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Dr Thomas Smithyman
United States
เข้าร่วมเมื่อ 6 ธ.ค. 2018
I'm Thomas, a PhD clinical psychologist and author helping you optimize your social and psychological health.
Get my book here:
geni.us/DatingWithoutFear
Join my newsletter to get your questions answered:
mailchi.mp/09fac9712b6c/thomassmithymanphd
Media and Business Manager: media@thomassmithyman.com
Disclaimer:
This channel is for informational & entertainment purposes only. It does not substitute therapy or constitute a therapist-client relationship. I encourage everyone to consider finding a therapist. If you are having a crisis, call your local crisis hotline. My videos are general in focus, and I can’t give advice for your specific case. Thanks for watching and reading-Thomas.
Get my book here:
geni.us/DatingWithoutFear
Join my newsletter to get your questions answered:
mailchi.mp/09fac9712b6c/thomassmithymanphd
Media and Business Manager: media@thomassmithyman.com
Disclaimer:
This channel is for informational & entertainment purposes only. It does not substitute therapy or constitute a therapist-client relationship. I encourage everyone to consider finding a therapist. If you are having a crisis, call your local crisis hotline. My videos are general in focus, and I can’t give advice for your specific case. Thanks for watching and reading-Thomas.
Become Better Looking through Psychology
Can your personality actually make you more physically attractive? I explore how certain traits can change how others see your looks, backed by surprising psychology and neuroscience findings. What key characteristics shift these perceptions, and why? Watch to learn how your interactions and behavior could enhance your attractiveness-without changing your appearance.
For more on psychology and dating, you can get my book here: geni.us/DatingWithoutFear
NOTE
There’s no single standard for beauty; the ratings in this video reflect the scores reported by the research studies, not a universal rule.
CITATIONS
Phelan, N., & Edlund, J. E. (2015). How disgust affects romantic attraction: The influence of moods on judgments of attractiveness. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 2(1), 16-23.
Demattè, M. L., Österbauer, R., & Spence, C. (2007). Olfactory cues modulate facial attractiveness. Chemical Senses, 32(6), 603-610.
Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2004). The effect of nonphysical traits on the perception of physical attractiveness: Three naturalistic studies. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25(2), 88-101.
Zhang, Y., Kong, F., Zhong, Y., & Kou, H. (2014). Personality manipulations: Do they modulate facial attractiveness ratings? Personality and Individual Differences, 70, 80-84.
He, D., Workman, C. I., He, X., & Chatterjee, A. (2022). What is good is beautiful (and what isn’t, isn’t): How moral character affects perceived facial attractiveness. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts.
Paunonen, S. V. (2006). You are honest, therefore I like you and find you attractive. Journal of Research in Personality, 40(2), 237-249.
Lewandowski, G. W., Jr., Aron, A., & Gee, J. (2007). Personality goes a long way: The malleability of opposite-sex physical attractiveness. Personal Relationships, 14(4), 571-585.
Li, J., He, D., Zhang, W., Huang, R., & He, X. (2023). The effect of moral behavior on facial attractiveness. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 16, 1521-1532.
González-Álvarez, J. (2015). Men dissociate sexual attraction from moral judgment more than women. International Journal of Psychology, 50(6), 431-439.
Cheng, Q., Han, Z., Liu, S., Kong, Y., Weng, X., & Mo, L. (2021). Neural responses to facial attractiveness in the judgments of moral goodness and moral beauty. Brain Structure and Function, 226(1), 155-170.
Quist, M. C., DeBruine, L. M., Little, A. C., & Jones, B. C. (2012). Integrating social knowledge and physical cues when judging the attractiveness of potential mates. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(4), 770-773.
Niimi, R., & Goto, M. (2023). Good conduct makes your face attractive: The effect of personality perception on facial attractiveness judgments. PLOS ONE, 18(2), e0281758.
Kong, F., Zhang, Y., & Chen, H. (2012). ERP differences between processing of physical characteristics and personality attributes. Behavioral and Brain Functions, 8(1), 49.
