Gaslighting | The Hidden Signs
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2020
- Learn more about gaslighting here: my.medcircle.com/45gpbn9
Gaslighting. It's a term you've probably heard before, but the signs can be confusing. In this video, Dr. Ramani Durvasula and MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, discuss identify and discuss the hidden signs someone is Gaslighting you.
Topics:
What is gaslighting?
What does gaslighting behavior look like?
Why do narcissists gaslight / what is the goal of a narcissist when they gaslight?
What are the 3 signs someone is gaslighting?
What is deflection?
What impact does this type of emotional manipulation have on someone's mental health?
What should someone do if they are experiencing this type of narcissistic abuse?
What SHOULDN'T someone do when they are experiencing gaslighting?
Why don't narcissists like getting caught?
What is the #1 surefire sign that you are being gaslighted?
Get Dr. Ramani's book, "Don't You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in An Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, & Incivility": bit.ly/30P1F2u
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Watch the rest of this video series featuring Dr. Ramani instantly HERE: bit.ly/2Cdivhk
Please don’t film the interview this far from her face. It feels too detached. I hate it.
@@itsjustmeRill Hello Ms. Khan. How are you?
I had a conflict with a church member who became my granddaughters mother-in-law. After church one Sunday in an overbearing intense accusing manner this person demanded that my granddaughters family, which is my daughter and me and my husband were not in no uncertain terms to trend near a subject she wanted to protect. After not being able to resolve her confrontation in my heart for several months my husband suggested we talk with she and her husband in person. When meeting with them I expressed how it made me feel when she confronted me twice and twice she denied my my explanation. After a little more conversation I realized I could go no where with this person and said, I'm done!
Dr. Ramona couldn't have been any more accurate in her knowledge of Gaslighting of which I can truly appreciate! I am a "Gaslighting" survivor which had taken place for nearly 3.5 years ago today when I'd met my ex-boyfriend (all mushy smut aside), It'd started out ever so "perfectly" of which I thought to myself that "this is the one". But once I'd moved in with him and the front door is shut, my 6th sense was ringing loudly and was nearly deafening; before I knew it, I was essentially playing a game of verbal "Russian roulette" Like with domestic battery or domestic violence: In public..they pretend to 'care about you',
they act like a couple and are for the most part civill in the "heat of the moment" and so that there's no confrontation..however..once the front door closes, then they begin to show their true colors that they've hidden so well.
It began mildly enough with small disagreements (ie doing the dishes, vacuuming, dinner done, etc.) I know that it happens in any relationship, but after the second week, things had got even more volatile when he'd decided to not only partake in drowning himself in beer as he'd drank straight from the bottle, he'd get into bed while smoking pot, drinking and snoring and out like a light!
Maybe we need to add dopt their reality when the experimental results support this reality, because the narcissistic person has a reality 2 or we can say gaslighing is neutural and depends on the situation if this is bad or not. If you avoid cohision and experimental results is bad, if not you just pointing out bad behaviour
Best response to a narcissist is none. No contact ever again. Ghost them.
Absolutely, Run Forrest Run
true
the very first time anyone gaslights you at all.....no excuses and no second chances. WALK.
Yes. And do it before they do it to you. They love to discard their supply once one puts up one's boundaries.
💯💯💯
I hate when someone says "I'm sorry you feel that way" instead of sincerely apologizing for doing something wrong.
Bennett from the bachelorette 🧐
That's assuming they did something wrong that they need to apologize about. If you held the weird belief that women are inferior to men and that women voting has ruined this country and I respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way." You see how it wouldn't have been appropriate for me to apologize?
@@michaeldelyjah5696 Good example. I think it's often a good way to respond to a narcissist too, given how they play victim & try to gaslight/guilt trip you over nothing.
From my experience, a gaslighter NEVER apologizes simply because that would mean (1) admitting to themselves that they gaslight, and (2) feeling true remorse and shame for their actions. What the gaslighter does instead is simply wait for you, the emotionally healthy person--the peacemaker--to apologize first (for something YOU did NOT do), which then gives the gaslighter "proof" that it WAS YOUR fault all along, just as they had thought. This form of emotional and mental manipulation is so corrupt and insidious that it can drive a sane person crazy. DON'T LET THIS DRIVE YOU CRAZY! :-)
@@TRUTHorSTFU They do that lots at work to. Bad manager ‘s cover their butts by writing up good workers that make them feel insecure.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Someone I know been traumatized & these systhoms are in line w/the abuser's behavior. The him she got isn't whom she met look wise & behavior-he cut his hair & put a earring in his ear. His personality is aggressive, controlling, manipulative, indecisive, etc he forced himself on her, busted 3 nuts off her (1 condom 2 raw) got her a plan b, blocked her out of no where, she called him from different # he started acting like he told her he didn't want to be bothered, he gave her number out-she started receiving insulting txt messages, he called her the next day & told her to stop contacting him.. He's gonna get a restraining order.. Brought up her job as a threat tactic & everything.. Remind u.. She deleted his number 9 months ago & moved on because he wasn't communicating effectively after he pursued her. But, 9 months later he reach out & do her like this!!
What do y'all witness in the military-army?
He's a double blinker, sleep w/a gun at the pillow, communicate poorly, doesn't moan during sex, doesn't exude emotion or indication of ejaculation...8
The person denying your experience doesn't even have to say anything in words, they can say it in expressions, inappropriate laughter when you express your feeling, any way that negates you. I just realised this is what someone has been doing to me.
The thing with the Narcissist, you never get to have a conversation with them. They deflect, project, spin, crazy-make etc. until you have no choice than to abandon the conversation. You CANNOT win with a Narcissist!
So true!
Yes ma'am. Drop them like a hot potato. 😁✌️
Very true. Best thing - don't engage and stay calm.
Can’t even meet them half way
Absolutely! That sure was my experience.
They can be sensitive ,but not you
🏆
Rite on
Oh, yes. Men I’ve been involved with were always very sensitive to my tone, but snapped at me and yelled at me and got angry if I cried. I’m with a man who has tried that, but stopped when I called him on it. I think this is because of the pressure men are under themselves with harsh and unrealistic expectations of them. But, bless their hearts, they don’t get to take it out on us.
LanaDelSlay Yonce Exactly. My ex would always say "I'm feeling needy right now so I need attention plzzzzzzzzzzzzz baby." or "You don't understand, I had an AWFUL day today. My boss was horrible to me at work. So I need you to do..."
And then when you have a bad day or feel a little needy they say "Gosh, you are so sensitive right now, grow up. You don't need to act so childish."
or "You look like a pathetic baby right now, you know that right? What are u, 5? I don't need to give you attention right now. I'm busy."
So freaKING TRUE!
Anytime I spend time around them, I end up feeling like something is wrong with me… like I’m weird, or going crazy, or disliked… it’s very isolating and unsettling. My anxiety levels shoot up and I feel like I am unlikable. I feel an undercurrent of tension and rejection and contempt that I can’t explain. Like I have done something very wrong, but can never pin down what. I also end up talking too much or sharing too much, then worrying that somehow, my words will be used against me in the future. It’s happened before. I’m blamed for things I don’t think or feel. It’s exhausting and rips into my already fragile self-esteem.
Sweetie, it’s not You! You did nothing wrong. It’s them! Think more happy positive thoughts about yourself; appreciate and love You! Believe in You!!! I had people around me do this and it made me feel insecure, indifferent because I thought it was me. I had a mother beat and abuse me and thought this is wrong; what is wrong with her? Finally I made it upon myself instead to pray for her or these people. Then, made the decision to put myself last and others above/ before me. Follow your heart; your good judgement and your good instincts and insight. Do something that makes you happy in life. Live your life in peace comfort solitude. Joy. It’s simplicity. You are loved! God love and bless You! I fully understand. Lay it at the foot of the cross. You are great!😇❤️🙏⭐️
I feel so slimed after interacting with npd sister….its really visceral
I wish I have had someone telling me all this before I got married. My husband of 25 years used to behave like a dictator and all the red flags were there. Emotional abuse is a serious problem in a relationship. From emotional abuse, cheating started.Thank you *Coherent Recovery* for posting this time to get me all the evidence.
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
I tried to tell someone that emotional abuse is just as bad. Thank you for having the same opinion.
You still don't cheat on somebody, you end the relationship and walk away... 😑
I believe what you're saying about your ex-husband but what you did was wrong as well.
I played this in front my narcissistic parents and they started yelling at me haha
Are you ok now?
still alive? I hope lol
Damn son that hit hard as my dad's hand
Wow. Sounds exactly like the reaction I would get from mine.
Just wow!
