Faith i’m really curious about somethings.. do you just not want to talk? cus ur nervous?? or like even if you tried, no sound would come out?? sorry if i come across rude, i’m very curious. x
@@meganw9380 Not the person you asked, but I think I can shed a little light on it. When I was younger, I had similar difficulties, but I don't believe they were anywhere near as bad what's shown in the documentary. I was a really shy kid and would only speak to friends and certain family - anyone unfamiliar I couldn't speak to. Now that I'm older, I can do all those things, but one area that I struggle with is any kind of serious or emotional conversation. If I need to talk about anything that's upsetting me or anything like that, I'm completely unable to speak. There's only been a few times where anything can come out. It literally feels as though you can't talk, even though you're perfectly capable physically. There's been moments where I've tried to push at least one word out, and nothing will come out of my mouth - sometimes I can't even nod or shake my head. If I have anything serious to talk about, I mostly communicate completely through writing since it's the only way I'll get anything out. It's extremely anxiety inducing to talk, and I can imagine it feels much the same way for these kids, only on a bigger and more general scale.
The diagnosis is rare. Something tells me that the people who are saying "I know someone with selective mutism" are mistaking shyness with an actual clinical disorder in the same way people mistake natural nervousness for an actual anxiety disorder or temporary sadness for depression lol
Bruh half of the comment section was like "OH YEAH I HAVE SELECT MUTISM BLAH BLAH, PEOPLE HEARD ME SPEAK, THEY DIED BLAH BLAH yeah" and if I were honest they are probably mistaking being shy to select mutism...
True. But I would say I feel like I have it in some sort of way, but it could just be me because I'm really shy. The other day I was at Subway and the lady who was serving us asked me what I wanted on my sandwich and I didn't talk to her at all. So my mum had to do it 🤣 Edit: also Another reason I don't talk to alot of people is because I have Anxiety :/
We need more people like Megan’s classmates. There so understanding and patient with her and they aren’t rude to her. I wish them all and the other 2 girls and there fam the best.
I work with a student with selective mutism. All his classmates are very respectful of the fact, and a lot of them play with him and still try to have a conversation in their own way! it always makes me smile :)
Oh you definitely can. My just turned 4 year old twins girls, with selective mutism, have a best friend who doesn't speak English, and neither does their mother. Some how we get on really well...it's amazing how much human communication is non verbal.
You're confusing "can't speak" with "won't speak". Yes, in a case like this it might be the same thing (a psychological condition is just as real as a physical one), but from the other person's point of view, it seems as though it's personal. You can speak and you speak to others, you just won't speak to me. It's not the same as being mute and it's not the same as someone who doesn't speak your language.
Ask that question to parents of severely autistic kids who have no speech and unbelievable violent behaviour , both towards others and self harming too, because we do have a beautiful relationship.
My daughter will b 3 in 2wks & has jst been diagnosed with having selective mutism,,She'll talk 4 England @ home with me,,she'll talk 2 my parents & my best friend,,but she won't talk 2 her dad (were not 2gether) her family on her dad's side,,my brother & his family & she won't talk @ playgroup either,,,but she has the biggest heart,,Is so funny & extremely beautiful inside & out,,but we're ready 2 put in lots of hard work 2 make her life alot easier..x
In primary school one of my best friends was a select mute. I remember my teacher yelling at her every day, trying to force her to talk... it doesn’t help...
That was exactly my experience as a child. I remember laughing at a fellow student's joke and having a substitute teacher yell at me because I refused to speak later in class. It was horrible.
@Chito Dʀɛaʍs Yes it is, but not uncommon unfortunately. I experienced the same thing throughout my school life with Selective Mutism. That's why raising awareness of the condition is so important! Danielle (from the documentary)
Some teachers are absolute pieces of shit. I wonder why they bother with it, they'd be better off being floor sweepers instead of fucking up young kids' minds. Unfortunately some ultra-authoritarian types become schoolteachers. I guess they weren't bright enough to be accepted into their local police force, so school it is. Mighty shame for their students.
My mother's friend had a son who stopped talking at around 11 years old. When he was in his late 30s he was driving in the car with his parents and his mother said out loud, "When will you ever talk again?" He replied in perfect clarity, "When I'm damn good and ready." He's never spoke, that I'm aware of, since.
I understand that it's not our of malice but rather a lack of understanding, but it still always frustrates me in these situations when the adult makes it about them. I know it's tough for them too, but guilt tripping the kid just makes things worse.
Oh f*** off. For all you know, explaining his feelings played a contributory role in her eventually sending those messages. There is no 'lack of understanding' concerned with expressing pain, caused by her, to your grand daughter.
Oh stop it. They want the kid to talk because it's pretty highly correlated to success in life. It's not parents fault that society requires everyone to be able to talk and socialize, and otherwise develop normally. Outsiders will judge constantly. Why don't they teach their kids? Why don't they discipline this kid and make them talk? Society judges a parent and their parenting I their child doesn't behave normally. They see a kid in a bad moment, deem the parent a failure, pretend to know the whole picture. Like you're doing with your comment .
I got bullied for not being able to do sports very well but that's due to my dyspraxia and the doctors saidI wasn't going to walk and I was going to be mute so she's very lucky
Lulu Bell honestly when I had it all the kids would either answer for me after a while like if it was my name or something or be so lovely and caring about it they’d sometimes say ‘ she’s really shy Miss’ lol
I don't get actively choosing to not do something that you absolutely can do. It's a choice, a conscious choice and if they really sat and thought about it, they would realize that they are drawing more attention to themselves by not talking. Whether it's right or not, they are picking their own comfort over being cooperative with their family and behaving properly in social circumstances. They are very lucky to have patient parents. Most would've taken it for defiance.
My cousin has selective mutism. I’d never heard her speak until we were about 12. We were in the garage getting food out of the deep freezer when she pointed at my dads bike and said “Motorcycle.” I’ve never heard her say another word since. That was 10 years ago.
Moondog Does your uncle seem disinterested in learning about your cousin on an individual level? Seems to have very little curiosity about her likes and dislikes? Is your uncle emotionally unavailable? Does he emotionally neglect your cousin? People with selective mutism have social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder. Those are disorders where the sufferer are very shy. This shyness/low self-esteem is known by psychologists to be caused by childhood emotional neglect, which is a type of childhood trauma, according to Dr. Melanie Joy in her book "Strategic Action for Animals". Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book for adults who suffered from parents who neglected their emotional needs as kids titled "Running On Empty", because childhood trauma can leave adults feeling empty inside (a contant sense of longing). She says that you can still end up with childhood trauma if your dad only interacted with you as if you were a generic child. You know how supermarket cashiers say the exact same thing to every customer?: "How is your day today?" , "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Have a nice day". The parent doesn't know the kid's favorite foods, disliked foods, favorite number, favorite color, favorite book, what grades the kid is getting in school, etc. A non-neglectful parent would ask you questions that could not be asked to any child: if you are a fan of ballet, he might ask you, "Which ballet slipper color is your favorite to wear?", "What do you think of The Nutcracker music for performances?". According to Dr. Kirk Honda's video on Mary Trump's book on Donald Trump, if you are an adult that was emotionally neglected as a child, you should get your parent who neglected you to start giving to what he should have given you as a child now as an adult. If the parent refuses, then the next best thing would be to have the therapist act as if they are the sufferer's father and act in a nurturing way towards the sufferer. Thais Gibson has videos about this too, which she calls "re-parenting". The book "The Flight From Intimacy" by therapists Barry Weinhold and Janae Weinhold have suggestions like having an adult feed an adult a baby bottle while holding them. I have no idea if that would be effective or not. The book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" is also about men who weren't nurtured as kids, weren't given affection as kids, and so now they have a fear of intimacy. They avoid intimacy by not talking. I also heard that most speech impediments are not caused by a physical problem, but by some sort of emotional trauma, so a person with a speech impediment would be better off seeing a psychodynamic or trauma-informed therapist rather than a speech-language pathologist. Maybe EMDR or Ericksonian hypnotherapy or re-parenting would tap into the unconscious mind where trauma is held; I don't know. I have talked to some very shy people, and they all had fathers who were uninvolved in learning about their children. This is true for the TH-camr BulletProofMonkeon; he said that when he was a kid, his dad took him to a pub and made him sit at a different table with a bag of potato chips while he chatted the entire time with his friends, not including his son in the conversation. So I think his social anxiety comes from feeling rejected by his dad. The psychodynamic school of Sigmund Freud would say that the kid thinks to himself, "if even my dad doesn't care to know me, how can I expect strangers to be interested in my opinion? They won't." So just as the kid has learned not to approach their father for nurturance, they learn not to approach strangers for nurturance.
@@moondog7694 please don’t analyse an entire family dynamic from a 2 sentence comment, no matter if you’re correct or not it’s intrusive and not your place to comment
My best friend of a long time has selective mutism and one of my most happy memories is when she first became comfortable enough to speak to me. It probably took around 5-6 years for me to hear her speak, but man was I happy when I did. Not because of the fact that she spoke, we probably would’ve still been best friends even if she didn’t, but because it made me feel so special and really happy to know that she trusts me and is comfortable with me. What’s funny is that we became friends from a pretty young age, so most people are proud that I stayed friends with her as a kid, which no one else would. I was a very talkative kid, so I often carried conversations with her contributing at times with a white board. I was also very patient and I got along with almost everyone as a kid so it was pretty easy to be her friend to be fair.
Our friend had selective mutism. We had to beat him hard for a few months but finally we could cure him. The best memories was his first words to us "please stop beating me" before he passed out. Great chap.
im pretty sure i had this conditon to a pretty extreme extent but given the fact this is a reply to a pretty serious heartfelt story i do feel like you just have a dark sense of humor and it was pretty damn funny. The way you took what was said and flipped it and then said nice chap that was a pretty nice touch of humor. Kinda insensitive to the above person’s comment but hopefully they have a good sense of humor that was pretty damn hilariously composed
26:50 OMG when her friend helps break the awkwardness by reminding Megan she can respond with thumbs up or down, and she thumbs up with a giant smile... My heart 🥺
I noticed that too. The best friend began to get fidgety as if she actually felt the stress her friend was feeling and then reminded her thumbs up, thumbs down or in the middle and you could see the other little girl respond like oh ya ok I forgot for a second how to respond and then smiled and gave a thumbs up. It was cute and she has a great friend there to give her support.
@@kirstenornelas881 44:35 - you can see her friend got shy for a second there :D I wonder what they are like now, they would be the exact same age as me, around 22, as the video was recorded 12years ago. On the other hand, you can turn this into superpowers, since you're in these situations a lot, you can actually be even more confident than normal. That's how it is for me at least, although I still got a lot to work on, and still haven't talked to a girl, but yeah... long story. They seem nice, wonder if they are, or have the same character now.
I had selective mutism when I was little. I had forgotten just how frustrating it was until I was home on maternity leave as an adult. Being home with my daughter I talked less and then I just talked to my husband. When my husband noticed I wasn't answering the phone or talking to our daughter, he started asking questions. I found getting back into singing helped. Not nearly as difficult to pull myself out of as an adult but it was surprising to find it back. As a kid, when people talked to me, I would elbow my sister and she would answer for me. When I started school, I would elbow my best friend and she would talk for me. I liked people who talked a lot. I might not answer them, but I liked them.
My daughter who is 27 now, had SM as a young child. We went through tons of different kinds of counseling but to no avail. As a last resort we went to a child psychiatrist who started her on a low dose of Prozac. After a couple of months on this treatment, she began to speak, quietly at first but that was the breakthrough! It is the anxiety component that keeps these children from talking and once it is dealt with the child can feel safe to talk. I’m so grateful to say that my daughter successfully completed college with a teaching degree and is a kindergarten teacher! To see her now, I’m so grateful for her journey! There is hope! (I’d like to add that the Prozac treatment was temporary. She was only on it for a year.)
You also mentioned there was alot of therapy, was that between the ages of 5 and 7? What kind was it? Here in Finland I am fighting to get my almost 6 year old diagnosed. The speech therapist had been involved for 2 years now. And they have given some practical tips to the daycare center. But in the Fall she will start Kindergarten (6.5 years old at that time)
When I was in elementary school I befriended a girl who never spoke, and in school she would barely talk to me or just talk very quietly. We spent most of the our recesses swinging for the entire time in silence. The one time I went to her house she was like an entirely different person. Loud, energetic, showing me her room and her drawings and such. I wish I stayed friends with her to see how she grew up.
kimmquake I had selective mutism, and I had one friend in 6th grade- it’s funny because we didn’t have much in common but she was so welcoming. I think it may have spurred in the intrigue of me not speaking at first but we then hanged out enough times that we would have many sleepovers. It’s sorta sad how our friendship ended, since it only ended due to my sister having a fight with her and my parents being involved with her parents...But I can tell you, a friend means so much to that person with selective mutism, we may not want to speak but we do get lonely
that's awesome. i had selective mutism in elementary school, yet some girl decided to befriend me anyway even though all i would do was smile to her. i had been struggling to find friends, so when i finally met someone who was actually willing to be patient with me instead of bombarding me with questions about why i was so silent, i actually opened up and began talking to her after some years. she didn't act surprised and she treated me like a normal person afterwards which was the best feeling i'd ever had. so, thank you for being patient with your friend. i'm sure it meant the world to her that someone thought she was worth it.
I knew a girl two years younger than me who had something similar. She didn't talk for a long time since she first started school, (I went to a sort of private school with only 15 kids), she wouldn't talk even to teachers. But guess what, no one forced her to speak. She eventually started speaking, but really quietly. I was one of the only people who she would confidently speak to since I was the oldest girl in the school (literally), and for some reason every single child/young girl likes me. She did overcome it and started speaking loudly though. That was 5 years ago. She is now in 6th grade.
When I was a child in the 80s there was not even a name to this crippling disorder. Im so happy to see the advancement on recognizing and treating SM. The therapists are so spot on, so kind and with such patients.
Consider yourself lucky but I wasn't in the 80s 90s even. It wasn't well known back then. I was sent to time out by teachers who called me "stubborn". After special ed classes, psych units in hospitals I lived in for month, a camp for behavioral children for the summer, I finally ended up in a residential treatment school for four grueling years. It was awful.@@rachelmartin2424
There was a girl in our friend group that never spoke but we liked her anyway. She was a very sweet girl and she'd come to sleepovers and such but she just wouldn't talk. It seemed strange when you first met her but once you got to know her, it was just her and even though she wouldn't reply she liked to listen you and she'd smile and nod. I think I've maybe heard her speak 3 times in 5 years. Looking back she definately had selective mutism.
