I cried so much. I am 31 years old. I have seen so many therapists. And this is the first time I feel like there's hope because I understand whatd going on and why I am like this.
I'm this way a million percent. I want to shower my loved ones with anything I can do or give to brighten their day, it makes me feel wonderful but while it's great to be that way, I realize at the core level I think I'm doing these things to try and ensure they won't abandon me.
Me watching this video and tackling the issue instead of curling up and thinking about suicide is an affirmation that I’m on the right path. And so are all of you, love you all!
Lots of love and strength sent to you. You are good enough and very loved and I hope you can believe this you deserve the very best in life . Things will work out brilliant for you start writing your feelings down so you can get emotions off your chest and help you to heal and feel better. I have felt like you but there is a lot of hope you will get better 💕xx
One little habit I tried really hard to develop was not looking at my phone first thing when I wake up to check if I received any messages. I know they make me happy, even non anxious attachment styles enjoy receiving messages from friends, but its so important to either first be in connection with yourself and your day, your life before allowing other people's energy in, because its a great way to break the reliance on others to make you feel ok to just be. It really helped me! I set a one hour limit, aka i cannot check my phone until one hour after I wake up and in that hour I should do things like deep breathing, connecting with myself, check in with how I feel. At first I kept checking the clock, and had to force myself to make the first hour. Now, I don't even realize I haven't checked my phone 2-3 hours in. Then, when I do check my phone and my friends are replying to me, it's like a treat, instead of a reliance.
This is a great suggestion! I also love the practice of muting conversations with certain people, especially if I notice that those conversations tend to cause me to be anxious and preoccupied. Its a way of creating boundaries for myself to myself. When I am available and ready to read messages, I will open my chat app mindfully :-)
@@shadiaahmed4762 I hope it helps you! Recently i've been also actively noticing that tug of anxiety with texts and asking myself " is this me wanting to maintain some or any sense of "closeness" because of fear that the connection will die if i don't chase/do something to maintain it?" and if its a yes, I just sit with the feeling and keep telling myself i dont need to DO anything to be enough.
I think it's also important to mention that some of us may have wounds that were caused by events in our late childhood, perhaps with toxic friendships or bullying, which could have a similar effect on attachment style
Yesss. My father's family was very toxic and always made me feel like I was worthless. As a child you don't have the tools to cope with that, so it really affected me.
Yes, I develop that fear of lossing love ones when I lost a best friend to another friend and also through death and travelling to other locations far away
Absolutely. If you were that kid who was considered a “loser” or who had friends that always knowingly left you out of activities and conversations, this counts.
1. Find / label emotions 2. Find the what meaning you're giving to situation causing your emotions (I'm not loved, noone will ever like me, I'm unworthy..) 3. Find proof of the opposite of the initial assumption is 4. If it's really truth what you were assuming, find the strategy, to think of yourself in the first place, trust yourself to process your emotions, connect to yourself deeply
You labeled number five as a number four and missed number four because she didn’t number it in the video. 4. Get into the good emotions, feel who loves you, feel why you’re worthy.
I'm commenting here over a year later and I have to thank you for this video. After doing the hard work to proactively heal, I can say that your advice has helped me to transform the way I handle all types of relationships. The core wounds are still there, but they don't control my thoughts/emotions the way they used to. I wrote all of the advice from this video in my journal and I referred back to it often the first several months of implementing your advice. Now I've gotten to the point where your tips come to me automatically. My attachment style is now much closer to Secure than Anxious. I may cry and allow myself to feel and communicate hurt if I am interacting with someone, but the outbursts no longer happen and my actions are much more sensible. I'm also able to take a step back, give myself a moment to breathe and express things more pragmatically before I speak or react. I still process things instantly thanks to my anxious style but in much, much healthier ways and thought-patterns. I no longer have any of the emotionally-driven tendencies of my anxious style. When I feel my core wounds surfacing I immediately go into a mode of self-soothing, self-care, and getting fulfilled through my Faith while still fully processing my emotions through asking myself constructive questions and really diving deep into why I feel the way I feel and then asking myself what is in my power to meet that need without looking to another person (because sometimes friends or family aren't available immediately to talk it out with you at the exact moment you need it). What you said about "source" really reminded me to look to God for that immediate sense of joy, comfort, and peace, the source of all things "good, lovely, and worthy of praise" as it says in the book of Romans scripture (this personally works best for me as I believe the Holy Spirit dwells within me to comfort and guide me; my conscience). Thank you again, Thais, for all you do to help others. your advice is something I will carry with me the rest of my life :)
You are incredibly brave, sharp, and have a warrior spirit. Congratulations on your success. You never gave up. You have the Samurai spirit. I'm happy for you.
I agree. I could care less what people think but this bothers me in relationships. I also don't do the incessant calling. It's just feelings towards my romantic relationships.
Omg me too.. i usually jave an avoidant attcahment style to freinds or any other relationship but when it comes on to romantic relationships i develope an anxious attachment style..idk i just cant understand
@@jayolareid4565 same.... didn't realize how deep it went for me until a VERY recent breakup.....and yah....she just wasn't in a place for us to work, and I've definitely internalized it....and yah...had a panic attack at work the day it happened...the feeling was reminiscent to my father leaving the house...and yah...it's like how do I not feel like that about someone.
There's something very exposing about finally finding who I am and why I act this way. And this feels like my soul has been stripped to the core and finally looking eye to eye and just baring those wounds. I m so glad I found you Thais. You are a lifesaver
I found the perfect girl. We have so much in common. Such a good real connection. I ended up pushing her away because of my insecurities and fear of abandonment. She tried giving me a chance many times, but I wasn’t able to change. Now I have to work on myself figure out how to fix it. And I just wish she could still be in my life. I like her so much.
Anxious attachment styles def most attracted to people who blow hot and cold. Are really friendly but not reciprocated of your love. One day they will say hey what’s up next day they avoid eye contact. They’ll be really flirty and touchy and seem interested but when you try to take the connection to the next level they will avoid it. I think this inconsistency is somewhat on align with how their parents treated them in childhood.
This 5 step process is amazing. Wrote it down in my phone and i will go back to it when i have an experience. It was quite handy because it kind of disintegrates the whole experience and lets me create some distance between me and the meaning I’m giving to the situation. This is some hardcore stuff :)
Wow! 46 and this just blew me away! Totally makes sense. All my relationships whether romantic or platonic have been affected from this. I couldn't for the life of me make sense of it until now! I've always seen myself as a self relient person...until my addiction to the relationship and or that person. Feelings of uncertainty, abandonment, not being enough ect. This was a huge game changer! Thank you!!!
