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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 มิ.ย. 2024
- Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation, where the gaslighter or abuser leads you to question your own reality. Many examples of gaslighting in relationships include lying to you, isolating you, or making you doubt or question yourself. The hidden psychological abuse can upend your mental health making you feel depressed, anxious, and isolated. Do you relate to these experiences? If so, you might be a victim of gaslighting.
If you feel that you may be unintentionally gaslighting someone, you can share your experiences below so we can all work together, to help one another heal.
Credits
Writer: Laura Santospirito
Script Editor: Denise Ding & Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Laura
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
Citation:
· “Gaslighting.” GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog, 13 June 2018, www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/gaslighting.
· “NAMI.” Home, www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2016/Why-Self-Esteem-Is-Important-for-Mental-Health.
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It's even worse when the person gas lighting you has a 'good' reputation with their people, so when you try to talk to someone about them, they don't believe you
Not unless you have proof of their actions.
@@cathleenalabarriento even if you do have proof some people still will refuse to believe you or twist it to fit their own beliefs.
Cathleen Ala Barrientos thank god for phones...
It’s only a matter of time before the person’s “good reputation” vanishes.
Viv That is 100% correct of all abusers/persecutors who are a part of a larger group of abusers. We must make sure we’re not opening up to the wrong people.
It makes me kinda sad realizing that I was gaslighted for so long.
God is there, they will one day be abused by the same people as them too haha
same
We're here for you, buddy.
Same and by my so called family
@@franklinQR of course 😘 god is with the truthful ones. The bad ones will always have a bad ending. There's no good life for abusers, hence why they abused others.
The worst is that gaslighters can make you as guilty of "playing the victim", while they are the one playing as one.
thank you so so much for commenting this it makes me feel a lot better. I would bring up things that hurt me and my ex would find a way of saying it is my fault I felt that way and they would tell me that what I was feeling was wrong. They pretty much made me feel like the one who was treating them bad because I was not giving them as much as they wanted and so when I would tell them how I felt I would start to think maybe they are right? I do not have a right to feel like this it is my fault. It is just now coming to me that I was gaslighted and manipulated my whole relationship.
Yep my x to a t
DARVO
Deny the incident
Attack your credibility
Reverse
Victim and
Offender (play victim)
My dad did that to me frequently, especially during my teenage years. It largely stopped after I went to college, but I still have trouble trusting my own perception to this day.
@@madaboutmarceline me too
I find something else that gas lighters have in common is they never apologise for their wrong doings and twist the blame onto you, then you end up apologising because they convince you that you are crazy. Then afterwards, you think to yourself, why did I apologise? I did nothing wrong? And you realise you only apologise because they make you feel guilty for speaking up about being disrespected.
Exactly this just happened to me. They made me believe that I was the one who did something very wrong. I still cannot completely get out of that feeling of guilt even though I know that she is gaslighting.
I told on someone for constantly bullying me in hallways and online; even though I blocked him he still invites me to group chats to bully me even more. I eventually had enough. Now he gossiped about me and told me I was a snitch and played the victim, I apologise to him and I question why did I apologise? This is exactly what im feeling.
It's hard because im dealing with this, now I dont know what to do because everytime i try to confront him, he somehow always dodges it.
Right on point. i have delt with this for YEARS and it drives me insane. i had an ex roommate who accused me of gaslighting him even though i was doing nothing wrong, i always was apologizing for everything even when it was not my fault. i don't miss those days.
I just do it to shut them the hell up.
Gaslighters don't own up to their mistakes either. Rather than admit wrongdoing and apologise, they make up cheap justifications or simply blow you off if you take issue with something they say or do.
@Akua's Vibe Yes, Yes, Yes!!! 💯❤💯❤💯❤💯❤💯❤💯❤💯👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
P R E C I S E L Y !!!!! 👍🏼💯👏🏼❤😭
Emotional and physical abuse, haahha FUCK YOU DAD
Akua's Vibe oh gosh that sounds just like someone i know
variations of the non apology "Sorry you feel that way."
every parent should watch this video, so they can see their child isn’t the problem
Do you mean that in the way that parents are gaslighting their kids? Or in the way that they're depressed because someone else is gaslighting them.
Sometimes they still won’t want to believe them.
This is so true! Did your parents do these things as well? How many signs did you relate to?
Psych2Go all of them! thanks for providing these videos 💖 this is my favorite channel
Marci Goodman parents gaslight their kids
You just never expect the person you love deeply to do this to you. That's what shocks so much.
ISWEAR
Facts it happened to me
Exactly
That’s Not Love. It’s Lust…
Or, in Family Power & Control. Manipulation…
@@Seraphim7 💯
Its sad that inspite of being a victim of gaslighting, Im scared that I might gaslighting people around me because I was told that Im gaslighting them but they're the one who's gaslighting me....
same with me...
Same.
Because you live TRUE to yourself, and you like your reality to have clarity and integrity, it clashes with their internal realities for you. Thus you are consistently "invalidating" their negative viewpoint of them. Thus they feel "gaslighted", even though you are giving the actual TRUTH. Alot of times we are at conflict with their VIEWPOINT, many people will go to extremes to protect their viewpoints, all the way up to and including damaging you and your affairs or ending your life.
ExactlyI feel the same way
Same girl same I'm afraid of mimicking what has been done to me unconsciously
One of my mom's (and my most hated) phrases: "I know you better than you know yourself."
@@ValkyrieZiegeLOL, that easily describes Trump in a nutshell.
I hear that day after day after day...
@@maggiemargaret1412 I dunnnooo, if ANYTHING, it sounds more like something someone who has only been on planet earth +18 years would say
Oh shit... My sister said the exact same words to me the other day and it didn't sit right with me.
Oh ofc ofc
Me: you dont know me that well
She:oh please I gave birth to you
Friends of my mom: why do you hate your mother so much?
Me:
This is the comment I came for. I feel you.
me too oh my god i feel like i'm crazy but she makes me feel like it. i keep forgetting how horrible she's treating me when she's mad or stressed out. i always feel guilty for being mad at her when in reality i'm used to her guilt-tripping me and gaslighting me into believe that i'm the problem. i'm so fucking tired.
I really feel this...
Never thought i would relate so much to a comment befroe
in my case it would be my dad... is horrible, no mater who :c
the most important part of this video: It's guilt, their most powerful tool. They make you feel guilty...
Guilt, while questioning what is real 😑😞
My friends told me my bf was actually manipulating, abusing and gaslighting me and I didn't really believe them. Now I'm here and agree to nearly everything and am emotionally devastated. I now know I have to leave him because I'm already heavily depressed and suicidal and he's just making it worse. Thank you
I hope it will be fine for you, you are strong! I am in the same situation unfortunately, just know that it's not your fault if someone mistreated you and that you deserve much better than that!
