My FIRST Full-Blown Manic Episode | Bipolar Diagnosis Story | Psychosis
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ม.ค. 2023
- This is the story of my first full-blown manic episode and my diagnosis with bipolar 1.
I also talk about the triggers that could have brought out my bipolar and the psychosis that takes over during this episode.
Pairs well with the story of my last full-blown manic episode (I still get hypomania but not full-on mania due to my glorious meds): • My LAST Full-Blown Man...
-Jess
💻 Blog: ourbipolar.com
💚 Instagram: / ourbipolar
👋🏼 Facebook: / ourbipolar
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Hi, I have bipolar type 1. I'm a 26 year old man from Australia and was diagnosed seven months ago after a manic episode spiralled into a psychosis.
I'd had a crappy childhood with a not-so-great home life. Poverty, most weeks ended with going hungry, violence at home. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 11, but the medication induced suicidal thoughts, and that scared me off from trying them again for a long while. I really enjoyed hanging with friends and playing video games, I liked art and music but never really tried developing my talents. I think I escaped into games so I could distract myself from my often low moods.
At 17 I'd dropped out of high school due to bullying and difficulty keeping up with schoolwork. Mental health issues and a lack of opportunity prevented me from finding work. This persisted over the years and I developed a strong sense of apathy and resignation that my life was heading into a gutter. I started to feel emotionally numbed, but I figured it was better than feeling sad and hopeless.
A stroke of luck meant I moved to a city at the age of 22 with my family, but had difficulty finding and keeping a job. My mother passed away from cancer after I turned 23, which tore me up for a while. I managed to get a qualification from a local college after I was diagnosed with ADHD and started the stimulant medications. I started feeling better about myself and figured I'd try dating. Being a broke loser and all, I didn't have much luck, but I had a couple of short lived relationships.
All of this had some worsening effects on my mood and mental health. I had a turbulent relationship with my sister, fell for someone I shouldn't have and experienced my first real heartbreak. After my sister landed a job and ditched me, I was 25, alone, and hadn't spoken to friends from my old town in years.
I figured it was up to me to get my life together, so I figured I'd try to get my high school equivalent so I'd stop feeling bad about it. I was about halfway through it when I played this game called Depression Quest, and it made it kind of glaringly obvious how bad my depression was and what I should do to help myself. So I went to a doctor and got a prescription for antidepressants.
Months went by, I started feeling like I was maybe getting better. I messaged old friends and started reconnecting, got back into drawing, made some new friends. I developed a bit of a crush on this chick I met, but it turned out she had a boyfriend.
And then the mania kicked in.
At first it was fine, for the first week or so. I felt the clouds of depression part, figured the antidepressants were working. I had motivation, I was talking to new people effortlessly. I was drawing more, I felt more confident. I felt like the old me, from before life wore me down and crushed me.
Then I was having trouble sleeping. I called a friend at 2am because I was worried he was going to kill himself. Then I felt so confident I was hitting on random women in the street. I got numbers, I had to deal with a pissed off boyfriend once. I found it amusing. I uhh hit on someone while she was working, which I feel reeeaaaally stupid about now. I got a tattoo, a brand of sacrifice from berserk.
And then, after a week and a half of all this, I got it into my head that I was going to confess my love to the chick I had a crush on who had a boyfriend. I told literally all of my friends I was going to, and then I did it. She didn't take it well, understandably. That sent me from the heights of euphoria down straight into despair.
It was almost like all the quiet background processes of my mind that I normally barely notice had been ramped up, expanded, and given a higher authority over my mind than the usual things like reason or criticality, or self questioning. I became extremely credulous and gullible to my own thoughts. My pattern recognition became so intense and pronounced, I could give a full speech on how a guitar amp and a larynx were effectively the same thing, and I'd completely and uncritically accept it as more true than any other way of looking at it the second it occurred to me.
So my spiralling response to being rejected and chastised was to assume her boyfriend was going to kill me. I hid in a mcdonalds for three hours and lost track of the time, asked random people for help, couldn't stop talking or slow down my speech. I got kicked out of a grocery store, and when I figured I'd risk it and walk home, a bunch of guys I'd asked for help from earlier figured it'd be funny to rev their car up behind me and yell out, "You're a dead man!" and send me fleeing into the trees at 1am.
It's really not fun being stuck gullible with maxed out fear and paranoia, convinced with certainty that you need to hide from every possible car at night as you make your way home on foot after getting lost in strange suburbs by sprinting through random back streets for 30 minutes straight. I'm pretty imaginative, and I was stuck thinking about what they were going to do to me if they got me in the trunk of their car.
I did call the police while I hid in someone's back yard, but once they arrived they asked me if I was on drugs and refused to give me a ride home.
After 2 hours of psychotic hide and seek from traffic, I got home but I was so wired and paranoid I couldn't sleep. I was convinced that chick's boyfriend had organised hunting patrols to look for me. I closed all my curtains and barricaded my doors with dragged furniture, and just sat with my back to a wall holding a samurai sword in case someone knocked on my door.
After about 3 days of peeking out the curtains, not sleeping and barely eating, I figured I'd flee to a hotel room downtown. I blew about $400 on it, proceeded to message and alienate almost every new friend I'd made whike studying, and then walked on over to the nearest police station who listened to me before handing me over to their mental health unit, who transported me to the emergency room.
Once I got there, I was admitted to the psych ward two days before my 26th birthday, and the doctors diagnosed me with acute mania, psychosis, and after a differential involving questions to myself and friends, diagnosed me with bipolar type 1.
I was taken off my stimulants and antidepressants, put on lithium and an antipsychotic, and proceeded to spend the next full month feeling completely terrible and worried about all the crap I'd done. I knew I was very unwell, but couldn't tell whether someone had actually tried to kill me until I realised some guys outside mcdonald's thought it'd be funny.
The hospital food was alright, the beds were uncomfortable, the shower's water pressure sucked and I wasn't allowed to bring in my game console. I also had barely anything to do but eat so I put on a lot of weight, which I'm still struggling to lose.
