3:00 I'm aro-ace, and one of the missable aphobic things I've experienced is people finding it sad that I won't be in a relationship. Like I'll say, and they'll be like "Aww why do you think that? :("
My response would be, then normalize close friendships and queer platonic partnerships, and stop making assumptions about other people's relationships.
Oh that reminds me of the time I put on a really good looking shirt as a kid and exclaimed to my aunt “I look like a prince!” And she responded “a princess” and you cannot imagine how awful that felt to hear. I didn’t even look anything like a princess!! She just flat out lied!!!
Consider not seeing everything through that lens. People who are excited or passionate about something tend to think other people are missing out. If I meet a surfer and they feel bad that I have never been surfing even though it doesn’t interest me, I don’t consider them bigoted or take it personally.
I love it when cishets ask baffling sounding questions like the "Do trans people eat less?" tbh. It's so funny and weirdly precious, like a toddler wondering about the world 😂
@RainbyFIN this one baffled me as well. Like what does this have to do with anything? Maybe they're coming from a really stereotypical mindset that men (supposedly) eat more than women so therefore... IDK it's so illogical that I can't find any semblance of logic in their perspective. I tried though.
About using the word "gay". If someone uses it to describe something bad - it's homophobic. If someone uses it to describe something feminine - it's homophobic. But if someone uses it to describe something joyful, it's simply old fashioned
I literally said the word gay in a conversation w my friend and some other kid in my grade just says, “you can’t say that… it’s a bad word, you’ll get in trouble.” Like ??? What ???
I mean, I use it to describe homosexual leaning language or rainbows. Like, ohh, look at all the rainbow lights it's so gay I love it. Or Duolingo keeps showing me men saying, "I have a boyfriend."
I was lucky. I myself am sapphic, and my brother is an afab demiboy. Our parents are the two sweetest, most accepting allies I've met. They instantly started calling my girlfriend by her chose name when she came out as trans, and though my aforementioned sibling is still closeted to them, he knows he'll be safe when he does feel ready. I hear other people talk about being deadnamed or shamed by their parents, and I can't help but think of how blessed I was to be born to these two. How perfect it was, after all, that two kids with complicated identities were born to parents that would accept them.
I'm glad that your family is so loving and enlightened. Their empathy, respect and kindness remind me of my dad's first response to my coming out to him & my mother (about whose ignorant reaction, the less said, alas, the better): "You're my child, and I love you." (Is there really any other decent, loving sort of answer possible?)
69 year old nonbinary afab sapphic (came out at 60) here, and my younger sister and my niece both use "gay" and "queer" as invectives (like "that's so gay" or "stop acting queer", both of which shocked and upset me quite a bit when I first heard them use those terms like that. I'm out to them but I don't think they get it, you know, like they don't quite accept me as my authentic self. I've tried to explain to them also why living somewhere with a strong queer/gay community is important to me, and my sister went off on me -- like "what difference does that make???" and stuff like that. I'm moving in a month just to get away from what's turned into a fairly toxic environment. ANYWAY this was an awesome video, as all your videos are -- thank you so much for your presence here!
What difference does it make to be around people who are like you and understand you? A lot I would say. Does she have any experience living somewhere she doesn't fit in?
@@conlon4332 yeah, it makes a HUGE difference to me to be around people who can understand and empathize with me. I never would have moved in with them if I understood how different they'd become .
they're using words that describe you, as derogatory words, and they don't even see that that's a problem? time to find a new family. I'm sorry they're being like that to you, and I hope they realise in time how toxic they've been, but you can't stay and wait for that.
16:11 MOM GET THE CAMERA!!! But in all seriousness, yeah I'm the OP here. Thank you so much for your input, and yeah, not my brightest moment. As for what I've done about it since then, I've met with my best friend (I'll call him O for convenience and anonymity like I did with K) the same day, so I told him that my parents now know that K is trans, so now she at least knows they know. I've also asked my parents to not share this info with anyone (not sure how effective this is, as they are both big time gossipers). I think the main lesson I should take for similar situations in the future (especially if it's a surprise question and I'm being put on the spot) is that the best answer is a simple "I don't know". Anyway, thanks again for your input, it's an honor to be featured on the channel and keep up the amazing content. Sincerely, a random cis-straight guy who's looking to educate himself on LGBTQ+ issues.
Instead of saying "I don't know", you can say "Ask K that, it's not my place to say." That way, you leave it up to your friend whether they want to tell someone and also kindly remind people not to ask a third party about such a private thing. I hope this helps.
I personally really like the effectiveness of "I don't know" as far as accidental outing is concerned. I was personally outed to my entire family and community by someone well-meaning (who I didn't even know very well) simply expressing concern to the wrong person. It got around extremely quick through the grapevine. This is why it's important to be diligent. You literally never know what can happen.
Even asking if someone is trans means that suspicion is already there, and out of your reaction the person who asks can receive needed information regardless of you lies or dodging. So if you're not used to lie and didn't answer instantly, they'll know. That is the risk we take if we express ourselves to anybody, knowing or not.
@@Urube23 I like where you're coming from, but I also think that's as good as a yes. Would you say that if the answer is no? Probably not. If you answer a question in a way that you wouldn't answer if the answer was no, that's pretty much as good as a yes. Or at very least a sort of, or it's something like that.
I tell my mum everything, we're so close, but I also know that she wouldn't share information I told her not to, and would play dumb if necessary, so it is a different situation.
I am a cis bi woman, and I have several trans friends, most of whom I didn't know prior to their transition. I think the only real difficulty with proper use of pronouns is how to refer to someone in the past tense prior to their transition. I usually try to go with "when she was presenting as male" type of language, which is cumbersome, but is the most respectful way I know of to talk about it. I do find that it is the time when I am most likely to mess up and trip over using the wrong pronouns. Am I doing this wrong?
It sounds like you're doing wonderfully to me. I'd love to have a friend like you. That being said be very careful not to out them even to people who would be cool. Leave that up to them
I mean, there's usually not a reason to specify. Just use the person's current pronouns. Mentioning transition can out the other person, and that can be incredibly dangerous, not to mention rude. When in doubt, ask how people would prefer to be referred to.
I'll sometimes use "when X was pre transition" if it's relevant to the conversation and still use the current pronouns. If it's not relevant I won't mention transition at all.
I would hope for my child's sake that they are born in the body they are comfortable and happy in, but I would be fully prepared to support my child in any way that helps them find an identity that makes them feel like their authentic self. I'm cis, my partner is trans, our nephew had a hard road finding himself and we've always gone to bat for him against any family.who can't be bothered to understand
3:48 My late homophobic mother tried to raise me that way when I was young. She was religious as well. I'm a Straight Ally, and I remember secretly questioning why it had to be a man and woman to marry, and why it was just men and women in relationships. I'm also an Atheist, which I never told mother. But I think she knew I was an Ally, and tried to shame me for it. I still haven't forgotten that.
Terrible. She should be ashamed of herself that her Atheist child is more "religious" (in the way of being accepting and nice to other humans) than herself
@ I doubt that. Even though she’s no longer with us, there were so many things she never apologized for. I still find it confusing as she knew I have LGBT friends, but at the time, I thought she was making an effort to understand them. Clearly not. Those words still hurt to this day. I’m glad I never told her I’m an Atheist too.
i think at some point i questioned 'why just one partner though; if its so great, why only one? why make such a big deal over there being more than one???'
I (31NB) just came out to my parents today! It went well, a bit of confusion but they are supportive I recommended your book to them as they want to learn more It was a lot for them to come to terms with as I told them I’m non-binary and in a gay relationship with a trans man (29M) all at once They were confused about they/them as it’s “plural” but understood after explaining “that person over there, they are wearing a jacket” and they will support be as their child instead of their son 😊
They still see you as their son, you delude yourself thinking they are not. They may train themselves to use they/them for you, doesn't mean they see you as "non-binary" instead of a man. Everybody do. Everybody think of others as the sex they perceive them to be. Humans are not really capable of not thinking this way.
Just wanted to add a few points to the last question: the cause of being trans is something that's still being researched, and it most likely happens while still in the womb or in the first semi-conscious days of childhood. We do know that hormone fluctuations in the womb can overwrite the instructions of our sexual chromosomes (it's how some intersex people are born), so sometimes a trans person is born because their brain and their body developed in different hormonal environments. That's it, if you are a parent worried about the difficult life your child will encounter if they are trans your best course of action is to be supportive of their decisions *once those come up* (don't try to accelerate and predict stuff)
I don't think it quite accurate to say that hormones overwrite the instructions of sex chromosomes, it's more like a Y chromosome tells the body to make testes, the development of which stops ovaries and a uterus from developing, and then the testes start making androgens which instruct male development (most of the instructions for how to react to androgens are not on the Y chromosome). In the absence of these male catalysts, the body develops female. For example, if a fetus fails to develop any gonads it will still develop a uterus and fallopian tubes, whereas if testes form but then the androgens they make can't be registered by the body, it will develop otherwise female but without a uterus and fallopian tubes.
I used to be a science writer and I've heard a lot of claims here and there about what might affect someone's gender/gender identity, but while this one isn't quite new to me, I've never tracked down a source for it. Do you have one?
My mom would meet a friend of mine, then when he was gone ask "Did he use to be a girl ?" I would always answer with "I don't know, I don't care" even though I did know (it happened twice with different transmasc friends).
OH GOD YEAH! My dad used to do that. I’m glad because my dad grew out of his transphobia but I’d always just give him a side eye and say “I don’t think it really matters.” It was the most annoying thing he’d do. I hope your mom out grows it, though it’s always hard to tell if they ever will or not. I had to have so many arguments with my dad for him to get it through his head. I don’t advise arguing with your mom though if it sounds like I am, I just have that kind of relationship with my dad to do so
My family does that and I always ask them, why does it matter? I'm okay if they ask if someone is trans though. They are supported of me even if they mess up. Trying is better than willful ignorance.
"Don't know, don't care" is the best answer there. Good second-best would be "don't think so", since, y'know. Being raised as a girl doesn't mean you ever were one.
Given all the science telling us that gender identity is formed in the brain before we're even born, you can pretty safely answer "no" to that one. Your friend may or may not have *known* that he wasn't a girl, but that's not the point.
That last question made me remember the history of what we now call Conversion Therapy - how researchers started out trying to alter the behavior of Neurodivergent kids but went on to apply their methods to observably queer and gender-nonconforming kids. How it was always about training kids to behave in ways that made everyone more comfortable (everyone except them.) And I can't believe that I ever forgot something like that, as an ND person myself.
Hey, Jamie. I don't know if you'll see this, but I hope you know that you're a great help. I'm a closeted bi, and watching your vids has really helped me understand and come to terms with my sexuality. For some reason, probably because I can't come out to my parents, I feel very safe, comfortable and weirdly, at home when I watch your videos. Thank you💕💕💕💕
I wish you the best of luck. I know many friends in a similar situation. Channels like these can be a big help. It’s especially important to find safe spaces. Maybe if you can also try to befriend some queer/queer friendly people. I don’t think I’d have half the confidence in who I am, and my own personal sexuality/gender if it wasn’t for the incredible friends I have. Being able to talk about these things with people you personally know and trust can really make a difference.
@@DanielFinn-l5q This was so sweet, thank you so much. Yeah, my best friend is very supportive of me and she herself is bi-curious. It's just that most of my friends are very homophobic and I don't think I can change that. I honestly don't want to waste my breath on them. What's worse is that I live in a country where homosexuality is frowned upon. So, most of the safe spaces I have are online and I value them so much. Thanks again, your comment made my day!💗💗
By frowned upon do you also mean illegal? 🥺 Or is it more about the opinions of the people/culture? Either way, stay safe! ❤️ Happy to hear you have a friend you can trust with this, and I hope you're able to keep exploring your identity through online recources like Jamie's channel. I'd also recommend reading, as a way to explore and feel at home. There's plenty of queer books, and also webtoons/webcomics from independent creators around the world. 🌈
@@EmoNightDragon No, it's not illegal, it's just that no one supports it. But yeah, my BFF is honestly amazing. As for the books, I really wanna get Heartstopper, but I don't know how to convince my mom😭 Other than that I read online PDFs of queer stories, and I love them lol
I am a cis het mom to a trans son and a bi daughter. I can't imagine not fully supporting them. They are living their true authentic life, and that's all I ever wanted for them. I love your videos
You have my undying respect. I have a lot of queer friends, and most of them, have issues of their family’s ether not being supportive, or being partly supportive. One of my closest friends dad still forces them to wear a dress for family gatherings and all I can think of is what kind of a parent forces their kid to go through that just for convenience? Just because he doesn’t want to deal with “the embarrassment”.