Its not your fault friendo, sometimes it's only until you're away from them long enough that you finally realize what happened. I'm glad you have friends that are looking out for ya, wishing you a peaceful day of healing 🐸
u r a trans bro, no wonder u are depressed and suixidal
The ten warnings signs of gas lightning:
1. You don't feel like you fit in anywhere.
2. You question and doubt yourself.
3. Your self esteem is much lower ever since you've been around them.
4. You become depressed.
5. You're constantly guilt-tripped.
6. You're frequently let down by them.
7. You're frequently lied to.
8. Your fears are used against you.
9. You're isolated from others.
10. You question EVERYTHING.
Please if any of you are victims, get help. You might be scared but it's for your own safety. Do you really want to keep on living like this? I'm sure you don't. Living like this is really not worth anything. You matter and don't deserve this. Please stay safe and get help. I love you, stay strong🙏💕
Thank u sooo much
It rly helps me❤️
This happened to me at a very young age
My EX BF RaKesh used all these things to bring me down. . He literally ruined by life my self esteem. ..
😢😢
I am learning to heal myself from those wounds.
how do i get help if the gaslighter is in my family?
Sounds like what happened at my last job.
@@Juniik0 same sadly you can't unless when you leave the house and live alone
Whenever I try to talk to my mom about how something makes me feel, I end up feeling like I have no arguments. Nothing gets solved. It's all in my mind, she says.
Yeah that does weakens bonds between you guys. Someday she wakes up and ask why you don't communicate to her anymore but you try all you have and she just let's the pride go to her head. That she refuse to be not right, that she knows everything, and most of all lack being able to have open heart and hears.
My ex is like that
My mom was the EXACT same way when I was growing up. Whenever I told her how I felt, she would dismiss it EVERY time & she’d yell at me.
I sort of feel the same but only I’m scared to do it
My mom is like tht and she is mad at me when I told her tht i hv problems, or tht she said I'm just dramatic, i don't wnna hate her ,i just don't like tht side of her. I mean she kind of still loves me
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
"What's wrong with you?"
"You're immature"
"What's happening to you?"
"You're overreacting"
"I didn't say that"
"I didn't do that"
Every time he said these, I felt stifled.
Pr the part of "Im just joking" right after saying something really terrible that shouldn't be joked about
@@inanna1916 exactly...
I hate it when my parents said that to me like seriously!!! Do they think about the consequences of the words they are saying
Let me add some concepts based on what I suffered:
"It's all you're fault why"
"no wonder why we hate you" - as if the narcissist presumes people think what he/she thinks.
"Are you even still in the circle of facts??"
BTW I also feel the same way as you do.
same... so sad
When your own parents have been gaslighting you your whole life....
Nice picture. The joy of the Lord is your strength. At least you know what is going on now. Prayerfully this will bless you to be able to become a better parent when you have your children. Because you will know what not to do. Share what you have learned to others. So they can remove themselves from toxic relationships as well. This is the season to be free in Jesus name.
@@ladennayoung2939 Church and the Bible were used to control me by my abuser. The church enabled abuse.
Parents will gaslight their children. I think they should have control over you until you leave home or start contributing in the family dynamic. Gaslighting from parents will only stop when you stop letting them control you. In other relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, gaslighting is terrible, and serves purely for one person. I do think when parents do it, it's a vulnerability, a caring dynamic
@@commentingisawasteoftime7195 Hey. I just wanted you to know that those people will be held accountable for their actions. Read about Jesus, and no one else. Observe how he loved to hangout with "sinners" even when He seemed to be introverted. I hope you're okay.
Much love
@@commentingisawasteoftime7195 unfortunately the church often shelters the abuser if they're connected.
"You're just being dramatic"
"I never said that"
"You're being delusional"
"You're overreacting"
"It's just a joke"
Them acting like the victim when they're in the wrong. Only speaking negatively about you to others. Holding things against you. Acting like they know you more than you know yourself. Guilt tripping you. Etc, etc, etc. These kinds of people will really crumble your self esteem and manipulate you into thinking you're the crazy one. I wish these people knew how evil they are and what kind of harm they cause to others.... I dealt with this for far too long before realizing how awful it was. I wish everyone that is in this situation finds clarity and finds a way to get away from whoever is causing you harm like this.
Wow you described my friendgroup with those quotes perfectly.
@@lonelyscarygirl I'm so sorry, I hope you can find better friends 💗💗
This was done to me by the woman I lost my virginity to, it made things wayyy worse that I was already in love with her. Also she took the path of least resistance most of the time and only used my dear against me when she didn't get her way.
No youre evil for having the nerve to label others so harshly for your petty insignificant irrational annoyances. Youre not special hun. We all know whos the real evil one here. Its people like you.
ya I wish I could get away mes 11
Why do I see that most of us were gaslighted by our own mothers? It's terrible, I hope you all are doing great, good luck
Mother's? It is an HR tool.
I discovered about 3 years ago I was born an empath with family labelling me as "oversensitive", "hypersensitive" when they insulted me as a toddler and I cried. I pick up on others' vibes so acutely I had to learn at an early age to withdraw into myself even when walking around in public. I recall responding to my family and advising I was not "hypersensitive", rather that they were being insensitive at times. Sadly, I was exposed to gaslighting and stonewalling behaviours frequently but it never changed my personality or true heart. I feel compassion and sorrow for those who engage in these toxic behaviours. People like that who bully around others, they really need a lot of healing. We're all on a journey to stay healthy and have fulfilling relationships. Some relationships are only one way ergo no matter what you do, you will never receive the respect you show. Sad but true.
Sounds like my story
Yeah that’s why love is an overrated word
It's hurts to know that you've been blaming yourself the whole time.
And you apologize even when they're the one at fault. 😢 I'll never do that again.
yep 😭
Yes.
i know how it feels
Also missing them even though they are evil minipultive compulsive liars and cause you to have self doubt.
So I wasn’t a “crazy disrespectful teenager “. My mother was gaslighting me.
Same
I've always wondered why I feel 1000x better when I get away from my mom via going on my dad's business trips
same!!
exactly
Same.
When you stop hating yourself, all that hatred immediately channels itself to whoever got you like this. As an abuse survivor and subject to CEN, I went from being suicidal to wanting to plug my whole family so fast it was scary.
That's part of abuse tho sadly. When the blame is constantly being shifted to u or someone else u get used to the idea that there's always someone to blame. Someone that made you mad, that hurt you, that fucked up, or mistakes u made.
Life isn't that simple, but between abuse and the media, there's a lot of confusion behind that.
That's also the same reason y so many abuse victims become abusers.
It's not just healing from trauma u have to worry about but unlearning abusive tactics or coping mechanisms as well.
I get it I really do
I mean it was your family being mentally abusive so I completely understand. Getting away from the abuser is the fastest way to grow and get better.
@@youngjacuzzi3676 I WANT to, but I'm scared. I don't want to leave my pets behind. What if I failed again and HAVE to move back home again.
I feel you, I am the same
Gaslighting: A word "victims" bring up because they refuse to admit their mistakes and accept responsibility.
...according to gaslighters, that is.
..you just put how I figured out into words..
Wow. Thank you for this.
"Your self esteem is much lower ever since you've been around them" Well, that explains why my self esteem has been low since birth lmfao
🤣🤣🤣🤣 right
21Units Damn you’re so cool. Wish i could be like you some time.
