I’m 50. Not having children was the BEST decision I ever made. I knew around age 12 that I had no interest in motherhood, and I’m glad I never bowed to societal expectations.
Was the oldest, guess who got up in the middle of the night to either plug a bottle or PIN (1961) a diaper? With a giant safety pin? At 5 years old? I could never figure out why my parents wouldn't get up, even after my sister was screaming for a half hour! I was actually getting pretty good at it when my parents finally found out what I was doing. The one time my stepfather got up to find me, he barked at me to go to bed while I was wiping her little bottom. I was angry at him for yelling at me like that, but he was better about getting up after that. The baby still screamed for 15 minutes. I called him on the carpet about it 40 years later, made him apologize. Look out parents, nobody remembers like a 5 year old. I never had kids. It was sealed by the time I was in high school. I mean it. Your kid will remember every misstep and arrogance you ever did. Owning up and apologizing will go a long way toward, not only preserving a good relationship with your kids, but they will be more likely to cut you slack for being a fool. So long as you correct it!
@@wandah9468 Agreed! I haven’t spoken to my mother in four years, and never intend to again, because she defends and still feels entitled to engage in her bad behavior. I refuse to tolerate it and she refuses to acknowledge and correct it.
These scenarios are selfish 1. Having a baby because you are lonely 2. Having baby to have someone who will love you unconditionally. 3. Having a baby to try to keep your partner in a relationship with you. 4. Having a baby to try to save your failing relationship/marriage. 5. Having a baby because you want a bloodline, 6. Having a baby because you confuse legacy with lineage. 7. having a baby because you want a mini-you. 8. Having a baby in the hopes they will clean your bedpans for free when you get old.
I agree! I originally said that in the video but then I cut it out lol. I think especially considering overpopulation and climate change. If you really wanted to be selfless, you wouldn't have kids in order to protect the greater good of the planet. Having kids despite all of that is the most selfish thing I can imagine
Honestly if anyone really wanted to be a parent they could just adopt, it's cheaper and less stressful for the woman. Not to mention that they'd be giving a home to a child who really needs one.
I am child free as well. Heard all that as a child and teens. I told my parents by 6 , that if I did get married, I would not have kids. I realized early that I was not programmed right mentally to be a good mom. I have been a cat mom for many years and that fulfills me. Also, some medicinal issues I did not want to pass on. s a Woman, this is being self aware of my limitations. I was constantly challenged by peers, I just ignored them. They did not live in my body and mind and the issues I had to deal with. Yes, I never had any urge or want to have children, so I did not. Yep, I am selfish to an extent. So what. My non-being children are not being hurt, because they do not exist. Yes, it got to be annoying when you are always being questioned on your decision. I know one friend was sorry she got pregnant twice and really did not enjoy motherhood but was stuck now, she apologized to me. I told her it was not a problem for me. She felt like she did what was expected, get married, must have kids. I have heard the whole book of why, why, why not. Not all humans are the same or want the same. I think motherhood is a sacred calling. I am an Auntie, talks a village to help raise a child. I am part of that community. At 67, I still stand by my decision.
I have 2 kids and I never understand why people who choose not to have them get so much hate. I certainly don't expect my kids to have kids when they're older, if they don't want to.
Male. Gen Y. single, unmarried and childless. My Reasons. 1. The world is a trash fire. 2. Product of divorce. Seen a lot of divorce, failed marriages, family history on both sides is comprised of drinking culture and domestic violence. 3. Seen alot of deaths. Parents bury their children. I've even gone to the funerals of schoolmates. 4. Fear of divorce / Fear my offspring will advance my in death / Fear of being a shit dad, shit husband, shit family man. 5. I'm a semi hermit that lives and fights for himself. 6. I trust no one. 7. Such is life.
i feel SO REPRESENTED. I'm 22, decided sometime ago that i dont wanna have kids. i dont want the responsibility, i dont want the pregnancy-childbirth-postpartum pain and suffering, i dont need to have a child to take care of me when im older the most painful thing is that I'm an only child and my mom would love to have a grandkid, which i feel really sorry for, but she's not the one that'll need to take care of this new person for the rest of her life... anyways, great video! ❤
I’m so happy I could be a voice for you! People are going to tell you you’re too young to be sure, but I was saying I didn’t want kids from my early 20s too. The crazy part is, there are many people in their early 20s who are parents already. So apparently it’s okay to decide you do want to have kids at that age, but not okay to decide you don’t lol. It doesn’t make sense!
I’m 48 and CF! I thank my younger self aaaaall the time for that. I knew around 8 that I never wanted to have kids. I enjoy kids and babies, but in small doses. I also have a CF Boomer friend and she has so much extra money, time, and energy to travel. She looks twenty years younger than she is. I also knew a 90 year old CF lady who passed away about 5 years ago. She was very satisfied with her life and had a ton of cool experiences. She wrote for Vogue, hung out with Andy Warhol, and was a general hell raiser. I think being CF should be the norm these days and people who want kids should be raked over the coals to be sure they’ll be good parents.
I don't understand why people keep questioning others in such a private matter. Society makes it very clear that a kid is 100% your decision and your responsibility, but when you decide you don't want, they it's everybody's business! I'm sorry you have to go through this, it must be annoying, as a person and as a woman, because apparently this is a gender thing (never seen any guy having to justify themselves so much for not wanting kids). I am a mom, my son is 2 and it is really hard. I would never judge you for not wanting
Very valid point about gender! It definitely feels like men don't get judged as much for not wanting kids. I can only assume that's because women are stereotypically seen as the child-bearers and homemakers. Thanks for being judgement free, I really appreciate anyone who hears me out without judgement ❤
@carolkinnunen : I am a man in his late 20s whenever I tell about Childfree I get Worst judgmental behaviour from men itself, from women too. I am from an Asian country.
I knew at 14, now 47 and zero regrets! People started to believe me at 22 when I broke an engagement over this topic. People in my personal life stopped bugging me by 26. Strangers still sometimes bug me about it, even in my forties. You just gotta let it roll off and stand very confident in your own choice. It becomes less annoying as time goes on, in my opinion, the people pressuring you start to seem pathetic and naive.
My conspiracy theory about the ppl who say "you're selfish" to a person who doesn't want children, is that it's projection. They are unsatisfied with being parents, and get upset when they see a childfree person existing or being happy.
I read a reddit post from a father that stated exactly that. Some people want other people to suffer or fail like them so they can feel better about their own decisions. 🤨
Yes to all this 👏👏👏 Just turned 36 and my husband and I are still happy with our choice to be child free. The only thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or bad at times are peoples perceptions and comments, but I love our life. I also love that we get to be there for our nieces and support the parents around us that little bit more because of our time freedom.❤
"Who will take care of you when you're old?" is stupid question to me. All those arguments are stupid, but this is most stupid imo. 1. My potential children are not my potential slaves. They're going to have their lives and potentially their children to take care of as well. 2. They're no guarantee my children doesn't die before me for different reasons. 3. Children could be born or become sick and not able to take care of me when I'm old. 4. By the time I become old my children could be old and need care as well. 5. Demanding care from your children just for the fact you gave birth to them is selfish and manipulative. It was your decision to birth them, not their demand. People who say this often ignore the fact that death, illnesses and age exists not only for us, but for our children as well. They don't live in reality, but in fantasy world when children and parents are happy, healthy and children always outlive their parents.
If someone comes with the comment “who’s going to take care of you when you’re older“ The question to ask them is how many children today are taking care of their elderly and is it a rising or an declining number? How many children are even taking the time to visit their grandparents or parents every week?
I work at a network of nursing homes. We have many, many residents who never receive visits from their family. It's incredibly sad. Having a child is not a guarantee that someone will automatically want to care for you in old age.
"How long do I have to put up with 'you'll change your mind'?" Most people in my world backed off around the time I was turning 40. Instead, they shifted gears to BS like "Well, I hope you don't regret that when you're old and alone." *eyeroll*
I can finally breathe. I'm 24 and don't want children. Both my parents and my in-laws are extremely offended and are in disbelief. There's no crazy reason I opted out, and that's what pisses people off... My husband and I know what we want as goals, and raising children isn't part of it. No grand excuse needed. Much respect goes out to the parents though, I absolutely love my parents and am happy to care for them as they age. It'd be hard to do that part with children too since both my parents are seniors now.
