I had a conflict with a church member who became my granddaughters mother-in-law. After church one Sunday in an overbearing intense accusing manner this person demanded that my granddaughters family, which is my daughter and me and my husband were not in no uncertain terms to trend near a subject she wanted to protect. After not being able to resolve her confrontation in my heart for several months my husband suggested we talk with she and her husband in person. When meeting with them I expressed how it made me feel when she confronted me twice and twice she denied my my explanation. After a little more conversation I realized I could go no where with this person and said, I'm done!
Dr. Ramona couldn't have been any more accurate in her knowledge of Gaslighting of which I can truly appreciate! I am a "Gaslighting" survivor which had taken place for nearly 3.5 years ago today when I'd met my ex-boyfriend (all mushy smut aside), It'd started out ever so "perfectly" of which I thought to myself that "this is the one". But once I'd moved in with him and the front door is shut, my 6th sense was ringing loudly and was nearly deafening; before I knew it, I was essentially playing a game of verbal "Russian roulette" Like with domestic battery or domestic violence: In public..they pretend to 'care about you', they act like a couple and are for the most part civill in the "heat of the moment" and so that there's no confrontation..however..once the front door closes, then they begin to show their true colors that they've hidden so well. It began mildly enough with small disagreements (ie doing the dishes, vacuuming, dinner done, etc.) I know that it happens in any relationship, but after the second week, things had got even more volatile when he'd decided to not only partake in drowning himself in beer as he'd drank straight from the bottle, he'd get into bed while smoking pot, drinking and snoring and out like a light!
Maybe we need to add dopt their reality when the experimental results support this reality, because the narcissistic person has a reality 2 or we can say gaslighing is neutural and depends on the situation if this is bad or not. If you avoid cohision and experimental results is bad, if not you just pointing out bad behaviour
Comments like this confuse the HELL out of me Bc naturally I would think the same thing. But then if you think about it... obviously no one wants to be gaslighted right? AND one wants to have to deal with being around a someone who is a narcissist. But then the narcissist has no one. He asks the dr if they KNOW they’re gaslighting and that it’s a natural trait behavior . They’re not choosing to be this way on purpose Bc they don’t even realize they’re doing it. A narcissist is singularly trying to protect themselves and their reality. So when they gaslight they’re not doing it like “hahaha I’m going to manipulate this person! It’s not like an evil genius kind of thing. It doesn’t cross their mind what it would do to another person. So if they’re not aware, does it makes them someone who deserves to have no one or deserve to be loved? They gaslight to MINIMIZE something bad they did. She says they do it without thinking. so for one: wouldn’t giving someone no contact or running away from them really help the situation or make itWorse Bc now theyre constantly being avoided by everyone which ultimately could create another mental disorder? It’s that the same as saying someone with depression is too sad so runaway and ghost them Bc they’re ruining my mood, or run away from Anxious people or just anyone with a mental illness? But then on the contrary, they say it’s a form of emotional abuse....so do you ghost them? For two: you can’t always escape someone who is narcism if it’s family or boss , etc. she even says you can’t even go a day without being in the per view of narcissistic behavior. None of us are perfect. I would maybe bring it to their attention so that they’re aware Of their actions and then have a choice once they become aware. (I am not arguing the fact I’m just wondering if that’s really the answer.) so don’t come for me lol. Just looking for a further explanation) just feels like that’s bullying or judging someone dealing with being a narcissist Bc how did they become a narcissist? Maybe there is a reason They became this way. Just seems like we’re judging when we say “Run from them” or talk down on them like this. Or imagine just watching this and learning that You yourself are a narcissist and didn’t even know it.
The thing with the Narcissist, you never get to have a conversation with them. They deflect, project, spin, crazy-make etc. until you have no choice than to abandon the conversation. You CANNOT win with a Narcissist!
Oh, yes. Men I’ve been involved with were always very sensitive to my tone, but snapped at me and yelled at me and got angry if I cried. I’m with a man who has tried that, but stopped when I called him on it. I think this is because of the pressure men are under themselves with harsh and unrealistic expectations of them. But, bless their hearts, they don’t get to take it out on us.
LanaDelSlay Yonce Exactly. My ex would always say "I'm feeling needy right now so I need attention plzzzzzzzzzzzzz baby." or "You don't understand, I had an AWFUL day today. My boss was horrible to me at work. So I need you to do..." And then when you have a bad day or feel a little needy they say "Gosh, you are so sensitive right now, grow up. You don't need to act so childish." or "You look like a pathetic baby right now, you know that right? What are u, 5? I don't need to give you attention right now. I'm busy."
Anytime I spend time around them, I end up feeling like something is wrong with me… like I’m weird, or going crazy, or disliked… it’s very isolating and unsettling. My anxiety levels shoot up and I feel like I am unlikable. I feel an undercurrent of tension and rejection and contempt that I can’t explain. Like I have done something very wrong, but can never pin down what. I also end up talking too much or sharing too much, then worrying that somehow, my words will be used against me in the future. It’s happened before. I’m blamed for things I don’t think or feel. It’s exhausting and rips into my already fragile self-esteem.
Sweetie, it’s not You! You did nothing wrong. It’s them! Think more happy positive thoughts about yourself; appreciate and love You! Believe in You!!! I had people around me do this and it made me feel insecure, indifferent because I thought it was me. I had a mother beat and abuse me and thought this is wrong; what is wrong with her? Finally I made it upon myself instead to pray for her or these people. Then, made the decision to put myself last and others above/ before me. Follow your heart; your good judgement and your good instincts and insight. Do something that makes you happy in life. Live your life in peace comfort solitude. Joy. It’s simplicity. You are loved! God love and bless You! I fully understand. Lay it at the foot of the cross. You are great!😇❤️🙏⭐️
You described my interactions with my mother exactly. 3 weeks ago she told me the truth or semi truth to this huge lie system to keep me in the USA. It literally broke me and started destroying my life I built in recovery for almost 10 years. I knew something was up but why would I ever think my mother was leading me astray. It's rough. She's been squirming in her narcissism trying to regain control and shit and I just don't wanna talk to her anymore or even know her after all this. How ya say ya love me?
That's assuming they did something wrong that they need to apologize about. If you held the weird belief that women are inferior to men and that women voting has ruined this country and I respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way." You see how it wouldn't have been appropriate for me to apologize?
@@michaeldelyjah5696 Good example. I think it's often a good way to respond to a narcissist too, given how they play victim & try to gaslight/guilt trip you over nothing.
From my experience, a gaslighter NEVER apologizes simply because that would mean (1) admitting to themselves that they gaslight, and (2) feeling true remorse and shame for their actions. What the gaslighter does instead is simply wait for you, the emotionally healthy person--the peacemaker--to apologize first (for something YOU did NOT do), which then gives the gaslighter "proof" that it WAS YOUR fault all along, just as they had thought. This form of emotional and mental manipulation is so corrupt and insidious that it can drive a sane person crazy. DON'T LET THIS DRIVE YOU CRAZY! :-)
My mom's boyfriend had me in a chokehold up against the wall and my feet were not touching the floor and I couldn't breath. My mom and sister had to pull him off of me and we all fell to the floor. Not 10 mins later my malignant narcissistic mother told me that her boyfriend was more a part of her family then I would ever be (mind you I'm adopted). Ever since than my malignant narcissistic mom swore that event never happened and I was making up the whole thing up. I disowned her because of that and went no contact.
Heather Ferris, that's awful and I'm so sorry that happened to you. Congratulations though on being a strong enough person to liberate yourself from a very destructive relationship.
Good for you. She wasn’t meant to be a mom. We have one in my husband’s family, very similar.i do t think that even as a 36 years old adopted adult child she has awareness of what has happened...
gaslighting is so damaging. The good thing is once you learn what it is, you can heal, validate your reality and move on. DO the work to raise your self worth, that is where the magic is.
Elle D for me , eft ( tapping works) , self hypnosis, inner child work all of the above and heaps more self help/healing tools available . Go easy on One Self, compassion and patience is helpful also . 🙏
@Elle D It helps me to journal every day. Life with a narcissist is so tangled up it takes a while just to clear your head. Also, just appreciating the fact that they are no longer around. My mind is still spinning but at least it's not being actively filled with BS by the narc everyday. I watched lots of Dr. Les Carter videos. He's down to earth and very calming. Sam Vaknin is an actual narcissist. His videos are helpful too. Quora has several groups with narcissist survivors.
@Elle D I have been thinking about this a LOT lately. Our lives are harried with meanness everywhere. Years ago I started doing yoga with precise breathing techniques for over an hour a day and within no time my focus pulled away from all the turmoil and I started understanding what it means to be "centered." What Kelly Kristin said is true. Once you become centered, it's easier to see what you have to do to "do the work" to raise your self worth. Everything starts falling into place.
The person denying your experience doesn't even have to say anything in words, they can say it in expressions, inappropriate laughter when you express your feeling, any way that negates you. I just realised this is what someone has been doing to me.
@@mustachegurl1714 It must difficult for you to work someone like your supervisor. Human behavior is more complex and sometimes it is better to spent more time with nature and animals. Anyway, seek a group support or a friend that you can trust..
Another thing a narcissist will do is to accuse someone of not being over something when in fact it was never resolved. For example, they emotionally abused you a few months ago and try to accuse you of the offense. Nothing was ever resolved a few months ago, but when you try to bring up the offense in order to salvage the relationship, they will accuse you of being bitter, angry, unforgiving and say "oh my god, you're still hanging on to that"! That's a sign to move on and forget about trying to resolve anything with them. What they are really trying to do is avoid dealing with their own emotionally abusive methods in interpersonal relationships. To verify it's not you, just watch how they relate to others because they simply cannot help themselves.
We had a very lumpy carpet from just about everything being swept under it. “Sweep it under the carpet” for those that don’t know, is a way of saying nothing gets resolved. Deny that it exists.
@@denise9831 Omg! I always used to use this same phrase, "Keep sweeping it under the carpet, but one day there will be a big lump that you won't able to ignore and it will be an eye sore." Guess what? He could ignore that Lump as well and gaslighted me more and more to hide it.
@@kusumlata1390 hope you’re ok and in recovery from him. It’s taken a considerable amount of time to work through all the gaslighting and emotional abuse in therapy. Hugs.
@@denise9831 I am in therapy and on anti-depressants. It's night time here in India, I will perform the daily ritual before I sleep; cry my heart out with my face stuffed in the pillow. Let it all out- everything I keep inside throughout the day. It's like a release, and then sleep. I am doing my best, I have to get okay and I think I will. :) Thanks. Hugs to you too.
@@kusumlata1390 wishing you love and forgiveness of yourself and the narcissist. They really are here to help us learn the lessons we need to learn. Once I accepted this, I found healing easier. Go well. X
There is one red flag when you’re dealing with a narcissist, when you tell him your opinion, and he starts judging you by telling how wrong you are and then starts lecturing you. There is a huge difference between “I disagree” and “you are wrong, your opinion is wrong”. If you somehow got into conversation like that. Take a notice at this red flag.
I suffered the classical signs as dr ramani says ,wanting to record,wanting a witness to be present, confusion,selfdoubt and second guessing,almost became insane.
I hear you. I had to take a recording of my ex snoring because he told me he didn't snore. Even listening to the recording he didn't believe it. I began wondering who else was in the bed. :/ No hope at all in this situation.
@David Koresh totally true, but I think a lot of people ( me included) have put up with more than they should have. Narc's suss out empaths a mile off and it seems we give them chance after chance. There is no logic to it what so ever which is very frustrating
At one point I set the rule with my ex that all the future communication about the time with the kid, etc., would be in writing only. All too often his actions became something that had never existed, his words turned out to be never said and my reactions to what was going on - "too harsh", leaving me indeed very confused. With that "in writing only" rule and me dropping his calls (that still came because he was all about disrespecting the boundaries) our communication ceased to a bare minimum, I suppose, with no strings to pull and no emotions to evoke it did not spark joy for him anymore 😁
With all the gaslighting and his very convincing way of denying something or telling me his version of events, I started journaling and keeping a record so that I could be sure of what I remembered about what had actually happened (more for my own sanity than anything else). I am not generally a record keeper. Something happens, we resolve it or agree to disagree, I don't hold onto the details- this played into his form of gaslighting perfectly.
I'm currently going through this and I'm the one looking crazy. I'm the one lashing out, because I'm not being heard..and I'm getting really tired of talking and begging for change.
Most narcissist it is difficult for them to change because their way is the only way. I'm going to share with you don't engage with them. You know they know how to push the bottom to trigger you and don't react and don't show your emotion but response with convection.
Yup!!! 😂😂 I called my ex out on something then he had a tantrum flipped the script said “I’m tired of your accusations there’s no proof” I was like I do have proof b**** then he’s like that’s a lie your crazy “see you always argue” like DUDDE these people are f**** draining!
I wish I have had someone telling me all this before I got married. My husband of 25 years used to behave like a dictator and all the red flags were there. Emotional abuse is a serious problem in a relationship. From emotional abuse, cheating started.Thank you *Coherent Recovery* for posting this time to get me all the evidence.
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
You still don't cheat on somebody, you end the relationship and walk away... 😑 I believe what you're saying about your ex-husband but what you did was wrong as well.
There’s only one way to fight a narcissist effectively. With your hat. You grab it, wave goodbye with it as you run out the door and slam it shut behind you. And move on!
Gaslighting is about keeping control of the narrative , and apologizing is about admitting losing control of oneself. Therefore, a gaslighter and/or narcissist will never admit they are wrong. Control is their primary objective.
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
gas lighters( sibling & creepy Cousin) both had fun terrorizing ME- then called 15++ relatives,"carol is ignoring Us"! ( after 60 years of liars I am DONE).
My ex-husband is a covert narcissist. His way of gaslighting me was to push my buttons. Usually he would do it in a room full of people. He knew what to say to piss me off. So he would sit beside me with his arm around me with a smile on his face and whisper things that he knew would instantly make me mad. So then I would snap and then he would jump away and act the victim. Saying see what I put up with everyday. She is so mean. I would get upset and leave. As I would leave I would look back at him and he would be smirking. He also cheated on me with anything and everything. The man worked as a jailer at a sheriff's department and he decides to have sex with a woman who was in jail for murder. It was on video of course. Yet he tried to deny it. She accused him of rape to try to get out of jail. Again video. Anyway when he had to confess to me what happened he brought his sister and the sheriff to tell me and told them he was afraid of me. Laughable! Then has the nerve to blame what he did on me. I fell for it. I stayed. He always told me I was ugly and fat and nobody would want me anytime I tried to take the kids and leave. I did escape that relationship. Moved on been married to my best friend for 20 years now. My ex had no choice but to let me go. My current husband gave him no choice. I carried a lot of emotional baggage with me into my current relationship. Thankfully my husband is an understanding loving person. Hope this helps someone.
There is an additional term for this scenario, reactive abuse. It's a fairly common tactic where the narc will intentionally provoke a reaction, and once you do react, they shift to a totally calm demeanor, "see? I'm completely calm, and you're being crazy!" They usually record it or do it in front of others, to paint their partner as the bad guy. A nice combination of gas lighting and smear campaigning.
OMG this exactly what my bf dose. Most times I don't say anything I just get embarrassed and leave the room. He also tells me nobody will want me and nobody will love me really.
@@sarandipityinthestarssarah4076 Trust me when I say that as soon as this person is totally out of your life and you move on....the sun will shine again! After years of abuse and several narcissistic relationships...i stopped allowing people to treat me crappy.. Finally married a functional human being which I never thought was possible. They all act as if no one will want you but them...such a terrible lie to control you. No more covering for bad behavior...no more fearful nights wondering how I can fix it or smooth it over...no more drama!
Mary - that is an horrific story! I was feeling outrage just reading it. I'm sure many would be able to equate to what you endured at that monster's hands. It's interesting to note that narcissists will often seek employment where they can have control over others - military, police, prison guards as in your case - even as psychiatrists etc. Glad you found your freedom.
I am so happy i have found this. My sister is the narcissistic gaslighter and I wasted my life until now trying to prove the truth. I was always dismissed by my mother and sister and told that I was talking nonsense if I complained about being gaslighted. I am the smart sister but she is the golden child because she is prettier according to my mother. When I look at pictures of me when young I was a lovely looking girl and then woman, but it was so strongly ingrained in me by my mother that I was ugly that only at 60 I stopped thinking I am unattractive. Being in therapy helped me immensely.
60 strong! Similar story, my mom and two brothers. I am moved now to pity them - they will never experience healing, wholeness, true empathy or understanding. It's like wasted lives, really sad.
It's so interesting to hear this because I saw a movie taken of me and some other family members when I was young and when I saw it, I thought I looked so poised and so graceful but my parents were belittling me most of the time.
