5 Signs Someone is Gaslighting You, Explained by a Therapist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 เม.ย. 2021
- Today we’re talking about gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a term that I believe has been used way more today with current events and the increased recognition of interpersonal partner violence, despite being coined in the late 1930s.
Gaslighting is a tactic to essentially gain control over a person. Whether it is in the workplace or politics, gaslighting has been most demonstrated in intimate relationships. The key sign of gaslighting is someone denying the reality of another person. Its focus is to undermine a person by denying them their feelings, environment, and even their own thoughts.
This is definitely a word I have to google every fifteen days. Thanks for shedding some light on it and how it affects people in these sort of abusive relationships
Yes, such an important topic that a lot of people unknowingly go through.
My son’s therapist has him calling us out for gaslighting, and she couldn’t be more wrong. The term is being misused in current time. I’ve been gaslighted, so I know.
@@cher255 not thats its my business but are you sure you're not gaslighting him? Why is he even with a therapist? things like this make me lean towards more of a likely hood that you probably are gaslighting him.
@@cher255 how do you even know what he talks about with his therapist? To me I feel like no one else should know what a therapist talks about with a client unless the client speaks about it but even then I wouldn't be describing what I speak about with my therapist because its not anyone elses business either I feel like this is a healthy response / healthy boundary that feels natural to do especially given how sensitive or deep the information is to me.
That I would only trust with my therapist!! no one else.
“Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make you feel that you are the one that's letting them down.”
“You are the one that’s letting them down” Boy, do I get that one!
@@alicekargard6602 Sorry to hear this
Yes, unfortunately it seems extremely common for them to blme us for everything
It's forever our fault
Really hope & pray you're getting the much deserved support, guidance, & compssion you really do deserve
God bless you
Hope soon you will be far away from the cruel treat ment✨☘️🙏
@@evelina787 wish I could share my story with someone, this is exactly what I went through
@@seektruth5750 I'm so sorry you've been through all this too
It's heart wrenchingly upsetting
Seems like you've excellent aware ness
so this is an extremely brilliant positive, beginning point
Have you thought of seeing a Life Coach or Counsellor to help you open up concerning your experiences? Plus they can help find solutions to healing & recovery
Sending much love & God bless you abundantly with beautiful brilliant blessings ✨☘️🙏
In arguments between people, particularly intimate partners, picking sides, finding truth is very difficult. Narcissism and gaslighting are just labels.
Ignoring people is sometimes more enjoyable that seeing them.
I think gaslighting needs to be expanded to other relationships. Parental, Children, Siblings, Friends, Teachers, etc.
Absolutely. My sister's an expert. I remind her of some crappy thing she did to me when we were kids & her reply? "That never happened! You must've dreamed it!!!"
@@sharonthompson672 Anger keeps your soul chained. It’s still a terrible thing, but forgiveness sets us free - even when they clearly don’t deserve it; it gives us total peace.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
The government would shut that down, a lot more may be aware of the Convid Scamdemic.
Absolutely agree
Agreed. I have a sister who's total gaslighter and no one ever calls her out for it
You've got to remember, a lot of times you cannot go to family members. They're usually the ones that had abusive tendencies that caused you to be attracted to someone who does the same things. I would not recommend going to your family in most cases. Go to friends and a counselor for clarity. ❤️❤️❤️
Makes lots of sense
It's a formidable situation.
No family support, no friend support, isolated, labelled.
Powerless to make changes from money control to a sense of freedom rather than counting coins.
Things don't change until the years roll by and then it's too late.
People's family is the worst, and they are doing the most covering up as well. Abuse is an abuse stay away from such people you deserve better always.
yes, great idea - go to someone making money out of it. That will sort it!
Yes, the idea of seeking counsel has worn away from experience.
To pay to see a psychiatrist for 45 minutes in Australia with private healthcare costs 300 dollars.
Psychiatrists in 45 get to know us?
They are paid to have the authority to dish out drugs with major side effects to many on their medication decision.
After 45 minutes.
No way that's going to work.
A highly paid Chemical advocate.
without any other choice of well-being in the future than the prescription of drugs.
My narcissistic ex-wife would accuse me of telling her how to feel and made me feel like I was gaslighting her.
Projection is also a tool of narcissism and can be used with gaslighting.
:(
The guy that busted 3 nuts off me & blocked 🚫me out of no where told me:"I DON'T feel like it's meant for us to talk because you been through alot & dealt w/alot of narcissistic ppl.. That's NOT what I'm on.. That's not what I been on." All because I replied to his text some sad emojis & he asked what's up w/the emojis & I told him:"bcuz of your actions.. But, it DON'T matter hope your day going will." (He said this b4 the SEXUAL intercourse) I told him:"DON'T project on me... Thank you!." Because, we DIDN'T know enough about each other for him to make such STRONG accusations!
Going through this now. 🙏
@@Golf812 I'm sorry, friend. Hindsight is 20/20 but sometimes it's hard to tell when it's happening. I would say spend some time alone, in prayer if you are a believer, and research into it to set boundaries around this garbage.
