Thank you Lisa. Love your gestures, "voices" and facial expressions when describing some of the faulty thinking and behaviors. I smiled, ( and laughed at times), through most of this video. Sometimes due to myself, ( codependency), and sometimes at the insanity of narcissism.. I can relate to so much of what you said. I could never have found any humor in any of this in earlier recovery because it was just so darn painful! My smiling and laughing is a reflection of healing! I appreciate the work you do & find it very grounding & helpful! 🙏🌺
@@gwenscott206 Awww Thank You Gwen Scott That is so Nice. I don't Think a lot of us are as codependent as we think, Like Lisa Said if We Are Like --> That is it, I'm out of here! not putting up with Anymore of that, That is not a codependent reaction. That is like We Have Woken up from a deep deep sleep. I Think it is because we have got so much Love and Been giving it to the wrong one's. And it can put one in a bit of a pickle To Say The Least. We don't ask for much And That Simple interaction Was Wonderful Gwen Thank You, I thought 💭 Eh up! Its another new fangled abbreviation, ha ha 📣Enlightenment Ding Ding There's my light going on Thank You Gwen Simply have a Lovely Day🌈
Im 6 weeks out of a 22 year relationship. I feel so much calmer relaxed and a lot less confused. No more dramas and my life feels simple and normal. All going well. Yesterday recieved a message from his sister wanting to have chat. I dont feel like I should be in touch with his family as anything I say would be taken back to him and I dont want to spoil the peace that I have. 🌼
As I was listening to you; I was realizing I had developed a pattern as a child; when I understood it was not safe to acknowledge or confront bad behavior within my own family; I learned to keep silent; to ignore my gut feelings and keep it to myself more or less; it was so ingrained in my thinking that I saw myself as outside my family looking in but not really being part of; and I learned to accept what ever happened; not only because I believed I had no control over my circumstances; but also because I learned to feel ashamed of myself for having any negative feelings in the first place; so the way I dealt with it was to pretend; I was not being humiliated when I was; pretend it wasn’t that bad when it was; to make excuses for bad behavior; rationalizing that they couldn’t possibly mean it to hurt me; they love me right? They are just suffering themselves and I am a target? Im now having many contradictory feelings of; pity for their state; resentment; anger; loss; going back and forth with wanting to rescue them and close the door on them at the same time. Thank you and may God bless you Lisa 🙏
Both of my parents were narcissistic alcoholics who told me I wasn’t angry when I was, who punished me for my feelings and opinions. I learned to hide. And, then I learned to stuff my emotions and thoughts. Been working on myself and yesterday I took a strong stand based on facts and intuition. My narc said, “wow the older you get the more suspicious and mean you are”. Uh huh. That’s called being myself standing up for what I know to be right, even insisting on it. He meant it as a dig. I took it as a compliment. Finally I’m doing better at not stuffing my emotions but bringing them into the light, and not second guessing myself.
Have you heard of attachment theory? It has changed my life. It helped me make sense of how I view the world, my core wounds, not being seen/heard. I am now feeling empowered and connecting to myself. I’m learning my needs and boundaries, how to heal the subconscious programs, how to communicate. Thais Gibson, The Personal Development School TH-cam channel, has been transformative for me! I wish you healing. You are worthy.
It is honestly amazing how much a person's life can improve once they can actually recognize what is REALLY going on in these toxic situations. My life has so much more balance & peace now that I can see the patterns of abuse and just avoid them by not reacting & walking away. I may still sometimes make it CLEAR that I have NO intention of tolerating the behavior but I dont let it affect me for hours or days afterwards any more. I say what I have to say about their behavior then dip!
That's amazing! I'm not there yet. I have a lot of work to do on my self-esteem before I can stop taking things said by others personally. I still keep taking it all to heart for now :(
@@Nitya-r86 Believe me when I say it was a LONG & BUMPY ROAD to get here! My self esteem was GONE because of 20 years worth of his nasty & mean comments. I just had to step back long enough to really WATCH his behavior and see WTH he was really doing. Once that curtain got ripped away there was no more ignoring the broken person behind his curtain anymore. I kind of think of him like a little kid who says something mean to someone when they get hurt. I wouldnt let a 5 yo's comment bother me so why would I let his? Im also under NO illusion that he & I will ever "fix" whats broken between us , so I dont bother trying to waste my energy on that. Im just focused on me & my kids now.... anything or anyone else is going to have to handle their own mess now. Just keep moving foward and maybe keep in mind something my Gramma used to say- The ONLY names that matter are the ones you ANSWER to..... ❤❤❤
@@i_am_whole_again You really have some kickass boundaries there! Very inspiring :) Congratulations on getting to this point. I can imagine what the struggle must've been like to get to this point.
How encouraging! I am going through this right now....learning learning and learning...trying to put it all into practice...been married 26 years now...anniversary was Saturday and was the first one neither of us said anything about it. It’s so sad. Thank you for your story
@@Nitya-r86 The reason that names and things they say to you bother you still is for a couple reasons, 1. That you haven't dug deep enough into your childhood to really SEE what happened to you, so those are old wounds of being unloved popping up and feeling not good enough. They are trigger wounds. I recommend visiting situations in your childhood in your mind and walking through watching your child self in the situation and you being the other adult in the room that can't be seen by anyone but your child self, as if you were talking to your own child, and speak to that child about what Should have happened in that situation and how so in so is Wrong. Bend down, give them a hug while they cry and say "It's ok, I got you. THEY don't matter. They are just people. YOU are what matters." And there you have the beginning of self love and realizing that the adults in your childhood were JUST people, and ALL people make mistakes. It's up to YOU to fix those wounds within you. Secondly, names and things they say hurt because you still have this insane desire to Please others and to be Liked and Loved by others, and so What Others Think Of You, is Super important to you. Bc you are seeking that validation from outside of yourself. Once you start validating YOURSELF, those names no longer hurt. Once you stop seeking attention or approval from others bc its WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT to DO... you will be set Free. Including seeking attention or approval from your parents. You are in charge of YOUR life, not them (considering you are over 18), YOU have a right to live YOUR life how YOU want. It doesn't matter what they think, and they need to just deal with it. You were put here for a Reason, and only YOU can find that reason within you, and have to follow your life for YOU. That's it. Good luck to you and may God guide you through this. -For Anyone who reads this.
Honestly lisa sometimes when I'm just overwhelmed with thoughts I just put you on and it slows it down... even if I can't focus on what ur saying, hearing you're words and thought patterns helps bring me back... and feel loved and appreciated :) ♡♡♡♡
I was recently in a relationship for a year with a female covert narcissist at first the love bombing and idealization made me feel like she was the one so I treated her like she was the one. She was educated and beautiful and it seemed as though she was a bit cocky but I liked what I thought was confidence. Turns out I was very wrong and she was not the woman that I thought she was and it practically broke me because I know the behaviors but I got dragged into it anyway she pulled me in then I began to see signs of clear illness. Her mask was falling apart and I had rescue tendencies which everything you described I went through with her. Entitled, high stress, draining, arrogant, justifying all her behavior, totally not listening to anything I have to say or feeling real empathy for things I told her were hurting me. Emotionally I’m drained and exhausted now ended the relationship yesterday and it was such a struggle to break up. Thank you for helping me understand this behavior.
Please don't go back no matter what she says.. It took me 3 years to realize what i got myself into. It was a leaving hell. I used to be very confident, happy.. Trust me my friend it felt my whole was shattered into tiny pieces. Coming from a former mma fighter..
Exactly what happened to me she even faked working on herself because I said how that's an attractive quality in someone. Like you she played the part of soul mate it felt that real I had mentioned once to her about soul mates and she agreed feeling the same.
I’m so frightened to leave. I’m so caught up. It’s been almost 19 years and 3 children. My body is shutting down. I really hope I can flick him off easily and I don’t have to go through this much longer. Your videos are so comforting and informative. Thank you Lisa. You’ve helped me empower myself and find my own worth. 💜
I'm a guy,Kris-there are real good ones out there-Ive more than bent over backwards for my sweetie and her little guy.I hope you find peace,and hopefully,eventually,and carefully,find the right partner for you,if you decide to try again,down the road.Good luck!!
Ronda Gentry thank you for checking in. I’m doing very well. I’m taking Carr of myself and the children. I left but we are under the same roof, amicably. Things have changed drastically and we are both focused on therapy (individual) and on the children. Slow but steady change. It wasn’t until he hit rock bottom that he listened and is seeking change for himself too. This channel helped me so much and gave me the strength and motivation to force change. I appreciate you asking. Thank you. How are you?
I pray that God comforts you and gives you the strength to leave the person who is causing you emotional pain... don't be afraid....make a plan....go for it ..."ESCAPE"....IN JESUS NAME amen
The Live Bomb part made me realize that the words and phrases used to lure someone sound like every top 40 love song I ever heard. That may be where the narcissists get their words, phrasing and ideas to use someone.
So glad I found these videos and this lovely lady. Just ended my relationship with a narcissist, it was only 5 years but it was sheer hell and tourcher and only got worse as time went on, emotionally, financially and verbally abusive, every trick in the book he used to keep me in line and hooked. The most selfish and self absorbed man I think I have ever met. So glad I finally saw him for what he really is. I feel sorry for his next victim. Healing in process 🙂 xx
I am so grateful to you - I am now free of so many narcissists - thanks to you - my mother - my ex husband - my ex-romance-2018 - five former friends. You have given me the information / knowledge / education to empower myself. Thank you.
@@jennwoosley4095 I've been following Lisa who is amazing of course. My fear of leaving is it won't help my wife's mean spirited attitude and jealousy of our daughter...i can feel your pain.. Agressers give you no room to move. One attack after the other...no room for truth or authenticity ...all about gaslighting..My strength is in these talks and being physically strong( lots of workouts) give me emotional empowerment. Let her be jealous and mean. You made me think actually why I've stayed..held together..so far.Ive never respomded to anyone here. Thanks so much for sharing this.
3 years apart now (plus divorced), yet not a week or month goes by without a fresh, new and random attack on me. I am advised that it will last until my youngest son is 18, so only 12 more years to go
Life is hard enough.. why put up with someone who shows you with their actions and tells you or doesn't with their words that they don't respect you. Just leave and work on yourself. It is hard at first but it gets better with time and space and boundaries.
Thank you for sharing this video and others ! My mother has been a narcissist all my life. She had 4 kids. I'm 47 now. I was married at 18, she then still tried to manipulate me and hold her powers over me. It took at least being married for 20 years before I could find it within myself to let go of the drama and to love myself more. I've realized she doesn't love me... she loves herself and is in her own world and wants everyone catering to her pity, complaints and wants. She constantly complains about everything and anybody and she wants pity. She's horrible and so very stressful to be around for even 5 minutes. I found that the stress she causes me, had me bringing stress into my own home with my husband and kids. My husband gave me his thoughts that was an eye opener, which caused me to back completely away and break ties with her. Then I heard from other people all the lies and negative things she gossiped and spread around about me. People told me they know her and they know me, she's the one making herself look bad....and our reputation speaks for itself !! I'm so glad. I backed away from her several times, but after long periods of feeling stronger and being away from her control, I would get sucked back in around her again. I always tried to make it good and hoped things had changed for the better with her. WRONG ! She always ends up showing her true colors quickly. Thankfully, 4 months ago, while visiting her and my daddy for 3 days and 2 nights, there were several things that lead up to a huge argument from her that was nothing but selfishness and greed on her part. Easy to recognize it and sick of the mental abuse and overbearing stress from her... I told her I was leaving and I wasn't sure that I would ever be back. She was so mean. While I got away from her and into my car, she followed me and wouldn't let me shut my driver's door. She continued finding senseless faults and really was making a downgrading scene. I asked her at least 10x to move so I could shut my door and leave. Finally, she backed up, but pointed her finger at me and said, "when I die, you will regret this". I shut my door and began driving away slowly, while rolling down my window to respond this to her remark, I said, "No, when you die - I will remember this !!" Then I drove home and I haven't been back nor have I talked or texted with her. Im done !! I love her, but I don't like her !! I do wish she could see herself and change her ways. She never sees any problems with herself.... any problem is always caused by someone else. And she never says "I'm sorry " nor will take blame for anything. I have tried over the years to make subtle comments in hopes to help her change. I think she's actually gotten worse. My brother hasn't seen our parents, nor talked to them in over 20 years bc of her drama. Now, I have finally gotten to that point. My older sister died instantly in a car wreck, and my younger sister realizes the situation, but is still hanging on by a thread from a distance mostly. . She will probably find her ending soon for her own sanity. It's such a shame. I would love a beautiful mother daughter relationship. But, it'll never happen. So, I put my time and love into people that treat me special and who I Know loves me. I pray for her !
