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Thank you so much for this video❤

thank you, lots of great points

when you chose kayleb because you liked the name caleb but you’re extra..

Me:wait Boy Scouts sell pop corn?

Why do we as individuals have to question ourselves over a matter that doesn't affect anyone else but me. When cis people choose or accidently bring a new life into this world people don't decide that they should not exist or be burned at the stake. But they now are responsible for a new human being. I was in my late 40s when I transitioned and being more mature has its advantages to the case of who's body is it anyway. Please keep up the wonderful intelligent videos for education is the tool to stop idiots from thinking about controlling someone else's life by hate.❤ . I love myself so much more now that it's me I see .

cuz living as a girl feels fine, but living as a boy, that feels just. right. man i have a dentist appointment in 10 mins and im having a breakdown over this 😭

YOU LITERALLY NAILED THAT T SHIRT SLOUCH IM LITERALLY WEARING A SHIRT LIKE THAT I NTHAT EXACT POSE 😭😭💀 ITS ROUGH OUT HERE MAN

NO ONE shares some exact "experience" of being a man or a woman, that is why we define a woman as an adult FEMALE, they are all of the same sex, that is what defines them. "Man" or "woman" are not some moral judgement or evaluation of how masculine or feminine they feel or present, it's simply about having a term to describe any adult human male and any adult human female. This obsession that the "trans" community has with redefining the terms to reflect how they feel etc. is totally pointless. There are no people who truly feel 100% comfortable all of the time, the idea of labelling people "cis" or "trans" is completely unnecessary, there is no "cis" experience and there is no "trans" experience, people are individuals, and as a whole the community fails to come up with any coherent explanation to define their redefinition of "woman" because you cannot come up with a definition that caters to every possibility. That is why the terms "man" and "woman" being rooted in physical reality is the only thing that makes sense, if there are no clear parameters for a definition then it cannot function as a definition. If anyone can identify as a grablar, and the only definition of being a grablar, is feeling like identifying as one, then you haven't defined grablar as anything at all. This is why it is also an obsession with creating more and more boxes. The terms "man" and "woman" encompass every possible personality, within physical boundaries, any man or woman is free to act, think, look, behave however they want, that they as individuals are labelled as men or women is purely about the physical - saying a man is an adult human male, and a woman an adult human female does not restrict anyone's self-expression, not wanting to acknowledge one's physical reality is a fool's errand, the sex someone is doesn't change based on how anyone feels or dresses - so it is the "trans" side that 100% is creating this false narrative that acknowledging a person's sex is somehow restrictive, they are the side saying men or women behave like this or that. I mean if they weren't doing that, then they would agree that the umbrella terms based on sex, man and woman, were perfectly fine - but they don't! They say no no, if someone doesn't FEEL like the sex they are, they can't be it, though they cannot explain what "feeling cis" even really means, because NO ONE shares the exact same experiences emotionally. What "they" are trying to do is swap a definition that has a physical basis, for a definition that is entirely rooted in feelings and often in validating sexist stereotypes associated with either sex. This "woman is a social construct" thing IS the part that validates and perpetuates sexist stereotypes - woman isn't a social construct in that sense, it is a word society has chosen yes, but to describe a PHYSICAL state of being, not anyone's emotional states or where they fall on some spectrum of masculinity or femininity. There is a fundamental misunderstanding here of what the definition of man and woman means. The notion that people need to live up to sexist stereotypes of what "real men" or "real women" are, is complete fantasy. The fact that many people act as if sexist stereotypes were valid ways of measuring "real men" or real women" is a problem with the individual and their sexist bias, not with the terms themselves, as the terms themselves have none of the expectational baggage that people who internalise sexist stereotypes associate with them.

purely by coincidence i'm watching this just after your 4th T anniversary!! congrats arthur 🎉

ezra furman <333

Reminds me of how the other day I was hanging out with my art school friends and I had a great time, and when I was coming home I had this thought like "damn, I had such a great time I didn't even realize I was hanging out with only cis people" 😂 The cis straight men were artsy enough to get along, many are probably neurodivergent, and the preppy straight catholic cis girl is actually adorable. (There many trans ppl but that day it was mostly the cis friends)

THIS IS TOO GOOD HELP

This was a great reinforcement for me to stay working on my body acceptance and love. Its really hard but forever worth it.

