THIS IS A Narcissists WORST NIGHTMARE! (What They Fear The Most) | Lisa Romano
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ก.ย. 2024
- #narcissist #narcissism #toxicrelationships In this TH-cam video, "This is a narcissist's worse nightmare, what they fear the most, you will learn from one of my favorite books, regarding how to better deal with a narcissist in your life. Not losing yourself and instead, focusing on yourself while healing from a narcissistic relationship is key.
Thank you to Shahida Arabi for her wonderful book Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself.
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Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
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Narcissist: "You have been a big disappointment!"
Me: "Go back to HELL, Satan!"
😂
Lmfaooooo
lol right?
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😂
Me: "Did someone say something?"
Not worth the emotion, the energy, or the time to notice their shenanigans. As an added bonus, utter indifference to even their most awful conduct is the one thing they cannot handle.
Once you fall in love with yourself, narcissistic people will run from you. But you genuinely have to love and like yourself and be able to be alone with just you and your higher self. “You are the one you’ve been waiting for.”-Hopi elders.
That is so beautiful and so true
I love this philosophy. Plan on adopting it.
😻
That is so true I wrote in my journal that exact thought today…FREEDOM AT LAST…Well done! Thanks.
It's 100℅ Right 👈
"Love yourself more idealize the narcissist less. Use your energy on healing and loving yourself." Excellent advice.
That's what I'm working on now. Using my energy to take care me.....and love myself more!
The narcissist just wants to matter to someone. They want to be something significant in your life. If they can’t do that by being nice or generous, they will cause chaos and drama, forcing you to notice them.
This is the way a baby communicates with an ignorant adult.
@@SilentFigure1 I was thinking the same. Just like a toddler.
Everybody wants to matter, let's not be hypocrites. And you know what, we don't need to, we only need to live and be ourselves.
@@WhiteAngelLovesEarth TF are you even talking about?
They don't care how significant they are to you. They just want to use you and control you.
They want to be adored but can't give anything back in return
no, they want to be adored, they want you to tell them that they are good people when they abuse you or demean you and what they always give to you is abuse, smearing, gaslighting and hypocrisy. They give you a lot back, all negative.
Although the original poster was referring to giving something good back, this is an excellent clarifying point!!
Yes - absolute they think we should love them anconditionly when they are assholes from hell.
Shallow, empty, non-emotional people have nothing to give back because they are empty.
Children trapped in an adult body...Exactly!
Except children are generally a lot nicer
No children are better...These are walking monsters.
that's an insult to all children everywhere. Children are not irrational and manipulative as that comparison suggests. I wish we would stop using that as an analogy, it's incorrect. Children are LEARNING, and with proper guidance they will learn resilience and self-management -- something that is not an option with true narcissists and probably very difficult for a person with deep narcissistic tendencies. I'm not trying to attack you personally by leaving this comment, I hope my comment will cause anyone who reads it to reconsider using that comparison because its truly ubiquitous and should not be.
aimee Exactly, as you said children are learning. The narcissist stopped learning when they were children and are stuck in that same emotional state of a child. Magical thinking, temper tantrums and all...children grow up narcissist remains the same. The narcissist does not develop emotionally. That was the point of the comment.
@@aimee1512 well I'd have to agree with narc free.. they are very childish I have children and it's like dealing with childlike behaviour a lot of the time for eg my partner fights with my children as if he is also a child and I feel like I am breaking up arguments between siblings rather than him behaving like an adult and parent. I can't communicate with him it's as if I am getting responses from a teenage kid at best if I get anything at all. Well my children don't throw big tantrums but he does which reminds me of toddler like behaviour. He sulks. He gives silent treatments. Rather than resolving things by communicating. I don't see a lot of maturity at all to be honest.
I recently came to the realization that my mom is a narcissist. She and I live together. I have two girls and I noticed their self esteem was dwindling. Through googling and my therapist , I was crushed to find out she was affecting them. Now I have to leave her. She is very vengeful and spiteful. Im in the process of trying to get out without causing my kids more trauma. Pray for me.
Praying for you and your daughters🙏, I hope you find yourself in a better situation.
🙏🙏🙏💜💜💜✝️
Matthew 6: 33
John 14: 27
Ephesians 3:16-19
Shalom
🤗✊✨
I made it...... You can make it, trust me. Be strong
You and I are in the same boat.
É
Lean on God
I was discarded last Christmas. The narc had a friend show up, and blew me off. Sadly his friend died shortly after Christmas, and then wanted me back afterwards. It felt great to say no. Even though I'm now homeless, it was the best Christmas present ever. My health is better, and no more worries about dealing with demanding childish behavior. Discard the narcissist!
Happen to me last Christmas as well but I couldn't leave him but now its happened again and I did exactly what he said go away
It's like watching a child play with a doll... When they are finished with the doll it gets thrown away... So sad that these children disguised as an adult get away with murder.. murder of anything they can their hands on that is yours.
I know now at least I can't believe they can hurt so bad and rob u on top of it such a shame
This happened with my own Mother, I've always been the truth telling scapegoat child, so it's easier for her to discard me over anyone who barely knows her, therefore sees her in positive light. Well 3 months later, after she herself gave me the silent treatment, there she is, reaching out to me, to please call her, to let her know I'm OK.
Yay
A lot of yt channels do narcissism . Thank you for doing recovery.
This means a lot to me...thank you...
I completely agree. She has a gift and I am so grateful that she has chosen to be a blessing to so many people that she may never meet. What a beautiful spirit combined with great talent.
I agree. Become the inverse of them if you can’t get away.
Agree - recently found this channel after searching for a "recovery" point of view vs. a "how to identify/define?etc." point of view. I am 54 and now primary caretaker of my narc mother - I've always known something wasn't "right" and now it all makes complete sense. I'm relieved, but grieving what I will never have.
I completely agree. I had channels saying what it Is but I wanna know how I can deal with moving forward.
It took me finding out my husband was a narcissist to help me realize my father was a narcissist. He would always praise my brothers, even told everyone at a family reunion that he was SO PROUD OF HIS BOYS over and over while I stood there like "chopped liver"....the shame I felt when I noticed everyone looking at me in pity! I knew that I would never be enough for him and now I am feeling the same about my husband...it stops here!! No more!! I have always been enough for me and for God!!
