The Avoidant Ghosted, Will They Come Back | Do THIS

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ค. 2024
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    In today's video, Thais Gibson discusses what happens when the avoidant attachment style (dismissive avoidant attachment style) ghosts and whether or not they will come back. Watch now to learn about what the avoidant attachment style is going through and what to do if they come back, as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
    To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Healthy and Secure Relationships with/for the Emotionally Unavailable Person", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
    ---
    00:00:00 - Intro
    00:01:12 - Why does the avoidant attachment style ghost?
    00:01:51 - The 6 Stages of a Relationship
    00:03:05 - Core Wounds and Fears
    00:07:51 - 14-Day Free Trial: DA Programming Course
    00:08:45 - Why Do Avoidant Attachment Style Return After Ghosting
    00:10:07 - Boomerang Effect
    00:11:23 - What To Do?
    00:12:16 - Green Flags
    00:14:23 - Set A Deadline
    00:17:07 - 14-Day Free Trial
    00:18:05 - Conclusion
    ---
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ความคิดเห็น • 210

  • @mercyveritas1125
    @mercyveritas1125 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +56

    When they ghost you, grief them and don't disturb the dead

    • @daRich_X
      @daRich_X หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      "don't disturb the dead" this is literally the best advice. It makes so much sense because they chose to ghost, so we should follow on with the action which respects their choice... to just simply let them 'rest in peace'. Thank you. 🙏

  • @1990alone
    @1990alone 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

    I got ghosted for 8 months before she came back just to say she wanted to talk to me and then disappear again. I'd been waiting three weeks for her to reply a message till I just gave up and blocked her everywhere.
    The going got tough, and I'm not tough.

    • @aristark559
      @aristark559 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      same happened to me. it took her almost 1 year do process what happened. this timeframe of 6 weeks - 3 months of no contact is far too less for many, they need mooooore time and space

    • @daRich_X
      @daRich_X หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Don't give second chances, it just wastes time and deepens the hurt. Instead, remind yourself you are repulsed by people who are willing and able to let themselves hurt you - physically or emotionally. It's ok to go into a connection with a trusting attitude, but when the other person breaks that trust they are showing you what kind of a person they are. Forgive yourself for not knowing better and move on with a new boundary - no second chances.

  • @deeholmes9743
    @deeholmes9743 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +72

    When people ghost, they aren't able to show up for you in the way you need them to.

    • @chrismaxwell1624
      @chrismaxwell1624 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      That's true. If I ghost someone typically in shutdown for day or two or worse full on autistic burn out. In those time it's extremely difficult to text, call or email. To me I'm not ghosting, I will get back a person in day to 3 months and be like it was yesterday for me. My wife understands it but it's hard on friends who don't understand it.

    • @mercyveritas1125
      @mercyveritas1125 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      @@chrismaxwell1624 Get your stuff together and stop being weak. It's easy to text back and say you need some time for yourself

    • @user-cf6mb6ke2i
      @user-cf6mb6ke2i 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      They’re barely even able to show up for themselves let alone anyone else. Honestly they deserve to be single.

    • @UnicornsAreReal1
      @UnicornsAreReal1 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      ​@@mercyveritas1125 did you just call someone with autism weak? You really need to check yourself and quit projecting on someone for sharing their thoughts.

    • @walkertranger5746
      @walkertranger5746 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@chrismaxwell1624please get counseling and help
      It worked for me
      I know it’s difficult

  • @aristark559
    @aristark559 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    i broke no contact after 2 months with an dismissive avoidant, to send a long final textmessage, to stand in for my feelings and values, and to finally go no contact forever, because this "waiting" for them to come back with no contact, is even more self destructive. Its their game, and i dont want to be part of it. Communication is the way to handle things like a mature and emotional grown up person

    • @Unibot47
      @Unibot47 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Exactly. Getting ghosted out of nowhere sucks, I will never get involved with anyone who is avoidant, bpd, or anything like that, ever again.

    • @VaultBGC
      @VaultBGC 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      I did the same!! she left out of the blue after 12 years together. 3 months after NC i asked to meet up to have a goodbye conversation - she said no but that she hopes we can have a cordial relationship in the future. She blocked me right after ??? It made no sense... dealing with avoidants is exhausting.