Saying “thank you” is not enough to show my gratitude to you *Coherent Recovery* . It’s my honor to work under your guidance. Thank you for everything. Under your guidance, everything seems so easy. I truly appreciate your effort and advice that you give to us. You are a great support for us. All your hard work and dedication have paid off. You are an inspiration to other Expertise like you. Thanks for your great job. I’m proud of you getting access to my spouse phone! Thanks💯
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
Gaslighting. My ex said I had “too many feelings”. When a topic came up that he was addressing about my insufficiencies, sometimes I would say “you do the same thing!” I would give an example. He immediately would say “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.” Only it was never his turn. I could give so many other examples. I was with him for 14 months and still haven’t recovered, went no contact in January (restraining order for stalking). I was newly widowed when I met him. It has been really rough.
I don't mean to invalidate your experience of gaslighting, as telling you that you have too many feelings is indeed gaslighting, but I have to point out that countering every time your partner tells you about your 'insufficiencies' is also deflection and invalidating. It is not healthy.
Grew up with a narcissistic parent and have just realized how I much I did this to others thinking it was “normal” 😞 glad I’ve grown as a person and learnt better ways Edit to add: thank you so much to everyone who has shared, I’ve lost track of who I have and haven’t responded to, but if you are getting help or growing, I am proud of you!
@@evileyeworx5037 I hope that you have a professional that is helping you? If not, the bravest thing you can do is ask for help ♥️ just to see if I’m understanding correctly, your family made it seem like it was your mind playing tricks on you because of your diagnosis when that wasn’t true?
1. When another person denies your emotions. They will make you doubt your feelings. 2. They deflect your concerns. 3. They deny what actually occurred. 4. Refuse to actually listen to you. Do not let then make you doubt yourself. People who do this lack empathy. If they minimize your concerns or feelings they are gaslighting you.
@@hi-kt8jj Hi Aishwarya. I too have been in one for over 17 years. I however had had enough and went to the extent of moving out of the house so that I could even give myself a chance to restore myself to sanity. It worked like magic. I didn't know at that time I was a victim but I do know now n look back at my leaving as a way of detachment. I am how seeking professional help to help me understand the long term patterns that I have made in these past years and I'm sure I will find my true authentic self again. I just want you to know that you don't have to feel that this is what the rest of your life looks like....there is a way out n help is out there too.
@@christinaclinton9168 Hi Christina, thank you for responding! I only figured out several months ago that what I was (and still) going through was not normal. i'm planning on separating myself too once i am able to leave my house. I'm not allowed to go to therapy right now, probably because my parents don't want me talking about them to anyone. But i do plan on going to therapy at some point in the late future because I really cant get through everything that's happened in my past alone. I'm really glad you're taking control of your life again. I just don't know how i'll ever speak about my experiences with anyone, it's sounds terrifying.
@@hi-kt8jj I wasn’t happy in my relationship with my boyfriend and I had to ASK for attention and love. How sad is that? And when we were breaking up I said that I wasn’t happy. And he responded with, “my goodness it’s always about you. I didn’t think you were that selfish”. I don’t even know what to think about that. I can’t believe he said that. These are my emotions!!! How does this make me selfish??
First of all. Thank you for making the work environment so friendly and taking your responsibility seriously and completing the work gracefully! You deserve so much. He does what he says he is going to do and his ethics are of the highest quality. *Future imperative corps*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
but then if you stop the conversation, as suggested, you just hear "oh... so, what, now you're just going to walk away ..." : the 4th stage of gaslighting!
Oy vey true. If my emotions or concerns discussed by me get turned around or deflected into “you don’t care” ‘conversation’, I’d want to stop discussing it and just put it down for a few days or a week (the conversation). Doing that would be the source for the next argument later on. Got to the point where I just couldn’t sustain trying to be understood and see genuine empathy or validation of any sort but I’ve had strong boundaries and I could feel them trying to be broken. It is very uncomfortable. The latest was I had been blasted with insults from her girlfriends which not a single one of them I ever met in the 16 months of dating when I was smeared by my “ever loving girlfriend” to her friends while drinking somewhere and I was travelling to visit my brother 9 hours away .. she doesn’t get that I feel totally disrespected and humiliated by her smear campaign by ppl I don’t even know or even met .. my mistake was in retrospect was I should have ended it right then and there .. funny thing is I have not thought she is a narcissist at all as I was once with a covert malignant narc who was really awful (but incredibly covert and intelligent) .. at this point I just don’t know what to think and want to forget it all and just move on and heal .. I thought I knew how to identify normal ppl by now,
Yep. I sent my mom a letter 2 years ago - before realizing all her narc tendencies - and she ignored it for weeks. Then she called and acted like nothing had happened. She's brought it up since then and told me that I misunderstood her sense of humor because I was a child when she said certain things. There's always an excuse for EVERYTHING. What finally made me realize the truth was going on a 4 day trip with her. I didn't want to, but I was the only one of my siblings who could/would be with her for a major medical procedure she needed at an out of town hospital. (One of my brothers even acknowledged the sacrifice by thanking me for taking one for the team.) I realized how much she even manipulated her best friend of decades by refusing to answer her calls all day long when she answered everyone else. And there were SO many other things. I've hardly spoken with her since that trip and I can't say that I'm sad about that.
I am grateful for these videos. I married my boyfriend 2.5 months ago and things got bad 2 weeks after the I do's. It has been very disorienting. The gaslighting is what caught my attention as I started to call them out. I started to write things down. After calling out the last one which was a major lie he ignored me for 6 days. I submitted divorce paperwork today. I know that this person is likely not going to change, and I either need to be able to live with it or leave. I am leaving. Thank you for the work you do.
I see you posted this 7 months ago , I was interested in knowing how things concluded . Did you end up getting a divorce , or was the issues you were having understood in a way that lead to a resolution ? What is your perspective , do you think he was a narcissist?
@@intuitivelogic5159 My problem with this, is how one is able to identify a narcissist if both parties are aware of the term. I dont understand how its decided who gets the right to call the other a narcissist, especially when someone is submissive in nature.
@@intuitivelogic5159 I'm going through a divorce, a lot happened in my situation, but my wife says I am gaslighting and a narcissist, I understand those are hurtful words and I hurt her, now everytime we talk and I overexplain myself, because I'm nervous about it ending too, I say things that are viewed as gaslighting, which I believe she also does. If a memory comes back to her and im unaware, i say i dont remember that, that means im gaslighting if i say something or worse, nothing at all, defensive mechanisms to keep my sanity are very intact, how are sides chosen...This makes no sense to me.
your in luck !!! heres a man that never lies !!!! NEVER !!! but i also wont work , lazy sorry as hell, and dependant on drugs , just saying i can love and give the truth , about it , sad but true
@@canttouchthis6439 perhaps you are an insensitive person, then. Saying someone is ‘very’ sensitive is better, I feel. “Too” is a matter of opinion and comes off as more judgmental. I stand by what I said - and it seems I’m in the majority, according to the responses so far.
@@canttouchthis6439 for someone picking on words I think you mean “you’re” not “your”. This is a forum to build people up not come on to cause trouble. I’m sure others will agree. Thanks for stopping by to contribute though.
Honestly, just owning it and not trying to hide it is a partially why I watch you. It's the honorable thing to do and it make the rest of jobs much more believe when you are call out of the spots like that, so thank you *Coherent Recovery* for making me see target phone activities
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
yea thats psychoathic and narccisstic like all the studies according to sage jounrals show so called "empaths" actually are (ps psychpath gaslight not narccists, shows you the credibility of your idols) @@DatriellHarris
@@aks-wf8ez that did happen but it obeyed him when he tapped the chair and allowed him to pet a massage him. Massaging the pet is like a source of comfort.
This hit the nail on the head! It’s amazing we ever learn to trust again after being gaslighted. It really messed me up. Has taken me years to get over. Still a work in progress.
He was guilty of manipulating them very viciously. Technically, you are born with your feelings, somewhere in his tiny brain he used that to justify his behavior. That is a Sociopath or Psychopath.
Another thing is they say they would never hurt you and stomp off angry at you, thus hurting you even more. I unfortunately married two men like that. It has taken me years to recover. You get so you don't trust your feelings or even reality at times.
You're like 90% responsible for your own feelings though. Sure, people and their actions can have a lot of influence, but they're 100% you're feelings. You can't always just blame someone else for how you feel. My ex was a narc and she would blame me for how she felt all the time regardless of what I did or weather it was good or bad. And I mean like I could have cured cancer and if she didn't like it I would be told I was a bad person who needed to apologise to her. At the end of the day if it upset her, I was instantly tried and found guilty.
@@mashpotato472 this thread is exactly why I do not think videos like this are good for the public. I always thought as well, as I’ve heard it touted in videos like this, that WE ARE responsible for our own feelings. 🤷🏼♀️ And I feel for guys like you who probably got labeled as cruel or narcissistic when the issue could be with the other. Then they watch videos like this and feel validated. There seems to be different expectations from the sexes which leads to this type of finger pointing of labeling. If someone makes you feel bad, you leave! Boom. Right There. You don’t stick around hounding that person to change FOR you. Its not for them to change for you if they are just being theirselves. It’s kind of reverse narcissism. ..or a blind form of it? I can say this because I am a woman, and my earliest relationships (teenage) I used to feel and say the same thing to my man, but I realized what was occurring is that when a woman bonds sexually (any sexual activity- even just making out) with a man too early, she’s in married mode by natural instinct, while he’s just pleased with the set up. She’s working to stay bonded, but for him it’s just sex and fun. It leads to these type of arguments. Men don’t understand why she’s behaving this way, and she doesn’t understand why he isn’t working for the relationship like she is...basically she’s seeing her hurts with him as his fault when she should be saying, ah, crap, I shouldn’t have played with this man because I’m finding he’s not what I’m hoping for in a mate. Instead, they will try and hold on, then get angry when he’s not seeing what she imagines it to be. She is trying to make him into something he is not and he is just thinking she’s with me, she must like me (how I am)- and get confused when he keeps getting walloped with emotional outbursts out of the blue. Honestly, she should just walk away if she’s finding she’s getting hurt by him, because to stay or not is her choice. ➡️You don’t WORK for the love, you STAY for the person.
Can we all appreciate this guys for taking the time to help all of us and making our lives happy, cause these dudes never fail to put a smile on our faces, guys they deserve the best in life we'll all support them no matter what we all love you and I wanna Thank You So Much for being amazing! *Future Imperative Corps*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
Brandon is a detailed oriented, customer focused, results driven individual who's goals are to deliver only high quality services to his customers. Thanks *Future Imperative Corps* I always knew you can deliver. You have what it takes.I can’t find the right words to appreciate your effort, i can now check the phone activities. I'm glad to work with someone like you
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
I was gaslighted my whole life. After my divorce, I must have been in my early 30's, I remember calling someone on something and they admitted it... I was stunned. No one had ever admitted anything to me in my life before. I don't remember the circumstance, but I still remember the feeling of total shock and relief.
Yeh. I hear you. It is important to note, even journal that experiences, of when you feel shock about proper treatment toward you. Perpetuate and enjoy that treatment.
Me too, gaslighted by parents, friends, ex-husband, bosses and co-workers. I am shocked when people allow me to have my say. I have also found myself listening in on conversations between healthy people, just to learn what a healthy interaction looks like.
I love this Doctor. She doesn't let the host deflect the discussion to pointless stuff. Her videos have a high density of extremely useful and informative content.
@@Laura-se5hc she's the expert being interviewed here for a professional opinion. Not a conversation. Many times (the title of this video makes it very clear) the professional has a list of points they want to make and they lose their flow if interrupted or diverted with a question. It's the host's job to listen in such an interview where points are being listed off
@@jimmurphy3868 @Jim Murphy my response was to a deleted or changed comment which said that Dr Ramani wasn't letting the host talk at all (showing that they were disliking the doctor taking over the conversation). To that, I replied that it's natural for a host to listen to the guest and let them do the talking. We all like her here and the host was better than most I'd say, doesn't interrupt her quite as much as bad hosts are wont to do.
It's natural to get caught with other topics especially when we know little about the subject and trying to learn. She's so good to being back the subject to what is most important, and kind of puts other questions to rest. He's good bec most of us don't have a clue, he feels relatable, and gives good space for the doctor to explain clearly rather than talking over.
Yes me too. I feel so inadequate and struggle to express my feelings now as a result. I have gotten to a point where I do not trust that anyone won't gaslight me. Have had that experience so many times and I feel so thrown off by it, it is so discouraging and disheartening. All that distrust has bubbled up now and sadly I feel so averse to relationships now, too scared it will be like anytime I bring something that is weighing heavily on my heart. Gaslighting, deflection, minimisation, twisting words around is so exhausting. I want peace and harmony between myself and others but it seems to be so foreign to me now. That person I used to be is gone, has lost hope in love, in connection. I have more fun on my own, less stress. The only time I feel alive is like myself is when I put some latin music on. I feel creative. Other than that on the whole I am deeply unhappy and know that my unmet needs of being heard, seen, respected, understood and having a sense of automony and freedom is what is driving this. Lord help us all in learning how to navigate this together.
@@jay-s9y1c After seeing your comment, I checked out a video of yours. I thought you came across in the video, as having 'light' and 'goodness' and narcissists can indeed 'prey' upon that. Some people want you to feel inadequate and for you to not be aware of your own worth. The fact that your passion for the style of music you love still brings you joy, is great! Staying connected to what you love in important.
Craig M sensitivity can be a super-power if you learn to use it to your benefit and how to focus the energy. Sensitive people are often the most compassionate. I have used my sensitivity to volunteer with hospice patients and they adore the fact I’m sensitivity 🤗 We all have the ability to use what we feel is our ‘weakness’, flip it and reverse it and make something great out of it.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Someone I know been traumatized & these systhoms are in line w/the abuser's behavior. The him she got isn't whom she met look wise & behavior-he cut his hair & put a earring in his ear. His personality is aggressive, controlling, manipulative, indecisive, etc he forced himself on her, busted 3 nuts off her (1 condom 2 raw) got her a plan b, blocked her out of no where, she called him from different # he started acting like he told her he didn't want to be bothered, he gave her number out-she started receiving insulting txt messages, he called her the next day & told her to stop contacting him.. He's gonna get a restraining order.. Brought up her job as a threat tactic & everything.. Remind u.. She deleted his number 9 months ago & moved on because he wasn't communicating effectively after he pursued her. But, 9 months later he reach out & do her like this!!
What do y'all witness in the military-army? He's a double blinker, sleep w/a gun at the pillow, communicate poorly, doesn't moan during sex, doesn't exude emotion or indication of ejaculation...8
Two decades of living with a covert narcissist who used gaslighting, psychological projection, lies of omission/commission, mental reservation, and every conceivable trick in the book left me completely destroyed. I was a devoted husband and stay-at-home dad for over ten years who ultimately had to leave his children...or die. Two years later, I have recovered enough to finally understand the truth: I was NOT insane. She was. Truth matters.
Yikes im so sorry you had to choose your life or your kids. That's horrible and your feelings are valid remember that. Normal ppl don't dismiss your feelings, and then kick you when you are down :/
I heard it put like this growing up a lot of us aren't crazy but the ones that are are very very good at it. Also, I'm pretty sure you're not one of them. there are several signs one of them is zero opening up pretty much.
Scott Newbury - Yes, all of that and ‘casual cruelty’ - sarcasm, the put down’s and minimisation of anything I achieved, the unkind comments if he was feeling bad, and insistence that things went his way (or he would sulk/sabotage). I’m away from him now, but have a daughter who is behaving in the same way. I’ve had enough of it and am seriously thinking of walking away from her too.... it would be sad for my Grandchildren though...
Don't beat yourself up to bad, I was with my narcissist wife for 25 years, just like yours mine used every narcissistic trick in the book, like she had some sort of instruction manual. I'm in no contact and I'm done with her, I couldn't believe when she gaslit me, at the time I didn't know what it was called but I knew what it was intended to do which was to try to distort my reality, the thing she underestimated about me is that I don't have a problem with my reality or my memory so her trying to gaslight me had the opposite effect, I was pissed that she would try this on me and found it a total insult to my intelligence and couldn't believe my own wife would try this kind of behavior on me, to just flat out tell me something didn't happen, wow! Also, the silent treatment was one of her favorites for a while but I put a stop to that, I told her how immature doing that was and it wasn't something I could put up with and she knew that was something she couldn't do anymore. what this did was to make her have to think even harder to try to find other things to push my buttons with, she would push my buttons to get me to bicker and squabble with her, it was just horrible, we would be out supposed to be having a good time and she would start this nonsense up. It got even crazier and after 25 years with her, I left her, she's a nut case. There's no fixing her she's mean to the core, her parents messed her really good and now she living with them again and she's even worse than before.
This experience of being gaslit and confused is so damn real and personal to me that it blows my mind that there are people out there who don't know what it's like - to be TOLD what you feel, and BELIEVE it somehow. It must sound so strange and impossible. But Dr. Ramani has it dead on.
