This explains those arguments I had with parents that suddenly explode into full on rage moments. Hate to admit it, realising that this attachment was true in me that nailed that inner craziness I have, is disturbing.
Children pick up every little behavior they perceive, they have their own genetic and neurophysiological make-ups which are the direct imprint of both parents. They are our products. That’s why it’s so important to have resolved your traumas and found peace with yourself and the world as it is before you raise children, if you can. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen often, but I believe it’s something to strive for
For years I've been trying to understand my father's need to comply with my Mother's comment that I called her a bitch...(meaning that all she did was to nag me.) He came into my room and hit the side of my head, hard, causing my ear to ring for a very long time. I was simply standing, with no anger, when he hauled off with his blow. He frequently slapped my face when he felt I made a comment he did not like. (I have no recollection of the sorts of comments that displeased him. He must have been abused by his Church Ministry father.
At the time, I must have been in the 6th grade; before my mother died, in her 100s, I mentioned that incident to her, asking why it was necessary. She said that I deserved it. Christianity does weird things to people based on my experience. Yes, it's a Myth! Saving people is a lame joke! Will I ever get beyond my rage towards Christianity? Doubtful. I forgive my parents; Christianity is harmful to the underlying integrity of humans, imo.
@@kirstinstrand6292 Christianity is what built the western world how could you say it is harmful to humans? I won't disagree that it can definitely be used in an evil way, but when it isn't, it helps, uplifts, inspires, and motivates people. I understand getting upset at your parents, and blaming Christianity because that makes it easier to cope with. If Christianity is why they were mean to you, that means you don't have to admit to yourself that you're parents were actually just terrible to you, because they were terrible people that genuinely believed you deserved it. Christianity didn't make them terrible, they were just terrible people that used Christianity as their weapon. Had nothing to do with the religion and everything to do with the fact that they needed an excuse to feel justified in their terrible delusions. If it weren't Christianity it would've been something else. I challenge you to open yourself up to this type of thinking, truly and genuinely explore these thought processes and try to come to terms with the fact that your parents were to blame for what happened to you. They chose to be terrible people. Try to move all that blame you're shifting onto Christianity, back onto your parents. I can tell you think you've already placed the right amount of blame on your parents. But you haven't if you're still finding excuses for their bad decisions. Please do yourself a favor and at least give it a shot, before shooting down my idea.
Great explanation. I know that process only too well. Hope you are going to tell us ways to overcome all the damage that is stored. Obviously just having the processes so well illustrated is a big help!
i'm already running in to something i disagree with in the first sentence: "most people are doing the best they can" every time i talk to someone about a relationship that broke up or fell out, they never told me they tried to help the situation by calling in a mediator, or reading any relationship book, or consulting with a counselor. or when i talk to my peers, only a hand full have told me their parents read parenting literature or attended parenting classes before having children, or didn't do that themselves before having children. most people want to believe they are doing the best they can, because it would be a crisis of conscience if they didn't believe that.
the first time I heard this it was with the added words, "...doing the best they can with the information that they have." Give people new information in a way they can integrate the information, people will choose a way that will serve them and the other." Check out Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
The really out of control people that don't want any help refuse to acknowledge the messed up stuff that they do and just turn it around on their partner or loved ones. It's insult to injury to the people they hurt and a violence to their mental wellbeing.
Oh wow . Powerful and i agree! Relationships aren.t one sided. So parents put your brains into work and get informed and evolve. Doing the best you can if you really try do do something for real.
@@dazelx doing the best they can with the information that they have. Yep. That is all what most of us are doing. And often we can admit to that, change can happen.
"Implicit memories" and mirror neurons are all missing from the current trend of cognitive therapy. I would really like to hear how these theories could be integrated with CBT where they believe all feelings are the result of thinking and that the past is mostly irrelevant. The theory presented here is that the past continues to shape behavior through implicit memories which then transfer via mirror neurons to unwitting children. I think this theory kind of explains how people who go through CBT can't make lasting change in their thinking behaviors because there are still implicit memories shaping their current behavior. I really wish I could find a discussion between this doctor and a cognitive behavior therapist.
From what I've heard, CBT isn't the right tool for issues like this. The therapy has to be feeling based, not cognition based. So psychodynamic, psychoanalytic therapy rather than CBT.
