“You look like you know what feet taste like” is certainly the best insult in this entire video but could also quite easily be the start of a very different proposition
Some young woman at the bar wanted Taco Bell. She told me “You look like you know what time Taco Bell closes.” Intentional or not, that is an S tier insult.
I quite literally double took that... I first heard it and though "that's not very creative... everyone's been called that" and moved on for one or two more insults before I paused the video... stared into space as my two neurons fired and realized what I just read... and then I basically collapsed
There is no counter to "you use reddit" that works, try to justify it, try to make it a good thing to use reddit, nothing works, you will always seem like a nonce
I received an insult that was very unexpected. An old man with dementia decided that I was at fault for something and threw out a long string of curses and insults. He continued until he was breathing hard. He took a small pause and ended with "... and you have ugly eyes too!" I don't think I've ever encountered anyone calling someone's eyes ugly before. Making fun of them, sure, but straight up calling eyes ugly is a once in a lifetime experience. The second time I met that old man he complimented my beautiful eyes.
French insults are the actual best thing ever. Among my personal favourites are "eat your dead relatives" and "you make me shit". Not rare, but definitely worth noting.
Back in school I once snapped at a fellow classmate and said, "you have the personality of a broken eggshell" because her ONLY (and I mean only) requirement in a romantic partner was that he be over 6 ft tall. It didn't matter to her if it was the same person but just a few inches shorter. Like come on girl, don't date a douche canoe just because he's tall, we can do better than that. Still proud of that line though ngl, no idea where it came from. 💀
My wee brother once told me that I "look like I regularly eat aquarium gravel" and I fired back "you have the emotional integrity of a single baked bean" and I haven't been the same since
Why did shittube change user names to this idiotic combined @ thing? Those TH-cam employees really just changing stuff for the sake of changing stuff now.
as someone who keeps snakes, telling someone they have the personality of one would actually not be what most people mean by it, but would definitely still be an insult. basically calling you dumb as a brick and lazy as shit
I used to work at a middle school. One day, one of the kids told me “You look like you’re divorced”. Confused, I asked “Do you mean ‘married’?”, and with no hesitation at all he clarified “No, divorced. You look like you’re divorced”. That was ten years ago and I still haven’t quite recovered.
I mean, some people you just look at them and how they look and act and you know, that person is divorced. I mean, Alex Jones, Elon Musk, ArmouredSkeptic, those guys are a *mythological* degree of divorced.
I was once called a "plaguing decapod", Which i then realized meant "a crab that makes people sick" That was probably the best way I've heard someone refer to "cancer"
i told my teacher she was "less interesting than a can of tuna" in my French class (we did have permission to insult her) and ive stolen the insult "you look like you know which crayon tastes the best" and "youre the reason shampoo bottles have instructions"
My nephew, when he was 4, had an obsession with saying "I'm going to nugget you and put you in the oven" I've never felt more threatened by a child in my life
You reminded me of a Thanksgiving years ago. My grandmother came to my mother's house for dinner, and my mother had put my four year old nephew, who wanted to help cook, in front of what I can only describe as a small vat of gravy (which was shut off to cool), with a ladle in his hand, and told him to make sure and stir it all the time. My nephew was dutifully stirring away when my grandmother came into the kitchen, kissed my nephew on the cheek, and asked what he was making. My nephew, who'd been watching just a bit too much Snow White and the Seven Dwarves on repeat, replied, "It's POISON!" My grandmother looked really disturbed, and my mother and I had all we could do not to cry from laughing. Not an insult, but a good threat from a small child.
Someone once said to me “You don’t deserve and type of emotional or physically love or affection” I have never forgotten this and it might be the most deep cutting insult I’ve ever have had the misfortune of receiving
I’m autistic and talk for long periods of time about things other people aren’t interested in. Someone in middle school told me “If you were an animal you’d be a hummingbird because you’re small, make strange jerky movements, and produce a constant drone.” I wasn’t even mad.
Okay but they’re also the prettiest, and I’m pretty sure they’re the only bird that can fly backwards 😁 they’re one of my favorite more locally common birds, followed by owls. I also love Secretary Birds but they’re most certainly not local to me 😢
@@bravobby8773 And are the only species of bird that can fly while not moving due to how their wings move in a figure 8 😊 Edit: by that, I meant they can fly while not moving FORWARD, sorry
My fourteen year old brother runs around calling people "vagabond," "rapscallion," and "ne're-do-well." He also got banned from pirate themed insults in his science class after terrorizing his classmates.
Some of my friends come up with the weirdest things, two of my faves are “built like a piano” and getting called a “ladybug”. This is what I deal with everyday 😭
Now do they mean an upright piano or a grand piano? 'Cuz a grand piano could either be a comment on ones' magnificent quality, or one's mass and considerable asymmetry. 😂
Mine was courtesy of my high school theater teacher after our first play. "You have a voice like... like you could tell me you will take me to your house, kill me, chop me into pieces, and put the pieces in a little box under your bed, and I'd believe you". 😂???