I believe you. I still am not sure who I am but I am going to love me and trust me. I saw a sign one day that said "She believed she could, so she did." It is my new mantra. With it I have begun changing my mind.. I have not gone anywhere physically. Instead, I have been telling myself who I am. What I want to be. Becoming free on the inside.
@@orpha9031 good for you! I've started listening to Joe Dispensza and doing the meditation, it has really helped with changing my mindset about myself and who i am and want to be
I'm sensitive...emotionally, physically and spiritually. People make it sounds bad..but I believe it's a gift. We are all different parts of the Spiritual body and have a different purpose to make it whole. Imagine feeling pain more intensely. Light is too bright, sound is too loud. This leads you to be more empathetic, sympathetic and calming. You are more forgiving, loving and giving. I have had people who honestly asked if I was an Angel. This from strangers. I have learned to balance my life and feel blessed.🙏
Wonderful video My partnership of five years ended a month ago. When my true love decided to part ways with me, it truly is the only thing on my mind. I can't fathom my life with anyone else, and even though I've tried everything to get him back, it's all in vain. Despite my best efforts to put him out of my thoughts, I can't help but miss him and think about him all the time. I could not really tell you why I am saying this.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
My "favorite" is when they just pretend you didn't say anything at all. You answer a question, and they just keep repeating it because they didn't like the answer.
After 30 years, I finally had words to put to my experiences. When my therapist said, “Your husband is gaslighting you”, it was the most eye-opening moment of my life. I have been free of him for 3 1/2 glorious years. This video reconfirms so much for me. He used the exact phrases you said. PleAse keep making videos so people do not waste 30 years questioning their value in this world.
I've realized finall, thru the help of these videos, it's been 20 years. I get it now. It's been depressing and and angry that I've wasted all this time with a person whom really doesn't care for me. It was all fake and I believed him.
My ex was extremely emotionally abusive and gaslight me constantly. And unfortunately for me my memory is horrible so he made me literally feel like I was going insane and made me question my reality everyday I was with him, I had to eventually start recording and documenting everything just to prove I wasn’t crazy and that he was gaslighting me. Thank the lord I got out of that…
My mom is like that. No conversation we have goes without her gaslighting. I enabled a GPS tracker on my phone to prove my whereabouts and make everything written. I also suffer from bad memory. I sometimes wonder if our memory is actually bad or our gaslighters have convinced us that we have a bad memory so that we believe everything they say and doubt ourselves.
It's scary how similar this sounds to me. I have a horrible memory and I am never able to defend myself when I know I am right, so I look like the crazy one.
Continuous stress due to abuse can damage the brain cells in the hippocampus, making it gradually shrink in size. As a result, the person starts to forget things easily and finds it difficult to learn new stuff.
@DesiRhythm6 our cognitive function is impaired(poor short term memory, changes in speech, mental fog) due to constant stress. Our bodies are not meant to stay in long term fight, flight, fawn. Our brains are screaming DANGER and we tell ourselves, "they don't mean it" " he/she loves me" "they've been under so much pressure lately" "it'll get better" un aliving ourselves day in and day out. I began journaling and telling my sister about him, every single time he tried me with his bs. Then one day I said "eff this" and packed me and my sons stuff up and dipped! Never looked back
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.
To address your initial comment: that is true at first but sometimes a narcissist will admit to it because they might not think theres anything wrong with being a narcissist. Other times it is admitted to manipulate to say “hey you caught me doing these things, but I'm actually a changed man/woman despite my narcissism”. Also, if they believe they have you in a catch 22 box of fear that will keep you from attempting from leaving they are more candid about it because they don't have to fake anymore because you're definitely aware by this point. Especially if they have used weapons against you and your children and threats of extreme violence if you attempt to leave them. All while never actually seeing anything wrong with what they do. You always deserved it. They were justified. Your feelings were never valid and they don’t out any stock into them. My husband would constantly tell me that. He did all the above. So yea narcissists can definitely be aware and admit to it depending on different factors. Its all about manipulation and control and being superior
Agree. I felt horrible for my action in my ex marriage. I apologized to my ex but never got an apology from him when he did the same thing as i did, until i brought it up to him that he never apologized to me for doing the same thing..with a smurk remark he said "oh you want me to say sorry, sorry"
Yes, but if you bring it up they say “I do apologise when I’ve done wrong.” Always describing their good deeds retrospectively but never ACTUALLY demonstrating the story they’re telling.
Most don't, but some do. However, it's never because they feel remorseful but rather a desperate attempt to keep you. A sorry person doesn't say sorry and then continue on with the toxic behaviour. They do everything they can to change it within themselves.
I’m 71 and have less and less friends because it takes years to develop friendships and many of my friends are deceased. I used to go to weddings now I go to funerals. I appreciate the Lord getting me this far.
@@jimmycain8669 I agree! I’m 36 and moved states and I meet a lot of good people my age but reality is after a certain age I really don’t feel the drive to make the relationships like I had back home. I unfortunately have been to some funerals too. God bless you
Yes, deflection has been the favorite tool of narcissistic father. “That didn’t happen” has also been a favorite… you CANNOT win. I’ve experienced every single thing Dr. Ramani talks about here. Finally deciding to go Grey Rock…
You can win, just recognize the you are already victorious. While they are conniving uncontrollably on petty and meaningless things, you are viewing the eternal and universally meaningful things, such as love and understanding.
“Don’t feel that way.” “Feel this way.” Five weeks in a mental health hospital for profound depression and the aha moment. I was not allowed to have my own feelings”
And yet, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is still the go-to therapy for cheapskate, under-educated MH service providers. CBT is used in just the way you describe.
When they tell me, I worry about you, when my life was perfectly fine and could look after myself. That always confused me lol. Then just thought those are your thoughts not mine and when I noticed my friend doing that, that is what I would tell myself to not let her thoughts become mine.
If you're capable of thought, it creates problems. It's one of the reasons why a Narc will preemptively gas light and discredit a target within a social group. The Narc has to disarm the person who can see right through them. If a Narc can get the group to view the target negatively and devalue that person, the group won't listen to the target when he or she talks truth about the Narc. This also serves to isolate the target and opens a path to abuse them more deeply. Narcs can be very lazy, but one thing they are diligent and efficient in is their high dysfunction. It is amazing in the worst way possible.
Johnny Rocker leave home! It’s your life. You are your own self. Just grow up and leave home and l meant this is the most loving way truly. Best wishes
PurplePinkRed l want to apologise for my comments. I don’t think l thought properly before posting and did not mean it to sound as it did. Thank you for letting me know and again sincerely sorry. Keep well
*Future Imperative Corps* used his cyber services as a therapy session, taking us through a very chaotic mind and leaving us with a sense of peace and resolution at the end. He used this album as a way to document the breaking of generational curses that have kept his family toxic for so long while also giving the culture permission so that we can start breaking our own generational curses even if it means using him as the means to do so.
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
Jeez… wish I could have a therapy session with Dr. Ramani. This video is like 6 months of talk therapy squished into 5 min. This video is so validating and increases the confidence and trust I have in myself.
"You're too sensitive/it was just a joke" is a consistent refrain in our family dynamic with my dad and brother. Evveryyythinggg is funny to them... when they're saying something hurtful to someone else. That's called being a bully. I'm glad I finally realized that.
I was gaslit in my relationship in this classic example: I wanted to set a time aside that we could talk about "us" and any issues or concerns, as well as things that made us feel closer, as a way to bond and grow together. His response was "well I have A LOT of things I'm not happy with to talk about, and it's going to take a LONG time. So either you can go first, or I'll go first, but I have BIG, MAJOR concerns." Surprised, as he never showed any signs of being unhappy with our relationship, I of course said "you can go first". It was about a 2 hour lecture of how we should be better "team players" and when I asked for clarification on what that meant, he said "I can't put my finger on it, but whatever it is you're doing, it's just not enough" After a 2 hour lecture of how I'm not fulfilling his needs (with no clear examples) I had no time or energy to even talk about what my issue was: That I wanted more intimacy. So that's an example of being gaslit. My feelings were trumped by his "major issue" (out of no where) with no concrete examples. He deflected my emotions/issues/concerns to take the light off of the fact that he in fact might have some weaknesses to address. Bc the narcissist is perfect, everyone knows that...to the outside world!
Wow mine where I don’t cook everyday Mine you it’s my foostsmps and when it’s none she doesn’t offer to buy food for me to cook 2 my tone of voice 3 I’ve changed 4 I don’t bring her drinks xyz 5 Sexually I’m not into her since I don’t perform orally they way she wants which is hardly ever since she barely allows me to do 6 she can’t communicate with me I out talks her xyz … I thought we were decent nothing perfect but like you stated I guess she really felt some way When it was my turn to express my concerns oh I’m only saying things because she saying things LIES.. in her eyes she perfect also lies I guess her list was her proof that she tried and tried with me and I didn’t improve that way whatever happens or she does or is doing is justified typical right lol These people are wolfs in sheep clothing Always blaming accusing projecting n gaslighting the worst emotional and mental torment in any relationship she always was the victim and the one shtd on by others this narc really was telling me who she was the entire time they are pure evil
I have a mother just like this. Always undermining everything. Her way is perfect, and no one is allowed to question it. It's like a cult. Always gaslighting...
First, identify and psychologically abuse your victim. Then blame THEM for having made the situation so bad. CLASSIC NARCISSIST GAS LIGHTING BEHAVIOUR. We've all fallen into that EVIL trap before.
My partner does something similar but he is in no way a narcissist. Sometimes men do the minimising thing because they are uncomfortable with how they have made you feel. It's just so they don't feel like an asshat for making you cry because deep down they feel horrible for it lol
@@fancyfeast5086 Your partner is a narcissist. A good number of men on this planet ARE. Just look at who's "in charge on this planet"! We have all become tone deaf to this reality.
As someone raised to be obedient, I can see (and have experienced) how easy it is to be gaslighted. Obedient kids are a result of authoritative parenting. In authoritative parenting, it's all "always follow what Mom/Dad said because only Mom/Dad know what's best for you". What that actually teaches kids is that they need to obey a figure of authority. When these kids grow up and go out into the world, there are so many narcissists, psychopaths etc that will overpower obedient people (by positioning themselves as figures of authority), and easily manipulate them into giving them what they want. Just from my experience.
So true!!! I was this way for 20 years with a marriage and a church. The church was hell bent on preaching obedience that it started to feel cult like bc it is!! I pulled out and took my girls. I’m teaching them to be assertive, with self control and confidence. I am almost 40 years old and bc of that authority mess I could not even make a decision about ordering a meal without feeling like I needed validation from someone telling me I was doing the right thing. I feel so free being away from them. My husband and that church. I still feel guilty at times bc they engrave in you if you don’t obey then you reap what you sow. It’s funny how they pound that into us in a negative light. Like although I’ve been paying tithes and giving my whole life to this church and marriage I still feel like if I didn’t do what they wanted I was cursed to die. It’s so draining
Most interesting part of this is how *Coherent Recovery* were pushing and encouraging both teams along, trying to get the best performance out of everyone there. It's that kind of teamwork and support that helps them to achieve the amazing spying results.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
One of the worse forms of gaslighting is when a person says “I’m a good person” and keeps neglecting your needs even though you tell them 100 times what your needs are. This manipulative tactic is so subtle that makes you doubt your needs and doubt your reality. I wonder is anyone here has ever experienced this?
After 10 years and lots of abuse I told my spouse I was giving up hope he would ever change. He replied,” but you can’t give up on me now, or I’ll never become the man I’m meant to be.”….For those who don’t understand the context Meaning: you have to stay with me abusing you and over time I’ll stop abusing you as long as you keep believing in me…instead of actually stopping abusing me right then…….as if its on me and not him that he doesn't abuse me anymore…
The specifics of the situation are so important here. I've seen people use the "neglecting my needs" phrase as a way to manipulate others. If I tell my partner that "my needs" are for her to check in with me every hour, on the hour, with details about where she is and who she is with, is that fair and reasonable? And if I've told her this "100 times" and she still doesn't do it, is she bad for "doubting my needs and reality"? I don't think that if someones "needs" and "reality" are unreasonable that they should dictate the terms of the relationship.
Oh my gosh. Yes, so much yes. My husband (getting a divorce soon) does this to me all the time. Then I end up feeling like shit about myself and question whether or not I’m asking for too much.
Not only that, but they claim that conversations happened that didn't happen. "You agreed to lend me $2,500." Yah, no, I didn't. Pretty sure I'd have remembered that.
@@ryanlayman316 Yesss, then you have a poker face like ..You are kidding me?. You tell them in respectful manner of the situation that's going on. And continue to say in 1, 2.."That's not true. How could you do this to me after all I helped you so much. Is this how you repay me. Ungrateful. Go away. Your the one who is crazy. I think your making up all this, are you alright? Want me to take you to a mental hospital so you feel better . She is absolutely crazy, guys let's calm her down". Me: Seriously 😕 👀 *completly chill* 😑😑 😶 but after that you just try to leave because the conversation isn't going anywhere practically accusing of stuff you didn't do and their trying to break my patience so ..ok bye🚦 🙋🏃🏃👣🏁✈
Nodding my head throughout the whole video. Within the last couple of years I realized I was experiencing abuse--though my intuition knew that I should not have been with this person, I kept believing in the good times, the promises... A big symptom for me was the confusion I experienced throughout the relationship. Harsh ups and downs.
I was in an emotional abusive relationship for 4 years. This was my first real relationship so I didn't know really know what emotional abuse was or what a narcissist was. But he gaslighted me all the time when I would try and talk about my feelings of him being distant and cold, not compassionate, empathetic or affectionate towards me. I thought the gaslighting was how he would "express himself" because that is what he told me he was doing. But nothing ever got resolved. If I told him something was bothering me that he was doing, he would deflect and start talking about what I did that bothered him. Then the whole conversation would turn into what I did to him, never talking about the present issues. It was exhausting and made me sad and miserable. After finding and watching these videos and Dr. Ramani's videos, I finally left and realized I don't deserve this and that my ex is in fact a narcissist. Good riddance.
Hey girl, I’m actually in the same state as u were. N now after what all has he done, I can’t believe or trust in the slightest or kind gestures of any other approaching me. N I wish u all good things further in life
Hey there! Thank you for your comment. I went through the same. It was also my first long term and serious relationship. So I had no point of reference. But the amount of verbal abuse I went through is mind blowing to me now. The worst part is, I still feel the need to protect him. None of my family or friends know how bad it got. I kept it hidden because I still care for him a don’t want anyone to hate him. I just play it off as an amicable break up. But it feels good to come here and understand that my feelings are valid.
@@akhilaanand690 Yes girl. I am the same way. It has become difficult for me to trust kind gestures because I immediately think that they may be love bombing. We are strong though! We will get through this and we will find someone who truly loves us. I believe in you
@@kristinab3069 Girl you are strong for leaving that relationship. You don't have to protect him, because all he did was hurt you. No more protecting him. Tell people what he did and said to you. They need to know. I told everybody that I was very close with. They were so shocked and saddened that I went through something like that. He didn't deserve you. Karma will get him trust me. Just stay being positive and beautiful and the universe will send you the man that is meant for you.
5:11 I made the mistake of doing this. I had recordings of him twisting my words, and making me think I didn’t remember what I said a few seconds ago. It’s so true. I played back the recording for him, where he directly lied to me, and he responded with, “See? You’re the manipulative one for even recording me. You feel like you can’t talk to me without recording me? YOU’RE the one that has trust issues, then, so this argument is all on you.”
Now, if somebody is gaslighting me and telling me "I have trust issues" - I see it as them telling me quite literally, "I have trust issues with THEM - because they are not trustworthy"
The important thing is to not get crazy trying to " prove" the real world to the crazy/narcissistic/gaslighter. They manipulate by playing stupid/naiv and make you doubt your mental health. My best tip is run!.
@@chaseback5102 Holy crap, my parents say that ALL the time, ever since I was a kid, and it always pissed me off, and I never got it. Now I get it. Ugh.
They will NEVER change, and if they say they will, it is a lie and the change (whatever it is) is only for a fleeting moment, to suck you back in. It is so evil...
The purpose of gaslighting is deflection of accountability because the alternative is to confront whatever stored fear is within them and face it head on and that scares them more than being wrong with another. It's not personal, it's mental 🙏
@Janessa Arango You're so right! After having our second baby within 13 months I turned up positive for an STD. He said, "You must have had affair and forgot." !!! He had been cheating the whole time. Happily remarried now! :-D
Gaslighting is about keeping control , and apologizing its about admitting losing control . therefore, a gaslighter and/or narcissist will never admit they are wrong.
"There's no reason for you to feel that way" "You're just jealous" "You're just insecure" "That's not something I can help you with" "That's a story you made up in your mind" - a chronic theme when I was involved with the narc.