It’s actually shocking how strong of a mirror image this is to my experience as a trans lesbian, which I think is pretty cool! Transitioning in opposite directions but also so much experiences and thought process are so similar. Only difference is I don’t get nearly as much game but that’s pretty expected right, cuz hooking up as gay guys is infamously easy/accessible

Still not entirely out of the questioning phase yet but im just saying, a cis person probably wouldn't have watched as many of these videos as I have

I had to cry watching this bc I realized in how many things you said I could find myself...maybe one day I can upload a similar video

I'm so glad for this video. These questions aren't exactly Googleable. Thank you!!!

I thought I had no signs as a kid, but then I remembered that I used to get irate over the fact that I couldn’t be a Boy Scout. I didn’t even like camping, but it was the principle of the thing!!! 😡😂

😉

Wouldn't that this make him straight again?....😬

I've had a complicated relationship with feminine things. I was very admittedly against dressed and pink and stuff like that as a kid and if i was forced into wearing it i would rebel and play in the mud. As a teen i felt a lot more pressure to engage in feminine things, so i did end up getting into makeup. I was never good at it, i wasn't good at doing my hair and really I just wanted to basically blend in and not stick out because I already felt like a weird person (I'm autistic and ADHD so i think a lot of that outsider feeling has to do with that). I have been through a lot of trauma and when i got into adulthood, i started embracing "womanhood" a lot more. I was still bad at it, but what i was finding was friendships and relating to others through it. I stopped wearing makeup almost completely though and idk, i kind of dressed more androgynous. Not really femme not really masc. But i got into femenism and embracing the culture around women who have been through trauma. When I figured out i am non-binary i started feeling better about engaging in femme stuff. Like the internal pressure i put on myself was not so much there and i didn't resent it as much. I enjoy painting my nails in particular, but i also liked certain dresses, and sometimes I do want to wear makeup. But recently I've been having really bad dysphoria and i don't like that I'm looking in the mirror and seeing a female person. Maybe some of it is social, but i can't escape being read as female currently, so im constantly getting misgendered. I had a pretty bad breakdown over an event where i didn't have anything nice to wear that wasn't feminine. I still went to the event, i still liked how i looked objectively, but it felt like i couldn't escape my body and it was like the feminine clothes just made it that much worse. I do worry about medical transition and what it will mean "on the other side" because i don't really want to let go of something like painting my nails, or having long hair. I know i read as queer now, but i worry a bit about reading as a gay man?... And i think maybe the reason for it is because i already feel unsafe a lot of the time and i wouldn't be transitioning for more safety but it would be a whole new different threat to my safety. Idk, complicated subject. But i guess my main takeaway from this video is that i am again surprised by your background and how much i relate to it. And i know we arent the same person but im running out of excuses for why im not trans 😅 um... Yeah idk you are probably exactly what i needed as I've been struggling a lot lately. I haven't landed on answer and i don't expect to necessarily from you, but what your videos have been doing is defeating a lot of those fears and excuses that have been running through my head.

its incredibly validating to learn that everyone else's diaries are equally as "I'm expressing my thoughts freely and WOAH IS IT A WERID SENSATION"

This is awesome. :)

10:00 actually I can relate myself to a lot of what you said here... I was always longing for being in a relationship and being loved romantically. Ultimately the relationships I had in college all came to (pretty devastating) endings for a very similar reason. For the most part I was dating them for what it meant to me in the hindsight. After graduating, I started questioning my sexuality and gender identity a lot. Now I identify myself as a questioning, bi or gay trans masc and have been taking small steps, but I still have doubts all the damn time. So the way you put how being able to relate to bits and bits of people with different identities was really eye opening too. I used to feel good as a woman, and that was even earned through my attempts to be more lovable and feel good in my own body. But that does not mean someone with such an experience can only be a cis woman. Thank you for your video anyways and I will try journaling!

