After seeing my friends have children I feel SO blessed for not having any. I believe I would have loved them if I had any but I TRULY love my freedom and the surplus of time and money this allowed me. AMAZING VIDEO, THANK YOU !!! ❤❤❤
@@SagaJohanna i love kids i had 5 and planning to have more bc i really love family bc that's my tradition pls don't make fun of me bc people are saying that i cry everyday and that i have depression???????
@@SUGAR_XYLER i don't tho i literally have a huge family that help me like i have my 6 sister and there grown up kids my mom my dad and my aunt and uncles jesus
I feel so alone in not having kids. Nobody in my circle is child free… I don’t even know if I want kids anymore because i don’t know what thought belong to me and what thought come from the pressure of society.
This video was beautifully thought out and clearly well communicated. I am a 64 year old woman living in the USA. I have no children and never wanted them. I had no grand passion that resulted in not wanting to take the time it would require to have a child I simply did not want to be responsible for another human being. I have never regretted this decision.
Exactly what I think! They watch social media that romanticize life with kids in cute videos. It is not true)) i have many examples in life of friends and relatives' friends where people are tired as hell because having kids is making your life more hard, if you are a complete person who is happy on your own. I never wanted kids. I just wanted a loving partner. And it is enough))
The question is if this will make us dumber as a species over time. The clever people take all these things into account and refrain from having kids while the less intelligent ones still have children same as ever. This creates an evolutionary pressure to get dumber in each generation. In addition people will be fuzzy-brained so they forget oral contraception, and will have clumsy fingers with sharp nails to ruin the function of condoms.
I am 62 my husband is 72. We never wanted or had children. Never regret it. However I will say when we were dating, I thought I would be obliged to have two children. My husband said, you do not have to have any if you do not want. That was a new thought for me and I loved it. Of course, no one ever told me I have to have 2, but it was implied by culture.
I'm not surprised that you felt that way, even today I think it's very pushed upon people. How wonderful of your husband and you to be on the same page, and for him to not push you ❤
This is a great video! I actually never wanted children; however, when I was 25, I met and married a man who was 11 years older than I. He really wanted children, so against my own feelings, I went ahead and got pregnant. I hated everything about being pregnant, and child birth was an absolute nightmare for me…my child and I both almost died. Then when my daughter was 2 months old, I became pregnant again (definitely not planned), same thing all over again…it was horrible. My husband and I divorced when the kids were 14 and 15 years of age. My life was so full of unwanted drama. My children are now 31 and 32, and we’ve been estranged basically for the last 15 years (since the divorce). Their father passed away 2 years ago, and they want nothing to do with me. Despite not really wanting children, I was a very good and loving mother….but I guess sometimes love just isn’t enough. The one piece of advice that I can give to anyone is this: if you really feel like you don’t want to have children, don’t let anyone talk you out of that decision and don’t back down…stick to your guns….it will save you from a world of hurt! In hindsight, I wish I wouldn’t have been in such a rush to get married. I should have married someone who felt the same way that I did about not wanting to have children.
Your video is helping lots of women who do not want children and feeling pressured by society / family to do it. A lot of women feel alone because they are judged when sharing they don’t want children. I’m glad more women are speaking out about this. It’s ok to not have children. You are ok. Your life will be fine. Don’t let anyone scare you into changing your mind. Change your mind if you YOU want to change your mind.
@@SagaJohanna We wholeheartedly understand the difficulties you've been through, and we understand your reasonings for your decision. Please know that your partner is using you, and is fully aware that he is wasting your years of youth (I fell of my chair when I found out that this is how men think, really!). Please leave him, and find a better man that is able to provide, protect and educate for you and your children. Men don't care about a woman's income or career (again, I fell of my chair when I found out that this is how men think, really!). He is using you and wasting your years.
@@JennaHasm I can see your comment, I'm not sure what you're talking about though. I don't believe men "think" in any way, they're humans, just like us 🙏
Part of the reason I didn't have children are that I didn't want to pass on my depression and didn't feel stable enough. It's horrible when someone has children without really really wanting them. I never felt like that. Best decision for me.
I think that reasoning is fantastic, and very brave. I grew up with a severely depressed mother who ultimately killed herself, and I truly believe she would have been a lot happier without children.
@@tozomona you choose the way you want to feel emotions are subconscious choices we make you have to rearrange your thoughts and be your own best friend Dr Joe dispenza is good for this
I was told I had to have two. As a very young child I was asked how many children I was going to have when I grew up. An aunt would prompt me to say “I’m going to have two--one for Mommy and one for Daddy.” I would comply but then I would say “But REALLY I’m not going to have ANY!” I’ll never forget the shock on their faces when I said this. but even at the tender age of four, I knew what I wanted.
I’m in my 70s now and knew as a teenager that I didn’t want to be a mother. I did lots of babysitting, had younger siblings, and many cousins. I loved and enjoyed them all, especially my husband’s and my nieces and nephews, and now their kids, but never wanted to be a parent myself. My spouse and I have had wonderful full lives and never regretted our choice to be childfree adults. I have to say we’re happy our sibs and friends had kids for us to love and support, but still, it was the right decision for us to not become parents.
Thank you for sharing that! How wonderful to hear! I already have one niece and I adored my younger cousins growing up so I can see how much joy family can add to your life without necessarily having kids yourself!
As a black woman , I agree 100%. I grew up adopted and in an household where my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was passive or scared of him. Either way it wasn't fun knowing my biological parents didn't want me and then being adopted as well made me feel like an outsider in my own family.
@@wheatstonebridge I know who my biological parents are I met them when I was 11 and having relationships with them was traumatizing st moments aswell. I just stay resilient and take my meds, do meditation and just live as happy as I can
So you must learn from this. No.1 dont drink alcohol its rated the worst drugs. No.2 stay a virgin till marriage. No.3 I'm sure after following no.1 and no.2 you will be a wonderful mother because good husbands seek virgins and with no alcohol life is more successful
This is a very interesting topic. I'm 37 years old and don't have any kids. However, I am a school teacher and spend 7 hours a day around kids (except of course on the weekend, summer vacation, Christmas break and Easter break). People tell me how they don't know how I do this as a teacher and I can't imagine being a parent and a teacher. The idea of teaching children all day and then going home to my own children. That would just be too much for me. I like to relax after work and just unwind.
I was raised by an alcoholic tyrant of a teacher. I dropped out of school in grade 8 due to bullying and he never said a word. Just let me run away, like as if, one less problem. That man always hated me. Haven't heard from him once since I confronted him about his abuse. My two siblings can't even stand up straight and never have.
We both are 44 y.o from UK and been together for past 17 years. Early on, we tried to have a baby as it's expected of the society but after 5 consecutive miscarriages (incl., IVF), we decided to stop and accept to be child free. Your video is amazing, very well thought and quite reassuring to us.
Your wisdom is way beyond your years! Such logic, yet with a beautiful heart, not intellectualism. I for one, decided not to bear children, and NO regrets as I turned 70 this year. Nothing missing in my life, infact, I feel blessed in every way. I had the experience of true romantic love in my twenties, and after 7 years together, we mutually went different ways, we are still best friends, long distance. I am a female monk, very involved in my social work which to me is far more satisfying than a nuclear family situation. I have friends and far too many social contacts! My nurturing instincts are more than fulfilled by animal rescue. One should go with their own heart and mind, not a socially imposed ideal, which is not ideal for everyone
Oh thank you so much for sharing! We need to hear so many voices like this because I think so many women actually don’t want to have children. Incredible that you are a monk and work with animal welfare. Thank you so much for washing ❤️
This was so comforting to watch. As someone who’s on the fence about having kids, your gentle way of sharing your points is so calming ❤ Makes me feel it’s okay to be still considering and taking my time.
I am a 74 year old woman, childless by choice. Both my parents had mental health problems and growing up with them was a nightmare. They did put pressure on me to have children and even went no contact when I wouldn't. Still, I went by my own conscience and did not have children. It was the best decision I could have made and I have not regretted it.
EVERY single point is so well thought out and I think we are all VERY lucky to have people like you on this planet! Thank you so saying all that you did!
I'm a 32 y.o. Swedish woman who has always been surrounded by children, wether it be via family or through work. I adore them and wholeheartedly believe that I would be an A+ mother. But ever since I met my to-be-wife, who knew that she did not want children due to childhood trauma, I began asking myself if parenthood would be the right path for me. It took a while but I did come to a realisation about myself: I do never wish to be pregnant, nor do I need to become a mother to be happy.
Actually I was thinking like you do. My husband already have kids and we married when I was 35. I thought I will be OK with respecting his point of view, but after I turned 42 I found myself in depression regarding this issue. Please do not repress your own needs (if it is a need) only for your partner. Afterwards it even affects the relationship in a very bad way. Love is not equal to giving up on your needs. Please spend time to find out you alone what do you want for your life. I know that you are not me, but if the thought was there, it sometimes comes back later in life as midlife crisis...
I lived in Sweden recently and met a woman who I wanted to have children with, and we both have childhood trauma. Once I got back to the States, I realized that I don't think it would be best for me. Also, how on Earth do you navigate not wanting to be a parent in Sweden? It's so difficult that even I as a man who didn't want kids before I lived in Sweden fell into it after seeing babies and parents everywhere. How do you do it? I'm curious to how you fight those instincts.
@@LawofMosesHereit depends live and let live . Even Jesus and Paul did not have children because they focused on making the world a better place. It depends on your vocation
I am a mom to two children, and everything you are saying is 100% true! I have been extremely fortunate to have a loving husband, and the financial means to be home with my kids (they are now teens). We have had to make many sacrifices in order for me to be home with them, but honestly, even as teens, I only work outside of the home 1 or 2 days a week and I am still very busy with them both, especially because they do online school. My one child also has health problems, and I have always been here to care for him. Things are different now in this world, the cost of living has skyrocketed. We were fortunate to buy our home 24 years ago for 1/4 of what people are paying now, but we still have to be very careful with our spending. Grocery costs, omg don't even get me started on the cost of feeding two teens!! I definitely have not, and will not encourage my own kids to have children. If they want to great, but I hope and pray they take every single thing into consideration that you have mentioned here.
You are a very caring and thoughtful Mom ❤️ Thank you for leaving me a message. I would feel lucky to grow up with a parent as tuned in to 'the situation,' as you are and, as enabling. I hope we both (and all) continue to find our way 🙂🥦💰
One other serious consideration that people don't talk about are our personality traits/ personal strengths and limitations. Im a very disorganized fly by the seed of my pants kind of gal, and i realized that my husband is also very disorganized. I realized this personality trait (being organized) is kind of essential for me to feel like a good parent. I know that no matter how much i work on being organized it will always be a struggle, i dont want a child to have live in that chaos, nor do i want the added chaos of having to organize another being's life !
I was 23 when I decided I didn't want children. I am now 69 and it was the best decision I ever made exclamation point I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life and just recently diagnosed with bipolar II I'm amazed that my instincts were so clear about that decision
I loved this video ❤ My main reason for not wanting a child is not needing one. Family life is not a lifestyle for me, I prefer spending most of my time alone.
I love that you are so confident in your choice, beyond any worries from peer-pressure! I wish you a very fulfilling life. I know from experience that this sort of support is easy to provide, yet not necessarily what we are always met with 😃
Congratulations and thank you very much for making this video! It seems very brave and clear. These are the kind of things that are not openly talked about, and they are all true, absolutely! I am 48 years old and together with my husband, we have decided not to have children even though we are both pediatricians and love children, and we have a life full of children. Thank you for your video, thank you for telling the world, "if you don't want to have children for whatever reason, it's better not to have them, and it's better for everyone." I really liked your video, thank you.
Although Betty White never had children of her own, she became a stepmother to Allen Ludden's three kids when she married him in Las Vegas back on June 14. 1963. His three kids were by his first wife, Margaret. She died of cancer back on October 30, 1961; nearly a month after Password debuted on CBS.
Agree to most rated comments here. My sister had a baby last year, we love him so much all the way but it doesn't mean that I want to have kids too. As you said, just after the first few years we will send them to the school and live with that system for 18 years or more, I think life is a little too complicated today and in my opinion, it's better not to bring more kids to this complex life. Btw, I don't think that I will be happy if taking too much responsibility for someone else. Thank you for making this video, I think your talk is very clear and pure!
The reasons why I don’t want kids is because they’re loud, annoying, and gross sometimes. It gets on my nerves, I don’t want to be around them I’m sorry.
You are so well spoken and I just love your demeanor! This is my first time seeing you but I scrolled through your channel and already see so much content I want to watch! Thank you for this video, I 10000% agree with everything you said. I’m 26 and I honestly don’t really want kids. I wish people talked about this more, I feel like too many parents are immature and have not done their own inner work when they bring another human into this life which obviously creates problems. And yes x1000 about educating the older generations about climate change and what they can do before the kids. I know too many adults who don’t even try to reduce their carbon footprint and expect the kids to take care of it later. It’s really hypocritical and irresponsible in my opinion, especially cause those same people often says it’s selfish to not have kids. I hope more people talk about this and especially the benefits of not having kids. I also think it’s important to say that people who are wise thoughtful and caring can still be a great positive influence for future generations without being a parent
I mostly agree, minus the “pain free” birth. There’s not such a thing as a “pain free” birth without medication. The process of contractions is extremely painful and so is giving birth. You will realize that when you decide to have a child.
Such a great vlog! My husband and I have been married 41 years. We have no children. Sometimes, unless a couple adopts, there will not be children. We both wanted children, but only one wanted to adopt. Bottom line decision was no children. For me, having children is better by only 51% over not having children at 49%. I really enjoy the freedom, less worry, easier financial life and employment opportunities that the decision not to adopt provides.