I've had selective mutism since I was 4 and I used to get told of for shrugging my shoulders and moving my tongue in my mouth and in year 1 my mum was new to it and she made me talk to my teacher and make the teacher walk in while I was talking I cried :)
I used to have selective mutism, I had it since I was heartbroken when my best friend died when I was 5 and since my body didn’t feel as though it was worth it to talk. It was almost as if my body was neglecting itself because it didn’t want to waste energy. Some days I wasn’t able to talk to myself, which is soul crushing. It felt so weird and I can’t describe it. Last year I got a therapist and finally got over with it. I’m still shy and I had to bring a lot of confidence to write this but I just wanted to share my story. Thank you if anyone sees this and I’m sorry if I didn’t make since, it’s just hard to talk about and I hope that people can understand that. Edit thanks so much for all the nice replies they have made me feel much more confident telling my story
i get this. i’m autistic and when i get a bit too overstimulated i tend to go non-verbal, so not being able to speak even if you really, really want to makes sense to me. i get this.
@@nathancruz9172 so you didn't speak until you were 8? My nephew is 5 and hasn't spoken yet except a few rare moments. We don't if he ever will but will love him either way.
I cried when Megan said "my name is Megan" 😭 such a huge step to speak in front of a brand new teacher! Oh, I just cried again when she said her name to the film crew!! 😭
I was selectively mute as a child, from when I started to talk until maybe 10 years of age (where I forced myself to talk). I was just deadpan. I could talk to my mum/sister brother but not my dad or extended family and 100% not teachers, strangers or other children. Turns out I am autistic, diagnosed at 38. I went mute again in labour with my first daughter and was absolutely dying inside, I needed help, but because I was mute with a deadpan face they thought I was fine and left me alone. The trauma still haunts me to this day.
When I was born ppl said that I was this and then when I got a lil older ppl said I was just shy and I talk to my parents and my sis and my cousins and a lil to my grandparents but I barely talk to anyone else I am fine talking to other kids but I'm scared talking to adults I used to talk a lot more when I was little to the ppl i was comfortable with but when I got older I think I started talking a lot less idk why exactly and idk if i even hv select mute but I just wanted u to know that i hope ur doing ok and I can kinda relate to this so tysm
why is everyone in this documentary acting like these children are just choosing not to speak? selective mutism is often treated as a behavioural issue or a speech issue when in fact it's closer to anxiety and fear. the children are not at fault and shouldn't be called not normal.
exactly! i had selective mutism as a child, and i didn't choose it. I was heavily bullied and it was really traumatic for me, if it was a choice i would have talked lmao.
It’s an anxiety disorder which is unwittingly reinforced by family members & teachers every day. Step one: Stop using the white board or giving the child alternate ways to communicate. Step two: stop communicating for them & accommodating their wishes when they point, nod or otherwise try to get what they want without talking. This is not unkind. Imagine how hard it is being the only kid not talking at school. It requires a total, combined effort by the adults & some siblings. Eliminate “speaking aides”, a person assigned to help the child get by not talking at school with a “jotter” & constant interpretation of what the child feels, thinks or wants. Not accommodating the selective mutism works & the child feels esteemed when they do speak, this is what reduces the anxiety. Do not accommodate their rules. The phrase “face your fears” is true in every sense here. Notice how much the adults talk when the child does not. Removing these accommodations helps in months. Eleven years of feeling “special” but, not in a good way as Danielle reports the mutism did to her is too many years lost. Often or even always, the behavior of the adults around the child is neglected when it’s exactly that which keeps it going. Blame is not at issue here; it’s an unintentional dynamic.
I had this condition until I was 14. For me, it was a phobia of being judged for anything I said. When I was really young, I said something, and a bunch of kids laughed at me and that triggered it.
msdarkstar1012 I had that too. I could actually be very chatty around kids I knew accepted me and wouldn’t judge me. Including family. But with strangers, I’d find it intimidating and scary to even let out a peep for the fear of being judged or mocked. I eventually grew out of it though and people now people just want me to shut up mostly. 😂
Understood. Some people I would only write letters to. Never had a name for it. I mean, I would say hi and stuff but was afraid of being judged for important things so I would only say them in writing. Still some things I will only voice by text because I'm too afraid to say them, especially to certain friends& mentors. Its not selective mutism, but there's still an aspect of anxiety there when I will write certain things instead of say them to certain people or have to take the time to brave up first.
Abby the Dancer they didn’t laugh at the way I talked, they laughed about what I said. I don’t remember what I said, but I definitely remember the reaction.
I worked with a young woman who had selective mutism as a child due to severe sexual abuse. She told me she stopped speaking because no-one could hear her scream anyway... It was heart-breaking.
watching this for a second time … megan is the sweetest little girl i’m so proud of her for her speech therapy and speaking in front of her new teacher !!
Red’s granddad is so patient and wonderful with her. You can really feel his pain when he’s talking about how it feels that she can’t talk to him. The smile when he hears the book and he hears her voicemail is beautiful! You can feel his emotion when he says, “4 words!”
@@tubester4567 All of our parents got us help from a very young age. Selective Mutism is such a rare condition, there are very few experts in it, and as such very few widely known treatment techniques that can be used to help the sufferer. Danielle (from the documentary)
I saw red speaking in one of the comment section and she said she hasn't spoken to her grandad till now she's all grown up 19 years old she speaks to who she wants is quite sad she hasn't spoken to him poor him
@@kaykayluv7531 This is correct. At the time of filming this documentary (10 years ago) Red spoke to 8 people. She can now speak to lots, but not to some close family members. The more she wants to be able to speak to someone, the harder it is. It is really hard to get your head around the fact that she can speak to a 'stranger' but not someone she really loves.
I have a friend who had selective mutism as a young child. She didn’t talk at all when she was young. Now she’s completely different. She talks to everyone, she makes TikTok’s, is super confident, has a boyfriend, etc. she’s also not afraid to stand up for herself. She’s 16.
For sure!! And it seemed like it helped her confidence so much. I was so proud to hear her talk at the end Also hello ami I hope you're having a wonderful day!!
I love that she didn’t push her to hard that it made her uncomfortable, although I feel someone should personally ask her the same question so she is prepared for it
I had this until about 11 years old. I remember how rude all my teachers used to be, it was a traumatic experience that make me shy and anti social as a teen, resulting in an adult that has problem making friends
Bruh tell me about it. Moving away from home after high school was pretty freeing because I realized I could be whoever I wanted to be. I have a nephew going on 6 and a niece 3 that have never really spoken. They’ve like struggled to get any of the right sounds out so i guess it’s something else, but it seems like he’s stopped trying and is doing what I did. And it’s frustrating to see the adults do what they always do and talk about his problem in front of him like no one’s home. And badger him with questions and words instead of just being patient and treating him like a normal human. Kids do it too obviously.
I had this exact same problem when I started secondary I wasn’t able to speak freely anymore due to the trauma from past teachers. That first year they made me take ‘nurture’ classes to help me learn how to communicate. I still struggle with being able to talk to adults now that I am now an adult.
I agree om not sure how i would feel if i could never hear my grandchildren laugh .speak sing reds grandad should never give up he obviously loo loves her very lush
Can we talk about the literal pep she put in his step. When they got the phones and were first walking to the back of the yard, he was walking like an old grandpa. After he got the message, he was literally skipping. I loved that
When my son was a child he was diagnosed with this condition (he has since grown out of it), but a teacher taught him enough sign language to go to the bathroom and get water. She also approached me one day and handed me a blank cassette and recording device so that I could talk to him at home and bring it back to him so she could get an idea of how he might be able to communicate - she was amazing.
My brother Had the same problem. But it hasn't resolved completely, he's 15 now and I'm very worried because we live in a small town in pakistan and we don't have helpful teachers or any child psychiatrists. Can anybody tell me what to do to help him??
I have autism & selective mutism so I was bullied so badly for it at school. My bullies have stripped me naked, stolen my belongings, beat me up, pushed me down the stairs, thrown my food & even the teachers have laughed & joked. Such a lonely place & I wish this upon no one... So nice to see the girl doing good🥺❤️
So sorry to hear that you experienced so much unkindness. There are decent sorts out there too, and I'm hoping that you meet more and more good people in your future. You don't deserve to be bullied, no matter what. My own child has been affected by SM for much of her life and is on the spectrum as well. It infuriates me when I hear of kids being so unkind to others. (And especially knowing some teachers behave the same way, that is really horrible.) Best wishes to you!
I probably didn't have that condition as such but after my sister died when i was 6 and having been constantly ignored or shouted at when she was ill I stopped speaking to my parents.
It quite often looks like they're about to speek they keep opening their mouths like they're about to say something but then it just shuts and they just kinda look sad...
@Luna Saito Would you mind detailing more of the psychological factors or selective mutism? I'm genuinely curious. Also, what affects which people are easiest to speak to?
@reshi p Just to clarify, we were having help just as you suggested, whether that be therapy or medication. We all agreed to take part in the documentary to raise awareness of the condition and to use our experiences to help others. Danielle (from the documentary)
@@Dee912 Hi! I'm more than happy to answer questions :) I'm 26, and just about to finish a PhD in mathematics. I speak to everyone now, although I still deal with severe Social Anxiety, as well as some other anxiety disorders, on a daily basis. Things have definitely changed a lot for me over the 10 years since this was filmed!
Hi! I love your channel! This is a cool fact about you. I don't have selective mutism, but I do have other problems that I need therapy for. I have severe depression, severe anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and a Tic Disorder. Your channel has helped me quite a bit! So, thank you for everything!
So true. My communication seems to be in body language as I have autism. I never actually realised I never communicated any emotions I just spoke about birds or my interests. It wasn't until I started therapy two years ago that I realised I never actually told anyone my feelings and since I was diagnosed with ASD, everyone has pointed out that when I get anxious (and I mean ANXIOUS, like to the point of crying) I will shake my leg. I never realised that until then because I couldn't even recognise my own feelings so it is like my own body is communicating with me as well.
I suffer from the same type of communication issues. There are only a few people I can actually tall to. I just can't talk properly when I am not able to predict what the person is going to say or expect what to say. If I know the person well already, then I am comfortable sharing what I have to say with them. I have tried putting myself out and talking to strangers. Sometimes I am convinced everyone else can read my mind. I think they are just reading my body language, but I always notice a change in posture and positioning when I have a specific thought. I think it comes from a fear of having others actually hearing what you are thinking, rather than what you want to say.
lakon childs I have asd as well, it’s not to that extent; but there are certain things that I can’t understand about myself when it comes to emotions, or sharing feelings. Like when it comes to someone I like I can’t make myself tell them or even my friends (I’m 17, not at the age when girls first liking people romantically) I also just can’t translate what I feel in to words, if I’m stressed, I kind of know why or what it feels like, but explaining is so difficult.
@@squidneythesquid2487 When I was that age school and work put extra social pressure on me. It's normal to freeze in the face of fear. I throw myself into situations that make my heart race so I am more accustomed to the anxiety that comes with talking to people. Try walking up to someone you like or someone who scares you and say hello. Talk about their day and things you like. After a while, it gets a little easier. It takes practice, but I can approach at store counters and at work without feeling like someone is wrapping their hands around my throat anymore.
My niece had this. My sister and I look exactly alike, although we are not twins, we are mistaken for it. My niece thought I was her mom and just walked into the room blurting out something and then stopped when she realized who I was. I didn’t react and just said your mom’s in the other room. She looked shocked and ran out, and then came back in with her mom. She was silent again and I just looked at her mom and said deadpan, “yes she spoke, and she did not explode.” My niece thought that was hilarious and began laughing quietly, and I added, “oh please be quiet, unless your going to fart fireworks.” She doubled over with very audible laughter and said, “stop it! You’re going to make me pee!” So from there she felt more and more comfortable being around me, and gradually began to talk more. Now she’s a regular chatter box in her twenties but still “shy” in public.
Do you have a caregiver/guardian/parent, usually your father, who seems disinterested in you? Seems to have very little curiosity about your likes and dislikes? Is he emotionally unavailable? Does he emotionally neglect you? People with selective mutism have social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder. Those are disorders where the sufferer are very shy. This shyness/low self-esteem is known by psychologists to be caused by childhood emotional neglect, which is a type of childhood trauma, according to Dr. Melanie Joy in her book "Strategic Action for Animals". Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book for adults who suffered from parents who neglected their emotional needs as kids titled "Running On Empty", because childhood trauma can leave adults feeling empty inside (a contant sense of longing). She says that you can still end up with childhood trauma if your dad only interacted with you as if you were a generic child. You know how supermarket cashiers say the exact same thing to every customer?: "How is your day today?" , "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Have a nice day". The parent doesn't know the kid's favorite foods, disliked foods, favorite number, favorite color, favorite book, what grades the kid is getting in school, etc. A non-neglectful parent would ask you questions that could not be asked to any child: if you are a fan of ballet, he might ask you, "Which ballet slipper color is your favorite to wear?", "What do you think of The Nutcracker music for performances?". According to Dr. Kirk Honda's video on Mary Trump's book on Donald Trump, if you are an adult that was emotionally neglected as a child, you should get your parent who neglected you to start giving to what he should have given you as a child now as an adult. If the parent refuses, then the next best thing would be to have the therapist act as if they are the sufferer's father and act in a nurturing way towards the sufferer. Thais Gibson has videos about this too, which she calls "re-parenting". The book "The Flight From Intimacy" by therapists Barry Weinhold and Janae Weinhold have suggestions like having an adult feed an adult a baby bottle while holding them. I have no idea if that would be effective or not. The book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" is also about men who weren't nurtured as kids, weren't given affection as kids, and so now they have a fear of intimacy. They avoid intimacy by not talking. I also heard that most speech impediments are not caused by a physical problem, but by some sort of emotional trauma, so a person with a speech impediment would be better off seeing a psychodynamic or trauma-informed therapist rather than a speech-language pathologist. Maybe EMDR or Ericksonian hypnotherapy or re-parenting would tap into the unconscious mind where trauma is held; I don't know. I have talked to some very shy people, and they all had fathers who were uninvolved in learning about their children. This is true for the TH-camr BulletProofMonkeon; he said that when he was a kid, his dad took him to a pub and made him sit at a different table with a bag of potato chips while he chatted the entire time with his friends, not including his son in the conversation. So I think his social anxiety comes from feeling rejected by his dad. The psychodynamic school of Sigmund Freud would say that the kid thinks to himself, "if even my dad doesn't care to know me, how can I expect strangers to be interested in my opinion? They won't." So just as the kid has learned not to approach their father for nurturance, they learn not to approach strangers for nurturance. There's a good description of this in the chapter titled "The Quiet Man" in the book "Red Flags!" by Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb, who specialize in criminal profiling. They're not saying Quiet Men are criminals; it's just that they are experts in pegging people based on their childhoods of a father who was absent or uninvolved, or lots of verbal abuse in the family, or both parents died when young. That's in the quiz section where it lists the childhood commanlities of "The Quiet Man".
