Honestly I think we, as a generation, need this advice. Everything is posted, tweeted, filtered, and hashtagged that it almost feels... incomplete, or unallowed, to just simply... exist.
I tried this. Spent the first 10ish minutes sitting alone sipping my cocktail. After about 10 minutes, another dude sat down next to me and opened with “so you watched the same TH-cam video I did, huh?” 😂 I guess this truly is a lost art
Yeah, it's not a lost art. I started doing this maybe 20 years ago, and if I suddenly had to move to a new city, I'd do exactly this to meet new people who could help me find my way around the new social environment. It only seems like a lost art to people who've never left the town they grew up in.
Some years ago I went to a bar in Berlin, Germany alone to get drunk because I was heartbroken (big cliché, I know). The bar was in my neighbourhood, but for some reason, I never visited it. I sat down at the bar and the barkeeper was really nice. He noticed that I was in a bad mood. We talked for a bit, and he was very empathetic and tried to cheer me up. Later in the evening, another guy sat right next to me at the bar. He seemed to know the barman well, familiarly talking to him. We also chatted for a bit and at some point, since I was already drinking Whisky, he ordered two glasses for him and me. The Barmen took the whisky bottle straight out of a sealed box, which was unusual because all the whiskies from the menu were standing on the shelf behind the bar. But I didn't think, much of it. The guy next to me then asked me for my opinion on that whisky. I told him it was OK, but I didn't like it very much for this and that reason. The guy suddenly slapped his leg, pointed at the barman and said: “See, I told you it’s not worth it!” - turned out the guy next to me was the owner of the bar and had argued with the barman in the past if this new Whisky is worth its price and should be added to the selection. I'm no whisky expert by any means, but I had already tried a lot of different whiskies at this point and developed a taste over the years. So I could explain quite accurately why I didn't like it. The owner appreciated my honest opinion on said whisky and that I didn't pretend it to be good, just because he paid for it. For the rest of the night, he paid for all my drinks, mostly expensive Whiskies, 25 years old, and we had a fascinating talk the whole night. I stumbled out of the bar at 6 in the morning into the sunlight. Very drunk, but also way less sad than when I entered the bar. It was in some way the perfect bar experience.
Back in 2016 I found myself on a solo holiday in Washington DC during Christmas Week. Last night in town I decided to tick off my bucket list by visiting an American dive bar (or whatever could pass as one in DC). Ended up drinking and talking to this couple there for the next three to four hours; turns out that the female half was in the Navy and on leave for Christmas and New Year, and for whatever reason her and her boyfriend had the same idea as I did which was to go visit DC and the museums there. At closing time which was around 1am or so (honestly can't remember), they asked if I wanted to join them for more drinks at a friend's place "nearby town". Now me being NOT American, I had NO IDEA what their idea of "nearby" actually meant. Bear in mind too that it was my last night in DC and I was meant to catch an afternoon flight the next day to fly back to wherever I'm from, somehow I listened to my gut and said YES. Dude pulls up outside the dive bar in a Chevy Camaro; yes the exact same model as Bumblebee was in the Bayverse Transformers movies. He hadn't been drinking so he was safe to drive, and three of us just went off down the road to their friend's house. By "house", turns out that it was a freaking McMANSION-type place that was hella old moneyed, and by "nearby town" it was literally on the outskirts of Arlington Cemetery. Their friend was apparently an Ivy League college man who was house-sitting for his parents whom I kid you not "was off skiing in Aspen". Ended up spending almost six hours the four of us drinking and smoking quite a few spliffs and getting stoned before the boyfriend drove me back to my hotel in Georgetown to pack and go to Dulles Airport for my flight which was only like 4 hours afterwards. I remember my last words to them: "we might never ever meet again for the rest of our lives, but thank you all for making my US holiday so memorable and I will never forget tonight."
I was stationed in Japan for a bit. I went to Tokyo by myself. I went to a relatively empty and small bar. I sat down, ordered a drink, and noticed an older woman across the way. I was just a young sailor. We started chatting and we sat closer to each other. We talked for a while about things like what it was like to live in Japan vs the US, our future plans, and dreams. She walked me back to the train station and I went back to the ship. It was great connecting with someone in that way. I haven’t thought about that moment of my life in a while. Thank you.
Some of the best conversations I’ve had are with strangers while alone at a bar. Many people are willing to chat with you if you are friendly towards them.
I used to work on the road and I’d spend most nights at a random bar or local eatery in random towns across the US it is insane the kind of sincerity strangers will talk to you with when they aren’t concerned with how that’ll affect one of their relationships I remember getting coffee at my hotel in some flyover state and this guy telling me him and his wife were on their way to adopt their granddaughter after their daughter had died of an overdose Just exist, he present, and open minded. You don’t need to respond to everything and just listening and asking questions is all you need
I used to work at a bank, so blazer & tie was SOP for me. I went to this bar that I knew of. It was a black bar. I'm white as snow. When I stepped in EVERYTHING stopped. All eyes were on me. Nothing but crickets chirping. I slowly walked over to the bar, sat down, & ordered a dirty martini. I took 1 sip; it was very good! Lifted my glass to the bartender & said "Cheers". All the fest ivies started to resume. I met the owner & we had a very nice conversation. I had a great time. I'm glad I did it. I recommend that everyone try it just once.
@@splod44people for the most part are tribal and want to be a part of a group. You would have to be ok without that and also not be an introvert. It's a lot to ask, it seems.
Ive been going to bars, restaurants, concerts, everrything you can imagine, even travelling abroad all alone for my whole life. I regularly go with others too, but I appreciate doing it alone sometimes. Guess I started doing it around 16 years old and now I am 52. I have met countless cool cats this way.
Oh for the days of getting dressed up and going to a nice bar. You never knew who you would meet and where the evening would take you. This was 40 years ago, in my case. I'm delighted to see this young man teaching a new generation how to have civilized adult fun. An elegant cocktail in elegant surroundings with nicely dressed conversationalists is a peak experience.
Learning to do things alone is a great way to develop self-confidence. Not just going to bars, but I also like going to nightclubs and dancing alone, going to cinemas/theaters alone, eating at cafes/restaurants alone, going on vacation alone etc. This can challenging but very rewarding...
Last point is really relatable. I'm a young fella who has been having a bit of a hard time socializing since I started working. Went alone on vacation twice already and loved both times. It made me crawl out of my comfort zone enormously, always met new people. A lot of nice ones, but also some strange ones.
@@mr.trueno6022 yeah Ive had some great vacations on my own. Also going off and exploring somewhere new alone when on vacation with other people. But I don't recommend it if you don't speak the local language - I had some slightly scary experiences alone and lost in Tokyo and Rio de Janeiro.
@@Peter-gu9phsorry about Rio, people are friendly but hardly you will find someone to speak English and give information, they will try giving info even it’s wrong… hahah. Im in vacation alone now in Malta, and it’s been good. Scared at the beginning but now 3 days later I understand that me time it’s good, and be alone with my thoughts became enjoyable.
You couldn’t pay me ten thousand dollars to dance. You couldn’t pay me a hundred to dance by myself. Similar with public speaking. Hearing myself speak in my room alone is almost as challenging as actually speaking to others.
After my divorce I found myself trying to create a new social circle. One thing that helped was becoming a regular at my local bar. It really is a community. Great video, sir!
That's awesome, good for you sir! I know WAY too many people in my life that were in that same situation and instead of getting out there and mingling, they sat in the garage/house apartment etc. moping and hoping for life to get better. There's nothing like getting out into your community/surroundings/city etc. and meeting new people of all sorts.
@@jadizmit’s an easy trap to fall into. Some days I don’t feel like leaving the house, but I make sure to keep a good balance of “me time” and socializing.
I spent two years staying at home not socializing after my divorce. Went to this dive bar on a whim for karaoke a few years ago and have made some great friends.
I hate the TVs, although, if done right, and the size of them.... There is a bar in Williamsburg BK that purchased those really nice Samsung Frame TV's and they show gorgeous changing art and photography. That is actually nice. All else, is pretty low level nonsense.
I went out to a bar last night for the first time in a while and tried this. This worked amazingly, and I had a wonderful time. I no longer feel anxious about going out alone. Thank you.
This is a very useful skill for people who travel a lot, not because of the bars you may encounter in the city, but the endless hours you may spend in an airport. And be in a bar in the airport or just a random seat, talking to people is a great way to pass time.
As a bit more introvert type of person I think that for smooth enter to what is described here taking a bit more passive stance at first and allowing myself to just down a drink, or two while thinking about life and then go will be a nice half step try before active being social and it will be great space to feel the place a bit and maybe even process emotions from current things in life. After watching I'm eager to try but I'll allowe myself gentle enter before trying to talk, but I'll try to be open and nice if someone approaches me.
I've been to a bar by myself before. I sat alone for nearly half an hour before a group of people approached me to have a conversation. But they did! I think the advice you gave is accurate. Also, a small tip for you guys. Offering to take a photo of a group of friends who are taking photos of each other is a great way to introduce yourself.
What do you do after you take their pictures though? Do you just keep talking with them? My first instinct would be to take the picture and be on my way
@@silverdragon1000 Feel out the situation. If they aren't open to talking to you then yes be on your way. However, they might be open to it. In the situation I mentioned i did just keep talking to them. This is how the scenario played out in my case: I entered the bar and sat down for a bit. Then I saw the group of friends taking photos of each other. I offered to take a photo of them. They said NO! But then after 20 minutes they came back asking for the photo. And afterwards we talked for like 20-30 minutes!
@@silverdragon1000like the fella said in the video, compliment what the people are wearing, ask them something about the area, ask them what brings them out tonight, just break the ice as you are between pictures. Especially if you want one of them to smile more for the picture, give that person a genuine compliment, snap the picture, and keep going.
Ask, and don't tell until asked, has always worked well for me. Amazing what people will share when they feel that you're sincerely interested in their stories. I find others pretty fascinating in most cases.
I love solo traveling with my bike. And I always really enjoy going out to eat by myself and find myself a bar after. Any place with live music or a sportbar are always easy places to strike up a conversation with some strangers. Irish pubs are best. Had some great times in Berlin a month ago.
I became a regular at a bar near my work which is a bit of a jog from home. The treatment I get there is great as opposed to a couple of other places I've gone to out of interest. Borderline spoiled with how I'm treated by one bartender. It's nice. Don't know any of the other patrons though currently. Was a regular at another bar for a while before they fired the bartender for reasons I am suspicious of. Guy always knew what I wanted as my first drink based on what I ordered before. Compare this with another bar where I go from time to time and I'm ignored to the point where a manager has to ask if I've been served yet seeing no drink (I don't go there much anymore). It truly is a special feeling.
@@Nelsonwmj Directly, sure, but not inadvertently. The more you expand your network, the greater the chances a mutual acquaintance will try to hook you up with someone. Couples who meet through a shared interest or social circle tend to have better relationships.
I tended bar in college some 40 years ago. It was a locals bar. A regulars bar. I watched how so many strangers became regulars. It was fascinating. Good manners. Kindness towards the bartender and others. Generous tippers. Above all, they simply had to be nice... to be themselves. I ended up making so many friends that became regulars... and the beauty of this whole madness was that I was the conductor, and ultimately, I became the show. I became the reason so many people came to this bar. It was a magical time. I learned so much. But that is a tough gig. Hard work. Long hours. And it could get difficult at times, both emotionally and even physically. What a time... vs
The ancient art described here only applies if you're visiting a bar outside of the towns you know and are familiar with. If you keep doing it in the town you grew up in, it's just alcoholism.