I would love to hear more about how you came to terms with that decision. If I end up not having children, I imagine I'll have to go through a grieving process.
This is the very first video who helped me about the decision to have kids or not, THANK YOU ♥And I think I don't want to be a mom. You said something very smart : "We don't know what we're missing when we don't have any kids, but they don't know what they are missing when they have kids". This helped me so much thank you ! Btw I'm a 26 yo girl and not in a relationship yet
Your commentary is fascinating! As an American wife, mom, and grandmother it is refreshing to hear your thoughts on having children. You have, though, made a decision. Your decision is not to have a child or children until you and your husband are either ready or not. How wonderful! Whatever and whenever you do come to an answer, it will be the right one for your life. Please do not let society dictate how you live in this world.
Thank you so much for your videos! Especially this one - it's incredibly helpful and resonated with everything that's been on my mind (I'm 34, childless, still undecided). The final points are something I often contemplate as well. I had a childhood where my mom wasn't quite ready for motherhood, she was very emotionally distant and super cold (being born and raised in cold Russia added some issues also). I still fight with the rejection trauma, understanding the immense responsibility of parenting. P.S. Also, thanks for all the videos about Sweden - I adore that country, and I started watching your videos because my closest friend in the world is Swedish :) Good luck to you! You're awesome!
I look at my parents in their 80s and am 100% convinced their old age would be better if they hadn’t had children. I love overseas but my two older siblings are still in my country. Yet, my father is my mother’s sole caregiver now she has advanced dementia. My two siblings don’t contribute financially, on the contrary, one of them is actually a financial burden. I help financially when I can, but it’s not enough. Had they not had children, they would have a much better financial situation now which would alleviate the pressures on my dad. Children are a waste of time and money. I would be 100% with not having been born if that meant my parents would have a better time in their most vulnerable years.
I do love hearing this perspective, especially from someone who shares similar spiritual beliefs as me. The more spiritual I become.... the actual less I want a child to distract me from it. I don't like feeling guilty about it but I don't want to change... not physically nor lifestyle wise. I LOVE freedom and don't think I get enough of it already. It makes me deeply upset feeling my freedom being infringed upon and I can only guess how much more upset I would get with even less. I think babies of friends and family are cute from afar but everytime I spend time... I'm so grateful they're not mine. So yeah.. if others feel this way... just know you're not alone in not giving a care about wanting what we want and not wanting what we don't. 🙌🏽
Omg finally I find someone that has the same feelings as I do! Wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth but not wanting to raise the child afterwards due to a lot of factors. Thank you for speaking out, I don’t feel so alone now 🙏🏼
Being pregnant is like being really fat and can’t lay on belly for 9 months. I didn’t feel any kicks and didn’t feel anything else, just got really fat. I’d rather never experience it again. During childbirth I didn’t feel anything because they gave me painkillers drugs. Motherly feelings didn’t come when I saw a child. Only after caring for child every day I got attached. Having to raise a child was the best experience of my life. Child loves me like nobody ever. Don’t regret having my child. But pregnancy and delivery is not fun.
@@kitty1256x I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. Medication and not feeling in control over your birthing experience can cause depression or not feeling connected to your child. It’s not okay, but unfortunately so common in medical practice. But happy to hear that you are happy now ❤️
You are so right on! You have truly addressed every important point that should be seriously considered. Having children or a child is a very big decision. I married a man who didn't want children. He felt he couldn't handle it. As time went on, I realized I definitely didn't want a child in my day to day life. My main reason was I needed to take care of myself. I also grew up in an emotionally turbulent home. My parents were very good, but they did not get along and divorced. Now I have been a teacher to thousands of children and have grown deeply from this experience over the many years. I have also experienced that in "this lifetime" I get to have time out from motherhood. This means I get to care and develop myself and become accomplished in my career. Both choices are fine. It all depends on what is right for "you." No one knows this except you. It is your beautiful choice and right. I loved your video. Thanks for making it!
Thank you for this comment. This gave me reassurance in my choice of being Childfree man from an Asian country. In my country the Choice for men is also very Less. In my country the society forces everyone to get married and have kids. It is the normal Life perceived by the society.
My husband and I had this conversation before we got serious, while we’re got serious, and married. I never wanted kids, but he was on the fence with it. He wants kids but he respects my decision. However, I knew such a decision to want kids is huge, so I talked to him many times that he is free to leave me to find someone who wants kids, but he’d always tell me that he is fine without kids. It was suspect he’d say that, but I decided not to pry too much. And we got married eventually. And then recently he said he feels he really wants kids because of the attention it’ll get from his family, how his family loves babies, and he wants that for us… but all I see is me being the one to do most of the work, I’m often burnt out already, and taking care of a child, I believe, a women should be very strongly wanting motherhood, knowing outcomes and the sacrifices. And I believe I can’t make sacrifices, mostly because of my mental health. If I end up pregnant, I’ll keep it, but that’s only if it’s an accident. So I’m strongly considering getting my tubes tied, but I don’t want to hurt my husband… I don’t know. He hasn’t brought up a baby on a hot minute, but as things are, I’m sure I will regret having a child.
Stay true to your feelings. Do not have a baby for your husband. You have to do what’s best for you. We only live one life. Just be 100 % honest and if he loves you then he will accept that otherwise he will have to move on. Sending positivity your way 🤗
I find you very brave for speaking about that matter because it is such a sensitive subject in this society and a lot of content creators avoid it in order not to loose followers. I agree with everything you said. I absolutely love your content, so thank you for sharing your wise thoughts with us.
Thank you so so much. It really means a lot, even I am nervous about posting these types of videos but I think they’re so important. I did loose followers within an hour of posting, but I doubt they watched the video. Comments like this make it all worth it though!
Thank you Johanna for your beautiful, thoughtful video on the subject that has been on my mind for a few years now... I have not seen any other video like that ever. I am 33 and happily married for 10 years. If you asked me 10 years ago if I want to have kids, I would have said "Yes, of course!", but in the last couple of years I have lost the desire to actually become a mother. My husband has been always supportive of my decision in that regard, either way: if we had a child, he would love it to death, if we didn't have a child, he would be absolutely fine with that too. Basically, he said "It's your body Babe, I support you in any decision you make". I feel so, so grateful to him for that... Maybe because of that I felt a lot less pressure to have a child. I also grew up in an unhappy house. Like with your husband, my parents stayed married but didn't love each other (for 30 years!!). They basically hate each other now. I really wonder, if they would have stayed together so long if they didn't have children. Probably no. But... They had a lot more pressure to have children (back in the day, in pre-1990 Poland). My life now is very good and positive and I am not sure how well caring for a child would fit into it... Recently, while talking about that with my husband, we concluded that if we did have a child we would most likely spoil it rotten 😂 We would love on it all the time and probably that would lead to creating a "little emperor" or a little "queen" instead of a well-developed and self-reliant human being. LOL Anyway, I noticed that you also have videos about living in a van. Awesome! We also converted an old van into a campervan and travelled with it extensively throughout the States. Now we live in and renovate an old sailboat on the East Coast (in Georgia) with plans to explore the Caribbean when we finish the refit. Thank you for the video and I wish you all the best! 💓 Justyna
Wow thanks so much for your comment Justyna (and I love your name)! :D It's so interesting, isn't it! So easy to say "yes", but then we get older and we are happily married, and something changes. Your husband sounds amazing! I think it's the same for me. But I could've never been with a man who pressured me to have a child. I have always thought it a bit odd when men have very strong opinions of having a child, since it is made through the female body... That is amazing, how cool! I've never been much on the ocean, but I've seen a lot of people on TH-cam living on sailboats and it sure looks amazing
“You just wanna grow old, sit still while everybody else runs…” “In the meantime, you wanna have some fun…” ~ Nothing Else’ by Angus & Julia Stone Great song. As a 39 year old woman with the heart of a child and soul of an old lady, this song speaks to me. I really appreciate your insight on this topic. You’re wise beyond your years. My husband and I got married so we could enjoy life together. We’re very realistic about how a child would change our relationship. I’m 39, he’s 42. We both work full time, but we’ve got a beautiful lake home and we want to enjoy every moment we can with each other, experiencing as little stress as possible. For us, that means no kids. I respect all the parents out there who are doing a thankless job. It takes a special person to deal with the constant stress of raising a human, but that much stress isn’t for us. We’re looking forward to boating, updating our home, traveling, and living in the moment. Our time on this earth is limited and we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives unable to enjoy the present because we’re too worried about the future (as it pertains to raising a child). I’m grateful for all the parents out there because someone’s got to do it. I’m just happy it’s not me! 😵💫💕
My darling, your feelings are valid. It’s your body, your choice your life and SUPER proud of you for making this video. I share some of your childhood experiences. I suffered horrific abuse and abandoned to look after my dying mom as only a child. Still healing from all the physical m, mental, emotional as well till today. I struggle with some of the things you do and that’s how I feel too that my life will be worse with a child. So saving myself and healing from all of it. So proud of you again. Stand by what you believe. We stand with you
I love this topic and I fully agree with the importance of having this conversation. And with not having a kid without actively deciding to have a kid. There was no accident if you deliberately stopped all means to avoid getting pregnant. I'm childfree for now. I found the right person, but we still have so many professional goals we want to achieve before our priorities change (by becoming 3). Plus, not enough money to provide everything a child needs. On top of that, I also have a lot of pros and cons and I don't want to have a child unless I am 100% sure. So I'll keep thinking about it while doing things that fulfill me for now.
Although I cannot stop myself from thinking things like: "If we had a child now, he or she would be in a close age to his or her cousins and that would be so nice for all". The thing is I am not ready and therefore it will always be better for all, if I'm ready before becoming a mom in any case.
Yes, I completely agree. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We have a lot of similar questions. The work/money/ready-questions are the biggest ones for me too.
Wow such a amazing video and so well thought out in how you express yourself. I loved it. I am 63 with 2 grown children and 2 grandchildren. I cannot say if I had my time over again that I would have children again. Pregnancy, childbirth were an absolute breeze. It was the years since, that have been difficult and challenging with a lot of heartache. My daughter who is 30 has decided not to have children and I fully support her. My very troubled 37 year old son had two children to different mothers and they are wonderful grandchildren. We are raising one - our 14 year old grandson because his parents are not able to. It’s been a shock to our psyches to be back raising a teenager and it wasn’t exactly a choice. He is a lovely lad though- in spite of his parents and we are all settling in well to life together. Kids are like puppies and kittens - cute when they are little lol. If you do decide to have children, I think you will be a very thoughtful excellent mother - homeschooling. There is a You Tuber with a channel called Jason and Julie who have 10 children and they homeschool. Their life is so interesting as they are organic homesteaders and I am amazed at their life. I think you could relate to them. 😊
This felt like hearing myself, you basically said everything that I usually say when trying to explain to others that not having kids is not selfish (quite the opposite) and it doesn't mean that someone is a bad person. To everyone who wants a child, please also consider that babies grow up really fast so they won't be babies for the majority of the time during parenting and also they start asking really tough questions quite early on and your answer will have an impact on their lives so be prepared for that too. Another thing is that having less kids is having less competition and this makes wages go up, just like after the great plague in the 17th century, landowners and rich people were begging peasants to go work for them as there were barely any people left to work in the fields and manufactures, thus wages tripled compared to when the peasants were the ones begging for work.
Yes. It is best not to bring children into this complex and Money oriented world. Now Life is Just slaving away for money. I just don't want to bring them into this world to experience this.
I am a 72 year old man. I think the first video I watch was 19 weird things Swedish people do. I enjoy listening to you. Calm and intelligent and well thought out video. I have never been married and have no children. I see several more of your videos I want to watch. I don't think the minimalist beauty routine will apply to me.. Thank you
Also, I’m 100% with you on the mental illness part. I have a bad history with it, and even after going through recovery (twice). I’m managing better now, but I know kids are bad option for me. Parents have to parents every day, not just on their good days. Plus, It runs in my family and I’m not going to a child knowing full well that I’ll likely be passing it on.
Hi... I have no strong position about kids but I am a doctor and just want to disclose something VERY IMPORTANT for the watchers that read this. The labor being done at home is not safe if not properly knowledgeable or close enough to a well equipped health care center for babies and the mom in case of an emergency. Specially third world countries like mine where sometimes there is the need to drive for hours for a surgical room and a qualified specialist. I agree that the way is done lacks emotional support BUT if you look at mother and baby mortality rates before and now you will see what I am talking about. I guess you did say that you understand this from your personal experience. But a lot of teenage people that believe everything they hear from an opinion as a scientific fact....sometimes is necessary to clarify that
This a wonderfully made video. You have the wisdom that most 70-80yrs old don't even have! 👏👏👏👏👏👏. In fact I think one is only ready when they have thought through what you have just said.
Thank you for this video! These are all very valid arguments. My only observation here is that getting pregnant is not the only way to have children. I for one have established that I do not want to get pregnant - never have wanted that. Adoption has always been on my mind. I haven't decided to have or not have children yet, but I believe that to make a responsible decision, I must truly consider the two sides of the coin.
Yes, I agree. I used to consider adopting but now I don’t unfortunately. I would consider adopting from my own country but not from another country due to the ethical concerns of it, and buying/selling humans. I’m all for fostering though!
Great wisdom here. I have never felt the urge to be a father. And have been called out as "weird" for that. A lot of Catholic guilt put on me as well (Buddhist now in my spirituality). I entirely agree that not all of us are called to have children and we shouldn't assume society's assumption that this is what we should all do! 'You have to take care of yourself, before you can take care of others.' Thich Nhat Hahn said something very similar. I hope you discern what is right for you, Saga.
