Regulate our emotion. Be mindful of ourselves. Our needs, wants. They get the least amount of my energy anymore. Not trying to fix or please, or allow anymore crap. Loving me nurturing me protecting me etc. Gotta love ourselves. Huge- just learning who (my self ) is. Setting boundaries. Taking action. Staying busy being positive. Accepting people and situations for what they are. Practicing visually overcoming. Helping me. Habits take time. Stay on your goals. For me anyhow is helping. Love the support here. Ty
I’m 32 years with my husband he cheated on me with a high school girlfriend he told me things like they were soulmates I saw a text message where she said I’ll be your brat I saw that he was text messaging her saying I love you they have now been going around together for a year and 11 months he still talks to her on the phone I hate it when people tell me to get a divorce I’m 64 years old a now decided to counteract him with the word of God so I have several books that are by a psychologist named June hunt I’m 32 years with my husband he cheated on me with a high school girlfriend he told me things like they were soulmates I saw a text message where she said I’ll be your brat I saw that he was text messaging her saying I love you they have now been going around together for a year and 11 months he still talks to her on the phone I hate it when people tell me to get a divorce I’m 64 years old a now decided to counteract him with the word of God so I have several books that are by a psychologist named June hunt when I feel rejection I pick up my book on rejection who is rejected more than Jesus Christ so this is my message I also decided to say hey I’m not going to receive his rejection so therefore I will not approach him with a kiss or a hug or let’s sit down and do Bible study because I recently found out he was lying again to me about communicating with her that’s on him and that’s between him and God I’m out he will not move my emotions any longer I’m here because I have an investment so for me it’s either divorce or death meeting is a funeral of some sort his mind I don’t know what that is it is what it is the joy of the Lord will be my strength I will move on in my Christianity
@@maryann9956 it sounds like you are a very strong and beautiful woman in Jesus. Our Lord is our help, our hope and our greatest source of love. Thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you with even more strength and more love and more joy than he already has.
@@lisacurtis8162 I am very blessed by your words strengthened and encouraged God bless you as we both continue to pursue the love of our Lord Jesus Christ God bless you forever and ever amen
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Oh my! I'm stunned! I've been married to a woman for 17 years who has been so controlling, so abusive and fits every single characteristic you mentions to a t about a narcissist. This was eye-opening. I was recently calling attorneys to finally file for divorce and this helped me so much to get more confidence and courage to do the right thing. I've been trapped. The freedom is around the corner. This was so encouraging and helpful for me. I guess I'd say it was very sobering too. Thank you!
Narcissists are capable of inflicting such unimaginable torture that I can't help but believe that I must've done something beyond horrific in a past life and now I'm being punished.
Beth, They don’t need a reason for the cruelty. It’s mot you, it’s THEM. They want you to believe it’s you. You actually are amazing enough to consider if you did something. They don’t even consider that they’ve done wrong because they think they are always right
You are being punished because your light reflects on their darkness and reminds them that their mask is not real. Stand your ground and understand that what is happening is not about you. So never take it personally. It is their defense mechanism trying to convince themselves that they are not flawed. So they project their faults onto you and try to control you. Once you understand everything it gets easier and you achieve peace.
@@living9377 That's a great view. I like to "kill" my narc with kindness. When you shine your light on their darkness, it drives them crazy. They like to drive you crazy, to further justify their world view.
your light disturbs their demons...take your power back,you are the light of the world....they are just fulfilling their purpose..which is to stop you from fulfilling yours....live purposely you know who you are..
You really do not want to argue or explain yourself to a narcissist. You will never win. You will never be understood by the narcissist. The narcissist wants to win always and will stop at nothing to win. The narcissist only cares about himself. Your relationship is fake with a narcissist. Lovd yourself and recognize how you feel around the narcissist. Take action to love yourself and keep yourself safe.
I learned the extremely torturous way being married regretfully to a malignant narcissist For 29 years that you can never ever ever..................reason with insanity As you will only end up as insane as them and that’s their sadistic goal that they set you up for time after time . They’re not worth it, believe me There’s no cure for their , to put it mildly demon possessed disorder They only get more abusive, and more diabolical with dangerous delusional paranoia as they age No contact is the perfect solution As I finally divorced him this year
@@Canaday291 its great that you are out of that horrible situation now. They do get worse and worse. I do believe they are demons. The narcissist lived with me 3 years and I had to tell him to leave. It was the worst experience ever. Get out and stay out.
@@Canaday291 dangerous delusional paranoia, thanx for the reminder! Flashbacks of good time are hard then a bed flashback follows. Im cutting those bonds each time a fladhback happens and replace with healthy memories. Incrementally as Lisa mentioned, and it takes time but worth the work. Stay safe!
I always felt ill around the nasty-cyst …like a feeling of dread, like I’d fallen into a toxic well with my mind screwed over. Only realising now after listening to your talks Lisa that my feelings were real and telling me to get away from the evil 😈 tyrant.
Felize Batchelor... Exactly my feeling. Met my first Narc around 3 months back. My new boss, I was refusing to accept the reality , that this time its different. Refusing my feeling that was just the way you described. Digging in my heels with the ego, i ve never run away from anything difficult. Refusing to kuaten to my heart screaming " Run away... Just run away.. Cant win this time". Becoz even if you win , it wd ultimately be a dead Loss, for the price you gotta pay in terms of Health, Happiness, Peace of Mind. Its Ok to Run sometimes... But
I disagree with only a trained therapist can diagnose a narc. Someone who works or lives with the narc and sees their personality for 8 hours a day can definitely have a better understanding of who that person is. What narc is even going to seek therapy? They're perfect!! And it's easy to manipulate and fool a therapist for an hour.
Thank you for your reply. This video was referring to actual DSM diagnosis, however, I agree that living with and being raised by a narcissist is incredible training.
Some folks develop "Narc Fleas". I personally feel it is a survival response (fight response, specifically, from the 5 Fs states). I prefer to go with the phrase "Narc traits". Yes, it is true that only a MH professional can Dx NPD or other PDs. They do not need to be a 'therapist'. Not all MH professionals are trained in Psychotherapy, including Psychiatrists. I know this b/c my former spouse is one of the very few psychiatrists who did a psychotherapy Fellowship. They are uncommon and HTF. Most these days just 'diagnose and adios' due to the trend to do 15 mins 'Meds Checks' so as to maximize billing.
“I’m so misunderstood” was what I dealt with for 20 years. If I ever came to her to talk about a way she hurt my feelings, she couldn’t even apologize! “I’m sorry you misunderstood me” was the closest we could get to an apology. Also YES to the intellect.
20 years is a long time! Too long. Mine would say things like “I’m sorry you feel that way”, “I’m not responsible for your feelings”, or “Yeah, I said some awful things, but you’re responsible for how you feel about it”. I could give 15 apologies for a mistake I made, and it was never enough. And he couldn’t even give one apology. And when asked why he refused to apologize I got the run around that he isn’t responsible, and he would say, “I just want to move forwards and focus on happy things”. It’s absolute torture to go through life with someone who invalidates you and blames you.
Just left Saturday after 23yrs...mine said I was selfish & always wanted it to be about me...then would say horrible things making me sob uncontrollable & would laugh at me asking if he needed to call someone because he thought I'd hurt myself. He now has COVID19...im struggling with sympathy, but keep reminding myself of how he made me feel b4 I left. I can't believe I stayed for so long 😪
@@kates7088 oh Kate, this is so very fresh for you. 😔 Please keep learning, reading and watching videos like this. They have empowered me to no end. I have realized I wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t asking too much, I’m able to see clearly now. In fact, tomorrow marks one year of my date of separation and I feel like a different person who would never put up with that again. I feel strong and empowered. Check out the book “out of the fog” and the website by the same name as well. It has helped me set healthy boundaries and expectations. Wishing you all the very best. 🙏🏻♥️🙏🏻
They never say sorry yet they seem they want love very weird way they go about it poor old them make out how hard done by they are they cause their own abandonment they always be lonely we want that why they hate you being happy because they never will be we have so much more
They don’t care. The hardest part is accepting a parent wants you to be a loser/unsuccessful/minimum confidence because they are in competition. And any success or any good characteristic that you have will be a threat to them
@@elena-jp6ge Yep. We are doing it actually.! It takes a little while for some of this stuff to sink in some of watching these videos. Every once in awhile I have to tisk, tisk tisk myself for overreacting instead of merely responding. In addition to already feeling strong, you will surprise yourself at times and actually be not falling for the same old tricks and scams anymore if you're having to do limited contact. Recovery oftentimes can be a two steps forward, one step back sort of process. Keep the faith!
Oh yeah. I discusting how many of my own relatives especially my own mother wants nothing but the worst for me. And when I look back at all the bizzare crap That must be going through my mother's head for her to treat me the way she has makes sick or just speechless. Loving caring families don't act or even think on that level. It's to bad I've learned all this too late at 53 yrs old,well a few years ago. I could have had a pretty good life but instead it's been ruined since I was a child. And my future is.... well I have no future. I think people like my mother are Possessed or something like that. It just seems beyond psychological.
@@jacalyntaylor6721 you’re lucky you just got it in time. It took way too long to know that my husband was a narcissist because I didn’t know what that was until 20 years later and we’re married for 25. :(
Our culture is a narcissist..we were born into a planned, narcissistic matrix that we're finally waking up from. That's why these channels are becoming more and more popular!
There are narcissistic behaviors, but then there are narcissists. If I find myself around someone who is, I run and ghost them. That includes partners and family. My sister used me for years before I realized she was a narcissist. I thought, she’s the baby of the family. No.
Lisa you are a Godsend. I recently ended my relationship with my narcissistic boyfriend of 10 years. I’m grateful to have a new confidence. Normally, I would feel guilty, but now that I know I’m codependent, and there are solutions to my issues, it’s like a weight has been lifted. Thank you so much!
@@exploringnext1111 yeah it’s great when you realize you don’t have to settle for crumbs. It was the “I need space” or “silent treatment “ when it wasn’t my fault that did me in. I finally said Enough! If I can’t healthily express my feelings, then this relationship isn’t for me.