Same! Been going to bars alone because friends don't either are locked up in relationships or don't like bars in general. My favorites are karaoke bars but speakeasy's are great and especially, scotch focused or whiskey focused bars.
Great video. Good advice. I’m 70 and love going to a bar by myself. Many years ago my conference finished early.I was flying out of Boston so I want to hit a Good Will Hunting locals bar. After a bit a guy comes up to check me out. Eventually the conversation revealed I was a retired Marine. It seems the whole bar had a Marine connection. Drinks flowed like crazy and I finally had to cut them off. Long flight back to California. Stopped by a few more times b4 I retired a 2nd time. GREAT memories.
“Just exist” I like that. I travel a lot and mostly alone. The words I often say when people ask how and why I go to places alone like bars and coffee shops. I tell them to let the world come to you. And when you are alone and don't look too creepy the works often does come to you. And while waiting for it you can have those conversations with yourself, learn about who you are. Alone is not a waist of time.
Before the days of TV the local bar was the "everyman's social club". It's where you went to catch up with friends find out the news and even have a drink.
"Where everybody knows your name And they're always glad you came You wanna be where you can see Our troubles are all the same You wanna be where everybody knows your name" It was literally that, I only drink a few times a year, and it's to celebrate with friends and it's always a good time. Unfortunately I don't think the bar scene will ever be what it was. Social media, the Internet and society as a whole has forgotten what a bar is even for.
Still is in Ireland. Because the concept of 'bar' doesn't exist in most Irish towns - but 'pubs' are everywhere. And - contrary to the notions of most Americans - the two things aren't remotely synonymous. Pubs are an institution there precisely BECAUSE of the inclusive all ages/family/village scene. A vibe entirely contrary the very IDEA that most bars tend to be founded upon - cultivating the target patron. Frat kids, bikers, punk rockers, Venture Capital wheeler dealers, sporting event fanatics, billiards and darts enthusiasts, LGBTQ. And most establishments don't invest any time or money in attempting to be all things to all of these over 21 crowds. If there is an analogy to this approach in Ireland, it's the place that everybody simply calls the local nightclub - a different species altogether.
Nice video! I'm a single man mid 30's with no kids. I have nothing to do on the weekends since my friends all are married with kids so do not go out at all now themselves. I see nothing wrong with going to a bar alone. It's better than being at home alone depressed.
Drinking in itself is a dumb ass thing to do. Becoming a regular at a bar means spending lot of money doing something stupid. Unless you are a woman or someone important no one talks to you anyway.
And I am a man whos in his late 20's, though I am not a frequent drinker, I go to places alone and enjoy it. I had a lot of friends but in time I lost contact; most of them was volintarily on my side. Nothing wrong with hanging out alone. Actually, its much better since you can be totally yourself and spend time with yourself. Loners rock! :)
You are doing in wrong. I walk to the bar near my house all of the time. It is great as long as you don't become a complete loser and start doing drugs and taking the slags home.@@elminero49
My name's Cliff & I work for the US Postal service in Boston. I go to my local bar in downtown Boston alone every night & relay my general knowledge on all sorts of subjects to both the regulars & strangers there. They all enjoy it & often recommend that I visit other local bars to share my knowledge more widely 😉
I appreciate your insight, experience, and advice. It's classy, informative. As a 38 year old recovering alcoholic, albeit and ironically an introvert that hate sports, I've been going to bars alone--elegant and trashy--for too long. I don't always feel like interacting, but I always make a friend or two. I love pizza, and asking where is or who makes the best pizza in town is like the key to a portal to a whole new level of social exchange. Drunk people...sigh. But I've made friends, lovers, teachers, life advisors...innumerable rare experiences I wouldn't have had sitting in the corner with my SO or out with a close (and CLOSED) group of lads. Great vid.
Seriously, this is one of the best videos I've seen, my friend. I also like going to bars alone and sometimes I'm afraid of what to do. I've always seen men doing this in movies, but it seems weird in the real world. In Brazil, I see more bars centered around tables inside and on the sidewalks, which is not at all inviting when you're alone (some people take pictures of people alone at these tables and ridicule them on the internet). But when I travel abroad, I want to have this noir experience. Thank you for this.
I've been a regular in a small bar in a town next to the city I live in for 7 years and every time I come there I'm greeted with smiles and a firm handshake from the owner. What a wholesome feeling 😊
Did this a few times and one time this cute lady who was a little older than me started talking to me. We hit it off and a few drinks in some dude joined us. It was her husband. We continued talking until they were giving eachother strange looks and told me that we should continue the fun times over at their place. LOL! NOPE!!!!
@@Krisjoverovovejovovichtski They were both looking at me like I was food. Either that was gonna be a threesome, a cuck situation or an anything goes type deal. All of which I was NOT down with.
@@ryanhorvath1308 whoah. Well arnt there clubs for that. Like that way everyones on the same page Not at a bar and oh thats your wife. Ok now its a altercation
Going to a bar alone is one of the most rewarding experiences you will have. I live in nyc and have several bars which i frequent. Getting close to the bartender is your best bet to start. Also going out in odd days like tue-thu has made me the best connections with individuals who aren't in the traditional 9 to 5. I watched this video to get some suggestions to try a new bar later tonight. No matter how many times you go alone its still a bit nerving to try something new for the first time. Keep at it and just exist. Others are too 🤘
Every time I have ever done this I’ve had a cool story, had a great night or met someone amazing. It’s awesome to push out of your comfort zone and experience new things. I travelled alone for 5 weeks last year and initially it was challenging but the best damn thing I’ve ever done
I'm an American who lives in a tourist area with many bars. I really enjoy going alone. I have many friends who are regulars, but I also really enjoy being the local who helps the tourists have a fun conversation, and gives tips on what to do locally. All of your advice is spot on. Cheers!
This is my favorite pastime--going to the bar alone, well-dressed. I've made a few amazing friends while traveling and dropping into a nice bar. If you are lacking the confidence to go solo, airport bars are great places to practice and work on getting your conversation game sharpened. Super low stakes, and usually everyone is up for chatting. Great video. Thanks!
Good advice, I've personally had some of the best conversations with some of the coolest people simply in passing at an airport bar while waiting on a layover!
Reading at a bar is one of my favorite activities if I have some free time after work. I 100% agree that staying off your phone is key to enjoying this
This is actually one of my favourite things to do.. I'm married, two great boys, dog and a tight group of close friends, but every few months, I love to go out, into the city by myself. I book a table at my favourite jazz bar, have a meal, drink a few scotches and listen to the music, take in the ambience of the place. Then, I'll pick a quieter bar elsewhere and sit, read or chat with other people. It truly is one of my favourite 'nights out'.
I’m a 45 year old man and I love to sit at a nice, quiet bar alone and sip an old fashioned or two. I rarely fail to have an interesting conversation with a stranger. I like what you’re doing and although I see myself as being fairly refined I feel you are reminding me to hone my skills. Great work young man.
I’m a Gent X, not a Gent Z. I love going to bars alone, and I rarely leave a bar without having made a new friend or three. This is all good advice. My additional advice: -Mind the one seat gap on both sides. If a pair of guests come in, offer the seat beside you and move down. The pleasantries you exchange are an excellent intro. -Keep your head up high and look around you regularly. Mind the people looking regularly around themselves. These are people open to conversation. -If the people beside you are having a friendly conversation, don’t be afraid to politely interject if you have a relevant viewpoint or outlook. I’ve made lifelong friends this way. At worst they’ll signal that they’re not interested in further conversation, and you’re no worse than you started. Most of all, always remember that turning strangers into friends is a trainable skill, and relatively easy to learn. The more you do it the easier it becomes whether you’re in London, Amsterdam, Tokyo, NYC, Auckland, or Albuquerque. People go to bars for social engagement the world over. Have fun.
Good topic. Pre social media days in the 90s and early noughties I travelled alone around Europe, US and Japan. I didn't hang out in bars much but had many lunch and dinners by myself. The same rules apply. You learn to be more comfortable and confident in yourself. It's a great way to develop your independence, character and gather thoughts. You often meet like minded people but admittedly I preferred the solitude of being left alone. I find more freedom and peace without the company of someone you pretend to like or are obligated to be submissive in the presence of someone like a work colleague or boss.That's why I liked to dine alone. There has been times when a lady has asked to join me at my table. Just think you are James Bond in a foreign land. Be polite but not too friendly or cocky. Once you adopt this mindset, women actually find a mysterious man very intriguing and attractive. As long as you feel natural and confident and your mannerisms are refined and you learn the basics of being well dressed. Be careful of wearing expensive watches though as it could attract the wrong type of company.
Agreed. The best place near me is a speakeasy with a great bar. Dim lights, no TV, smooth jazz playing. When I go by myself and stay off my phone, I always get into a chat with someone. The staff know us regulars too, so spot on there as well. Some nights have just been some simple small talk with a stranger in between enjoying my own thoughts. Others have turned into business opportunities or absinthe-fueled saturnalia. I've never regretted it.
I find this really interesting because I'm from Ireland myself and living in Boston, but from growing up drinking in Ireland and being in countless pubs I never thought of a conversation at the bar/pub a hard thing to do. It was always so natural to strike up a conversation with someone about anything really, it's definitely a skill that gets unnoticed in this day in age, with phones being such a big thing in our lives. They really is something special about going into a bar and just striking up a conversation with someone you've never met before and I've only gotten an appreciation of that when I moved to America.
As someone who isn't overtly social, and isn't much of a drinker, I find myself at bars alone often. Like you, I started this practice while traveling frequently for work in my mid 20's. Any time I found myself in a new city I would seek out an interesting looking bar to get some food and a few drinks. Mingling with the bartenders and locals its easy to strike up conversation because you're in a new place and naturally interested in what kind of things are going on in the area. I continued this practice while home and have come to be somewhat of a regular at few local pubs and you're right, it begins to feel like a private club when the bartender knows you by name, knows what you like to eat and drink, and is genuinely happy to see you. I guess, like with most things, it just gets easier and easier the more you do it. Planning a trip to Tokyo and the greater SEA region right now and one of the things I'm most excited for is just wandering around checking out other cultures bar scenes!
Good video. No fake advice, no "tactics", just plain and simple advice. Thank you. You gave me the courage to try this out as I found making new friends as an adult is very hard. I remember I made lots of friends when I travelled alone. The advantage to being a tourist is that you don't have to see the people again, so you allow yourself to be more open, or just pretend to be someone else completely though
I often have work-related trips across Europe. I have a tradition of visiting a bar in the evening for some whiskey and cocktails, and to close the evening off, ordering a gin tonic at the bar at the hotel I stay in. I found some real gems and had a lot of interesting conversations with new people. It's nice to have an open conversation with someone when you know you will most likely never see them again.
I occasionally travel alone to Paris for short visits and while an introvert myself, i go out to bars every night during those visits. Quite often it is jazzbars or places with live music, sometimes some of the smaller local bars. I first started doing this to overcome shyness and to break old restrictive habits, it really helped and today i have zero problems with going alone to any bar. Some of my most memorable nights out have been those solodives into the nightlife of Paris.
I go to the bar alone constantly. I make friends with the staff or some random person beside me. I'm a regular at 5 different bars in my city. People are excited to see me when I walk in. Most of my friends I've met as an adult I have met randomly sitting with me at the bar top
I used to study at the bar beneath my apartment, it had 150 beers on tap, a wonderful place and quiet too, had a few good conversations there, didn’t make any long term friends, but had good conversations with strangers and that is also very nice
I always enjoyed going to bars alone, especially when I was single. When you're alone, there's no pressure, and no listening to the guys. Just me and my thoughts and my favorite cocktail or beer. If somebody of interest comes in, I can decide whether to talk or not, and not be pressured by my pals. I've met the most interesting people when alone in a bar. Airport bars can be especially interesting. Travelers love to chat!