@@moondog7694 oh my god stop it these comments are both intrusive and unnecessary, it’s not your business Additionally, I have social anxiety and I’m very ‘shy’ and my father was extremely loving and caring. It just happens sometimes. Not everything stems from how people were raised in childhood
@@moondog7694 interesting, speaking for myself i never really noticed anyone interested in knowing about me when i was a kid. I don't remember having that emotional bond with anyone and i have 7 other siblings and I'm the youngest at that. I've had SM since probably before i could even speak. I do know there were physical and emotional/verbal abuse between my parents and they broke up when i was 2. But idk I think SM is a complex and unique disorder in itself, sometimes i do go back to my childhood and try to figure out if i went through some trauma that would explain my anxiety/depression...when it comes down to it I cannot deny that I didn't.
This.. so true.. w my youngest son i would always tell him he talked to much.. he's 15 now(still talks all the time) but now I have a 2 year old.. who is yet to talk. Embrace every single word they say... my perspective has definitely changed. I'd give anything to hear my baby girl say anything to me. ❤💫
I knew a girl in primary school who never talked, just nodded and shook her head. I only figured out she could speak after she laughed. We never pushed her to speak, she would accompany us and play, we all liked her. I moved schools eventually but ended up seeing her again in high school. She was still quiet but spoke to me for the first time. I was pretty excited to say the least.
It's so good to see someone who didn't push a child to speak when they are not ready. If she remembered you, she probably spoke to you because she liked you too and thought it was very nice of you to play with her even when she was quiet :))) I think you and your friends we're probably one of the best things that happened to that girl. Sometimes all children need are friends who can help to overcome or cope with their fears and differences
I’m my school we had to write a small like life story of someone on the first day the girl I wrote about didn’t say a word so eventually after telling them my life story i just made up one for them it was about them being a world class spy and they had multiple names used throughout but i just called them Benjamin I think they liked it cuz they smiled a lot when I read it to them XD
Wow, that girl could be me, and I didn't realize how strange I was for all people around me haha. Only my family knew my voice, and neighbours I had to interact with. The first time I decided to speak at school everyone was amazed. I just didn't speak cause I didn't want to, and maybe some fear but definitely It was due to being confortable with nonody talking to me, cause I didn't want to talk to them. I hated people trying to make me speak, rarely I felt anxiety but anger when they used to force me. My classmates never tried, they were always respectful, but a pair of teachers were a headache for me.
I still feel so bad for the times in HS when I made a big deal out of a shy girl not speaking then when she finally did I made a big deal of it again thinking that I was helping boost her up when I was probably just making her anxiety so much worse omg. I just cringe when I think of it.
I had a friend who I’ve been best mates with for 5 years and she had selective mutism, we literally clicked and I made her confidence grow and knowing that I helped her, I felt so proud. She is more confident than years back and she even told me ❤😭
@@YoYo-ip9pw because they wanted to talk but couldn't and because they were clearly suffering and it was hard for them and for the parents 2 and I also was crying from happiness when they talked so basically I just CRIED A LOT
Danielle F wow thanks for doing this study because I think my sisters and I had it growing up too (we have the same name btw). We moved a lot and I kept telling myself in the next school or grade I’m going to talk. I learned that confidence and God is the key and not worrying about who may notice that you (the quiet kid) started talking for the first time. But you are beautiful and I’m sure u know that by now being that this is a old video
I always wanted mine to magically go away but one of the reasons why I can't just POOF it is because I'm scared of the reactions. I hate it when people are like "OH MY GOD SHE SPOKE" or like "WOW CONGRATULATIONS". Like no. Please don't congratulate me. It's embarrassing and it's what's keeping me from fighting out my condition. This is why when my family moved to a different city it finally went away. *Well it's still there but not as bad as before*
Cringe Corner I can definitely relate, people would think it’s funny to say “woW ShE hAs A vOiCe” if I said something once in a full moon and if anything it just embarrassed me
OMG YESS i dont have selective mutism but i have this with other things. In 1st and 2nd grade i never tried to hide the fact my teeth were falling from my parents, and once when i got this award at school for behaving good or something (it was a pretty big deal at the time lol) i cried when i got it because i didnt like that people were congratulating me like that. I wasnt even aware why i felt like that back then. I just did and onky years later i understand why lol
Please remember this was a highly edited documentary made over 10 years ago. SOme things come across very differently to the reality of day-to-day life.
Yep! My uncles used to pressure me to talk and go on and on and on about it, to the point where i hated seeing them and had 0 intention to start talking
Won't talk isn't correct, more like CAN'T talk. I suffered from selective mutism as a child and is is stressful and embarrassing. I couldn't even read an eye chart at an optometrist appointment. I luckily outgrew this after my family moved town. It is very helpful to have a supportive family that doesn't draw attention to the issue.
Totally agree with you about the title, but I think they called it that so that it sounded like it was coming from the parents' perspective. It is misleading though! Danielle (from the documentary) :)
I agree 100% . People make it seem like we can’t talk. But we have a voice, we can understand people. We try as hard as we can to even say a single word but we just can’t. It’s not a choice for us.
I had selective mutism in elementary school in the 60s. I didnt know there was a name for it. I'm so glad no one pushed me to speak. I think that would have made me angry. I outgrew it on my own in high school.
As a kid all i did was smile (and still do a lot of the time). thats all i could do. its kinda like a reflex. even if im sad and someone is trying to talk to me i just smile lol. i cant help it
You might have developed smile mask syndrome. Look it up. Alot of female workers in service related jobs in Japan have developed it from being expected to smile to customers from their bosses and consequently smiling too much that it has become a disorder.
I had select mutism for about 10 years of my early childhood. I didn't know I had it until years after I overcame it. Having select mutism is so hard to describe. Talking to people who weren't immediate family felt like it would be hell for me. Many have told me that I was just being shy when in reality, I had no clue as to why I didn't want to. It just felt natural, and I was just scared to speak. I was asked repeatedly about it and was guilt tripped multiple times. I relate so much to the kids in this video, from the facial expressions, to the constant strugging, and the fear of saying something to or around someone that you don't want to speak to. Sadly, people weren't as kind to me due to my select mutism, and I was bullied physically and emotionally by teachers, students, and even some family members for not speaking to them. A close family member pushed me onto the floor and slammed me into walls for not speaking up at school. I dreaded going to school every single day. Teachers would try to pressure me into speaking by having me stand in front of the class for 5 minutes before having me sit down. By the end of it, I'd be in tears. I've had a teacher try to follow me home, trying to pressure me into speaking. I've had a classmate take advantage of me by slapping me in the face or hitting my face with basketballs until my face was bruised. I've had a classmate pull on my hair and stab me with a pencil. They did all this because they knew that I could not tell the school staff. I remember dreading substitutes because they would get angry and yell at me until I was in tears. I can barely remember anything good from my childhood because of all these things that happened to me. They were the worst years of my life, and it's one of the main reasons why I'm glad I overcame it. I would never wish for those years to come back. Now the only current struggle I have is talking to strangers on the phone. I know this video isn't recent, but I'm glad that there is a popular video being spread about selective mutism. More people need to know about it, so it can be handled properly. So that less people have to go through what I went through
I am sorry for what you went through as a child. There is a lot of ignorance on the subject. I didn’t have select mutism but I was very quiet and people will get upset with me for not talking. I don’t like speaking on the phone with strangers either. I try to avoid it as much as I can because it makes me anxious.
@toughshikkie that’s horrendous how you were treated. You must have such strength in order to have overcome this. Have you considered writing a book of your experiences and how you have overcome such adversity? It’s probable that such a book would help many many people. Good luck to you for the future. 😃😃
This was a fantastic documentary. Very sweet ! And Your words were very deep to read. I remember me being a selectiv mutist from Kindergarden up to around age 13. It was draining. I had to use all my strength to avoid talking, let alone make any sound. I wanted to be invisible ! Not existent. My eyes never left the floor. I sensed have been a annoyance and frustration for everyone around me. The hardest were the breaks between classes. I hid myself in corners or looked myself in the toilet. Bloking the toilet. All sounds and voices coming from the other side of the door. My body was stiff, I didn't make a move, was relieved when the classe bell rang to step out. Teachers gave up on me. That was a great relief. Back home I spoke a lot, a lot with my toy's in my room. I punished my toy's and tourted them. Twisted their neck, banged them against the table corners. I was so aggressive. All that frustration and anger had to be relieved. I hated myself the most. My self-hatred is my companion up to today, makes every step beside me. And that is OK. I am a problematic person and avoid social contact. People avoid me as well. My Vibes reach my surroundings. And that is also ok. My life is a mess. And that is ok. All is ok to me, because I understand myself as I am. I love my lonly nesse like a bright sparkling treasure. I am at peace. I enjoyed this documentary ! I had the honor reading Your experience ! I loved each girl of this docu. I appreciate the Teachers and therapist's and the people behind the camera ! Warm greetings from Frankfurt 👋😃
I had it too. I got bullied for it by kids at school as well. Not by teachers or family but they did always make comments on how I didn’t talk. It is hard to describe but it’s kinda like….in certain situations, the words will physically not come out. Like a mental block but instead of mental it was physically hard to make myself talk.
i used to have selective mutism as a kid. most people thought i physically wasn’t able to speak so they reacted so enthusiastically when they heard me whisper for the first time that i just stopped talking again
I don't talk, and afraid of saying something wrong. A classmate happens to see me at a shop with my family, and all jumping around talking. I saw her and stopped. She came to the classroom telling everyone about it, "She talked!" After I say something, teachers would go "You have a nice voice!" and excited when trying to make me smile and laugh. Plus its always, "Hello", replies "Hello", ends.
Catherine Ann Hey, I’m just curious incasso it is ever helpful in the future, but what is the best way to react to someone with SM after they talk to you for the first time? Should I ignore it, simply compliment them on their voice or something. Or is a “thank you for speaking to me,” good? I’m sorry if this question is to straight forward, I just want to be able to handle that sort of situation to the best of my ability and saying nothing seems like I’m not appreciating it but mentioning it might be too much for the other person...? Thanks :)
Megan’s story is probably my favorite, her major developments have me so proud and her finally answering the camera guy makes my heart warm, I hope these kids/young adults now have made it so far ❤️❤️
@Dope Cat I can tell you one thing, this is not funny at all. When I was little, I couldn't speak due to anxiety at school, my speech ability completely shutted down (and I can tell you, it's horrible, especially when you're bullied and you can't defend yourself, also the teachers didn't do anything, which made everything worse). There was a psychologist who visited me regularly at home and she said that I was completely normal (even more intelligent than peers). Also, I could speak normal at home. Luckily when I became older, I started to talk more, but the biggest improvement was when I left primary school, I never had to see my class/teachers again. I didn't had very much friends until my 17/18, but I could speak normal. At university I was (and still am) a completely normal student. And yes, I still hate to speak in group, but I can control my anxiety. You won't tell anymore that I had very much problems to speak to foreigners when I was little, now I can even talk/argue with foreigners and tell my opinion 🙂. And I'm a non native English speaker, so I know that my sentences aren't perfect. I try to do my best. I can understand everything, but writing is more difficult. By the way, it's thanks to people like you and your reactions that persons with anxiety problems just get more problems. You don't help them with your comments. You may be proud of yourself 👏🙄 And to them with anxiety orders, persons who are bullied,... There is always someone who cares about you. And to normal people, if you see a child that gets bullied, please help them. For example I was once on a tram with a girlfriend, and there was a girl (13/14yo) who was bullied by a few other persons. We took her with us and let her sit between us while we talked to the bullies. We talked to her all the way (she kept quiet). After the bullies got off, she said thank you to us, and until the corona broke out, we saw her almost every week and talked to each other. Sometimes that one person can really make a difference.
I have selective mutism, I’ve had it since 6th grade and it peaked first year of high school. it’s very hard to live with. Imagine being so anxious you freeze, but that freeze is in your vocal chords. No matter how much you try, or how much you want to, your body will not let you speak. It’s exhausting. I’m also most likely on the autistic spectrum (update as of 2021, i was diagnosed autistic in 2019!) and the SM made it a LOT harder to communicate than it already is for me. But, I’ve gotten a lot better, and I’m almost completely recovered which I’m proud of but it’s still a struggle.
Would you ever consider sign language as a form of expression? Then you could communicate with other children or adults in a positive way and could improve confidence x
kaneki ken you not ok so just fucking speak. Seriously, there’s nothing physical or mentally stopping them from speaking they are just too scared. This is the most fuckedbup thing I’ve heard of
Okay but we can all agree walking up to a random woman and thinking it was your mom and she turns around and the feeling of your heart dropping to the floor and basically running away while crying is kinda the worst feeling.
When I was 6 or 7 I actually followed a woman out of a shop thinking she was my mom. Luckily I wasn't traumatized by this event (my mom perhaps was a bit when she realized I wasn't with her in the shop though).
when i was young my parents were picking me up from school. i thought i saw my mom walk in and wanted to “scare” her by grabbing on to one of her legs. when i grabbed on the lady’s leg and looked up and saw it wasn’t my mom i ran away crying
Nanya Bus. I did the same thing! I got in and started ranting about my day. I didn’t notice I was in the wrong car until the driver chuckled. I apologized and ran out.
Had a student in my class last year with selective mutism. Lockdowns were one of the best things for this as I had one on one video conferences with her and in the safety of her home, with her mum next to her, she actually started talking to me, reading books etc. She also would communicate with one of her friends at school and a way to work around assessing these students is to let them use iPads to record themselves, kind of like the book the girl created for her grandad. I actually found out my student was nearly 8 levels higher in reading, but nobody had been able to properly assess her reading ability previously. I would then sit with her and watch the video, commenting on all the positive things she did, this encouraged her to say a few words here and there. I avoided anything negative or that would cause anxiety and patience was hugely important. She actually made Science and Inquiry presentations in video format that I could then show the whole class, they were all so shocked because some of them have known her for 4 years and never heard her talk. It's frustrating that the mum of my student does not acknowledge she needs any external support though, as this will continue into secondary school and every year is like starting all over again. Probably helped that I can speak her native language, Mandarin also.