@@-brooke8248 amen to that sister, I'm still trying to get outta a 12 yr relationship we have a 4 yr old autistic son , and he's no damn help it's a process but I'm getting stronger every day!! I just laugh at his ass now when he acts childish!! He has no power over me anymore I'm finally starting to do what I want to do!!!
10:45 the activating the narcissistic part. I always wondered why some people flatter an obvious narcissist who is acting bonkers in social media comments.
I was raised with 3 narcissistic older brothers who treated me with so much disrespect and physical abuse. I recognise narcissism and toxic relationships immediately. Much of what you've said is absolutely spot on. The way I deal with narcissism is I don't tolerate it and educate the person doing it. I draw a line in the sand with my boundaries set and let them know that enough is enough. If they cross the line, they’re out. I have had enough of it, with no time to waste on them and leave them to themselves. I've left my family to save myself from their evil manipulating ego traps and move forward to be the better person, kind, compassionate, helpful, giving, friendly, fun loving
Extremely self serving ✨️ You speak like a scared narcissist with out any doubt. Too insecure to help others, perhaps you feel too ashamed! The truth if the matter is why are so arrogant, with your statements on this page, furthermore you obviously don't understand compassion or empathy...take you negativity to some other page with subject matter that doesn't discuss the topic. I suggest you go to a professional website and get help.
truth is social media enables and encourages narcissists in more than one way. they feed off of each other. im convinced social media, all mediums, were designed by narcissists and for narcissists 100%
When my dog died my boyfriend at the time told me to get another dog. I had this dog for 12 years since I was a child. I ghosted him and I’m glad I did. I don’t want to be around someone who can say that to me and have zero compassion.
@@alihughes6882 that’s so sad I’m sorry that happened to you. 😔 I cried so much when my dog died. I volunteer an an animal shelter and they told me to get another dog to help with the pain so I adopted Winnie an older lab mix. She is my baby now. ❤️
I always felt lonely around my narcissistic partner.. He never communicated about day, life nothing nor did he give any attention to me when i was talking... I was always attention deprived, no care whatsoever .. Never felt seen never felt heard!
My home was my refuge until my partner moved in. Immediately I had this terrible feeling of loneliness. I got physically emotionally sick.. insomnia & I couldn’t eat. He invalidates EVERYTHING When I’ve tried to communicate to him in an adult, calm manner, he tries to turn it back on me.
Wow, I can really relate to what you went through, cause it's that same over here, she does the same thing to me. It really hurts 😔 I tell her how I really feel about her many times, but she still does the same thing . I just don't get though, she says she loves me and cares about me, but at the same time her actions are different, our relationship is 50% /50% it's a bittersweet relationship, both good and bad. It's been this way for 10 years now. I know that I'm not a perfect person, I do have my issues and faults, but Gee ,she's just too much for me to handle. I do love her and I'm always thinking that maybe she may change and out grow herself from this. But after 10 years now, I realized that she may never change. I'm hanging on. But now I'm actually hoping of finding a female friend who I can relate to and to relate with me , or someone who is going through the same or simulator things. Just to have someone in common with for a change. Maybe this may help me deal with her better and not let it destroy my manhood ,etc. It's so hard to find someone like this I guess, even though I know that there are many out there thinking the same as me. 🤔💭
I definitely believe that Ms. Lisa has made an excellent diagnosis of who a narcissist really is. Because I lived with my narcissist soon to be ex-husband and I didn't know that he was one of those men. I find out that he was and is, until he called me a narcissist. Then, I asked my therapist. Am I a narcissist? Because if I am, I have to change this. Then, my therapist said..."you are not a narcissist because you are asking me if you are one" Narcissistic men or women will never ask this question, but your husband is a narcissist. He is trying to make you feel bad about yourself because you talking about all the verbal and physical abuse he has put you through for 35 years. Your narcissist husband hates the fact that you are starting to see him for who he truly is. This is why he calls you narcissist and he is deflecting it. Because he cannot accept his abusive behavior.
How I wish I’d have known of you 40 years ago . I now use your intelligent insight now and feel wonderful, free and so mentally healthy !!! Love all your videos Thank you
This was a GREAT video! Dead on. Having lived with Narcissistic Abuse, I can say RUN. No excuses, RUN. I left everything, lost everything BUT I have ME. My adult kids have stayed friends with him, they knew he was mentally abusive, but discarded that with the attitude, "you just never seem happy". Guess what, I WASNT!! So he got my kids too. Its all okay, I HAVE ME! I Am Happy!
That is the best thing have....YOURSELF. I can’t speak on how your children feel....but we ALL only have one mother. I am going to put a call in to the Universe for you. I think you have not lost your kids...no matter how betrayed you may feel today. They cannot disregard you forever...I hope. I have a sister who doesn’t speak to me. Our drama goes very deep (middle child jealousy...I’m the oldest...she had kids young...fill in the blanks). Even my Mother is plain exhausted with hoping for her and I do not blame her one ounce. But I, for some reason...perhaps because I am older and much more concrete in my emotional wisdom than before, I am still optimistic. The only control you really have is to be open to situation IF it is agreeable to you. If you stay open to your kids...the ball is in their court. The fact that control is an illusion will free you from feeling like you need to fix other people. Instead...center yourself....find people who will be empathetic to you who have no skin in the game for sure...also, exploring solitude is one of my favorite things to do. I have always been prone to taking off on short solo excursions (my hubby gets it) and it should be the prescription to every woman in America. You are going to be just fine if you become your own best friend. It’s time.
This is all so 100% true. I was stuck in this cycle. It ended up in total coercive control and eventually domestic violence. I am now free of this and in a fantastic relationship with someone who really does care about me. I still struggle regularly that I am a really intelligent person but had no idea what was going on at the time. Another of the narcissist's powers I have come to accept. So glad I am out of it now and encourage everyone to just get out of that awful relationship with a narcissist. It will never end well. But do it for your own betterment.
30 plus years of putting up with bad behavior look up the word narcissistic the dots started to connect my eyes opened. Now I’m trying hard to remove myself from the situation.
An excuse I’ve heard time and time again for their actions is “I’m breaking you down so I can build you back up stronger”. Translation: I’m conditioning you to accept my mistreatment and ego boost, so every time I do it, you can take it, and I can feel better about myself.
My ex told me that right thru and I always told him that he a Narcissist...now I only found this video because he sent me it and told me that I'm a Narcissist because I finally left him after 3years and 6months and today he called me and told me that he's going to kill himself and now nobody know where he is and I'm left guessing myself as to what to do ... idk if to feel sorry for him or if I should just ignore him because I'm wondering if he really gonna kill himself or if he only doing this make me feel guilty because he said that he want me to know that I'm the reason he took his own life...he also said that he want it to be on my conscience for life🥺
@@Iamkebekeebs34 That’s typical manipulation. Whether he will do it or not I don’t know because I don’t know the guy. However, it’s likely he won’t do it. People whom genuinely commit suicide don’t often announce it, they just do it. So the mere fact that he’s going through all of this trouble just to cause you pain is a sign he’s bluffing. That’s my opinion. Regardless though, you should not let people take advantage of you like that. So if what he is saying is true or not doesn’t actually matter. My recommendation is to get as far away from that person as possible, they are malicious and clearly want to hurt you. And to me personally, that’s unforgivable.
My birther has done this to all of my family and I'm pretty much never getting any of them back as a real family now because I've been demonized for seeing through it.
I have listened to at least 10 different people teaching about this, and I would like to praise this woman for making this simple, understandable, and providing practical, useful tools. Respect and gratitude.
I've experienced this type of behavior with several ppl in society.....like the cashier at walmart, the clerk at the post office or the receptionist at the drs office...not just relationships...I refuse to argue with these ppl, they are great at making everyone think you are the problem
I totally get everything you're saying and have been watching your videos for a while. I have an 84 yr old narcissistic mother..who even elderly with many physical limitations....drives me to the edge. I can't avoid her.. her golden child passed in 2000, husband in 2009 so that leaves me..only me to take care of her. It is so difficult at times. I try hard to learn and use the tools I have now...still this is a difficult task for me. I'm always anxious around her, and it goes very deep. I'm an old woman and don't need anybody's crap...even hers
Praying for you..I can relate to your frustration! You feel trapped...I'm in a similar situation except its my 28 yr old daughter..emotionally confusing
I find that it helps to mildly agree, when possible. It takes the wind out of their sails, if they are expecting a fight. Keep in mind that some Narc Trait folks get "Narcissistic Supply" from conflict or arguing.
When I do agree with him he is so determined to be in conflict that he still tries to flip things so that we are somehow still disagreeing even though I was originally agreeing with him in the first place. It's like it's unnatural for him to be in agreement with someone. He loves to argue and has to be right all the time.
@@shirlgyori when you agree.it's not sharing something... it's giving them MORE fuel..bc this way they feel the RIGHT to keep mistreating. & Dumping...on you their responsability for the wrong things ..THEY DO...bc agreeing Is enabling them to hold you responsable & accountabile for what..THEY SHOULD ANSWER FOR..before man & especially ...BEFORE GOD...
'don't do for an adult what an adult should do for themselves'. That one hit me pretty hard. I've spent months trying to help and mollify someone who ultimately just walked out when it stopped suiting them. I realised they might already be better off if I'd allowed them to feel consequences and sort their own life out sooner, and we might not be estranged as a result. You have a very clear way of putting things.
It sounds like you've described a situation where you were acting as an enabler in a codependent relationship. Does that sound somewhat accurate to you...?
@@jimreadey4837 yes and no, I'm not getting into details on you tube. What i will say is that there is a bit of an obsession with ridding relationships of codependency, but a certain amount of codependency can be a valuable part of a healthy relationship too, or indeed of society. What is unhealthy is when someone's good intentions are weaponised against them by someone with ill intentions.
