence and clarity of Doctor Gurney's voice give the viewer(me) a very clear understanding of the subject.
I agree, Stephen was great in this, he was interested and had interesting insights and as you mentioned asked great questions, added a lot to an already fascinating guest and topic!
Q
@@nachocheesenjalos see you R and raise you S 🙄🙄😂🤣
I appreciate her candid , yet unembarrassed way of talking about sex and all aspects of sex, ex. Using proper names of body parts.
We were never allowed to talk about sex etc in our family. 3:35
Love the host. He does a great job listening and balance with questioning and commenting. ❤
Sex has so many negative connotations. Many heterosexual men think sex is something you do to women rather than share enjoyment.
it's almost like these hetereo men have this thing called testosterone and were put on this earth to procreate. Someone's missed the point of our whole species, let alone HOW they work.
Thats the west and even your comment is also part of it, this weird hatred for men and this weird power struggle you women want and are after.
all men are heterosexual lol
What about Bum Love ?
@@Rugmunchersauce3 gay tops can certainly hold the same connotation to their perception of sex, and for some bottoms/receivers/subs, it can be enjoyable to feel a sense of being dominated. However, there's a physiological difference between male receivers and female receivers: males have the prostate and hard penetration is more enjoyable. For females, most penises miss the g-spot and head straight into the cervix. As a female, I'd rather get rammed in the back door than into my cervix, and it's more enjoyable being dominated for me.
Arousal is complex, and some female receivers prefer a different approach, one where the mutual understanding is pleasure would be achieved through equal power and stimulation. Not through domination and unequal power.
“Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power.”
- Oscar Wilde
Wilde was wrong. Sex is about a programed and powerful (not power) urge for release. Without it there would be no humans.
so everything is about power. got it.
In war. Sex is a violent weapon against the enemy to humiliate the opposing forces.@@TimeDagar
Sounds good but it's BS. Like so many "great" quotes. Think for yourself and avoid aping what someone else said.
Sex is about power if there is no love
What a great video! She has a very comforting voice, keeps it scientific but always from the perspective of human experience. The interviewer asks great, natural questions, is a great listener and
dares to open up about own experiences or insecurities. Most importantly, you both are keeping politics out of the subject, which makes it great for everyone. Thank you so much for making this episode, one of the best i've seen in a long time.
This podcast was amazing! Perfect questions were asked and Karen Gurner is a perfect elaborator. I got my newlywed husband to listen to this two days ago, and it has already greatly changed our 15 year relationship (high school sweethearts). Thank you both for the work that you do. And thank you Karen Gurner for commitment to helping so many with a subject that is so taboo. Much love 💜!
The book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski speaks about the same. The book is for both men and women. The book talks about “non concordance” all throughout the book.
I have been married 12 years and know my wife 15 years. Men have to learn that women bodies are very different than men. Women body are all very sensitive while men is mostly the penis. I am always whispering things to my wife always touching her we have been having sex 2 times a week for over a decade. She always thinking about our kids and random things and i always calm her down so she can enjoy sex. Enjoy it sex is so beautiful you need to enmjoy it. I am very attracted to my wife i actually had a type since i was like 7 or 8 and when i found my wife it ticked all boxes. I am set lol
if there are no issues in the relationship, how come 2 times a week is all you do ?
@@hattie8774why do you think twice a week indicates an issue? Honestly, I’m flabbergasted to this reaction to his comment.
@@carasomebody6477 not necessarily indicating an issue but if he’s as in love with his wife as he sounds, only wanting to do it twice a week seems like not a lot, unless of course his wife feels differently and 2 times a week is more than enough for her
@hattie8774 no, is okay lol I work 70 hours a week she works 40 hours a week we have 2 kids 5 and 6 years old they are also in a lot of activities and we have to take care of them without the help of family because we live in new york so even old people (grandparents)have to work here since is very expensive otherwise we would have 10 kids we love sex and kids lol the older the kids get the better the sex gets like she said. They are now both at school we can go have breakfast without getting yelled at or have sex without freaking out. But 2 times a week is what we can accommodate at the moment lol
@@uniqu3xperience965 lol life. Life is the reason.
Thank you. I really want to emphasize how important your inclination to explore confusing topics with experts is refreshing and enriching for everyone.
Please and Thank you ❤
ahh the ole "refreshing and enriching" just like freshly squeezed Orange Juice huh.. lol You are Funny
Thank you for sharing this video. A lot of us are afraid of asking, talking about these topics. This was very educational🙏🏼…much appreciated.
psychological safety and self-worth are that which great communication extends out of.
im surprised so many couples feel so unsafe to have vulnerable/honest conversations
That tells you a lot about the state of relationship and marriage - it's no picnic for a lot of people. My stance has always been, if you're not happy in it, what's the point? I'm always amazed at how many people stay in bad relationships.
Most of the time people have sex when they are drunk! These studies dont encorparte other varibles. Weak men that can hold a plank for longer then 20s will never help women get along.
I could listen to Dr. Gurney talk for eternity. Her voice is like salve to the ears.
I agree and how she communications her point is not only educational but understandable. The point about vagina/penis sex hit home for me.
This conversation is amazing, I already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. So many great ideas, great tips. Seriously, thank you so much.
I talk with my lady friends often over the decades about sex, but don't know any woman who preferrs "non-penetrative sex"!! That is what we are wired for. The exception is medical issues that cause issues with libdo, pain and/or issues related to abuse. (or an inability to communicate in the bedroom)
So happy when women understand this!
Men and women are meant to orgasm together to procreate, so how's that the least preferred?
Clitoral stimulation is much more of a thing for me,
As a woman, I disagree with many of the claims she is making. I’m sure she is knowledge from a scientific perspective but people like different things and she shouldn’t generalize the entire gender of women as liking or disliking something.
Looking at how she presents herself and general vibe, there may be contributing factors there which no one seems to address here, for political correctness concerns.
that's how modern science works
these are always averaged that say nothing about particular people
She is 90 accurate
Your probably an exception
I agree. I love penetrative sex. My husband of 21 years is the only man who can give me a penetrative orgasm without any clitoral stimulation. My A spot and cervix are my best sex. Not only that but Naomi Wolf's book: Vagina showed that women's neural wiring is of her pelvis is like a fingerprint; its unique to each woman. Men have a pretty basic neural wiring arrangement. But it's complex for women. Some have more nerves in their clit. Some have more nerves in their vestibular bulbs. I think most women believe that clit orgasms are the best, but mostly because most have been miseducated about their own bodies. Women have 8 pleasure spots and most men and women can't name more than 3 or 4.
Perhaps your subconscious bias is shielding you from understanding you're an outlier.
I had a little giggle when she said about bad haircuts 😂
Mine was a loud laugh.
it's so distracting.. hahaha
😂😂
I’m laughing and I have not even got to that part 😂
Her hair is super cute…
Found the last bit very weird. How is trying out open relationships going to help anything?
Spice for those that can handle it. It's the push right now. Polygamy. Scenarios around that.
It would work for me. As in it would result in a breakup and the relationship would be over.
Honestly, even if she suggested it, I'd be done with her. Tells me more than enough about her feelings for me...
Thats what I was thinking. @@ulverop
Wow, I didn't watch yet just got a strange vibe so I went to the comments. If she believes in open relationships then she really doesn't have a clue about healthy relationships!!
@@channel1_channelPolygamy is something different.
This is one of the most insightful analysis around sexual dynamics I’ve ever watched. Thanks