I was the victim of gaslighting for the last several years of my 13yr marriage. I constantly struggled to make her happy and figure out what I was doing wrong, but got vague responses like, "We need to grow together and you're not growing", and "your depression is negatively affecting me and my personal goals". The reality is that it was all about money, but she would never come out and say it so instead withheld intimacy and affection as punishment. I endured that cruelty for 4 years, still trying, but when she asked for a divorce the last time I said yes and moved out as soon as I could. She'd already threatened divorce on multiple occasions and so this last time I was ready with an escape plan and I refused to engage her beyond the requirements of legal and financial disentanglement.
I feel for you brother you deserve better than that these past couple months I was being gaslighted by some girl in my class who I wanted to pursue and I didn’t figure it out until just today seeing the signs it all made sense the red flags are there but again us men choose to look over them until it’s too late but luckily I wasn’t invested much into it and just moved on.
Same here - and it’s all really about money. No affection for 10 years, nothing physical for over a year.
The USA is currently gaslighting its citizens! 😂
Yea saying that MAGA is another word for Violent Extrmeists is definatly gaslighting.
Definitely
Has been since 1776
Especially in law enforcement that i don,t trust.
2 years later, they still are.
Narcissists destroy your life soul and spirit! It’s life long work to heal, you are never the same. I got chronic ptsd and it’s hell !!!
From my experience gaslighting is much more prevalent than only in intimate relationships. It's the foundation of much of today's society. No matter what you do or where you go . . . the setup is such that whatever happens to you . . . it was your own fault. EXCEPT when you accomplish something worthwhile. In that case you must share credit with others.
Sounds like the majority of workplaces.
That’s actually a proven theory, if you fail at something people tend to say things like: you can’t do it, it’s a part of who you are, like your character. If you accomplish something they think it has been luck, they don’t link it to who you are.
Huge warning! If you wind up confiding in a long term "friend", you might be confiding in a toxic person who has kept you in a toxic life. While your advice is common, I've heard way too many times of people leaning towards believing toxic friends. Be careful.
Yes, and sometimes the toxic friend ends up being your next toxic partner. They support you leaving the 'bad guy' and then invite you right into another toxic romantic relationship.
i agree there are people who pretend to be friends and bring someone down without them knowing it if you counter those situations please take caution
I have discovered that I have a tendency to fall victim to gaslighting people, however they are not easy to pick out.
They seem like the nice confident person they appear to be at first.
@@onlygodknowswhat7595 I have experienced the same. At first it seems innocent and playful. But they are truly rigid
Yes! Confiding to a covert toxic friend can be worse than the previous toxic friend.
2 years ago I got out of a 28 year psychological and emotional abusive marriage. I didn't know what Gaslighting was and could never really explain what was really going on. I seen a video on Gaslighting a year ago and I finally understood Gaslighting is spot on of what I been through for 28 years
Some people, like parents for instance, want to control others. A lot of parents tend to gaslight their children all the time.
Married for 24 years and this is her 100% never been able to put my finger on it to what was happening until the last couple months
Now I get it and I’m over it
Could an women gaslighting an man about being with an next women even thou i am not , an claiming that i am being with an women that i am not , but yet have no proof , are could this just be me not giving her attention. When i would go to the store an if i come back it is either that i came back to quick are i took to long then she would claim that i was with an nother women , then she would tell me to leave her place , then turn around an say that i am always leaving when she is the one who tell me to leave because she do not feel comfortable around me , but when i leave because she asked me to are tell me to ,an i do not want any problem i leave ,then she will turn around an say that i am always leaving, but yet she is the one that put me out , an will yell scream an shout , an if i do stay she will wait till it gets late an then stay up all night argueing with me an i will not get no sleep ,
I to left and came back 4 times only with the intention of patching up and hoping against hope
@@horaceguthrie9074 that sounds sooo familiar. When I was going through exactly what you explained i met with a friend who gave me some very good advice. Sometimes you have to just call it what it is and the word you might be looking for is asshxle. There's only one way to deal with an asshxle and that is give them time. Get away from them asap and give them enough time and everyone will see they are an asshxle.
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.
My son's wife was gaslighting him. She tried to convince him he was losing it and forgetting things. He wasn't. He asked his father-in-law if he thought he was becoming forgetful. He laughed. He knew she was tricking him. She's evil.
8:15 there is a caveat with going to a family member. Sometimes, those family members are part of the same triangulation, trauma creating circumstances. It can drive the victim into further isolation.
Alot of times, the gaslighting ARE the family relationships, not partner relationships, and, one is usually the root that leads to the other.
My recommendation, DON'T GO to family members. Rather, a good friend that you trust, or privately seek a trauma therapist.
Yeah, especially if you're the scapegoat of the family. 👍
@@sharonthompson672 if you know the word, or are seeking the word "gaslighting", you likely are the scapegoat.