🤞🧒Mandy Jo...✌️✌️✌🏽
How Are You FRIEND?
Very recognizable. Good luck! You are not alone.
Your Dad had some kind of complex, normal people tell everyone how they are proud of all of their kids, each for their special blessings. My parents always told my little brother he has to follow in my footsteps, and that just made him bitter, and whereas between us we were loving siblings. In the end. after 60 years, they gave him the entire inheritance to fix his heart and soul... We are not speaking now. If everything is always equal, fair, and nobody gets bashed, physically, emotionally or other.. there is peace, otherwise, they ruin it for the kids.
My parents were the same way
“It’s difficult to wake up and realize that you have been entrapped by someone with narcissism.” So very true and exactly how it feels.
Very true statement x
@@p.j.leslie6912 "Entrapped" is a very fitting term. The fear in leaving and what they may do is overwhelming.
@ruthieclarke9125 the reality is that what lies at the heart of any narcissist Is a scared inner child though its hard to see this through such calculating cruel behaviours in my experience the only thing a narcissistic person respects is a bigger and badder narcissistic person which can put the targeted one at risk if not able to meet this 💔 requirement
You have to be careful not to BECOME ANOTHER ONE OF THEM, THAT is what they want.
Example: Many Narcissists I've met, don't like to share... but you, being a very giving person... You like to share... But then you start feeling exploited because they have become expecting of your gifts.... Then you get angry and start withholding your sharing..... Then they act like no big deal... You're goodness was no big deal to them is a message they then send... This makes you upset and you begin to change into someone very angry and want to retaliate.... This is were you start becoming one of them. Don't do it. You're better then that! Don't change yourself to become angry and bitter like THEM. STAY THE WAY YOU ARE, ... SELF PRESERVATION IS SOOOO IMPORTANT HERE.
My ♥️ and best to you all.🙂♥️🙏
They love sharing their pain and their mental illness. It's almost like the invasion of the body snatchers.
"Now you're just like me!"
Correct mrs. Penny. They want to create an army of clones just like them, but of course an inferior version and subservient to the narc.
Sounds like Karpman triangle of co-dependency. Google this.
@@lisarochwarg4707
LOL. Did you say INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS??? LOL. (I favor the 1970s Donald Sutherland version).
I often reference that movie when I think of them. Like they hatch themselves in the pods overnight, and when we wake up to see that everybody has changed into these emotionless, soulless pod people overnight!!! 😬😱🤯 🗣️THERE'S MASSES OF THEM E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E!!!
🗣️📣Run for your lives!!!(kidding -mostly.)
I needed to hear this. Lately I have become more and more angry. Just dealing with it. I don't like who I'm becoming. And this individual is taking it as the victim and I'm the bad person. So tired of the Arguing. Just can't seem to aline with other people. Even when I support as well. Will shift to the opposite side automatically.
Yes our inner self tells us that the person is not good or rather dangerous but most of the times we don't trust our instincts n gut feeling. That turn out to be more dangerous later.
yesterday i shared a personal story with a neighbour who my instincts have told me in the past is not a safe person. it will come as no surprise that she was not a safe person to tell that story to and she immediately started criticizing me. which inevitably triggered me turned into me wondering why I don't follow my instincts.
@Anjani And if I were you, Anjani, I would ask myself why I was offering unsolicited advice to a stranger.
@@kimberleymclean6293
Always follow your gut feelings.. we all need to talk to someone there is no danger in that but that is how we learn n grow.
If you find something went wrong don't do it again n be careful next time my friend.
Never be scared of anything or anyone that's the key. Feel your importance.
Blessings.
I know...now i'm in a rabbit hole with them😂...have to claw my way up the best way I can..
You hit the nail on the head that time.
When you have ten years invested and realize the person is a narcissist and that you loved a fake persona, the trauma there after is very very heavy and real! More information and validation is necessary about this!! Many cannot understand nor sympathize! ❤️🎶
Im going through this right now 😪
Me too. Seven years with someone I deeply trusted, loved and believed I'd spend my life with. Someone who seemed to understand me and really care, until the mask came off and he clearly showed me he didn't. The devastation, shock and trauma are so real. 💔 😢 It's hard to believe it was all a lie when this man seemed so sincere for so long, especially when I was coming out of a series of traumatic family and romantic relationships and I didn't trust many people anyway. I'm not sure how to really trust anyone anymore. I still trust God though and pray He will make a way. 🌅
I wasted 23 years of my life didn't know what a narcissist was until I got put. Never even heard the word before. Now I am in another relationship trying to find the strength to love myself again😐
Yeah nobody understands, they just say produced things like: "give it more time" I feel like going crazy
@@amandawalker6638take your time. Love yourself first, put yourself first. You need to heal. Congratulations on getting out.
I love the phrase “emotional hit and run”. It’s the perfect way to describe what a person has gone through.
I've been run over more times than I want to admit to. Take away the narcissist's driver's license. My narcissist is Dad, He can stay away from me, a long time. Good for me.
Give them no supply, blankly call them out on their behavior... they HATE that!!.. but NO EMOTION... do not FEED the Narc!! Keep everything blank and matter of fact. They will hate you for it! But yes I did all that and have had no contact for a year... filled my life with kind loving friends....
I can't, her mother might see her child(my former friend) sufferring and I don't want her mother to suffer...hayst! Sometimes, we have to consider others who will be hurt too when we blatantly blow a narcissist down...
"DO NOT feed the Narc" lol 😂 that's a tee shirt...
"You are entrapped...how did I get here, with this false person ?"
My, God ,you couldn t have explained it better ! Thank you !
They will use every single personal, meaningful thing you've told them against you, even years later. They have amnesia with their behavior but never forget our weaknesses. After 26yrs I've finally figured out (with the help of Lisa and others) what he is and why i am the way i am. I am currently working on myself and with that help and the knowledge on how to deal with him he finally left yesterday. But im still pacing my home like a wild animal, looking out windows, from the stalking and harassing that's happened after I told him it was over 7 MONTHS AGO. He has used and twisted every meaningful thing in my life to hurt me, then says he loves me. Its total crazymaking.... Good luck everyone, sending 💘 and hopefully peace to you.