@@susannatuttapanna2010, I can respect you not wanting to reveal too much on a social media platform such as this. I think the term you are looking for is _interdependence._ codependency, by definition, is unhealthy. Interdependence suggest to individuals who are each balanced in their own emotional and mental health, and who have come together in a conscious and mutually-supportive way. I’ve worked with couples in both workshops and private sessions. Here is a simple exercise to illustrate some of what we’re talking about: invite a couple to hug one another. Ask them, then, to become aware if they are leaning on their partner; if their partner is leaning on them… Often times, one of the partners - usually the woman, or smaller person - is leaning on the man or larger partner. So if the latter were to back off, the smaller person would fall forward. And if the leaner suddenly stops leaning, the larger person may, likewise, fall forward. When this leaning and holding is done unconsciously, it is representative of codependence. And then ask a couple to experiment with different ways of hugging. First, enter into the hug very slowly… So that each individual feels aware of their own body, and holding themselves up. As they first come into the embrace, it may not feel like an embrace; it may feel only like two individuals who happen to be standing so close to each other that they’re slightly touching. This represents *independence.* This is not a “bad” thing. In fact, it’s an essential stage in learning how to be interdependent within a relationship. Next, they can begin to experiment with a kind of mutual leaning. (Think of leaning two boards against each other to form a triangle… It wouldn’t look like this, but the idea is that there’s an equal amount of leaning against one another.) This is beginning to approximate * Interdependence.* Note: it’s not “wrong“ if one partner is leaning on the other, and the other is holding them up. This can often happen in relationships, where one person becomes ill, or one has taken on extra work and his schedule is busier, etc. For the relationship to remain healthy, however, the leaning and supporting must be conscious. It must not be taken for granted. [Sorry for any typos or auto-correct issues. It’s harder to edit on social media, especially with my iPad - which, for some reason, does not let me go back in, after the fact, to make corrections.]
I am grateful for discovering Lisa Remano. She has helped me understand that my childhood traumas made me a codependent, and attracted my narc husband and narc relationships before him. Even though my narc husband has taken me to hell, I was able to dig myself out of it with Lisa's knowledge. I gained an understanding that it was not me at fault, and I was finally able to see what I was doing to encourage all the mistreatment. I am on the road to recovery... it will be lifelong. But I don't suffer anymore. I can see his behaviours for what they are, and his cruelty doesn't affect me like it used to. Self-care and self-love from now on x
My sister is a narc. Two weeks ago she scolded me in a text for not telling her about my daughter’s graduation being live streamed. I haven’t had a relationship with her in five years. On Mother’s Day out of nowhere. She sent me a text I want my sister back in my life. This has gone on to long. Then three weeks later I get the graduation text. I was seething. The nerve! I didn’t respond.
I love u 😭I’m 21 i just realized I’ve been dealing with narcissists basically my whole life and my most recent relationship just opened my eyes so much .I listen to your videos while working on my clients . I’m super excited to learn all this information. I don’t feel sad or anything I feel empowered that I’m learning about myself and my childhood trauma . I love learning about narcissism. I love how u break it down . Great videos
I m 50 and just learning this. I feel the same. It’s cleared up a lot of confusion. I’m still sad about certain relationships, but it’s so calming on some level, to truly understand what is happening.
As most people with Common Sense know,,,,,,, we have TWO Ears, and ONE Mouth, for a Reason. You can not learn while you are speaking, but we gain knowledge by Listening.
Lisa, I just happened to stumble across your video. And OMG! Everything you said is right on. I have been dealing with a Narcissist for the most part of my life. It has only really surfaced more in the last 3-4 years now. I have had others tell me about Narcissist and what to look for. I didn't know all this time. Only in this past year it has come clear to me. It's a family member. Others have seen how this member acts & how I have been mistreated. No matter what I say or do, I'm always wrong. And trying to explain something only would end up being turned around and Im the bad guy, or it's this way or nothing at all. The conversations or what I thought were, are not about me. I been feeding into the fire for a long time now. I want to thank you for this big insight on Narcissism and what to look out for. As for me it's opened up a hole new way on how I can better myself & know what to do when dealing with a narcissist. Such a relief.🙂
Agreed, that was good yet creepy to watch, applying what she says, social media in it's own sense is narcisstic and mirrors what we tend to view the most, algorithm = mirror.
Great movie anyone with kids should definitely watch it. And person living today should! But yes I just discovered this channel and my wife is a narcissistic. She just posted something on snap trying to approve why she does what she wants to do. Smg
Learning about The narcissist MO was an awakening but it wasn’t until I looked at narcissism with a biblical perspective that I actually cut my healing and my enlightenment
riverratheather There is so much in gods word that refers to the characteristics of a narcissist and how to deal with it and how it is spiritual warfare and the more I study and research the more enlightened I am and I just love sharing about it to help others who have been through narcissistic abuse
riverratheather Fight the good fight sister and I’m thrilled that you understand scripturally that we are in a spiritual warfare and that only being armed with God’s word and the power of God in Christ in us can overcome daemonic forces
6 years ago I got the blessing from God to see my daughters after 18 years. They were adopted. And I have been encounter and noticing a lot of the sign of narcissism in them. At first I was on denial, I thought that I was in a position as a mother who give them in adoption needed to give them all I couldn’t in the past. I try, and I love them dearly but it was that everything I was doing it was nothing for them. They gang up against me, telling ppl lies about me, and it was an on and off all the 6 years I was trying to have a mom and daughter relationship. They make me feel condemned, depressed, i felt like the worst human been. And they have turn my family against me. I just will like to see a video about mom dealing adult daughters with narcissistic personality. Thank you sooo much for all your videos. Ppl like you help by opening ppl eyes to reality and to put a name on situation in life must ppl don’t understand. Thank you so much 🙏🏼🙌🏻 Godbless
My ex would constantly say how she could do what she wants bc she's her. Lol. She also would say "everybody loves me" when I said "I love you". What a waste of 5 years. Ugh
i am magnet for narcissists i think now having narcissistic kind of friend .she always talking she knows everything like to judge others .u not aloud to teach them or saying thats wrong.
I had a friend just like that who became confidant. The way he talked about everybody at some point just made me sick. He got this excitement and false sense of superiority. He loved to put on everyone else's romantic life since you had none of his own. Well, I eventually had to set some boundaries with the guy and after a few silent treatments, I'm the one who did to discard this time except it's for good. A great point that Lisa brings up is how we have this check oil light to look at when we get that feeling, so it's sometimes more about listening to your gut, then just analyzing the narcissists at that point. That's exactly how I used to be in my twenties, but somehow lost that into my thirties and forties and am regaining that sense of myself
This recently happened to me. A 'friend' had gone through 2 hip replacements and I would say that I allowed her to 'demand' things like walk her dogs, wash her hair etc and she lied in a way that it was twisting the truth. I finally realised that she did not give a stuff about me and told her that I was no longer her friend. It was hard but boy! did I feel much better (once I got over the hurt).
In the scriptures, it says in the Last Days, the love of many will wax cold and many other things mentioned that is actually happening as we speak. Must have Discernment and Wisdom to receive Clarity.
So much truth, so much fact in this post. Starting to identify narcs, even identifying unhealthy behaviours in myself. No longer have the capacity and refuse to use my energy on keeping the narc afloat. Once I notice the signs, I start stepping away, then run far from them!
You are the best, Lisa. Your videos are helping me so much. I’m working on paying attention to how I feel around people. I’m also working on building better boundaries.
I have family who is narcissistic and omg she is so annoying. I can’t stand to be around her because my eyes might pop out from rolling them so much. 🙄😂
Thank you do not buy into someone else’s nonsense some people are trying to sabotage you and your peace and happiness. Know that in your heart and mind and you will know that you truly deserve better than they are treating you.
Thank you Dr Romano. For calling these people out. It's really the unknowing. Of what they night next. After exhausting all they're attempts to cut you down. The only thing I think about when dealing with a narc is I can't let myself go down to their level.
@@suzanneolivar1 I meant in general - people pleasing all my life not just the narcissist. The narcissist senses your vulnerabilities for sure. I’m much stronger with my boundaries because of this narcissistic education. And yes! Saying no upfront early on is a good test to see if they are a narcissist. If you say no to anything watch their eyes. You’ll see the anger / evilness.
The day I 1) figured out I cannot control controlling people and 2) the narcissist in my life who always criticized me became furious when I did everything perfectly, was the day I intuitively discovered gray rocking. It worked.
I love listening to your blogs. You are super funny .Dealing with a narcissistic person is painful enough but the way you explain some of the details about the narcissistic behavior, lightens the load.
Excellent Lisa! Glad you brought up the resistance ! As soon as we accept , it's actually relieving as now we can focus on ourselves and our own needs & feelings & our own plan for permanent freedom; once we do this, all old resistance dissipates ! Yay !!!
Why would I care about social media validation? I rarely go on it aside from TH-cam. I care about my family, friends and horses. Social media can't offer me any of that.
"I work really hard, more than anyone else" (so you should allow me to abuse you for that reason alone). Also, some narcissists act like an argument or abuse never happened, like a parent of an adult child: they will rage and even get physically abusive, then you don't see them for a week or 2, and they come to visit and act like NOTHING happened, and usually offer a gift or do something for you.
Totally my father. I 60 yrs old dealt with this for years. For my own mental health I no longer having a relationship with him! He won't change and I no longer going to be blamed for everything! He always right and perfect. That's a joke he is not!
This was one of the best discussions of the feelings that come up for a person who finds themself in any kind of relationship with a narcissist. Red flags. Trust your gut. Focus on yourself and your own feelings. Thank you for this video.
also...sorry but i am usually the smartest person in the room lmao :D my rule is just don't engage...yup roll with the every day blah blah.but never, NEVER, offer an open ended question....just play along and do the dumb dumb. Not so much a strat for narcs but just people in general. Out play the others by not playing at all. Find the people you can think big thoughts with....and stick with them when it comes to thoughts :D ...sad....but true
I call it the 80/20 rule....80 percent of the people are dumb af...just leave it alone and stick with the dumb dumb talk....and love those that fall in the 20 percent. i.e someone that knows alpha centauri is not the closest star but proxima centauri is lol....I'm also an alchohalic but you would never know it...unless i had a blow out episode....but end of day i always bring it back....a blow out for me is me going off on thoughts and facts but never asking for anything... just standing on thoughts, though im not always right in those situations...fair....next day is key to waking up and calling a spade a spade...my bad if need be.
I came here by accident, the algorithm didn’t feed me this because I’ve never thought about narcissism and how it has effected me and my life. It’s so clear with a lot of great insights. Connected to yourself, recognise your feeling and really care about your owner needs…….have your own boundary, own life track, own space for yourself.