Pretty crazy right? I had a lot of this in my past and absolutely had no clue what was going on. I really did start to think that maybe I was crazy. Even though it is an around about way of living, I understand what happened then and what is happening now. Makes it easier for me to figure out and stop doing it. But more importantly, to stop suffering all the pain. ❤️
I had horrible separation anxiety as a child. My mum would have to work until 2am and as a young child of 6,7,8 years old I would stay up and wait for her to get home cause I couldn't go to sleep without her. This is all coming to the surface in my relationship now and it is suffocating. I absolutely hate it. I am in a constant state of panic.
I have such a fear of abandonment that I cant even seem to let myself get close to ANYONE!! I'm 36, built well, in great shape, and pretty good looking (not being conceded)...I'm a hard worker and I'm responsible as I take care of my little brother like he is my son. Yet...I have this mentality that people will eventually just leave. And this cripples me in making friends or getting close too women. I threw these personal instincts to the wind back in April and got real close to a girl I work with who is unavailable in every sense of the word. Yet it progressed in to a full blown romance. It took a month in all for that to fall apart and her to leave. And this is the shit I'm talking about. What's the point? why open up to anyone? Why get close...people just leave. It's notwworth the hurt. I feel like I my heart gets attached and feels more deeply for the people I get close to. Where when they leave or things get distant, it breaks my heart in two everytime. And it weighs on me for a long long time. It nearly breaks me, and I white knuckle through it. But it results in making me sad all day long. I dont talk about it and I dont say anything to anyone. Its like iv left pieces of my heart here and there and now there is hardly enough of it left to survive. I dont know how to change. And it results in me being alone and by myself 95% of the time. Yet i crave connection to others.
I'm so sorry you're hurting let this! Letting others in is scary. You'll be open when you're ready. You might not be ready to do the work Thais is talking about and that's ok. Sending you love a big hug
I don't think it's not worth it. And not everyone gets away and abandons someone. If you're not letting anyone in (for real) and give someone a chance to get to know you, you had your share in that 'abandoning' game also. And everything stays in those shallow watters. I know it's hard and it's scary, and I've been there, still am. Everything what other people do is on them, and is a reflection of them, remember that. I believe when you're really there for Yourself and cherish your time and energy, a person that is on your level will come. Not everyone has the capacity for something deep and real. For me it's better to be alone if latter is not the case.
I feel your pain. Been there many times. I am no therapist and maybe this is the wrong advice, but what helped me make a major break through in my own healing was going toward it, accepting that relationships WILL end (by death if not the usual way), that people are inherently broken and will hurt you inevitably, but that I will be ok, and I can handle it. I had to literally prove to myself that despite what my messed up brain tells me, I CAN in fact physically, emotionally, and mentally with stand that discomfort. Kind of like facing your fears in a way. Like they do for phobias.
I’ve been in CBT for months now and we keep going back to my childhood trauma of being physically abandoned and emotionally neglected by a parent. Your words translate so much better. I will give credit to my therapist she did tell me about self care but I wasn’t sure what she was speaking into me. Thank you a lot.
Everything you're saying couldn't be more true. It's often not the situation that's happening in the present (someone not responding to a text for example) but all the past situations and wounds that are causing you to feel abandoned, very well said!
I've been in therapy for years and can recognize that I've done this process with two different therapists. Having this list so I can do it on my own is amazing. Thank you so much.
Wow! All of your videos I binge-watched so far are really really packed with lots of useful information and I always end up taking lots of notes! I really really love your 5-step process: 1. identify & label the pain 2. what meaning am i giving to this situation right now that is causing me to feel this pain? 3. question #2. Can i absolutely know that these are true? 4. find specific proof of the opposite of the initial assumptions in #2. 5. look for a strategy: figure out what i need in this moment & see if i can meet those needs first. Your video discusses way more than those steps. I love how you discuss these concepts very specifically. Thank you so so so much! I'm really glad I found your channel! I'm now a subscriber! More power to you & PDS!🥳
Your channel and just this video alone has helped so much. I used to feel triggered and then be in a moody episode for weeks.. sometimes months over what someone’s said or done or someone leaving. Now I use this and I’m processing my emotions in the moment rather than letting them drag me down for ages - magic! Definitely felt happier since learning about attachment styles. Thais - you are a genius.
You have such a wonderful way of explaining complex and emotionally charged topics in a manner that's not only easy to understand, but is also very impactful! THANK YOU for the work you're doing!
This video was absolutely amazing, it felt like free therapy. The way you talk and explain these difficult concepts and help me make sense of things that I’ve struggled with my entire life. I am so thankful I found this video.
I'm in the dating phase, 2mths. My anxious attachment was triggered. My stomach/chest has alot of anxiety,,and I hate this feeling. Logically I know there's nothing wrong but my body is going thru these feelings. I know I have to take space and focus on myself.
I want to say that grief can cause some of these wounds to be reactivated, and being aware of my grief for the last 3 years has been good but these tools are giving me hope that I can move beyond the loneliness! Thank you for these tools!
What's neat is as I listened I realized, I've actually started doing some of this just with slightly different naming. Particularly questioning the messages of being insufficient/unlovable, as well as taking responsibility for getting my needs met instead of relying on others. I have the anxious attachment type, but perhaps I am just a further along the healing process than I thought.
Yo it feels so good to know that someone not only understands all of this but is also giving me tools and positive thoughts on changing the patters. Thank. You. So. Fucking. Much. ❤️
That was really helpful. It really focuses my recovery. It took a long time to break through emotional confusion and stop looking for solutions outside of myself. I finally found the self talk voice that reminds me that I can care for myself and really questions beliefs. I will need to watch again to burn this in, but I’ve got it in concept. I know where those beliefs and feelings are coming from in my childhood.
As a kid I had a favorite blanket for comfort. As an adult I have a pillow, literally for 10yrs as comfort. When I'm dating I start to feel the person pull away and I go into a panic. All those emotions just over take me. Its separation anxiety.
My dismissive avoidant boyfriend inexplicably broke up with me. I SHATTERED. I have become an anxious/insecure person who is scared of her own shadow with a mind that keeps spinning... I keep having anxiety attacks.. I am so glad I found this video.
If you don't have a connection to yourself then you don't have a connection to others. Because it's about meeting your needs for connection, not actual connection. It's shallow and narcissistic because it's about you, not about them, or us. You're using others to meet your needs by fulfilling what you think they want or need (and not what they really want or need) in order to get them to give something to you. It reminds me of the Moonys, giving you a "free" flower at the airport, not to make you smile and make you happy (nor is it free but rather fraught with expectations) instead it's because they want you to give them money. You are essentially doing the same because you are using other people for external validation due to your damaged self, if you have self at all.
5 step process: 1. identify the pain and label it 2. What meaning am i giving it to myself 3. Question your thoughts, stories, beliefs and assumptions.
Thais, i am eternally grateful for the work that you do and the resources you provide. i am anxious-preoccupied and learning about it/watching your videos has truly helped bring inner peace to my life for the first time ever. thank you so much for doing this, you're literally saving lives.