@@naolucillerandom5280 I would like to choose to interpret that as "You have a marvellous dramatic timbre and could have a great future in stage thrillers"...but even then I would think "what a bizarrely specific scenario and do you need therapy?"
The most creative insult I ever received was when I had to wear Safety Goggles over my Glasses in Woodshop and my partner called me Six-Eyes out of the blue. Nobody really poked fun at my vision growing up (probably because I was about a foot or so taller than everyone else), and then this clown went and threw *this* curveball at me. I don't think I've had more respect for anyone in my entire life.
to be fair, the insult was probably less meant to be an insult, and more just a phrase they couldn't help themselves saying once it entered their mind. It probably would have stayed in their head forever if they never blurt it out sometime
@@Dumbird0 Probably also when you're the one who does it and it never occurred to you and you've never heard it before and it takes you completely by surprise while also making perfect sense
We were at the fair one time and a guy was trying to sell us stuff for cats. Mom said no thanks, our cat is an outdoor cat. He muttered as we were walking away "yOu'Re An OuTdOoR cAt" and mom still thinks it's hilarious
I remember not being able to decide between multiple insults and tried to combine them. but it just ended up as "You look like a constipated gorilla made out with a yellow broom handle in a public bathroom stall in Philadelphia."
I was a teacher's aid my senior year for a gym class, the kids were ages 12-14, I was telling them they are doing a great job every now and again, this one boy looked at me and said, "You keep saying the same thing like a dang NPC from some low budget kids game". I think about that twice a day.
I remember sitting in a room overhearing a conversation and a girl just yelled “HE LOOKS LIKE A TOE!” about her boyfriend she was apparently having regrets about. Also walked down the street past a dudebro who angrily yelled to the other dudebro he was walking with, “YOU DIDN’T EVEN WATCH SHREK 2 IN THE CINEMA”
My grandpa loved to mess with me and my brother when we were kids. One day he went too far and with the rage of a thousand suns, my little brother yelled: "YOU.. YOU BIG.. TODDLER!!!" It's still an inside joke in our family.
A kid at school, referring to another kid in our class, said "you could replace him with a potato on wheels and nobody would notice" and its the most cutting yet accurate thing I've ever heard.
It wasn’t an insult exactly (at least I didn’t take it as one, and I found it hilarious at the time) but in 7th grade when the school nurse was recording everyone’s heights and weights, they made us all go barefoot. She looked at my feet, said “Baby feet.” And then looked at her clipboard for a second like she was about to move on, but instead she did a double take and said “Baby WHITE feet!” I didn’t know how to respond 💀 Bonus insult we saw on Pinterest once that we’ve kept in our notes app ever since: “Is this fashion? If this was a style of architecture it would be a car wash. If this was a style of dance it would be the insensate twitching of a corpse that has been hanged. If this was a style of music it would be a harmonica cover of a Pug dying a painful death. If you have sex in these outfits you gain a second virginity. These people are dressed for the job they want, and they want God to kill them“
Late, but I once called my younger brother (he was maybe 5-7 at the time) a "Moofy" and he FLIPPED OUT, screamed "I AM NOT A MOOFY!" at the top of his lungs. Still cracks me right up!
In case Matt is too traumatized to make the video, from my experience as a journalist: I can't sleep because I'm holding a cupboard Followed by: I am no longer holding a cupboard, but still can't sleep He murdered his mother with a sausage (hyper specific type of sausage, can't rememeber) The fish of dread! Meowmeows is two months old and responsible for two deaths! (A kitten with red eyes fotoshopped) Vegetables of dread He's been chocked to death by a cow! What a stupid death! A cult was making dumplings from the local people! I'm a victim of a Chinese flashlight! Bisons are raping our cows! I've bought a salad of dread!
At her first restaurant job at 16, my sister was told her main personality traits are "being twelve and in the way" and I think about that all the time tbh
Someone once said to me: "I swear to God I would be glad to have you as my gravedigger, so you can let me down a final time" I mean, it did hurt, but I was too occupied laughing to care
got in an argument with a girl once. stumbled over my words and tried to say “respectfully, fuck off” and “if you want to talk about stupid shit we should bring up how your mom’s name is sparkle”, panicked and said “respectfully, your moms name is stupid.” ….never living that one down
A friend once called me "That one npc in video games that never drop anything when killed. That's how useless you are." Bcus of that, ive been emotionally scarred
That sounds like the kind of thing that would happen in a cartoon. I'm imagining you running away from a bully while they're distracted by having to thumb through a giant dictionary.
The best complement I got was "you are a freak but I love it" and for a while I didnt know how to feel about it Edit: there was a long pause between the "you are a freak" statement and the "but I love it" statement.
I still vividly remember that one time where I stumbled upon a girly voice boy and a manly voice girl, it felt like watching a translation with the voice actors mixed up.
Every Matt Rose video you watch, every hysterical laugh at the SKULLEMOJI, every reddit comment you read in his voice... he's in your head he's narrating your life
In Korean, there's a relatively common phrase that translates to something like: "A dog with shit laughs at a dog with grain husks". Most convoluted way to call someone a hypocrite.