Thank you so much. I find it surprising every time someone tells me what you're saying. I just cannot understand why society puts so much pressure on us to have children (well, I can), and why people try to reinforce it so much - even if it doesn't make them happy. No one should be called weird for not having children! I read a lot about buddhism and my teacher Choknye Rinpoche is one of my favorites! If you haven't read any of his books I highly recommend them! Thank you!
So brave of you to address this topic. I really resonate. I have a daughter though and she is just as much my teacher as I am her go to for support. She was born wise and independant. I said she would never hinder me from anything and she never has. We are best friends and talk every day. She is almost 30 now and we have been through a lot.. migrated, divorce etc so we have a strong bond and she is my pride and joy! The best time of my life was being pregnant and breastfeeding. Giving birth was so natural. 🤰I totally agree on everything you say about school..do your shadow work etc.and to be with your child if you create one! I had so many family members who wanted to take care of her so its like I never raised her alone! But I have the honour of being her mum 💞 so even if I never achieved anything greater than a mediocre Swedish life... I brought her onto this Earth to light it up a bit 🌟 Namaste
Wow this made me tear up ❤️ I still don’t know if I will have a child but in my body I can feel how natural birthing and pregnancy/breastfeeding is to me. It’s what my body desires to do. And the older I get, the more I think that a life like yours is the most inspiring and meaningful way of life ❤️❤️❤️
Your video made a big impression on me and I felt I needed to write to you. I am an example of a happy, fulfilled, successful woman who decided early on that I did not want to have children. Like you, my mother was mentally ill. She attempted suicide several times. One time, which was very traumatic for me, I was the one who came home and found her unconscious from having taken too many pills. My home life was very erratic and stressful. I suffered from anxiety, depression and developed an ulcer in my early years. Eventually I met a wonderful guy in college. I talked frankly with him and he assured me that he did not want to have children either. His reasons were very different from mine, but they were also very valid. We got married and have been happy for over 45 years, living a life of adventure and passion that has never been routine or boring. I’m 68 years old and I’ve never regretted my decision to not have children. I know I will never pass on the mental illness gene. I actually love and enjoy kids and have been fortunate to have been a part of the lives of my friends’ kids as an honorary “auntie” and mentor. You stated that you wanted and needed to hear the stories of older women who made this very important decision back in an age when it was very unpopular so I think I definitely qualify! Although members of my family tried to pressure me into having kids I always knew my own mind on this and I’m glad I remained true to myself. You should only have a child because you feel ready to do so. Your own heart will guide you in this. You are a beautiful young lady and I wish you well.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. If I had infinite money I’d spend it on a documentary about women like you ❤️ thank you for paving the way for me and my generation ❤️❤️❤️
I am happy to share my story. In the 80s I had no one to talk to about this. So, it’s good to have this dialogue with younger women today. bless you, my dear friend, and I wish you much happiness.
Very many really good thoughts, but one day you'll know. You'll simply know. It may or may not 'make sense' - most probably not - but it's not about that. It can't be. I'm in my sixties, had two children in my late thirties, after enjoying plenty of freedom and study and professional satisfaction. They were home-birthed, breast-fed and in our bed for years. For a while it was exhausting, but I went along with them and after not so many years they started to go along with us. Not a life-long commitment, but a life-long bond of mutual love. They added a layer of depth to my life and led me to a part of myself I would never have known without them. It's not that I think you or anyone should have children, just keep an eye out for that moment you'll know. There is only so much you can think of. The whole picture can never be caught in thoughts and words. In the end, the heart is usually right. And then it will be clear, regardless of the pros and cons, either way 💛
Nice points! I plan to never have kids, and if I do have kids adopted ones. My family all either are abusive, abusive alcoholics, or abusive with anger management issues, and even at an early age I’m already starting to show signs of anger issues, wish things could be differently but it just solidifies no kids for me.
You are so right. My first child's birth was... how shall I put it... awful. I ended up with an ABC-midwife (this was in the 90's) and all she cared about was that the birth should be natural and the curtains in room lovely. So without any pain relief, after hours... well, it's a wonder my baby didn't die actually. So my two other children came out with a caesaren section. That's less stress and less pain. I love my children, but looking at the world right now... I'm actually not sure if I would have any children at all if I were young today. That said, this is my own opinion, not anyone elses. Just me. And yes, I wanted to be the perfect mother of three and managed to burn myself out completely, leaving me with chronic panic anxiety. I think we need to respect other people's choices if the want or do not want to have a child. It's like society demands us to have children. I cannot understand why. And the constant questioning to couple who doesn't have children "When will you start having kids?". Yes, I'm not perfect, I did ask that when being younger, but now... I never ever ask it. Ever. Thanks for sharing all the great insights and your own personal opinion. I think you and your husband are wonderful people! Lovely couple! Love 💗
Oh wow. That must’ve been so difficult. Researching for this video I read a very interesting study about midwifes in Hospitals, and how they know they are not listening to the mothers because they don’t have time or there is too much pressure. So many of them expressed constant guilt and failure. Very interesting. It’s such a shame you weren’t listened to. And so terrible it still is like that today! But happy you have your family and you can see all aspects. I rarely hear someone think so clearly about having children when they’ve had children, so I think your comment is fantastic. I actually think I would’ve had kids without question if I was this age in the 90’s, but now I’m not so sure. So its so validating that you also see that perspective. Thank you again ❤️
@@SagaJohanna Hi again, I think your video has so many values in it that I hope people watching it can really start to think. Not going with the flow. Just because you get a partner, you have to have kids. That is so wrong. I don't actually think mothers are listened to even today when giving birth. Midwifes and doctors are always right.... noooot! Well, many thinks they are. So wrong. Stupid comments come from people who doesn't think. Many are our relatives and friends. They, often, doesn't mean harm or hurt, they are just curious. When I finally had my three children (being adopted I wanted my own children and I was happy to have three) I was instead asked "Two wasn't enough?" Where before it was "When are you getting pregnant?" or "Is X ever gonna have a little brother or sister?". I had a choice. Either I take in all the harm and hurt OR I just let it pass and ignore it. I ignore it and that helped me a lot. Much love
@@Bumbledora Thank you so so much! Yes, and it is so silly and actually, stupid! And your example just shows that. First they say "when are you going to have. children, soon it'll be too late", then they say "haven't you had enough now". Like, it is never good enough and we can't do it right, no matter how hard people try. And I think of my friends who are a bit more sensitive to their families opinions, and they work so so hard to satisfy their parents but when it comes to having children & getting married, nothing is good enough. I had a friend who dated a guy I did not like, he was not very kind, but he was for sure charismatic. When she told her parents they broke up they said "oh no, how are you going to find someone that nice". And I almost screamed. Shouldn't the first question be "Oh i hope you are okay, was there a reason you broke up that you want to talk about". I think ignoring it is absolutely the best way. But still difficult sometimes!
After watching/listening to this video, I feel enormous gratitude to you for articulating so well many of the things that I've thought about this issue for so long! I do have 2 children and love them very much, but wish I had this video to listen to 25 years ago!
Thank you for this video! It was so so long waited and wanted and so necessarily. What a smart woman. I hope this rational way of thinking to spread and give voice to a much larger public cause people should be more responsible for their own decisions. We should reset all the brainwashing inflicted by older generation and stop doing copy and paste with our lives just to fit the social norms. Everyone should be responsible and mindful and wise and honest with themselves when making big decision in their life. Choose the what feels the best for you! I wish Love, peace and wisdom to everyone!
You nailed it! Number one of your reasons - this is so spot on. I thought I am the only person in the world who thinks this way. I know people who enrolled their yet unborn child to a nursery - straight after getting pregnant. Because nurseries are generally overcrowded and it's hard to get a child into them. People see nothing wrong about it - while for a child it might be a recipe for a lifelong trauma. Children need love, they just absorb it and grow. if you leave your 6 month old baby in a daycare - do you think it is surrounded by love there? I think it is surrounded mostly by frustration of nursery employees. I don't want to judge those who are in a difficult situation and have no choice. I'm talking of couples who plan parenthood this way and think it's normal. No, it is not. Thank you Saga for mentioning this, because it seems to be a taboo subject. You are doing a great job by raising awareness, I actually hit the Subscribe after watching this🙂
Aw thank you so much! I really appreciate it! After working at a very good Montessori kindergarden I was convinced this was not the way to go. Seeing the 6 month olds being "schooled in", aka crying until the parents came, was just the most traumatic and sad experience ever. And most moms wouldn't want to leave their babies, but are forced to because of norms! I hope I can help change some peoples views on this
Thank you for kind words. For me I’ve always wanted to have children and was aware of all the responsibilities. I’ve got sick in my middle of twenties with cancer then I have healed and finally found my soul mate and got married. My husband passed away in September and now I’m 33 and suppose to start from zero again? What are the odds to find someone wonderful to love enough to start a family with before my biological clock shuts down. I focus on myself now but I’m smart enough to understand that it is just simply not always in our hands to control how life will happen.
This decision is the most important one you will ever make with eternal consequences. Take plenty of time to decide. Most people do not think about mental health in the family and how genetics plays a part. I know if I already struggled with mental health that caring for a child would not make me any better. Also my family is filled with personality disorders even though we are all very bright very bright
I've been thinking a lot lately how in the past, because not having children wasn't really a choice, it pushed a lot of women into circumstances they couldn't cope with or weren't cut out for. I did some recent research into my family ancestry and it struck me how sad it was that, in the early 1900's/1910's women were just expected to be married and having kids by a certain age. My aunt had 10 kids! it can't be very good for your body to have lots of them like this. Luckily she had a lovely husband, but a lot of women don't. I think if a lot of them could come back today and see the choices modern women have not to mention time and freedom, they would swap their time for the contraception and choice we have today.
Oh wow, very interesting to hear! I really wish they could.... Have you read "The Women's Room" by Marilyn French? It talks about how these women lived and I find it amazing.
I haven't finished listening to this yet, but I had to pause to say to you that I have goosebumps. Everything you say is precisely what I think and have been expressing for the past 15 years. Before then, I always stated, "I love kids, I would love to have three kids, BUT only if I find the perfect match, if we can both give our kids not only our love and time, but also a stable future, and only if we live in a safe and healthy environment." Many women, perhaps too many, have birth for selfish reasons, because their lives are empty, relationships are failing, or to receive government assistance. I know a lot of them, and I can't pretend to respect them because I don't. I don't because I care deeply about children, which is why I don't have any while they do and they do not really love them.
Now that I've seen the entire video, I can say we're literally on the same page on everything. By far, you are the first woman I have heard who shares my reasoning. We are 8 billion people, we do not live in paradise, and people all around the world are struggling. People who have children profess to be responsible, but they do not take responsibility because if they did, they would not have placed their children in such a word. Bored people wanting to have children while being in a lockdown was dubbed "baby boom" in 2020-2021. That was precisely the point at which a child-loving person would have declared, "Now that the world is heading in this direction, I will never have children." On the contrary, they decided to have them exactly while the news were talking about the "Apocalypse".
How wonderful to hear that! I've never really found anyone else either who cares so deeply about children that they want to put them before anything and everything else in this world
@@SagaJohanna It's not only about children to me but also about the environment as a whole. However, our discussion is centered on children, and your words echoed my sentiments perfectly. I have witnessed numerous instances where children bore the brunt of their mothers' disconnection, fathers' oppressive attitudes, and even business-minded parents who bore children for their help. Countless women have confided in me about having children to fix their failing marriages. These occurrences are monstrous, and that's why I am delighted to see this video and appreciate the fact that you are addressing this topic.
Saga, you will live a good, happy and fulfilled life even without children. There are life lessons you may not experience without children, just as there are life lessons that people with children will not experience by having them. They are two sides of the same life coin.
Natural birth isn’t painless as you paint it. I have a friend who had extremely short labour, by the time she got to the hospital she was too dilated for an epidural and had to go through it naturally. Worst pain of her life.
Amazing video. I lost my baby to a forced abortion when I was only 21 to a 64 year old man who sexually abused me. Im 41 now and just finding out now later in life I might be on the spectrum..My parents misunderstood me most my life. I was a quiet shy introverted child. The guy who abused me had horses on the same farm. I love horses so dearly. They are amazing
Thanks for another thoughtful, sensible video. Not having kids should be something no one should judge, but people do. Too many seem to think it's almost a duty to pressure non-parents into having kids. As other commenters have said, your thoughtful video will help folks see things they may not have considered. I grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive home, with eleven siblings. I thought long and hard about whether to have children. I'm not a woman, so obviously pregnancy was not part of my thinking. But it was, of course, for my wife. In the end, we waited longer than most to marry, and then years again before having a child. I was 40, and she was 36. We had only our son, and made plenty of parenting mistakes. But our son is 21 now, and doing as well as we could have hoped. Being his dad is, without any doubt, the best thing that has happened to me, except maybe next to sharing my life with my wife. We both worked with kids for decades before having our own, working in childcare. We saw all these kids every day who were not with their parents, and, especially with kindergartners, spent far more time with them than any other adults in their lives. Before having our own child, we decided to do our best to spend as much time with him as we possible could, working part-time and choosing to live with less. Now that our son is grown, and we are of course too old to have any more, we now have trained to adopt kids out of foster care. Parenting gives us joy, and I think we're good at it. We have more love to share, and as someone who spent a couple of years in foster care myself, I hope we can help give a kid or three a forever family.