Nice video. Going to a bar alone is one of my favorite things to do. I would add: when "making yourself available for socialization" make sure you don't talk too much to the people next to you, especially when they are with others. Forcing it is never the right approach. I simply put my phone away, have my chin up, put on a pleasant & relaxed facial expression and be patient. Pretty much every single time, I am able to eventually strike up a pleasant conversation!
So glad someone shares this great adventure. I love going to bar alone. Definitely, sitting at the bar is rule #1. Found a good trick over the years, bring a book. But, not any book. A good interesting graphic novel, always brings attention. You’re not as drawn so deeply than any regular book, it’s easier to get on an off about it, and people are always curious about it because, not only the story, but the artwork is appealing and will inevitably spark a conversation after a pint or two. Another good trick about a friend of mine when travelling to a new city is to always carry a pen and piece of paper. We would scout as many bar as we felt, he would always introduce himself to the bartender and ask his/her name while ordering our first drinks. He would write down in a subtle manner the name of the bar and the bartender’s name. The next day we would go back the the same place and come in vigorously by calling the waiter by it’s name as we knew him/her for ever. This brings instant curiosity by the locals and inevitably some free shots would fly by later that night🎉
I've never read a book at a bar, but I'm intrigued to find out what it would be like. Remember everyone's name is important. I find it easier to do this on my phone rather than pen and paper. It's less obvious.
Great video. I've never seen this topic brought up on any channel. Recently discovered your channel and now never miss an upload. In my youth (['m 54 now) I went to the bar alone about 50% of the time. Some of my most memorable experiences was when I went alone. In my early 20s I would dress up and would go to downtown jazz club every week. I got to be friends with the Trumpet player. The bartender would greet me by name and would give me free rounds almost every time I went since I tipped well. It was great. And a plus side would be that when I would bring a date I would be confident in my surroundings. My date would be impressed when bar patrons knew me by name and on the band's set break the trumpet player would come say hi. It made my date feel at ease with me and knew I had a social life and friends. I would suggest drinking very little or none at all. Keep your wits about you. And don't drink and drive. I would drink a little and then switch to club soda. You'll also save money. Dive bars can be fun too. Even though dives are super casual, I still dressed up. It made me stand out. It became a joke.. bar mates would say "long hard day at the office Charlie, can I buy you a drink". I kind of became the Frasier Crane of the bar. I suggest choose a bar that has stuff to do like shooting pool or darts. It's an easy way to mingle. A third type of bar I would go alone is a hotel bar. I chose one across from the airport. Sure you aren't going to meet regular patrons, but you meet really interesting travelers. I chatted with a lot of successful older business men and learned some life/business tips. Lastly I wanted to add that I'm super super shy and introverted. I had to really push myself to go alone. However, it's actually easier than going to a large party. Because at a party it's really awkward being a wall flower.. but at a bar no one questions a bloke seating alone at the bar.
Hi Chuck, it sounds like we have a lot of similar thoughts and experiences in going to a bar alone. Dressing up is a very important point for me, whether visiting an upscale bar or a dive bar!
Wow very interesting what you mentioned... I'm trying to attract some business men for mentorship... I think I will check out the airport ones...thanks for the tip
Amen brother! (I'm 51). I've also met some really unique people while flying as well. The world is full of far more interesting people than I would ever have imagined! Just say hi, ask some open ended questions and let people talk. Show a genuine interest in other people and you will hear amazing stories. As I read, I always recommend the classic Dale Carnegie's How to win friends and influence people. TLDR: Be interested, shut up, listen. :)
I get the impression I’m much older than most of your viewers. Going to the bar alone is about the only way I’ve ever gone. Since I don’t drink I would order a soda or something and then do exactly what you’ve mentioned here sit, talk with the bartender speak to other patrons and often have dinner. Being a woman the dynamics are a bit different but the overall idea is the same.
Whats the best way for a guy to approach you? Sometimes i see a girl i like at a pub or bar but feel if i just go over and say hi that its all going to go to shit ect. Will i come across too aggressive ect. Whats your insight?
@@Ojthemighty why do you think women go to bars? Bars are permissive environments. Rather than "go over" the best tactic is when you enter a bar to pick your spot in such a way that you are already in close proximity. If she's alone you can just say hi as you sit down. The trick is usually to draw her into conversation tangentially. Ask the bartender a question, like an opinion opener and then turn to her and ask "what do you think?". But if not already in close proximity then absolutely go over. Be polite and respectful of course and if she thinks that is somehow aggressive then that's on her. As it's a pretty direct approach then it's congruent to continue to be fairly direct. " I couldn't help but notice you are by yourself. I am too. Perhaps we could be alone together for a while,? I'm XXX". Same works with a pair of girls, just open them both tangentially off someone else. And any mixed group where there are guys and girls who may or may not be couples - open the guys first. Once conversation is flowing with them you have the social proof to open the women and see if there are any singletons.
Very much for this, started doing this last year and it forces your out of your comfort zone. Talk to strangers, avoid your phone, and be alone with your own thoughts.
I'm a young guy that's just about fresh out of college and I've recently moved to Japan. Despite speaking Japanese, I've always struggled with really how to "go out" and meet property, since clubs aren't really my thing. Your advice and channel have completely transformed my social life here. I've met friends, gotten dates, and have made so many awesome connections in the different cities I've been living in here, and I am genuinely thankful for your channel and what you do. Cheers, sir.
I've had some great nights when friends/people i know decided to go home and i stayed for a last drink. I've met great people and even got invited for whole nights of drinks. Being alone at a bar can result in great nights.
In my 20s, I was a field engineer for the Broadcast/Cable industry. I would work on advanced equipment, and calm the nerves of upset executives. I spent a lot of nights alone. I found that, quite often, the hotel bar was a great place to do exactly this... Pull up to the middle of the bar, or as close as possible to the middle, but 1 seat from someone already there, and order my drink, usually scotch! I can't tell you how many conversations got started, just because I ordered scotch. Now older, and not traveling as much, upscale hotels, and restaurants are perfect. They usually have a band. If you can dance, everyone will love you. And the drinks aren't much more than they would be anywhere else. Usually in the bar section, you have the bar, a few tables, and a tiny dance floor. The music is rarely too loud to talk. Going alone is a perfect way to meet people, and yes, silence your phone, and don't look at it. Talk to the Bartender, they'll introduce you to people... If paying cash, I always tip $10 or $20 for my first drink. I don't usually need to tip for the next 2 or 3, but I got their attention!
I was today years old when I realised reluctance at going to a bar by oneself was a thing. One of my absolute favourite things to do is go to a bar, order a really nice cocktail and just plug into a book or podcast for half an hour, completely shut the world out around me. Same goes with restaurants, I much prefer to eat alone so I can concentrate on soaking up the food and atmosphere (not to mention my own thoughts) without being distracted by conversation. And I'm not even particularly an introvert or anything, I also enjoy long boozy nights out with large groups of friends and the like. But honestly just sitting by yourself lost in your own thoughts or a good book is such an underrated pastime these days, I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it in a while. Seriously, fuck whatever shallow judgements people want to make about you, just enjoy yourself...
As a 21-24 year old, I would visit the bar alone once a week, or every other week. I love being alone, but I enjoyed getting out. The Covid lockdown ended that tradition, and I never resumed it afterwards. Watching this video reminded me of how enjoyable it can be, perhaps I’ll pick it back up. Cheers 🍻
I’ve been going to bars alone for my entire adult life since I turned 21; I’ve met so many new people this way, befriended bartenders, and met/taken home plenty of women. I drink, keep to myself and, before I know it, someone starts talking to me. I stay off my phone and put off a friendly demeanor to invite conversation/company. I’m a good looking guy with cool style, so I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t help, but going to a bar solo is probably my favorite thing to do. Everyone should try it.
When I used to be a truck driver I'd always go out by myself because, well... 😜 Some of the best evenings I had happened back then. Also going on vacation alone forces you to go to a bar by yourself and have (good) conversations with complete strangers. I never dressed up though, but still had GREAT times and conversations. 🙂
I have loved doing this for a while now, whether it results in social interaction or not. Learning to relax and enjoy your own company while having a good bite and brew is a priceless skill. "Just exist, it's okay" will lead you to peace you can't imagine.
My long-time MO when moving to a new city is find a pub with a "my style" vibe and sit across from where the bartender mixes coctails and strike up a conversation and ask about the area as it relates to your interests. They will usually know every thing and everybody worth knowing and if they like you, the'll invite you into their circle. And always over-tip; servers fondly remember big tippers and will always take care of you when things get busy.
I’m in my early 20s and I travel a lot for work (alone) around my state. I’ve definitely enjoyed going to bars alone (some more than a couple times). It definitely helps, I think, to dress a little nicer. You’d be surprised how friendly people usually are and how willing they are to have a conversation with a stranger. Being amicable/talking with the bartender is a definite plus/must! Cheers 🥂
Love this idea. I tend to go to grab food at this specific site down Pho restaurant, and have become a regular per se, the owners love me and always chat my ear off and visa versa. Same concept applies here but different environment and same principle. Being confident enough to go to said place alone and sit in peace and make conversation when appropriate. My friends think I’m crazy but I find it fun and always pleasantly surprised with how relaxing and fun it can be when speaking up conversations. Just a tip as well, talk to anyone and everyone you can, walking, grocery stores, gas stations etc, this will aid in the process significantly. Great video!!
It's quite funny for an Irishman to see this...generations of inbuilt learning have taught us to naturally start up conversations with strangers, get jobs, leads, gigs, contacts.....Do it people...its easy and you will walk away a happier person! Not just in a bar btw..do it in the street, cafés, shops etc
Best tip from my end is to bring a book to the bar. If no one's there, you have something to read. If they are there, they'll probably ask you what you're reading. I've struck up so many conversations that way at my local watering hole in Paris.
I’m 60, and graduated with my undergraduate @ 21, I was hired 4 months before graduation, and I was TGY all over the US & various countries, as I worked for US State Dept, thus I was always attending cocktail lounges , dives, saloons, etc all over the world. Yet I felt extremely comfortable in any bar, probably because I was a heavy drinker of fine Scotch, Cuban cigars as I was indoctrinated by the management & executives at State. I ❤jazz bars especially, yet I could adapt, improvise, innovative my character to any territory without ever being arrogant. You’ve got great advice for your viewers, I couldn’t give that advice, because both my folks were bureaucrats with 35-45 years working in the intelligence community, thus we always moved to different countries, and I got used to operating alone , and learned to embrace it. I’m a member of your channel, and I wish you luck, I enjoy your content on dressing formal, as I always wore a coat & tie since I was 18, as I worked as a student employee with US Treasury while I completed my undergraduate.
I love going to bars solo. I'm always amazed at the connections, stories and even professional networking that can be done over a cocktail with complete strangers. I wish there were a few classier joints around here though.
I had an experience going bar by myself, it was the last night stayed in Pattaya, Thailand so there was a bunch of college students decided to drink till passed out and have fun in night club, which is something I would never fond of, so I took a 30 minutes walk to the beach avenue, found a lovely little music bar with a band in it, grabbed some beers and just enjoyed the music alone. It was the best part of the journey to me, and I still remember the name of the bar even for a long time.
