Attachment Styles Vs. Dark Tetrad Traits in Relationships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ค. 2024
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In this video, Thais Gibson digs deeper into the dark side of personality psychology and disorders. Ever wonder the difference between machiavellianism and psychopathy or sadism and narcissism?
Watch now to learn about the dark tetrad and how it differs from attachment styles, as Thais provides some insight and useful tips.
To learn more, explore the powerful course, "Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse," for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your transformative journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:43 - What Is the Dark Tetrad?
00:03:30 - Machiavellianism
00:04:34 - Narcissism
00:05:12 - Psychopathy
00:06:38 - Sadism
00:07:04 - Attachment Styles and the Dark Tetrad
00:09:42 - 14-Day Free Trial: Breaking Free From Narcissistic Abuse
00:11:53 - What To Do If You're Seeing These Traits
00:14:06 - Conclusion
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
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Have you heard of dark tetrad traits before? Let us know in the comments!
What about mixed kids where one parent is deeply racist or resentful of the mixed kid? What happens to the mixed kid when they become an adult? I think this might be a taboo topic but I feel like she doesn't know how to love herself because who loved her?
@@bayareaprepper the word “mixed” is a bit racist in itself, isn’t it? I mean, I assume you’re talking about a child of two humans….?
@@sethtenrec why would it be? Please explain your logic or reasoning?
@@bayareaprepper I think you’re referring to “race”, which is basically pigmentation, evolved from where our ancestors lived (sun exposure). We’re all humans. Why are you so focused on pigment?
@@sethtenrec What makes you think I am the one focused on pigment? And why do you think you have any expertise on this subject? Do you have a racist therapist license? Or an abuse therapy license? Are you just lonely? Do you need a friend?
Developing deep trauma bonds are a huge indicator that you’re dealing with a dark tetrad personality rather than merely an avoidant attachment style.
This is an excellent and much needed video. So many times, I've seen individual posts confusing attachment styles with deeper psychological challenges. it's damaging in so many ways. "Knowledge is power." Thank you for this.
You're welcome :)
I was way more triggered by the avoidant personality type I knew for a month then I was from the narcissist that I knew for 3 months and broke up with. I was listening to a lady who specializes in anxious attachment style and she said the effect on the mind that emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, and avoidant partners is the same for an anxious attachment style person. Its true in my case
Some people can recognize cognitive empathy which cloaks dark tetrad traits, others cannot and can be manipulated. We need to teach people the difference between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. Also have to teach emotional empaths to not see dark tetrad attempt at cognitive empathy as some sort of healing because its not specific to manipulation.
While I agree with you, I'd like to add an additional layer to the conversation: neurodivergence! there can be differences on how we view the world and cognitive empathy is a very useful tool for understanding each other, so I wouldn't dismiss someone based off this thing alone
@ileanaprofeanu7626 in my opinion, dismissing people in the sense that we expect them to back up their cognitive empathy with emotional empathy is a positive approach- because anyone can learn “signs”- even AI- but to cleanse the inside of the cup is a much more advanced life lesson.
I feel like they do kind of all overlap. It’s wild! My ex-husband was diagnosed with NPD with sociopath tendencies. He didn’t enjoy seeing others in pain but didn’t necessarily care either. Very flat affect/only emotional when it had to do with him. All of his choices were made to benefit him and no one else. Compulsive liar. Disassociated at times and had moments of psychotic breakdowns not knowing where he was and flipping out. None of it really came to a head until late 20’s. Anyway…this was just very informative. Thank you for going through all of this 🙏🏻💜
Really interesting thanks for sharing. I'd really be interested in a video that focuses on the relationship between "BDSM" and the Dark Tetrads. Not from a kink shaming perspective, but through the lens of understanding what makes some people seek out relationships seemingly structured around toxicity, and the differences/warning signs between a healthy and a toxic BDSM inclusive relationship.
basically yes the difference between a healthy relationship that involves BDSM, or things like ethical poly etc.. versus people seeking things out that essentially mimic fundamentals of disconnection, barriers to intimacy, objectifying a partner to not grow attached etc, which is all very complicated but this is the first time I've seen anyone mention it, and it's something I have long considered. But cannot stress enough that it's not about 'shaming' just that I was always super open to many things until my experience with a DA closed me off to so many things making me wonder if there are in fact healthy approaches to these things. I know there ARE, but it was really upending to see someone approach those things in a way that I ultimately felt was not.. healthy. and it's made me question a lot of my own beliefs in turn, and I hate that!
I recommend doing the Wheel of Consent work as a basis of discovering the foundation of consent based practices and healthy relating in BDSM specifically but in all relating in general. Consent is something that is so overlooked in the culture because the mainstream culture is essentially narcissistic/psychopathic in structure.
Wow yes to everything you guys at the top said! My ex was using BDSM in these ways and I’m still trying to unravel it all in my brain. If you have any content you recommend please let me know
I love that you made this video. The part where you stated you noticed in the comments people sharing details that go beyond attachment styles was enlightening because I’ve always thought in my situation there has to be much more at play. I couldn’t ever treat someone so cruelly for absolutely no reason. I was always there for him and valued our friendship and connection that we had. It’s funny they claim that you’re too much or need to much from them yet they can’t go a day without being on Grindr. 🙄
Please never stop making videos for us. I adore the PDS. I'm a member and will continue to support you.