Grandpa John’s constant talking and questions hurt my soul. I can’t imagine how painful it is for Red to feel blamed for his upset. I’m mute at times, and it feels horrible to be told you’re hurting someone’s feelings by not talking and you can’t do anything about it.
@@naturazpolski9213 Sometimes it's not easy to get on these programs, and it can take years for certain things to get seen by specialist. IDK about SM specifically, but for ASD here it's like 3-4 year wait minimum in certain areas due to there being a tiny support team!
It made me sad too, I'm someone who feels guilty really easily if I feel like I've upset someone and being in that situation would make me feel so trapped. Luckily I haven't had people guilt me like that yet, but I have had my younger brother try to force me to talk and even that is so uncomfortable and makes me so anxious.
I have ADHD and growing up I didn't even know selective mutism was a thing, thanks therapists! I was so embarrassed and hated myself for not being able to talk. kids at school would say hello or ask me a question, or the teacher would ask me to speak and nothing would come out, my mind would go blank or if I had something in my head to say, I could NOT physically get the words out, it was as if my throat just closed up and I'd go into this trance. It still happens on occasion when I'm alone with someone and I feel like I don't know what to say, I just freeze like a scared mouse. It really sucks, these poor little angels, but at least they know what is up with them and have support and help. I have severe social anxiety today. It caused me to drop out of school and college and I suffer through interviews, sometimes going completely mute which obviously means no job. They need the help now before it becomes a part of who they are forever and they can't overcome it.
Can relate, I knew SM was a thing, but I thought it was exclusive to ASD, I only now learn it's not! I genuinely teared up watching this, It made all the feelings come rushing back and I felt so bad for the girls, but when they would smile after talking it was all calm, must of felt so good. I have ASD and ADHD and my SM got brushed off as just being shy, as it was only really strangers and people I didn't see often. So like at home, or at school (for the most part) I didn't have TOO much trouble talking, at least not once I'd settled in. If someone was genuinely friendly and outgoing I had very little trouble talking usually, but I did if I met someone I was a bit scared of (especially older people when I was really young), or even someone like me, or even just someone shy, even though we probably got along better, it was just harder as the awkward silences were more noticeable and became compounded, and then you get past that no point of return when it's just too awkward to talk now nothing's been said for so long and you can't words any more. >.< I didn't even know I had ASD till like 2-3 years ago btw! O.o
@@daniellef3023 Danielle, you are a lovely and intelligent girl! There's not a single thing I find offputting about your sweet personality, and anyone would be lucky to count you as a friend. Never doubt yourself and your ability to figure this out!
There is a student in my class who never speaks no matter what. I've heard of selective mutism before and kinda suspicious he has it. I never expected him to response to my questions verbally yet I always tried to established some form of communication with him mainly ones he could respond through gesture. So when he suddenly spoke to me... I almost broke down and cried. He has the sweetest voice and i hope he will talk to me again.
That's so incredibly kind for you to do! It means so much when somebody tries to understand and communicate with you, most people just ignore and don't bother trying to talk to us kids with selective mutism.
Did you bring this up to his parents? My daughter had selective mutism when she was 4. I honestly had no clue. It wasn’t until her teacher took me to the side and said, “ I wanted to let you know I suspect you daughter might have selective mutism...I’ve never heard of SM before, she said “it’s been over a month and she has not spoken one single word in class, and I kept in mind that some kids needs more time to warm up to a new person but it has been almost 2 months.... “ that day I order every book book I could find. There was this little kids book called “Maya’s voice” it’s about a little girl who has selective mutism I read this book countless time with her, it was a lonely road at times but I’m so grateful for that teacher she holds a special place in my heart. My daughter was in pre-K, we searched high and low and found an awesome behavioral therapist and we started our journey by kindergarten she was speaking in school. looking back is hard to believe she was ever “mute” she’s is 11 now and thriving. Yes she is an introvert by nature. But she doesn’t have a problem speaking up or asking questions when she needs, she plays sports and loves being a social butterfly. Early intervention is so important.
There was a girl in my grade 4 class who never talked. And one day I started talking to her and she became comfortable with the me and would whisper to me but wouldn’t talk to anyone else at the school, I felt so good that she trusted me enough to talk to me. I always wonder where she is now 🙃
Na don't do it. Maybe she overcame it and if you search her in social media with a picture it may rebrand her as the mute one and all her work mates at her office and her boss will find out and that could be pretty bad for her.
People thought I had selective mutism until I told them i don’t talk to them because I don’t like them
A genuine rowdy girl your profile pic is my reaction
Rijul D 😂😂😂
LOL😂！
ME THOUGH LMAO
LMFAO
when Megan's little friend said "thumbs up thumbs down, in the middle" to help her communicate, she's a real one
I know it! Warmed my heart. Everyone deserves a friend like that. That loves you with no judgement. What a wonderful little girl. Both of them!
She's a keeper
my teachers did this for me at school and still do sometimes. (i have selective mutism)
Faith i’m really curious about somethings.. do you just not want to talk? cus ur nervous?? or like even if you tried, no sound would come out?? sorry if i come across rude, i’m very curious. x
@@meganw9380 Not the person you asked, but I think I can shed a little light on it. When I was younger, I had similar difficulties, but I don't believe they were anywhere near as bad what's shown in the documentary. I was a really shy kid and would only speak to friends and certain family - anyone unfamiliar I couldn't speak to.
Now that I'm older, I can do all those things, but one area that I struggle with is any kind of serious or emotional conversation. If I need to talk about anything that's upsetting me or anything like that, I'm completely unable to speak. There's only been a few times where anything can come out. It literally feels as though you can't talk, even though you're perfectly capable physically. There's been moments where I've tried to push at least one word out, and nothing will come out of my mouth - sometimes I can't even nod or shake my head. If I have anything serious to talk about, I mostly communicate completely through writing since it's the only way I'll get anything out. It's extremely anxiety inducing to talk, and I can imagine it feels much the same way for these kids, only on a bigger and more general scale.
“Selective mutism isn’t very common”
The comment section: “I know someone with selective mutism”
I have this problem
It was worse when I was a kid.
The diagnosis is rare. Something tells me that the people who are saying "I know someone with selective mutism" are mistaking shyness with an actual clinical disorder in the same way people mistake natural nervousness for an actual anxiety disorder or temporary sadness for depression lol
Bruh half of the comment section was like "OH YEAH I HAVE SELECT MUTISM BLAH BLAH, PEOPLE HEARD ME SPEAK, THEY DIED BLAH BLAH yeah" and if I were honest they are probably mistaking being shy to select mutism...
i have selective mutism lul
True. But I would say I feel like I have it in some sort of way, but it could just be me because I'm really shy. The other day I was at Subway and the lady who was serving us asked me what I wanted on my sandwich and I didn't talk to her at all. So my mum had to do it 🤣
Edit: also Another reason I don't talk to alot of people is because I have Anxiety :/
We need more people like Megan’s classmates. There so understanding and patient with her and they aren’t rude to her. I wish them all and the other 2 girls and there fam the best.
Megan's classmates are clearly happy that she is making progress, and they are considerate enough of her feelings not to make a big fuss.
They made me have faith in humanity ❤
Opposite for mw
I work with a student with selective mutism. All his classmates are very respectful of the fact, and a lot of them play with him and still try to have a conversation in their own way! it always makes me smile :)
"How can you have a relationship with a child that won't speak to you?"
*mute people* ... •-•
Oh you definitely can. My just turned 4 year old twins girls, with selective mutism, have a best friend who doesn't speak English, and neither does their mother. Some how we get on really well...it's amazing how much human communication is non verbal.
You're confusing "can't speak" with "won't speak". Yes, in a case like this it might be the same thing (a psychological condition is just as real as a physical one), but from the other person's point of view, it seems as though it's personal. You can speak and you speak to others, you just won't speak to me. It's not the same as being mute and it's not the same as someone who doesn't speak your language.
Ask that question to parents of severely autistic kids who have no speech and unbelievable violent behaviour , both towards others and self harming too, because we do have a beautiful relationship.
My daughter will b 3 in 2wks & has jst been diagnosed with having selective mutism,,She'll talk 4 England @ home with me,,she'll talk 2 my parents & my best friend,,but she won't talk 2 her dad (were not 2gether) her family on her dad's side,,my brother & his family & she won't talk @ playgroup either,,,but she has the biggest heart,,Is so funny & extremely beautiful inside & out,,but we're ready 2 put in lots of hard work 2 make her life alot easier..x
@@DougShanahanMusic exactly! It's frustrating for them because of this
I have a friend with selective mutism and he’s replaced words with varying tones of “hmm” he legit sounds like a Minecraft villager
@@jamieingels1190 All of the cases in this documentary were genuine, that I can absolutely assure you of. Danielle (from the documentary)
Sunset Fern my sister used to burp... she could burp the alphabet. 😂
LMAAOOO, i'm sorry but the comparison with the Minecraft villager.... lol
I can just imagine a real life minecraft villager. LMAO
😂😂 Gotta meet this dood
To have selective mutism, talking to someone you're mute with is like being asked to scream in a silent auditorium full of people
Yes! The anxiety thinking of it makes me cry and my heart pound.
So accurate
Beautifully said.
Or like climbing a cliff when your afraid of heights. Terribly uncomfortable and frightful!
fr like we don’t want the attention of finally speaking to them like i don’t talk to my grandparents
To hear your grandchild speak for the first time even in a recording has to be one of the greatest moments ngl made me tear up a little ❤️
Nah. Not even top 10
@@pervisgavin1730you must be fun at parties
@@NinWood6 Bold of you to assume they get invited to parties
@@GlazerX💀💀
@@GlazerXyo 🤣🤣💀
A girl in my class has selective mutism. She invited me over for a playdate and she talked to me the whole time, shes really nice :)
lucieboi ._. Thank you for being such an open friend- I bet they felt amazing opening up to you! Keep up the good work 🥳
Aww
Wow, you are really lucky!
a playdate? i think you are too young to be on youtube..
@@cutiepiebb lol
"Especially not a documentary film crew"
*This* *just* *got* *real*
First doc I saw where they acknowledged the film crew has an effect on the subject
FrenchBread Lolita Charlotte
I never heard a film where they talk how they- yeah you know what I mean-
FrenchBread Lolita Charlotte
Just... oof
First time I've heard a narrator acknowledge their existence lmao
Damn...really put the crew under the bus for not being seamless enough XD
no one:
not a soul:
literally no one:
these girls:
Damn it hahahahaha
The only good meme i've seen in that format, well done
@@catgoeskek thank you sir
Underrated comment
This should’ve got more likes but noobs won’t understand
When Megan spoke infront of the new teacher it honestly made me feel so happy because she just looks so happy to speak afterwards
That must be such a good feeling. This shadow of many years lifting bit by bit.
Yeah I have selective mutism and it made me so happy to see Megan speak out loud in front of her class
In primary school one of my best friends was a select mute. I remember my teacher yelling at her every day, trying to force her to talk... it doesn’t help...
That was exactly my experience as a child. I remember laughing at a fellow student's joke and having a substitute teacher yell at me because I refused to speak later in class. It was horrible.
That teacher was *really* messed up.
@Chito Dʀɛaʍs Yes it is, but not uncommon unfortunately. I experienced the same thing throughout my school life with Selective Mutism. That's why raising awareness of the condition is so important! Danielle (from the documentary)
@Chito Dʀɛaʍs Exactly! Awareness and education of these conditions is an absolute must!
Some teachers are absolute pieces of shit. I wonder why they bother with it, they'd be better off being floor sweepers instead of fucking up young kids' minds.
Unfortunately some ultra-authoritarian types become schoolteachers. I guess they weren't bright enough to be accepted into their local police force, so school it is. Mighty shame for their students.
When I clicked on this I thought it said “selective Muslim”... for some reason I stayed and watched the entire video anyways lol
Brendan Morin omg same
Brendan Morin same
samee
Jörgen rip omg you spelt your own name wrong ;-; pewds spells it Joergen
@Brendan Morin ya i know, but i own it
My mother's friend had a son who stopped talking at around 11 years old. When he was in his late 30s he was driving in the car with his parents and his mother said out loud, "When will you ever talk again?" He replied in perfect clarity, "When I'm damn good and ready." He's never spoke, that I'm aware of, since.
Haha i would do the same most probably
Ok now that is epic.
Dude...
Haha ur joking right?
Omg hahaha he's amazing
I understand that it's not our of malice but rather a lack of understanding, but it still always frustrates me in these situations when the adult makes it about them. I know it's tough for them too, but guilt tripping the kid just makes things worse.
Oh f*** off.
For all you know, explaining his feelings played a contributory role in her eventually sending those messages.
There is no 'lack of understanding' concerned with expressing pain, caused by her, to your grand daughter.
Right!? That granddad was so frustrating
Oh stop it. They want the kid to talk because it's pretty highly correlated to success in life. It's not parents fault that society requires everyone to be able to talk and socialize, and otherwise develop normally. Outsiders will judge constantly. Why don't they teach their kids? Why don't they discipline this kid and make them talk? Society judges a parent and their parenting I their child doesn't behave normally. They see a kid in a bad moment, deem the parent a failure, pretend to know the whole picture. Like you're doing with your comment .
@@kenw2225 society is like that because we perpetuate it. non verbal people deserve to be part of society too
I’m glad we all agree
Megan’s face when she speaks and realises everything is fine, it’s the loveliest thing!
Right
So proud of her
She’s adorable
He voice is also beautiful
I just wanna give her the biggest hug. You can tell how proud of herself she becomes after she speaks and she has a beautiful voice
SPOILERS
"Like every good parent we've tried bribery" 😂 can't get more real than that
Marion G Lmao 😆
what parent doesn’t resort to bribery?
all parents get exhausted, & fed up.
@@ZaneDalton if you ain't bribin you aint tryin
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Marion G and corruption
I love how the kids in Megan’s class are so understanding and they don’t bully her. That’s amazing.
Anastasia Kol you don’t know, they it might just be for the camera. So many thing happen behind the scene
Anastasia Kol not yet anyway, usually happens a few years later
I got bullied for not being able to do sports very well but that's due to my dyspraxia and the doctors saidI wasn't going to walk and I was going to be mute so she's very lucky
Lulu Bell honestly when I had it all the kids would either answer for me after a while like if it was my name or something or be so lovely and caring about it they’d sometimes say ‘ she’s really shy Miss’ lol
Of course they wouldn't bully her when there is a camera
I've struggled with selective mutism for my whole life and it's really nice to see people being ok with it and not judging people for it :)
I didnt know this was what I had.