This video has great timing, today my friend over heard someone in their class saying to some guy " That the only people that are attracted to you are your own cousins". It is officially one of the greatest and weirdest insults I've ever heard.
@@NepetasShippingWall1642 "geeez, what did the guy who got insulted did??" I don't know why, but I can't read this comment without imagining it being read in Matt Rose's voice.
When my brother was little he got really angry at someone in my family so tried to think of the worst insult he could. The best he could come up with was "you silly old slowcoach"
I remember getting real angry at someone when I was little. Then being mad because I couldn't think of any dirty words to use, because I didn't know any. Except for ass.
The impression at the end sounded UNCANNILY like what I would imagine the unholy yet passionate union of a water buffalo and a barn owl to sound like. Congratulations, Matt. You've done it again.
this man could have very well been the voice actor for a fun, happy children's show, but chose to read out cursed tweets to an even more cursed audience...that's commendable.
One time I woke up from a dream with no memory of what happened except for the fact that I insulted somebody by saying “I hope you have a December birthday”
I think it was the 6th grade and for no reason at all, a boy called me "crusty" he was proud of himself with a huge smile. Still the best, funniest insult I've ever received.
My sister invented the insult “so lame you breathe Mini-Wheats.” (For context, we were discussing what breath weapons we would have if we were dragons.)
I'm like a year late but once i told someone, "I hope you step on a lego with bare feet and it sticks to the soft part of your foot and it hurts every time you walk on it."
I was at work dressed as Robin from Stranger Things because it was Halloween, and my annoying coworker started cussing me out and yelling at me for telling another coworker not to listen to him. At one point he yelled “YOU F*CKING SAILOR!!” Given my outfit at the time it wasn’t THAT weird, but the fact that he thought I would be offended by it was hilarious
i was once told by some guy that while he and his friends were making fun of my little friend group, none of them wanted to make fun of me because "you're just too nice" kinda the opposite of an insult but i didn't quite know how to feel about that whole situation
My niece called my brother (not her Dad) a "whistle-biscuit" and a "chocolate loser." My brother just looked shocked, then turned to me and said quietly, "What do I even say to that?" Our niece was four years old.
My younger sister recently told me “You’re the type of person to watch hotel lobby security cam footage instead of watching movies.” Apparently she stole this insult from somewhere, but that doesn’t make it any less baffling…
I remember someone told me I looked like the human embodiment of poo because I was wearing brown one day. Definitely the strangest insult I've ever received.
one time my friend popped into a discord call, heard my girlfriend’s voice, said “you sound like you smell like dish soap” and left. we still have no idea what he meant but it haunts her
I can get why someone would think it's odd if they've never heard the context before, but if anyone doesn't understand it, it's like that cliché kids' science fair project where a literal potato has barely enough energy to make a lightbulb dimly glow.
![ฮักเทื่อสุดท้าย - บอย ศิริชัย [OFFICIAL MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-1PoPoQ-B-k/mqdefault.jpg)
A friend of mine insulted another friend with "Your two brain cells are competing with each other for the 3rd place." Best roast I've ever heard.
My favorite insult. 😂
wait what
Wow, that's actually impressive 💀
im taking that
*adds to lists of insults*
“You look like you know what feet taste like” is certainly the best insult in this entire video but could also quite easily be the start of a very different proposition
he had an inflection that suggested there was more he wanted to say for sure
Oh great now I hate it 😭😂
his tone of voice definitely said it was smth else
I like the way you think.
What my response would be: "How could I? I don't eat feet."
“I hope your favorite book gets a bad live adaptation”
It’s possible.
It’s scary.
It works.
I’m stealing this and using it whenever my English teacher doesn’t give me a sticker after I win a Kahoot
The witcher already happened unfortunately
jokes on you, i dont read books >;)
@@foxwithoutahatDEAR GOD
Something similar happened to me
“I hope your favorite show doesn’t get renewed for another season!”
It didn’t.
Some young woman at the bar wanted Taco Bell. She told me “You look like you know what time Taco Bell closes.”
Intentional or not, that is an S tier insult.
...how is that an insult?
@@pandalenz6534 she called them fat
@@pandalenz6534 Fat joke.
"My mom called me a son of a bitch once" is severely underappreciated
Yea its a nice self roast
I quite literally double took that... I first heard it and though "that's not very creative... everyone's been called that" and moved on for one or two more insults before I paused the video... stared into space as my two neurons fired and realized what I just read... and then I basically collapsed
Yeah, my mom did that too 😂
If my mom said that, I’d assume she’s talking about my father. But I’d still laugh my head off at the chance she just insulted herself.
Bitch means female dog… means normally someone’s mother… bruh woman just insulted herself
Redditors are simultaneously the easiest and hardest people to insult
Their mere existence is already insulting enough
@@AverageAlien Sorry about myself
"You use Reddit"
Argument destroyed
There is no counter to "you use reddit" that works, try to justify it, try to make it a good thing to use reddit, nothing works, you will always seem like a nonce
@@maybeanonymous6846 “and you use tumblr”
argument refuted
i once got told to "leave some Ls for the rest of us"
I only have like 2 L's in my real name (if my last name isn't Lozano. If so, I have 3 L's in my name)
I received an insult that was very unexpected.