Gonna be 39 this year, no kids and my mom is totally fine with it. I knew from an early age it wasn't for me. Teenagers often find me pretty easy to talk to, though, and I've been there to listen to them and offer sympathy or advice, so it's not like I'm not trying to help future generations. Raising kids takes a village, and it's totally fine to be the cool aunt/uncle/relative/person who is just there trying to help. Sometimes people have toxic families who can't/won't put their children first and treat them well. We're all operating under the assumption that the person we're telling to have kids is ready for them, will be a good parent, and will do whatever it takes to help them become decent human beings. I will do that, just for kids that I haven't pushed out of my own hoo-ha lol. Being childfree means that you have freed up time and resources that you can use to help the children who are already here.
100%, I feel the same way! I just spent the day hanging out with two friends who have kids, and I have the energy and availability to be present and enjoy time with the children. I would much rather do that and be a positive influence on children that already exist
@@deannedennis Absolutely!! You do NOT need to be a parent to be a positive influence to a child and you do NOT need to have kids to be valid and loving. My best father figure isn't related to me at ALL and he's amazing!
Being a mother is probably the only thing that could make me happy and I still choose to be child-free. If we were living in paradise; I’d have 2 children, a boy and a girl 🥰
People who push you to have a kid might just be jealous of your freedom. Having a kid means taking care of someone for at least 18 years, and maybe for life if they have a genetic disorder. Genetic testing around 18 weeks isn’t always spot on. You deserve to live your life the way you want. Those people who are saying otherwise probably don't work on themselves.
I am almost 70 yrs old and have known since I was 10 yrs old that I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN!!! I have NEVER CHANGED MY MIND!!! It's a.PERSONAL choice!!! No explanation required!
It's really disgusting the way some people make critical remarks about such a private matter as not wanting kids. I think it's probably coming from people who base so much of their identity on being a parent that they can't even conceive of someone who doesn't think like them i.e. it's projection. Embarrassing for them really. People don't make a big fuss over people who don't want pets, people who don't do X or Y so why so invested in what a woman does with her uterus?
I am a childfree myself. I don't blame you for not wanting to be a mother it's alot emotional physical and mentally by becoming a mother your giving up your individuality and freedom and also peace of mind. being a mother is one of the hardest jobs on planet earth.
I wish our society would RESPECT our individual choices!!! I am a parent that’s because I genuinely love children, but I don’t judge others if the choice NOT to have children. Being a parent is hard work, but I willing to commit to my kids, and I made sure to find someone who felt the same way. Not everyone is built to be a parent and there people who have children that have NO BUSINESS of being a parent!!! It’s perfectly fine if you choose not to have children (know thy self).
Beyond being childfree or having children (or adopting children), I'm happy to live in a time where we have CHOICE ! Or, at least, we are living in contries where we can choose. I'm so sorry some people are disrespectful with the childfree way of life. It's unfair, we should be lead our life as we want without being patronized. And some are forgetting how misérable is a life when parents did not wanted to have a child. I know about it, trust me.
the sleep depravation, maintaining relationships with parents of friends and feeling of responsibility for the rest of your life, even if the child is an adult are the main reasons why i don't want to have childen. if i would have them, i'm sure i would be a good mum, but i would be sooooooooo unhappy. and if someone say"who will take care of you when you grow old?" well, i know plenty of stories, when child go abroad, and thats it. thats your companionship as old man. sorry for my not great english :)
Thanks for speaking up on this important issue! I am a childfree guy in North Italy and it's hard to find understanding people when all around me are parents.
I remember how sad I felt for my own mother, when I realized at about 12 yo that she hasn't had anything else going for her except being "Moooooooooom" every damn day. She was a stay at home mom due to us being so sick with my bro all the time. The first time I saw her being herself, an individual, a woman, a human, was when she went back to work when I was about 14. I realized I don't even know who she is as a person, I just know her as my mother. I felt selfish that we kept her for so many years at home, to be "just" a mom, and let me tell you, she was the person who wanted to be a mom all her life. But even then it was hard for her to lose herself in the process. Btw all my life I have been known as my father's daughter, bcs he is known in the community, so I have always felt like I am not my own person. SO I get what you mean with not wanting to be like just a mom of xyz. 83 million people born per year???? :O And how many are dying per year? This seems like a crazy number!!!! :O I agree with all your points. I am currently living in a new country and for me it was easy to pack my stuff and move somewhere, but imagine with a family...When I was a kid I always wanted to be alone, was always happy if my family went somewhere without me and I had the house all to myself (Home Alone anyone? :D). Now in my own house I love the organized living I have, that I fought so hard for to achieve and to be able to afford, have my home away from all the chaos and drama of the world... Talking from my own experience, if one of my friends died and their kids were alone, I would for sure step up and adopt them and do all I can to provide a life for them, bcs I hate suffering, especially seeing kids suffer unnecessarily. Plus I don't need to have a DNA connection to a kid to have feelings for them. This is why I had a thought in the past about adopting, bcs there are so many kids in the world, who are already here and why not try to make their lives better? But then my country's government made such strong rules about who can adopt and who cannot that I basically wasn't eligible anymore. I took it as a sign. Whenever I visit my friends with kids, I am so happy for them and I keep asking them about their kids and they like me and all that, but I am always happy to return home to my own life and would feel so bad about doing the same things they do on a daily basis, if I had to do this for years and years too. I know they get the love with it too, but for me, it just doesn't balance out the hardships and chores of motherhood. Two of my grandparents died in hospice and it wasn't us who took care of them (we weren't able to handle the amount of pain they had and we weren't medical professionals). Just saying. One died in her sleep. One is still alive, so...But generally, you cannot predict how much someone will need to be taken care of when they are old, so...just to have kids for this... Plus you don't even know how long you're gonna live, so what if I have kids and then I die in 4 years...then what? (I could provide a hundred scenarios like this, but of course none of us know what will be...)
First of all, thank you for taking the time to write this detailed reply! Welcome to my little community here on TH-cam. I've always felt that kind of sadness when I think about my mother. I don't really know who she is as a woman either, and I don't think she does anymore now. She had me when she was 20 (not planned), so I feel like I took her youth away. Yupp, the population growth is out of control. We were at 1 billion in the 1800s, now we're at over 8 billion and growing in 2024. I feel the same way about the organized living I've worked for. I love children, but as you say, that's not enough to negate the disadvantages that come with motherhood. Sorry to hear about your grandparents!
I have 3 children..now they are 23,22 and 19. Yes, it was fun while they were little. But all the stress, hurt and debts I've been going through.... unbelievable! I tried to raise them as best as I could ....but their changing personality just shocks and disappoints me. 😢
Same. I've also been told that I'm "not normal" for not wanting to have kids. I feel strongly that I am not meant to be a mother and I don't think it makes me a freak. I find it insulting that anyone would think that my personal choice, which affects them in no way at all, is so difficult for them to accept, just because it is not what they understand. I feel sorry for them being so brainwashed by society and I know it's their issue,not mine, but I still hate it when they say that.
As always, I feel like all the negativity from parents or the non-childfree boils down to jealousy. Pure and simple. Have you ever heard someone accuse someone of "rubbing it in my face" over something they wouldn't be jealous of? Who would say something like "You lost your job today and don't know how you'll afford to even eat now? Don't rub it in my face!" No one. You accuse people of "rubbing it in my face" when you are jealous and feel like they are bragging, knowing you are in a worse off or lesser situation than they are.
I never understood people’s need to be in other peoples business about having kids or not. But I would like to comment on the first point. Anything you do you lose a bit of yourself into. Relationships, work, friends. You put yourself into each of these things and they change you. It blows my mind, as someone one who could never rely on their mom, that people expect that from their parents. Most of the time, if I need to call my mom, I pray she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t know much about my life and really hasn’t since I was a teenager and I’m 36 now. I didn’t even want her at my wedding.