The staff were mostly pretty nice. After I was released, I got bored and went back to study. But I realised the load was too much, especially without ADHD meds, and withdrew from the course.
Since then, I sought treatment for depression in conjunction with my bipolar medication, and after a few months of trialling medications I found one that actually works with the only annoying side effect being a bottomless appetite. Not great, but I'll take it over depression's inability to enjoy things, constantly feeling sad, and diminished capacity to do things.
I also just started a new ADHD medication a bit under two weeks ago, one I should be able to take despite having bipolar. It causes a bit of nauseau for now, and it was disrupting my sleep before my doctor changed it to morning ingestion instead of night.
I had started another load of study, but recently I realised I just don't enjoy it for now, and I'm switching my efforts to find part-time work I'm capable of doing, since I've been doing volunteering after I got out of hospital and got my manager as a reference.
I still get ups and downs for my mood. They're nowhere near as bad as it was when I was unmedicated, and overall I actually feel okay for first time in a long time. I think I'll stay away from romance for quite a while, it makes me feel pretty volatile and after all that crap I'm kinda ehh. I think I'll try to get on my feet first.
Thank you for reading my story. If you're struggling with bipolar, it's all right. There is hope and you're not irreparably broken. Also, don't listen to people who don't need meds and are trying to convince you that you don't need them either. If you hate the side effects you're getting, you're allowed to express that to your treating team and negotiate alternative dosages or medications to make the treatment bearable for you.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so insightful in terms of how the bipolar mind works. It’s amazing what our brain can convince us, since we trust it implicitly until illness takes over. And then we feel so horrible for the doing things our brain told us made perfect sense. It’s cruel.
Below is one of the best descriptions of bipolar that I’ve ever read. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 You were able to put into words what I have thought and felt without being able to describe it:
“It was almost like all the quiet background processes of my mind that I normally barely notice had been ramped up, expanded, and given a higher authority over my mind than the usual things, like reason or criticality, or self questioning. I became extremely credulous and gullible to my own thoughts.”
Goddamn, honestly how are you right now like your life situation and all
Sending you a warm digital hug 🤗
Thank you for sharing. My little sister is experiencing something like this, she’s only 17 and we were so scared. We’ve been searching for answers because we’ve never seen her like this! Thank you!
I felt like I was reading about my own life. Thank you for sharing. I wish you well in your recovery.
Reminds me of my full blown manic episode in 2007 that had me hospitalized for 1 month , scary stuff it could have ended badly I cringe thinking about the crazy things I did at the time given I am normally very quiet and introverted and stick to myself
I understand. The mania memories are not fun at all. ❤
The mania memories can be very frightening.
Everything I’ve heard sounds terrifying. I had drug induced mania for a short time so it gave me a tiny window into it. It was actually from stepping down off of high doses of steroids too quickly. It’s a rare side effect called steroid mania.
The craziest thing is how seamless the shift was. I don’t even know when it started. It was super frustrating to be so intensely sure about something and then try to explain it, but there were no words.
I’m grateful for the experience because it gave me that tiny window into what others experience.
This just happened to me and it’s really hard not to want to commit suicide. I’m staying strong and trying to figure out how to make a new life now but I was convinced that I was God and unlike a schizophrenic, I was very articulate about it.
I had a full blown Manic Episode in 2014 and ur comment for a while i thought i have written it
I try my best to avoid people whome i interacted during those 2.5 months
Super crazy stuff
I still remember it started suddenly and not gradual while i was driving
It is unfair overall, the whole thing i still couldn't make sense after all these years
I used to sleep for only half an hr in 3-4 days, roaming around cities to cities getting wierd impulsive things done
Thank God didn't get my self killed or something
It was all followed by a deep deep deep depression where i could hardly breath even which also lasted for 2-3 months
Full blown Mania is no doubt a super cringe fest i totally get it
I drove 110mph on highway and it felt like 50mph. Just could not get enough of that mania feeling. I was also arrested during manic episode and police took me to jail instead of the hospital. In jail my angry “manic” out bursts led to having my water shut off. I was forced to drink toilet water for 15hrs and given no food, clothes, medication or basic human care. I was so crazy angry that I wrote “f*** you” with feces backwards (so they could read from other side) on the large window. The sheriff’s were so appalled and intrigued that they took pictures.
I was wrongfully arrested for two days until posting $2,000 bail on false charges that were eventually dismissed after 7 court dates (two years). I received no treatment, assistance or simple apology while losing two days of my life and $2,000 for my manic episode. I’m just blessed the police didn’t shoot and kill me during the episode like many others who lose their lives every single day. Mania can be deadly so please take medication or see a psychiatrist because my depression (crash) lasted 3 months. Sorry, just being completely honest and I never knew I was bipolar until last month…God Bless!
I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. 💔 I hope you are doing well with the diagnosis. Please reach out if you need anything. I’m also on fb and Instagram.
What medications are you on? Are they working? I’m on 40mg of Altuda for bipolar 1 manic depression and buspar for the anxiety. It’s been almost one month and feel better with less depression. This diagnosis was absolutely frightening but now my life makes complete sense. I’ve been living a nightmare and never knew why…geez….please keep posting to save lives. God Bless…
I’m so sorry for your suffering, Tony!!!!
Police should have taken you to emergency room.
Police have something called “discretion” and they can do whatever they can get away with. I had a few choice words with the police officer so her angry “pride” put me in jail instead of taking me to the hospital. People suffering from mental health in San Diego are basically considered criminals and the police get a big “laugh” out of it…our tax payers dollars at work.
It's not just genetic - it can be brought on by extreme life circumstances. Love your content, keep going!
100%
My husband’s drug use brought on severe bi polar😢
@@kerri-jopatterson8976 how do you know his drug use is what did it?