I really appreciate your perspective on this. Being trans is not a black and white thing, and although there are trans people who know pretty early in life, there are also a lot of people who don't necessarily. Im one of those people who have had happy good moments living as a woman, or have had valuable experiences living as a woman. But the ressons for that are complicated and nusnced and doesn't mean the label feels good. I appreciate that you speak on the idea that its normal to question and reflect on things. I wish it was much more normalized that people do so. I think it would reduce homophobia and transphobia and i think in general its just healthy mentally for us. It probably feels like such a heavy big thing because it is so ostracized and seen as weird and wrong, at the very least by a very loud minority. I also appreciate that this is not something definitive or even a suggestion of a direction. I've seen several set ups like that, and although i think they are useful sometimes to contemplate on, I'm autistic and I can get really stuck on the "it depends" kind of answers. Most of them are built for binary trans people, which I am non-binary, and even ones that do have the inclusion of non-binary or gender expansive, they kind of only suggest its a possibility. I take issue with that in a way because there is so much variation in how non-binary people feel and the set up is basically a non-answer answer. Compared to this, you aren't even attempting to answer anything, you are more so laying down some things to reflect on that could being up some subconscious feelings. At this point, i almost feel like you should consider doing a bit more than TH-cam. Big ask, but I'm a little disappointed your not a psychiatrist or something (although econ does sound like an interesting career). I've watched several videos of yours at this point and i think you are very insightful and have the ability to explain complex ideas and feelings in a very effective manner. Just a thought, and idk where you could possibly take some of this but I feel like what you have to say could be very helpful for the trans community at large.

We have such a similar upbringing! As a child and as a teenager. I feel you with wearing boxers under a dress. Your words are so affirming and relatable. I am 3 weeks on T and it’s the best choice I finally got to commit too. It’s definitely scary but so rewarding. Thank you for your story🙏🏼

Sad that Republicans say so much hate

You pass so well, like I’m blown away, give me all your tips please 😭

First video I'm watching on yours, and I love your walls and how confident you are at showing us and talking so openly about being trans

I just found your channel and have watched a handful of videos. You are just one perspective of course, but I find it incredibly insightful, compassionate and positive. You've given me a lot to think about.

I am so greatful i found your channel. There are the kinds of anxieties and fears that have been running through my head for a while. And there are a lot of things I know about logically, but haven't necessarily heard people directly express about gender dysphoria and questioning (like maybe always having it there low key but really intensely thinking about it more so in adult life vs somehow just knowing as a little kid). Maybe i should start journaling about this too, because I need to get it out of my head and talking about it with a therapist isn't always helpful. There arent necessarily straight forward answers and writing and rewriting it is probably more helpful. Thank you for sharing, its probably deeply personal but it does really help to know others feel similarly to me even if you specifically don't have the answers.

I just want to say, that as I've considered my transition journey i was really concerned about how welcome trans masc/men would be in gay spaces and I feel relieved that, at least from your perspective, its generally pretty normal. Coming from spaces like lesbian spaces there is certainly a TERF presence among lesbians and even among lesbians who do find trans women attractive, i have also come across non-binaryphobia (im sure this is an issue in these spaces as well but not as black and white as I thought). Im still exploring what my identity is, and what my sexuality is but I'm really really glad i found your channel and that you are willing to talk about these nuances and experiences.

