That headline... I can`t even watch the interview now that I`ve seen her. She would prefer non penetrative of course, she seems to be in same sex relatioship.
My ex was literally addicted to her cell phone. Before and after sex, she loved to scroll, and scroll, and scroll on her phone all this random stuff. It was highly distracting to our relationship, and I will never have a relationship with anyone addicted to their cell phone again. If I could push a big red button and permanently destroy all social media, I would not hesitate to push that button. We don't need it to survive, and it causes more harm than good.
@letsaffirm9454I’ve often heard people complaining about people’s phone use, and seeing them from the outside I often see they actually have the exact same behavior, she might have been scrolling because he checked his phone quickly first after sex and the cycle continues
I love the comment in regards to low pressure...that "sex should be trivial and often, not rare and crucial". For me this emphasizes the importance of "in the moment sexuality" with a sense of playfulness and lack of heavy expectation of the ultimate act itself...those small little loving and sexy gestures are a great lead up to when it does happen.
For that to work, it has to be ok for her to say no frequently. The moment she gives "duty" sex, the playfulness and lack of heavy expectation is ruined.
@@mikochild2I see what you mean, but i kind of find it bad that rejecting the other party frequently. I mean at one point it hurts getting rejected over and over again. I mean yes, if you don‘t want to be intimate it is totally understandable to reject the partner, I also would not want to be intimate with someone who doesnt want to be. Still, at some point I wouldn‘t want to initiate anymore if i were to be continually rejected. What is your opinion on that?
This has changed my sex life. My husband and I listened to to this twice. We are in our 50’s. And our sex life is better than it’s EVER BEEN. Thank you for having this brilliant guest on. You are the best, Stephen!!
Our best sex was after 50, till my partner began to have prostate problems at 65 and the meds totally shut him down and then he was so disappointed in himself that he needed anti-depressants and that finished any chance of sex off. There had to be a better way but all the dr knew was meds. 😢
@@KB-ih5gf did you actually really listen to the podcast? Genital to genital sex is not the ultimate goal!!! That is a false belief that many of us picked up, because men’s pleasure have often been the focal point. Do the meds affect ability to massage, to touch erogenous zones, and so much more? There is so, so much more to sexuality than a limited tunnel vision version…that’s the whole point of the podcast.
It's so refreshing to listen to an interview where both parties really let each other speak. So many interviewers constantly interrupt. Thank you for being so considerate and sensitive, Steven. Karen is a brilliant and engaging speaker, I really appreciate the expertise, fluidity and clarity with which she spoke. Thank you, both.
@@kalilavalezina For example, we all know women usually tend to be overcontroling in a marriage, small things that seems like an expression of love end up taking away all the power from her men, it´s close to treating him like a child. What happens when a woman sees her husband like a child? That´s right, she loses all her sexual desires for him. There needs to be some boundaries there to keep this from happening. Respect is very important, and this situation above, plus any other way that respect is taken away from the relationship results in the women losing love interest. This is all to preserve the masculinity and power balance for the men and thus keeping the fire alive. This is a very deep topic that she simply did not touch, and in my opinion the core issue.
I started thinking that I don't like sex - because every time I've had sex, and it's never been that great for me, and I decided that I'd rather spend time doing things that I enjoy more. Now I realize that I have always been distracted by a worry during sex. LITERALLY! I've had a lifetime of personal issues/traumas and I've been in survival mode for YEARS. Now, I'm 57 and I've been in therapy and doing hard work to process and learn new ways of coping with my baggage and emotions. One way for me to cope is learning self compassion - "I am good enough", "I have done enough", "I deserve good sex and I deserve love". One very difficult thing to overcome is my over-conscientiousness about my body image.
Goog for you❤. In your healing journey, please remember that you are love. You have survived this far but now you can let go. Find that place inside of you and let go of the past. The emotions you feel are jist memories. You can create new ones today. You are good enough,y are a creation of love and the universe will bring people to reflect what you have inside. Stay blessed❤😊
Very similar experience as yours, except I prayed to hate sex, because I love it, however, my partners were either abusive, addicts or I didn't feel connected. I spent years working on myself, my trauma and body image. Now, my new partner (nearly 2 years) and I had a deep emotional, spiritual and physical connection in and out of the bedroom. We take time out to work on ourselves and therefore make the relationship better. After 57 years (lol) I finally found the one.
One of the best things you can ever do for yourself is to take this advice to heart and do it... "Take every thought captive" and "Whatever is wholesome, whatever is lovely and good, this you should dwell on". This means that you need to examine absolutely every thought and feeling that goes thru your mind and decide if it should remain or not, becoz these things that just pop up in your mind throughout the day are actually not YOUR THOUGHTS, until you decide to let them stay! If you let them stay and you then dwell on them, they are now yours and the results and consequences of this are what you see in your own mental health. And many of these thoughts are not helpful to you at all - jealousy, envy, wrongful lust, anger, greed, revenge, fear, none of these are good for your mind and are actually destructive to your relationships, so for this reason you should treat your mind like a bad dog that thinks it can go outside and roll in the mud, then come inside your house and lie on your clean sheets, eat your hot meal and crap on your clean carpet... NO!!! That dog should get a hosedown before it even comes near the damn door and straight to the bathroom for a scouring coz all that dirt and mud is like jealousy, fear, anger and negativity splattered all over your walls and furniture, and living with that in your mind is horrible. But gratitude is like having the cleaning lady come in and make things sparkle, even if it's just being grateful for having breakfast this morning when there are billions on this planet did not... It is a fact that you can't be bitter when you are experiencing gratitude and gratitude will make you feel happier than allowing your mind to soak itself in fear, day after day... Think about it - it REALLY DOES WORK becoz it comes from the bible. And while you're there, why not check out its author as well coz he wouldn't put this in his book if he didn't want us all to be happy and healthy...
I like how he always asks for the sources of the interviewees claims and statements. His most used line is, "how do we know that". Many interviewers never challenge new information and it makes the whole thing less valuable.
Can we give two times thumbs up! Dr Karen Gurney's voice and pronunciation is so soothing and she speaks of wisdom that is needed literally all around the globe. Great episode.
I am sobbing. I have been so self focused because I have a higher sexual drive than my husband. And to hear he is worried makes me so sad. I want to be there for him instead of focused on what I want. Thank you so much for this. Life changing.
Women are typically very self centered. Not just about sex, about everything. Want a great marriage and explosive sex life? TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT JUST A UTILITY WHO'S PURPOSE IS TO SERVE AND CATER TO YOU.
I just want to say that this podcast makes me feel so f*** priviledged that I have access to these amazing human beings willing to share their knowledge for free. Steven man, you really read my mind with every single question that you ask your guests is like I'm asking them myself hahahha Blessed my parents the day they decided that I should learn English! Big love from Spain! 🧡
I think she's right. Talking about sex is so difficult! It takes practice. Advocating for what I want has been one of the biggest challenges of my life, idk why, because I can readily advocate for myself in pretty much any other environment.
It can feel extremely vulnerable to start talking about what you like and what you don’t like and what you wish they would do to you or you would like to do to them. However, what I’ve realized after 30+ years of having sex with my husband, is that it’s way less vulnerable to talk about it outside the bedroom than to actually have sex. Think about it, when you’re talking about it outside the bedroom, you have your clothes on, and it’s pretty much a no pressure situation. I would say the only uncomfortableness really comes if you don’t actually trust your partner. If you don’t emotionally feel safe with your partner/spouse then it can feel way too vulnerable. But if you know that they have your back, then there is good reason to have a fun and playful conversation about what you would both like. Advocating for yourself increases their desire for you and the outcome inside the bedroom are much better for both of you. It’s a win-win.
Life can end up way shorter than you would like. Please don't hesitate to discuss, ask questions, and make suggestions. You will reap the fruit of your participation. Most of all, make sure you incorporate laughter into your sex life. I'm 69.5 yrs old, and sex literally has gotten better every darn time. I hope it continues to get better until I just can't take it anymore.
We are not bought up to talk about s.x and what we like. But take the plunge, you never know what the outcome might be. If talking is the barrier then write it down, both of you write notes to each other, make it a little game once a week called pass the note over time.
Ding! People now want what they see in pornography. There's little account for connecting and caring for another. People worry about themselves a bit too much nowadays and of course this applies to this topic as well
@@snörre23 I, for one, disagree; there's a reason I keep calling sex "physical form of expressing feelings/love" even tho many ppl roll eyes at me. What I think you mistake intimacy with is, being vulnerable. Which I am with my current bf, we talk through what worries him (psychosomatic signs and possible autism, too sensitive and reactive nervous system on my side. Not tremors, but more like uncontrollable shaking). We also both come up with creative names for our body parts and ask during the sex or foreplay what each other wants to feel fully satissfied. He feared to fail at being dominant, while I fear for being too passive since I get overhelmed by stimuli... yet, we talk about how we feel about certain gestures, actions or what was spoken afterwards. What turns us on and what gives us worries given past experiences. I think this counts strongly as intimacy. But maybe me and my bf are in that >10% who do not get non-sexual thoughts during the sex and I'm among serious miniority when it comes to women and their sexual desires.
Yes! Trying to stay in the mindset when little ones keep knocking on the door saying mom, mom, mom - I want a glass of milk, I need to go poop, etc...🤦♀️😅
Our babies, we had 5, shared the bed with us till they were toddlers so collic and teething aside the babies food on the boob, helped my wife through sleeplessness .
@@haveabanana2930that’s why I rarely try to have sex while my children are awake. Waiting until they were in bed or really focused on something usually gave us enough time to be uninterrupted and have a great session each time 😅
Honestly, there is nothing worse than doing the thing -about to experience the O and all of sudden hearing, “mommmmmmmy.” 😭 I love my bedroom time but my husband doesn’t understand WHY I can’t power through that.
This episode might have just changed my entire perception on sex, particularly my own sex life. Breaking so many misconceptions that main stream media has been feeding with a clinical unbiased discussion is not only educational but also healing. Every couple should add this to their to-do-together list.
We’re not surprised at 5 million. Your channel is top notch and many of the discussions are life affirming and changing. Informative. At the very least entertaining. You are a fantastic host. Honest and asking the questions we want answered and then sitting back to allow the guest to respond and expand.
Fascinating! The bit about communicating with your partner really hit home for me. 28 year happy, satisfying marriage and I still find it difficult sometimes to discuss. Thanks for the conversation starters.
@szymonbaranowski8184 20 years in and you'd definitely be surprised. Some couples could walk around not communicating open and honestly for decades. Especially if both partners are uncomfortable having difficult conversations and therefore avoid them altogether. Amazing, Right!
@@skyeoliver7539But not surprising. Not everything has to be chewed and spat out on a regular basis. There are a lot of unspoken rules in life, so leave some things alone.