I am choosing to not be a mother because: i suffer from extreme depression. I am on medication but i do have bouts of it that i have to fight through. I do not want a child surrounded by that
I am happy there are people who voice for child free and your reasons resonate with mine. If my future girlfriend said not to have children, I fully support her for that! ^=^ I love children but I lack the commitment to do so >
My nana can't get over I won't have children so her legacy will live on, I'm an only child and she is coming to grips with her but im nit signing up for 18 years plus just for her legacy I told her to start a charity or scholarship in her name then
People really do say No7 to childless people, sadly not realising that the strength of love they feel for their offspring is not true love stronger than any other type of love it’s just brain chemistry that triggers once you have a child in order to prevent you rejecting the infant as you are now entering the hardest part of your life and if these brain chemicals don’t cascade into your system at that time, the infant is at risk of neglect. Anyone who has suffered post natal depression knows this and anyone who has been removed from their birth families due to parental neglect knows this is the case. Only people who have been lucky enough to experience the brain chemistry after their baby being born cannot tell the difference any more between that and true love. The continuation of the human race depends on that brain chemistry happening so it makes sense that those who haven’t got the responsibility of parenting don’t get that effect. Unfortunately studies have shown that the effect wears off, regret not always but in some cases sets in, and more childfree adults end their lives happy with their choices than those who have had children.
So true about the brain chemistry thing! Another part of that is that once people are done having children, they tend to lose attraction and interest in their romantic partners. This is because the reason why we're attracted to them in the first place is because hormonally we want to reproduce. From an animalistic level, men want to get women pregnant and women want to create and nurture life. As soon as we're done playing those roles, romantic and sexual attraction tends to diminish substantially.
Thank you, for making this video ❤ This is a great video. I worked in retirement living, barely any children actually take care of their parents when they get old. And nowadays most parents are old taking care of their irresponsible adult children. 😢
I hear this a lot about retirement homes etc. It's really sad. So yeah, the whole question of "who will take care of you when you're old" is pretty redundant.
The best thing you can do when you don't want to have kids is.... to not have kids. Imagine having a kid bc other people think you should enjoy parenting. Wth?! Btw, i have two kids after a decade of trying. Parenting is not something to be taken up lightly! You do you ❤
I always wanted to have kids but never desperately. I am now in my mid 40's with no children. I am fine. No regrets. It just never happened for me. Life might of been amazing with children but it is amazing without them.
I'm 48 and have known since I was 12 that I didn’t want children. The topic kept coming up well into my 40s. It didn't stop until I had a hysterectomy. I haven't regretted being childfree once. Update to add: It's satisfying to shut nosy people up by telling them I don't have a uterus and not giving any further explanation. If they have even an ounce of empathy, they realize at that moment that they've overstepped. As if pressuring anyone to have kids isn't already overstepping.
If you are not intrinsically motivated to have children, then the most adult decision you can make for the long term, is to not have them. Critics be damned. I have never wished for children, and i will not be coerced into parenthood. My hope is that more young woman will be able to freely reflect over this choice in the future, because i subscribe to the notion that freedom is the ultimate and final good in this life.
Lonely, Vance described high-profile Democrats as "childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too". In 2020, he told a conservative podcast that Americans without children were "more sociopathic" and made the country "less stable". And in 2021, Vance's fundraising emails referred to "the serious issue of radical childless leaders in this country". Former House speaker Nancy Pelosi, who announced that when Vance "couched his opinion on our freedom" he didn't realise "what he would unleash". Vance has since said his comments weren't about "criticising people who, for various reasons, didn't have kids", but instead they were levelled at the Democratic Party for "becoming anti-family and anti-child". for Trump's campaign, they're the latest in a long history of politicians urging women to bear children - and berating them if they don't. A Sense of Patriot Leadership & Service to America! "There's a real pattern of women without children, particularly if they are powerful, being attacked for their lack of children as some kind of sign that they are selfish, that they are unwomanly, that they are unnatural!" "What we're looking at is a socially reinforced social stigma," explains Imogene Smith, a clinical psychology registrar. "It's reinforced by film, television, advertising … When we see a message repeatedly like that, it's hard not to internalise it." [ Propaganda! Influencing..] “The left has increasingly become explicitly anti-child and anti-family, and they encouraged young families not to have children at all over concerns of climate change, and they suggested people having children are somehow being selfish, when being a parent is the most selfless thing that you can do,” he said. “The simple point I made is that having children - becoming a father, becoming a mother - I really do think it changes your perspective in a pretty profound way. This is something, of course, we’ve recognized for hundreds of years in this country - that human civilization has always recognized,” he said. During the Republican National Convention two weeks ago, talk about the importance of having babies was so prominent, I wondered if “Make America Procreate Again” was becoming a party tagline. “I think what JD’s really getting at is the fact that the family’s been forgotten in America,” Schilling said. “The discussion around America’s families in relation to our falling birthrates is long overdue.” “Democrats have given hundreds of billions of dollars to illegals and foreign nations, while Generation Z has to pinch pennies so they can never own a home, never marry and work until they die, childless,” Kirk said. “What’s sotto voce being said is, ‘not enough white babies’ - that’s really the problem,” said Philip Gorski, a sociologist at Yale who has studied Christian nationalism. “Your genitals are reserved for procreation,” says an elderly white man in a sweater vest, as ominous music plays. "If there were a second Trump term, he [Donald Trump] has admitted that he is, quote, 'looking at' restrictions on contraception," Harris said. ;3
I have a hard time imagining you’re getting hate comments for not having children. I’ve been called so many horrible names for mentioning I have three. Can’t people just live their lives? Life is hard no matter what path you choose.
Honestly these days I feel like people face judgement no matter what they do. It’s impossible to please everyone. So I think the most important thing is just that we find happiness within ourselves
@@deannedennis. Women get interrogated no matter how many children we have. First, I was getting inappropriate questions about family planning because I got married at 22-even though I was long out of college and financially ready to support a family. At 26, no kids yet, and people were asking why (we had two miscarriages). After our son finally made it to term, people were asking if and when we would have another, with strong opinions on the “appropriate age” gap (again, out of our control due to fertility challenges). When #2 was a girl, everyone kept asking if we were “done” now that we had “one of each.” And when I got pregnant with #3 on #2’s first birthday, people started commenting about how he must have been a “surprise” we could have avoided, when from our perspective, (after two miscarriages and two complicated pregnancies), he is a miracle child we always planned to have. It’s nobody’s business. We have the means and maturity to do a good job raising them. Someone has to run the world in the future. Meanwhile, you do you. ❤️
I tell people that my parents abused me in ways that would make me cry if I saw someone doing the same to a small child, I raised myself and my siblings, so I'm tired and I've done my part with child raising. They shut up after that. PS - 30 here. You are so smart to cut the guys with dreams of kids loose. I was a moron in my early 20s and married a man who said we could figure it out after marriage. It's not working out for either of us.
I'm so sorry you went through that! Unfortunately I've done my part with child raising too. I've been engaged to someone who wanted kids and had a few long-term relationships with people who wanted kids too. Thankfully I learned my lesson!
I'm going to turn 40 in July and I'm childfree by choice the reasons why I'm childfree because kids are very expensive and I don't want to experience how painful childbirth is having kids is a choice and being childfree is also a choice I know that not every person in the world is not going to want to have any kids at all to me being childfree is the best decision I have ever made
Projection is real. You should have kids. You should buy a house. You should get married. 🧐 You. You. You. 👈👉 We all have choice in this life. And no one else gets to make the choice for someone else. If God, our Creator, gave us the freewill to make our own choices, who, who are you, some imperfect, human being that doesn't even make the right choices in your own life have any right to even mention what you think I should do?!
