My LAST Full-Blown Manic Episode | Bipolar 1 | Psychosis | Risky Behavior |Our Bipolar

แชร์
ฝัง
  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 93

  • @ahumanbeinginhi
    @ahumanbeinginhi 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, it makes me feel a lot less alone. I had my first full-blown psychotic manic episode last year and to this day, I'm still learning to come to terms and peace with that moment in my life. I feel a lot of embarrassment, guilt, and shame towards myself, especially since it all happened on the internet.
    What I thought was me getting better from a depressive episode was actually the start of my psychotic manic episode. I had grandiose and persecutory delusions and disorganized thinking and behavior, and even hypersexuality. I thought I was better than everyone else and that everyone was wrong and had to look up to me, and I thought whoever was against me was out to get me, verbally and/or physically. I lost two jobs during my first episode, but thankfully, this one job brought routine back to my life and I was able to sort of recover back to my normal state of mind.
    Unfortunately, when another big moment of change happened in my life early this year, I fell into another psychotic episode, this time dealing so much with the shame, embarrassment, and guilt from my first episode. I couldn't stop dwelling over everything I said and did on the internet to past friends and family members, and it got really bad to the point I felt that I shouldn't be here on this earth and self-harmed. I went to the hospital three times and was finally hospitalized the third time into the psych ward. I was there for almost a month and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, recurrent, severe with psychotic features. I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics, and even went through a few rounds of electroconvulsive therapy.
    It has been a few months since my hospitalization and I've been doing a lot better. I have a job where I made new friends and have a consistent routine of work, leisure time, eat, sleep, and repeat. It's just, at this current moment, I'm getting depressed again, getting flashbacks of my first psychotic manic episode, making me feel embarrassed and shameful that I even said and did all of those things. I no longer have any social media platforms and lost so, so many friends who probably will remember me as this crazy girl who lost her mind. Thankfully, I have not run into anyone since my first episode and I hope I never do.
    I've just been living a simple and quiet life now, and I'm neither too sad or too happy, just okay. And I think I'm okay with that.
    Thank you for letting me share my story on here. I love watching videos and reading comments about people sharing their experiences and stories because it makes me feel less alone and assures me that I am not making up what happened. I constantly tell myself words of affirmations that
    "Psychosis and your first psychotic manic episode do not define who you are at all because it was not the real you."
    "Nothing you said or did during your psychotic manic episode was your fault. You had no control over your own mind or your own body, so it was not your fault."
    Thank you again. xoxo

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Your words of affirmation are spot on. You are definitely not alone. Every single one of us who has bipolar or experienced psychosis have felt the same shame and embarrassment.
      I have felt it countless times, lost friends, and wrote off other friends, sometimes totally unjustified. It’s tragic and it sucks.
      Knowing there are people out there who still think of me as that person sucks. But time heals and I’ve moved on. I’m glad you’re talking about it and making new connections with people who understand.

    • @ahumanbeinginhi
      @ahumanbeinginhi 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ourbipolar Thank YOU for allowing me to talk and share all of this with you. This means the world to me. Thank you again for reminding me that I am not alone. This made my night so much.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ❤️❤️❤️

    • @utjason8
      @utjason8 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Don't feel so guilty about the friendships you've lost. I'm a close friend with someone who is bipolar. I would encourage you to reach out to some of the friends you lost and just apologize and explain what happened. Take responsibility and let them know they did nothing wrong. Some friends will come back, some won't. But at least you know you tried.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @utjason8 Yes I agree. I have reached out. I am friendly with one of them but no contact with another. Those are the breaks.

  • @rogerbarrett1979
    @rogerbarrett1979 2 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    I find this to be an important channel for me because I've struggled with bipolar disorder for 24 years. I have my ups and downs. Initially I was ashamed of my bipolar disorder because I thought having a mental illness meant I was less of a person. But over time I learned to accept myself the way I was and I learned to cope one day at a time. And I look forward to seeing more of your interesting videos. I really need them.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Sounds like we've dealt with this disorder for about the same amount of time. I too was ashamed for many years. Thank you for being here and commenting! Find me under the same name (@ourbipolar) on IG. There's a wonderful bipolar community there. I hope to have a new video out soon. 🤍

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I’m sure it’s been done. Search TH-cam and I bet you’ll find it.