So valuable. I listen to you every time I feel the anxiety that is always a warning of impending narcissist encounters. I’m getting so much better at it, thanks!
Awesome thanks learning alot thanks especially on codependency had idea of flying monkeys me talking my feelings n telling them my fears. They went right back everytime several people. Now they're all GASLIGHTING me everyday all day as a group. Keep tabs on me like clockwork they throw msgs out the window or signal and they go n come always one of them left behind to do surveillance
If I knew what I was dealing with I wouldn't have let him emotionally drain me I wouldn't have argued but it normal when someone acts that way is it a mental condition
Getting this late but enjoying it. My Father and my Aunt were total narcissists. No empathy, never wrong, when caught, justification. Easy pattern and we all knew how to play them. As long as they think you believe their self illusion, you can have a fun day. Relationships take work. But with a narcissist you have to work smarter to avoid working harder. Harmony being the goal. You have to be a bit of an actor because they are extremely selfish. You have to choose harmony over discord and be ok with it. If you can’t then it’s not going to be a good relationship. They certainly won’t change or do any of the work. It’s not that hard once you know how to steer them. But that’s what we found works.
Love what you said about saying no. Also you will go to a whole new level when you can say no and don’t feel the need the explain why you are saying no. 😏 Great video Lisa!
Never, ever, explain yourself to a narcissist. Any attention you give them eggs them on. It's like when the famous composer/conductor Richard Strauss said, "Don't ever look at the brass players. It only encourages them."
Love all of this. Especially that you stress taking stock of your own emotional and physical reactions to the toxic narcissist. I've noticed when I tangle with my NPD mother or sister (I cut dad out a decade ago) my blood pressure skyrockets from normal to stage 2 hypertension, I can't eat and vomit up whatever I try, I rock back and forth staring at the wall for long lengths of time, I get chest pains and panic attacks to where I can't breathe and crushing depression makes me sleep like crazy. And I'm on meds for all that! I've noticed unfortunately a pattern, that just when I'm at my best, most successful, most attractive, happiest and well liked, that's when someone will try with all their might to topple it all. My family members do this again and again. It's so very disturbing. They do things flippantly, including violence, that I'd never ever do to anyone I say I love.
Omg I fell so bad,I used to think I was the only one going through it and it was my fault. When I picture my narcassistic aunt I get so much anxiety and I cant breathe and Im scared that I will start to get panic attacks if I ever experience abuse from her again.She has been really nice to me for a couple of days but Im scared That If I be nice to her aswell or laugh around her when she is nice something bad will happen
I had a best friend many years ago who was a narcissist. I didn’t know it at the time. I did come to realize in time that she did not consider my feelings. We had a lot of fun together but she could flirt with someone I cared about. We would have plans…she would get a better offer and not even let me know. She would eventually apologize. When I decided that this was not a healthy friendship I moved on. I learned from that experience. Today I have several close friends. We give to each other. Much more rewarding. I am in a 12 step group that has helped me grow. I do understand what you said about many people have some narcissistic characteristics including myself. I guess the difference is that some of us look at ourselves and strive to change and grow. Thank you for this very informative video!
My narc. Was clinical. She is malignant. Her pic should be in the dictionary. We are no contact at the moment. Maybe she will leave me alone long enough for me to get stronger. And keep it that way.
I’ve e been in a narcissistic relationship for 18yrs. Interracial relationship in which we share a 16yr old son together. I’ve bit the bullet so many times not understanding narcissism. In the beginning her ex used the system as flying monkeys to make my life chaos. When my child was 2yrs old her ex put child services on us. Her family always made me the reason even though I wasn’t to blame. During this time of courts being involved we had to get evaluated and it was then I discovered they labeled her a narcissist. She was furious with anger. Then I started studying.... fast forward, I had a lot to learn. The more I learned the more toxic positives and negatives by her. We share so much together although it’s in her name mostly🤦🏾♂️👀. We are presently going through a discard of me and it feels like a divorce.
Yes. Big time. I helped some one who was in abusive relationship to the extent I took them I to my home. A few days which ended up three months. Thank goodness they moved out,because during that time I experience a professional Narcissis. Being 78 years old it made me feel very ill and worthless. But I have been though a lot in my time and my pass experience saved me. I recognised every word you said!
You crack me up! Thank you for another great video. I've fallen into the trap of fighting rather than focusing on walking away....thanks to you ..not so much anymore.
I am currently dealing with someone who is a member of our community and is running events that is preying on vulnerable women but can't seem to see what is wrong with their behavior. Some of the leaders from our community have managed to get this man to agree to a mediation\crucible session to allow those hurt by his behavior to be heard and as I am preparing our team for this session, it occurred to me that we may be dealing with a narcissist. I am now adjusting how we head into this and letting the participants know that he may not be able to feel empathy or accountability as a result of the process. Its been valuable to become more aware of how to move forward with members of the community in more effective ways.
I think the key is setting boundaries. Knowing the dominant traits and having a safe place to go. Time out, because narcissistic personality is not always confronting. As there are periods of normality. As in any relationship there are down falls. But when the switch occurs finding a detour. If you are in a situation whereby you are unable to leave. Because the reality is sometimes we can't leave. Due to our circumstances. Each narcissistic person is different in terms of the frequency of inappropriate behaviour. But the key is having the ability to recognise a narcissist prior to actually entering a relationship. Trust your intuition.
Yup my ex would say that and I thought you heartless sob... They are just simply not normal people from my experience of 3 years, they never admit fault and they are never wrong they never say they're sorry ever They are the most cold-hearted individuals you will ever meet..
Well it is true. However what is uncomfortable is their lack of sympathy. Just because people die constantly doesn’t make their deaths any less impactful and heartbreaking for those who cared for them.
I'd bet all I have on my diagnosis of my situation. She was a mental health worker. I learned hard and fast. Never mind what i learned after removing the mask. Well she ran as fast as she could. I'd bet that most educated victims would stand a better chance at a diagnosis than a pro councilor ever could. My passive aggressive princess wouldn't stay in counciling long enough and she most definitely shouldn't be a councilor herself. I was and still am disgusted with her. My future because of all this is unique and will not be invalidated. Never betray an artist. Good luck good people. UK.
Have you ever had an argument with a narcissist and found it is futile? What did you do to stop arguing with a narcissist?
Told her that it was time for my zoom meeting and I had to go and hung up the phone.
The smoke signal is an exit sign!
Ignore them
@@triwanawilder5512 yes!!! great great move!!!
Thank you for responding to this comment
We don't need to diagnose them, we just need to recognize them!
Yesss
yeah but its a massive relief to understand the dynamic
Regulate our emotion. Be mindful of ourselves. Our needs, wants. They get the least amount of my energy anymore. Not trying to fix or please, or allow anymore crap. Loving me nurturing me protecting me etc. Gotta love ourselves. Huge- just learning who (my self ) is. Setting boundaries. Taking action. Staying busy being positive. Accepting people and situations for what they are. Practicing visually overcoming. Helping me. Habits take time. Stay on your goals. For me anyhow is helping. Love the support here. Ty
I feel so stuck
Yes
No use in arguing. Just wasting your energy. They love seeing you hurt
I’m 32 years with my husband he cheated on me with a high school girlfriend he told me things like they were soulmates I saw a text message where she said I’ll be your brat I saw that he was text messaging her saying I love you they have now been going around together for a year and 11 months he still talks to her on the phone I hate it when people tell me to get a divorce I’m 64 years old a now decided to counteract him with the word of God so I have several books that are by a psychologist named June hunt I’m 32 years with my husband he cheated on me with a high school girlfriend he told me things like they were soulmates I saw a text message where she said I’ll be your brat I saw that he was text messaging her saying I love you they have now been going around together for a year and 11 months he still talks to her on the phone I hate it when people tell me to get a divorce I’m 64 years old a now decided to counteract him with the word of God so I have several books that are by a psychologist named June hunt when I feel rejection I pick up my book on rejection who is rejected more than Jesus Christ so this is my message I also decided to say hey I’m not going to receive his rejection so therefore I will not approach him with a kiss or a hug or let’s sit down and do Bible study because I recently found out he was lying again to me about communicating with her that’s on him and that’s between him and God I’m out he will not move my emotions any longer I’m here because I have an investment so for me it’s either divorce or death meeting is a funeral of some sort his mind I don’t know what that is it is what it is the joy of the Lord will be my strength I will move on in my Christianity
@@maryann9956 it sounds like you are a very strong and beautiful woman in Jesus. Our Lord is our help, our hope and our greatest source of love. Thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you with even more strength and more love and more joy than he already has.
@@lisacurtis8162 I am very blessed by your words strengthened and encouraged God bless you as we both continue to pursue the love of our Lord Jesus Christ God bless you forever and ever amen
Exactly they don't care your feelings don't matter to them
Exactly. Best thing is to keep away from this energy stealing persons.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
I love all of what you said.
Accept the fact that arguing with them is just like arguing with a drunk person.
That’s it.
😂 well said!! Truly!! Absolutely crazy making!
Talk to a brick wall
A drunk toddler
Great analogy
Exactly!!!
Oh my! I'm stunned! I've been married to a woman for 17 years who has been so controlling, so abusive and fits every single characteristic you mentions to a t about a narcissist. This was eye-opening. I was recently calling attorneys to finally file for divorce and this helped me so much to get more confidence and courage to do the right thing. I've been trapped. The freedom is around the corner. This was so encouraging and helpful for me. I guess I'd say it was very sobering too. Thank you!
Did u get the divorce Jason?
I think she axed him bro
Any update?
Once you stop feeding their ego, or don't do what they want you to do, they go SILENT.
Truth
Yes!!
He's getting move manipulative
Let them go to Siberia..
yaaay! the silent treatment! i love the silent treatment.....me time! lol
Narcissists are capable of inflicting such unimaginable torture that I can't help but believe that I must've done something beyond horrific in a past life and now I'm being punished.
Feels really like this. 🙏🙏
Beth, They don’t need a reason for the cruelty. It’s mot you, it’s THEM. They want you to believe it’s you. You actually are amazing enough to consider if you did something. They don’t even consider that they’ve done wrong because they think they are always right
You are being punished because your light reflects on their darkness and reminds them that their mask is not real. Stand your ground and understand that what is happening is not about you. So never take it personally. It is their defense mechanism trying to convince themselves that they are not flawed. So they project their faults onto you and try to control you. Once you understand everything it gets easier and you achieve peace.