"If "words" cause you to want to go home? "Rage Outbursts" when I disagree w/.narcs perspective?? Obnoxious & Insane!!! Scary as hell!! Narcs just transform!!!
I’ve been there. I’ve literally had to screenshot conversations because within minutes (literally within MINUTES) he would go from one extreme to the other. And deny deny deny. One moment he wanted me to get rid of my baby, the next moment he wanted me to sign over complete and full rights of my child to him. The next minute it wasn’t his child. The next minute he was excited to have a family with me. It all depended on how my responses made him feel. Yet I was the one who was “too emotional“ and a “sycho”... yes that is how he spelled p-s-y-c-h-o. Currently getting everything documented with the proper authorities and personnel to help me hopefully with no contact. I am currently pregnant with this individuals child but I have gone no contact with him...well, The only communication that I have with him is to inform him of doctors appointments having to do with the little one. In the state that I am in it would be quite unlawful for me to keep him away from his child. Despite the circumstances the state that I currently reside deems it mandatory that both parties have equal rights to the child. Even if one party abuses the child and or the other party, the state governs a mandatory 50-50 at least. So if I were to go completely no contact and not inform him or give him the opportunity to be there for appointments regarding his child, the state will rule against me and I would possibly lose most of my rights as a parent just for having been the one to walk away. This whole system my state runs through as a farce. CHILDREN to them are cash cows, and because of this rule we have the highest domestic violence and child abuse rates in the nation. So I am doing everything that I can to make sure that my baby is safe. This man has a history of violence and I would be ignorant to believe that I am an exception to his rule. For me I feel as though it’s truly only a matter of time if I were to continue contact. Be safe out there guys.... this is all too real
Gina...exactly what he told me. He'd also tell me I was the narc, miserable and even passed my misery 2 my son. He said I was broken and won't be broken with me
Divorced an “Anti-Social” - Five years later he still won’t let go... The entire legal system needs some training in these types of behaviors so they are not further empowering abusers especially with Children involved...
@@dylancoleman1921 That was a syntactic miscue. Yes, she could have said "a person with an antisocial personality disorder", but she didn't, and you got the idea. We all did. Don't deflect. Her experience is legitimate and so is her pain.
You are right! We must also teach our kids--at home and at school--about narcissistic behaviours and gas lighting as part and parcel of teaching them about how to deal with bullying.
30 sessions with a psychiatrist was required to help me regain my trust in my own reality after experiencing this in a relationship. Thank-you for helping others understand this form of emotional abuse.
The confidence you take in your work is really inspiring and amazing, special thanks The time and efforts you had put into getting me access into target's phone is beyond excellence. Take my cordial thanks! *Future Imperative Corps* . You are really an efficient, organized and result-oriented man Thank you for all the extra hours and extra effort you had to put on for getting the access activated. I appreciate every bit of your effort. Thank you for pulling this off so smoothly...
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
I’m married to a classic textbook narcissist, 28 yrs. Separated for the last two yrs. I cannot tell you how much your videos have helped me. While I have always known that there was something very wrong with my husband, I could never put my finger on it, so to speak. He’s a master manipulator & gas-lighter. You’ve described him to the tee. I am learning so much from you Dr. Thank you 🙏 Btw… ordering your latest book‼️
Gaslighting in therapy was the final straw for me. That’s when I knew what she was and I wasn’t crazy and walked out. She tries so hard to make me out to be the crazy one. I can only imagine what she tells her friends and family. 🤷♂️✌🏼
I also had a narcissistic therapist who tried to gaslight me too. The therapist I had after her also turned out to be a narcissist who was very mean. She was always trying to make me feel bad in every session. I don’t know how people like this get to be licensed therapists when they should be nowhere in the mental health field.
This is so spot on. I want to point out that not all people who gaslight are narcissists. Some are just using it as a defense mechanism and have not learned or matured enough to try a healthier way. Most people can and will change. That's the biggest difference.
Nailed it when you said you feel the need to record conversations. That's exactly where I ended up, written and audio, screenshots, you name it. When I started googling why is this and that happening, as I did feel confused, crazy, brain fog, etc which is when I found out my partner is a narcissist. Then it all made sense. The records for me are a reminder, proof etc when I doubt myself. I did once say 'No, you did say that' told him I still had the messages, and of course i got snapped at 'Oh that's right you would keep those, so you can use it against me' after that I realized there is no point trying to prove anything to a Narc. Because they didn't do that, they didn't say that etc. UGH
exactly, i've reached the point where i'm so done and over people who are so full of shit. like i know what i deserve, and i'll get what i deserve. i'm never wasting my time around toxic manipulative people every again. i'm so happy that i've come to realize all this recently, it feels so good not to care about all this nonsense anymore
Yup…every time my mother insulted me and I got upset, she’d say I was too sensitive. Every time I brought up a past slight on her part, she’d conveniently forget or deny that she’d done it. She even accused me of doing things that she perceived as nasty, that my sister had actually done. After 58 years and 1 month of it, I severed ties completely. And after several doses of these videos, I realized that I was unhealthily incorporating her tactics in my own behaviour. I now work overtime to mindfully avoid her tactics. If anyone can relate to this behaviour in a relationship, don’t hang on hoping to change it. Kick the relationship to the curb and start to live your life on a positive note.
What Dr. R is explaining has literally been my relationship with my family. They put me through hell and than when I tried to tell them they hurt me they would shut me down by shaming me with comments like, it’s all about you! Or we don’t want your drama.
So been here/done this. From the conversations to the written e-mail/letters...didn't matter what I said or did. The best solution was what I finally resorted to: I ended the conversation forever. This person has puzzled me, though. The gaslighting was obvious. But the bigger picture felt more like borderline personality disorder, even though some narcissistic behaviours presented as well. Regardless, the two biggest take-aways I got from learning about the potential causes of this person's behaviour were: 1) Get out and as far away as possible. 2) An overflowing empathy and care, which was way better than the anger and frustration I felt toward him in the beginning. I can care about this person and wish him well, but I can't fix him, can't help him and most certainly can never interact with him again. It's very sad, but at least one of us is in a much better place. He may never change, but at least I am no longer the subject of his abuse.
Same, I believe my ex is BPD with narcissistic tendencies. It is just, like this is the first person I have ever truly connectedxwith on such a deep level. It has destroyed me emotionally and mentally.
It’s rough when one didn’t find out till after marriage (yes have to overcome feeling of being cheated & all sort of other sad emotions). Yet can’t have regrets b/c of precious kids. What best to do? what can one do with shared kids? You are forever linked through kids, who are rubbed robbed by his dysfunction. May never know what kind of psychological conditions he may have b/c he refuses to be tested. One time he wants to shut me up saying, “Don’t talk like a psychologist because you don’t have a degree in that?” It’s unbelievable how hurtful insensitive words would easily get out of their mouth without any reservation, and this is the person who would name-call me “uncivil,” “inappropriate,” “mean,” when I realize he just projects himself on me! It’s him who has been acting out all those adj! One can not go no contact as you have to also figure out how to co-parent once you find ways to end the marriage which is so painful to deal with an immature unhealthy temperamental personality! God has mercy on all of us!
@@carterm4421 I hope you were not there for long. I was married so long, to the only man I ever lived with and I feel that he will be the last now that I am older. It hurts so deeply when you go deep and they can't. It is heartbreaking to have trust broken like that. Knowing that it is mental illness has helped me a great deal.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder are very closely related. There are 4 personality disorders in the Group B cluster. NPD and BPD are 2 of them. Within BPD are 4 subtypes that characterize BPD as a whole. One of these subtypes is "The Queen". Many of the traits of this subtype are identical to Narcissistic traits.
Yep been there too! BPD. I had no F-ING IDEA!! what was going on!!! I thought he needed mental help maybe bipolar? Then I thought he was just a dirt bag liar. Then I thought he was Satan Himself! The "JoshuaMindFukblender" Now he's in prison. I'm on the opposite coast! I got the F OUT. I'm glad you and I in better placed now. And til this day I still feel sorry for him!!!!!! weird
I’ve spent the past 12 months in counselling to get over the pain from a relationship with a person who did all of that. Starting to feel much better now, and glad it’s finished.
First time I remember being gaslit was when I was around 17 and I was in an abusive relationship which I didn’t recognize as that. My boyfriend at the time and I got into a fairly large fight. He went to punch me, clearly aimed for my stomach, diverged his punch and hit me in the arm leaving a bruise. The next day we talked and I said “you hit me” he said “no I didnt” I said “yea you did” and pointed to my bruise. He said “you did that to yourself.” At this point I was so far gone, I actually had an inkling that maybe I didn’t remember correctly. Talk to your kids folks. Tell them what abuse looks like so they can avoid being on either end of it.
My ex was leaving with me at that time and told me he is going to the dinner to sort things out with his ex- girlfriend, invited me, told me location and time. Later my friends told me wedding pictures were posted on the internet. He told me it never happened first, later that it happened but it was all for show because he was pressured and had no choice, those pictures don’t exist and my friends lie … I believed him😢 But not anymore, now I know and understand what is happening. I hope you are in a safe relationship now!
Watch the rest of this video series featuring Dr. Ramani instantly HERE: bit.ly/2Cdivhk
Please don’t film the interview this far from her face. It feels too detached. I hate it.
I had a conflict with a church member who became my granddaughters mother-in-law. After church one Sunday in an overbearing intense accusing manner this person demanded that my granddaughters family, which is my daughter and me and my husband were not in no uncertain terms to trend near a subject she wanted to protect. After not being able to resolve her confrontation in my heart for several months my husband suggested we talk with she and her husband in person. When meeting with them I expressed how it made me feel when she confronted me twice and twice she denied my my explanation. After a little more conversation I realized I could go no where with this person and said, I'm done!
Dr. Ramona couldn't have been any more accurate in her knowledge of Gaslighting of which I can truly appreciate! I am a "Gaslighting" survivor which had taken place for nearly 3.5 years ago today when I'd met my ex-boyfriend (all mushy smut aside), It'd started out ever so "perfectly" of which I thought to myself that "this is the one". But once I'd moved in with him and the front door is shut, my 6th sense was ringing loudly and was nearly deafening; before I knew it, I was essentially playing a game of verbal "Russian roulette" Like with domestic battery or domestic violence: In public..they pretend to 'care about you',
they act like a couple and are for the most part civill in the "heat of the moment" and so that there's no confrontation..however..once the front door closes, then they begin to show their true colors that they've hidden so well.
It began mildly enough with small disagreements (ie doing the dishes, vacuuming, dinner done, etc.) I know that it happens in any relationship, but after the second week, things had got even more volatile when he'd decided to not only partake in drowning himself in beer as he'd drank straight from the bottle, he'd get into bed while smoking pot, drinking and snoring and out like a light!
Maybe we need to add dopt their reality when the experimental results support this reality, because the narcissistic person has a reality 2 or we can say gaslighing is neutural and depends on the situation if this is bad or not. If you avoid cohision and experimental results is bad, if not you just pointing out bad behaviour
They will take revenge
Best response to a narcissist is none. No contact ever again. Ghost them.
Absolutely, Run Forrest Run
true
the very first time anyone gaslights you at all.....no excuses and no second chances. WALK.
💯💯💯
Comments like this confuse the HELL out of me Bc naturally I would think the same thing. But then if you think about it...
obviously no one wants to be gaslighted right? AND one wants to have to deal with being around a someone who is a narcissist. But then the narcissist has no one.
He asks the dr if they KNOW they’re gaslighting and that it’s a natural trait behavior . They’re not choosing to be this way on purpose Bc they don’t even realize they’re doing it. A narcissist is singularly trying to protect themselves and their reality. So when they gaslight they’re not doing it like “hahaha I’m going to manipulate this person! It’s not like an evil genius kind of thing. It doesn’t cross their mind what it would do to another person.
So if they’re not aware, does it makes them someone who deserves to have no one or deserve to be loved? They gaslight to MINIMIZE something bad they did. She says they do it without thinking.
so for one: wouldn’t giving someone no contact or running away from them really help the situation or make itWorse Bc now theyre constantly being avoided by everyone which ultimately could create another mental disorder? It’s that the same as saying someone with depression is too sad so runaway and ghost them Bc they’re ruining my mood, or run away from Anxious people or just anyone with a mental illness?
But then on the contrary, they say it’s a form of emotional abuse....so do you ghost them?
For two: you can’t always escape someone who is narcism if it’s family or boss , etc. she even says you can’t even go a day without being in the per view of narcissistic behavior.
None of us are perfect. I would maybe bring it to their attention so that they’re aware
Of their actions and then have a choice once they become aware.
(I am not arguing the fact I’m just wondering if that’s really the answer.) so don’t come for me lol. Just looking for a further explanation) just feels like that’s bullying or judging someone dealing with being a narcissist Bc how did they become a narcissist? Maybe there is a reason
They became this way.
Just seems like we’re judging when we say
“Run from them” or talk down on them like this.
Or imagine just watching this and learning that
You yourself are a narcissist and didn’t even know it.
The thing with the Narcissist, you never get to have a conversation with them. They deflect, project, spin, crazy-make etc. until you have no choice than to abandon the conversation. You CANNOT win with a Narcissist!
So true!
Yes ma'am. Drop them like a hot potato. 😁✌️
Very true. Best thing - don't engage and stay calm.
Can’t even meet them half way
Absolutely! That sure was my experience.
They can be sensitive ,but not you
🏆
Rite on
Oh, yes. Men I’ve been involved with were always very sensitive to my tone, but snapped at me and yelled at me and got angry if I cried. I’m with a man who has tried that, but stopped when I called him on it. I think this is because of the pressure men are under themselves with harsh and unrealistic expectations of them. But, bless their hearts, they don’t get to take it out on us.
LanaDelSlay Yonce Exactly. My ex would always say "I'm feeling needy right now so I need attention plzzzzzzzzzzzzz baby." or "You don't understand, I had an AWFUL day today. My boss was horrible to me at work. So I need you to do..."
And then when you have a bad day or feel a little needy they say "Gosh, you are so sensitive right now, grow up. You don't need to act so childish."
or "You look like a pathetic baby right now, you know that right? What are u, 5? I don't need to give you attention right now. I'm busy."
So freaKING TRUE!
Anytime I spend time around them, I end up feeling like something is wrong with me… like I’m weird, or going crazy, or disliked… it’s very isolating and unsettling. My anxiety levels shoot up and I feel like I am unlikable. I feel an undercurrent of tension and rejection and contempt that I can’t explain. Like I have done something very wrong, but can never pin down what. I also end up talking too much or sharing too much, then worrying that somehow, my words will be used against me in the future. It’s happened before. I’m blamed for things I don’t think or feel. It’s exhausting and rips into my already fragile self-esteem.
Sweetie, it’s not You! You did nothing wrong. It’s them! Think more happy positive thoughts about yourself; appreciate and love You! Believe in You!!! I had people around me do this and it made me feel insecure, indifferent because I thought it was me. I had a mother beat and abuse me and thought this is wrong; what is wrong with her? Finally I made it upon myself instead to pray for her or these people. Then, made the decision to put myself last and others above/ before me. Follow your heart; your good judgement and your good instincts and insight. Do something that makes you happy in life. Live your life in peace comfort solitude. Joy. It’s simplicity. You are loved! God love and bless You! I fully understand. Lay it at the foot of the cross. You are great!😇❤️🙏⭐️
I feel so slimed after interacting with npd sister….its really visceral
You described my interactions with my mother exactly. 3 weeks ago she told me the truth or semi truth to this huge lie system to keep me in the USA. It literally broke me and started destroying my life I built in recovery for almost 10 years. I knew something was up but why would I ever think my mother was leading me astray. It's rough. She's been squirming in her narcissism trying to regain control and shit and I just don't wanna talk to her anymore or even know her after all this. How ya say ya love me?
Lies again? Grab Plex Gas Petrol
I can relate to this so much!
I hate when someone says "I'm sorry you feel that way" instead of sincerely apologizing for doing something wrong.
Bennett from the bachelorette 🧐
That's assuming they did something wrong that they need to apologize about. If you held the weird belief that women are inferior to men and that women voting has ruined this country and I respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way." You see how it wouldn't have been appropriate for me to apologize?
@@michaeldelyjah5696 Good example. I think it's often a good way to respond to a narcissist too, given how they play victim & try to gaslight/guilt trip you over nothing.
From my experience, a gaslighter NEVER apologizes simply because that would mean (1) admitting to themselves that they gaslight, and (2) feeling true remorse and shame for their actions. What the gaslighter does instead is simply wait for you, the emotionally healthy person--the peacemaker--to apologize first (for something YOU did NOT do), which then gives the gaslighter "proof" that it WAS YOUR fault all along, just as they had thought. This form of emotional and mental manipulation is so corrupt and insidious that it can drive a sane person crazy. DON'T LET THIS DRIVE YOU CRAZY! :-)
@@TRUTHorSTFU They do that lots at work to. Bad manager ‘s cover their butts by writing up good workers that make them feel insecure.