Loved your point 8, and am glad you quickly included it despite your reservations 😊 I don't have kids because I believe choosing to (not) have kids is a joint expression of what you and your significant other want from life. I haven't found that person yet and am sure that of all the people I can spend the rest of my life with to the fullest of our happiness, with some that will include childeren and with others it won't. I don't think you will truly know untill you have found that relationship, and I also think this particular desire is a joint one that doesn't truly exist outside of the union.
I'm 24 & I have chosen not 🚫🙅🤰🏽👶🏽 to bring children's into this world 🌎 or by adopting them at all. Meaning that I am such a very true superhero great Aunt ❤️ 👩🏽❤️. I'm so glad that I have completely decided to become an autistic type of a childfree female person. Yes 😀 most definitely at a 💯% but in a very positive mindset for sure 👍🏽 indeed.
Wow. This was so well thought out. I am impressed by your insight. You are very wise, and I believe you will make the right decision for you. 💗 ~Mother of three adult children.
Thanks so much for doing this video. I didn’t know pregnancy could be pain free. However, they're so many things to take into consideration before having a child. I'm reading now, Childless Living by LISETTE SCHUITEMAKER. She was in her 60’s when she wrote this book. Is awesome to hear what are the joys and challenges of being Childfree when we get old. The book is awesome!
Thank you! I didn't know it either, and now I feel like everyone needs to know haha :) Ohh, I'll see if I can find it. Sounds super interesting. Thank you
Miss saga Johanna, you are smart 🙏 I for the most part support you. Thank you for being true to yourself. Having children should be by choice, not mandatory. The world now has changed people's ways of lives. Life is very expensive and the child is an unpredictable investment! Taddeo from Durham, North Carolina
Nov 05 2023; 655 pm; Bago Am 43, with no children to my knowledge. I 100% respect and regard your views and disposition. The irony and hypocrisy exhibited by many as relates to this topic is immensely, intensely, and insanely mind-boggling. Primarily because, in my observation, pregnancy seems to be, more often than not, an UNPLANNED event; with subsequent actions essentially reactionary and circumstantial. The decision to consider and ponder upon not having children is so much more noble and responsible, than to recklessly impregnate or become impregnated. It is woefully unfortunate that something so serious and life-changing as a child could ensue from basically thoughtless, hedonistic Indulgences. Furthermore, there exist persons who simply are convinced that they'won't make great parents. And so decide not to pursue such a path; which is perfectly OK! We just need to exhibit more tolerance towards individuals regarding whatever position they may hold as per this topic! Again, the contemplation is most commendable! ;)
The most crucial point is having the right husband ( soulmate particularly) and being happy and healthy mentality, physically and spiritually the woman and the husband.Also being stable financially before bringing a victim child to the picture. Otherwise child free relationship is more relaxed....it is because of my two kid, i learned a lot of things in life because as they evolve we evolve.
Let me add one other important aspect: the feedback of your kid. Of course when we have kids we never calculate a feedback-or return in investment terms, or cons/pros ratio. Having a kid is not an investment and can not be calculated with monetary terms. You love your kid no matter what- it is an unconditional love. But at the end, when your kid grew up and become an independent person- than you start to make some ''emotional'' calculations- because as parents who gave the kid everything you can, you nearly sacrifice your life (both mentally and emotionally) --and your kid would propably think that they would be your duty as giving birth to a child requires such a liability/responsibility--still, you expect an appreciation at the end--and usually that does not come...Or you got critized by many of your actions and get a little appreciation in return..Which--realy hurts...
Excellent points. It would be great to watch a video from you about finding the right partner and the journey towards making the decision about marriage and knowing that he’s the right one. Or alternatives to modern dating 🙏🏼
That is a fantastic idea! I’ve added it to my list. And alternatives to modern dating are so important!! I definitely didn’t meet my husband through dating, and don’t think our relationship would’ve happened if we did!
I told my husband "I'll birth the baby if you'll raise it" only half jokingly. I came from a family with an alcoholic violent father and a mousy mother. As a child through young adult I was scared to be a parent, as I didn't want any child to experience what I did. In my late 20's I married a very loving man who had parents who loved each other and respected their children. I ended up unexpectedly having a miscarriage at 8 weeks (didn't know I was pregnant). The hormones went zinging through me, and it was like I then really wanted a baby. I studied up on babies and birth and decided that I had a big enough 'mother bear' to defend my child, and I knew that with the love from my husband covering both of us, that I'd be OK, too. I watched your video about how Swedish people raise kids, and my husband and I were pretty close to that. We respected our kids from birth, encouraging them to be the people they were meant to be. I stayed home most of the time, but worked part-time outside the home as a voice talent. As a one car family, I did my occasional voice gigs during the mid-day or early afternoon so my husband could watch our kids. He was a DJ with hours in the evening, overnight, or morning. So we were the house on the block where there was always at least one parent home...the house all the neighbor kids would gravitate to because I was the mom that read stories and handed out healthy snacks, and Chris was the dad who played music and joked around. My daughter, now almost 30, says that we raised them in a Montessori way. My 27 year old son thanks us for supporting him in his interests instead of forcing him to be more outgoing. Both the kids say they had a great childhood, and that all their friends liked coming to our house because they felt safe here. I have MUCH respect for women who decide not to have kids. Many of my close girlfriends never had kids, for myriad reasons. Feeling fear of being a 'not good enough' mother, and fear of what a child would experience in this world, and fear of not having enough money to raise them were the big three fears for me. If it wasn't for the hormone shift, I may not have wanted to be a parent. But after the hormone shift, and seeing the pattern of calm/nurturing in my husband, I wanted us to be parents. Funny thing, our kids would say that Chris was more the 'typical mom' stereo type - fussing over them, worrying about them, cooking and cleaning. And I was more the 'stereotypical dad' - let them climb trees, talked logic and action/consequences, and went about my day unless they needed me for something. There is a place for all of us. I'm so glad that you are thinking about what is right for YOU :)
What a great story! And you sound like amazing parents. I think your “reverses” gender roles might be more natural - we’ve just been told otherwise for the last few hundred years!
Thanks for your video. This is a hard one.. because your points are all valid. I found myself watching this video because my partner loves kids but doesn’t want to have them, in her words for the better of the potential child. She too worries about poverty or not being able to help it achieve what it wants to, she grew up poorer compared to me. She worries if we are able to provide all that a child needs, she struggles with disability and although she’d make a fantastic mum worries the child would either miss out on 2 healthy parents or be upset at times her illness flares up. I on the other hand have ALWAYS wanted children and due to circumstances beyond my control found myself at 29 today with no kids. I would feel blessed to be pregnant and give birth, much like you I am fascinated deeply and always watch and read about pregnancy birth etc. But as much as I adore babies, I don’t just want a baby, I want to raise a child, help it grow into a caring responsible stable adult, help it make choices for a good future and many happy times. I wouldn’t kick it out the door at 18, I wouldn’t stop cuddles when it got to 5. I’m very maternal, and as much as it’s breaking my heart, I know yourself and my partner who’s basically raised many of the points you did, are right, the times I’ve visualised all those things I’d do with my future children, seen their faces in my dreams. I dunno how I’m going to get over a 20 year yearning. But I love my partner, I don’t want to split over the subject or rush in and then raise an unhappy child. God the world sucks 😢 for everyone happy with their choice, I am pleased for you, no one should be bullied to do anything they don’t want to do, I’m just an unfulfilled maternal mess 😂
It is really hard, and it feels like we're very similar. I would look into fostering. I used to think it wasn't something I was interested in, but hearing people do it it sounds like the most worthwhile thing ever!
I'm 25, can't have kids and never actually wanted them 😅 I think though that I would love my child too much and would be constantly anxious that something bad could happen to them. That's also the reason why I'm afraid to adopt a dog... I always feel huge responsibility for everyone who depends on me in any way, and I also know it'll be too hard for me if something happens to the ones I love and care for or if I lose them. So - no, I don't want relationships, kids and pets 😅 And I also have a very full life... I mean, a full-time job in IT, singing lessons and dance classes (2x a week each), three foreign languages, cooking, going out with friends, hiking and solo traveling, and just lots of other stuff! I don't even have time for dating, not to mention anything else 😂
Enjoying your own company is a wonderful ability to have! Self improvement or experimenting is a wonderful way to spend time. And I do think the responsibility of having animals is often underestimated. I guess when you know what it takes to make yourself flourish it's hard to imagine settling for anything less with anyone else you bring into your life! And therein lies the rub. It's already a full-time thing 😄!
Love your wonderful thoughtfulness. I want to go to Sweden! I have no children. Mostly because I never found a right partner to commit to this task with. I was never one who had to have a child and I was always clear I did not want to do it alone. I was always ambivalent about children and I am a boomer so really the first generation that could actually say no to having children. I did go through a long period where I had to mourn the loss of no children when I was aging out of childbearing years. Children represent future and a way to give back. Very important motivators in life. I am a therapist by profession and I helped to raise a lot of children and adults in my career, very rewarding. So much more to say on this topic. I’m curious how. Your ideas will evolve throughout your life. Keep thinking and sharing, you are a delight! All the best from Seattle Washington.
Nov 05 2023; 8pm; Bago Greetings again! In addition to my earlier comment, I strongly believe that having children exponentially increases one's potential to become less caring and generous toward others. For the bulk of a person's resources would go into the consideration of one's children; thus creating tunnel-vision, and furthermore a diminished awareness and a lessened desire to treat with those outside of this newly created family. Therefore, if one is a person given to altruism and benevolence, then perhaps a childless path may be apt for such an individual. In that way, one could infinitely and eternally engage in philantropy "without fear or favour", hereby not having to focus on one's OWN familial obligations. ;)
I gave all my attention to running around on dates like crazy after losing the opportunity to be with my divine husband, but no one cared. Many people said, "Why should I save you?" I'm just tired of fighting for happiness. I no longer have the strength to ask someone for children. Apparently, they are born only out of love.
I am 27, married since 2016, homeowner since 2019(USA), in my career since 2019. And I still dont know if I want a kid. I don't understand the people who don't take the time to make a decision slowly. I feel like its the biggest decision I'll ever make and I need to think about it until I am sure.
I'm a 60 year old woman who has led a great and fascinating life without children. I have traveled and I have been able to pursue my career without the ties that bind you to children.
My wife and I are survivors. Meaning both of us had difficult times in our teens/early adult lives for various reasons. Never wanted them, nor did either one of us ever consider them due to our circumstances.. We do not conform to society's made up rules. Besides, I find life too scary nowadays, I feel sorry for kids born in these trying times. It makes me shiver on what today's children will inherit with the environment and also regards to morality and politically. You are smart in your decision.
My partner (who happens to be disabled) and I agreed that we do not want children, and the reasons we gave to each other were understood and respected. Granted, there's a lot of history behind our relationship as well as ourselves as individuals, but that's just one part of the story. Relationships take effort, and the relationship between the parent and child (like you stated) should be healthy. Needless to say that being an aunt feels like enough to me, and while I'm not quite married, I do feel like my partner could eventually make a great uncle! 😊
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After seeing my friends have children I feel SO blessed for not having any. I believe I would have loved them if I had any but I TRULY love my freedom and the surplus of time and money this allowed me.
AMAZING VIDEO, THANK YOU !!! ❤❤❤
So lovely to hear that!!!! We need to hear more voices of women like you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@SagaJohanna i love kids i had 5 and planning to have more bc i really love family bc that's my tradition pls don't make fun of me bc people are saying that i cry everyday and that i have depression???????
@@starlightgirls1728 I see why you have it 👋😂
@@SUGAR_XYLER i don't tho i literally have a huge family that help me like i have my 6 sister and there grown up kids my mom my dad and my aunt and uncles jesus
I feel so alone in not having kids. Nobody in my circle is child free… I don’t even know if I want kids anymore because i don’t know what thought belong to me and what thought come from the pressure of society.
This video was beautifully thought out and clearly well communicated. I am a 64 year old woman living in the USA. I have no children and never wanted them. I had no grand passion that resulted in not wanting to take the time it would require to have a child I simply did not want to be responsible for another human being. I have never regretted this decision.
Thank you so so much! I've been thinking a lot abut this.
It makes me so happy to hear your story! That is just amazing. Thank you for sharing! :)
ditto.
@Boon2000 Ahaha true true
@Boon2000 lol and why did YOU look up childfree videos? 😂
Great decision!!! :)
What a smart girl. Most people never take these factors into consideration before having kids.
Exactly what I think! They watch social media that romanticize life with kids in cute videos. It is not true)) i have many examples in life of friends and relatives' friends where people are tired as hell because having kids is making your life more hard, if you are a complete person who is happy on your own. I never wanted kids. I just wanted a loving partner. And it is enough))
The question is if this will make us dumber as a species over time. The clever people take all these things into account and refrain from having kids while the less intelligent ones still have children same as ever. This creates an evolutionary pressure to get dumber in each generation.
In addition people will be fuzzy-brained so they forget oral contraception, and will have clumsy fingers with sharp nails to ruin the function of condoms.
These excuses are pathetic actually
@@sabersage21 I agree with you 👍🏻
@@sabersage21you’re a man. Your opinion doesn’t count.
I am 62 my husband is 72. We never wanted or had children. Never regret it.
However I will say when we were dating, I thought I would be obliged to have two children. My husband said, you do not have to have any if you do not want. That was a new thought for me and I loved it. Of course, no one ever told me I have to have 2, but it was implied by culture.