    • @rogerbarrett1979
      @rogerbarrett1979 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ourbipolar Of course I will!

  • @mentalhealthwithalana
    @mentalhealthwithalana 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Thank you so much for being open!! I have bipolar and find it hard to find and connect with others who experience similar mental health issues, specifically relating to bipolar 😃

  • @austinholak
    @austinholak 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thank you so much for sharing. I went through the same level of a manic episode 3-4 times now. Hospitalized each time. First one was the worst since I had no medicine in my system. I lashed out on my family also. Thank you so much.

  • @NomadOutOfAfrica
    @NomadOutOfAfrica 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I'm so sorry to hear you are having this problem. My mum suffers from BPD and it is very hard to manage. You seem to be brave and intelligent. I really wish you can learn to manage and be true to your best self. Good luck.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you. I manage very well now, thankfully. Best wishes to your you and your mum. ❤️

  • @jaxxenriquez9542
    @jaxxenriquez9542 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Thank you for sharing! I had my first episode this past January and just have been trying to learn all about it. It was embarrassing and it completely changed my life. I’m still working on learning how to navigate through this diagnoses.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Gosh I know exactly how you feel. It’s hard to get up to speed on what to do to avoid mania and depression as much as possible. I recommend the book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder by Julie Fast. It helps those of us with bipolar to pinpoint triggers. Also, there is an amazing bipolar community on Instagram. I’m on there under the same name as here, ourbipolar. 💚

    • @jaxxenriquez9542
      @jaxxenriquez9542 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ourbipolar I’ll follow you, thank you for all the help & guidance!! 🙏🏽

  • @knivezzzz9421
    @knivezzzz9421 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    God bless that taxi driver who knows where you would of went! This is sooo scary. May gods angels continue to watch over you

  • @namebrandkids2558
    @namebrandkids2558 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    My mom is so hard to deal with I'm trying to figure out if she is borderline pd or bipolar. It's so tough to watch the untreated mental illness cause my mom to push all her friends and family away, and I'm always the only one left for her to lean on. Im 31 yrs old now with a family and had to move 2 hrs away just to find peace, but even just going to visit my mom is EXHAUSTING and very hard on my hubby and kids. They don't even want to go over there anymore but I feel like I can't just cut her out 100% because she is my mom and i love her, I just can't stand anything about her anymore and its so heartbreaking 💔

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      This sounds really hard. It’s even possible to have both BPD and bipolar. Will your mom see a psychiatrist? Please take care of yourself above all else, whatever that looks like, in terms of your relationship with your mom. ❤️

  • @CG-sx3no
    @CG-sx3no 28 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Youre a lovely girl....the best to you❤

  • @JustWanderingBy
    @JustWanderingBy ปีที่แล้ว +6

    “Because I was manic, that’s why.” I just had to laugh. Thanks for the video, i just found your channel and am binge watching. I’ve never had a full-blown episode (I tend to get more hypomanic) but I had a mom who sure had them.

  • @toddm6999
    @toddm6999 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Bless you for sharing..my daughter just got diagnosed .

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You’re welcome. Sending love. Here are a couple book recs by Julie Fast if you’re interested: Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder and Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. Take Charge is geared toward someone with bipolar but also useful for loved ones. ❤️

  • @jamielauro2623
    @jamielauro2623 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I’m manic right now ahhhhhhhhh just cant sleep 💤 I feel great tho … I am sooo euphoric racing thoughts 💭 you were fearless when you were manic

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Have you talked to your dr? Maybe something can help you sleep. 🤞🏼

    • @HabibeBoyraz-hg2nk
      @HabibeBoyraz-hg2nk 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Melatonin helps more or less

  • @PaulFlint-po9jl
    @PaulFlint-po9jl 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My psychosis was hell. Literally