@@etanusmaskianus1916 what?? 😂
Haha suits you right
haha lol same here
''U used to be so outgoing, what happend?''
why is this so relatable..
Sameee. Later on I realized that some people want u to be what they see u as. I learned to be whoever I want to be. Plus, people change and experience things out of their control that will effect them so when someone says this I just ignore it🥰
Really funny when it comes from the mouth of the people who did this to you
oof
We're on the same page
@@Beanbtch yeah, ignoring is probably the best
I've come to the conclusion that someone I thought was my friend has been gaslighting me for years. I was abused as a child and I have a hard time determining who I can trust and who I can't. This isn't the first time. But this one hurt the most because I thought they were my friend. They always accused me of being overdramatic or constantly tell me I'm in a bad mood when I'm not. They can never be wrong, and went out of their way to make me trust them. I told them today that I refuse to let anyone, especially them, hold me back anymore! I am cutting ties.
You go! Happy to hear you stood up for yourself.
It’s funny how they work so hard to get in, but once you let them in, then they abandon….
the fact that I just found out my mum is a gaslighter makes me really upset because it's someone I'm meant to trust.
Exactly im going threw the same thing
Going through the same thing with both parents.
"you used to be so chill and outgoing, now you're so different! what happened?"
-my gaslighters
The thinker lolll
i was never chill and outgoing :|
Same
"You used to be so nice and happy!"
I feel embarrased to bump into people that i used to hang out with as i am a completely different person - self conscious, insecure and no longer confident or doubt people would actually like me.
To all Pysch2Go fans: Remember, you’re cool awesome and unique! Don’t feel down about yourself, I hope you accomplish your dreams & wishes
IT'S FUNNY LOOK AT THE WAY THE DEMOCRATS TREAT PEOPLE THEY ARE GAS LIGHTERS
I wish this could help...
Thank you so much for spreading positivity💛💛 I hope you have wonderfull day
Actually you can't make other people feel better it is up to the individual. Don't put words in my mouth.
Hey pysch thanks for another vid could u maybe do a video on children of divorce please I feel like it’s a topic that’s usually overlooked and common it’d really be helpful thank you
*_This is why those who are at the age where maturity is supposed to begin start distancing from even their own families. It's best to fix yourself and find those who really, REALLY understand what you are._*
Some people will intentionally push buttons , nitpick , degrade , and belittle you on purpose to drive you crazy and insane , then once they get the desired affect , they say " see , there it is , I told you he was crazy " .
They don't mean sorry if they keep on defending themselves and can't take the blame for what they did.
Yep there rude shelfesh depend on you to do something for them but they wont for you or they will get mad and say I'm tired of doing shit for people when you ask them like my brother I do stuff for him ask him same thing he says no I'm tired of doing shit for people he is one evil person
Usually it’s more a sorry to make them look better, not a sincere one
My brother..
My mom does this stuff to me, I can’t confront her cause she will get mad and tell me I’m dramatic.
U have to use the grey rock method
How old are you? Try to move out as early as possible. How are you doing right now?
@@danika9411 well, move out once you know what you want to do for a stable living and once they've paid for you college
Same here
i sometimes feel like that, but she's just trying to do what's good for me, she doesn't mean me harm, she loves me. If she is doing these things, I'm sure she doesn't mean to. It's not her fault if she inadvertently did some of these things.
I spent 11 years with someone who was so severely damaged by their parent gaslighting them for their entire life. they too became an abuser a gaslighter. But they were completely unaware of how they were behaving towards me so I too did not recognise the gaslighting and believe everything they said. I thought they were the most wonderful person and I was failing them. It’s suddenly hit me when they forced me to leave and I looked back at the conversation we had. I realised that I was repeatedly told that my feelings and opinions were wrong or that they didn’t believe me when I said everything thing I do I consider them. They were so unaware of their own emotions that they blamed me for everything and pushed the only thing they could count on being able to pin the blame on away. They then had nothing to blame and continued to try and cast the blame onto me once I had left. When I no longer accepted the blame they became more and more abusive towards me to the point where they went out of their way to make my life difficult.
the sad part is that all of these have been my reality since I was born. My mother was a master manipulator, and used gas-lighting as one of her main tactics. The good part is that since I've cut ties with her I've been abl to slowly break down the damage she's done, and I have really been noticing the differences in my life since recovery has had a chance to start taking hold. :) These videos have been a great mirror; helping me see just how far I've come in my recovery.
Finding yourself after cutting off a parent who has done this your entire life is exhausting. I think it's that much harder to recognize when it's all you've ever known.~
@Tender Vigilante
The Tender Vigilante... Doesn't have Health insurance.
I'm considering doing that myself... how did it go for you and what did you have to do to get out of that situation?
@@Junokaii I literally had to run away. As an adult. I just simply stopped responding then blocked all access to communication from them. I can't let them damage my health anymore. I understand they are mentally ill but I can't sacrifice my mental health for someone elses. That doesn't heal anyone.~
same
I get that
Me: Recognize each sign and even remember real-life examples that go with it
My Brain: You're probably just reading into it too much
Dont Gaslight Yourself
Yeah probably...
oh shit, me too..
I feel the same I do know what to do
@@insanitygirl6302 wow, you put all my thoughts into words. I understand what you’re going through. remember that you’ll always have someone who cares about you, although you may not know it. If you ever wanna talk you can add me on insta @monomvn.06 if you’d like a friend 👉🏽👈🏽 (this also goes to anyone who needs someone to talk to)
My ex would say "I told you I was sorry. Now let it go" Meanwhile the pain is still there and the behavior continues. They believe the word SORRY fixes it all
I’m an abuse survivor who was not properly diagnosed or treated until I was 35. I have CPTSD. The therapist who diagnosed me explained what gaslighting was, and it was a huge paradigm shifter. But after years of cluelessness and having been gaslit, even by therapists, it is hard to know when it’s happening. Thanks for this video.
If someone is treating you this way, get out of that relationship. Cut contact.
I agree with this but I’d like you to understand that it’s not always that easy. For me I’m a teen and it’s my Dad. As much as I’d love to cut contact with him I can’t.
But what if they’re a parent
Id love to, but hes my dad, ;-;
God I wish I could, but I’m a teen and the gaslighter is my brother :/
Not that easy sorry... ending a 14 year marriage without facing severe consequences and losing everything I worked for is not something we can just casually deal with.
I just want to point out something here. This is something that I've struggled with. In this video the gaslighter is portrayed to be some sort of evil person. Someone that's trying to control and manipulate you. This set of character traits are what we associate with all gaslighters.
But from personal experience, toxic people often don't even know they're toxic. They operate the way they do out of habit. This isn't to say that we excuse they're behaviour though. I wanted to point this out because throughout my life whenever I'd come across someone I think is toxic I would question that feeling because they didn't seem evil like I was told they'd be.
So if you feel like someone's toxic, don't second guess yourself. Even if they seem nice and helpless they can still be toxic for you.
I came here to say this. Sometimes it's not intentional but they do it
Just what I wanted to say. Sometimes it is just about control and whatever works, works. They need this control because of their own fears and uncertainties. They are not basically 'evil' in the sense that they act like this by their design. They can even care about you and love you. Yes, I am talking about parents here. Gaslighting can be a kind of education. A very toxic and damaging one.