My success in the bedroom has been a complete failure, turned my energy towards studying then into building a successful businesses so my partner and I took separate paths in life without sex. Now Listening this has been something we need to talk about, so thanks for this video.
I love the idea of scheduling intimacy. So, I tried it. We ended up talking about the hard stuff first, how to pay our taxes. Then we snuggled on the bed and watched TV. There was no pressure to do anything. We eventually went out to eat and decided to have sex in the morning. It all worked out very well. Our communication was easier and our connection was more playful. Thank you Steven for going deeper with your guest.
i certainly dont think open relationships are something you can just jump into, it's not for everyone unless the pros and cons have been discussed...sociatal attitudes don't lend themselves to polyamory particularly for women.
This "expert" certainly has no idea of how repulsive this would be to even bring up in a conversation. That's the kind of falacy that destroys good relationships pushing someone to give in to temptations.
Love how open Steven was in this interview. Sex is such a taboo topic for people so I really commend him for sharing his own experiences, which I think really added to the discussion. Dr Gurney was brilliant too. Everyone should listen to this conversation. Thanks, both!
I wish I could agree with you but I feel a bit uncomfortable and nauseous. I hate the way we bang on about this subject instead of just banging! I’m serious, a small problem in the bedroom can become enormous with this sort of deep dive. Talk it out between you, it’s amazing what you can sort out whilst talking in bed in the dark.👍🏻❤️
And this is why you have so many subscribers….because of the people you are interviewing, the content they bring and as an interviewer you let them speak, you don’t interrupt but you are also real! I could see the cogs turning as she was hitting home for you 😂❤ I hope this hits home for all who watch this as to why you/we are not as happy as we’d like to be in this department.
So. It's not enough that we pay for internet. We watch videos, like it, sub and share, comment.. TH-cam plays you.. and you want us to pay you every month...? Serious?
Here's some shocking info: before the internet we had books. If you want extreme happiness in that department, look for the most recognized books in Scandinavia. They'll explain exactly how (80% of women can't do this) is a matter of technique, which most men know in Scandinavia. This so called expert forgot to do her research and are now giving bad advise, based on her own lack of understanding or desire to expand her knowledge
I love how open you are Steven. You are so relatable ,ask the best questions, best topics, with the best guests! CHEERS to 5M subscribers! P.s. when you have little Timmy, you and ur partner will have to settle down and stay in one place together! Life just looks different for the best!!
Thank you for making this show and talking about themes as this. I have been raised to think that my sexuallity and my desires are something to be ashamed of. i have been struggeling with this for a long time and i still am. Making things as this a topic really encourages me to feel that i am a normal person.
I really hope her old supervisor sees this video, too. Such a smart, articulate, and talented lady who is completely across her field - a genuine expert. Will definitely be buying her book.
I want to say, she impressed me as the most adept speaker in my history of watching here. She made it feel less than an hour, and I was sorry when it ended. Just an impressive flow of clinical knowledge. Thank-you
Me understanding women’s hormones thru Dr Mindy has really helped me understand why they have far less desire than us and has made my life infinitely easier. I thought it was me now I have overwhelming desire to please my wife fully thru all her hormonal shifts in a month. Footrubs to conversation to avoiding conflict and know when they get a boost of testosterone to know when they are most likely be thinking of sex. It is not a given but certainly helps especially as time goes on!
So many lies spread! Women love sex as much as men and this believe has left women unsatisfied in their relationship s. I wish they will stop creating this destructive assumptions about genders. Women do want penetration physically and psychological. Just because her orgasm comes first and does not require penetration doesn't mean women do not crave penetration right after! One Women cannot speak for all of us! I wish older women will stop talking as if all women are the same or have same libido or even same taste! The amount of sex is going down in society because of technology that is destroying our social lives!
And you believe everything on social media says. You do know all bodies are different. I mean you are I assume an adult. If you as an adult need to take tips from some stranger. You've got bigger problems
I have been in a relationship with my partner for ten years and together we have 3 little kids. I really appreciate this interview especially the focus on long term partners with kids. I like that Steven always makes questions to try to make this podcast as inclusive as possible for all of us.❤
Remember, if you are not fking your wives, or long term gf, someone like me is.... and we are persistently attempting to do so. How do I know the woman likes sex with me?? well if they come back again no matter how much they complain it means they want it more, again. All this other long analysis and asking about positions etc this lady is talking about is crap. You yourself should not want the same positions every time!!
@@thespiritualninja7339 ""Oh, but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄"" It is not unrealistic, but it is unnatural, forced, against evolution in all its aspects, improbable long term; I'd say specially for men. Women gain a lot for short term monogamy, pregnancy, kids and all that time of vulnerability; but they also benefit less in lifetime monogamy. Women, I would think, benefit from long term allegiances, but then men do too."
It’s such bologna what she has said. The worst therapist I ever heard from. My kids are grown. And we were & are active as much as we could. If there was spare time, we found it. We rarely went a day without it. Communication is key. Just have fun. Don’t take it so serious. Kids is just an excuse people use. It’s not true. Spending that time with our spouse is so important.
Steven Barlett, thank you for once again opening a "Pandora Box Topic" that is often overlooked. I enjoy your humble questions and insightful review with each video. You are a keeper for us all and future generations to come. Intelligent young man for sure!! Wishing you continued success!
Her closing words on her supervisor was the most insightful message! Because alot of us are told things throughout our lifetime and some words stain our beliefs of ourselves forming a limit on who we can be and the potential we hold! Her difiance and will to pull through shows that your life can be rewritten! Just like sex, illness, habits, etc you can recover! Her message has left me feeling rejuvenated and canny! Love it! Thanks to both speakers!
Her supervisor was right, she should not be a psychologist, she should not be giving advice to others, she should work on herself first. Her advice will cause more harm than good, very narrow view points shaped to fit her reality and cherry picked from the literature. The fact she doesn't mention the word LOVE or HEART once tells you all you need to know. I hope DR Karen takes time to heal from her very obvious childhood sexual trauma before advising others on the topic.
Love this guest. She is right on. I agree with everything she says. As a 64 year-old woman who has been through just about everything sexually, her down to earth, practical advice resonates. My husband and I recreated our sex life when I turned 60 and it is better than ever! Yes, you read that write. It is possible. We talk about sex. It wasn't always that way though. I was the one who got us going on talking about sex and he was very resistant to it at first but I kept at it and now, well, we are in a much better place with renewed interest in sex in our golden years.
Steven, your sense of humor, your questions, and your attitude are all so brilliant. Thank you for providing us with invaluable information. I really loved this episode. I love Dr. Gurney’s open-mindedness about everything, I love how she approached these subjects and she was extremely real. She doesn’t care if people disagree with her truth, even if it triggers people, and I loved that the most about her. Very insightful and helpful. Thank you 🙏
I strongly disagree with the good doctor. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I had a small problem with sexual performance during mid-perimenopause, so we dove straight into trying to find how to improve this, which led us to Tantra. Our intimate times now last 2.5 to 3.5 hours. It's lots of holding hands or intertwining our bodies and breathing together. We breath, connect our energies, then go from there. We are scheduling intimacy or "sexy time" as we call it. WE call it a date. We have a ritual around it, which is getting our room ready, with special lighting, candles, our favorite body safe oil (avocado oil), a waterproof sheet (mostly not to get oil on our good sheets), special silky pillows and so on. We actually look forward to it. There is no pressure, but it nearly always ends in it. But not before we love each other in every other way but sexual. We realized that waiting for "spontaneous" sex did not serve us. It's been mind-blowing, it's allowed us to grow intimately like never before, and we don't get distracted, because we give ourselves time to relax into each other, we use Tantric breathing and mild meditation/awareness, then it gets more intense, and we have learned so much about ourselves. We've been doing it for 3 years. I don't see us changing it, unless we can improve upon it.
Monogamy is for stability, emotionally and financially, for your children. There is a saying, “god gives us 1000 days of passion” it’s up to us to generate passion after that. So be creative, look after yourself, get fit even after kids and work on understanding and supporting your partner. Keep an open mind and develop enthusiasm. Polyamory is incredibly difficult especially if you have children so create your our novelty. Refuse to be boring and your marriage will remain fun, meaningful and exciting. After 47 years of marriage, this is still happening. I can’t imagine risking STDs for a momentary pleasure.
@@chrismaxwell1624 marriage requires monogamy, it's a covenant. To not be monogamous in a marriage is called adultery and that means the covenant has been broken.
What a wonderful psychologist and I'm so glad her first clinical supervisors negative projections were ignored and Dr Gurney thrived as she has been so awesome in her journey.
This is awesome because she mentioned how it's a great idea to bring this episode up to your partner with intention of opening up that topic of conversation. Before I even heard her say this, I had already sent my partner the link to this video and I said this, "Hey, i just started watching this video and I've only watched the intro so far but I think there will be a lot of good information in it for the both of us."
And there definitely was a lot of good information and had helped me realize some of the feelings and emotions and pressure we put on each other that can kill our desire. Not that we have much trouble with desire 😉
Really good interview, some very good points were made. For example how expectation kills desire. What I missed a bit was a focus on love, intimacy, and attachments and how our feelings about ourselves impact on our relationships. These are areas that need to be considered seriously when thinking about open relationships, because this can get super complicated and painful if this is not carefully explored.
Thank you for this excellent podcast: wow, Dr. Gurney is such a great guest. And you are a gracious host with a tasteful and inviting set. Something not so common, perhaps, is that your guests speak freely-without interruption. Bravo!
This lady is SMART! In a great 45 year marriage; no children. Everything she says is so true! We’ve learned along the way. Her “sexual currency “ idea is so true. Thx for having her!
How is a marriage great with no kids!? The idea of marriage is man & woman to become love make love & create love! (children) thsn live happily ever after! ❤
@@downundaincagoddess3316 marriage can be different depending on what people want, i.e. a couple or more people (I mean, it is not possible to marry 3-4 people at the same time with a stamp in the passport, but these people can still be involved in the family or domestic life of a conditional "ordinary hetero couple", because you know, polyamorous relationships also exist). Someone definitely wants children and will be happy with children (even if it is a same-sex couple, they can, for example, use the services of a donor/surrogate mother/ or at least adoption). But there are also people who don't care, they don't want children and that's okay too, they just enjoy each other's company, their free time, hobbies, etc. And this is all absolutely normal, because the times when marriage had its own specific boundaries have essentially disappeared, because the world in which the concept of marriage you mentioned has disappeared, the world is becoming global and more open and "flexible", more and more people are interested in what they themselves like or not, and who they like, in what sense and how they feel about it. So the concept of marriage is also actively changing.