My mom's boyfriend had me in a chokehold up against the wall and my feet were not touching the floor and I couldn't breath. My mom and sister had to pull him off of me and we all fell to the floor. Not 10 mins later my malignant narcissistic mother told me that her boyfriend was more a part of her family then I would ever be (mind you I'm adopted). Ever since than my malignant narcissistic mom swore that event never happened and I was making up the whole thing up. I disowned her because of that and went no contact.
Heather Ferris what the hell. Sorry you had to go through that, disgusting.
Heather Ferris, that's awful and I'm so sorry that happened to you. Congratulations though on being a strong enough person to liberate yourself from a very destructive relationship.
Wow take a stand girl! No need for toxic ppl
Good for you. She wasn’t meant to be a mom. We have one in my husband’s family, very similar.i do t think that even as a 36 years old adopted adult child she has awareness of what has happened...
No other sane choice.
gaslighting is so damaging. The good thing is once you learn what it is, you can heal, validate your reality and move on. DO the work to raise your self worth, that is where the magic is.
Elle D for me , eft ( tapping works) , self hypnosis, inner child work all of the above and heaps more self help/healing tools available . Go easy on One Self, compassion and patience is helpful also . 🙏
@Elle D It helps me to journal every day. Life with a narcissist is so tangled up it takes a while just to clear your head. Also, just appreciating the fact that they are no longer around. My mind is still spinning but at least it's not being actively filled with BS by the narc everyday.
I watched lots of Dr. Les Carter videos. He's down to earth and very calming. Sam Vaknin is an actual narcissist. His videos are helpful too. Quora has several groups with narcissist survivors.
@Elle D I have been thinking about this a LOT lately. Our lives are harried with meanness everywhere. Years ago I started doing yoga with precise breathing techniques for over an hour a day and within no time my focus pulled away from all the turmoil and I started understanding what it means to be "centered." What Kelly Kristin said is true. Once you become centered, it's easier to see what you have to do to "do the work" to raise your self worth. Everything starts falling into place.
Kelly Kristin, Yes!
yes! work, not magic
The person denying your experience doesn't even have to say anything in words, they can say it in expressions, inappropriate laughter when you express your feeling, any way that negates you. I just realised this is what someone has been doing to me.
My supervisor is like that to me.
@@mustachegurl1714 It must difficult for you to
work someone like your supervisor.
Human behavior is more complex and sometimes
it is better to spent more time with nature and animals.
Anyway, seek a group support or a friend that you can trust..
Another thing a narcissist will do is to accuse someone of not being over something when in fact it was never resolved. For example, they emotionally abused you a few months ago and try to accuse you of the offense. Nothing was ever resolved a few months ago, but when you try to bring up the offense in order to salvage the relationship, they will accuse you of being bitter, angry, unforgiving and say "oh my god, you're still hanging on to that"! That's a sign to move on and forget about trying to resolve anything with them. What they are really trying to do is avoid dealing with their own emotionally abusive methods in interpersonal relationships. To verify it's not you, just watch how they relate to others because they simply cannot help themselves.
We had a very lumpy carpet from just about everything being swept under it. “Sweep it under the carpet” for those that don’t know, is a way of saying nothing gets resolved. Deny that it exists.
@@denise9831 Omg! I always used to use this same phrase, "Keep sweeping it under the carpet, but one day there will be a big lump that you won't able to ignore and it will be an eye sore."
Guess what? He could ignore that Lump as well and gaslighted me more and more to hide it.
@@kusumlata1390 hope you’re ok and in recovery from him. It’s taken a considerable amount of time to work through all the gaslighting and emotional abuse in therapy. Hugs.
@@denise9831 I am in therapy and on anti-depressants.
It's night time here in India, I will perform the daily ritual before I sleep; cry my heart out with my face stuffed in the pillow. Let it all out- everything I keep inside throughout the day. It's like a release, and then sleep.
I am doing my best, I have to get okay and I think I will. :)
Thanks. Hugs to you too.
@@kusumlata1390 wishing you love and forgiveness of yourself and the narcissist. They really are here to help us learn the lessons we need to learn. Once I accepted this, I found healing easier. Go well. X
WOW, thank you for confirming my sanity and giving me the strength to finally move on
You’ll get through this Heather!!
Amen
Combat the gasligher by gaslighting them.
Run don’t walk! Mine left me for a social worker and she is about to get a PhD in dark personalities!!!!
What if they aren't compete sociopaths and on top of that they have the higher moral ground?
I played this in front my narcissistic parents and they started yelling at me haha
Are you ok now?
still alive? I hope lol
Damn son that hit hard as my dad's hand
Wow. Sounds exactly like the reaction I would get from mine.
Just wow!
Yeah and when you start you bringing up the examples of their behavior, that’s when they start fuming😂
There is one red flag when you’re dealing with a narcissist, when you tell him your opinion, and he starts judging you by telling how wrong you are and then starts lecturing you.
There is a huge difference between “I disagree” and “you are wrong, your opinion is wrong”.
If you somehow got into conversation like that. Take a notice at this red flag.
*”I don’t know why you are taking this so personally!”*
...continues to personally insult and minimize you.
Lmao funny but sad and true.
I hate it when they tell you at work, "don't take it personally" when they're essentially critiquing your personality.
exactly, thats the exact line they say
Exactly insulting you and then saying "Can't you take a joke?" Give me a break!
@@professordogwood8985 correct..
I suffered the classical signs as dr ramani says ,wanting to record,wanting a witness to be present, confusion,selfdoubt and second guessing,almost became insane.
Know that feeling all too well.
Shafaq Ali so sorry for you, & i know how awful that feels! 😢
my witness doesn't give two shits haha. :|
Same here
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
The mere fact that I needed to record and take notes almost hourly was at last a sign that indeed I was being massively gaslighted.
I hear you. I had to take a recording of my ex snoring because he told me he didn't snore. Even listening to the recording he didn't believe it. I began wondering who else was in the bed. :/
No hope at all in this situation.
@David Koresh totally true, but I think a lot of people ( me included) have put up with more than they should have. Narc's suss out empaths a mile off and it seems we give them chance after chance. There is no logic to it what so ever which is very frustrating
@David Koresh Words of wisdom. I will take that onboard for sure. Thnak you
At one point I set the rule with my ex that all the future communication about the time with the kid, etc., would be in writing only. All too often his actions became something that had never existed, his words turned out to be never said and my reactions to what was going on - "too harsh", leaving me indeed very confused. With that "in writing only" rule and me dropping his calls (that still came because he was all about disrespecting the boundaries) our communication ceased to a bare minimum, I suppose, with no strings to pull and no emotions to evoke it did not spark joy for him anymore 😁
With all the gaslighting and his very convincing way of denying something or telling me his version of events, I started journaling and keeping a record so that I could be sure of what I remembered about what had actually happened (more for my own sanity than anything else).
I am not generally a record keeper. Something happens, we resolve it or agree to disagree, I don't hold onto the details- this played into his form of gaslighting perfectly.
I'm currently going through this and I'm the one looking crazy. I'm the one lashing out, because I'm not being heard..and I'm getting really tired of talking and begging for change.
HOPE YOU MADE THE POSITIVE CHANGES YOU NEEDED!! 🫶👊
@JayDouggie626 it's good for you king Ludwig and mass hysteria sounds like it can be anything
@@Impaled_Onion-thatsmine hawh? 🤔
Most narcissist it is difficult for them to change
because their way is the only way.
I'm going to share with you don't engage with them. You know they know how to push the bottom to trigger you and don't react and don't show your emotion but response with convection.
correct..
"Singularly motivated to protect their reality and only their reality ". OMG this explains everything.
I experienced this with my biological mother, foster mother and adoptive mother...I'm still standing and know my worth. Survivor...never a victim.
They would LOVE for YOU to apologize to THEM. For your own sanity, don't ever do that.
You seem to be the Common Denominator...?
Hmm, all females. Why am i not surprised.
@@brettleonard8602 maybe because it mostly happens to females? also it doesn't only happen to females it also happens to many males!
@David Dennis huh?
"End the conversation, because you're going nowhere"... SO TRUE! It's just a waste of time!!
I've tried to end the conversation before, unfortunately they accused me of telling them off.
Except when the person is your spouse, and one of the biggest problems is that they don't communicate...
Life is nothing but a waste of time anyways.
Yup!!! 😂😂 I called my ex out on something then he had a tantrum flipped the script said “I’m tired of your accusations there’s no proof” I was like I do have proof b**** then he’s like that’s a lie your crazy “see you always argue” like DUDDE these people are f**** draining!
I wish I have had someone telling me all this before I got married. My husband of 25 years used to behave like a dictator and all the red flags were there. Emotional abuse is a serious problem in a relationship. From emotional abuse, cheating started.Thank you *Coherent Recovery* for posting this time to get me all the evidence.
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
I tried to tell someone that emotional abuse is just as bad. Thank you for having the same opinion.
You still don't cheat on somebody, you end the relationship and walk away... 😑
I believe what you're saying about your ex-husband but what you did was wrong as well.
There’s only one way to fight a narcissist effectively. With your hat. You grab it, wave goodbye with it as you run out the door and slam it shut behind you. And move on!
You must be an Aquarian,that's what we do and that is the end of the fight.
Yes And don’t fall for the Hoover it will just be to destroy you
😂😂😂I just bust out laughing reading this comment but the truth
Ignore them works too
The protocol is the same with any Cluster Bs. Don't look back.
Trying to have an adult conversation with a narcissist is like beating your head into a brick wall
Amen
Fact
Death by a thousand bricks
Amen
Exactly! They make it about themself.
Gaslighting is about keeping control of the narrative , and apologizing is about admitting losing control of oneself. Therefore, a gaslighter and/or narcissist will never admit they are wrong. Control is their primary objective.
@Kyra Ever
correct..
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps*
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
gas lighters( sibling & creepy Cousin) both had fun terrorizing ME- then called 15++ relatives,"carol is ignoring Us"! ( after 60 years of liars I am DONE).
“Look what you made me do! Gain of function is not a.n effort to make a virus more virulent!”
My ex-husband is a covert narcissist. His way of gaslighting me was to push my buttons. Usually he would do it in a room full of people. He knew what to say to piss me off. So he would sit beside me with his arm around me with a smile on his face and whisper things that he knew would instantly make me mad. So then I would snap and then he would jump away and act the victim. Saying see what I put up with everyday. She is so mean. I would get upset and leave. As I would leave I would look back at him and he would be smirking. He also cheated on me with anything and everything. The man worked as a jailer at a sheriff's department and he decides to have sex with a woman who was in jail for murder. It was on video of course. Yet he tried to deny it. She accused him of rape to try to get out of jail. Again video. Anyway when he had to confess to me what happened he brought his sister and the sheriff to tell me and told them he was afraid of me. Laughable! Then has the nerve to blame what he did on me. I fell for it. I stayed. He always told me I was ugly and fat and nobody would want me anytime I tried to take the kids and leave. I did escape that relationship. Moved on been married to my best friend for 20 years now. My ex had no choice but to let me go. My current husband gave him no choice. I carried a lot of emotional baggage with me into my current relationship. Thankfully my husband is an understanding loving person. Hope this helps someone.
I had a similar experience -
Intentional pushing buttons until I get upset and then play victim
There is an additional term for this scenario, reactive abuse. It's a fairly common tactic where the narc will intentionally provoke a reaction, and once you do react, they shift to a totally calm demeanor, "see? I'm completely calm, and you're being crazy!" They usually record it or do it in front of others, to paint their partner as the bad guy. A nice combination of gas lighting and smear campaigning.
OMG this exactly what my bf dose. Most times I don't say anything I just get embarrassed and leave the room. He also tells me nobody will want me and nobody will love me really.
@@sarandipityinthestarssarah4076 Trust me when I say that as soon as this person is totally out of your life and you move on....the sun will shine again! After years of abuse and several narcissistic relationships...i stopped allowing people to treat me crappy.. Finally married a functional human being which I never thought was possible. They all act as if no one will want you but them...such a terrible lie to control you. No more covering for bad behavior...no more fearful nights wondering how I can fix it or smooth it over...no more drama!
Mary - that is an horrific story! I was feeling outrage just reading it. I'm sure many would be able to equate to what you endured at that monster's hands. It's interesting to note that narcissists will often seek employment where they can have control over others - military, police, prison guards as in your case - even as psychiatrists etc. Glad you found your freedom.
I am so happy i have found this. My sister is the narcissistic gaslighter and I wasted my life until now trying to prove the truth. I was always dismissed by my mother and sister and told that I was talking nonsense if I complained about being gaslighted. I am the smart sister but she is the golden child because she is prettier according to my mother. When I look at pictures of me when young I was a lovely looking girl and then woman, but it was so strongly ingrained in me by my mother that I was ugly that only at 60 I stopped thinking I am unattractive. Being in therapy helped me immensely.
How awful.. I am so sorry 🙏🏻 but glad that you can finally see & feel you’re beautiful inside & out 🙏🏻
Totally understand. Glad you found your true self! 👍❤️👍
60 strong! Similar story, my mom and two brothers. I am moved now to pity them - they will never experience healing, wholeness, true empathy or understanding. It's like wasted lives, really sad.
It's so interesting to hear this because I saw a movie taken of me and some other family members when I was young and when I saw it, I thought I looked so poised and so graceful but my parents were belittling me most of the time.
unfortunate but good you found the truth to set you free
"You're too sensitive" that one was used on me in the past.
I got that one a lot. I was only in 6 months but when I realized who I was dealing with I cut all ties and ran
Now I just reply to the narcissist gaslighter with:
You are a heartless bully and lack empathy! Why do you insist on channeling trump?!
I hate when people know they're in the wrong , say " your too sensitive " like own up to your shit and knock off the bs 😒
"You're too sensitive" was the most common phrase my father used on me yet he was very sensitive and got angry easily.
@@annchovey2089 This is an example of projection. Your father was projecting his feelings onto you.
Saying “thank you” is not enough to show my gratitude to you *Coherent Recovery* . It’s my honor to work under your guidance. Thank you for everything. Under your guidance, everything seems so easy. I truly appreciate your effort and advice that you give to us. You are a great support for us. All your hard work and dedication have paid off. You are an inspiration to other Expertise like you. Thanks for your great job. I’m proud of you getting access to my spouse phone! Thanks💯
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
Gaslighting. My ex said I had “too many feelings”. When a topic came up that he was addressing about my insufficiencies, sometimes I would say “you do the same thing!” I would give an example. He immediately would say “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you.” Only it was never his turn. I could give so many other examples. I was with him for 14 months and still haven’t recovered, went no contact in January (restraining order for stalking). I was newly widowed when I met him. It has been really rough.
It took me two years from an 8 month live in relationship you too will recover with self love and good healthy food and sunshine Xx
Dear... I understand, truly!!! Narcissists have no empathy; nor do they care to be called on their bs!!! GLAD U LEFT🏃🏃🏃🏃
I’m so sorry you went though that 😔
At least you can identify and understand what happened to you and that you’re not in the wrong. Stay strong! ☺️
I don't mean to invalidate your experience of gaslighting, as telling you that you have too many feelings is indeed gaslighting, but I have to point out that countering every time your partner tells you about your 'insufficiencies' is also deflection and invalidating. It is not healthy.
Stay strong 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Grew up with a narcissistic parent and have just realized how I much I did this to others thinking it was “normal” 😞 glad I’ve grown as a person and learnt better ways
Edit to add: thank you so much to everyone who has shared, I’ve lost track of who I have and haven’t responded to, but if you are getting help or growing, I am proud of you!
Same
Same here. Happy for your growth, and impressed + inspired by your candor in reflection.
Takes a big person to admit a problem and change. Good job.
@@kimberlys.7097 thank you ☺️
@@evileyeworx5037 I hope that you have a professional that is helping you? If not, the bravest thing you can do is ask for help ♥️ just to see if I’m understanding correctly, your family made it seem like it was your mind playing tricks on you because of your diagnosis when that wasn’t true?
1. When another person denies your emotions. They will make you doubt your feelings.
2. They deflect your concerns.
3. They deny what actually occurred.
4. Refuse to actually listen to you.
Do not let then make you doubt yourself.
People who do this lack empathy. If they minimize your concerns or feelings they are gaslighting you.
sheesh.. basically described the last 16 years of my life :D :/
@@hi-kt8jj Hi Aishwarya. I too have been in one for over 17 years. I however had had enough and went to the extent of moving out of the house so that I could even give myself a chance to restore myself to sanity. It worked like magic. I didn't know at that time I was a victim but I do know now n look back at my leaving as a way of detachment.
I am how seeking professional help to help me understand the long term patterns that I have made in these past years and I'm sure I will find my true authentic self again.