I'm not surprised that you felt that way, even today I think it's very pushed upon people. How wonderful of your husband and you to be on the same page, and for him to not push you ❤
👏 👏 👏 👏
Wow thank you for sharing
This is a great video! I actually never wanted children; however, when I was 25, I met and married a man who was 11 years older than I. He really wanted children, so against my own feelings, I went ahead and got pregnant. I hated everything about being pregnant, and child birth was an absolute nightmare for me…my child and I both almost died. Then when my daughter was 2 months old, I became pregnant again (definitely not planned), same thing all over again…it was horrible. My husband and I divorced when the kids were 14 and 15 years of age. My life was so full of unwanted drama. My children are now 31 and 32, and we’ve been estranged basically for the last 15 years (since the divorce). Their father passed away 2 years ago, and they want nothing to do with me. Despite not really wanting children, I was a very good and loving mother….but I guess sometimes love just isn’t enough. The one piece of advice that I can give to anyone is this: if you really feel like you don’t want to have children, don’t let anyone talk you out of that decision and don’t back down…stick to your guns….it will save you from a world of hurt! In hindsight, I wish I wouldn’t have been in such a rush to get married. I should have married someone who felt the same way that I did about not wanting to have children.
Your video is helping lots of women who do not want children and feeling pressured by society / family to do it. A lot of women feel alone because they are judged when sharing they don’t want children. I’m glad more women are speaking out about this. It’s ok to not have children. You are ok. Your life will be fine. Don’t let anyone scare you into changing your mind. Change your mind if you YOU want to change your mind.
Thanks so much ❤️
@@SagaJohanna We wholeheartedly understand the difficulties you've been through, and we understand your reasonings for your decision.
Please know that your partner is using you, and is fully aware that he is wasting your years of youth (I fell of my chair when I found out that this is how men think, really!).
Please leave him, and find a better man that is able to provide, protect and educate for you and your children. Men don't care about a woman's income or career (again, I fell of my chair when I found out that this is how men think, really!).
He is using you and wasting your years.
@@JennaHasm I can see your comment, I'm not sure what you're talking about though. I don't believe men "think" in any way, they're humans, just like us 🙏
Part of the reason I didn't have children are that I didn't want to pass on my depression and didn't feel stable enough. It's horrible when someone has children without really really wanting them. I never felt like that. Best decision for me.
I think that reasoning is fantastic, and very brave. I grew up with a severely depressed mother who ultimately killed herself, and I truly believe she would have been a lot happier without children.
So why not heal your depression instead of making yourself suffer
@@ProdJamesCultz You have no idea what help I get to heal. It's not magic.
@@tozomona you choose the way you want to feel emotions are subconscious choices we make you have to rearrange your thoughts and be your own best friend Dr Joe dispenza is good for this
I was told I had to have two. As a very young child I was asked how many children I was going to have when I grew up. An aunt would prompt me to say “I’m going to have two--one for Mommy and one for Daddy.” I would comply but then I would say “But REALLY I’m not going to have ANY!” I’ll never forget the shock on their faces when I said this. but even at the tender age of four, I knew what I wanted.
I’m in my 70s now and knew as a teenager that I didn’t want to be a mother. I did lots of babysitting, had younger siblings, and many cousins. I loved and enjoyed them all, especially my husband’s and my nieces and nephews, and now their kids, but never wanted to be a parent myself. My spouse and I have had wonderful full lives and never regretted our choice to be childfree adults. I have to say we’re happy our sibs and friends had kids for us to love and support, but still, it was the right decision for us to not become parents.
Thank you for sharing that! How wonderful to hear! I already have one niece and I adored my younger cousins growing up so I can see how much joy family can add to your life without necessarily having kids yourself!
@@SagaJohannacan't understand why my comment keeps being deleted.
If you get sick, do your nieces and nephews take care of you? Like if you got seriously ill do you have that?
There is no guarantee that a child will take care of you when you are old or sick.
@@sgtigereyeBy paying money people can take care of you when you are sick.
As a black woman , I agree 100%. I grew up adopted and in an household where my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was passive or scared of him. Either way it wasn't fun knowing my biological parents didn't want me and then being adopted as well made me feel like an outsider in my own family.
I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds very traumatic. I wish you all the best
I pray you get a hold of your bio parents. Either way it will be ok. I promise you.
@@wheatstonebridge I know who my biological parents are I met them when I was 11 and having relationships with them was traumatizing st moments aswell. I just stay resilient and take my meds, do meditation and just live as happy as I can
But despite it all your here to tell your story, thanks to somebody that had you
So you must learn from this. No.1 dont drink alcohol its rated the worst drugs. No.2 stay a virgin till marriage. No.3 I'm sure after following no.1 and no.2 you will be a wonderful mother because good husbands seek virgins and with no alcohol life is more successful
This is a very interesting topic. I'm 37 years old and don't have any kids. However, I am a school teacher and spend 7 hours a day around kids (except of course on the weekend, summer vacation, Christmas break and Easter break). People tell me how they don't know how I do this as a teacher and I can't imagine being a parent and a teacher. The idea of teaching children all day and then going home to my own children. That would just be too much for me. I like to relax after work and just unwind.
That makes sense!
I used to be a teacher and thought the same thing. I could be a good teacher, but it would make me a bad mom and vice versa
Would you change professions to allow you to become a parent? It's not completely impossible.
I was raised by an alcoholic tyrant of a teacher. I dropped out of school in grade 8 due to bullying and he never said a word. Just let me run away, like as if, one less problem. That man always hated me. Haven't heard from him once since I confronted him about his abuse. My two siblings can't even stand up straight and never have.
We both are 44 y.o from UK and been together for past 17 years. Early on, we tried to have a baby as it's expected of the society but after 5 consecutive miscarriages (incl., IVF), we decided to stop and accept to be child free. Your video is amazing, very well thought and quite reassuring to us.
Your wisdom is way beyond your years! Such logic, yet with a beautiful heart, not intellectualism. I for one, decided not to bear children, and NO regrets as I turned 70 this year. Nothing missing in my life, infact, I feel blessed in every way. I had the experience of true romantic love in my twenties, and after 7 years together, we mutually went different ways, we are still best friends, long distance. I am a female monk, very involved in my social work which to me is far more satisfying than a nuclear family situation. I have friends and far too many social contacts! My nurturing instincts are more than fulfilled by animal rescue. One should go with their own heart and mind, not a socially imposed ideal, which is not ideal for everyone
Oh thank you so much for sharing! We need to hear so many voices like this because I think so many women actually don’t want to have children.
Incredible that you are a monk and work with animal welfare. Thank you so much for washing ❤️
This was so comforting to watch. As someone who’s on the fence about having kids, your gentle way of sharing your points is so calming ❤ Makes me feel it’s okay to be still considering and taking my time.
Oh thank you so much!
The problem is that people treat babies as puppies. They don’t understand that they grow into adult humans. 😂
I am a 74 year old woman, childless by choice. Both my parents had mental health problems and growing up with them was a nightmare. They did put pressure on me to have children and even went no contact when I wouldn't. Still, I went by my own conscience and did not have children. It was the best decision I could have made and I have not regretted it.
EVERY single point is so well thought out and I think we are all VERY lucky to have people like you on this planet! Thank you so saying all that you did!
Wow, thank you so much!
I'm a 32 y.o. Swedish woman who has always been surrounded by children, wether it be via family or through work. I adore them and wholeheartedly believe that I would be an A+ mother. But ever since I met my to-be-wife, who knew that she did not want children due to childhood trauma, I began asking myself if parenthood would be the right path for me. It took a while but I did come to a realisation about myself: I do never wish to be pregnant, nor do I need to become a mother to be happy.
Actually I was thinking like you do. My husband already have kids and we married when I was 35. I thought I will be OK with respecting his point of view, but after I turned 42 I found myself in depression regarding this issue. Please do not repress your own needs (if it is a need) only for your partner. Afterwards it even affects the relationship in a very bad way. Love is not equal to giving up on your needs. Please spend time to find out you alone what do you want for your life. I know that you are not me, but if the thought was there, it sometimes comes back later in life as midlife crisis...
I lived in Sweden recently and met a woman who I wanted to have children with, and we both have childhood trauma. Once I got back to the States, I realized that I don't think it would be best for me. Also, how on Earth do you navigate not wanting to be a parent in Sweden? It's so difficult that even I as a man who didn't want kids before I lived in Sweden fell into it after seeing babies and parents everywhere. How do you do it? I'm curious to how you fight those instincts.
I will never have children since there’s way too much suffering in this world.
There is also much joy- my 8 year old reminds me of all the joy every day ❤
@@LawofMosesHereJoy is temporary. It only comes when you have money and are conforming to social norms.
@@Fan-zx1lz pain and sadness are also temporary. Depends on which you allow to control you
@@LawofMosesHereit depends live and let live . Even Jesus and Paul did not have children because they focused on making the world a better place. It depends on your vocation
I am a mom to two children, and everything you are saying is 100% true! I have been extremely fortunate to have a loving husband, and the financial means to be home with my kids (they are now teens). We have had to make many sacrifices in order for me to be home with them, but honestly, even as teens, I only work outside of the home 1 or 2 days a week and I am still very busy with them both, especially because they do online school. My one child also has health problems, and I have always been here to care for him. Things are different now in this world, the cost of living has skyrocketed. We were fortunate to buy our home 24 years ago for 1/4 of what people are paying now, but we still have to be very careful with our spending. Grocery costs, omg don't even get me started on the cost of feeding two teens!! I definitely have not, and will not encourage my own kids to have children. If they want to great, but I hope and pray they take every single thing into consideration that you have mentioned here.
You are a very caring and thoughtful Mom ❤️ Thank you for leaving me a message. I would feel lucky to grow up with a parent as tuned in to 'the situation,' as you are and, as enabling. I hope we both (and all) continue to find our way 🙂🥦💰
One other serious consideration that people don't talk about are our personality traits/ personal strengths and limitations. Im a very disorganized fly by the seed of my pants kind of gal, and i realized that my husband is also very disorganized. I realized this personality trait (being organized) is kind of essential for me to feel like a good parent. I know that no matter how much i work on being organized it will always be a struggle, i dont want a child to have live in that chaos, nor do i want the added chaos of having to organize another being's life !
I was 23 when I decided I didn't want children. I am now 69 and it was the best decision I ever made exclamation point I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life and just recently diagnosed with bipolar II I'm amazed that my instincts were so clear about that decision
That is wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing!
I loved this video ❤ My main reason for not wanting a child is not needing one. Family life is not a lifestyle for me, I prefer spending most of my time alone.
I love that you are so confident in your choice, beyond any worries from peer-pressure! I wish you a very fulfilling life. I know from experience that this sort of support is easy to provide, yet not necessarily what we are always met with 😃
Congratulations and thank you very much for making this video! It seems very brave and clear. These are the kind of things that are not openly talked about, and they are all true, absolutely! I am 48 years old and together with my husband, we have decided not to have children even though we are both pediatricians and love children, and we have a life full of children. Thank you for your video, thank you for telling the world, "if you don't want to have children for whatever reason, it's better not to have them, and it's better for everyone." I really liked your video, thank you.
Betty White, American entertainer, has talked openly about never wanting a child.
Although Betty White never had children of her own, she became a stepmother to Allen Ludden's three kids when she married him in Las Vegas back on June 14. 1963. His three kids were by his first wife, Margaret. She died of cancer back on October 30, 1961; nearly a month after Password debuted on CBS.
She said that they grow up to be people. Good one!
Agree to most rated comments here. My sister had a baby last year, we love him so much all the way but it doesn't mean that I want to have kids too. As you said, just after the first few years we will send them to the school and live with that system for 18 years or more, I think life is a little too complicated today and in my opinion, it's better not to bring more kids to this complex life. Btw, I don't think that I will be happy if taking too much responsibility for someone else.
Thank you for making this video, I think your talk is very clear and pure!
Thank you ❤️ I could not imagine giving my child away 8 hours a day, it would break my heart. I think it's unfortunate that we work os much .
The reasons why I don’t want kids is because they’re loud, annoying, and gross sometimes. It gets on my nerves, I don’t want to be around them I’m sorry.
I don't think you have to be sorry! Why have kids if they don't make you happy? I think it's great :)
Don’t be sorry.
You know what you don't want. That's a good thing too!
As a man who doesn’t want to have kids thank you very much
You are so well spoken and I just love your demeanor! This is my first time seeing you but I scrolled through your channel and already see so much content I want to watch! Thank you for this video, I 10000% agree with everything you said. I’m 26 and I honestly don’t really want kids. I wish people talked about this more, I feel like too many parents are immature and have not done their own inner work when they bring another human into this life which obviously creates problems. And yes x1000 about educating the older generations about climate change and what they can do before the kids. I know too many adults who don’t even try to reduce their carbon footprint and expect the kids to take care of it later. It’s really hypocritical and irresponsible in my opinion, especially cause those same people often says it’s selfish to not have kids. I hope more people talk about this and especially the benefits of not having kids. I also think it’s important to say that people who are wise thoughtful and caring can still be a great positive influence for future generations without being a parent
Thank you so much!!! And yes!!!
I mostly agree, minus the “pain free” birth. There’s not such a thing as a “pain free” birth without medication. The process of contractions is extremely painful and so is giving birth. You will realize that when you decide to have a child.
You put very nicely every argument together that I have been talking about regarding not having children for past 30 years. Thank you.
Such a great vlog! My husband and I have been married 41 years. We have no children. Sometimes, unless a couple adopts, there will not be children. We both wanted children, but only one wanted to adopt. Bottom line decision was no children. For me, having children is better by only 51% over not having children at 49%. I really enjoy the freedom, less worry, easier financial life and employment opportunities that the decision not to adopt provides.