I knew someone who had it also...a few light slaps from the father cured it.
Then they didn't have it. The treatment here is to get over the anxiety not to increase it or punish them
So you have had it your whole life?
I don't get actively choosing to not do something that you absolutely can do. It's a choice, a conscious choice and if they really sat and thought about it, they would realize that they are drawing more attention to themselves by not talking. Whether it's right or not, they are picking their own comfort over being cooperative with their family and behaving properly in social circumstances. They are very lucky to have patient parents. Most would've taken it for defiance.
My cousin has selective mutism. I’d never heard her speak until we were about 12. We were in the garage getting food out of the deep freezer when she pointed at my dads bike and said “Motorcycle.” I’ve never heard her say another word since. That was 10 years ago.
do u think you can make yourself scared to speak?
Moondog
Does your uncle seem disinterested in learning about your cousin on an individual level? Seems to have very little curiosity about her likes and dislikes? Is your uncle emotionally unavailable? Does he emotionally neglect your cousin? People with selective mutism have social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder. Those are disorders where the sufferer are very shy. This shyness/low self-esteem is known by psychologists to be caused by childhood emotional neglect, which is a type of childhood trauma, according to Dr. Melanie Joy in her book "Strategic Action for Animals". Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book for adults who suffered from parents who neglected their emotional needs as kids titled "Running On Empty", because childhood trauma can leave adults feeling empty inside (a contant sense of longing). She says that you can still end up with childhood trauma if your dad only interacted with you as if you were a generic child. You know how supermarket cashiers say the exact same thing to every customer?: "How is your day today?" , "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Have a nice day". The parent doesn't know the kid's favorite foods, disliked foods, favorite number, favorite color, favorite book, what grades the kid is getting in school, etc. A non-neglectful parent would ask you questions that could not be asked to any child: if you are a fan of ballet, he might ask you, "Which ballet slipper color is your favorite to wear?", "What do you think of The Nutcracker music for performances?". According to Dr. Kirk Honda's video on Mary Trump's book on Donald Trump, if you are an adult that was emotionally neglected as a child, you should get your parent who neglected you to start giving to what he should have given you as a child now as an adult. If the parent refuses, then the next best thing would be to have the therapist act as if they are the sufferer's father and act in a nurturing way towards the sufferer. Thais Gibson has videos about this too, which she calls "re-parenting". The book "The Flight From Intimacy" by therapists Barry Weinhold and Janae Weinhold have suggestions like having an adult feed an adult a baby bottle while holding them. I have no idea if that would be effective or not. The book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" is also about men who weren't nurtured as kids, weren't given affection as kids, and so now they have a fear of intimacy. They avoid intimacy by not talking. I also heard that most speech impediments are not caused by a physical problem, but by some sort of emotional trauma, so a person with a speech impediment would be better off seeing a psychodynamic or trauma-informed therapist rather than a speech-language pathologist. Maybe EMDR or Ericksonian hypnotherapy or re-parenting would tap into the unconscious mind where trauma is held; I don't know. I have talked to some very shy people, and they all had fathers who were uninvolved in learning about their children. This is true for the TH-camr BulletProofMonkeon; he said that when he was a kid, his dad took him to a pub and made him sit at a different table with a bag of potato chips while he chatted the entire time with his friends, not including his son in the conversation. So I think his social anxiety comes from feeling rejected by his dad. The psychodynamic school of Sigmund Freud would say that the kid thinks to himself, "if even my dad doesn't care to know me, how can I expect strangers to be interested in my opinion? They won't." So just as the kid has learned not to approach their father for nurturance, they learn not to approach strangers for nurturance.
@@moondog7694 please don’t analyse an entire family dynamic from a 2 sentence comment, no matter if you’re correct or not it’s intrusive and not your place to comment
groundbreaking
no one asked
When Megan answered with “yellow” that made me tear up immediately
Ikr it was so cuttte
when she said my name is meghan to the new teacher 🥺
It was heart-warming
I worked in a daycare where there was a child with selective mutism and when you hear their voice it is very emotional!
My best friend of a long time has selective mutism and one of my most happy memories is when she first became comfortable enough to speak to me. It probably took around 5-6 years for me to hear her speak, but man was I happy when I did. Not because of the fact that she spoke, we probably would’ve still been best friends even if she didn’t, but because it made me feel so special and really happy to know that she trusts me and is comfortable with me. What’s funny is that we became friends from a pretty young age, so most people are proud that I stayed friends with her as a kid, which no one else would. I was a very talkative kid, so I often carried conversations with her contributing at times with a white board. I was also very patient and I got along with almost everyone as a kid so it was pretty easy to be her friend to be fair.
Prop to you
Our friend had selective mutism. We had to beat him hard for a few months but finally we could cure him. The best memories was his first words to us "please stop beating me" before he passed out. Great chap.
@@mrrandom1265 im sorry what
im pretty sure i had this conditon to a pretty extreme extent but given the fact this is a reply to a pretty serious heartfelt story i do feel like you just have a dark sense of humor and it was pretty damn funny. The way you took what was said and flipped it and then said nice chap that was a pretty nice touch of humor. Kinda insensitive to the above person’s comment but hopefully they have a good sense of humor that was pretty damn hilariously composed
@@jloud716rapper5 lmao nice essay
26:50 OMG when her friend helps break the awkwardness by reminding Megan she can respond with thumbs up or down, and she thumbs up with a giant smile... My heart 🥺
Agreed
My favourite part! I came to the comments to see if anyone noticed, it was just SO wholesome😩💗
I noticed that too. The best friend began to get fidgety as if she actually felt the stress her friend was feeling and then reminded her thumbs up, thumbs down or in the middle and you could see the other little girl respond like oh ya ok I forgot for a second how to respond and then smiled and gave a thumbs up. It was cute and she has a great friend there to give her support.
@@kirstenornelas881 44:35 - you can see her friend got shy for a second there :D
I wonder what they are like now, they would be the exact same age as me, around 22, as the video was recorded 12years ago.
On the other hand, you can turn this into superpowers, since you're in these situations a lot, you can actually be even more confident than normal. That's how it is for me at least, although I still got a lot to work on, and still haven't talked to a girl, but yeah... long story.
They seem nice, wonder if they are, or have the same character now.
I had selective mutism when I was little. I had forgotten just how frustrating it was until I was home on maternity leave as an adult. Being home with my daughter I talked less and then I just talked to my husband. When my husband noticed I wasn't answering the phone or talking to our daughter, he started asking questions. I found getting back into singing helped. Not nearly as difficult to pull myself out of as an adult but it was surprising to find it back.
As a kid, when people talked to me, I would elbow my sister and she would answer for me. When I started school, I would elbow my best friend and she would talk for me. I liked people who talked a lot. I might not answer them, but I liked them.
Imagine if one of these kids was an amazing singer and no one would ever know
A girl in my dance class has selective mutism singing for her is no problem
I've had selective mutism until I was 15. I'm nearly 20 now and I post singing videos on my TH-cam channel :)
@Jasmine ジャズミン that's so good to hear. Just remember that it will get easier the more you talk :) xx
justme _ angie lol 😂 I read a deep conversation and then, “I don’t want to brag...”
Phoebe Hartford I deleted it because it felt kinda...rude ;-;
These kids would be the best spys if they got caught they would never give any information away.
This comment is underrated 🤣🤣🤣
@Kanashi I'm up for that. No school!
@@haleyren2804 ....
Creepy Potato you’re probably like 6
@@charlotte5963 ??
My daughter who is 27 now, had SM as a young child. We went through tons of different kinds of counseling but to no avail. As a last resort we went to a child psychiatrist who started her on a low dose of Prozac. After a couple of months on this treatment, she began to speak, quietly at first but that was the breakthrough! It is the anxiety component that keeps these children from talking and once it is dealt with the child can feel safe to talk. I’m so grateful to say that my daughter successfully completed college with a teaching degree and is a kindergarten teacher! To see her now, I’m so grateful for her journey! There is hope! (I’d like to add that the Prozac treatment was temporary. She was only on it for a year.)
good story :)
When was she diagnosis ? When was the prozac used to treat her (at what age)?
@@SuomiMama she was 7 when she was diagnosed and started the Prozac then. As I stated she was only on it temporarily.
You also mentioned there was alot of therapy, was that between the ages of 5 and 7? What kind was it?
Here in Finland I am fighting to get my almost 6 year old diagnosed. The speech therapist had been involved for 2 years now. And they have given some practical tips to the daycare center. But in the Fall she will start Kindergarten (6.5 years old at that time)
I was diagnosed with selective mutism at 4 and was put on a low dose of Prozac at 8
When I was in elementary school I befriended a girl who never spoke, and in school she would barely talk to me or just talk very quietly. We spent most of the our recesses swinging for the entire time in silence. The one time I went to her house she was like an entirely different person. Loud, energetic, showing me her room and her drawings and such. I wish I stayed friends with her to see how she grew up.
kimmquake I had selective mutism, and I had one friend in 6th grade- it’s funny because we didn’t have much in common but she was so welcoming. I think it may have spurred in the intrigue of me not speaking at first but we then hanged out enough times that we would have many sleepovers. It’s sorta sad how our friendship ended, since it only ended due to my sister having a fight with her and my parents being involved with her parents...But I can tell you, a friend means so much to that person with selective mutism, we may not want to speak but we do get lonely
Sounds exactly like me in primary school. Shy and quiet when outside, and wacky at home
that's awesome. i had selective mutism in elementary school, yet some girl decided to befriend me anyway even though all i would do was smile to her. i had been struggling to find friends, so when i finally met someone who was actually willing to be patient with me instead of bombarding me with questions about why i was so silent, i actually opened up and began talking to her after some years. she didn't act surprised and she treated me like a normal person afterwards which was the best feeling i'd ever had. so, thank you for being patient with your friend. i'm sure it meant the world to her that someone thought she was worth it.
I knew a girl two years younger than me who had something similar. She didn't talk for a long time since she first started school, (I went to a sort of private school with only 15 kids), she wouldn't talk even to teachers. But guess what, no one forced her to speak. She eventually started speaking, but really quietly. I was one of the only people who she would confidently speak to since I was the oldest girl in the school (literally), and for some reason every single child/young girl likes me. She did overcome it and started speaking loudly though. That was 5 years ago. She is now in 6th grade.
Could it be social anxiety? I have it and I rarely if ever talk out in public...I'm 61 years old.
You can see Megan’s little inner voice shouting “YOU DID IT!!” ♥️😭
Fahanie 45:54 is a good example her huge grin is adorable
Awwwwe
@Julie Sprik God help you with all my heart.❤
1000th like
@Dope Cat You need to stop these comments, or you will be reported. Danielle (from the documentary)
Reds grandad is going to keep that message for ever.
Crogg88 your profile picture I Stan
Crogg88 best profile picture 😂
He's trying sooooo hard!! :(
I imagined him listening to the talking book at 2 am crying with happiness. ❤️
When he skipped down the garden afterwards 😭😭😭
When I was a child in the 80s there was not even a name to this crippling disorder. Im so happy to see the advancement on recognizing and treating SM. The therapists are so spot on, so kind and with such patients.
There was. I was diagnosed in the late 70's with selective mutism.
i have selective mutism and the word “crippling” is the perfect word to describe it (sorry to bother i just felt the need to say it)
Consider yourself lucky but I wasn't in the 80s 90s even. It wasn't well known back then. I was sent to time out by teachers who called me "stubborn". After special ed classes, psych units in hospitals I lived in for month, a camp for behavioral children for the summer, I finally ended up in a residential treatment school for four grueling years. It was awful.@@rachelmartin2424
The name prior to selective mutism was elective mutism. So the name has changed.
@@HE4RTS4EM1LYIt's no bother at all :)
There was a girl in our friend group that never spoke but we liked her anyway. She was a very sweet girl and she'd come to sleepovers and such but she just wouldn't talk. It seemed strange when you first met her but once you got to know her, it was just her and even though she wouldn't reply she liked to listen you and she'd smile and nod. I think I've maybe heard her speak 3 times in 5 years. Looking back she definately had selective mutism.
wow that's really sweet and accepting of you guys. you all deserve a cookie
I wish my friends were like that but a lot of them cut me off because “I was weird”
@@winonadaphne6445 lol cookie😂
Isabella Adams this is soooo sweet
so good
Its an anxiety disorder, pressuring them will make it worse
More trauma
But doing nothing isn’t helpful, it’s good to recognise the problem
I've had selective mutism since I was 4 and I used to get told of for shrugging my shoulders and moving my tongue in my mouth and in year 1 my mum was new to it and she made me talk to my teacher and make the teacher walk in while I was talking I cried :)
My mum helped me do interventions up to year 6 then now I speak in high school I hated it when people asked me questions
yeah, I have it.. I don't really talk to anyone except my dad or at school. I want to though but it's hard
I used to have selective mutism, I had it since I was heartbroken when my best friend died when I was 5 and since my body didn’t feel as though it was worth it to talk. It was almost as if my body was neglecting itself because it didn’t want to waste energy. Some days I wasn’t able to talk to myself, which is soul crushing. It felt so weird and I can’t describe it. Last year I got a therapist and finally got over with it. I’m still shy and I had to bring a lot of confidence to write this but I just wanted to share my story. Thank you if anyone sees this and I’m sorry if I didn’t make since, it’s just hard to talk about and I hope that people can understand that.
Edit thanks so much for all the nice replies they have made me feel much more confident telling my story
Well done for sharing :)
Thank you for sharing.
Don’t worry it made sense! It’s nice to hear someone whose had the condition speak up.
Its really brave of you=) keep going on I have a clue where youre coming from amd its nice to see someone be so brave.
Im so proud of you baby🥺
i get this. i’m autistic and when i get a bit too overstimulated i tend to go non-verbal, so not being able to speak even if you really, really want to makes sense to me. i get this.
Me too. But, I start to speak 🗣 when, I was almost 8 years old from my childhood.
@@nathancruz9172 so you didn't speak until you were 8? My nephew is 5 and hasn't spoken yet except a few rare moments. We don't if he ever will but will love him either way.
Same for me. I'm 23 and undiagnosed
@@rachelthompson7487 yes.
I was wondering if this is some sort of autism.
I cried when Megan said "my name is Megan" 😭 such a huge step to speak in front of a brand new teacher!