@@black_sheep_nation yup
This!!!!
Listing to this makes me feel a knot in my chest, anger and frustration, because thats exactly what my wife dose, and my vocabulary it's not as extended so it's difficult for me to explain it, but this describes it perfectly I can't believe it. I literally feel anger as I'm writing this and frustration.
Leave!
chill out bro, smile and think of cheering crowds...
Leave before she destroys you
I am so sorry! This is not cool!!
@@brightspacebabe It's sad that women will give these men advice and can see what their women is doing but they don't leave. They just accept their fate.
This is very informative, Alexa! Thank you for breaking this down 💗
I am in total support of helping people understand gaslighting. At the beginning you point out that this is experienced by men and women but sadly there is much less support for male victims. I have seen men emotionally destroyed by controlling gaslighting women and some even experienced physical violence, or were driven to suicide attempts. Because they were decent men they refused to be physical back, and when they sought help were faced with prejudice, laughter, derision and further damage to their self confidence. One man I know only had the strength to leave the relationship when their wife got angry that his mother was speaking to him and so she started sending his mum death threats. Obviously the physical aspects are more usual when the man is the perpetrator but the world needs to understand that this type of behaviour has no gender and can happen to men and women. We need more male shelters and better support for both genders (or other genders as I’m sure those who identify as something else are equally likely to be gaslit).
THANK YOU for pointing this out! The example given was quite poor. There needs to be more context. It assumes the “perp” doesn’t have their own problems that prevents them from being “sensitive” in their response. It invalidates men who have grown up in abusive environments; that do not possess the same social skills as a “normal person”.
I have been aware of this term for about 5 years
This video has been the first to make me understand the terminology!
The ironic thing is that the first time I was introduced to this term was by an individual who accused me of it !!!
So Thanks for the video It is so APPRECIATED!!!!
😍💖 Thank you so much ! You are very good at explaining this difficult matter ! You are helping a lot of victums !
Good video. The only trouble is people who genuinely have issues and need therapy are saying others are gaslighting them. There's a woman I cared a ton for and wanted a relationship with, but she would hear people say things they didn't say. It happened often enough that I brought it to her attention. She took it poorly and unfortunately used this gaslighting word to turn me into a villain.
You are simply right! Its always good to have a good family member or friend's advice in relationship
thank you 🙏 i started to believe i was gaslighting but you explained this perfectly
I love this. You are so chill and presenting concise information and examples. This is so wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to make and share this educational video.
Gaslighting is sooo sad and awful. Loved your explanation of it! Thanks for sharing this :)
Ahah period.
Thanks! 🙏 Very informative. Never knew the meaning of gaslighting. Was curious when the video was suggested. And - now I got a term for some key problematic relationships I have .. or not have anymore. Those are ended. This helps me not reconsider because of doubt 👍
Thanks for sharing this outstanding information keep up the great work ❤
Eliminated personal relationships and all this nonsense went away. I'd rather be alone and happy than be alone in a relationship.
My older brother is a gaslighter. It just comes naturally to him unfortunately. Evil man
Never heard of the term gaslighting. Really good to know about this though to either avoid and watch for.
Exactly!
Yes plz don’t even think abt taking it lightly it’s JUST AHHHHHH CONFUSION CONFUSION ANGER AND COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I just hate it bruh , watch out for narcissists especially for the quiet covert ones they just ew
This is very helpful Thank you
Another great vid!
Thanks for your support!
Good stuff. Happy Easter!
Happy Easter Tim!
My God you are so much on the dots. My marriage is on breaking point and you give words so accurately to what I am going through. For last 10 years work work work on my marriage antoday each and every word of yours is as if it is my story. So accurate thank you madam
Good stuff. These methods can be applied to general relationships not just romantic ones. Plus they are loads more to consider. For example the "loved one" could be the main person to watch for! Its tricky and I think more focus has to be out on oneself and less one the gaslighting person(s).
Intro 😗🤌🏽 *chef kiss*
As someone who has that one time done these things… And then learned about them, I can say that for the most part people who do this have no idea what they're doing. It's not intentional… They are reacting from an emotional place they don't understand. But it's just as confusing for us as it is for you. Also I know what it feels like to have this done to me now… And it's so infuriating and confusing! I totally understand.
Sure, but the unintentional part is so hard to believe because of the gaslighter's incredible linguistic ability. One needs to really think in order to produce such perfect lies to divert reality. That's the part I'm still struggling to see. "Do they mean to be that mean?" It just hurts so much.
I used to call it psychological warfare. I didn't know the name then. He however knew exactly what he was doing. Still does.
Gaslighters know EXACTLY what they’re doing
This is true, and this is why i hate this term so much especially in today's society. This video describes alot of situations that she calls Gaslighting that can 100% just be a difference in perspective or mistakes. I think you can truly only call it gaslighting, when the person check 8/10 boxes INCLUDING being a narcissist. Relationships are extremely nuanced and alot of times ppl tend to only see their side of the issue and will go around proping that as the facts. If someone then questions that "reality" now their gaslighting.
