Paul Brunson: "The 70/30 Body Shape Is Scientifically The Most Sexy" & THIS Predicts Divorce!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 พ.ค. 2024
- If you enjoyed this episode, I recommend you check out my first conversation with Paul Brunson, which you can find here: • World’s No.1 Matchmake...
00:00 Intro
02:14 What Do You Do?
05:52 What History Tells Us About Our Current Relationship Needs
10:07 Why Arranged Marriages Last Longer
15:05 Why 80% of Marriages Are Unsatisfied
20:14 Your Friends Know If Your Partner Is the One
21:19 Find Personal Satisfaction; It Determines Your Relationship's Outcome
24:35 Stop Expecting That Love Will Fix Your Life
27:34 Love Is Not Like The Movies
31:38 Why Men Are Struggling
37:36 The Golden Mean: The Ratio of Attractiveness
41:55 Find the Value You Bring to the Dating Market
46:17 The Premium Effect
53:20 Improving Low Self-Esteem
59:27 Older Generations in the Dating World
01:05:31 How to Go About Our Negative Traits
01:09:25 Does the Sex Ratio Matter?
01:15:02 How to Teach Your Children to Be in Successful Relationships
01:18:52 Concerns Around Child Rate Decline
01:25:40 Gen Z Knows What We Need to Sustain a Healthy Relationship
01:30:29 What Are the Different Attachment Styles in a Relationship
01:33:50 Our Attachment Style and Sex Patterns
01:39:37 What to Look for in a Relationship
01:48:35 Why Narcissists Are Attractive
01:49:48 Watch Out: 14% of the Population Are Psychopaths, Sadists & Narcissists
01:55:05 Red Flags in a Partner
02:01:09 The Four Horsemen
02:03:36 The Importance of Conflict Resolution
02:07:01 The Last Guest Question
You can purchase Paul’s book, ‘Find Love’, here: amzn.to/49gGOFd
Follow Paul:
Twitter - bit.ly/49cXbmg
Instagram - bit.ly/3u5JTcx
Get tickets to The Business & Life Speaking Tour: stevenbartlett.com/tour/
Follow me:
beacons.ai/diaryofaceo
Sponsors:
Huel: g2ul0.app.link/G4RjcdKNKsb
If you enjoyed this episode, could you please do me a favour and hit the like button 👍🏾 it helps us massively. Appreciate you all! 🙏🏽
Hello, Steven, how can I reach you directly? if I would like to speak to you, if possible
Wonderful episode!
Yet again you beg casual viewers to subscribe to the channel, promising things will get better and better and better if they do.
Maybe they don't believe you.
What does "better" mean? Better guests?- Hard for you to do that, given the current standard. Better production values - ditto.
Better ratings for you?
I don't think you're being honest with us.
Which kinda means, maybe you need to change your message if it isn't working.
Or look into why viewers won't subscribe. some of the things that irritate them could be found below.
@@kupewataaka6917
Good luck! Stephen doesn't seem to read these comments or to encourage engagement with his followers, except to plead with his viewers to subscribe to his channel.
Not a great brand image IMO
Please invite Master Shi Heng Yi to the podcast!
“Good love looks boring but feels great” - serving up truth!
Melanie! I’m a fan! 😆
Just dont date liberal white women and you will be fine.
You and Thomas are couple goals ❤️
I have found this to be true. I am 3 years into my relationship with the first partner I've ever been with that is secure attached. I never fell in love with him, there was no "falling", no roller coaster emotions, no anxiety, just Boy Next Door kind of friendship love. And I love him deeply, our relationship is the easiest I've ever been in, and I am incredibly happy everyday. But it took months in the beginning to convince myself that I didn't need the drama. I'm so glad I did
You can make boring fun thought! Define boring?!!
These are the men the young and impressionable men should be listening to and not those toxic, misogynistic podcast bros
Amen🙏🏻
I imagine, much like a healthy relationship, these young men look 'boring' to those Tate fans. Being healthy looks boring but boy does it feel good!
They were dead on until they talked about the self esteem and looks not mattering. That is complete nonsense.
All relevant in a man’s world. They have these guest on their pods too.
I disagree, young men need to evaluate all sides of manhood and discern what will work for them in their lives. Best way to learn in my opinion.
That self esteem comment! "the higher the self-esteem, the less external validation you need."
yeeees!!! gold
Now, that's a very basic statement. Is that not obvious??
Watching two handsome and intelligent men having a great conversation for +2 hours, that was an afternoon well spent. Gentlemen thank you!
❤
❤❤❤❤❤
I agree…. Outstanding
They worked so hard to become handsome congrats to them 😂
i'm 42 and went onto Tinder at 36 not really knowing the game. All my pics were nice but no filters and I put exactly what I wanted and did not want to the point that I was told i was being 'too honest'. Through Tinder I got great responses and I ended up meeting a wonderful man and now I'm married.
Married my husband from Bumble :)
I hear a lot of success stories from online dating apps. My coworkers have married their husbands whom they met off pof. I’m currently in a relationship with my bf who I met off there also and he’s the most emotionally intelligent person I’ve ever encountered ❤ so glad to hear these success stories rather than the bad ones
36, single 3 yra after breaking up from a 10 Yr relationship. Not looked for anything new yet and don't like the idea of going online but this gives me hope 😊
I met my partner on an odd one called OKCupid, we've been together 5 years now. It's crazy!
@@Dontletthemdullyoursparkle there are more horror stories than happy endings, be very careful.