I would love to hear more about how you came to terms with that decision. If I end up not having children, I imagine I'll have to go through a grieving process.
This is the very first video who helped me about the decision to have kids or not, THANK YOU ♥And I think I don't want to be a mom. You said something very smart : "We don't know what we're missing when we don't have any kids, but they don't know what they are missing when they have kids". This helped me so much thank you ! Btw I'm a 26 yo girl and not in a relationship yet
I'll also add that a question to really ask ourselves is "how to live a fulfilling life without children ?"
Thank YOU so much ♥
Your commentary is fascinating! As an American wife, mom, and grandmother it is refreshing to hear your thoughts on having children. You have, though, made a decision. Your decision is not to have a child or children until you and your husband are either ready or not. How wonderful! Whatever and whenever you do come to an answer, it will be the right one for your life. Please do not let society dictate how you live in this world.
I love your comment
Thank you so much for your videos! Especially this one - it's incredibly helpful and resonated with everything that's been on my mind (I'm 34, childless, still undecided). The final points are something I often contemplate as well. I had a childhood where my mom wasn't quite ready for motherhood, she was very emotionally distant and super cold (being born and raised in cold Russia added some issues also). I still fight with the rejection trauma, understanding the immense responsibility of parenting. P.S. Also, thanks for all the videos about Sweden - I adore that country, and I started watching your videos because my closest friend in the world is Swedish :) Good luck to you! You're awesome!
I look at my parents in their 80s and am 100% convinced their old age would be better if they hadn’t had children. I love overseas but my two older siblings are still in my country. Yet, my father is my mother’s sole caregiver now she has advanced dementia. My two siblings don’t contribute financially, on the contrary, one of them is actually a financial burden. I help financially when I can, but it’s not enough.
Had they not had children, they would have a much better financial situation now which would alleviate the pressures on my dad. Children are a waste of time and money. I would be 100% with not having been born if that meant my parents would have a better time in their most vulnerable years.
Do they regret?
They could be in a bad position without kids too, you can't really know how it would be
No, they wouldn’t @@Natalia-bt8uz
I do love hearing this perspective, especially from someone who shares similar spiritual beliefs as me. The more spiritual I become.... the actual less I want a child to distract me from it. I don't like feeling guilty about it but I don't want to change... not physically nor lifestyle wise. I LOVE freedom and don't think I get enough of it already. It makes me deeply upset feeling my freedom being infringed upon and I can only guess how much more upset I would get with even less. I think babies of friends and family are cute from afar but everytime I spend time... I'm so grateful they're not mine. So yeah.. if others feel this way... just know you're not alone in not giving a care about wanting what we want and not wanting what we don't. 🙌🏽
Omg finally I find someone that has the same feelings as I do! Wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth but not wanting to raise the child afterwards due to a lot of factors. Thank you for speaking out, I don’t feel so alone now 🙏🏼
Oh how amazing to hear! Me too then. I’ve never found someone who feels the same way ❤️❤️
Being pregnant is like being really fat and can’t lay on belly for 9 months. I didn’t feel any kicks and didn’t feel anything else, just got really fat. I’d rather never experience it again. During childbirth I didn’t feel anything because they gave me painkillers drugs. Motherly feelings didn’t come when I saw a child. Only after caring for child every day I got attached. Having to raise a child was the best experience of my life. Child loves me like nobody ever. Don’t regret having my child. But pregnancy and delivery is not fun.
@@kitty1256x I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. Medication and not feeling in control over your birthing experience can cause depression or not feeling connected to your child. It’s not okay, but unfortunately so common in medical practice. But happy to hear that you are happy now ❤️
You are so right on! You have truly addressed every important point that should be seriously considered. Having children or a child is a very big decision. I married a man who didn't want children. He felt he couldn't handle it. As time went on, I realized I definitely didn't want a child in my day to day life. My main reason was I needed to take care of myself. I also grew up in an emotionally turbulent home. My parents were very good, but they did not get along and divorced. Now I have been a teacher to thousands of children and have grown deeply from this experience over the many years. I have also experienced that in "this lifetime" I get to have time out from motherhood. This means I get to care and develop myself and become accomplished in my career. Both choices are fine. It all depends on what is right for "you." No one knows this except you. It is your beautiful choice and right. I loved your video. Thanks for making it!
Thank you for this comment. This gave me reassurance in my choice of being Childfree man from an Asian country. In my country the Choice for men is also very Less. In my country the society forces everyone to get married and have kids. It is the normal Life perceived by the society.
My husband and I had this conversation before we got serious, while we’re got serious, and married. I never wanted kids, but he was on the fence with it. He wants kids but he respects my decision.
However, I knew such a decision to want kids is huge, so I talked to him many times that he is free to leave me to find someone who wants kids, but he’d always tell me that he is fine without kids. It was suspect he’d say that, but I decided not to pry too much. And we got married eventually.
And then recently he said he feels he really wants kids because of the attention it’ll get from his family, how his family loves babies, and he wants that for us… but all I see is me being the one to do most of the work, I’m often burnt out already, and taking care of a child, I believe, a women should be very strongly wanting motherhood, knowing outcomes and the sacrifices. And I believe I can’t make sacrifices, mostly because of my mental health. If I end up pregnant, I’ll keep it, but that’s only if it’s an accident. So I’m strongly considering getting my tubes tied, but I don’t want to hurt my husband… I don’t know. He hasn’t brought up a baby on a hot minute, but as things are, I’m sure I will regret having a child.
Stay true to your feelings. Do not have a baby for your husband. You have to do what’s best for you. We only live one life. Just be 100 % honest and if he loves you then he will accept that otherwise he will have to move on. Sending positivity your way 🤗
So your husband wants kids to get some attention from his family?... I think he needs more therapy than kids...
Maybe adopt one ?
@@hortulusanimae7286seconding this
I find you very brave for speaking about that matter because it is such a sensitive subject in this society and a lot of content creators avoid it in order not to loose followers. I agree with everything you said. I absolutely love your content, so thank you for sharing your wise thoughts with us.
Thank you so so much. It really means a lot, even I am nervous about posting these types of videos but I think they’re so important. I did loose followers within an hour of posting, but I doubt they watched the video. Comments like this make it all worth it though!
Thank you Johanna for your beautiful, thoughtful video on the subject that has been on my mind for a few years now... I have not seen any other video like that ever. I am 33 and happily married for 10 years. If you asked me 10 years ago if I want to have kids, I would have said "Yes, of course!", but in the last couple of years I have lost the desire to actually become a mother. My husband has been always supportive of my decision in that regard, either way: if we had a child, he would love it to death, if we didn't have a child, he would be absolutely fine with that too. Basically, he said "It's your body Babe, I support you in any decision you make". I feel so, so grateful to him for that... Maybe because of that I felt a lot less pressure to have a child. I also grew up in an unhappy house. Like with your husband, my parents stayed married but didn't love each other (for 30 years!!). They basically hate each other now. I really wonder, if they would have stayed together so long if they didn't have children. Probably no. But... They had a lot more pressure to have children (back in the day, in pre-1990 Poland). My life now is very good and positive and I am not sure how well caring for a child would fit into it... Recently, while talking about that with my husband, we concluded that if we did have a child we would most likely spoil it rotten 😂 We would love on it all the time and probably that would lead to creating a "little emperor" or a little "queen" instead of a well-developed and self-reliant human being. LOL
Anyway, I noticed that you also have videos about living in a van. Awesome! We also converted an old van into a campervan and travelled with it extensively throughout the States. Now we live in and renovate an old sailboat on the East Coast (in Georgia) with plans to explore the Caribbean when we finish the refit. Thank you for the video and I wish you all the best! 💓 Justyna
Wow thanks so much for your comment Justyna (and I love your name)! :D
It's so interesting, isn't it! So easy to say "yes", but then we get older and we are happily married, and something changes. Your husband sounds amazing! I think it's the same for me. But I could've never been with a man who pressured me to have a child. I have always thought it a bit odd when men have very strong opinions of having a child, since it is made through the female body...
That is amazing, how cool! I've never been much on the ocean, but I've seen a lot of people on TH-cam living on sailboats and it sure looks amazing
“You just wanna grow old, sit still while everybody else runs…”
“In the meantime, you wanna have some fun…”
~ Nothing Else’ by Angus & Julia Stone
Great song. As a 39 year old woman with the heart of a child and soul of an old lady, this song speaks to me. I really appreciate your insight on this topic. You’re wise beyond your years.
My husband and I got married so we could enjoy life together. We’re very realistic about how a child would change our relationship. I’m 39, he’s 42. We both work full time, but we’ve got a beautiful lake home and we want to enjoy every moment we can with each other, experiencing as little stress as possible. For us, that means no kids. I respect all the parents out there who are doing a thankless job. It takes a special person to deal with the constant stress of raising a human, but that much stress isn’t for us. We’re looking forward to boating, updating our home, traveling, and living in the moment. Our time on this earth is limited and we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives unable to enjoy the present because we’re too worried about the future (as it pertains to raising a child). I’m grateful for all the parents out there because someone’s got to do it. I’m just happy it’s not me! 😵💫💕
My darling, your feelings are valid. It’s your body, your choice your life and SUPER proud of you for making this video. I share some of your childhood experiences. I suffered horrific abuse and abandoned to look after my dying mom as only a child. Still healing from all the physical m, mental, emotional as well till today. I struggle with some of the things you do and that’s how I feel too that my life will be worse with a child. So saving myself and healing from all of it. So proud of you again. Stand by what you believe. We stand with you
I love this topic and I fully agree with the importance of having this conversation. And with not having a kid without actively deciding to have a kid. There was no accident if you deliberately stopped all means to avoid getting pregnant.
I'm childfree for now. I found the right person, but we still have so many professional goals we want to achieve before our priorities change (by becoming 3). Plus, not enough money to provide everything a child needs. On top of that, I also have a lot of pros and cons and I don't want to have a child unless I am 100% sure. So I'll keep thinking about it while doing things that fulfill me for now.
Although I cannot stop myself from thinking things like: "If we had a child now, he or she would be in a close age to his or her cousins and that would be so nice for all". The thing is I am not ready and therefore it will always be better for all, if I'm ready before becoming a mom in any case.
Yes, I completely agree. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We have a lot of similar questions. The work/money/ready-questions are the biggest ones for me too.
Wow such a amazing video and so well thought out in how you express yourself. I loved it. I am 63 with 2 grown children and 2 grandchildren. I cannot say if I had my time over again that I would have children again. Pregnancy, childbirth were an absolute breeze. It was the years since, that have been difficult and challenging with a lot of heartache. My daughter who is 30 has decided not to have children and I fully support her.
My very troubled 37 year old son had two children to different mothers and they are wonderful grandchildren. We are raising one - our 14 year old grandson because his parents are not able to. It’s been a shock to our psyches to be back raising a teenager and it wasn’t exactly a choice. He is a lovely lad though- in spite of his parents and we are all settling in well to life together.
Kids are like puppies and kittens - cute when they are little lol. If you do decide to have children, I think you will be a very thoughtful excellent mother - homeschooling. There is a You Tuber with a channel called Jason and Julie who have 10 children and they homeschool. Their life is so interesting as they are organic homesteaders and I am amazed at their life. I think you could relate to them. 😊
Thank you for such a lovely and heartfelt comment ❤️❤️❤️❤️
This felt like hearing myself, you basically said everything that I usually say when trying to explain to others that not having kids is not selfish (quite the opposite) and it doesn't mean that someone is a bad person. To everyone who wants a child, please also consider that babies grow up really fast so they won't be babies for the majority of the time during parenting and also they start asking really tough questions quite early on and your answer will have an impact on their lives so be prepared for that too. Another thing is that having less kids is having less competition and this makes wages go up, just like after the great plague in the 17th century, landowners and rich people were begging peasants to go work for them as there were barely any people left to work in the fields and manufactures, thus wages tripled compared to when the peasants were the ones begging for work.
Such good points! Thanks for your comment
Yes. It is best not to bring children into this complex and Money oriented world. Now Life is Just slaving away for money. I just don't want to bring them into this world to experience this.
I am a 72 year old man. I think the first video I watch was 19 weird things Swedish people do. I enjoy listening to you. Calm and intelligent and well thought out video. I have never been married and have no children. I see several more of your videos I want to watch. I don't think the minimalist beauty routine will apply to me.. Thank you
Oh thank you so much !!
I need friends like you 🥲 thank you for sharing your thoughts! The world would be so much cooler if people had this self-awareness 💜
Omg I have goosebumps... thank you for your video, I resonate soo much with you!!! Big hug ❤
Wow thank you! I was quite nervous making this video, so it means so much to me ❤❤❤
Also, I’m 100% with you on the mental illness part. I have a bad history with it, and even after going through recovery (twice). I’m managing better now, but I know kids are bad option for me. Parents have to parents every day, not just on their good days. Plus, It runs in my family and I’m not going to a child knowing full well that I’ll likely be passing it on.
Hi... I have no strong position about kids but I am a doctor and just want to disclose something VERY IMPORTANT for the watchers that read this.
The labor being done at home is not safe if not properly knowledgeable or close enough to a well equipped health care center for babies and the mom in case of an emergency. Specially third world countries like mine where sometimes there is the need to drive for hours for a surgical room and a qualified specialist.
I agree that the way is done lacks emotional support BUT if you look at mother and baby mortality rates before and now you will see what I am talking about. I guess you did say that you understand this from your personal experience. But a lot of teenage people that believe everything they hear from an opinion as a scientific fact....sometimes is necessary to clarify that
This a wonderfully made video. You have the wisdom that most 70-80yrs old don't even have! 👏👏👏👏👏👏. In fact I think one is only ready when they have thought through what you have just said.