An old man with dementia decided that I was at fault for something and threw out a long string of curses and insults. He continued until he was breathing hard. He took a small pause and ended with "... and you have ugly eyes too!" I don't think I've ever encountered anyone calling someone's eyes ugly before. Making fun of them, sure, but straight up calling eyes ugly is a once in a lifetime experience.
The second time I met that old man he complimented my beautiful eyes.
HahaHAHAH
I can almost imagine him being bashful and finally admitting you have some pretty eyes. Hilarious!
@@olivercharles2930 an old man *with dementia*
I remember getting called “macaroni cheese that decided to be human”.
💀
I love macaroni and cheese so I’d take it as a compliment 💪
I remember saying this to someone:
"Your [blank] is so trash that WALL-E can build sky scrapers from it"
Ok but like who even comes up with this shit
Mac n cheese is top tier food tho
French insults are the actual best thing ever. Among my personal favourites are "eat your dead relatives" and "you make me shit". Not rare, but definitely worth noting.
I know a common one in Spanish is, "go f*ck a fish"
please teach us these french insults good sir
I'm actually french, and ooooh boy, some French insults are gold too...
Swedish people make me shit
@@ZDragonimated Yes, please teach us how the French insult people.
Back in school I once snapped at a fellow classmate and said, "you have the personality of a broken eggshell" because her ONLY (and I mean only) requirement in a romantic partner was that he be over 6 ft tall. It didn't matter to her if it was the same person but just a few inches shorter. Like come on girl, don't date a douche canoe just because he's tall, we can do better than that. Still proud of that line though ngl, no idea where it came from. 💀
I was reading this and read ngl like the N word.
@@cstuart5638awww fuuuuc...😂
i would've said "your heart is a checklist"
My sister once told me that “you look like you sell moonshine out of a Ford Pinto.”
I was having an allergic reaction to Ibuprofen…
When I tell you that I laughed hard...
Lol I'm sorry.
My wee brother once told me that I "look like I regularly eat aquarium gravel" and I fired back "you have the emotional integrity of a single baked bean" and I haven't been the same since
BOTH INSULTS ARE BARE FUNNY HELP 😭😭
Pink or river rocks
@@mrparakeet man asking the real questions
IM CYRing
Does a single baked bean have more or less emotional integrity than a pile of them?
I was once called "A disgusting creature of a disease." She meant "A disgusting disease of a creature." But it was still shocking nonetheless.
Papa Nurgle would be proud.
Why did shittube change user names to this idiotic combined @ thing? Those TH-cam employees really just changing stuff for the sake of changing stuff now.
@@AverageAlien I don’t understand why you’re upset…😅
A disgusting creature of disease sounds like a dark souls minor enemy.
@@idontknowhowtochangemyusername I think it was quite clear why I'm upset.
as someone who keeps snakes, telling someone they have the personality of one would actually not be what most people mean by it, but would definitely still be an insult. basically calling you dumb as a brick and lazy as shit
Hey, don't insult snakes like that; they can eat you... probably.
Once overheard someone saying “you absolute microwaved salad” lol
WHAT
I used to work at a middle school. One day, one of the kids told me “You look like you’re divorced”. Confused, I asked “Do you mean ‘married’?”, and with no hesitation at all he clarified “No, divorced. You look like you’re divorced”.
That was ten years ago and I still haven’t quite recovered.
_Were_ you divorced? Or married, for that matter?
Underrated comment
@@NoriMori1992 Neither!
I mean, some people you just look at them and how they look and act and you know, that person is divorced. I mean, Alex Jones, Elon Musk, ArmouredSkeptic, those guys are a *mythological* degree of divorced.
@@discordlexia2429 Well, I feel simply _fantastic_ being lumped in a group with that lot 😅
On a similar note, my best friend once told me I said the kind of stuff they'd imagine unspayed cats would say if they could talk
That made me chuckle 😂
Oh my god I can't breathe 🤣
LMAO WTF- IF THEY READ WARRIOR CATS THEY WOULD RECONSIDER
Zesty, my friend, how on earth did you recover?
@@j8kethewizz I did not 💀
I was once called a "plaguing decapod",
Which i then realized meant "a crab that makes people sick"
That was probably the best way I've heard someone refer to "cancer"
i told my teacher she was "less interesting than a can of tuna" in my French class (we did have permission to insult her) and ive stolen the insult "you look like you know which crayon tastes the best" and "youre the reason shampoo bottles have instructions"
I'm stealing the shampoo one
Man, the USMC disrespect is unnecessary!
Someone once told me that I failed to be the person that Mr. Rogers believed I could be, and I'm still shaken by that. This happened five years ago.
Mr. Rogers would be disappointed in anyone who used that kind of insult, not gonna lie.
This one wins
@@gamehero6816 ...which ironically means whoever called OP that failed to be the person Mr. Rogers believed they could be !
*YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DONT KNOW THE ALPHABET*
Rest In Peace Mr. Rogers.