Yeah and when you start you bringing up the examples of their behavior, that’s when they start fuming😂
My mom's boyfriend had me in a chokehold up against the wall and my feet were not touching the floor and I couldn't breath. My mom and sister had to pull him off of me and we all fell to the floor. Not 10 mins later my malignant narcissistic mother told me that her boyfriend was more a part of her family then I would ever be (mind you I'm adopted). Ever since than my malignant narcissistic mom swore that event never happened and I was making up the whole thing up. I disowned her because of that and went no contact.
Heather Ferris what the hell. Sorry you had to go through that, disgusting.
Heather Ferris, that's awful and I'm so sorry that happened to you. Congratulations though on being a strong enough person to liberate yourself from a very destructive relationship.
Wow take a stand girl! No need for toxic ppl
Good for you. She wasn’t meant to be a mom. We have one in my husband’s family, very similar.i do t think that even as a 36 years old adopted adult child she has awareness of what has happened...
No other sane choice.
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps*
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
This *Future Imperative Corps* is an excellent-hacking website which continue to impress, I like the way spy, eavesdropping and tracking services are delivered. And it is refreshing to see all texts, whatsapp messages and calls source of others. Keep up the good work Brandon 👍
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
gas lighters( sibling & creepy Cousin) both had fun terrorizing ME- then called 15++ relatives,"carol is ignoring Us"! ( after 60 years of liars I am DONE).
I have a mother just like this. Always undermining everything. Her way is perfect, and no one is allowed to question it. It's like a cult. Always gaslighting...
Trying to have an adult conversation with a narcissist is like beating your head into a brick wall
Amen
Fact
Death by a thousand bricks
*”I don’t know why you are taking this so personally!”*
...continues to personally insult and minimize you.
Lmao funny but sad and true.
I hate it when they tell you at work, "don't take it personally" when they're essentially critiquing your personality.
exactly, thats the exact line they say
Exactly insulting you and then saying "Can't you take a joke?" Give me a break!
Honestly, just owning it and not trying to hide it is a partially why I watch you. It's the honorable thing to do and it make the rest of jobs much more believe when you are call out of the spots like that, so thank you *Coherent Recovery* for making me see target phone activities
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
yea thats psychoathic and narccisstic like all the studies according to sage jounrals show so called "empaths" actually are (ps psychpath gaslight not narccists, shows you the credibility of your idols) @@DatriellHarris
What is this spammy bullshit
There’s only one way to fight a narcissist effectively. With your hat. You grab it, wave goodbye with it as you run out the door and slam it shut behind you. And move on!
You must be an Aquarian,that's what we do and that is the end of the fight.
Yes And don’t fall for the Hoover it will just be to destroy you
😂😂😂I just bust out laughing reading this comment but the truth
Ignore them works too
The protocol is the same with any Cluster Bs. Don't look back.
I suffered the classical signs as dr ramani says ,wanting to record,wanting a witness to be present, confusion,selfdoubt and second guessing,almost became insane.
Know that feeling all too well.
Shafaq Ali so sorry for you, & i know how awful that feels! 😢
my witness doesn't give two shits haha. :|
Same here
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Saying “thank you” is not enough to show my gratitude to you *Coherent Recovery* . It’s my honor to work under your guidance. Thank you for everything. Under your guidance, everything seems so easy. I truly appreciate your effort and advice that you give to us. You are a great support for us. All your hard work and dedication have paid off. You are an inspiration to other Expertise like you. Thanks for your great job. I’m proud of you getting access to my spouse phone! Thanks💯
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
*Future Imperative Corps* used his cyber services as a therapy session, taking us through a very chaotic mind and leaving us with a sense of peace and resolution at the end. He used this album as a way to document the breaking of generational curses that have kept his family toxic for so long while also giving the culture permission so that we can start breaking our own generational curses even if it means using him as the means to do so.
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
This *Future Imperative Corps* is an excellent-hacking website which continue to impress, I like the way spy, eavesdropping and tracking services are delivered. And it is refreshing to see all texts, whatsapp messages and calls source of others. Keep up the good work Brandon 👍
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
The consistency and quality spy services and content of *future imperative corps* never disappoints! Thanks once again *future imperative corps💯💯*
gaslighting is so damaging. The good thing is once you learn what it is, you can heal, validate your reality and move on. DO the work to raise your self worth, that is where the magic is.
Elle D for me , eft ( tapping works) , self hypnosis, inner child work all of the above and heaps more self help/healing tools available . Go easy on One Self, compassion and patience is helpful also . 🙏
@Elle D It helps me to journal every day. Life with a narcissist is so tangled up it takes a while just to clear your head. Also, just appreciating the fact that they are no longer around. My mind is still spinning but at least it's not being actively filled with BS by the narc everyday.
I watched lots of Dr. Les Carter videos. He's down to earth and very calming. Sam Vaknin is an actual narcissist. His videos are helpful too. Quora has several groups with narcissist survivors.
@Elle D I have been thinking about this a LOT lately. Our lives are harried with meanness everywhere. Years ago I started doing yoga with precise breathing techniques for over an hour a day and within no time my focus pulled away from all the turmoil and I started understanding what it means to be "centered." What Kelly Kristin said is true. Once you become centered, it's easier to see what you have to do to "do the work" to raise your self worth. Everything starts falling into place.
Kelly Kristin, Yes!
yes! work, not magic
Gaslighting is SO DAMAGING! I have spent the past few months healing and I cant believe how much of my trauma has been linked to "just" gaslighting!!!! (Follow my journey on my channel! 😊)
Fly Girl Bri I can agree it is very damaging .
Oh it's HUGE!!!! It has happened to me a lot and it's extremely damaging!!! I'm still not over it and it's been a while!!!!
Me too!
Christopher Lee This is the truth!! At first I thought it was just between me and this individual. But I realized that this was a spiritual attack. I began to fall away from God, and it only got worse the closer to God I became. Especially this time around. (Yes this is the second time with the same individual. Mind you I gave us nearly half a decade before I decided to try to rectify the situation and close some old wounds. I did not go back to initiate another relationship. But these people are very good at manipulating and I ended up pregnant. But I’ve left.) I recently started getting back into my relationship with God and reading the Bible on a regular basis. The individual got worse. The individual did not know that I was getting closer with God and reading the Bible but he got substantially worse very fast and I noticed the spiritual pull and battle happening within him. I ran away from him and ran right back to God. Everything will turn out OK in the end. It’s stressful now and scary but God will protect me and this little one. Especially my little one❤️
I know... Its very traumatic..
Don't worry!
There is one red flag when you’re dealing with a narcissist, when you tell him your opinion, and he starts judging you by telling how wrong you are and then starts lecturing you.
There is a huge difference between “I disagree” and “you are wrong, your opinion is wrong”.
If you somehow got into conversation like that. Take a notice at this red flag.
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.
To address your initial comment: that is true at first but sometimes a narcissist will admit to it because they might not think theres anything wrong with being a narcissist. Other times it is admitted to manipulate to say “hey you caught me doing these things, but I'm actually a changed man/woman despite my narcissism”. Also, if they believe they have you in a catch 22 box of fear that will keep you from attempting from leaving they are more candid about it because they don't have to fake anymore because you're definitely aware by this point. Especially if they have used weapons against you and your children and threats of extreme violence if you attempt to leave them. All while never actually seeing anything wrong with what they do. You always deserved it. They were justified. Your feelings were never valid and they don’t out any stock into them. My husband would constantly tell me that. He did all the above. So yea narcissists can definitely be aware and admit to it depending on different factors. Its all about manipulation and control and being superior
Re: the email. They’ll either refute it or ignore it completely and give you the silent treatment. I’m celebrating 8 months narcissist free ❤️
Good for you!
Hooray
Way to go!
Congratulations..
...I'm on day 2.
Yep. I sent my mom a letter 2 years ago - before realizing all her narc tendencies - and she ignored it for weeks. Then she called and acted like nothing had happened. She's brought it up since then and told me that I misunderstood her sense of humor because I was a child when she said certain things. There's always an excuse for EVERYTHING. What finally made me realize the truth was going on a 4 day trip with her. I didn't want to, but I was the only one of my siblings who could/would be with her for a major medical procedure she needed at an out of town hospital. (One of my brothers even acknowledged the sacrifice by thanking me for taking one for the team.) I realized how much she even manipulated her best friend of decades by refusing to answer her calls all day long when she answered everyone else. And there were SO many other things. I've hardly spoken with her since that trip and I can't say that I'm sad about that.
"End the conversation, because you're going nowhere"... SO TRUE! It's just a waste of time!!
I've tried to end the conversation before, unfortunately they accused me of telling them off.
Except when the person is your spouse, and one of the biggest problems is that they don't communicate...
Life is nothing but a waste of time anyways.