Not all queer people are liberals. Some of us are radical leftists. I voted for Harris not because I support her, but because it would be safer to protest her and petition the government for policy changes. It's an oversimplistic view to reduce everyone not of one's political alignment to a single label.
@@rowanrobbinsit's wildly dangerous to assume ANY politicians will go through with what they promise on the campaign trail. What we do know is that she would've been better than Trump, but that's really all we would know until she became president.
@@rowanrobbins She supported and vowed to continue Biden's foreign policy in Gaza, which is one of the issues that cost her a lot of votes. She adopted a hawkish immigration policy. She said she would merely enforce the existing laws about gender affirming care, even if those laws were bans. She was a status quo politician, even when the status quo was harming or leaving people behind. I'm not a single issue voter and I don't narrowly focus on issues that affect only me. I care about issues that affect others, including marginalized communities around the world. Try it sometime.
@@rowanrobbins Her stance on Gaza, for one, which is the issue that likely cost her the most votes. Her immigration policy. Her promise to do little more than uphold the existing laws on LGBTQ+ rights, even when those existing laws were bans. I don't only care about the issues that affect me, and I'm not a single issue voter. It's not a good idea to assume what issues matter to an individual solely based on their demographic, nor is it a good idea to assume any politician will live up to their campaign promises.
@@rowanrobbins Incorrect. She said she would "uphold the law" even if those laws were bans on trans care. That's nothing but enforcement of the status quo, which has already harmed the LGBTQ+ community. So I could ask you the very same question.
@@rowanrobbins I could ask the same question. Her stance on Gaza for starters. Or the fact that she said she would "uphold the law" when it came to trans issues, even if those existing laws took away our rights. Need more examples? There are plenty.
As a xennial with 2 older sisters who were trained out of being left-handed, for some people, especially older people, _born this way_ is not a good enough explanation. The only traits they see as "born" and "natural" are the traits they personally approve of. Everything else? Must have been taught at some point, probably on the streets (because we don't teach that at home), and can be either beaten out of a child or obfuscated completely. And, yes, it applies to literally everything, and the mechanism is the same whether the child is left-handed, trans (yours truly), or just doesn't like dairy products.
I think my dad’s school tried to make him write right handed but his writing was too atrocious 😂 I’m not sure what they did in the end but I’m glad I as a left handed person don’t have to go through a similar thing
Hey Jamie!!! Im a closeted trans guy who is also bi and your videos help me a lot expecially cause my family is not suportive and all. It makes me get some hope for the future and put a smile on my face!! Thanks for all the videos u make and i wish u all the best :))
Hold your head up high. I might not know you but I know a lot of trans men, and no matter what anyone says, you’re a man. People will always be them but you will always be you. I know I can’t imagine your struggles personally, but I certainly know the shit my best friend has had to go through. The way I look at things, especially with my gender (for I myself am questioning right now) I tend to think that though strangers might say things, at least I’ll be who I truly am. That’s been my mentality with my queer identity so far, and that’s been the mentality of my best friend (who’s a trans man). Hold confidence in who you are cause there is no version of one’s self more beautiful than their true self. Never settle for the person other people want you to be.
@@DanielFinn-l5q thanks so much :)) Its little hard cause im really young and im in school so i cant fight for myself or get anything to cure my dysporia. Its really annoying to be always seen as a girl and stuff. But im sure once im 18 it will be better :)) (also i live in romania where being transfobic or homofobic is the normal so i cant really come out here 😭)
24:45 Whenever I talk about how i found out I was trans was when I was in my first physical relationship with a guy. It wasn’t some weird reason though; the relationship just made me think about my gender and how I wanted to be seen. I’m currently with a guy and it had nothing to do with my ex-bf, I just started thinking about myself and what I wanted in life to be comfortable.
I’ll answer the question of the title: it doesn’t matter if you want a trans child or not. What matters is you wanted a child and you need to accept who they are as people. That’s the only answer.
Before I begin I'd like to note that I am ftm, like Jamie. I live in Georgia. So far my school has been accepting, however they won't let me use the boy's restrooms. I pass pretty well, and nobody seems to question me. They say it's, "for the safety of others and yourself". But I know it's absolute lies. I have to FIGHT just to get my name used. Why can't they just change it on the roster? It's not that hard. I don't have the time or money to legally change my name yet. Anyways, these videos make my day!
I'm sorry to say this, but it's the harsh reality: It's all about politics. Not accepting, or worse hating on, trans people fits the campaigning narrative in the US (well, globally) right now. We are being scapegoated by right-wing billionaire bought media to push their grasp for power and distract from all the real world problems people have.
I'm not sure if this applies to you or your school, but some schools are required to use the kids' birth name unless the parents or guardians says it's okay to use the name "x-y-x" and the preferred pronouns. Like Giuliana-w1f says, it doesn't sound like they are as accepting as you think, unless you mean the other kids and teachers. In my opinion, the school officials and admins could be a totally different category, whether it's because they aren't accepting or have their hands behind their backs. Schools can be a tricky place when it comes to rules, regulations and even laws as they don't want to be sued.
Lol the only time someone made fun of me (?) for being queer was before I came out (or even thought about it myself). I had unmedicated anxiety and undiagnosed autism, so I was always scared to have any divisive opinions. Because of that, whenever I was asked "what's your favorite color" I'd just reply, "rainbow". One time I was with some "friends" and they asked me what my favorite color was, and when I answered, one of them called me gay. 💀 I was absolutely flabbergasted, since I had literally never heard a single gay joke before, especially not one made by a straight girl, directed at an AFAB person. It wasn't too bad, it was just so bizarre and out of nowhere that I've never forgotten it.
6:02 why are they not saying "mom". 2 options i think. 1. They do not see her as a parental figure: Totally valid, I have a mom and dad (biological) do not, and have not called them mom or dad for like 12 years now 2. Because they do not see her as a woman: Then that's transphobic. Imo is simple. Like everything, the reason matters (sometimes more than the end result).
One of the questions reminded me of something, my sister's ex girlfriend was a lesbian who had never dated a man, but she ended up cheating on my sister with a male friend. This apparently meant that she was bisexual, but years later it turned out that the friend was a trans woman, I don't know my sister's ex girlfriend anymore but I like to joke that she is still a lesbian who has never dated a man.
The title alone set me off lol. They are your kid. As long as they aren’t a violent psychopath you love and support them no matter what If they are Trans and you know nothing about it you learn and share what you can of that journey of them becoming their true selves with them Parenting is being there for this human being you have a connection with like no one else You get to help them become who they are going to be It’s a wondrous experience and diminishing it by throwing your expectations on it is a crime against the very nature of the universe Your child is going to like what they like, love what they love, be who they want to be If they like strawberry and you don’t big deal, they are an individual Same for every other aspect of their existence You love them, you support them, you are present for them Anything else, you’re not a parent, you’re a bystander (Steps down from soapbox and calms down…)
I'm cis and have a lot of trans friends. Lots of conversations with a few of them have led us to find this to be a good response when I'm asked if they are trans. "I've never thought to ask." It's avoids me lying about any information I do know (I may know that they are but avoided answering that question) and I subtly pointed out that it's a rude and unnecessary question in the first place. All without outing them. It works quite well. :)
@SJames-s4j In my experience... years ago I became friends with one person who happened to be trans. She introduced me to some of her friends that she was in a support group with. I became friends with them as well and got involved with their group as an ally. I kept making more and more trans friends through them. Then, when my kid was 14, he came out as trans. A few of his friends are as well so I ended up getting involved in groups for younger trans people as well. At this point I am quite involved with trans rights despite not being trans myself.
@@SJames-s4j Umm, because trans people are awesome? But more seriously, selection bias. If you're watching Jamie there's a pretty good chance you vibe well with trans people. If you didn't you probably wouldn't be here.
@@SJames-s4j hmmm, I can't imagine why a bunch of people on a channel about *trans* stuff have *trans* friends? It must totally be a coincidence. Maybe try thinking next time.
So I'm trans and my brother is gay. I came out a few months before him and when he came out to me, it was hard for me. Because I was scared people would hurt him. When I came out, I had a few negative reactions and I didn't want him to go through that, so I can understand were people come from when they say "I hope my child is not gay/trans", cause sure it helps them if you accept them, but there are a lot more people in the world and some of them would do horrible things to them that you don't want your loved ones to go through.
The biggest stealth transphobia is my grandmother's comment to people, when they hear that I sometimes play with my kid cousin who doesn't have a dad, where she, verbatim, goes "oh yeah it is good that the kid has a male role model"... she doesn't use wrong pronouns. it's always name. She doesn't correct others when tehy use the wrong pronoun. and she implies that there is a man. D: she never says that to me personally, but i feel like she is ashamed of me, or she wouldn't try to reinforce to others that she has a male grandchild, and not a trans granddaughter. Especially, since the kid has 2 other bigger, adult cousins and 1 adult half-brother who ALL could be the male role model. but no, that's a job for the trans one who is not a man. :D
15:23 I feel so sorry for that guy. Based on what he told, it seems that he had a hard time with self esteem growing up and maybe suffered a lot of discrimination. I'm not sure he wants to be homophobic but the environment he is probably forces that way of thinking.
I grew up as a JW. This guy has no business concerning himself with that girl's political beliefs. IT IS FORBIDDEN to get involved with politics. He is just using his religion as an excuse to be a bigot. Also, racism is also prohibited for JWs! It's clear this guy pays no attention during the meetings (church services) and is just using it as an excuse to be an 🫏. I'm not even sure he should have been on that website to ask the question in the first place (but not 100% on that one). When I was a kid the only website JWs were supposed to ever go to on the entire Internet was the official JW site, but I understand there have been some rule changes, so maybe. TBH it's kinda weird he's asking if he's homophobic, because that one is more or less allowed, and actually kinda mandated, depending on your definition of homophobia (they won't think they are being homophobic prob under their definition, but under the real definition, yes).
I loved that first question. Maybe about ten years ago I finally approached a gay magical colleague of mine who I had known for over a decade and asked if I could ask questions. Bless him he was completely open. I think my first question was how they worked out in their community whether there was going to be a potential romantic connection or just friends. He said the code in his community was "Just girlfriends." I have long since quit asking him questions and am subbed to several channels where gay and trans people talk (including yours, my dear. My first one!) Good thing as it turns out my child is pan and maybe non-binary. I was prepared. We cis-white-straights need to get outside our bubble and learn.
The kid that is questioning that if he's homophobic and a JW, just sounds like a miserable person all around. If JW stands for Jehovah's Witness and as someone who grew up in the religion, I know for a fact that he and his dad doesn't act like one and would be seen as inappropriate by most other JWs as not being Christ-like. Yes, they are against homosexuality, but they don't preach to be bigots, whether it's race, sexuality, etc. Of course there are bigots in the religion, just like any other ones. This type of attitude is not what they expect from their their people/congregation. Edit to add: I agree with Jamie that it sounds like he's being greatly influenced by his dad and is very sheltered. Hopefully he will grow up and realize both of their behavior is wrong and change for the better. Not sure if this matters: I am not a JW and was only raised as one. I will never ever become a JW!