@@tby62 I don’t know for sure, but he’s been doing drugs since he was 13yrs old. It’s been 30 yrs of using, I’m assuming at some point your brain changes and caused his condition
I have fully healed from rapid cycling bipolar 2 disorder over the last 4 years. I’ve basically been alone in bed at home, 15 hours of trauma therapy per week over ZOOM and 12 step SLAA, ACA and coda meetings. I’ve also fully healed from PCOS and asthma. It’s A LOT OF WORK and I had to go no contact with my entire narcissistic family. But I’ve survived 🙏
Amazing ❤️
I’m assuming you changed your diet, because this is a huge step in healing these things.
@@RationalNon-conformist I’ve always had a fairly healthy diet. Low sugar, mostly vegan. But I had that already before I started recovering this diet. I’ve also always exercised well. My lifestyle was good. Still things were so bad. I had also had a daily meditation practice. Still my mood chart was through the roof bipolar. That’s why I ended up having to stop everything and have such extreme recovery work. Cause I was gonna die. I had decided I was gonna get euthanised if this would continue. It was too much suffering.
@@RationalNon-conformistI wonder if you’re referring to ketogenic or carnivore diet? So many stories of remission of bipolar symptoms…
I have bipolar 1 also and I so appreciate you sharing your story with us all, we need more courageous people like you speaking about bipolar 1 which is so much misunderstood in the world, getting better slowly, but we definitely need more awareness about this brain and psychiatric illness. Love your video. Thanks.
Thank you so much for sharing! Explanations of those who walk the walk are very helpful in helping the world understand.
thanks so much for posting this, i know how difficult it is to talk about these things.
I love your honesty.
It's hard to talk about but we are so glad you have opened up
Great channel! Thank you SO MUCH for this ❤.
Omg that's exactly same thing I do!! This video seriously just changed everything 🤯🤯. I had no idea this was anything, let alone BPD! You just made sense of so much for me with this. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 I do exact same thing with the personalities. Ive always had 3. Doesn't help that it my was friends as a teen who pointed it out to me and even named them. I act the same
I can’t imagine how scary this all is when your mind is basically playing tricks on you. I can’t imagine this. Thank you for sharing your story.
You’re welcome ❤️
Very articulate and relatable.
Avoidance because of embarrassment and the feelings of judgements from others i kept it all inside for years it's so helpful hearing other people's stories
You look amazing for your age. I was shocked when you said you went to college over 20 years ago.
I hope to at least get that perk with my bipolar. Really, I got nothing going good right now. I'm probably a month or two away from living on the streets. Oh I hope things get better within the next two months.
@@rbr1170Are you okay?
@@rbr1170 How are you doing now? Hope you're well!
Same here 😅
Thank you for sharing. I don't feel alone.
A genuine heartfelt thank you for posting this! I just received this diagnosis 5 days ago. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anyone who knew what to do. So blessed that your father was there! I’m okay now. This diagnosis has answered a lot of questions. Your video helped me a lot!
You’re so welcome! It’s okay to feel however you feel about receiving the diagnosis. I’m sorry that no one knew what was happening, which is the norm, unfortunately.
If/when you’re ready, there’s an amazingly supportive bipolar community on Instagram. You can find me there under ourbipolar. Please take care, and dm me if you need anything. Oh and make sleep a priority. ❤️
Thank you for your courage and honesty. I learned a lot about the disorder from your video. I’m a psych major and love hearing first hand stories from people who have a mental health disorder. God bless you!
WowWrs thank you so Soo much for sharing your story I've shared your video with my niece who is almost 20
I appreciate you posting this. I was recently discharged from the psychiatric hospital and I’m hoping things go smoother for me this time around especially with taking numerous anti-depressants. Kudos to you for sharing awareness
Good luck!
Energized. That's a word I used when describing my feelings. Keep going 🙂
As energized as possible! I’ve never felt like that prior or since. ⚡️⚡️⚡️
Thank you for sharing it was helpful to hear a similar story. I feel better knowing I’m not weird (different) or alone!
You’re definitely not alone. ❤️ I proudly claim being weird, but that started way before the bipolar symptoms. 😂
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story. 🙏
Great job with memory recall of your episode...I can't remember details of mine
I so appreciate your sharing this with us.
Thank you for your honesty. Really!
Thanks for posting your story. I guess you were lucky your Dad was involved and was so aware. that probably saved you a lot of pain. However you must have been through a lot with the inappropriate medication of the years. It’s good to hear you have the right support now
I was definitely lucky with my quick diagnosis, but I made up for it later. 🤪 Life is much better now, but bipolar is never easy.
😢🎉🎉🎉 you are a wonderful person who has explained B Polar so well ❤❤❤
Thank you! ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this. I was just diagnosed this past weekend. I thought it was just postpartum anxiety and anger. It’s so useful to hear how other people’s stories unfolded. I see so many red flags during my college years now. Im almost 40 and after baby #2 I self broken. I’m so glad we are now in an era where it is acceptable to speak publicly about this stuff. It’s so needed. ❤
The more we speak, the more it becomes acceptable. 🙌🏼
Diagnosis can be tough, but for some it’s a relief. Reach out to me on fb or IG if you need anything or just to talk. ❤️
@@ourbipolar aww that’s so sweet thank you 🙏
OMG! We soooo need to talk. I am so glad to hear this. My story is so tough...
SSRI's activated my 1st psychotic episode. I experienced Sleep deprivation, weird thoughts, the "Devil" after me, "my husband poisoning my food", the paranoia I suffered constantly, impulsive buying, had to leave my job (thought they were putting drugs in the kids food) couldn't tell anyone because I thought they would kill me. :(
I was a missing person for 5 days!!! Ambulance found me running at 4 am in traffic I was put on a hold for 3 days then 1 month later self admitted to a psych ward for 6 days. It is a cleanse!!! I hated it but it was necessary. I rested and took anti psychotics and ativan .
Looking back, I could have died during my manic episode. I have a photo of myself and I looked so terrible in the hospital bed. I mean really beat up!