1:43:00 'Necessary for a good relationship 1. Emotional stability 2. Shared values and goals 3. Commitment, not giving up. 4. Willing to learn, listen when needed 5. Supportive and wants you to succeed. 6. Ability to resolve disagreements '
No wonder why I divorced my spouse😂 we had none of these in our “marriage.”😮
@@melbaT2770 the one who divorces the spouse is the one who is usually at fault, especially if the divorcee kidnaps the kids, extorts support and steals much of the marital assets. That's a narcissist and possibly a psychopath
How many women even have 1 of those things on their list😅😅😅
Bless 🙏🏾
@007topless how many "people". I won't say how many men although we should know it's not 90% of women out there targeting and fooling people into relationships; stalking, abusing (financially, emotionally, physically, sexually) and murdering adults and children. 😢
Women also aren't the ones trying to flip the script on literally thousands of years of statistics. 🤣🤣🤣
“Emotional fitness is far greater than any amount of money.” Having dated the first emotionally intelligent man of my life at 50 lol (less education and less money - who cares), I can absolutely attest to this. He prioritizes our relationship above all else - no greater feeling and this love pervades all other areas of our lives. I also happen to be wildly physically attracted to him, too. It’s just the best. Thank you.
Congratulations! So happy for you ❤
That's amazing! Happy for you.
Needed to read that. Thank you.
"This is my partner. I don't care what youu think." I love that. Far, far too many people are concerned with how their partner makes them look.
Or parents who "care" a little too much about their children's partners not being someone THEY would have chosen for themselves.
@@-._.-KRiS-._.-you live with your spouses family or something?
The same guy also says the people likely telling you what they think know you better and you should listen to them.
Amen!
I love the messaging around self-confidence building. I have found the more I commit to myself, my routines, and holdig myself accountable for things like what I eat, when I go to sleep, when I workout etc the happier I have been. I am probably the most fulfilled and content I have ever felt in my life.
Agreed!
Yup! Same. So grateful.
💯👏🏽🙏🏽
Omg, soooo true…
Congratulations!
It's not just what Paul says, it's his personality and warmth. He comes across as extremely authentic and real and a genuinely good person. You just would love to have him as a friend! Love both episodes with him. Thank you both
Imagine having both Paul and Steven as your best buddies, homeboys or whatever you wanna call it. I can’t think I’d be bored ever in their company, getting to pick their brains and discuss all wordly topics.
They both seem so genuine and knowledgeable, yet humble.
@@Monno15aside from agreeing with your comment whole-heartedly, I am wondering if you would agree with my version of a part 2::
Because these two men are so appealing, do you think that those who listen are more likely to accept their conclusions and their point of view or advice? My mom used to be cautious about people who were called "charismatic" by others because their magneticism might blind others into adopting pov or taking advice/direction more readily without a careful examination of those conclusionx or viewpoints. I
disagree with some of this guest's conclusions, but I know I'd face some strong, even harsh reactions from others if I expressed a different pov or possible "other" analysis. Btw..not from these 2 gents..I think they would be open to hearing "other", but those learning from them would likely react negatively.
He is a good storyteller. I'm only at 12:16 and I have heard some fiction
@@raffila Oh I completely agree with you on part two aswell there. Your mom sounds wise, those who are considered ”charismatic” I think people automatically become biased and like you said blinded from adopting another pov for example.
I think its important to try and see through the charisma and always be critic. I mean just look at the trump loving and trump hatred in ’murica (idk why I came to think of it but ye, I’m a bit tired)
Anyway, interesting point!
hez a gud boi and emulates homo sapien nicely
I'm literally 35 and yes, you are 100% correct. New age way of dating is terrible, and it feels impossible, easier to just give up and work on other things I want to do in life. I'm a believer that if I put myself on the correct path, and something comes along, then great, but if not, that's okay too.
I feel sorry for the young people today...so hard to meet people. I remember my grandmother telling me they used to have dances where young people would meet. They had a live band and the men were dressed in suits and the girls with a nice dress. Men would write their names on a girl's dance card. Everyone who wanted to dance did and you got to dance and meet a multiple of people. Eventually you met someone you clicked with that would develop into courting then marriage. Perhaps society needs to bring back this tradition.
@dianepereira1860 its sex, women give sex too easy, wouldn't work
@@dianepereira1860there is an intergenerational community of social partner dancers. I think that this is one of the healthiest things that young people can get involved with. Social dances are held in community spaces, not bars. We don't use dance cards anymore, but dancing with multiple partners throughout each night is the norm. And what I see is people who put away their phones, who engage in non-sexual but intimate. In the dance, and people connect in real life, in real time, and make lifelong social connections in this community. Any man who is finding dating difficult, should learn partner dance. A man who can lead a dance and give a girl a twirl around the dance floor elevates his status immeasurably.
I'm very much in the same boat at 45, it feels good to have been married and experienced the good stuff and the bad, and now to be in a place where I'm dedicated to my own growth, I'm not locked into my career, and I can chase my bliss.
@@dianepereira1860That's something I think genZ is going to do well, they're gonna keep their dance cards open, they've seen the result of GenX trauma bonded marriages, and elder millennial codependency attachments. I think they've taken notes , I hope lol
This man has the VOICE to match the topic. One can only hope he does audiobooks.
I was thinking the same thing!
Find love - available on audible :)
Its also included with spotify premium!
"Find your tribe and there you'll thrive" So true. We mostly apply this to friendships and we should in romantic relationships as well.
"stay away from white liberal women and you will thrive"
Totally agree. Male/female, gay/straight, young/old even single/married, or any combination of these, we all need connection to our “tribe”
I’ve applied this with my relationship but maintaining friends is hard. I find it harder to trust people. It’s easy in my relationship since he saw the best and worst in me thru out the 3 years and we’ve only gotten closer.
@@Bunny11344Oh wow that's fascinating. It's the opposite for me. Thanks for sharing, gives me something to think about.
