I know the pain that many are going through and I wish there was a magic wand. The magic is you can get through this and come out better on the other side. Going though my two years of struggle, I learned to deal with or accept what was happening. Don't fight it. When you hear that inner voice, you have some ability to manage those thoughts. Go limp and be the conscientious objector. I was inspired to John Lewis and the non violent civil rights movement. They knew that anger, clubs, and pain were coming their way, but chose to stand there and not respond. They just stood there and accepted what was about to happen. Insomnia at times feels that bad, but you don't have to engage with it. You can change your relationship with it. You can learn to shift how you think about it. It takes time, but just sit with it, look at it, feel it, and accept whatever is being tossed your way. For me accepting the pain was the first step and everyday the pain and fear will get a little smaller. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and things will get better.
Thanks to Eric for reminding listeners such as myself that a) CBT-i doesn’t work for everybody; and that b) wakefulness can come in waves 🌊 🌊 🌊 (in which case it’s an opportunity to improve our surfing skills, right? 🏄♀️). And thank you, Coach Daniel, for implying a distinction between FLEETING emotions such as happiness, versus LINGERING emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt and fear… all of which IMO boil down to that one lingering bad boy, FEAR. 😰 Thanks to all at SCS for making helpful content like this available to so many at virtually zero cost.🙏 ❤ 🙏 ❤ 🙏 ❤
The book is by a Tibbetan Buddhist called Pema Chodron - - Welcoming the Unwelcome. Thanks for a great interview. I really welcomed the wisdom, it is so lonely and painful going through this and fundamentally we do have to find our own way through. As someone going through difficult speed bumps I really appreciate this video. Another thing I wanted to share is working with a therapy called Internal Family Systems which I have just started to work with and we learn to listen to the parts of us that are anxious and shouting out to be heard. When we don't see and listen to them they shout loader. The process is called unblending and is similar to observing our thoughts and not identifying with them.
She’s done incredible work, love her teachings. And someone else told me about IFS as well, really nice. Thanks for sharing and glad you’re finding value here 😊
Thank you so much for another great video ! Sleep coach is a true professional when it comes to insomnia ! I listened some of podcast interviews about sleep management, it’s all they can talk about is how lack of sleep will kill you or will caused 100 diseases, it’s very little mention about how to help people get better sleep. That’s why i only trust the true professional sleep coach like Daniel, Martin or other coaches, you’re the only professional actually has real contact and helped each client and brought results, rest of so called scientists, sleep experts, they only never really deal with a single insomnia client, but they get on podcast teaching and advising people how to deal with sleep issues i ( insomnia )!
I notice we have the same pseudo-scientists dominating the worlds of healthcare and nutrition. As one of my fav American songs puts it, A Change is Gonna Come…! 😅
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Yes, but do you sleep any better when you accept that you are not sleeping? I keep hearing about constant “speed bumps” after having accepted not sleeping. Aren’t speed bumps just the continuation of chronic insomnia? ( As a comparison, my husband sleeps about 9 hours every night. He has never had chronic insomnia and he doesn’t get “speed bumps”. He has about 1 or 2 nights PER YEAR when he sleeps “poorly”, which for him means he gets about 5 or 6 hours. It seems that those of us who have constant “speed bumps” and NEVER get more than 5-6 hours sleep still have the condition of chronic insomnia regardless of whether we accept it or not.
Hi, I think it’s about intent. With true acceptance, when we no longer try to control sleep, we no longer count hours, we don’t compare or have sleep envy, there’s no doubt we will no longer struggle with sleep. Whether it’s long or short sleep, fragmented or not, it’s peaceful 🙂 Now if we try to use acceptance to achieve “better” sleep, then most likely we will not have peaceful sleep because of the effort. It’s tricky but I see you’re here learning - and when we are ready to learn and look at things in a flexible way, nice things follow 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Maybe talk about HOW and WHY to accept the anguish of no sleep? I just can’t find any way to accept it. I have no idea how that could be done. Nor do I see any good reason for accepting my insomnia since doing so will not make it go away. I’ll still have constant “speed bumps”, which is just another way of saying I’ll still have chronic insomnia. I feel insomnia is killing me. After a year and a half of chronic sleeplessness and malaise it has only become more debilitating and life-crushing. My body has become exhausted and weak from lack of sleep, and I see no end in sight. You can say that the despair comes from all the energy wasted on “fighting wakefulness”. But honestly the despair is caused by 18 months of lack of sleep! Suggesting that one should “just accept it“ is like saying “just accept that you’re drowning. You’re still going to drown, but you’ll feel a little better as you gasp for air and die”. HOW could anyone go about accepting insomnia? And WHY?