**back track: I woke up in the ER and they had to put me back to sleep (anesthesia) I experienced audio hallucinations and was convinced that they were going to put me in someone else's body. TV show "BEHIND HER EYES"
This is such a choppy version of my story... I believed AI's were after me and for some reason that people were body jumping so entering each other's bodies. old movie "Fallen" Denzel Washington. (So so weirrrrd.) OUR BRAINS ARE COMPUTERS, IF IT DOES NOT RESET (SLEEP) IT WILL CREATE NARRATIVES, GO INTO OVER DRIVE AND AN 'ELECTRICAL FIRE' HAPPENS IN THE BRAIN so to speak...
Sum it all up:Nov. 2022 I was diagnosed with bipolar I.
I am understanding myself so much more but I may also delete this as it is still hard to share on the internet. So much more to my story. You are awesome for sharing this!!! thank u.
Yes we do need to talk! Delete or don’t delete, up to you, but find me on Instagram if you’re on there. Same name, ourbipolar.
Don't delete... It might be embarrassing but this helps mooore than you think... I don't suffer from it but I'm trying to understand people who do or look for signs that I or many others are dismissing or interpreting the wrong way and than in return making matter worse by our response or taking things personal when we really should not be❤
I have bipolar 1 first manic episode at 16 I have been delusional many times and have been in psych wards so much I can’t remember I was a frequent flyer. I’m stable now I take meds and don’t do street drugs anymore it’s been hell !! I’m an NFT artist now and my life has turned around so much still get manic but meds keep me from going to psych ward.
😆😆😆😆😆 i have bipolar 1 as well. Its helpful for me to read the crazy experience of another with bipolar. Because i have many. Most of the time the experiences i read are manic yes but mild enough that they could kind of play it off. But a story like yours is out there far enough that it would be hard to play it down! Fortunately i live in the heart of a major city where almost everyone is mental or doped out. I doubt anyone around here would notice extreme mania! Youd have to work pretty hard to catch the attention of anyone around here! 😆 finally a place i can blend in!!!
@@user-uj6dp6gu4f it is a category of anti-depressants
Really can get you . Been there done that ❤ you look brilliant
Wow, it takes courage to investigate such a rapid change in your own personality. So many sufferers, because this afflicts some very intelligent people, slip through the cracks, try to self-medicate, & wind up devastating themselves & others around them
Thanks! For me it was such a drastic change that I couldn’t avoid noticing it. But I know that’s not the case with everyone. I’m also a big-time delver so that may have helped me. 😆
@@ourbipolarmay I know your zodiac sign ??
Thank you for sharing, … excellent courage, bravo.
Your video reminds me the old days of my bipolar, which is so different from what I'm going through recently. Now I didn't have mania since a long time ago, not feeling depressed most of the time and I was able to sleep well. But I have a lot of mini anxiety episode throughout the day and night. What bothers me most is the panic attack, often triggered God's presence. Thank you for sharing, it raised my awareness of my bipolar disorder.
Same, I haven’t had full-on mania in about 16 years. But I still get mixed hypomania and depression at times.
Thank you you've given me hope for a precious grandchild. God bless
This sounds so familiar. Thank you for sharing your story!
You’re so welcome!
Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm glad you said you don't remember a lot about certain things because I can totally relate to that. I didn't realize that was a Bipolar thing
I didn’t know that either until more recently.
Thanks for sharing. I had a similar experience being treated for unipolar depression. Had no idea I was bipolar until my psychotic break. I was convinced we were living in a simulation and the government was trying to read my mind. By far the scariest night of my life, for both me and my wife.
My psychiatrist has been amazing in helping me dial in the meds and giving me tools to use when triggers start happening. Lack of sleep is a big one.
Thanks for helping normalize the conversation around mental health!
Great comment! Thanks for being here!
Thank you for your story. My wife is in her first manic episode right now, and stories like yours are helping me process and understand a lot. Thank you
My heart goes out to you both ❤️
Such a wonderful account of your experience. Best I have ever heard.,
Thank you so much ❤️
My husband just had his first manic episode last month and was in a very serious car accident because of it 🥺 he’s been refusing to get evaluated and it’s so hard to deal with. He’s such a different person in this state.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Accepting a bipolar diagnosis and being open to treatment can take time, unfortunately.
In the meantime, you might want to get yourself into therapy. It’s been a traumatic time for you as well, and having coping mechanisms for whatever is to come can only help him and you. ❤️
Thank you for sharing. I totally agree when I am manic I don’t like feeling that way, so I self medicate.
Thank you for your courage, strength and vulnerability in sharing this story with us. I pray you’re well. God bless you, your family and your YT channel.
I am well. You’re welcome. ❤️
Thank you for sharing! One thing I like is how your father was able to help and support you in that incident. And it also makes me very curious, if you feel comfortable answering this - what made you trust him? What made you feel safe, and accept his help, even though you were in such a bad state? If you can articulate it? I find that listening to your friends and family and accepting help and not just get angry and in denial and more scared can be a challenge
I trusted my dad and could accept his help because I wasn’t have any delusions concerning my dad. He was the person he always was despite my other delusions. My mania did not affect how I viewed our relationship.
A friend from high school developed this illness and it was after we had gone on with our lives. I served in the Army and she joined the Navy. Her Mother contacted me and explained what happened as she was discharged from the Navy was preaching to everyone whether they wanted to hear or listen. Her Mother asked me when she would go back to being herself and I felt so sorry for her and my friend. I felt like she hadn't been told exactly what was happening and she was waiting for her to return to normal. I moved to another part of the country and I don't know what happened to her.
I so relate. Early in my diagnosis I had a psych appointment with my parents, and my mom was angry and said she wanted her daughter back. As if my doctor could wave a magic wand full of meds and make me who I was before. I knew I was never going back to who I was before bipolar. That wasn’t even a possibility. And it was wrong to put that expectation on me or my doctor.
Thank you very much! I would hate to live with something like this, your very strong!
It's actually my sister who is currently in a psychotic/manic episode and is diagnosed with bipolar. Her issues started back in January after moving out, a month ago we picked her up from the second mental hospital and she's had multiple episodes lasting 3-8 days on average. One of her longer episodes was caused from getting off the medication from hospital #2
Anyways, this is helpful for me, I'm trying to find out how to help her with the mania.