@@living9377 That's a great view. I like to "kill" my narc with kindness. When you shine your light on their darkness, it drives them crazy. They like to drive you crazy, to further justify their world view.
your light disturbs their demons...take your power back,you are the light of the world....they are just fulfilling their purpose..which is to stop you from fulfilling yours....live purposely you know who you are..
You really do not want to argue or explain yourself to a narcissist. You will never win. You will never be understood by the narcissist. The narcissist wants to win always and will stop at nothing to win. The narcissist only cares about himself. Your relationship is fake with a narcissist. Lovd yourself and recognize how you feel around the narcissist. Take action to love yourself and keep yourself safe.
For real.
💯💯💯
I learned the extremely torturous way being married regretfully to a malignant narcissist For 29 years that you can never ever ever..................reason with insanity
As you will only end up as insane as them and that’s their sadistic goal that they set you up for time after time .
They’re not worth it, believe me
There’s no cure for their , to put it mildly demon possessed disorder
They only get more abusive, and more diabolical with dangerous delusional paranoia as they age
No contact is the perfect solution
As I finally divorced him this year
@@Canaday291 its great that you are out of that horrible situation now. They do get worse and worse. I do believe they are demons. The narcissist lived with me 3 years and I had to tell him to leave. It was the worst experience ever. Get out and stay out.
@@Canaday291 dangerous delusional paranoia, thanx for the reminder! Flashbacks of good time are hard then a bed flashback follows. Im cutting those bonds each time a fladhback happens and replace with healthy memories. Incrementally as Lisa mentioned, and it takes time but worth the work. Stay safe!
I believe it best to simply AVOID them at all costs!
I always felt ill around the nasty-cyst …like a feeling of dread, like I’d fallen into a toxic well with my mind screwed over. Only realising now after listening to your talks Lisa that my feelings were real and telling me to get away from the evil 😈 tyrant.
I must Get Out,I live This Every Day and nobody believes me omg!
Nasty cyst lol!!
Felize Batchelor... Exactly my feeling.
Met my first Narc around 3 months back.
My new boss, I was refusing to accept the reality , that this time its different. Refusing my feeling that was just the way you described. Digging in my heels with the ego, i ve never run away from anything difficult. Refusing to kuaten to my heart screaming " Run away... Just run away.. Cant win this time".
Becoz even if you win , it wd ultimately be a dead Loss, for the price you gotta pay in terms of Health, Happiness, Peace of Mind.
Its Ok to Run sometimes...
But
OMG YES! perfect way to describe it 👍😭
I disagree with only a trained therapist can diagnose a narc. Someone who works or lives with the narc and sees their personality for 8 hours a day can definitely have a better understanding of who that person is. What narc is even going to seek therapy? They're perfect!! And it's easy to manipulate and fool a therapist for an hour.
Thank you for your reply. This video was referring to actual DSM diagnosis, however, I agree that living with and being raised by a narcissist is incredible training.
Some folks develop "Narc Fleas". I personally feel it is a survival response (fight response, specifically, from the 5 Fs states). I prefer to go with the phrase "Narc traits". Yes, it is true that only a MH professional can Dx NPD or other PDs. They do not need to be a 'therapist'. Not all MH professionals are trained in Psychotherapy, including Psychiatrists. I know this b/c my former spouse is one of the very few psychiatrists who did a psychotherapy Fellowship. They are uncommon and HTF. Most these days just 'diagnose and adios' due to the trend to do 15 mins 'Meds Checks' so as to maximize billing.
@@jazmine9570 amen❤️
narcs triangulate with the therapist and isolate you then thrive from your reaction
Yes, they are very good at hiding these behaviors when they feel they need to. That's how I ended up with my husband. He hid his symptoms very well.
“I’m so misunderstood” was what I dealt with for 20 years. If I ever came to her to talk about a way she hurt my feelings, she couldn’t even apologize! “I’m sorry you misunderstood me” was the closest we could get to an apology.
Also YES to the intellect.
20 years is a long time! Too long.
Mine would say things like “I’m sorry you feel that way”, “I’m not responsible for your feelings”, or “Yeah, I said some awful things, but you’re responsible for how you feel about it”.
I could give 15 apologies for a mistake I made, and it was never enough. And he couldn’t even give one apology. And when asked why he refused to apologize I got the run around that he isn’t responsible, and he would say, “I just want to move forwards and focus on happy things”.
It’s absolute torture to go through life with someone who invalidates you and blames you.
Just left Saturday after 23yrs...mine said I was selfish & always wanted it to be about me...then would say horrible things making me sob uncontrollable & would laugh at me asking if he needed to call someone because he thought I'd hurt myself.
He now has COVID19...im struggling with sympathy, but keep reminding myself of how he made me feel b4 I left.
I can't believe I stayed for so long 😪
@@kates7088 oh Kate, this is so very fresh for you. 😔 Please keep learning, reading and watching videos like this. They have empowered me to no end. I have realized I wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t asking too much, I’m able to see clearly now.
In fact, tomorrow marks one year of my date of separation and I feel like a different person who would never put up with that again. I feel strong and empowered.
Check out the book “out of the fog” and the website by the same name as well. It has helped me set healthy boundaries and expectations.
Wishing you all the very best. 🙏🏻♥️🙏🏻
They never say sorry yet they seem they want love very weird way they go about it poor old them make out how hard done by they are they cause their own abandonment they always be lonely we want that why they hate you being happy because they never will be we have so much more
How hard is it to admit "I WAS WRONG"? I, too, have never heard a sincere "I'm sorry" from mine.
They don’t care. The hardest part is accepting a parent wants you to be a loser/unsuccessful/minimum confidence because they are in competition. And any success or any good characteristic that you have will be a threat to them
Sadly, but...YES
Good luck on that
We can do it 😊
@@elena-jp6ge Yep. We are doing it actually.! It takes a little while for some of this stuff to sink in some of watching these videos. Every once in awhile I have to tisk, tisk tisk myself for overreacting instead of merely responding. In addition to already feeling strong, you will surprise yourself at times and actually be not falling for the same old tricks and scams anymore if you're having to do limited contact. Recovery oftentimes can be a two steps forward, one step back sort of process. Keep the faith!
Thank you this is what I m’m going through now.
Sorry messed up parents
Oh yeah. I discusting how many of my own relatives especially my own mother wants nothing but the worst for me.
And when I look back at all the bizzare crap That must be going through my mother's head for her to treat me the way she has makes sick or just speechless.
Loving caring families don't act or even think on that level.
It's to bad I've learned all this too late at 53 yrs old,well a few years ago.
I could have had a pretty good life but instead it's been ruined since I was a child.
And my future is.... well I have no future.
I think people like my mother are Possessed or something like that.
It just seems beyond psychological.
I just tell them to toughen up. They hate me and ignore me. Win win.
They don t care and that s the reality.
I just GOT IT !!!! DEVALUED for a year...
I was told early on "I just don't care", and it took me four years to uptake that. They were being honest. ( :
Yep
@@jacalyntaylor6721 you’re lucky you just got it in time. It took way too long to know that my husband was a narcissist because I didn’t know what that was until 20 years later and we’re married for 25. :(
@@lisaedgar3932 yes, even when they tell us....🌹
Our culture is a narcissist..we were born into a planned, narcissistic matrix that we're finally waking up from. That's why these channels are becoming more and more popular!
Well-said!
Exactly 💯
True
Bingo
There are narcissistic behaviors, but then there are narcissists. If I find myself around someone who is, I run and ghost them. That includes partners and family. My sister used me for years before I realized she was a narcissist. I thought, she’s the baby of the family. No.
Lisa you are a Godsend. I recently ended my relationship with my narcissistic boyfriend of 10 years. I’m grateful to have a new confidence. Normally, I would feel guilty, but now that I know I’m codependent, and there are solutions to my issues, it’s like a weight has been lifted. Thank you so much!
Congrats, I left mine of 13 years in July. I am so much happier!
@@exploringnext1111 yeah it’s great when you realize you don’t have to settle for crumbs. It was the “I need space” or “silent treatment “ when it wasn’t my fault that did me in. I finally said Enough! If I can’t healthily express my feelings, then this relationship isn’t for me.
That's awesome!! 💙
@@brittneybernardin4671 yes mam! So liberating that we can change the programming! I’m smiling more. I’m rocking the boat more. This is me.
@@-brooke8248 amen to that sister, I'm still trying to get outta a 12 yr relationship we have a 4 yr old autistic son , and he's no damn help it's a process but I'm getting stronger every day!! I just laugh at his ass now when he acts childish!! He has no power over me anymore I'm finally starting to do what I want to do!!!
10:45 the activating the narcissistic part. I always wondered why some people flatter an obvious narcissist who is acting bonkers in social media comments.
I was raised with 3 narcissistic older brothers who treated me with so much disrespect and physical abuse. I recognise narcissism and toxic relationships immediately. Much of what you've said is absolutely spot on.
The way I deal with narcissism is I don't tolerate it and educate the person doing it. I draw a line in the sand with my boundaries set and let them know that enough is enough. If they cross the line, they’re out. I have had enough of it, with no time to waste on them and leave them to themselves.
I've left my family to save myself from their evil manipulating ego traps and move forward to be the better person, kind, compassionate, helpful, giving, friendly, fun loving
We are just as special without advertising it on social media. A secure person doesn't need to put it on an internet billboard.
Very true
So true
Exactly, I always say “just BE about it”
Extremely self serving ✨️ You speak like a scared narcissist with out any doubt. Too insecure to help others, perhaps you feel too ashamed! The truth if the matter is why are so arrogant, with your statements on this page, furthermore you obviously don't understand compassion or empathy...take you negativity to some other page with subject matter that doesn't discuss the topic. I suggest you go to a professional website and get help.
truth is social media enables and encourages narcissists in more than one way. they feed off of each other. im convinced social media, all mediums, were designed by narcissists and for narcissists 100%
When my dog died my boyfriend at the time told me to get another dog. I had this dog for 12 years since I was a child. I ghosted him and I’m glad I did. I don’t want to be around someone who can say that to me and have zero compassion.