@@barefootedbougie thanks. Maybe I’m just a bit more introverted. I actually find it a bit difficult to maintain friendships even with work colleagues as everyone is so busy so it’s hard to find time to connect. Some are raising families etc. People drift apart. It’s not the same as it was when you’re younger where you can pick up where you left off and have tons of time talking and really getting to know people. Often times, I’m mentally drained from work so the last thing I want to do is talk to other people.
2:00:20 '99% chance of a broken relationship - if a partner shows contempt and disrespect. The partner doesn't value you, thinks they are better than you, and won't resolve disagreements.'
The hero here 🎉
This is it, definitely had a partner that thought she was better then me and everyone else basically
This goes down to what he said about people not knowing how to choose a mate
I just took a screenshot so I can text this exact simple explanation to exs who just refuse to take No, go away for an answer. Thank you
Classic expression of narcissism...
Crucial in Relationship
1. Emotional Stability
2. Courageous Visions
3. Resilience
4. Open mindedness
5. Compassionate and Kind
- Emotional Stability: This involves managing emotions in a healthy way, not letting anger or sadness overwhelm the relationship. Partners who are emotionally stable provide a sense of security and calm to each other, even in difficult times. They communicate their feelings honestly and constructively, avoiding overreactions.
- Courageous Visions: Partners with courageous visions are willing to dream big and take risks together. They have a clear sense of direction and purpose for their relationship, which might include goals like traveling the world, starting a business, or raising a family. They're not afraid to face challenges and are prepared to support each other in pursuit of their shared dreams.
- Resilience: Resilience in a relationship means the ability to bounce back from setbacks and difficulties. Resilient couples can navigate through hard times without letting it permanently damage their relationship. They see challenges as opportunities to grow stronger together, learn from their experiences, and emerge more united.
- Open-mindedness: Being open-minded means accepting and valuing each other's differences, including opinions, beliefs, and preferences. Open-minded partners are willing to try new things, listen to each other's perspectives without judgment, and find common ground. This fosters a dynamic and evolving relationship that adapts over time.
- Compassionate and Kind: Compassion and kindness are the heart of any strong relationship. These qualities mean treating each other with love, respect, and consideration. Compassionate and kind partners are empathetic, offer support during tough times, celebrate each other's successes, and are genuinely concerned for each other's well-being.
I’m a Gen x with two adult daughters. I’m in my early 50’s and I have worked on myself a lot, and still am. I find men in my bracket mostly set in their ways and unwilling to work on themselves. The majority of available men have so much baggage that they are not even aware about, or expect to be understood and accepted unconditionally. The worst of them expect me to be their therapist, then refuse to do anything different. This is why they’re so lonely.
Unfortunately this makes women lonely too, by proxy. If I had a dollar for the amount of men I thought were potential partners only to find out how much pain they’re carrying, and won’t tackle. Luckily for us, women develop strong friendship groups and healthier habits. Of course I am only speaking from my experience.
I totally see what you mean, and I can't help thinking about how this comedian somewhere here on youtube who compares dating again over 40 to shopping at a thrift store. 😂
Men are ok letting themselves go and are not willing to do the work yet they are looking for the “perfect” woman.😮
I 💯agree.
Heard you loud & clear
What are you expecting of a partner? A machine?
What is a partner if not a person you love and are loved by unconditionally, that accepts you how you are and that you can talk to honestly?
Everyone has their baggage especially after more than half a lifetime and if you are not helping each other to become better than what is the point of a partnership.
If my partner is super attractive I might overlook if those character qualities are not there, if I desperately want to found a family I could be a bit less selective too if I am desperate but if I choose someone to spend years or decades with I want to have a good time together and someone I can trust. If you look for more successful and a bit older men they just either have much more choice, or pulled out of the game entirely so they can afford to be selective.
00:02 Choosing a partner is crucial for longevity and happiness.
01:59 Paul Brunson's experience in finance and relationship science.
06:18 Evolution of mate selection from procreation to companionship.
08:36 Shift from traditional partner selection to self-expression desires.
13:20 Prioritize your values in your calendar
15:12 Arranged marriages are often more successful than traditional marriages.
19:07 Identify your relationship goals and pursue them unapologetically.
20:52 Importance of individual satisfaction before entering a relationship
24:50 Choosing the right partner and helping them unveil their best self is crucial for a successful relationship.
26:57 Choosing the right partner is a life or death decision
30:52 Men are struggling in the current dating climate.
32:54 Creating safe spaces for men to connect and share challenges.
37:02 The golden mean explains physical attractiveness
38:49 The 70/30 body shape is scientifically the most sexy.
43:07 Short-term mating focuses on immediate physical attraction, while long-term mating considers a wide range of attributes for a lifelong partner.
45:09 Having children can affect perceived mate value
49:33 Putting black female clients on J date resulted in phenomenal success
51:42 Self-esteem drives uniqueness and value
55:29 Boost self-esteem with self-compassion and achievable goals.
57:23 Small commitments shape your self-identity
1:01:00 Authenticity wins in the dating market.
1:03:00 Embrace your uniqueness and be transparent
1:06:47 Improving relationships through self-awareness and active listening.
1:08:42 Social skills impact on happiness and success
1:12:35 Long-term relationships are more important than career accomplishments.
1:14:42 Hypergamy in online dating and its impact on relationships
1:18:57 Population decline and its implications
1:21:06 Fear of demographic changes leading to dangerous ideas
1:25:10 Attachment theory and adult relationships
1:26:48 Attachment styles impact adult relationships.
1:31:05 Attachment styles influence sexual satisfaction
1:33:17 Understanding yourself is key to healthy relationships.
1:37:23 Our experiences shape who we are
1:39:25 Choosing a partner based on superficial criteria can lead to relationship problems.