    • @aristark559
      @aristark559 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@VaultBGC from my experience and a lot of reading, these kinds of behaviours could also be borderline-personality disorder

    • @VaultBGC
      @VaultBGC 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@aristark559 She's never shown signs of BPD, i think she just doesn't like dealing with conflict/difficult conversations. She'd just rather shut down and leave...

    • @aristark559
      @aristark559 25 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@VaultBGC th-cam.com/video/t_6fBwGE_Ls/w-d-xo.html

  • @gamble6830
    @gamble6830 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    God forbid people just acted like a fucking adult and used words to communicate, gah shit pisses me off so fuckin much! Just talk it's not hard! Ffs

  • @Luis913Barroeta
    @Luis913Barroeta 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    The boomerang effect is SOO TRUE, my avoidant ex never liked/replied to my IG stories during the relationship, but post break up has done it multiple times, and always watches stories right away lol 💯

    • @andreasimon1060
      @andreasimon1060 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yep! My avoidant ex would ghost me from communicating over the phone but always be the first one to watch my FB and IG stories. and then when I call him out on his behavior…. CRICKETS!

  • @NeanderthalNatty
    @NeanderthalNatty 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    How about this? Don't come back, pleeeease pleeeeease dont come back.

    • @user-cf6mb6ke2i
      @user-cf6mb6ke2i 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I don’t think they’re going to like what I have to say if they do… 😂

  • @sifublack192
    @sifublack192 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    I used to get ghosted all the time in college. My coach at the time taught me to never take it personal and let them come to you when they were ready. He also said to see other people in the meantime. Funny, the people who ghosted me ALWAYS came back, particularly when they saw me with someone else. In fact, I even had this one girl who rejected AND ghosted me come back VERY strongly.
    I say all that to say that everything Thais is saying in this video is correct. If someone ghosts you, it's best to go no contact, go on dates with other people, and let the person who ghosted you do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing. It makes life MUCH easier.

  • @gigglecompass1
    @gigglecompass1 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +35

    Why would you want to even be with someone who ghosted you?

    • @maryjoolson344
      @maryjoolson344 17 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Depends on why they ghosted

  • @eg1620
    @eg1620 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    This is a really good video. Thank you Thais. It is helpful and healthy to be told that no matter what the avoidant is going through, you need to put yourself first. Repeated ghosting gets more painful, not less. People who do this are very wounded but it is not my job, or yours, to sacrifice ourselves to soothe them. They need to be able to reflect, take responsibility, and make a commitment to change, and then do it. Otherwise, everything they are avoiding will be offloaded onto their partner to be felt 10 fold. Relationships should support your nervous system, not wreck it.

  • @migueld5227
    @migueld5227 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +79

    I think avoidants are actually cowards. I dated one for 7 years and went through a 3 year break up. From day one every time there was the slightest conflict she would discard me and disappear for days and weeks, coming back like nothing happened. Obviously it built up a mountain of resentment. No matter what I tried I could not get her to resolve the slightest conflict with me. She is still running away and drowning herself with alcohol. They are cowards in my opinion.

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

      She doesn't sound like a coward. She sounds unhealed and troubled if she drowning herself with alcohol. You have the opportunity to not deal with this woman at all. Maybe do that? Staying focused on her won't help you heal from this.

    • @derrick.crawford1005
      @derrick.crawford1005 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

      They use words like, I seek peace when reality that means they take no accountability.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      If someone is scared to be honest with you, perhaps you have a part to play in that too.

    • @tarkov666
      @tarkov666 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      ​@Littleowl85352 not always the case when someone is stuck expecting people to act the same

    • @SunshineAndSnowflakes
      @SunshineAndSnowflakes 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      ​@@tarkov666 can't the same logic be applied to the partner of an avoidant?

  • @IsabelSmith31
    @IsabelSmith31 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

    This is actually affirming. Because it's sticking the avoidant to their behavior, but compassionately. It's asking them to rise to the ocassion without resentment but a desire to respect and love oneself and the other. It is Inspiring.

  • @EmpressMMK
    @EmpressMMK หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Amazing video that explained so much and gave me such clarity, thank you, been dealing with this & its literally broken my ❤

  • @Birdiegirl_eth
    @Birdiegirl_eth 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Ur best vid your professional TH-cam growth is great to see > you spoke slower and not too much videos this was perfect

  • @firstnamelastname-ve9gj
    @firstnamelastname-ve9gj 17 วันที่ผ่านมา

    excellent video thank you!