Yes. Doing nothing is currently impossible for me. I am also a fixer. A problem solver. Had 2 weeks of good-ish sleep after discovering The Sleep Coach School followed by worsening insomnia in week 3. I am binge watching these videos and everything make perfect sense but on some level I am just not getting it. My insomnia is now worse than ever - my brain is SCREAMING at me to ACCEPT WAKEFULLNESS!!!!! This is obviously the opposite of what is required here. I have returned to looking down all the old rabbit holes - Magnesium, Ashwagandha, Valium (the only thing that actually works and I only have 1 left), etc. I understand everything perfectly intellectually - it all makes complete sense and I'm convinced this is the only solution, but at night I'm currently enacting it in a completely unhelpful way. Any tips?
Hi Robin, you know this is a common conundrum… having the intellectual understanding but still not seeing a change in a deeper level. Check episode 459 hope it will help
Good on your active brain to keep seeking solutions, but… are you sure you wouldn’t rather invest your money/resources in providing whatever you currently view as Optimal Nutrition for your household…? I remain a fan of ashwaganda eg, yet have noticed that ashwaganda costs MONEY…! 😮
So you’re saying you still have sleep difficulties, but you’ve come to accept not sleeping? I gather that insomnia never goes away, it’s just that some people learn to live with it better than others. Is that correct? It seems to me that if a sleep program or treatment were effective, one would sleep about as well as one did before they had insomnia. I’m curious, can you let us know how your nightly sleep now compares to your sleep before you had chronic insomnia? Thanks.
Bless you I can feel your suffering in your comments. I know its super hard I'm going through it myself. But try and be more optimistic and not react in a negative way each night. I know its annoying but things can always get better many people over come this
Great questions here. 👍 For myself I’ve decided to be content with the just-enough sleep I’m currently getting: just enough to function each day. IF my better sleep decides to return at night-time, so much the better. I remain hopeful, but cautiously so. I intend this response to be more helpful than know-it-all or virtue-signalling… but in any case, best wishes for your own journey. ❤
I know the pain that many are going through and I wish there was a magic wand. The magic is you can get through this and come out better on the other side. Going though my two years of struggle, I learned to deal with or accept what was happening. Don't fight it. When you hear that inner voice, you have some ability to manage those thoughts. Go limp and be the conscientious objector. I was inspired to John Lewis and the non violent civil rights movement. They knew that anger, clubs, and pain were coming their way, but chose to stand there and not respond. They just stood there and accepted what was about to happen. Insomnia at times feels that bad, but you don't have to engage with it. You can change your relationship with it. You can learn to shift how you think about it. It takes time, but just sit with it, look at it, feel it, and accept whatever is being tossed your way. For me accepting the pain was the first step and everyday the pain and fear will get a little smaller. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and things will get better.
Thanks to Eric for reminding listeners such as myself that a) CBT-i doesn’t work for everybody; and that b) wakefulness can come in waves 🌊 🌊 🌊 (in which case it’s an opportunity to improve our surfing skills, right? 🏄♀️). And thank you, Coach Daniel, for implying a distinction between FLEETING emotions such as happiness, versus LINGERING emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt and fear… all of which IMO boil down to that one lingering bad boy, FEAR. 😰 Thanks to all at SCS for making helpful content like this available to so many at virtually zero cost.🙏 ❤ 🙏 ❤ 🙏 ❤
The book is by a Tibbetan Buddhist called Pema Chodron - - Welcoming the Unwelcome.
Thanks for a great interview. I really welcomed the wisdom, it is so lonely and painful going through this and fundamentally we do have to find our own way through. As someone going through difficult speed bumps I really appreciate this video.
Another thing I wanted to share is working with a therapy called Internal Family Systems which I have just started to work with and we learn to listen to the parts of us that are anxious and shouting out to be heard. When we don't see and listen to them they shout loader. The process is called unblending and is similar to observing our thoughts and not identifying with them.
She’s done incredible work, love her teachings. And someone else told me about IFS as well, really nice. Thanks for sharing and glad you’re finding value here 😊
The interviewee should be the one interviewing. Well done for progressing in your journey!
Thank you so much for another great video ! Sleep coach is a true professional when it comes to insomnia ! I listened some of podcast interviews about sleep management, it’s all they can talk about is how lack of sleep will kill you or will caused 100 diseases, it’s very little mention about how to help people get better sleep. That’s why i only trust the true professional sleep coach like Daniel, Martin or other coaches, you’re the only professional actually has real contact and helped each client and brought results, rest of so called scientists, sleep experts, they only never really deal with a single insomnia client, but they get on podcast teaching and advising people how to deal with sleep issues i ( insomnia )!