So basicly when you growed up in a toxic family, you are programmed to tolerate bad behavior, and you live your life not bean seen or hesrd ( I figure it out, I felt emotionaly abandon ) - That’s why I keep “attracting” emotionally unavailable people for me, usually friends. And thats why we always need to attach to someone, in order to feel alive. Oh my, that’s why I have always obsession over some friend or boyfriend or someone. I am 43 years old, and I always notice that about myself, huh, now I finally understand why. Thank you Lisa for all your videos! And if you read this comment, can you answer me please did I get it right?
@ Patricia Vandevelde Thank you, I am learning now to love my self, I always loved everyone else before me, Its really strange feeling now, its like you’v bean born again. Have a blessed day dear!
So I'm not a licensed psychologist but I have been studying it for 5 plus years and you are spot on with your diagnosis and with that you will begin to know freedom remember that you are worth it and don't let these demons (narcissist) bring you down!!
The same way nature grads things in levels, that's the same way narcissistic personality disorder operates in different levels in different people, it's like madness, madness comes to people in many different ways , not every mad person is soo mad, when a mad man starts questioning and disliking his crazy actions and behaviours, then he is at the healing stage, soon to be healed from what made him mad. love your self just the way you are and know that your creator made no error in making you look the way you are.. No one can truly love you if you don't love your self and no one can complete you if you don't complete your self. The biggest and most common cause of narcissistic personality disorder, is the lack of self love and confidence.+971 058 953 3403 for more info. Watch (India.Arie) official video
Grey rock and "observe don't absorb" have been my salvation! I used to let Hollow Man push my buttons and drive me crazy. And really, I WAS crazy! I was at my wit's end! When I finally learned not to react, and instead to detach myself and simply observe as if I was an outsider, I was able to see how he was manipulating me. I could clearly see what he was doing. I was so focused on trying to get him to change! I wanted him to know how he was hurting me, and I tried every way I could to get through to him but nothing ever worked. He feels attacked if I tell him he hurt me! It doesn't matter how politely I say it, how calmly, or whether I scream it at him. His reaction is always the same: POOR HIM! He's the victim and I'm the bad guy! So when I finally woke up and realized he was NEVER going to change and there was NO WAY to ever get through to him, that was when I focused on changing ME. I learned not to react. I learned to walk out of the room when he got angry. I learned not to try to coax him out of his stonewalling behavior. That gave me some measure of control and it feels good.
Tell them off, create space and boundaries. Don’t let somebody walk all over you stand up for yourself. Best advice I can give you after dealing with my stepmom. You’re never stuck if you’re married you can get a divorce. If you’re a young adult you can get a job and move out. Never think you’re stuck You’re not beholden to anyone don’t let anyone make you feel less then.
Its not always that simple. If I could walk away right now I would. Its just not possible. That being said- I have reset the dynamics in our home so that the abusive person NO LONGER holds sway over anyone else. Their behavior is no longer tolerated just to keep the peace.
How do you walk away when they stalk people and some of them have to have Protective Orders filed against them. How can you tell them off if they take it as an extreme slap in the face and start setting you up to be hated at work? When they manipulate you into violating your morals and falsify a work evaluation? Then won't allow you to correct the situation an hour later?
2020 Focus then be a door mat; you act like it’s one extreme or the other. don’t be a pussy if they hit u you can call the police. Quit your job or go to HR if the job is that bad, and toxic; you have choices and control over your life. You choose how you want to be treated. Try saying this “You will not talk to me disrespectfully, do you know how disrespectful xyz statement is?” Some people are just complacent with the misery their in and Afraid of taking a chance They would rather live in misery then to take a step into the unknown. Bullies back down from somebody They perceive as a strong willed individual.
After couple of times there I was gaslighted I did stop to show my feelings, I was always "nice" and smiling. It's sad because now I feel even stupid and quite embarrassed that I let myself to be a fool
This lady is wonderful. I experienced a range of emotions watching this. She was putting into context and making sense of things I’ve felt for decades but never understood.
I am really loving your sound, emotionally smart, and practical advise for us who have experienced toxic relationships, with narcissists and based their lifes on the upbringing by parents who didn't know how to raise kids, due to their narcissistic/alcoholic problems. I did for many years only attract partners who were toxic to me and was married to two men with high narcissistic traits - being a codependent grown up child. It took me about 20 years to get it - and now I only have one parent left to take care of and no more men in my life, which feels good. Thank you for your help!
Take time to feel! Take time to feel what’s real. Do not be led by your emotions. Take time to feel what’s real. Don’t be led by ruminating thoughts. Take time to feel what’s real.🌻🌻
He has studied his disorder, so he projects his problematic behaviour. Has told me so many times that I have abandonment issues But I am the one making an exit strategy!
Mine does the same! He will say I'm gaslighting or he is using reactive abuse because I'm the abuser. He uses the psychological terms like it is a game to him. It takes it to a whole new level of crazy making because he gets a fix off seeking out therapists and convincing them he is the victim and I'm the abuser and then telling me about it.
the blue velvet River Mine did the same with his ex wife Went to therapy & played the victim. It took me years to figure out HE was the problem not his crazy ex’s
SAME!!!!!!!!! he says he Googled narcs years ago n told me!!!! I've reading and watching this stuff for almost 10 years!!! N he goggled narcs??? Yeah right I stumbled across it searching why is my boyfriend so awful!! Now we're married!! Ha!!! Fml. He's an f ing 🤡 this emoji is his Pic in my contacts lol. Im the narc of course. All this drama is my fault. I need to stop doing this!!! His car is in my name. Ummm.... nothing is in his name, the internet. That's it lol omg i have so much debt. He just got pulled over doing 60 in a 40. Omg sorry I hate this dude! He made sure I don't have friends so no one to talk to...
I’ve been listening to a lot of people on TH-cam and still feel stuck because of the constant programming leading to never ending cognitive dissonance.
@@sonnyca my experience with cognitive dissonance is this. Until you can understand what happened to you & why it happened & who these monsters are....you will stay stuck. I just got unstuck after almost 2 years. Part of it is finding a therapist who gets it. And frankly, I've learned a lot more from Lisa and others on YT. Big Hugs!!!
My mother has been a narcissist all my life. She had 4 kids. I'm 47 now. I was married at 18, she still tried to manipulate me and hold her powers over me. It took at least being married for 20 years before I could find it within myself to let go of the drama and to love myself. I realized she doesn't love me... she loves herself. Im only a convenience. She constantly complains about everything and anybody and she wants pity. She's horrible and stressful to be around for even 5 minutes. I found that the stress she caused me, had me bringing stress into my own home with my husband and kids. That eye opener caused me to back completely away and break ties. Then I heard from other people all the lies and negative things she gossiped and spread around. People told me they know her and they know me and she's the one making herself look bad. I backed away several times, but after long periods of feeling better and away from her control, I would get sucked back in. I always tried to make it good and hoped things had changed gir better. WRONG ! She always ends up showing her true colors quickly. Thankfully, 4 months ago, while visiting her and my daddy for 3 days and 2 nights, there were several things that lead up to a huge argument from her that was nothing but selfishness on her part. Easy to recognize it and sick of the mental abuse and overbearing stress from her... I told her I was leaving and I wasn't sure that I would ever be back. She was so mean. While I got away from her and into my car, she followed me and wouldn't let me shut my driver's door. She continued finding senseless faults and really was making a downgrading scene. I asked her st least 10x to move so I could leave. Finally, she backed up, but pointed her finger at me and said, "when I die, you will regret this". I shut my door and began driving away slowly while rolling down my window to respond this to her remark, I said, "No, when you die - I will remember this !!" Then I drove home and I haven't been back nor have I talked or texted with her. Im done !! I love her, but I don't like her !! I do wish she could see herself and change her ways. I have tried over the years to make subtle comments in hoping to help her change. I think she's actually gotten worse. My brother hasn't seen our parents, nor talked to them in over 20 years bc of her drama. Now, I have finally gotten to that point. My older sister died instantly in a car wreck, and my younger sister realizes the situation, but is still hanging on by a thread. She will probably find her ending soon for her own sanity. It's such a shame. I would love a beautiful mother daughter relationship. But, it'll never happen. So, I put my time and love into people that treat me special and who I Know loves me. I pray for her.
My gut has been taken over by two sadistic and malignant narcissists. The only way to get them out of my gut is to poop them out. Even then they might try to hold on to my butthole like their life depends on it. That’s how I perceive them now.
Every single time I start to think that my ex didn't have narcissistic traits, I watch a video and/or read an article. When these articles/videos are so spot on, as if the author has read my journal entries, it hits me. My ex is and was a narcissist. This video did just that! It's NOT our imagination. Yes, we're human and have our faults but damn, we are NOT the people they make us out to be.
It’s interesting how they are all almost exactly the same in how they treat us. They have no filters. They have no empathy. You could easily die and they would not show any emotion. The mask that is worn must be covering heavily repressed abuse. What I’d like to know, is there any treatment available for narcissists? And what is the success rate? It sounds like they may be somewhat treatable but zero percent curable. How sad for the narcissist. I’m healing day by day. She drained me emotionally to the point of doubting myself on every level. Unbelievable control tactics that zap you of your energy.
@@mattgellerman1235 if you died they would mourn the loss to their life, not the loss of yours. Re: success of treatment depends on where they fall on the spectrum. There are degrees of self-awareness and willingness to acknowledge/change behavior, although without the ability to feel empathy for how they affect others, ultimately the desire to change is motivated by self-interest and is difficult to maintain as it is geared toward result/end goal.
Please don't use the Gods name in vain please. According to the Bible when a person says OMG or uses Gods name as a cuss word that's called blasphemy it's very serious. Gods name is pure and holy. Just saying. Have a good day and God bless
My mom was the covert, my dad the grandiose. And they wondered why I loved my Papa and Nana who took the time to parent me, and taught me any good, selflessness, and empathy in me. Leaving even for a few days low contact I know peace.
The N in my life is our adult daughter. If she wasn’t our daughter, we’d let her loose. To hang in there with her and to maintain a relationship with our granddaughter, what I’m learning from you is SO valuable. Can you provide some specific advice with regards to this kind of N versus Empath relationship@?
Also I have observed that the more on the spectrum towards sociopathy, the less shame or embarrassment they seem to experience for their behaviors (thus not caring what people think about undesirable behaviors).