I feel like the “do trans people eat less” question if not satirical could be linked to the prevalence of EDs in the community, not sure if there’s any research backing that but knowing my history and my other trans friends history I’ve deducted that. from my personal experience I feel the negative body image that comes with gender dysphoria encouraged my body dysmorphia to intensify.
did some research after posting this, statistics show 18% of trans people vs 1.8% for cis women and 0.2% for cis men - source Disordered eating and considerations for the transgender community: a review of the literature and clinical guidance for assessment and treatment by Kerry McGregor
3:00 As someone who is ace to add onto this, another comment I got from my partner at the time was "Well how do you know you don't like it (naughty activities) if you haven't tried?" Which is an easy mindset to fall into because it sorta makes sense, like you wouldn't know what food you don't like unless you try it. It took till I was no longer with them to realise how toxic of a comment that was and dig myself out of that mindset too. Stand proud in your feelings fellow ace's, no one has the right to tell you what you should and shouldn't like but yourself.
My go to response is to just ask the person asking me if they'd have sex with a different gender to whichever gender they are attracted to. Usually it's a straight girl asking me so I'll just ask "have you ever had sex with a girl? How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it" and they'll usually respond like "I don't see girls that way", to which I respond with "that's how I see everyone" (in case ur curious im biromantic ace, so I'm still interested in dating, just not sex)
This comes into non-aro erasure for me. To everyone I've ever met, every ace is aro. I'm demi-romantic. I fall DEEPLY in love with a person I'm close to. But I still get the ick about anything involving... _that thing._ So, I HAVE found someone I'm compatible with. Still ace.
Ugh, this one annoys me so much. I like replying back "Well how do you know you don't like hugging a cactus unless you've tried?". To which I usually get something along the lines of "I just know I wouldn't like it". Exactly.
Thank you Jamie, you've helped me so much to understand my son's journey from afab to masc presenting NB. Happy Christmas to you and Shaaba. Whatever you celebrate have a good one.
The little missable things I got were like “nah but she’s a chill one” (my most supportive cis straight friend growing up when ‘defending’ me to others) and calling my asexuality into question when I would refer to people as “hot” or make jokes or what have you.
Ugh, this, like no, I'm not the "good transgender/asexual/etc". Which they never understand why I don't take that as a compliment. Then again I had someone deny I'm asexual because I know what a dildo is. Like uhhhh, that's called existing on the internet, and has nothing to do with my sexuality.
Coming from a Trans teen(FTM), parents please…try to understand your child before you do radical things. I personally have the most difficult and transphobic parents I have ever met. People, parents in specific, need to realize that once your child turns 18 and “oh whoops” they are still trans, because as they told you they ALWAYS WERE, they have every right in the world to leave and never look back. Do not be the reason your child goes through the rest of their life without parents, but also be aware that they will live their most true to self life without you if you do not even try understanding or accepting and plainly just being cruel. And Jamie thank you for your content, it brings me peace of mind knowing things will be okay and life does get better.
If you haven't already, you will find a fantastic new family! My 3 kids are all in their 20s now, and two of them are trans. One is no-contact with their other parent, who refuses to grow past his homophobia and transphobia. He still blames me for the lack of contact, not realizing that the other two may end up making the same choice. Anyway, happy Whatever-You-Celebrate! 🙏💜🏳🌈🏳⚧
20:01 I get fussy about being asked pronouns not because of gender-related issues, but linguistic ones. I live in an anglophone environment but I don't identify with the English language as "my" language, especially not the fact that pronouns are gendered and have two grammatical cases. So every time a form or a name tag demands my pronouns, I feel like it's aggressively imposing this gender system on me, and forcing me to fit myself into boxes that aren't my own. So if I could choose, I would rather state my gender than my English pronouns. But other than that, I understand the importance of and support clarifying one's gender in social situations :)
If you are comfortable sharing, would you be willing to elaborate on what language it is you wish others would use and by extension what pronouns (if applicable) would you have within said language? I realize I'm a random internet citizen but seeing this comment made me quite curious.
yeah the subtle hinting being trans is a choice it is definitely a rough one, i had to stop talking to my dad because he refused to stop referring to my gender as a "choice" despite insisting that he accepted me
Did anyone else catch the bit about being "afraid of the belt?" This kid is being beat. In conjunction with how he acts with his peers due to the toxic behavior he described being modeled by his dad, he's clearly in a really bad home situation.
This actually makes me feel better about a decision I made to not out one of my teachers last week. An ally friend of mine asked me out of the blue if an instructor I'm close to (and who is an advisor of the GSA on campus) is gay or not. The answer is yes, and he doesn't work to keep it a secret, but he's not extremely obvious about it either... on purpose. This friend is not in the GSA, and has said before that "queer people who are loud about it" are annoying. So all I said is "That's not my story to tell" and left it at that. I still feel bad about my phrasing, I feel like I should've made it more vague. But I really didn't know what to do.
As an easy stop to an argument on trans issues (not as much to this) it is easy and great to respond with things about intersex people. Because it counters nearly every transphobic point anyone had.
yes _and no_ ; when cis people do that, it tends to get too bioessentialist pretty quickly. it's a good counterargument to _some_ transphobic bs, but certainly not everything.
Wow. I always used to cringe when people conflate trans and inter, but knowing that you intentionally instrumentalize it and people here agree with that. Amazing.
3:13 and when I’ve recently experienced with doctors, there’s sometimes they bloom a little late(I don’t actually don’t feel attraction. I just actively try to avoid it. Hit it when it comes to sexuality. And crushes just bounce off of me as a concept.)
Ugh, I've gotten this one too. Apparently you can still be a "late bloomer" in your late 20s. 🤦 I've been in a relationship for 8 years and am still ace.
3:00 I'm aro/ace and I haven't had this said to me yet but I'm full on ready to say go lick asphalt. Who knows maybe you'll like it. Go on lick asphalt maybe it'll be fun. I really wished I had an awnser luke this or something less harsher when I was a bit younger because I had the whole you're too young thing with her when she found out I was lgbtq via somone else. So what I tend to do is listen put for commonly reoccurring things that are said to the community and making up comebacks for them in my head because it makes me feel more confident.
AHAHAHA SORRY BUT I LOVE THAT ASPHALT THING! I want you to know like 90% of the ace people I know are amongst the funniest people I know. I get that though. I’ve been rather fortunate to avoid any derogatory comments over my sexuality, though I know that won’t always be true. Luckily do to the wonderful friends I’ve made, as unconfident as I am, the one thing I’m fully confident in is my identity and am always fully ready to tear anyone to shreds who think they “know better” for me.
This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little spuds, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Stay safe everyone and remember that there are people out here that love you 💜💜💜💜💜💜
With the "deduction outing", you shouldn't be confirming because you don't really know. Nobody can tell a trans person 100% of the time. There are plenty of things that can mislead people either way. If the person asking seems supportive, I'd say that I wasn't sure. If it's not clear if they are supportive, I'd decline to speculate. And if they seem transphobic, I'd ask myself, "Why am I interacting with this bad person?"
I am grateful for these Q & As. I used channels like yours to help educate me as I deconstructed the ways I was taught growing up. I went from homophobic and transphobic to an ally to now knowing I am bi. I still feel I am learning so much about the queer community and never want to make others uncomfortable if I can help it. I love the way you and Shaaba communicate and your senses of humor. You gave me a safe place to learn and grow and I am grateful. ❤
These videos are extremely important and useful. Thank you for your great work. I feel like you're a translator of a new and important language I really need to learn.
The "Confirming is outing" question has some nuance, mostly because a) many answers will say yes without saying yes, and also getting too defensive or evasive could be a huge.... thing. If the person has come to that conclusion and knows you know, there should probably be a "why do you care/want to know" thought or question, but most ways you answer will confirm or deny it anyway if the deducer has 2 brain cells. So yes, it IS outing, but that may be the best damage control depending on who you are dealing with.
The one with the transitioning parent is tricky. If they had a relationship throughout their childhood, i could see calling the parent mum. Knowing what, say, my mom went through raising me on her own, i could never call someone else mom.
Maybe you saw it by now, but the OP said they never called her anything but her deadname (so never called her "dad") In that case I'd say it's reasonable to simply go on with using her current name. The parent hadn't been in OP's life until they were an adult, so it might feel awkward using a parental honorific in any case.
5:17 this one gives me the impression that op didn't call their dad 'dad' because they said they werent really close and were friends. I feel like i need more info on that one
For me, universtiy was a very important time. I went from 12 years (plus kindergarten, which was just a whole mess for me) of being told what to know, what to think, what to learn, how to learn, what's right, what's wrong, to being asked to share my thoughts. I was told to think for myself, and when I did, I was praised. I majored in Literature, and growing up, I was so afraid to share my opinion because of being bullied, but in university, I was made to feel proud when I voiced my opinion on a piece. University is where I learned who I am. I went in majoring in Bio, which, yeah, would be more useful, but Lit spoke to me.
On my MMORPG, in the General chat, people were using the "That's so gay-!" comment, at which point, I politely objected, noting that it was denigrating LGBTQ people. The OP (and a few others) said it WASN'T a slur. I pointed out that the USAGE/context was derogatory and gave some examples (again in a civil manner).
4:27 Hahaha! "more prevalent in my life" just made me think of: popping up in _this_ part of your life, popping up in _this_ part of your life, popping up in _this_ part of your life! I don't know it's very silly.
3:10 as an aroace person, this actually made me really happy to be represented and noticed. A lot of people don’t think we exist, or that we need to be fixed and even just being mentioned made me look up from whatever I was doing to smile :)
I’m sorry, I have no one to talk to. I’m heavily disabled and my mom who was the caretaker for both me and my disabled brother just died today. She was just diagnosed with cancer 2 or 3 days ago. We were just starting to be ok with that. We thought we had time. I did cpr, I tried so hard to keep her here. She stopped breathing and just never started again. They took her in an ambulance. Wouldn’t let me go with. She’s gone and now it’s just me and my little brother. Idk what to do or how to go about anything. I’m los.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother suddenly during covid lockdown. Take it moment to moment. Feel what you are feeling, and talk to family or someone in your community for guidence when you are ready. It's very scary and there is unfortunately no handbook but look online for support in your country/region for advice on practical next steps, care concerns or grief. You may be in shock, if you feel unsafe call a helpline or a person you trust. Again I'm so sorry this has happened.
Omg that's so traumatizing! I'm so so sorry you had to go through that, there's nothing I can offer to help you feel better and that makes me feel horrible. Please take care of yourself, you deserve so much love and support. Virtual hugs! 🤗
I just watched a compilation about binders before I came here so I’m coming to the space where a lot of people who probably bind their chest hang out. I’ve got a Tip for my fellow peoples who wish to bind: try pulling the binder up after stepping into it. In my experience it works better. I’ve been doing it since I got mine and I can get it on in less than a minute. It’s quick and easy.
As a transparent, I asked my kids what they wanted to call me. Im AFAB, trans male. 2 years on, nothing has changed they still want to call me mum. So, Ive said to them Im only going to celebrate fathers day and they are okay with that. My 20yo calls me mumfther... which is a hybrid lol. My kids are all lgbtq anyway, and Im sure they'll use the parental name of my choice in time. If grandparents can pick their title.... I can too 😁
I have a question about the "outing one", while I agree that that was definitely outing, I can't think of other ways the poster could have responded in that specific situation without lying or confirming.
Sometimes I still get taken aback a little by some things cis people ask me as a trans man,especially as an older trans man. (Matt) Thank you Jammie and Shaaba for a brilkant year of fun ani informative videos,hope you both have a fabulous Christmas and new year
22:17 im gonna take a stab at this question but I don't have any more context than the rest of you so its just a guess. lots of people who are unfamiliar with trans people say "trans people" when they are only thinking of trans women. so their question might just be "do trans women eat less" which could stem from the idea that boys, particularly during puberty, eat a lot of food. so maybe going from having testosterone as your primary sex hormone to estrogen as your primary sex hormone might cause a reduction in food intake. Its kind of a stretch but thats my guess 😅
The person asking about when a child becomes trans is not transphobic. Sounds to me like someone genuinely seeking information on what is trans. I really hope they find your channel here on TH-cam. I came across you a little over a year ago. You have answered so many of my questions about not just trans community but so many of the different LGBTQ+ communities that I, as an old fart, wanted to know so I could be more informed and less likely to offend anyone. I’ve always thought a persons sexuality is their business but I also admit I know little about the different types of sexuality and don’t want to offend. Thank you for this informative channel and the sharing of your life and experiences. It has helped me a lot.