1:43:18 Emotional stability and courageous vision are crucial in relationships.
1:45:24 Resilience, open-mindedness, and compassion are key traits for a strong partner.
1:49:22 Narcissists and psychopaths use manipulation to achieve their objectives.
1:51:26 Narcissistic partners are extremely difficult to deal with.
1:55:37 Lack of effort is a red flag in a relationship.
1:57:35 Resolving conflict in a partnership is crucial for trust and transparency.
2:01:28 Contempt in a relationship predicts divorce with 99% accuracy.
2:03:34 Selecting the right partner is crucial for a successful relationship.
2:07:52 The impact of self-doubt on one's perception and behavior
2:09:56 Actionable advice on improving relationships
Reach me at LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/iamjasonwu/
@wujason... Thank you! Best summary, on here!!
Thank you
This needs to be pinned!! Thank you
Truly appreciate your time and notes ❤
I love you! Thank you.
For arranged marriage, you are lucky if your parents know who you are and not what they want you to be lol
LOL! This was my exact thought!!!! I grew up in a religious cult where men were scoping me by age 11-13 …. So glad I got away! Arranged marriage I guess or maybe we should look at traditional role? How there are ways of connecting with feminine and masculine that do hold some traditional values - yet not at the risk of either one losing a sense of individuality - because my wager says most arranged marriages hold more traditional roles. Take away arrangement and look into roles. I am happily married for 17 years! Im not traditional in every aspect and I am not a mother by choice. I think it can be done w/o arrangements and matching - I agree - go where you are a premium option! Where you shine and flourish! When you are connected to your self you attract the same!! ✨✨✨✨
He did say the ones that are not amoral
and how much can we trust that these "happily" married people in these arrangement are rly happy?
He is so right, I've noticed that the ppl w the lowest self-esteem are really caught up in looks, some constantly taking pics of themselves n hyper-critical of others...it is mind boggling. The explanation for this REALLY makes sense!
It's all starting to make sense now
I honestly didn’t want to watch this episode because I been purposely staying single, I’m on a ‘finding myself’ journey and I’m really into my PD, but this conversation was everything. These 2 are amazing, I could listen to them all day, thanks guys , excellent work 🎉🎉🎉
This is the BEST interview I have ever watched from beginning to end! As someone who was married for 15 years and had to walk away from my marriage and now four years later in a new relationship that is so beautiful so peaceful so loving practically everything I prayed my next relationship would be, this interview validated so many things I have been feeling and thinking. I was tapped in the whole time! WOW thank you for this Paul and God bless you and your beautiful family continually!!! I will be purchasing your book for sure!
Exactly what I thought!!! 🎉
You have 4 yrs logged in and that is barely a statement about happiness or longevity in a relationship. 15 yrs is long enough to give great trial and tribulation. I hope your relationship goes the long run and offers you great abundance in happiness and love. In honour of your 15 yrs....kudos for trying to give it an honest attempt to both you and your ex.
Yes though I'm completely confused by this 70% golden meme or whatever it is stated here...please can someone be so kind's to bring some enlightenment to these statistics...I mean is he mentioning if your hips are 10inches bigger than your waist? If so then where does the number 70 come into this!? Completely confused...God bless you all-Thanks very much in advance for any enlightenments insightfulness💚💟💛
@@bestm333 If a woman's hips measured 100cm and her waist measured 70cm that would fit the "golden mean" as they call it. Once a woman has children her waist usually grows, so a smaller waist implies that she hasn't had children yet i.e. no competition.
@@wendylorimer5663 Thank you immensely much for your enlightenments🙌 WendyLorimer 👍God bless you
Wish he'd just mentioned hour glass to prevent confusion 💚💟💛
Great episode! I started dating again at 40. Had to now internet date, easy as I’m good with technology but NOT the same! When we were growing up, you dated guys once and you were boyfriend and girlfriend! Now it was lots of men shopping around but not wanting to commit and I found a lot of over 40 men wanted women 10 yrs younger. I dated a dreadful list of men, my fill of narcissists! (At the time, not knowing what that was, or what they are capable of) No luck trying to meet people ‘old school’ in pubs etc. At 53, I randomly meet a friend of my cousin who I could have met any time in the last 20 yrs, and that was it. We are so happy and planning a great future.
I have come to call it the "Pretty Woman" effect, like in that movie. I'm 52 and at least average looking and fitness level. Men my age think they should be with 30-yr-olds, and I keep getting hit on by gents 20 years my senior, or young men under 25 with Oedipal complexes and mommy fetishes. What a cesspool of psychos in online dating.
❤❤ Exactly. I am very close with my first partner. We met at work. I have no desire to go on the Internet to find someone. I have in the past, but not now at 49!
You got a true live story tale. This dating times is like what is this type of thing. A lot of unrealistic expectations as well of themselves and the partner they looking for.
Yeah, people are not being genuine unfortunately. They lie a lot. The lovebombing part is great at the beginning but when things start to settle then you'll see the real personality. No one is perfect but just be honest and sincere.
@@jennyj0007 absolutely, the lies are unreal. Very difficult to find anyone who wants commitment. Lots of fake profile writing, lots of weirdness! I was just honest, I had some very odd experiences! lol…..
I'm in my 50s and in a long-term marriage, but I have single friends who are also in their 50s and dating. When Paul talked about the things to look for in a partner that really matter...like " A partner who is emotionally fit," it is definitely the number one thing people over 50 look for in a relationship. We are at an age where we don't want to waste time with a partner who is an emotional mess. The five things you mentioned are part of my marriage and are highly valued as you get older! 100%
PHENOMENAL EPISODE. Possibly the MOST in depth discussion about relationships, dating, personalities, love, divorce & attachment styles.