Yup!!! 😂😂 I called my ex out on something then he had a tantrum flipped the script said “I’m tired of your accusations there’s no proof” I was like I do have proof b**** then he’s like that’s a lie your crazy “see you always argue” like DUDDE these people are f**** draining!
Yes, deflection has been the favorite tool of narcissistic father. “That didn’t happen” has also been a favorite… you CANNOT win. I’ve experienced every single thing Dr. Ramani talks about here. Finally deciding to go Grey Rock…
You can win, just recognize the you are already victorious.
While they are conniving uncontrollably on petty and meaningless things, you are viewing the eternal and universally meaningful things, such as love and understanding.
First of all. Thank you for making the work environment so friendly and taking your responsibility seriously and completing the work gracefully! You deserve so much. He does what he says he is going to do and his ethics are of the highest quality. *Future imperative corps*
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
This *Future Imperative Corps* is an excellent-hacking website which continue to impress, I like the way spy, eavesdropping and tracking services are delivered. And it is refreshing to see all texts, whatsapp messages and calls source of others. Keep up the good work Brandon 👍
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
Finally I have access to my spouse device and I can remotely monitor all her phone activities without her even knowing anything and it's been 3 months🥲😪 , she cheated and left me no choice I'm glad I found *Future imperative corps* who made all these possible, thanks for keeping to the non-disclosure agreement and for getting it done
The consistency and quality spy services and content of *future imperative corps* never disappoints! Thanks once again *future imperative corps💯💯*
"You're too sensitive" that one was used on me in the past.
I got that one a lot. I was only in 6 months but when I realized who I was dealing with I cut all ties and ran
Now I just reply to the narcissist gaslighter with:
You are a heartless bully and lack empathy! Why do you insist on channeling trump?!
I hate when people know they're in the wrong , say " your too sensitive " like own up to your shit and knock off the bs 😒
"You're too sensitive" was the most common phrase my father used on me yet he was very sensitive and got angry easily.
@@annchovey2089 This is an example of projection. Your father was projecting his feelings onto you.
Gaslighting is about keeping control of the narrative , and apologizing is about admitting losing control of oneself. Therefore, a gaslighter and/or narcissist will never admit they are wrong. Control is their primary objective.
@Kyra Ever
Brandon is a detailed oriented, customer focused, results driven individual who's goals are to deliver only high quality services to his customers. Thanks *Future Imperative Corps* I always knew you can deliver. You have what it takes.I can’t find the right words to appreciate your effort, i can now check the phone activities. I'm glad to work with someone like you
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
This *Future Imperative Corps* is an excellent-hacking website which continue to impress, I like the way spy, eavesdropping and tracking services are delivered. And it is refreshing to see all texts, whatsapp messages and calls source of others. Keep up the good work Brandon 👍
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
Finally I have access to my spouse device and I can remotely monitor all her phone activities without her even knowing anything and it's been 3 months🥲😪 , she cheated and left me no choice I'm glad I found *Future imperative corps* who made all these possible, thanks for keeping to the non-disclosure agreement and for getting it done
I'm currently going through this and I'm the one looking crazy. I'm the one lashing out, because I'm not being heard..and I'm getting really tired of talking and begging for change.
Love how the dog felt the owner being tensed and came to him and sat with him. Animals feel your energy and act accordingly
No, he stepped on the dog's tail. Watch it again.
Probably why I love dogs more than humans.
Like what an assistance dog does.
@@aks-wf8ez that did happen but it obeyed him when he tapped the chair and allowed him to pet a massage him. Massaging the pet is like a source of comfort.
Most interesting part of this is how *Coherent Recovery* were pushing and encouraging both teams along, trying to get the best performance out of everyone there. It's that kind of teamwork and support that helps them to achieve the amazing spying results.
TH-cam don’t allow links. Just look up their name and connect to their website. Look their name up on google only so you get to see their website.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
The mere fact that I needed to record and take notes almost hourly was at last a sign that indeed I was being massively gaslighted.
I hear you. I had to take a recording of my ex snoring because he told me he didn't snore. Even listening to the recording he didn't believe it. I began wondering who else was in the bed. :/
No hope at all in this situation.
@David Koresh totally true, but I think a lot of people ( me included) have put up with more than they should have. Narc's suss out empaths a mile off and it seems we give them chance after chance. There is no logic to it what so ever which is very frustrating
@David Koresh Words of wisdom. I will take that onboard for sure. Thnak you
At one point I set the rule with my ex that all the future communication about the time with the kid, etc., would be in writing only. All too often his actions became something that had never existed, his words turned out to be never said and my reactions to what was going on - "too harsh", leaving me indeed very confused. With that "in writing only" rule and me dropping his calls (that still came because he was all about disrespecting the boundaries) our communication ceased to a bare minimum, I suppose, with no strings to pull and no emotions to evoke it did not spark joy for him anymore 😁
With all the gaslighting and his very convincing way of denying something or telling me his version of events, I started journaling and keeping a record so that I could be sure of what I remembered about what had actually happened (more for my own sanity than anything else).
I am not generally a record keeper. Something happens, we resolve it or agree to disagree, I don't hold onto the details- this played into his form of gaslighting perfectly.
Can we all appreciate this guys for taking the time to help all of us and making our lives happy, cause these dudes never fail to put a smile on our faces, guys they deserve the best in life we'll all support them no matter what we all love you and I wanna Thank You So Much for being amazing! *Future Imperative Corps*
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
This *Future Imperative Corps* is an excellent-hacking website which continue to impress, I like the way spy, eavesdropping and tracking services are delivered. And it is refreshing to see all texts, whatsapp messages and calls source of others. Keep up the good work Brandon 👍
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
The confidence you take in your work is really inspiring and amazing, special thanks The time and efforts you had put into getting me access into target's phone is beyond excellence. Take my cordial thanks! *Future Imperative Corps* . You are really an efficient, organized and result-oriented man Thank you for all the extra hours and extra effort you had to put on for getting the access activated. I appreciate every bit of your effort. Thank you for pulling this off so smoothly...
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
This *Future Imperative Corps* is an excellent-hacking website which continue to impress, I like the way spy, eavesdropping and tracking services are delivered. And it is refreshing to see all texts, whatsapp messages and calls source of others. Keep up the good work Brandon 👍
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
Finally I have access to my spouse device and I can remotely monitor all her phone activities without her even knowing anything and it's been 3 months🥲😪 , she cheated and left me no choice I'm glad I found *Future imperative corps* who made all these possible, thanks for keeping to the non-disclosure agreement and for getting it done
Another thing a narcissist will do is to accuse someone of not being over something when in fact it was never resolved. For example, they emotionally abused you a few months ago and try to accuse you of the offense. Nothing was ever resolved a few months ago, but when you try to bring up the offense in order to salvage the relationship, they will accuse you of being bitter, angry, unforgiving and say "oh my god, you're still hanging on to that"! That's a sign to move on and forget about trying to resolve anything with them. What they are really trying to do is avoid dealing with their own emotionally abusive methods in interpersonal relationships. To verify it's not you, just watch how they relate to others because they simply cannot help themselves.
We had a very lumpy carpet from just about everything being swept under it. “Sweep it under the carpet” for those that don’t know, is a way of saying nothing gets resolved. Deny that it exists.
@@denise9831 Omg! I always used to use this same phrase, "Keep sweeping it under the carpet, but one day there will be a big lump that you won't able to ignore and it will be an eye sore."
Guess what? He could ignore that Lump as well and gaslighted me more and more to hide it.
@@kusumlata1390 hope you’re ok and in recovery from him. It’s taken a considerable amount of time to work through all the gaslighting and emotional abuse in therapy. Hugs.
@@denise9831 I am in therapy and on anti-depressants.
It's night time here in India, I will perform the daily ritual before I sleep; cry my heart out with my face stuffed in the pillow. Let it all out- everything I keep inside throughout the day. It's like a release, and then sleep.
I am doing my best, I have to get okay and I think I will. :)
Thanks. Hugs to you too.
@@kusumlata1390 wishing you love and forgiveness of yourself and the narcissist. They really are here to help us learn the lessons we need to learn. Once I accepted this, I found healing easier. Go well. X
but then if you stop the conversation, as suggested, you just hear "oh... so, what, now you're just going to walk away ..." : the 4th stage of gaslighting!
Wow! My ex boyfriend would tell me this. It was true though. I would walk away especially when he wasn't listening.
Currently here with a miss
Or they will say, "don't you dare walk away from me!" what do you want me to do, dance in front of you?