Thank you for mentioning this because so many people in the comments are holding onto resentment from their avoidant exes and projecting it onto avoidants in PSD, but often what theyre complaining about has nothing to do with avoidants and they are creating this stigma thats part of a societal hatred toward avoidant attachment which is really reductive and inaccurate anyway.
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Oh my goodness this explains so much 😱 I always wondered how on Earth could my ex treat me in such cruel and horrible ways and feel absolutely no remorse afterwards. I spent 6 years with him and left extremely traumatised (the relationship ended 11 years ago, thank God). Could it actually be that he has psychopathic traits.. Mind blown.. 🤯
It would be great if you would also make a video how to differenciate someone with autistic/schizoid personality disorder and DA's.There is popular ,,Schizoid dilema" - they feel very lonely,but as they form any kind of connection they feel the fear of engulfment.
It feels like shizoid's are a very extreme version of DA's and Borerline extreme version of FA's.
Great suggestion and would love to see this video as well.
Did you just equate autism with schizo type disorders?
@@Ninsidheno
No and no
Thanks. Important content. I tried my best to accomodate someone who I assumed had an avoidant attachment due to Aspergers - but turned out to be Machiavellian. I met them at a vulnerable stage in my life but luckily I was in therapy and got out after 8 months of trauma bonding.
thank you Thais!!
Thank you so much.
I'm glad you clarified that.
Love LOVE this video!!!! Opened my eyes a lot !! Thank you!!
Thank you ❤
This video has added enormous clarity as I grapple with these very issues.
Thank you!
Really appreciate you sharing this new topic!
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This is such an important topic! Thanks for making this video!
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So thankful you made this. This brought so much clarity!
Glad to hear it :)
You keep making videos for me! I appreciate you and your shows so much. Thank you thank you. I enjoy learning from you.
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Such an important and scarry topic to shine a light on. Thank you so much for your clarity and bravery in airing this reality. ❤
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Great subject to explore! Thank you., Thais!
You're welcome :)
This is so well put, easy for me to understand and fascinating.
I find psychology very interesting for some reason. You are very good and thorough at describing/ teaching things.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you. A valuable explanation. Though my recent ex-DA also has some Narc qualities that I have seen in previous partners.
It is SUPER hard to differentiate between narcissism and narcissistic traits when dating someone because allll their insecurities come out from any bad past relationship experiences and also their upbringing which causes people to act super bad or weird when they’re stressed out.
After my most recent BF, my eyes are wide open towards the Dark Tetrad. I’m curious Thais if you have had clients with these traits and if you have seen them grow out of them with therapy. I’ve stopped doing research on this topic because all it did was keep me locked in the trauma, but I know when I was doing my deep dive the popular belief was these people will never change. Just wondering what your experience is with that. I would never go back to the ex BF. He will clearly never change since he has zero accountability for absolutely horrific behavior.
Love this soo much… can someone who is anxiously attached use verbal abuse as a strategy to “control” the relationship? And threaten suicide when the relationship feels like it’s threatened?
I think it would be immensely useful for helping people differentiate - if you could provide examples of you these traits and behaviors in relationships. Differentiate between this is something that occurs in x attachment style frequently vs x is the dark tetrad presentation.
Psychopaths are born,
Sociopaths are acculturated,
Attachment styles are developed.
I'm afraid to comment because there are so many anxious preoccupied people with grudges against avoidants here. But oh well. Being kind or unkind overall is a statement of a person's character. Sometimes a good person can act in unkind ways (because of human imperfections or their attachment). It can be a bit difficult to communicate or understand with differences of attachment style. But the thing is, next time don't assume that any bad trait a person with avoidant attachment style has, is because of their attachment and then generalize other DAs based on it.
I am getting more dismissive 😂😂😂
This is interesting as always. I tbought my ex was just a strong DA but as time passes and I see current and past events I feel that she not only doesn't have the capacity for empathy but possibly padt very dysfunctional events may havd been on purpose. She was very covert.
I can relate! I left my husband about 8 months ago. I'm an FA leaning AP and stayed with him for 11 years because he had a lot of health problems, and I work in the medical field. This video has wowed me so much, thank you. I understand now. Everyone has been baffled by his behavior since I left (longer story), it was a real head scratcher. I'm so grateful. Thank you again.
I am glad to have learned this background stuff. My wife is beautiful and has a masters degree and also works in the medical field. She is extremely intelligent but when it comes to deep inner personal and emotional issues she is avoident and willing to take on whatever negative personality especially family is demonstrating. I do cycle think in the manner of decade's of loyal service and money and doing things for her and my children how can they do the flying monkey thing on me. For instance what would the story be from a fly on the wall? I can gaurentee that if there was a TV show thousands of good women would say "send that guy to me ASAP" I am in very good physical shape and very loyal. Never raised my voice to her in 34 years. Gods honest truth. Fortunately I see that all of that dont matter when someone is struggling deeply. Sadly the fact that beautiful women are in high demand hurt people are often not motivated to stop and ask themselves " maybe, just maybe its me" the emotional spiral downward of them and surrounding family members will continue.
Your face is more stressed on this video than most. It’s a very important and dangerous topic that many of your viewers obviously needed very badly from previous comment sections. Thank you for doing it, and folks who are involved with someone like this need to seriously consider taking that two-word action: NO CONTACT
Yes, I was in therapy when I was preparing to leave my husband. As I was telling her his reactions, she became very serious that I needed a safety plan. She felt that the situation was a murder-suicide waiting to happen. I "woke up" fast and began to actually see the signs she was talking about.