  • @louielambbullet
    @louielambbullet หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Embrace God and no one will be hurt, Love yourself, Don’t chase and Don’t stop being a good person.

  • @BarleyEditingLife
    @BarleyEditingLife 6 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    shes ghosting me after a 3 year relationship brokeed up twice and took all the fur babies with her i still love her till this day but she lost all her feelings towards me and im heartbroken because i didnt lose feellings for her i dont think i ever will 😭

  • @GeoffreyAngapa
    @GeoffreyAngapa 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    When someone gives up the ghost, say a good eulogy at the funeral!

  • @user-cf6mb6ke2i
    @user-cf6mb6ke2i 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    I’m so sick of the victim mentality. Just grow up. Everyone else needs to deal with their trauma or emotional abuse- I just don’t have any space left to be a mind reader as well as a parent to my so called partner. These people are abusive

    • @user-cf6mb6ke2i
      @user-cf6mb6ke2i 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@dave2262 and see I have compassion but my whole life has been working through my childhood trauma. I was severely abused in physical ways and I have fought every day to work through it. The one thing I don’t have any tolerance for is “victims.” If I had to work through it- so do you. Stop impacting other people because you won’t do the work. My ex had trauma from childhood but if you knew my story you wouldn’t understand how I’m still alive. I’ve had 38 pelvic surgeries just to try to fix the internal damage caused. My ex weaponised this against me so I should feel sorry for them. I just don’t have any space for people so unwilling to do the work- I’m sure you’ve had to work through your own past- why does your ex get a free pass? While I find this woman insightful into explaining avoidance- I do get very frustrated on how easily the lines of explaining/empathising is to rationalise abuse. Let’s label it what it is. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this- I truly hope you can compartmentalise it and push the responsibility back onto who it belongs- her! Sending you so much support

    • @beasmarty
      @beasmarty 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      guess im an abuser now
      been there too and know it sucks, but i'd rethink the language choice in light of legitimate abuse

    • @user-cf6mb6ke2i
      @user-cf6mb6ke2i หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@beasmarty how do you know it’s not what you call “legitimate abuse” although wow… what’s legitimate abuse sorry? Please explain

    • @beasmarty
      @beasmarty หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@user-cf6mb6ke2i buckle your seatbelt...
      big hugs, think you'll get it now; you got this.
      but basically (a synopsis):
      *the intent to cause harm or knowingly act with habitual intimidation, cruelty or control that is not based in another's personal difficulty expressed passively, that is to say not at all*

    • @walkertranger5746
      @walkertranger5746 24 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It’s emotionally & mentally abusive

  • @pocobueno1
    @pocobueno1 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    It would be interesting to understand why people keep hanging on to unsuccessful relationships.

    • @aristark559
      @aristark559 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      childhood trauma too

  • @randallcrawford1463
    @randallcrawford1463 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Compassion is a good guide. I suffer from idiot Compassion, as a teacher once told me. The bonding occurring from intermittent + reinforcement and a good dose of shaming.

  • @lilove6560
    @lilove6560 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    Appreciating this perspective and slight shift in presentation: he attached to me - that says a lot about how wonderful I am!

    • @uhhhwhut
      @uhhhwhut 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      You're still giving him a lot of power with this mindset. You're wonderful regardless of his attachment to you.

    • @lilove6560
      @lilove6560 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Good point. I need to stop looking at him on a pedestal. We’re still in NC and I’m glad for this status.

  • @clarisefeliciano1743
    @clarisefeliciano1743 24 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Dealing with someone like this. He ghosted me the first time, 3 months later came back and finally wanting to get to know me etc.. after a month, we gotten closer , he began to pull away then ghosted again. I even asked what’s going on and told him I’ve noticed he is pulling away and it would be nice of he can tell me so there’s no confusion and misunderstanding. He txted few hrs after that and said “ we can talk soon” i just said ok. But haven’t heard from him. Got no balls to be honest and communicate. Gave him a chance and he blew it.

  • @wulfclaw4921
    @wulfclaw4921 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    You reading minds now ?
    GOLD !

  • @aristark559
    @aristark559 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    14:25: setting a deadline is rather difficult, because each person is different. i had a 5 week affair with a dismissive avoidant, and she came back after 1 year. some of them need A LOOOOOOOOT of time to process. and 6 weeks - 3 months is really too short for many of them

  • @dentrout9383
    @dentrout9383 12 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I had to be emotionally available for them even as a child

  • @stevetuckey
    @stevetuckey 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    I was ghosted 6 weeks ago after 11 years together. Part of me wants my soul mate back, another part of me is wondering how I can forgive taking our dog and blocking every form of contact.