Sandra d, it takes quite a while to recover, but take good care of yourself...I found intense exercise, both cardio and lifting moderate-weight dumbbells, so helpful for dealing with the anxiety that a narcissist creates. Obviously, your approach will probably be different, but I hope you can take time to do the things that help you to feel resilient. Wishing you well.
So true. It was all “come to me I’m here for you” and then it was ALL used against me when I did. But he “couldn’t remember” the things he said to me MINUTES before?? Nah! Haha
I had to screenshot everything and send it right back to him when he would deny something. His only words after seeing screenshots was “well I don’t remember that”...what does that even matter when it’s right in front of his face that he said/did something? Lol crazy cycle and I’m done done done☺️
Sending out love and peace to you sandra. Hope your doing well
Knowing how God sees and loves you helps. YOU ARE LOVED AND ARE PRECIOUS! YOU ARE A VALUABLE HUMAN!
Thanks a lot. I was deeply touched. God bless you.
@@martinanderko9893 yes, Read Song Of Solomon book in the Bible.
That is Jesus’ love story to us.
Jesus is our Bridegroom and we are his Bride... whether we are male or female according to God’s word... and the word is God. The Bible tells us all this.
@@martinanderko9893 Amen!!
A Wonderful sharing.. God Bless You!
Maybe im not in the right place but i am also a Christian with a narc father. I would like some help or advice from someone who shares my faith. If you may help me. I'd be really greatful.
It’s almost like a break up because you realize you’ve been alone in your feelings the entire time. You’re right knowing is hard, but healing. ❤️ thank you
Absolutely feelz
Thank you Lisa. I am 21 months no contact, yet all this make me feel and know how strong I have become. I love me. I am content.
'radical acceptance' has been a piece recently that has helped me to feel a little bit more at peace...seems like all we have any control over is our own process and our own healing. Thank you Lisa...
I was engaged to a narc for 3 years. Dealing with him for 4 years. He’s an alcoholic. I have chronic illness. We were in a long distance relationship. Among other things he told me I needed to give up my daughter, I was “a dead woman”, was convinced I was only with him for a green card. He would call me drunk at least 3 times a week either to yell at me or for phone sex. Even when I was in hospital with sepsis.
He is obsessed with women and sex and booze. He only cares about himself. He belittled my feelings, sleeps with woman after woman, moves from one relationship to another. Gas lights me. Never validated my feelings. Makes everyone feel sorry for him.
He love bombs people
He stone walls people when he can’t get his own way.
He gives the silent treatment when he feels like it.
He’s a mommas boy, terrible with money and only cares about his own thoughts and feelings.
He devalued me, abandoned me, and stomped all over my heart the moment I realised I didn’t trust him when he was caught talking to other women on Instagram.
I loved him but what he gave me wasn’t love.
I walked away because I learned to love myself!!
Narcs will never give YOU closure
Narcs will never have accountability.
Narcs are cruel beings, they’ll never change.
Good thing you're out of that situation. Some narcs have a rotation of long distance relationships. I will not ever again get involved in another long distance relationship!!! Unless they're making real plans to relocate. It's just a laundry list of excuses from the man not to commit, to be unavailable, etc. He might already be married or in a relationship locally, They provoke fights when they're getting supply elsewhere. It goes on and on, as long as you let it.
Good For You !!!
I am praying that you recover your health and happiness 🌈✝️💜🌈🙏
Narcs cannot give Closure because they're in constant search of themself that does not exist.They're nothing but an image made out of air.
The fact that you described a pervious NARCISSIST almost to a T whom I was dealing with... it’s really a eye opener. I’m trying not to let my previous experience no longer control my life. We’ve been over for sometime now and he is in another relationship. I wish them nothing but peace, love and happiness... not my problem anymore.
I’m glad you’re no longer dealing in your situation either. That’s one of the healthiest steps we can do to begin to heal.
I’m in the works with loving myself. Left my husband of 33years
I hope you find peace and love
The person who birthed me is a narcosis. My ex was too. One of my siblings too. I’m trying to do better and keep my distance from them. They all view themselves as nice and giving when they’re controlling and manipulative. They’re also unapologetic. They’re egos are so big but they’re actually insecure.
No contact is the only thing that works. Also that works for healing from the abuse
@@mz9518 Yeah there really is nothing to do except no contact. No matter how much you want to call them and tell them how they let you down and ignored you. It won't change anything. So getting geographically away and staying out of contact is all there is to do :/
@@mz9518 Ouch that sucks and it is typical to run into a new NPD when growing up with them. It is hard to have to accept the neglect and lack of support growing up. I hope you managed to break the pattern by finding and addressing the source.
I also am the only sane one in my family besides my distant brother. I am experiencing everything just like you are in my family too. Wow
me two we empath need to work moving forward to prevent this from happening to us again
I was always devalued since a little girl if people would say I was a pretty or cute little girl I would have to listen about how ugly I was inside and there is always someone prettier than me... I could never have a moment it always had to be about her or my sister or someone else’s child they were always more important than me. She always talks bad about me since a small child to her family and friends.. I have dealt with this my whole life and I’m finally sick and tired of it. I’ve been doing different things and cutting people off and saying no , and my mom along with other in the family are so mad about but oh well. Thank you for these videos it helps more than you know ❤️
Thanks Lisa for sharing Shahida's rules of turning the tables on them. Good content.
God bless you 🙏
I feel your pain. Sounded like you were describing my life growing up. Stay strong! Filter out the 🐂💩 and Know YOUR TRUE WORTH! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND LOVABLE!!!!
Kimberly Newins Flynn Mine too. I was told by my mom that I would never amount to anything. I had nothing going for me and no one would ever love me. So I never wanted to get married or have children. Long story short, I am retired from AT&T and living my best life.
@Dee raw Hey girl! You're not alone! Until this day mine smears me behind my back; tries to cause division between me and my sisters and the list goes on! Going no contact is the BEST thing you can do for your mental and emotional health! Best of luck to you!