Oh, I just cried again when she said her name to the film crew!! 😭
And did you see how proud she was of herself!?!😭
Yeah when she talked to the film crew in the end was adorable!☺️
And the smile! It's contagious. :D
She's so precious little doll, I hope the best future for her
can u drop the time stamp
Imagine all the roasts these kids have thought of by now
Ava Taylor ahahahahhaaah 169 likes
This is the best comment so far
yes i have
Haha, that explains why I'm so sarcastic now! 😉😂
Everyone would be burnt
u can hear the happiness on the directors voice when Megan talked to him! so cute I love Megan
What time stamp?
@@analeemiranda very last part of the video
Allyson Terhune okay thank you 48:11
I was selectively mute as a child, from when I started to talk until maybe 10 years of age (where I forced myself to talk). I was just deadpan. I could talk to my mum/sister brother but not my dad or extended family and 100% not teachers, strangers or other children. Turns out I am autistic, diagnosed at 38. I went mute again in labour with my first daughter and was absolutely dying inside, I needed help, but because I was mute with a deadpan face they thought I was fine and left me alone. The trauma still haunts me to this day.
When I was born ppl said that I was this and then when I got a lil older ppl said I was just shy and I talk to my parents and my sis and my cousins and a lil to my grandparents but I barely talk to anyone else I am fine talking to other kids but I'm scared talking to adults I used to talk a lot more when I was little to the ppl i was comfortable with but when I got older I think I started talking a lot less idk why exactly and idk if i even hv select mute but I just wanted u to know that i hope ur doing ok and I can kinda relate to this so tysm
why is everyone in this documentary acting like these children are just choosing not to speak? selective mutism is often treated as a behavioural issue or a speech issue when in fact it's closer to anxiety and fear. the children are not at fault and shouldn't be called not normal.
It's like the fact there trying to bribe them to talk...I mean don't they think if they could they would ?
They are and as someone who suffers with it: thanks for making a documentary but this actually makes people think we're jerks and not trying.
I did something kind of similar to these kids, and I know exactly how they feel. They will 100% get out of it but it will take some time.
exactly! i had selective mutism as a child, and i didn't choose it. I was heavily bullied and it was really traumatic for me, if it was a choice i would have talked lmao.
It’s an anxiety disorder which is unwittingly reinforced by family members & teachers every day. Step one: Stop using the white board or giving the child alternate ways to communicate. Step two: stop communicating for them & accommodating their wishes when they point, nod or otherwise try to get what they want without talking. This is not unkind. Imagine how hard it is being the only kid not talking at school. It requires a total, combined effort by the adults & some siblings. Eliminate “speaking aides”, a person assigned to help the child get by not talking at school with a “jotter” & constant interpretation of what the child feels, thinks or wants. Not accommodating the selective mutism works & the child feels esteemed when they do speak, this is what reduces the anxiety. Do not accommodate their rules. The phrase “face your fears” is true in every sense here. Notice how much the adults talk when the child does not. Removing these accommodations helps in months. Eleven years of feeling “special” but, not in a good way as Danielle reports the mutism did to her is too many years lost. Often or even always, the behavior of the adults around the child is neglected when it’s exactly that which keeps it going. Blame is not at issue here; it’s an unintentional dynamic.
I had this condition until I was 14. For me, it was a phobia of being judged for anything I said. When I was really young, I said something, and a bunch of kids laughed at me and that triggered it.
msdarkstar1012 I had that too. I could actually be very chatty around kids I knew accepted me and wouldn’t judge me. Including family. But with strangers, I’d find it intimidating and scary to even let out a peep for the fear of being judged or mocked. I eventually grew out of it though and people now people just want me to shut up mostly. 😂
Understood. Some people I would only write letters to. Never had a name for it. I mean, I would say hi and stuff but was afraid of being judged for important things so I would only say them in writing. Still some things I will only voice by text because I'm too afraid to say them, especially to certain friends& mentors. Its not selective mutism, but there's still an aspect of anxiety there when I will write certain things instead of say them to certain people or have to take the time to brave up first.
were you bullied because of an accent. Im just curious
Abby the Dancer they didn’t laugh at the way I talked, they laughed about what I said. I don’t remember what I said, but I definitely remember the reaction.
I got my diagnose when I was 3 or 4... I am 22 now and still suffer from mutism.. :/
I worked with a young woman who had selective mutism as a child due to severe sexual abuse. She told me she stopped speaking because no-one could hear her scream anyway... It was heart-breaking.
Terrible....
that’s heartbreaking i’m so sorry, if you still know her please give her so so much love
If you ever see her, tell her I am rooting for her
💔
Even I think it is the reason...
watching this for a second time … megan is the sweetest little girl i’m so proud of her for her speech therapy and speaking in front of her new teacher !!
I was super moved by that part too!
Red’s granddad is so patient and wonderful with her. You can really feel his pain when he’s talking about how it feels that she can’t talk to him. The smile when he hears the book and he hears her voicemail is beautiful! You can feel his emotion when he says, “4 words!”
I dont understand how the parents let it go on for years. They should have been taking steps when it first appeared.
@@tubester4567 All of our parents got us help from a very young age. Selective Mutism is such a rare condition, there are very few experts in it, and as such very few widely known treatment techniques that can be used to help the sufferer. Danielle (from the documentary)
@@daniellef3023 Fair enough. Hope you're doing well.
@@tubester4567 Thank you :)
“10 year old Megan goes cheerleading ever Thursday...but she doesn’t ever cheer...”
Oh the irony! 🤫😭😂
Natalie Grother the fact that she don’t even mouth the words or nothin
"Doesn't ever cheer". So Megan is leading......
You don’t have to cheer for cheerleading
Maggie Dogos looks incredibly dumb when she just stood there saying nothing just doing the actions
@@gregshearer423 You look incredibly dumb calling a child with a disorder "dumb"
I feel so bad for Red’s grandad. I actually wanna cry for him!
I saw red speaking in one of the comment section and she said she hasn't spoken to her grandad till now she's all grown up 19 years old she speaks to who she wants is quite sad she hasn't spoken to him poor him
Kaykay Luv Where?
@Ruby Smith www.bbc.com/news/stories-48557674
As an adult, you should be mature enough to have empathy for a fearful kid, I think.
@@kaykayluv7531 This is correct. At the time of filming this documentary (10 years ago) Red spoke to 8 people. She can now speak to lots, but not to some close family members. The more she wants to be able to speak to someone, the harder it is. It is really hard to get your head around the fact that she can speak to a 'stranger' but not someone she really loves.
I have a friend who had selective mutism as a young child. She didn’t talk at all when she was young. Now she’s completely different. She talks to everyone, she makes TikTok’s, is super confident, has a boyfriend, etc. she’s also not afraid to stand up for herself. She’s 16.
What a turnaround. That's really good that her anxiety no longer prohibits her from leading a normal life
The childreen in Megan's class are so mature and understanding about her phobia, is so amazing to see kids so educated. And it's kinda rare this days.
Fr
Yeah
yeah, I'd be so worried. my class (like the people in my grade) is pretty nice, but I know other grades are a lot worse.
I agree, they are so nice. Also amazing profile picture 💜
For sure!! And it seemed like it helped her confidence so much. I was so proud to hear her talk at the end
Also hello ami I hope you're having a wonderful day!!
I loved how Megan’s friend helped her by prompting “thumbs up, thumbs down, in the middle.”
I love that she didn’t push her to hard that it made her uncomfortable, although I feel someone should personally ask her the same question so she is prepared for it
So cute
So sweet when Megan would speak and smiled like she was pleased with herself.
I think that was a shy smile. A lot of people smile when they're embarrassed
I know proper melted my heart
I was ur 1k like
My heart melted when she smiled❤️
EVERY TIME SHE SPOKE AND THEN SMILED MADE ME CRY
I had this until about 11 years old. I remember how rude all my teachers used to be, it was a traumatic experience that make me shy and anti social as a teen, resulting in an adult that has problem making friends
Bruh tell me about it. Moving away from home after high school was pretty freeing because I realized I could be whoever I wanted to be. I have a nephew going on 6 and a niece 3 that have never really spoken. They’ve like struggled to get any of the right sounds out so i guess it’s something else, but it seems like he’s stopped trying and is doing what I did. And it’s frustrating to see the adults do what they always do and talk about his problem in front of him like no one’s home. And badger him with questions and words instead of just being patient and treating him like a normal human. Kids do it too obviously.
I had this exact same problem when I started secondary I wasn’t able to speak freely anymore due to the trauma from past teachers. That first year they made me take ‘nurture’ classes to help me learn how to communicate. I still struggle with being able to talk to adults now that I am now an adult.
Red’s granddad is such a sweetheart. Its lovely to see someome who loves his granddaughter so much
I agree om not sure how i would feel if i could never hear my grandchildren laugh .speak sing reds grandad should never give up he obviously loo loves her very lush
He’s so sweet and reminds of my grandpa so much ❤️
Reds grandad is the sweetest most patient man, the way he loves his grand daughter unconditionally and gets so excited to be with her 🥰🥰🥰
So cute littel girl
I disagree. Although it’s clear he loves her greatly, he was very immature at times, taking it personally and pressuring her so much.
99
Can we talk about the literal pep she put in his step. When they got the phones and were first walking to the back of the yard, he was walking like an old grandpa. After he got the message, he was literally skipping. I loved that
But he's starting to get tired.
When my son was a child he was diagnosed with this condition (he has since grown out of it), but a teacher taught him enough sign language to go to the bathroom and get water. She also approached me one day and handed me a blank cassette and recording device so that I could talk to him at home and bring it back to him so she could get an idea of how he might be able to communicate - she was amazing.
Wow. Really amazing. To take the time to do all that.... wow.
I honestly wondered why more parents/educators didn't learn at least basic signs.
My kid was diagnosed at 3 yrs old. But started talking at 5 yrs old. Her kindergarten teacher was amazing and made her feel safe enough to talk.
Oh my goodness what an angel
My brother Had the same problem. But it hasn't resolved completely, he's 15 now and I'm very worried because we live in a small town in pakistan and we don't have helpful teachers or any child psychiatrists.
Can anybody tell me what to do to help him??
I have autism & selective mutism so I was bullied so badly for it at school. My bullies have stripped me naked, stolen my belongings, beat me up, pushed me down the stairs, thrown my food & even the teachers have laughed & joked. Such a lonely place & I wish this upon no one... So nice to see the girl doing good🥺❤️
Oh my God, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I'm also on the spectrum and I was mostly nonverbal until age 6. I hope ur doing well now♥
@@YeahitsMeSylvia I am ok I have some kind of trauma but I am doing well in college & I have friends who are also autistic❤️
im so sorry you had to go through that
So sorry to hear that you experienced so much unkindness. There are decent sorts out there too, and I'm hoping that you meet more and more good people in your future. You don't deserve to be bullied, no matter what. My own child has been affected by SM for much of her life and is on the spectrum as well. It infuriates me when I hear of kids being so unkind to others. (And especially knowing some teachers behave the same way, that is really horrible.) Best wishes to you!
I probably didn't have that condition as such but after my sister died when i was 6 and having been constantly ignored or shouted at when she was ill I stopped speaking to my parents.
Megan’s smile when she spoke was the cutest thing! She looked so proud of herself 🥺
@Dope Cat You've been reported for this.
@Dope Cat You don't "select mutism", Selective does not mean "selecting".
Dope Cat man your dumb
@•blossom bubbles YT• Not sure what you're asking here.
@•blossom bubbles YT• Due to a comment that was classed as harassment towards me.
It quite often looks like they're about to speek they keep opening their mouths like they're about to say something but then it just shuts and they just kinda look sad...
@Luna Saito wow how long did you spend writing that....
@Luna Saito Would you mind detailing more of the psychological factors or selective mutism? I'm genuinely curious. Also, what affects which people are easiest to speak to?
@reshi p Just to clarify, we were having help just as you suggested, whether that be therapy or medication. We all agreed to take part in the documentary to raise awareness of the condition and to use our experiences to help others. Danielle (from the documentary)
Danielle F how are you doing? :) how old are you now and has anything major changed for you? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to!
@@Dee912 Hi! I'm more than happy to answer questions :) I'm 26, and just about to finish a PhD in mathematics. I speak to everyone now, although I still deal with severe Social Anxiety, as well as some other anxiety disorders, on a daily basis. Things have definitely changed a lot for me over the 10 years since this was filmed!
Red's Grandad: "It's hard to put into words"
Red: "Tell me about it"
Lol-
@Dope Cat You need to stop these comments, they're abusive and insulting. Danielle (from the documentary)
@Dope Cat I'm fine thank you, but please stop these comments.
@Dope Cat You're an absolute creep. What a try hard with that Joker pfp haha.
@Dope Cat You realize the reason people have selective mutism is because of abuse, right?
The COURAGE it must have taken for Danielle to switch schools and speak !!!! I’m in awe
Shes right she’s not ordinary, she’s extraordinary
Thank you for your kind words! Danielle (from the documentary) :)
When I was 8 I was diagnosed with selective mutism, I’ve had a lot of therapy and it has helped so much❤️ these girls are so sweet ⭐️
gracie K omg! It’s so good to find your comment here! :D
gracie K me too. i’ve had it up until 7th grade. still can’t explain why.
I literally see you everywhere 😂💗
Definitely😭☀️
Hi! I love your channel! This is a cool fact about you. I don't have selective mutism, but I do have other problems that I need therapy for. I have severe depression, severe anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and a Tic Disorder. Your channel has helped me quite a bit! So, thank you for everything!
Communication is so much more than just talking.
So true. My communication seems to be in body language as I have autism. I never actually realised I never communicated any emotions I just spoke about birds or my interests. It wasn't until I started therapy two years ago that I realised I never actually told anyone my feelings and since I was diagnosed with ASD, everyone has pointed out that when I get anxious (and I mean ANXIOUS, like to the point of crying) I will shake my leg. I never realised that until then because I couldn't even recognise my own feelings so it is like my own body is communicating with me as well.
Sometimes I have entire conversations about actually really deep things through specifically gay memes on instagram
I suffer from the same type of communication issues. There are only a few people I can actually tall to. I just can't talk properly when I am not able to predict what the person is going to say or expect what to say. If I know the person well already, then I am comfortable sharing what I have to say with them. I have tried putting myself out and talking to strangers. Sometimes I am convinced everyone else can read my mind. I think they are just reading my body language, but I always notice a change in posture and positioning when I have a specific thought. I think it comes from a fear of having others actually hearing what you are thinking, rather than what you want to say.
lakon childs I have asd as well, it’s not to that extent; but there are certain things that I can’t understand about myself when it comes to emotions, or sharing feelings.