I'm glad somebody pointed this out.
I never feel right accusing one of the people in my past of being "toxic" or "abusive" but they did things that were bad for me in a "toxic" or "abusive" way. Their lack of actual guilt does not undo the pain I went through.
Sometimes two people just aren't able to be good for each other. That doesn't make them bad people, it just means that it's like trying to play a CD on a cassette player. It's just not meant to happen.
@MaryJ17 Certainly! I'd like to point out that lack of "blame" in the sense that... they were evil, wanting to hurt you does NOT mean they aren't responsible.
I cut the person who hurt me out of my life in order to protect myself. I'm just saying that they are not evil - as in, they are not "a villain", they didn't mean to hurt me.
They definitely ARE responsible for the emotional scars I bear from the time I spent with them though.
These people are obsessed with reputation and take their lives to the grave. They will never admit that their actions were intentional. If you are actually successful through long and exhausting arguments to prove that they actually did something inappropriate the best you will get from the abuser is “I wasn’t aware of my actions and it’s not my fault”. They will never take responsibility for their actions they will never tell the truth. They also feel a deep sense of pride when you have accurately accused them of what they are actually doing and they are able to turn you against yourself so that you know longer believe what is obviously true and right in front of your face. They will never admit the truth. But you will see a sneer on their face as you begin to doubt yourself. That is the closest to the truth you will ever come with an abuser.
Yes, I was the victim of gaslighting for 16 years. I finally got away from them and never let them back into my life. I also got my daughter away from them too. We both are so much happier through counseling.
All the time she comes in my room and acts all nice, then does or says something really mean and rude. She should know already that I'm a very sensitive person and that those things really hurt me. I then get upset and mad and then she says "why are you in such a bad mood?"she tries to blame all the problems she causes on me just "being in a bad mood" she also makes these manipulative and hurtful "jokes" all the time. She tells me them, leaves, makes me think she was being serious and when I come to tell her how much it hurt me, she just says "gosh it was just a joke" and proceeds to act like everything is fine.
Try to minimize your contact with her, or when she comes to interact with you, can you be super busy instead (e.g., on a phone call)? Create as much distance as you can and see how she reacts. It just might piss her off, but try not to give her an ear, or go to the bathroom or another room when she starts up. Work towards getting your own place or a roommate.
Literally started crying while washing dishes today and my mom asked what was up,,, I said "my back hurts so bad" and instead of any type of sympathy or anything I got back "yeah well so does mine, all the time so" like ok it wasn't a contest but go off sis
I'm so sorry. That's awful.
sounds like my mom, i would gaslight her back and say something like “maybe when you’re old you get used to it 🤷🏽♂️” she loses it 😂
Awww I'm sorry to hear that as well. I can relate to you as well especially that my parents did that as well
Fuuuuuuuck that's so devoid of empathy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that shit.
You got the same mother as me. I’m so sorry
A person who insists they know everything about you more so than you do? Ah, so, a mother?
my mother...
~Mother~ knows best~
Rapunzel: Yeah, no. Ima leave the tower. Bye, B****.
All kidding aside I can see how many parents easily take on this role, while thinking it's for their kids own good. Most abusers legitimately feel they care for the people they abuse.
Not a good mother
just assuming, but I think 1 'sign' alone is not enough hhh the video has 10.
Thank you for this eye-opening video 🙏
I just realized that i’ve been gaslighted by all of my loved ones all my life.
Thank you so much for making this video. I have known about gas lighting for a while, but didn't really know the signs of it. I am now able to see that it wasn't my fault and I didn't do anything to deserve being treated this way. I unknowingly began fighting against the person gas lighting me and she seemed shocked the first few times I talked back or stood my ground. I now know other ways she has manipulated me and I can now do more to recover. Thank you so much!
I once had a toxic friend who would constantly tell me that everyone knew all my secrets or just say things that would worry me a lot in general. When I would tell them that that wasn't true and confront them about it, they would just tell me that it was just a rumour they heard or that I misheard them. It lasted for months and made me doubt my own memory. It's been about a year since then and they've apologised and changed(though we don't hang out anymore because they changed schools). Even though it's been nearly a year, I still regularly doubt and question myself and memory. It has got to the point where I sometimes if I'm the first one to arrive at a class or something, I'll start doubting if I even had that class and then longer I question it the worse it gets and I even sometimes start to question what day it is. Thankfully though, as time goes on, I'm slowly getting better
Are you okay now?
MOF 137925 look up this old friend and slap him in the face. Only do this is you think you can kick his ass.
You might want to, but violence isn't the answer. 💛
@@GasPipeJimmy I'm not the type to hold grudges and I know they've genuinely changed and are a better and nicer person now and they acknowledged what they did and apologized for everything. Maybe I'm being too nice but I've already forgiven them
Khadeeja Aktar No, not at all. The credible threat of violence is a time-tested and socially valuable tool. It attaches a physical price to bad and toxic behavior. Whomever taught you that violence never solves anything lied to you. It’s a lie teachers tell students to keep them docile.
What makes it even more dangerous is that many people dont necessarily think “haha this’ll make them feel awful” when they’re gaslighting someone. it’s more that they try to protect their own reality. the one where they’re right and that’s more important to them than your feelings. It often seems like a desperate attempt to avoid the feeling of guilt, protect their insecurities by saying you’re the one who’s in the wrong without considering you. That’s why even though deep down they don’t mean to hurt you, they still do everytime. This makes it so much more difficult to leave any relationship where you’re being gaslighted because you might still see the good, insecure side of them while continuously being manipulated, even when you notice it
That's what I learned it is in MANY cases. People protect their viewpoints, even if they discover in a situation it is not correct.
oooooop
Exaaaaactly....
Hey guys can you give me a tip or something how to get out of this? I'm at the moment trying to break up with my guy who has been gaslighting me for almost 4 years (unfortunately we have a distance relationship most of the time and i married him 6 months ago because things were better for a while...) , but the problem is that he's at the same time very nice with me and he definitely has good sides in his personality, we share a lot of good times, memories, fun, interests, dreams, etc etc .... All these good things tie me so much to him and it's so hard to step away! What can I do ?
@@judyp. u gotta work on u. u realize that all those good sides to his personality? u can find in another man who will treat you even better, give you the world without gaslighting you and making u feel shitty about urself. of course easier said than done, but i advise you to work on ur self compassion and self love, then you can break out of ur toxic relationship.
I have a toxic narcissistic “friend” who gaslights me and does all of these things, I usually avoid falling in such as this, “you are so stupid I hate you” “oh it’s okay! You don’t need to like me”. If you are getting gaslighted please don’t fall into their trap and try to avoid them, just remember, it’s okay if they don’t like you they don’t need to like you just accept their opinion and avoid them.
I totally understand you I'm in the same situation but i can't cut her completely off, because she will most likely expose things i told her and twist the truth, turning everyone against me. She will also get revenge 100% like she does with everyone else I'm scared at this point.