REDPILL 🔴💯®️ if you want the lifestyle to be free and not have to be responsible for children there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. yes children can be draining physically and also financially. I also believe that most modern women are not capable of raising children. 1. not financially stable 2. cannot find a suitable husband 3. psychologically and emotionally not suitable 4. not patient just a few of these attributes to indicate that women are not suitable to raise children. This also applies to men Takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of time in other words not easy
as early as i can rememeber ive never ever wanted kids, and i never will, but every so often i still feel some guilt and pressure around it because: 1. i feel kinda bad that my mom will never be a grandparent since im an only child 2. i dont remember ever actually being bothered about it by anyone, but i still feel this indirect pressure to "continue the bloodline" 3. it kinda feels like im "taking something away" from the people im related to that they Could have by not wanting/having kids
The feelings you have come from sources external to you. The most important thing to listen to is your internal truth and what feels good to you as an individual
It's actually just a cheap mic from Amazon but it works really well compared to my phone mic and has pretty good noise cancellation. The brand is "hoyiours" and it was $25 for a pack of two
Also? I was that infertile person for a few years before I became childfree, and I HATED being the subject of emotional blackmail. It's obnoxious and cruel. Like, I was already going through hell, and now you're using me to manipulate someone else into doing something they don't want to do? GTFOH with that. I am generally non-confrontational, but I will absolutely get rude if someone says this in my presence.
Having a child gave me a real connection to my ancestors. You realize that your ancestors that came before you have all raised children, or you wouldn't be here at all. And then you realize that they had it so much harder, having to take care of babies and kids while they did really hard work on top of it. It gave me a new level of respect for anyone in the past who was a parent and made me proud to be part of their journey by keeping the human race going. Parents who bravely face any hardships for the privilege of continuing their family line, war, famine, floods, droughts, lack of modern medicine. They were amazing.
You’re certainly not selfish. You’re the opposite of selfish given that humans are so terrible for the environment and to other species that MIT are now predicting that due to environmental factors, societal collapse will begin soon, we’re so out of control. We are a cancer on the face of the planet and have caused the extinction of so many other species. However I will say something in response to the question, how long will you have to put up with people telling you you will change your mind - the answer is approximately nine or so years. Females we have an inbuilt panic buzzer that goes off around 40 years of age if we have not already bred! It’s just nature letting us know that we’re reaching the end of the reproductive line. What will help massively at this point is if you don’t have a partner who might have liked to have kids with you but you are the reason they have not and potentially will reach older age, possibly without you, and potentially also without children. The guilt may eat you up if you have not prepared mentally for this and sought a partner who is as sure about it as you are.
I don't understand people who go against the norm become offended when people question them or make comments. A woman who doesn't want children is in a minority by a long shot. Should you be judged for it? No. Live your life.
Hello! Thanks for watching and commenting. I don't have a problem with people asking questions, I just feel like sometimes it comes from a disrespectful place. If someone wants to understand why I'm childfree, that's cool and I'm down to answer questions. If someone wants to insinuate that I'm wrong and I'm making a huge mistake that I'm going to regret, that's not cool.
I do want to mention, it's actually very common for people in younger generations choosing to go child free. It is not affordable anymore with the job market, the housing crisis, and inflation, for younger millennials and older Gen Z to be able to start families even with both parents on full time incomes. It's not as much of a minority as you may think anymore
That’s because you’ve probably catered to the majority your entire life and have designed it neatly according to every norm. It’s our life and living it is exactly what we want to do, problem is: We can’t without people making rude and invasive comments about how we’ll “die alone” “never be fulfilled” etc. Don’t tell me people consistently telling you you’ll die alone and sad because of a personal choice that affects no one and does no harm wouldn’t offend you just a little bit.
You are only 31, so you have a plenty of time to change your mind for smarter decision. Even if you do decide to live a child free life, do not worry. The robotic grandchildren are already invented. They are being tested right now in Germany, in assisted living facilities for lonely old people. And by the way these robots are not that expensive around 50 thousand euros. However, by the time you and your child free friends need them I hope they will get even more affordable.👌🤣
One important thing Ieaened, from observation, it to never compromise on being child free. Especially if you're female. If a man discovers he doesn't like fatherhood, legally, he can dip anytime. Women don't have that same freedom.
I'm 59 and I decided when I was in my teens never to have kids. Been married 23 years, no kids, no regrets. I'm a hospice volunteer, so call me selfish if you dare. 😊
It’s crazy to me when parents tell me (the childfree man) that I am selfish. They go down a list of selfish reasons why they had their children and I can’t help but laugh.
"Not only is it very SELFISH but also EXTREMELY SICK to wish for your kids to witness your death or the process of your demise. I want to spare my kids from having to deal with all the stress and sadness that a human being can experience while watching how their own parents are dying, Therefore I decided to have no kids." ― David Benatar
I have two kids and it's so hard, but I absolutely love it and wouldn't trade motherhood for anything. But, if you're not ready to commit your body, time, identity, finances, sleep, home, personal space, and entire world to your children, don't have them. Honestly, I'd rather people have the guts to admit they don't want to do that, than have their children grow up with parents who don't care. I used to work in social services and just wanted to scream at some of the parents to cut the crap and just surrender their kids because they clearly did not care and did not want them. Seriously, I respect and support your choice.
I admire anyone that is willing to put themselves out there and talk about this topic. When I was 25 I felt like I dont want to have a kid. I am 38 now and still feel the same. The right choice would feel peaceful to you regardless of what people say. Thank you for talking about this.
I absolutely adore kids, especially the very little ones. That's why I became a teacher. I have no children, but do have a niece and nephew and so many cute little cousins. At almost 58 years old, I still have NO REGRETS being child free. Keep doing what's right for you and thanks for the video.
"You're right, I am selfish, and that quality would make for a bad parent, I'm glad we agree."
Amazing comeback!
Notice not once did you mention dads@@deannedennis
I’m 50. Not having children was the BEST decision I ever made. I knew around age 12 that I had no interest in motherhood, and I’m glad I never bowed to societal expectations.
I'm 53, I also knew that I never wanted kids when I was a kid. I've never had any regrets, I've only felt more secure in my choice the older I get.
Joining you ladies--decided as a youngster not to have kids and at 59 I'm happy with just my hubby and me!
Was the oldest, guess who got up in the middle of the night to either plug a bottle or PIN (1961) a diaper? With a giant safety pin? At 5 years old? I could never figure out why my parents wouldn't get up, even after my sister was screaming for a half hour! I was actually getting pretty good at it when my parents finally found out what I was doing.
The one time my stepfather got up to find me, he barked at me to go to bed while I was wiping her little bottom. I was angry at him for yelling at me like that, but he was better about getting up after that. The baby still screamed for 15 minutes.
I called him on the carpet about it 40 years later, made him apologize.
Look out parents, nobody remembers like a 5 year old.
I never had kids. It was sealed by the time I was in high school.
I mean it. Your kid will remember every misstep and arrogance you ever did.
Owning up and apologizing will go a long way toward, not only preserving a good relationship with your kids, but they will be more likely to cut you slack for being a fool. So long as you correct it!
@@wandah9468 Agreed! I haven’t spoken to my mother in four years, and never intend to again, because she defends and still feels entitled to engage in her bad behavior. I refuse to tolerate it and she refuses to acknowledge and correct it.
These scenarios are selfish
1. Having a baby because you are lonely
2. Having baby to have someone who will love you unconditionally.
3. Having a baby to try to keep your partner in a relationship with you.
4. Having a baby to try to save your failing relationship/marriage.
5. Having a baby because you want a bloodline,
6. Having a baby because you confuse legacy with lineage.
7. having a baby because you want a mini-you.
8. Having a baby in the hopes they will clean your bedpans for free when you get old.
PREACHHHHHH!!!!!!!
YT asked me to review your comment, I gave it an 'excellent' 🏆
It’s such a shame that we’re JUST NOW starting realize that these are terrible reasons to have children.
The irony of #2 is that if you want all those other things, then you the parents obviously have conditions and it often doesn’t work.
@@AmyMichelleMosier FACTSSSS
It’s insane to me how people fail to realize that having kids really isn’t a necessity in a world full of 8 billion people…
I know!
And even if it was indeed a necessity, I wouldn't do that lol
Childfree Bingo!! I'm 54, never changed my mind, married for 35 years, no regrets.