There is a reason why 40% of homeless people are LGBTQ teens. The post is either fake or genuine. If it's genuine, it can be a sign of curiosity or hatred.
For the teen guy asking the internet whether he's a homophobe... I suspect what he saw as "attention seeking behavior" was just him piling his own assumptions about women/lesbians onto her when she tried to discuss the school project with him. Maybe she was asking questions, or trying to figure out who'll handle which parts or something.
I've been cooking chistmas foods all day, and my brain is really unable to form coherent thoughts right now, but I wanted to leave a comment anyways. ❤
I know that the term Gay has been constantly changing over time, switching back and forth continuously on it's different meanings until it recently came back to being part of the LGBTQ community. Recently though, it is also taking on its old other meanings again (being carefree, happy, colourful, bright, cheerful, proud) while also being classed as an '''Intrinsic Term''' (a very recent thing) because it is an interesting and extremely important value and basic characteristics of a person, object or life as it connects to nature.
Happy christmas thing! My parents purposefully restructured christmas so that we can open gifts with my sister AND i dont have to go to her house and see her Fundamentalist inlaws. Granted, i dont think they know im not exactly cis/straight. But they know I am massively morally oposed to them, and almost started a huge fight last year(they were too far away to easily unload on them about their BS)
The post about the Puertorrican asking if he is homophobic, the answer is yes. Some people from Puerto Rico that move to the states, especially Florida, turn into republicans because they are suddenly better than the ones still in the island. They suddenly are the whitest person in the room and forget that as a latino person, americans don't see us as white. I have lost a lot of friendships because as a puertorrican that still lives in the island, I can't fail to understand the superiority complex people get the moment they move to the states.
Oh oh, the dad wanting to be called mom example ... I've had kinda the opposite experience. I am the dad who transitioned late in life, my son immediately started referring to me as mom and I'm a bit uncomfortable because I feel it takes something away from his mom and I was certainly the dad role in those years.
Thank you for your video! My mother said recently that “she used to be trans supporting, but trans people are forcing [respect?? I guess] on straight people,” and now she’s transphobic. Honestly, she was transphobic before that. Seeing this really comforting to me because it’s a trans guy talking about lots of straight people being a bit confused. I will unfortunately be staying in the closet until I can move out.
"She thinks that just because I'm JW that means I'm homophobic, which is wrong." says the guy who immediately says that he's homophobic because he's JW
Cis bi woman chiming in on the trans parent coming out later matter. Obviously my situation is different from the one discussed here as my trans parent had 50/50 custody of me when they came out to me in my last year of high school (back in the stone age of 2004, lol). I already knew that parent was bi (I can't think of a time I didn't know about the LGBTQIA+ community but I didn't necessarily know all the labels, but I loved love whether it was queer or straight or straight passing), and I had come out the year prior as "not straight but I don't know what label I need to put on it for society yet". It was a struggle when I was told that said parent would be transitioning and I went into something akin to a grieving process. Said parent had been very withdrawn and depressed for the longest time (with hindsight, I understand why) and at the time we had the conversation they'd finally been happy and interactive and very much parental again for a few months. It felt like I was losing them all over again and I became resentful for 'killing' that parent just as I got them back. I wanted to be supportive but it was a lot for a 16 year old to take on while going through my own litany of mental health struggles and trauma, and some health issues getting diagnosed; and somehow needing to stay focussed at school so that I would hopefully get into university for the career path I wanted. The relationship between us became very toxic, to the point of violence when half asleep and very unwell I said their parent marker instead of the name they had chosen - not out of malice but autopilot. I was left with a welt on my face in a perfect hand print. That parent and I went no contact from the day I graduated - because they kicked me out. In 2006 I reached out as a terrified 19 year old who had been plied with booze and illicit substances, taken advantage of, and found out I was pregnant. In an instant all volatility towards me dropped and they did everything they could to help me figure out what I wanted to do and support me with whatever path I chose. My pregnancy allowed a lot of healing between us. We decided the parental marker would be the first three letters of the word for parent in our native language, which also fittingly is the word for "goal" or "objective", having them living happily and authentically after 40+ years. When discussing the past with people who were there with us I am allowed to use the old parental marker and pronouns, and neutral verbiage for people who were not in our past as I have done here. My kids use the parent marker I call that but with the letter G as a suffix, much like "g-ma" or "g-pa", and the baby that helped repair the relationship between my parent and I (who will be 18 years old in less than 80 days OMG) has known about the transition with age appropriate info being given when asked since he was about six or seven years old. Zero confusion from him. All that matters to him is that he is loved by all his grandparents.
Hey Jamie! My name is Aiden and I'm trans and use he/they pronouns. I've been trans since I was 11 and I started testosterone when I was 15. I'm 17 now and I have been wanting to study the science behind being trans because when people ask me why am I trans I can never really give a clear response and I end up with people confused. I would like to find a way to respond even though I haven't been asked if I'm a boy or girl in quite some time, people just think I'm gay, I would like to know how to correctly approach this conversation. I usually say stuff like I've always felt like a boy but they keep asking further questions until I have nothing to say left. Any ideas on what to say?
I mean, best of luck to you, but literally no one knows why people are trans. The science is out. Maybe you'll be the one to figure it out, that'd be cool. All you can really say is that you've always felt like a boy, and anything past that you can say that it's really not their business to keep asking. You do not have to justify yourself. You just are who you are, and that's all there is to it
Best response is to ask what they want with the question Why do they want to know? I don’t think there’s one “reason why” someone’s trans, it’s probably a multitude of factors that come together both nurture and nature. But when people ask “why does someone become trans/gay/etc” is because they wanna find a way to make us knock it off.
Hi future scientist, A couple of thoughts: Feel free to say "nunya business" and "I don't know" when applicable. It doesn't sound like you have that issue with these people as they are just curious, but I am adding this from the perspective that people have been debating if homosexuality is innate in order to derive conclusions about its morality. How it came about has no moral implications about the people who are trans. Science is there to describe reality, not to judge nor to set priorities. From whatever you find, people may draw completely different conclusions about how to best accomodate trans people on a societal level.
I am hoping the mom in the last question was seeking to spare her child from the extra stress that life in the trans lane can bring. As a momma, I remember having a conversation w my husband when we were pregnant that we hoped our child didn’t have to deal with gender dysphoria , not for lack of love or acceptance, but because we had seen first hand the discrimination people experience and how difficult it can be to get proper care. Then we had 3 children with complex medical issues. This began a series of conversations about genetics and the recognition that despite any challenges any of us experience, our children bring light and life and love into this world. This world would not be the same with out them and their empathy and loyalty and creativity and fun approach to life. We realized that the beauty outweighs any potential struggle. Fast forward to our middle child coming out as nonbinary and going on puberty blockers….and I cannot imagine them being any different than the exact human that was is who God created them to be. Yes, it was a struggle for them to find the words for their internal experience of self and to be able to express that clearly, but it has been worth it because they are amazing! And I feel blessed to be their momma and to walk beside them to witness them becoming their full and beautiful self!
God created man and woman, there is no spectrum. Putting kids on puberty blockers is not love, but child abuse. That is why many countries have banned the practice. So, if one of your kids was anorexic, do you let them go on a diet? Puberty blockers do not change a person's gender. They damage their body and change their appearance. Where in the Bible does God say to try to change your child's gender? Trans doesn't even exist in the Bible because it's fabricated my man. It's disgusting that anyone can justify mutilating a child. What a sick world we live in.
@@johnteregon1752puberty blockers aren’t abuse, they’re supported by many actual medical professionals. The people who banned them didn’t ban them because they’re dangerous (since the people who banned them are politicians not medical professionals) , some countries also banned women being doctors but I don’t think that’s dangerous.
3:31 if I had a choice why would I choose something 1. Illegal in certain places 2. Not worth my time explaining 3. That I get criticized for 4. People don’t accept Cis hets please explain
I want to correct you a little bit on your answer to the question at 22:35. In no way do I mean this rudely or to imply that you are uneducated on the topic. I've been watching you for a few years now and you really helped with my own journey of coming out and socially transitioning. I just want to shed some light on an experience I don't see talked about very often, especially in binary trans spaces. I am a trans man, albeit a bit more complicated than that, but we'll stick to that label for now. Despite that I still felt like a girl when I was young, and you're right, I didn't "turn trans", but instead I never viewed myself growing up into a woman. I always saw myself experiencing a more "male" puberty (e.i., growing more hair, getting a deeper voice, etc.). Not all trans people feel trans their whole life, sometimes it is only a thing that comes on later in life, although I would never call it "turning trans" or "deciding you're trans". It's just gender being fluid like it always is and I think that experience should be shared a little more, just so trans people (and cis people) know that it's okay to have been your assigned gender at a point in your life. And it doesn't make your experience any less valid. All the love to you Jamie, and thanks a lot for what education your videos have provided me with over the course of my transition, and continuing to be a beacon of hope and education for our community. I hope I was able to provide an interesting perspective on this, and I hope you have a very happy holidays if you celebrate :)
Get a spud plush here: www.makeship.com/products/less-haters-more-taters-plushie 😊
the spud plush is so cute!! :))
Your puns are amazing
3:00 I'm aro-ace, and one of the missable aphobic things I've experienced is people finding it sad that I won't be in a relationship. Like I'll say, and they'll be like "Aww why do you think that? :("
My response would be, then normalize close friendships and queer platonic partnerships, and stop making assumptions about other people's relationships.
Oh that reminds me of the time I put on a really good looking shirt as a kid and exclaimed to my aunt “I look like a prince!” And she responded “a princess” and you cannot imagine how awful that felt to hear. I didn’t even look anything like a princess!! She just flat out lied!!!
"Oh come on, you'll find someone!"
I told my friend I am ace and he said I was missing out
Consider not seeing everything through that lens. People who are excited or passionate about something tend to think other people are missing out. If I meet a surfer and they feel bad that I have never been surfing even though it doesn’t interest me, I don’t consider them bigoted or take it personally.
I love it when cishets ask baffling sounding questions like the "Do trans people eat less?" tbh. It's so funny and weirdly precious, like a toddler wondering about the world 😂
At least they're trying to learn?
@@shadowldrago yes I know they are. It's still ok to find it funny
We can only wonder.
It's a troll question
@RainbyFIN this one baffled me as well. Like what does this have to do with anything? Maybe they're coming from a really stereotypical mindset that men (supposedly) eat more than women so therefore... IDK it's so illogical that I can't find any semblance of logic in their perspective. I tried though.
About using the word "gay". If someone uses it to describe something bad - it's homophobic. If someone uses it to describe something feminine - it's homophobic.
But if someone uses it to describe something joyful, it's simply old fashioned
This video was a gay old time 😊😊
I literally said the word gay in a conversation w my friend and some other kid in my grade just says, “you can’t say that… it’s a bad word, you’ll get in trouble.” Like ??? What ???
@@TheMothOnUrWindowI guess we can see how they view the word 😂
When I tell my pretty friend I wish I could kiss them and they say “that’s gay” and I say “yes” and then we both send 😘🥰 … that’s gay.
I mean, I use it to describe homosexual leaning language or rainbows. Like, ohh, look at all the rainbow lights it's so gay I love it. Or Duolingo keeps showing me men saying, "I have a boyfriend."
I was lucky. I myself am sapphic, and my brother is an afab demiboy. Our parents are the two sweetest, most accepting allies I've met. They instantly started calling my girlfriend by her chose name when she came out as trans, and though my aforementioned sibling is still closeted to them, he knows he'll be safe when he does feel ready.
I hear other people talk about being deadnamed or shamed by their parents, and I can't help but think of how blessed I was to be born to these two. How perfect it was, after all, that two kids with complicated identities were born to parents that would accept them.
this made me cry! so happy for you and your family
This is so sweet and the AFAB demiboy rep was a pleasant surprise.
I'm glad that your family is so loving and enlightened. Their empathy, respect and kindness remind me of my dad's first response to my coming out to him & my mother (about whose ignorant reaction, the less said, alas, the better): "You're my child, and I love you." (Is there really any other decent, loving sort of answer possible?)