@@JP-xw5wp same with what she is doing with me,I’m kinda gaining her respect by not talking to her when she is mean and then after 4-7 days I call with her and we y’know talk and be friends, I tell her what she did wrong
@@JP-xw5wp I have a few advantages doe, she tells me deeper secrets than I tell her, so if I tell her I don’t want to be friends anymore and she says her plan (she’s very stupid and always does that) I’d screen record for my proof that I’m innocent, she is also kinda scared of me because I can easily manipulate. She does manipulate me but I do it easier. Idk bout you but if you can screen record conversations of her being rude when on call such as .You: hey let’s get ice cream! Them: no I wanna go to the mall. You:then let’s make a plan! *start recording* Them:we’ll go mall today and tomorrow we’ll do ice cream. You:okay I’ll pay for mall you can pay for ice cream! *next day* You:Cmon *insert name* let’s get ice cream! Them:what ice cream? You: you said that we’ll go get ice cream and that you’ll pay for it! Them: no you said we are going to the mall and that you are Paying for it, I never said we are going to get ice cream! You will show them the screen recording and they will have to do it because they always act innocent
I swear I almost started crying watching this-reflecting on it all.✌🏾💜🦋To all watching this💜💜💜
1:13 you don't feel like you fit in anywhere
1:38 you question and doubt yourself
2:27 your self-esteem is much lower since you've been arond them
3:14 you become depressed
3:37 you're constantly guil-tripped
4:06 you're frequently let down by them
4:29 you are frequently lied to
5:02 fears are used against you
5:30 you are isolated from others
6:09 you question everything
Thanks lol
ty
Thank you so much I appreciate you and now I’m constantly overthinking it
@GXD sorry you have to go through that, my snail is Lissy Sandall if you wanna talk lol
@GXD snap*
I feel like these types of people are the definition of evil
Would be interesting, what's the psyche behing gaslighting? Google, hold on... Aha, another personality disorder, "in order to obtain more power (hmm, can that be alternatively called "control"??)", "caused (most often) by abuse (can't see that in the certain case though), often found in narcissists, dictators, cult leaders, or bad shit crazy auntie. So do gaslighters know what they're doing? "It depends on the gaslighter.". What to do? "Create an untouchable belief of yourself, and what you know to be true" - check. :)
@@silkegehtyoutubegarnichtsa892 At times I feel like those who don't know what they're doing could be more dangerous than those who do, seeing as they may not be able to recognize the extent of the atrocities they commit
Yeah they are gang stalkers gaslighters abusers haters even my own family makes fun of me!
Evil manipulates perception because it rarely fights in the open.
I dont know about evil. I like to think of it as learned behaviors passed down. Your gaslighters were probably gas lighted themselves. And if we dont heal can become gaslighters ourselves. They've convinced themselves they're doing what's best in the only way they know how and unfortunately its toxic af.
"Gaslighting" whether thru straight up lies, forced "pecking orders" and or heavy negative biases by another person or a group effort will result in brain fog, loss of confidence, stress, increased tiredness. One whose recieving such a large influx of negative energy and manipulated information will just not be as sharp a person.
This wasn’t just one or two people. This was the entire city I grew up in. That’s the actual culture there.
I should have left permanently much sooner.
"turning arguments around to dump the blame on you"
"You're frequently let down by them"
"You're frequently lied to"
Yupp yupp yupp yupp yupp
By
Sounds like any given government to me
My parents
Yessir
This is what my ex wife is like. So sad that my kids believe her. I pitty her that she still uses the kids to blame me for everything. I hope they don’t hate her in the future when they see who she really is.
I was in a relationship with a gaslighter. He was manipulative, mean, he told that I was crazy and... I believed him. So my life was turned upside down, I suffered from anxiety and my behavior totally changed. He isolated me from my friends because they couldn't stand his abuse on me. I was totally blind. When I woke up, finally, I broke those chains and my freedom scared him at some point that he became obsessed with everything I was doing after our break up. But I wasn't a slave anymore. So I flew away.
You Should do a Storytime About that on your channel!
This sounds a lot like how I felt when I left my ex-husband.
My ex-husband wasn't the biggest problem, though.
It was his gaslighting mother.
But he was taking over her behaviour and would often try to gaslight me and our kids.
Luckily, I've always been close with my family and never let anything my ex and his mother said tear us apart.
I was a wreck when I finally left with our kids, and the kids are still struggling daily.
One finally got tested and diagnosed by a psychologist, while the other is still waiting for a spot to open up.
And me... well... I tried finding help for myself, but have trust issues when it comes to psychologists, due to my past experiences with them.
You are brave for overcoming that. Unfortunately many abusers are gaslighters. Stay strong.
@@idcjonesie2147 I am very shy and absolutely unable to manage video editing and stuff like that hahaha But, thank you, maybe one day I will open up sharing the nightmare in which I was stucked inside years ago!
@@nonexistingvoid I am so sad to hear that. I hope that you and your kids will recover soon from those struggles. I suffered from eating disorder too, because he told me I was fat. Anyway, it's gone now. And four years ago I met my fiancee and this man healed many of my wounds. Now I know exactly what I don't want from a relationship anymore and as far as psychologists' concerned, maybe you can try to see several of them and in the end you can choose the right one :) Take care of you!
all i gotta say is thank you. all 10 is what i was like with my ex and your video helped me realize it wasnt my fault. i feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted cuz its been over a year of me questioning myself. thank you for helping me realize this
holy clarity. Its like all these videos were posted right before I started to need them. thank you so much
* I talk about how I feel *
“You’ve ruined the night”
*Im crying to him about something that’s annoyed me*
“You’re over reacting”
“ why are you even crying”
“You’re crying over the tiniest thing”
Is this gaslighting?
Yes
I'm going through the same... Yes it is, I suppose
@@patrickrodriguez7744 malignant narcissism...it's a nightmare.
This !!!!!!!! Thank you for this comment ❤
@@woosahwitchelle you're not alone. Its a living, breathing nightmare. I've unfortunately accepted my fate.
I’ve always doubted whether I’ve actually been abused or not.. this made me feel so validated..
Lol everyone's a victim nowadays 🤪
@@XX-tg4gj did you just gaslight someone in a gaslight video?
@@guynes2013 yes they did.
@@XX-tg4gj shut up
Me too. I try to ignore it. Then I start to believe there is something wrong with me so I want to fix it & be aware of it when I’m doing it & even when I’m consciously working on it I still say the wrong thing, the wrong way & I find myself being yelled at & I get sad that I did it without realizing & hate myself because I just can’t go a day with saying something that upsets them.
Lived 2 years believing I was crazy untill I found out about gaslighting.... I watch this video and cry now...
I had a partner gaslight me several times and would make me think I’m the toxic one and am the reason the relationship had so many problems. I definitely made mistakes, but I don’t think I’m toxic for wanting out of a relationship that makes me miserable. They’d say I’m giving up on them and or they don’t mean anything to me, but I deserve happiness and they can’t give that to me. I’m glad I got out of a toxic relationship. I hope anyone currently in a toxic relationship, leaves their partner and finds peace not having a gaslighter in their lives.