@@shushilasharma6997 Yes! We are unconsciously attracted to one another like magnets. Which is why we keep meeting the same type of people and going through the same type of relationships and problems. My parents were dismissive and I am anxious. I always meet partners that are dismissive. ❤️
Thank you so much Thais! Words will not be enough to describe the insight and hope you have given me during a very difficult time. Your channel provide not only solid tips, but most importantly, allow us to develop an in-depth, empathetic view towards different attachment types. I'm frustrated by how little the views are because they are so helpful and deserves to reach so many more struggling like myself. (One question: Do you have any tips on how to improve an anxious - dismissive avoidant relationship? Thank you so much Xx )
Reprogram attachment... Repetitively notice and remind oneself each time triggered that not survival situation. Rather it is because of emotional connection. 1. Find the emotion. Notice when I feel pain. Identify the pain and label it - fear, distrust, etc. 2. Find what meaning am I giving to this pain/emotion right now that is causing me to feel pain? Dump thoughts, feelings, assumptions, fears onto paper. Stories such as I am not good enough, the other is respecting me, I am abandoned, I am not smart enough or cool enough, I do not matter, I am cared about, etc. 3. Question whether these are really true? This helps undo pre-existing lies. 4. Look for proof otherwise. Close gap between negative limiting beliefs/assumptions and positive evidence otherwise. 5. Look for strategy. What do I need in this moment. Can I meet this need myself? Notice and process own feelings first. Be careful about unintentionally recreating negative stories which keeps them alive. Behavior level (affects others), emotional level (feeling safer inside ourselves) so we can more clearly see faulty thought/belief level
This video was very helpful and informative. I haven’t really dated in a few years, partly because I believe that I have not figured out how to truly meet my own needs. I would like to be somewhat solid on understanding my needs plus how to meet them and not rely on my partner or outside sources for the ones I should be meeting. I just would not want to bring that into a new relationship. Do you have a few “action steps”, examples or strategies on how to meet your own emotional needs? What does that really look like? Thanks!!
Just how i feel. I Keep the idea to not to feel that I'm will not survivive with out my wife and that no one else will care about me. It is reallybad to think that way. It makes me not to enjoy our relationship more.
I am so happy I found your channel. I have always had these feeling and felt like I was alone it this. When I would try to express my feeling to friends, they would look at me like I was crazy. I am in therapy now and have been binge watching your video and they have helped tremendously. I am also looking into taking your courses as well. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for all that you do!
Thank you so much for these videos! My avoidant partner and I, anxious attachment, have been doing this dance for 3 years not realizing how much our attachment styles were coming into play. Your videos are literally changing my life and my relationships. Thank you so much.
I stopped the video and did the reassurance exercise, I wrote down everything I needed to remind myself and I swear I started feeling better and a lot less anxious. This video is pure Gold, thanks so much for taking the time 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I have never commented on a video, ever! But for this I had to. This helped me so much. I get all these anxious attachment symptoms and while I understand why I do due to my childhood, I've never seen tips on how to change this pattern. Thank you more than I can say🙏❤️
the two cases aren't mutually exclusive: they could be a bad partner, which ignites your anxiety. on the other hand, if it's a matter of them doing something truly innocuous, yet it causes you to make up a wild story of how they don't care about you, then that's likely your AP showing.
I highly recommend reading about attachment theory! Often, those of us with anxious attachment styles choose more avoidant people who trigger those attachment injuries. Additionally, if you ask for reassurance, or present a need from a healthy perspective, you give them a chance to meet your needs.
The idea that a partner of someone who is anxious attached would watch this to understand and help their partner is so unusual (but lovely) to me. I shared with my partner that I have abandonment anxiety and she pretty much changed on me from then on. Less and less emotionally available. Less intimacy. Acting like she doesn't like me, like I annoy her. Now she's not sure how she feels and has basically abandoned me.
Finally went out on date with woman from work in October. Since then because of these videos I’ve had a learning experience as to how this woman is an avoidant to further dating. Her actions and inactions read like an avoidant text book. She doesn’t realize her style of relating. It’s been a learning experience not even knowing this disorder even existed. Thanks for your videos!
This is exactly what i need, i had an issue where before i was about to graduate high school all of my close friends ditched me and said that they werent my friend anymore and i spent months feeling torn apart by it, it still gets in the way of my current friendships today and hurts them, im glad i found this in hopes i can make things easier for them
As a disabled adult I struggle with this because often I DO need the other person for survival, mostly related to financial stability. I’m not able to survive in this world without significant support and it definitely raises the stakes and makes healing these core wounds very complicated. Advice welcome.
Thais, I hope, I genuinely genuinely hope you get the best of this world. Honestly, you are doing God's work. This is such a major thing that people typically charge so much for, and you are giving this to us for free. I am definitely purchasing your program because I know it is worth it
Omg! So many therapies do not say this. You are amazing. I got healed in a day. All my fear gone and i had so many answers in this. Where were u all these days? The world need more people like u...
My question is: when starting a relationship with someone and working through fears of showing vulnerability, at what point do you reveal your abandonment/anxiety issues to your partner without driving him or her away? Thank you in advance! As an anxiously attached individual, I’m trying to be more authentic in my life.
In my experience, definitely not within the first few months especially if your partner is presenting as more avoidant, as it will push them away. It accelerated the withdrawal my partner exhibited, perhaps subconsciously for them. I've done it multiple times and it always happens this way. Perhaps you should wait until you're stable with that person to discuss these topics, and only do so during a safe time that has been actually set aside so that your SO is prepared emotionally and mentally to talk about this.
This is the thing. Someone secure does not run away from expressing it. So the choice of person matters. And how you express it also show if it rules you or if you are working on it.
Hey there. Not an expert but I would say that there’s no actual time stamp to it. You could purpose to express things you like and things you don’t, slowly, as you date. Don’t emotionally invest too much before you gauge their reaction to your authentic self. Also, if they aren’t willing to meet you in the middle as you strive for a secure attachment, then maybe they are not your most compatible fit. Just my thoughts. Have a great day!
I'm 24, turning 25 in September. Gotta love being a Virgo, right?😂 Anyway, I've come to realize my mom is unpredictable with her warmth/reactions. When things are good, she's very warm & loving- physically affectionate, even. But I can't talk to her about my deeper feelings & issues because I never know how she'll react- either cold or downright explosive. Whereas my dad's stoic & I'm able to talk things over with him logically, he doesn't always show affection when he's present. But he knows when I wanna talk or not. Coupled with the trauma from my relationship where I ended up feeling like I was broken, I grew to have a disorganized (fearful/anxious avoidant) style. Now that I'm in a relationship (where he's verbally avoidant when I'm upset & spiraling, but he'll hug me or hold my hand until I'm done crying) I find it hard to regulate my emotions & especially hard to control my reactions to those emotions. And I know he's avoidant because he's got traumas of his own which forced him to be on the other extreme of attachment. He is trying, although of course he's going to detach himself & have a wall up to an extent; I tend to be unpredictable too. It's just the fact that things happened fast despite me wanting to go slow & get to know him, that is triggering all my fears already. I'm simply trying to find healthy coping mechanisms as I heal from my past while I'm with him, because I really do want this to work for once.