    • @CitiesOfAsh
      @CitiesOfAsh 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Forget the woman, get that dog back!

    • @tessaburrows3213
      @tessaburrows3213 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I am in the same position.,, I am both exhausted and confused why I keep doing this. I would love your opinions

    • @Sarah40.
      @Sarah40. หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You dont. It will happen again. Don't feed the failure.

  • @aristark559
    @aristark559 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    does timeframe of the relationship play a role in the chances of them coming back?? because i think emotional depth plays a bigger role than the timeframe? its just been 4 months seeing each other before she ghosted me. but on the other hand, i had a relationship breakup after 3 years and didnt feel the same pain at all.

  • @allisonbergeron1929
    @allisonbergeron1929 6 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Im too emotional....want too much time together....came on too strong....its very paunful. So hes gone.

  • @russd3029
    @russd3029 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    The win/win aspect helps me in easing the sting of it not working out but on the flip side knowing I'm still growing.

  • @johnhatch2519
    @johnhatch2519 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Should I tell my avoidant partner that I have a dead line on the changes I need to see, or is that too much like an ultimatum?

  • @CassyG-xo2dm
    @CassyG-xo2dm 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I asked my long distance ex if we could meet for coffee and as friends - no expectations. He said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and that he doesn’t think friends is for us. I don’t know what to do? I’m
    Heartbroken. I just want to talk to him

    • @leehalloway8787
      @leehalloway8787 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Why want to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to you?

    • @daRich_X
      @daRich_X หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      What you need to do is take care of yourself, don't seek that in him or another. Write down all the things you think you want from him, or the connection you had with him, and find ways to give them all to yourself. Distract yourself with self-care. Push him out of your mind and your heart, if he doesn't want to be there then he doesn't deserve to be. Love yourself better. 🩷✌🌸

  • @agentsquish
    @agentsquish 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    It's like you're narrating my life

  • @TheSpacecadette
    @TheSpacecadette 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I like your advice assuming he is just an avoidant but how do you know that he is just avoidant and not a narcissist?

  • @user-qo1qg3us3p
    @user-qo1qg3us3p 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    What about a discussion about the relationship perspectives??...Of course through questions and an open dialogue....Could an avoidant take it or it could be a cause of conflict or running away??

    • @user-qo1qg3us3p
      @user-qo1qg3us3p 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@MrKo531 Ευχαριστώ πολύ αδερφέ για την συμβουλή... δυστυχώς αγωνίζομαι να συντηρήσω τη σχέση,που είναι μια on and off κατάσταση... κάποια στιγμή κουράζει αλλά είμαι πολύ ερωτευμένος για να δω ξεκάθαρα τα πράγματα, τουλάχιστον προς το παρόν...

  • @stalkek
    @stalkek 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thanks

  • @tamirescaroline5807
    @tamirescaroline5807 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I think I can’t understand when they are deactivating or ghosting 😢

  • @danielh.-td9uu
    @danielh.-td9uu 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Will this be relevant to FA? How would it be different?

    • @ginasirois2193
      @ginasirois2193 หลายเดือนก่อน

      as an FA, our reasons are likely to be different. we leave relationships suddenly when there's 1) breach of trust - even just hitting on someone else hits a BIG wound 2) the relationship is one-sided or we feel burnt out and potentially taken advantage of, or 3) there's not much depth of connection from our partner and it feels empty/boring/insubstantial

    • @Fauxtralto
      @Fauxtralto หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ginasirois2193I’d love to know what you thought about my situation- I left my FA. Because he was saying he had feelings one week and then two weeks later he’s telling me he wants to date this other person at the same time as me and that he’d been talking to her the entire time. He didn’t want things to end but I couldn’t handle being an option after developing feelings. Now he’s with that other girl :/ even tho he hadn’t met up with her for months while talking to me so I didn’t think he was that serious about her but what a ride

  • @MissJen-78
    @MissJen-78 21 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Big surprise, they will ghost you again! Stay away from them. They simply need a quick fix of attention to fuel their narcissistic tendencies. Save yourself the grief, don’t let them come back into your life.