Not for everyone. Some of us cannot bear children. Not childless by choice! Grow up! And yes, we prayed. A lot. Now you are going to criticise me for praying wrongly too? Go on! Show your lack of compassion and self righteousness! @@downundaincagoddess3316
This Doctor is spot on. What an intuitive researcher and dynamic psychologist! I just downloaded the free worksheet! Thanks for always having the most dynamic guests!!!
intuition doesnt come into research, lot of it is what we already know anyway, not reinventing the wheel. i strongly disagreed with women not liking penetrative sex? where did that come from? if its come from research, how was this done? appalling science...how was it controlled?
@@mistyhola3485I do not think after watching just the trailer that I would want to watch this but based on how she speaks and the sweeping genralisations she is making and it is nothing to do with the subject matter. I just do not like her way of speaking in the bits they put out as a trailer I may watch ten mins and decide if it,is worth my time to watch this. I discuss sex with my friends quite normal for us chat about this topic, weather, kids, sex it is just a topic we do not find taboo do not think we are unusual. I am sixty my friends are up to twenty years younger and we alwayss openly discuss womens issues including how our sex life is going things we heard or read or watched on the subject. Maybe in some religious or cultural backgrounds it is taboo but not for all.
@@CraigsOverijseI wasn't too sure initially, but she does give some really interesting aspects, points of view, if you can persevere through it all. I actually find the hair style very off-putting, but remind myself that's really none of my business.
@@bianchaesson1441- I smiled to myself because they often referred to haircuts - couldn’t help noting that they actually both had the same cut. Not overly becoming yet each to their own 😊
I cant thank you enough for having Karen as a guest. my husband and I are having problems for the past couple or more years, due to stress, peremenopause, erectile issues and the inability for both of us to talk about these issues without causing harm. Im going to mention this guest to him and ask if he would like to watch it. We had an amazing sex life since we met at 18 and 19, we are now in our early 50's. Thank you thank you
Bravo Steven, your saying it would be a dagger in your heart if your partner introduces the idea of an open relationship, has got you a new subscriber. ❤
@@lovelynramirez stable and secure people don’t want a selfish partner. Be single if you want to sleep with a bunch of people. An open relationship turns your partnership or marriage into a friends/roommates with benefits type situation. Making a mockery of true commitment where each partner submits to the other and becomes one. No room for selfishness in a healthy relationship.
Thank you for having a passion to interview so many brilliant Drs, Scientists, Experts, etc. For an obsessed nerd, lover of education, your channel is my DREAM COME TRUE!
Congratulations on 5 million subscribers! Been watching for around a year now and absolutely love how quickly I noticed an increase in happiness & better health
In my experience people who live a polyamourous lifestyle, there is always someone who feels horribly jealous or exploited. I don't like seeing people sad and drained.
Because sex is just not physical act. We r instinctually design to search for intimacy after sex. Majority of this type relationships failed miserably N the people who claim their relationship working are nothing but pair of narcissist n low self-esteem partner, period. It's not even about jealousy, it's the feeling of immense disguise n instability
@rahelkamber4839 I don’t think not works either. Just sanctioned cheating. Eventually intimacy will develop with SOMEONE and the other person will be hurt
@@marie-francoiset9402 This happened to a guy I knew. He is the one who asked his g/f to get into a poly situation and once she got a taste, the tables turned. He wanted out and she was like no no, I like this and he was HAMMERED, he even left Canada as a whole. I haven't spoken to him in ages and the crazy thing is, had he just asked me i would've talked him out of it, his girl was OMG in every way. Hot, kind, sweet, just wholesome, just why??
This woman really knows her stuff and is very good at expressing these concepts. A great interview!! Sexuality is one of those things that help glue a relationship together which is so important for the couple and their children if they have them. I always say if you don’t enjoy sex, you aren’t doing it, right. And definitely sexuality starts long before the act begins.
My husband and I stopped having sex years ago due to medical issues. To be honest the pressure was finally off. I could relax and enjoy myself. We love being married, we love our time together, we kiss a lot, snuggle in his bed or mine. We enjoy each other's company. You also have to communicate to each other. We had great sex when we met in our early 50's and we are in our late 60's now. Luckily we really like each other which helps.
I don’t know about them, but a lot of people have to sleep separately because one or the other snores and won’t use a cpap… you can’t sleep with a snorer.
Why was the pressure finally off? you mean bc of the medical reasons? what was the issue? as later you say you could finally relax & enjoy yourself?? meaning you never enjoyed sex?? It seems to me most women just dont enjoy sex. Im a woman & will enjoy it for as long as I can!
Gosh the amount of people that have a problem with having separate beds....they must be the ones who voted for tramp. They aren't woke enough to realize people are going to do what is most comforting to them. It's really none of your business what others do amyway. LAY OFF! Stop being jealous that women are strong enough to choose what they want! We're not all handmaidens like you!
Brilliant interview! Karen's voice and pace is so easy to listen to, she makes, what is a challenging topic for many, non-confrontational and inviting.
After escaping an absolutely horrific relationship almost four years ago, I am now extremely happy having never had or wanted a relationship or sex since. I finally feel free and powerful because I know no one can ever touch me again or try to become part of my life again
As a woman high a hogh sex drive I often feel not represented at all. Mostly had partners with lower sex drives and always tried to make an effort bri ging them to the mood and i think thats just fair. What i dont think is fair is that effort is almost never valued or appreciated and it is a fricking huge effort.
While the expert focuses primarily on the behaviors to help create opportunities for intimacy. There is a physical piece missing. Hormone levels, overall physical health, and ongoing medical treatments have a huge impact on desire. Low hormone levels from aging while taking an antidepressant could decrease desire. Its not all about just behavior. There is a chemistry component behind intimacy.
Yes, this seems to be a deep dive but in fact it’s just the usual surface stuff. So far it’s gone round in circles saying the same thing. Not impressed really!
Best part about celibacy is not having to obsessed with sex. Having an intimate connection to another being should be mutual and natural and not forced.
@@Cwgrlup When you define a good relationship as only one that involves sex, it begs the question if you ever had a good one or know what one really is.
@@missymiss2357 so true given these days people even say if she / he doesn't give you sex kick them out. It's a want at the end of the day. Sex is everywhere. Accessibility to food on the other hand especially when a person can die without it is not given that much importance as much as sex. Celibacy is a good form of detachment where you appreciate the person for who they are
There's definitely a super power that develops with celibacy. It's a path people have to be curious about and discover for themselves. Our society which is sex centered, since that's what runs economies, is working hard to make everything about it. If you want to live a good, authentic life, look at what society heavily advertises and do the complete opposite.
@@7ShadowMaiden7 Making generalised statements purporting to be representative of women which I strongly disagree with. Not only that but it is also one more kick in the pants for men. Insinuating they are not even any use at the most basic biological imperative. You don’t need anyone for an orgasm, theres more to sex than orgasm. It is a poor substitute for the whole shared experience between loving partners. Just cheapening the whole thing like comparing a bowl of candy to a full course meal. They both stop hunger but only one is nourishing. Just so many things…
The concept of sexual currency is amazing it makes so much sense, what an eye opening talk!!! Thank you so much for the quality of the content Dr.Karen
What a great video! She has a very comforting voice, keeps it scientific but always from the perspective of human experience. The interviewer asks great, natural questions, is a great listener and dares to open up about own experiences or insecurities. Most importantly, you both are keeping politics out of the subject, which makes it great for everyone. Thank you so much for making this episode, one of the best i've seen in a long time.
I was married 20 years...never talked about sex...are issues surrounding it. My husband cheated and I found out he was very capable of having sex and a lot of it. We divorced. I have had the best conversations with my partners since. It is always discussed. I refuse to settle for a sexless relationship anymore!!!
I had this, too! We were married for 12 years. He rarely touched me. We never talked about it. There was no intimacy or any effort. It was a sexless marriage. He left me for his mistress. Best thing that ever happened to me. I grew tremendously. My new husband and I talk about sex and we have a lot of it. Turns out, I had the wrong husband the first time.
Your marriage fell apart and it was ALL your husband's fault. It was his fault that s-e-x was never discussed. It was his fault that since he couldn't get what he wanted at home, he went out and found what he wanted, elsewhere. And you are the Queen of Sheba. Right?
@@JackMason-oq8lf Where in her comment did she put the blame on her ex-husband? I get that she failed to take partial responsibility, but it's not like she puts all the blame with her ex-husband.
This is a very good informative interview, the Doctor really knows her stuff and Stephen ask good questions. The cadence and clarity of Doctor Gurney's voice give the viewer(me) a very clear understanding of the subject.
I agree, Stephen was great in this, he was interested and had interesting insights and as you mentioned asked great questions, added a lot to an already fascinating guest and topic!
I appreciate her candid , yet unembarrassed way of talking about sex and all aspects of sex, ex. Using proper names of body parts. We were never allowed to talk about sex etc in our family. 3:35
This podcast was amazing! Perfect questions were asked and Karen Gurner is a perfect elaborator. I got my newlywed husband to listen to this two days ago, and it has already greatly changed our 15 year relationship (high school sweethearts). Thank you both for the work that you do. And thank you Karen Gurner for commitment to helping so many with a subject that is so taboo. Much love 💜!
There is so much that can and does go wrong with open relationships.... It's not thinking outside the box.... its nothing new. I think it is more about commitment and effort. Both are needed.
Isn't that the case for any type of relationship? It can't go anywhere when the people involved are not commited or don't put any effort into it. If you have both an open relationship shouldn't be a problem.
@@DelzDerMeisteras you stated, it's already hard enough. Add more feelings, thoughts, etc, into the mix and it just becomes more complicated. There's usually a lack of communication and expectations that comes from including even more people into a relationship
@@Soapgirl64 not everyone who is poly actively dates. I want to love more than one person. If I’m only with one person & I feel a spark with someone else, or my partner does, I value and welcome the freedom of exploration.
an occasional um is ok, but some ppl have a horrible habit of suing it at the end of every sentence, when i hear this, i get so annoyed that i stop listening to the context and instead start paying attention to every um, it's distracting
She's out here just spitting cheat codes. First time in two years I wished I wasn't single. 😆 Thank you for this lovely, informative discussion, and your relatable and valid questions.
Love your channel. I love the intelligence and conversations you have with your guests. So thank you. I feel like I gain more knowledge every time I watch.