Hope In Humanity my husband walked out on the 25th of April in the middle of the Covid pandemic. I was 12weeks pregnant then. He’s exactly as you just said. I used to say to him, why don’t you ever feel shame or embarrassed about your behaviour?..... Now I know why And now he says the only way he won’t divorce is if I take back that he sexually abused me for nearly 3yrs if marriage and that I MUST get a diagnosis for BPD because I am the problem not him. Btw he’s also got severe ADHD(diagnosed) and won’t get treatment for it
Juliet ohue I’m sorry for the pain that must have caused you. Especially being with child and going through a pandemic. It seems to be a thing for them whatever their messed up reasons (power plays, cowardly, etc) to leave or cause additional grief during already stressful times- they will kick you while your already down. That’s the nature of the beast. Perhaps his departure will ultimately be a blessing in that you can peacefully bond with the beautiful life growing inside you rather than going through the constant state of stress and emotional duress that these people bring into our lives. ❤️
Given up 10 of the best years of my life to this and wanted to leave so many times since moving in a month after knowing each other. Kept being hooked by promise of things getting better... he's very articulate and manages to convince me month after month year after year.
It makes me cry knowing how accurate all this is in my relationship. 27/male. I dont knownhow to help her. And we just moved to a new state. Ive given her the world but its never enough.
I opened up to mine once. Never did it again. And because he was so unhinged I never spoke up I just ignored until I walked away. I stopped retaliating as I knew he loved it. He would do it to his mother and record her when she flipped. I realised he was really sadistic. I didn’t realise how much he had affected me until I left. Toxic wasn’t the word. It was war every day. Thank you so much.
Thank you Lisa these videos are helping me so much. I can't leave my covert narc yet because I am sick but now I know how to make everything run much smoother for me and my child until we make our grand escape.
It seems every time I watch one of your videos I feel like you're talking about me and my life. I've learned so much and I hope I will finally be able to notice red flags and avoid narcissistic relationships. Thank you so much.♥️
I haven’t watched this one yet but I love your work, and I’m grateful for it. I’ve healed to some degree (I started watching you years ago) and I tune in less these days but will never forget how much you helped me and just wanted to say so. One of your most helpful videos (for me) was one in which you discussed the manipulations we can use unconsciously as codependents. The whole “I’m fixing you so you owe me” thing blew my mind. It’s exactly what I was doing and I didn’t see it at all. Thanks for all you do. ❤️👍
Never forget they will never change So don't let them bring you down or fool you into their stupid game Don't play and you can't lose They'll cheat anyway Maybe solitaire is the way to go
I'm sorry I don't know where to start wow you know send a message. Oh Oh Sees it this oh my God lyrics for my wow there's a lot to this f****** Senate. So I knew I knew damn well I knew I knew for a fact because I knew I wasn't going crazy cuz I got hit by car so I got you a half of this s*** I can't believe this is really
Your videos have helped me so much. I’m 6 1/2 months no contact and I have had come to light that I am a co dependent. My parents are emotionally immature, my dad is often very negative, disrespectful and my feelings were never asked about or validated growing up or even today. Your videos have really taught me a lot. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on this. You’re a blessing!💜
Excellent presentation as usual, Lisa. "There's no good will" in those people and they force you/us to be intolerant toward yourself and toward others. There's an onslaught of manipulation that you face. And also from the covert malignant narcissist there is a potential of rage and Hoovering. That puts you on the way of understanding the patterns of interaction(s) that you're involved in. That enables you to identify the arrogance and learn to starve them of their supply... The state of indifference (non argumentative) that you/we can cultivate enables you/us to remain calm. That's what will put an end to the mind games. Start sharing your thoughts and stories.
I swear..... I watch these videos and it's like you've met him personally. It blows my mind. It's so unbelievably mind blowing how eye opening all of this is.
after being with a narcissist for 21 years, I'm finding co parenting is extremely difficult. He discarded me, but he constantly looks for ways to get me to react. It almost feels like muscle memory. He knows what buttons to push to get a reaction, and I am doing my best not to, but I find myself getting sucked into his drama. I have to constantly start over. Today is a new day. Day one of no contact, again.
How’d it go for you. I’m married been together 20 years and we have 4 sons. We’re separated and he still wants to hurt me and control me from a distance, but says he loves me and always will at the same time.
@@LockedEmpress it’s just lies and manipulation… took me 9 years to finally leave Can’t go no contact due to our children, but blocked everything between us except an email to discuss ONLY the kids. It’s very difficult but do not respond to/discuss anything other than the kids. For drop offs/pick ups, just send the kids to the car without any exchange between you two. Just some examples that work with co/parenting.. It takes a lot of energy but as the kids get older it will get easier It’s better for our health and children’s to remove ourselves rather than stay and “hope” they change.. they won’t without intensive therapy for a lifetime which most won’t do Just take one day at a time ❤
Wish I had found your channel a year ago (or 10).... regardless, 11 years with Narc. finally exiting and so much of what you say is spot on to my situation. WOW. Thank you!!!!!
I stumbled onto your utube videos a couple days ago, I have alot of work to do on myself, I need this counseling. Thankyou ♡ I have made a schedule of listening to one of your talks every morning before I do my day. I love them☆ I have found that I am surrounded my many different types of narcissists, some are worse than others, I have learned how to set boundaries with SOME of them, but they really dont listen..lol, but I'm trying to speak my truth, I have stepped back from the worst of them. Baby steps, but proud of myself, learning how to speak my truth, trying to love myself. A friend of mine asked me "do you even know how to love you?" I was so ashamed to say, " No" It seems so foriegn to me..but I'm giving it a good try and effort, I believe the divine lead me to you. Thankyou again.👸
I have no contact anymore with my covert narcissist ex partner fortunately. To be certain that she would stop with her 'games' after I ended the relationship with her I set an example. I wrote it several times already. I confronted her in front of mutual colleagues after she changed the rules for the second time when we were going into a conversation. We stil had to take care of some business to finish it. I knew it was not professional to do this at work but I knew when I would do this then she would leave me alone forever. It worked. It is now almost two years after I ended this fake and toxic relationship and it was the best decision I made. I feel very sad for her two young children. They are also victims and have to deal with this fake mother. It is so sad that these kind of people are capable of doing this sort of damaging on and on. People who are looking for true, unconditional love get victim of these fake people. But it is possible to heal, work on your innerself and move on. And I realized also: you can enter a relationship only when you love yourself. You can't 'buy' love or expect somebody else gives you that piece of love. Good luck.
I can u understand ? 19 years of marriage he discarded me with all the stuff he did to me and im gob smacked did I just wake up to coma ? Or a dream. Its so painful Im left heart broken confused drained and exhausted? 16 days now ? The verbal abuse is so vile ,what I received after the discard .
You're talking my language...deep sigh. And he doesnt want to give up...he would kill me with apologies, and then day(s) after he goes right back into the same cold old fowl.
When you said co-dependent people don't know how to feel because they are stuck on trying to survive...Another lightbulb switched on. Healing is a long but worthwhile journey. Thank you
The way these people kept me in this crap was a toxic practice of "forgiveness and love covers a multitude of sins" they are not sorry nor do they have any intentions of changing their behavors, they want to keep the status quo. FANTASTIC VIDEO!!!!!!!!!
You are helping me so much! Thank you again and again , I realize I became codependent in my marriage as a way to “survive “ with the narcissist, I was also dealing with a mother in law with many of these traits. My life was Hell, he continues to try and sabotage anything he can. I finally know what’s wrong with him and his mother. At least now I can get the right help for myself and my daughters. K
I wished I saw your videos when I was in the toxic narcissistic relationship with my ex, your advice is amazing! I had no idea what I was going through, had no idea what a narcissist was! But it all shifted for me when I came across articles about narcissistic abuse and it all made perfect sense for me. I excited the relationship right away, I blocked him and all his flying monkeys, family, friends and anyone that enabled him, I handled everything the legal way being that we have two children together and I never looked back. Best decision I’ve ever made in my life! Thank you ❤️
I grew up with a narcisstic peeophile father and with a very cruel, sadistic German nurse mother. While my father came to me every night, my mother told me that I wasn’t allowed to scream or fight. I was also shamed for expressing my needs throughout my Life. And it was all my fault and dare me if I criticized them. If I wanted to escape and have my own Life, my mother would hunt me from far away and stalk my boyfriend to connect with her. If I wouldn’t react, she would call gangstalkers or lawyers to hunt me. I never got married and don’t have kids and my Narc mother keeps me imprisoned till this day
Damn I'm so sorry to hear you went through that I hope you find the strength to get away move far away from her and I hope when the time comes one day you can truly find love and let someone love you unconditionally keep your head up
Ps: I watched a video about Narcissm today and the psychologist said that Narcissm arose from Germany and I totally agree as there are soooo many German Narcs here!!! That’s why it’s even more scary!
You have to give up the fantasy ...absolutely correct, it’s a trained emotional defense mechanism. Creating a fantastical fantasy that justifies the abuse and we are the saviors, the empath, the healers smh .
Yes! This is so right. Blame , blame, blame. Punitive actions for my errors. Then the frail attempt at remorse. Then the same pattern again. Then I stopped getting upset and stopping the emotional feeding he craved. He then cranked up. I have been gone 2 months almost.
'Your children are damaged..they spend all their time in their rooms' said the man who's daughter hates him and calls him by his name instead of 'Dad.' 'Your children aren't normal' said the man who couldn't put his arms around his own kids, whilst mine are loved and get the top honours at their University. I could go on. Bring on healthy.
I read this and thought I wrote it. Especially about the "Dad" part. He has another daughter who he and his ex have done a number on. My kids with him are confident and strong minded.
My ex would call my 9yr old names like lazy, dumb, bastard. When in fact he was actually all those things. He would get mad at her for everything and constantly criticize her.
I think I was conditioned from childhood. My marriage was similar to my home life. After I was widowed I met someone who I thought was perfect! Exactly what I needed. But he is a narcisisst and threw me for a loop! I did not know anything about narcissism. That's when I began to analyze what was going on and eventually broke it off, cold turkey! I had decided I would be better with no man than this man. You may have figured out, I was a codependent. Today, with therapy and studying and kindness to myself, I am so much better!
Since I found you, which was just 2 weeks ago, I've had the courage and mental strength to talk to a domestic abuse crisis center and file a restraining order to get him out of my house. The scariest part was having to be so open with my family and friends, I always think I have to be so strong, (I have 7 brothers and my dad still says I am his favorite son) not a single one of them were shocked and looked at me like "FINALLY!" They all had been trying to tell me but I refused to even think about what they were staying. I guess I like the way you say things because I heard it for the first time, you are just a beautiful and wonderful human being.
It’s as if you read my mind and spoke about my experiences. Watching this video helps me maintain no contact, reinforces what I know to be true. If a benign Hoover occurs or I start to soften toward this individual, the information you provide serves as a reminder to maintain the boundary. Thank you Lisa
I'm 35 & only in the last 2 years have I finally removed myself from these relationships but they all continue to try to get back in. I'm not emotionally attached to them like I was now though so they're not coming back in.
I’ve watched like 5 of your videos today! Thank you so much. I’m brand new to this and I have no idea how to handle it. To be honest I’m still in the middle of it because she is coming after me right now. And I have no idea how to handle it and I have no idea how hard she is going to try to come after me. She moved in 8 months ago and when her brother and my husband confronted her behavior she behaved and stopped cussing me out and emotionally abusing and criticizing me for 2 months but as soon as she signed her own house and had a place to go she started treating me like crap again. And the day after she moved out she yelled at me on the phone hung up on me and proceeded to text some really mean things. And then said leave me alone and I didn’t respond to her or anything else she posted on social media. So now she is all of a sudden inserting herself into my group and taking subtle “shots” or pokes at me. I’m supposed to go to meet with the group tomorrow and I have no idea what she’s going to do. Thank you for all your help on how to set boundaries. Do you have a video specifically about how to set boundaries?
If you are in a relationship of any kind with this narc , get rid of them or remove yourself as soon as possible. They can go long periods of time on their “ good behaviour “ , but they will ALWAYS revert to their negative behaviour. He longer she gets away with it the more intense her behaviour will get. Cut her loose like last week. I am still stuck in a marriage with a narc wife. She has managed to beat me down so bad both physically and emotionally I have very little strength left mentally to get away.