Knowing different cocktails or "rare" cocktails is an excellent way to get to know the bartender and the people around you. The bartender "mixologist" gets to show off his/her skills. Everyone will talk to you and ask what your are drinking and then order one as well. The bartender appreciates the business and everyone starts to discuss the cocktail and have fun. Good cocktails to know are the Gin Fizz, French 75, Manhattan, Gibson, Old Fashioned, and the James Bond Vesper, but with Amaro Nonino instead of Lillet Blanc. Ordering anyone of these will impress the bartender and arouse the curiosity of anyone sitting at the bar. For some men and women these drinks are too strong. In that case I will order an Amaretto Sour, Lemon drop martini, coconut rum and coke/cherry coke, or coconut rum and sprite, or finally the Blue Hawaiian. Always tip the bartender 100% on the first drink then 20% on each drink thereafter, even if you start a tab. Tip in cash. The bartender will always give you better service and will give you experimental drinks for you to try out. So much fun at the bar alone!
I used to only go to bars with other people. Last year I moved several time zones away from everyone I knew, and going to a bar alone has been a social lifeline for me since. There's been lots of liquor, yes, but also many connections.
The first challenge is finding a decent bar that’s not full of loud people and playing loud music. The purpose of going to a bar by yourself is to drink, relax and be left alone. Kind of hard to do when it’s loud and crowded.
"be left alone" is key, I hate it when strangers talk to me. That's why I just stay home 🤣 I don't get people who go out "to meet people", it's just awful to me. No clue why YT recommended this to me 🤣🤣🤣
When I first moved out I would go to this bar in town every thursday after work to eat pasta with meatballs, drink 3-4 Budweisers, and watch jeopardy. Would only speak if I was spoken to but I loved every conversation and met a lot of nice people.
This was such a calming video, everything came together so well. The calm, classy piano, your editing, the way you speak calmly and confidently, and your advice plus the topic all came together so well that it was relaxing. Thank you for this advice and I may use your tips to plan a trip to the bar alone.
Very interesting post. I would fully recommend. Due to working away a lot I have frequented bars on my own. On an earlier occasion in Leicestershire I engaged a quiet mature chap in a busy pub in general chat. Later the bar person told me I had been talking to John Deacon of the former musician from rock band Queen! (this was around the time one of the band said they didn't know where he was!).He had some connection to the area. Another time in south London I went to a proper hotel bar - which are more speak easy style -and engaged in conversation with a mature American couple at a table as the bar area was full. Transpired the man was worldwide president of a much larger competing business and they invited me to visit them in the US! Someone else said a person at the bar was an actor.. but I didnt know Two rules to follow always , under no circumstance drink too much and never rise to any objectionable behaviour or comments by others which might occur if you find yourself in a more rough place than you thought but just remove yourself
Going to the bar by yourself is very underrated, learn to dine alone. You'll learn what you like and don't like, luckily for me there's plenty of bars I can frequent in my city. Even one where I'm a regular.
^ As a relatively introverted person, I very much enjoyed the isolation of COVID era USA, most restaurants that were takeout only would allow you to dine-in if you were polite about it, and so I enjoyed many evenings chatting with restaurant staff and enjoying a good meal.
This is great advice! I keep telling people about it, just works. For I know a few non alcohol drinkers and tea drinking seem to be a favorite. Its cheap, it lasts a while and it doesn't make you poop like coffee does.
I used to do this all the time when i was a bit younger, and still do from time to time. I've even done it abroad a couple times. I was in Greece just chilling at the bar on my own taking in the scenery. Was a nice experience, plus this one time I got friendly with a bar lady and she gave me a shot of vodka and some ouzo on the house just by going on my own and striking a conversation. Criminally underated going to the bar on your own
I travel a LOT for work, so I learned very quickly that if I wanted to have any semblance of a social life, I had to go to bars alone. It was hard at first: the quasi entirety of my bar going youth was spent (ashamed to admit) judging "bar pillars" and commenting on how sad it was to go to a bar alone. What I didn't understand then was that as you get older, priorities and views change. But I had to shake the old prejudice nonetheless. Once I started doing it though, it became a truly pleasant experience! And it offers the opportunity to discover new places for if and when I do go back with friends or family. Very good advice kind sir! Carry on with pride!
I watched the video and ended up going to a bar alone. This video gave me confidence and gave some tips I sat in the middle. Got 2 numbers and gave mine once. Also was told by 2 other females I was handsome. One called me the most handsome man there. Was a good time. I’m going to try to become a regular now. Thanks 🙏🏼
Congrats bro, nice to see a positive comment around here. I also had very interesting experiences when I was alone somewhere. If you get over the admittedly strong initial anxiety, you start noticing things around yourself, you act upon them, and you learn a lot through the process.
I've gone to bars like this in europe and it actually works. You can meet people and repeatedly see them which builds up a rapport. They won't be lifelong friends most of the time. But you can at least become comfortable being alone and build confidence to talk to people you don't know and see how best to be friendly, be talkative, and be open. You don't have to be friends with everybody and some people might turn into friends, who knows. But you won't know by sitting here watching videos on youtube ;) albeit as good as this one was.
As a professional solo concert goer and bar enjoyer, adapting to the vibe, or just being nice will get you far. Like he said in the video, just by doing that, you can roll the dice and your night can change drastically. I remember many times ending up in a strangers friend group, leaving the bar or show, going to get food, hanging out, going to their place, etc. The more crazy experiences where we end up trashed and lost in the city is also fun lol
I was an international environmental consultant for decades and traveled alone always. I felt most at home in upscale bars, often in nicer hotels.these places were accustomed to men like me still in blazer or suit and tie after the working day was over. Some of my fondest memories are now the recalled moments I spent alone (to begin with) in Memphis, Tashkent, Denver, Maputo, Vilnius, and many more. I often carried a small, hardbound volume of some book I was reading in my jacket pocket. If no other options were forthcoming, I had a lovely evening with a beaker/snifter of some tasty amber substance and the company of a great author from the past. I felt then as now: my life was exactly how it should be.
I used to frequent local bars by myself back in the late 70s early 80s. I agree with your observations. You can really meet a lot of interesting people doing this. And yes as you said leave the phone in your pocket. Great advice as usual thank you for the video. Cheers Ron
Bring a book and read. I do it all the time, you get all the best attention from high class men who appreciate literature, women who like seeing a guy who is smart, plus its an instant conversation starter of "what are you reading?"
As a older guy now who has traveled the globe, mostly solo, I can attest going into a bar solo has given me more good memories than anywhere else. From London and Dublin pubs, to New York dive bars, Japanese saki/sushi, German beer gardens...on and on! Solo almost forces you to reach out and get to know people you would otherwise never meet. When you go to a bar with another person you are not only less approachable but are much more inclined to keep the conversation between the two of you.
Its such a unique experience that I consider it a must when traveling somewhere by yourself or when visiting a new city/country. No matter if its a restaurant, a night club or a bar just go in there by yourself and own it, relax and enjoy yourself and others will notice that.
I absolutely enjoy going to bar by myself after work and I do all the things you say. It works an absolute treat. I’m a watch guy so for me if I notice someone wearing a nice watch I comment on it then the conversation flows about watches. I’ve made many friends by doing this and pretty much am guaranteed to bump into someone I know at my regular bar. A great video and I’d recommend to everyone to try this but do it on a week day and you’d be surprised how many interesting people you meet.
That’s a great point, The weekdays, especially earlier in the day are frequented by long time regulars, great characters usually with great stories. I like to look at it as a challenge when I see other solo bar goers to find out what kind of conversations Iight them up.
That's a great point about the watch. I myself have a custom diamond ring, people always notice that. If you are literally wearing a conversation piece of some kind, that's your easy way in, it's like bait. It can be how you dress too of course, give it some thoughts.
I love it! I have been trying my best to disconnect from my phone and embrace chance. It's been awhile since my long backpacking trip when I did stuff on the whim, like go to a bar alone, and strike up conversation with strangers. This video is a great reminder to do fun stuff, and speak to interesting people!
I first started drinking in bars alone from age 19. I'm now 45 and can confirm alot of advice in this video. Obviously the theme is upscale and well dressed, which is great but if you're in Ethiopia there are some fantastic solo bar experiences to be had.
You're bang on about the bartender being the "conductor" of the experience. There was a local bar to me that I wanted to check out a couple weeks ago so I ended up there by myself. I was just hanging out and observing but before long the bartender got everyone engaged and it turned out to be a lot of fun.
Interesting topic for a video. Well done. I’m older, I think, than the demographic that you’re aiming for, but I have watched a lot of your videos and I find them very interesting and informative. I’m married and don’t have much cause to go to a bar alone, but I used to do that when I was younger. I really wish there had been a resource like this channel to give me some tips. I was a shy and quiet guy, and typically would go to a bar, have a couple drinks, and leave without saying a word to anyone. It was a bit sad. Thank you on behalf of the guys like me (back then) who can learn something useful while they have time to use it.
"Just exist. It's OK." Wise words, Sir.
Thank you
@@Gent.ZI agree. Simple yet very impactful. I’m gonna start watching more of your content
But remember it's sad to go solo to a bar according to his majesty. Remember
Honestly I think we, as a generation, need this advice. Everything is posted, tweeted, filtered, and hashtagged that it almost feels... incomplete, or unallowed, to just simply... exist.
@@ravenillusion2596some people can’t be alone.
I tried this. Spent the first 10ish minutes sitting alone sipping my cocktail. After about 10 minutes, another dude sat down next to me and opened with “so you watched the same TH-cam video I did, huh?” 😂 I guess this truly is a lost art
No way did that really happen😂😂😂😂
No shot that happened
I call 🧢
Yeah, it's not a lost art. I started doing this maybe 20 years ago, and if I suddenly had to move to a new city, I'd do exactly this to meet new people who could help me find my way around the new social environment. It only seems like a lost art to people who've never left the town they grew up in.
Funny guy. 😂
Some years ago I went to a bar in Berlin, Germany alone to get drunk because I was heartbroken (big cliché, I know). The bar was in my neighbourhood, but for some reason, I never visited it. I sat down at the bar and the barkeeper was really nice. He noticed that I was in a bad mood. We talked for a bit, and he was very empathetic and tried to cheer me up. Later in the evening, another guy sat right next to me at the bar. He seemed to know the barman well, familiarly talking to him. We also chatted for a bit and at some point, since I was already drinking Whisky, he ordered two glasses for him and me. The Barmen took the whisky bottle straight out of a sealed box, which was unusual because all the whiskies from the menu were standing on the shelf behind the bar. But I didn't think, much of it. The guy next to me then asked me for my opinion on that whisky. I told him it was OK, but I didn't like it very much for this and that reason. The guy suddenly slapped his leg, pointed at the barman and said: “See, I told you it’s not worth it!” - turned out the guy next to me was the owner of the bar and had argued with the barman in the past if this new Whisky is worth its price and should be added to the selection. I'm no whisky expert by any means, but I had already tried a lot of different whiskies at this point and developed a taste over the years. So I could explain quite accurately why I didn't like it. The owner appreciated my honest opinion on said whisky and that I didn't pretend it to be good, just because he paid for it. For the rest of the night, he paid for all my drinks, mostly expensive Whiskies, 25 years old, and we had a fascinating talk the whole night. I stumbled out of the bar at 6 in the morning into the sunlight. Very drunk, but also way less sad than when I entered the bar. It was in some way the perfect bar experience.
Back in 2016 I found myself on a solo holiday in Washington DC during Christmas Week. Last night in town I decided to tick off my bucket list by visiting an American dive bar (or whatever could pass as one in DC). Ended up drinking and talking to this couple there for the next three to four hours; turns out that the female half was in the Navy and on leave for Christmas and New Year, and for whatever reason her and her boyfriend had the same idea as I did which was to go visit DC and the museums there.