You aren't kidding!! This TH-cam channel is,( to me, anyways), what Nat Geo, Discovery, and channels such as those were back in the day when we were on cable tv.... but leaps and bounds more genuine, and informative rather than misleading as some of the narrative of cable TV, and the airwaves, themselves. I myself, have a husband that, I dare say is quite possibly a sexual addict. After 8 years I'm we're still very much able to become very aroused with each other. He's the only person I've ever been able to be comfortable with, and I haven't ever felt the need to fake it. Oh no, I get mine when I want to. Sometimes even when I'm not really worried about it lol. I also feel, however, that I could do without sex if let's say, he just could not do it any longer for whatever reason. There are many times when he pressures me after we've had sex a couple times already that day, and I'll be busy, right in the middle of something important to me, such as work, or the care of my dogs, etc. And when I say I'd rather not, since we've already done so, and I'm busy... maybe later when I get done, I'll say. Well this has gone on so often, and for so long that I have begun when this occurs, to get very turned off. I can be on my phone the entire time. I can be very pissed off, and he be aware of it, not only that, I feel now, like I do not need to be present for the sex. Just my pu$$y.... or anyone else's for that matter I feel would do. Surprisingly, even after a couple years of this, whilst it bothers me more the longer it goes on, my body seems to betray me. I might protest at first, but once I give in, a lot of times despite trying to stay frigid, and tuned out as I feel disrespected, and very used some days.... despite all that, however, against my own will, my body can't resist and stay upset and I'll be 💦wet 💦 when in the past, other partners would find I was dry as the Sahara desert, lol, 7 times out of 10. I can't help but move under him. He turns me on when I am determined to stay off lolol. Anyone have any advice?? Do you guys think getting the help of someone is necessary?? I don't know how common gifted sexual experts such as this wonderful lady, but I feel like it would need to be someone who also got things along these lines. Also, as far as penis+vagina sex.... he gets me off with his!! Other ways more commonly but very often he'll make me orgasm, multiple times if I let him, with his punishment quite easily. He turns me on so much I almost cum just by him thrusting a few times. Maybe I just shouldn't resist??? Maybe I like him making me and we should explore bdsm lolol.... maybe I need to let go of the "obligations I feel I have???" Just do it because one day, I might really wish I'd have given in and shared the incredible feelings I doubt I'll ever share with another human in this life or any other for that matter. I'd love to hear what others who can relate, have to say about this!!!???? Thanks much. Sorry for the possibly too descriptive description of my sexual endeavors!!!❤️🔥🥵🤠 Don't know any other way to put it!! And thank you Steve for hitting another spot (no pun intended) that was so needed by myself and so many others!!!! You're out of this world. And you've found and are slaying it with your highly intuitive, intriguing and hyperintelligent content. You're it!!! Your courage is refreshing. XoXo Keri from FL, 🇺🇸 USA. KEEP EM COMING!!!!!😂🎉😅
@@AnnaWoGThere's no shortage od research out there that showcases the negative effects of having too many partners. Both for women and men. Also no idea why you'd feel sorry for a cheater who gets cheated on. They are all part of the problem. Just don't cheat, that's not too hard for anyone with half a brain.
@@AnnaWoG"opening" my first marriage was the most soul destroying, humiliating and degrading thing I have ever done in my life. Trying to believe that your wife is truly happy in your intimate relationship while she is off with someone else is lying to yourself. I am so disgusted with that past in my life.
Been celibate for 3 years and taking notes😅 This was so good and put words and logic to feelings I've had for a while (when I was in a relationship). Thank you
@@Amber57499why is that? I’m abstinent from sex for long periods because my bf is always away for work (months at a time), but we love sex. I refrain from self penetration because I feel very loyal to his anatomy for whatever banana sandwich reason. However, I was abstinent for 5 years before we met just because I felt no man could please me anymore. I was very bored and disappointed despite wanting it. So, if you wish to share, why have you gone so long without it? No pressure. Be well 🙏🏻
Happy my first real relationship she matured me. We were 18/19 and she was very open so after 7 years I’m accustomed to that type of communication. I need my partner to be open and honest so we can have healthy communication about everything.
This is a brilliant video. As a mature woman embarking on a new relationship, I've been thinking about what they are discussing for a while. This is very helpful. ❤
Dr. Gurney thank you so much! You’re such a pioneer in effective communication. And to me sex is communication. I feel so empowered by this conversation. ❤
psychological safety and self-worth are that which great communication extends out of. im surprised so many couples feel so unsafe to have vulnerable/honest conversations
That tells you a lot about the state of relationship and marriage - it's no picnic for a lot of people. My stance has always been, if you're not happy in it, what's the point? I'm always amazed at how many people stay in bad relationships.
Most of the time people have sex when they are drunk! These studies dont encorparte other varibles. Weak men that can hold a plank for longer then 20s will never help women get along.
Steven, this was absolutely fabulous. Really eye opening and I can't wait to share with my husband. Karen is such a breath of fresh air: so articulate and insightful on such a sensitive topic for many. And congratulations on 5 million subscribers! That's amazing ⭐️
She is doing what lesbians love to do : turn straight women to lesbians, they love to do it like average women love to exerce attention towards high value men. I don't even blame her, any society that gave power to women collapsed like Rome. Maybe I'm wrong and history will not repeat because of the influence of big data companies and IA.
There’s me moaning about being single for the last 10 years and not having sex for the last three. Listening to the amount of sheer hard work that goes into being in a sexual relationship I’m actually seeing my situation in a whole new positive light.
Thank you. I really want to emphasize how important your inclination to explore confusing topics with experts is refreshing and enriching for everyone. Please and Thank you ❤
The book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski speaks about the same. The book is for both men and women. The book talks about “non concordance” all throughout the book.
Can I ask you all a favour? If you enjoy this episode, could you please hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽
That headline... I can`t even watch the interview now that I`ve seen her. She would prefer non penetrative of course, she seems to be in same sex relatioship.
But Steven, this episode was a lot off!
She is a lesbian and don't want us to penetrate our women!
What is this?
Embarrassing guests just for clicks you seem desperate
Hey Steve we enjoy your episode could bring Francis Nganuo please
F@ck it . I have already hit the subscription button.
My ex was literally addicted to her cell phone. Before and after sex, she loved to scroll, and scroll, and scroll on her phone all this random stuff. It was highly distracting to our relationship, and I will never have a relationship with anyone addicted to their cell phone again. If I could push a big red button and permanently destroy all social media, I would not hesitate to push that button. We don't need it to survive, and it causes more harm than good.
@letsaffirm9454I’ve often heard people complaining about people’s phone use, and seeing them from the outside I often see they actually have the exact same behavior, she might have been scrolling because he checked his phone quickly first after sex and the cycle continues
@letsaffirm9454😂 nailed it 😂
I agree, I would push that button with you.
@letsaffirm9454nothing wrong with discussing the topic here. Even if they left social media, it wouldn't go away or change how society uses it.
she was cheating
I love the comment in regards to low pressure...that "sex should be trivial and often, not rare and crucial". For me this emphasizes the importance of "in the moment sexuality" with a sense of playfulness and lack of heavy expectation of the ultimate act itself...those small little loving and sexy gestures are a great lead up to when it does happen.
exactly this
... Okay. 🗿
Let's hope you're doing your part in helping out humanity.
For that to work, it has to be ok for her to say no frequently. The moment she gives "duty" sex, the playfulness and lack of heavy expectation is ruined.
Very much agree with this.
Sadly people have been conditioned to think otherwise by movies, books, porn etc.
@@mikochild2I see what you mean, but i kind of find it bad that rejecting the other party frequently. I mean at one point it hurts getting rejected over and over again. I mean yes, if you don‘t want to be intimate it is totally understandable to reject the partner, I also would not want to be intimate with someone who doesnt want to be. Still, at some point I wouldn‘t want to initiate anymore if i were to be continually rejected. What is your opinion on that?
This has changed my sex life. My husband and I listened to to this twice. We are in our 50’s. And our sex life is better than it’s EVER BEEN. Thank you for having this brilliant guest on. You are the best, Stephen!!
Our best sex was after 50, till my partner began to have prostate problems at 65 and the meds totally shut him down and then he was so disappointed in himself that he needed anti-depressants and that finished any chance of sex off. There had to be a better way but all the dr knew was meds. 😢
@@KB-ih5gfalternative doctors...naturapaths...chiropaths...homoepaths are a better route to go.
@@KB-ih5gf That is awful to hear, I wish you both find a positive way around this.
@@KB-ih5gfThe sex robots are coming...
@@KB-ih5gf did you actually really listen to the podcast?
Genital to genital sex is not the ultimate goal!!!
That is a false belief that many of us picked up, because men’s pleasure have often been the focal point.
Do the meds affect ability to massage, to touch erogenous zones, and so much more?
There is so, so much more to sexuality than a limited tunnel vision version…that’s the whole point of the podcast.
It's so refreshing to listen to an interview where both parties really let each other speak. So many interviewers constantly interrupt. Thank you for being so considerate and sensitive, Steven.
Karen is a brilliant and engaging speaker, I really appreciate the expertise, fluidity and clarity with which she spoke. Thank you, both.
She was actually prety bad, pro woke movement with all this polyamour thing.
@@sepisdead That’s a matter of opinion I guess. I thought she was excellent.
@@kalilavalezina Some of the stuff she said was valid and helps, but she is far from the core of the issues.
@@sepisdead OK interesting. What core issues didn't she cover?
@@kalilavalezina For example, we all know women usually tend to be overcontroling in a marriage, small things that seems like an expression of love end up taking away all the power from her men, it´s close to treating him like a child. What happens when a woman sees her husband like a child? That´s right, she loses all her sexual desires for him. There needs to be some boundaries there to keep this from happening.
Respect is very important, and this situation above, plus any other way that respect is taken away from the relationship results in the women losing love interest.
This is all to preserve the masculinity and power balance for the men and thus keeping the fire alive.
This is a very deep topic that she simply did not touch, and in my opinion the core issue.
I started thinking that I don't like sex - because every time I've had sex, and it's never been that great for me, and I decided that I'd rather spend time doing things that I enjoy more. Now I realize that I have always been distracted by a worry during sex. LITERALLY! I've had a lifetime of personal issues/traumas and I've been in survival mode for YEARS. Now, I'm 57 and I've been in therapy and doing hard work to process and learn new ways of coping with my baggage and emotions. One way for me to cope is learning self compassion - "I am good enough", "I have done enough", "I deserve good sex and I deserve love". One very difficult thing to overcome is my over-conscientiousness about my body image.
Goog for you❤. In your healing journey, please remember that you are love. You have survived this far but now you can let go. Find that place inside of you and let go of the past. The emotions you feel are jist memories. You can create new ones today. You are good enough,y are a creation of love and the universe will bring people to reflect what you have inside. Stay blessed❤😊
I loved that “ you said are just memories “ you are soo right. It helped me a lot
Very similar experience as yours, except I prayed to hate sex, because I love it, however, my partners were either abusive, addicts or I didn't feel connected. I spent years working on myself, my trauma and body image. Now, my new partner (nearly 2 years) and I had a deep emotional, spiritual and physical connection in and out of the bedroom. We take time out to work on ourselves and therefore make the relationship better. After 57 years (lol) I finally found the one.
You are not alone. 45 years old and dealing with similar issues.
One of the best things you can ever do for yourself is to take this advice to heart and do it...
"Take every thought captive"
and
"Whatever is wholesome, whatever is lovely and good, this you should dwell on".