Whenever I get physiological symptoms of anxiety as a result of not hearing from someone for longer than could be reasonably expected, I've been trying to cognitively reappraise the situation: like, maybe their phone died, or maybe they're really busy at work, or maybe they had a family emergency, or any other explanation I can come up with that doesn't reflect my worth to them or their feelings for me. It really sucks, though, because I can reappraise all I want, but sitting in that uncertainty just makes the anxiety so much worse. And, at a certain point, I have to also accept the increasingly real possibility that they've just ghosted me and there's nothing I can do. I usually bounce back pretty quickly, but those first few days are pure torture and I have little choice but to sit with my feelings.
Thank you so much for giving us tools to heal ourselves and for taking the time and energy to upload this. This videos really help a lot of people. Not everyone can see a therapist or know how to deal with this, so I really appreciate that there is people like you and that I found this video.
All of the terms was super descriptive and accessable. Wonderful video....i feel like she's seen "ALL" of my relationships, EVER.....didn't know this was a thing, i thought I was just being too emotional, or a simp, or too soft____enter self deprecating concept___. I'm glad humans have words❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I left my country and my FAMILY, FRIENDS, EVERYTHING when i was 23 , i could not see the abandonment there affecting me, fast forward after my breakup of my 8 years relationship with my life partner made things come back : ABANDON ... The pain i felt and feel is simply terrible. Alone in the dark, looking for a light one day at a time , a light within me
Wow this really helped me correct the feeling I was having. Thank you for your help! I will be applying these steps towards every trigger I have. Big love, amazing work you’re doing x
You are wonderfull Thanks a lot I am in the way of healing I feel better since I started focusing on meeting my needs instead of others needs My father was absent and not available and when he came back home he was always drunk and beating us my mother was depressed because of my father and my grand sister who was very kind with me died at 17 I attracted a Husband who is alcoholic who died 4 years after our mariage leaving me with my 2 sons ten years later I am now with a completly unavailable man who is addicted to alcohol too....
Oh my god. It's like you know me! All the reading I've done on Anxious Attachment Style doesn't come close to being as helpful as what you just shared. I'm so grateful I discovered your channel!
I've been working on myself and my ambitions for some time in order to avoid these downfalls but I found that agreeable people long for intimate relationships. Agreeableness is a core characteristic that cannot be totally changed/opposed so even though I have made progress, I'm still longing for a deep connection. Also the type that we are attracted to is very hard to oppose too..I will always appreciate more a hard earned partner than otherwise.. These factors all seem to contribute to a never ending cycle..I guess it's good that I'm being conscious about my choices and behavior but the amount of control over them is little.
Her voice suddenly paused and I looked to the phone like NOOO!! Tais don't leave me like this! ...and then she was back starting the video again and I was so relieved to hear her voice. I'm gonna be ok. lol, omg don't do that to me woman... thank you so much for sharing your work.
This video will change my life. I am writing these methods down in short bullet points - formulated in a way that I can comprehend while being in that emotional flare up. Will exercise this as if it was a religion until I find faith in Me. ”Thank you” seems inadequate, but thank you.
I've only just found this video. It is absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge in such an incredibly compassionate and clear to understand way. 😊
Wow, this woman is awesome. Thank you for such profound wisdom share. I needed to hear this today. Feeling so much tightness release in my chest. Gratitude for this video.
wonderful video. Except the last bit I wasn't clear about applying strategies. My ex? Has gone so abusive in relationship once she pretended or actively started speaking with all guys around her I was worried about. I randomly realised my issue (pre occupied attachment) which caused me all these nervousness and fear of abandonment. I read about it and realised best way to deal with it is to communicate it honestly with your partner. Then suddenly she started humuliating me with this topic and took her wrong actions even further. I finally broke up with her and now she tries to contact me resurfacing all my wounds. I think she has attachment trauma as well. A fearful avoidant style !!
I cried so much. I am 31 years old. I have seen so many therapists. And this is the first time I feel like there's hope because I understand whatd going on and why I am like this.
Sending you hugs!
I'm this way a million percent. I want to shower my loved ones with anything I can do or give to brighten their day, it makes me feel wonderful but while it's great to be that way, I realize at the core level I think I'm doing these things to try and ensure they won't abandon me.
Same here, im 32 and finally finding the route cause and working on lasting changes. This is very valuable info
I feel you. I also just discovered this about myself.
I agree 👍
Me watching this video and tackling the issue instead of curling up and thinking about suicide is an affirmation that I’m on the right path. And so are all of you, love you all!
I love this. There too, tonight. Courage to you and hope things are coming along. I just signed up to her webpage/webinars/classes! Thoughts for you!
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Lots of love and strength sent to you. You are good enough and very loved and I hope you can believe this you deserve the very best in life . Things will work out brilliant for you start writing your feelings down so you can get emotions off your chest and help you to heal and feel better. I have felt like you but there is a lot of hope you will get better 💕xx
Hey, u better now?
One little habit I tried really hard to develop was not looking at my phone first thing when I wake up to check if I received any messages. I know they make me happy, even non anxious attachment styles enjoy receiving messages from friends, but its so important to either first be in connection with yourself and your day, your life before allowing other people's energy in, because its a great way to break the reliance on others to make you feel ok to just be. It really helped me! I set a one hour limit, aka i cannot check my phone until one hour after I wake up and in that hour I should do things like deep breathing, connecting with myself, check in with how I feel. At first I kept checking the clock, and had to force myself to make the first hour. Now, I don't even realize I haven't checked my phone 2-3 hours in. Then, when I do check my phone and my friends are replying to me, it's like a treat, instead of a reliance.
Omg I do tht!! Im going to stop checkn my phone
@@summaiyarobi4915 haha I’ve been getting worse at it. Let’s do it together 👏🏻
This is great. Thnx
This is a great suggestion! I also love the practice of muting conversations with certain people, especially if I notice that those conversations tend to cause me to be anxious and preoccupied. Its a way of creating boundaries for myself to myself. When I am available and ready to read messages, I will open my chat app mindfully :-)
@@shadiaahmed4762 I hope it helps you! Recently i've been also actively noticing that tug of anxiety with texts and asking myself " is this me wanting to maintain some or any sense of "closeness" because of fear that the connection will die if i don't chase/do something to maintain it?" and if its a yes, I just sit with the feeling and keep telling myself i dont need to DO anything to be enough.
I think it's also important to mention that some of us may have wounds that were caused by events in our late childhood, perhaps with toxic friendships or bullying, which could have a similar effect on attachment style
Truth!!