Hearing about accepting families like yours soothes and heals my heart and inner little boy.
This, this is what we need more of. Just...support people. Be there for your kids. Thank you for sharing, sounds like you have a wonderful family.
69 year old nonbinary afab sapphic (came out at 60) here, and my younger sister and my niece both use "gay" and "queer" as invectives (like "that's so gay" or "stop acting queer", both of which shocked and upset me quite a bit when I first heard them use those terms like that. I'm out to them but I don't think they get it, you know, like they don't quite accept me as my authentic self. I've tried to explain to them also why living somewhere with a strong queer/gay community is important to me, and my sister went off on me -- like "what difference does that make???" and stuff like that. I'm moving in a month just to get away from what's turned into a fairly toxic environment. ANYWAY this was an awesome video, as all your videos are -- thank you so much for your presence here!
What difference does it make to be around people who are like you and understand you? A lot I would say. Does she have any experience living somewhere she doesn't fit in?
@@conlon4332 yeah, it makes a HUGE difference to me to be around people who can understand and empathize with me. I never would have moved in with them if I understood how different they'd become .
they're using words that describe you, as derogatory words, and they don't even see that that's a problem?
time to find a new family. I'm sorry they're being like that to you, and I hope they realise in time how toxic they've been, but you can't stay and wait for that.
@@tealkerberus748 no, no I can't stay and wait for them to realize what they're doing -- hence the move.... thanks for the support ^__^
I hope u can move somewhere better and find people that are more good and accepting to you!
16:11 MOM GET THE CAMERA!!!
But in all seriousness, yeah I'm the OP here. Thank you so much for your input, and yeah, not my brightest moment.
As for what I've done about it since then, I've met with my best friend (I'll call him O for convenience and anonymity like I did with K) the same day, so I told him that my parents now know that K is trans, so now she at least knows they know. I've also asked my parents to not share this info with anyone (not sure how effective this is, as they are both big time gossipers).
I think the main lesson I should take for similar situations in the future (especially if it's a surprise question and I'm being put on the spot) is that the best answer is a simple "I don't know".
Anyway, thanks again for your input, it's an honor to be featured on the channel and keep up the amazing content.
Sincerely, a random cis-straight guy who's looking to educate himself on LGBTQ+ issues.
Instead of saying "I don't know", you can say "Ask K that, it's not my place to say." That way, you leave it up to your friend whether they want to tell someone and also kindly remind people not to ask a third party about such a private thing. I hope this helps.
I personally really like the effectiveness of "I don't know" as far as accidental outing is concerned.
I was personally outed to my entire family and community by someone well-meaning (who I didn't even know very well) simply expressing concern to the wrong person. It got around extremely quick through the grapevine. This is why it's important to be diligent. You literally never know what can happen.
Even asking if someone is trans means that suspicion is already there, and out of your reaction the person who asks can receive needed information regardless of you lies or dodging. So if you're not used to lie and didn't answer instantly, they'll know. That is the risk we take if we express ourselves to anybody, knowing or not.
@@Urube23 I like where you're coming from, but I also think that's as good as a yes. Would you say that if the answer is no? Probably not. If you answer a question in a way that you wouldn't answer if the answer was no, that's pretty much as good as a yes. Or at very least a sort of, or it's something like that.
I tell my mum everything, we're so close, but I also know that she wouldn't share information I told her not to, and would play dumb if necessary, so it is a different situation.
I am a cis bi woman, and I have several trans friends, most of whom I didn't know prior to their transition. I think the only real difficulty with proper use of pronouns is how to refer to someone in the past tense prior to their transition. I usually try to go with "when she was presenting as male" type of language, which is cumbersome, but is the most respectful way I know of to talk about it. I do find that it is the time when I am most likely to mess up and trip over using the wrong pronouns. Am I doing this wrong?
Girl that's so nice!
It sounds like you're doing wonderfully to me. I'd love to have a friend like you. That being said be very careful not to out them even to people who would be cool. Leave that up to them
I mean, there's usually not a reason to specify. Just use the person's current pronouns. Mentioning transition can out the other person, and that can be incredibly dangerous, not to mention rude.
When in doubt, ask how people would prefer to be referred to.
I'll sometimes use "when X was pre transition" if it's relevant to the conversation and still use the current pronouns. If it's not relevant I won't mention transition at all.
My partner likes when I say, "Back before she had found herself"
I would hope for my child's sake that they are born in the body they are comfortable and happy in, but I would be fully prepared to support my child in any way that helps them find an identity that makes them feel like their authentic self. I'm cis, my partner is trans, our nephew had a hard road finding himself and we've always gone to bat for him against any family.who can't be bothered to understand
Remember everyone: Christmas without the HRT is just Cismas!! Happy holidays everyone :3
Omg that is amazing 😂 this is actually my first Christmas on hrt, so fitting I love it
@@Persewna4 I hope it's an awesome one for you!
Saving this Dad-joke for my non-existent grandchildren I love it!
OMG I LOVE THAT
I no hrt :c
3:48 My late homophobic mother tried to raise me that way when I was young. She was religious as well. I'm a Straight Ally, and I remember secretly questioning why it had to be a man and woman to marry, and why it was just men and women in relationships. I'm also an Atheist, which I never told mother. But I think she knew I was an Ally, and tried to shame me for it. I still haven't forgotten that.
Terrible. She should be ashamed of herself that her Atheist child is more "religious" (in the way of being accepting and nice to other humans) than herself
@ I doubt that. Even though she’s no longer with us, there were so many things she never apologized for. I still find it confusing as she knew I have LGBT friends, but at the time, I thought she was making an effort to understand them. Clearly not. Those words still hurt to this day. I’m glad I never told her I’m an Atheist too.
@Yamislittleangel55 Secrectly questioning? School failed you kid. 😂
i think at some point i questioned 'why just one partner though; if its so great, why only one? why make such a big deal over there being more than one???'
I (31NB) just came out to my parents today! It went well, a bit of confusion but they are supportive
I recommended your book to them as they want to learn more
It was a lot for them to come to terms with as I told them I’m non-binary and in a gay relationship with a trans man (29M) all at once
They were confused about they/them as it’s “plural” but understood after explaining “that person over there, they are wearing a jacket” and they will support be as their child instead of their son 😊
Congrats!!
so happy for you, beyond proud of the courage it must’ve taken. HUGE congratulations ❤️
Omg congrats!!!
Congratulations! I'm glad they're supportive! I wish you, your family and your partner a wonderful end of the year and a wonderful 2025 ❤
They still see you as their son, you delude yourself thinking they are not. They may train themselves to use they/them for you, doesn't mean they see you as "non-binary" instead of a man. Everybody do. Everybody think of others as the sex they perceive them to be. Humans are not really capable of not thinking this way.
Just wanted to add a few points to the last question: the cause of being trans is something that's still being researched, and it most likely happens while still in the womb or in the first semi-conscious days of childhood. We do know that hormone fluctuations in the womb can overwrite the instructions of our sexual chromosomes (it's how some intersex people are born), so sometimes a trans person is born because their brain and their body developed in different hormonal environments.
That's it, if you are a parent worried about the difficult life your child will encounter if they are trans your best course of action is to be supportive of their decisions *once those come up* (don't try to accelerate and predict stuff)
I don't think it quite accurate to say that hormones overwrite the instructions of sex chromosomes, it's more like a Y chromosome tells the body to make testes, the development of which stops ovaries and a uterus from developing, and then the testes start making androgens which instruct male development (most of the instructions for how to react to androgens are not on the Y chromosome). In the absence of these male catalysts, the body develops female.
For example, if a fetus fails to develop any gonads it will still develop a uterus and fallopian tubes, whereas if testes form but then the androgens they make can't be registered by the body, it will develop otherwise female but without a uterus and fallopian tubes.
I used to be a science writer and I've heard a lot of claims here and there about what might affect someone's gender/gender identity, but while this one isn't quite new to me, I've never tracked down a source for it. Do you have one?
@@Junosensei this one is expanded upon in wikipedia, page "Causes of gender incongruence"
I'm a cis/het guy and your channel actively inspires me
We love allies around here!
My mom would meet a friend of mine, then when he was gone ask "Did he use to be a girl ?" I would always answer with "I don't know, I don't care" even though I did know (it happened twice with different transmasc friends).
Oh my god that sounds so damn annoying
OH GOD YEAH! My dad used to do that. I’m glad because my dad grew out of his transphobia but I’d always just give him a side eye and say “I don’t think it really matters.” It was the most annoying thing he’d do. I hope your mom out grows it, though it’s always hard to tell if they ever will or not. I had to have so many arguments with my dad for him to get it through his head. I don’t advise arguing with your mom though if it sounds like I am, I just have that kind of relationship with my dad to do so
My family does that and I always ask them, why does it matter? I'm okay if they ask if someone is trans though. They are supported of me even if they mess up. Trying is better than willful ignorance.
"Don't know, don't care" is the best answer there. Good second-best would be "don't think so", since, y'know. Being raised as a girl doesn't mean you ever were one.
Given all the science telling us that gender identity is formed in the brain before we're even born, you can pretty safely answer "no" to that one. Your friend may or may not have *known* that he wasn't a girl, but that's not the point.
That last question made me remember the history of what we now call Conversion Therapy - how researchers started out trying to alter the behavior of Neurodivergent kids but went on to apply their methods to observably queer and gender-nonconforming kids. How it was always about training kids to behave in ways that made everyone more comfortable (everyone except them.) And I can't believe that I ever forgot something like that, as an ND person myself.
Hey, Jamie. I don't know if you'll see this, but I hope you know that you're a great help. I'm a closeted bi, and watching your vids has really helped me understand and come to terms with my sexuality. For some reason, probably because I can't come out to my parents, I feel very safe, comfortable and weirdly, at home when I watch your videos. Thank you💕💕💕💕
I wish you the best of luck. I know many friends in a similar situation. Channels like these can be a big help. It’s especially important to find safe spaces. Maybe if you can also try to befriend some queer/queer friendly people. I don’t think I’d have half the confidence in who I am, and my own personal sexuality/gender if it wasn’t for the incredible friends I have. Being able to talk about these things with people you personally know and trust can really make a difference.
@@DanielFinn-l5q This was so sweet, thank you so much. Yeah, my best friend is very supportive of me and she herself is bi-curious. It's just that most of my friends are very homophobic and I don't think I can change that. I honestly don't want to waste my breath on them. What's worse is that I live in a country where homosexuality is frowned upon. So, most of the safe spaces I have are online and I value them so much. Thanks again, your comment made my day!💗💗
By frowned upon do you also mean illegal? 🥺 Or is it more about the opinions of the people/culture? Either way, stay safe! ❤️ Happy to hear you have a friend you can trust with this, and I hope you're able to keep exploring your identity through online recources like Jamie's channel. I'd also recommend reading, as a way to explore and feel at home. There's plenty of queer books, and also webtoons/webcomics from independent creators around the world. 🌈
@@EmoNightDragon No, it's not illegal, it's just that no one supports it. But yeah, my BFF is honestly amazing. As for the books, I really wanna get Heartstopper, but I don't know how to convince my mom😭 Other than that I read online PDFs of queer stories, and I love them lol
I am a cis het mom to a trans son and a bi daughter. I can't imagine not fully supporting them. They are living their true authentic life, and that's all I ever wanted for them. I love your videos
You have my undying respect. I have a lot of queer friends, and most of them, have issues of their family’s ether not being supportive, or being partly supportive. One of my closest friends dad still forces them to wear a dress for family gatherings and all I can think of is what kind of a parent forces their kid to go through that just for convenience? Just because he doesn’t want to deal with “the embarrassment”.
@DanielFinn-l5q my heart breaks for your friend.
My mother in law once said she’d feel weird if one of her multiple kids didn’t turn out queer.
So far she’s 3/3 😂
@@TheProblem2025 bet she's happy with all of you
Good on you Mary. I would rather my child be themselves than be constrained in a life that wasn't them
Not all queer people are liberals. Some of us are radical leftists. I voted for Harris not because I support her, but because it would be safer to protest her and petition the government for policy changes. It's an oversimplistic view to reduce everyone not of one's political alignment to a single label.