Oy vey true. If my emotions or concerns discussed by me get turned around or deflected into “you don’t care” ‘conversation’, I’d want to stop discussing it and just put it down for a few days or a week (the conversation). Doing that would be the source for the next argument later on. Got to the point where I just couldn’t sustain trying to be understood and see genuine empathy or validation of any sort but I’ve had strong boundaries and I could feel them trying to be broken. It is very uncomfortable. The latest was I had been blasted with insults from her girlfriends which not a single one of them I ever met in the 16 months of dating when I was smeared by my “ever loving girlfriend” to her friends while drinking somewhere and I was travelling to visit my brother 9 hours away .. she doesn’t get that I feel totally disrespected and humiliated by her smear campaign by ppl I don’t even know or even met .. my mistake was in retrospect was I should have ended it right then and there .. funny thing is I have not thought she is a narcissist at all as I was once with a covert malignant narc who was really awful (but incredibly covert and intelligent) .. at this point I just don’t know what to think and want to forget it all and just move on and heal .. I thought I knew how to identify normal ppl by now,
"Yup. Conversation is over ."
What Dr. R is explaining has literally been my relationship with my family. They put me through hell and than when I tried to tell them they hurt me they would shut me down by shaming me with comments like, it’s all about you! Or we don’t want your drama.
One of the worse forms of gaslighting is when a person says “I’m a good person” and keeps neglecting your needs even though you tell them 100 times what your needs are. This manipulative tactic is so subtle that makes you doubt your needs and doubt your reality. I wonder is anyone here has ever experienced this?
Yes
Yes
After 10 years and lots of abuse I told my spouse I was giving up hope he would ever change. He replied,” but you can’t give up on me now, or I’ll never become the man I’m meant to be.”….For those who don’t understand the context Meaning: you have to stay with me abusing you and over time I’ll stop abusing you as long as you keep believing in me…instead of actually stopping abusing me right then…….as if its on me and not him that he doesn't abuse me anymore…
"Singularly motivated to protect their reality and only their reality ". OMG this explains everything.
I experienced this with my biological mother, foster mother and adoptive mother...I'm still standing and know my worth. Survivor...never a victim.
They would LOVE for YOU to apologize to THEM. For your own sanity, don't ever do that.
You seem to be the Common Denominator...?
Hmm, all females. Why am i not surprised.
@@brettleonard8602 maybe because it mostly happens to females? also it doesn't only happen to females it also happens to many males!
@David Dennis huh?
5:11 I made the mistake of doing this. I had recordings of him twisting my words, and making me think I didn’t remember what I said a few seconds ago. It’s so true. I played back the recording for him, where he directly lied to me, and he responded with, “See? You’re the manipulative one for even recording me. You feel like you can’t talk to me without recording me? YOU’RE the one that has trust issues, then, so this argument is all on you.”
Now, if somebody is gaslighting me and telling me "I have trust issues" - I see it as them telling me quite literally, "I have trust issues with THEM - because they are not trustworthy"
Gaslighting is so so difficult. I feel like I can try my best to convey to the person how upset they’ve made me feel and I am instantly branded as a negative person. I need to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I look for that apology, I’m not going to get it and end up feeling more frustrated in the end
I did, 4 years ago 🥰
So relatable🥲
The hidden signs of gaslighting:
If one is always flatulate and plays with matches nearby. 🍑💥💨💩👀☠️🤯🤪😂
This
Joe, I had a 'vulnerable narcissist' wife. Gaslighting, emotional abuse, silent treatment - aweful. Led to depression, feelings of shame. And, since my divorce she has tried to say to our daughter 'she was treated so badly' - victim playing/manipulation. Thankfully my daughter at her age remembers her childhood and has said that's nonsense. Never once have I received an apology or my kids, for anything. Will never happen. But I haven't spoken to her for nearly 8 years and that suits me fine. I left to have a better life, and I got that, no comparison. I've re married and my wife now is a beautiful person not the least like that. I am annoyed at myself for giving so much to this other person.
Here are the narcissistic gaslighting hits:
"I never said that."
"I don't remember that."
"You're overreacting."
"It's not a big deal."
"It's not that deep."
"You always have a problem with me!"
*starts using circular arguments
the biggest hit for me is MOVE ON! hated those words
@@rica2k5 My worst is "I only want good for you" , "If all people see something do you still think you're right?"
@@rica2k5 that's what we say to First Peoples in North America. Gaslighting on a huge scale.
Woah, I have heard every one of these from both my mother and brother. Awesome. I love my family.
"Its not that deep."
It's as deep as it is. The issue is always larger than the immediate situation. All the factors that lead up to the altercation or problem, and the differences in perspective and understanding. There's nuance, and it matters. Granted, I get caught up in the nuance of everything, I care about the details everyone else thinks are inconsequential, but when someone is trying to address an aspect of a disagreement, and you tell them it's not that deep, you're telling them that their feelings on the matter don't matter. If you think it's not that deep, there's 2 immediate possibilities that come to my mind: you haven't considered it or I'm mistaken in some regard. If you haven't considered what I'm hung up on, that means we're not meeting each other at the same level on the issue. You're not hearing what I'm saying. I am behind dismissed. If I'm mistaken and you're just brushing it off without allowing us to get down to the facts of the matter, then we're just not going to resolve it, you're going to think I'm crazy and I'm still going to feel like I'm being dismissed with no consideration.
It's as deep as as the deepest feeling in the situation. A miscommunication or misconception about the situation is a part of the situation and needs to be addressed. Refusal to address it in any more is just saying you don't consider the other person's perspective or understanding to be important.
When it comes to gaslighting, that's exactly what it is, too. You're dismissing them to serve yourself, because their feelings aren't a part of your end game.
My "favorite" is when they just pretend you didn't say anything at all. You answer a question, and they just keep repeating it because they didn't like the answer.
I was a victim of gaslighting family and separated now and divorcing the man I was married to very soon. The whole family let me down emotionally and tried to prove me as a crazy person..
I was gaslighted by someone I trusted more than anything.
And I got told I was the wrong one. I can't stop feeling horrible about it.
❤❤sending love ❤️ ❤
Me to
Anyone who calls you "too sensitive" is INsensitive. I'm glad you called this out.
Well actually a person can be to sensitive
@@canttouchthis6439 perhaps you are an insensitive person, then. Saying someone is ‘very’ sensitive is better, I feel. “Too” is a matter of opinion and comes off as more judgmental. I stand by what I said - and it seems I’m in the majority, according to the responses so far.
No. Look at will smith he was to sensitive about a mild joke and slapped chris rock. 100% a person can be to sensitive its a known fact
@@newworldastrology1102 your using a play on words when you say i should use the word "very" sensitive rather then "to" sensitive. Your ridiculous.
@@canttouchthis6439 for someone picking on words I think you mean “you’re” not “your”. This is a forum to build people up not come on to cause trouble. I’m sure others will agree. Thanks for stopping by to contribute though.
WOW, thank you for confirming my sanity and giving me the strength to finally move on
You’ll get through this Heather!!
Amen
Combat the gasligher by gaslighting them.
Run don’t walk! Mine left me for a social worker and she is about to get a PhD in dark personalities!!!!
What if they aren't compete sociopaths and on top of that they have the higher moral ground?
Something else you have to be ultra conscience of when talking to someone is making sure your not gaslighting them .
I’ve dealt with a narcissistic, manipulative gaslighting person who took advantage of me. It took me 2 years to figure the person out. The person also tried to make me feel guilty.
I learned to just keep my mouth shut. So glad I finally managed to get away
I m in it right now but just like you I keep my mouth shut!!
You end up telling them NOTHING just easier
@@lousilipeniata7172 yep, cause ANY kind of communication with them falls on deaf ears. They may hear but not listen. It’s always about them
Now I understand thanks
How do I get away without help during this lockdown?
Deflection. Caught my ex living with another woman three weeks ago. He then brought up the fact we had a argument last summer.
Ohhh, Jen. So funny. Please, I hope you are well.
Wow now that is interesting.
Living with another woman? Oh hell no!
Was he saying that he’s justified in cheating because you hurt his tender feelings?
Kuch him to the curb 🖕
My mother has been gaslighting me my whole life. I'm forever told "just get over it" and am not allowed to have a feeling or opinion. Conversations end up in yelling matches because I can never get more than 3 words of sentence out before she's spouting off again and then she ends up hanging up. So frustrating and infuriating. Funny thing is she wants to move in with us. I said no way not happening. I think she was shocked.
This is so spot on. I want to point out that not all people who gaslight are narcissists. Some are just using it as a defense mechanism and have not learned or matured enough to try a healthier way. Most people can and will change. That's the biggest difference.
Keep defending yourself
They love saying sweetly “sorry I don’t remember that happening “ 🤬
totally
"Your crazy that never happened there's something wrong with you!!" Sound familiar
Ha - YESSS! Or, "I am so sorry that YOU have a problem".