  • @johnhatch2519
    @johnhatch2519 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Can I tell my avoidant attachment style partner that evidence indicates that she experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect without triggering ?

    • @ryanw903
      @ryanw903 หลายเดือนก่อน

      This is a great question I also want to know

    • @thebirima91
      @thebirima91 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Bringing it up is a trigger in itself. I decided not to do it unless she ask me to. At times I do call her out with the term ‘dismissive avoidant’ out of frustration because she also behaves like a socially and emotionally underdeveloped adult and draws the blood from under my nails. I guess that makes me quilty of shaming but I try to forgive myself. Example of the latter is that often she doesn’t want to answer the most simple questions. Especially when it is involving the children it is really maddening at times.

  • @libragirl1991
    @libragirl1991 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Do DAs come back after the 3 month mark?
    Ive been broken up with my ex who i believe is a DA for 4 months and he has replied to a few messages but he doesnt reach out. I would want to fix things with him but i feel i may have pushed him away as i constantly messaged him as i am very anxious attachment style :-(

    • @thebirima91
      @thebirima91 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Focus on yourself and become in control 🙏

  • @Blaire77
    @Blaire77 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Took them back for them to ghost again a year later and discard. When he came back he was really certain this time so don’t trust that they always resort back to this behavior if they haven’t worked on themselves.

  • @allisonbergeron1929
    @allisonbergeron1929 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

    So then they cant have a long term relationship then? I got dumped after a year.

  • @anon660
    @anon660 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Totally agree about the ghosting aka No Contact. People who ghost are immature. It’s not the same as stating that the relationship is over for xyz. It’s terrible to see online pseudo-therapists trying to make a buck with “get your ex back by ghosting or going No Contact”.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Would you really want to hear the cold hard truth when someone ghosts or would it be better to maybe not hear that? There's a reason why people don't state the reason openly... it causes a lot of hurt.

    • @SunshineAndSnowflakes
      @SunshineAndSnowflakes 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Immature? Well depends. If someone shows signs that they will be unwilling to accept a break up or any type of unhealthy behavior then sometimes they don't feel emotionally safe to have a full discussion. If everything is hunky dory (which it rarely is) and they disappear then that's different.
      Either way...if people wanna go they can go. There's nothing we can do about it.

    • @anon660
      @anon660 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Littleowl85352 Truth is always best. No contact is done by people who haven’t learned how to communicate properly. They avoid hard conversation with excuses, e.g. It was kinder, easier, whatever- when it’s simply a desire to avoid adulting.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​​@@anon660see the thread in which I explained my reason for ghosting and see why it's perhaps kinder to say nothing. If you say "sorry, I grew bored of you, best wishes but I lost interest"... you could be accused of deliberately trying to be hurtful (indeed I was, on that very thread). So perhaps it's best to accept and move on because the truth can be hard for people to hear.

    • @StuffSayoSays
      @StuffSayoSays หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@SunshineAndSnowflakes Exactly!
      My ex bf requested some time for himself after months of me asking for an hour a week to talk. (We're in a long distance relationship) I know he really wanted his own time and independence so I try not to bother him my wants and needs in the relationship, cause after months of trying he just kept getting further and further away, stone walling me and pushing me away.
      But apparently an hour a week is till hard for him and can't commit, so when he asked for a month for himself, despite how upset I was I gave it to him. But then lo and behold, after 2 weeks he just txted me that he's breaking up with me with no explanation, and a bunch of sorry excuses, then tells me don't call him. I texted back, wanted to fix things, I wanted to see if we can work it out, I tried calling but no answer. Not until the next day when I said that I'll fly over to him and get plane tickets asap. His reply was he doesn't want to see me, to hear me, or anything of sorts. So a text is all he can do right now.
      He can't even give me the closure of a proper call break up. Then he says we can be friends. Which annoyed me so I told him no. I wish him well, and that he recovers but I can't see him as a friend and then I blocked him in all socials and removed him from all my contacts.
      Why does he get to tell me he wants to be friends when he kept pushing me away and I tried everything in my power to mend, fix, and hold on this relationship?
      So far it's been 2 weeks since No Contact. It wasn't an easy start since I really did love him and is willing to do anything to work on our relationship. But now I'm healing, reflecting and learning about attachment styles. I don't want him back. But if he does find a way to contact me, all I'm sending him is to read the book 'Attached" and read up on different attachment styles. In hopes that his future relationships don't end up like ours.