WOW!! So much covered. I could listen to this 3 times and still only retain 10%. There’s SO much GOLD here!!!
Well done. Bravo 👏 gentlemen.
40:00 I'm listening to this while at the gym and I just dropped my current excerise to go work shoulders 😂
TAOOOO....
😂
😂 it’s true too! I’ve never cared about abs. Get dem shoulders😍
The Art of Loving by Eric Fromm, in 1956, pretty much said everything that needs saying. It's barely a hundred pages, and well worth the time.
thanks for the recommendation.
Yes! It's been 18 years since I read it. I should read it again. I thought it was great! The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD is my favorite. He covers love and relationships in that. I first read it at age 17 or 18 and it really stuck with me. I reread it every few years.
The Road Less Traveled (10 million copies and counting) is a gem!
I just realized that I finish every podcast of yours with a smile on my face. Steven, you are a wonderful interviewer and your own growth shows in every podcast. Keep doing this great work ❤
He is one of the few that can sit still and listen. He is ok with dead air time and waiting for people to ruminate and really think.
This interview is probably the best interview I’ve ever watched. Extremely informative and It was easy to stay locked in from beginning to end . Everything made so much sense and you can feel the passion for relationship science oozing out of Paul. He seems like an extremely intelligent man and the sort of person you can speak to for ages. Big well done for producing amazing content as always.
Easy to see how this guy has been successful. He's charming, knowledgeable, and kind.
you can by like that. you have to do it by yourself.
Not to mention being an exceptionally attractive physical specimen !
@@michellemiller5372 Yes, he's not too hard on the eyes, lol!
And Oprah
@@michellemiller5372✔️😁🌟
Damn this is hands down the best podcast I have heard! I’m someone who struggles to give my attention and here sat for 2 hours fully learning whatever Paul had to teach! Thanks Steven for sharing this!
My favourite guest by a country mile! Paul Brunson is a seriously tuned in,knowledgeable gentleman. This gripped me. From start to finish. A lot of men (and women). Could learn a huge amount from this guy. A true gentleman. Him. A long with Steven. Equals perfect match🙏🏻
6 dimensions of flourishment :
1. Personal growth
2. inspiration or goal that keeps you walking
3. Autonomy
4.environmental mastery (the place you're living is it conducive to all the things you wanna do?)
5. having a strong relationship with other people
6.Self acceptance ( acknowledge the bad side you have)
That 'premium effect' section was gold. This has explained SO much about why as an Australian, I get asked out by travellers coming here (to Australia), or when I go overseas I also get asked out. You need to go where you're different, and people treat you differently! (Also, the men who asked me out were ALL American! Had the courage to ask, and I admire that! 😊)
When I moved to the US from Canada, I had men complimenting me, asking me out (quite assertively), and it was quite overwhelming when compared to the passivity of Canadian men. I did not look different, but my Canadian accent was different I guess. I miss the US.
Aussie accent is sexy hahaha
French woman here. I have and used ro have much more success when I lived abroad. In France, foreigners are a lot more interested in me than French men. Unless they are on the older side, lack attractiveness etc.... 😐🫤
I am an Aussie and I don’t understand the fascination with the accent.😮
‘I had other priorities’ is key to admit to ourselves and growth rather than ‘I can’t’
It’s so true about being more true with ourselves with our priorities.
Merci for this authentic chat.
One of the best interviews I’ve ever watched on the topic of love and relationships! For someone who is quite anxious about choosing a life partner this has shifted my perspective but has also given me a lot of insight into how the world of romance and relationships work.
Great interview! I’m from Richmond, Va married 💍 , to a good man who just happens to be of Asian descent, we have a Family living in Ca, where I met him. This was such a nicely executed interview. So many solid points made with really good and nuanced detailed commentary, I felt only added the much needed depth into the understanding of why we do the things we do when it comes to love ❤️. I definitely learned a lot! Thank you for your insight and sharing this knowledge with us 🙏🏽
Steve and his team are a true definition of living in their purpose and serving other. I love this podcast, for me it's one of the top podcasts in the world. I love the guests. I feel like I've become more intelligent from this podcast, every single week my knowledge bank keeps fattening. Keep doing a great job, know that lives are being transformed.
God bless.
Agreed
More podcasters could take a few pages out of Steven's book.
He is a nice guy - but - the reason arranged marriages last longer is because this practice of arranged marriages is undertaken in countries - religions - cultures where divorce is looked down on and not really an option.
i don't think he said they last longer. i think he said they were more satisfied. which i don't think is true, but just making a point
Wrong
💯💯💯
Arranged marriage last longer on average because I think everything is taken into account and effect. Your friends and family help to build what needs nurtured most in the future relationships. If you give the right amount of time allocated into a potential spouse your les likely to break up with them. It's just like the King and Queens of medevil times their success rate was 10xs greater then that of a normal marriage. I believe anyway...Persuade me otherwise. Thank you ❤😊
@@DustinRich-bp1zo Well said
I feel the same as you do cristianaJ126, I am a 76 year old woman and I am committing to my longevity as a person. I have been married for 53 years and my relationship with my husband has changed dramatically to being a loving wife and partner. I am now a carer to him as he has kidney disease and is on peritoneal dialysis. We still function well as partners. I feel fulfilled as a woman who has experienced loving my husband and life through many years of trials and tribulations. 😂
Been watching DOAC for a couple years.
First time hearing from Paul and I’m fascinated by the idea of growth in love and communication and attachment theory. I shift between anxious and avoidant on my way to secure! I find that the perspicacity from podcasts and ideas from books like yours helps me to heal and be a better partner.