Yesss. My father's family was very toxic and always made me feel like I was worthless. As a child you don't have the tools to cope with that, so it really affected me.
Yes, I develop that fear of lossing love ones when I lost a best friend to another friend and also through death and travelling to other locations far away
Absolutely. If you were that kid who was considered a “loser” or who had friends that always knowingly left you out of activities and conversations, this counts.
yea that's where mine stems from x
1. Find / label emotions
2. Find the what meaning you're giving to situation causing your emotions (I'm not loved, noone will ever like me, I'm unworthy..)
3. Find proof of the opposite of the initial assumption is
4. If it's really truth what you were assuming, find the strategy, to think of yourself in the first place, trust yourself to process your emotions, connect to yourself deeply
Thank you!
You labeled number five as a number four and missed number four because she didn’t number it in the video.
4. Get into the good emotions, feel who loves you, feel why you’re worthy.
I'm commenting here over a year later and I have to thank you for this video. After doing the hard work to proactively heal, I can say that your advice has helped me to transform the way I handle all types of relationships. The core wounds are still there, but they don't control my thoughts/emotions the way they used to. I wrote all of the advice from this video in my journal and I referred back to it often the first several months of implementing your advice. Now I've gotten to the point where your tips come to me automatically. My attachment style is now much closer to Secure than Anxious. I may cry and allow myself to feel and communicate hurt if I am interacting with someone, but the outbursts no longer happen and my actions are much more sensible. I'm also able to take a step back, give myself a moment to breathe and express things more pragmatically before I speak or react. I still process things instantly thanks to my anxious style but in much, much healthier ways and thought-patterns. I no longer have any of the emotionally-driven tendencies of my anxious style. When I feel my core wounds surfacing I immediately go into a mode of self-soothing, self-care, and getting fulfilled through my Faith while still fully processing my emotions through asking myself constructive questions and really diving deep into why I feel the way I feel and then asking myself what is in my power to meet that need without looking to another person (because sometimes friends or family aren't available immediately to talk it out with you at the exact moment you need it). What you said about "source" really reminded me to look to God for that immediate sense of joy, comfort, and peace, the source of all things "good, lovely, and worthy of praise" as it says in the book of Romans scripture (this personally works best for me as I believe the Holy Spirit dwells within me to comfort and guide me; my conscience). Thank you again, Thais, for all you do to help others. your advice is something I will carry with me the rest of my life :)
You are incredibly brave, sharp, and have a warrior spirit. Congratulations on your success. You never gave up. You have the Samurai spirit. I'm happy for you.
I'm proud of you, your growth gives us hope!
i only feel this way in a romantic relationship i dont care how others think of me though
These attachment styles are mostly for romantic relationships only. :)
Same
I agree. I could care less what people think but this bothers me in relationships. I also don't do the incessant calling. It's just feelings towards my romantic relationships.
Omg me too.. i usually jave an avoidant attcahment style to freinds or any other relationship but when it comes on to romantic relationships i develope an anxious attachment style..idk i just cant understand
@@jayolareid4565 same.... didn't realize how deep it went for me until a VERY recent breakup.....and yah....she just wasn't in a place for us to work, and I've definitely internalized it....and yah...had a panic attack at work the day it happened...the feeling was reminiscent to my father leaving the house...and yah...it's like how do I not feel like that about someone.
I can't believe you put this content out for FREE! This is life changing. You are an angel on earth!
YES
There's something very exposing about finally finding who I am and why I act this way. And this feels like my soul has been stripped to the core and finally looking eye to eye and just baring those wounds. I m so glad I found you Thais. You are a lifesaver
@Naheen Taba, I feel this!! It brought tears to my eyes because I'm there too!! ❤❤
i
I found the perfect girl. We have so much in common. Such a good real connection. I ended up pushing her away because of my insecurities and fear of abandonment. She tried giving me a chance many times, but I wasn’t able to change. Now I have to work on myself figure out how to fix it. And I just wish she could still be in my life. I like her so much.
Oh my God!!!! I didnt realized how damaged I was. I literally broke down watching this.
You are strong and you're healing. Keep being compassionate to yourself.
Anxious attachment styles def most attracted to people who blow hot and cold. Are really friendly but not reciprocated of your love. One day they will say hey what’s up next day they avoid eye contact. They’ll be really flirty and touchy and seem interested but when you try to take the connection to the next level they will avoid it. I think this inconsistency is somewhat on align with how their parents treated them in childhood.
This 5 step process is amazing. Wrote it down in my phone and i will go back to it when i have an experience. It was quite handy because it kind of disintegrates the whole experience and lets me create some distance between me and the meaning I’m giving to the situation. This is some hardcore stuff :)
Yes! You are amazing Lukas!
How has it been going for you? Any reprogramming done?
Absolutely! I am on the right track but being confronted with my fear of abandonment is agonizing.
I don't know how I can tell you just how much this helped me. Thank you-- please don't stop ever making content
Dude, she's amazing
Wow! 46 and this just blew me away! Totally makes sense. All my relationships whether romantic or platonic have been affected from this. I couldn't for the life of me make sense of it until now! I've always seen myself as a self relient person...until my addiction to the relationship and or that person. Feelings of uncertainty, abandonment, not being enough ect. This was a huge game changer! Thank you!!!
Pretty crazy right? I had a lot of this in my past and absolutely had no clue what was going on. I really did start to think that maybe I was crazy. Even though it is an around about way of living, I understand what happened then and what is happening now. Makes it easier for me to figure out and stop doing it. But more importantly, to stop suffering all the pain. ❤️
@@ant856 yes, me too
I had horrible separation anxiety as a child. My mum would have to work until 2am and as a young child of 6,7,8 years old I would stay up and wait for her to get home cause I couldn't go to sleep without her. This is all coming to the surface in my relationship now and it is suffocating. I absolutely hate it. I am in a constant state of panic.
I have such a fear of abandonment that I cant even seem to let myself get close to ANYONE!! I'm 36, built well, in great shape, and pretty good looking (not being conceded)...I'm a hard worker and I'm responsible as I take care of my little brother like he is my son. Yet...I have this mentality that people will eventually just leave. And this cripples me in making friends or getting close too women. I threw these personal instincts to the wind back in April and got real close to a girl I work with who is unavailable in every sense of the word. Yet it progressed in to a full blown romance. It took a month in all for that to fall apart and her to leave. And this is the shit I'm talking about. What's the point? why open up to anyone? Why get close...people just leave. It's notwworth the hurt. I feel like I my heart gets attached and feels more deeply for the people I get close to. Where when they leave or things get distant, it breaks my heart in two everytime. And it weighs on me for a long long time. It nearly breaks me, and I white knuckle through it. But it results in making me sad all day long. I dont talk about it and I dont say anything to anyone.