My nephew, when he was 4, had an obsession with saying "I'm going to nugget you and put you in the oven"
I've never felt more threatened by a child in my life
You reminded me of a Thanksgiving years ago. My grandmother came to my mother's house for dinner, and my mother had put my four year old nephew, who wanted to help cook, in front of what I can only describe as a small vat of gravy (which was shut off to cool), with a ladle in his hand, and told him to make sure and stir it all the time. My nephew was dutifully stirring away when my grandmother came into the kitchen, kissed my nephew on the cheek, and asked what he was making. My nephew, who'd been watching just a bit too much Snow White and the Seven Dwarves on repeat, replied, "It's POISON!" My grandmother looked really disturbed, and my mother and I had all we could do not to cry from laughing.
Not an insult, but a good threat from a small child.
I once called someone a broken traffic cone on the side of the road. It was great because it really was fitting for the person I was saying that to.
A threat like that would shake me to my core.
@ቿ idk what it means😭😭 is he gonna cook me alive?
That is quite threatening if you know how chicken nuggets are made.
once overheard a kid on the bus say "your eyes are the color of disappointment"
Someone once said to me
“You don’t deserve and type of emotional or physically love or affection” I have never forgotten this and it might be the most deep cutting insult I’ve ever have had the misfortune of receiving
you look like a groundhog dropping
holy fuck, what have you done to get hit with this?
what?
oh you misspelles any
some
BODY ONCE TOLD ME
@@zixvirzjghamn737you misspelled misspelled
I’m autistic and talk for long periods of time about things other people aren’t interested in. Someone in middle school told me “If you were an animal you’d be a hummingbird because you’re small, make strange jerky movements, and produce a constant drone.” I wasn’t even mad.
Not even autistic but I suppose I’m a humming bird as well 💀
Okay but they’re also the prettiest, and I’m pretty sure they’re the only bird that can fly backwards 😁 they’re one of my favorite more locally common birds, followed by owls. I also love Secretary Birds but they’re most certainly not local to me 😢
@@bravobby8773 And are the only species of bird that can fly while not moving due to how their wings move in a figure 8 😊
Edit: by that, I meant they can fly while not moving FORWARD, sorry
@@-nightlyfireflies-9561yea, kinda like a insect-bird hybrid but cute. I think they're cool.
That sounds more like some sort of riddle than an insult
My fourteen year old brother runs around calling people "vagabond," "rapscallion," and "ne're-do-well."
He also got banned from pirate themed insults in his science class after terrorizing his classmates.
“Terrorizing his classmates”💀
@@LeBronyaJames apparently calling a girl a "sea hag" was unacceptable
@@MxNEWCASTLE LOL
I'd be proud to have this kid as my son.
hey tell your brother that i think hes super fuckin cool and to never stop being awesome
Some of my friends come up with the weirdest things, two of my faves are “built like a piano” and getting called a “ladybug”. This is what I deal with everyday 😭
Now do they mean an upright piano or a grand piano? 'Cuz a grand piano could either be a comment on ones' magnificent quality, or one's mass and considerable asymmetry. 😂
@@stapler942 I don’t even know, it was so random and they added nothing else, like reasoning or anything like that so I don’t know 😭😭
wtf is built like a piano supposed to mean??? 😭😭
@@rubolph1954 who knows 😭😭
Hell yeah. Similarly, "built like a gallon of milk" took me out.
Someone once told me: "du arbeitest an der Kasse als Piepgerät"
which roughly translates to: "You work at the cash register as a beeper"
The way how Matt said "my mom called me a son of a bitch" got me. 😂
Ah yes, the rare insult-self insult combo
Still better than her calling you a motherfucker...
0:57
same
3:06 bro sound like autotune💀
i remember once when i was in 4th grade i told this kid that “worsest” wasn’t a word, and he retaliated by shouting at me that *i* wasn’t a word
"No you"
i respond that way most of the time tbh
I mean, are you a word?
I'd do that ngl
LMFAOOOO.
"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have!"
- Queen Hermione Granger
“You look like if you sat on a popsicle, you could tell me what flavour it is.”
What
Dunno what the weirdest insult I’ve ever received is but the weirdest compliment was “you crack your knuckles with such harmony”
My friend's crush once said that she has "a very symmetrical face" which i suppose was a compliment? Bc shes really pretty
"You've kept yourself pretty tidy for a mum"
From a 1-nighter. Apart from that - great night.
oh, my endless shame....
@@doriskny8785 i actually gave that compliment once. They said it was the best compliment I ever gave them
Mine was courtesy of my high school theater teacher after our first play.
"You have a voice like... like you could tell me you will take me to your house, kill me, chop me into pieces, and put the pieces in a little box under your bed, and I'd believe you".
😂???
@@naolucillerandom5280 I would like to choose to interpret that as "You have a marvellous dramatic timbre and could have a great future in stage thrillers"...but even then I would think "what a bizarrely specific scenario and do you need therapy?"