That said I would love to have your book on Audible Paul. Cheers and thank you for the wisdom. I just started talking to someone and this has already been a huge help
The 6 points:
1. Self development
2. Inspiration
3. Autonomy - control over your time
4. Environmental mastery
5. Strong social relationships
6. Self acceptance
We are the environment and so many of us cope with life by mimicking our environment. I feel like in saying this, I'd recommend you should develop an answer to those 6 points but put attention into it the other way around.
Know yourself (6), build strong relationships with people that are like minded (5). Environmental mastery (4) use yourself understanding and your relationships to support an environment that allows for Autonomy (3), with mastery of time we can look at inspiration (2), which allows us to self develop (1). So when starting at (6), remember your (1) why.
Thank you!
that's pretty cool actually... at first I was like what is this guy talking about, tomato pomegranate. but pretty neat how that flows together like that. so like, its not a random list u check off, but rather its a roadmap?
And creates a feedback loop. Around and around you go
22:00 Carol Ryff six dimensions of psychological wellbeing - 1) Self-Acceptance · 2) Personal Growth · 3) Purpose in Life · 4) Positive Relations With Others · 5) Environmental Mastery · 6) Autonomy.
thanks
Just what I was searching for, thanks!
Choosing not being chosen! I think it's the biggest struggle for women and they don't even realize this because we've been hearing our whole lives about the "prize" of marriage. It's so important to do the choosing and understanding why you're allowing yourself to settle for being chosen.
Such a wonderfully well done conversation. Paul is so warm and human! Thx for bringing us this wonderful interview!
The Premium Effect - scarce commodity, being different and unique and most importantly having high self esteem
Interesting topic, even for a happily married for many many years Gen-X. Gives insight into why we have worked so well for so long, and how we keep that going for good. Not gonna lie, its not all been smooth sailing or easy, but having a partnership like we have developed is the most secure, best feeling in the world. I wish everyone could have the same.
I am glad to hear you say your partnership is the best feel EVEN with it not being smooth sailing.. it provides realism
Every relationship has bumps… but it makes you better humans if you are willing to work for its endurance.
It took me so long to get through this episode. I always rewind and rewatch profound ideas, and this episode was one profound idea after another. Thank you for introducing me to amazing ideas.
Same! I'm still getting through it.
All of the interviews I have seen the past months, since discovering this channel. The energy in the conversations and quality questions is inspiring. Today, I watched this video, and gained a new understanding of conversations, vulnerability, attachment theory, and my own relationship. I lean anxiously attached, and my gf is more avoidant, and our sexual chemistry was explained in a just a few minutes. Mind opening and healing. This is amazing! Thank you!
Since I ended my long term relationship 2 months ago, this guest arrived at the perfect timing for me right now 😄
And now I'm here 🎉
2 months flies by like nothing, mine ended 7 years ago, and I’m still single and have been since. (Well, it was my marriage and not a long relationship, and I’m widowed so I gotta admit that I havent even looked for a new relationship since my late wife passed away, and I still wear my wedding band/ring to send signals that I’m still taken, or atleast not ready to move on, I might never be)
❤️
Many never do. My grandmother missed her husband for 19 years- with Alzheimers. She knew he was gone, but now when or how...I was her memory. She would not ever get married again, and wore her wedding ring. She left to go see her husband.
I still miss him too!
Love is love.
Arranged marriages (India and China and Africa) are done mostly for financial support, contracts, and part of tradition in families. They MAYBE last longer but mates MIGHT not be happy. I met a Chinese woman in her 30's her family forced her to get married. She told me she is MBA (married but available) yup she cheats on her forced married mate. Thank you learned so much from you two men!!!
Exactly my thoughts..I am from India and I see soooo many people who are married for years who ideally shouldn't be together for months.... mostly women stay in such marriages due to financial reasons and men due to societal reasons
Ya that’s my problem with arranged marriage as divorce is frown upon on.. so they stay together unhappy
Arranged or not, cheating represents poor personal values. This, unfortunately, is not a good example.
Obviously this will happen, he is talking about on average as compared to other cultures now. Clearly there is no perfect formula, there will always be unhappy marriages and unhappy people in them. I'm not sure why ppl can't take things in context.
It's not just arranged marriages in specific cultures/countries where people cheat.. people date for years-get married and these things happen regardless. Differences are bound to happen in any setting of relationships, it's more about the people and not just culture
Excellent segment for those in relationships and for those seeking relationships! Just shared with family and friends! Keep up the good work with these educational and mentally stimulating discussions - they are so needed.
OMG what a podcast, nailed it, and I have watched 90% of them. Thank you Steven foe being so open!!!
I am perhaps not the kind of person one would expect to be interested in all this relationship stuff but I find it fascinating. I credit my continuing interest in this subject matter for my 26 years of deep love for my wife. Our ages are very different, different ethnicity, different nationality, but we have many shared values and interests. I am constantly looking at what makes us different and in most cases happier and more fulfilled than our friends. We haven’t conformed to social norms, her’s or mine, and have crafted our own hybrid lifestyle based on our understanding of what makes for a great relationship. Not for everyone but we found what works for us and continue growing together over the decades. It should probably be noted that we are one of those couples who opted to remain childless. I think podcasts like yours help people make better choices and I believe that is where people need to start.🙏
I would say that not having children makes things a lot easier for sure.
Thank you for your comment. I am 24 and have't found a partner yet but your message gives me hope and I perceive a sense of personalization in your actions, decisions, thinking and emotional fitness. All of this is giving me motivation to continue working on myself. Thank you again.
@@LoveOfLam Expecting anyone to take care of me in my old age sounds pretty selfish to me. I am already 70 and think I have a pretty good handle on how to deal with my old age.🙏
@@villagefarang for now.