Its like iv left pieces of my heart here and there and now there is hardly enough of it left to survive. I dont know how to change. And it results in me being alone and by myself 95% of the time. Yet i crave connection to others.
I'm so sorry you're hurting let this! Letting others in is scary. You'll be open when you're ready. You might not be ready to do the work Thais is talking about and that's ok. Sending you love a big hug
I don't think it's not worth it. And not everyone gets away and abandons someone. If you're not letting anyone in (for real) and give someone a chance to get to know you, you had your share in that 'abandoning' game also. And everything stays in those shallow watters.
I know it's hard and it's scary, and I've been there, still am.
Everything what other people do is on them, and is a reflection of them, remember that.
I believe when you're really there for Yourself and cherish your time and energy, a person that is on your level will come. Not everyone has the capacity for something deep and real.
For me it's better to be alone if latter is not the case.
I feel your pain. Been there many times. I am no therapist and maybe this is the wrong advice, but what helped me make a major break through in my own healing was going toward it, accepting that relationships WILL end (by death if not the usual way), that people are inherently broken and will hurt you inevitably, but that I will be ok, and I can handle it. I had to literally prove to myself that despite what my messed up brain tells me, I CAN in fact physically, emotionally, and mentally with stand that discomfort. Kind of like facing your fears in a way. Like they do for phobias.
I’ve been in CBT for months now and we keep going back to my childhood trauma of being physically abandoned and emotionally neglected by a parent. Your words translate so much better. I will give credit to my therapist she did tell me about self care but I wasn’t sure what she was speaking into me. Thank you a lot.
I feel like this might be the most relevant video for my personal happiness that I have ever watched.
Everything you're saying couldn't be more true. It's often not the situation that's happening in the present (someone not responding to a text for example) but all the past situations and wounds that are causing you to feel abandoned, very well said!
I've been in therapy for years and can recognize that I've done this process with two different therapists. Having this list so I can do it on my own is amazing. Thank you so much.
You actually made me understand what the fuck's happening in my life,I'm grateful because you made me learn myself,thank you
Wow! All of your videos I binge-watched so far are really really packed with lots of useful information and I always end up taking lots of notes! I really really love your 5-step process:
1. identify & label the pain
2. what meaning am i giving to this situation right now that is causing me to feel this pain?
3. question #2. Can i absolutely know that these are true?
4. find specific proof of the opposite of the initial assumptions in #2.
5. look for a strategy: figure out what i need in this moment & see if i can meet those needs first.
Your video discusses way more than those steps. I love how you discuss these concepts very specifically. Thank you so so so much! I'm really glad I found your channel! I'm now a subscriber! More power to you & PDS!🥳
LOL! She forgot that she started again
mood
Stuff happens 🤷🏼♀️😛
How ?? 😂
I noticed this too and thought I was having either deja vu or a stroke lol
She rebooted
You’re the best and most helpful on attachment! For the first time feeling feeling ok alone without needing to be in a relationship. 💜
Your channel and just this video alone has helped so much. I used to feel triggered and then be in a moody episode for weeks.. sometimes months over what someone’s said or done or someone leaving. Now I use this and I’m processing my emotions in the moment rather than letting them drag me down for ages - magic! Definitely felt happier since learning about attachment styles. Thais - you are a genius.
“You’re here to undo anything that already is a lie to yourself.”
You have such a wonderful way of explaining complex and emotionally charged topics in a manner that's not only easy to understand, but is also very impactful! THANK YOU for the work you're doing!
2nd time's the charm! Love your videos, they're helping a lot of people haha
7:00 Good reminder, it’s not about survival, but an emotional connection. Though it can feel like the two are interdependent.
This video was absolutely amazing, it felt like free therapy. The way you talk and explain these difficult concepts and help me make sense of things that I’ve struggled with my entire life. I am so thankful I found this video.
me too
The description of how it feels is spot on.
I'm in the dating phase, 2mths. My anxious attachment was triggered. My stomach/chest has alot of anxiety,,and I hate this feeling. Logically I know there's nothing wrong but my body is going thru these feelings. I know I have to take space and focus on myself.
I want to say that grief can cause some of these wounds to be reactivated, and being aware of my grief for the last 3 years has been good but these tools are giving me hope that I can move beyond the loneliness! Thank you for these tools!
What's neat is as I listened I realized, I've actually started doing some of this just with slightly different naming. Particularly questioning the messages of being insufficient/unlovable, as well as taking responsibility for getting my needs met instead of relying on others. I have the anxious attachment type, but perhaps I am just a further along the healing process than I thought.
I am a man and I greatly benefit from your knowledge. Thank you sister.
This is the best video I've ever seen on overcoming anxious attachment--thank you so much, I can't tell you how excited I am to heal.
Yo it feels so good to know that someone not only understands all of this but is also giving me tools and positive thoughts on changing the patters. Thank. You. So. Fucking. Much. ❤️
This is me my whole life my 14 month engagement ended last week I pushed her away I’m 57 thank you I really want to fix my self 🙏🏽
That was really helpful. It really focuses my recovery. It took a long time to break through emotional confusion and stop looking for solutions outside of myself. I finally found the self talk voice that reminds me that I can care for myself and really questions beliefs. I will need to watch again to burn this in, but I’ve got it in concept. I know where those beliefs and feelings are coming from in my childhood.
You literally just described me....Thank u soo much Thais
You really helped me through a difficult time .
As a kid I had a favorite blanket for comfort. As an adult I have a pillow, literally for 10yrs as comfort. When I'm dating I start to feel the person pull away and I go into a panic. All those emotions just over take me. Its separation anxiety.
Gah, this video hit sooo many points. I just ...wow! Thank you for sharing your gifts of wisdom with the world. You are a modern day healer!
My dismissive avoidant boyfriend inexplicably broke up with me. I SHATTERED. I have become an anxious/insecure person who is scared of her own shadow with a mind that keeps spinning... I keep having anxiety attacks.. I am so glad I found this video.
If you don't have a connection to yourself then you don't have a connection to others. Because it's about meeting your needs for connection, not actual connection. It's shallow and narcissistic because it's about you, not about them, or us. You're using others to meet your needs by fulfilling what you think they want or need (and not what they really want or need) in order to get them to give something to you. It reminds me of the Moonys, giving you a "free" flower at the airport, not to make you smile and make you happy (nor is it free but rather fraught with expectations) instead it's because they want you to give them money. You are essentially doing the same because you are using other people for external validation due to your damaged self, if you have self at all.
I am actually safe now. All of my needs are taken care of. I can fend for myself with or without that person. You can take care of your own needs.
Core wounds: Rejection, Abandonment and I am not good enough.