The most creative insult I ever received was when I had to wear Safety Goggles over my Glasses in Woodshop and my partner called me Six-Eyes out of the blue. Nobody really poked fun at my vision growing up (probably because I was about a foot or so taller than everyone else), and then this clown went and threw *this* curveball at me. I don't think I've had more respect for anyone in my entire life.
Ive made that joke at myself whenever I wore goggles. Not many people laughed. I guess its more funnier when over people make the joke.
I was told once that if I was a pole dancer, my nickname would be "The Pole."
to be fair, the insult was probably less meant to be an insult, and more just a phrase they couldn't help themselves saying once it entered their mind. It probably would have stayed in their head forever if they never blurt it out sometime
*YOUR AN APPLE EATING HORSE*
@@Dumbird0 Probably also when you're the one who does it and it never occurred to you and you've never heard it before and it takes you completely by surprise while also making perfect sense
We were at the fair one time and a guy was trying to sell us stuff for cats. Mom said no thanks, our cat is an outdoor cat. He muttered as we were walking away "yOu'Re An OuTdOoR cAt" and mom still thinks it's hilarious
I remember not being able to decide between multiple insults and tried to combine them. but it just ended up as "You look like a constipated gorilla made out with a yellow broom handle in a public bathroom stall in Philadelphia."
I was a teacher's aid my senior year for a gym class, the kids were ages 12-14, I was telling them they are doing a great job every now and again, this one boy looked at me and said, "You keep saying the same thing like a dang NPC from some low budget kids game". I think about that twice a day.
I can imagine a paper Mario NPC saying this.
Bro got called an NPC loool. But to be fair, saying the same thing on repeat is quite NPC like of you.
I just decided two days ago that EVERYONE I knew was an NPC in an attempt to preserve my sanity.
It's... IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
I remember sitting in a room overhearing a conversation and a girl just yelled “HE LOOKS LIKE A TOE!” about her boyfriend she was apparently having regrets about.
Also walked down the street past a dudebro who angrily yelled to the other dudebro he was walking with, “YOU DIDN’T EVEN WATCH SHREK 2 IN THE CINEMA”
This comment needs more likes 💀
That is quite a town you were in, lmao.
"he looks like a toe 😡😡😡😡"
Dudebro’s got a point, Shrek 2 was nice to watch in the cinema
Hello, fellow dudebro. I also call people dude-bro. My auto recognized it.
My grandpa loved to mess with me and my brother when we were kids. One day he went too far and with the rage of a thousand suns, my little brother yelled: "YOU.. YOU BIG.. TODDLER!!!"
It's still an inside joke in our family.
I was called "permanently slightly bedraggled". They... They weren't wrong
I’ve seen an insult on Twitter that went like “Your boyfriend looks like he drops common loot” and it stayed with me
A kid at school, referring to another kid in our class, said "you could replace him with a potato on wheels and nobody would notice" and its the most cutting yet accurate thing I've ever heard.
It wasn’t an insult exactly (at least I didn’t take it as one, and I found it hilarious at the time) but in 7th grade when the school nurse was recording everyone’s heights and weights, they made us all go barefoot.
She looked at my feet, said “Baby feet.” And then looked at her clipboard for a second like she was about to move on, but instead she did a double take and said “Baby WHITE feet!”
I didn’t know how to respond 💀
Bonus insult we saw on Pinterest once that we’ve kept in our notes app ever since:
“Is this fashion? If this was a style of architecture it would be a car wash. If this was a style of dance it would be the insensate twitching of a corpse that has been hanged. If this was a style of music it would be a harmonica cover of a Pug dying a painful death. If you have sex in these outfits you gain a second virginity. These people are dressed for the job they want, and they want God to kill them“
tranty four feet
Late, but I once called my younger brother (he was maybe 5-7 at the time) a "Moofy" and he FLIPPED OUT, screamed "I AM NOT A MOOFY!" at the top of his lungs. Still cracks me right up!
Reminds me of Diary of a Wimpy Kid
“Weirdest newspaper names”
Please Matt I know they exist
I dunno I worked for the paper for seven miserable years before this, might bring back PTSD.
"STRAP ON PAGE SEVEN IS STILL EMPTY!" *shudder*
@@Matt_Rose oh god that sounds mental
@@Matt_Rose Ooh, can you recommend any good videos on how newspapers work?
In case Matt is too traumatized to make the video, from my experience as a journalist:
I can't sleep because I'm holding a cupboard
Followed by:
I am no longer holding a cupboard, but still can't sleep
He murdered his mother with a sausage (hyper specific type of sausage, can't rememeber)
The fish of dread!
Meowmeows is two months old and responsible for two deaths! (A kitten with red eyes fotoshopped)
Vegetables of dread
He's been chocked to death by a cow! What a stupid death!
A cult was making dumplings from the local people!
I'm a victim of a Chinese flashlight!
Bisons are raping our cows!
I've bought a salad of dread!
@@DehydratedDarkness you just have very terrifying food where you come from
At her first restaurant job at 16, my sister was told her main personality traits are "being twelve and in the way" and I think about that all the time tbh
For the record, "You PRINCE OF WALES!!!!" is regarded as the most scathing Shakespearian insult 💀
I don't know if this says something about King Charles' looks or his behaviour or both
"Vogon" is an insult of the highest order if I've ever heard one.