Oh how kind ❤️
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Thank you for this video! These are all very valid arguments. My only observation here is that getting pregnant is not the only way to have children. I for one have established that I do not want to get pregnant - never have wanted that. Adoption has always been on my mind. I haven't decided to have or not have children yet, but I believe that to make a responsible decision, I must truly consider the two sides of the coin.
Yes, I agree. I used to consider adopting but now I don’t unfortunately. I would consider adopting from my own country but not from another country due to the ethical concerns of it, and buying/selling humans. I’m all for fostering though!
Great wisdom here. I have never felt the urge to be a father. And have been called out as "weird" for that. A lot of Catholic guilt put on me as well (Buddhist now in my spirituality). I entirely agree that not all of us are called to have children and we shouldn't assume society's assumption that this is what we should all do!
'You have to take care of yourself, before you can take care of others.' Thich Nhat Hahn said something very similar.
I hope you discern what is right for you, Saga.
Thank you so much. I find it surprising every time someone tells me what you're saying. I just cannot understand why society puts so much pressure on us to have children (well, I can), and why people try to reinforce it so much - even if it doesn't make them happy. No one should be called weird for not having children!
I read a lot about buddhism and my teacher Choknye Rinpoche is one of my favorites! If you haven't read any of his books I highly recommend them!
Thank you!
I don't like to care for others.
I am not that type of person.
So brave of you to address this topic. I really resonate. I have a daughter though and she is just as much my teacher as I am her go to for support. She was born wise and independant. I said she would never hinder me from anything and she never has. We are best friends and talk every day. She is almost 30 now and we have been through a lot.. migrated, divorce etc so we have a strong bond and she is my pride and joy! The best time of my life was being pregnant and breastfeeding. Giving birth was so natural. 🤰I totally agree on everything you say about school..do your shadow work etc.and to be with your child if you create one! I had so many family members who wanted to take care of her so its like I never raised her alone! But I have the honour of being her mum 💞 so even if I never achieved anything greater than a mediocre Swedish life... I brought her onto this Earth to light it up a bit 🌟 Namaste
Wow this made me tear up ❤️ I still don’t know if I will have a child but in my body I can feel how natural birthing and pregnancy/breastfeeding is to me. It’s what my body desires to do. And the older I get, the more I think that a life like yours is the most inspiring and meaningful way of life ❤️❤️❤️
Your video made a big impression on me and I felt I needed to write to you. I am an example of a happy, fulfilled, successful woman who decided early on that I did not want to have children. Like you, my mother was mentally ill. She attempted suicide several times. One time, which was very traumatic for me, I was the one who came home and found her unconscious from having taken too many pills. My home life was very erratic and stressful. I suffered from anxiety, depression and developed an ulcer in my early years. Eventually I met a wonderful guy in college. I talked frankly with him and he assured me that he did not want to have children either. His reasons were very different from mine, but they were also very valid. We got married and have been happy for over 45 years, living a life of adventure and passion that has never been routine or boring. I’m 68 years old and I’ve never regretted my decision to not have children. I know I will never pass on the mental illness gene. I actually love and enjoy kids and have been fortunate to have been a part of the lives of my friends’ kids as an honorary “auntie” and mentor. You stated that you wanted and needed to hear the stories of older women who made this very important decision back in an age when it was very unpopular so I think I definitely qualify! Although members of my family tried to pressure me into having kids I always knew my own mind on this and I’m glad I remained true to myself. You should only have a child because you feel ready to do so. Your own heart will guide you in this. You are a beautiful young lady and I wish you well.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. If I had infinite money I’d spend it on a documentary about women like you ❤️ thank you for paving the way for me and my generation ❤️❤️❤️
I am happy to share my story. In the 80s I had no one to talk to about this. So, it’s good to have this dialogue with younger women today. bless you, my dear friend, and I wish you much happiness.
Very many really good thoughts, but one day you'll know. You'll simply know. It may or may not 'make sense' - most probably not - but it's not about that. It can't be. I'm in my sixties, had two children in my late thirties, after enjoying plenty of freedom and study and professional satisfaction. They were home-birthed, breast-fed and in our bed for years. For a while it was exhausting, but I went along with them and after not so many years they started to go along with us. Not a life-long commitment, but a life-long bond of mutual love. They added a layer of depth to my life and led me to a part of myself I would never have known without them. It's not that I think you or anyone should have children, just keep an eye out for that moment you'll know. There is only so much you can think of. The whole picture can never be caught in thoughts and words. In the end, the heart is usually right. And then it will be clear, regardless of the pros and cons, either way 💛
Nice points! I plan to never have kids, and if I do have kids adopted ones. My family all either are abusive, abusive alcoholics, or abusive with anger management issues, and even at an early age I’m already starting to show signs of anger issues, wish things could be differently but it just solidifies no kids for me.
Thank you! I’ve had to work a lot to get rid of my anger issues!!
You are so right. My first child's birth was... how shall I put it... awful. I ended up with an ABC-midwife (this was in the 90's) and all she cared about was that the birth should be natural and the curtains in room lovely. So without any pain relief, after hours... well, it's a wonder my baby didn't die actually. So my two other children came out with a caesaren section. That's less stress and less pain. I love my children, but looking at the world right now... I'm actually not sure if I would have any children at all if I were young today. That said, this is my own opinion, not anyone elses. Just me. And yes, I wanted to be the perfect mother of three and managed to burn myself out completely, leaving me with chronic panic anxiety. I think we need to respect other people's choices if the want or do not want to have a child. It's like society demands us to have children. I cannot understand why. And the constant questioning to couple who doesn't have children "When will you start having kids?". Yes, I'm not perfect, I did ask that when being younger, but now... I never ever ask it. Ever. Thanks for sharing all the great insights and your own personal opinion. I think you and your husband are wonderful people! Lovely couple! Love 💗
Oh wow. That must’ve been so difficult. Researching for this video I read a very interesting study about midwifes in
Hospitals, and how they know they are not listening to the mothers because they don’t have time or there is too much pressure. So many of them expressed constant guilt and failure. Very interesting.
It’s such a shame you weren’t listened to. And so terrible it still is like that today! But happy you have your family and you can see all aspects.
I rarely hear someone think so clearly about having children when they’ve had children, so I think your comment is fantastic. I actually think I would’ve had kids without question if I was this age in the 90’s, but now I’m not so sure. So its so validating that you also see that perspective. Thank you again ❤️
@@SagaJohanna Hi again, I think your video has so many values in it that I hope people watching it can really start to think. Not going with the flow. Just because you get a partner, you have to have kids. That is so wrong. I don't actually think mothers are listened to even today when giving birth. Midwifes and doctors are always right.... noooot! Well, many thinks they are. So wrong. Stupid comments come from people who doesn't think. Many are our relatives and friends. They, often, doesn't mean harm or hurt, they are just curious. When I finally had my three children (being adopted I wanted my own children and I was happy to have three) I was instead asked "Two wasn't enough?" Where before it was "When are you getting pregnant?" or "Is X ever gonna have a little brother or sister?". I had a choice. Either I take in all the harm and hurt OR I just let it pass and ignore it. I ignore it and that helped me a lot. Much love
@@Bumbledora Thank you so so much! Yes, and it is so silly and actually, stupid! And your example just shows that. First they say "when are you going to have. children, soon it'll be too late", then they say "haven't you had enough now". Like, it is never good enough and we can't do it right, no matter how hard people try. And I think of my friends who are a bit more sensitive to their families opinions, and they work so so hard to satisfy their parents but when it comes to having children & getting married, nothing is good enough.
I had a friend who dated a guy I did not like, he was not very kind, but he was for sure charismatic. When she told her parents they broke up they said "oh no, how are you going to find someone that nice". And I almost screamed. Shouldn't the first question be "Oh i hope you are okay, was there a reason you broke up that you want to talk about".
I think ignoring it is absolutely the best way. But still difficult sometimes!
@@SagaJohanna I know it's difficult just to ignore, but eventually you will manage to do it. Oh poor friend of yours! That's so bad to say. Love
After watching/listening to this video, I feel enormous gratitude to you for articulating so well
many of the things that I've thought about this issue for so long! I do have 2 children and love them very much, but wish I had this video to listen to 25 years ago!
Oh thank you so much!
Thank you for this video! It was so so long waited and wanted and so necessarily. What a smart woman. I hope this rational way of thinking to spread and give voice to a much larger public cause people should be more responsible for their own decisions. We should reset all the brainwashing inflicted by older generation and stop doing copy and paste with our lives just to fit the social norms. Everyone should be responsible and mindful and wise and honest with themselves when making big decision in their life. Choose the what feels the best for you! I wish Love, peace and wisdom to everyone!
Very smart . . Never hurry into something so important. It's a beautiful thing that so many people have made the decision not to have children.
I think so too!
You nailed it! Number one of your reasons - this is so spot on. I thought I am the only person in the world who thinks this way. I know people who enrolled their yet unborn child to a nursery - straight after getting pregnant. Because nurseries are generally overcrowded and it's hard to get a child into them. People see nothing wrong about it - while for a child it might be a recipe for a lifelong trauma. Children need love, they just absorb it and grow. if you leave your 6 month old baby in a daycare - do you think it is surrounded by love there? I think it is surrounded mostly by frustration of nursery employees. I don't want to judge those who are in a difficult situation and have no choice. I'm talking of couples who plan parenthood this way and think it's normal. No, it is not. Thank you Saga for mentioning this, because it seems to be a taboo subject. You are doing a great job by raising awareness, I actually hit the Subscribe after watching this🙂
Aw thank you so much! I really appreciate it! After working at a very good Montessori kindergarden I was convinced this was not the way to go. Seeing the 6 month olds being "schooled in", aka crying until the parents came, was just the most traumatic and sad experience ever. And most moms wouldn't want to leave their babies, but are forced to because of norms! I hope I can help change some peoples views on this
I wish everyone would think like this. This is a very responsible perspective.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for kind words. For me I’ve always wanted to have children and was aware of all the responsibilities. I’ve got sick in my middle of twenties with cancer then I have healed and finally found my soul mate and got married. My husband passed away in September and now I’m 33 and suppose to start from zero again? What are the odds to find someone wonderful to love enough to start a family with before my biological clock shuts down. I focus on myself now but I’m smart enough to understand that it is just simply not always in our hands to control how life will happen.
Sorry to hear that
This decision is the most important one you will ever make with eternal consequences. Take plenty of time to decide. Most people do not think about mental health in the family and how genetics plays a part. I know if I already struggled with mental health that caring for a child would not make me any better. Also my family is filled with personality disorders even though we are all very bright very bright
Thank you so much for respecting my process!
I've been thinking a lot lately how in the past, because not having children wasn't really a choice, it pushed a lot of women into circumstances they couldn't cope with or weren't cut out for. I did some recent research into my family ancestry and it struck me how sad it was that, in the early 1900's/1910's women were just expected to be married and having kids by a certain age. My aunt had 10 kids! it can't be very good for your body to have lots of them like this. Luckily she had a lovely husband, but a lot of women don't. I think if a lot of them could come back today and see the choices modern women have not to mention time and freedom, they would swap their time for the contraception and choice we have today.
Oh wow, very interesting to hear! I really wish they could.... Have you read "The Women's Room" by Marilyn French? It talks about how these women lived and I find it amazing.
I haven't finished listening to this yet, but I had to pause to say to you that I have goosebumps. Everything you say is precisely what I think and have been expressing for the past 15 years. Before then, I always stated, "I love kids, I would love to have three kids, BUT only if I find the perfect match, if we can both give our kids not only our love and time, but also a stable future, and only if we live in a safe and healthy environment." Many women, perhaps too many, have birth for selfish reasons, because their lives are empty, relationships are failing, or to receive government assistance. I know a lot of them, and I can't pretend to respect them because I don't. I don't because I care deeply about children, which is why I don't have any while they do and they do not really love them.
Now that I've seen the entire video, I can say we're literally on the same page on everything. By far, you are the first woman I have heard who shares my reasoning. We are 8 billion people, we do not live in paradise, and people all around the world are struggling. People who have children profess to be responsible, but they do not take responsibility because if they did, they would not have placed their children in such a word. Bored people wanting to have children while being in a lockdown was dubbed "baby boom" in 2020-2021. That was precisely the point at which a child-loving person would have declared, "Now that the world is heading in this direction, I will never have children." On the contrary, they decided to have them exactly while the news were talking about the "Apocalypse".
How wonderful to hear that! I've never really found anyone else either who cares so deeply about children that they want to put them before anything and everything else in this world
@@SagaJohanna It's not only about children to me but also about the environment as a whole. However, our discussion is centered on children, and your words echoed my sentiments perfectly. I have witnessed numerous instances where children bore the brunt of their mothers' disconnection, fathers' oppressive attitudes, and even business-minded parents who bore children for their help. Countless women have confided in me about having children to fix their failing marriages. These occurrences are monstrous, and that's why I am delighted to see this video and appreciate the fact that you are addressing this topic.
Saga, you will live a good, happy and fulfilled life even without children. There are life lessons you may not experience without children, just as there are life lessons that people with children will not experience by having them.
They are two sides of the same life coin.
such a great video, each of your points mentioned are worth listening to. thank you!
Natural birth isn’t painless as you paint it. I have a friend who had extremely short labour, by the time she got to the hospital she was too dilated for an epidural and had to go through it naturally. Worst pain of her life.