This means that you need to examine absolutely every thought and feeling that goes thru your mind and decide if it should remain or not, becoz these things that just pop up in your mind throughout the day are actually not YOUR THOUGHTS, until you decide to let them stay! If you let them stay and you then dwell on them, they are now yours and the results and consequences of this are what you see in your own mental health.
And many of these thoughts are not helpful to you at all - jealousy, envy, wrongful lust, anger, greed, revenge, fear, none of these are good for your mind and are actually destructive to your relationships, so for this reason you should treat your mind like a bad dog that thinks it can go outside and roll in the mud, then come inside your house and lie on your clean sheets, eat your hot meal and crap on your clean carpet... NO!!!
That dog should get a hosedown before it even comes near the damn door and straight to the bathroom for a scouring coz all that dirt and mud is like jealousy, fear, anger and negativity splattered all over your walls and furniture, and living with that in your mind is horrible.
But gratitude is like having the cleaning lady come in and make things sparkle, even if it's just being grateful for having breakfast this morning when there are billions on this planet did not... It is a fact that you can't be bitter when you are experiencing gratitude and gratitude will make you feel happier than allowing your mind to soak itself in fear, day after day...
Think about it - it REALLY DOES WORK becoz it comes from the bible. And while you're there, why not check out its author as well coz he wouldn't put this in his book if he didn't want us all to be happy and healthy...
The interviewer is brilliant in ensuring the expert keeps talking and sharing valuable information.
he is an EXCELLENT insightful interviewer
That's a literally a lesbian radical feminists. They are against penetration because they see it is oppressive to women.
😅@@donahunt832
I like how he always asks for the sources of the interviewees claims and statements. His most used line is, "how do we know that". Many interviewers never challenge new information and it makes the whole thing less valuable.
Fucking bots.
Can we give two times thumbs up! Dr Karen Gurney's voice and pronunciation is so soothing and she speaks of wisdom that is needed literally all around the globe. Great episode.
How do you reconcile her hair doo? Kinda extreme for a woman.
Interesting. I was thinking the opposite. She might be popular in the USA, but around the globe she is extremely unpopular
I got bored.
Why do you suppose that's the case?@@aleks71438
@@aleks71438 agree with. you.
I am sobbing. I have been so self focused because I have a higher sexual drive than my husband. And to hear he is worried makes me so sad. I want to be there for him instead of focused on what I want. Thank you so much for this. Life changing.
:( I’ve always ended up in relationships where my partner has a lower sex drive. It hurts terribly
Before you worry about his feelings, make sure he is not cheating.
Women are typically very self centered. Not just about sex, about everything. Want a great marriage and explosive sex life? TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE A HUMAN BEING, NOT JUST A UTILITY WHO'S PURPOSE IS TO SERVE AND CATER TO YOU.
😂😂😂😂😂
°💯%‼️‼️‼️ @@LaughingblueSu
I just want to say that this podcast makes me feel so f*** priviledged that I have access to these amazing human beings willing to share their knowledge for free. Steven man, you really read my mind with every single question that you ask your guests is like I'm asking them myself hahahha Blessed my parents the day they decided that I should learn English! Big love from Spain! 🧡
Congrats 🎉 just wanted to celebrate your joy! This is my favorite podcast!
Otra española feliz de saber inglés. Me encanta escuchar a gente que sabe de cosas.
💜
... a Romania here ...
One Polish lady here...
You always manage to find surprising people to interview and interesting topics. This interview is a gem.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
exactly my thoughts
The channel is a gem :)
Its Not even a peace of cow dung 😂😂😂
I think she's right. Talking about sex is so difficult! It takes practice. Advocating for what I want has been one of the biggest challenges of my life, idk why, because I can readily advocate for myself in pretty much any other environment.
It can feel extremely vulnerable to start talking about what you like and what you don’t like and what you wish they would do to you or you would like to do to them. However, what I’ve realized after 30+ years of having sex with my husband, is that it’s way less vulnerable to talk about it outside the bedroom than to actually have sex. Think about it, when you’re talking about it outside the bedroom, you have your clothes on, and it’s pretty much a no pressure situation. I would say the only uncomfortableness really comes if you don’t actually trust your partner. If you don’t emotionally feel safe with your partner/spouse then it can feel way too vulnerable. But if you know that they have your back, then there is good reason to have a fun and playful conversation about what you would both like. Advocating for yourself increases their desire for you and the outcome inside the bedroom are much better for both of you. It’s a win-win.
What’s wrong with you? Just spit it out? Anybody can literally talk about eating -bleep- while eating dinner. It’s too easy.
No its not
Life can end up way shorter than you would like. Please don't hesitate to discuss, ask questions, and make suggestions. You will reap the fruit of your participation. Most of all, make sure you incorporate laughter into your sex life. I'm 69.5 yrs old, and sex literally has gotten better every darn time. I hope it continues to get better until I just can't take it anymore.
We are not bought up to talk about s.x and what we like. But take the plunge, you never know what the outcome might be. If talking is the barrier then write it down, both of you write notes to each other, make it a little game once a week called pass the note over time.
The ability of your channel to tackle difficult and important topics, such as sex and divorce, is amazing!
What people are missing in sex is intimacy.
Ding! People now want what they see in pornography. There's little account for connecting and caring for another. People worry about themselves a bit too much nowadays and of course this applies to this topic as well
define intimacy
Or connection?
@@semidemiurgemeaningful connection, communication, sharing, heart connection, being vulnerable (not with external things but back to the heart)
@@snörre23 I, for one, disagree; there's a reason I keep calling sex "physical form of expressing feelings/love" even tho many ppl roll eyes at me. What I think you mistake intimacy with is, being vulnerable.
Which I am with my current bf, we talk through what worries him (psychosomatic signs and possible autism, too sensitive and reactive nervous system on my side. Not tremors, but more like uncontrollable shaking).
We also both come up with creative names for our body parts and ask during the sex or foreplay what each other wants to feel fully satissfied. He feared to fail at being dominant, while I fear for being too passive since I get overhelmed by stimuli... yet, we talk about how we feel about certain gestures, actions or what was spoken afterwards. What turns us on and what gives us worries given past experiences. I think this counts strongly as intimacy.
But maybe me and my bf are in that >10% who do not get non-sexual thoughts during the sex and I'm among serious miniority when it comes to women and their sexual desires.
Love the host. He does a great job listening and balance with questioning and commenting. ❤
I like how honest she is about couples with Children. She doesn't sugar coat it.
Yes! Trying to stay in the mindset when little ones keep knocking on the door saying mom, mom, mom - I want a glass of milk, I need to go poop, etc...🤦♀️😅
Our babies, we had 5, shared the bed with us till they were toddlers so collic and teething aside the babies food on the boob, helped my wife through sleeplessness .
@@haveabanana2930that’s why I rarely try to have sex while my children are awake. Waiting until they were in bed or really focused on something usually gave us enough time to be uninterrupted and have a great session each time 😅
Honestly, there is nothing worse than doing the thing -about to experience the O and all of sudden hearing, “mommmmmmmy.” 😭
I love my bedroom time but my husband doesn’t understand WHY I can’t power through that.
We all deal with this in our own way. Nobody can say what's best for any couple
This episode might have just changed my entire perception on sex, particularly my own sex life. Breaking so many misconceptions that main stream media has been feeding with a clinical unbiased discussion is not only educational but also healing. Every couple should add this to their to-do-together list.
The last 30mins of this made me cry.. someone who just became a mother and is going through this
🌹🌹🌹
We’re not surprised at 5 million. Your channel is top notch and many of the discussions are life affirming and changing. Informative. At the very least entertaining. You are a fantastic host. Honest and asking the questions we want answered and then sitting back to allow the guest to respond and expand.
Fascinating! The bit about communicating with your partner really hit home for me. 28 year happy, satisfying marriage and I still find it difficult sometimes to discuss. Thanks for the conversation starters.
that's weird
after 28 years people should already read own minds lol
I also have 28 years married and I have a hard time communicating.
times passes flying, my dear. @@szymonbaranowski8184
@szymonbaranowski8184
20 years in and you'd definitely be surprised. Some couples could walk around not communicating open and honestly for decades. Especially if both partners are uncomfortable having difficult conversations and therefore avoid them altogether. Amazing, Right!
@@skyeoliver7539But not surprising. Not everything has to be chewed and spat out on a regular basis. There are a lot of unspoken rules in life, so leave some things alone.
My success in the bedroom has been a complete failure, turned my energy towards studying then into building a successful businesses so my partner and I took separate paths in life without sex. Now Listening this has been something we need to talk about, so thanks for this video.
I love the idea of scheduling intimacy. So, I tried it. We ended up talking about the hard stuff first, how to pay our taxes. Then we snuggled on the bed and watched TV. There was no pressure to do anything. We eventually went out to eat and decided to have sex in the morning. It all worked out very well. Our communication was easier and our connection was more playful. Thank you Steven for going deeper with your guest.
Planning sex?So predictable and controlling.
@@wowermanshe wrote planned intimacy that ended up leading to sex.
Worst advice I ever got was that open relationship would be ok. There’s good reasons most of us don’t do it
Exactly. Someone ultimately backstabs one of the other 2.
I don't believe human beings are monogamous by nature, I think we were indoctrinated by religion, culture etc.
The reason is called infidelity.
i certainly dont think open relationships are something you can just jump into, it's not for everyone unless the pros and cons have been discussed...sociatal attitudes don't lend themselves to polyamory particularly for women.
This "expert" certainly has no idea of how repulsive this would be to even bring up in a conversation.
That's the kind of falacy that destroys good relationships pushing someone to give in to temptations.
Love how open Steven was in this interview. Sex is such a taboo topic for people so I really commend him for sharing his own experiences, which I think really added to the discussion. Dr Gurney was brilliant too. Everyone should listen to this conversation. Thanks, both!
I think this interview is being done extremely well.
I wish I could agree with you but I feel a bit uncomfortable and nauseous. I hate the way we bang on about this subject instead of just banging! I’m serious, a small problem in the bedroom can become enormous with this sort of deep dive. Talk it out between you, it’s amazing what you can sort out whilst talking in bed in the dark.👍🏻❤️
Care about each other throughout the day, foreplay is how we treat each other during the day not only 1/2 hr or 5 minutes before the sexual activity
Nice reminder
Dr Gurney has such a calming voice, I really enjoyed listening to her. Great episode and very informative
And this is why you have so many subscribers….because of the people you are interviewing, the content they bring and as an interviewer you let them speak, you don’t interrupt but you are also real! I could see the cogs turning as she was hitting home for you 😂❤ I hope this hits home for all who watch this as to why you/we are not as happy as we’d like to be in this department.
Maybe, but he does manipulate his audience by seeking to be controversial, not really giving solid answers to generate repeat view's.
So. It's not enough that we pay for internet. We watch videos, like it, sub and share, comment.. TH-cam plays you.. and you want us to pay you every month...? Serious?