When my dog died my oldest borderline sister said( Stop crying it's only a dog...)
@@alihughes6882 that’s so sad I’m sorry that happened to you. 😔 I cried so much when my dog died. I volunteer an an animal shelter and they told me to get another dog to help with the pain so I adopted Winnie an older lab mix. She is my baby now. ❤️
Such people are broken.
I always felt lonely around my narcissistic partner.. He never communicated about day, life nothing nor did he give any attention to me when i was talking... I was always attention deprived, no care whatsoever .. Never felt seen never felt heard!
My dogs listen, understand and answer better and show so much more attention and love.
That’s my mother
My home was my refuge until my partner moved in. Immediately I had this terrible feeling of loneliness. I got physically emotionally sick.. insomnia & I couldn’t eat. He invalidates EVERYTHING When I’ve tried to communicate to him in an adult, calm manner, he tries to turn it back on me.
@@godblessamerica3247 it eats its own poop too
Wow, I can really relate to what you went through, cause it's that same over here, she does the same thing to me. It really hurts 😔 I tell her how I really feel about her many times, but she still does the same thing . I just don't get though, she says she loves me and cares about me, but at the same time her actions are different, our relationship is 50% /50% it's a bittersweet relationship, both good and bad. It's been this way for 10 years now. I know that I'm not a perfect person, I do have my issues and faults, but Gee ,she's just too much for me to handle. I do love her and I'm always thinking that maybe she may change and out grow herself from this. But after 10 years now, I realized that she may never change. I'm hanging on. But now I'm actually hoping of finding a female friend who I can relate to and to relate with me , or someone who is going through the same or simulator things. Just to have someone in common with for a change. Maybe this may help me deal with her better and not let it destroy my manhood ,etc. It's so hard to find someone like this I guess, even though I know that there are many out there thinking the same as me. 🤔💭
I definitely believe that Ms. Lisa has made an excellent diagnosis of who a narcissist really is. Because I lived with my narcissist soon to be ex-husband and I didn't know that he was one of those men. I find out that he was and is, until he called me a narcissist. Then, I asked my therapist. Am I a narcissist? Because if I am, I have to change this. Then, my therapist said..."you are not a narcissist because you are asking me if you are one" Narcissistic men or women will never ask this question, but your husband is a narcissist. He is trying to make you feel bad about yourself because you talking about all the verbal and physical abuse he has put you through for 35 years. Your narcissist husband hates the fact that you are starting to see him for who he truly is. This is why he calls you narcissist and he is deflecting it. Because he cannot accept his abusive behavior.
I don’t put people down for being successful….but for how they refuse to acknowledge that they didn’t do it without a ton of help.
How I wish I’d have known of you 40 years ago . I now use your intelligent insight now and feel wonderful, free and so mentally healthy !!!
Love all your videos
Thank you
The narcissist See's you as an extension of himself you are not a separate entity to him he ownes you.
Yes,yes, yes,
Eww... 🤮
Especially parents ! This is my dad!
Very nicely put and true.
This was a GREAT video! Dead on. Having lived with Narcissistic Abuse, I can say RUN. No excuses, RUN. I left everything, lost everything BUT I have ME. My adult kids have stayed friends with him, they knew he was mentally abusive, but discarded that with the attitude, "you just never seem happy". Guess what, I WASNT!! So he got my kids too. Its all okay, I HAVE ME! I Am Happy!
That is the best thing have....YOURSELF. I can’t speak on how your children feel....but we ALL only have one mother. I am going to put a call in to the Universe for you. I think you have not lost your kids...no matter how betrayed you may feel today. They cannot disregard you forever...I hope. I have a sister who doesn’t speak to me. Our drama goes very deep (middle child jealousy...I’m the oldest...she had kids young...fill in the blanks). Even my Mother is plain exhausted with hoping for her and I do not blame her one ounce. But I, for some reason...perhaps because I am older and much more concrete in my emotional wisdom than before, I am still optimistic. The only control you really have is to be open to situation IF it is agreeable to you. If you stay open to your kids...the ball is in their court. The fact that control is an illusion will free you from feeling like you need to fix other people. Instead...center yourself....find people who will be empathetic to you who have no skin in the game for sure...also, exploring solitude is one of my favorite things to do. I have always been prone to taking off on short solo excursions (my hubby gets it) and it should be the prescription to every woman in America. You are going to be just fine if you become your own best friend. It’s time.
Me too .
Soldier on!
@Shayna Nelson both my kids wanted the security of money that Dad could supply. They know he is a butthole. But they were sucked in to be against Mom.
This is all so 100% true. I was stuck in this cycle. It ended up in total coercive control and eventually domestic violence. I am now free of this and in a fantastic relationship with someone who really does care about me. I still struggle regularly that I am a really intelligent person but had no idea what was going on at the time. Another of the narcissist's powers I have come to accept. So glad I am out of it now and encourage everyone to just get out of that awful relationship with a narcissist. It will never end well. But do it for your own betterment.
Where have you been all my life?It is a wisdom I have needed for a long 59 years time.Thank you.
I like her because she DOESN'T MINCE WORDS, straight to the point! Thank you!😎
30 plus years of putting up with bad behavior look up the word narcissistic the dots started to connect my eyes opened. Now I’m trying hard to remove myself from the situation.
An excuse I’ve heard time and time again for their actions is “I’m breaking you down so I can build you back up stronger”. Translation: I’m conditioning you to accept my mistreatment and ego boost, so every time I do it, you can take it, and I can feel better about myself.
Lord how I wish someone had explained that translation 8 years ago.
Well, better late than never.
Thanks.
My ex told me that right thru and I always told him that he a Narcissist...now I only found this video because he sent me it and told me that I'm a Narcissist because I finally left him after 3years and 6months and today he called me and told me that he's going to kill himself and now nobody know where he is and I'm left guessing myself as to what to do ... idk if to feel sorry for him or if I should just ignore him because I'm wondering if he really gonna kill himself or if he only doing this make me feel guilty because he said that he want me to know that I'm the reason he took his own life...he also said that he want it to be on my conscience for life🥺
@@Iamkebekeebs34 That’s typical manipulation. Whether he will do it or not I don’t know because I don’t know the guy. However, it’s likely he won’t do it. People whom genuinely commit suicide don’t often announce it, they just do it. So the mere fact that he’s going through all of this trouble just to cause you pain is a sign he’s bluffing. That’s my opinion. Regardless though, you should not let people take advantage of you like that. So if what he is saying is true or not doesn’t actually matter. My recommendation is to get as far away from that person as possible, they are malicious and clearly want to hurt you. And to me personally, that’s unforgivable.
My birther has done this to all of my family and I'm pretty much never getting any of them back as a real family now because I've been demonized for seeing through it.
@@teigans7221 Sometimes all you can do is save yourself. It's unfortunate that you lost your family as a result, but trust me, you're better off.
I have listened to at least 10 different people teaching about this, and I would like to praise this woman for making this simple, understandable, and providing practical, useful tools. Respect and gratitude.
I've experienced this type of behavior with several ppl in society.....like the cashier at walmart, the clerk at the post office or the receptionist at the drs office...not just relationships...I refuse to argue with these ppl, they are great at making everyone think you are the problem
I totally get everything you're saying and have been watching your videos for a while. I have an 84 yr old narcissistic mother..who even elderly with many physical limitations....drives me to the edge. I can't avoid her.. her golden child passed in 2000, husband in 2009 so that leaves me..only me to take care of her. It is so difficult at times. I try hard to learn and use the tools I have now...still this is a difficult task for me. I'm always anxious around her, and it goes very deep. I'm an old woman and don't need anybody's crap...even hers
Having been around someone like that, I can only sympathise... Stay strong and surround yourself with good people!
Praying for you..I can relate to your frustration! You feel trapped...I'm in a similar situation except its my 28 yr old daughter..emotionally confusing
Same with my dad
Cathy, why can't you avoid her? Put her in a nursing home. You shouldn't have to be filled with anxiety
A Nursing Home sounds great!
I find that it helps to mildly agree, when possible. It takes the wind out of their sails, if they are expecting a fight. Keep in mind that some Narc Trait folks get "Narcissistic Supply" from conflict or arguing.
When I do agree with him he is so determined to be in conflict that he still tries to flip things so that we are somehow still disagreeing even though I was originally agreeing with him in the first place. It's like it's unnatural for him to be in agreement with someone. He loves to argue and has to be right all the time.
I tend to agree he doesn’t know where to go if I just say” thanks for sharing that with me”
@@shirlgyori when you agree.it's not sharing something... it's giving them MORE fuel..bc this way they feel the RIGHT to keep mistreating. & Dumping...on you their responsability for the wrong things ..THEY DO...bc agreeing Is enabling them to hold you responsable & accountabile for what..THEY SHOULD ANSWER FOR..before man & especially ...BEFORE GOD...
I mildly agree!
@@sharcerv74 holy moly, that sounds like my ex! Disagreeing even when I agreed :)
'don't do for an adult what an adult should do for themselves'. That one hit me pretty hard. I've spent months trying to help and mollify someone who ultimately just walked out when it stopped suiting them. I realised they might already be better off if I'd allowed them to feel consequences and sort their own life out sooner, and we might not be estranged as a result.
You have a very clear way of putting things.
It sounds like you've described a situation where you were acting as an enabler in a codependent relationship. Does that sound somewhat accurate to you...?
@@jimreadey4837 yes and no, I'm not getting into details on you tube. What i will say is that there is a bit of an obsession with ridding relationships of codependency, but a certain amount of codependency can be a valuable part of a healthy relationship too, or indeed of society. What is unhealthy is when someone's good intentions are weaponised against them by someone with ill intentions.
@@susannatuttapanna2010, I can respect you not wanting to reveal too much on a social media platform such as this.
I think the term you are looking for is _interdependence._ codependency, by definition, is unhealthy. Interdependence suggest to individuals who are each balanced in their own emotional and mental health, and who have come together in a conscious and mutually-supportive way.
