I’m at the point now I don’t give a crap what they feel during no contact. All I know is how I feel during No contact. And it’s terrible. 7 months now. Good bye Avoidant!!!
@ if someone hits you in the face with a baseball bat you get hurt. Yes you finally heal and move on but you never forget. I’m moving on, but I’m never gonna forget this crap.
I think after the 5th round, it’s time for me to be the one to bow out. I’m exhausted! Like someone else said.. you were never part of their equation, just a layover in their life. If you listen to them, they will never actually plan a future with you in it. They live life as if they are single, even in a 2 year + relationship. They don’t know how to include someone in their life!
I really appreciate these videos. I know they often tend to cover the same topics or questions that have been addressed in previous videos, but I feel like they're a solid "pep talk" so to speak. I often see a lot of negative comments about avoidants in the replies. And of course I'm not happy about having been essentially blindsided by my avoidant ex. But like you say in this video, if the relationship meant something then there's a lot more going on than just someone being cold or uncaring. And whether or not we ultimately get back together, the self-work I'm doing, including actively trying to understand this attachment style (and my own) are two positive things that will go so much further than holding a grudge or just writing her off as "avoidant" and moving on to the next thing without putting myself in a healthier space. So in short, I appreciate these videos. Thank you!
Thank you. Great video, exactly describes my post break-up and restart with my DA . Anxious here. For me its also a great voyage to self reflect, finally getting rid of my childhood traumas and heading to secure being. Only took 50 years :D.
Thank you Alexis for this. I really needed to with it being my first NYE in 13 years without my husband. I feel lonely 😭. We broke up in August after he returned from a 3 month work trip. Our marriage was strengthening but I believe this triggered him amongst childhood trauma that he thought about being on his own. We co parent but I'm trying to self regulate my anxiety and not to chase but it's so hard. He said he still cares and loves me ( not romantically now) but he has been sleeping with me. It's so confusing. He said he feels trapped and can't give me what I need. He broke down saying he's unlovable. I just want to help him and love him. He's even stopped working for his business. I've only just learnt about him being a Dismissive avoidant.
Just an update. He turned to last night for NYE. He did it for our daughter who wanted him round. It was such a lovely evening, his guard has come down, he was more relaxed and put his feet up on the sofa playing games with my daughter. She fell asleep before the countdown fireworks on the TV. He watched this with me, it was very meaningful to be together still into the new year. We had banter and flirted a little. He wished me happy new year and kissed my cheek. He said that the past few weeks have been good ( as I've given him more space) he was like let's just see and we've agreed Feb we'll have another chat about our future. I text him later that night happy new year with a X on the text and he replied back the same x. He said he will help with the car insurance stuff on the weekend as I'm taking my car back over. I honestly have felt so grateful for these videos. I feel like there is still hope between us I just need to let go and give him space. I also asked whether he was healing for himself and he said "yeh of course) I don't know in what way but it's reassuring he's aware. There is definitely still love there but he's just fearing and he's been triggered by childhood trauma when away. I hope this time next year I can say we are together. I will definitely update
They don't process the break up. They just rebound and leave devastation in their wake 😢 I'm FA and my DA has broken my heart. He rebounded and went fb official within max 4 weeks of us blocking each other, after he slow faded on me and I got really angry with him. We were in a situationship for 11 months and he refused to commit. Said he couldn't, because he was scared of things that were nothing to do with me. His gf is also DA. Please could you tell me how a relationship between two DA will look? I believe he'll stay with her now (probably even marry), just to save face, and to convince himself he can do commitment and isn' as broken as he believes he is. That man loved me. I know for a fact he was in love with me. The words never came out of his mouth....but they didn't need to
He is going in for major surgery tomorrow. Two minths ago he said he needs me and my patience, then did an snout face and said he cant commit and I need to forget him. Should I ask him now, begire his hospitalazation , if he still needs me and mt patience or wait untul afyer hes been off work fur a vouole of weeks? ( He says his workshop is his other woman and engulfs him. But has also said he wants to gdtvhis life back). He will be sorting out my car when he teturns to wirk in a month,b
You've made a lot of videos about how to get them back, but what happens when you do get them back? A lot of them aren't willing or self-aware enough to do any work that will lead towards a successful relationship, this makes it look like the ideal outcome most of the time is to NOT get back with them as you're completely powerless to the outcome
My ex blocked me after our official last talk then 2 weeks later unblocked then 3 days after blocked me again for 9 days then on Christmas unblocked me and it’s been like this since. She hasn’t reached out tho. Any idea what I should do? I’m not going to reach out though.
I'm so sorry. I'd suggest what Alexis outlines in this video. I've been going through the same sort of experience with my fearful avoidant semi-ex and it is absolutely nerve-racking and disregulating on my nervous system. I need to put myself first now because honestly, it's up to me to heal and do everything I can to self-care and move forward with my life. I would watch this video once more, and definitely continue with no contact. All my best to you! ✨
@@parkerlee3912 thank you so much. ☹️🙏 no contact is the best option. It’s like she’s baiting me because she changed her status to show me that is online unlike before and I’m still unblocked. I wish the best for you as well.
I’m at the point now I don’t give a crap what they feel during no contact. All I know is how I feel during No contact. And it’s terrible. 7 months now. Good bye Avoidant!!!