I call this complete BS. Gaslighters know exactly what they are doing. Stop coming here to gaslight us! The jig is up man, move along, it won’t work here.
I remember when I saw "Girl on a train" for the first time, it opened my eyes to a relationship I have with someone. The movie really does expose a good example of Gaslighting. So cool that you mentioned it here.
Recognize it all, it´s a scary flashback having grown up amongst narcissists + those are around everywhere else too. Like there is no safe haven.
I’ve never experienced gaslighting until I started working in a corporate environment. It’s become such a norm, that you begin to attune yourself to it, and wield it as a tool. Coming from overseas where I was surrounded with hard working people and coming to America where everyone “fakes it till they make it” was a huge culture shock to me. Everything I was brought up with about being honest and living honest destroyed whenever you hear the next bit about some wealthy 1%er who got away with daddy’s blessing.
What an excellent description of current political condition and the treatment of their constituents.🤔
This happened to me so many times that people will just find anything they can do or say to make you upset this is sad these things can happen with other people all people can do is stand up for themselves and not let other people bother you.
I know what “gaslighting “ is because I have been conned by professional con artists. Current therapists are misrepresenting “gaslighting “.
Thank you well researched topic
Perfectly explained
I pretty much knew this happened to me. This video just confirmed it.
I was being gaslighted my former boss got away with everything he took my perfect stats with him and he got away with sleeping with some of the younger women and they used anxiety because of the high stress levels as a means to have sex with girls and where I was dealing passive aggressive people and I absorbed that toxicity and it's difficult for me to come out of this and I am a male. I was being interrogated and the truth was being forced out of me. in the workplace environment i was being put through psychological trauma where leadership was nothing more than a scaring tactic. I was being made to feel out to be the victim or to be the crazy one and they themselves are the ones who are always right. I couldn't get out of their as well and I was being ganged up and dealing with drug gangs people and they had links to police as well and the ambulance. I didn't like being put through uncomfortable situations because my anxiety levels went through the roof by put through uncomfortable situations. I am still struggling with my mental health and tremors and sadly the damage has been done by the work environment and not only that it has affected the people I truly care about which are my own family members. I was thrust into a corporate environment and being put into a sink or swim situation through no fault of my own where I was dealt bad hand.
I was in a similar situation with my former boss to he did so to me twice & i never spoke to him since after raising such red flags
Thank You 🙏
I wish anyone out there experiencing this to hang on it does get better
Thanks you for the talk trying to understand on gashliig by my co work
I always make sure to let my partner I understand her point or view then explain my perspective on things and we work together to make the two realities merge. The way I see it is that there’s 2 sides to our reality and only through communication will we get the full picture
You can’t do that with narcissists.
The best example for everyone that still does not understand the term is Meg from Family Guy: everyone tells her to shut up to the point her character got trivialized and every act of violence towards her it's a mundane experience.
Hi my name is Geneva.i live in Las Cruces,nm and I'm finding myself in the exact situation.help!
Psalm 91 has been a very real help to me in some serious and even dangerous situations .
It's very important to recognize
When trying to determine if you are being gaslighted
That gaslighting is an intentional behavior. The person must be attempting to intentionally control you in some abusive way.
Two normal people may have different recollections of events. So please remember that every time someone disagrees with you it's not necessarily gaslighting. If it's really gaslighting it will be part of a cluster of behaviors that seem to point to them trying to convince you that you are the problem and probably that you're crazy.
The gaslighter's goals is to get you to doubt your own perception of reality.
I never said that is an all too familiar statement.
I know for a fact that the person said it, I was there.
However she tries to convince me that she never said any number of statements.
Especially when her friends are around, i later discovered that she was doing it on purpose, in order to discredit me to her friends.
This lead her friends to feelsorry for her and gave her all kinds of support.
This continued to break down my confidence and aided really effectively in keeping me second guessing my own memory and then staying quiet at key moments when she would throw out lies right in front of me.
Talk about frustrating.
Good to know, I did wonder but also I'm a toxic-aware and repel from those people and recently after a break up feel the need to socially distance (Gawd, I hate that word) so fast forward to the part where I say "I need to get in shape.. again" (and take two years off to learn to love myself again) so I start new protocols, eat whole foods every 2 hours, fast for 10 hours (I work shift work so 18/6 doesn't work for me) and do a 30 day clean out of NO Alcohol , but here's where the trouble enters.. I make it 14, to 18 days and find myself having way too much alcohol ... for a couple days. Maybe your alcohol abuse syndrome or whatever you called it is in my future because this has happened every month since I started my first resolution in many many years to get those 6 pack abs .. and loose a bit of weight
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Watch this video carefully. Share it with those you love. It just may save you from a trip to divorce court. Set boundaries. Stand firm. Stay safe out there!
It’s sending me to one…
love you . TY!