  • @IDLExHANDS
    @IDLExHANDS 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I'm pretty sure I just had a manic episode. I was tired and laying in my room seeing ghosts or something. And them I kept having the thought that someone is trying to break into my car all night long. I've also had the feeling that the government is following me when I leave my house, and that the government is directing planes to bank towards the airport over my house, because they know I hate planes. I had a job for a month and I thought government agencies were after me because of my political views. I also thought someone was poisoning my coffee for about 2 or 3 weeks. I literally left one day because I thought I was going to get arrested. For what, I'm not sure? I honestly don't know what's wrong with me but it feels like I'm going crazy, and my doctors aren't giving me any kind of diagnosis. I honestly hope it's bipolar at this point and not schizophrenia or something else like that. It's been really hard on my family and I'm not sure what to do.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Sending love. Maybe it would be good to get a second opinion if you don’t feel your doctor is helping. Good luck and take care. 🤍

  • @Numerial0.0
    @Numerial0.0 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I don't know if I have bipolar disorder. For 3-5 days I'm alert and can keep to a schedule and can study art subjects like value, drawing, etc but afterwards for 2-2.5 weeks I just mope around and watch youtube videos the majority of the day with hardly any care. I think it's as if art is too much and I need those 2-2.5 weeks to recover but I don't know if I'm just being lazy or if I do have a problem
    I also see things in the dark. When I look at my phone screen at night without it being on (just the screen in the dark) I see small white dots in motion that reminds me of a circus and a theme park combined. The dots dance around in unison with things appearing and disappearing in a way like a merry-go around turning a corner because the ride is circular except the merry go around is floating and that's just one thing out of a whole clusterfuck of images. I don't do drugs
    I'm sorry you have these issues and I hope you live a calm life when you can

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I would say it can’t hurt to get checked out by a psychiatrist, especially if these things are causing your life to be disrupted.

    • @TheSofiv
      @TheSofiv ปีที่แล้ว

      White dots in the dark it’s energy , your third eye is opening

  • @stephanieann622
    @stephanieann622 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I have been having “episodes” pretty consistently every 3 or 4 weeks. I don’t remember probably 90% of what occurs during them. I do, however remember passing out during some of them. My son taped one of them and I am extremely manic and not like I normally am. I’m even mean and angry, which is not at all normal. I’m so afraid because I am on my own and worried about being assaulted, kidnapped, etc. if anyone has any ideas or advice it may be lifesaving for me. I’m working with my regular doctor but I can’t get into a psychiatric doctor for months. Any help would be so greatly appreciated, thank you in advance.

  • @anjachan
    @anjachan 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I have respect for you telling this story. I can´t imagine going thru this. Im interested in this topic because I feel so bad for Britney Spears. She seems to be in a manic episode currently ... I don´t understand why nobody is questing her insta posts ...

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I’m concerned about Britney too. I have seen people in the bipolar community on IG questioning her posts. She seems to be in denial, or at least her public message is that she doesn’t have mental health issues. It’s terribly sad. I hope she gets the help she needs.

    • @anjachan
      @anjachan 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ourbipolar good to know you noticed it too. Take care of yourself too 😁

  • @marie-luise5586
    @marie-luise5586 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Is it posible to have „silent“ mania? Like doing all the wrong stuff but hiding it from Family and friends ?

  • @HectorGarciaPrado
    @HectorGarciaPrado 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Hello thanks for sharing! You mentioned you haven't had another manic episode in the last 14 years? Wow that's impressive! You have never stopped using lithium?