At closing time which was around 1am or so (honestly can't remember), they asked if I wanted to join them for more drinks at a friend's place "nearby town". Now me being NOT American, I had NO IDEA what their idea of "nearby" actually meant. Bear in mind too that it was my last night in DC and I was meant to catch an afternoon flight the next day to fly back to wherever I'm from, somehow I listened to my gut and said YES.
Dude pulls up outside the dive bar in a Chevy Camaro; yes the exact same model as Bumblebee was in the Bayverse Transformers movies. He hadn't been drinking so he was safe to drive, and three of us just went off down the road to their friend's house. By "house", turns out that it was a freaking McMANSION-type place that was hella old moneyed, and by "nearby town" it was literally on the outskirts of Arlington Cemetery. Their friend was apparently an Ivy League college man who was house-sitting for his parents whom I kid you not "was off skiing in Aspen". Ended up spending almost six hours the four of us drinking and smoking quite a few spliffs and getting stoned before the boyfriend drove me back to my hotel in Georgetown to pack and go to Dulles Airport for my flight which was only like 4 hours afterwards.
I remember my last words to them: "we might never ever meet again for the rest of our lives, but thank you all for making my US holiday so memorable and I will never forget tonight."
What a great story. Thanks for sharing.
@@Nelsonwmj you didnt ask their ig or something?
ඔබ කර්තෘ කෙනෙක්
Which bar in Berlin?
I was stationed in Japan for a bit. I went to Tokyo by myself. I went to a relatively empty and small bar. I sat down, ordered a drink, and noticed an older woman across the way. I was just a young sailor. We started chatting and we sat closer to each other. We talked for a while about things like what it was like to live in Japan vs the US, our future plans, and dreams. She walked me back to the train station and I went back to the ship. It was great connecting with someone in that way. I haven’t thought about that moment of my life in a while. Thank you.
“ Just exist, it’s okay”. Truer words have never been spoken.
Sadly, it isn't.
Some of the best conversations I’ve had are with strangers while alone at a bar. Many people are willing to chat with you if you are friendly towards them.
Absolutely
doesn't matter, bar is a place for loners too
I used to work on the road and I’d spend most nights at a random bar or local eatery in random towns across the US
it is insane the kind of sincerity strangers will talk to you with when they aren’t concerned with how that’ll affect one of their relationships
I remember getting coffee at my hotel in some flyover state and this guy telling me him and his wife were on their way to adopt their granddaughter after their daughter had died of an overdose
Just exist, he present, and open minded. You don’t need to respond to everything and just listening and asking questions is all you need
not really, but okay
True and surprisingly I remember them well, especially in airports with random travelers.
I used to work at a bank, so blazer & tie was SOP for me. I went to this bar that I knew of. It was a black bar. I'm white as snow. When I stepped in EVERYTHING stopped. All eyes were on me. Nothing but crickets chirping. I slowly walked over to the bar, sat down, & ordered a dirty martini. I took 1 sip; it was very good! Lifted my glass to the bartender & said "Cheers". All the fest ivies started to resume. I met the owner & we had a very nice conversation. I had a great time. I'm glad I did it. I recommend that everyone try it just once.
Cheers to that!
Lol ….
Was Otis Knight and the days playing, and did you see John Belushi by any chance?
@@_Coffee4Closers yeah, & did the brothahs walk over and go, "Doo you mind if we dance wid yoh dates?"
Everyone clapped
"Just exist. It's OK" this sentence light my heart. Well says!
But remember its sad to go solo to a bar according to his majesty remember
Live don't just exist its fun not giving a F**ck what anyone else thinks
@@splod44people for the most part are tribal and want to be a part of a group. You would have to be ok without that and also not be an introvert. It's a lot to ask, it seems.
Is it just me or does this guy not seem like the most pretentious person ever and thinks he‘s something better? The way he talks makes my skin crawl
Ive been going to bars, restaurants, concerts, everrything you can imagine, even travelling abroad all alone for my whole life. I regularly go with others too, but I appreciate doing it alone sometimes. Guess I started doing it around 16 years old and now I am 52. I have met countless cool cats this way.
Back at ya. It's strange to hear this sounds so foreign
Oh for the days of getting dressed up and going to a nice bar. You never knew who you would meet and where the evening would take you. This was 40 years ago, in my case. I'm delighted to see this young man teaching a new generation how to have civilized adult fun. An elegant cocktail in elegant surroundings with nicely dressed conversationalists is a peak experience.
Learning to do things alone is a great way to develop self-confidence. Not just going to bars, but I also like going to nightclubs and dancing alone, going to cinemas/theaters alone, eating at cafes/restaurants alone, going on vacation alone etc. This can challenging but very rewarding...
Last point is really relatable. I'm a young fella who has been having a bit of a hard time socializing since I started working. Went alone on vacation twice already and loved both times. It made me crawl out of my comfort zone enormously, always met new people. A lot of nice ones, but also some strange ones.
@@mr.trueno6022 yeah Ive had some great vacations on my own. Also going off and exploring somewhere new alone when on vacation with other people. But I don't recommend it if you don't speak the local language - I had some slightly scary experiences alone and lost in Tokyo and Rio de Janeiro.
@@Peter-gu9phsorry about Rio, people are friendly but hardly you will find someone to speak English and give information, they will try giving info even it’s wrong… hahah.
Im in vacation alone now in Malta, and it’s been good. Scared at the beginning but now 3 days later I understand that me time it’s good, and be alone with my thoughts became enjoyable.
You couldn’t pay me ten thousand dollars to dance. You couldn’t pay me a hundred to dance by myself. Similar with public speaking. Hearing myself speak in my room alone is almost as challenging as actually speaking to others.
Im going to poland alone for a week and everyone thinks im crazy lol
After my divorce I found myself trying to create a new social circle. One thing that helped was becoming a regular at my local bar. It really is a community. Great video, sir!
That's awesome, good for you sir! I know WAY too many people in my life that were in that same situation and instead of getting out there and mingling, they sat in the garage/house apartment etc. moping and hoping for life to get better. There's nothing like getting out into your community/surroundings/city etc. and meeting new people of all sorts.
@@jadizmit’s an easy trap to fall into. Some days I don’t feel like leaving the house, but I make sure to keep a good balance of “me time” and socializing.
I spent two years staying at home not socializing after my divorce. Went to this dive bar on a whim for karaoke a few years ago and have made some great friends.
@@moxdonalds925sounds like my story! I made some great friends through karaoke, too!
Divorce was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I know that’s not the norm, hope you’re doing well sir!
If only more bars had zero television.
Damn straight.
💯
I hate the TVs, although, if done right, and the size of them.... There is a bar in Williamsburg BK that purchased those really nice Samsung Frame TV's and they show gorgeous changing art and photography. That is actually nice. All else, is pretty low level nonsense.
They are such a huge distraction.
💯💯💯💯
I went out to a bar last night for the first time in a while and tried this. This worked amazingly, and I had a wonderful time. I no longer feel anxious about going out alone. Thank you.
This is a very useful skill for people who travel a lot, not because of the bars you may encounter in the city, but the endless hours you may spend in an airport. And be in a bar in the airport or just a random seat, talking to people is a great way to pass time.
Staring off into space and zoning out is extremely underrated.
It's nice to just.. 'be' sometimes. I agree.
Exactly man, just sit have a drink and dive into your own mind for a little bit and level out
As a bit more introvert type of person I think that for smooth enter to what is described here taking a bit more passive stance at first and allowing myself to just down a drink, or two while thinking about life and then go will be a nice half step try before active being social and it will be great space to feel the place a bit and maybe even process emotions from current things in life.
After watching I'm eager to try but I'll allowe myself gentle enter before trying to talk, but I'll try to be open and nice if someone approaches me.
That always happens to me because I’m an extreme introvert.
That's totally how I used to roll.
I've been to a bar by myself before. I sat alone for nearly half an hour before a group of people approached me to have a conversation. But they did! I think the advice you gave is accurate. Also, a small tip for you guys. Offering to take a photo of a group of friends who are taking photos of each other is a great way to introduce yourself.
What do you do after you take their pictures though? Do you just keep talking with them? My first instinct would be to take the picture and be on my way
@@silverdragon1000 Feel out the situation. If they aren't open to talking to you then yes be on your way. However, they might be open to it. In the situation I mentioned i did just keep talking to them.
This is how the scenario played out in my case: I entered the bar and sat down for a bit. Then I saw the group of friends taking photos of each other. I offered to take a photo of them. They said NO! But then after 20 minutes they came back asking for the photo. And afterwards we talked for like 20-30 minutes!
@@silverdragon1000 scroll through their photos and comment on them.
@@silverdragon1000like the fella said in the video, compliment what the people are wearing, ask them something about the area, ask them what brings them out tonight, just break the ice as you are between pictures. Especially if you want one of them to smile more for the picture, give that person a genuine compliment, snap the picture, and keep going.
A true gentleman has a breadth of knowledge to be able to converse enjoyably with strangers without being overly intrusive or self centred
Ask, and don't tell until asked, has always worked well for me. Amazing what people will share when they feel that you're sincerely interested in their stories. I find others pretty fascinating in most cases.
I love solo traveling with my bike. And I always really enjoy going out to eat by myself and find myself a bar after. Any place with live music or a sportbar are always easy places to strike up a conversation with some strangers. Irish pubs are best. Had some great times in Berlin a month ago.
I became a regular at a bar near my work which is a bit of a jog from home. The treatment I get there is great as opposed to a couple of other places I've gone to out of interest. Borderline spoiled with how I'm treated by one bartender. It's nice. Don't know any of the other patrons though currently. Was a regular at another bar for a while before they fired the bartender for reasons I am suspicious of. Guy always knew what I wanted as my first drink based on what I ordered before. Compare this with another bar where I go from time to time and I'm ignored to the point where a manager has to ask if I've been served yet seeing no drink (I don't go there much anymore). It truly is a special feeling.
When I was a "young guy" I loved going to the "old man bars" alone. I met a lot of incredible guys.
Same here. Some of my best friends in my local pub are 50,60+
Agreed, but it is definitely shit if you hope to get to know some new females in your life though.
Even girls. There was a cop bar I used to go to. Incredible stories, plus very safe.
@@TeddyRumblewouldn’t mind handcuffed by a female cop lol
@@Nelsonwmj Directly, sure, but not inadvertently. The more you expand your network, the greater the chances a mutual acquaintance will try to hook you up with someone. Couples who meet through a shared interest or social circle tend to have better relationships.
I tended bar in college some 40 years ago. It was a locals bar. A regulars bar. I watched how so many strangers became regulars. It was fascinating. Good manners. Kindness towards the bartender and others. Generous tippers. Above all, they simply had to be nice... to be themselves. I ended up making so many friends that became regulars... and the beauty of this whole madness was that I was the conductor, and ultimately, I became the show. I became the reason so many people came to this bar. It was a magical time. I learned so much. But that is a tough gig. Hard work. Long hours. And it could get difficult at times, both emotionally and even physically. What a time...
vs
I thought I was an alcoholic, turns out I am a continuer of an ancient art.
😂😅😊❤
THIS
Thank god I'm already on the toilet i just pissed myself😂
The ancient art described here only applies if you're visiting a bar outside of the towns you know and are familiar with. If you keep doing it in the town you grew up in, it's just alcoholism.
Same! Been going to bars alone because friends don't either are locked up in relationships or don't like bars in general. My favorites are karaoke bars but speakeasy's are great and especially, scotch focused or whiskey focused bars.