Not only that, but they claim that conversations happened that didn't happen.
"You agreed to lend me $2,500." Yah, no, I didn't. Pretty sure I'd have remembered that.
@@ryanlayman316 Yesss, then you have a poker face like ..You are kidding me?. You tell them in respectful manner of the situation that's going on. And continue to say in 1, 2.."That's not true. How could you do this to me after all I helped you so much. Is this how you repay me. Ungrateful. Go away. Your the one who is crazy. I think your making up all this, are you alright? Want me to take you to a mental hospital so you feel better . She is absolutely crazy, guys let's calm her down". Me: Seriously 😕 👀 *completly chill* 😑😑 😶 but after that you just try to leave because the conversation isn't going anywhere practically accusing of stuff you didn't do and their trying to break my patience so ..ok bye🚦 🙋🏃🏃👣🏁✈
I'm finding having the dog in these videos quite therapeutic (especially in light of the triggering/difficult subjects).
Same! So calming.
Beautiful animal. I'd love a dog like that.
Yes, same. And I love dogs, she reminds me of my dog.
@@thiefonthecross7552 you you can come come apaaaa
Mynthy
The dog is not bothered at all!! 🐕
My former supervisor gaslighted me into thinking I am a bad worker, that I haven't been doing everything correctly, and that I am mean to other people when in fact I am probably the nicest person to be around. She sent me home crying one day and I am a full-grown man...
Thank you. As someone struggling to decipher if I’m being gaslit this was very helpful.
"Just end the conversation. It's emotional abuse.". Thank you
She is my favourite guest on this show
she has her own youtube channel too. Really knowledgeable.
Mine too :)
Same. Need a pocket size Dr. Ramani
#DrRamani
I'm with you. GOLD
"you are so sensitive" "you are overthinking" "you are so emotional". After expressing my feelings towards his actions. Every single time. I was right all along.
I was always saying “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.”
I was confused so often.
We had high highs and low lows.
I didn’t feel safe having a conversation with him without witnesses.
He told me that his therapist told him that if he didn’t know he was gaslighting, then he wasn’t gaslighting.
Currently going through a divorce. 😁🎉 thank you for your videos!!!
I remember the day I told myself that I will never have another discussion with my spouse unless there was another person present - a witness. The gaslighting and constant lying about even the most inconsequential things, she still felt the need to lie.
Sorry to hear this. Wish you the best
The hidden signs of gaslighting:
If one is always flatulate and plays with matches nearby. 🍑💥💨💩👀☠️🤯🤪😂
That's crazy, what kind of therapist says that ? Of course a narcissist would very likely not know that they are gaslighting someone.
Gaslight 1940s Ingred Bergman and Angela Lansbury check it.
Two decades of living with a covert narcissist who used gaslighting, psychological projection, lies of omission/commission, mental reservation, and every conceivable trick in the book left me completely destroyed. I was a devoted husband and stay-at-home dad for over ten years who ultimately had to leave his children...or die. Two years later, I have recovered enough to finally understand the truth: I was NOT insane. She was. Truth matters.
Yikes im so sorry you had to choose your life or your kids. That's horrible and your feelings are valid remember that. Normal ppl don't dismiss your feelings, and then kick you when you are down :/
I heard it put like this growing up a lot of us aren't crazy but the ones that are are very very good at it. Also, I'm pretty sure you're not one of them. there are several signs one of them is zero opening up pretty much.
Scott Newbury - Yes, all of that and ‘casual cruelty’ - sarcasm, the put down’s and minimisation of anything I achieved, the unkind comments if he was feeling bad, and insistence that things went his way (or he would sulk/sabotage). I’m away from him now, but have a daughter who is behaving in the same way. I’ve had enough of it and am seriously thinking of walking away from her too.... it would be sad for my Grandchildren though...
I want to get there! I'm tired of going/feeling insane!
Don't beat yourself up to bad, I was with my narcissist wife for 25 years, just like yours mine used every narcissistic trick in the book, like she had some sort of instruction manual. I'm in no contact and I'm done with her, I couldn't believe when she gaslit me, at the time I didn't know what it was called but I knew what it was intended to do which was to try to distort my reality, the thing she underestimated about me is that I don't have a problem with my reality or my memory so her trying to gaslight me had the opposite effect, I was pissed that she would try this on me and found it a total insult to my intelligence and couldn't believe my own wife would try this kind of behavior on me, to just flat out tell me something didn't happen, wow! Also, the silent treatment was one of her favorites for a while but I put a stop to that, I told her how immature doing that was and it wasn't something I could put up with and she knew that was something she couldn't do anymore. what this did was to make her have to think even harder to try to find other things to push my buttons with, she would push my buttons to get me to bicker and squabble with her, it was just horrible, we would be out supposed to be having a good time and she would start this nonsense up. It got even crazier and after 25 years with her, I left her, she's a nut case. There's no fixing her she's mean to the core, her parents messed her really good and now she living with them again and she's even worse than before.
Getting resolution with a narcissist is impossible and a waste of time and energy.
The important thing is to not get crazy trying to " prove" the real world to the crazy/narcissistic/gaslighter. They manipulate by playing stupid/naiv and make you doubt your mental health. My best tip is run!.
I was constantly told.. “You should have been Lawyer” I was always like what??
Yes so needed to hear this really cleared things up especially him making me doubt my mental health. That sure rings true.
@@chaseback5102 Holy crap, my parents say that ALL the time, ever since I was a kid, and it always pissed me off, and I never got it. Now I get it.
Ugh.
They will NEVER change, and if they say they will, it is a lie and the change (whatever it is) is only for a fleeting moment, to suck you back in. It is so evil...
Six years after my divorce I’m still working through this. Thank you for the validation I got from this. I did record and still have the recordings. I did write the emails. You were spot on with those.
My parents used to gaslight me. I recently learned that my sister may currently be gaslighting me too.
In the case of my parents, the first and biggest example that comes to mind is from 2012. I had been taken off medication for the first time earlier that year and had significantly improved immediately. My parents refused to accept it and ultimately got me to take medication by saying I had already agreed to it. I knew I wouldn't have, but confidence in my memory was low enough to give them benefit of the doubt. That's a level of trust they have never given me. The medication in question made me suicidal and left me emotionally unstable and not as able to think clearly for years, even though I only took it for a few days. Within half a year, my parents were insisting that this medication didn't exist and that the problems it had caused were due to me being off medication for so long. It didn't help that the doctor that prescribed it didn't put it into my medical record.
Other issues I've had with my parents include Mom claiming my grades in school were lower than they actually were and yelling at me for it or Dad trying to dictate what I was allowed to think and feel at any given moment. Dad would say things like "You're too logical to think this way," or "I think you're suffering." If I got upset at him pressuring me, he would say something along the lines of "Fine, punish me." My parents also have a history of making up misinformation about me. Claiming I'm not showering, claiming I'm not eating, etc. I'll admit that there have been points where I had issues with showering and eating, but I still did it a lot more than my parents and the various medical professionals gave me credit for.
It took many years for my parents to acknowledge that I had debilitating stress from their behavior. All of the screaming, all of the abuse...it had a powerful impact on me. My parents suddenly stopped abusing me in 2015 and started genuinely trying to improve their relationship with me in 2017, shortly after I was put on my current medication. They still make up misinformation and they still refuse to accept that I can function without medication, but they at least acknowledge that they may have mistreated me in the past. They still refuse to get psychologically evaluated or to go to family therapy with me though...
As for my sister, she has the habit of trying to invalidate any arguments I present when we disagree about something. First off, she has a rule of sorts where anything from over five years ago is too long ago to count. The thing is, this rule only seems to apply when it works in her favor. She uses things from over five years ago against me all the time. If it's within the past five years, something she does a lot is say that I have bad memory and am probably remembering it incorrectly. Granted, sometimes i am remembering it incorrectly, but there are also situations where I'm remembering it correctly and she refuses to acknowledge it.
My sister admits to being a proponent of 'fake it 'til you make it' and seems to apply it to a lot of things, including our disagreements. There have been several points where she just comes up with an objectively wrong fact to use against me, such as when she said that blowing on my food doesn't actually cool it down, or that the previously mentioned medication couldn't have had such a strong effect on me after such a short period of time. She often invalidates other people's perspectives too. When my primary physician and two physical therapists (and a random experienced stranger in a Dunkin' Donuts) all agreed that my shoulder had been injured, my sister insisted that none of their perspectives counted because they weren't shoulder specialists. She and many others also asked questions such as "How do you know you're not imagining the pain?" On the other hand, when my parents finally took me to a back specialist who didn't know what he was doing to get my shoulder looked at and he said my shoulder was fine, my sister took his word for it because he was a specialist, even if he wasn't a shoulder specialist. Because it took so long for my shoulder to receive treatment, the injury got a lot worse. My parents and sister are still dismissive of it. My shoulder has been injured for over a decade.