It is so important for people to support one another. My childhood was similar and I always vowed to be different than my mother. Just remember, every soul matters. You are a part of what we are all created for. You are unique and special, very precious. ♥️♥️♥️
I finally got out of a very toxic narcissistic relationship , I was basically discarded for pointing out the facts, now the narc is trying to flirt with my best friend , doesn't know that she knows his real identity. Shockingly my girl friends were and very supportive .His grandiose behaviour has become a reason for a lot people to hate him.I guess soon karma will get him for what he did
same here i think he wanted to sleep with someone close to me because he chased after his wife ' sister he just does not care. he shared taking his young nephew to his side piece knowing he has a girlfriend. KARMA will get him
@@Cat-sx6ep I am glad these horrendous people are out of our lives, and we have our well wishers by our side .Hope amazing things and people come into your life.
Weird how my narc flirted with my friends and tried to get intimate with them. There are so many people out there to get supply from - it must give them satisfaction to steal your friends away . Another sick isolation tactic. I told my friends that they could have him. Go ahead, I’m done. He’s all yours.
First it was my wife I separate for her and got another girl she's even worse she's the biggest I didn't even know what the hell was going on now that I understand what a narcs is I've been surrounded by them all my life even if family and parents and now my girl is trying to flirt with my homeboys I'm trying to break away
Lisa, you've got me thinking about Rambo. Rambo says,"if you want to survive in war you have to become war." This applies to narcissistic relationships. You are in a combat zone. You have to be able to deal with bullets and bombs and the blood that the narc is going to throw at you. I know on this channel Lisa talks about building up our soldier mentality. Well who is a tougher soldier than Rambo? In the third movie, the head villain says, "Who are you?" Rambo says , " I'm your worst nightmare." In order to become the narcissist's worst nightmare you have to build up your soldier mentality. When they belittle you, gaslight you, insult you you have to be able to take it. What they are most afraid of is abandonment. You say to them that you are not going to allow them to treat you that way they want to. This will scare the crap out of them. They demand that people stick by them through thick and thin. Don't stick by them. Create your own self. Your own opinions and feelings. Stay strong in your convictions. They hate that. It causes a narcissistic injury. People seeing things a little differently is a threat to them. Become war. Become their worst nightmare. Become yourself and stick to it. Don't bend to their power. When they see your power, it will really really throw them for a loop.
What you said is SO TRUE. I’m currently going through exactly what you wrote about
I have been there. I know how rough it is. Be strong.Stick yourself. Stick to you beliefs and values. Don't let them jerk you around. Best of luck to you.
Now i want to see Rambo!! 😃
I am great now. Over codependency and trauma bond.
I am so strong minded right now.
I love this. It makes me feel empowered about the situation for the first time ever!
You have helped me so much friend not only to realize my own mother is a narcissist but that I was in a very abusive relationship with a mentally abusive relationship with a narcissist.
Wow well sopken !!!!! Narcs have affected soooo many folks in thos universe!!!!!!!!! Akack of self love is the root cauae of all sufffering in thos universe!!!!! Love y'all and stay bless y'all......
Yup, unfortunately most of us have at least one Narc parent and then we end up w a Narc mate!!!!! It’s like they see us coming a mile away.
Sounds like we are in the same boat
My narc family are probably still sitting around wondering when I’m going to show my face again. They don’t seem to understand that I’m never coming back. Nor why I’m never coming back.
The worst thing that ever happened to me was meeting and falling in love with a narcissist. I have never met one before and he certainly took advantage of my vulnerability, manipulated me, isolated me from my family, I never realized what happened to me. I need a support group, I finally have realized I'm not crazy. I am so happy to have come across Lisa's videos.
My mother was like that when I was a child- she was giving me bad names (criticizing me about how I look, how I act, how I walk etc), made me feel bad about talking or having an opinion, and most of the time she even slapped my face when I disagreed with her way of seeing things. She would also beat me bad to teach me a lesson because I was a “bad” child to her, for not obeying as she wanted. This was one side of her because the other side was the one using me for helping her with the house cleaning telling me I am such a nice kid, then when I didn’t do it, she would call me lazy and bad and ignore me for hours; also she was venting about her problems at work, her problems with my dad, her past problems and traumas with her family, her frustrations... I was her little therapist and a very good girl when I did this. Unfortunately, I realized this just a few years ago and I still find it hard to believe, because she can hide her true nature very well, she can act like she’s well intended and helpful, but that’s her hook up, to make you like her and listen to her, trying to control everything but so so subtle it’s almost hard to realize what she all about. This year I broke contact with her for 7 months after she tried to manipulate me by gaslighting me saying my memories of my childhood are just a story of my imagination and that she’s been a very good mother who just helped me and acted for my own good..... so so nasty... I even had thoughts of thinking maybe that’s real for a moment... but she has no power over me anymore, thanks to therapy....
Thank you for this. You described my mother to a T. Also my mother just dumped my 1st child on her father and ran off with my father to another state on a whim and signed over custody.
I've lived this for 50 years and can't deny my truth yet still find it unbelievable 😳 Family systems that thrive on destroying innocence. Love and light Lisa.
Every time I tune into your channel, it's like you know exactly what I need to hear! Very bizarre for a codependent, ACOA. I am grateful for your knowledge 🙏 God bless you and all that you do for so many ❤
I confirmed that my husband was a narcissist by following your techniques. You said when the go for the low petty blow to ignore or hit them with facts. Well I kept quiet and he literally kept saying the same statement over and over and eventually but the counter. I bust out laughing because you’re so right about them.
She does not care if you ghost her she's hanging out with all your friends old is she has no conscience what does she care?
I agree , I too go to u-tube for guidance and strength , I’m afraid of my husband and he’s a stalker so when I leave I must leave the state and maybe change my name , Best of luck to us both
Hi😀 I m looking for a Friend To shake My thoughts with .. answer The comment if interested 😀
@@maureenwoodard9588 you shouldn't have to fear any one let alone a person that claimed to love you... however that's a fairytale scenario for a previous era... I myself am subjected to unimaginable cruelty and coordinated campaign of sophisticated abuse by many narcissists stemming from a family dispute it involves both sides as well as manipulating others to assist... I am BLESSED with the strength of nothing of value left to loose its painful but I have developed coping strategies hope you do too from one to another stay strong love xx
I am finally waking up from a 22 year nightmare! Thank God for the Truth and there is a light at the end of the tunnel..
I'm 53 and am finally getting understanding of this dynamic. My life has been a living hell my mother and siblings. I'm so grateful to the almighty for leading me to answers my narc abuse started at 8y/o full fledged by the age of 9y/o.