Here's some shocking info: before the internet we had books. If you want extreme happiness in that department, look for the most recognized books in Scandinavia. They'll explain exactly how (80% of women can't do this) is a matter of technique, which most men know in Scandinavia. This so called expert forgot to do her research and are now giving bad advise, based on her own lack of understanding or desire to expand her knowledge
I love how open you are Steven. You are so relatable ,ask the best questions, best topics, with the best guests! CHEERS to 5M subscribers! P.s. when you have little Timmy, you and ur partner will have to settle down and stay in one place together! Life just looks different for the best!!
Thank you for making this show and talking about themes as this. I have been raised to think that my sexuallity and my desires are something to be ashamed of. i have been struggeling with this for a long time and i still am. Making things as this a topic really encourages me to feel that i am a normal person.
If kissing stops, the relationship is going down the drain.
And under todays laws an unwanted kiss is equal to unfun forced bed sport...
Yes!!! It’s over. Limited time only.
This! Very true. People don't reaize
If that's her less favorite part?
Yeah my gf doesn’t enjoy kisses I don’t think it’s the problem we kiss but making out isn’t something we do.
This interview gave women a bit of relief. Thanks. And also depicted men as more sensitive, which is also good to hear.
I really hope her old supervisor sees this video, too. Such a smart, articulate, and talented lady who is completely across her field - a genuine expert. Will definitely be buying her book.
Me too. Just got the book. =D
I want to say, she impressed me as the most adept speaker in my history of watching here. She made it feel less than an hour, and I was sorry when it ended. Just an impressive flow of clinical knowledge. Thank-you
Me understanding women’s hormones thru Dr Mindy has really helped me understand why they have far less desire than us and has made my life infinitely easier. I thought it was me now I have overwhelming desire to please my wife fully thru all her hormonal shifts in a month. Footrubs to conversation to avoiding conflict and know when they get a boost of testosterone to know when they are most likely be thinking of sex. It is not a given but certainly helps especially as time goes on!
Wow, good for you for actually wanting to learn more about all that! Lucky wife to have such a caring husband! 👏
@@haveabanana2930 I hope more men do this theres no reason not to try harder for any of us!
So many lies spread! Women love sex as much as men and this believe has left women unsatisfied in their relationship s. I wish they will stop creating this destructive assumptions about genders. Women do want penetration physically and psychological. Just because her orgasm comes first and does not require penetration doesn't mean women do not crave penetration right after! One Women cannot speak for all of us! I wish older women will stop talking as if all women are the same or have same libido or even same taste! The amount of sex is going down in society because of technology that is destroying our social lives!
Thank you for being an example of validating what women's lives are actually like.
And you believe everything on social media says. You do know all bodies are different. I mean you are I assume an adult. If you as an adult need to take tips from some stranger. You've got bigger problems
Thank you sincerely from an older couple for being so generously open about your private experiences that make us feel we are not the only ones …
I have been in a relationship with my partner for ten years and together we have 3 little kids. I really appreciate this interview especially the focus on long term partners with kids. I like that Steven always makes questions to try to make this podcast as inclusive as possible for all of us.❤
Remember, if you are not fking your wives, or long term gf, someone like me is.... and we are persistently attempting to do so.
How do I know the woman likes sex with me?? well if they come back again no matter how much they complain it means they want it more, again. All this other long analysis and asking about positions etc this lady is talking about is crap. You yourself should not want the same positions every time!!
Oh but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄
@@thespiritualninja7339
""Oh, but we “learned” today that monogamy is unrealistic 🙄🙄🙄""
It is not unrealistic, but it is unnatural, forced, against evolution in all its aspects, improbable long term; I'd say specially for men.
Women gain a lot for short term monogamy, pregnancy, kids and all that time of vulnerability; but they also benefit less in lifetime monogamy. Women, I would think, benefit from long term allegiances, but then men do too."
@@ggrthemostgodless8713they benefit, when system doesn't milk men to support them
It’s such bologna what she has said. The worst therapist I ever heard from. My kids are grown. And we were & are active as much as we could. If there was spare time, we found it. We rarely went a day without it. Communication is key. Just have fun. Don’t take it so serious. Kids is just an excuse people use. It’s not true. Spending that time with our spouse is so important.
I loved her so much! She is calm, eloquent and seems so real and authentic. Also loved her little laughs.
Steven Barlett, thank you for once again opening a "Pandora Box Topic" that is often overlooked. I enjoy your humble questions and insightful review with each video. You are a keeper for us all and future generations to come. Intelligent young man for sure!! Wishing you continued success!
I absolutely love how confident, convicted and well-spoken she is. One of my favorite episodes to date. I’d definitely go to get sessions with her ❤
I was just thinking the same thing!
Don't like her, can't relate at all.
Yes, but would you want to sleep with her? Who knows what she’d be thinking! I feel bad for her partner. 🤣
Her closing words on her supervisor was the most insightful message! Because alot of us are told things throughout our lifetime and some words stain our beliefs of ourselves forming a limit on who we can be and the potential we hold! Her difiance and will to pull through shows that your life can be rewritten! Just like sex, illness, habits, etc you can recover! Her message has left me feeling rejuvenated and canny! Love it! Thanks to both speakers!
Her supervisor was right, she should not be a psychologist, she should not be giving advice to others, she should work on herself first.
Her advice will cause more harm than good, very narrow view points shaped to fit her reality and cherry picked from the literature.
The fact she doesn't mention the word LOVE or HEART once tells you all you need to know.
I hope DR Karen takes time to heal from her very obvious childhood sexual trauma before advising others on the topic.
Love this guest. She is right on. I agree with everything she says. As a 64 year-old woman who has been through just about everything sexually, her down to earth, practical advice resonates. My husband and I recreated our sex life when I turned 60 and it is better than ever! Yes, you read that write. It is possible. We talk about sex. It wasn't always that way though. I was the one who got us going on talking about sex and he was very resistant to it at first but I kept at it and now, well, we are in a much better place with renewed interest in sex in our golden years.
OMG
I’m so genuinely happy for you and your husband. Keep on making the world a better place 👏🏻👏🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
She might have had dopamine deficiency (often linked to ADD).
I’m 69 and enjoying my body now more than ever.
Steven, your sense of humor, your questions, and your attitude are all so brilliant. Thank you for providing us with invaluable information.
I really loved this episode. I love Dr. Gurney’s open-mindedness about everything, I love how she approached these subjects and she was extremely real. She doesn’t care if people disagree with her truth, even if it triggers people, and I loved that the most about her. Very insightful and helpful. Thank you 🙏
Her truth? Please say her opinion/perception/experience. I’m sick of this multiple’truth’ thing.
I strongly disagree with the good doctor. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I had a small problem with sexual performance during mid-perimenopause, so we dove straight into trying to find how to improve this, which led us to Tantra. Our intimate times now last 2.5 to 3.5 hours. It's lots of holding hands or intertwining our bodies and breathing together. We breath, connect our energies, then go from there. We are scheduling intimacy or "sexy time" as we call it. WE call it a date. We have a ritual around it, which is getting our room ready, with special lighting, candles, our favorite body safe oil (avocado oil), a waterproof sheet (mostly not to get oil on our good sheets), special silky pillows and so on. We actually look forward to it. There is no pressure, but it nearly always ends in it. But not before we love each other in every other way but sexual. We realized that waiting for "spontaneous" sex did not serve us. It's been mind-blowing, it's allowed us to grow intimately like never before, and we don't get distracted, because we give ourselves time to relax into each other, we use Tantric breathing and mild meditation/awareness, then it gets more intense, and we have learned so much about ourselves. We've been doing it for 3 years. I don't see us changing it, unless we can improve upon it.
Wow nicely done. Cheers
by the time i prepare all that i already don't feel like it. but good for you both that can switch off all the electronics and be with each other.
Yes! I absolutely love this. It's something that every couple should try.
That’s great for the both of you.
I would probably never want to have sex if it was that involved. 😂
It works for some and not for others. Tantra not for a lot of people
Monogamy is for stability, emotionally and financially, for your children. There is a saying, “god gives us 1000 days of passion” it’s up to us to generate passion after that. So be creative, look after yourself, get fit even after kids and work on understanding and supporting your partner. Keep an open mind and develop enthusiasm. Polyamory is incredibly difficult especially if you have children so create your our novelty. Refuse to be boring and your marriage will remain fun, meaningful and exciting. After 47 years of marriage, this is still happening. I can’t imagine risking STDs for a momentary pleasure.
Men are NOT wired to be monogamous
Marriage and monogamy isn't the same thing. Marriage can non monogamous. You can be not married and be monogamous.
@@chrismaxwell1624 marriage requires monogamy, it's a covenant. To not be monogamous in a marriage is called adultery and that means the covenant has been broken.
It may not be a popular opinion, but marriage really is just a piece of paper 🤷🏻♂️
@@erynmacdonald marriage is covenant and right given by God, not the state or a piece of paper.
What a wonderful psychologist and I'm so glad her first clinical supervisors negative projections were ignored and Dr Gurney thrived as she has been so awesome in her journey.
This is awesome because she mentioned how it's a great idea to bring this episode up to your partner with intention of opening up that topic of conversation. Before I even heard her say this, I had already sent my partner the link to this video and I said this,
"Hey, i just started watching this video and I've only watched the intro so far but I think there will be a lot of good information in it for the both of us."
And there definitely was a lot of good information and had helped me realize some of the feelings and emotions and pressure we put on each other that can kill our desire. Not that we have much trouble with desire 😉
Aww
Really good interview, some very good points were made. For example how expectation kills desire. What I missed a bit was a focus on love, intimacy, and attachments and how our feelings about ourselves impact on our relationships. These are areas that need to be considered seriously when thinking about open relationships, because this can get super complicated and painful if this is not carefully explored.
Thank you for this excellent podcast: wow, Dr. Gurney is such a great guest. And you are a gracious host with a tasteful and inviting set. Something not so common, perhaps, is that your guests speak freely-without interruption. Bravo!
This lady is SMART! In a great 45 year marriage; no children. Everything she says is so true! We’ve learned along the way. Her “sexual currency “ idea is so true. Thx for having her!
How is a marriage great with no kids!? The idea of marriage is man & woman to become love make love & create love! (children) thsn live happily ever after! ❤
@@downundaincagoddess3316 marriage can be different depending on what people want, i.e. a couple or more people (I mean, it is not possible to marry 3-4 people at the same time with a stamp in the passport, but these people can still be involved in the family or domestic life of a conditional "ordinary hetero couple", because you know, polyamorous relationships also exist).
Someone definitely wants children and will be happy with children (even if it is a same-sex couple, they can, for example, use the services of a donor/surrogate mother/ or at least adoption).