MY NEWSLETTER
mailchi.mp/09fac9712b6c/thomassmithymanphd
CREDITS
Music - Epidemic Sound
All faces are stock images, not from the studies themselves
Thumbnail created using FaceApp to change my looks
I'm Dr. Thomas Smithyman, a clinical psychologist making videos to help people improve their lives.
QUESTION
Have a question? Post in the comments section of this video.
MY BOOK
Out now: geni.us/DatingWithoutFear
ONLINE THERAPY
I'm not currently accepting new patients for individual therapy.
Subscribe to my channel Here: th-cam.com/channels/nbCIpMq4UH4T7V7RRKVuZQ.html
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.
For more on psychology and dating, you can get my book here: geni.us/DatingWithoutFear
NOTE
There’s no single standard for beauty; the ratings in this video reflect the scores reported by the research studies, not a universal rule.
CITATIONS
Phelan, N., & Edlund, J. E. (2015). How disgust affects romantic attraction: The influence of moods on judgments of attractiveness. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 2(1), 16-23.
Demattè, M. L., Österbauer, R., & Spence, C. (2007). Olfactory cues modulate facial attractiveness. Chemical Senses, 32(6), 603-610.
Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2004). The effect of nonphysical traits on the perception of physical attractiveness: Three naturalistic studies. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25(2), 88-101.
Zhang, Y., Kong, F., Zhong, Y., & Kou, H. (2014). Personality manipulations: Do they modulate facial attractiveness ratings? Personality and Individual Differences, 70, 80-84.
He, D., Workman, C. I., He, X., & Chatterjee, A. (2022). What is good is beautiful (and what isn’t, isn’t): How moral character affects perceived facial attractiveness. Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts.
Paunonen, S. V. (2006). You are honest, therefore I like you and find you attractive. Journal of Research in Personality, 40(2), 237-249.
Lewandowski, G. W., Jr., Aron, A., & Gee, J. (2007). Personality goes a long way: The malleability of opposite-sex physical attractiveness. Personal Relationships, 14(4), 571-585.
Li, J., He, D., Zhang, W., Huang, R., & He, X. (2023). The effect of moral behavior on facial attractiveness. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 16, 1521-1532.
González-Álvarez, J. (2015). Men dissociate sexual attraction from moral judgment more than women. International Journal of Psychology, 50(6), 431-439.
Cheng, Q., Han, Z., Liu, S., Kong, Y., Weng, X., & Mo, L. (2021). Neural responses to facial attractiveness in the judgments of moral goodness and moral beauty. Brain Structure and Function, 226(1), 155-170.
Quist, M. C., DeBruine, L. M., Little, A. C., & Jones, B. C. (2012). Integrating social knowledge and physical cues when judging the attractiveness of potential mates. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(4), 770-773.
Niimi, R., & Goto, M. (2023). Good conduct makes your face attractive: The effect of personality perception on facial attractiveness judgments. PLOS ONE, 18(2), e0281758.
Kong, F., Zhang, Y., & Chen, H. (2012). ERP differences between processing of physical characteristics and personality attributes. Behavioral and Brain Functions, 8(1), 49.
MY NEWSLETTER
mailchi.mp/09fac9712b6c/thomassmithymanphd
CREDITS
Music - Epidemic Sound
All faces are stock images, not from the studies themselves
Thumbnail created using FaceApp to change my looks
I'm Dr. Thomas Smithyman, a clinical psychologist making videos to help people improve their lives.
QUESTION
Have a question? Post in the comments section of this video.
MY BOOK
Out now: geni.us/DatingWithoutFear
ONLINE THERAPY
I'm not currently accepting new patients for individual therapy.
Subscribe to my channel Here: th-cam.com/channels/nbCIpMq4UH4T7V7RRKVuZQ.html
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.
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I’d say it checks out; when I started watching this video I initially thought you were quite attractive, but after the fourth or fifth ad-break your physical appeal had diminished by a lot.