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Yes, I haven’t had a full-on manic episode for 14 years. For me lithium really helps. I won’t stop taking it until my body makes me.
      Now I have had these hypomanic/mixed episodes in that time, for sure. And depressive episodes that were torture. Bipolar still finds ways to disrupt my life. 🤪

    • @HectorGarciaPrado
      @HectorGarciaPrado 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@ourbipolar thank you for taking the time to go over this with me. I'm learning how to cope with this as my gf is bipolar and it's being challenging but at the same time we've seen true love

  • @marie-luise5586
    @marie-luise5586 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Is it possible to have „silent“ mania? Because i did horrible things but covert it all because i wanted to be „secret“. I felt so good while doing it and thought i am in the right. But now 4 month later i remember everything i did and my Guild and shame is damaging me so so much. I dont know if this is mania or i am just a horrible Person. I have an high iq and dont know if this is why i was Able to be doing all the wrong stuff in the „dark“. But it scares me so so much because these are things i would Never do in a „normal“ state.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It seems possible but I can’t say for sure. I’d recommend seeing a psychiatrist to get evaluated.
      Therapy might help with negative feelings. I’ve also had a lot of guilt and shame over the years but learned to forgive myself for things I did in episodes.

    • @marie-luise5586
      @marie-luise5586 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@ourbipolar Thank you !

  • @vannyaceviz-delgado6625
    @vannyaceviz-delgado6625 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Coming off a manic episode and stimulants luckily I only hooked up with like only 2 guys yesterday now I’m watching videos to try to come to terms with this rollercoaster because I know what’s gonna come next. My birthday is coming up and I don’t wanna spend it in depression

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Happy birthday! Hoping you avoid depression. 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

    • @cowboynohorse
      @cowboynohorse 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Only 2?

  • @OGD007
    @OGD007 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My brother is going through something similar, it’s scary, what is the most frustrating is he is 4 hrs away by plane, and we as the family cannot do anything and he won’t come home.

    • @OGD007
      @OGD007 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      To add , he verbally attacked all the family members, one by one, with targeted and purposeful attacks.. it’s heartbreaking.. thank you for sharing

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I’m sorry you’re going through this. Verbal attacks during mania are common, unfortunately. It’s the illness talking, not your brother. I hope it gets better.

  • @nalinisehwani4601
    @nalinisehwani4601 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Please share what medication is working for you
    I know each person has a different cocktail but it would be great to know what is keeping you stable at the moment so please share tks

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I personally take lithium and Seroquel. Lithium works for only one-third of people with bipolar. Not sure about Seroquel.

  • @joshuacormett7237
    @joshuacormett7237 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    How did you make them stop? My fiance has had 3 full manic breakdowns with hallucinations and everything in the last 6 months. Something isnt working

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  ปีที่แล้ว +1

      The full-on mania stopped with a combination of the right meds and lifestyle changes like a regular sleep schedule. I still get hypomania and depression and when I do they both last for at least a month.

    • @andrewoats
      @andrewoats 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      The right meds and the right lifestyle is the only way. He needs to get good regular sleep, eat a healthy diet, and get on the right medication regime. I hope by now he has it figured out but if he doesn’t I would look for a new psychiatrist because that is no way to live.

  • @CherylWarner-m7q
    @CherylWarner-m7q 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Using lithium for twenty years consistently and not being monitored properly led to having 50 % kidney function loss.i now am on another cocktail of Meds.ive been diagnosed for 20 years and it's destroyed 3 marriages and hurt many family member.its not just me that has suffered.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing better now. ❤️

  • @TheProfessionalPR20
    @TheProfessionalPR20 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I am heartbroken. I met this girl and I ended up dating her. She had this strange personality, like hiding something. I didn't felt comfortable with the relationship and ended up with her. But days later I researched her meds and find out was for BPD then I connected the dots with her behavior. I just realized She was mentally ill. I'm still devastated. She doesn't want to talk to me again no matter all good things I did for her. IDK what to do. I want to help her. 💔💔💔😢

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  9 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      If she wants your help, she’ll ask for it ❤️

    • @TheProfessionalPR20
      @TheProfessionalPR20 9 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @ourbipolar thanks for answering me. I appreciate it.

  • @klarney1
    @klarney1 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Hi, why didnt apply to be medically boarded?

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Probably because I don’t know what it means to be medically boarded. Can you explain?

  • @paulflint6254
    @paulflint6254 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Had Dysphoric full blown mania, full on hallucinations and extreme rate and paranoid. Not fun

    • @paulflint6254
      @paulflint6254 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Rate I mean

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That sounds tough. Been there. Definitely not fun.