Thanks again!
You’re welcome! I hate living with bipolar, but it’s the hand I was dealt. 🤷🏻♀️
You’re a really good sister for doing research on bipolar. Those first years after diagnosis were really rough for me. Let me know if I can help in any way. You can find me on fb and Instagram as well.
I made hundreds of pieces of art. Started shoplifting compulsively. Cheated on girlfriend. Gambled huge sums of money. Lost my girlfriend. Lost my money. Lost my mind.....compounding stressors and bad diet sleep hygiene pushed me over the edge
Such hardship brought on by illness. I hope you’re rebuilding your life now. ❤️
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story! From a subscriber in South Korea!
You’re welcome!
Im learning so much from u and all the comments as well
Thanks for your video...... I'm hearing others stories I can sort
Out my own ...
Was diagnosed 2.5 years ago at the age of 50 .... thankfully some of the hard part is over but each day, week, year , is still filled with its own challenges...
You’re welcome. That’s a good way to put it. There will always be challenges. ❤️
What a lovely lady. Gentle soul. I should say antidepressants make one bipolar as they change the brain chemistry. I diagnosed myself as bipolar but the doctor thinks I am more likely suffering with post traumatic stress disorder as I often talk very loudly over everyone, get very angry easily but then walk away. I am not dangerous to anyone. Maybe myself as I am often scratching my scalp and skin until I bleed.
Maybe you should try getting a second opinion? Antidepressants don’t make a person bipolar, but they can bring it out if the person is already predisposed.
I think learning about your disability helps alot.i deal with paranoid schizophrenia and understanding what your dealing with is and has been a huge step for me especially that it seems to be getting worse
I’m glad it helps! I hope you have a good doctor. If not, try to find one. It can make all the difference. 🤍
@@ourbipolar I get pschotic symptoms (auditary /voices making remarks , but not talking to me or instructing me .) Does this sound like bi-polar psychosis , or is it possible to tell ?.
@@kenadams5504 It sounds like it could be psychosis, which can be part of bipolar symptoms. But I’m not a doctor. Please see one. ❤️
@@kenadams5504 sounds like schizophrenia, have you been diagnosed yet? my 32-year-old son was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 25. He was hearing voices, not instructing either, and takes clozapine and now they are not so loud.
Thanks for sharing. I never really knew about BP. Take care and manage yourself well. :)
You’re welcome. Thanks for caring enough to learn about bipolar. ❤️
I’ve been treated for depression for 40 years. They finally decided TMS was the best solution. I went for 9 sessions and found myself in a full blown manic episode. I have no idea how long I’ve been bipolar but my primary care doctor said she’s seen signs of it for years but didn’t want to label me. She thought she was treating it with SSRI’s. It wasn’t until I was hospitalized for the depression that I saw a psychiatrist who immediately suspected it. It’s rapid cycling now and has been for about a month. Completely disabling. I can’t imagine he’ll could be worse than this.
I’m so sorry to hear this. 💔 I didn’t know that TMS could bring on mania symptoms for those with bipolar. It seems irresponsible of your doctor not to tell you about the diagnosis.
Thank you so much. This is very helpful.
Sorry - I wrote the last comment for the previous video i was watching. I agree with you, young lady - antidepressants make one bipolar. You have beautiful hair, by the way. Keep strong and feel the power within you.
I can not imagine how much courage it took to put this video online. I wish you all the best in dealing with this as people can be so much less understanding of mental illness than physical illness.
Thank you ❤️
You are so right and I hope to do a video with a friend comparing her treatment with having a physical illness vs a mental illness.
I was diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features when I was 17 years old. By the time I turned 21, it was identified as Bipolar 1. I never actually opened up about this to my family; what they only knew is that my medications were different. I also think that the version of myself without a mental illness is totally different from who I am today. Thanks for your courage in sharing your story.
Everyone’s relationship with her family is different. Do what’s right for you. Having lived two different versions of ourselves is not something most people can say, good or bad. ❤️
I just had a baby 8 months ago I been in and psych wards since November Im my diagnosis is major depressive disorder with psychotic features. Mind you I couldn’t sleep for two days on in feels like I’m leaving in someone’s body constantly. I’m just severely depressed
It's really tough. I have the same problems back then like I rarely sleep also and I got this feeling that everything is so complicated even the smallest things. I just have a hard time "functioning" from day to day life. Things will get better soon! Just hang in there! @@ThatgirlLondon.
@@mayeuni-3 thank you so much I pray that it will get better soon and for everyone else as well
@@ThatgirlLondon. 🙏🏻💛
You sound like a very self aware and down to earth person, I recently went through a mental health crisis and I’m getting tested for bipolar next week, still not sure if it was a hypomanic episode or just a diss regulated state brought on by stress. You make everything seem so normal though, definitely have given me a lot of hope.
I’m pretty normal except when I’m in an episode. 😂
Holding space for you as you find out what’s going on. ❤️
@@ourbipolar omg ur a rock star, much love 🙏
😘
thank you for sharing your story
Thank you for sharing this.
You’re welcome
I’m in the middle of a full manic episode even though I’m on 900 mg of lithium. sleep is gone away and it’s terrible. no hallucinations or delusions but the fears and paranoia of other diseases are real. it’s not anxiety it’s like you’re convinced and accepting that you’re going to die from an illness totally unrelated to the current situation. But everything about this story is related right down to the water situation
Edit: in my opinion, I think you’re absolutely blessed and it’s a miracle that you are still alive to tell this story. so many of us are going through this as we watch this video and it’s so painful. I can barely write this comment because of how nuts I am.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Please check in with your doctor if you haven’t. When sleep starts to get tougher, I have to take an antipsychotic. For me, Seroquel. Lithium doesn’t help my sleep during mania or hypomania either. I hope everything gets better soon. ❤️
@@ourbipolar thanks for checking up. I’m on day two of no sleep. I’m trying to exercise as much as I can but the wired fatigue is ridiculous. i have comorbid insomnia, so I have insomnia with or without cycles. Mania just takes my sleep away completely.