@@LoveOfLam Yes, of course, and my wife and I will deal with life as it unfolds. I take full responsibility for my choices and don't make judgments about the choices of others.🙏
Nailed it… I’m 44 haven’t been in the dating world for 15+ years and I’m totally lost lol
I only just started watching these podcasts and they're so rich and insightful, I can't help but watch them multiple times ❤
This conversation was the best 2 hours I have spent listening and learning. Thank you both for sharing such life changing information. Paul is brilliant and so is your podcast!
Everyone seems obsessed with having or finding a partner. I’m so happy being single and not having to compromise and negotiate with someone . I’ve had long relationships and short relationships. It’s. A peaceful and fulfilling life being single . It’s also a blessing
Well it’s cause you’ve settled for your hand dude . A lot of us are tired of constantly using our hands to jerk our turkeys . We actually want to go out and score some Real poon cause the real deal is just much better and there’s nothing like it.
agreed! in today's day and age, dating is a woman's game. It's smart for a female to look for a mate, but FOR THE MOST part, the juice ain't worth the squeeze for many men for a host of reasons starting with the unjust justice system designed to favor females as they know taking away power from men is the surest way to destroy a healthy family unit and women know this; women fully know that as soon as the man signs a marriage cert or impregnates her, his balls now belong in her purse. The system also fully understands that giving women more power and opportunity gets us closer to an even field between men and women and many may say, well, that's good, BUT females from a biological standpoint don't truly respect men who they perceive as being at the SAME or below level as them, hypergamy is a female nature. They want to date and marry up. This goes back to briffaults law on female nature, If a female is in a relationship where she is not BENEFITING, in her mind at a subconscious level, she is not in a relationship. She will never be satisfied in that relationship. Women are now playing the role of men, being PROVIDERS, and then we wonder how and why many women are masculine and bossy with the man.
I kind of agree. After a long time with the mindset of wanting someone, I learned I have a lot of options but when they began wanting a rapid commitment of my time without thoroughly feeling like I knew them- meaning sacrificing this beautiful schedule of self-care and interests I'd taken so long to develop, I often find myself going "naah,"
Right? I’m like ok love is cool but how can I get money? 😂
Nothing wrong with that. As long as your happy 😊
every interview, every guest, every question asked is just perfection, thank you!!
Yes but I'm completely confused by this 70% golden mene or whatever it is stated here...please can someone be so kind's to bring some enlightenment to these statistics...I mean is he mentioning if your hips are 10inches bigger than your waist? If so then where does the number 70 come into this!? Completely confused...God bless you all-Thanks very much in advance for any enlightenments insightfulness
💚💟💛
@@bestm333 My hips are 34 inches and my waist is 24 inches (34-24=10) My hips are 10 inches bigger than my waist.(34*.70=24) and my waist is 70% of my hips.
@@levdanie Thank you for your enlightenments God bless you so 10inches difference means you're this 70 he mentions then yes? Wish he'd just stated this in the 1st place💚💟💛
@@bestm333 You're welcome! I do think that 's what he meant, but I also think personally that while these numbers may attract, it is indeed the character of a person that makes
life so much more enjoyable in any partnership, value and care is at the top of everyone's list.
Take good care of yourself and others!
@@levdanie Thank you sweet sincere soul 🙌💚💟💛How genuine+ thoughtful you are
Yes completely concur with you-It is indeed of course,Million percent the person whoms most important, their nature,compassion,consideration for others. Plus if they've the ability to empathise + put themselves in others shoes etc💚💟💛
Yes he might well have simply meant hour glass or 10inches difference between hips waist etc but he could've simplified this point,for those of us whom've not heard it put in these terms before... Wisdom + knowledge I believe, is most helpful when it's spelt out directly in simple terms-Trying to be clever+ change/update things we were taught which were more simply understood, isn't really clever but can leave some of us confused🤔💚
So I'm eternally grateful for the comment section + especially good humble honest compassionate folks like you within👍😇💚
God bless you+yours gloriously forevermore
I was looking for someone who was just kind when i dated my ex partner. Later i realised he was more focused about how people might look at us. He criticised what i wore outside. He rarely held my hand. I had told him about it and he made excuses or never did anything to change it. I think i made the right choice leaving the relationship. It felt like he cared more about what other people think about how we looked.
find it so interesting about that question what a women is looking for in a man. Who could ever meet all those very specific traits?! those traits are not necessarily something that will last. I think it a huge problem in society. Women are expecting too much from a man. How is he supposed to meet those expectations and what are her expectations of herself? Those points Paul made about what someone really wants and needs in another partner is spot on. If someone has compassion, drive, emotional stability and resilience, chances are everything else in their life will follow and he or she will most likely be successful in their life. I have a lot of mates (male & female) who are hitting 40 and never have partners. When ever I ask why they didn’t think the person was a good match they always have something very picky to say about the person and then its a complete right off. Its fascinating.
This is probably the most impactful conversation I've heard on this channel. I resonated with so much of what Paul talked about. Loved it. Thank you.
What a brilliant chat. Great two hours spent with you both. Love these podcasts.... love you're kind, thoughtful and inquisitive style. ❤
" the person who becomes the MASTER OF SELF becomes the Master of environment " ❤
Once again, powerful and enlightening topics. Love the additions to the cards as well. Much success, Thank you for what you do!
The synergy between Steven and Paul created sheer magic and mastery. What a powerhouse of information and wisdom!
I loved listening to this subject matter! While I am happily married I am always curious to understand why we work and why others seem to struggle to find love. Everything said here is 100% true!!! The 5 characteristics needed in a partner is absolute gold! My friends looking for love need to watch this podcast! Thank you Paul & Steven :)
I am so psyched that I am watching 2 mentally healthy Black men who have such positive ideas about life, love and living. I want to clone y'all. I swear. I'm 60 and it's basically too late for me. I am online all the time, but my generation is filled with fiends - Black and White ones. Anyway, I'm in a community with lots of mental illness, so that doesn't help. Love you guys. Looking to see more from you both. I almost cried when he told his marriage story. That hit me hard.