I'm in no contact and finaling healing.🙌🙏🏻
Nobody believed me that my mother was competing with me and being jealous. Quite the opposite, I was told that I was an ungrateful daughter and blaming my mother, who did everything for me, for not feeling happy.
I had the same experience.
I was adopted and that's how she was too.
same experience i thought all mothers were like that. still shaking off the hurt and damage .
i can 100% relate with you Tatjana
I have had the same experience and truly still dealing with my mother. Now, I am married to someone who is exactly like her. 😖
“Relationship hit and run”’ This sentence captures exactly how I felt last year. I had no idea what hit me! TX Lisa! 🙏🏽💫🤗
How about an RMV for narcissists? Revoke their licenses, permanently!
I am fed up with being "run over" and expected to be grateful or take the blame, usually both. I revoke his effect on my life! (Dad is the narcissist;I am calling the RMV in this regard, to stop him from continuing his running over me.)
I have been in recovery for 8 months now. Having a therapist who identified immediately that I was suffering from narcissistic abuse was key to me staying out of the relationship and filing for divorce. Thankfully we do not share children. Have been grey rock until i can do full no contact. It is videos like this and books that have helped besides the therapy. I want to stress to others that are in the beginning stages how critical it is for your recovery and survival to heed advice like Lisa's and other survivors. You can never get too much help! And even though I get stronger emotionally and mentally every day, I am getting this book because it is focused on recovery. There are stages you go through in this recovery process. Stay strong everyone. There is a light at the end of this tunnel!
Yes have been going through this w the father of my children since I was 18. I am now 36 and our kids are teenagers and so much more to what’s going on but it’s a special kind of hell esp when the justice system doesn’t recognize and or acknowledge what is going on...these videos keep me sane to say the least.
💯👏👏👏
I am trapped between my ex and my kids. He won't threaten me he will threaten them behind closed doors and I have no idea how to help them!!
advice i wanna get away from my ex but in my state the kid cant leave until they r 18 year old
Cool name
@@saragold8257 I'm sorry you are going through this. I have gone through the same thing with my son and ex, and it is heart-wrenching. They hurt the children because they know it is the most effective way to hurt you - having to know your children are suffering. Keep staying strong for your children, document everything, and take care of yourself.
Yes! A narcissist is a wounded child, in an adult body, with an empty void... an abyss, within, while desperately draining people around you, of their light, to fill it... Like a drowning person, grasping for anything! You're like a single star, hanging alone, slowly burning out of hope, in a vastness of infinite space! Or, so it seems!
However, once you realize you're trained to that, by anyone who ever had influence on you, and you come to remember what it feels like, as it was in your younger days, to be the victim of the same abuses you're inflicting on those who love you, in the same ways it happened to you, then you're at the turning point! As in my case, you become enrages that someone taught / programmed you into it (the same way they were), to be and do such meanness; then, you will, as I did, become determined, to turn completely around, to fight against it, with ALL your might and existence, to change, heal, and to become everything they need you to be... Healthily, kindly, and happily!
That is, unless it may be too late, with too much damage done, that one must walk away, so all can start again, elsewhere, with continued healing!
Also; the typical case being codependence, with other narcissistic personalities in the chaos pie, who refuse to recognize the possibility of a person changing, and try to continue trying to hold you down and back, and to attempt to provoke you through fueling or denying that the person has changed, which leave one ousted anyway, then the problem is theirs alone. After the apologies are stated... And honestly felt!
"as you heal you help heal the world" thank you Lisa. That's exactly what a selfless codependent in recovery needs and wants to hear!
That line made me cry. I couldn't agree anymore with you!
Success and true is worst nightmare for narcs and others toxic people!you know hahahah I am FIRST Person in my holl family who got diploma, I got a beautyfull, smart children, they are my motivation💞everything what happend to me I will juse for my growth and I will be the FIRST Person in familly who will success in life. An my way!
I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF YOU HUN WOW WOW WOW YOU R HITTING HOME ITS CRAZY TO FINALLY HAVE SOME UNDERSTANDING AND CLOSURE THANK U THANK U THANK YOU
Wow! Thank you so much Lisa, I really appreciate your supportive and inspiring video, and I am very honored to be included! Thank you for sharing my book, for explaining its message and content so well, and for all your kind words. Blessings to you! Your channel and content are amazing! 😀❤️
You’re amazing!!! I am so honored to share your work❤️
I'm reminded of a customer that used to occasionally come into the store I was working at and would freak out often, and almost demand that we had a product that wasn't in stock. He hurt me the first time he freaked out and I never forgot his face. He came in a few times after that, the next time I saw him I spoke to him but didn't become emotionally involved in his freak outs and just observed them. The last time I saw him I was cleaning up casually around the cash area and witnessed him having another tantrum at a coworker/friend of mine who had been working there a while, knew the rules and had a very calm demeanor. She put up a boundary with him and said we didn't do what he was asking us to do. My assistant manager got involved and told him the same thing. I observed the whole thing quietly and as he was flustered he told me his side of the story which didn't line up with what I had just observed nor did it line up with my co-worker's demeanors. I said to him assertively and calmly, "That isn't what happened and you know it." He ran out of there super flustered and I hadn't seen him since. My assistant manager really respected me for that and brought it up a few times and told me I was her hero for handling that so well. We can't give into the narcissist out of respect for ourselves and others. Obviously it's hard to do in dangerous situations, but if you are brave enough to do this if you feel safe to, it can be incredibly empowering.
Omg, you talked about my mother! I didn't know until I heard you that my mom was a narcissist. I didn't dare to go against her, so I suffered in silence. I was relieved when she died.Thank you and God bless. Greetings from Norway.
Thank you for this. I’m thankful that I’m finally taking back my life so I can be the best version of me for myself & my son.
I've been dealing with this for 13years. I stop talking to him but he always pulls me back in. It's great for a while. We have so much fun BUT it always crashes and I catch him. This time has to be the last!! I can't do it anymore!!!! Thank you for these videos!!!!
This sounds like a great book. It is really heartbreaking when you figure it out. One night while laying in bed I said out loud to my ex "none of this is even real." The look on his face was like I just shot him. It was the worst feeling ever and he was so mean.