Then what is a SUMP?!
@@HVY526 complete nonsense gibberish.
Someone once said to me:
"I swear to God I would be glad to have you as my gravedigger, so you can let me down a final time"
I mean, it did hurt, but I was too occupied laughing to care
got in an argument with a girl once. stumbled over my words and tried to say “respectfully, fuck off” and “if you want to talk about stupid shit we should bring up how your mom’s name is sparkle”, panicked and said “respectfully, your moms name is stupid.” ….never living that one down
To be fair, her mom's name IS stupid.
Funny thing is I have a neighbor on my street whose name is Sparkle. Apparently, she has an attitude problem (from what I heard, anyway). :)
at least its was respectfully... you'd be dead by now if it was irrespecutful
Brain farts crossover
sparkle is such a cute name tho
1:11 I have seen someone get called a "v1rg1n s1ut" 💀💀
I said once that someone's head looked like 75% of a peanut...
*They didn't even know what a peanut was.*
whag
I really appreciate how Matt enunciates every emoji, every grammar error, and every spelling mistake, without any bias whatsoever
So he's ... actually telling them to the Virgin Mary?
enunciates
@@rua0933 you really just pulled a 'minor spelling mistake, I win'
*S k u l l e m o j i*
SKULLLLL EMOJAYYYYY
The one insult I'll never forget is "imagine being you"
It's the pinnacle of insults
"I don't have to imagine, baby; I'm livin' the dream!"
@@TheGelasiaBlythe uh suck to here that i hope you feel better
@@TheGelasiaBlythe Praying for your family
A friend once called me "That one npc in video games that never drop anything when killed. That's how useless you are."
Bcus of that, ive been emotionally scarred
3:43 barn owls don't hoot the scream like a demon banshee from hell. Very very cute indeed!
so...deep mooes, plus THAT equals this insult.
At school I once had a cheesestring thrown at me by a Year 11 who yelled “Have some f*ckin’ calcium!” I think about that every day.
💀
I GOT CALLED POTASSIUM
@@TopEye64 potassium??
HELP
@@chicklenhe's mildly radioactive or he f*cked a banana
once called someone a harlot, conversation stopped for several minutes as the guy had to look up what a harlot was. One of the best moment of my life
That sounds like the kind of thing that would happen in a cartoon. I'm imagining you running away from a bully while they're distracted by having to thumb through a giant dictionary.
I stopped my meeting and looked up the meaning of harlot. Helps to be self-employed.
Just out of curiousity, what IS a harlot?
@@L-and-P It's another word for a Sex Worker
@@L-and-P apparently an old word for a hooker
The best complement I got was "you are a freak but I love it" and for a while I didnt know how to feel about it
Edit: there was a long pause between the "you are a freak" statement and the "but I love it" statement.
Her exact words were "But I am crazy about you"
I still vividly remember that one time where I stumbled upon a girly voice boy and a manly voice girl, it felt like watching a translation with the voice actors mixed up.
Every Matt Rose video you watch, every hysterical laugh at the SKULLEMOJI, every reddit comment you read in his voice...
he's in your head
he's narrating your life
no, please, no
I don’t want my memes being said by MATT ROSE
I BEG
he's in your walls.
I had this issue once
Watched so much Matt rose in a day that all of my thoughts were in his voice
@@WarTie you have no choice.
@@crackasilly oh my god that sounds like hell
_"You look like an S"_ is a compliment if you're really into tier lists
agreed 💀
SKHHHULLL EMOLI
deep cut
the S could also mean sadist here
Or if you really want your spine to be healthy I guess
You are very powerful or you are d*mn curvy.
my fave thing to say to anyone doing something annoying is “you make my ass itch”
In Korean, there's a relatively common phrase that translates to something like: "A dog with shit laughs at a dog with grain husks". Most convoluted way to call someone a hypocrite.
This video has great timing, today my friend over heard someone in their class saying to some guy " That the only people that are attracted to you are your own cousins".
It is officially one of the greatest and weirdest insults I've ever heard.
omg akito pfp :D
Sounds a lot like Sweet Home Alabama.
geeez, what did the guy who got insulted did??
@@NepetasShippingWall1642 "geeez, what did the guy who got insulted did??"
I don't know why, but I can't read this comment without imagining it being read in Matt Rose's voice.
When my brother was little he got really angry at someone in my family so tried to think of the worst insult he could. The best he could come up with was "you silly old slowcoach"
I'd be shook by that, maybe even start weeping on the spot
@@embreadiment Fellow banki?
@@kubikim YOY KNOW IT!!!!!!!!
I remember getting real angry at someone when I was little. Then being mad because I couldn't think of any dirty words to use, because I didn't know any. Except for ass.
0:06 hello there old friend
Nice insult lol
@@EvilRiceGuy It wasn’t them. Pfp isn’t the same, and the username is too long.