Interesting, and I can confirm about dating apps. After a 20+ year long relationship I ventured into apps this year for the first time ever. For context, I am above average looking for my age but not "TikTok pretty" by any means. Also I already know that smiling goes a long way, on or offline. My resting face is less attractive than my smiling face. Now for the personality factor... First rodeo I was eager, naive and took it seriously so I wrote a decent profile and bio analagous to if I were applying for jobs or something, and I was inundated. with matches, and of a seemingly good calibre also (successful, good looking etc). When one of them I went steady with for a short whle I deleted all the apps, and some time after the relationship didn't work out I got back on the horse but <i was super jaded tbh and just wanted some company. So I made a very low effort profile with stupid sarcastic and flippant remarks in it, however using the EXACT SAME PICTURES as before. The difference in responses was remarkable. Not only was I less popular but the matches were all either flaky or creepy. Most normal people were not interested in me and I csn only put it down to the difference in how my personality came accross because of havung used the same pictures and contrast to how popular I was with a good personality.
Really interesting video
0:59 It’s so funny, I was just telling my family a couple months ago that I think I’m experiencing some unnamed “reverse halo effect.” I’m very overweight, the first and biggest strike against my physical appearance lol. And I’m a dark skinned black woman with natural hair in West Virginia (this is not a complaint of racism, merely an acknowledgment of the natural human preference for the familiar). However!!! I love fashion, hair, and makeup styling. I genuinely love and enjoy people. I am generally happy to be around them, so I’m always smiling and laughing. I’m usually quite comfortable being myself around people, even if that means I do weird stuff sometimes. But I know that I’m kinda weird and I acknowledge it, and sometimes that’s what makes me funny. I’m curious, so I ask a lot of questions- either to learn from people or about them. I’m pretty verbally and nonverbally expressive (some of my friends might even say dramatic 👀🫢🫣). And I think all of this is why I get a majority of the compliments I receive on my appearance. I’m not saying I’m ugly, and I can see why some people would appreciate my features. Everyone has different preferences, and some people are bound to find me pretty. Ok cool great. But the amount of people that act like or have even SAID that I am the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen… it really doesn’t make sense. It’s not something I discuss with most people, because it’s not to fish for compliments or to brag. It’s just objectively, statistically, scientifically not possible 😂 I can only think of 6 people that have explicitly said that (or something very similar), either to a friend of mine or to me directly, but I still think that’s way too many. However, they are all at least acquaintances, so they all know me to some degree, some more than others. I can’t think of a single complete stranger that has acted or spoken that way with me, to that extent. All of this to say, I believe the reverse halo effect is very real! I will say though, based on my experience and observations, confidence and some amount of openness must accompany the kindness in order for it to work- truly loving people and being comfortable and present with them. Anyways, great video!
Someone being good looking is very different to attractiveness. I don’t think you have captured that. Thanks for the video.
Awesome video❤
"she is beautiful she looks kind she probably gives you butterflies"
Here is also an input: Good lighting!!!
Great video
🙋♀️ watching as an ugly person with a good personality glimpsing in the mirror waiting for the transformation 😂
“It’s what’s inside that counts.”
As someone who met their partner on Bumble this is the best advice related to dating apps I've ever heard. Well done
All very interesting - I would say being funny, talented and self effacing could be added to the list.
I've always thought this! There was a guy in my friend group who all the girls in school swooned over, but because I actually knew him (and that he wasn't particularly intelligent - harsh but true - which is a trait I look for) I completely discounted his physical looks. On the flip side, one of my exes isn't the best looking, but is one of the best people I've ever met and had some truly amazing qualities.
holy clickbait
i am autistic. i dont understand motive or agenda beyond be kind, be responsible, be reliable, be helpful for greater good, CUZ everyone wins.
In this false society created, by false naritives in order to create profits, is aimed at younger persons, and that came about threw media hipe, example, Tom Cruise is not an ideal man in many ways yet women will go with u if she thinks you look similar, why? Or some will go with body builders, who are drug users, so for men they tend to be judged by women's whims, since women rights they have all to win and men usually left with nothing, what happen to equallity
More indirectly, I feel that people who have positive traits have better lifestyles and better relationships and therefore are more likely to be healthier and better looking.