I just want you to know that you don't have to feel that this is what the rest of your life looks like....there is a way out n help is out there too.
@@christinaclinton9168 Hi Christina, thank you for responding! I only figured out several months ago that what I was (and still) going through was not normal. i'm planning on separating myself too once i am able to leave my house. I'm not allowed to go to therapy right now, probably because my parents don't want me talking about them to anyone. But i do plan on going to therapy at some point in the late future because I really cant get through everything that's happened in my past alone. I'm really glad you're taking control of your life again. I just don't know how i'll ever speak about my experiences with anyone, it's sounds terrifying.
This is so important to learn. And such a hard lesson as usually the narcissist will be someone who is close to you.
@@hi-kt8jj I wasn’t happy in my relationship with my boyfriend and I had to ASK for attention and love. How sad is that? And when we were breaking up I said that I wasn’t happy. And he responded with, “my goodness it’s always about you. I didn’t think you were that selfish”. I don’t even know what to think about that. I can’t believe he said that. These are my emotions!!! How does this make me selfish??
First of all. Thank you for making the work environment so friendly and taking your responsibility seriously and completing the work gracefully! You deserve so much. He does what he says he is going to do and his ethics are of the highest quality. *Future imperative corps*
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
The consistency and quality spy services and content of *future imperative corps* never disappoints! Thanks once again *future imperative corps💯💯*
She is my favourite guest on this show
she has her own youtube channel too. Really knowledgeable.
Mine too :)
Same. Need a pocket size Dr. Ramani
#DrRamani
I'm with you. GOLD
but then if you stop the conversation, as suggested, you just hear "oh... so, what, now you're just going to walk away ..." : the 4th stage of gaslighting!
Wow! My ex boyfriend would tell me this. It was true though. I would walk away especially when he wasn't listening.
Currently here with a miss
Or they will say, "don't you dare walk away from me!" what do you want me to do, dance in front of you?
Oy vey true. If my emotions or concerns discussed by me get turned around or deflected into “you don’t care” ‘conversation’, I’d want to stop discussing it and just put it down for a few days or a week (the conversation). Doing that would be the source for the next argument later on. Got to the point where I just couldn’t sustain trying to be understood and see genuine empathy or validation of any sort but I’ve had strong boundaries and I could feel them trying to be broken. It is very uncomfortable. The latest was I had been blasted with insults from her girlfriends which not a single one of them I ever met in the 16 months of dating when I was smeared by my “ever loving girlfriend” to her friends while drinking somewhere and I was travelling to visit my brother 9 hours away .. she doesn’t get that I feel totally disrespected and humiliated by her smear campaign by ppl I don’t even know or even met .. my mistake was in retrospect was I should have ended it right then and there .. funny thing is I have not thought she is a narcissist at all as I was once with a covert malignant narc who was really awful (but incredibly covert and intelligent) .. at this point I just don’t know what to think and want to forget it all and just move on and heal .. I thought I knew how to identify normal ppl by now,
"Yup. Conversation is over ."
"Just end the conversation. It's emotional abuse.". Thank you
Re: the email. They’ll either refute it or ignore it completely and give you the silent treatment. I’m celebrating 8 months narcissist free ❤️
Good for you!
Hooray
Way to go!
Congratulations..
...I'm on day 2.
Yep. I sent my mom a letter 2 years ago - before realizing all her narc tendencies - and she ignored it for weeks. Then she called and acted like nothing had happened. She's brought it up since then and told me that I misunderstood her sense of humor because I was a child when she said certain things. There's always an excuse for EVERYTHING. What finally made me realize the truth was going on a 4 day trip with her. I didn't want to, but I was the only one of my siblings who could/would be with her for a major medical procedure she needed at an out of town hospital. (One of my brothers even acknowledged the sacrifice by thanking me for taking one for the team.) I realized how much she even manipulated her best friend of decades by refusing to answer her calls all day long when she answered everyone else. And there were SO many other things. I've hardly spoken with her since that trip and I can't say that I'm sad about that.
I am grateful for these videos. I married my boyfriend 2.5 months ago and things got bad 2 weeks after the I do's. It has been very disorienting. The gaslighting is what caught my attention as I started to call them out. I started to write things down. After calling out the last one which was a major lie he ignored me for 6 days. I submitted divorce paperwork today. I know that this person is likely not going to change, and I either need to be able to live with it or leave. I am leaving. Thank you for the work you do.
I see you posted this 7 months ago , I was interested in knowing how things concluded . Did you end up getting a divorce , or was the issues you were having understood in a way that lead to a resolution ?
What is your perspective , do you think he was a narcissist?
@@intuitivelogic5159 My problem with this, is how one is able to identify a narcissist if both parties are aware of the term. I dont understand how its decided who gets the right to call the other a narcissist, especially when someone is submissive in nature.
@@intuitivelogic5159 I'm going through a divorce, a lot happened in my situation, but my wife says I am gaslighting and a narcissist, I understand those are hurtful words and I hurt her, now everytime we talk and I overexplain myself, because I'm nervous about it ending too, I say things that are viewed as gaslighting, which I believe she also does. If a memory comes back to her and im unaware, i say i dont remember that, that means im gaslighting if i say something or worse, nothing at all, defensive mechanisms to keep my sanity are very intact, how are sides chosen...This makes no sense to me.
good thing you are perfect!
your in luck !!! heres a man that never lies !!!! NEVER !!! but i also wont work , lazy sorry as hell, and dependant on drugs , just saying i can love and give the truth , about it , sad but true
Anyone who calls you "too sensitive" is INsensitive. I'm glad you called this out.
Well actually a person can be to sensitive
@@canttouchthis6439 perhaps you are an insensitive person, then. Saying someone is ‘very’ sensitive is better, I feel. “Too” is a matter of opinion and comes off as more judgmental. I stand by what I said - and it seems I’m in the majority, according to the responses so far.
No. Look at will smith he was to sensitive about a mild joke and slapped chris rock. 100% a person can be to sensitive its a known fact
@@newworldastrology1102 your using a play on words when you say i should use the word "very" sensitive rather then "to" sensitive. Your ridiculous.
@@canttouchthis6439 for someone picking on words I think you mean “you’re” not “your”. This is a forum to build people up not come on to cause trouble. I’m sure others will agree. Thanks for stopping by to contribute though.
Honestly, just owning it and not trying to hide it is a partially why I watch you. It's the honorable thing to do and it make the rest of jobs much more believe when you are call out of the spots like that, so thank you *Coherent Recovery* for making me see target phone activities
I used to think checking your partner's phone was an invasion of their privacy but then I thought about it again. How can you give someone access to your private body but phones are off limits? At the time my ex was acting funny so *Coherent recovery* got me full access to sms, video calls, social media accounts without any trace back to me or getting detected at all and all I can say is it changed my life for good.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
yea thats psychoathic and narccisstic like all the studies according to sage jounrals show so called "empaths" actually are (ps psychpath gaslight not narccists, shows you the credibility of your idols) @@DatriellHarris
What is this spammy bullshit
Love how the dog felt the owner being tensed and came to him and sat with him. Animals feel your energy and act accordingly
No, he stepped on the dog's tail. Watch it again.
Probably why I love dogs more than humans.
Like what an assistance dog does.
@@aks-wf8ez that did happen but it obeyed him when he tapped the chair and allowed him to pet a massage him. Massaging the pet is like a source of comfort.
This hit the nail on the head! It’s amazing we ever learn to trust again after being gaslighted. It really messed me up. Has taken me years to get over. Still a work in progress.
I feel as though I will never trust my own judgement again.. 🤔
@@ncbeachbumintx
I felt that way from this no food ex of mine! He's a nasty sob after our breakup!
A favorite comment I got when I pointed out that something he said was hurtful is “I’m not responsible for your feelings” it’s a slap in my face.
He was guilty of manipulating them very viciously. Technically, you are born with your feelings, somewhere in his tiny brain he used that to justify his behavior. That is a Sociopath or Psychopath.
@onmy computer2020gal Narcissists comment on videos too
Another thing is they say they would never hurt you and stomp off angry at you, thus hurting you even more. I unfortunately married two men like that. It has taken me years to recover. You get so you don't trust your feelings or even reality at times.
You're like 90% responsible for your own feelings though. Sure, people and their actions can have a lot of influence, but they're 100% you're feelings. You can't always just blame someone else for how you feel. My ex was a narc and she would blame me for how she felt all the time regardless of what I did or weather it was good or bad. And I mean like I could have cured cancer and if she didn't like it I would be told I was a bad person who needed to apologise to her. At the end of the day if it upset her, I was instantly tried and found guilty.
@@mashpotato472 this thread is exactly why I do not think videos like this are good for the public. I always thought as well, as I’ve heard it touted in videos like this, that WE ARE responsible for our own feelings. 🤷🏼♀️ And I feel for guys like you who probably got labeled as cruel or narcissistic when the issue could be with the other. Then they watch videos like this and feel validated.
There seems to be different expectations from the sexes which leads to this type of finger pointing of labeling. If someone makes you feel bad, you leave! Boom. Right There. You don’t stick around hounding that person to change FOR you. Its not for them to change for you if they are just being theirselves. It’s kind of reverse narcissism. ..or a blind form of it?
I can say this because I am a woman, and my earliest relationships (teenage) I used to feel and say the same thing to my man, but I realized what was occurring is that when a woman bonds sexually (any sexual activity- even just making out) with a man too early, she’s in married mode by natural instinct, while he’s just pleased with the set up. She’s working to stay bonded, but for him it’s just sex and fun. It leads to these type of arguments. Men don’t understand why she’s behaving this way, and she doesn’t understand why he isn’t working for the relationship like she is...basically she’s seeing her hurts with him as his fault when she should be saying, ah, crap, I shouldn’t have played with this man because I’m finding he’s not what I’m hoping for in a mate. Instead, they will try and hold on, then get angry when he’s not seeing what she imagines it to be. She is trying to make him into something he is not and he is just thinking she’s with me, she must like me (how I am)- and get confused when he keeps getting walloped with emotional outbursts out of the blue. Honestly, she should just walk away if she’s finding she’s getting hurt by him, because to stay or not is her choice. ➡️You don’t WORK for the love, you STAY for the person.
Can we all appreciate this guys for taking the time to help all of us and making our lives happy, cause these dudes never fail to put a smile on our faces, guys they deserve the best in life we'll all support them no matter what we all love you and I wanna Thank You So Much for being amazing! *Future Imperative Corps*
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
This is my mother. It explains my whole relationship with her. I cried watching this. Thank you for this! You are healing and helping people!
Lol but most parents and adults are gaslighters by accident so don't overdo it
I'm finding having the dog in these videos quite therapeutic (especially in light of the triggering/difficult subjects).
Same! So calming.
Beautiful animal. I'd love a dog like that.
Yes, same. And I love dogs, she reminds me of my dog.
@@thiefonthecross7552 you you can come come apaaaa
Mynthy
The dog is not bothered at all!! 🐕
I learned to just keep my mouth shut. So glad I finally managed to get away
I m in it right now but just like you I keep my mouth shut!!
You end up telling them NOTHING just easier
@@lousilipeniata7172 yep, cause ANY kind of communication with them falls on deaf ears. They may hear but not listen. It’s always about them
Now I understand thanks
How do I get away without help during this lockdown?
Brandon is a detailed oriented, customer focused, results driven individual who's goals are to deliver only high quality services to his customers. Thanks *Future Imperative Corps* I always knew you can deliver. You have what it takes.I can’t find the right words to appreciate your effort, i can now check the phone activities. I'm glad to work with someone like you
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
The consistency and quality spy services and content of *future imperative corps* never disappoints! Thanks once again *future imperative corps💯💯*
I was gaslighted my whole life. After my divorce, I must have been in my early 30's, I remember calling someone on something and they admitted it... I was stunned. No one had ever admitted anything to me in my life before. I don't remember the circumstance, but I still remember the feeling of total shock and relief.
Best comment to describe when one has lived in the twilight-world of a narcissist before.
🙏🏾♥️
Yeh. I hear you. It is important to note, even journal that experiences, of when you feel shock about proper treatment toward you. Perpetuate and enjoy that treatment.
Me too, gaslighted by parents, friends, ex-husband, bosses and co-workers. I am shocked when people allow me to have my say. I have also found myself listening in on conversations between healthy people, just to learn what a healthy interaction looks like.
I can't stand the trauma...I want to disappear...
I love this Doctor. She doesn't let the host deflect the discussion to pointless stuff. Her videos have a high density of extremely useful and informative content.
Exactly!
@@Laura-se5hc she's the expert being interviewed here for a professional opinion. Not a conversation. Many times (the title of this video makes it very clear) the professional has a list of points they want to make and they lose their flow if interrupted or diverted with a question. It's the host's job to listen in such an interview where points are being listed off
@@romadar77777 I have watched both, with the host and just Dr Ramani by herself. i do prefer the videos with no host.
@@jimmurphy3868 @Jim Murphy my response was to a deleted or changed comment which said that Dr Ramani wasn't letting the host talk at all (showing that they were disliking the doctor taking over the conversation). To that, I replied that it's natural for a host to listen to the guest and let them do the talking. We all like her here and the host was better than most I'd say, doesn't interrupt her quite as much as bad hosts are wont to do.
It's natural to get caught with other topics especially when we know little about the subject and trying to learn. She's so good to being back the subject to what is most important, and kind of puts other questions to rest. He's good bec most of us don't have a clue, he feels relatable, and gives good space for the doctor to explain clearly rather than talking over.
Always heard you have no right to feel that way or you're just too senstive .
Yup!
Yes me too. I feel so inadequate and struggle to express my feelings now as a result. I have gotten to a point where I do not trust that anyone won't gaslight me. Have had that experience so many times and I feel so thrown off by it, it is so discouraging and disheartening. All that distrust has bubbled up now and sadly I feel so averse to relationships now, too scared it will be like anytime I bring something that is weighing heavily on my heart. Gaslighting, deflection, minimisation, twisting words around is so exhausting. I want peace and harmony between myself and others but it seems to be so foreign to me now. That person I used to be is gone, has lost hope in love, in connection. I have more fun on my own, less stress. The only time I feel alive is like myself is when I put some latin music on. I feel creative. Other than that on the whole I am deeply unhappy and know that my unmet needs of being heard, seen, respected, understood and having a sense of automony and freedom is what is driving this. Lord help us all in learning how to navigate this together.
@@jay-s9y1c After seeing your comment, I checked out a video of yours. I thought you came across in the video, as having 'light' and 'goodness' and narcissists can indeed 'prey' upon that. Some people want you to feel inadequate and for you to not be aware of your own worth. The fact that your passion for the style of music you love still brings you joy, is great! Staying connected to what you love in important.
Craig M sensitivity can be a super-power if you learn to use it to your benefit and how to focus the energy. Sensitive people are often the most compassionate. I have used my sensitivity to volunteer with hospice patients and they adore the fact I’m sensitivity 🤗
We all have the ability to use what we feel is our ‘weakness’, flip it and reverse it and make something great out of it.
That’s how certain people in my childhood/adolescence and even into adulthood. What a horrible way to make someone feel.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Someone I know been traumatized & these systhoms are in line w/the abuser's behavior. The him she got isn't whom she met look wise & behavior-he cut his hair & put a earring in his ear. His personality is aggressive, controlling, manipulative, indecisive, etc he forced himself on her, busted 3 nuts off her (1 condom 2 raw) got her a plan b, blocked her out of no where, she called him from different # he started acting like he told her he didn't want to be bothered, he gave her number out-she started receiving insulting txt messages, he called her the next day & told her to stop contacting him.. He's gonna get a restraining order.. Brought up her job as a threat tactic & everything.. Remind u.. She deleted his number 9 months ago & moved on because he wasn't communicating effectively after he pursued her. But, 9 months later he reach out & do her like this!!
What do y'all witness in the military-army?
He's a double blinker, sleep w/a gun at the pillow, communicate poorly, doesn't moan during sex, doesn't exude emotion or indication of ejaculation...8
I wanna know who finished 🥲
Two decades of living with a covert narcissist who used gaslighting, psychological projection, lies of omission/commission, mental reservation, and every conceivable trick in the book left me completely destroyed. I was a devoted husband and stay-at-home dad for over ten years who ultimately had to leave his children...or die. Two years later, I have recovered enough to finally understand the truth: I was NOT insane. She was. Truth matters.
Yikes im so sorry you had to choose your life or your kids. That's horrible and your feelings are valid remember that. Normal ppl don't dismiss your feelings, and then kick you when you are down :/
I heard it put like this growing up a lot of us aren't crazy but the ones that are are very very good at it. Also, I'm pretty sure you're not one of them. there are several signs one of them is zero opening up pretty much.