But there are also people who don't care, they don't want children and that's okay too, they just enjoy each other's company, their free time, hobbies, etc.
And this is all absolutely normal, because the times when marriage had its own specific boundaries have essentially disappeared, because the world in which the concept of marriage you mentioned has disappeared, the world is becoming global and more open and "flexible", more and more people are interested in what they themselves like or not, and who they like, in what sense and how they feel about it.
So the concept of marriage is also actively changing.
Not for everyone. Some of us cannot bear children. Not childless by choice! Grow up! And yes, we prayed. A lot. Now you are going to criticise me for praying wrongly too? Go on! Show your lack of compassion and self righteousness! @@downundaincagoddess3316
@@downundaincagoddess3316not everyone wants kids my dear. Others use their creative energy in a different way.
This Doctor is spot on. What an intuitive researcher and dynamic psychologist! I just downloaded the free worksheet! Thanks for always having the most dynamic guests!!!
G spot on
intuition doesnt come into research, lot of it is what we already know anyway, not reinventing the wheel. i strongly disagreed with women not liking penetrative sex? where did that come from? if its come from research, how was this done? appalling science...how was it controlled?
Thank you for this. We just do not talk about healthy sex as a society.
The healthiest normal sex is masturbation 😂😂😂 guaranteed satisfaction and zero STD risk…AND no stress 🤷🏽♂️
@@mistyhola3485I do not think after watching just the trailer that I would want to watch this but based on how she speaks and the sweeping genralisations she is making and it is nothing to do with the subject matter. I just do not like her way of speaking in the bits they put out as a trailer I may watch ten mins and decide if it,is worth my time to watch this. I discuss sex with my friends quite normal for us chat about this topic, weather, kids, sex it is just a topic we do not find taboo do not think we are unusual. I am sixty my friends are up to twenty years younger and we alwayss openly discuss womens issues including how our sex life is going things we heard or read or watched on the subject. Maybe in some religious or cultural backgrounds it is taboo but not for all.
So true!!
@@CraigsOverijseI wasn't too sure initially, but she does give some really interesting aspects, points of view, if you can persevere through it all.
I actually find the hair style very off-putting, but remind myself that's really none of my business.
@@bianchaesson1441- I smiled to myself because they often referred to haircuts - couldn’t help noting that they actually both had the same cut. Not overly becoming yet each to their own 😊
Such a great open genuine conversation ,wow!
We don't hear stuff like this anywhere.
Thank you so much for this podcast.
I cant thank you enough for having Karen as a guest. my husband and I are having problems for the past couple or more years, due to stress, peremenopause, erectile issues and the inability for both of us to talk about these issues without causing harm. Im going to mention this guest to him and ask if he would like to watch it. We had an amazing sex life since we met at 18 and 19, we are now in our early 50's.
Thank you thank you
I'm a long-time listener, but I don't usually comment. Adored this interview! Thank you, Dr Gurney and Steve! I learned so much.
This is one of the most insightful analysis around sexual dynamics I’ve ever watched. Thanks
Bravo Steven, your saying it would be a dagger in your heart if your partner introduces the idea of an open relationship, has got you a new subscriber. ❤
An “open” relationship = someone who’s not that interested in you and is more interested in themselves.
He got a subscriber for that lol. What a low bar.
@Cwgrlup an open relationship ship is an oxymoron. And anybody who accepts it is a regular moron.
@@Cwgrlup and what's wrong with that?
@@lovelynramirez stable and secure people don’t want a selfish partner. Be single if you want to sleep with a bunch of people. An open relationship turns your partnership or marriage into a friends/roommates with benefits type situation. Making a mockery of true commitment where each partner submits to the other and becomes one. No room for selfishness in a healthy relationship.
Thank you for having a passion to interview so many brilliant Drs, Scientists, Experts, etc. For an obsessed nerd, lover of education, your channel is my DREAM COME TRUE!
What a fascinating interview!!!!! And YOU ARE CUT OUT FOR THIS Dr. Gurney. I hope your supervisor is listening too 🙌😊
Congratulations on 5 million subscribers! Been watching for around a year now and absolutely love how quickly I noticed an increase in happiness & better health
In my experience people who live a polyamourous lifestyle, there is always someone who feels horribly jealous or exploited. I don't like seeing people sad and drained.
Because sex is just not physical act. We r instinctually design to search for intimacy after sex. Majority of this type relationships failed miserably
N the people who claim their relationship working are nothing but pair of narcissist n low self-esteem partner, period. It's not even about jealousy, it's the feeling of immense disguise n instability
Yep. They tend to be in a cycle of jealousy and revenge with their primary partner. Not a great way to live if you ask me but some people love drama.
@@LetsGoforDabashexactly!
@rahelkamber4839 I don’t think not works either. Just sanctioned cheating. Eventually intimacy will develop with SOMEONE and the other person will be hurt
@@marie-francoiset9402 This happened to a guy I knew. He is the one who asked his g/f to get into a poly situation and once she got a taste, the tables turned. He wanted out and she was like no no, I like this and he was HAMMERED, he even left Canada as a whole. I haven't spoken to him in ages and the crazy thing is, had he just asked me i would've talked him out of it, his girl was OMG in every way. Hot, kind, sweet, just wholesome, just why??
This woman really knows her stuff and is very good at expressing these concepts. A great interview!!
Sexuality is one of those things that help glue a relationship together which is so important for the couple and their children if they have them. I always say if you don’t enjoy sex, you aren’t doing it, right. And definitely sexuality starts long before the act begins.
My husband and I stopped having sex years ago due to medical issues. To be honest the pressure was finally off. I could relax and enjoy myself. We love being married, we love our time together, we kiss a lot, snuggle in his bed or mine. We enjoy each other's company. You also have to communicate to each other. We had great sex when we met in our early 50's and we are in our late 60's now. Luckily we really like each other which helps.
Different beds? Why? My parents do that, its not healthy.
I don’t know about them, but a lot of people have to sleep separately because one or the other snores and won’t use a cpap… you can’t sleep with a snorer.
@@an0nym0usme28or one can only sleep with the Tv on.
Why was the pressure finally off? you mean bc of the medical reasons? what was the issue? as later you say you could finally relax & enjoy yourself?? meaning you never enjoyed sex?? It seems to me most women just dont enjoy sex. Im a woman & will enjoy it for as long as I can!
Gosh the amount of people that have a problem with having separate beds....they must be the ones who voted for tramp. They aren't woke enough to realize people are going to do what is most comforting to them. It's really none of your business what others do amyway. LAY OFF! Stop being jealous that women are strong enough to choose what they want! We're not all handmaidens like you!
Brilliant interview! Karen's voice and pace is so easy to listen to, she makes, what is a challenging topic for many, non-confrontational and inviting.
After escaping an absolutely horrific relationship almost four years ago, I am now extremely happy having never had or wanted a relationship or sex since. I finally feel free and powerful because I know no one can ever touch me again or try to become part of my life again
💛🌸🌼💐🌺🪷🌻🧡
I hope you can heal…and find true love ❤️
@@evka24she feels free and is happy. What part was hard to understand?
I hope you like cats
@@evka24true love with herself. Thats powerful.
As a woman high a hogh sex drive I often feel not represented at all. Mostly had partners with lower sex drives and always tried to make an effort bri ging them to the mood and i think thats just fair. What i dont think is fair is that effort is almost never valued or appreciated and it is a fricking huge effort.
😢I'm in the same position.
Find a partner with an equal sex drive ❤
While the expert focuses primarily on the behaviors to help create opportunities for intimacy. There is a physical piece missing. Hormone levels, overall physical health, and ongoing medical treatments have a huge impact on desire.
Low hormone levels from aging while taking an antidepressant could decrease desire. Its not all about just behavior. There is a chemistry component behind intimacy.
So true, I would also add past history of child sex abuse that has damaged the woman’s core personality and has not been dealt with yet . 3:46
Yes, this seems to be a deep dive but in fact it’s just the usual surface stuff. So far it’s gone round in circles saying the same thing. Not impressed really!
Same not a great video. I also don't think she's cut out for it. She's nice but it's kinda of airy fairy. Polygamy is wishful thinking.
Best part about celibacy is not having to obsessed with sex. Having an intimate connection to another being should be mutual and natural and not forced.
Yes. Abstinence has improved my quality of life immensely.
This is so sad. I feel bad that you’ve never had a good relationship.
@@Cwgrlup When you define a good relationship as only one that involves sex, it begs the question if you ever had a good one or know what one really is.
@@missymiss2357 so true given these days people even say if she / he doesn't give you sex kick them out. It's a want at the end of the day. Sex is everywhere. Accessibility to food on the other hand especially when a person can die without it is not given that much importance as much as sex. Celibacy is a good form of detachment where you appreciate the person for who they are
There's definitely a super power that develops with celibacy. It's a path people have to be curious about and discover for themselves.
Our society which is sex centered, since that's what runs economies, is working hard to make everything about it.
If you want to live a good, authentic life, look at what society heavily advertises and do the complete opposite.
Whatever you think about this episode, the promo edit was top notch 👌
@@7ShadowMaiden7 Making generalised statements purporting to be representative of women which I strongly disagree with. Not only that but it is also one more kick in the pants for men. Insinuating they are not even any use at the most basic biological imperative. You don’t need anyone for an orgasm, theres more to sex than orgasm. It is a poor substitute for the whole shared experience between loving partners. Just cheapening the whole thing like comparing a bowl of candy to a full course meal. They both stop hunger but only one is nourishing. Just so many things…
im telling ya. our boy is hella profesh
Loved this so much. The world needs more voices like Karen Gurneys. I bought the book straight away
So did it!
The concept of sexual currency is amazing it makes so much sense, what an eye opening talk!!! Thank you so much for the quality of the content Dr.Karen
What a great video! She has a very comforting voice, keeps it scientific but always from the perspective of human experience. The interviewer asks great, natural questions, is a great listener and
dares to open up about own experiences or insecurities. Most importantly, you both are keeping politics out of the subject, which makes it great for everyone. Thank you so much for making this episode, one of the best i've seen in a long time.
I was married 20 years...never talked about sex...are issues surrounding it. My husband cheated and I found out he was very capable of having sex and a lot of it.
We divorced. I have had the best conversations with my partners since. It is always discussed.
I refuse to settle for a sexless relationship anymore!!!
I had this, too! We were married for 12 years. He rarely touched me. We never talked about it. There was no intimacy or any effort. It was a sexless marriage. He left me for his mistress. Best thing that ever happened to me. I grew tremendously. My new husband and I talk about sex and we have a lot of it. Turns out, I had the wrong husband the first time.
Same. I had all the sex drive...turned out he is gay.
Your marriage fell apart and it was ALL your husband's fault. It was his fault that s-e-x was never discussed. It was his fault that since he couldn't get what he wanted at home, he went out and found what he wanted, elsewhere. And you are the Queen of Sheba. Right?