I’m very interested in knowing How to overcome the magical thinking that there will be always someone more attractive / compatible whatsoever…? I think those dating apps generate that thinking pattern and actually run on it Great content! I’ve subscribed
simply ask yourself "who was the most attractive people i have ever met" for me, all my answers are people who where warm and kind
Omg. This is scary…
Dr, are you looking for a wife by any chance
I don't really get this considering looks are relative they say? I don't completely agree with that thing though (about looks being relative), but maybe there's always exceptions to the rule? Please answer Dr. Thomas.
Thank-you for this information!
Lol I surely knew this unconsciously… I stopped working on my passions and hobbies PLUS I have isolated myself and now I feel I’m ugly 🥲 This demonstrates how we felt in love with characters from movies or even cartoons!! that sometimes weren’t such physically attractive
Looking forward to trying this out! Thanks!
Whatever I can be an absolute rascal devious and severe and wicked to men, this makes them want desire need me even more, obviously for validation, but is no matter really in this particular context. Also I have several friends who r female that are incredibly terribly unattractive, they are beautiful on the inside and their physical form is really really unfortunate. They are so kind and heart felt and compassionate blah blah, but that hasn’t any bearing whatever on how their physical suit appears, at least for me anyway. And also for their potential suitors, as they haven’t any at all, two are still virgins as no one will even brown bag them. This breaks my heart bc they are such living creatures, but I. This realm that we created unfortunately and especially for females, looks mean every damn single thing, it always has period. My point is from my perspective the unattractive genetically fucked humans that I know are nice and caring and lovely, but they are still ugly period.
honestly, I noticed the power of this effect even looking at you throughout the video 🙈 this perception thing is absolutely real! so yeah, just please be smart and behave appropriately with people, and you will succeed!
Plastic Surgeons are not going to like your video🤣
Actually if you go for therapy it might happen that you will start transforming yourself, even just a little bit, wear makeup if you never did, etc, because you "shed" your old skin, but mentality will definitely shift and your behaviour as well so you will portray yourself differently.
Long story short: money
Power
But no… it’s not needed. And women also knows that with great money and /or power comes a package of unwanted things…. Sometimes it’s more about the drive, the passion of someone, their goals or dreams…
We have mountains of hard data what both sexes selected for… What men select for in women… Long-term mating: 1. Physical Attractiveness 2. Youth 3. Kindness and emotional stability 4. Faithfulness Short-term mating: 1. Physical attractiveness 2. Sexual availability 3. Low investment What women select for in men…. Short-term mating: 1. Physical attractiveness 2. Dominance and confidence 3. Sexual authority and experience Long-term mating: 1. Emotional stability 2. Ambition and access to financial resources 3. Compatibility of values Money is pretty irrelevant unless you’re ready to settle down
You need to get to the point far quicker - you simply recite research findings without saying what the video is meant to provide - do x y z to change your attractiveness. Very indirect presentation - as though everyone will draw conclusions from the description of research methods.
You mean avoiding the thought processes of the audience? 😅😅
you are soooo attractive doctor!!
sehr hübsch!
🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
all the physical beauty in the world can't hold a candle to a nasty ugly soul. it's only superficial and may get you in the door, but it's your true inner beauty that keeps you there.
Thank you for making this video! Ive been noticing that outside of social media I rarely focuse on someons appearance (if we get to interact), indeed its their personality that shapes them for me. Thanks for your research, I subscribed :)
This reminds me the plot of Shallow Hal. When he had that curse put on him and could only see the true beauty of the person's character, instead of what they really looked like
What about Tsunderes? And what about mimicry from NPDs and ASPDs?
Tsunderes have people in a chokehold. 😂 They're the most popular personality in fiction. There was even a study that showed people liked someone who was cold then showed a kind side more than people who were just kind. We like delightful surprises and want to feel special so someone being nice specifically to us makes us feel good.