Im non-binary and I've noticed some of this weird othering of binary trans people. I literally heard someone say "cis trans people" and i was so confused. They explained that (from their perspective) binary trans people who desire to pass don't want to be out and known that they are trans. It was said with some contempt and i found it really distasteful for them to feel this way. I don't necessarily want to be targeted as queer and harrassed or in danger but i don't think im better than someone because i don't have passing privilege or that people don't default say my pronouns by just looking at me. Sure there are some toxic trans people (transmedicalists for example) that are othering non-binary people and claiming they aren't real or valid. But that isn't all trans people and you know, constantly announcing your identity is kind of exhausting so i think it seems very normal that a passing trans person wouldn't necessarily be "out" 100% of the time. I shouldn't be holding animosity towards bianary trans people for that fact. Just don't punch down is the main thing for me. It kind of reminds me of how bisexual people get freaked out on regularly especially by gay and lesbian people (not all of course) and basically if a bi person is in a relationship with someone that looks heteronormativity they get shit on for it because they "have passing privilege" and can fly under the radar without being targeted. I just don't see how its the bi persons fault, when its the environment that causes this targeting. And a bi person can feel about a person how ever they feel and date whoever they feel like and they shouldn't be labeled as problematic for it. There is so much biphobia around this and its just another form of punching down and pressuring someone to act and look in a way that is "more queer" according to others expectations instead of just admitting that the whole point of pride is that people can be whoever they want and need to be.

Arthur, thanks for sharing this video. I was absolutely excited and literally bursted into tears. My son is having periareolar surgery in a couple of days and I am so happy for him. You look fantastic and it is evident you finally feel in your own skin. What a joy! Congratulations 🎉

Can improve quality of life at the expense of your reproductive system. Why is reproductive heath so overlooked? It's fine for you to not want to have children but it's part of the narrative that stays unspoken.

the way you described step eight resonated very deeply with me. i've known myself to be some kind of "not-girl" for about six years now, going through many different labels but being interested in hrt pretty consistently throughout. i'm closer to getting it than i've ever been, but at the same time i've been incredibly dysphoric of late and have experienced a lot of self-doubt. my gender identity is usually defined by euphoria, so it's scary when that's harder to come by. this prompt brought me back to when i was a middle schooler. i dressed up in closet cosplays of male characters and would often just walk around the house like that. i rememeber making food and playing video games and being alone and being so thrilled to be doing all of it as a gay man. every now and then i stop and quietly wonder at the simple truth that i am a gay transgender man, even when i'm just washing the dishes or showering and it's as easy as breathing. those quiet domestic moments remind me what i'm transitioning for.

They both have a sense of humor.

Im not sure how i feel or what I am, but this addresses a lot of questions and fears I've had in a very productive way. Thank you for this.

Good stuff!

Some comments on this video are being deleted by either TH-cam or the uploader. Moderating what people say online is tantamount to censorship in a digitally-dependent world; don't trust all that you read and/or hear here.

I think we should also consider a more literal meaning of gender dysphoria, apart from anything to do with transgenderism. it means you are uncomfortable with your gender, that dysphoria experienced temporary or constant, is a result of you acting out your gender role. you could argue that women living in a patriarchy may have gender dysphoria at times, in those instances when they are oppressed by misogynists, but otherwise are proud to be women. you could argue that many trans people especially in the early stages after coming out may experience gender dysphoria regardless, by nature of their presented identity being constantly invalidated by transphobes. if we take it literally then many have had gender dysphoria at some point without necessarily being trans and almost everyone has questioned their gender identity at least once. whether it be a passing thought or serious consideration, and the feeling of "grass is greener" does count. what one should do if they're seriously considering, and have a tendency to feel dysphoric, is to start weighing your pros and cons and allow your reasoning to be subjective. because no reason, even if it seems dumb, is an invalid reason to accept an identity subjective to the person presenting it. nothing about gender was ever completely objective, societies are changing their views on gender roles little by little everyday. it's been going on since before the time of hunter-gatherers. not asking yourself further questions only out of fear for somehow misinterpreting the whole thing and having regrets, it isn't the way. because if you were to continue this internal debate to the very end where there is nothing left to argue, it will only serve to strengthen your confidence in your true identity. cis or trans. if we are afraid to ask the basic clarifying questions that may seem childish or shallow, we will never grow. I went through a whole series of weird stupid questions, mostly pertaining to what is considered girly or manly or simply human. the final question I asked myself after all the confused parts was "if I go through with presenting as nonbinary, and the worst happens because of it, what would be enough to keep me from standing by my decision?" I pondered it for about a year and found the answer was that nothing would stop me, even if I presented myself differently on official documents, nothing would actually change about me other than a label. luckily for me, not physically or even fashion wise. my heart goes out to transmen and transwomen, I don't really understand it but I do know there are parts I don't like about myself psychologically right now that I've always struggled with so it's the only comparison I can really make.. safe to say it makes it even more shtty when you have body dysphoria to top it all off. also, thank you arthur, this video made me feel a little less insane for having a similar view of transgenderism with it not being set in stone. it's surprising that the most backlash I've gotten for expressing this is from lgbt folk. it feels bad that from within the community, there is still much hesitance to accept other's view of queer aspects as valid. but it seems more of an online issue, people tend to be much kinder and understanding in real life so I try not to talk about queer stuff too much on the internet. anyways, your philosophy inspires me a bit, it gives me more confidence to come out to my mom soon. 🔥COMING OUT THIS SUMMER 🔥