@@JackMason-oq8lf Where in her comment did she put the blame on her ex-husband? I get that she failed to take partial responsibility, but it's not like she puts all the blame with her ex-husband.
@@keeleyhank6812 Did you initiate, or did you wait for him to initiate all the time, men want to be wanted as well.
Sexual currency; a way of being in a relationship. This women is a great speaker.
Very interesting episode. Side note: she has an incredibly soothing voice.
This conversation is amazing, I already feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. So many great ideas, great tips. Seriously, thank you so much.
This is a very good informative interview, the Doctor really knows her stuff and Stephen ask good questions. The cadence and clarity of Doctor Gurney's voice give the viewer(me) a very clear understanding of the subject.
I agree, Stephen was great in this, he was interested and had interesting insights and as you mentioned asked great questions, added a lot to an already fascinating guest and topic!
Q
@@nachocheesenjalos see you R and raise you S 🙄🙄😂🤣
I appreciate her candid , yet unembarrassed way of talking about sex and all aspects of sex, ex. Using proper names of body parts.
We were never allowed to talk about sex etc in our family. 3:35
This podcast was amazing! Perfect questions were asked and Karen Gurner is a perfect elaborator. I got my newlywed husband to listen to this two days ago, and it has already greatly changed our 15 year relationship (high school sweethearts). Thank you both for the work that you do. And thank you Karen Gurner for commitment to helping so many with a subject that is so taboo. Much love 💜!
I love the comments from people who CLEARLY HAVEN"T WATCHED THE VIDEO because it's just been released. Amazing.
You are too good😂
That's me!!!😂
This channel is a magnet to incels lol
Yes The comments are more about how clever the subjects abilities.Sex is the subject,pay attention to the subject.
@@Vivi_9 does that make you an incel?
There is so much that can and does go wrong with open relationships.... It's not thinking outside the box.... its nothing new. I think it is more about commitment and effort. Both are needed.
Isn't that the case for any type of relationship? It can't go anywhere when the people involved are not commited or don't put any effort into it. If you have both an open relationship shouldn't be a problem.
@@DelzDerMeisteras you stated, it's already hard enough. Add more feelings, thoughts, etc, into the mix and it just becomes more complicated. There's usually a lack of communication and expectations that comes from including even more people into a relationship
It’s about individual preference lol. Being open is actually more work.
Why bother with a relationship at all if you want it open? That’s just called “dating”, “playing the field” lol etc.
@@Soapgirl64 not everyone who is poly actively dates. I want to love more than one person. If I’m only with one person & I feel a spark with someone else, or my partner does, I value and welcome the freedom of exploration.
She mever used filler words. She just paused if she needed to. It was really nice to listen to her!
I thought the same thing! :) She's a wonderful speaker. Very easy to listen to.
She literally just said, um , as I was reading your comment. I think she does it less than the average person.
an occasional um is ok, but some ppl have a horrible habit of suing it at the end of every sentence, when i hear this, i get so annoyed that i stop listening to the context and instead start paying attention to every um, it's distracting
She def uses filler words
@@Freeyourself206OMG SAME lmao that’s so weird
She's out here just spitting cheat codes. First time in two years I wished I wasn't single. 😆 Thank you for this lovely, informative discussion, and your relatable and valid questions.
Love your channel. I love the intelligence and conversations you have with your guests. So thank you. I feel like I gain more knowledge every time I watch.
You aren't kidding!! This TH-cam channel is,( to me, anyways), what Nat Geo, Discovery, and channels such as those were back in the day when we were on cable tv.... but leaps and bounds more genuine, and informative rather than misleading as some of the narrative of cable TV, and the airwaves, themselves. I myself, have a husband that, I dare say is quite possibly a sexual addict. After 8 years I'm we're still very much able to become very aroused with each other. He's the only person I've ever been able to be comfortable with, and I haven't ever felt the need to fake it. Oh no, I get mine when I want to. Sometimes even when I'm not really worried about it lol. I also feel, however, that I could do without sex if let's say, he just could not do it any longer for whatever reason. There are many times when he pressures me after we've had sex a couple times already that day, and I'll be busy, right in the middle of something important to me, such as work, or the care of my dogs, etc. And when I say I'd rather not, since we've already done so, and I'm busy... maybe later when I get done, I'll say. Well this has gone on so often, and for so long that I have begun when this occurs, to get very turned off. I can be on my phone the entire time. I can be very pissed off, and he be aware of it, not only that, I feel now, like I do not need to be present for the sex. Just my pu$$y.... or anyone else's for that matter I feel would do. Surprisingly, even after a couple years of this, whilst it bothers me more the longer it goes on, my body seems to betray me. I might protest at first, but once I give in, a lot of times despite trying to stay frigid, and tuned out as I feel disrespected, and very used some days.... despite all that, however, against my own will, my body can't resist and stay upset and I'll be 💦wet 💦 when in the past, other partners would find I was dry as the Sahara desert, lol, 7 times out of 10. I can't help but move under him. He turns me on when I am determined to stay off lolol. Anyone have any advice?? Do you guys think getting the help of someone is necessary?? I don't know how common gifted sexual experts such as this wonderful lady, but I feel like it would need to be someone who also got things along these lines. Also, as far as penis+vagina sex.... he gets me off with his!! Other ways more commonly but very often he'll make me orgasm, multiple times if I let him, with his punishment quite easily. He turns me on so much I almost cum just by him thrusting a few times. Maybe I just shouldn't resist??? Maybe I like him making me and we should explore bdsm lolol.... maybe I need to let go of the "obligations I feel I have???" Just do it because one day, I might really wish I'd have given in and shared the incredible feelings I doubt I'll ever share with another human in this life or any other for that matter. I'd love to hear what others who can relate, have to say about this!!!???? Thanks much. Sorry for the possibly too descriptive description of my sexual endeavors!!!❤️🔥🥵🤠 Don't know any other way to put it!! And thank you Steve for hitting another spot (no pun intended) that was so needed by myself and so many others!!!! You're out of this world. And you've found and are slaying it with your highly intuitive, intriguing and hyperintelligent content. You're it!!! Your courage is refreshing. XoXo Keri from FL, 🇺🇸 USA. KEEP EM COMING!!!!!😂🎉😅
There is a lot of pain with having multiple partners especially when you love someone. Even cheaters are devastated when they get cheated on.
Stick with one person then!! There is so much research that it is the best for both men and women!
well said, bravo. Sadly, many do not understand. Including this "expert".
@@KaraLey98 you think so? good luck to you then. Leave us an update, about how your life went, in 15-20 years.
@@AnnaWoGThere's no shortage od research out there that showcases the negative effects of having too many partners. Both for women and men. Also no idea why you'd feel sorry for a cheater who gets cheated on. They are all part of the problem. Just don't cheat, that's not too hard for anyone with half a brain.
@@AnnaWoG"opening" my first marriage was the most soul destroying, humiliating and degrading thing I have ever done in my life.
Trying to believe that your wife is truly happy in your intimate relationship while she is off with someone else is lying to yourself.
I am so disgusted with that past in my life.
What a brilliant episode. Dr Gurney is so knowledgeable and articulate. Amazing.
Sex for me changed drastically after I learned how to meditate over 35 years ago!!! Mindfulness is key!
Been celibate for 3 years and taking notes😅 This was so good and put words and logic to feelings I've had for a while (when I was in a relationship). Thank you
I have too. At this point, not even sure what I like anymore lol. Sex therapy it is
@ljh2460 Damn! Your next session is gonna be explosive 😁👌🏾
Going to have been celibate for 27 years tomorrow and it doesn't look like that'll ever change.
@@Amber57499why is that? I’m abstinent from sex for long periods because my bf is always away for work (months at a time), but we love sex. I refrain from self penetration because I feel very loyal to his anatomy for whatever banana sandwich reason. However, I was abstinent for 5 years before we met just because I felt no man could please me anymore. I was very bored and disappointed despite wanting it. So, if you wish to share, why have you gone so long without it? No pressure. Be well 🙏🏻
Nice to know I’m not the only one. You imagine you’re the only one not having sex lol.
Congrats on 5 million subscribers 🎉❤
Thank YOU for being a part! Team DOAC ❤️
Can we have healthy sex?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️
Can we make healthy coitus?
That's outstanding 🎉
It's mighty interestng to read everyone's experiences. It's crazy how different it can be for everyone. Thanks for this episode!
This was a great podcast. I definitely don’t agree with her thoughts on not being monogamous. But I’m glad she helps people to work towards it.
Thank you for sharing this video. A lot of us are afraid of asking, talking about these topics. This was very educational🙏🏼…much appreciated.
Happy my first real relationship she matured me. We were 18/19 and she was very open so after 7 years I’m accustomed to that type of communication. I need my partner to be open and honest so we can have healthy communication about everything.
A great interview! Lots of clear, practical, creative information. Not one wasted word.
This is a brilliant video. As a mature woman embarking on a new relationship, I've been thinking about what they are discussing for a while. This is very helpful. ❤
Dr. Gurney thank you so much! You’re such a pioneer in effective communication. And to me sex is communication. I feel so empowered by this conversation. ❤
psychological safety and self-worth are that which great communication extends out of.
im surprised so many couples feel so unsafe to have vulnerable/honest conversations
That tells you a lot about the state of relationship and marriage - it's no picnic for a lot of people. My stance has always been, if you're not happy in it, what's the point? I'm always amazed at how many people stay in bad relationships.
Most of the time people have sex when they are drunk! These studies dont encorparte other varibles. Weak men that can hold a plank for longer then 20s will never help women get along.
Steven, this was absolutely fabulous. Really eye opening and I can't wait to share with my husband. Karen is such a breath of fresh air: so articulate and insightful on such a sensitive topic for many.
And congratulations on 5 million subscribers! That's amazing ⭐️
She is doing what lesbians love to do : turn straight women to lesbians, they love to do it like average women love to exerce attention towards high value men. I don't even blame her, any society that gave power to women collapsed like Rome. Maybe I'm wrong and history will not repeat because of the influence of big data companies and IA.
There’s me moaning about being single for the last 10 years and not having sex for the last three. Listening to the amount of sheer hard work that goes into being in a sexual relationship I’m actually seeing my situation in a whole new positive light.
You are in denial, and I am sorry for your loss
@@MoreData-hz8hm I have a chronic illness so that takes al my energy
Thank you. I really want to emphasize how important your inclination to explore confusing topics with experts is refreshing and enriching for everyone.
Please and Thank you ❤
ahh the ole "refreshing and enriching" just like freshly squeezed Orange Juice huh.. lol You are Funny
The book “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski speaks about the same. The book is for both men and women. The book talks about “non concordance” all throughout the book.
I absolutely loved this video. Dr gurney is an amazing teacher , I really enjoyed listening to her. Lots of things I’ve not thought about.