Thank you for sharing! It's so affirming and confirming to hear other people's stories
Having kids is actually the most selfish thing one can do.
I agree! I originally said that in the video but then I cut it out lol.
I think especially considering overpopulation and climate change. If you really wanted to be selfless, you wouldn't have kids in order to protect the greater good of the planet. Having kids despite all of that is the most selfish thing I can imagine
@@deannedennis I absolutely agree!
so dumb
@@mindfulmaximalism having kids? Yes it is
Honestly if anyone really wanted to be a parent they could just adopt, it's cheaper and less stressful for the woman. Not to mention that they'd be giving a home to a child who really needs one.
"I dont want someone to need me like i need my mom." Every bit of this!!!!!
I'm a 24 year old man. My family expected me to have kids super young, but I knew since I was a kid myself I never wanted them.
I am child free as well. Heard all that as a child and teens. I told my parents by 6 , that if I did get married, I would not have kids. I realized early that I was not programmed right mentally to be a good mom. I have been a cat mom for many years and that fulfills me. Also, some medicinal issues I did not want to pass on. s a Woman, this is being self aware of my limitations. I was constantly challenged by peers, I just ignored them. They did not live in my body and mind and the issues I had to deal with. Yes, I never had any urge or want to have children, so I did not. Yep, I am selfish to an extent. So what. My non-being children are not being hurt, because they do not exist. Yes, it got to be annoying when you are always being questioned on your decision. I know one friend was sorry she got pregnant twice and really did not enjoy motherhood but was stuck now, she apologized to me. I told her it was not a problem for me. She felt like she did what was expected, get married, must have kids. I have heard the whole book of why, why, why not. Not all humans are the same or want the same. I think motherhood is a sacred calling. I am an Auntie, talks a village to help raise a child. I am part of that community. At 67, I still stand by my decision.
Thank you for sharing your story with me ❤
Amongst other things, the fact that life is just full of pain and suffering, is what made me have the mindset i have about having kids.
This is also the reason for me the most
This is the exact reason I don't want to have kids.
This is my top reason!
Childfree at 38. My God, did I dodge a bullet.
I have 2 kids and I never understand why people who choose not to have them get so much hate. I certainly don't expect my kids to have kids when they're older, if they don't want to.
Male. Gen Y. single, unmarried and childless. My Reasons.
1. The world is a trash fire.
2. Product of divorce. Seen a lot of divorce, failed marriages, family history on both sides is comprised of drinking culture and domestic violence.
3. Seen alot of deaths. Parents bury their children. I've even gone to the funerals of schoolmates.
4. Fear of divorce / Fear my offspring will advance my in death / Fear of being a shit dad, shit husband, shit family man.
5. I'm a semi hermit that lives and fights for himself.
6. I trust no one.
7. Such is life.
i feel SO REPRESENTED. I'm 22, decided sometime ago that i dont wanna have kids. i dont want the responsibility, i dont want the pregnancy-childbirth-postpartum pain and suffering, i dont need to have a child to take care of me when im older
the most painful thing is that I'm an only child and my mom would love to have a grandkid, which i feel really sorry for, but she's not the one that'll need to take care of this new person for the rest of her life...
anyways, great video! ❤
I’m so happy I could be a voice for you!
People are going to tell you you’re too young to be sure, but I was saying I didn’t want kids from my early 20s too. The crazy part is, there are many people in their early 20s who are parents already. So apparently it’s okay to decide you do want to have kids at that age, but not okay to decide you don’t lol. It doesn’t make sense!
Tell your mum to volunteer in a school or a childrens home, lots of children need grandmas x
I’m 48 and CF! I thank my younger self aaaaall the time for that. I knew around 8 that I never wanted to have kids. I enjoy kids and babies, but in small doses. I also have a CF Boomer friend and she has so much extra money, time, and energy to travel. She looks twenty years younger than she is. I also knew a 90 year old CF lady who passed away about 5 years ago. She was very satisfied with her life and had a ton of cool experiences. She wrote for Vogue, hung out with Andy Warhol, and was a general hell raiser.
I think being CF should be the norm these days and people who want kids should be raked over the coals to be sure they’ll be good parents.
I am 77, never married, no kids, and very happy.
I don't understand why people keep questioning others in such a private matter. Society makes it very clear that a kid is 100% your decision and your responsibility, but when you decide you don't want, they it's everybody's business! I'm sorry you have to go through this, it must be annoying, as a person and as a woman, because apparently this is a gender thing (never seen any guy having to justify themselves so much for not wanting kids). I am a mom, my son is 2 and it is really hard. I would never judge you for not wanting
Very valid point about gender! It definitely feels like men don't get judged as much for not wanting kids. I can only assume that's because women are stereotypically seen as the child-bearers and homemakers. Thanks for being judgement free, I really appreciate anyone who hears me out without judgement ❤
@carolkinnunen : I am a man in his late 20s whenever I tell about Childfree I get Worst judgmental behaviour from men itself, from women too.
I am from an Asian country.
making a conscious decision based on what you know about yourself is never selfish.
I knew at 14, now 47 and zero regrets! People started to believe me at 22 when I broke an engagement over this topic. People in my personal life stopped bugging me by 26. Strangers still sometimes bug me about it, even in my forties. You just gotta let it roll off and stand very confident in your own choice. It becomes less annoying as time goes on, in my opinion, the people pressuring you start to seem pathetic and naive.
100%, I don't think the bugging and questioning will ever stop, but my views on the people questioning me are definitely evolving
My conspiracy theory about the ppl who say "you're selfish" to a person who doesn't want children, is that it's projection. They are unsatisfied with being parents, and get upset when they see a childfree person existing or being happy.
Yupp. To me that's less of a conspiracy theory and more of a solid fact lol
I read a reddit post from a father that stated exactly that. Some people want other people to suffer or fail like them so they can feel better about their own decisions. 🤨
When people call me selfish, I just say,"You just call me a fish!?" Lol
Childfree is the way to be.
Yes to all this 👏👏👏 Just turned 36 and my husband and I are still happy with our choice to be child free. The only thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or bad at times are peoples perceptions and comments, but I love our life. I also love that we get to be there for our nieces and support the parents around us that little bit more because of our time freedom.❤
"Who will take care of you when you're old?" is stupid question to me. All those arguments are stupid, but this is most stupid imo.
1. My potential children are not my potential slaves. They're going to have their lives and potentially their children to take care of as well.
2. They're no guarantee my children doesn't die before me for different reasons.
3. Children could be born or become sick and not able to take care of me when I'm old.
4. By the time I become old my children could be old and need care as well.
5. Demanding care from your children just for the fact you gave birth to them is selfish and manipulative. It was your decision to birth them, not their demand.
People who say this often ignore the fact that death, illnesses and age exists not only for us, but for our children as well. They don't live in reality, but in fantasy world when children and parents are happy, healthy and children always outlive their parents.
AMEN! This comment needs to be put on a billboard!
If someone comes with the comment “who’s going to take care of you when you’re older“
The question to ask them is how many children today are taking care of their elderly and is it a rising or an declining number?
How many children are even taking the time to visit their grandparents or parents every week?
Exactly
I work at a network of nursing homes. We have many, many residents who never receive visits from their family. It's incredibly sad. Having a child is not a guarantee that someone will automatically want to care for you in old age.
"How long do I have to put up with 'you'll change your mind'?"
Most people in my world backed off around the time I was turning 40. Instead, they shifted gears to BS like "Well, I hope you don't regret that when you're old and alone." *eyeroll*
I can finally breathe. I'm 24 and don't want children. Both my parents and my in-laws are extremely offended and are in disbelief. There's no crazy reason I opted out, and that's what pisses people off... My husband and I know what we want as goals, and raising children isn't part of it. No grand excuse needed. Much respect goes out to the parents though, I absolutely love my parents and am happy to care for them as they age. It'd be hard to do that part with children too since both my parents are seniors now.