@@WhitestGray no, it was them. If you check the video that comment was from, it’s the same person
The video is “Twitter’s texts from wrong numbers”
@@Resolver101 Oh, that’s my bad. I didn’t realize they changed their handle and pfp. Sorry!
@@WhitestGray Ah, you’re good
My Dad once called a Footballer on TV a ‘Microwave’ in a very angry tone. 😀
The impression at the end sounded UNCANNILY like what I would imagine the unholy yet passionate union of a water buffalo and a barn owl to sound like. Congratulations, Matt. You've done it again.
Unholy yet passionate. Love it
this man could have very well been the voice actor for a fun, happy children's show, but chose to read out cursed tweets to an even more cursed audience...that's commendable.
Someone called me a "milestone" once. As an insult.
Someone once told me that I look like a deep breath.
Some kid once told me “If the warm side of the pillow was human, you would be it.” I still laugh to the point were my head hurts.
I like the warm sides of pillows
maybe we'd get along? 🤔💀
One time I woke up from a dream with no memory of what happened except for the fact that I insulted somebody by saying “I hope you have a December birthday”
XD
I think it was the 6th grade and for no reason at all, a boy called me "crusty" he was proud of himself with a huge smile. Still the best, funniest insult I've ever received.
My sister invented the insult “so lame you breathe Mini-Wheats.” (For context, we were discussing what breath weapons we would have if we were dragons.)
i was once called a "band kid from 2018 trying to fit in with people who hate you"
That shit is *lethal* good god
@@assrat4130ha, I call my cat rat ass
I recently called my friend a “carrot-fingered asian doorknob.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the monstrosity that came out of my face 😂
Well done.
This is great
That's almost as epic as calling someone a screeching salad.
What does that even MEAN 💀
"You make me want to plant wet spaghetti noodles in my garden."
I'm like a year late but once i told someone, "I hope you step on a lego with bare feet and it sticks to the soft part of your foot and it hurts every time you walk on it."
I once heard my friend have a heated gamer moment and clap back at an angry teammate with "Shut up you wop your father walks on four legs!".
That fourth word is actually an anti-Italian slur.
Was the teammate actually a wop? 😂
Brilliant
Why is this a tongue twister
I was at work dressed as Robin from Stranger Things because it was Halloween, and my annoying coworker started cussing me out and yelling at me for telling another coworker not to listen to him. At one point he yelled “YOU F*CKING SAILOR!!” Given my outfit at the time it wasn’t THAT weird, but the fact that he thought I would be offended by it was hilarious
Yohoho and a bottle of rum
@@admiralAlfonso9001Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
my favourite is “you have the reading comprehension of a broken ikea shopping cart”
i was once told by some guy that while he and his friends were making fun of my little friend group, none of them wanted to make fun of me because "you're just too nice"
kinda the opposite of an insult but i didn't quite know how to feel about that whole situation
My niece called my brother (not her Dad) a "whistle-biscuit" and a "chocolate loser." My brother just looked shocked, then turned to me and said quietly, "What do I even say to that?" Our niece was four years old.
Someone once told me “If you don’t stop, I’m gonna eat all the grass in your front yard.”
“Yunno, if you had a brain, your brain cells would’ve just quit.”
My younger sister recently told me “You’re the type of person to watch hotel lobby security cam footage instead of watching movies.”
Apparently she stole this insult from somewhere, but that doesn’t make it any less baffling…
That wouldn't even be an insult to me. I *am* the type of person to watch security cam footage.
@@Fuzy2K Did you just admit to being Greg Heffly's grandfather?
@@NexusProductions-rz1sv you mean father?
@@Ffarquhar No, his Grandfather.
As somebody who has to watch CCTV a lot for my job. Yea... I get that one.
I like to listen to this and imagine it's two people desperately trying to out insult each other
“you look like garage band”
“you smell like craigslist”
Told a guy he looked like he was type of dude that had to notify the neighbors
Two of my favorite insults are “you dense cabbage” and “you stale ham sandwich of a human being”
In french, you call your kid or lover etc "cabbage cabbage" 😂
“I hope you live past a hundred”
he was sending me death threats and then i kept agreeing with them 💀
i'll never forget when i was told that i "looked like a caddy in particular"
I once heard someone say "Hanging out with you feels like wearing wet socks"
I just wanna know what they did to warrant that
I remember someone told me I looked like the human embodiment of poo because I was wearing brown one day. Definitely the strangest insult I've ever received.
A kid my little brother was friends with said I looked like a possessed Luigi.
All I can hear now is Dominic luigi wah hoos
When people piss me off, I send them the entire bee movie script. I've done it to someone 11 times now.
one time my friend popped into a discord call, heard my girlfriend’s voice, said “you sound like you smell like dish soap” and left. we still have no idea what he meant but it haunts her
the fact that i completely get that
3:18 that's literally the most common computer insult ever
I can get why someone would think it's odd if they've never heard the context before, but if anyone doesn't understand it, it's like that cliché kids' science fair project where a literal potato has barely enough energy to make a lightbulb dimly glow.
i've only heard that bigfoot photos look like someone took the picture with a potato.