What was ignored grasping at life post loss, is clear as can be now away from a post loss nightmare not wanting anyone or anything that is not totally well inside the comfort zone. Its good to revert back to standards that were seriously compromised when wandering around looking for someone that is gone. My advice. Never go to grief groups. You think your with peers and you are mostly. But it only takes one willing to exploit your vulnerability, someone you thought was sent by something, to worsen everything to a lower point you thought not possible. But thats the permanent past. No one with malevolent intent shall ever be able to trespass again. The traits were there all along. Override emotions and its plain as day.
Thank you for this I was in a narcissistic marriage for 11 years and I'm starting to recover she lied,abused and discarded me. During the time my mother passed away this has been the most difficult time in my life so I thank you for your advice and pointing the way to recovery.
There was a time when I thought I was going crazy! I didn’t know he was a narcissist 🤷🏻♀️. Now I know, and I thank you for you videos. God bless you!
I freed myself from one of these monsters and I can tell you, this advice is spot on! Thanks
I’m so grateful to have found this channel. I feel like I’m finally understanding that the narcissist abuse wasn’t my fault. I will begin again. Thank you Lisa.
I knew, from the beginning, that the abuse wasn't my fault, but the narcissist, his enabling(now, late) mother, and one of his brothers backing up each other made me ill. Their treating me as the problem(dad's distortion) and their flying monkeys behavior turned me off of them! Dad still tries to exert non-existent parental authority, lecture/control me and tell me I am wrong "you misinterpred what I said, Jackie" because I stood up to him/I complained(validly) and he wanted to comply with his so-called authority. That didn't happen. I don't like, love, trust or blindly obey him. Ever! That ticks him off.
He expects me to take the blame, as he has, under the guise of "humility" of saying I am wrong in blaming him(not true) for the problems he causes me. It is humiliating. He never takes any blame/responsibilty. It is humiliating, not humility. He dumps it all on me and blames me for it, as if I provoked him. Not!
Living in a toxic landfill(emotional) would be less problematic than dealing with the cause of the landfill! He's full of toxic hate, resentment and self-importance, to maturely deal with him; He will never admit to being wrong. He thinks he's perfect(not!) so he cuts me to shreds, finding fault, nitpicking. I wish he would live in the landfill he creates; maybe he will realize this is the wrong way to mistreat me. Maybe he'll stop, apologize(when pigs fly!) and man up, grow up and shut the hell up. I don't ask for his opinion/unfair judgement of me, I know what I will get. He needs to realize how toxic he is. That won't happen! I will ignore the toxic landfill cause!
Or, if I treat him the way he treats me, he won't like it and stop. Unlikely.
That he will stop.
THANK YOU LISA! Today I will “seek my own validation” and go no contact. Thank you for smiling when you said that. You made me smile and feel empowered to stay no contact. Greetings from Argentina ❤️
"Our siblings are flying monkeys" these videos keep making me cry, I'm still trying to get my head around it. I see no future for myself so thanks it's hard but these videos sort of help.
Most people think it's best if we just suck it up, remain quiet and covertly walk away from the narc . but how is the narc ever going to learn to grow up if they don't get a taste of their own medicine . I'm excited about trying these tactics out . "Use them for our own supply" I love that quote Lisa :) and you too :)
@B. J. He got a taste of his own medicine and he doesn't even know it . great story BJ
Listening to this video Lady R first thing before coffee. Your words are love. I’m in grief stage, confused emo exhausted, sad. Why doesn’t the Narc/spouse just leave the RS (If I could, I would.) It has not improved in years. Narcs don’t see the toxicity that is created. Attempting to resolve issues that keep repeating themselves over and over end up in an all out WWIII is not healthy. More shutty shutty for me. Definitely Brain-sick Body-sick.
Same. Honestly, my eye twitches now and I fell into depression and drinking. I cried out to God and he let me know to trust him. God does have a plan and he will show you in time. Stay strong my friend, this too shall pass!!!
"If your compassion does not include you, it is incomplete" (Buddha)
Right it's all about them
To finally realize you've been raised to accept and to tolerate being emasculated, and to finally recognize it, when it's happening, and to turn around and face them!
My dad is the narcissist and still expects obedience. Pathetic!
Narc mothers, I can't imagine the confusion and mental stress. But everyone is walking on eggshells avoiding the narc as is. The poor kids growing up in that atmosphere is doomed from the beginning.
Some of us not doomed. Rather we become leaders & good friends... 💝
@@kimgordon3695 I would love statistics and scholarly conclusions on these victims. I personally endured such abuse and dysfunction from older siblings. To this day I still bear the stigma of such horrid childhood conditions. The narcs continue to create havoc as adults.
@@robertlee4172 you are rising out of it. Love & healthy boundaries 💝💝
It ruined my life. I don't trust people, I have many health problems and can't be around people much.
@@jacquelineglitter4328
Yup. I sure do know that feeling.
The trauma I felt as a child,
is echoing through my adult life. You...are...not...alone.
That thing about your health, you can do something about it. Start with getting off sugar, flour products and factory foods.
You'll not believe what a burden they've become in our lives.
You are talking about my life ! Every word of it!Thank you Lisa for these videos. It's so true that other people don't understand what is going on!
Both my parents came from abusive houses, but they were an odd mix of Narc/Codependent with their chosen Golden Children and horribly cruel and rejecting to the rest. That recipe of devaluing, gaslighting and using flying monkeys against you was/is very destructive.
So difficult to break free from trauma bonding in our adult relationships.
But it is shocking to realize how bad the abuse is in reality!
They are dangerous predators and the best is to find that True Light!
***THE TRAGEDY is that narcissistic parents were THEMSELVES injured in THEIR childhoods, by THEIR narcissistic parents..... The cycle breaker is when a child grows up and recognizes that they have been injured and has to go through all of that pain and realization and reprogramming their behavior to try to do an exorcism on all of that poison inside of them. The opposite of that is when the child grows up and does not recognize that they have been a victim of neglect and abuse, and then they just PASS IT DOWN AND PROJECT IT ONTO THEIR OWN CHILDREN.***
Yes exactly I have come to accept that and even try to reflect/watch my own behavior on not to become like that it's my worst nightmare to end up like my narcissistic father and I fear that I am already showing a few signs of it I admit it and I'm scared :(
I was raised by a narc mother. Her father paid for her therapy for thirteen years. She chose to lie, she chose the dark side, she CHOSE not to heal. I have no compassion...I accept what happened but that is all I can do.