Like when it comes to someone I like I can’t make myself tell them or even my friends (I’m 17, not at the age when girls first liking people romantically)
I also just can’t translate what I feel in to words, if I’m stressed, I kind of know why or what it feels like, but explaining is so difficult.
@@squidneythesquid2487 When I was that age school and work put extra social pressure on me. It's normal to freeze in the face of fear. I throw myself into situations that make my heart race so I am more accustomed to the anxiety that comes with talking to people. Try walking up to someone you like or someone who scares you and say hello. Talk about their day and things you like. After a while, it gets a little easier. It takes practice, but I can approach at store counters and at work without feeling like someone is wrapping their hands around my throat anymore.
My niece had this. My sister and I look exactly alike, although we are not twins, we are mistaken for it. My niece thought I was her mom and just walked into the room blurting out something and then stopped when she realized who I was. I didn’t react and just said your mom’s in the other room. She looked shocked and ran out, and then came back in with her mom. She was silent again and I just looked at her mom and said deadpan, “yes she spoke, and she did not explode.” My niece thought that was hilarious and began laughing quietly, and I added, “oh please be quiet, unless your going to fart fireworks.” She doubled over with very audible laughter and said, “stop it! You’re going to make me pee!” So from there she felt more and more comfortable being around me, and gradually began to talk more. Now she’s a regular chatter box in her twenties but still “shy” in public.
Do you have a caregiver/guardian/parent, usually your father, who seems disinterested in you? Seems to have very little curiosity about your likes and dislikes? Is he emotionally unavailable? Does he emotionally neglect you? People with selective mutism have social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder. Those are disorders where the sufferer are very shy. This shyness/low self-esteem is known by psychologists to be caused by childhood emotional neglect, which is a type of childhood trauma, according to Dr. Melanie Joy in her book "Strategic Action for Animals". Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book for adults who suffered from parents who neglected their emotional needs as kids titled "Running On Empty", because childhood trauma can leave adults feeling empty inside (a contant sense of longing). She says that you can still end up with childhood trauma if your dad only interacted with you as if you were a generic child. You know how supermarket cashiers say the exact same thing to every customer?: "How is your day today?" , "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Have a nice day". The parent doesn't know the kid's favorite foods, disliked foods, favorite number, favorite color, favorite book, what grades the kid is getting in school, etc. A non-neglectful parent would ask you questions that could not be asked to any child: if you are a fan of ballet, he might ask you, "Which ballet slipper color is your favorite to wear?", "What do you think of The Nutcracker music for performances?". According to Dr. Kirk Honda's video on Mary Trump's book on Donald Trump, if you are an adult that was emotionally neglected as a child, you should get your parent who neglected you to start giving to what he should have given you as a child now as an adult. If the parent refuses, then the next best thing would be to have the therapist act as if they are the sufferer's father and act in a nurturing way towards the sufferer. Thais Gibson has videos about this too, which she calls "re-parenting". The book "The Flight From Intimacy" by therapists Barry Weinhold and Janae Weinhold have suggestions like having an adult feed an adult a baby bottle while holding them. I have no idea if that would be effective or not. The book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" is also about men who weren't nurtured as kids, weren't given affection as kids, and so now they have a fear of intimacy. They avoid intimacy by not talking. I also heard that most speech impediments are not caused by a physical problem, but by some sort of emotional trauma, so a person with a speech impediment would be better off seeing a psychodynamic or trauma-informed therapist rather than a speech-language pathologist. Maybe EMDR or Ericksonian hypnotherapy or re-parenting would tap into the unconscious mind where trauma is held; I don't know. I have talked to some very shy people, and they all had fathers who were uninvolved in learning about their children. This is true for the TH-camr BulletProofMonkeon; he said that when he was a kid, his dad took him to a pub and made him sit at a different table with a bag of potato chips while he chatted the entire time with his friends, not including his son in the conversation. So I think his social anxiety comes from feeling rejected by his dad. The psychodynamic school of Sigmund Freud would say that the kid thinks to himself, "if even my dad doesn't care to know me, how can I expect strangers to be interested in my opinion? They won't." So just as the kid has learned not to approach their father for nurturance, they learn not to approach strangers for nurturance. There's a good description of this in the chapter titled "The Quiet Man" in the book "Red Flags!" by Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb, who specialize in criminal profiling. They're not saying Quiet Men are criminals; it's just that they are experts in pegging people based on their childhoods of a father who was absent or uninvolved, or lots of verbal abuse in the family, or both parents died when young. That's in the quiz section where it lists the childhood commanlities of "The Quiet Man".
@@moondog7694 oh my god stop it these comments are both intrusive and unnecessary, it’s not your business
Additionally, I have social anxiety and I’m very ‘shy’ and my father was extremely loving and caring. It just happens sometimes. Not everything stems from how people were raised in childhood
Aw amazing!!!
That’s beautiful
@@moondog7694 interesting, speaking for myself i never really noticed anyone interested in knowing about me when i was a kid. I don't remember having that emotional bond with anyone and i have 7 other siblings and I'm the youngest at that. I've had SM since probably before i could even speak. I do know there were physical and emotional/verbal abuse between my parents and they broke up when i was 2. But idk I think SM is a complex and unique disorder in itself, sometimes i do go back to my childhood and try to figure out if i went through some trauma that would explain my anxiety/depression...when it comes down to it I cannot deny that I didn't.
I think I will gripe less about how much my kids talk. It’s a blessing. I am so happy for these three girls who are making such progress!
This.. so true.. w my youngest son i would always tell him he talked to much.. he's 15 now(still talks all the time) but now I have a 2 year old.. who is yet to talk. Embrace every single word they say... my perspective has definitely changed. I'd give anything to hear my baby girl say anything to me. ❤💫
Megan's smile after saying im 10 so cute how proud of herself she is
Naomi Jenkins when?
I cried when Meghan introduced herself to her new teacher....So happy for her...
does she spell her name with an H? or is that how you spell Meghan?
awh ikr
she’s so sweet
I know even though I just know about her through this video I was so proud :)
what part was that?
@@meghangilkey9101 there are SO many ways to spell it. It's kinda silly really.
I knew a girl in primary school who never talked, just nodded and shook her head. I only figured out she could speak after she laughed.
We never pushed her to speak, she would accompany us and play, we all liked her. I moved schools eventually but ended up seeing her again in high school.
She was still quiet but spoke to me for the first time. I was pretty excited to say the least.
That’s amazing 🥲
It's so good to see someone who didn't push a child to speak when they are not ready.
If she remembered you, she probably spoke to you because she liked you too and thought it was very nice of you to play with her even when she was quiet :)))
I think you and your friends we're probably one of the best things that happened to that girl. Sometimes all children need are friends who can help to overcome or cope with their fears and differences
I’m my school we had to write a small like life story of someone on the first day the girl I wrote about didn’t say a word so eventually after telling them my life story i just made up one for them it was about them being a world class spy and they had multiple names used throughout but i just called them Benjamin I think they liked it cuz they smiled a lot when I read it to them XD
Wow, that girl could be me, and I didn't realize how strange I was for all people around me haha. Only my family knew my voice, and neighbours I had to interact with. The first time I decided to speak at school everyone was amazed. I just didn't speak cause I didn't want to, and maybe some fear but definitely It was due to being confortable with nonody talking to me, cause I didn't want to talk to them. I hated people trying to make me speak, rarely I felt anxiety but anger when they used to force me. My classmates never tried, they were always respectful, but a pair of teachers were a headache for me.
I still feel so bad for the times in HS when I made a big deal out of a shy girl not speaking then when she finally did I made a big deal of it again thinking that I was helping boost her up when I was probably just making her anxiety so much worse omg. I just cringe when I think of it.
I had a friend who I’ve been best mates with for 5 years and she had selective mutism, we literally clicked and I made her confidence grow and knowing that I helped her, I felt so proud. She is more confident than years back and she even told me ❤😭
I shed a tear when Meghan spoke to the reporter.
I was crying the whole time
Me too ;)
Fatima ALsinan Why? Because they don’t talk?
@@YoYo-ip9pw because they wanted to talk but couldn't and because they were clearly suffering and it was hard for them and for the parents 2 and I also was crying from happiness when they talked so basically I just CRIED A LOT
Fatima ALsinan the parents where also suffering to
Danielle is a hero. She just said "Screw this anxiety, I'm breaking out!" And fought every day since. Good for her!
Thank you! Danielle (from the documentary) 😊
@@daniellef3023 you have very lovely eyes! I'm hope you are living a happy fulfilling joyful life.
@@patriciaboyer2675 Thank you so much :)
@@dababydababy7290 I was asked to take part through a Selective Mutism website.
Danielle F wow thanks for doing this study because I think my sisters and I had it growing up too (we have the same name btw). We moved a lot and I kept telling myself in the next school or grade I’m going to talk. I learned that confidence and God is the key and not worrying about who may notice that you (the quiet kid) started talking for the first time. But you are beautiful and I’m sure u know that by now being that this is a old video
I always wanted mine to magically go away but one of the reasons why I can't just POOF it is because I'm scared of the reactions.
I hate it when people are like "OH MY GOD SHE SPOKE" or like "WOW CONGRATULATIONS". Like no. Please don't congratulate me. It's embarrassing and it's what's keeping me from fighting out my condition.
This is why when my family moved to a different city it finally went away.
*Well it's still there but not as bad as before*
Oh, the reactions when people finally *do* hear me speak. It was part of why my selective got so bad and still is
Cringe Corner I can definitely relate, people would think it’s funny to say “woW ShE hAs A vOiCe” if I said something once in a full moon and if anything it just embarrassed me
OMG YESS i dont have selective mutism but i have this with other things. In 1st and 2nd grade i never tried to hide the fact my teeth were falling from my parents, and once when i got this award at school for behaving good or something (it was a pretty big deal at the time lol) i cried when i got it because i didnt like that people were congratulating me like that. I wasnt even aware why i felt like that back then. I just did and onky years later i understand why lol
YES SAME HERE!!
Omg same!! Wow this is the most relatable comment ever❤️
Every time Megan speaks, I tear up. I can tell how hard she wanna over come her condition! hope she is doing well today!
She has a twitter account and going by the party girl nature of some of the posts it is safe to say she is very over it.
@@bird6691 Whats the account?
I have a child with SM. The pressure they add for her to talk is having the reverse effect. STOP!!!
Please remember this was a highly edited documentary made over 10 years ago. SOme things come across very differently to the reality of day-to-day life.
just agreed with you
Yep! My uncles used to pressure me to talk and go on and on and on about it, to the point where i hated seeing them and had 0 intention to start talking
You're a good parent!
I'm so happy you understand :)
@@mrsjolleyrpeteacher3610 ik it is like this..
Even if it didnt happen all the time one situation like this is enough to break all trust.
Won't talk isn't correct, more like CAN'T talk. I suffered from selective mutism as a child and is is stressful and embarrassing. I couldn't even read an eye chart at an optometrist appointment. I luckily outgrew this after my family moved town. It is very helpful to have a supportive family that doesn't draw attention to the issue.
Totally agree with you about the title, but I think they called it that so that it sounded like it was coming from the parents' perspective. It is misleading though! Danielle (from the documentary) :)
Danielle Fitt Yes, that makes sense. It must be very frustrating parenting a child who exhibits a behavior the parent is helpless to change.
@@3Zeppoli I know how frustrating it is from a sufferer's perspective, but I can't even begin to imagine how my parents must have felt!
I agree 100% . People make it seem like we can’t talk. But we have a voice, we can understand people. We try as hard as we can to even say a single word but we just can’t. It’s not a choice for us.
You can't outgrow a disability.. so more like won't talk
EVERY TIME MEGHAN SPOKE I CHEERED FOR HER
I had selective mutism in elementary school in the 60s. I didnt know there was a name for it. I'm so glad no one pushed me to speak. I think that would have made me angry. I outgrew it on my own in high school.
the way megan smiles when she speaks is crazy
It's a reaction to the anxiety.
As a kid all i did was smile (and still do a lot of the time). thats all i could do. its kinda like a reflex. even if im sad and someone is trying to talk to me i just smile lol. i cant help it
You might have developed smile mask syndrome. Look it up. Alot of female workers in service related jobs in Japan have developed it from being expected to smile to customers from their bosses and consequently smiling too much that it has become a disorder.
So cute
I had select mutism for about 10 years of my early childhood. I didn't know I had it until years after I overcame it. Having select mutism is so hard to describe. Talking to people who weren't immediate family felt like it would be hell for me. Many have told me that I was just being shy when in reality, I had no clue as to why I didn't want to. It just felt natural, and I was just scared to speak. I was asked repeatedly about it and was guilt tripped multiple times. I relate so much to the kids in this video, from the facial expressions, to the constant strugging, and the fear of saying something to or around someone that you don't want to speak to. Sadly, people weren't as kind to me due to my select mutism, and I was bullied physically and emotionally by teachers, students, and even some family members for not speaking to them. A close family member pushed me onto the floor and slammed me into walls for not speaking up at school. I dreaded going to school every single day. Teachers would try to pressure me into speaking by having me stand in front of the class for 5 minutes before having me sit down. By the end of it, I'd be in tears. I've had a teacher try to follow me home, trying to pressure me into speaking. I've had a classmate take advantage of me by slapping me in the face or hitting my face with basketballs until my face was bruised. I've had a classmate pull on my hair and stab me with a pencil. They did all this because they knew that I could not tell the school staff. I remember dreading substitutes because they would get angry and yell at me until I was in tears. I can barely remember anything good from my childhood because of all these things that happened to me. They were the worst years of my life, and it's one of the main reasons why I'm glad I overcame it. I would never wish for those years to come back. Now the only current struggle I have is talking to strangers on the phone. I know this video isn't recent, but I'm glad that there is a popular video being spread about selective mutism. More people need to know about it, so it can be handled properly. So that less people have to go through what I went through
I am sorry for what you went through as a child. There is a lot of ignorance on the subject. I didn’t have select mutism but I was very quiet and people will get upset with me for not talking. I don’t like speaking on the phone with strangers either. I try to avoid it as much as I can because it makes me anxious.
@toughshikkie that’s horrendous how you were treated. You must have such strength in order to have overcome this. Have you considered writing a book of your experiences and how you have overcome such adversity? It’s probable that such a book would help many many people. Good luck to you for the future. 😃😃
This was a fantastic documentary.