Great video. Good advice. I’m 70 and love going to a bar by myself. Many years ago my conference finished early.I was flying out of Boston so I want to hit a Good Will Hunting locals bar. After a bit a guy comes up to check me out. Eventually the conversation revealed I was a retired Marine. It seems the whole bar had a Marine connection. Drinks flowed like crazy and I finally had to cut them off. Long flight back to California. Stopped by a few more times b4 I retired a 2nd time. GREAT memories.
“Just exist” I like that. I travel a lot and mostly alone. The words I often say when people ask how and why I go to places alone like bars and coffee shops. I tell them to let the world come to you. And when you are alone and don't look too creepy the works often does come to you. And while waiting for it you can have those conversations with yourself, learn about who you are. Alone is not a waist of time.
Before the days of TV the local bar was the "everyman's social club". It's where you went to catch up with friends find out the news and even have a drink.
Indeed. I would love it if we could bring that back
"Where everybody knows your name
And they're always glad you came
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name"
It was literally that, I only drink a few times a year, and it's to celebrate with friends and it's always a good time. Unfortunately I don't think the bar scene will ever be what it was. Social media, the Internet and society as a whole has forgotten what a bar is even for.
Still is in Ireland.
Because the concept of 'bar' doesn't exist in most Irish towns - but 'pubs' are everywhere.
And - contrary to the notions of most Americans - the two things aren't remotely synonymous. Pubs are an institution there precisely BECAUSE of the inclusive all ages/family/village scene.
A vibe entirely contrary the very IDEA that most bars tend to be founded upon - cultivating the target patron.
Frat kids, bikers, punk rockers, Venture Capital wheeler dealers, sporting event fanatics, billiards and darts enthusiasts, LGBTQ. And most establishments don't invest any time or money in attempting to be all things to all of these over 21 crowds.
If there is an analogy to this approach in Ireland, it's the place that everybody simply calls the local nightclub - a different species altogether.
@@chriscoughlin9289 "Pubs" are short for "Public House" after all
Nah mate its still like this in most places. Unless its a big rugby game or something people are mainly socialising
Nice video! I'm a single man mid 30's with no kids. I have nothing to do on the weekends since my friends all are married with kids so do not go out at all now themselves. I see nothing wrong with going to a bar alone. It's better than being at home alone depressed.
Drinking in itself is a dumb ass thing to do. Becoming a regular at a bar means spending lot of money doing something stupid. Unless you are a woman or someone important no one talks to you anyway.
And I am a man whos in his late 20's, though I am not a frequent drinker, I go to places alone and enjoy it. I had a lot of friends but in time I lost contact; most of them was volintarily on my side. Nothing wrong with hanging out alone. Actually, its much better since you can be totally yourself and spend time with yourself. Loners rock! :)
Get yourself a woman, it isn’t going to get any better. It’s family time
@@-Swamp_Donkey- nowadays its hard to come across with someone you can trust. Its easier said than done :)
You are doing in wrong. I walk to the bar near my house all of the time. It is great as long as you don't become a complete loser and start doing drugs and taking the slags home.@@elminero49
My name's Cliff & I work for the US Postal service in Boston. I go to my local bar in downtown Boston alone every night & relay my general knowledge on all sorts of subjects to both the regulars & strangers there. They all enjoy it & often recommend that I visit other local bars to share my knowledge more widely 😉
😂
😂😂 🍻 you a real one for this😂
What bar? I’m in Boston too
Where everybody knows your name?
@@johnconnors993cheers is probably closed
I appreciate your insight, experience, and advice. It's classy, informative. As a 38 year old recovering alcoholic, albeit and ironically an introvert that hate sports, I've been going to bars alone--elegant and trashy--for too long. I don't always feel like interacting, but I always make a friend or two. I love pizza, and asking where is or who makes the best pizza in town is like the key to a portal to a whole new level of social exchange. Drunk people...sigh. But I've made friends, lovers, teachers, life advisors...innumerable rare experiences I wouldn't have had sitting in the corner with my SO or out with a close (and CLOSED) group of lads. Great vid.
Seriously, this is one of the best videos I've seen, my friend. I also like going to bars alone and sometimes I'm afraid of what to do. I've always seen men doing this in movies, but it seems weird in the real world. In Brazil, I see more bars centered around tables inside and on the sidewalks, which is not at all inviting when you're alone (some people take pictures of people alone at these tables and ridicule them on the internet). But when I travel abroad, I want to have this noir experience. Thank you for this.
I've been a regular in a small bar in a town next to the city I live in for 7 years and every time I come there I'm greeted with smiles and a firm handshake from the owner. What a wholesome feeling 😊
Norm!
Did this a few times and one time this cute lady who was a little older than me started talking to me. We hit it off and a few drinks in some dude joined us. It was her husband. We continued talking until they were giving eachother strange looks and told me that we should continue the fun times over at their place. LOL! NOPE!!!!
I hear this happen a few times but i think its a setup for a gay husband
@@Krisjoverovovejovovichtski They were both looking at me like I was food. Either that was gonna be a threesome, a cuck situation or an anything goes type deal. All of which I was NOT down with.
Yeah, those types are into that weirdo stuff.
@@Krisjoverovovejovovichtski Or a couple that swings and he just likes to share his wife. You never know unless you take the plunge.
@@ryanhorvath1308 whoah. Well arnt there clubs for that. Like that way everyones on the same page
Not at a bar and oh thats your wife.
Ok now its a altercation
Going to a bar alone is one of the most rewarding experiences you will have. I live in nyc and have several bars which i frequent. Getting close to the bartender is your best bet to start. Also going out in odd days like tue-thu has made me the best connections with individuals who aren't in the traditional 9 to 5. I watched this video to get some suggestions to try a new bar later tonight. No matter how many times you go alone its still a bit nerving to try something new for the first time. Keep at it and just exist. Others are too 🤘
Every time I have ever done this I’ve had a cool story, had a great night or met someone amazing. It’s awesome to push out of your comfort zone and experience new things. I travelled alone for 5 weeks last year and initially it was challenging but the best damn thing I’ve ever done
I'm an American who lives in a tourist area with many bars. I really enjoy going alone. I have many friends who are regulars, but I also really enjoy being the local who helps the tourists have a fun conversation, and gives tips on what to do locally. All of your advice is spot on. Cheers!
This is my favorite pastime--going to the bar alone, well-dressed. I've made a few amazing friends while traveling and dropping into a nice bar. If you are lacking the confidence to go solo, airport bars are great places to practice and work on getting your conversation game sharpened. Super low stakes, and usually everyone is up for chatting. Great video. Thanks!
Good advice, I've personally had some of the best conversations with some of the coolest people simply in passing at an airport bar while waiting on a layover!
Reading at a bar is one of my favorite activities if I have some free time after work. I 100% agree that staying off your phone is key to enjoying this
I want to try this, but I worry about liquid getting spilt on my book.
This is actually one of my favourite things to do.. I'm married, two great boys, dog and a tight group of close friends, but every few months, I love to go out, into the city by myself. I book a table at my favourite jazz bar, have a meal, drink a few scotches and listen to the music, take in the ambience of the place. Then, I'll pick a quieter bar elsewhere and sit, read or chat with other people. It truly is one of my favourite 'nights out'.
"Just exists, it's okay." Modern brilliance, timeless advice. I only go to bars to listen to bands I'm interested in, but dig the idea of community.
I’m a 45 year old man and I love to sit at a nice, quiet bar alone and sip an old fashioned or two. I rarely fail to have an interesting conversation with a stranger. I like what you’re doing and although I see myself as being fairly refined I feel you are reminding me to hone my skills. Great work young man.
Thanks, Scott. I'm glad you're enjoying the channel.
I’m a Gent X, not a Gent Z. I love going to bars alone, and I rarely leave a bar without having made a new friend or three. This is all good advice. My additional advice:
-Mind the one seat gap on both sides. If a pair of guests come in, offer the seat beside you and move down. The pleasantries you exchange are an excellent intro.
-Keep your head up high and look around you regularly. Mind the people looking regularly around themselves. These are people open to conversation.
-If the people beside you are having a friendly conversation, don’t be afraid to politely interject if you have a relevant viewpoint or outlook. I’ve made lifelong friends this way. At worst they’ll signal that they’re not interested in further conversation, and you’re no worse than you started.
Most of all, always remember that turning strangers into friends is a trainable skill, and relatively easy to learn. The more you do it the easier it becomes whether you’re in London, Amsterdam, Tokyo, NYC, Auckland, or Albuquerque. People go to bars for social engagement the world over. Have fun.
Thank you!
Good topic. Pre social media days in the 90s and early noughties I travelled alone around Europe, US and Japan. I didn't hang out in bars much but had many lunch and dinners by myself. The same rules apply. You learn to be more comfortable and confident in yourself. It's a great way to develop your independence, character and gather thoughts. You often meet like minded people but admittedly I preferred the solitude of being left alone. I find more freedom and peace without the company of someone you pretend to like or are obligated to be submissive in the presence of someone like a work colleague or boss.That's why I liked to dine alone. There has been times when a lady has asked to join me at my table. Just think you are James Bond in a foreign land. Be polite but not too friendly or cocky. Once you adopt this mindset, women actually find a mysterious man very intriguing and attractive. As long as you feel natural and confident and your mannerisms are refined and you learn the basics of being well dressed. Be careful of wearing expensive watches though as it could attract the wrong type of company.
Very good advice, sir. Thank you. I also like to dine alone but I prefer to sit at the bar as opposed to a table
Agreed. The best place near me is a speakeasy with a great bar. Dim lights, no TV, smooth jazz playing. When I go by myself and stay off my phone, I always get into a chat with someone. The staff know us regulars too, so spot on there as well.
Some nights have just been some simple small talk with a stranger in between enjoying my own thoughts. Others have turned into business opportunities or absinthe-fueled saturnalia. I've never regretted it.
I find this really interesting because I'm from Ireland myself and living in Boston, but from growing up drinking in Ireland and being in countless pubs I never thought of a conversation at the bar/pub a hard thing to do. It was always so natural to strike up a conversation with someone about anything really, it's definitely a skill that gets unnoticed in this day in age, with phones being such a big thing in our lives. They really is something special about going into a bar and just striking up a conversation with someone you've never met before and I've only gotten an appreciation of that when I moved to America.
As someone who isn't overtly social, and isn't much of a drinker, I find myself at bars alone often. Like you, I started this practice while traveling frequently for work in my mid 20's. Any time I found myself in a new city I would seek out an interesting looking bar to get some food and a few drinks. Mingling with the bartenders and locals its easy to strike up conversation because you're in a new place and naturally interested in what kind of things are going on in the area.
I continued this practice while home and have come to be somewhat of a regular at few local pubs and you're right, it begins to feel like a private club when the bartender knows you by name, knows what you like to eat and drink, and is genuinely happy to see you. I guess, like with most things, it just gets easier and easier the more you do it.
Planning a trip to Tokyo and the greater SEA region right now and one of the things I'm most excited for is just wandering around checking out other cultures bar scenes!
Good video. No fake advice, no "tactics", just plain and simple advice. Thank you. You gave me the courage to try this out as I found making new friends as an adult is very hard. I remember I made lots of friends when I travelled alone. The advantage to being a tourist is that you don't have to see the people again, so you allow yourself to be more open, or just pretend to be someone else completely though
I often have work-related trips across Europe. I have a tradition of visiting a bar in the evening for some whiskey and cocktails, and to close the evening off, ordering a gin tonic at the bar at the hotel I stay in. I found some real gems and had a lot of interesting conversations with new people. It's nice to have an open conversation with someone when you know you will most likely never see them again.