I love it when both speakers are greaaaaat active listeners 💛 had so much fun watching this and also learned so much which is the best combo
Also love how Paul mentioned cultural variations in attachment style, i've never heard anyone mentions this before.
So true. It flows so smoothly that it seems like it could have been scripted.
You are amazing Paul! Your wealth of wisdom and authenticity is truly remarkable.Thank you for being on the podcast again! I will definitely be getting your book.
On of the best conversations EVER! Paul is such a treasure trove of relevant information and such an eloquent speaker. Thank you both so much❤
2:08:13 I really love Paul’s honesty here. I struggle so much with overthinking that it paralyses me out of action. This has been such a wonderfully honest conversation. ❤
You ask the best questions. This channel is amazing!! You are a natural interviewer!
The load of information in this talk is phenomenal! Thank you. I definitely felt catharsis at different points. Free therapy! Thanks so much 🙏🏾
Paul Brunson is a social genius. Love this interview & the one before. Wish him & his family every success!! ❤
This guest is so impressive on all topics .. such a balanced approach.. defines the terms in such simplistic manner and the positive signs to look as well . Simply brilliant .. very pleasant to hear
Kudos to your video editors. Very compelling the way they reel you in.
Loved this episode! It’s always a pleasure to listen to Paul. It’s great to see him back on the podcast.
I will be buying his book.
This is one of the best DOAC episodes ever! For so many reasons. Paul is able to explain concepts and the data so well, is genuinely interested and passionate about his field and just such a pleasure to listen to. Steven showed such an interest in the topics and asked all the questions I would have and more! I didn’t think I’d watch all 2 hours of this episode but I did and here I am writing MY FIRST EVER TH-cam video review! Love, love, loved it! There are just so many gems Paul shared that we all can easily apply to improve our lives and relationships. Wow, my mind is just blown!
This is one of the best interviews I have seen around relationships. Ty for the sharing.
I moved to Bali to be with my partner. Worth it!
27 years, still together, still in Bali, still working in our relationship.
Loved this conversation!
22:56 Six areas to encourage flourishing.
Personal Development
Inspiration or a Goal
Autonomy
Environmental Mastery
Strong Relationship
Self Acceptance
You know, I've been watching this channel for a couple of months now. This man was actually the 2nd video of yours I watched previously (First being the one guy on Brains.) Glad to see he's back and giving good advice still.
One of the best episodes you've ever done. Excellent guest, excellent topic, excellent knowledge. Paul Brunson is one of most elequent and well spoken experts in the field. Thanks.
This was an EXCELLENT conversation. Paul is so well spoken and so passionate about this subject. I wish for his voice, research and insight to be more amplified in dating conversations in pop culture. Was a fan of his first book, can wait to get the next!
The answer to the question at the end..... he was vulnerable, but still gave a genuine answer, I appreciated that.
Sir I feel called to spread the messages of these conversations, I’m going to start to build formatting/branding to do an overview of each episode with my own perspectives as a 21 year old kid from the United States. With all the mental health issues, men killing themselves each day, and issues I see within myself and those I love. I implement these lessons everyday and will continue to spread love as I feel almost a religious calling to do so. Best of love, let’s leave this planet better than we found it
Paul is the G.O.A.T., never an underdog. Inspiring and compelling- an icon of good
Excellent conversation. One of my favorites so far. Keep up the great work!
An AMAZING conversation! I was not familiar with Paul Brunson‘s work. I will check out the previous podcast episode with him as well as his book. Thank you!
As you mentioned the retention rate, I want to point out that my year 2023 was largely impacted by Paul’s last appearance on this podcast. I learned a lot about myself through the book he recommended and through therapy. Seeing him back on the show means I can continue with new suggestions and new tips in 2024. Thanks for this.
What’s the book
@@hebegle Attached by Amir Levine
I'm halfway through and it's is a new fave ep. So much self-work/self-actualisation explored- like go to therapy, sure, but actually DO the work!
I regret to say that in today's world, where toxic family dynamics are prevalent, the assumption that family always desires what's best for you is not universally true. Unfortunately, many families fail to invest the time to truly understand their children. Ultimately, arranged marriages often revolve around financial and personal interests.
Wow, wow, wow. This is my favorite episode so far. Paul Brunson is a beautiful man with so much wisdom and warmth. I've gained so much from this. Thank you ❤
About to listen and learn ❤❤❤ I am 50 and finally living my best life and found THE RIGHT MAN for me❤❤❤
Nice job fellas! Like others the length of the episode got me, but you two doubled down with your content and your flow. I was locked in after 5 minutes. All other thing I can add is I LEARNED A LOT🙏🏾
Ordered 2 copies of the book. Keep shining your light, I can see it from across the Pond💯
Loved it. Amazing. I wish i could have been there to participate in the conversation. Thank you both for your time
One of the best podcast on the chanel. Thank you stive .you are really keeping your promise ❤ and Paul is amazing 👏
This was so amazing! Thank you DOAC for having him back on. I’m haven’t been listening for the last several episodes as I felt the info was repetitive but this was soooo good! Thank you Paul! I wish this was 3 hrs! Haha
Wow... if I had listened to friends and family about the (now ex) partner I chose 20+ years ago, I probably wouldn't be the survivor of narcissistic abuse today.... that's... heartbreaking, but I can't blame myself because I wasn't aware of the signs before now. Learning to see those behaviors in another person absolutely should be taught in early adolescence!