Tamar Shaddeau exactly. They choose darkness. We don’t. We choose the light.
This statement explains my daughter's mother and one of my sisters. Thank you.
You reach a point in your young adulthood where you make decisions, choices and know right from wrong. It takes much more effort to be a Narc. Don't feel sorry for the person who chooses to obsess, lie, manipulate and demean, all because they think they are worthy of being put on a pedestal.
They don't deserve forgiveness, they deserve to be abandoned
Thank you hugely, Lisa.
I have Shahida’s book and have read it several times.
Although I’ve healed, I recognize that I still have confusion about much of how the toxic ex behaved toward me. As I listen to various videos or read books, I’m discovering those things and understanding how I became traumatized by my father and the toxic ex. Knowing them helps me continue to heal.
I love all the help you, Shahida, and others willingly give to us. It affirms my approach to life. Although not everyone sees the world as I do, I can see how I can wend my way in among these toxic individuals toward full healing.
Blessings!🥰
yes, i've only you and other helpful speakers on this. most of my friends and my family do not understand the hell i went through and am going through. no one understands.
This is validation that I've been doing the right things to recover....it is working. Thank you
Are all pedophiles narcissists? It seems to me that they go hand-in-hand into a dark room.
Two phrases I often heard when trying to confront my abusers:
"You have to compartmentalize."
"Just separate your emotions."
I truly feel that narcissistic parents have dead hearts and they try to kill the hearts of their children.
Yes, I am 💯 no contact. And it's bizarre because I'll occasionally burst into tears because I miss my Dad. My heart is so broken.
I am so sorry that you had to experience that. No one should have to go through something like that.
I wish you can do a video on how to differentiate a narcissistic mother from a codependent one. Thank you so much Lisa 💞
All narcissists are also codependents, they are actually the mother of all codependency, because they define themselves only through their relationships with others, or they cease to exist. My mother is both a covert narc and a codependent and people pleaser in one. Everything she does is always transactional, and subconsciously designed to make her feel better, or in some way uplevel her situation. I know it's effed up, and I've been trying to wrap my head around it for ages. She is 80 now, and getting worse daily bc my father , her chief enabler died a couple of years ago. During the lockdown she was literally going nuts, bc of her addiction to having people around, fawning and doing favors. I am an only child, but I had always felt in the way, and unwanted. She has a harem of various people who fulfil her different needs and I am just one one of them on the carousel, by no means the most important.
Narcissistic mothers and codependency come together as a package deal. There’s no such thing as a “secure or independent” narc. They can’t survive without sucking of someone for their own satisfaction or pleasure.
Absolutely amazing. Thank you
Very interesting points. I haven't thought about all that, but it makes total sense, although I sometimes get confused with my mother's behavior. I hope Lisa can do a video to let it clear
My pain and suffering has taught me to learn just how strong I am to survive it all .. my old thoughts used to say “why me” my even stronger me now says “TRY ME”❤
I'll never thank you enough for your informations on the subject, your videos are a blessing to me, it made me understand my narcissist brother who was very much toxic to me. Because of your videos, now i understand this phenomenom. I'm so shocked to realise such people can exist in the world and get away with their poisonous behavior.
Thank you so much Lisa, i love your work very much.
After years of being in relationships and marriage with narcissists and purposely staying single (3 years now) I’m finally am starting to heal. Now I’ve discovered I am working at a job with a covert narcissist boss. This is so much the same cycles of abuse, but now my boss who holds my job in his hands and is doing his best to crush my identity. I realize i need to move on to another job, but in the meantime, I have been applying these principles as a practice field to begin to get my power back. It is hard, takes effort staying present, not falling back into my learned reactions and going inward, but instead keep moving into my amazing REAL self.
Thank You Mrs Romano for all your videos.....Thank you for sharing and careing ...I am now 1year Free from my Narcissist Ex ....your videos have helped me so much .....and yes enough is enough im still healing and i know it will take a while but im feeling like me again....Again Thank You and God Bless🙏❤
I left my Narc 8 months ago and realized early on that I really needed to get some help in recovering from the heartache and help in making sense as to what happened. I started seeing a counselor a few months back, however, I am having a tough time with something she keeps telling me. She said I need to take responsibility for my part that I am not a victim. I have never thought of myself as a victim, if anything just the opposite was true, I blamed myself for everything that happened until I started getting educated about the subject. My ex has done so much damage, he turned my own children (now adults) against me, telling them horrible lies that aren't even close to the truth. I was an at-home mom for over 13 years and my daughter doesn't remember me being there at all and we were very close back then. He also managed to put a lot of doubt in my family's minds where they don't invite me to the summer reunions anymore, or Christmas. I have lost everything and yes, I take responsibility for having married this man and for not leaving much sooner, but I don't believe I am to take equal responsibility for his abuse. The counselor keeps telling me unless I start taking responsibility for my part I will continue to remain a victim. I left her office in tears. Am I wrong? If I should take responsibility for all of this, what part do I take responsibility for? I am so confused. I really felt like I was finally taking back my power by realizing I wasn't responsible for his behavior only my own and I choose to get well. Any clarification would be greatly appreciated.
Get a new therapist, the one you have now sucks big time.
Just waking up to this at 41.. Having both parents and brother that are narcissists.. I'm a single window mother of 5 kids and a 5 yr old grandson.. Been taking care of all alone and always wrong not good enough.. Makes so much since after I've been wiping my hands again finally done.. Thx LVU for reading this and expressing your personal damage.. Seeing you speak helps me..
Thank you Lisa for this video. I am laughing right now because I have finally gone no contact with my abuser. It has been so liberating since I cut him off. I know it is killing him that I have cut him off. Because we have children I only allow him to text me because of our custody agreement. Nor all he gets from me is an emoji of 👌 or 👍 or crickets no response. Once my youngest daughter turns eighteen in February I will block him completely. I am so much happier and not afraid anymore. It had taken 14 years of being single and working on myself to get to this point. I have been in the for the lady seven years. Every day I get stronger and stronger.