@@ourbipolar just got on olanzipine. I’m convinced it saved my life
I sure hope you’re feeling better now, big hugs!
@@teschchr122 I am. I got put on zyprexa and klonopin and that has been helping so much. a true game changer
That's pretty scary. It sounded like dream/nightmare "rules" occuring in the waking world. I don't envy you having to deal with it.
I wonder how many people have episodes that they don't recognize or acknowledge, and just try to muddle through without getting help or learning that there might be some cause.
I’ve heard of many people who say they lived with bipolar for years before receiving a diagnosis. My situation was such that I was diagnosed almost immediately, and I am grateful for that at least.
Just subscribed because you asked so nicely 🤗
thank you for sharing!
I felt like I lived 2 lives I thought I was the only one thank you !
I totally get you on the did aspect. I prefer to understand how it is true then to dismiss it as just a mental illness. The more research I do, the more I understand it as true just low grade. When you understand it you can track a lot of mental illnesses down to personalities that have not fully formed into your so-called host personality that fronts the most.
Just to be clear, I was having a delusion that I had multiple personalities. It was brought on by mania. I don’t actually have DID.
@ourbipolar I understand what you meant. It's a very common so-called delusion. But I really don't even like the word delusion because they are still based in a reality. We just don't understand how to understand them yet. The delusion was triggered by something in the real world by a perception that was picked up on for a reason. I prefer to understand things on a way deeper level than most people care to. The term delusion is usually used to dismiss somebody else's understanding or misunderstanding, my not that something is necessarily real or unreal. People's realities are real to them for a reason or a multitude of reasons. That's why I don't like the terms right and wrong, because they are only ever opinions.
Might look into OSDD, especially if dissociation is a prominent symptom.
I get it. I am diagnosed with bipolar II. It also started when my psychiatrist added new antidepressant and I thought it was finally working. I didn't see it at that time, but it absolutely triggered a hypomania episode. I broke up with my boyfriend of over 4 years, moved out, changed my job and lost a ton of money on just going out. It's also really hard to talk about it because I feel like that was the darkest time of my life, a time when I felt great but was not my usual careful self. I pay for it to this day over 3 years later. I also become paranoid sometimes when I just feel good or when I do something spontaneous because I fear going into hypomania again and not realizing it and ruining my life.
Such similarities! I hope you’re doing better now. ❤️
@@ourbipolar thank you, so much better now ❤️
I'm bipolar too I'm here for u! Dr.Deborah
Thank you ❤️
Your so welcome I totally understood what you were going through....the last time I was hospitalized, I thought people were trying to shoot me in my apartment (psychotic break) I was hospitalized and now I take meds so I don't have one of those episodes...again THEY R SO SCARY!!!!!If u ever want to talk I'm here...Dr.Deborah I am 100%disabled due to illness
Thank you for this video, I'm here to learn... My 19 year old son was just diagnosed 14 days ago. He is now 25 days into a manic episode. Took him to the ER he was sent to an inpatient facility on a TDO and they only kept him for a week. He refused meds the entire time he was there and would only agree to sessions. His stabilization only lasted 1 day and he is back to being full blown manic, also refusing sessions, treatment or medication. Everything you said is happening to him right now. He thinks he sees demons in his sleep, he's not eating and only sleeping an hour a day. He is saying and doing really abnormal and outlandish things. His psychiatrist told me it could take him a month to stabilize on his own. Does everyone remember their manic episodes? I really want to have a conversation with him once he's stable and hopefully get him to agree to trying medication. I just don't know what to do. He's very angry, sad, mad, excited and delusional all at once.
I’m so sorry that you and your son are going through this. At least for me, there are parts of manic episodes that are gone from my memory, but I have never not remembered at least some of every manic episode.
Julie Fast is an author with bipolar who writes very helpful books for people with bipolar and their loved ones. I’ve never read it, but her book called Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is supposed to be really good. I have read Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. Maybe your son can read it when he’s ready. It helped me figure out my triggers for mania.
I really hope that your son will become medication compliant soon. Please try to take care of yourself. Sending so much love. ❤️
@@ourbipolar Thank you for the book suggestions, I will definitely check out both. Any insight I can get will be helpful right now. ❤️
I was Sectioned just for walking around all day .I was restless from morning to night , and felt like walking all day . How can your son live , while sleeping just one hour per night ?. Do the Doctors not realise how he is behaving ?.
Please tell the doctor to run few blood work chucking his Vitamins ( B12, B6, Iron, Vit C, Magnesium, vit D, few minerals) most of the time lacking these essential vitamins triggers Manic phase. Also his gut health is probably not good, eating junk food and unhealthy foods may causes disturbances in brain chemicals ( Dopamine/ serotonin etc). Try to see a Integrative Psychiatrist who will try alternatives rather than traditional medicine, he may needed traditional tx at this time but you can look for alternative medicine. Search for Dr Amens clinic and watch his videos. Thank you
Once he comes back from Acute care, add Probiotics before breakfast for long time...and discuss with his doctor. Just to let you know all our brain chemicals..originates from our guts, So the gut health is very very important for mental health conditions. Thank you.
Thank you!
I believe sleep, specifically lack thereof, plays a HUGE role in mania. Cannabis and adderall played a role in my episode but I believe the lack of sleep from the adderall is what brought it on.
I totally agree. Sleep is key.
Thank you for your video. My husband of 30 years (he’s 47) is possibly having his first EXTREME manic episode that has lead to psychosis. A bipolar diagnosis would explain a lot of the challenges we’ve faced over multiple decades of marriage. He’s a retired Marine, and right now he refuses to get help. He’s staying with his mom because he scared me and the kids Wednesday. Any advice you can give on how to get him help is very much appreciated. We love and miss him so very much.
I’m so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you’ve tried to convince him to get help. If you or someone else explains why he should get help and he still refuses, then you must decide what to do for you and your family. If he is endangering anyone, you should call his dr/a helpline/911.