I occasionally travel alone to Paris for short visits and while an introvert myself, i go out to bars every night during those visits. Quite often it is jazzbars or places with live music, sometimes some of the smaller local bars. I first started doing this to overcome shyness and to break old restrictive habits, it really helped and today i have zero problems with going alone to any bar. Some of my most memorable nights out have been those solodives into the nightlife of Paris.
I did this yesterday. Went a cigar bar and had a couple of drinks while enjoying my cigar. It was absolutely amazing
I go to the bar alone constantly. I make friends with the staff or some random person beside me. I'm a regular at 5 different bars in my city. People are excited to see me when I walk in. Most of my friends I've met as an adult I have met randomly sitting with me at the bar top
I used to study at the bar beneath my apartment, it had 150 beers on tap, a wonderful place and quiet too, had a few good conversations there, didn’t make any long term friends, but had good conversations with strangers and that is also very nice
I always enjoyed going to bars alone, especially when I was single. When you're alone, there's no pressure, and no listening to the guys. Just me and my thoughts and my favorite cocktail or beer. If somebody of interest comes in, I can decide whether to talk or not, and not be pressured by my pals. I've met the most interesting people when alone in a bar. Airport bars can be especially interesting. Travelers love to chat!
How do you tell someone politely that you don't wanna have a convo with them? Sometimes you just don't vibe with them or they are too drunk.
Nice video. Going to a bar alone is one of my favorite things to do. I would add: when "making yourself available for socialization" make sure you don't talk too much to the people next to you, especially when they are with others. Forcing it is never the right approach.
I simply put my phone away, have my chin up, put on a pleasant & relaxed facial expression and be patient. Pretty much every single time, I am able to eventually strike up a pleasant conversation!
So glad someone shares this great adventure. I love going to bar alone. Definitely, sitting at the bar is rule #1. Found a good trick over the years, bring a book. But, not any book. A good interesting graphic novel, always brings attention. You’re not as drawn so deeply than any regular book, it’s easier to get on an off about it, and people are always curious about it because, not only the story, but the artwork is appealing and will inevitably spark a conversation after a pint or two. Another good trick about a friend of mine when travelling to a new city is to always carry a pen and piece of paper. We would scout as many bar as we felt, he would always introduce himself to the bartender and ask his/her name while ordering our first drinks. He would write down in a subtle manner the name of the bar and the bartender’s name. The next day we would go back the the same place and come in vigorously by calling the waiter by it’s name as we knew him/her for ever. This brings instant curiosity by the locals and inevitably some free shots would fly by later that night🎉
I've never read a book at a bar, but I'm intrigued to find out what it would be like. Remember everyone's name is important. I find it easier to do this on my phone rather than pen and paper. It's less obvious.
Thanks!
@@carterstack2605 thank you very much
Great video. I've never seen this topic brought up on any channel. Recently discovered your channel and now never miss an upload.
In my youth (['m 54 now) I went to the bar alone about 50% of the time. Some of my most memorable experiences was when I went alone. In my early 20s I would dress up and would go to downtown jazz club every week. I got to be friends with the Trumpet player. The bartender would greet me by name and would give me free rounds almost every time I went since I tipped well. It was great. And a plus side would be that when I would bring a date I would be confident in my surroundings. My date would be impressed when bar patrons knew me by name and on the band's set break the trumpet player would come say hi. It made my date feel at ease with me and knew I had a social life and friends.
I would suggest drinking very little or none at all. Keep your wits about you. And don't drink and drive. I would drink a little and then switch to club soda. You'll also save money.
Dive bars can be fun too. Even though dives are super casual, I still dressed up. It made me stand out. It became a joke.. bar mates would say "long hard day at the office Charlie, can I buy you a drink". I kind of became the Frasier Crane of the bar. I suggest choose a bar that has stuff to do like shooting pool or darts. It's an easy way to mingle.
A third type of bar I would go alone is a hotel bar. I chose one across from the airport. Sure you aren't going to meet regular patrons, but you meet really interesting travelers. I chatted with a lot of successful older business men and learned some life/business tips.
Lastly I wanted to add that I'm super super shy and introverted. I had to really push myself to go alone. However, it's actually easier than going to a large party. Because at a party it's really awkward being a wall flower.. but at a bar no one questions a bloke seating alone at the bar.
Hi Chuck, it sounds like we have a lot of similar thoughts and experiences in going to a bar alone. Dressing up is a very important point for me, whether visiting an upscale bar or a dive bar!
Wow very interesting what you mentioned... I'm trying to attract some business men for mentorship... I think I will check out the airport ones...thanks for the tip
Amen brother! (I'm 51). I've also met some really unique people while flying as well. The world is full of far more interesting people than I would ever have imagined! Just say hi, ask some open ended questions and let people talk. Show a genuine interest in other people and you will hear amazing stories. As I read, I always recommend the classic Dale Carnegie's How to win friends and influence people. TLDR: Be interested, shut up, listen. :)
Idk man a party it’s so loud and energetic no one notices anything about a specific person, unlike a not as rowdy and crowded bar.
I get the impression I’m much older than most of your viewers. Going to the bar alone is about the only way I’ve ever gone. Since I don’t drink I would order a soda or something and then do exactly what you’ve mentioned here sit, talk with the bartender speak to other patrons and often have dinner. Being a woman the dynamics are a bit different but the overall idea is the same.
I often encourage my female friends to do this, and it's also a great way to meet people you might be interested in romantically
@@Gent.ZThis gave a whole new perspective on what some of my friends’ parents mean when they say they met in a bar
@@retr0sfunkadelix This over dating apps, any day!
Whats the best way for a guy to approach you?
Sometimes i see a girl i like at a pub or bar but feel if i just go over and say hi that its all going to go to shit ect. Will i come across too aggressive ect. Whats your insight?
@@Ojthemighty why do you think women go to bars? Bars are permissive environments. Rather than "go over" the best tactic is when you enter a bar to pick your spot in such a way that you are already in close proximity. If she's alone you can just say hi as you sit down. The trick is usually to draw her into conversation tangentially. Ask the bartender a question, like an opinion opener and then turn to her and ask "what do you think?".
But if not already in close proximity then absolutely go over. Be polite and respectful of course and if she thinks that is somehow aggressive then that's on her. As it's a pretty direct approach then it's congruent to continue to be fairly direct. " I couldn't help but notice you are by yourself. I am too. Perhaps we could be alone together for a while,? I'm XXX".
Same works with a pair of girls, just open them both tangentially off someone else. And any mixed group where there are guys and girls who may or may not be couples - open the guys first. Once conversation is flowing with them you have the social proof to open the women and see if there are any singletons.
Very much for this, started doing this last year and it forces your out of your comfort zone.
Talk to strangers, avoid your phone, and be alone with your own thoughts.
I'm a young guy that's just about fresh out of college and I've recently moved to Japan. Despite speaking Japanese, I've always struggled with really how to "go out" and meet property, since clubs aren't really my thing.
Your advice and channel have completely transformed my social life here. I've met friends, gotten dates, and have made so many awesome connections in the different cities I've been living in here, and I am genuinely thankful for your channel and what you do. Cheers, sir.
I've had some great nights when friends/people i know decided to go home and i stayed for a last drink. I've met great people and even got invited for whole nights of drinks.
Being alone at a bar can result in great nights.
In my 20s, I was a field engineer for the Broadcast/Cable industry. I would work on advanced equipment, and calm the nerves of upset executives. I spent a lot of nights alone.
I found that, quite often, the hotel bar was a great place to do exactly this... Pull up to the middle of the bar, or as close as possible to the middle, but 1 seat from someone already there, and order my drink, usually scotch!
I can't tell you how many conversations got started, just because I ordered scotch.
Now older, and not traveling as much, upscale hotels, and restaurants are perfect. They usually have a band. If you can dance, everyone will love you. And the drinks aren't much more than they would be anywhere else. Usually in the bar section, you have the bar, a few tables, and a tiny dance floor. The music is rarely too loud to talk.
Going alone is a perfect way to meet people, and yes, silence your phone, and don't look at it. Talk to the Bartender, they'll introduce you to people... If paying cash, I always tip $10 or $20 for my first drink. I don't usually need to tip for the next 2 or 3, but I got their attention!
Why’d they take an interest in you ordering scotch? Is it a strange thing to drink at a bar?
@@bigt1703 People who are Scotch drinkers, know a good Scotch. When you're as young as I was, and drink Scotch, it gets attention.
I was today years old when I realised reluctance at going to a bar by oneself was a thing. One of my absolute favourite things to do is go to a bar, order a really nice cocktail and just plug into a book or podcast for half an hour, completely shut the world out around me. Same goes with restaurants, I much prefer to eat alone so I can concentrate on soaking up the food and atmosphere (not to mention my own thoughts) without being distracted by conversation. And I'm not even particularly an introvert or anything, I also enjoy long boozy nights out with large groups of friends and the like. But honestly just sitting by yourself lost in your own thoughts or a good book is such an underrated pastime these days, I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it in a while. Seriously, fuck whatever shallow judgements people want to make about you, just enjoy yourself...
As a 21-24 year old, I would visit the bar alone once a week, or every other week. I love being alone, but I enjoyed getting out. The Covid lockdown ended that tradition, and I never resumed it afterwards. Watching this video reminded me of how enjoyable it can be, perhaps I’ll pick it back up. Cheers 🍻
I’ve been going to bars alone for my entire adult life since I turned 21; I’ve met so many new people this way, befriended bartenders, and met/taken home plenty of women. I drink, keep to myself and, before I know it, someone starts talking to me. I stay off my phone and put off a friendly demeanor to invite conversation/company. I’m a good looking guy with cool style, so I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t help, but going to a bar solo is probably my favorite thing to do. Everyone should try it.
When I used to be a truck driver I'd always go out by myself because, well... 😜
Some of the best evenings I had happened back then.
Also going on vacation alone forces you to go to a bar by yourself and have (good) conversations with complete strangers.
I never dressed up though, but still had GREAT times and conversations. 🙂
I have loved doing this for a while now, whether it results in social interaction or not. Learning to relax and enjoy your own company while having a good bite and brew is a priceless skill. "Just exist, it's okay" will lead you to peace you can't imagine.
My long-time MO when moving to a new city is find a pub with a "my style" vibe and sit across from where the bartender mixes coctails and strike up a conversation and ask about the area as it relates to your interests. They will usually know every thing and everybody worth knowing and if they like you, the'll invite you into their circle. And always over-tip; servers fondly remember big tippers and will always take care of you when things get busy.
That’s been my approach so far in Chicago. Already found a great couple of spots
Any suggestions for nice spots in Chicago? The closer to Lincoln Park, the better! :)
@@peterdoubleyouz I’ve never been to Lincoln Park, but you should come to our Chicago meet up later this month www.gent-z.com/in-person-events
I’m in my early 20s and I travel a lot for work (alone) around my state. I’ve definitely enjoyed going to bars alone (some more than a couple times). It definitely helps, I think, to dress a little nicer. You’d be surprised how friendly people usually are and how willing they are to have a conversation with a stranger. Being amicable/talking with the bartender is a definite plus/must! Cheers 🥂
Love this idea. I tend to go to grab food at this specific site down Pho restaurant, and have become a regular per se, the owners love me and always chat my ear off and visa versa. Same concept applies here but different environment and same principle. Being confident enough to go to said place alone and sit in peace and make conversation when appropriate. My friends think I’m crazy but I find it fun and always pleasantly surprised with how relaxing and fun it can be when speaking up conversations. Just a tip as well, talk to anyone and everyone you can, walking, grocery stores, gas stations etc, this will aid in the process significantly. Great video!!