Ability to self connect is important
I am safe, I can rely on myself to get my needs met and for my emotions
5 step process:
1. identify the pain and label it
2. What meaning am i giving it to myself
3. Question your thoughts, stories, beliefs and assumptions.
Omg, had soooo many epiphanies from this! Thank you! I feel like I can finally start to move on and move forward with a healthier life 💖
I'm only 8 minutes in. Holy crap, how does this video not have 10 million views?
Thais, i am eternally grateful for the work that you do and the resources you provide. i am anxious-preoccupied and learning about it/watching your videos has truly helped bring inner peace to my life for the first time ever. thank you so much for doing this, you're literally saving lives.
some partners trigger these emotions more then others.
Our intimate partner is the human form of our inner wound
@@shushilasharma6997 Not true.
@@shushilasharma6997 Yes! We are unconsciously attracted to one another like magnets. Which is why we keep meeting the same type of people and going through the same type of relationships and problems. My parents were dismissive and I am anxious. I always meet partners that are dismissive. ❤️
Thank you so much Thais! Words will not be enough to describe the insight and hope you have given me during a very difficult time. Your channel provide not only solid tips, but most importantly, allow us to develop an in-depth, empathetic view towards different attachment types. I'm frustrated by how little the views are because they are so helpful and deserves to reach so many more struggling like myself. (One question: Do you have any tips on how to improve an anxious - dismissive avoidant relationship? Thank you so much Xx )
Reprogram attachment...
Repetitively notice and remind oneself each time triggered that not survival situation. Rather it is because of emotional connection.
1. Find the emotion. Notice when I feel pain. Identify the pain and label it - fear, distrust, etc.
2. Find what meaning am I giving to this pain/emotion right now that is causing me to feel pain? Dump thoughts, feelings, assumptions, fears onto paper. Stories such as I am not good enough, the other is respecting me, I am abandoned, I am not smart enough or cool enough, I do not matter, I am cared about, etc.
3. Question whether these are really true? This helps undo pre-existing lies.
4. Look for proof otherwise. Close gap between negative limiting beliefs/assumptions and positive evidence otherwise.
5. Look for strategy. What do I need in this moment. Can I meet this need myself? Notice and process own feelings first.
Be careful about unintentionally recreating negative stories which keeps them alive. Behavior level (affects others), emotional level (feeling safer inside ourselves) so we can more clearly see faulty thought/belief level
This video was very helpful and informative. I haven’t really dated in a few years, partly because I believe that I have not figured out how to truly meet my own needs. I would like to be somewhat solid on understanding my needs plus how to meet them and not rely on my partner or outside sources for the ones I should be meeting. I just would not want to bring that into a new relationship. Do you have a few “action steps”, examples or strategies on how to meet your own emotional needs? What does that really look like? Thanks!!
Just how i feel. I Keep the idea to not to feel that I'm will not survivive with out my wife and that no one else will care about me. It is reallybad to think that way. It makes me not to enjoy our relationship more.
Same here!!
Best therapist on TH-cam
I am an anxious but I wasn't abandoned, more like less important.
I am so happy I found your channel. I have always had these feeling and felt like I was alone it this. When I would try to express my feeling to friends, they would look at me like I was crazy. I am in therapy now and have been binge watching your video and they have helped tremendously. I am also looking into taking your courses as well. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for all that you do!
Thank you so much for these videos! My avoidant partner and I, anxious attachment, have been doing this dance for 3 years not realizing how much our attachment styles were coming into play. Your videos are literally changing my life and my relationships. Thank you so much.
Mary Hargrave have you been able to get a healthier relationship?
I love how you go deep into each detail! It’s really belaying heal me and I look forward to becoming secure!
I stopped the video and did the reassurance exercise, I wrote down everything I needed to remind myself and I swear I started feeling better and a lot less anxious. This video is pure Gold, thanks so much for taking the time 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I found your channel yesterday. I am literally mind blown!
I have never commented on a video, ever! But for this I had to. This helped me so much. I get all these anxious attachment symptoms and while I understand why I do due to my childhood, I've never seen tips on how to change this pattern. Thank you more than I can say🙏❤️
You will never uderstand how much you have helped me already. Have been watching +20 hours from your channel this week. Thanks so much!!!!
How do you know if its you being anxious, or them being a bad partner?
the two cases aren't mutually exclusive: they could be a bad partner, which ignites your anxiety. on the other hand, if it's a matter of them doing something truly innocuous, yet it causes you to make up a wild story of how they don't care about you, then that's likely your AP showing.
I highly recommend reading about attachment theory! Often, those of us with anxious attachment styles choose more avoidant people who trigger those attachment injuries. Additionally, if you ask for reassurance, or present a need from a healthy perspective, you give them a chance to meet your needs.
The idea that a partner of someone who is anxious attached would watch this to understand and help their partner is so unusual (but lovely) to me. I shared with my partner that I have abandonment anxiety and she pretty much changed on me from then on. Less and less emotionally available. Less intimacy. Acting like she doesn't like me, like I annoy her. Now she's not sure how she feels and has basically abandoned me.
Finally went out on date with woman from work in October. Since then because of these videos I’ve had a learning experience as to how this woman is an avoidant to further dating. Her actions and inactions read like an avoidant text book. She doesn’t realize her style of relating. It’s been a learning experience not even knowing this disorder even existed. Thanks for your videos!
This is exactly what i need, i had an issue where before i was about to graduate high school all of my close friends ditched me and said that they werent my friend anymore and i spent months feeling torn apart by it, it still gets in the way of my current friendships today and hurts them, im glad i found this in hopes i can make things easier for them
The 5-step process is very similar to CBT or DBT therapy. And it can work really well.
As a disabled adult I struggle with this because often I DO need the other person for survival, mostly related to financial stability. I’m not able to survive in this world without significant support and it definitely raises the stakes and makes healing these core wounds very complicated. Advice welcome.
Thais, I hope, I genuinely genuinely hope you get the best of this world. Honestly, you are doing God's work. This is such a major thing that people typically charge so much for, and you are giving this to us for free. I am definitely purchasing your program because I know it is worth it
the 5 step exercise resonates a lot. I think it will be very helpful. Thank you
Omg! So many therapies do not say this. You are amazing. I got healed in a day. All my fear gone and i had so many answers in this. Where were u all these days? The world need more people like u...
My question is: when starting a relationship with someone and working through fears of showing vulnerability, at what point do you reveal your abandonment/anxiety issues to your partner without driving him or her away?
Thank you in advance! As an anxiously attached individual, I’m trying to be more authentic in my life.
Shakti Rising great question, yes ..when ...how...without seeming like you are a nut job 😏
In my experience, definitely not within the first few months especially if your partner is presenting as more avoidant, as it will push them away. It accelerated the withdrawal my partner exhibited, perhaps subconsciously for them. I've done it multiple times and it always happens this way. Perhaps you should wait until you're stable with that person to discuss these topics, and only do so during a safe time that has been actually set aside so that your SO is prepared emotionally and mentally to talk about this.