When someone does you this way, do it right back to them. My family has done this to me ever since I was a kid. I was gaslighted, physically and mentally abused, and experienced domestic violence. I would get mad at my dad and stepmom, and they would say, "at least we are around unlike your junkie mother." Narcissists are evil people.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can go no contact with the abuser(s). ☮️
As someone who is listening in trying to understand, you make it really hard
An admirable analysis. ✅
Thanks for explaining, this (quite recent term to me) method, that although I've googled, is never seemingly absorbed fully; somewhat ☺
It seems similar to the FCN.
I experienced that quite recently.
You gave me confidence; about a lot.
As for stuttering?
I recommend the film "The Kings Speech"
George VI was Queen Elizabeth II father.
He had an unfortunate stammer.
His wife sought out a controversial Aussie speech therapist; and kept it a secret.
The King was renowned for nervous anxiety because of it.
But over a period of time, by singing things and deep breathing, he conquered it.
His brother Edward VIII abdicated, and married the USA socialite divorcee, Wallis Simpson in 1936.
(Otherwise, Queen Elizabeth II would never have been monarch).
Some believe, they were attracted, to each others narcissistic ways.
Fast forward current day, Harry and Meghan could be interpreted the same way.
Best wishes
🇬🇧 🤝 🇺🇸
Here is my issue with this term. What if you are dealing with someone who you literally have evidence that the things they are saying you did or said are not true. So me simply not taking on something I do not own is now gaslighting. For example my partner telling me I was lying about something I know that I told them in the past. I mean this person was so confident that I was trying to make them believe something that was not true vs simply owning the fact that they had made up something just to cast me in a bad light.
In the end all I simply had to do was go into the text messages and screenshot it and show exactly what was said and that was that. After I pulled up the messages and let my partner see what they were so sure hadn't happened had happen--there was no owner ship. Just simply on to the next situation they could create and then blame me-- a person who both in my personal and professional life is known for having a good memory-- that suddenly all that is a lie. But I am a gas lighter for not allowing this person to tell me I said something I did not say or did not do something I can prove I did.
In the end for me-- my partner has cheated on me and given my a STD. It seems that after all that was found out and I forgave it-- there has been a never ending journey to even the score by making me a bad person. How exactly do you defend yourself without being labeled gas-lighter?
Absolutely true. Dealing with thus about facts and what was said and wasn't. To the extreme that I was convinced to see a therapist into believing I was a narcissist. Months in therapy my therapist has stated that im.boy a narcissist, but we do have traits. But now, I'm being accused of being a gas lighter. So is it now my facts don't align with their facts I'm accused of being a gas lighter. It's a never ending merry go round of accusations and insanity.
@@Joesant88 yes it's insane. No one else in my life has ever ever accused me of being abusive. I don't have any major issues with anyone I work with, or is in my personal life. People are always telling me how caring I am. Then suddenly I meet this person and suddenly I'm abusive simply because I am not going to allow someone to make up shit simply because they need to be right.
I'm at a point where I walk on eggshells because I know if I disagree or defend myself now I'm gaslighting
I felt like I was gaslighted all my life and studied physics and computer science. I was lonely most of my life. I had a neighbor who constantly devalued me my education and my abilities to the point that I started doubting my own abilities. I have no idea how I got here. I gave up on my life, As a result, I became a hermit and I shut down. I have low self-esteem and have no desire to go, I gave up on my life dreams, I hate myself now. I was also constantly
Withholding sucks, it’s made me feel like I have never been worthy. Discrediting me by saying I never said that, but we had conversations about things. Those two I have dealt with for over 3 years with the last woman I was with. I feel like I’m better understanding. I still am experiencing trauma and hurt, I’m learning to not bleed those traumas onto the people helping me, it’s hard.
I do have a comment to share as well. Always believe in God, and know that he is with you at all times. It is very unfortunate that now a days, there are more and more gaslighters and/or toxic individuals in our society. It really helps to know that there is a higher power always watching over us.
The message I got from this is "NEVER TRUST ANYONE ANYTIME"
Just watched my first video of you. I thought it was very informative. I just quit my job. As I watched the video I really didn't see gaslighting from my boss. In my mind it was a disaster from the beginning and got worse I think for the both of us. When you described the emotions of a victim. I Identify with all of them. Angry... Suicide... Helpless.. hopeless. But I don't think it came from him. But I really do feel like I was being gaslighted. I said All of that to ask you... Can someone be gaslighted from an unknown source?. Because sometimes when I am thinking about something it's not long that what I have been thinking about show's up on My phone. I noticed that alot of the time I never said anything about it out loud or to anyone. At times I think I about to just crack up..