I’ve worked with couples in both workshops and private sessions. Here is a simple exercise to illustrate some of what we’re talking about: invite a couple to hug one another. Ask them, then, to become aware if they are leaning on their partner; if their partner is leaning on them…
Often times, one of the partners - usually the woman, or smaller person - is leaning on the man or larger partner. So if the latter were to back off, the smaller person would fall forward. And if the leaner suddenly stops leaning, the larger person may, likewise, fall forward. When this leaning and holding is done unconsciously, it is representative of codependence.
And then ask a couple to experiment with different ways of hugging. First, enter into the hug very slowly… So that each individual feels aware of their own body, and holding themselves up. As they first come into the embrace, it may not feel like an embrace; it may feel only like two individuals who happen to be standing so close to each other that they’re slightly touching. This represents *independence.* This is not a “bad” thing. In fact, it’s an essential stage in learning how to be interdependent within a relationship.
Next, they can begin to experiment with a kind of mutual leaning. (Think of leaning two boards against each other to form a triangle… It wouldn’t look like this, but the idea is that there’s an equal amount of leaning against one another.) This is beginning to approximate * Interdependence.*
Note: it’s not “wrong“ if one partner is leaning on the other, and the other is holding them up. This can often happen in relationships, where one person becomes ill, or one has taken on extra work and his schedule is busier, etc. For the relationship to remain healthy, however, the leaning and supporting must be conscious. It must not be taken for granted.
[Sorry for any typos or auto-correct issues. It’s harder to edit on social media, especially with my iPad - which, for some reason, does not let me go back in, after the fact, to make corrections.]
I am grateful for discovering Lisa Remano. She has helped me understand that my childhood traumas made me a codependent, and attracted my narc husband and narc relationships before him. Even though my narc husband has taken me to hell, I was able to dig myself out of it with Lisa's knowledge. I gained an understanding that it was not me at fault, and I was finally able to see what I was doing to encourage all the mistreatment. I am on the road to recovery... it will be lifelong. But I don't suffer anymore. I can see his behaviours for what they are, and his cruelty doesn't affect me like it used to. Self-care and self-love from now on x
Thank you so much! Your explanation is easy to understand
I walked away -did not confront,
Made them mad..but i felt sooo in control again.💕
🌗❤️
My sister is a narc. Two weeks ago she scolded me in a text for not telling her about my daughter’s graduation being live streamed. I haven’t had a relationship with her in five years. On Mother’s Day out of nowhere. She sent me a text I want my sister back in my life. This has gone on to long. Then three weeks later I get the graduation text. I was seething. The nerve! I didn’t respond.
I love u 😭I’m 21 i just realized I’ve been dealing with narcissists basically my whole life and my most recent relationship just opened my eyes so much .I listen to your videos while working on my clients . I’m super excited to learn all this information. I don’t feel sad or anything I feel empowered that I’m learning about myself and my childhood trauma . I love learning about narcissism. I love how u break it down . Great videos
I m 50 and just learning this.
I feel the same.
It’s cleared up a lot of confusion.
I’m still sad about certain relationships, but it’s so calming on some level, to truly understand what is happening.
As most people with Common Sense know,,,,,,, we have TWO Ears, and ONE Mouth, for a Reason. You can not learn while you are speaking, but we gain knowledge by Listening.
Narcissists find it impossible to say the 3 things:
I'm sorry.
Please.
Thank you.
💯 the narc I was involved with never said any of those things. It was always something similar but never anything direct
Perfect👍
Lisa, I just happened to stumble across your video. And OMG! Everything you said is right on. I have been dealing with a Narcissist for the most part of my life. It has only really surfaced more in the last 3-4 years now. I have had others tell me about Narcissist and what to look for. I didn't know all this time. Only in this past year it has come clear to me. It's a family member. Others have seen how this member acts & how I have been mistreated. No matter what I say or do, I'm always wrong. And trying to explain something only would end up being turned around and Im the bad guy, or it's this way or nothing at all. The conversations or what I thought were, are not about me. I been feeding into the fire for a long time now. I want to thank you for this big insight on Narcissism and what to look out for. As for me it's opened up a hole new way on how I can better myself & know what to do when dealing with a narcissist. Such a relief.🙂
There’s a great documentary called The Social Dilemma that affirms exactly what she’s saying about social media influence
Agreed, that was good yet creepy to watch, applying what she says, social media in it's own sense is narcisstic and mirrors what we tend to view the most, algorithm = mirror.
@@nancysieleman961 absolutely
I watched this. It is good.
Great movie anyone with kids should definitely watch it. And person living today should! But yes I just discovered this channel and my wife is a narcissistic. She just posted something on snap trying to approve why she does what she wants to do. Smg
Where can I find this at
Learning about The narcissist MO was an awakening but it wasn’t until I looked at narcissism with a biblical perspective that I actually cut my healing and my enlightenment
Yep. Narcissist to me is just demonic influence or actual possession in the worst cases. Legit.
riverratheather
There is so much in gods word that refers to the characteristics of a narcissist and how to deal with it and how it is spiritual warfare and the more I study and research the more enlightened I am and I just love sharing about it to help others who have been through narcissistic abuse
@@NarcissismExposed Amen Sister. I've been doing S warfare for a long time......
riverratheather Fight the good fight sister and I’m thrilled that you understand scripturally that we are in a spiritual warfare and that only being armed with God’s word and the power of God in Christ in us can overcome daemonic forces
@@NarcissismExposed Yes, we are almost at the finish line :) Blessings......
6 years ago I got the blessing from God to see my daughters after 18 years. They were adopted. And I have been encounter and noticing a lot of the sign of narcissism in them. At first I was on denial, I thought that I was in a position as a mother who give them in adoption needed to give them all I couldn’t in the past. I try, and I love them dearly but it was that everything I was doing it was nothing for them. They gang up against me, telling ppl lies about me, and it was an on and off all the 6 years I was trying to have a mom and daughter relationship. They make me feel condemned, depressed, i felt like the worst human been. And they have turn my family against me. I just will like to see a video about mom dealing adult daughters with narcissistic personality. Thank you sooo much for all your videos. Ppl like you help by opening ppl eyes to reality and to put a name on situation in life must ppl don’t understand. Thank you so much 🙏🏼🙌🏻 Godbless
Google Reactive Attachment. See if it fits.
Go to my channel and comment if you wanna talk. I need a couple friends who are going through this with their kids. We could help each other.......
Sending you some love from a mother. 💗🙏🙏
@@lindasharpe7039 Thank you! Blessings!
@@RiverRatHeather 💜
My ex would constantly say how she could do what she wants bc she's her. Lol. She also would say "everybody loves me" when I said "I love you". What a waste of 5 years. Ugh
So true, ' you lose yourself' you forget what you loved
You are a natural born Healer! Thanks so much for your insight, wisdom and expertise. You are truly helping humanity. Thank You!
i am magnet for narcissists i think now having narcissistic kind of friend .she always talking she knows everything like to judge others .u not aloud to teach them or saying thats wrong.
livellove ligucis, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
I had a friend just like that who became confidant. The way he talked about everybody at some point just made me sick. He got this excitement and false sense of superiority. He loved to put on everyone else's romantic life since you had none of his own. Well, I eventually had to set some boundaries with the guy and after a few silent treatments, I'm the one who did to discard this time except it's for good.
A great point that Lisa brings up is how we have this check oil light to look at when we get that feeling, so it's sometimes more about listening to your gut, then just analyzing the narcissists at that point. That's exactly how I used to be in my twenties, but somehow lost that into my thirties and forties and am regaining that sense of myself
This recently happened to me. A 'friend' had gone through 2 hip replacements and I would say that I allowed her to 'demand' things like walk her dogs, wash her hair etc and she lied in a way that it was twisting the truth. I finally realised that she did not give a stuff about me and told her that I was no longer her friend. It was hard but boy! did I feel much better (once I got over the hurt).
In the scriptures, it says in the Last Days, the love of many will wax cold and many other things mentioned that is actually happening as we speak. Must have Discernment and Wisdom to receive Clarity.
So much truth, so much fact in this post. Starting to identify narcs, even identifying unhealthy behaviours in myself.
No longer have the capacity and refuse to use my energy on keeping the narc afloat. Once I notice the signs, I start stepping away, then run far from them!
You are the best, Lisa. Your videos are helping me so much. I’m working on paying attention to how I feel around people. I’m also working on building better boundaries.
Sheila Fimreite,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too beautiful!
1. How do you make them accountable?
These are the same traits of a serial killer. A psycho path, a person who commits serious crime
You totally go NO contact and let God handle them.... live your best life. It will destroy them from the inside out.
@Shayna Nelson good let them. Your better off without them.
If you have a friend who is a narcissist you do not have a friend...
I have family who is narcissistic and omg she is so annoying. I can’t stand to be around her because my eyes might pop out from rolling them so much. 🙄😂
Thank you do not buy into someone else’s nonsense some people are trying to sabotage you and your peace and happiness. Know that in your heart and mind and you will know that you truly deserve better than they are treating you.
Thank you Dr Romano. For calling these people out. It's really the unknowing. Of what they night next. After exhausting all they're attempts to cut you down. The only thing I think about when dealing with a narc is I can't let myself go down to their level.
You're the shrink Tony Soprano should've had. Love this.
I used to think if I didn’t say yes they wouldn’t like me. :(
To be real, they don't really like you or anyone else. It doesn't matter what you say to them. Do you, and to the hell with their consequence.
@@Jabberwalky42 I know. I meant anyone.
If they stop liking you when you say no to them, Good! You probably avoided a lot of unnecessary drama/problems. I Love how Lisa says "Bye Felicia!"😄
@@suzanneolivar1 I meant in general - people pleasing all my life not just the narcissist. The narcissist senses your vulnerabilities for sure. I’m much stronger with my boundaries because of this narcissistic education. And yes! Saying no upfront early on is a good test to see if they are a narcissist. If you say no to anything watch their eyes. You’ll see the anger / evilness.
@@suzanneolivar1 and just to be clear they don’t stop liking you - they never liked you in the first place.
The day I 1) figured out I cannot control controlling people and 2) the narcissist in my life who always criticized me became furious when I did everything perfectly, was the day I intuitively discovered gray rocking. It worked.