Very sweet !
And Your words were very deep to read.
I remember me being a selectiv mutist from Kindergarden up to around age 13.
It was draining. I had to use all my strength to avoid talking, let alone make any sound. I wanted to be invisible ! Not existent. My eyes never left the floor. I sensed have been a annoyance and frustration for everyone around me. The hardest were the breaks between classes. I hid myself in corners or looked myself in the toilet. Bloking the toilet. All sounds and voices coming from the other side of the door. My body was stiff, I didn't make a move, was relieved when the classe bell rang to step out. Teachers gave up on me. That was a great relief. Back home I spoke a lot, a lot with my toy's in my room. I punished my toy's and tourted them. Twisted their neck, banged them against the table corners. I was so aggressive. All that frustration and anger had to be relieved. I hated myself the most. My self-hatred is my companion up to today, makes every step beside me. And that is OK. I am a problematic person and avoid social contact. People avoid me as well. My Vibes reach my surroundings. And that is also ok. My life is a mess. And that is ok. All is ok to me, because I understand myself as I am. I love my lonly nesse like a bright sparkling treasure. I am at peace.
I enjoyed this documentary !
I had the honor reading Your experience !
I loved each girl of this docu.
I appreciate the Teachers and therapist's and the people behind the camera !
Warm greetings from Frankfurt 👋😃
I'm so sorry that happened to you. All those people deserve to be punished LIKE HELL
I had it too. I got bullied for it by kids at school as well. Not by teachers or family but they did always make comments on how I didn’t talk. It is hard to describe but it’s kinda like….in certain situations, the words will physically not come out. Like a mental block but instead of mental it was physically hard to make myself talk.
Meghans voice is so so sweet and soft. It just melts your heart.
True ;_;
Megan's smile when she's able to respond with the other kids!! 😭🥰
When Red said "Happy Birthday Grampa ", I almost cried
At what time did she say that?
The Girl That Cried 47:26
She’s actually 19 now and still hasn’t spoken to her grandpa /:
Alexandrea Geidel oh, how did you find that out :(
i used to have selective mutism as a kid. most people thought i physically wasn’t able to speak so they reacted so enthusiastically when they heard me whisper for the first time that i just stopped talking again
one person in my 1st grade class thought a cat took my tounge (i dont like that joke actually) im now in middle school so...
I don't talk, and afraid of saying something wrong. A classmate happens to see me at a shop with my family, and all jumping around talking. I saw her and stopped. She came to the classroom telling everyone about it, "She talked!" After I say something, teachers would go "You have a nice voice!" and excited when trying to make me smile and laugh. Plus its always, "Hello", replies "Hello", ends.
Same
Catherine Ann i'm so sorry you have to go through that, i completely understand how you feel
Catherine Ann
Hey, I’m just curious incasso it is ever helpful in the future, but what is the best way to react to someone with SM after they talk to you for the first time?
Should I ignore it, simply compliment them on their voice or something. Or is a “thank you for speaking to me,” good?
I’m sorry if this question is to straight forward, I just want to be able to handle that sort of situation to the best of my ability and saying nothing seems like I’m not appreciating it but mentioning it might be too much for the other person...? Thanks :)
When Megan finally spoke to the documentry people I was like wow well done
Eaaeawesewewwac.
Joynal Abedin ?
time stamp ?
It was so cute
@@hhaleyydever4460 48:10 I know I’m 2 years late lol
Megan’s story is probably my favorite, her major developments have me so proud and her finally answering the camera guy makes my heart warm, I hope these kids/young adults now have made it so far ❤️❤️
Seeing how anxious Megan was then seeing her face light up when she speaks is heart warming
@Dope Cat what the
@Dope Cat angry because?
@Dope Cat huh?
@Dope Cat seeing happiness? absolutely maddening
@Dope Cat I can tell you one thing, this is not funny at all. When I was little, I couldn't speak due to anxiety at school, my speech ability completely shutted down (and I can tell you, it's horrible, especially when you're bullied and you can't defend yourself, also the teachers didn't do anything, which made everything worse). There was a psychologist who visited me regularly at home and she said that I was completely normal (even more intelligent than peers). Also, I could speak normal at home.
Luckily when I became older, I started to talk more, but the biggest improvement was when I left primary school, I never had to see my class/teachers again. I didn't had very much friends until my 17/18, but I could speak normal. At university I was (and still am) a completely normal student. And yes, I still hate to speak in group, but I can control my anxiety. You won't tell anymore that I had very much problems to speak to foreigners when I was little, now I can even talk/argue with foreigners and tell my opinion 🙂.
And I'm a non native English speaker, so I know that my sentences aren't perfect. I try to do my best. I can understand everything, but writing is more difficult.
By the way, it's thanks to people like you and your reactions that persons with anxiety problems just get more problems. You don't help them with your comments. You may be proud of yourself 👏🙄
And to them with anxiety orders, persons who are bullied,... There is always someone who cares about you.
And to normal people, if you see a child that gets bullied, please help them. For example I was once on a tram with a girlfriend, and there was a girl (13/14yo) who was bullied by a few other persons. We took her with us and let her sit between us while we talked to the bullies. We talked to her all the way (she kept quiet). After the bullies got off, she said thank you to us, and until the corona broke out, we saw her almost every week and talked to each other. Sometimes that one person can really make a difference.
I have selective mutism, I’ve had it since 6th grade and it peaked first year of high school. it’s very hard to live with. Imagine being so anxious you freeze, but that freeze is in your vocal chords. No matter how much you try, or how much you want to, your body will not let you speak. It’s exhausting. I’m also most likely on the autistic spectrum (update as of 2021, i was diagnosed autistic in 2019!) and the SM made it a LOT harder to communicate than it already is for me. But, I’ve gotten a lot better, and I’m almost completely recovered which I’m proud of but it’s still a struggle.
Would you ever consider sign language as a form of expression? Then you could communicate with other children or adults in a positive way and could improve confidence x
Omg wow but yet you’re ok to type all over the internet?
Danielle seriously? typing on the internet is not the same as speaking for people with sm. what a ridiculous statement
kaneki ken you not ok so just fucking speak. Seriously, there’s nothing physical or mentally stopping them from speaking they are just too scared. This is the most fuckedbup thing I’ve heard of
i'm so happy for you :D
Okay but we can all agree walking up to a random woman and thinking it was your mom and she turns around and the feeling of your heart dropping to the floor and basically running away while crying is kinda the worst feeling.
When I was 6 or 7 I actually followed a woman out of a shop thinking she was my mom. Luckily I wasn't traumatized by this event (my mom perhaps was a bit when she realized I wasn't with her in the shop though).
when i was young my parents were picking me up from school. i thought i saw my mom walk in and wanted to “scare” her by grabbing on to one of her legs. when i grabbed on the lady’s leg and looked up and saw it wasn’t my mom i ran away crying
My friend got in his dad's car after school except it wasn't her dad. Same car, black male and same hat he wears. She unbuckled and jumped out lol
Nanya Bus. I did the same thing! I got in and started ranting about my day. I didn’t notice I was in the wrong car until the driver chuckled. I apologized and ran out.
No
Had a student in my class last year with selective mutism. Lockdowns were one of the best things for this as I had one on one video conferences with her and in the safety of her home, with her mum next to her, she actually started talking to me, reading books etc. She also would communicate with one of her friends at school and a way to work around assessing these students is to let them use iPads to record themselves, kind of like the book the girl created for her grandad. I actually found out my student was nearly 8 levels higher in reading, but nobody had been able to properly assess her reading ability previously. I would then sit with her and watch the video, commenting on all the positive things she did, this encouraged her to say a few words here and there. I avoided anything negative or that would cause anxiety and patience was hugely important. She actually made Science and Inquiry presentations in video format that I could then show the whole class, they were all so shocked because some of them have known her for 4 years and never heard her talk. It's frustrating that the mum of my student does not acknowledge she needs any external support though, as this will continue into secondary school and every year is like starting all over again. Probably helped that I can speak her native language, Mandarin also.
My son’s teacher had his friend record him on iPad too, last year. It was amazing. Great idea. You seem like a lovely teacher.
Need more teachers like you!
“I have 152 hair bobbles” odd flex but ok
Stella W nawww haha what else is a 8 year old supposed to “say” about herself? She probably collects them
Stella W tbf it’s quite impressive I lose all mine
Hahaha I did too
Pretty. Odd.
😂😂😂
10 year old megan's letter to her class is more articulate than anything i've ever written or said. im nearly 20.
She's not smarter than you; you can apply yourself more.
@@spencerfrankclayton4348 👏
Spencer Frank Clayton it was a joke
Same
Spencer Frank Clayton ugh your one of those
the way megan smiled after saying “i’m 10” i literally am crying 🥺
kayla fiorito me too
She's adorable 😍
Grandpa John’s constant talking and questions hurt my soul. I can’t imagine how painful it is for Red to feel blamed for his upset. I’m mute at times, and it feels horrible to be told you’re hurting someone’s feelings by not talking and you can’t do anything about it.
He really needs to turn down on the questions. He is not helping with the constant questions.
He adjusted after meeting with Red’s support team and followed their suggestions in the end.
It's painful for him too. Even more. Why she wasn't on therapy is a question.
@@naturazpolski9213 Sometimes it's not easy to get on these programs, and it can take years for certain things to get seen by specialist. IDK about SM specifically, but for ASD here it's like 3-4 year wait minimum in certain areas due to there being a tiny support team!
It made me sad too, I'm someone who feels guilty really easily if I feel like I've upset someone and being in that situation would make me feel so trapped.
Luckily I haven't had people guilt me like that yet, but I have had my younger brother try to force me to talk and even that is so uncomfortable and makes me so anxious.
The grandfathers face while listening to the voicemail. Broke my heart ❤
Aww Megan bless her when she started talking looked like the happiest girl in the world!
It’s a tiny voice but canNOT Be heard UNDER THE MUSIC
EXO
Lmao
@@brianna9822 aRMY, PANIC! AT THE DISCO FAN, AND TWENTY ONE PILOTS FAN? SAME
Ikr
The sweat on Jimin's abs ARMMYYY HI
I have ADHD and growing up I didn't even know selective mutism was a thing, thanks therapists! I was so embarrassed and hated myself for not being able to talk. kids at school would say hello or ask me a question, or the teacher would ask me to speak and nothing would come out, my mind would go blank or if I had something in my head to say, I could NOT physically get the words out, it was as if my throat just closed up and I'd go into this trance. It still happens on occasion when I'm alone with someone and I feel like I don't know what to say, I just freeze like a scared mouse. It really sucks, these poor little angels, but at least they know what is up with them and have support and help. I have severe social anxiety today. It caused me to drop out of school and college and I suffer through interviews, sometimes going completely mute which obviously means no job. They need the help now before it becomes a part of who they are forever and they can't overcome it.
Can relate, I knew SM was a thing, but I thought it was exclusive to ASD, I only now learn it's not! I genuinely teared up watching this, It made all the feelings come rushing back and I felt so bad for the girls, but when they would smile after talking it was all calm, must of felt so good. I have ASD and ADHD and my SM got brushed off as just being shy, as it was only really strangers and people I didn't see often. So like at home, or at school (for the most part) I didn't have TOO much trouble talking, at least not once I'd settled in. If someone was genuinely friendly and outgoing I had very little trouble talking usually, but I did if I met someone I was a bit scared of (especially older people when I was really young), or even someone like me, or even just someone shy, even though we probably got along better, it was just harder as the awkward silences were more noticeable and became compounded, and then you get past that no point of return when it's just too awkward to talk now nothing's been said for so long and you can't words any more. >.<
I didn't even know I had ASD till like 2-3 years ago btw! O.o
Really proud of Danielle for pushing herself. The more she challenges herself the easier it will get. I wish all the girls the absolute best
Thank you! Danielle (from the documentary) :)
@@daniellef3023 Danielle, you are a lovely and intelligent girl! There's not a single thing I find offputting about your sweet personality, and anyone would be lucky to count you as a friend. Never doubt yourself and your ability to figure this out!
@@CoCo-pd4zp Thank you!
These girls seem so sweet! When Megan's sweet little voice said "yellow" I teared up.
There is a student in my class who never speaks no matter what. I've heard of selective mutism before and kinda suspicious he has it. I never expected him to response to my questions verbally yet I always tried to established some form of communication with him mainly ones he could respond through gesture.
So when he suddenly spoke to me... I almost broke down and cried. He has the sweetest voice and i hope he will talk to me again.
🥺♥️
That's so incredibly kind for you to do! It means so much when somebody tries to understand and communicate with you, most people just ignore and don't bother trying to talk to us kids with selective mutism.
Same with me but my mate only talks over the phone or his console
Any update ?
Did you bring this up to his parents? My daughter had selective mutism when she was 4. I honestly had no clue. It wasn’t until her teacher took me to the side and said, “ I wanted to let you know I suspect you daughter might have selective mutism...I’ve never heard of SM before, she said “it’s been over a month and she has not spoken one single word in class, and I kept in mind that some kids needs more time to warm up to a new person but it has been almost 2 months.... “ that day I order every book book I could find. There was this little kids book called “Maya’s voice” it’s about a little girl who has selective mutism I read this book countless time with her, it was a lonely road at times but I’m so grateful for that teacher she holds a special place in my heart. My daughter was in pre-K, we searched high and low and found an awesome behavioral therapist and we started our journey by kindergarten she was speaking in school. looking back is hard to believe she was ever “mute” she’s is 11 now and thriving. Yes she is an introvert by nature. But she doesn’t have a problem speaking up or asking questions when she needs, she plays sports and loves being a social butterfly. Early intervention is so important.
I only learned today that it actually has a name and it's not only in my head. Crying my eyes out.
i love u
There was a girl in my grade 4 class who never talked. And one day I started talking to her and she became comfortable with the me and would whisper to me but wouldn’t talk to anyone else at the school, I felt so good that she trusted me enough to talk to me. I always wonder where she is now 🙃
you should try and re-connect wither her.
@@Amélie-b8m I honestly have thought about looking at old school pictures from when I used to write everyone’s names and find her on social media
@@raewynbonta1393 you should
Na don't do it. Maybe she overcame it and if you search her in social media with a picture it may rebrand her as the mute one and all her work mates at her office and her boss will find out and that could be pretty bad for her.
@@mickymouse2445 that’s literally so dumb lmao, that makes literally no sense. You think her being mute in elementary will affect her work life? Lol