Was dating a guy who kept saying that he likes me but he didn’t want a relationship to be serious because he doesn’t like the way I talk to him. This was such a head scratcher for me because I never said anything bad to him. I am so overly cautious about the words I use with people because I want people to feel comfortable around me so this was really shocking information for me to hear. I kept reading through text messages and replaying conversations trying to figure out what I was saying wrong. He could never give me any examples of what I said and that only made me feel more confused. He says that we don’t get along because I talk terribly to him. My jaw was on the floor. It was the most shocking thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I’m so nice to him - and I mean more nice than I should probably be. He mad me constantly question if I were really being mean to him. I have no idea what triggers him. One example is he was talking about his childhood. He talked for an hour and I listened and showed so much empathy. Then I shared a story about my childhood and he gave me a look of boredom and said, “Are you done yet?” He then said, “All you want to do is talk about yourself.” I quickly realized that I am not allowed to talk about myself or my life unless he asks, which is very rare. It’s just crazy thinking about how he made me question my reality and sanity so much. So much psychological abuse.
This hurts to listen to because it’s happened to me so much 😢
im new to this word, but i believe this was also part of a narcissist i was close too. its coming togther now.
And what is one to do when you are being gaslit by your therapist and also their supervisors?
I had a covet narcissist primary partner who didn't reveal her nature until after I had a brain injury. It took me 4 years and a visit with a counselor to understand what was going on. Goddamn nightmare.
As a male most of the gas lighting you will receive will come from your Mom, and Wife (Partner). I have learned to totally Erase their gas lit comments from my memory banks; and declare them as the women they are.
I’ve always been called over sensitive, tender hearted, hypersensitive, dumb, mess by almost everyone growing up. That’s just how my mental monologue sounds now though my true voice/self comes up occasionally it is always called crazy or too much. I’ve been repressed for years due to mental abuse.
Gaslighting occurs not in just intimate relationships. People are rude and self absorbed in ALL areas of our society. I learned I have to advocate for ME-DAILY!!!! I have a strong sense of self, I do not wait or need underhanded compliments or validation. If someone or something doesn’t feel right, 9-10 times it ain’t!!!! Learn to trust your OWN inner voice. Watch people actions, they tell the REAL STORY!!! And finally above all-LOVE YOURSELF!!!!! We teach people how to treat us!!!!
Genuine question: I think I have been with gaslighty partners. I am/was an extreme people pleaser and would be in tears, confused. But I WOULD say things like "I never said that" and "I'm not sure where this is coming from." "That didn't happen."
But also work really hard to sooth them and apologize because I venerated their reality over mine. But whenever I see these videos, it goes over things I DID say. When being told you said things you didnt, it's a normal reaction to respond with "I didn't say that." And "that's not what I meant." Right?
Yes!!! That's when you're waking up and calling them out on it- they no longer are confusing you
The expectation of happiness is the root of unhappiness.
Demanding you do what they want, not caring about your feelings only wanting you do do what they want , it's time to say goodbye
I blocked a facebook user that was gaslighting me. Thanks for the info.
I was in a relationship where we were living together. She would always tell me that she did all the work around the house, and all I did was watch sports on TV or game "all day". This when I knew that was rubbish because when I gamed I would limit it to two hours a day. And we were interested in the same sports and would watch them together. But she insisted that she was the only one pulling her weight and that she couldn't "do it all"; even though when questioned she couldn't tell me what it was that I wasn't doing to help around the house. This situation got worse and worse until I couldn't take it anymore. I reluctantly broke off the relationship, and we went our separate ways. We've never seen each other again. But I eventually met a fantastic lady who accepted me for who I am, and we do everything together without being constantly at each other's throats because I want downtime. And I respect her downtime. Neither of us are perfect. Bur that's ok.
My femmale boss usually said "you're cheap" to refuse someone's suggestion pretending like the problem was about money when it wasn't. And her feedbacks quoted something like "you're like a lampshade" which it didn't mean anything, when someone asked her what does it mean she replied "really? I have to explain myself?" some interpreted it as a figurative expression, but many remained confused. After watched videos like this and read books about it I realized many years later that my femmale boss was a complete incompetent narcissist but effective to manipulate and purport expertise.
❤🎉 I Would Agree with a Counselling Outside Family and Adopted Family as Well because of Childhood abuse Between Siblings as Well.. Narcissism Disease of Century..!
Shared
I left a relationship like this three months ago: In the last night when I was leaving his place, he told me you know what I wasn't gaslighting you, I told to my friends and parents and they had the same idea about you! That was the time I heard: Gaslighting for the first time, I didn't know anything about it. Now, I have difficulty trusting others! But I am happy that I left him because now from enough distance, I can see his behaviors better and I can remember that he told me his only girlfriend 15 yrs ago was a psycho! When I was in the relationship I couldn't clearly see the signs but thanks to my sister seeing me that I was getting sick in the last days, I could get out of that situation! On the last day: I was totally week, but now I am getting better! although, sometimes still I doubt myself!
What are your thoughts and comments in Gaslighting from neighbours. I have been I think gaslight for years. But I don't know if it's me being sensitive? Thanking you🙏
You're not being sensitive, if you feel thay they are abusing you, they are, you're feelings will be the clues
What about gaslighting someone in terms of benefiting in business without actually have to be in a relationship, just a connection
I am glad to learn that this term is based on a movie decades ago. ( I love old flicks) As a 50 year old it can be hard to relate to all the modern, new agendas floating around. I thought this term was created recently to make us feel dumb. If this were true, it would be a form of "gas lighting" . Right?