This is the thing. Someone secure does not run away from expressing it. So the choice of person matters. And how you express it also show if it rules you or if you are working on it.
Hey there. Not an expert but I would say that there’s no actual time stamp to it. You could purpose to express things you like and things you don’t, slowly, as you date. Don’t emotionally invest too much before you gauge their reaction to your authentic self. Also, if they aren’t willing to meet you in the middle as you strive for a secure attachment, then maybe they are not your most compatible fit. Just my thoughts. Have a great day!
I'm 24, turning 25 in September. Gotta love being a Virgo, right?😂
Anyway, I've come to realize my mom is unpredictable with her warmth/reactions. When things are good, she's very warm & loving- physically affectionate, even. But I can't talk to her about my deeper feelings & issues because I never know how she'll react- either cold or downright explosive. Whereas my dad's stoic & I'm able to talk things over with him logically, he doesn't always show affection when he's present. But he knows when I wanna talk or not. Coupled with the trauma from my relationship where I ended up feeling like I was broken, I grew to have a disorganized (fearful/anxious avoidant) style. Now that I'm in a relationship (where he's verbally avoidant when I'm upset & spiraling, but he'll hug me or hold my hand until I'm done crying) I find it hard to regulate my emotions & especially hard to control my reactions to those emotions. And I know he's avoidant because he's got traumas of his own which forced him to be on the other extreme of attachment. He is trying, although of course he's going to detach himself & have a wall up to an extent; I tend to be unpredictable too. It's just the fact that things happened fast despite me wanting to go slow & get to know him, that is triggering all my fears already.
I'm simply trying to find healthy coping mechanisms as I heal from my past while I'm with him, because I really do want this to work for once.
GIRL, YOU JUST CRACKED MY CODE THANK YOU❤️ I did not know what the hell was wrong with me but now it all makes sense.
Whenever I get physiological symptoms of anxiety as a result of not hearing from someone for longer than could be reasonably expected, I've been trying to cognitively reappraise the situation: like, maybe their phone died, or maybe they're really busy at work, or maybe they had a family emergency, or any other explanation I can come up with that doesn't reflect my worth to them or their feelings for me. It really sucks, though, because I can reappraise all I want, but sitting in that uncertainty just makes the anxiety so much worse. And, at a certain point, I have to also accept the increasingly real possibility that they've just ghosted me and there's nothing I can do. I usually bounce back pretty quickly, but those first few days are pure torture and I have little choice but to sit with my feelings.
That’s me to a T!! I know how torturous that feels. Hopefully we’ll both reprogram those feelings 😊
Great job at sitting with your feelings! 🙌🏾 I'm learning to do that. It's a b*tch in the moment but it feels great after you get to the other side
Thank you so much for giving us tools to heal ourselves and for taking the time and energy to upload this. This videos really help a lot of people. Not everyone can see a therapist or know how to deal with this, so I really appreciate that there is people like you and that I found this video.
Amazing insight! Now that I understand this, I can begin to learn and make positive changes!
Wow. Knowledge is indeed POWER. This information may have just saved me from self destruction.
This was so helpful! I will listen to this video many times because it describes my beliefs and behavior so well. Thank you, Thais!!
The most healing video I have watched to date... thank you for "seeing" me and explaining so eloquently how I may learn to see myslef.
This woman is magic!
All of the terms was super descriptive and accessable. Wonderful video....i feel like she's seen "ALL" of my relationships, EVER.....didn't know this was a thing, i thought I was just being too emotional, or a simp, or too soft____enter self deprecating concept___. I'm glad humans have words❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I left my country and my FAMILY, FRIENDS, EVERYTHING when i was 23 , i could not see the abandonment there affecting me, fast forward after my breakup of my 8 years relationship with my life partner made things come back : ABANDON ... The pain i felt and feel is simply terrible. Alone in the dark, looking for a light one day at a time , a light within me
Wow this really helped me correct the feeling I was having. Thank you for your help! I will be applying these steps towards every trigger I have. Big love, amazing work you’re doing x
You are wonderfull
Thanks a lot I am in the way of healing I feel better since I started focusing on meeting my needs instead of others needs
My father was absent and not available and when he came back home he was always drunk and beating us my mother was depressed because of my father and my grand sister who was very kind with me died at 17
I attracted a Husband who is alcoholic who died 4 years after our mariage leaving me with my 2 sons ten years later I am now with a completly unavailable man who is addicted to alcohol too....
Oh my god. It's like you know me! All the reading I've done on Anxious Attachment Style doesn't come close to being as helpful as what you just shared. I'm so grateful I discovered your channel!
Learning from your expertise about myself and then using it in my relationships is so valuable. Keep sharing with All of Us- We need you!
I was crying for him a few minutes ago and when you said it is not a survival matter but an emotional one, I stopped and I felt relieved
How are you doing so far hun?
I've been working on myself and my ambitions for some time in order to avoid these downfalls but I found that agreeable people long for intimate relationships.
Agreeableness is a core characteristic that cannot be totally changed/opposed so even though I have made progress, I'm still longing for a deep connection.
Also the type that we are attracted to is very hard to oppose too..I will always appreciate more a hard earned partner than otherwise..
These factors all seem to contribute to a never ending cycle..I guess it's good that I'm being conscious about my choices and behavior but the amount of control over them is little.
Her voice suddenly paused and I looked to the phone like NOOO!! Tais don't leave me like this! ...and then she was back starting the video again and I was so relieved to hear her voice. I'm gonna be ok. lol, omg don't do that to me woman... thank you so much for sharing your work.
This video will change my life. I am writing these methods down in short bullet points - formulated in a way that I can comprehend while being in that emotional flare up. Will exercise this as if it was a religion until I find faith in Me. ”Thank you” seems inadequate, but thank you.
I've only just found this video. It is absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge in such an incredibly compassionate and clear to understand way. 😊
Wow, this woman is awesome. Thank you for such profound wisdom share. I needed to hear this today. Feeling so much tightness release in my chest. Gratitude for this video.
I’m going to repeat this video a few times to fully integrate it into my subconscious
The beginning of this really made me laugh!! 😂😂😂
I see a divine feminine powerful lady here💜 thank you for your teaching
You speak so much sense!! Thank you ever so much for all your help
wonderful video. Except the last bit I wasn't clear about applying strategies. My ex? Has gone so abusive in relationship once she pretended or actively started speaking with all guys around her I was worried about. I randomly realised my issue (pre occupied attachment) which caused me all these nervousness and fear of abandonment. I read about it and realised best way to deal with it is to communicate it honestly with your partner. Then suddenly she started humuliating me with this topic and took her wrong actions even further. I finally broke up with her and now she tries to contact me resurfacing all my wounds. I think she has attachment trauma as well. A fearful avoidant style !!
You are sooooo so so amazing. Thank you for this from the bottom of my heart, this information is going to do some much for my life.