I been doing a lot of what's said. It's working for my good. I appreciate listening to these videos. I've learned so much about myself and toxic people that surrounds my world. I can say now my parents were narcissists and I'm dealing with my narcissist husband in a different way than I was and moving closer to where I need to be and that is my permanent moving on and out of this marriage. I'm starting to feel good about my self in the worst situation because when I watch the videos I'm motivated to swim to the top. Thank you Lisa Romano and all those who keep posting motivating testimonies sharing stories with us and those who are going through keep on striving and love yourself. Thank you strivers for helping me stay encouraged. I dont always post but I keep on watching. Blessings to all of you.
ALLLL TRUE! GOSH your video is SPOT ON like a giant lighthouse showing the rocks of relationship shipwrecks. Thanks for this video - very informative. The best way to cure yourself of a narcissist is to LEAVE them. If it's a relationship, leave it - trust me. If it is a boss you will need to make decisions of what to do - but you can go to your boss's supervisor. I have done that but be prepared for a fight, just be truthful and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Eventually the demon will mostly stay in hell and leave you alone.
Awesome message. The concept of "Tune into self" is in fact a panacea for an Empath or Codependent. You articulated it in such an endearing way...! Thank you :)
What r ways the narcissists find to control you, manipulate and feed off of you!! This is truly an eye opening video. Saving it as Must Watch. Thank you for these insights. I'm right away working to help myself more!! Much love to you ❤
Thank you..I’ve watched other videos on this topic, but your breakdown of some of the finer elements of how this plays out in the relationships many of us have lived through is sooooo.helpful.
Yes, I am so embarrassed I have doing all the wrong things and keeping myself sick and stuck. Lol. I am going to keep listening to your videos. I want to make a better life for myself.
Now only I realise that when I was young, I was seen because I was useful to mum, she was all praises for me in front of everyone and in that way I thought I was a good child by doing all the housework for her. On the other hand, my younger sister was often portrayed as the lazy good-for-nothing child. That went on till I finished my secondary school studies. Then when it's time for me to grow up and be on my own, I had such a hard time growing up! But with God's help I did. After that, I had a hard time living normally. Mum's rules for me to get married was if I could find someone to marry to within 4 km of the house, and about work, as I had graduated by then and looking for a new job, whatever job I get that was out of town, mum would cry for days until I rejected the job. I even rejected my first suitor because he is from another state. But thank God, I still got married in the end at age 36 to a man who's 31. I got into my career as a teacher only at 32. That was also amidst lots of drama. I gave private tuition after graduating while looking for a job, and that went on for 4 years. During that 4 years, one of my students was my youngest brother who was studying in Singapore. He was 16 years my junior. It was only end of last year that I found out my mum is a narc. This was all because she was getting more and more dramatic! I have already gone through so much of her drama and I thought she would mellow down. Just as I approached my retirement at 57, she became all the more dramatic. She smeared me to my younger sister and brother and even tried to spoil my relationship with father also. In the end, all of them became her flying monkeys without realising it. So I was harassed by my sister, brother and father all for the sake of mother. She told them that I scolded her, of course, I did not, I was just talking to her, half way and she said I was scolding her. All these really made me confused and then I started looking up videos on the topic of "evil mothers" and that's how I bumped into narcissism, anyway, thanks for your videos, I am learning to manage myself better now, thank you so much!
Finding your channel was a blessing. I was getting completely crazy with this woman. Wanted a relationship when I didn't want to. Forced me to move together by sex bombing me and nice treatments towards me. 4 months later wanted to have a baby. And 8 months later her real personality came out. I've been in jail since then. She's not willing to have a proper and healthy conversation. Not even johnnie Cochran could beat her in a arguments. Always accusing me of stuff I'm not doing. Abusing me physically and verbally. Controlling Evey second of my life and counting the minutes if I open the door to go even to the store. Putting me down all the time. Chocking me when things don't go her way. Drama . Arguments. Fights. Now I know the reason why. Thanks Lisa
I'm bipolar and my Mom is a Narcissist and she tortures me. I'm at a breaking point with everything else going on in the world. My therapist said don't have anything to do w with her. I've gone two weeks but it is hard since she is my mom. I feel so guilty. I'm just trying to arm myself with information and I enjoy your videos. Thank you.
I have to keep shoving this anger down inside that now I've become raging! Breaking into my home for years...he can't figure out why I don't trust him or anyone else now? Peek a boo bye bye.
In addition to the horrible things that she would say directly to my face, on a few occasions, I caught my ex standing directly behind me, as I was explaining something to friends or family, and shaking her head from side to side, as to imply, "no", or, "that's not true", as I was speaking. She was actually attempting to indicate to people, as I was talking, that I was lying, when I was not. What tipped me off was when one of the parties pulled me aside, minutes after our conversation, and told me what my ex had done. I remember how much that hurt, but oddly, I was not surprised. I had been ignoring the red flags for far too long.
I m so happy to have found you Dr. I m dealing with my grandaugther s mom for 5 years now .I found about ND /Borderline/Psychopaths a bit later and helped her get my granddaughter back .I have to negociate with her and I m a super empath and told her I love her unconditionally . She asked me" Do you really ? I have to negociate visits etc .Was that wrong to said that ?I told her I need the truth about something she is doing , and wont negociate with her lying.
So glad I found you. Finally figuring things out at age 44. Thanks for your insights. No more narcs for me! Co-parenting has been hell with my ex-narc. Takes so much out of me and I'm always on edge. Also, the smear campaign never ends. Wish I could go no contact but I can't.
I hate this for myself .. like I’ve let this go on for 5 years and a baby. I’m just grateful that I’m finding this out while my child is still young. I’ve been watching your videos for the past 3 days and feel i have my power and control of my life back💛 I’m 20 years young and I’m ready to fight for my life back. Love your videos 😭‼️
I have family members, high school friends and officemates who show high narcissistic characteristics. Now that covid is easing, they are again starting an issue that they only know themselves. 😂 it’s so difficult to contain them. And they just can’t confront you! it just occurred to me that they are like zombies.
Very intelligently explained. The guy i was with seem to behave in a way that is too confusing. One day he tell me he is fed up with my accusation that he is lying (which he is cos he broke too many promises and despite him admitting his mistakes, he dont really fix them), the next day he says he love me.. In some brief moments I feel like he do realize what he is doing and who he is, but then he start denying.. and the worst is i cant let go. I tried sooo many times and i end up blocking and then unblocking him... I just dont know how to let go of people. It was always a struggle of mine. And every time i feel like I will lose some special person and its my fault i didnt behave better.. I cant afford therapy so i am so lost..
I think it's important to note that NOT everyone that ends up in a relationship with a narcissist comes from some toxic background or parents who were alcoholics. Narcissists target people with high empathy and who are people pleasers. This can happen to anyone. Great video.
Lisa, I'm back to your channel after I became acquainted with you about 6 years ago. I think you were fairly new to TH-cam and were just having books published. You've come so far in your career since then and I'd like to congratulate you. Well done! But more importantly than that, I must say how much more beautiful you have become with every year! Seriously, you look 👍🏼 fantastic!!?
I got stuck, I couldn’t find a place to live. Tried for a few years to get out. Finally after getting off opioids for my JRA the last year I was able to educate myself and start standing up to him, it ended in a fiery blaze when he realized I had his # now I’ve been spending the past few months doing research on my down time so I can understand and move forward. He said so much of what you have explained. He even asked me the last week being together before he flirted in front of me in public don’t you have any self worth, god.. so when I stood up to him flirting, all hell broke lose.. I already had my own place so I didn’t have to worry about him kicking me out!! He kicked me out or told me to leave at least a dozen times a year, even in front of his young child.. so Thank you
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope is not lost. Do you need your ex back if yes I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
I was a supply at a point to someone, and this was very sad but I found healing, I could not do this by myself I needed help which I got from a good friend David who I hope can help anyone that needs him of getting free of any kind of hold a narc has on you! He his a whatsapp text away! +15182175945) he will help you has he has helped me now I am 4 months no contact! God is Good!
![[Live] : ONE 169 วันนี้!! "อนาโตลี vs อูมาร์"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IK3YZVWuFJg/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you Lisa. Love your gestures, "voices" and facial expressions when describing some of the faulty thinking and behaviors. I smiled, ( and laughed at times), through most of this video. Sometimes due to myself, ( codependency), and sometimes at the insanity of narcissism.. I can relate to so much of what you said. I could never have found any humor in any of this in earlier recovery because it was just so darn painful! My smiling and laughing is a reflection of healing! I appreciate the work you do & find it very grounding & helpful! 🙏🌺
Yeyyyyy!!!!!
@@gwenscott206
Sorry Gwen I'm not up with all these abbreviations Omg is about my limit.
@@MYKEYCARD✌😊
@@gwenscott206 piqq
@@gwenscott206
Awww Thank You Gwen Scott That is so Nice. I don't Think a lot of us
are as codependent as we think,
Like Lisa Said if We Are Like -->
That is it, I'm out of here! not
putting up with Anymore of that,
That is
not a codependent reaction. That
is like We Have Woken up from a
deep deep sleep. I Think it is
because we have got so much
Love and Been giving it to the
wrong one's. And it can put one in
a bit of a pickle To Say The Least.
We don't ask for much And That
Simple interaction Was Wonderful
Gwen Thank You,
I thought 💭
Eh up! Its another new fangled
abbreviation,
ha ha 📣Enlightenment Ding Ding
There's my light going on
Thank You Gwen Simply have a
Lovely Day🌈
Im 6 weeks out of a 22 year relationship. I feel so much calmer relaxed and a lot less confused. No more dramas and my life feels simple and normal. All going well. Yesterday recieved a message from his sister wanting to have chat. I dont feel like I should be in touch with his family as anything I say would be taken back to him and I dont want to spoil the peace that I have. 🌼
No contact is very important
Omg! Congratulations!!!! 🎉
Block his family as well, they will try to steal your peace
I would change my number.
No contact with any of their friends or family. Block all contact.
I engaged. And now I’m in tears. Wtf is wrong with these people. They feel nothing.
True that me 2. Yesterday now it's on n poppin. W dangerous cyber STALKERS neighbors and they have total access
I am so sorry for what you are going through. 😢😢
I hope you will go NC as soon as you can.
Who else is listening to stuff like this for a month now? Is it just me or is that what happens after the abuse?
This is what happens when we're ready to see through all the gaslighting to the truth, you knew deep down, yet repressed.
You 🙏 Are ...NOT!!! ALONE!!!🙏
Same like 3 months n still kind of tripping its been since June I moved out on my ex n Have been no contact @ all for like 6weeks now Peace n Love
I've been listening to this stuff for years but still can't leave :(
@@remaininganonymous4129 awww! It's extremely hard. I'm in the process and just praying I can stay away.
Lisa, your channel is literally saving my life right now. They feed my inner strength. Thank you for making these!
Ah a fellow Frida kahlo fan 🙌
That’s one of the red flags for me is when someone follows a pattern and that pattern is destructive in nature.
As I was listening to you; I was realizing I had developed a pattern as a child; when I understood it was not safe to acknowledge or confront bad behavior within my own family; I learned to keep silent; to ignore my gut feelings and keep it to myself more or less; it was so ingrained in my thinking that I saw myself as outside my family looking in but not really being part of; and I learned to accept what ever happened; not only because I believed I had no control over my circumstances; but also because I learned to feel ashamed of myself for having any negative feelings in the first place; so the way I dealt with it was to pretend; I was not being humiliated when I was; pretend it wasn’t that bad when it was; to make excuses for bad behavior; rationalizing that they couldn’t possibly mean it to hurt me; they love me right? They are just suffering themselves and I am a target? Im now having many contradictory feelings of; pity for their state; resentment; anger; loss; going back and forth with wanting to rescue them and close the door on them at the same time. Thank you and may
God bless you Lisa 🙏
Well written. I related to every word! Makes me feel less alone. Thanks Patty.