“But I didn’t do it did I”
“It’s not a big deal”
“You over think yourself”
“You cause yourself pain”
There r times when people do hurt themselves, because they lie, and finally get caught. They put others down all the time, and only talk about there faults all the time. Sad a person wants to live that way. And the most famous excuse, well I am only human. No they r inconsiderate of others, and lie to manipulate other people, and never say I am sorry, it's just I am only human. Gaslighters are also very judgemental of others. That's to make them feel good.
Exactly I heard these phrases 34 yrs
"You like feeling bad."
"I have to make you feel that way."
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
Now that I'm reading all this lines I realised I was a victim of this too... Used to say to me...
"It all happened because of you"
"You did this"
"It's all your fault"
"You like playing the victim all the time"
My favorite. "You hurt your own feelings bc I didn't mean it that way and the word has a different meaning to me."
"Let it go."
"You are wrong about how you feel."
Let's not forget them constantly accusing me of things im not doing then judging me for it and saying they dislike these types of people... dumping me,saying they love me,then the next say saying they are tired of me.and saying I contradict myself too much when they were the ones who did. 😖🥴🥴🤯☹
Being up gaslighting and they say “Well, I feel like you do the same thing to me!” Lord I’m so lost...
Oh my gosh so true!!! They put the blame to you back when trying to communicate or express how you feel as a healthy relationship do. They instead bring up small stuff you may have similar to the topic and it isn't as bad. And makes you feel bad and that your view is pointless and they don't try to understand you but justify, blame, and defend themselves or others.
You really reading my parents like that damn...
how did u read my parents like a fircking book omg
gaslighters also project their issues, flaws etc onto their victim - happens a lot!
Wow I didn’t know this was counted as a form of gaslighting too, no wonder I’ve been feeling so terrible whenever it happens to me
Thank you so much, I’m so grateful for this video, I’ve been pulling my hair out crying myself to sleep thinking, knowing, I was the problem, I was wrong, I was bad, I always wanted to know this, I needed to know this, I’m so grateful to you guys for this one, keep up the amazing work!
It didn’t even dawn on me that my ex was gaslighting me until about a week after we broke up, he actually said to me via text “I was warned about you but chose not to listen” then all the pieces fell into place, how nothing I did was good enough, how I was crazy, how he cancelled plans often, my faults were too much for anyone to cope with, and I changed and wasn’t the woman he fell in love with. My self esteem had taken a huge nosedive without me even realising.
"You understood wrong"
"I didn't mean that"
"You got the wrong message"
"I never said that"
"You got it all wrong!"
"When did I say that?"
Are these gaslighting?
Ooohh yeah, chickie-
Step right on outta that situation
@@chaoticrobotic I'm scared to leave. .
Gives me anxiety
If the same person uses them in the same situation or multiple times then yes it becomes gaslighting
Also make sure you know the truth and if you in your own mind can catch them in a lie then you know they are gaslighting/narcissistic
Could be. But also could be them genuinely trying to understand where you're coming from. You should have a conversation with them to clarify.
A lot of these can definitely be just miscommunication. Healthy relationships consist of open mindedness, clarification, & mutual understanding. Have to ask yourself if you fully understood what the person was saying or were they just mindless in their wording?
My experience is that people often say things, forget they said them, but have an underlying understanding of what they are trying to convey. Itd be an issue if they disregarded your attempt to communicate.
Idk, I feel guilty for thinking that the fact is my parents are doing this to me all this time.
I really appreciate this video you guys keep up the great work. I was recently gaslighted and didn't know what that was or meant...I'm trying my best to move forward. If anyone else is getting gaslighted leave and don't look back it'll only break you and lose the people around you who care about you the most.
The most insidious thing my mother has ever said to me is "I know you better than you know yourself". I started hearing that one when I was very young.
Well, I'm 48 years old and seeing things like this make me realize i never had any real friends in my life outside of family members. And that's okay, I'm happy now. I've lost everything in my life due to the actions of others. But I have made a new life for myself. That's the key to it all. It's up to you and you alone. If people can take advantage of you, they will. Gaslighting is a technique that some people use. Don't let it happen. In the end YOU are the one in control of your affairs......
I am so sorry you had to deal with all those shitty people. Yup, it's true, there some awful people in this world.
Hope your life gets better and better and you meet some wonderful people xx
Wow That’s sad :((
Hubert Finley I lost everything due to someone I loved, and I thought loved me, too. He destroyed my self-esteem and shattered my heart. I lost everything, leading to homelessness. I’ve barely dated for years. I just can’t trust anyone. I’ve pulled myself back to a decent life that’s ever improving. Never ever again will I let someone do that to me again. He was a malignant narcissist, and I loved him so much, I couldn’t see the gaslighting.
Due to the action of others
@@rickmerner660 and that's why I don't associate with such people anymore....
Reading through the comments has reminded me why I don' t want to become a mum. No-one is perfect and people are hurting out there because of what their parents did to them. I'd hate to be the villain in my children's stories. Sending love to all of you having difficult relationships with your parent(s). May you find healing.
You know my mum was human with good and bad sides and I miss her every day,the day she passed I lost much more than just a parent, so don't think you necessarily would be a bad mum 🌸
Unfortunately the worst people tend to be the ones who have children - often for selfish reasons. People who watch these videos or do anything to understand the minds of people, more specifically children, are the best people who could become parents, yet are often scared off because they don't want to be bad parents. If you wish to, and would want to be a parent, I say go for it. As you said, nobody is perfect, but trust me, there are far worse parents than you could ever be, simply from the fact you at least try to care. :)
"We love you and hate to see you this vulnerable" that is the moment I knew I had to get out because if someone actually loves you they will never see you as vanarable. Some people are absolutely heartless and if you even so much as think you are being gaslighted than you absolutely are and have probably been for years!!! Something brought you to this video and to this comment. Run as fast as you can!!! They know exactly what they are doing. They are smart, calculating, and patient. Get out now before it's too late!!!
It made realize that its better to be alone than to surround yourself with people with kinds of toxic behaviours that are no good to your mental health. People maybe often gaslight just because they are insecure and threatened. It has been their defense mechanism to manipulate others to hide their vulnerabilities and weakness just because they don't want to appear less than any person. I think the reason why I felt to lost and felt with very little self-esteem because I was surrounded with people who are toxic enough that brought damage to how I view myself. I felt so invalidated and alone since I don't get some kind of support system I needed when I'm around them. But I was able to get out from that situation since I leave. Now that I'm more aware of it, I hope it would help me to identify the red flags of gas lighting so that I can also create some defense to protect myself.
That awful feeling when you realise that your own mother has gaslighted and manipulated you all your life.
It's so sad. I'm with you
I feel you. It really is an awful feeling.
Same. Though I'm not sure, it seems pretty damning when she pretty much did everything in this video at one point or another.
Same though…:/
@@TechyJaeinNature me too It's ok it hurts a lot but she just want what's better for me oh shit this making me cry it's not always she does these things so I try to understand
My mom often “forgets” about bad things she has done to me when confronted with that.