Scott Newbury - Yes, all of that and ‘casual cruelty’ - sarcasm, the put down’s and minimisation of anything I achieved, the unkind comments if he was feeling bad, and insistence that things went his way (or he would sulk/sabotage). I’m away from him now, but have a daughter who is behaving in the same way. I’ve had enough of it and am seriously thinking of walking away from her too.... it would be sad for my Grandchildren though...
I want to get there! I'm tired of going/feeling insane!
Don't beat yourself up to bad, I was with my narcissist wife for 25 years, just like yours mine used every narcissistic trick in the book, like she had some sort of instruction manual. I'm in no contact and I'm done with her, I couldn't believe when she gaslit me, at the time I didn't know what it was called but I knew what it was intended to do which was to try to distort my reality, the thing she underestimated about me is that I don't have a problem with my reality or my memory so her trying to gaslight me had the opposite effect, I was pissed that she would try this on me and found it a total insult to my intelligence and couldn't believe my own wife would try this kind of behavior on me, to just flat out tell me something didn't happen, wow! Also, the silent treatment was one of her favorites for a while but I put a stop to that, I told her how immature doing that was and it wasn't something I could put up with and she knew that was something she couldn't do anymore. what this did was to make her have to think even harder to try to find other things to push my buttons with, she would push my buttons to get me to bicker and squabble with her, it was just horrible, we would be out supposed to be having a good time and she would start this nonsense up. It got even crazier and after 25 years with her, I left her, she's a nut case. There's no fixing her she's mean to the core, her parents messed her really good and now she living with them again and she's even worse than before.
This experience of being gaslit and confused is so damn real and personal to me that it blows my mind that there are people out there who don't know what it's like - to be TOLD what you feel, and BELIEVE it somehow. It must sound so strange and impossible. But Dr. Ramani has it dead on.
🎯🎯🎯
I believe you.
I still am not sure who I am but I am going to love me and trust me.
I saw a sign one day that said "She believed she could, so she did." It is my new mantra.
With it I have begun changing my mind.. I have not gone anywhere physically. Instead, I have been telling myself who I am. What I want to be.
Becoming free on the inside.
Orpha excellent
@@orpha9031 good for you! I've started listening to Joe Dispensza and doing the meditation, it has really helped with changing my mindset about myself and who i am and want to be
I believe you, experienced it first hand in my own family.
I'm sensitive...emotionally, physically and spiritually. People make it sounds bad..but I believe it's a gift. We are all different parts of the Spiritual body and have a different purpose to make it whole.
Imagine feeling pain more intensely. Light is too bright, sound is too loud. This leads you to be more empathetic, sympathetic and calming. You are more forgiving, loving and giving.
I have had people who honestly asked if I was an Angel. This from strangers.
I have learned to balance my life and feel blessed.🙏
Same...but it hurts so badly to live in the world of broken people...
❤️ So true ❤️
Narcissists love to prey on people like this. Love and protect your precious energy!
Yes, narcissists will attempt to suck the strength, peace and joy out of you. They see your light and try to extinguish it. ☹️😢
I'm the same!
Wonderful video My partnership of five years ended a month ago. When my true love decided to part ways with me, it truly is the only thing on my mind. I can't fathom my life with anyone else, and even though I've tried everything to get him back, it's all in vain. Despite my best efforts to put him out of my thoughts, I can't help but miss him and think about him all the time. I could not really tell you why I am saying this.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
My "favorite" is when they just pretend you didn't say anything at all. You answer a question, and they just keep repeating it because they didn't like the answer.
After 30 years, I finally had words to put to my experiences. When my therapist said, “Your husband is gaslighting you”, it was the most eye-opening moment of my life. I have been free of him for 3 1/2 glorious years. This video reconfirms so much for me. He used the exact phrases you said. PleAse keep making videos so people do not waste 30 years questioning their value in this world.
Wow… sometimes I feel I may be in one too…
I've realized finall, thru the help of these videos, it's been 20 years. I get it now. It's been depressing and and angry that I've wasted all this time with a person whom really doesn't care for me. It was all fake and I believed him.
so did you get half of everything?
You had to pay someone so you could understand a fellow human you got married to. I'd keep quiet about that shame of yours.
@@maratonlegendelenemirei3352 oh, that is not nice of you to point that out!
it really rubs it in her face.
My ex was extremely emotionally abusive and gaslight me constantly. And unfortunately for me my memory is horrible so he made me literally feel like I was going insane and made me question my reality everyday I was with him, I had to eventually start recording and documenting everything just to prove I wasn’t crazy and that he was gaslighting me. Thank the lord I got out of that…
My mom is like that. No conversation we have goes without her gaslighting. I enabled a GPS tracker on my phone to prove my whereabouts and make everything written. I also suffer from bad memory. I sometimes wonder if our memory is actually bad or our gaslighters have convinced us that we have a bad memory so that we believe everything they say and doubt ourselves.
Yeah I had to screenshot convos from texts. I never knew what gaslighting was back then.
It's scary how similar this sounds to me. I have a horrible memory and I am never able to defend myself when I know I am right, so I look like the crazy one.
Continuous stress due to abuse can damage the brain cells in the hippocampus, making it gradually shrink in size. As a result, the person starts to forget things easily and finds it difficult to learn new stuff.
@DesiRhythm6 our cognitive function is impaired(poor short term memory, changes in speech, mental fog) due to constant stress. Our bodies are not meant to stay in long term fight, flight, fawn. Our brains are screaming DANGER and we tell ourselves, "they don't mean it" " he/she loves me" "they've been under so much pressure lately" "it'll get better" un aliving ourselves day in and day out. I began journaling and telling my sister about him, every single time he tried me with his bs. Then one day I said "eff this" and packed me and my sons stuff up and dipped! Never looked back
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.
To address your initial comment: that is true at first but sometimes a narcissist will admit to it because they might not think theres anything wrong with being a narcissist. Other times it is admitted to manipulate to say “hey you caught me doing these things, but I'm actually a changed man/woman despite my narcissism”. Also, if they believe they have you in a catch 22 box of fear that will keep you from attempting from leaving they are more candid about it because they don't have to fake anymore because you're definitely aware by this point. Especially if they have used weapons against you and your children and threats of extreme violence if you attempt to leave them. All while never actually seeing anything wrong with what they do. You always deserved it. They were justified. Your feelings were never valid and they don’t out any stock into them. My husband would constantly tell me that. He did all the above. So yea narcissists can definitely be aware and admit to it depending on different factors. Its all about manipulation and control and being superior
You have opened up my eyes. I swear I'm no longer taking abuse from family members because of these videos.
I learned that they love to see you miserable and that they will never ever apologize to you for nothing.
Agree. I felt horrible for my action in my ex marriage. I apologized to my ex but never got an apology from him when he did the same thing as i did, until i brought it up to him that he never apologized to me for doing the same thing..with a smurk remark he said "oh you want me to say sorry, sorry"
True
Yes, but if you bring it up they say “I do apologise when I’ve done wrong.” Always describing their good deeds retrospectively but never ACTUALLY demonstrating the story they’re telling.
Yeah! Like your not good enough for them and your not perfect in anyway but they’re perfect in every way and nothing is wrong with them.
Most don't, but some do. However, it's never because they feel remorseful but rather a desperate attempt to keep you.
A sorry person doesn't say sorry and then continue on with the toxic behaviour. They do everything they can to change it within themselves.
A smart man once said Mike the older you get the less friends you have the better off you are
Understood
Preach!.
mhm that's the truth ♡
I’m 71 and have less and less friends because it takes years to develop friendships and many of my friends are deceased. I used to go to weddings now I go to funerals. I appreciate the Lord getting me this far.
@@jimmycain8669 I agree! I’m 36 and moved states and I meet a lot of good people my age but reality is after a certain age I really don’t feel the drive to make the relationships like I had back home. I unfortunately have been to some funerals too. God bless you
Yes, deflection has been the favorite tool of narcissistic father. “That didn’t happen” has also been a favorite… you CANNOT win. I’ve experienced every single thing Dr. Ramani talks about here. Finally deciding to go Grey Rock…
You can win, just recognize the you are already victorious.
While they are conniving uncontrollably on petty and meaningless things, you are viewing the eternal and universally meaningful things, such as love and understanding.
“Don’t feel that way.”
“Feel this way.”
Five weeks in a mental health hospital for profound depression and the aha moment. I was not allowed to have my own feelings”
And you let them control how you feel?
Continue following these videos, as they will validate your experience as you gain clarity. Healing matters, You matter!
And yet, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is still the go-to therapy for cheapskate, under-educated MH service providers. CBT is used in just the way you describe.
@@dianegraber9333 🙏💯💝
When they tell me, I worry about you, when my life was perfectly fine and could look after myself. That always confused me lol. Then just thought those are your thoughts not mine and when I noticed my friend doing that, that is what I would tell myself to not let her thoughts become mine.
I've been told many times I think too much. I'm not even sure what that means.
You think about things that they are threatened by, they don't want to dig too deep. I get told the same thing.
@@Randulpheleven me to
If you're capable of thought, it creates problems. It's one of the reasons why a Narc will preemptively gas light and discredit a target within a social group. The Narc has to disarm the person who can see right through them. If a Narc can get the group to view the target negatively and devalue that person, the group won't listen to the target when he or she talks truth about the Narc. This also serves to isolate the target and opens a path to abuse them more deeply. Narcs can be very lazy, but one thing they are diligent and efficient in is their high dysfunction. It is amazing in the worst way possible.
@@genesisdawn6672 Very true!
@@genesisdawn6672 Yep
"You're too sensitive." My mother's been telling me that my entire life. I'm 55.
Johnny Rocker leave home! It’s your life. You are your own self. Just grow up and leave home and l meant this is the most loving way truly. Best wishes
@@Johannastairwellstudio I left home 35 years ago.
@@Johannastairwellstudio "Just grow up" - Really? Very poor choice of words, especially without knowing the full story
PurplePinkRed l want to apologise for my comments. I don’t think l thought properly before posting and did not mean it to sound as it did. Thank you for letting me know and again sincerely sorry. Keep well
Or you’re out of line
*Future Imperative Corps* used his cyber services as a therapy session, taking us through a very chaotic mind and leaving us with a sense of peace and resolution at the end. He used this album as a way to document the breaking of generational curses that have kept his family toxic for so long while also giving the culture permission so that we can start breaking our own generational curses even if it means using him as the means to do so.
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
The consistency and quality spy services and content of *future imperative corps* never disappoints! Thanks once again *future imperative corps💯💯*
Jeez… wish I could have a therapy session with Dr. Ramani. This video is like 6 months of talk therapy squished into 5 min. This video is so validating and increases the confidence and trust I have in myself.
"You're too sensitive/it was just a joke" is a consistent refrain in our family dynamic with my dad and brother. Evveryyythinggg is funny to them... when they're saying something hurtful to someone else. That's called being a bully. I'm glad I finally realized that.
My ex was always ‘joking’. And I’m too sensitive too.
I tell people, "we have a different sense of humour.
I’ve begun to listen carefully. When she is slurring her words I know she is lying. It’s 10/10 so far. Her speech changes.
I can relate
what? no that's just banter, sounds like you WANT to be offended which is ironically a manipulation tactic.
I was gaslit in my relationship in this classic example: I wanted to set a time aside that we could talk about "us" and any issues or concerns, as well as things that made us feel closer, as a way to bond and grow together. His response was "well I have A LOT of things I'm not happy with to talk about, and it's going to take a LONG time. So either you can go first, or I'll go first, but I have BIG, MAJOR concerns." Surprised, as he never showed any signs of being unhappy with our relationship, I of course said "you can go first". It was about a 2 hour lecture of how we should be better "team players" and when I asked for clarification on what that meant, he said "I can't put my finger on it, but whatever it is you're doing, it's just not enough" After a 2 hour lecture of how I'm not fulfilling his needs (with no clear examples) I had no time or energy to even talk about what my issue was: That I wanted more intimacy.
So that's an example of being gaslit. My feelings were trumped by his "major issue" (out of no where) with no concrete examples. He deflected my emotions/issues/concerns to take the light off of the fact that he in fact might have some weaknesses to address. Bc the narcissist is perfect, everyone knows that...to the outside world!
How did you react? Are you still with him? Please go away!
Wow mine where
I don’t cook everyday
Mine you it’s my foostsmps and when it’s none she doesn’t offer to buy food for me to cook
2 my tone of voice
3 I’ve changed
4 I don’t bring her drinks xyz
5 Sexually I’m not into her since I don’t perform orally they way she wants which is hardly ever since she barely allows me to do
6 she can’t communicate with me I out talks her xyz …
I thought we were decent nothing perfect but like you stated I guess she really felt some way
When it was my turn to express my concerns oh I’m only saying things because she saying things LIES.. in her eyes she perfect also lies
I guess her list was her proof that she tried and tried with me and I didn’t improve that way whatever happens or she does or is doing is justified typical right lol
These people are wolfs in sheep clothing
Always blaming accusing projecting n gaslighting the worst emotional and mental torment in any relationship she always was the victim and the one shtd on by others this narc really was telling me who she was the entire time they are pure evil
The hidden signs of gaslighting:
If one is always flatulate and plays with matches nearby. 🍑💥💨💩👀☠️🤯🤪😂
Last 2 lines.. To the point..
I have a mother just like this. Always undermining everything. Her way is perfect, and no one is allowed to question it. It's like a cult. Always gaslighting...
exactly..
I had one tell me “I hate it when you get like this.” Of course that was after I started crying when he had said some really horrible things to me.
Ps stussy
U P W ,D,
First, identify and psychologically abuse your victim. Then blame THEM for having made the situation so bad. CLASSIC NARCISSIST GAS LIGHTING BEHAVIOUR. We've all fallen into that EVIL trap before.
OMG that sounds familiar
My partner does something similar but he is in no way a narcissist. Sometimes men do the minimising thing because they are uncomfortable with how they have made you feel. It's just so they don't feel like an asshat for making you cry because deep down they feel horrible for it lol
@@fancyfeast5086 Your partner is a narcissist. A good number of men on this planet ARE. Just look at who's "in charge on this planet"! We have all become tone deaf to this reality.
As someone raised to be obedient, I can see (and have experienced) how easy it is to be gaslighted. Obedient kids are a result of authoritative parenting. In authoritative parenting, it's all "always follow what Mom/Dad said because only Mom/Dad know what's best for you". What that actually teaches kids is that they need to obey a figure of authority. When these kids grow up and go out into the world, there are so many narcissists, psychopaths etc that will overpower obedient people (by positioning themselves as figures of authority), and easily manipulate them into giving them what they want. Just from my experience.
This. My boss gaslights me all the time and accused me of gaslighting her back
This is so fucking true!
Sooooo true
So true!!! I was this way for 20 years with a marriage and a church. The church was hell bent on preaching obedience that it started to feel cult like bc it is!! I pulled out and took my girls. I’m teaching them to be assertive, with self control and confidence. I am almost 40 years old and bc of that authority mess I could not even make a decision about ordering a meal without feeling like I needed validation from someone telling me I was doing the right thing. I feel so free being away from them. My husband and that church. I still feel guilty at times bc they engrave in you if you don’t obey then you reap what you sow. It’s funny how they pound that into us in a negative light. Like although I’ve been paying tithes and giving my whole life to this church and marriage I still feel like if I didn’t do what they wanted I was cursed to die. It’s so draining
🎯
Most interesting part of this is how *Coherent Recovery* were pushing and encouraging both teams along, trying to get the best performance out of everyone there. It's that kind of teamwork and support that helps them to achieve the amazing spying results.
My daughter is now in that age where we really need to start giving her more attention, specially with so many dangers on the internet. Recommendations about *Coherent Recovery* has been extremely helpful. I got the access swiftly without any interruption and it was done undetectably , thanks 🙏🙏
Keep up the good work Jack on *Coherent Recovery* . You're truly a genius. Got me access into my Boyfriend's phone in just few moments, without her been notified or even getting to Find out. This is the best cyber skills outhea😳😲
Deflection. Caught my ex living with another woman three weeks ago. He then brought up the fact we had a argument last summer.
Ohhh, Jen. So funny. Please, I hope you are well.
Wow now that is interesting.
Living with another woman? Oh hell no!
Was he saying that he’s justified in cheating because you hurt his tender feelings?
Kuch him to the curb 🖕
One of the worse forms of gaslighting is when a person says “I’m a good person” and keeps neglecting your needs even though you tell them 100 times what your needs are. This manipulative tactic is so subtle that makes you doubt your needs and doubt your reality. I wonder is anyone here has ever experienced this?