  • @user-bk2pq2ri3t
    @user-bk2pq2ri3t 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Serious question. What if she's a therapist who is an avoidant?

    • @user-cf6mb6ke2i
      @user-cf6mb6ke2i หลายเดือนก่อน

      Run

    • @aristark559
      @aristark559 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      then she should know better and stand over it because she reflected on it and knows how to behave differently

  • @djparamedik
    @djparamedik 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    P.O.S IN MY OPTION

  • @Tutume1111
    @Tutume1111 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    He ghosted me after I said I loved him for the first time to only stalk my social media daily for over 2 years after.He also was sending ❤to my stories but never found the courage to actually contact me and offer me the relationship I always wanted

  • @jaymarx8927
    @jaymarx8927 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I don't understand this point where they don't ghost until they're committed. Does it not count if you're only dating? Especially when avoidants don't want to commit, or admit that they're in a relationship?

  • @harvestmoon3098
    @harvestmoon3098 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    4 months after discarded by a FA she accused me of not being enough and being a liar after 2 years of intimate and full of love relationship(of course full of mini push pull cycles around her PMS) after 4 month of total no contact still nothing happened

  • @wulfclaw4921
    @wulfclaw4921 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you for what you do. This is the most helpful info on the net in my opinion.
    Some questions I have are:
    1. Does the DA understand they have this issue or do they just feel like something is off ?
    2. Having survived a Covert Narcissist (& her literally Evil Twin) I took the deep dive into the disorder, leaving me certain that there is a demonic connection involved. People are commodities, etc...
    Any thoughts ?
    Do you have anything regarding the spiritual side of all this. Prayer, etc.. God IS Almighty, this falls under everything else He can do IMO.
    3. With the DA I am assuming the kind and sweet side of her is genuine. The problem is that I believe to ignore is the opposite of to love.
    4. Is there a way to get them to be open minded and have a look at this ? I was considering getting some counseling for her with this, but not sure how to go about making that happen.
    5. It would be a shame- but is it better to just leave all this be and walk ?
    * I heard you speaking about thev Free 14 day trial. Just not sure how I could get her interrested in it. She's far too busy rt now ignoring me.

  • @amyfigueroa1911
    @amyfigueroa1911 หลายเดือนก่อน

    💯

  • @babayaga5010
    @babayaga5010 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Honestly my avoidant ex girlfriend did so much damage (ghosting, lying, binge drinking, then breaking up) that I don't want her back as a girlfriend anymore... It's been 4 months of NC. Idk why I kinda feel more protective of her than I do any intimate feelings. How can I get her to be more comfortable reaching out since she doesn't have to fear committing to me anymore?

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      I wouldn't do anything. If she wants to reach out she will.

    • @dig-in8bo
      @dig-in8bo 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Runaway from this. Sounds toxic. Tell yourself you deserve a healthy secure attached partner who will show up and follow through. Who will resolve conflict like an adult.

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@dig-in8bo it's not about being "an adult". It's about being unhealed which it seems his ex is.

    • @chrismaxwell1624
      @chrismaxwell1624 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@dig-in8bo Or at least someone that will work on themselves. Secure attached doesn't mean healthy either. Just better chances of it as they start on more solid foundation. That's me for example 49% secure, next biggest at 29% was DA, 16% Anxious, 6% Disorganized. Mind you I'm sure a lot DA actually isn't even attachment style but more my ASD as lot the DA questions fit my ASD.

    • @dig-in8bo
      @dig-in8bo 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@LeeChrissy Well, that's your interpretation calling it unhealed. Respectfully, I call it being an adult and having consideration for your partner. Change my mind if you like.

  • @smonaful
    @smonaful 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Dr Johnson passed on last month. She was a wonderful presence and invaluable teacher in the world of relationships. Her words and work will always be a part of the foundation of understanding human nature/nurture.

  • @wulfclaw4921
    @wulfclaw4921 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I don't think the trouble they are bringing and willing to put you through is worth it. If they know what they are doing and continue to ghost, yeah I don't think so.

  • @walkertranger5746
    @walkertranger5746 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    A DA needs help

  • @zacpdx
    @zacpdx 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    She’s never coming back…

  • @asdfxcvbn746
    @asdfxcvbn746 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    11:23 "what do you do when an avoidant rears their head a few weeks after ghosting you?" --- obviously you SMASH it like a Whack-A-Mole carnival game... duh.