Edit: Confronted Mom about that. She denies ever gaslighting me even though my dad and I pointed out multiple similarities with the description of gaslighters. She tells people she’s joking, and makes gestures that make me feel uncomfortable with me, even thought I told her that I don’t like it. She then says the gesture was for my dad.
Edit 2: Now that I think about it, my mom’s problem is that she just doesn’t know when or how to stop. I also picked up more signs, like how my mom insistently answers questions directed towards me when I’m young. She still thinks she knows me better than I do, just because she gave birth to me. I learned to leave the situation more when my mom starts to do things that make me uncomfortable.
Edit 3: My cousin came to visit me this summer, and got a girlfriend. My mom doesn't like the fact that she is Indian, and openly says that to me and my dad, but not my cousin and his girlfriend. His girlfriend is a good person who is always friendly and all. She tells me not to have an Indian girlfriend time and time again. I told her she is starting to become the aunt that no one likes stereotype, but doesn't listen.
She is a decent mom, but has a lot of issues that I finally have the courage to confront.
this is an example of number 2
@Alex Macmillan I'd like to encourage to be careful about harsh statements. Like calling their mom names. It's not a respectful approach to their issue. We don't know their mom. She might show certain patterns but may still be a loving or loved mom. A single bad pattern doesn't define the whole person. They felt like they had enough reason to confront the issue with their mom, even together with their dad. It could indicate there's still room in this family to work on issues. So putting things this harshly could push the negative approach instead of actually helping. I think it's well possible that you say what you've said - which has a point! - and just double check it. Leave the condescending, harsh parts and move on with the positive and mindful support. This is just a hunch, but it feels like you might have had very bad experiences with this, which might be giving that tint to your words? If so, this mighf be a great chance to look at things for yourself once more and check the source of why you felt like putting things that way. A great chance for a step, maybe? Only you know :D
I hope you're outta there.
@Alex Macmillan As I said, it's not that simple! Categorising people by "good" and "bad" will leave you with very little. There are quite evil people that have been good parents and partners as well as very good people that just tripped over something and start falling for years at length. And they'll hurt others but yet there are enough that make a recovery. Even if I agree that every person can become "victim" and "offender", reducing them to only that based on one of their terrible habits, one of their weaknesses, one setting of them failing, is really sad. It means to give up on a lot of healing and growth potential. Not to mention that some people will know they hurt others but still won't manage to stop and will hurt double. Yes, the situation needs attention. No, looking down on them in return and making a run for it is far from the only possibility. Yet, ofcourse, it is one possibility. It's not up to us to assess this.
God frecking dammit, i know a lot of people lkke this. Im tired of people aproching me tk talk bad about other people
I’m beyond thankful for this video it saved me from one of the worst moments of my life, it helped get out of an awful relationship with a narcissist.
Channels like this is what give people depression and where vulnerable people run for comfort
My mom used to tell me I had dreamt about having a sister, when I turned 14 she finally introduced me to my sister, I was never able to trust her again, she used that technique so many times, telling me that I had just dreamt about things I knew had happened, I used to feel awful and even now sometimes I second guess myself about every decision I have to make 🤷♀️
Sending you love ❤️ it is especially hard, when these things are done by people from which it is hard to escape from
Aw honey I am so so sorry to hear that. That's absolutely mortifying. I really hope you can find healing somehow.
Thanks guys! I have somehow managed to keep it cool, Art has played a huge part on that, and fantasy worlds, I do use these behaviors as an example of how not to bring up my own child, yet it is still really hard to go visit or spend holidays with the family, this new year I actually declined to go and felt happier just staying home alone, but I felt so free! I do have a good relationship with my sister though! We try to learn to know each other, it took me so many years to find these things weren’t normal, all those toxic family dynamics that I used to just think as “this is ok, all families are like this” but finally being aware to see it has helped, it’s a long way to recovery though, but heading there. Thank you so much for your support I really appreciate it 💛💛💛
WAIT I DIDNT REALISE THIS WAS GAS LIGHTING it makes a lot more sense now lol
Ok there you go!!! I am not the only one!!!
Yay we learned something new today.
Im happy you have all figured it out now. I hope you can get out of whatever you are in and start over
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE! EVERY single person I know, from family to friends to co workers to my boss. I have no one to turn to...And I'm taking control NOW! Im so thankful for this video! THANKYOU!
Your previous videos on gaslighting helped me realize that I am a victim of a narcissism. I am not in that relationship anymore, and now I am recovering. Thanks to my excellent doctor and to your channel.
i got so confused once that i couldn’t remember my own age. questions like "what year it is?" "am i turning 21 or 22 this year?" kept repeating. i got so scared of my memory loss that i started to write a diary, just so i could remember important things... i still live with my sister and i can’t escape from her. mum is keep telling me that she is my sister and that i must love her, but i don’t get it. i hang out with her only because we are siblings, if we weren’t, she wouldn’t be even my friend, let alone someone i call sister.
If you suffer like i do, know that this situation is temporary. we will move out one day and we don’t have to tell anyone where we’re going and what we’ll be doing. stay safe. love you :*
This happened to me too! I kept struggling a lot to remember my own age and now sometimes I still do, it was weird cause it had never happened to me. Now I'm recovering and Im glad you are too
Jana Šusteková maybe you're a scapegoat, look it up. Please take care of yourself and don't let them let you down. Try to find real friends until you leave.
You don't have to love her because she is your blood. We are living in an age where our chosen family is so important. Bond over blood, especially where mental health is concerned, is perfectly acceptable. You should be able to love people who make you feel good about yourself, regardless of if they're related to you or not. When you're able to live away from her, cut that relationship off as much as you need to. Boundaries are important so if that is what it takes to protect your health, then that is a relationship worth loosing. stay safe, love
I wish you all well 💜 Take care of your mental health & don't let anyone disrupt your wellbeing
*"i hang out with her only because we are siblings..."*
That's so true for me it almost hurts
How you feel is really important, but sometimes it's hard to actually truly understand how you feel and why you feel that way!
Especially when you’ve been told your feelings aren’t valid.
It is difficult to understand how you feel because they made you believe your feelings aren't worth a penny. It's true that people don't give a hoot about your feelings if they never bothered to take interest in you.
Find people who are genuinely invested in who you are as you are and not what you should be. Once you find these people, you will be able to understand your feelings and why it matters when they manifest.
My mom is the biggest gaslighter I’ve ever known. I’m about to be 38 years old and for the most part of my life I’ve had this deep down fundamental belief that there was something inherently wrong with me because of how crazy she made me feel. Replaying events in my mind always asking myself like “did I overreact?” “Maybe I am picking a fight” “Maybe I am being too sensitive” - When in actual reality, I was responding appropriately to the situation. It’s scary how gaslighters are so unconscious of their behaviors.
watching videos like this makes it so much easier on the hear about me moving on with my life from a toxic relationship
My parents are like that. They even try to tell me that my mental disability isnt real, even tho two doctors confirmed it.