@@rowanrobbinsit's wildly dangerous to assume ANY politicians will go through with what they promise on the campaign trail. What we do know is that she would've been better than Trump, but that's really all we would know until she became president.
@@rowanrobbins She supported and vowed to continue Biden's foreign policy in Gaza, which is one of the issues that cost her a lot of votes. She adopted a hawkish immigration policy. She said she would merely enforce the existing laws about gender affirming care, even if those laws were bans. She was a status quo politician, even when the status quo was harming or leaving people behind. I'm not a single issue voter and I don't narrowly focus on issues that affect only me. I care about issues that affect others, including marginalized communities around the world. Try it sometime.
@@rowanrobbins Her stance on Gaza, for one, which is the issue that likely cost her the most votes. Her immigration policy. Her promise to do little more than uphold the existing laws on LGBTQ+ rights, even when those existing laws were bans. I don't only care about the issues that affect me, and I'm not a single issue voter. It's not a good idea to assume what issues matter to an individual solely based on their demographic, nor is it a good idea to assume any politician will live up to their campaign promises.
@@rowanrobbins Incorrect. She said she would "uphold the law" even if those laws were bans on trans care. That's nothing but enforcement of the status quo, which has already harmed the LGBTQ+ community. So I could ask you the very same question.
@@rowanrobbins I could ask the same question. Her stance on Gaza for starters. Or the fact that she said she would "uphold the law" when it came to trans issues, even if those existing laws took away our rights. Need more examples? There are plenty.
As a xennial with 2 older sisters who were trained out of being left-handed, for some people, especially older people, _born this way_ is not a good enough explanation. The only traits they see as "born" and "natural" are the traits they personally approve of. Everything else? Must have been taught at some point, probably on the streets (because we don't teach that at home), and can be either beaten out of a child or obfuscated completely. And, yes, it applies to literally everything, and the mechanism is the same whether the child is left-handed, trans (yours truly), or just doesn't like dairy products.
I think my dad’s school tried to make him write right handed but his writing was too atrocious 😂 I’m not sure what they did in the end but I’m glad I as a left handed person don’t have to go through a similar thing
“thank you Jamie”
we all say in unison
My reaction to that one post: "You don't seem homophobic, just raci- You are not only homophobic but racist."
Hey Jamie!!! Im a closeted trans guy who is also bi and your videos help me a lot expecially cause my family is not suportive and all. It makes me get some hope for the future and put a smile on my face!! Thanks for all the videos u make and i wish u all the best :))
Hold your head up high. I might not know you but I know a lot of trans men, and no matter what anyone says, you’re a man. People will always be them but you will always be you. I know I can’t imagine your struggles personally, but I certainly know the shit my best friend has had to go through. The way I look at things, especially with my gender (for I myself am questioning right now) I tend to think that though strangers might say things, at least I’ll be who I truly am. That’s been my mentality with my queer identity so far, and that’s been the mentality of my best friend (who’s a trans man). Hold confidence in who you are cause there is no version of one’s self more beautiful than their true self. Never settle for the person other people want you to be.
@@DanielFinn-l5q thanks so much :)) Its little hard cause im really young and im in school so i cant fight for myself or get anything to cure my dysporia. Its really annoying to be always seen as a girl and stuff. But im sure once im 18 it will be better :)) (also i live in romania where being transfobic or homofobic is the normal so i cant really come out here 😭)
24:45 Whenever I talk about how i found out I was trans was when I was in my first physical relationship with a guy. It wasn’t some weird reason though; the relationship just made me think about my gender and how I wanted to be seen. I’m currently with a guy and it had nothing to do with my ex-bf, I just started thinking about myself and what I wanted in life to be comfortable.
I’ll answer the question of the title: it doesn’t matter if you want a trans child or not. What matters is you wanted a child and you need to accept who they are as people. That’s the only answer.
Before I begin I'd like to note that I am ftm, like Jamie. I live in Georgia. So far my school has been accepting, however they won't let me use the boy's restrooms. I pass pretty well, and nobody seems to question me. They say it's, "for the safety of others and yourself". But I know it's absolute lies. I have to FIGHT just to get my name used. Why can't they just change it on the roster? It's not that hard. I don't have the time or money to legally change my name yet. Anyways, these videos make my day!
"so far my school has been accepting, however [proceeds to describe the school not being accepting]"
I'm sorry to say this, but it's the harsh reality:
It's all about politics.
Not accepting, or worse hating on, trans people fits the campaigning narrative in the US (well, globally) right now.
We are being scapegoated by right-wing billionaire bought media to push their grasp for power and distract from all the real world problems people have.
@@Giuliana-w1f No necktie parties. Georgia has changed a lot.
Because its illegal, and since you need money to change name, its hard. Its that simple)
I'm not sure if this applies to you or your school, but some schools are required to use the kids' birth name unless the parents or guardians says it's okay to use the name "x-y-x" and the preferred pronouns. Like Giuliana-w1f says, it doesn't sound like they are as accepting as you think, unless you mean the other kids and teachers.
In my opinion, the school officials and admins could be a totally different category, whether it's because they aren't accepting or have their hands behind their backs. Schools can be a tricky place when it comes to rules, regulations and even laws as they don't want to be sued.
Lol the only time someone made fun of me (?) for being queer was before I came out (or even thought about it myself). I had unmedicated anxiety and undiagnosed autism, so I was always scared to have any divisive opinions. Because of that, whenever I was asked "what's your favorite color" I'd just reply, "rainbow". One time I was with some "friends" and they asked me what my favorite color was, and when I answered, one of them called me gay. 💀
I was absolutely flabbergasted, since I had literally never heard a single gay joke before, especially not one made by a straight girl, directed at an AFAB person. It wasn't too bad, it was just so bizarre and out of nowhere that I've never forgotten it.
6:02 why are they not saying "mom". 2 options i think.
1. They do not see her as a parental figure: Totally valid, I have a mom and dad (biological) do not, and have not called them mom or dad for like 12 years now
2. Because they do not see her as a woman: Then that's transphobic. Imo is simple.
Like everything, the reason matters (sometimes more than the end result).
One of the questions reminded me of something, my sister's ex girlfriend was a lesbian who had never dated a man, but she ended up cheating on my sister with a male friend. This apparently meant that she was bisexual, but years later it turned out that the friend was a trans woman, I don't know my sister's ex girlfriend anymore but I like to joke that she is still a lesbian who has never dated a man.
The title alone set me off lol.
They are your kid. As long as they aren’t a violent psychopath you love and support them no matter what
If they are Trans and you know nothing about it you learn and share what you can of that journey of them becoming their true selves with them
Parenting is being there for this human being you have a connection with like no one else
You get to help them become who they are going to be
It’s a wondrous experience and diminishing it by throwing your expectations on it is a crime against the very nature of the universe
Your child is going to like what they like, love what they love, be who they want to be
If they like strawberry and you don’t big deal, they are an individual
Same for every other aspect of their existence
You love them, you support them, you are present for them
Anything else, you’re not a parent, you’re a bystander
(Steps down from soapbox and calms down…)
I will step up onto the soap box and shout out just what you said.
A parents job is to love their child and loving means accepting them.
Yep. And that's why I use spawn points instead of parents for the people who raised me.
I'm cis and have a lot of trans friends. Lots of conversations with a few of them have led us to find this to be a good response when I'm asked if they are trans. "I've never thought to ask." It's avoids me lying about any information I do know (I may know that they are but avoided answering that question) and I subtly pointed out that it's a rude and unnecessary question in the first place. All without outing them. It works quite well. :)
Wow that’s awesome!
Given how rare trans is supposed to be we all seem to have a lot of trans friends. I wonder why that is?
@SJames-s4j In my experience... years ago I became friends with one person who happened to be trans. She introduced me to some of her friends that she was in a support group with. I became friends with them as well and got involved with their group as an ally. I kept making more and more trans friends through them. Then, when my kid was 14, he came out as trans. A few of his friends are as well so I ended up getting involved in groups for younger trans people as well. At this point I am quite involved with trans rights despite not being trans myself.
@@SJames-s4j Umm, because trans people are awesome? But more seriously, selection bias. If you're watching Jamie there's a pretty good chance you vibe well with trans people. If you didn't you probably wouldn't be here.
@@SJames-s4j hmmm, I can't imagine why a bunch of people on a channel about *trans* stuff have *trans* friends? It must totally be a coincidence.
Maybe try thinking next time.
So I'm trans and my brother is gay. I came out a few months before him and when he came out to me, it was hard for me. Because I was scared people would hurt him. When I came out, I had a few negative reactions and I didn't want him to go through that, so I can understand were people come from when they say "I hope my child is not gay/trans", cause sure it helps them if you accept them, but there are a lot more people in the world and some of them would do horrible things to them that you don't want your loved ones to go through.
Noone hurts homosexuals like other Homosexuals...
WOOP WOOP
ONE OF THE FIRSTTT
LOVE THE SPUDDD
🥔 💕
The biggest stealth transphobia is my grandmother's comment to people, when they hear that I sometimes play with my kid cousin who doesn't have a dad, where she, verbatim, goes "oh yeah it is good that the kid has a male role model"... she doesn't use wrong pronouns. it's always name. She doesn't correct others when tehy use the wrong pronoun. and she implies that there is a man. D:
she never says that to me personally, but i feel like she is ashamed of me, or she wouldn't try to reinforce to others that she has a male grandchild, and not a trans granddaughter.
Especially, since the kid has 2 other bigger, adult cousins and 1 adult half-brother who ALL could be the male role model. but no, that's a job for the trans one who is not a man. :D
15:23 I feel so sorry for that guy. Based on what he told, it seems that he had a hard time with self esteem growing up and maybe suffered a lot of discrimination. I'm not sure he wants to be homophobic but the environment he is probably forces that way of thinking.
I grew up as a JW. This guy has no business concerning himself with that girl's political beliefs. IT IS FORBIDDEN to get involved with politics. He is just using his religion as an excuse to be a bigot. Also, racism is also prohibited for JWs! It's clear this guy pays no attention during the meetings (church services) and is just using it as an excuse to be an 🫏.
I'm not even sure he should have been on that website to ask the question in the first place (but not 100% on that one). When I was a kid the only website JWs were supposed to ever go to on the entire Internet was the official JW site, but I understand there have been some rule changes, so maybe.
TBH it's kinda weird he's asking if he's homophobic, because that one is more or less allowed, and actually kinda mandated, depending on your definition of homophobia (they won't think they are being homophobic prob under their definition, but under the real definition, yes).
Odd that it's forbidden when the leadership makes political donations...
I was also brought up as a JW and yeah, this guy is just…full of bad vibes, and it’s how a lot of JWs act around gay people.
I loved that first question. Maybe about ten years ago I finally approached a gay magical colleague of mine who I had known for over a decade and asked if I could ask questions. Bless him he was completely open. I think my first question was how they worked out in their community whether there was going to be a potential romantic connection or just friends. He said the code in his community was "Just girlfriends." I have long since quit asking him questions and am subbed to several channels where gay and trans people talk (including yours, my dear. My first one!) Good thing as it turns out my child is pan and maybe non-binary. I was prepared. We cis-white-straights need to get outside our bubble and learn.
The kid that is questioning that if he's homophobic and a JW, just sounds like a miserable person all around. If JW stands for Jehovah's Witness and as someone who grew up in the religion, I know for a fact that he and his dad doesn't act like one and would be seen as inappropriate by most other JWs as not being Christ-like. Yes, they are against homosexuality, but they don't preach to be bigots, whether it's race, sexuality, etc. Of course there are bigots in the religion, just like any other ones. This type of attitude is not what they expect from their their people/congregation.
Edit to add: I agree with Jamie that it sounds like he's being greatly influenced by his dad and is very sheltered. Hopefully he will grow up and realize both of their behavior is wrong and change for the better.
Not sure if this matters: I am not a JW and was only raised as one. I will never ever become a JW!