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Or you can no thank you I'm not interested..

    • @asdfxcvbn746
      @asdfxcvbn746 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@LeeChrissy issa joke

  • @garyforbes8711
    @garyforbes8711 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Nearly four months of silence from her. She is seeing someone else, so I'm not holding my breath on her return.

  • @Littleowl85352
    @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I have not returned to one single person I ghosted in those earlier years I would ghost because I ghosted them for a good reason. I don't ghost anymore, I say the brutal truth. FAs may be different, male DAs may be different. It wasn't because I felt vulnerable, but because I felt really bored and it seemed a bit rude to tell someone that I thought they were uninteresting and it was a chore to interact with them... sad but true. To those of you who want that closure, I'm sure you're great people regardless and our perspective is faulty due to trauma-engendered shiny object syndrome but you can't expect someone to say something quite like that... it would be socially unacceptable in the extreme.

    • @ireneirene5476
      @ireneirene5476 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      you will only be interested in unavailable people and get bored with available ones.. sad but true

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​​@@ireneirene5476this is true. But there are worse things that can happen in life than that. I can walk, breathe freely and pay my bills... life is good regardless!!! But I had indeed become aware of that and had been encouraged by the possibility of solving the issue.

    • @azazel673
      @azazel673 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      Sounds like an issue on your part tbh. You need to grow and mature emotionally before getting into any more relationships. Sad but true

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      ​​@@azazel673 hey, that is why I am here, to work on this particular thing, because I had noticed it myself. I wouldn't say it's immature to notice a repeating pattern in life and take steps to resolve it.

    • @azazel673
      @azazel673 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      @@Littleowl85352 I’m glad you’re taking the right steps to become emotionally mature.

  • @Littleowl85352
    @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    And no it's not nice to ghost. But consider. It's like when you've screwed up as a kid and you know your mother has her wooden spoon or slipper or broom out or whatever she beats you with. You WILL run and hide from that pain and that beating. If someone ghosts you maybe they're scared of your anger for a pretty good reason.
    I will also say. Let them ghost. People will only change when they have run out of options. If you stalk, watch their stories, chase etc etc message beg for info you are not helping the situation. I've heard no contact be called abusive but only when it's quiet around can you really come to terms with the inner self begging for love and care and change. Who can hear that when your DMs are full?

    • @RubyLine
      @RubyLine 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Ok wow that's projection too. I've been raised by emotionally immature parents, with very toxic patterns (without much physical abuse but a lot of emotional and mental ones) and I've also been ghosted many times by the same man. Comparing it doesn't make sense. Being ghosted by someone you care about without any warning, hurts more than having to deal with my parent's angers or tantrums. Why ? Because I thought that the person who claimed to love me wouldn't be emotionally abusive, manipulative and would be mature enough to say his truth. And the first emotion that comes up isn't anger, but sadness, at least in my case it was.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​​@@RubyLinekindly stop returning to the circus, the answer is obvious. Ghost you once, shame on him- ghost you twice, shame on you!

    • @RubyLine
      @RubyLine 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Littleowl85352 Yeah there's one thing you seem to forget, and it changes everything. My childhood made me AP, so for my brain it was normal to consistently give others countless chances, I had no other choice to survive in my dysfunctional family. So no use trying to shame me for my trauma.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​​@@RubyLine why don't you do what we are all hopefully doing here and make changes... we all have trauma it's no excuse to not work on oneself. You must make the change or you'll be a lonely angry bitter old woman one day.

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@RubyLine how is what they are saying projection? You seem to hold empathy for yourself and your situation growing up leading to you getting ghosted repeatedly yet when OP shares insight into a reason why an avoidant might ghost you don't share the sympathy. Do you see what I mean? When I had some anxious in me I had to heal that not only for my mental health, but also so I had more self-respect when dating. Once I gained my worth, my hand immediately went up to block any toxic person trying to come near me.

  • @gregvanpaassen
    @gregvanpaassen 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    "Give me the child until his seventh year, and I will give you the man." Who is the problem here?

  • @tallspicy
    @tallspicy 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Thais!!!! What are you doing with this clickbait title?? Get your person back is literally the opposite of love yourself so much you are OK if they come or go. It makes me sad to be seeing this so much on here lately. I know the advise is right, but ughhh sad world we live in