Hi! That hit home. I faced very similar struggles with my own family and struggle with the exact contradictory feeling states that you do.
This is exactly how I feel.
Both of my parents were narcissistic alcoholics who told me I wasn’t angry when I was, who punished me for my feelings and opinions. I learned to hide. And, then I learned to stuff my emotions and thoughts. Been working on myself and yesterday I took a strong stand based on facts and intuition. My narc said, “wow the older you get the more suspicious and mean you are”. Uh huh. That’s called being myself standing up for what I know to be right, even insisting on it. He meant it as a dig. I took it as a compliment. Finally I’m doing better at not stuffing my emotions but bringing them into the light, and not second guessing myself.
Have you heard of attachment theory?
It has changed my life. It helped me make sense of how I view the world, my core wounds, not being seen/heard.
I am now feeling empowered and connecting to myself. I’m learning my needs and boundaries, how to heal the subconscious programs, how to communicate.
Thais Gibson, The Personal Development School TH-cam channel, has been transformative for me!
I wish you healing. You are worthy.
Don't let a narcissist take your integrity. They love to do that. DON'T DO IT. They won't like it, too bad. Good video.
It is honestly amazing how much a person's life can improve once they can actually recognize what is REALLY going on in these toxic situations. My life has so much more balance & peace now that I can see the patterns of abuse and just avoid them by not reacting & walking away. I may still sometimes make it CLEAR that I have NO intention of tolerating the behavior but I dont let it affect me for hours or days afterwards any more. I say what I have to say about their behavior then dip!
That's amazing! I'm not there yet. I have a lot of work to do on my self-esteem before I can stop taking things said by others personally. I still keep taking it all to heart for now :(
@@Nitya-r86 Believe me when I say it was a LONG & BUMPY ROAD to get here! My self esteem was GONE because of 20 years worth of his nasty & mean comments. I just had to step back long enough to really WATCH his behavior and see WTH he was really doing. Once that curtain got ripped away there was no more ignoring the broken person behind his curtain anymore.
I kind of think of him like a little kid who says something mean to someone when they get hurt. I wouldnt let a 5 yo's comment bother me so why would I let his?
Im also under NO illusion that he & I will ever "fix" whats broken between us , so I dont bother trying to waste my energy on that. Im just focused on me & my kids now.... anything or anyone else is going to have to handle their own mess now.
Just keep moving foward and maybe keep in mind something my Gramma used to say- The ONLY names that matter are the ones you ANSWER to..... ❤❤❤
@@i_am_whole_again You really have some kickass boundaries there! Very inspiring :) Congratulations on getting to this point. I can imagine what the struggle must've been like to get to this point.
How encouraging! I am going through this right now....learning learning and learning...trying to put it all into practice...been married 26 years now...anniversary was Saturday and was the first one neither of us said anything about it. It’s so sad. Thank you for your story
@@Nitya-r86 The reason that names and things they say to you bother you still is for a couple reasons, 1. That you haven't dug deep enough into your childhood to really SEE what happened to you, so those are old wounds of being unloved popping up and feeling not good enough. They are trigger wounds. I recommend visiting situations in your childhood in your mind and walking through watching your child self in the situation and you being the other adult in the room that can't be seen by anyone but your child self, as if you were talking to your own child, and speak to that child about what Should have happened in that situation and how so in so is Wrong. Bend down, give them a hug while they cry and say "It's ok, I got you. THEY don't matter. They are just people. YOU are what matters." And there you have the beginning of self love and realizing that the adults in your childhood were JUST people, and ALL people make mistakes. It's up to YOU to fix those wounds within you. Secondly, names and things they say hurt because you still have this insane desire to Please others and to be Liked and Loved by others, and so What Others Think Of You, is Super important to you. Bc you are seeking that validation from outside of yourself. Once you start validating YOURSELF, those names no longer hurt. Once you stop seeking attention or approval from others bc its WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT to DO... you will be set Free. Including seeking attention or approval from your parents. You are in charge of YOUR life, not them (considering you are over 18), YOU have a right to live YOUR life how YOU want. It doesn't matter what they think, and they need to just deal with it. You were put here for a Reason, and only YOU can find that reason within you, and have to follow your life for YOU. That's it. Good luck to you and may God guide you through this. -For Anyone who reads this.
Honestly lisa sometimes when I'm just overwhelmed with thoughts I just put you on and it slows it down... even if I can't focus on what ur saying, hearing you're words and thought patterns helps bring me back... and feel loved and appreciated :) ♡♡♡♡
Same❤️
Me tooooooooo
Yes indeed.
Same💆♀️
I was recently in a relationship for a year with a female covert narcissist at first the love bombing and idealization made me feel like she was the one so I treated her like she was the one. She was educated and beautiful and it seemed as though she was a bit cocky but I liked what I thought was confidence. Turns out I was very wrong and she was not the woman that I thought she was and it practically broke me because I know the behaviors but I got dragged into it anyway she pulled me in then I began to see signs of clear illness. Her mask was falling apart and I had rescue tendencies which everything you described I went through with her. Entitled, high stress, draining, arrogant, justifying all her behavior, totally not listening to anything I have to say or feeling real empathy for things I told her were hurting me. Emotionally I’m drained and exhausted now ended the relationship yesterday and it was such a struggle to break up. Thank you for helping me understand this behavior.
Go no contact. She may Hoover, ignore her
Please don't go back no matter what she says..
It took me 3 years to realize what i got myself into.
It was a leaving hell.
I used to be very confident, happy..
Trust me my friend it felt my whole was shattered into tiny pieces.
Coming from a former mma fighter..
Be careful and please do not meet her under any circumstance. They don't give up easily. They almost have that if I can't have you no one will.
Exactly what happened to me she even faked working on herself because I said how that's an attractive quality in someone. Like you she played the part of soul mate it felt that real I had mentioned once to her about soul mates and she agreed feeling the same.
I’m so frightened to leave. I’m so caught up. It’s been almost 19 years and 3 children. My body is shutting down. I really hope I can flick him off easily and I don’t have to go through this much longer. Your videos are so comforting and informative. Thank you Lisa. You’ve helped me empower myself and find my own worth. 💜
I pray for strength for you 🙏🏼 life is so much better once you’re out!
I'm a guy,Kris-there are real good ones out there-Ive more than bent over backwards for my sweetie and her little guy.I hope you find peace,and hopefully,eventually,and carefully,find the right partner for you,if you decide to try again,down the road.Good luck!!
Ronda Gentry thank you for checking in. I’m doing very well. I’m taking Carr of myself and the children. I left but we are under the same roof, amicably. Things have changed drastically and we are both focused on therapy (individual) and on the children. Slow but steady change. It wasn’t until he hit rock bottom that he listened and is seeking change for himself too. This channel helped me so much and gave me the strength and motivation to force change. I appreciate you asking. Thank you. How are you?
I pray that God comforts you and gives you the strength to leave the person who is causing you emotional pain... don't be afraid....make a plan....go for it ..."ESCAPE"....IN JESUS NAME amen
In my home I learned to be a good girl. Quiet and never speaking my mind. 🙄Well, that has changed 🤣
❤
I just told him its over (AGAIN) and this time I didn't engage or look back and im trying to keep looking ahead without fear.
Never let him come back. I wished I listened to myself now I’m almost stuck but I’m leaving this time forever
Four narcissists disliked this video.
Good.
Good video.
Six 🤣🤣🤣
48!
😭😅😂🤣🤣🤣🤣👏🏻👌🏻💯💯
181 now
The Live Bomb part made me realize that the words and phrases used to lure someone sound like every top 40 love song I ever heard. That may be where the narcissists get their words, phrasing and ideas to use someone.
So glad I found these videos and this lovely lady.
Just ended my relationship with a narcissist, it was only 5 years but it was sheer hell and tourcher and only got worse as time went on, emotionally, financially and verbally abusive, every trick in the book he used to keep me in line and hooked. The most selfish and self absorbed man I think I have ever met.
So glad I finally saw him for what he really is. I feel sorry for his next victim.
Healing in process 🙂 xx
I am so grateful to you - I am now free of so many narcissists - thanks to you - my mother - my ex husband - my ex-romance-2018 - five former friends. You have given me the information / knowledge / education to empower myself. Thank you.
Narcissists never, and I mean -never- let go of attacking their targets.
Y E S !!!
Been divorced 12!!! Years. He’s still hassling me, using our daughter. SICK of him
@@jennwoosley4095
I've been following Lisa who is amazing of course.
My fear of leaving is it won't help my wife's mean spirited attitude and jealousy of our daughter...i can feel your pain..
Agressers give you no room to move.
One attack after the other...no room for truth or authenticity ...all about gaslighting..My strength is in these talks and being physically strong( lots of workouts) give me emotional empowerment. Let her be jealous and mean.
You made me think actually why I've stayed..held together..so far.Ive never respomded to anyone here. Thanks so much for sharing this.
3 years apart (and divorced) and not a week or month goes by without a fresh, new, random attack on me
3 years apart now (plus divorced), yet not a week or month goes by without a fresh, new and random attack on me. I am advised that it will last until my youngest son is 18, so only 12 more years to go
"...because you have no data for what it feels like to feel seen." …….rings in my ears
Life is hard enough.. why put up with someone who shows you with their actions and tells you or doesn't with their words that they don't respect you. Just leave and work on yourself. It is hard at first but it gets better with time and space and boundaries.
I'd rather starve on a deserted island that have feasts with a narcissist.
Nice words
Amen sister! It’s just not worth it. Ever.
Yes indeed
I thank you
Thank you for sharing this video and others !
My mother has been a narcissist all my life. She had 4 kids. I'm 47 now. I was married at 18, she then still tried to manipulate me and hold her powers over me. It took at least being married for 20 years before I could find it within myself to let go of the drama and to love myself more. I've realized she doesn't love me... she loves herself and is in her own world and wants everyone catering to her pity, complaints and wants. She constantly complains about everything and anybody and she wants pity. She's horrible and so very stressful to be around for even 5 minutes. I found that the stress she causes me, had me bringing stress into my own home with my husband and kids. My husband gave me his thoughts that was an eye opener, which caused me to back completely away and break ties with her. Then I heard from other people all the lies and negative things she gossiped and spread around about me. People told me they know her and they know me, she's the one making herself look bad....and our reputation speaks for itself !! I'm so glad. I backed away from her several times, but after long periods of feeling stronger and being away from her control, I would get sucked back in around her again. I always tried to make it good and hoped things had changed for the better with her. WRONG ! She always ends up showing her true colors quickly. Thankfully, 4 months ago, while visiting her and my daddy for 3 days and 2 nights, there were several things that lead up to a huge argument from her that was nothing but selfishness and greed on her part. Easy to recognize it and sick of the mental abuse and overbearing stress from her... I told her I was leaving and I wasn't sure that I would ever be back. She was so mean. While I got away from her and into my car, she followed me and wouldn't let me shut my driver's door. She continued finding senseless faults and really was making a downgrading scene. I asked her at least 10x to move so I could shut my door and leave. Finally, she backed up, but pointed her finger at me and said, "when I die, you will regret this". I shut my door and began driving away slowly, while rolling down my window to respond this to her remark, I said, "No, when you die - I will remember this !!"
Then I drove home and I haven't been back nor have I talked or texted with her. Im done !! I love her, but I don't like her !!