I feel like the “do trans people eat less” question if not satirical could be linked to the prevalence of EDs in the community, not sure if there’s any research backing that but knowing my history and my other trans friends history I’ve deducted that. from my personal experience I feel the negative body image that comes with gender dysphoria encouraged my body dysmorphia to intensify.
did some research after posting this, statistics show 18% of trans people vs 1.8% for cis women and 0.2% for cis men - source Disordered eating and considerations for the transgender community: a review of the literature and clinical guidance for assessment and treatment by Kerry McGregor
3:00
As someone who is ace to add onto this, another comment I got from my partner at the time was "Well how do you know you don't like it (naughty activities) if you haven't tried?" Which is an easy mindset to fall into because it sorta makes sense, like you wouldn't know what food you don't like unless you try it. It took till I was no longer with them to realise how toxic of a comment that was and dig myself out of that mindset too.
Stand proud in your feelings fellow ace's, no one has the right to tell you what you should and shouldn't like but yourself.
My go to response is to just ask the person asking me if they'd have sex with a different gender to whichever gender they are attracted to. Usually it's a straight girl asking me so I'll just ask "have you ever had sex with a girl? How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it" and they'll usually respond like "I don't see girls that way", to which I respond with "that's how I see everyone"
(in case ur curious im biromantic ace, so I'm still interested in dating, just not sex)
This comes into non-aro erasure for me. To everyone I've ever met, every ace is aro. I'm demi-romantic. I fall DEEPLY in love with a person I'm close to. But I still get the ick about anything involving... _that thing._ So, I HAVE found someone I'm compatible with. Still ace.
Ugh, this one annoys me so much. I like replying back "Well how do you know you don't like hugging a cactus unless you've tried?". To which I usually get something along the lines of "I just know I wouldn't like it". Exactly.
"haters gonna hate taters gonna tate"
i rly hope thats a taylor swift reference lol
I internally sang "taters gonna tate, tate, tate, tate, tate" after he said that lol
@@zpaul2776 Same lol
Haters gonna hate was already an expression tho
Only Tate I know of, I want nowhere my LGBT+-friendly merch. Or near civilization.
My boyfriend (trans ftm) gifted me (also trans ftm) a potato plush named spud and it always reminds me of this channel
Thank you Jamie, you've helped me so much to understand my son's journey from afab to masc presenting NB. Happy Christmas to you and Shaaba. Whatever you celebrate have a good one.
The little missable things I got were like “nah but she’s a chill one” (my most supportive cis straight friend growing up when ‘defending’ me to others) and calling my asexuality into question when I would refer to people as “hot” or make jokes or what have you.
Ugh, this, like no, I'm not the "good transgender/asexual/etc". Which they never understand why I don't take that as a compliment. Then again I had someone deny I'm asexual because I know what a dildo is. Like uhhhh, that's called existing on the internet, and has nothing to do with my sexuality.
Coming from a Trans teen(FTM), parents please…try to understand your child before you do radical things. I personally have the most difficult and transphobic parents I have ever met. People, parents in specific, need to realize that once your child turns 18 and “oh whoops” they are still trans, because as they told you they ALWAYS WERE, they have every right in the world to leave and never look back. Do not be the reason your child goes through the rest of their life without parents, but also be aware that they will live their most true to self life without you if you do not even try understanding or accepting and plainly just being cruel. And Jamie thank you for your content, it brings me peace of mind knowing things will be okay and life does get better.
Why did you comment this like 5 times?
@@PinkPuffball1992my bad, it was not intentional my youtube was glitching
@@PiperGreen-m7f Ah, that's ok then, no biggie
If you haven't already, you will find a fantastic new family! My 3 kids are all in their 20s now, and two of them are trans. One is no-contact with their other parent, who refuses to grow past his homophobia and transphobia. He still blames me for the lack of contact, not realizing that the other two may end up making the same choice. Anyway, happy Whatever-You-Celebrate! 🙏💜🏳🌈🏳⚧
@@missnaomi613you seem way too happy with the fact that your kid doesn't have contact with your husband.
20:01 I get fussy about being asked pronouns not because of gender-related issues, but linguistic ones. I live in an anglophone environment but I don't identify with the English language as "my" language, especially not the fact that pronouns are gendered and have two grammatical cases. So every time a form or a name tag demands my pronouns, I feel like it's aggressively imposing this gender system on me, and forcing me to fit myself into boxes that aren't my own. So if I could choose, I would rather state my gender than my English pronouns. But other than that, I understand the importance of and support clarifying one's gender in social situations :)
If you are comfortable sharing, would you be willing to elaborate on what language it is you wish others would use and by extension what pronouns (if applicable) would you have within said language?
I realize I'm a random internet citizen but seeing this comment made me quite curious.
@@Thethreethatareone They may speak Finnish or Turkish originally, as I believe those do not have third person gendered pronouns
yeah the subtle hinting being trans is a choice it is definitely a rough one, i had to stop talking to my dad because he refused to stop referring to my gender as a "choice" despite insisting that he accepted me
Did anyone else catch the bit about being "afraid of the belt?" This kid is being beat. In conjunction with how he acts with his peers due to the toxic behavior he described being modeled by his dad, he's clearly in a really bad home situation.
ohh i thought it was like the bible belt in the USA or the green belt in UK i was confuzzled for a sec
10:21 The way they describe their trans friend’s reaction makes the friend in question sound like Maleficent which I’m sure is not the case
This actually makes me feel better about a decision I made to not out one of my teachers last week.
An ally friend of mine asked me out of the blue if an instructor I'm close to (and who is an advisor of the GSA on campus) is gay or not. The answer is yes, and he doesn't work to keep it a secret, but he's not extremely obvious about it either... on purpose.
This friend is not in the GSA, and has said before that "queer people who are loud about it" are annoying. So all I said is "That's not my story to tell" and left it at that. I still feel bad about my phrasing, I feel like I should've made it more vague. But I really didn't know what to do.
7:04 my step son once said “I have 2 moms and call one of then Dad” and this is such a wonderful way for a kid to put it
❤
As an easy stop to an argument on trans issues (not as much to this) it is easy and great to respond with things about intersex people. Because it counters nearly every transphobic point anyone had.
yes _and no_ ; when cis people do that, it tends to get too bioessentialist pretty quickly. it's a good counterargument to _some_ transphobic bs, but certainly not everything.
Wow. I always used to cringe when people conflate trans and inter, but knowing that you intentionally instrumentalize it and people here agree with that. Amazing.
3:13 and when I’ve recently experienced with doctors, there’s sometimes they bloom a little late(I don’t actually don’t feel attraction. I just actively try to avoid it. Hit it when it comes to sexuality. And crushes just bounce off of me as a concept.)
Ugh, I've gotten this one too. Apparently you can still be a "late bloomer" in your late 20s. 🤦 I've been in a relationship for 8 years and am still ace.
Hooray I'm really early and haven't watched the video but you're awesome!
6:06 I laughed at "transparent" :')
I am a cis het woman and I love your videos. I've learned so much from watching them
Same here! So educating and entertaining 🤗
3:00 I'm aro/ace and I haven't had this said to me yet but I'm full on ready to say go lick asphalt. Who knows maybe you'll like it. Go on lick asphalt maybe it'll be fun. I really wished I had an awnser luke this or something less harsher when I was a bit younger because I had the whole you're too young thing with her when she found out I was lgbtq via somone else. So what I tend to do is listen put for commonly reoccurring things that are said to the community and making up comebacks for them in my head because it makes me feel more confident.
AHAHAHA SORRY BUT I LOVE THAT ASPHALT THING! I want you to know like 90% of the ace people I know are amongst the funniest people I know.
I get that though. I’ve been rather fortunate to avoid any derogatory comments over my sexuality, though I know that won’t always be true. Luckily do to the wonderful friends I’ve made, as unconfident as I am, the one thing I’m fully confident in is my identity and am always fully ready to tear anyone to shreds who think they “know better” for me.
This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little spuds, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Stay safe everyone and remember that there are people out here that love you 💜💜💜💜💜💜
Jammi thank you for being you! You are an inspiration for my son, and that pleases me to no end. 💚
With the "deduction outing", you shouldn't be confirming because you don't really know. Nobody can tell a trans person 100% of the time. There are plenty of things that can mislead people either way. If the person asking seems supportive, I'd say that I wasn't sure. If it's not clear if they are supportive, I'd decline to speculate. And if they seem transphobic, I'd ask myself, "Why am I interacting with this bad person?"
Finally, a plushie that encompasses my true spirit animal. Love it! 🩷💛💙
I am grateful for these Q & As. I used channels like yours to help educate me as I deconstructed the ways I was taught growing up. I went from homophobic and transphobic to an ally to now knowing I am bi. I still feel I am learning so much about the queer community and never want to make others uncomfortable if I can help it. I love the way you and Shaaba communicate and your senses of humor. You gave me a safe place to learn and grow and I am grateful. ❤
These videos are extremely important and useful. Thank you for your great work. I feel like you're a translator of a new and important language I really need to learn.
The "Confirming is outing" question has some nuance, mostly because a) many answers will say yes without saying yes, and also getting too defensive or evasive could be a huge.... thing. If the person has come to that conclusion and knows you know, there should probably be a "why do you care/want to know" thought or question, but most ways you answer will confirm or deny it anyway if the deducer has 2 brain cells.
So yes, it IS outing, but that may be the best damage control depending on who you are dealing with.
Probably the earliest I've been to one of ur vids :3
The one with the transitioning parent is tricky. If they had a relationship throughout their childhood, i could see calling the parent mum.
Knowing what, say, my mom went through raising me on her own, i could never call someone else mom.
Maybe you saw it by now, but the OP said they never called her anything but her deadname (so never called her "dad") In that case I'd say it's reasonable to simply go on with using her current name. The parent hadn't been in OP's life until they were an adult, so it might feel awkward using a parental honorific in any case.
5:17 this one gives me the impression that op didn't call their dad 'dad' because they said they werent really close and were friends. I feel like i need more info on that one
For me, universtiy was a very important time. I went from 12 years (plus kindergarten, which was just a whole mess for me) of being told what to know, what to think, what to learn, how to learn, what's right, what's wrong, to being asked to share my thoughts. I was told to think for myself, and when I did, I was praised. I majored in Literature, and growing up, I was so afraid to share my opinion because of being bullied, but in university, I was made to feel proud when I voiced my opinion on a piece. University is where I learned who I am. I went in majoring in Bio, which, yeah, would be more useful, but Lit spoke to me.
Just seeing the title, I’m getting all fired up. My answer to the title question: Well, if your child is trans, then you’d better!
🏳️⚧️❤️🏳️🌈
On my MMORPG, in the General chat, people were using the "That's so gay-!" comment, at which point, I politely objected, noting that it was denigrating LGBTQ people. The OP (and a few others) said it WASN'T a slur. I pointed out that the USAGE/context was derogatory and gave some examples (again in a civil manner).
4:27 Hahaha! "more prevalent in my life" just made me think of: popping up in _this_ part of your life, popping up in _this_ part of your life, popping up in _this_ part of your life! I don't know it's very silly.
3:10 as an aroace person, this actually made me really happy to be represented and noticed. A lot of people don’t think we exist, or that we need to be fixed and even just being mentioned made me look up from whatever I was doing to smile :)
I’m sorry, I have no one to talk to.
I’m heavily disabled and my mom who was the caretaker for both me and my disabled brother just died today. She was just diagnosed with cancer 2 or 3 days ago. We were just starting to be ok with that. We thought we had time.
I did cpr, I tried so hard to keep her here. She stopped breathing and just never started again.
They took her in an ambulance. Wouldn’t let me go with.
She’s gone and now it’s just me and my little brother.
Idk what to do or how to go about anything.
I’m los.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother suddenly during covid lockdown. Take it moment to moment. Feel what you are feeling, and talk to family or someone in your community for guidence when you are ready. It's very scary and there is unfortunately no handbook but look online for support in your country/region for advice on practical next steps, care concerns or grief.
You may be in shock, if you feel unsafe call a helpline or a person you trust. Again I'm so sorry this has happened.