I love listening to your blogs. You are super funny .Dealing with a narcissistic person is painful enough but the way you explain some of the details about the narcissistic behavior, lightens the load.
Excellent Lisa! Glad you brought up the resistance ! As soon as we accept , it's actually relieving as now we can focus on ourselves and our own needs & feelings & our own plan for permanent freedom; once we do this, all old resistance dissipates ! Yay !!!
Why would I care about social media validation? I rarely go on it aside from TH-cam. I care about my family, friends and horses. Social media can't offer me any of that.
"I work really hard, more than anyone else" (so you should allow me to abuse you for that reason alone). Also, some narcissists act like an argument or abuse never happened, like a parent of an adult child: they will rage and even get physically abusive, then you don't see them for a week or 2, and they come to visit and act like NOTHING happened, and usually offer a gift or do something for you.
Totally my father. I 60 yrs old dealt with this for years. For my own mental health I no longer having a relationship with him! He won't change and I no longer going to be blamed for everything! He always right and perfect. That's a joke he is not!
This was one of the best discussions of the feelings that come up for a person who finds themself in any kind of relationship with a narcissist. Red flags. Trust your gut. Focus on yourself and your own feelings. Thank you for this video.
always looking to better myself as a person...this is gold...not so much as "avoid these people" but more so as to "don't be this person"
also...sorry but i am usually the smartest person in the room lmao :D
my rule is just don't engage...yup roll with the every day blah blah.but never, NEVER, offer an open ended question....just play along and do the dumb dumb. Not so much a strat for narcs but just people in general. Out play the others by not playing at all. Find the people you can think big thoughts with....and stick with them when it comes to thoughts :D ...sad....but true
I call it the 80/20 rule....80 percent of the people are dumb af...just leave it alone and stick with the dumb dumb talk....and love those that fall in the 20 percent. i.e someone that knows alpha centauri is not the closest star but proxima centauri is lol....I'm also an alchohalic but you would never know it...unless i had a blow out episode....but end of day i always bring it back....a blow out for me is me going off on thoughts and facts but never asking for anything... just standing on thoughts, though im not always right in those situations...fair....next day is key to waking up and calling a spade a spade...my bad if need be.
I came here by accident, the algorithm didn’t feed me this because I’ve never thought about narcissism and how it has effected me and my life. It’s so clear with a lot of great insights. Connected to yourself, recognise your feeling and really care about your owner needs…….have your own boundary, own life track, own space for yourself.
You can never really be friends with a narcissist, being a friend to them isn't important.
So valuable. I listen to you every time I feel the anxiety that is always a warning of impending narcissist encounters. I’m getting so much better at it, thanks!
Awesome thanks learning alot thanks especially on codependency had idea of flying monkeys me talking my feelings n telling them my fears. They went right back everytime several people. Now they're all GASLIGHTING me everyday all day as a group. Keep tabs on me like clockwork they throw msgs out the window or signal and they go n come always one of them left behind to do surveillance
If I knew what I was dealing with I wouldn't have let him emotionally drain me I wouldn't have argued but it normal when someone acts that way is it a mental condition
Getting this late but enjoying it. My Father and my Aunt were total narcissists. No empathy, never wrong, when caught, justification. Easy pattern and we all knew how to play them. As long as they think you believe their self illusion, you can have a fun day. Relationships take work. But with a narcissist you have to work smarter to avoid working harder. Harmony being the goal. You have to be a bit of an actor because they are extremely selfish. You have to choose harmony over discord and be ok with it. If you can’t then it’s not going to be a good relationship. They certainly won’t change or do any of the work. It’s not that hard once you know how to steer them. But that’s what we found works.
I told the narcissist that I will not argue with them over and over again. While pushing my buttons over and over again.
Love what you said about saying no. Also you will go to a whole new level when you can say no and don’t feel the need the explain why you are saying no. 😏 Great video Lisa!
Never, ever, explain yourself to a narcissist. Any attention you give them eggs them on. It's like when the famous composer/conductor Richard Strauss said, "Don't ever look at the brass players. It only encourages them."
Thanks Lisa! Sending ❤ from Nova Scotia. Your help is priceless to me.😊
Love all of this. Especially that you stress taking stock of your own emotional and physical reactions to the toxic narcissist. I've noticed when I tangle with my NPD mother or sister (I cut dad out a decade ago) my blood pressure skyrockets from normal to stage 2 hypertension, I can't eat and vomit up whatever I try, I rock back and forth staring at the wall for long lengths of time, I get chest pains and panic attacks to where I can't breathe and crushing depression makes me sleep like crazy. And I'm on meds for all that! I've noticed unfortunately a pattern, that just when I'm at my best, most successful, most attractive, happiest and well liked, that's when someone will try with all their might to topple it all. My family members do this again and again. It's so very disturbing. They do things flippantly, including violence, that I'd never ever do to anyone I say I love.
Omg I fell so bad,I used to think I was the only one going through it and it was my fault. When I picture my narcassistic aunt I get so much anxiety and I cant breathe and Im scared that I will start to get panic attacks if I ever experience abuse from her again.She has been really nice to me for a couple of days but Im scared That If I be nice to her aswell or laugh around her when she is nice something bad will happen
We have been forced to learn more about Narcissists than we ever expected to these last years. It is helpful to listen to experts on the topic.
I had a best friend many years ago who was a narcissist. I didn’t know it at the time. I did come to realize in time that she did not consider my feelings. We had a lot of fun together but she could flirt with someone I cared about. We would have plans…she would get a better offer and not even let me know. She would eventually apologize. When I decided that this was not a healthy friendship I moved on. I learned from that experience. Today I have several close friends. We give to each other. Much more rewarding. I am in a 12 step group that has helped me grow. I do understand what you said about many people have some narcissistic characteristics including myself. I guess the difference is that some of us look at ourselves and strive to change and grow. Thank you for this very informative video!
OMG Lisa you set this out so clearly, thank you again for your incredible insight and help. Truly amazing and inspiring ❤️
My narc. Was clinical. She is malignant. Her pic should be in the dictionary. We are no contact at the moment. Maybe she will leave me alone long enough for me to get stronger. And keep it that way.
How to deal with the Narcissistic Social Media Machine? delete the NSMM account.
U mean fakebook i hate social media get out in the woods and fish.
This is the best content on narcissism recovery I’ve heard. 👍🏻
This woman knows her business! Thankyou
Thankyou Lisa ,
It's so poisoning, and it brings the dark out of me and tries to take our energy away from everything that matters.
Take care of you ❤
I’ve e been in a narcissistic relationship for 18yrs. Interracial relationship in which we share a 16yr old son together. I’ve bit the bullet so many times not understanding narcissism. In the beginning her ex used the system as flying monkeys to make my life chaos. When my child was 2yrs old her ex put child services on us. Her family always made me the reason even though I wasn’t to blame. During this time of courts being involved we had to get evaluated and it was then I discovered they labeled her a narcissist. She was furious with anger. Then I started studying.... fast forward, I had a lot to learn. The more I learned the more toxic positives and negatives by her. We share so much together although it’s in her name mostly🤦🏾♂️👀. We are presently going through a discard of me and it feels like a divorce.
Lisa thank you. I been going through so much.and you are helping me understand a lot.
Thanks for all you say because it's spot on they act like a 5 year old in an adults body.
Yes. Big time. I helped some one who was in abusive relationship to the extent I took them I to my home. A few days which ended up three months. Thank goodness they moved out,because during that time I experience a professional Narcissis. Being 78 years old it made me feel very ill and worthless. But I have been though a lot in my time and my pass experience saved me.
I recognised every word you said!
You crack me up! Thank you for another great video. I've fallen into the trap of fighting rather than focusing on walking away....thanks to you ..not so much anymore.
Irma Francis,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist......
Irma Francis,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
Mine don't talk. Lol....one year of being devalued and destroyed from the inside 💔 😢
@GrandPappi Stud YES!!! LOL. MAKES THEM WORSE!!!
Same here...they’re cowards n bullies
I quit arguing with them a long time ago . I just smile and if they keep going on , and on ... I laugh out loud . They can't stand that
Impressing takes too much energy. You lose yourself in the exploitation, usurpation of your means, in the bondage, and erasure of...!!
I am currently dealing with someone who is a member of our community and is running events that is preying on vulnerable women but can't seem to see what is wrong with their behavior. Some of the leaders from our community have managed to get this man to agree to a mediation\crucible session to allow those hurt by his behavior to be heard and as I am preparing our team for this session, it occurred to me that we may be dealing with a narcissist. I am now adjusting how we head into this and letting the participants know that he may not be able to feel empathy or accountability as a result of the process. Its been valuable to become more aware of how to move forward with members of the community in more effective ways.
I think the key is setting boundaries. Knowing the dominant traits and having a safe place to go. Time out, because narcissistic personality is not always confronting. As there are periods of normality. As in any relationship there are down falls. But when the switch occurs finding a detour.
If you are in a situation whereby
you are unable to leave. Because the reality is sometimes we can't leave. Due to our circumstances.
Each narcissistic person is different in terms of the frequency of inappropriate behaviour. But the key is having the ability to recognise a narcissist prior to actually entering a relationship. Trust your intuition.
Here's the comment that rubs me the wrong way every time I hear it. When someone dies they say "people die every day."
Yup my ex would say that and I thought you heartless sob... They are just simply not normal people from my experience of 3 years, they never admit fault and they are never wrong they never say they're sorry ever
They are the most cold-hearted individuals you will ever meet..
Well it is true. However what is uncomfortable is their lack of sympathy. Just because people die constantly doesn’t make their deaths any less impactful and heartbreaking for those who cared for them.
@@loriannunziatamountain9920 k
I'd bet all I have on my diagnosis of my situation. She was a mental health worker. I learned hard and fast. Never mind what i learned after removing the mask. Well she ran as fast as she could. I'd bet that most educated victims would stand a better chance at a diagnosis than a pro councilor ever could. My passive aggressive princess wouldn't stay in counciling long enough and she most definitely shouldn't be a councilor herself. I was and still am disgusted with her. My future because of all this is unique and will not be invalidated. Never betray an artist. Good luck good people. UK.
Thanks!
The content of this video was very affirming! Thank you ~
Sonya Flowers, you are absolutely gorgeous