But short
Amazing video. I lost my baby to a forced abortion when I was only 21 to a 64 year old man who sexually abused me. Im 41 now and just finding out now later in life I might be on the spectrum..My parents misunderstood me most my life. I was a quiet shy introverted child. The guy who abused me had horses on the same farm. I love horses so dearly. They are amazing
Thanks for another thoughtful, sensible video. Not having kids should be something no one should judge, but people do. Too many seem to think it's almost a duty to pressure non-parents into having kids. As other commenters have said, your thoughtful video will help folks see things they may not have considered.
I grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive home, with eleven siblings. I thought long and hard about whether to have children. I'm not a woman, so obviously pregnancy was not part of my thinking. But it was, of course, for my wife. In the end, we waited longer than most to marry, and then years again before having a child. I was 40, and she was 36. We had only our son, and made plenty of parenting mistakes. But our son is 21 now, and doing as well as we could have hoped. Being his dad is, without any doubt, the best thing that has happened to me, except maybe next to sharing my life with my wife.
We both worked with kids for decades before having our own, working in childcare. We saw all these kids every day who were not with their parents, and, especially with kindergartners, spent far more time with them than any other adults in their lives. Before having our own child, we decided to do our best to spend as much time with him as we possible could, working part-time and choosing to live with less. Now that our son is grown, and we are of course too old to have any more, we now have trained to adopt kids out of foster care. Parenting gives us joy, and I think we're good at it. We have more love to share, and as someone who spent a couple of years in foster care myself, I hope we can help give a kid or three a forever family.
That is amazing! I think it shows that you truly understand what’s importante
Loved your point 8, and am glad you quickly included it despite your reservations 😊
I don't have kids because I believe choosing to (not) have kids is a joint expression of what you and your significant other want from life. I haven't found that person yet and am sure that of all the people I can spend the rest of my life with to the fullest of our happiness, with some that will include childeren and with others it won't. I don't think you will truly know untill you have found that relationship, and I also think this particular desire is a joint one that doesn't truly exist outside of the union.
I'm 24 & I have chosen not 🚫🙅🤰🏽👶🏽 to bring children's into this world 🌎 or by adopting them at all. Meaning that I am such a very true superhero great Aunt ❤️ 👩🏽❤️. I'm so glad that I have completely decided to become an autistic type of a childfree female person. Yes 😀 most definitely at a 💯% but in a very positive mindset for sure 👍🏽 indeed.
Wow. This was so well thought out. I am impressed by your insight. You are very wise, and I believe you will make the right decision for you. 💗 ~Mother of three adult children.
Thank you so much! Your comment means so much, it feels almost spiritual in a way ❤️
Thanks so much for doing this video. I didn’t know pregnancy could be pain free. However, they're so many things to take into consideration before having a child.
I'm reading now, Childless Living by LISETTE SCHUITEMAKER. She was in her 60’s when she wrote this book. Is awesome to hear what are the joys and challenges of being Childfree when we get old. The book is awesome!
Thank you! I didn't know it either, and now I feel like everyone needs to know haha :)
Ohh, I'll see if I can find it. Sounds super interesting. Thank you
Miss saga Johanna, you are smart 🙏 I for the most part support you. Thank you for being true to yourself. Having children should be by choice, not mandatory. The world now has changed people's ways of lives. Life is very expensive and the child is an unpredictable investment! Taddeo from Durham, North Carolina
I want to have a child with my partner, but the cost of living is just outrageous.
Nov 05 2023; 655 pm; Bago
Am 43, with no children to my knowledge. I 100% respect and regard your views and disposition.
The irony and hypocrisy exhibited by many as relates to this topic is immensely, intensely, and insanely mind-boggling. Primarily because, in my observation, pregnancy seems to be, more often than not, an UNPLANNED event; with subsequent actions essentially reactionary and circumstantial.
The decision to consider and ponder upon not having children is so much more noble and responsible, than to recklessly impregnate or become impregnated.
It is woefully unfortunate that something so serious and life-changing as a child could ensue from basically thoughtless, hedonistic Indulgences.
Furthermore, there exist persons who simply are convinced that they'won't make great parents. And so decide not to pursue such a path; which is perfectly OK!
We just need to exhibit more tolerance towards individuals regarding whatever position they may hold as per this topic!
Again, the contemplation is most commendable!
;)
As many have expressed, this was so beautifully and eloquently put.
Thank you so so much, your comment really warmed my heart
The most crucial point is having the right husband ( soulmate particularly) and being happy and healthy mentality, physically and spiritually the woman and the husband.Also being stable financially before bringing a victim child to the picture. Otherwise child free relationship is more relaxed....it is because of my two kid, i learned a lot of things in life because as they evolve we evolve.
Yes those are very important point!
Very astute. I'm 42 without kids and still never regret not having had them.
Thank you so much for sharing!
I don’t want children for mostly the same reasons ♡ I love how you express it. Thank you for shearing ♡
Thanks so much for this insightful video. I believe that every point you made is very valid.
Wow, thank you ❤
Let me add one other important aspect: the feedback of your kid. Of course when we have kids we never calculate a feedback-or return in investment terms, or cons/pros ratio. Having a kid is not an investment and can not be calculated with monetary terms. You love your kid no matter what- it is an unconditional love. But at the end, when your kid grew up and become an independent person- than you start to make some ''emotional'' calculations- because as parents who gave the kid everything you can, you nearly sacrifice your life (both mentally and emotionally) --and your kid would propably think that they would be your duty as giving birth to a child requires such a liability/responsibility--still, you expect an appreciation at the end--and usually that does not come...Or you got critized by many of your actions and get a little appreciation in return..Which--realy hurts...
I think the emotional calculation is very useful. At the end of the day that's where everything we do is truly measured. ❤
Love that your video didnt had any profanity! You explained the topic very brilliantly and eloquently! ❤
Wow, thank you so much! That is very kind of you to say
Excellent points. It would be great to watch a video from you about finding the right partner and the journey towards making the decision about marriage and knowing that he’s the right one. Or alternatives to modern dating 🙏🏼
That is a fantastic idea! I’ve added it to my list. And alternatives to modern dating are so important!! I definitely didn’t meet my husband through dating, and don’t think our relationship would’ve happened if we did!
I told my husband "I'll birth the baby if you'll raise it" only half jokingly. I came from a family with an alcoholic violent father and a mousy mother. As a child through young adult I was scared to be a parent, as I didn't want any child to experience what I did. In my late 20's I married a very loving man who had parents who loved each other and respected their children. I ended up unexpectedly having a miscarriage at 8 weeks (didn't know I was pregnant). The hormones went zinging through me, and it was like I then really wanted a baby. I studied up on babies and birth and decided that I had a big enough 'mother bear' to defend my child, and I knew that with the love from my husband covering both of us, that I'd be OK, too. I watched your video about how Swedish people raise kids, and my husband and I were pretty close to that. We respected our kids from birth, encouraging them to be the people they were meant to be. I stayed home most of the time, but worked part-time outside the home as a voice talent. As a one car family, I did my occasional voice gigs during the mid-day or early afternoon so my husband could watch our kids. He was a DJ with hours in the evening, overnight, or morning. So we were the house on the block where there was always at least one parent home...the house all the neighbor kids would gravitate to because I was the mom that read stories and handed out healthy snacks, and Chris was the dad who played music and joked around. My daughter, now almost 30, says that we raised them in a Montessori way. My 27 year old son thanks us for supporting him in his interests instead of forcing him to be more outgoing. Both the kids say they had a great childhood, and that all their friends liked coming to our house because they felt safe here. I have MUCH respect for women who decide not to have kids. Many of my close girlfriends never had kids, for myriad reasons. Feeling fear of being a 'not good enough' mother, and fear of what a child would experience in this world, and fear of not having enough money to raise them were the big three fears for me. If it wasn't for the hormone shift, I may not have wanted to be a parent. But after the hormone shift, and seeing the pattern of calm/nurturing in my husband, I wanted us to be parents. Funny thing, our kids would say that Chris was more the 'typical mom' stereo type - fussing over them, worrying about them, cooking and cleaning. And I was more the 'stereotypical dad' - let them climb trees, talked logic and action/consequences, and went about my day unless they needed me for something. There is a place for all of us. I'm so glad that you are thinking about what is right for YOU :)
What a great story! And you sound like amazing parents. I think your “reverses” gender roles might be more natural - we’ve just been told otherwise for the last few hundred years!
Thanks for your video. This is a hard one.. because your points are all valid. I found myself watching this video because my partner loves kids but doesn’t want to have them, in her words for the better of the potential child. She too worries about poverty or not being able to help it achieve what it wants to, she grew up poorer compared to me. She worries if we are able to provide all that a child needs, she struggles with disability and although she’d make a fantastic mum worries the child would either miss out on 2 healthy parents or be upset at times her illness flares up. I on the other hand have ALWAYS wanted children and due to circumstances beyond my control found myself at 29 today with no kids. I would feel blessed to be pregnant and give birth, much like you I am fascinated deeply and always watch and read about pregnancy birth etc. But as much as I adore babies, I don’t just want a baby, I want to raise a child, help it grow into a caring responsible stable adult, help it make choices for a good future and many happy times. I wouldn’t kick it out the door at 18, I wouldn’t stop cuddles when it got to 5. I’m very maternal, and as much as it’s breaking my heart, I know yourself and my partner who’s basically raised many of the points you did, are right, the times I’ve visualised all those things I’d do with my future children, seen their faces in my dreams. I dunno how I’m going to get over a 20 year yearning. But I love my partner, I don’t want to split over the subject or rush in and then raise an unhappy child. God the world sucks 😢 for everyone happy with their choice, I am pleased for you, no one should be bullied to do anything they don’t want to do, I’m just an unfulfilled maternal mess 😂
It is really hard, and it feels like we're very similar. I would look into fostering. I used to think it wasn't something I was interested in, but hearing people do it it sounds like the most worthwhile thing ever!
I'm 25, can't have kids and never actually wanted them 😅 I think though that I would love my child too much and would be constantly anxious that something bad could happen to them. That's also the reason why I'm afraid to adopt a dog... I always feel huge responsibility for everyone who depends on me in any way, and I also know it'll be too hard for me if something happens to the ones I love and care for or if I lose them. So - no, I don't want relationships, kids and pets 😅 And I also have a very full life... I mean, a full-time job in IT, singing lessons and dance classes (2x a week each), three foreign languages, cooking, going out with friends, hiking and solo traveling, and just lots of other stuff! I don't even have time for dating, not to mention anything else 😂
Enjoying your own company is a wonderful ability to have! Self improvement or experimenting is a wonderful way to spend time. And I do think the responsibility of having animals is often underestimated. I guess when you know what it takes to make yourself flourish it's hard to imagine settling for anything less with anyone else you bring into your life! And therein lies the rub. It's already a full-time thing 😄!
Love your wonderful thoughtfulness. I want to go to Sweden! I have no children. Mostly because I never found a right partner to commit to this task with. I was never one who had to have a child and I was always clear I did not want to do it alone. I was always ambivalent about children and I am a boomer so really the first generation that could actually say no to having children. I did go through a long period where I had to mourn the loss of no children when I was aging out of childbearing years. Children represent future and a way to give back. Very important motivators in life. I am a therapist by profession and I helped to raise a lot of children and adults in my career, very rewarding. So much more to say on this topic. I’m curious how. Your ideas will evolve throughout your life. Keep thinking and sharing, you are a delight! All the best from Seattle Washington.
Nov 05 2023; 8pm; Bago
Greetings again!
In addition to my earlier comment, I strongly believe that having children exponentially increases one's potential to become less caring and generous toward others. For the bulk of a person's resources would go into the consideration of one's children; thus creating tunnel-vision, and furthermore a diminished awareness and a lessened desire to treat with those outside of this newly created family.
Therefore, if one is a person given to altruism and benevolence, then perhaps a childless path may be apt for such an individual. In that way, one could infinitely and eternally engage in philantropy "without fear or favour", hereby not having to focus on one's OWN familial obligations.
;)
I gave all my attention to running around on dates like crazy after losing the opportunity to be with my divine husband, but no one cared. Many people said, "Why should I save you?" I'm just tired of fighting for happiness. I no longer have the strength to ask someone for children. Apparently, they are born only out of love.
I am 27, married since 2016, homeowner since 2019(USA), in my career since 2019. And I still dont know if I want a kid. I don't understand the people who don't take the time to make a decision slowly. I feel like its the biggest decision I'll ever make and I need to think about it until I am sure.
I'm a 60 year old woman who has led a great and fascinating life without children. I have traveled and I have been able to pursue my career without the ties that bind you to children.
My wife and I are survivors. Meaning both of us had difficult times in our teens/early adult lives for various reasons. Never wanted them, nor did either one of us ever consider them due to our circumstances.. We do not conform to society's made up rules. Besides, I find life too scary nowadays, I feel sorry for kids born in these trying times. It makes me shiver on what today's children will inherit with the environment and also regards to morality and politically. You are smart in your decision.
You are so right 👍🏻 I agree with you. Its so happy to see someone thinking like that 💞😇
That is so lovely to hear. I think we are many more people who think about this than we know 🥰❤️
My partner (who happens to be disabled) and I agreed that we do not want children, and the reasons we gave to each other were understood and respected. Granted, there's a lot of history behind our relationship as well as ourselves as individuals, but that's just one part of the story. Relationships take effort, and the relationship between the parent and child (like you stated) should be healthy. Needless to say that being an aunt feels like enough to me, and while I'm not quite married, I do feel like my partner could eventually make a great uncle! 😊
That's great to hear! And being an aunt is also amazing :D
❤I loved your logic and wise advice… thank you for talking from experience I understand you & agree 💯