good for her

I dont think i am trans at all and that my suspicions of this being OCD are starting to become more and more likely. The idea of being another gender, transitioning and overall changing my identity dont appeal to me, they cause me distress and i hate that i cannot stop thinking about it against my will, its like my brain is constantly shooting doubts into my face, about how i look, about how i behave, about my past, about my uncertain future, about the things i like, the people i talk and live with, its tiring. yet, when i look into the mirror, i realize i like my masculine features, my body, my facial hair, my voice, my identity overall feels like it fits like a glove so i hate having these thoughts and feelings that just wont stop, from morning to night i am browsing forums, asking questions and researching almost passively to the point where i am not conscious sometimes of how much reassurance seeking i am doing. Even comparing my experience to the "traditional" trans narratives, i dont fit (except for maybe one or two things, which are the things that made me sound the alarms) but, i never felt disconnected from my gender, i never had troubles with my name or pronouns or anything, being seen as a guy feels natural and not like something id like to change, so having like a second voice inside of me telling me that i am actually the complete opposite, that i am lying to everyone, that im just in denial and eventually my identiity will come crashing down. its hurtful. I already got the feedback of lots of people, both cis and trans, even of people who have experience with OCD patients and despite just how much i relate and fit into the description of obsessive behavior my mind just cannot be satisfied, it keeps looking for things to doubt or just defaults back to the same what ifs and threats. i just want to go back to how i was before all of this started, make these thoughts go away and just live my life in peace.

As a transdude in mathematics, you made me realize that indeed being seen as a woman impacted me positively socially?! Imagine if I wasn't pushed to be more extraverted and empathetic, omg... Now I love organizing events and parties, have a bunch of friends, etc, I really value that part of my life ❤ I'm on a waiting list, I'll probably start transitioning early next year at 27 years old, I'm really excited for all the changes and growth that are to come!

Trans men are the most beautiful men, u can’t change my mind.

Thank you so much for this video! I wish I’d seen it months ago, because how eloquently and compassionately you spoke about this topic was incredibly inspiring and reassuring. I know it kinda goes against all the fantastic advice you gave, seeing as it’s about taking some time, writing things down, etc, but I actually came out to my mum after watching this. I was already almost at that point but struggling to find the nerve, so I didn’t personally need to take several more months at my stage, but hearing and relating to your perspective was still hugely helpful. For anyone who finds themselves reading this in the early stages of their self-exploration, I’d urge you to try what Arthur suggests. While the journey might be difficult and mentally draining, if you’re questioning then you’ll be happier and healthier for having gone on it! And that’s regardless of what answers you find, because ultimately this is all about knowing yourself better. You’ve got this! Thank you Arthur! The world needs more people like you who speak about nuanced subjects with kindness and intelligence. 💜 - Elara

Whatever I look up on youtube I rarely ever find some trans guy whos real skinny with big boobs cause thats me. Im so jealous of him too, a compression shirt would just make me look like a gym girl

The world you live In is an Ironic surreal mosaic world. My GOD.

I didn't even know boy scouts had popcorn. So, the cultural impact definitely isn't there

I’m confused. I thought grinder was an app for guy guys to hook up. I don’t think these dudes are looking for a straight female companion. I could be wrong though Maybe I’m not understanding something 🤔 Pretty sure I’ve got it right though