I love that you and your husband both have clarity on what you want! Your parents and in-laws will learn to make peace with it eventually
Gonna be 39 this year, no kids and my mom is totally fine with it. I knew from an early age it wasn't for me. Teenagers often find me pretty easy to talk to, though, and I've been there to listen to them and offer sympathy or advice, so it's not like I'm not trying to help future generations. Raising kids takes a village, and it's totally fine to be the cool aunt/uncle/relative/person who is just there trying to help. Sometimes people have toxic families who can't/won't put their children first and treat them well. We're all operating under the assumption that the person we're telling to have kids is ready for them, will be a good parent, and will do whatever it takes to help them become decent human beings. I will do that, just for kids that I haven't pushed out of my own hoo-ha lol. Being childfree means that you have freed up time and resources that you can use to help the children who are already here.
100%, I feel the same way! I just spent the day hanging out with two friends who have kids, and I have the energy and availability to be present and enjoy time with the children. I would much rather do that and be a positive influence on children that already exist
@@deannedennis Absolutely!! You do NOT need to be a parent to be a positive influence to a child and you do NOT need to have kids to be valid and loving. My best father figure isn't related to me at ALL and he's amazing!
Being a mother is probably the only thing that could make me happy and I still choose to be child-free. If we were living in paradise; I’d have 2 children, a boy and a girl 🥰
People who push you to have a kid might just be jealous of your freedom. Having a kid means taking care of someone for at least 18 years, and maybe for life if they have a genetic disorder. Genetic testing around 18 weeks isn’t always spot on. You deserve to live your life the way you want. Those people who are saying otherwise probably don't work on themselves.
I am almost 70 yrs old and have known since I was 10 yrs old that I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN!!! I have NEVER CHANGED MY MIND!!! It's a.PERSONAL choice!!! No explanation required!
I am saving this comment to show to judgmental and questioning people.
I am saving this comment to show to judgmental and questioning people.
It's really disgusting the way some people make critical remarks about such a private matter as not wanting kids. I think it's probably coming from people who base so much of their identity on being a parent that they can't even conceive of someone who doesn't think like them i.e. it's projection. Embarrassing for them really. People don't make a big fuss over people who don't want pets, people who don't do X or Y so why so invested in what a woman does with her uterus?
1000000%!
totally agree. 40 years old here and no kids😃
I am a childfree myself. I don't blame you for not wanting to be a mother it's alot emotional physical and mentally by becoming a mother your giving up your individuality and freedom and also peace of mind. being a mother is one of the hardest jobs on planet earth.
It’s your life and you get to make the choices that work best for you.
I'm a mother and I still totally agree with you. I support 4B, too.
I wish our society would RESPECT our individual choices!!! I am a parent that’s because I genuinely love children, but I don’t judge others if the choice NOT to have children. Being a parent is hard work, but I willing to commit to my kids, and I made sure to find someone who felt the same way. Not everyone is built to be a parent and there people who have children that have NO BUSINESS of being a parent!!! It’s perfectly fine if you choose not to have children (know thy self).
Beyond being childfree or having children (or adopting children), I'm happy to live in a time where we have CHOICE ! Or, at least, we are living in contries where we can choose.
I'm so sorry some people are disrespectful with the childfree way of life. It's unfair, we should be lead our life as we want without being patronized.
And some are forgetting how misérable is a life when parents did not wanted to have a child. I know about it, trust me.
*we should be free to lead*
45 and child free. Best decision I've ever made.
the sleep depravation, maintaining relationships with parents of friends and feeling of responsibility for the rest of your life, even if the child is an adult are the main reasons why i don't want to have childen. if i would have them, i'm sure i would be a good mum, but i would be sooooooooo unhappy. and if someone say"who will take care of you when you grow old?" well, i know plenty of stories, when child go abroad, and thats it. thats your companionship as old man. sorry for my not great english :)
I feel you!
Thanks for speaking up on this important issue! I am a childfree guy in North Italy and it's hard to find understanding people when all around me are parents.
I remember how sad I felt for my own mother, when I realized at about 12 yo that she hasn't had anything else going for her except being "Moooooooooom" every damn day. She was a stay at home mom due to us being so sick with my bro all the time. The first time I saw her being herself, an individual, a woman, a human, was when she went back to work when I was about 14. I realized I don't even know who she is as a person, I just know her as my mother. I felt selfish that we kept her for so many years at home, to be "just" a mom, and let me tell you, she was the person who wanted to be a mom all her life. But even then it was hard for her to lose herself in the process.
Btw all my life I have been known as my father's daughter, bcs he is known in the community, so I have always felt like I am not my own person. SO I get what you mean with not wanting to be like just a mom of xyz.
83 million people born per year???? :O And how many are dying per year? This seems like a crazy number!!!! :O
I agree with all your points. I am currently living in a new country and for me it was easy to pack my stuff and move somewhere, but imagine with a family...When I was a kid I always wanted to be alone, was always happy if my family went somewhere without me and I had the house all to myself (Home Alone anyone? :D). Now in my own house I love the organized living I have, that I fought so hard for to achieve and to be able to afford, have my home away from all the chaos and drama of the world...
Talking from my own experience, if one of my friends died and their kids were alone, I would for sure step up and adopt them and do all I can to provide a life for them, bcs I hate suffering, especially seeing kids suffer unnecessarily. Plus I don't need to have a DNA connection to a kid to have feelings for them. This is why I had a thought in the past about adopting, bcs there are so many kids in the world, who are already here and why not try to make their lives better? But then my country's government made such strong rules about who can adopt and who cannot that I basically wasn't eligible anymore. I took it as a sign.
Whenever I visit my friends with kids, I am so happy for them and I keep asking them about their kids and they like me and all that, but I am always happy to return home to my own life and would feel so bad about doing the same things they do on a daily basis, if I had to do this for years and years too. I know they get the love with it too, but for me, it just doesn't balance out the hardships and chores of motherhood.
Two of my grandparents died in hospice and it wasn't us who took care of them (we weren't able to handle the amount of pain they had and we weren't medical professionals). Just saying. One died in her sleep. One is still alive, so...But generally, you cannot predict how much someone will need to be taken care of when they are old, so...just to have kids for this...
Plus you don't even know how long you're gonna live, so what if I have kids and then I die in 4 years...then what? (I could provide a hundred scenarios like this, but of course none of us know what will be...)
First of all, thank you for taking the time to write this detailed reply! Welcome to my little community here on TH-cam.
I've always felt that kind of sadness when I think about my mother. I don't really know who she is as a woman either, and I don't think she does anymore now. She had me when she was 20 (not planned), so I feel like I took her youth away.
Yupp, the population growth is out of control. We were at 1 billion in the 1800s, now we're at over 8 billion and growing in 2024.
I feel the same way about the organized living I've worked for. I love children, but as you say, that's not enough to negate the disadvantages that come with motherhood.
Sorry to hear about your grandparents!
She's right. Men are trying to get their babies after 30. I've been dumped over that even though he knew I got my tubes tied.
I have 3 children..now they are 23,22 and 19. Yes, it was fun while they were little. But all the stress, hurt and debts I've been going through.... unbelievable!
I tried to raise them as best as I could ....but their changing personality just shocks and disappoints me.
😢
I'm sorry you're going through that!
Childhood is more of fiction,one barely knows what life is,one is still in fairytale. life starts at 24 years..
Kids are a burden
“You’re selfish”
You’re nosy. I mean why even care if someone doesn’t want kids. People have many reasons not to have kids.
ive been told many times that its my purpose as a woman to have children. fuck that
Same. I've also been told that I'm "not normal" for not wanting to have kids. I feel strongly that I am not meant to be a mother and I don't think it makes me a freak. I find it insulting that anyone would think that my personal choice, which affects them in no way at all, is so difficult for them to accept, just because it is not what they understand. I feel sorry for them being so brainwashed by society and I know it's their issue,not mine, but I still hate it when they say that.
As always, I feel like all the negativity from parents or the non-childfree boils down to jealousy. Pure and simple.
Have you ever heard someone accuse someone of "rubbing it in my face" over something they wouldn't be jealous of? Who would say something like "You lost your job today and don't know how you'll afford to even eat now? Don't rub it in my face!" No one. You accuse people of "rubbing it in my face" when you are jealous and feel like they are bragging, knowing you are in a worse off or lesser situation than they are.