It's quite funny for an Irishman to see this...generations of inbuilt learning have taught us to naturally start up conversations with strangers, get jobs, leads, gigs, contacts.....Do it people...its easy and you will walk away a happier person! Not just in a bar btw..do it in the street, cafés, shops etc
I'm Irish and I'm terrible at this
Ireland is a special case
Best tip from my end is to bring a book to the bar. If no one's there, you have something to read. If they are there, they'll probably ask you what you're reading. I've struck up so many conversations that way at my local watering hole in Paris.
I’m 60, and graduated with my undergraduate @ 21, I was hired 4 months before graduation, and I was TGY all over the US & various countries, as I worked for US State Dept, thus I was always attending cocktail lounges , dives, saloons, etc all over the world. Yet I felt extremely comfortable in any bar, probably because I was a heavy drinker of fine Scotch, Cuban cigars as I was indoctrinated by the management & executives at State. I ❤jazz bars especially, yet I could adapt, improvise, innovative my character to any territory without ever being arrogant. You’ve got great advice for your viewers, I couldn’t give that advice, because both my folks were bureaucrats with 35-45 years working in the intelligence community, thus we always moved to different countries, and I got used to operating alone , and learned to embrace it. I’m a member of your channel, and I wish you luck, I enjoy your content on dressing formal, as I always wore a coat & tie since I was 18, as I worked as a student employee with US Treasury while I completed my undergraduate.
I love going to bars solo. I'm always amazed at the connections, stories and even professional networking that can be done over a cocktail with complete strangers. I wish there were a few classier joints around here though.
I had an experience going bar by myself, it was the last night stayed in Pattaya, Thailand so there was a bunch of college students decided to drink till passed out and have fun in night club, which is something I would never fond of, so I took a 30 minutes walk to the beach avenue, found a lovely little music bar with a band in it, grabbed some beers and just enjoyed the music alone. It was the best part of the journey to me, and I still remember the name of the bar even for a long time.
Knowing different cocktails or "rare" cocktails is an excellent way to get to know the bartender and the people around you. The bartender "mixologist" gets to show off his/her skills. Everyone will talk to you and ask what your are drinking and then order one as well. The bartender appreciates the business and everyone starts to discuss the cocktail and have fun. Good cocktails to know are the Gin Fizz, French 75, Manhattan, Gibson, Old Fashioned, and the James Bond Vesper, but with Amaro Nonino instead of Lillet Blanc. Ordering anyone of these will impress the bartender and arouse the curiosity of anyone sitting at the bar. For some men and women these drinks are too strong. In that case I will order an Amaretto Sour, Lemon drop martini, coconut rum and coke/cherry coke, or coconut rum and sprite, or finally the Blue Hawaiian. Always tip the bartender 100% on the first drink then 20% on each drink thereafter, even if you start a tab. Tip in cash. The bartender will always give you better service and will give you experimental drinks for you to try out. So much fun at the bar alone!
I used to only go to bars with other people.
Last year I moved several time zones away from everyone I knew, and going to a bar alone has been a social lifeline for me since.
There's been lots of liquor, yes, but also many connections.
The first challenge is finding a decent bar that’s not full of loud people and playing loud music. The purpose of going to a bar by yourself is to drink, relax and be left alone. Kind of hard to do when it’s loud and crowded.
"be left alone" is key, I hate it when strangers talk to me. That's why I just stay home 🤣 I don't get people who go out "to meet people", it's just awful to me. No clue why YT recommended this to me 🤣🤣🤣
When I first moved out I would go to this bar in town every thursday after work to eat pasta with meatballs, drink 3-4 Budweisers, and watch jeopardy. Would only speak if I was spoken to but I loved every conversation and met a lot of nice people.
This was such a calming video, everything came together so well. The calm, classy piano, your editing, the way you speak calmly and confidently, and your advice plus the topic all came together so well that it was relaxing. Thank you for this advice and I may use your tips to plan a trip to the bar alone.
Very interesting post. I would fully recommend. Due to working away a lot I have frequented bars on my own. On an earlier occasion in Leicestershire I engaged a quiet mature chap in a busy pub in general chat. Later the bar person told me I had been talking to John Deacon of the former musician from rock band Queen! (this was around the time one of the band said they didn't know where he was!).He had some connection to the area. Another time in south London I went to a proper hotel bar - which are more speak easy style -and engaged in conversation with a mature American couple at a table as the bar area was full. Transpired the man was worldwide president of a much larger competing business and they invited me to visit them in the US!
Someone else said a person at the bar was an actor.. but I didnt know
Two rules to follow always , under no circumstance drink too much and never rise to any objectionable behaviour or comments by others which might occur if you find yourself in a more rough place than you thought but just remove yourself
Going to the bar by yourself is very underrated, learn to dine alone. You'll learn what you like and don't like, luckily for me there's plenty of bars I can frequent in my city. Even one where I'm a regular.
Good for you. Any decent-sized city should have a good selection of bars for any man's taste
^ As a relatively introverted person, I very much enjoyed the isolation of COVID era USA, most restaurants that were takeout only would allow you to dine-in if you were polite about it, and so I enjoyed many evenings chatting with restaurant staff and enjoying a good meal.
This is great advice! I keep telling people about it, just works. For I know a few non alcohol drinkers and tea drinking seem to be a favorite. Its cheap, it lasts a while and it doesn't make you poop like coffee does.
I used to do this all the time when i was a bit younger, and still do from time to time. I've even done it abroad a couple times.
I was in Greece just chilling at the bar on my own taking in the scenery. Was a nice experience, plus this one time I got friendly with a bar lady and she gave me a shot of vodka and some ouzo on the house just by going on my own and striking a conversation.
Criminally underated going to the bar on your own
I travel a LOT for work, so I learned very quickly that if I wanted to have any semblance of a social life, I had to go to bars alone. It was hard at first: the quasi entirety of my bar going youth was spent (ashamed to admit) judging "bar pillars" and commenting on how sad it was to go to a bar alone. What I didn't understand then was that as you get older, priorities and views change. But I had to shake the old prejudice nonetheless. Once I started doing it though, it became a truly pleasant experience! And it offers the opportunity to discover new places for if and when I do go back with friends or family.
Very good advice kind sir! Carry on with pride!
I watched the video and ended up going to a bar alone. This video gave me confidence and gave some tips I sat in the middle. Got 2 numbers and gave mine once. Also was told by 2 other females I was handsome. One called me the most handsome man there. Was a good time. I’m going to try to become a regular now. Thanks 🙏🏼
Well you might be.
Nice!! 👏😊
They probably work for the bar
Congrats bro, nice to see a positive comment around here. I also had very interesting experiences when I was alone somewhere. If you get over the admittedly strong initial anxiety, you start noticing things around yourself, you act upon them, and you learn a lot through the process.
I've gone to bars like this in europe and it actually works. You can meet people and repeatedly see them which builds up a rapport. They won't be lifelong friends most of the time. But you can at least become comfortable being alone and build confidence to talk to people you don't know and see how best to be friendly, be talkative, and be open. You don't have to be friends with everybody and some people might turn into friends, who knows. But you won't know by sitting here watching videos on youtube ;) albeit as good as this one was.
As a professional solo concert goer and bar enjoyer, adapting to the vibe, or just being nice will get you far. Like he said in the video, just by doing that, you can roll the dice and your night can change drastically.
I remember many times ending up in a strangers friend group, leaving the bar or show, going to get food, hanging out, going to their place, etc. The more crazy experiences where we end up trashed and lost in the city is also fun lol
I was an international environmental consultant for decades and traveled alone always. I felt most at home in upscale bars, often in nicer hotels.these places were accustomed to men like me still in blazer or suit and tie after the working day was over. Some of my fondest memories are now the recalled moments I spent alone (to begin with) in Memphis, Tashkent, Denver, Maputo, Vilnius, and many more. I often carried a small, hardbound volume of some book I was reading in my jacket pocket. If no other options were forthcoming, I had a lovely evening with a beaker/snifter of some tasty amber substance and the company of a great author from the past. I felt then as now: my life was exactly how it should be.
I used to frequent local bars by myself back in the late 70s early 80s. I agree with your observations. You can really meet a lot of interesting people doing this. And yes as you said leave the phone in your pocket. Great advice as usual thank you for the video. Cheers Ron
I go for a drink by myself once in a while and have done for many years. I go to get away from everything and just chill for an hour or so.
Bring a book and read. I do it all the time, you get all the best attention from high class men who appreciate literature, women who like seeing a guy who is smart, plus its an instant conversation starter of "what are you reading?"
Wow...didn't know you could do that...
I used to do that a lot. I really just like to read with a buzz. But conversations were fun too.
As a older guy now who has traveled the globe, mostly solo, I can attest going into a bar solo has given me more good memories than anywhere else. From London and Dublin pubs, to New York dive bars, Japanese saki/sushi, German beer gardens...on and on!
Solo almost forces you to reach out and get to know people you would otherwise never meet. When you go to a bar with another person you are not only less approachable but are much more inclined to keep the conversation between the two of you.
Its such a unique experience that I consider it a must when traveling somewhere by yourself or when visiting a new city/country. No matter if its a restaurant, a night club or a bar just go in there by yourself and own it, relax and enjoy yourself and others will notice that.
I absolutely enjoy going to bar by myself after work and I do all the things you say. It works an absolute treat. I’m a watch guy so for me if I notice someone wearing a nice watch I comment on it then the conversation flows about watches. I’ve made many friends by doing this and pretty much am guaranteed to bump into someone I know at my regular bar. A great video and I’d recommend to everyone to try this but do it on a week day and you’d be surprised how many interesting people you meet.
That’s a great point, The weekdays, especially earlier in the day are frequented by long time regulars, great characters usually with great stories. I like to look at it as a challenge when I see other solo bar goers to find out what kind of conversations Iight them up.
That's a great point about the watch. I myself have a custom diamond ring, people always notice that. If you are literally wearing a conversation piece of some kind, that's your easy way in, it's like bait. It can be how you dress too of course, give it some thoughts.
I felt every second of this. I know you're going through it too, it's going to be ok man. Keep your head up King I'll ride with you
I love it! I have been trying my best to disconnect from my phone and embrace chance. It's been awhile since my long backpacking trip when I did stuff on the whim, like go to a bar alone, and strike up conversation with strangers. This video is a great reminder to do fun stuff, and speak to interesting people!
Thank you, I hope it inspires you to take a solo adventure next time you get the chance
Backpacking was such an amazing way to meet new people!
I first started drinking in bars alone from age 19. I'm now 45 and can confirm alot of advice in this video. Obviously the theme is upscale and well dressed, which is great but if you're in Ethiopia there are some fantastic solo bar experiences to be had.
You're bang on about the bartender being the "conductor" of the experience. There was a local bar to me that I wanted to check out a couple weeks ago so I ended up there by myself. I was just hanging out and observing but before long the bartender got everyone engaged and it turned out to be a lot of fun.
This very valuable info especially for people with autism or social anxiety - a how to be a normie human guide.
Interesting topic for a video. Well done.
I’m older, I think, than the demographic that you’re aiming for, but I have watched a lot of your videos and I find them very interesting and informative.
I’m married and don’t have much cause to go to a bar alone, but I used to do that when I was younger. I really wish there had been a resource like this channel to give me some tips. I was a shy and quiet guy, and typically would go to a bar, have a couple drinks, and leave without saying a word to anyone. It was a bit sad. Thank you on behalf of the guys like me (back then) who can learn something useful while they have time to use it.