What about when your therapist is the gaslighter? Just experienced this for confronting a therapist on their techniquest and a few other concerns. They tried to turn the table on me and accused me of doing what they were doing. It's an overwhelming mountain to know how to fight back when someone with a trusted title attacks you. Because they didn't want to explain their strategies in private therapy.
How about being hot & cold? Is it consider gaslighting?
What If I complained to him that he doesn’t text me back within the SAME day? But He still doesn’t, and each time I bring it up.. he would say he’s very busy, make me look like I’m making it a big deal?
Texting back doesn’t even take a minute, can being busy is an excuse to not text back within the same day? I’m not taking about w/in hours, but just w/in the same day…
Didn't work for me and won't work for me anymore. Called the police in the past on Mum but the police officer shared all the info with my Mother who was my abuser and now it will be hard for me to believed because recently a year after reporting Mum to the police, I have been broken down by Mum and I got paranoid and then got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia
When you have a court appointed lawyer you will learn about gaslighting.
Had no idea was being glasslighted untill after the relashionship was over was the worst relashionship i ever had i did not see my family for2 years because i though i loved this person but i all so got a lot of compliments at the beginning we where fighting every other night wish i left her sooner
The biggest sign someone is gaslighting you is they wrongly accuse you of gaslighting them.
There has to be an objective distinction between someone’s conscious, deliberate actions against another and 2 people just not seeing eye to eye and failing to listen to or consider the other. Can’t lump everything into the same category. That is the very real danger in rampant buzzwords without real understanding.
I get this from my fella. The thing is I am going through appointments for a diagnosis for ADHD and Autism, I know 100% I have ADHD, possibly aspergers. How do know if it's me or he is gas lighting me. We have been together 15 years.
Thank you very much for your insight
All i said to him was * your sister calls too much* mind you she is not his biological sister. She calls 13-150times a day and im like *why does she cal so much* he got defensive and loud * THAT'S MY SISTER* She's not, just bc your friends with his brother for 32 years does not make her your sis. He flipped it too, I'm trying to control him smh. I'm not trying to control you at all, answer my question. Its very disrespectful and she knows Im here. He doesn't understand my pov, supposedly. Its crazy, he tries to add things like your jealousy, im a grown man, your not my mother and im not. I wish he'd just answer the question and we can move on but he takes what im saying as an insult. Trust she knows exactly what she's doing and has know respect for our respect.
OMG I should have proofread B4 posting
It's 13-15 times aday
OMG it's 13-15 times a day and at the end, it's supposed to say she has no respect for our relationship
I'm in so much pain.
I am traumatized and terrified.
UNBEARABLE SUFFERING.
UNIMAGINABLE PAIN.
I'M DYING.
JUST DYING.
having the devil inside him, is a legit explanation for what he's done to me...
I am in misery. I am miserable. I am in hell. hell with no escape.
I can no longer take this panic; can no longer live through this pain.
he did this to me in February, and now we're in June...
the pain and the terror and the panic are unbearable.
HE FUCKING BETRAYED AND ABANDONED ME.
HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?
HOW DOES HE NOT MISS ME?
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW?????
how will I get through this?
how will I heal from this?
he purged all his dysfunctions onto me...
because he's unhealed and because he's fucked,
I ended up being the collateral damage
to his un-wellness!!
HOW WILL I EVER HEAL?
I HAVE SEVERE PTSD.
he's given me severe PTSD.
SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE.
some of the most toxic and sick people
come disguised as people that love you...
he came disguised as my best friend...
I am raped I am tortured I am tormented I am haunted
I am terrorized and terrified
and desperately panicked.
I can't breathe I don't breathe
I am paralyzed with trauma.
I want to die. I pray to die. I'm in hell with no escape.
my soul is raped.
I AM DYING OF EMOTIONAL PAIN.
THE GRIEF AND TERROR ARE ALL-CONSUMING.
the darkness. the despair. the rage. THE PANIC.
OH. MY. GOD. THE. PANIC!!!
the person whom I thought was my best friend
discarded me like garbage.
replaced me with another.
I desperately want to escape the pain that I'm in:
debilitating paralyzing all-consuming hyperventilating
panic and grief...
the guy I called my best friend,
ended up raping me.
he violently brutally viciously maliciously raped my soul.
abandoned and betrayed me.
and now I don't breathe. CAN'T BREATHE. I'M IN HELL.
I'm desperately trying to remember this. please, God, help me remember:
✨💖✨
I was created from all light, for I am light,
I fear no darkness. for being light, I can see beyond darkness!!! 💫
"Don't look for healing at the same feet of those who broke you."
- Rupi Kaur
Feelings are just feelings.
They are not facts!
They are not me!
And I can let them go!