❤
Omg that's so traumatizing! I'm so so sorry you had to go through that, there's nothing I can offer to help you feel better and that makes me feel horrible. Please take care of yourself, you deserve so much love and support. Virtual hugs! 🤗
I just watched a compilation about binders before I came here so I’m coming to the space where a lot of people who probably bind their chest hang out. I’ve got a Tip for my fellow peoples who wish to bind: try pulling the binder up after stepping into it. In my experience it works better. I’ve been doing it since I got mine and I can get it on in less than a minute. It’s quick and easy.
I eat less since I am taking hormones, because I do not have a 24/7 mental health crisis and cope by eating... next question.
As a transparent, I asked my kids what they wanted to call me. Im AFAB, trans male. 2 years on, nothing has changed they still want to call me mum. So, Ive said to them Im only going to celebrate fathers day and they are okay with that. My 20yo calls me mumfther... which is a hybrid lol. My kids are all lgbtq anyway, and Im sure they'll use the parental name of my choice in time. If grandparents can pick their title.... I can too 😁
I have a question about the "outing one", while I agree that that was definitely outing, I can't think of other ways the poster could have responded in that specific situation without lying or confirming.
How about: "Why does it matter if she is?"
Sometimes I still get taken aback a little by some things cis people ask me as a trans man,especially as an older trans man. (Matt) Thank you Jammie and Shaaba for a brilkant year of fun ani informative videos,hope you both have a fabulous Christmas and new year
22:17 im gonna take a stab at this question but I don't have any more context than the rest of you so its just a guess. lots of people who are unfamiliar with trans people say "trans people" when they are only thinking of trans women. so their question might just be "do trans women eat less" which could stem from the idea that boys, particularly during puberty, eat a lot of food. so maybe going from having testosterone as your primary sex hormone to estrogen as your primary sex hormone might cause a reduction in food intake. Its kind of a stretch but thats my guess 😅
The person asking about when a child becomes trans is not transphobic. Sounds to me like someone genuinely seeking information on what is trans. I really hope they find your channel here on TH-cam. I came across you a little over a year ago. You have answered so many of my questions about not just trans community but so many of the different LGBTQ+ communities that I, as an old fart, wanted to know so I could be more informed and less likely to offend anyone. I’ve always thought a persons sexuality is their business but I also admit I know little about the different types of sexuality and don’t want to offend. Thank you for this informative channel and the sharing of your life and experiences. It has helped me a lot.
There is a reason why 40% of homeless people are LGBTQ teens.
The post is either fake or genuine.
If it's genuine, it can be a sign of curiosity or hatred.
For the teen guy asking the internet whether he's a homophobe... I suspect what he saw as "attention seeking behavior" was just him piling his own assumptions about women/lesbians onto her when she tried to discuss the school project with him. Maybe she was asking questions, or trying to figure out who'll handle which parts or something.
I've been cooking chistmas foods all day, and my brain is really unable to form coherent thoughts right now, but I wanted to leave a comment anyways. ❤
I know that the term Gay has been constantly changing over time, switching back and forth continuously on it's different meanings until it recently came back to being part of the LGBTQ community. Recently though, it is also taking on its old other meanings again (being carefree, happy, colourful, bright, cheerful, proud) while also being classed as an '''Intrinsic Term''' (a very recent thing) because it is an interesting and extremely important value and basic characteristics of a person, object or life as it connects to nature.
Happy christmas thing!
My parents purposefully restructured christmas so that we can open gifts with my sister AND i dont have to go to her house and see her Fundamentalist inlaws.
Granted, i dont think they know im not exactly cis/straight. But they know I am massively morally oposed to them, and almost started a huge fight last year(they were too far away to easily unload on them about their BS)
The post about the Puertorrican asking if he is homophobic, the answer is yes.
Some people from Puerto Rico that move to the states, especially Florida, turn into republicans because they are suddenly better than the ones still in the island.
They suddenly are the whitest person in the room and forget that as a latino person, americans don't see us as white.
I have lost a lot of friendships because as a puertorrican that still lives in the island, I can't fail to understand the superiority complex people get the moment they move to the states.
1:05 I DID AN ACTUAL SPIT TAKE HELP 😂
I just watched life of brian, and it was really cool to see them accept loretta pretty much the whole way through, even in the 70s
11:44 oh God, this guy is unaware he’s in a cult
Thanks for going over these!
Oh oh, the dad wanting to be called mom example ... I've had kinda the opposite experience. I am the dad who transitioned late in life, my son immediately started referring to me as mom and I'm a bit uncomfortable because I feel it takes something away from his mom and I was certainly the dad role in those years.
Oh hi. So, how are you holding up? _Because I'm a potato._
🥔🧊💕
Thank you for your video! My mother said recently that “she used to be trans supporting, but trans people are forcing [respect?? I guess] on straight people,” and now she’s transphobic. Honestly, she was transphobic before that. Seeing this really comforting to me because it’s a trans guy talking about lots of straight people being a bit confused. I will unfortunately be staying in the closet until I can move out.
Oh god, don't call the potato "Tate"...
"She thinks that just because I'm JW that means I'm homophobic, which is wrong." says the guy who immediately says that he's homophobic because he's JW
Jamie should start calling his haters "tater haters"
Or spuds with a chip on their shoulder.
Or, spuds with a chip on their shoulder.
She can call them factual, but facts aren't hate, they are just facts.
Sure, why not? He has is appropriating men so why not appropriate potatoes too.
@@kevinturner9549 someome who cares about facts listens to people. you don't. You dont care about facts. Stop pretending you do.
Cis bi woman chiming in on the trans parent coming out later matter.
Obviously my situation is different from the one discussed here as my trans parent had 50/50 custody of me when they came out to me in my last year of high school (back in the stone age of 2004, lol). I already knew that parent was bi (I can't think of a time I didn't know about the LGBTQIA+ community but I didn't necessarily know all the labels, but I loved love whether it was queer or straight or straight passing), and I had come out the year prior as "not straight but I don't know what label I need to put on it for society yet".
It was a struggle when I was told that said parent would be transitioning and I went into something akin to a grieving process. Said parent had been very withdrawn and depressed for the longest time (with hindsight, I understand why) and at the time we had the conversation they'd finally been happy and interactive and very much parental again for a few months. It felt like I was losing them all over again and I became resentful for 'killing' that parent just as I got them back. I wanted to be supportive but it was a lot for a 16 year old to take on while going through my own litany of mental health struggles and trauma, and some health issues getting diagnosed; and somehow needing to stay focussed at school so that I would hopefully get into university for the career path I wanted.
The relationship between us became very toxic, to the point of violence when half asleep and very unwell I said their parent marker instead of the name they had chosen - not out of malice but autopilot. I was left with a welt on my face in a perfect hand print.
That parent and I went no contact from the day I graduated - because they kicked me out.
In 2006 I reached out as a terrified 19 year old who had been plied with booze and illicit substances, taken advantage of, and found out I was pregnant. In an instant all volatility towards me dropped and they did everything they could to help me figure out what I wanted to do and support me with whatever path I chose.
My pregnancy allowed a lot of healing between us. We decided the parental marker would be the first three letters of the word for parent in our native language, which also fittingly is the word for "goal" or "objective", having them living happily and authentically after 40+ years.
When discussing the past with people who were there with us I am allowed to use the old parental marker and pronouns, and neutral verbiage for people who were not in our past as I have done here. My kids use the parent marker I call that but with the letter G as a suffix, much like "g-ma" or "g-pa", and the baby that helped repair the relationship between my parent and I (who will be 18 years old in less than 80 days OMG) has known about the transition with age appropriate info being given when asked since he was about six or seven years old. Zero confusion from him. All that matters to him is that he is loved by all his grandparents.
Hey Jamie! My name is Aiden and I'm trans and use he/they pronouns. I've been trans since I was 11 and I started testosterone when I was 15. I'm 17 now and I have been wanting to study the science behind being trans because when people ask me why am I trans I can never really give a clear response and I end up with people confused. I would like to find a way to respond even though I haven't been asked if I'm a boy or girl in quite some time, people just think I'm gay, I would like to know how to correctly approach this conversation. I usually say stuff like I've always felt like a boy but they keep asking further questions until I have nothing to say left. Any ideas on what to say?
I mean, best of luck to you, but literally no one knows why people are trans. The science is out. Maybe you'll be the one to figure it out, that'd be cool. All you can really say is that you've always felt like a boy, and anything past that you can say that it's really not their business to keep asking. You do not have to justify yourself. You just are who you are, and that's all there is to it
Ask them why they're not accepting your answer?
Best response is to ask what they want with the question
Why do they want to know?
I don’t think there’s one “reason why” someone’s trans, it’s probably a multitude of factors that come together both nurture and nature.
But when people ask “why does someone become trans/gay/etc” is because they wanna find a way to make us knock it off.
Hi future scientist,
A couple of thoughts:
Feel free to say "nunya business" and "I don't know" when applicable.
It doesn't sound like you have that issue with these people as they are just curious, but I am adding this from the perspective that people have been debating if homosexuality is innate in order to derive conclusions about its morality. How it came about has no moral implications about the people who are trans. Science is there to describe reality, not to judge nor to set priorities. From whatever you find, people may draw completely different conclusions about how to best accomodate trans people on a societal level.
I am hoping the mom in the last question was seeking to spare her child from the extra stress that life in the trans lane can bring. As a momma, I remember having a conversation w my husband when we were pregnant that we hoped our child didn’t have to deal with gender dysphoria , not for lack of love or acceptance, but because we had seen first hand the discrimination people experience and how difficult it can be to get proper care.
Then we had 3 children with complex medical issues. This began a series of conversations about genetics and the recognition that despite any challenges any of us experience, our children bring light and life and love into this world. This world would not be the same with out them and their empathy and loyalty and creativity and fun approach to life. We realized that the beauty outweighs any potential struggle. Fast forward to our middle child coming out as nonbinary and going on puberty blockers….and I cannot imagine them being any different than the exact human that was is who God created them to be. Yes, it was a struggle for them to find the words for their internal experience of self and to be able to express that clearly, but it has been worth it because they are amazing! And I feel blessed to be their momma and to walk beside them to witness them becoming their full and beautiful self!
God created man and woman, there is no spectrum. Putting kids on puberty blockers is not love, but child abuse. That is why many countries have banned the practice. So, if one of your kids was anorexic, do you let them go on a diet? Puberty blockers do not change a person's gender. They damage their body and change their appearance. Where in the Bible does God say to try to change your child's gender? Trans doesn't even exist in the Bible because it's fabricated my man. It's disgusting that anyone can justify mutilating a child. What a sick world we live in.
@@johnteregon1752You know what else is fabricated by man? The Bible
@@johnteregon1752puberty blockers aren’t abuse, they’re supported by many actual medical professionals. The people who banned them didn’t ban them because they’re dangerous (since the people who banned them are politicians not medical professionals) , some countries also banned women being doctors but I don’t think that’s dangerous.
3:31 if I had a choice why would I choose something
1. Illegal in certain places
2. Not worth my time explaining
3. That I get criticized for
4. People don’t accept
Cis hets please explain
I want to correct you a little bit on your answer to the question at 22:35. In no way do I mean this rudely or to imply that you are uneducated on the topic. I've been watching you for a few years now and you really helped with my own journey of coming out and socially transitioning. I just want to shed some light on an experience I don't see talked about very often, especially in binary trans spaces. I am a trans man, albeit a bit more complicated than that, but we'll stick to that label for now. Despite that I still felt like a girl when I was young, and you're right, I didn't "turn trans", but instead I never viewed myself growing up into a woman. I always saw myself experiencing a more "male" puberty (e.i., growing more hair, getting a deeper voice, etc.).
Not all trans people feel trans their whole life, sometimes it is only a thing that comes on later in life, although I would never call it "turning trans" or "deciding you're trans". It's just gender being fluid like it always is and I think that experience should be shared a little more, just so trans people (and cis people) know that it's okay to have been your assigned gender at a point in your life. And it doesn't make your experience any less valid.
All the love to you Jamie, and thanks a lot for what education your videos have provided me with over the course of my transition, and continuing to be a beacon of hope and education for our community. I hope I was able to provide an interesting perspective on this, and I hope you have a very happy holidays if you celebrate :)