I also had a lot of people dismissing my scoliosis. I developed it in middle school and high school due to carrying a heavy backpack around. I could tell something was going wrong with my back, but didn't know what. I kept pointing it out year after year as it got worse and everyone I pointed it out to insisted that my back was supposed to be like that. My primary physician eventually noticed it many years later and I was properly diagnosed with scoliosis not long after.
This became a bit of a vent. Sorry about that. I find that I need to vent about all that's happened a lot. This is far from the only abuse I've encountered...Lately it seems like I can't trust anyone. More and more misinformation pops up about me from my parents and various medical professionals. It doesn't help that my current medication is really messing with my head. It is important to note that I don't think that there is any malice behind anyone's actions. I believe that most of the people who have mistreated me, including my family, genuinely intended to help. They're just misguided about what would really help me and refuse to accept it when their actions cause harm. I get blamed for any problems that pop up. A lot of people see it as me not trying hard enough to "get better". This is unfortunately a part of the problem, as it means that the people mistreating me see it as them doing no wrong. it doesn't weigh on their consciences. The path to hell is paved with good intentions. I do have plenty of friends who support me, but they aren't really in a position to help. The validation is really nice though.
My godness, I relate so much with you!! Like, the medication, medical illnesses they don't recognize I/theh have, etc etc, and just everything. When I started making things by myself, I realizad everything. You're not alone :) cheers !
@@ainhoasanchez03 Thanks for that message. :)
STRATEGIES OF THE GASLIGHTER:
1- BLAMING: "YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE!"
2- DEFLECTION: "LOOK OVER THERE!"
3- DENIAL: "THAT NEVER HAPPENED!"
Would you say they cheat?
@@rickmorales9867 always
@@roonieh9619 would you say my love blinds me to much to believe she is to innocent as always to say I'm crazy I see things I hear things denying freinds when I clearly saw text and calls and saying I see everything she makes me feel like I'm going crazy.. saying they're only freinds never wanting to tell me what they text about? She always makes me feel guilty about everything? When I ask tell me the truth she deflects and never says anything always telling me my wrongs when I have said all my wrongs and tells them to me to make me feel bad. She says believe cause i tell you. Believe me cause it's TRUE when i know she is lying?
Not always physically but mine does with porn.
I cannot believe it, but I am truly living with a gaslighting roomate and I have made all of the mistakes mentioned here and realized how they didn't get me anywhere
Facial expressions can be used to gaslight, too. Eye-rolling and glaring, in my experience.
What about crying?
@Joe Schmo You funny Joe😂. Gas lighting (like in the movie “Gaslight”) is a diabolical scheme to deliberately set somebody up to manipulate them into thinking they are losing their mind, so you can get something from them, in the movie, he wanted her money. Has nothing to do with farts unless you fart, and when the person smells it, they accuse you of cutting the cheese and you say, “It wasn’t me, it was you, you farted.” Lol!
@Joe Schmo The term gaslighting refers to the play "Gas Light" (1938) that portrays a husband that tries to convince his wife that she's going crazy by dimming the gas lights and pretending the light didn't change
You are totally spot on about gaslighting through body language. Narcissists do it ALL THE TIME. Anything that can minimize, infantilIze, and degrade their victim is fair game for the gaslighter. It is high time to teach our elementary and junior high kids about gaslighting overtly and right in the classroom.
@Joe Schmo joe, you have made yourself TOTALLY IRRELEVANT to this conversation. Please go away; you're gas lighting! ;-)
Spot one! Tq Dr. Ramani & Medcircle team! God Bless 🙏🏽
I have a great memory! So whenever someone tells me something, I do remember it exactly what the person told me, I didn’t knew in the past this was gaslighting!
Interesting is the story of my childhood friend, once we were at a wedding, we were maybe 9 and 8 years old! We were sitting in a car, she removed her blazer and there were a few kids in the car, we left the car for taking photos, when we came back I saw her blazer on the cars floor and with some shoe prints on it, I’ve told her, oh no! Your blazer fell down and somebody walked all over your blazer, she told me, you walked on it! I said, no I didn’t, but she didn’t stopped to blame me, although I was swearing, I didn’t do it, but as child you don’t understand gaslighting! She was growing up in a very bad situation, her mother divorced her father and moved abroad and left her with her relatives, then she was passed from one aunty to another, to grandmother and they all were not nice people, so she became a narcissist early on. We stayed friends for a long time, but every time I would visit her, her behavior was unbearable! Once I visited her and from her place we traveled to Venice, she was dieting so she took some food in boxes with her, I’ve told her, don’t bring nothing with you, you will not eat it, we will eat at restaurants, but she took it anyway, there of course she herself only wanted to go to a restaurant, so she let the food in the boxes in our room, the next day I woke up earlier and throw the old food in the dustbin, bcoz it was already bad and it wasn’t smelling good, I was pregnant by that time, so any smell was disturbing me, I washed the boxes, later she accused me of throwing away one of her yellow boxes, I told her I was 100 % sure, there was no yellow box, all boxes were in place, I didn’t throw away nothing! Why should I do it! But she blamed and blamed! After a few days we came back from our trip and when we were putting some things back I opened a drawl and there was a yellow box, just like she described, I showed her and she didn’t knew what to say! Later I was charging my phone with her charger in the kitchen, she didn’t saw, that it was in the kitchen, this was after I packed my bags for heading back home, she asked me, if I packed her charger along with my charger in my bag? So now she kind of was accusing me of stealing her charger! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Since 3 years I have no contact with her, our friendship is dead! And only before a few years I realized she is a narcissist! She obviously stopped talking to me, bcoz I’ve got a wonderful husband and kids and she doesn’t have nobody in her life, nobody can tolerate her behavior!
My spouse did it for yrs felt I needed to record every conversation as she say something a day later sometimes hrs later tell me I didn't say that or see them do it then no I didn't your crazy
I was gaslighted my whole life. After my divorce, I must have been in my early 30's, I remember calling someone on something and they admitted it... I was stunned. No one had ever admitted anything to me in my life before. I don't remember the circumstance, but I still remember the feeling of total shock and relief.
Best comment to describe when one has lived in the twilight-world of a narcissist before.
🙏🏾♥️
Yeh. I hear you. It is important to note, even journal that experiences, of when you feel shock about proper treatment toward you. Perpetuate and enjoy that treatment.
Me too, gaslighted by parents, friends, ex-husband, bosses and co-workers. I am shocked when people allow me to have my say. I have also found myself listening in on conversations between healthy people, just to learn what a healthy interaction looks like.
I can't stand the trauma...I want to disappear...
"You're too sensitive." My mother's been telling me that my entire life. I'm 55.
Johnny Rocker leave home! It’s your life. You are your own self. Just grow up and leave home and l meant this is the most loving way truly. Best wishes
@@Johannastairwellstudio I left home 35 years ago.
@@Johannastairwellstudio "Just grow up" - Really? Very poor choice of words, especially without knowing the full story
PurplePinkRed l want to apologise for my comments. I don’t think l thought properly before posting and did not mean it to sound as it did. Thank you for letting me know and again sincerely sorry. Keep well
Or you’re out of line
Thank you Dr. Ramani. You are a big help. Your videos have gotten me through a whole lot of confusion in my life. None of us need to even care what they think and just focus on our inner healing, mind ,body and, soul through God and therapy.
Since going to therapy for 2 years, I've started speaking up for myself & holding my partner accountable. He now always accuses me of gaslighting him.
My ex was extremely emotionally abusive and gaslight me constantly. And unfortunately for me my memory is horrible so he made me literally feel like I was going insane and made me question my reality everyday I was with him, I had to eventually start recording and documenting everything just to prove I wasn’t crazy and that he was gaslighting me. Thank the lord I got out of that…
My mom is like that. No conversation we have goes without her gaslighting. I enabled a GPS tracker on my phone to prove my whereabouts and make everything written. I also suffer from bad memory. I sometimes wonder if our memory is actually bad or our gaslighters have convinced us that we have a bad memory so that we believe everything they say and doubt ourselves.
Yeah I had to screenshot convos from texts. I never knew what gaslighting was back then.
It's scary how similar this sounds to me. I have a horrible memory and I am never able to defend myself when I know I am right, so I look like the crazy one.
Continuous stress due to abuse can damage the brain cells in the hippocampus, making it gradually shrink in size. As a result, the person starts to forget things easily and finds it difficult to learn new stuff.