I do wish she could see herself and change her ways. She never sees any problems with herself.... any problem is always caused by someone else. And she never says "I'm sorry " nor will take blame for anything. I have tried over the years to make subtle comments in hopes to help her change. I think she's actually gotten worse. My brother hasn't seen our parents, nor talked to them in over 20 years bc of her drama. Now, I have finally gotten to that point. My older sister died instantly in a car wreck, and my younger sister realizes the situation, but is still hanging on by a thread from a distance mostly. . She will probably find her ending soon for her own sanity. It's such a shame. I would love a beautiful mother daughter relationship. But, it'll never happen. So, I put my time and love into people that treat me special and who I Know loves me. I pray for her !
So basicly when you growed up in a toxic family, you are programmed to tolerate bad behavior, and you live your life not bean seen or hesrd ( I figure it out, I felt emotionaly abandon ) - That’s why I keep “attracting” emotionally unavailable people for me, usually friends. And thats why we always need to attach to someone, in order to feel alive. Oh my, that’s why I have always obsession over some friend or boyfriend or someone. I am 43 years old, and I always notice that about myself, huh, now I finally understand why. Thank you Lisa for all your videos! And if you read this comment, can you answer me please did I get it right?
Take a dog or xat and love yourself!!!!
@ Patricia Vandevelde Thank you, I am learning now to love my self, I always loved everyone else before me, Its really strange feeling now, its like you’v bean born again. Have a blessed day dear!
So I'm not a licensed psychologist but I have been studying it for 5 plus years and you are spot on with your diagnosis and with that you will begin to know freedom remember that you are worth it and don't let these demons (narcissist) bring you down!!
The same way nature grads things in levels, that's the same way narcissistic personality disorder operates in different levels in different people, it's like madness, madness comes to people in many different ways , not every mad person is soo mad, when a mad man starts questioning and disliking his crazy actions and behaviours, then he is at the healing stage, soon to be healed from what made him mad. love your self just the way you are and know that your creator made no error in making you look the way you are.. No one can truly love you if you don't love your self and no one can complete you if you don't complete your self. The biggest and most common cause of narcissistic personality disorder, is the lack of self love and confidence.+971 058 953 3403 for more info. Watch (India.Arie) official video
@@phoenixbg2096 “it’s like you’ve been born again.” Wow, well said.
Grey rock and "observe don't absorb" have been my salvation! I used to let Hollow Man push my buttons and drive me crazy. And really, I WAS crazy! I was at my wit's end! When I finally learned not to react, and instead to detach myself and simply observe as if I was an outsider, I was able to see how he was manipulating me. I could clearly see what he was doing. I was so focused on trying to get him to change! I wanted him to know how he was hurting me, and I tried every way I could to get through to him but nothing ever worked. He feels attacked if I tell him he hurt me! It doesn't matter how politely I say it, how calmly, or whether I scream it at him. His reaction is always the same: POOR HIM! He's the victim and I'm the bad guy! So when I finally woke up and realized he was NEVER going to change and there was NO WAY to ever get through to him, that was when I focused on changing ME. I learned not to react. I learned to walk out of the room when he got angry. I learned not to try to coax him out of his stonewalling behavior. That gave me some measure of control and it feels good.
Hollow man 😂😂😂
Hollow man! 😝🤪😂
That’s hilarious, Hallow Man!!!
I had no problem dumping my Narc Sister when her mask fell off..
I slammed the door shut, turned around and ran away..She is absolutely furious.
Tell them off, create space and boundaries. Don’t let somebody walk all over you stand up for yourself. Best advice I can give you after dealing with my stepmom. You’re never stuck if you’re married you can get a divorce. If you’re a young adult you can get a job and move out. Never think you’re stuck You’re not beholden to anyone don’t let anyone make you feel less then.
Its not always that simple. If I could walk away right now I would. Its just not possible. That being said- I have reset the dynamics in our home so that the abusive person NO LONGER holds sway over anyone else. Their behavior is no longer tolerated just to keep the peace.
I did and now he's gone and I am doing great. Sleeping well!! No more weird bruses on my body in the morning.
I am not codependant WHOEHOE
How do you walk away when they stalk people and some of them have to have Protective Orders filed against them. How can you tell them off if they take it as an extreme slap in the face and start setting you up to be hated at work? When they manipulate you into violating your morals and falsify a work evaluation? Then won't allow you to correct the situation an hour later?
2020 Focus then be a door mat; you act like it’s one extreme or the other. don’t be a pussy if they hit u you can call the police. Quit your job or go to HR if the job is that bad, and toxic; you have choices and control over your life. You choose how you want to be treated. Try saying this “You will not talk to me disrespectfully, do you know how disrespectful xyz statement is?” Some people are just complacent with the misery their in and Afraid of taking a chance They would rather live in misery then to take a step into the unknown. Bullies back down from somebody They perceive as a strong willed individual.
After couple of times there I was gaslighted I did stop to show my feelings, I was always "nice" and smiling. It's sad because now I feel even stupid and quite embarrassed that I let myself to be a fool
You are not the fool. The person who made you feel like a fool is. We are what we make other people feel.
This lady is wonderful. I experienced a range of emotions watching this. She was putting into context and making sense of things I’ve felt for decades but never understood.
I am really loving your sound, emotionally smart, and practical advise for us who have experienced toxic relationships, with narcissists and based their lifes on the upbringing by parents who didn't know how to raise kids, due to their narcissistic/alcoholic problems.
I did for many years only attract partners who were toxic to me and was married to two men with high narcissistic traits - being a codependent grown up child. It took me about 20 years to get it - and now I only have one parent left to take care of and no more men in my life, which feels good. Thank you for your help!
Take time to feel! Take time to feel what’s real. Do not be led by your emotions. Take time to feel what’s real. Don’t be led by ruminating thoughts. Take time to feel what’s real.🌻🌻
He has studied his disorder, so he projects his problematic behaviour. Has told me so many times that I have abandonment issues
But I am the one making an exit strategy!
It's called PROJECTION. He is telling you about HIMSELF.
Mine does the same! He will say I'm gaslighting or he is using reactive abuse because I'm the abuser. He uses the psychological terms like it is a game to him. It takes it to a whole new level of crazy making because he gets a fix off seeking out therapists and convincing them he is the victim and I'm the abuser and then telling me about it.
the blue velvet River Mine did the same with his ex wife
Went to therapy & played the victim. It took me years to figure out HE was the problem not his crazy ex’s
SAME!!!!!!!!! he says he Googled narcs years ago n told me!!!! I've reading and watching this stuff for almost 10 years!!! N he goggled narcs??? Yeah right I stumbled across it searching why is my boyfriend so awful!! Now we're married!! Ha!!! Fml. He's an f ing 🤡 this emoji is his Pic in my contacts lol. Im the narc of course. All this drama is my fault. I need to stop doing this!!! His car is in my name. Ummm.... nothing is in his name, the internet. That's it lol omg i have so much debt. He just got pulled over doing 60 in a 40. Omg sorry I hate this dude! He made sure I don't have friends so no one to talk to...
Its a merri-go-round of insanity. You will never get true love, respect, and honor from these ppl.
Wow, listening to you everyday is helping me a lot.
I’ve been listening to a lot of people on TH-cam and still feel stuck because of the constant programming leading to never ending cognitive dissonance.
@@sonnyca my experience with cognitive dissonance is this. Until you can understand what happened to you & why it happened & who these monsters are....you will stay stuck. I just got unstuck after almost 2 years. Part of it is finding a therapist who gets it. And frankly, I've learned a lot more from Lisa and others on YT. Big Hugs!!!
Chef Maximus “never ending cognitive dissonance”
👆this statement needs to be overturned! You can do it!
My mother has been a narcissist all my life. She had 4 kids. I'm 47 now. I was married at 18, she still tried to manipulate me and hold her powers over me. It took at least being married for 20 years before I could find it within myself to let go of the drama and to love myself. I realized she doesn't love me... she loves herself. Im only a convenience. She constantly complains about everything and anybody and she wants pity. She's horrible and stressful to be around for even 5 minutes. I found that the stress she caused me, had me bringing stress into my own home with my husband and kids. That eye opener caused me to back completely away and break ties. Then I heard from other people all the lies and negative things she gossiped and spread around. People told me they know her and they know me and she's the one making herself look bad. I backed away several times, but after long periods of feeling better and away from her control, I would get sucked back in. I always tried to make it good and hoped things had changed gir better. WRONG ! She always ends up showing her true colors quickly. Thankfully, 4 months ago, while visiting her and my daddy for 3 days and 2 nights, there were several things that lead up to a huge argument from her that was nothing but selfishness on her part. Easy to recognize it and sick of the mental abuse and overbearing stress from her... I told her I was leaving and I wasn't sure that I would ever be back. She was so mean. While I got away from her and into my car, she followed me and wouldn't let me shut my driver's door. She continued finding senseless faults and really was making a downgrading scene. I asked her st least 10x to move so I could leave. Finally, she backed up, but pointed her finger at me and said, "when I die, you will regret this". I shut my door and began driving away slowly while rolling down my window to respond this to her remark, I said, "No, when you die - I will remember this !!"
Then I drove home and I haven't been back nor have I talked or texted with her. Im done !! I love her, but I don't like her !!
I do wish she could see herself and change her ways. I have tried over the years to make subtle comments in hoping to help her change. I think she's actually gotten worse. My brother hasn't seen our parents, nor talked to them in over 20 years bc of her drama. Now, I have finally gotten to that point. My older sister died instantly in a car wreck, and my younger sister realizes the situation, but is still hanging on by a thread. She will probably find her ending soon for her own sanity. It's such a shame. I would love a beautiful mother daughter relationship. But, it'll never happen. So, I put my time and love into people that treat me special and who I Know loves me. I pray for her.
My gut has been taken over by two sadistic and malignant narcissists. The only way to get them out of my gut is to poop them out. Even then they might try to hold on to my butthole like their life depends on it. That’s how I perceive them now.
Every single time I start to think that my ex didn't have narcissistic traits, I watch a video and/or read an article. When these articles/videos are so spot on, as if the author has read my journal entries, it hits me. My ex is and was a narcissist. This video did just that! It's NOT our imagination. Yes, we're human and have our faults but damn, we are NOT the people they make us out to be.
Omg same. I been financially abused for years, like nearly a decade n just realized it like a week ago!!! I knew everything else but ...smh...
It’s interesting how they are all almost exactly the same in how they treat us. They have no filters. They have no empathy. You could easily die and they would not show any emotion. The mask that is worn must be covering heavily repressed abuse.
What I’d like to know, is there any treatment available for narcissists? And what is the success rate?
It sounds like they may be somewhat treatable but zero percent curable. How sad for the narcissist.
I’m healing day by day.
She drained me emotionally to the point of doubting myself on every level. Unbelievable control tactics that zap you of your energy.
@@mattgellerman1235 if you died they would mourn the loss to their life, not the loss of yours. Re: success of treatment depends on where they fall on the spectrum. There are degrees of self-awareness and willingness to acknowledge/change behavior, although without the ability to feel empathy for how they affect others, ultimately the desire to change is motivated by self-interest and is difficult to maintain as it is geared toward result/end goal.
Please don't use the Gods name in vain please. According to the Bible when a person says OMG or uses Gods name as a cuss word that's called blasphemy it's very serious. Gods name is pure and holy. Just saying. Have a good day and God bless
STALKER CREEPS
My mom was the covert, my dad the grandiose. And they wondered why I loved my Papa and Nana who took the time to parent me, and taught me any good, selflessness, and empathy in me.
Leaving even for a few days low contact I know peace.
The N in my life is our adult daughter. If she wasn’t our daughter, we’d let her loose. To hang in there with her and to maintain a relationship with our granddaughter, what I’m learning from you is SO valuable. Can you provide some specific advice with regards to this kind of N versus Empath relationship@?
Also I have observed that the more on the spectrum towards sociopathy, the less shame or embarrassment they seem to experience for their behaviors (thus not caring what people think about undesirable behaviors).