@@ourbipolar Thank you. He’s a retired Marine and I’ve called so many hotlines. He appears to be coming out of it now. So praying and believing he’s beginning to recognize he needs help.
I believe my husband is manic depressive and has some bipolar. Our marriage has been a struggle for so long. Recently he had a significant episode where he exhibited extreme behavior and I knew this was “next level” trouble. I was able to convince him to go to a psychiatrist (after many years of him telling me he wouldn’t). His medical Dr had him on Wellabutrin for many years until that didn’t seem to help. Then she switched him to Effexor XR. It never did a great job. The psychiatrist who he just recently agreed to see, is weaning him off of Effexor XR and on to Lamictal which so far seems to be helping. He still has a few months to go to be completely transitioned over to the Lamictal. I’ve been told that Manic depressive disorder is “a whole other animal” and can be hard to deal with. I can certainly say he has been hard to deal with. The shopping sprees, paranoia, mood swings, highs and lows, love/hate moods, impatience and I could go on. I feel for anyone who is dealing with this. Our whole family has dealt with it.
@alphaomega6805 Bipolar is hard to deal with, just by nature of the disorder. But it can be managed with meds that work and lifestyle choices (consistent sleep routine, exercise, healthy diet, little/no alcohol, rest).
I’m glad to hear the lamictal is helping! Antidepressants/SSRIs usually cause more mania for those of us with bipolar 1. 🙋🏻♀️
In case we’re not all clear, bipolar = manic depression.
Hi, thank you very much for your video, I recognized myself in some of the symptoms you mention like becoming very talkative and extroverted all of a sudden when I am a rather introverted person. I am most likely bipolar type 1 too but my diagnosis is not yet certain because its pretty new, I alternate with very severe melancholic depressive episodes. I wanted to ask you if during your manic episodes you sometimes become paranoid and think that some people are plotting against you? I have been known to think in a manic state that I am so far above others that some people try to bring me down and thus try to harm me, this was a scary experience. I'm glad you mentioned the fact that manic states are not all fun and games as you might think.
Hi Hugo! The paranoia that you describe in mania is very common in people with bipolar. I haven’t experienced it, but I know many people with bipolar who have. Good luck to you! I hope that your diagnosis gets sorted out soon.
Been hypo since December. I’d come with more ups than downs this time, but things are beyond concerning at this point and I’m not currently prescribed anything.
Bless you.
I always had manic episodes on Prozac. I look back at Prozac as a bad habit builder and it helped me achieve a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 a few years later after on and off antidepressant treatment. The worse of all was Prozac. Zoloft was bad too, it made me close back into myself and being mute and avoiding people, Prozac was the opposite and still bad. You know what good is for me right now? My antipsychotic Abilify. Who knew that all I needed in my life from the very beginning was just this? I was presenting with anxiety so they treated that first. Voila! It's now more than that. I've racked up to six diagnoses so far, my next one is to see if I'm possibly on the autism spectrum.
I’m so glad that Abilify works for you! That’s one I never tried. I also wonder if I’m on the autism spectrum. At least the computer tests I’ve taken think so. 🤔
i don't have bipolar but i have paranoid schizophrenia it is a very debilitating i use to leave my house but now i can not i have to forced myself to leave my house i am always paranoid I also laugh out loud because of my schizophrenia it only happens when i don't take my serquel or caplyta and trazdone and lamotrigine as long I take my medication i don't laugh out loud it is very embarrassing thank you for sharing your story with us thank you are worthy god bless you.
I had been so stable & content for almost a year until my nursing home let me go as a housekeeper & said they’d pay for me to switch to CNA… I came back to work recently to 12-16 hour shifts, zero staff leadership & cohercing me into working 50 plus hours or more a week. I’m so emotional, over tired & feel like giving up. I’m praying this will pass & hopefully I can find a better more stable work environment
I hope you can find a job with a better schedule soon! Sending love. ❤
Thank you so much!
Check for Home Health Agencies. You are working with one patient into their home. And you can choose to work 8 or 12 hours shift , day or night shift, and is a better pay. Godd bless and help you. Amen 🙏
Hats off to you 👍
I literally can't start a villain-arc because the damage it'd cause could be catastrophic.
798th subscriber! I really think I have bi polar but I have not been diagnosed and I feel crazy and I hate it so much
Thanks for subscribing! Sounds like you need to see a psychiatrist if you haven’t already. I hope you’re doing better soon. ❤️
Thanks for sharing
I am here just subscribed 😊
Glad I found you
Glad you did too
Thank you for sharing your story. This was helpful. Only I can’t often tell if a person has genuine bipolar disorder, which does seem to have a genetic component, versus having an actual trauma based response within their neurological processing faculties. It would seem rather irrational to diagnose someone and medicate them if they are having a trauma based response. Would seem to make more sense to retrain the brain to process the trauma, do some sort of exposure therapies (like immune system build up that allergy shots provide) and teaching healthier coping mechanisms to the individual experiencing bipolar symptoms due to trauma. That would seem quite different than the person who has genetic factors leading to bipolar.
Like I know this elderly woman with a bipolar diagnosis, and yet she was raised in domestic violence and poverty and then married an abuser who physically hit her regularly back in the day and yet it makes no sense that she’s the crazy one lol. Seems like the husband and extended family should’ve gone to jail at myriad points in the story and yet she’s the only one to have had her freedom taken away a few times via a psyche ward. I look at her story as an outsider and don’t think she’s half as insane as the entire story and social construct seems relatively insane lol. So I can’t tell how to differentiate…thanks for your own insights
There is always a genetic component to bipolar. Trauma can make bipolar emerge, like with the woman you know. Awful situation. 💔 The husband obviously has his own problems.
I dealt with depression for many years, in silence but the people around me noticed it. Then I started thinking God was sending me on special missions, not sleeping, drove felony speed, and got myself into a bunch of trouble. Crashed into depression, sought help, started looking back on everything when I was sent to a psychiatrist and diagnosed bipolar, and it all made sense. You are so lucky your Dad is a therapist and noticed you were manic.