♥♥♥
My daughter is in a 4 year relationship from hell. She has no idea what’s happening. First her pet had to go ( because he was causing trouble. Then her new car ( not his money) was registered in his name because she didn’t have a license for that particular state. ( completely a lie). Then some family and friends had to go because they weren’t good people. Now I’m completely out of her life because apparently I give her anxiety. We had great relationship before. Family and friends not to know where she lives. Apparently I’m a Major trouble maker so I havnt been able to see her baby. Could this be gaslighting.
This has all taken 4 years.
You are clearly the issue ! LOL
Gaslighting is more slow, subtle and creeping akin to giving someone a small dose of posion over a long period.
Rarely is gaslighting this big flashy show.
What she is going through could be a combination of gaslighting and creating a co dependancy relationship where she is forced to rely on him.
If we look at this from another view point, it's possible she could be one creating this situation by lieing about everything and making him out to be the bad person...
Psycho analysing via blocks of text isn't necessary simple as there's always more than one side to every situation.
All though I will ask What makes her want to stay in that relationship?
Because we often learn about relationships and dating from seeing how our parents relationships with people, often we will date people who gave similar traits.
The essence of gaslighting is that it's a message, however subtle or overt, to the effect of:
"See how YOU are!"
In a one-off scenario, it's typically a function of dodging, deflecting or distancing - a mental/emotional "safety mechanism."
When gaslighting is a pattern, nigh unto a campaign; it's one of the worst formats of mental/emotional abuse.
Functionally, the abuser takes advantage of the victim's propensity to trust others.
Hear:
If in doubt; don't!" (Trust your intuition!)
"If things totally don't make sense; they do make sense - to a perpetrator, whether known, suspected or otherwise!"
"I've never had anyone succeed in fooling me; but there have been a few who took a few years to figure out."
I lived in a highrise building for over 10 years. Was a horror show for both me and my youngest 2 children who were visiting. While I was trying to complete a university program of study while being an older single mother student. Party animals were living right above us who were often throwing parties which would last for days while throwing their cigarettes onto our balcony. While that was going on at the same time at the only job I could find later the only hours available to me were during evenings and on weekends while my teenager was at home. My whole life during adulthood has been characterized by the same sort of thing thanks most to whom I chose to marry twice. Once not long ago I heard a confession from someone who admitted that when she was a teenager her and other teenagers from the same family background different than mine had willfully set fire to the large Germanic styled house which my mother was born in a few years into the Great Depression. The other day while going through my late sister's things I found a note written by my mother informing me of a patent which probable one of her grandparents had taken out. When I was a young teenager my mother often warned me about dating anyone from a Protestant background during the sectarian based violence going on in Ireland at the time. I didn't listen. As result instead of giving my children the same kind of advice I am so against any kind of bigotry and/or racism. I am so against any kind of racism. Practising racism is like willfully removing bricks from a structure which is at the time being built or like if a bank were to sabotage any effort made to pay back a loan they gave someone while believing that by doing so is a rational act. Gaslighting people cannot see other people in the same way we do. Or in another example a politician ordering state employees to be setting fires while at the same time promising more funds to stop forest fires. Instead the gas lighter when looking at people whom they are gaslighting it is like they only see trees which need to be cut down.
My children and I are freaking TRAPPED AND SCREWED. It's gotten so bad for me because of him these last 10 years of being manipulated and gaslit and he's pitted EVERYONE around me, against me and made them think I'm a freaking psycho and made them think he's a freaking Saint! I have only ONE way out and I'm going to take it very soon! I'll make it to where my kids will go to good and loving homes (not my family's or his!) before I go.... There's NO freaking "REAL" help lol 😂 and more than 90% of people who get the "help" end up having to go back to their spouses because the "help" is limited, too many strings attached, not available, insufficient, etc... I'm not running back into false hope and security EVER AGAIN! From the freaking cradle I've been abused in very bad ways and ALL throughout my ENTIRE LIFE ! I can't take anymore!!!!!!
Me too! 20 years of narcissistic abuse. 10 by partner, the other, family.
@@black_sheep_nation it's freaking SAD! why have we been treated this way?!? How can people be so cruel??😢
Yep, you've gotta basically be ok with going back to your abusive family or being homeless as the best cause scenarios, but whether it feels like it or not, being homeless to get away from someone abusing you is the better decision in the long run, life will come back around and you will get on your feet, just do yourself a favor and majorly reflect on how you can protect yourself from people who make you feel the way that your abuser did the future, I mean, study them in your mind to see what their patterns of behavior look like. It's not that easy, but it's not that hard...
Oooh lady.. my heart goes out to you. I trust the Lord that at this moment you are in a much better position than a year ago. Do not give the abuser the pleasure of giving up or to end your life... You are worthy and deserve the best! I pray for restoration, peace and happiness in your life and in the life of your children.
@zeldamarais2268 thank you so much ❤️ I promise you that God IS giving me renewed strength and things are starting to change for the better, I just only hope it gets even better and that it lasts!