What mental disability? If you don’t mind me asking? Kinda in the same situation
When you mom has consciously or subconsciously been gaslighting you your whole life
I had a girl friend that did all 10 of these things to me. I was in my early twenties. Now I am in my 50's and I never had a girl friend since. Also I don't have any kids. What this one individual did to me caused a cascading effect that effected me the rest of my life. When someone tears you down to the point of suicide and you are able to pull yourself out. You think twice before letting someone in.
I am going through this now and apparently for 12 years in my relationship. It has gotten worse after my grandmother passed. And I am now diagnosed with bipolar 2 depressive disorder. Thank you so much. It really hurts to know that my boyfriend has been gaslighting me. He literally checks off on everything in this video
Noooooooooo contact ...save yourself
:((((((((((
So sorry to hear :( Hope you'll get out soon & safe! I recommend the book Complex-PTSD by Pete Walker and What happened to you by Oprah Winfrey for healing (this is not advertisement, simply my personal opinion)
@@HeyGehirnschmalz thank you! I will find those suggested books and read them.
*'Since when were you so negative'*
*'You used to be so proud of your self, what happened?'*
*'Why are you always so moody'*
I hear these phrases on a daily basis
Sameeee. Especially the 'negative' one. I was almost kicked out over it.
sometimes it’s gaslighting, sometimes it’s straight up arson
I hear that almost everyday from that little voice in my head..sad but true
I’m so sorry you go through that.
My mom tells me things like
“When did you become an angsty teenager?”
“Cheer up.”
“You used to be so happy.”
“What happened to you?”
“When did you become like this?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Worst type of relationship! I lasted nearly 2 yrs in one. 11 years later, I'm still in trying to regain my self-esteem and learning how to be comfortable when hanging around strangers. I lost friends to this person because they were so good at making me look like I am the crazy one. This is a serious diagnosis; please be careful with who you decide to allow into your life..... I am so glad I decided to walk away.
I know this is late but can you go in details about how they make you look crazy if you don’t mind? I went through something similar and I honestly need someone who has been through it for a while to see what I can do now
@@fairymystonight1783 I hope you figure it out before is too late.......I won't go into details, as it hurts. However, I can tell you it was controlling, verbally and mentally abusive, yet justifying that this behavior toward me by reminding me that this would help make me a better person. Changing who I was, my clothes, the way I spoke, separating me from my friends, telling me I was delusional when I knew I was right (cheating and lies), tons of passive aggressive behavior. I was not allowed to ask "where you going","who are you with " etc, after gaining control over me, cheated and left, saying that my "new" insecurities is too much to handle. Yepp!
@@Christ_is_King777 I am ,thanks for asking. I am okay..the side effects are permanent.
Same thing happened to me with girl a let into my life. Sometimes I'm afraid to even bring it up. This video has her down to the t.
Same with my ex. He would only see me once and two months later he completely ignored me. He would brush his actions off every time I question them. I could never win an argument with him because he would tell me so many things I did to him to justify his actions. Whenever I explained my feelings and anger to him he would have no empthy or understanding. Be careful with these bastards.
I'm a 34 year old guy, and I just dealt with this for real for the first time in my life with a person I had been in contact with for the past few months.
The thing is it took me two solid months to realize it was going on. It was so insidious what he was doing, and it took me two full months to realize something was not right.
This is absolutely one of the most evil things a person can do. Sucking the joy out of them, making them question their reality... I had no idea it was happening to me because I had simply never dealt with this kind of person before. It's like this dark cloud has been lifted off of me without him in my life. I'm just very, very thankful to have been able to identify what was going on.
I’ve been gaslighted so much! I’m so happy I know what it is now! Glad I realized I’m not crazy! Pray for mighty courage for me please, I’m gonna need it! 🙏🏽
My ex was a gaslighting covert narcissist. He had everyone in his social circle under his spell and they gaslighted me too. I lost a lot of friends and people who I thought were my friends. I deleted Facebook, changed my number, email blocked them on everything and felt a million pounds lighter.
That's great, I'm proud of you for doing that, it must've been really difficult
@@nicoleisgrate305 It was while I was around them. I didn't feel loved, just an accessory to my ex. After I cut them off I felt so much better and my life changed for the better. 😊
I hope you find new people who supports you ❤️
@@Wormlife208 Oh yes, my love and I are 5 years going on 6 ❤❤❤❤❤ We make each other laugh every day and helping each other grow.
My sister does the same to me, covert narcissist but in public she’s the Holier than thou church going type that can not possibly hurt a fly! I blocked her from all social media but she’s back with another page watching me, not leaving any comments or likes. I know it’s her but she doesn’t know.
This happened to me in a situationship I was a while ago. They kept insisting all the time that something was deeply wrong about me because I was too "sensitive" and "paranoid", and even though I denied it they kept telling me that I didn't know what I was talking about, that they knew it better than me and that I was clearly not sane at all. I spent so many months hearing that that I ended up believing every word and thinking they were doing it to help me. I had never questioned my own thoughts, actions and sanity so much in my life. I'm so glad I left, it's not easy but it's making me a lot happier.
I had a toxic "best friend" like that. The worse part is that even now my mind goes back to me doing something wrong and not her and then feeling guilty then I remember she loved telling me that others didn't like me, they were faking it e.c.t. I am free, have much more supportive people whom don't always question why I'm a certain way but my mind still drifts back to random guilt.
@@artoflore3039 Girl I'm so sorry to hear that and I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation
@@guineapig5858 You deserve a lot better good for you for leaving that toxic person behind I know it's not easy at all and it takes time to heal from that kind of abuse but you will eventually get there I promise
I have that situation with my parents. I feel like I’m in a spider web, tangled, where both of the spiders are making their webs. My father gaslights my mother all the time (last time 1h ago) by screaming, saying “you are insane”. The thing is that my mother lets him treat her that way. And she is partly insane because she never tetangled from her ego. So is my father. I started understanding that something was wrong after I got a very long term heavy depression at the age of 13. A year ago I was almost put into a mental hospital- in my country it has a heavy influence on reputation and cancels certain job opportunities. After I went crazy a year ago, I recovered by myself. Understanding that there is life, and my parents do not understand it. I know that I question myself more then I should. I find myself similar to the crime and punishment main character’s love interest which also says something, read it if you haven’t. I just still don’t understand anything and need to find ways to do so. Like once I know the signs what do I do? I can’t run away.. it’s dark
@@annaturquoise7114 God I'm so sorry to hear you have been throuh all of that and are still struggling. You have really proved that you are strong for never giving up and recovering to get to the point you are now. I hope you can find true peace I'm sending you my energies 🙏❤️
I was gaslighted for decades by my in laws and my x husband eventually became like them.
Now , I took a new job and they lady in the office did it to me by blaming me for the course not working, while it was the course that was repeating itself over and over, so I couldn’t complete it. She stood there, tried over and over and said to go, she would take care of it. But what she did was tell the others I am not cooperating, slow, and a complainer. They left me out of the group chat and I realized they were all acting weird.
I don’t know if I still have a job, as I haven’t been given a schedule.
I don’t know why I meat so many manipulative people and what to do to make it stop!
Wow. I just saw some of my toxic traits in this video. Need to do some changing. 🙏🏽