@DesiRhythm6 our cognitive function is impaired(poor short term memory, changes in speech, mental fog) due to constant stress. Our bodies are not meant to stay in long term fight, flight, fawn. Our brains are screaming DANGER and we tell ourselves, "they don't mean it" " he/she loves me" "they've been under so much pressure lately" "it'll get better" un aliving ourselves day in and day out. I began journaling and telling my sister about him, every single time he tried me with his bs. Then one day I said "eff this" and packed me and my sons stuff up and dipped! Never looked back
My ex-husband is a covert narcissist. His way of gaslighting me was to push my buttons. Usually he would do it in a room full of people. He knew what to say to piss me off. So he would sit beside me with his arm around me with a smile on his face and whisper things that he knew would instantly make me mad. So then I would snap and then he would jump away and act the victim. Saying see what I put up with everyday. She is so mean. I would get upset and leave. As I would leave I would look back at him and he would be smirking. He also cheated on me with anything and everything. The man worked as a jailer at a sheriff's department and he decides to have sex with a woman who was in jail for murder. It was on video of course. Yet he tried to deny it. She accused him of rape to try to get out of jail. Again video. Anyway when he had to confess to me what happened he brought his sister and the sheriff to tell me and told them he was afraid of me. Laughable! Then has the nerve to blame what he did on me. I fell for it. I stayed. He always told me I was ugly and fat and nobody would want me anytime I tried to take the kids and leave. I did escape that relationship. Moved on been married to my best friend for 20 years now. My ex had no choice but to let me go. My current husband gave him no choice. I carried a lot of emotional baggage with me into my current relationship. Thankfully my husband is an understanding loving person. Hope this helps someone.
I had a similar experience -
Intentional pushing buttons until I get upset and then play victim
There is an additional term for this scenario, reactive abuse. It's a fairly common tactic where the narc will intentionally provoke a reaction, and once you do react, they shift to a totally calm demeanor, "see? I'm completely calm, and you're being crazy!" They usually record it or do it in front of others, to paint their partner as the bad guy. A nice combination of gas lighting and smear campaigning.
OMG this exactly what my bf dose. Most times I don't say anything I just get embarrassed and leave the room. He also tells me nobody will want me and nobody will love me really.
@@sarandipityinthestarssarah4076 Trust me when I say that as soon as this person is totally out of your life and you move on....the sun will shine again! After years of abuse and several narcissistic relationships...i stopped allowing people to treat me crappy.. Finally married a functional human being which I never thought was possible. They all act as if no one will want you but them...such a terrible lie to control you. No more covering for bad behavior...no more fearful nights wondering how I can fix it or smooth it over...no more drama!
Mary - that is an horrific story! I was feeling outrage just reading it. I'm sure many would be able to equate to what you endured at that monster's hands. It's interesting to note that narcissists will often seek employment where they can have control over others - military, police, prison guards as in your case - even as psychiatrists etc. Glad you found your freedom.
Thank you for your words of wisdom! You’ve helped me so much how to recognize and handle narcissistic behaviors. I didn’t know what gaslighting was until I came across your heaven sent channel. Thank you so much! I can’t wait to buy your book! ❤️
I totally spent a full day praying and then writing "THE PERFECT EMAIL' in hopes of finally getting to explain my perspective and be heard. You are right, she came back with both guns blazing and ripped it (and me) all to shreds. I'm now 5 years no contact and so happy.
This happened to me too, I tried a lot of times to explain my point of view with messages I've read a lot of times before sending... but nothing changed so I decided to stop keeping contacts with that person. That person insisted and I was really uncomfortable and when I said no, that person attacked me with harsh words. After that episode I understood that I did the right thing because I was really in a bad state. Sending you big hugs, have a nice day :)
The hidden signs of gaslighting:
If one is always flatulate and plays with matches nearby. 🍑💥💨💩👀☠️🤯🤪😂
I learned that they love to see you miserable and that they will never ever apologize to you for nothing.
Agree. I felt horrible for my action in my ex marriage. I apologized to my ex but never got an apology from him when he did the same thing as i did, until i brought it up to him that he never apologized to me for doing the same thing..with a smurk remark he said "oh you want me to say sorry, sorry"
True
Yes, but if you bring it up they say “I do apologise when I’ve done wrong.” Always describing their good deeds retrospectively but never ACTUALLY demonstrating the story they’re telling.
Yeah! Like your not good enough for them and your not perfect in anyway but they’re perfect in every way and nothing is wrong with them.
Most don't, but some do. However, it's never because they feel remorseful but rather a desperate attempt to keep you.
A sorry person doesn't say sorry and then continue on with the toxic behaviour. They do everything they can to change it within themselves.
Gaslighting. My ex said I had “too many feelings”. When a topic came up that he was addressing about my insufficiencies, sometimes I would say “you do the same thing!” I would give an example. He immediately would say “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.” Only it was never his turn. I could give so many other examples. I was with him for 14 months and still haven’t recovered, went no contact in January (restraining order for stalking). I was newly widowed when I met him. It has been really rough.
It took me two years from an 8 month live in relationship you too will recover with self love and good healthy food and sunshine Xx
Dear... I understand, truly!!! Narcissists have no empathy; nor do they care to be called on their bs!!! GLAD U LEFT🏃🏃🏃🏃
I’m so sorry you went though that 😔
At least you can identify and understand what happened to you and that you’re not in the wrong. Stay strong! ☺️
I don't mean to invalidate your experience of gaslighting, as telling you that you have too many feelings is indeed gaslighting, but I have to point out that countering every time your partner tells you about your 'insufficiencies' is also deflection and invalidating. It is not healthy.
Stay strong 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I've actually had someone try to convince me I did something that I didn't do. He was so sure that I started doubting if I was maybe not awake enough to remember it, seeing as he kept me up every night fighting.
Narcissists use sleep deprivation to damage your ability to remember things and to control you. It's what cults do.
A woman who I knew, her husband would argue with her all evening, meaning that she would had to stay up late even though she was running a business and she had to be out of her house by 6.30am. Her husband would then wake her up during the night, sometimes to carry on the fight and sometimes to pretend he was upset and couldn't sleep unless he spoke to her, but it was all to abuse her. He had a porn addiction and while she ran a dental business he sat in her basement all day doing weed, watching porn and pretending he was a professional gamer. She divorced him when she found out he was drugging her food and drink on a regular basis so he could SA her and video it to sell online. She got a restraining order against him. There are many women being drugged by their husbands in the united states and in most states it's not even illegal. Her husband basically got off with it and all that happened to him was a restraining order. 🙄
Dr. Ramani Durvasula I love hearing your talks, and I need to remind myself I am not the crazy one, and missed out on how much better my relationship with my Mother could have been. Now I need to become comedianne to deal with explaining my Mother to others. It was tragic, all my life until recently.
I am so happy i have found this. My sister is the narcissistic gaslighter and I wasted my life until now trying to prove the truth. I was always dismissed by my mother and sister and told that I was talking nonsense if I complained about being gaslighted. I am the smart sister but she is the golden child because she is prettier according to my mother. When I look at pictures of me when young I was a lovely looking girl and then woman, but it was so strongly ingrained in me by my mother that I was ugly that only at 60 I stopped thinking I am unattractive. Being in therapy helped me immensely.
How awful.. I am so sorry 🙏🏻 but glad that you can finally see & feel you’re beautiful inside & out 🙏🏻
Totally understand. Glad you found your true self! 👍❤️👍
60 strong! Similar story, my mom and two brothers. I am moved now to pity them - they will never experience healing, wholeness, true empathy or understanding. It's like wasted lives, really sad.
It's so interesting to hear this because I saw a movie taken of me and some other family members when I was young and when I saw it, I thought I looked so poised and so graceful but my parents were belittling me most of the time.
unfortunate but good you found the truth to set you free
"There's no reason for you to feel that way" "You're just jealous" "You're just insecure" "That's not something I can help you with" "That's a story you made up in your mind" - a chronic theme when I was involved with the narc.
"If "words" cause you to want to go home? "Rage Outbursts" when I disagree w/.narcs perspective?? Obnoxious & Insane!!! Scary as hell!! Narcs just transform!!!
I’ve been there. I’ve literally had to screenshot conversations because within minutes (literally within MINUTES) he would go from one extreme to the other. And deny deny deny. One moment he wanted me to get rid of my baby, the next moment he wanted me to sign over complete and full rights of my child to him. The next minute it wasn’t his child. The next minute he was excited to have a family with me. It all depended on how my responses made him feel. Yet I was the one who was “too emotional“ and a “sycho”... yes that is how he spelled
p-s-y-c-h-o.