Hope In Humanity my husband walked out on the 25th of April in the middle of the Covid pandemic. I was 12weeks pregnant then. He’s exactly as you just said. I used to say to him, why don’t you ever feel shame or embarrassed about your behaviour?..... Now I know why
And now he says the only way he won’t divorce is if I take back that he sexually abused me for nearly 3yrs if marriage and that I MUST get a diagnosis for BPD because I am the problem not him.
Btw he’s also got severe ADHD(diagnosed) and won’t get treatment for it
Juliet ohue I’m sorry for the pain that must have caused you. Especially being with child and going through a pandemic. It seems to be a thing for them whatever their messed up reasons (power plays, cowardly, etc) to leave or cause additional grief during already stressful times- they will kick you while your already down. That’s the nature of the beast. Perhaps his departure will ultimately be a blessing in that you can peacefully bond with the beautiful life growing inside you rather than going through the constant state of stress and emotional duress that these people bring into our lives. ❤️
Hope In Humanity indeed. Thanks very much. 😀💐
Juliet ohue 😊
Given up 10 of the best years of my life to this and wanted to leave so many times since moving in a month after knowing each other. Kept being hooked by promise of things getting better... he's very articulate and manages to convince me month after month year after year.
Thankyou. Your knowledge is so helping me heal...🙏
It makes me cry knowing how accurate all this is in my relationship. 27/male. I dont knownhow to help her. And we just moved to a new state. Ive given her the world but its never enough.
I opened up to mine once. Never did it again. And because he was so unhinged I never spoke up I just ignored until I walked away. I stopped retaliating as I knew he loved it. He would do it to his mother and record her when she flipped. I realised he was really sadistic. I didn’t realise how much he had affected me until I left. Toxic wasn’t the word. It was war every day. Thank you so much.
Toxic people bring hell on earth
hund welpen sadly yes they do!
Thank you Lisa these videos are helping me so much. I can't leave my covert narc yet because I am sick but now I know how to make everything run much smoother for me and my child until we make our grand escape.
Awesome plan
Thanks for the work,I spent 7 years with a narc but I got my life back as I took back my power❤️❤️
Seven (7). COMPLETION
It seems every time I watch one of your videos I feel like you're talking about me and my life. I've learned so much and I hope I will finally be able to notice red flags and avoid narcissistic relationships. Thank you so much.♥️
I haven’t watched this one yet but I love your work, and I’m grateful for it. I’ve healed to some degree (I started watching you years ago) and I tune in less these days but will never forget how much you helped me and just wanted to say so. One of your most helpful videos (for me) was one in which you discussed the manipulations we can use unconsciously as codependents. The whole “I’m fixing you so you owe me” thing blew my mind. It’s exactly what I was doing and I didn’t see it at all. Thanks for all you do. ❤️👍
What video is this ?
Never forget they will never change So don't let them bring you down or fool you into their stupid game Don't play and you can't lose They'll cheat anyway Maybe solitaire is the way to go
Cheating is their nature. They only pretend to have honor, but when you confront them you really see who they are.
Oh my God oh my gosh okay this is Jade oh my God oh my God okay wow
I'm sorry I don't know where to start wow you know send a message. Oh Oh Sees it this oh my God lyrics for my wow there's a lot to this f****** Senate. So I knew I knew damn well I knew I knew for a fact because I knew I wasn't going crazy cuz I got hit by car so I got you a half of this s*** I can't believe this is really
Ty
Your videos have helped me so much. I’m 6 1/2 months no contact and I have had come to light that I am a co dependent. My parents are emotionally immature, my dad is often very negative, disrespectful and my feelings were never asked about or validated growing up or even today. Your videos have really taught me a lot. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on this. You’re a blessing!💜
Your hair is SO SO awesome! Can't stop admiring it :-)
She is a model by nite I am sure.
Me every video
I agree is it a shag
Cut?
I kept staring at it but didn't realize it until i read your message. It is nice
Nitya You probably a narc too.
Excellent presentation as usual, Lisa. "There's no good will" in those people and they force you/us to be intolerant toward yourself and toward others. There's an onslaught of manipulation that you face. And also from the covert malignant narcissist there is a potential of rage and Hoovering. That puts you on the way of understanding the patterns of interaction(s) that you're involved in. That enables you to identify the arrogance and learn to starve them of their supply... The state of indifference (non argumentative) that you/we can cultivate enables you/us to remain calm. That's what will put an end to the mind games. Start sharing your thoughts and stories.
Perfectly said!
If you simply ignore the narcissist eventually they will leave after putting you through a living hell.
Yes that is the truth. Sad but true I'm afraid.
Amennnnnn! That’s what I did.
I broke up with her 3x’s after feeling undervalued. Now I’m just trying to ignore her
@@itsTRBLE Same
My narc ex was a perfect combination of the most negative character traits of my parents. Quite amazing ... 🙄
There's a book called "life traps" that really lays out why this happens. My mind was blown too. So crazy how this pattern plays out. Break the cycle.
I swear..... I watch these videos and it's like you've met him personally. It blows my mind. It's so unbelievably mind blowing how eye opening all of this is.
Loved the visual with the hands of starving narcissist and feeding the self. LOVE YOUR OWN LIFE
after being with a narcissist for 21 years, I'm finding co parenting is extremely difficult. He discarded me, but he constantly looks for ways to get me to react. It almost feels like muscle memory. He knows what buttons to push to get a reaction, and I am doing my best not to, but I find myself getting sucked into his drama. I have to constantly start over. Today is a new day. Day one of no contact, again.
Same here
How’d it go for you. I’m married been together 20 years and we have 4 sons. We’re separated and he still wants to hurt me and control me from a distance, but says he loves me and always will at the same time.
@@LockedEmpress it’s just lies and manipulation… took me 9 years to finally leave
Can’t go no contact due to our children, but blocked everything between us except an email to discuss ONLY the kids. It’s very difficult but do not respond to/discuss anything other than the kids.
For drop offs/pick ups, just send the kids to the car without any exchange between you two.
Just some examples that work with co/parenting..
It takes a lot of energy but as the kids get older it will get easier
It’s better for our health and children’s to remove ourselves rather than stay and “hope” they change.. they won’t without intensive therapy for a lifetime which most won’t do
Just take one day at a time ❤
Wish I had found your channel a year ago (or 10).... regardless, 11 years with Narc. finally exiting and so much of what you say is spot on to my situation. WOW. Thank you!!!!!
I stumbled onto your utube videos a couple days ago, I have alot of work to do on myself, I need this counseling. Thankyou ♡
I have made a schedule of listening to one of your talks every morning before I do my day. I love them☆ I have found that I am surrounded my many different types of narcissists, some are worse than others, I have learned how to set boundaries with SOME of them, but they really dont listen..lol, but I'm trying to speak my truth, I have stepped back from the worst of them. Baby steps, but proud of myself, learning how to speak my truth, trying to love myself. A friend of mine asked me "do you even know how to love you?" I was so ashamed to say, " No"
It seems so foriegn to me..but I'm giving it a good try and effort, I believe the divine lead me to you. Thankyou again.👸
I have no contact anymore with my covert narcissist ex partner fortunately.
To be certain that she would stop with her 'games' after I ended the relationship with her I set an example.
I wrote it several times already.
I confronted her in front of mutual colleagues after she changed the rules for the second time when we were going into a conversation. We stil had to take care of some business to finish it.
I knew it was not professional to do this at work but I knew when I would do this then she would leave me alone forever.
It worked.
It is now almost two years after I ended this fake and toxic relationship and it was the best decision I made.
I feel very sad for her two young children. They are also victims and have to deal with this fake mother.
It is so sad that these kind of people are capable of doing this sort of damaging on and on.
People who are looking for true, unconditional love get victim of these fake people.
But it is possible to heal, work on your innerself and move on.
And I realized also: you can enter a relationship only when you love yourself.
You can't 'buy' love or expect somebody else gives you that piece of love.
Good luck.
I can u understand ?
19 years of marriage he discarded me with all the stuff he did to me and im gob smacked did I just wake up to coma ? Or a dream.
Its so painful
Im left heart broken confused drained and exhausted?
16 days now ?
The verbal abuse is so vile ,what I received after the discard .
I wish they would just leave me in peace and stop calling me.
I wish he would leave.
Block them Karla. From Carla
It's hard to find Victims for the Narcissist...so when they find them they don't want to lose them. Block them!
You're talking my language...deep sigh. And he doesnt want to give up...he would kill me with apologies, and then day(s) after he goes right back into the same cold old fowl.
@@tahiraanderson4923 Words are Cheap!! Actions...what does he do to make you happy??
When you said co-dependent people don't know how to feel because they are stuck on trying to survive...Another lightbulb switched on. Healing is a long but worthwhile journey. Thank you
OH MY GOD ITS REALLY STARTING TO HURT NOW PLEASE KEEP TALKING
I'd like to learn about how to handle someone who has covert narcissistic traits. This is great!
They drain your battery>exactly.
They attempt to steal your time and your self focus.
Amen
The way these people kept me in this crap was a toxic practice of "forgiveness and love covers a multitude of sins" they are not sorry nor do they have any intentions of changing their behavors, they want to keep the status quo. FANTASTIC VIDEO!!!!!!!!!
If you watched this video , you are now free , now just get on with your life ! Good luck
You are helping me so much! Thank you again and again , I realize I became codependent in my marriage as a way to “survive “ with the narcissist, I was also dealing with a mother in law with many of these traits. My life was Hell, he continues to try and sabotage anything he can. I finally know what’s wrong with him and his mother. At least now I can get the right help for myself and my daughters. K
I wished I saw your videos when I was in the toxic narcissistic relationship with my ex, your advice is amazing! I had no idea what I was going through, had no idea what a narcissist was! But it all shifted for me when I came across articles about narcissistic abuse and it all made perfect sense for me. I excited the relationship right away, I blocked him and all his flying monkeys, family, friends and anyone that enabled him, I handled everything the legal way being that we have two children together and I never looked back. Best decision I’ve ever made in my life! Thank you ❤️
Love shutty shutty. Its like rosenbergs observe don't absorb technique.
Omg you hit my husband 100%. I'm leaving 33 yrs of emotional and physical abuse. He always tries to say its my fault.
I grew up with a narcisstic peeophile father and with a very cruel, sadistic German nurse mother. While my father came to me every night, my mother told me that I wasn’t allowed to scream or fight. I was also shamed for expressing my needs throughout my Life. And it was all my fault and dare me if I criticized them. If I wanted to escape and have my own Life, my mother would hunt me from far away and stalk my boyfriend to connect with her. If I wouldn’t react, she would call gangstalkers or lawyers to hunt me. I never got married and don’t have kids and my Narc mother keeps me imprisoned till this day
Damn I'm so sorry to hear you went through that I hope you find the strength to get away move far away from her and I hope when the time comes one day you can truly find love and let someone love you unconditionally keep your head up
Mac Love thanks! Supercute of you. I might be ok.
Ps: I watched a video about Narcissm today and the psychologist said that Narcissm arose from Germany and I totally agree as there are soooo many German Narcs here!!! That’s why it’s even more scary!
There must be a way out .be brave smart and strong . blessed be🙏
I relate, mine were polish Seventh Day Adventist church pedophiles.
You have to give up the fantasy ...absolutely correct, it’s a trained emotional defense mechanism. Creating a fantastical fantasy that justifies the abuse and we are the saviors, the empath, the healers smh .
Yes! This is so right. Blame , blame, blame. Punitive actions for my errors. Then the frail attempt at remorse. Then the same pattern again. Then I stopped getting upset and stopping the emotional feeding he craved. He then cranked up. I have been gone 2 months almost.
'Your children are damaged..they spend all their time in their rooms' said the man who's daughter hates him and calls him by his name instead of 'Dad.'