I hope you’re doing better since diagnosis. ❤️
I’m lucky that my dad recognized my mania, but those several years after of ultra rapid cycling because of ineffective meds were not so lucky.
Thank you so much! I’m honestly still struggling a lot, but meds have made things much better. I’ve only treated it for about 2 years and I’m in my early 20s, so seeing other people who have lived with it for a long time and are well enough to tell the story gives me some hope that I’ll be okay in 10+ years.
I really hope it won’t take you 10+ years to get there. ❤️ Symptoms still happen for me but now I have fewer symptoms with less severity. 👍🏼
@@ourbipolardo you have any videos about how long it took you to start doing significantly better or have longer breaks between episodes?
@Paris-hu2hy I talk about how long it took me to do better in quite a few videos. This one talks about it: 4 Lifestyle Choices That Triggered Mania & Depression Despite Effective Bipolar Meds
th-cam.com/video/XUVRV2tEEVE/w-d-xo.html
Many people wtih Bipolar present during a depressive phase. They are often given an anti depressant, which can trigger a manic episode. Some people have a type of diagnosis "With psychotic Features." So, you can have depression or bipolar with or without psychotic features. A big problem is people seeking help while depressed will be prescribed an anti-depressant. For people with Bipolar, that makes their situation worse, or utterly worse, as you described. You could have been misdiagnosed as something like schzophrenia, etc., and put on medication that's also not helpful for Bipolar. Disclosing a manic history is critical for a proper diagnosis. The diagnosis is treatable, but it's a conditon requiring ongoing therapy.
Great synopsis!
I was never told that my diagnosis is bipolar 1 with psychotic features, but it must technically be that. I was just given the diagnosis of bipolar 1.
@@ourbipolar That's an incomplete or inaccurate dx. It's either Schizoaffective or as you said. Depends. If the psychosis remits when the mood is stable then probably not Schizoaffective.
Admittedly, sometimes dx is made or modified by response to treatment. This is not an exact science. If treatment is effective then dx is not as important.
Btw: if you can voluntarily modify your thoughts to positive bcuz you believed others could read your thoughts, then you clearly can modify your thoughts. Which, supports reasonable insight to the reality your thoughts are sometimes in need of modifications.
You turned out great, smart and beautfiful
On another note, there are many members of my family who are clearly bipolar, but have never been screened. Most of them are extremely productive as well. Some present more than others.
We have this disease whether a doctor says it or not.
That’s fascinating. So true-we have bipolar whether diagnosed or not. Take care. 🤍
@@ourbipolar i know that "why me" feeling but when we take a step back we can remember that wild aunt, cousin on drugs, or great uncle who partied wayy too much.
The fortunate ones seek help. Thank you for your words. Thank you for caring. I’m not grateful for having this disease, but I’m thankful to be part of a community that cares so much for each other.
@@Sapioso I need more friends or people with bipolar disorder 🖖❤️
@@RobbieNewell 🎯 I’m more into the making friends with the disorder and ADHD for sure. Empathy can only go so far when it comes to understanding this life. Really wanna surround myself around people who live it but Louisiana isn’t the best mental health conscious states.
@@RobbieNewell I can be your friend 🤷🏾♂️
You're so eloquent and beautiful!
❤️❤️❤️
Subscribed, keep it going
Awesome, thank you!
I suffered a full manic episode in august 2020 no sleep for almost 6 days thought I was being watched & followed went for walks at midnight not telling anyone where I was going my sister nearly called an ambulance that night earlier this year I've suffered 5 minor episodes but I'm doing better these days the meds work especially the antipsychotics
I’m so glad you’re doing better these days. ❤️
I also went for a late night walk during one of my episodes. I was trying to get to the police station thinking the police could help. 🤔 Thankfully the taxi driver who picked me up had enough sense not to take me there. I’m sure I would’ve been committed.
Here’s the video if you’re interested: My LAST Full-Blown Manic Episode th-cam.com/video/0l_ZQ0izp34/w-d-xo.html
@@ourbipolar awwwwww thank you yeah I don't like the psychwards much either it can be upsetting & uncomfortable I've been in the outpatients a number of times over the years I wish you all the best 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I didn't realize how dangerous it can be for people to deal with law enforcement while having an episode. We need to learn ways to handle these situations without throwing people in jail!
I agree
My childhood trauma at age 6 changed me. Then my grandparents who were living with us both died. 6 months later my uncle shot himself. I saw my dad cleaning up the blood and pieces of my uncles tissue and hair. I started hallucinating soon after all this. I was undiagnosed for 30 years.
Oh how awful. I’m so sorry. ❤️
@@ourbipolar Appreciated, but I have a great Psychiatrist and Therapist who have me on the right mix of meds these days. I like your videos.
Jeff, I am so sorry you had to experience all of this at such a young age. Please do not give up on therapy and/or medications. ❤
Thank you Jess! My wife was just diagnosed and I am utterly lost.❤❤❤
It’s a tough time. ❤️ Your wife is lucky to have you.
Be loving toward her never use it against her
Thank you for educating yourself! I wish my husband would! You obviously love your wife very much!
My brother did not have a genetic disorder. Years ago, he was taking a large dose of prednisone 40mg to be exact daily for 10 days without tapering orders. He had pneumonia. Also took zithromycin. Normally a doctor would taper it as you discontinue it. 1 week after he finished the dose, he became bipolar/schizophrenic. Was taken to county hospital. Came out, was never the same again. He was ok before and they gave him many things. Never before never in my history we have no genetic disorders.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother. ❤️ What I meant was that bipolar can run in families. However it’s possible to have it with no family history, like me.
Steroids like prednisone can trigger bipolar symptoms in those with the disorder. After a bad reaction, I was told by my psychiatrist to never take steroids again.
@@ourbipolar I ended up running after him so many times. He is now in a board and care home. He was so difficult to handle and has bought 13 cars and wrecked most of them.