EXACTLY!!!
I never understood people’s need to be in other peoples business about
having kids or not.
But I would like to comment on the first point.
Anything you do you lose a bit of yourself into. Relationships, work, friends. You put yourself into each of these things and they change you.
It blows my mind, as someone one who could never rely on their mom, that people expect that from their parents. Most of the time, if I need to call my mom, I pray she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t know much about my life and really hasn’t since I was a teenager and I’m 36 now. I didn’t even want her at my wedding.
I am choosing to not be a mother because: i suffer from extreme depression. I am on medication but i do have bouts of it that i have to fight through. I do not want a child surrounded by that
I am happy there are people who voice for child free and your reasons resonate with mine. If my future girlfriend said not to have children, I fully support her for that! ^=^ I love children but I lack the commitment to do so >
GIRL!!! Speak your truth
My nana can't get over I won't have children so her legacy will live on, I'm an only child and she is coming to grips with her but im nit signing up for 18 years plus just for her legacy I told her to start a charity or scholarship in her name then
Ultimately you have to do what is best for you, it's your life. You don't owe her a grandchild or a legacy
People really do say No7 to childless people, sadly not realising that the strength of love they feel for their offspring is not true love stronger than any other type of love it’s just brain chemistry that triggers once you have a child in order to prevent you rejecting the infant as you are now entering the hardest part of your life and if these brain chemicals don’t cascade into your system at that time, the infant is at risk of neglect. Anyone who has suffered post natal depression knows this and anyone who has been removed from their birth families due to parental neglect knows this is the case. Only people who have been lucky enough to experience the brain chemistry after their baby being born cannot tell the difference any more between that and true love. The continuation of the human race depends on that brain chemistry happening so it makes sense that those who haven’t got the responsibility of parenting don’t get that effect. Unfortunately studies have shown that the effect wears off, regret not always but in some cases sets in, and more childfree adults end their lives happy with their choices than those who have had children.
So true about the brain chemistry thing!
Another part of that is that once people are done having children, they tend to lose attraction and interest in their romantic partners. This is because the reason why we're attracted to them in the first place is because hormonally we want to reproduce. From an animalistic level, men want to get women pregnant and women want to create and nurture life. As soon as we're done playing those roles, romantic and sexual attraction tends to diminish substantially.
Thank you, for making this video ❤
This is a great video. I worked in retirement living, barely any children actually take care of their parents when they get old. And nowadays most parents are old taking care of their irresponsible adult children. 😢
I hear this a lot about retirement homes etc. It's really sad. So yeah, the whole question of "who will take care of you when you're old" is pretty redundant.
I've got bad news for you, I'm 46 and I still get asked when I'm going to have kids.
You are not selfish. Misery loves company. I hate dealing with people. I wasn't always like that, but people are losing their minds.
The best thing you can do when you don't want to have kids is.... to not have kids. Imagine having a kid bc other people think you should enjoy parenting. Wth?! Btw, i have two kids after a decade of trying. Parenting is not something to be taken up lightly! You do you ❤
I always wanted to have kids but never desperately. I am now in my mid 40's with no children. I am fine. No regrets. It just never happened for me. Life might of been amazing with children but it is amazing without them.
I hate How we have to explain ourselves
Respect from California. Enjoy your childfree life!
Doesn't look like I'm very fertile, which is a good thing 😊
I'm 48 and have known since I was 12 that I didn’t want children. The topic kept coming up well into my 40s. It didn't stop until I had a hysterectomy. I haven't regretted being childfree once.
Update to add: It's satisfying to shut nosy people up by telling them I don't have a uterus and not giving any further explanation. If they have even an ounce of empathy, they realize at that moment that they've overstepped. As if pressuring anyone to have kids isn't already overstepping.
If you regret not raising children then you can become an adoptive or foster parent at any point.
If you are not intrinsically motivated to have children, then the most adult decision you can make for the long term, is to not have them. Critics be damned. I have never wished for children, and i will not be coerced into parenthood. My hope is that more young woman will be able to freely reflect over this choice in the future, because i subscribe to the notion that freedom is the ultimate and final good in this life.
Lonely, Vance described high-profile Democrats as "childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too".
In 2020, he told a conservative podcast that Americans without children were "more sociopathic" and made the country "less stable". And in 2021, Vance's fundraising emails referred to "the serious issue of radical childless leaders in this country".
Former House speaker Nancy Pelosi, who announced that when Vance "couched his opinion on our freedom" he didn't realise "what he would unleash".
Vance has since said his comments weren't about "criticising people who, for various reasons, didn't have kids", but instead they were levelled at the Democratic Party for "becoming anti-family and anti-child".
for Trump's campaign, they're the latest in a long history of politicians urging women to bear children - and berating them if they don't. A Sense of Patriot Leadership & Service to America!
"There's a real pattern of women without children, particularly if they are powerful, being attacked for their lack of children as some kind of sign that they are selfish, that they are unwomanly, that they are unnatural!"
"What we're looking at is a socially reinforced social stigma," explains Imogene Smith, a clinical psychology registrar.
"It's reinforced by film, television, advertising … When we see a message repeatedly like that, it's hard not to internalise it." [ Propaganda! Influencing..]
“The left has increasingly become explicitly anti-child and anti-family, and they encouraged young families not to have children at all over concerns of climate change, and they suggested people having children are somehow being selfish, when being a parent is the most selfless thing that you can do,” he said.
“The simple point I made is that having children - becoming a father, becoming a mother - I really do think it changes your perspective in a pretty profound way. This is something, of course, we’ve recognized for hundreds of years in this country - that human civilization has always recognized,” he said.
During the Republican National Convention two weeks ago, talk about the importance of having babies was so prominent, I wondered if “Make America Procreate Again” was becoming a party tagline.
“I think what JD’s really getting at is the fact that the family’s been forgotten in America,” Schilling said. “The discussion around America’s families in relation to our falling birthrates is long overdue.”
“Democrats have given hundreds of billions of dollars to illegals and foreign nations, while Generation Z has to pinch pennies so they can never own a home, never marry and work until they die, childless,” Kirk said.
“What’s sotto voce being said is, ‘not enough white babies’ - that’s really the problem,” said Philip Gorski, a sociologist at Yale who has studied Christian nationalism.
“Your genitals are reserved for procreation,” says an elderly white man in a sweater vest, as ominous music plays.
"If there were a second Trump term, he [Donald Trump] has admitted that he is, quote, 'looking at' restrictions on contraception," Harris said. ;3
I have a hard time imagining you’re getting hate comments for not having children. I’ve been called so many horrible names for mentioning I have three. Can’t people just live their lives? Life is hard no matter what path you choose.
Honestly these days I feel like people face judgement no matter what they do. It’s impossible to please everyone. So I think the most important thing is just that we find happiness within ourselves
@@deannedennis. Women get interrogated no matter how many children we have. First, I was getting inappropriate questions about family planning because I got married at 22-even though I was long out of college and financially ready to support a family. At 26, no kids yet, and people were asking why (we had two miscarriages). After our son finally made it to term, people were asking if and when we would have another, with strong opinions on the “appropriate age” gap (again, out of our control due to fertility challenges). When #2 was a girl, everyone kept asking if we were “done” now that we had “one of each.” And when I got pregnant with #3 on #2’s first birthday, people started commenting about how he must have been a “surprise” we could have avoided, when from our perspective, (after two miscarriages and two complicated pregnancies), he is a miracle child we always planned to have.
It’s nobody’s business. We have the means and maturity to do a good job raising them. Someone has to run the world in the future. Meanwhile, you do you. ❤️
I tell people that my parents abused me in ways that would make me cry if I saw someone doing the same to a small child, I raised myself and my siblings, so I'm tired and I've done my part with child raising. They shut up after that.
PS - 30 here. You are so smart to cut the guys with dreams of kids loose. I was a moron in my early 20s and married a man who said we could figure it out after marriage. It's not working out for either of us.
I'm so sorry you went through that!