Anytime Michelle! Thanks much for the support, and you know I think these are some valid points here for sure… hopefully we can make a difference 😊!
I notice we have the same pseudo-scientists dominating the worlds of healthcare and nutrition. As one of my fav American songs puts it, A Change is Gonna Come…! 😅
Trying to control sleep is an addiction!
So glad you found your way here 😊Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
My insomnia is uncurable unfortunately, but cool story
So all its about is acceptance?
Sounds simple but its very difficult
Yes, it really is. Not only when it comes this sleep but really anything in life we cannot control.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Yes, but do you sleep any better when you accept that you are not sleeping? I keep hearing about constant “speed bumps” after having accepted not sleeping. Aren’t speed bumps just the continuation of chronic insomnia? ( As a comparison, my husband sleeps about 9 hours every night. He has never had chronic insomnia and he doesn’t get “speed bumps”. He has about 1 or 2 nights PER YEAR when he sleeps “poorly”, which for him means he gets about 5 or 6 hours. It seems that those of us who have constant “speed bumps” and NEVER get more than 5-6 hours sleep still have the condition of chronic insomnia regardless of whether we accept it or not.
Hi, I think it’s about intent. With true acceptance, when we no longer try to control sleep, we no longer count hours, we don’t compare or have sleep envy, there’s no doubt we will no longer struggle with sleep. Whether it’s long or short sleep, fragmented or not, it’s peaceful 🙂 Now if we try to use acceptance to achieve “better” sleep, then most likely we will not have peaceful sleep because of the effort. It’s tricky but I see you’re here learning - and when we are ready to learn and look at things in a flexible way, nice things follow 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Maybe talk about HOW and WHY to accept the anguish of no sleep?
I just can’t find any way to accept it. I have no idea how that could be done. Nor do I see any good reason for accepting my insomnia since doing so will not make it go away. I’ll still have constant “speed bumps”, which is just another way of saying I’ll still have chronic insomnia.
I feel insomnia is killing me. After a year and a half of chronic sleeplessness and malaise it has only become more debilitating and life-crushing. My body has become exhausted and weak from lack of sleep, and I see no end in sight. You can say that the despair comes from all the energy wasted on “fighting wakefulness”. But honestly the despair is caused by 18 months of lack of sleep! Suggesting that one should “just accept it“ is like saying “just accept that you’re drowning. You’re still going to drown, but you’ll feel a little better as you gasp for air and die”. HOW could anyone go about accepting insomnia? And WHY?
Yes. Doing nothing is currently impossible for me. I am also a fixer. A problem solver. Had 2 weeks of good-ish sleep after discovering The Sleep Coach School followed by worsening insomnia in week 3. I am binge watching these videos and everything make perfect sense but on some level I am just not getting it. My insomnia is now worse than ever - my brain is SCREAMING at me to ACCEPT WAKEFULLNESS!!!!! This is obviously the opposite of what is required here. I have returned to looking down all the old rabbit holes - Magnesium, Ashwagandha, Valium (the only thing that actually works and I only have 1 left), etc. I understand everything perfectly intellectually - it all makes complete sense and I'm convinced this is the only solution, but at night I'm currently enacting it in a completely unhelpful way. Any tips?
Hi Robin, you know this is a common conundrum… having the intellectual understanding but still not seeing a change in a deeper level. Check episode 459 hope it will help
Good on your active brain to keep seeking solutions, but… are you sure you wouldn’t rather invest your money/resources in providing whatever you currently view as Optimal Nutrition for your household…? I remain a fan of ashwaganda eg, yet have noticed that ashwaganda costs MONEY…! 😮
So you’re saying you still have sleep difficulties, but you’ve come to accept not sleeping? I gather that insomnia never goes away, it’s just that some people learn to live with it better than others. Is that correct?
It seems to me that if a sleep program or treatment were effective, one would sleep about as well as one did before they had insomnia. I’m curious, can you let us know how your nightly sleep now compares to your sleep before you had chronic insomnia? Thanks.
Bless you I can feel your suffering in your comments. I know its super hard I'm going through it myself. But try and be more optimistic and not react in a negative way each night. I know its annoying but things can always get better many people over come this
Great questions here. 👍 For myself I’ve decided to be content with the just-enough sleep I’m currently getting: just enough to function each day. IF my better sleep decides to return at night-time, so much the better. I remain hopeful, but cautiously so. I intend this response to be more helpful than know-it-all or virtue-signalling… but in any case, best wishes for your own journey. ❤