  • @ercarrig
    @ercarrig 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This feels like a regular Tuesday for me.

  • @PaulFlint-po9jl
    @PaulFlint-po9jl 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I still wonder if I'm still in the psych ward. Seriously

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It sounds like you should check in with your doctor. Take care.

  • @TonyFrickey-ur9jy
    @TonyFrickey-ur9jy 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Hello. In 7 minutes in, I may have missed it, but we're you on medication when you went to your brother's?

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      No. I had stopped taking my meds.

    • @TonyFrickey-ur9jy
      @TonyFrickey-ur9jy 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I see ok thanks ​@@ourbipolar

  • @Syncere20
    @Syncere20 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you for the video

  • @W1LDWESLEY
    @W1LDWESLEY 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I got a friend who has a 1000 thoughts which he chooses mattered not. Found some lines made mushrooms and herbals it is that you can get at the local Herb shop which helps his general mood. It's just that certain stimulus can set Him off on a rant. Right now hes just very scattered Brained on keeping things memorized and organized. Funny thing is he happens to keep me mentally organized when we're out Shopping😄

  • @radiogreenblue
    @radiogreenblue ปีที่แล้ว

    Thanks for your video! The bay behind Ocean City is not particularly gross

  • @SG-zp4fz
    @SG-zp4fz 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    I don't know any about any kind of bipolar, can I ask, is it typical to see psychosis-like symptoms?
    Also do you notice that your behaviour is unusual compared to your past behaviours when a manic episode is happening? I clearly see how you might now be able to deal with it even if you knew, but did you know or not? I hope the question is understandable

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yes, psychosis (delusions, hallucinations, etc) is typical during episodes of mania and depression. If the person is having psychosis when stable, that could indicate schizoaffective disorder, which is a type of bipolar.
      In terms of knowing when a manic episode is happening, I've heard from people who don't know and those who do. From the beginning, I could tell that I wasn't acting like myself, even though I didn't know I had bipolar. For me the exception is when I'm in very early mania or hypomania, it can be difficult to tell if mania is starting or I'm just doing really well, am very happy, feeling good about myself, etc.

    • @andrewoats
      @andrewoats 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I can always tell because my taste in music changes. When I’m down or even I tend to listen to country or Christian music. When I start listening to house music like I’m at a rave I know I’m getting manic. Thankfully my bipolar is well controlled for now so they never get too bad, it’s always a mild hypomania where I’m just happy and super productive. Comes in handy coming off a depression where I tend to neglect housework to some extent.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      What a great tip off! I am the same that now I only get mild hypomania, but mine is dysphoric usually so not fun.

  • @paulflint6254
    @paulflint6254 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The only good thing I can say is that I can write books. But my life is hell. I have both Schizophrenia and Bipolar. Nice combo lol

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I’d love to read one of your books!

    • @paulflint6254
      @paulflint6254 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ourbipolar thanks, not published yet.

  • @claymac7895
    @claymac7895 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Wasn’t your brother aware of your mental condition? It seems he would have notified your dad or tried to get you help.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      He was aware of it, but he wasn’t really around for most of my antics until my big outburst in the middle of the night. Then either he or I called my parents the next day. Not sure who, but it was probably him.

  • @SaraBurbridge
    @SaraBurbridge 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    1:38 1:38

  • @PaulFlint-po9jl
    @PaulFlint-po9jl 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wish I could stop spending

  • @RobHTech
    @RobHTech 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’m not hearing a manic episode. Hallucinating only in the dark is not a hallucination.

    • @ourbipolar
      @ourbipolar  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      There’s a lot more to manic episodes than psychosis. Good thing you’re not a doctor.

  • @Alysser-er3gl
    @Alysser-er3gl 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Yes and not everyone wants to know what's going on with you so they never had good intent if they had questions then ask God damn communication is key as an adult I cannot blame me for your childish assuming anymore don't wanna know how to help or how to understand bye 😂