Unfortunately I've done my part with child raising too.
I've been engaged to someone who wanted kids and had a few long-term relationships with people who wanted kids too. Thankfully I learned my lesson!
I'm going to turn 40 in July and I'm childfree by choice the reasons why I'm childfree because kids are very expensive and I don't want to experience how painful childbirth is having kids is a choice and being childfree is also a choice I know that not every person in the world is not going to want to have any kids at all to me being childfree is the best decision I have ever made
Its so reassuring to see how many people like yourself are telling me they're happy with their decision. Thanks for sharing!
August 1 Happy International CHILDFREE Day
I didn’t know that was a thing, but happy childfree day!
MY brothers and I never had true love for my mother, especially in the teen and later years.
I'm sorry you had that experience
Number 6 yes!!! Preach!
No regrets at 65 years old. 😊
Projection is real.
You should have kids. You should buy a house. You should get married. 🧐 You. You. You. 👈👉
We all have choice in this life. And no one else gets to make the choice for someone else. If God, our Creator, gave us the freewill to make our own choices, who, who are you, some imperfect, human being that doesn't even make the right choices in your own life have any right to even mention what you think I should do?!
PREACH!!!
brilliant video. also having kids increases crime ie murder, rapists, anti social neighbours etc.
REDPILL 🔴💯®️ if you want the lifestyle to be free and not have to be responsible for children there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. yes children can be draining physically and also financially.
I also believe that most modern women are not capable of raising children.
1. not financially stable
2. cannot find a suitable husband
3. psychologically and emotionally not suitable
4. not patient
just a few of these attributes to indicate that women are not suitable to raise children.
This also applies to men
Takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of time in other words not easy
as early as i can rememeber ive never ever wanted kids, and i never will, but every so often i still feel some guilt and pressure around it because:
1. i feel kinda bad that my mom will never be a grandparent since im an only child
2. i dont remember ever actually being bothered about it by anyone, but i still feel this indirect pressure to "continue the bloodline"
3. it kinda feels like im "taking something away" from the people im related to that they Could have by not wanting/having kids
The feelings you have come from sources external to you. The most important thing to listen to is your internal truth and what feels good to you as an individual
what mic are you using?
It's actually just a cheap mic from Amazon but it works really well compared to my phone mic and has pretty good noise cancellation. The brand is "hoyiours" and it was $25 for a pack of two
i am sorta a bit nihilist. why giving life to someone that will die anyway
Hi Deanne, you have a cool channel and I like that you're unfiltered 🎉 social media needs that🎉🎉
Thank you!!
Also? I was that infertile person for a few years before I became childfree, and I HATED being the subject of emotional blackmail. It's obnoxious and cruel. Like, I was already going through hell, and now you're using me to manipulate someone else into doing something they don't want to do? GTFOH with that. I am generally non-confrontational, but I will absolutely get rude if someone says this in my presence.
Having a child gave me a real connection to my ancestors. You realize that your ancestors that came before you have all raised children, or you wouldn't be here at all. And then you realize that they had it so much harder, having to take care of babies and kids while they did really hard work on top of it. It gave me a new level of respect for anyone in the past who was a parent and made me proud to be part of their journey by keeping the human race going. Parents who bravely face any hardships for the privilege of continuing their family line, war, famine, floods, droughts, lack of modern medicine. They were amazing.
Great!! Still don't want any of that in my life nor is is required. I love having the choice to side step it all.
You’re certainly not selfish. You’re the opposite of selfish given that humans are so terrible for the environment and to other species that MIT are now predicting that due to environmental factors, societal collapse will begin soon, we’re so out of control. We are a cancer on the face of the planet and have caused the extinction of so many other species. However I will say something in response to the question, how long will you have to put up with people telling you you will change your mind - the answer is approximately nine or so years. Females we have an inbuilt panic buzzer that goes off around 40 years of age if we have not already bred! It’s just nature letting us know that we’re reaching the end of the reproductive line. What will help massively at this point is if you don’t have a partner who might have liked to have kids with you but you are the reason they have not and potentially will reach older age, possibly without you, and potentially also without children. The guilt may eat you up if you have not prepared mentally for this and sought a partner who is as sure about it as you are.
having kids is selish
Why is it anyone’s business? Why do you tell them at all?
Childfree 🎉🎉.
I expected legit reasons and not someone exposing their huge narcism. Bet you are a Karen.
I don't understand people who go against the norm become offended when people question them or make comments.
A woman who doesn't want children is in a minority by a long shot. Should you be judged for it? No. Live your life.
Hello! Thanks for watching and commenting. I don't have a problem with people asking questions, I just feel like sometimes it comes from a disrespectful place.
If someone wants to understand why I'm childfree, that's cool and I'm down to answer questions. If someone wants to insinuate that I'm wrong and I'm making a huge mistake that I'm going to regret, that's not cool.
@@deannedennis true. Some people are spiteful and rude about it.
I do want to mention, it's actually very common for people in younger generations choosing to go child free. It is not affordable anymore with the job market, the housing crisis, and inflation, for younger millennials and older Gen Z to be able to start families even with both parents on full time incomes. It's not as much of a minority as you may think anymore
That’s because you’ve probably catered to the majority your entire life and have designed it neatly according to every norm. It’s our life and living it is exactly what we want to do, problem is: We can’t without people making rude and invasive comments about how we’ll “die alone” “never be fulfilled” etc.
Don’t tell me people consistently telling you you’ll die alone and sad because of a personal choice that affects no one and does no harm wouldn’t offend you just a little bit.
@JustanotherTH-camr771 no I didn't cater to the majority. What a funny way to say lived a normal life.
You are only 31, so you have a plenty of time to change your mind for smarter decision. Even if you do decide to live a child free life, do not worry. The robotic grandchildren are already invented. They are being tested right now in Germany, in assisted living facilities for lonely old people. And by the way these robots are not that expensive around 50 thousand euros. However, by the time you and your child free friends need them I hope they will get even more affordable.👌🤣
When you ask people who have kids why they did, they give very selfish reasons as well.
Such a good point!
I’m 36 and here from the future to say being childfree is still great 👍
🎉 Thank you!
I don't want to be a super hero. I just want to have a peaceful life 😂😂😂
One important thing Ieaened, from observation, it to never compromise on being child free. Especially if you're female. If a man discovers he doesn't like fatherhood, legally, he can dip anytime. Women don't have that same freedom.
I'm 59 and I decided when I was in my teens never to have kids. Been married 23 years, no kids, no regrets. I'm a hospice volunteer, so call me selfish if you dare. 😊
I wanna have kids but i love listening to childfree people because of the sensibility they carry in contrast to people who do have children 😂😂❤
It’s crazy to me when parents tell me (the childfree man) that I am selfish. They go down a list of selfish reasons why they had their children and I can’t help but laugh.
"Not only is it very SELFISH but also EXTREMELY SICK to wish for your kids to witness your death or the process of your demise. I want to spare my kids from having to deal with all the stress and sadness that a human being can experience while watching how their own parents are dying, Therefore I decided to have no kids."
― David Benatar
2:52 You’re right! Parents do not sell parenting!!! 😂😂😂
I have two kids and it's so hard, but I absolutely love it and wouldn't trade motherhood for anything. But, if you're not ready to commit your body, time, identity, finances, sleep, home, personal space, and entire world to your children, don't have them. Honestly, I'd rather people have the guts to admit they don't want to do that, than have their children grow up with parents who don't care. I used to work in social services and just wanted to scream at some of the parents to cut the crap and just surrender their kids because they clearly did not care and did not want them. Seriously, I respect and support your choice.
I admire anyone that is willing to put themselves out there and talk about this topic. When I was 25 I felt like I dont want to have a kid. I am 38 now and still feel the same. The right choice would feel peaceful to you regardless of what people say. Thank you for talking about this.
❤
I absolutely adore kids, especially the very little ones. That's why I became a teacher. I have no children, but do have a niece and nephew and so many cute little cousins. At almost 58 years old, I still have NO REGRETS being child free. Keep doing what's right for you and thanks for the video.