Currently getting everything documented with the proper authorities and personnel to help me hopefully with no contact. I am currently pregnant with this individuals child but I have gone no contact with him...well, The only communication that I have with him is to inform him of doctors appointments having to do with the little one. In the state that I am in it would be quite unlawful for me to keep him away from his child. Despite the circumstances the state that I currently reside deems it mandatory that both parties have equal rights to the child. Even if one party abuses the child and or the other party, the state governs a mandatory 50-50 at least. So if I were to go completely no contact and not inform him or give him the opportunity to be there for appointments regarding his child, the state will rule against me and I would possibly lose most of my rights as a parent just for having been the one to walk away. This whole system my state runs through as a farce. CHILDREN to them are cash cows, and because of this rule we have the highest domestic violence and child abuse rates in the nation. So I am doing everything that I can to make sure that my baby is safe. This man has a history of violence and I would be ignorant to believe that I am an exception to his rule. For me I feel as though it’s truly only a matter of time if I were to continue contact. Be safe out there guys.... this is all too real
Gina...exactly what he told me. He'd also tell me I was the narc, miserable and even passed my misery 2 my son. He said I was broken and won't be broken with me
but these things can be true though.
Its happened to me this person keeps telling me that i made it up...its all in my head although I have emailed and photos that he is cheating on me
"U just read into things sometimes that are imagined" ... from a friend in a text. We are no longer friends now.
My third Dr R TH-cam today, and I think she has just saved me going back to a narc. I was married to one for 12 years, 4 years apart and lots of reading, watching and self educating on this behaviours. Gutted to be with someone I love dearly but I am walking on eggshells with him minimising, gaslighting, deflecting, excusing… how did I end up here again?!
A favorite comment I got when I pointed out that something he said was hurtful is “I’m not responsible for your feelings” it’s a slap in my face.
He was guilty of manipulating them very viciously. Technically, you are born with your feelings, somewhere in his tiny brain he used that to justify his behavior. That is a Sociopath or Psychopath.
@onmy computer2020gal Narcissists comment on videos too
Another thing is they say they would never hurt you and stomp off angry at you, thus hurting you even more. I unfortunately married two men like that. It has taken me years to recover. You get so you don't trust your feelings or even reality at times.
You're like 90% responsible for your own feelings though. Sure, people and their actions can have a lot of influence, but they're 100% you're feelings. You can't always just blame someone else for how you feel. My ex was a narc and she would blame me for how she felt all the time regardless of what I did or weather it was good or bad. And I mean like I could have cured cancer and if she didn't like it I would be told I was a bad person who needed to apologise to her. At the end of the day if it upset her, I was instantly tried and found guilty.
@@mashpotato472 this thread is exactly why I do not think videos like this are good for the public. I always thought as well, as I’ve heard it touted in videos like this, that WE ARE responsible for our own feelings. 🤷🏼♀️ And I feel for guys like you who probably got labeled as cruel or narcissistic when the issue could be with the other. Then they watch videos like this and feel validated.
There seems to be different expectations from the sexes which leads to this type of finger pointing of labeling. If someone makes you feel bad, you leave! Boom. Right There. You don’t stick around hounding that person to change FOR you. Its not for them to change for you if they are just being theirselves. It’s kind of reverse narcissism. ..or a blind form of it?
I can say this because I am a woman, and my earliest relationships (teenage) I used to feel and say the same thing to my man, but I realized what was occurring is that when a woman bonds sexually (any sexual activity- even just making out) with a man too early, she’s in married mode by natural instinct, while he’s just pleased with the set up. She’s working to stay bonded, but for him it’s just sex and fun. It leads to these type of arguments. Men don’t understand why she’s behaving this way, and she doesn’t understand why he isn’t working for the relationship like she is...basically she’s seeing her hurts with him as his fault when she should be saying, ah, crap, I shouldn’t have played with this man because I’m finding he’s not what I’m hoping for in a mate. Instead, they will try and hold on, then get angry when he’s not seeing what she imagines it to be. She is trying to make him into something he is not and he is just thinking she’s with me, she must like me (how I am)- and get confused when he keeps getting walloped with emotional outbursts out of the blue. Honestly, she should just walk away if she’s finding she’s getting hurt by him, because to stay or not is her choice. ➡️You don’t WORK for the love, you STAY for the person.
1. When another person denies your emotions. They will make you doubt your feelings.
2. They deflect your concerns.
3. They deny what actually occurred.
4. Refuse to actually listen to you.
Do not let then make you doubt yourself.
People who do this lack empathy. If they minimize your concerns or feelings they are gaslighting you.
sheesh.. basically described the last 16 years of my life :D :/
@@hi-kt8jj Hi Aishwarya. I too have been in one for over 17 years. I however had had enough and went to the extent of moving out of the house so that I could even give myself a chance to restore myself to sanity. It worked like magic. I didn't know at that time I was a victim but I do know now n look back at my leaving as a way of detachment.
I am how seeking professional help to help me understand the long term patterns that I have made in these past years and I'm sure I will find my true authentic self again.
I just want you to know that you don't have to feel that this is what the rest of your life looks like....there is a way out n help is out there too.
@@christinaclinton9168 Hi Christina, thank you for responding! I only figured out several months ago that what I was (and still) going through was not normal. i'm planning on separating myself too once i am able to leave my house. I'm not allowed to go to therapy right now, probably because my parents don't want me talking about them to anyone. But i do plan on going to therapy at some point in the late future because I really cant get through everything that's happened in my past alone. I'm really glad you're taking control of your life again. I just don't know how i'll ever speak about my experiences with anyone, it's sounds terrifying.
This is so important to learn. And such a hard lesson as usually the narcissist will be someone who is close to you.
@@hi-kt8jj I wasn’t happy in my relationship with my boyfriend and I had to ASK for attention and love. How sad is that? And when we were breaking up I said that I wasn’t happy. And he responded with, “my goodness it’s always about you. I didn’t think you were that selfish”. I don’t even know what to think about that. I can’t believe he said that. These are my emotions!!! How does this make me selfish??
this video was so healing… thank you…
Who here is still gaslighting in 2024???? You are a legend!!!!
My ex did this to me for 12 years. Leaving him was the best decision ever.
i did the same with my ex--been gr8 since . J.
Wow!! Glad you are out.
@@megank3358 me too my dear. For Christmas my divorce was finalized. Here’s to a new beginning for me.
❤
@@jamesmcginn8874 I'm pretty sure he is more happier than you!
I had one tell me “I hate it when you get like this.” Of course that was after I started crying when he had said some really horrible things to me.
Ps stussy
U P W ,D,
First, identify and psychologically abuse your victim. Then blame THEM for having made the situation so bad. CLASSIC NARCISSIST GAS LIGHTING BEHAVIOUR. We've all fallen into that EVIL trap before.
im so sorry that happened
OMG that sounds familiar
My partner does something similar but he is in no way a narcissist. Sometimes men do the minimising thing because they are uncomfortable with how they have made you feel. It's just so they don't feel like an asshat for making you cry because deep down they feel horrible for it lol
a few years ago my profoundly narcissistic sister struck up a conversation in which she flat out told me "you know how you've always said I was mean to you? you know none of that is true right?" she's actually terrifying i do not speak to her anymore
I didn't think the first video i clicked on to confirm whether i am being gaslighted or not would be so...on point.
A smart man once said Mike the older you get the less friends you have the better off you are
Understood
Preach!.
mhm that's the truth ♡
I’m 71 and have less and less friends because it takes years to develop friendships and many of my friends are deceased. I used to go to weddings now I go to funerals. I appreciate the Lord getting me this far.
@@jimmycain8669 I agree! I’m 36 and moved states and I meet a lot of good people my age but reality is after a certain age I really don’t feel the drive to make the relationships like I had back home. I unfortunately have been to some funerals too. God bless you
This experience of being gaslit and confused is so damn real and personal to me that it blows my mind that there are people out there who don't know what it's like - to be TOLD what you feel, and BELIEVE it somehow. It must sound so strange and impossible. But Dr. Ramani has it dead on.
🎯🎯🎯
I believe you.
I still am not sure who I am but I am going to love me and trust me.
I saw a sign one day that said "She believed she could, so she did." It is my new mantra.
With it I have begun changing my mind.. I have not gone anywhere physically. Instead, I have been telling myself who I am. What I want to be.
Becoming free on the inside.
Orpha excellent
@@orpha9031 good for you! I've started listening to Joe Dispensza and doing the meditation, it has really helped with changing my mindset about myself and who i am and want to be
I believe you, experienced it first hand in my own family.
My absolute favorite is “I’ll give you something to cry about”. People don’t realize how abusive that is”.
omg i'd not heard that was a common theme, it happened squillions of times in my childhood, including when crying from a beating!
@@valerieharte6283 me too.
This is such a sore spot with me from my childhood. I was told "Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about." The other one is "This hurts me more than it's hurting you."