@ I have a real problem with them. Unfortunately sometimes they’ve turned out to actually be malignant….
Confidence. The ultimate survival skill. Be confident in every movement you make. If you are finding it hard to be confident in your movement....start shadow boxing. Or dancing.
Could you say more about shadow boxing? Any TH-cam videos you recommend?
I‘d love some pointers as well!
"just be a clinical psychopath" 🤓
@@anonymousesper9564please give me tips❤ I want to be a psychopath.
Really is that simple!
This is another case of "grueling hours of scientific work were put into something people know to be true intuitively".
Yet people loves to do and believe stuff that is very counterintuitive and unnatural to humans just because “x” said or everyone else does it. Lol
admittedly, I do find myself attracted to people that I don't find myself ever wanting to be with because of their physical features. that said, I do find it very interesting that certain habits can persuade us to believe something different yet be aware of it.
Looks like you just ran a filter over your photo 🤡
Yes i have believed in how personality matters more than even physical attractiveness. looks fade away and we always remember how we felt around others more than their features. I have always understood it because i have seen it firstand how sometimes the very attractive people were so unlikable because of a character trait of theirs. I also had a friend who was equally pretty and had a wonderful personality. She was so likeable by everyone!! Its sad how people think nowadays that inorder to glow up they need a physical makeover which could be very extreme like plastic surgery. Most people are average looking and it's the little things about that can make or break it.
I say a simple smile goes a long way 😁
Yea but some people (NPDs, psychopaths) can mimic these signals and act like snakes in the grass.
what if you have an ugly smile?
@baakojernigan7095 the only ugly smile is a FAKE smile .. 😁
Im so agree. I only have average look but im more on positive behaviour that make people noticed me and like about me, because of my humor that makes them laugh out loud😊.
You deserve more views and subscribers!! The sheer amount of effort and research is outstanding
this was such a great video. stuff that i'd known, understood, percieved, my whole life but never really thought to verbalize in this way. the thing i want to talk about tho is that "positive traits" are very strongly subjective. i feel that it's why "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." because a trait that one person may see as 'negative' could easily be seen as a 'positive' by another. and sure, there are collective traits like "generosity" that are generally attractive to MOST people... but ARE they??? some peopel may not see generosity as attractive.... it's all based on what each individual likes..... i actually experienced this with an ex. i met him at work, and often saw how he interacted with our coworkers and clients. he was very physically attractive, but initially, as i saw how he interacted with others: abrasive, a little harsh, seemingly controlling, a playfullness that bordered on bullying, i came to think he was very ugly and did my best to avoid him.... but then, i happened to observe him when he didn't think others were watching. saw how he handled tough situations and came to learn aspects of his history. this all led me to see some deeper motivations for his behaviors, which i came to realize were mostly a 'show' that he put on, and led me to find him physically attractive again, lol. i was fully aware that this was happening at the time, too. lol, and yes, i'm letting it be know that he is an 'ex', lol. my point is, we all have a 'type'. and are attracted and repelled by others for a myriad complex 'human' reasons. some that lead us to toxic or otherwise unhealthy behaviors, others that lead us to healthy and satisfying experiences. either way, while i think it's very interesting to consider WHY others may or may not find us attractive, i've found that my time and energy is way better spent cultivating my SELF-attractiveness and then letting others decide for themeselves what they think of me. meaning, i've shifted my attention and focus from thinking about how to become attractive to others, and on to how to feel/be more attractive to MYSELF. there will ALWAYS be people who find each of us attractive and those who don't. who cares. and yes, while there are definitely some basic things that we could do to increase our general attractiveness to the masses... why bother? maybe i don't want that much attention, lol. And maybe i WANT a partner who thinks i stink good😋. lol. just felt like sharing my thoughts and experience. this is such a fun topic to discuss. thank you for making this video. 💖
If this is truethen why do @ssholes seem to have so many friends?
Personality and facial expressions are just as genetic as looks are
This
great video!
Personality over looks