Yes
Yes
After 10 years and lots of abuse I told my spouse I was giving up hope he would ever change. He replied,” but you can’t give up on me now, or I’ll never become the man I’m meant to be.”….For those who don’t understand the context Meaning: you have to stay with me abusing you and over time I’ll stop abusing you as long as you keep believing in me…instead of actually stopping abusing me right then…….as if its on me and not him that he doesn't abuse me anymore…
The specifics of the situation are so important here. I've seen people use the "neglecting my needs" phrase as a way to manipulate others. If I tell my partner that "my needs" are for her to check in with me every hour, on the hour, with details about where she is and who she is with, is that fair and reasonable? And if I've told her this "100 times" and she still doesn't do it, is she bad for "doubting my needs and reality"? I don't think that if someones "needs" and "reality" are unreasonable that they should dictate the terms of the relationship.
Oh my gosh. Yes, so much yes. My husband (getting a divorce soon) does this to me all the time. Then I end up feeling like shit about myself and question whether or not I’m asking for too much.
They love saying sweetly “sorry I don’t remember that happening “ 🤬
totally
"Your crazy that never happened there's something wrong with you!!" Sound familiar
Ha - YESSS! Or, "I am so sorry that YOU have a problem".
Not only that, but they claim that conversations happened that didn't happen.
"You agreed to lend me $2,500." Yah, no, I didn't. Pretty sure I'd have remembered that.
@@ryanlayman316 Yesss, then you have a poker face like ..You are kidding me?. You tell them in respectful manner of the situation that's going on. And continue to say in 1, 2.."That's not true. How could you do this to me after all I helped you so much. Is this how you repay me. Ungrateful. Go away. Your the one who is crazy. I think your making up all this, are you alright? Want me to take you to a mental hospital so you feel better . She is absolutely crazy, guys let's calm her down". Me: Seriously 😕 👀 *completly chill* 😑😑 😶 but after that you just try to leave because the conversation isn't going anywhere practically accusing of stuff you didn't do and their trying to break my patience so ..ok bye🚦 🙋🏃🏃👣🏁✈
Nodding my head throughout the whole video. Within the last couple of years I realized I was experiencing abuse--though my intuition knew that I should not have been with this person, I kept believing in the good times, the promises... A big symptom for me was the confusion I experienced throughout the relationship. Harsh ups and downs.
Me too! It’s so good to finally know you’re not crazy!
serena think confusion is the key word, good friends etc won’t leave you feeling this, angry maybe annoyed but not confused
I was in an emotional abusive relationship for 4 years. This was my first real relationship so I didn't know really know what emotional abuse was or what a narcissist was. But he gaslighted me all the time when I would try and talk about my feelings of him being distant and cold, not compassionate, empathetic or affectionate towards me. I thought the gaslighting was how he would "express himself" because that is what he told me he was doing. But nothing ever got resolved. If I told him something was bothering me that he was doing, he would deflect and start talking about what I did that bothered him. Then the whole conversation would turn into what I did to him, never talking about the present issues. It was exhausting and made me sad and miserable. After finding and watching these videos and Dr. Ramani's videos, I finally left and realized I don't deserve this and that my ex is in fact a narcissist. Good riddance.
Hey girl, I’m actually in the same state as u were. N now after what all has he done, I can’t believe or trust in the slightest or kind gestures of any other approaching me. N I wish u all good things further in life
Good for you, stay strong! 🙏🏻
Hey there! Thank you for your comment. I went through the same. It was also my first long term and serious relationship. So I had no point of reference. But the amount of verbal abuse I went through is mind blowing to me now. The worst part is, I still feel the need to protect him. None of my family or friends know how bad it got. I kept it hidden because I still care for him a don’t want anyone to hate him. I just play it off as an amicable break up. But it feels good to come here and understand that my feelings are valid.
@@akhilaanand690 Yes girl. I am the same way. It has become difficult for me to trust kind gestures because I immediately think that they may be love bombing. We are strong though! We will get through this and we will find someone who truly loves us. I believe in you
@@kristinab3069 Girl you are strong for leaving that relationship. You don't have to protect him, because all he did was hurt you. No more protecting him. Tell people what he did and said to you. They need to know. I told everybody that I was very close with. They were so shocked and saddened that I went through something like that. He didn't deserve you. Karma will get him trust me. Just stay being positive and beautiful and the universe will send you the man that is meant for you.
5:11 I made the mistake of doing this. I had recordings of him twisting my words, and making me think I didn’t remember what I said a few seconds ago. It’s so true. I played back the recording for him, where he directly lied to me, and he responded with, “See? You’re the manipulative one for even recording me. You feel like you can’t talk to me without recording me? YOU’RE the one that has trust issues, then, so this argument is all on you.”
Now, if somebody is gaslighting me and telling me "I have trust issues" - I see it as them telling me quite literally, "I have trust issues with THEM - because they are not trustworthy"
Getting resolution with a narcissist is impossible and a waste of time and energy.
The important thing is to not get crazy trying to " prove" the real world to the crazy/narcissistic/gaslighter. They manipulate by playing stupid/naiv and make you doubt your mental health. My best tip is run!.
I was constantly told.. “You should have been Lawyer” I was always like what??
Yes so needed to hear this really cleared things up especially him making me doubt my mental health. That sure rings true.
@@chaseback5102 Holy crap, my parents say that ALL the time, ever since I was a kid, and it always pissed me off, and I never got it. Now I get it.
Ugh.
They will NEVER change, and if they say they will, it is a lie and the change (whatever it is) is only for a fleeting moment, to suck you back in. It is so evil...
My ex did this to me for 12 years. Leaving him was the best decision ever.
i did the same with my ex--been gr8 since . J.
Wow!! Glad you are out.
@@megank3358 me too my dear. For Christmas my divorce was finalized. Here’s to a new beginning for me.
❤
@@jamesmcginn8874 I'm pretty sure he is more happier than you!
The purpose of gaslighting is deflection of accountability because the alternative is to confront whatever stored fear is within them and face it head on and that scares them more than being wrong with another. It's not personal, it's mental 🙏
@Janessa Arango You're so right! After having our second baby within 13 months I turned up positive for an STD. He said, "You must have had affair and forgot." !!! He had been cheating the whole time. Happily remarried now! :-D
Gaslighting is about keeping control , and apologizing its about admitting losing control . therefore, a gaslighter and/or narcissist will never admit they are wrong.
Yes absolutely
Perfectly stated
I was gaslighted by someone I trusted more than anything.
And I got told I was the wrong one. I can't stop feeling horrible about it.
❤❤sending love ❤️ ❤
Me to
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
"There's no reason for you to feel that way" "You're just jealous" "You're just insecure" "That's not something I can help you with" "That's a story you made up in your mind" - a chronic theme when I was involved with the narc.
"If "words" cause you to want to go home? "Rage Outbursts" when I disagree w/.narcs perspective?? Obnoxious & Insane!!! Scary as hell!! Narcs just transform!!!
I’ve been there. I’ve literally had to screenshot conversations because within minutes (literally within MINUTES) he would go from one extreme to the other. And deny deny deny. One moment he wanted me to get rid of my baby, the next moment he wanted me to sign over complete and full rights of my child to him. The next minute it wasn’t his child. The next minute he was excited to have a family with me. It all depended on how my responses made him feel. Yet I was the one who was “too emotional“ and a “sycho”... yes that is how he spelled
p-s-y-c-h-o.
Currently getting everything documented with the proper authorities and personnel to help me hopefully with no contact. I am currently pregnant with this individuals child but I have gone no contact with him...well, The only communication that I have with him is to inform him of doctors appointments having to do with the little one. In the state that I am in it would be quite unlawful for me to keep him away from his child. Despite the circumstances the state that I currently reside deems it mandatory that both parties have equal rights to the child. Even if one party abuses the child and or the other party, the state governs a mandatory 50-50 at least. So if I were to go completely no contact and not inform him or give him the opportunity to be there for appointments regarding his child, the state will rule against me and I would possibly lose most of my rights as a parent just for having been the one to walk away. This whole system my state runs through as a farce. CHILDREN to them are cash cows, and because of this rule we have the highest domestic violence and child abuse rates in the nation. So I am doing everything that I can to make sure that my baby is safe. This man has a history of violence and I would be ignorant to believe that I am an exception to his rule. For me I feel as though it’s truly only a matter of time if I were to continue contact. Be safe out there guys.... this is all too real
Gina...exactly what he told me. He'd also tell me I was the narc, miserable and even passed my misery 2 my son. He said I was broken and won't be broken with me
but these things can be true though.
Its happened to me this person keeps telling me that i made it up...its all in my head although I have emailed and photos that he is cheating on me
Divorced an “Anti-Social” - Five years later he still won’t let go... The entire legal system needs some training in these types of behaviors so they are not further empowering abusers especially with Children involved...
Oh god is that the truth. They are Terrible to go against in court.
You called a person a mental illness. Nice. Should I call people with cancer a cancer or depression a depression?
@@dylancoleman1921 That was a syntactic miscue. Yes, she could have said "a person with an antisocial personality disorder", but she didn't, and you got the idea. We all did. Don't deflect. Her experience is legitimate and so is her pain.
You are right! We must also teach our kids--at home and at school--about narcissistic behaviours and gas lighting as part and parcel of teaching them about how to deal with bullying.
Maybe he loved you more than you gave him credit for.
30 sessions with a psychiatrist was required to help me regain my trust in my own reality after experiencing this in a relationship. Thank-you for helping others understand this form of emotional abuse.
So sorry you were brainwashed......doesn't it feel great to be yourself?????!!!!
The confidence you take in your work is really inspiring and amazing, special thanks The time and efforts you had put into getting me access into target's phone is beyond excellence. Take my cordial thanks! *Future Imperative Corps* . You are really an efficient, organized and result-oriented man Thank you for all the extra hours and extra effort you had to put on for getting the access activated. I appreciate every bit of your effort. Thank you for pulling this off so smoothly...
Search *Future imperative corps* to chat with Brandon about spying/tracking your target using their help.
*Don’t search them on TH-cam, search only on google to see their platform to make your request*
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your jobs are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Future Imperative Corps* ..
The consistency and quality spy services and content of *future imperative corps* never disappoints! Thanks once again *future imperative corps💯💯*
I’m married to a classic textbook narcissist, 28 yrs. Separated for the last two yrs. I cannot tell you how much your videos have helped me. While I have always known that there was something very wrong with my husband, I could never put my finger on it, so to speak. He’s a master manipulator & gas-lighter. You’ve described him to the tee.
I am learning so much from you Dr. Thank you 🙏
Btw… ordering your latest book‼️
Yes, understanding does you good. It's great for me too.
😢 me too
Oh my lord, I lived with this for YEARS!! Leaving that relationship was the best thing (and hardest thing) I ever did🙏💙
Gaslighting in therapy was the final straw for me. That’s when I knew what she was and I wasn’t crazy and walked out. She tries so hard to make me out to be the crazy one. I can only imagine what she tells her friends and family. 🤷♂️✌🏼
I also had a narcissistic therapist who tried to gaslight me too. The therapist I had after her also turned out to be a narcissist who was very mean. She was always trying to make me feel bad in every session.
I don’t know how people like this get to be licensed therapists when they should be nowhere in the mental health field.
Oly Guy had the same thing happen to me
HindsightPOV sorry for the confusion, but I was not talking about the therapist, but my wife. However, the therapist was not helpful at all.
NikkiC83 sorry you had to deal with that. Hope your days are brighter now. ✌🏼
Oly Guy
Oh ok. No worries.
This is so spot on. I want to point out that not all people who gaslight are narcissists. Some are just using it as a defense mechanism and have not learned or matured enough to try a healthier way. Most people can and will change. That's the biggest difference.
Nailed it when you said you feel the need to record conversations. That's exactly where I ended up, written and audio, screenshots, you name it. When I started googling why is this and that happening, as I did feel confused, crazy, brain fog, etc which is when I found out my partner is a narcissist. Then it all made sense. The records for me are a reminder, proof etc when I doubt myself. I did once say 'No, you did say that' told him I still had the messages, and of course i got snapped at 'Oh that's right you would keep those, so you can use it against me' after that I realized there is no point trying to prove anything to a Narc. Because they didn't do that, they didn't say that etc. UGH
They are cowards!
It doesn't make me doubt anymore, it makes me furious. I can't be around someone like that because my tolerance levels are non-existent.
I’m about to this point.
@@oceancat0450 I think you ARE at that point. You just haven't admitted it to yourself yet.
When you close one door, another opens.
Louisa Watt: Same here! ❤
exactly, i've reached the point where i'm so done and over people who are so full of shit. like i know what i deserve, and i'll get what i deserve. i'm never wasting my time around toxic manipulative people every again. i'm so happy that i've come to realize all this recently, it feels so good not to care about all this nonsense anymore
Same girl, same.
Yup…every time my mother insulted me and I got upset, she’d say I was too sensitive. Every time I brought up a past slight on her part, she’d conveniently forget or deny that she’d done it. She even accused me of doing things that she perceived as nasty, that my sister had actually done.
After 58 years and 1 month of it, I severed ties completely. And after several doses of these videos, I realized that I was unhealthily incorporating her tactics in my own behaviour. I now work overtime to mindfully avoid her tactics.
If anyone can relate to this behaviour in a relationship, don’t hang on hoping to change it. Kick the relationship to the curb and start to live your life on a positive note.
What Dr. R is explaining has literally been my relationship with my family. They put me through hell and than when I tried to tell them they hurt me they would shut me down by shaming me with comments like, it’s all about you! Or we don’t want your drama.
So been here/done this. From the conversations to the written e-mail/letters...didn't matter what I said or did. The best solution was what I finally resorted to: I ended the conversation forever.
This person has puzzled me, though. The gaslighting was obvious. But the bigger picture felt more like borderline personality disorder, even though some narcissistic behaviours presented as well. Regardless, the two biggest take-aways I got from learning about the potential causes of this person's behaviour were:
1) Get out and as far away as possible.
2) An overflowing empathy and care, which was way better than the anger and frustration I felt toward him in the beginning. I can care about this person and wish him well, but I can't fix him, can't help him and most certainly can never interact with him again. It's very sad, but at least one of us is in a much better place. He may never change, but at least I am no longer the subject of his abuse.
Same, I believe my ex is BPD with narcissistic tendencies. It is just, like this is the first person I have ever truly connectedxwith on such a deep level. It has destroyed me emotionally and mentally.
It’s rough when one didn’t find out till after marriage (yes have to overcome feeling of being cheated & all sort of other sad emotions).
Yet can’t have regrets b/c of precious kids. What best to do? what can one do with shared kids? You are forever linked through kids, who are rubbed robbed by his dysfunction. May never know what kind of psychological conditions he may have b/c he refuses to be tested.
One time he wants to shut me up saying, “Don’t talk like a psychologist because you don’t have a degree in that?” It’s unbelievable how hurtful insensitive words would easily get out of their mouth without any reservation, and this is the person who would name-call me “uncivil,” “inappropriate,” “mean,” when I realize he just projects himself on me! It’s him who has been acting out all those adj!
One can not go no contact as you have to also figure out how to co-parent once you find ways to end the marriage which is so painful to deal with an immature unhealthy temperamental personality! God has mercy on all of us!
@@carterm4421 I hope you were not there for long. I was married so long, to the only man I ever lived with and I feel that he will be the last now that I am older. It hurts so deeply when you go deep and they can't. It is heartbreaking to have trust broken like that. Knowing that it is mental illness has helped me a great deal.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder are very closely related. There are 4 personality disorders in the Group B cluster. NPD and BPD are 2 of them. Within BPD are 4 subtypes that characterize BPD as a whole. One of these subtypes is "The Queen". Many of the traits of this subtype are identical to Narcissistic traits.
Yep been there too! BPD. I had no F-ING IDEA!! what was going on!!! I thought he needed mental help maybe bipolar? Then I thought he was just a dirt bag liar. Then I thought he was Satan Himself! The "JoshuaMindFukblender" Now he's in prison. I'm on the opposite coast! I got the F OUT. I'm glad you and I in better placed now. And til this day I still feel sorry for him!!!!!! weird
I’ve spent the past 12 months in counselling to get over the pain from a relationship with a person who did all of that. Starting to feel much better now, and glad it’s finished.
First time I remember being gaslit was when I was around 17 and I was in an abusive relationship which I didn’t recognize as that. My boyfriend at the time and I got into a fairly large fight. He went to punch me, clearly aimed for my stomach, diverged his punch and hit me in the arm leaving a bruise. The next day we talked and I said “you hit me” he said “no I didnt” I said “yea you did” and pointed to my bruise. He said “you did that to yourself.” At this point I was so far gone, I actually had an inkling that maybe I didn’t remember correctly.
Talk to your kids folks. Tell them what abuse looks like so they can avoid being on either end of it.
How did you end up with someone like that ? Sorry
My ex was leaving with me at that time and told me he is going to the dinner to sort things out with his ex- girlfriend, invited me, told me location and time. Later my friends told me wedding pictures were posted on the internet. He told me it never happened first, later that it happened but it was all for show because he was pressured and had no choice, those pictures don’t exist and my friends lie … I believed him😢 But not anymore, now I know and understand what is happening.
I hope you are in a safe relationship now!