'Your children aren't normal' said the man who couldn't put his arms around his own kids, whilst mine are loved and get the top honours at their University.
I could go on. Bring on healthy.
I read this and thought I wrote it. Especially about the "Dad" part. He has another daughter who he and his ex have done a number on. My kids with him are confident and strong minded.
@@applestix3491 quite sad isn't it really. So full of hypocrisy and double standards.
I found that referring to my narc parents by their actual names in my mind and in journaling helped me to break the trauma bond(s).
Truth and so affirming
My ex would call my 9yr old names like lazy, dumb, bastard. When in fact he was actually all those things. He would get mad at her for everything and constantly criticize her.
I've watched you for a couple months and I like your style! I love that you use professional terms and that you cuss when appropriate lol 😍💞💯
My daily mantra-SHUTTY SHUTTY!! It helps soooo much, life saving, Lisa. You’re the best!
I think I was conditioned from childhood. My marriage was similar to my home life. After I was widowed I met someone who I thought was perfect! Exactly what I needed. But he is a narcisisst and threw me for a loop! I did not know anything about narcissism. That's when I began to analyze what was going on and eventually broke it off, cold turkey! I had decided I would be better with no man than this man.
You may have figured out, I was a codependent. Today, with therapy and studying and kindness to myself, I am so much better!
Since I found you, which was just 2 weeks ago, I've had the courage and mental strength to talk to a domestic abuse crisis center and file a restraining order to get him out of my house. The scariest part was having to be so open with my family and friends, I always think I have to be so strong, (I have 7 brothers and my dad still says I am his favorite son) not a single one of them were shocked and looked at me like "FINALLY!" They all had been trying to tell me but I refused to even think about what they were staying. I guess I like the way you say things because I heard it for the first time, you are just a beautiful and wonderful human being.
It’s as if you read my mind and spoke about my experiences. Watching this video helps me maintain no contact, reinforces what I know to be true. If a benign Hoover occurs or I start to soften toward this individual, the information you provide serves as a reminder to maintain the boundary. Thank you Lisa
My vulnerable narcissist left me. Best thing she’s ever done for me!
I'm 35 & only in the last 2 years have I finally removed myself from these relationships but they all continue to try to get back in. I'm not emotionally attached to them like I was now though so they're not coming back in.
I’ve watched like 5 of your videos today! Thank you so much. I’m brand new to this and I have no idea how to handle it. To be honest I’m still in the middle of it because she is coming after me right now. And I have no idea how to handle it and I have no idea how hard she is going to try to come after me. She moved in 8 months ago and when her brother and my husband confronted her behavior she behaved and stopped cussing me out and emotionally abusing and criticizing me for 2 months but as soon as she signed her own house and had a place to go she started treating me like crap again. And the day after she moved out she yelled at me on the phone hung up on me and proceeded to text some really mean things. And then said leave me alone and I didn’t respond to her or anything else she posted on social media. So now she is all of a sudden inserting herself into my group and taking subtle “shots” or pokes at me. I’m supposed to go to meet with the group tomorrow and I have no idea what she’s going to do.
Thank you for all your help on how to set boundaries. Do you have a video specifically about how to set boundaries?
If you are in a relationship of any kind with this narc , get rid of them or remove yourself as soon as possible. They can go long periods of time on their “ good behaviour “ , but they will ALWAYS revert to their negative behaviour. He longer she gets away with it the more intense her behaviour will get. Cut her loose like last week. I am still stuck in a marriage with a narc wife. She has managed to beat me down so bad both physically and emotionally I have very little strength left mentally to get away.
I been doing a lot of what's said. It's working for my good. I appreciate listening to these videos. I've learned so much about myself and toxic people that surrounds my world. I can say now my parents were narcissists and I'm dealing with my narcissist husband in a different way than I was and moving closer to where I need to be and that is my permanent moving on and out of this marriage. I'm starting to feel good about my self in the worst situation because when I watch the videos I'm motivated to swim to the top. Thank you Lisa Romano and all those who keep posting motivating testimonies sharing stories with us and those who are going through keep on striving and love yourself. Thank you strivers for helping me stay encouraged. I dont always post but I keep on watching. Blessings to all of you.
ALLLL TRUE! GOSH your video is SPOT ON like a giant lighthouse showing the rocks of relationship shipwrecks. Thanks for this video - very informative. The best way to cure yourself of a narcissist is to LEAVE them. If it's a relationship, leave it - trust me. If it is a boss you will need to make decisions of what to do - but you can go to your boss's supervisor. I have done that but be prepared for a fight, just be truthful and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Eventually the demon will mostly stay in hell and leave you alone.
Awesome message. The concept of "Tune into self" is in fact a panacea for an Empath or Codependent. You articulated it in such an endearing way...! Thank you :)
What r ways the narcissists find to control you, manipulate and feed off of you!! This is truly an eye opening video. Saving it as Must Watch. Thank you for these insights. I'm right away working to help myself more!!
Much love to you ❤
Thank you..I’ve watched other videos on this topic, but your breakdown of some of the finer elements of how this plays out in the relationships many of us have lived through is sooooo.helpful.
Yes, I am so embarrassed I have doing all the wrong things and keeping myself sick and stuck. Lol. I am going to keep listening to your videos. I want to make a better life for myself.
Now only I realise that when I was young, I was seen because I was useful to mum, she was all praises for me in front of everyone and in that way I thought I was a good child by doing all the housework for her. On the other hand, my younger sister was often portrayed as the lazy good-for-nothing child. That went on till I finished my secondary school studies. Then when it's time for me to grow up and be on my own, I had such a hard time growing up! But with God's help I did. After that, I had a hard time living normally. Mum's rules for me to get married was if I could find someone to marry to within 4 km of the house, and about work, as I had graduated by then and looking for a new job, whatever job I get that was out of town, mum would cry for days until I rejected the job. I even rejected my first suitor because he is from another state. But thank God, I still got married in the end at age 36 to a man who's 31. I got into my career as a teacher only at 32. That was also amidst lots of drama. I gave private tuition after graduating while looking for a job, and that went on for 4 years. During that 4 years, one of my students was my youngest brother who was studying in Singapore. He was 16 years my junior. It was only end of last year that I found out my mum is a narc. This was all because she was getting more and more dramatic! I have already gone through so much of her drama and I thought she would mellow down. Just as I approached my retirement at 57, she became all the more dramatic. She smeared me to my younger sister and brother and even tried to spoil my relationship with father also. In the end, all of them became her flying monkeys without realising it. So I was harassed by my sister, brother and father all for the sake of mother. She told them that I scolded her, of course, I did not, I was just talking to her, half way and she said I was scolding her. All these really made me confused and then I started looking up videos on the topic of "evil mothers" and that's how I bumped into narcissism, anyway, thanks for your videos, I am learning to manage myself better now, thank you so much!
You are doing great, keep it up!
Finding your channel was a blessing. I was getting completely crazy with this woman. Wanted a relationship when I didn't want to. Forced me to move together by sex bombing me and nice treatments towards me. 4 months later wanted to have a baby. And 8 months later her real personality came out. I've been in jail since then. She's not willing to have a proper and healthy conversation. Not even johnnie Cochran could beat her in a arguments. Always accusing me of stuff I'm not doing. Abusing me physically and verbally. Controlling Evey second of my life and counting the minutes if I open the door to go even to the store. Putting me down all the time. Chocking me when things don't go her way. Drama . Arguments. Fights. Now I know the reason why. Thanks Lisa
I'm bipolar and my Mom is a Narcissist and she tortures me. I'm at a breaking point with everything else going on in the world. My therapist said don't have anything to do w with her. I've gone two weeks but it is hard since she is my mom. I feel so guilty. I'm just trying to arm myself with information and I enjoy your videos. Thank you.
I have to keep shoving this anger down inside that now I've become raging! Breaking into my home for years...he can't figure out why I don't trust him or anyone else now? Peek a boo bye bye.
In addition to the horrible things that she would say directly to my face, on a few occasions, I caught my ex standing directly behind me, as I was explaining something to friends or family, and shaking her head from side to side, as to imply, "no", or, "that's not true", as I was speaking. She was actually attempting to indicate to people, as I was talking, that I was lying, when I was not. What tipped me off was when one of the parties pulled me aside, minutes after our conversation, and told me what my ex had done. I remember how much that hurt, but oddly, I was not surprised. I had been ignoring the red flags for far too long.
I m so happy to have found you Dr. I m dealing with my grandaugther s mom for 5 years now .I found about ND /Borderline/Psychopaths a bit later and helped her get my granddaughter back .I have to negociate with her and I m a super empath and told her I love her unconditionally . She asked me" Do you really ? I have to negociate visits etc .Was that wrong to said that ?I told her I need the truth about something she is doing , and wont negociate with her lying.
i feel so relaxed when you are talking
So glad I found you. Finally figuring things out at age 44. Thanks for your insights. No more narcs for me! Co-parenting has been hell with my ex-narc. Takes so much out of me and I'm always on edge. Also, the smear campaign never ends. Wish I could go no contact but I can't.
I hate this for myself .. like I’ve let this go on for 5 years and a baby. I’m just grateful that I’m finding this out while my child is still young. I’ve been watching your videos for the past 3 days and feel i have my power and control of my life back💛 I’m 20 years young and I’m ready to fight for my life back. Love your videos 😭‼️
I have family members, high school friends and officemates who show high narcissistic characteristics. Now that covid is easing, they are again starting an issue that they only know themselves. 😂 it’s so difficult to contain them. And they just can’t confront you! it just occurred to me that they are like zombies.
Very intelligently explained. The guy i was with seem to behave in a way that is too confusing. One day he tell me he is fed up with my accusation that he is lying (which he is cos he broke too many promises and despite him admitting his mistakes, he dont really fix them), the next day he says he love me.. In some brief moments I feel like he do realize what he is doing and who he is, but then he start denying.. and the worst is i cant let go. I tried sooo many times and i end up blocking and then unblocking him... I just dont know how to let go of people. It was always a struggle of mine. And every time i feel like I will lose some special person and its my fault i didnt behave better.. I cant afford therapy so i am so lost..
'Ghosting' is the best tool in my toolbox for ridding myself of my narcissist ex g/f.
I think it's important to note that NOT everyone that ends up in a relationship with a narcissist comes from some toxic background or parents who were alcoholics. Narcissists target people with high empathy and who are people pleasers. This can happen to anyone. Great video.
Lisa, I'm back to your channel after I became acquainted with you about 6 years ago. I think you were fairly new to TH-cam and were just having books published. You've come so far in your career since then and I'd like to congratulate you. Well done! But more importantly than that, I must say how much more beautiful you have become with every year! Seriously, you look 👍🏼 fantastic!!?
I got stuck, I couldn’t find a place to live. Tried for a few years to get out. Finally after getting off opioids for my JRA the last year I was able to educate myself and start standing up to him, it ended in a fiery blaze when he realized I had his # now I’ve been spending the past few months doing research on my down time so I can understand and move forward. He said so much of what you have explained. He even asked me the last week being together before he flirted in front of me in public don’t you have any self worth, god.. so when I stood up to him flirting, all hell broke lose.. I already had my own place so I didn’t have to worry about him kicking me out!! He kicked me out or told me to leave at least a dozen times a year, even in front of his young child.. so Thank you
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope is not lost. Do you need your ex back if yes I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
Link up or Chat him on WhatApp
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I was a supply at a point to someone, and this was very sad but I found healing, I could not do this by myself I needed help which I got from a good friend David who I hope can help anyone that needs him of getting free of any kind of hold a narc has on you! He his a whatsapp text away! +15182175945) he will help you has he has helped me now I am 4 months no contact! God is Good!
These videos are bad for my ptsd . But i now know how to defeat the narc. God bless you lisa.