Thank you for everything you do. God Bless you and your family.🙏❤️
Such a sober approach to a totally disorienting experience. Thank you Lisa. Golden information. Namaste
Sadly my mother was a Narcissist also my best friend as a teenager and another close friend in my adult hood. My son’s father’s and my present mate. Realizing this is so frustrating and insightful at the same time. Right now I’m trying to get out of my present situation. I’m ready to break free heal and just be by myself for a good while. Thank you for your videos. They are giving me ideas to bow out this relationship with our it turning absolutely ugly.
This book is on audible, so I have just bought it, one credit well spent. If you rate this book Lisa, it must be a good read. Or listen!.
I thought I had done as much work on narcissism as I needed to, and I thought, I'll never end up in an abusive or co-dependent relationship again, go me! and the progress I've made! BUT...because of my raised self-esteem, I've tried to erect a few boundaries with my parents, and now I feel like I"m back where I started. My mother isn't speaking to me but also simultaneously blames me for the rift. I need to de-value my parents and elevate myself.
This is a great talk, for me personally, I have NO NO safe place, NO SUPPORT SYSTEM, none. Even my counselor abandoned me when covid hit, she did not keep her patients day and time🤷🏼♀️I feel off her schedule, when I asked how she communicated with her other patients, she acted as if I over reacted? Months went by no counsel sessions, I spent over a year with her, then Abandoned again🤦🏼♀️
You have the keys 🔑 🎹 to help us understand not only ourselves but how we can stay aware of manipulative others in our path. When we can stay away from toxic others we can save ourselves, our thoughts, our sanity. Our perception of ourselves.
Thus helping us stay strong and healthy in the future. Thank you 🙏🏾 for helping us with these key tools, insights and concepts. Your wisdom and words are very endearing to me.
Thank you. I am on the road to having a better life, after 23 years of this abuse!!! The pieces coming together and finally the words to express what I've experienced. I know that I will hope fully again.
This is my confirmation, being a normal human being you will feel guilty for hurting a person but now that I've seen this video and realize that what I'm doing to him is what is needed, reverse gaslighting, devaluing and grey rocking, they are weak people can dish it but can't take it.
Your work is like a healing balm! “Shutty shutty!”
A narcissist thinks that it's their ideal to discard you. But most super empaths know that they are boring and demanding, so we will do things to help them move it along and are glad to let them think that it was their idea . It's one thing for empaths to be loving and caring . We are powerful not suckers here learning lessons of self-respect ,self care and, self-love 👁️ confidence well make a narcissist look the other way. they take our natural-born kindness as weakness because they are weak . when they see your strength. They know they can have no control over a strong soul. Discernment is the tool to use everyday so evil people won't get in our way. Love and blessings
Thank you Lisa. You are a very humble wise person. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and love for humanity.
Lisa , again you made relized i am a people pleaser! My head is making my think who should i care about (me) then others
Narcissistic Mother & Father--- I'm in my 50's and only just learning the past 12 months "what I have been feeling & why"! It's extremely helpful to listen to your videos and know that someone does understand, someone does REALLY get the grieving and deep pain. Moving forward, now to heal, now to be a better version of myself beginning with loving myself and seeing my worth and value.... super alien but that's just sad! I am choosing ME, I am healing ME. Thank you for sharing my journey and helping so much with your content, videos, life changing!
I remember learning they bleed on other people their problems they want from you and they become another version like theyre evolving but its getting hard to bargain with if it turns people into hypocrites and break oaths because they were broken
I can't even begin to articulate how much of a difference you have made in my life. I can not thank you enough, Lisa A. Romano! I wish you all the blessings of the universe for all the work you are doing to help others! You are a true hero!
Thank you for your work. You have helped me very much. God bless you.
Thank you so much for sharing all your helpful information. I never understood what was going on with a narcissist but now things make sense and I'm gaining control over my whirlwind of confusion with this person. It's amazing how much this behaviour is like it is performed from a script.
Only child of a narc mother here, thank you for this, and every video !!
Kind of a good thing you didn’t have siblings because they would be the “golden children”....having a narc mom is the worst but thankfully most of us have learned to just stay away from them!!!!
@@camisnyder3460 i fluctuated between golden child and scrape goat ... confusing at best. Luckily I had a wonderful family who protected me! She discarded me 4 years ago... zero contact...my life is peaceful!
@@JustaGirlinCleveland oh my goodness!!! That had to be quite confusing and yes that is truly a blessing. I’m so happy that God protected you and removed her!!!!
Same here. It's tough trying to understand "unconditional love" is conditional
Lisa, you are my guiding light. I’m almost there girl. I am doing my work toward gaining freedom and despite some days of emotional exhaustion, I have hope for a rebirth sooner than later, and I can’t wait. You’re the best! And thank you so very very much! 😇🙏🏼
Magnificent love!!! Thank you for EMPOWERING me, and keeping me FREE!!!😇🥰🦋🌻💐💐💐💓❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍
@@oscarwilliamson1264 no love, I left his chips almost two years ago thanks be to God, and Me free will write Mon Ami???
@@oscarwilliamson1264 AmeriCAN...YOU???
@@oscarwilliamson1264 Now that I read your reply...I am in Colorado...you love???
My father was a malignant narc and though l was an only child really traumatized and screwed me up and then l picked abusers with lots of partners with similar traits until l was able to heal, learn to love myself and not be co dependent but omg it is an extremely hard and long road. I appreciate all of you that reach out to help us it makes us know we are not alone. Some of us can not go full no contact but one big step was when l accepted they will not change, not to fall for the traps, self care and saying no, and re learning not cutting myself down ect. That was such a important first step. It is appreciated and l know l really get comfort. Thank you so so much 💗 💓 💖💖❤❤💜💜💛💛💙💙💕💕
This is probably the most valuable video of yours that I’ve listened to . Thank you Lisa . One year healing ..... still healing , but nearly there . Bless you , and all you do xxxx
Honored!
Going through this is horrible and confusing even as an adult can't imagine what it is like for a child.
Heard many say narcissists are children in adult bodies, which is not true. Have seen children who are more caring, empathetic, responsible, resilience, polite and independent than narcissists. Saying narcissists are very spoiled children in adult bodies is closer to the reality