@@MadMaxMan2008 what matters is this helps you heal and move forward
@ if someone hits you in the face with a baseball bat you get hurt. Yes you finally heal and move on but you never forget. I’m moving on, but I’m never gonna forget this crap.
I think after the 5th round, it’s time for me to be the one to bow out. I’m exhausted! Like someone else said.. you were never part of their equation, just a layover in their life. If you listen to them, they will never actually plan a future with you in it. They live life as if they are single, even in a 2 year + relationship. They don’t know how to include someone in their life!
I really appreciate these videos. I know they often tend to cover the same topics or questions that have been addressed in previous videos, but I feel like they're a solid "pep talk" so to speak. I often see a lot of negative comments about avoidants in the replies. And of course I'm not happy about having been essentially blindsided by my avoidant ex. But like you say in this video, if the relationship meant something then there's a lot more going on than just someone being cold or uncaring. And whether or not we ultimately get back together, the self-work I'm doing, including actively trying to understand this attachment style (and my own) are two positive things that will go so much further than holding a grudge or just writing her off as "avoidant" and moving on to the next thing without putting myself in a healthier space. So in short, I appreciate these videos. Thank you!
Truth is. They dont care. You were never in the equation
I agree
I have seen lot of channels on this but you in my opinion are the best.
Thank you. Great video, exactly describes my post break-up and restart with my DA . Anxious here. For me its also a great voyage to self reflect, finally getting rid of my childhood traumas and heading to secure being. Only took 50 years :D.
Dear Alexis you are amazing at what you are doing.Keep with this. I am your permanent subscriber. So happy I found you. God sent you to me.
Thank you Alexis for this. I really needed to with it being my first NYE in 13 years without my husband. I feel lonely 😭. We broke up in August after he returned from a 3 month work trip. Our marriage was strengthening but I believe this triggered him amongst childhood trauma that he thought about being on his own. We co parent but I'm trying to self regulate my anxiety and not to chase but it's so hard. He said he still cares and loves me ( not romantically now) but he has been sleeping with me. It's so confusing. He said he feels trapped and can't give me what I need. He broke down saying he's unlovable. I just want to help him and love him. He's even stopped working for his business. I've only just learnt about him being a Dismissive avoidant.
Just an update. He turned to last night for NYE. He did it for our daughter who wanted him round. It was such a lovely evening, his guard has come down, he was more relaxed and put his feet up on the sofa playing games with my daughter. She fell asleep before the countdown fireworks on the TV. He watched this with me, it was very meaningful to be together still into the new year. We had banter and flirted a little. He wished me happy new year and kissed my cheek. He said that the past few weeks have been good ( as I've given him more space) he was like let's just see and we've agreed Feb we'll have another chat about our future. I text him later that night happy new year with a X on the text and he replied back the same x. He said he will help with the car insurance stuff on the weekend as I'm taking my car back over. I honestly have felt so grateful for these videos. I feel like there is still hope between us I just need to let go and give him space. I also asked whether he was healing for himself and he said "yeh of course) I don't know in what way but it's reassuring he's aware. There is definitely still love there but he's just fearing and he's been triggered by childhood trauma when away. I hope this time next year I can say we are together. I will definitely update
They don't process the break up. They just rebound and leave devastation in their wake 😢 I'm FA and my DA has broken my heart. He rebounded and went fb official within max 4 weeks of us blocking each other, after he slow faded on me and I got really angry with him. We were in a situationship for 11 months and he refused to commit. Said he couldn't, because he was scared of things that were nothing to do with me. His gf is also DA. Please could you tell me how a relationship between two DA will look? I believe he'll stay with her now (probably even marry), just to save face, and to convince himself he can do commitment and isn' as broken as he believes he is. That man loved me. I know for a fact he was in love with me. The words never came out of his mouth....but they didn't need to
He is going in for major surgery tomorrow. Two minths ago he said he needs me and my patience, then did an snout face and said he cant commit and I need to forget him. Should I ask him now, begire his hospitalazation , if he still needs me and mt patience or wait untul afyer hes been off work fur a vouole of weeks? ( He says his workshop is his other woman and engulfs him. But has also said he wants to gdtvhis life back). He will be sorting out my car when he teturns to wirk in a month,b
You've made a lot of videos about how to get them back, but what happens when you do get them back? A lot of them aren't willing or self-aware enough to do any work that will lead towards a successful relationship, this makes it look like the ideal outcome most of the time is to NOT get back with them as you're completely powerless to the outcome
@@Lebofly this will be my focus for 2025
My ex blocked me after our official last talk then 2 weeks later unblocked then 3 days after blocked me again for 9 days then on Christmas unblocked me and it’s been like this since. She hasn’t reached out tho. Any idea what I should do? I’m not going to reach out though.
I'm so sorry. I'd suggest what Alexis outlines in this video. I've been going through the same sort of experience with my fearful avoidant semi-ex and it is absolutely nerve-racking and disregulating on my nervous system. I need to put myself first now because honestly, it's up to me to heal and do everything I can to self-care and move forward with my life. I would watch this video once more, and definitely continue with no contact. All my best to you! ✨
@@parkerlee3912 thank you so much. ☹️🙏 no contact is the best option. It’s like she’s baiting me because she changed her status to show me that is online unlike before and I’m still unblocked. I wish the best for you as well.
Not at all relevant but I have to say you're so handsome