Wow! This is phenomenal. I would love to hear your thoughts on "unresolved trauma" and how it is truly resolved. I have an idea, but would like your explanation.
This is better known as transference and counter transference, first made known by Freud. But it described the physiological under pinnings of information processing, which helps explain this.
+Stephanie George Yep unsurprisingly - seeing how it is a fucked feeling and hard on the person psyche and mentally etc he will When he is ready/timing (his/divine timing) he will.
Although this account may sound scientific (as it draws on causal biological explanations), it is merely theoretical, highly speculative and excusatory of parental violence. As long as you can appeal to your implicit memories and switched-off prefontal cortex, you dont need to take responsibility. Some people just shouldnt have children.
I know I'm replying to a comment that is years and years old, but I don't understand what type of statement you are trying to make. Much of science is theoretical and speculative. That's how science works--you develop possible explanations for a phenomenon , and these theories are then empirically evaluated. You strike me as someone who subscribes to very black and white ideals--a person did a very bad thing, and because this thing is bad, we should leave the subject alone, because any attempts at providing an explanation for why the bad thing occurred signals being on the side of that bad thing. I don't think this is excusatory of parental violence at all, and there is no suggestion that the presence of these factors removes the responsibility from the perpetrator. An explanation is not justification. An explanation opens doors for the possibility of lowering the incidence of this behavior. Do you think that reducing parental violence and child abuse is important? I'm sure you do. How does this reduction happen? By identifying possible risk factors, which can then be manipulated to change the outcome. I sure hope you've broadened your horizons over the past few years.
You fail to differentiate between descriptive and normative statements. The video gives just a description of the neurophysiological and psychological processes.
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This explains those arguments I had with parents that suddenly explode into full on rage moments. Hate to admit it, realising that this attachment was true in me that nailed that inner craziness I have, is disturbing.
to change something, one must understand it first
Interesting discussion about how a parent’s own traumatic attachment experiences trigger subsequent inappropriate responses with their children.
wow, that is an 8 years old comment
Children pick up every little behavior they perceive, they have their own genetic and neurophysiological make-ups which are the direct imprint of both parents. They are our products. That’s why it’s so important to have resolved your traumas and found peace with yourself and the world as it is before you raise children, if you can. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen often, but I believe it’s something to strive for
For years I've been trying to understand my father's need to comply with my Mother's comment that I called her a bitch...(meaning that all she did was to nag me.) He came into my room and hit the side of my head, hard, causing my ear to ring for a very long time. I was simply standing, with no anger, when he hauled off with his blow. He frequently slapped my face when he felt I made a comment he did not like. (I have no recollection of the sorts of comments that displeased him. He must have been abused by his Church Ministry father.
At the time, I must have been in the 6th grade; before my mother died, in her 100s, I mentioned that incident to her, asking why it was necessary. She said that I deserved it. Christianity does weird things to people based on my experience. Yes, it's a Myth! Saving people is a lame joke!
Will I ever get beyond my rage towards Christianity?
Doubtful. I forgive my parents; Christianity is harmful to the underlying integrity of humans, imo.
@@kirstinstrand6292 Christianity is what built the western world how could you say it is harmful to humans? I won't disagree that it can definitely be used in an evil way, but when it isn't, it helps, uplifts, inspires, and motivates people. I understand getting upset at your parents, and blaming Christianity because that makes it easier to cope with. If Christianity is why they were mean to you, that means you don't have to admit to yourself that you're parents were actually just terrible to you, because they were terrible people that genuinely believed you deserved it. Christianity didn't make them terrible, they were just terrible people that used Christianity as their weapon. Had nothing to do with the religion and everything to do with the fact that they needed an excuse to feel justified in their terrible delusions. If it weren't Christianity it would've been something else. I challenge you to open yourself up to this type of thinking, truly and genuinely explore these thought processes and try to come to terms with the fact that your parents were to blame for what happened to you. They chose to be terrible people. Try to move all that blame you're shifting onto Christianity, back onto your parents. I can tell you think you've already placed the right amount of blame on your parents. But you haven't if you're still finding excuses for their bad decisions. Please do yourself a favor and at least give it a shot, before shooting down my idea.
Stunning stuff by Dr. Dan Siegel
Parents with attchment disorders can be sensitive parents. It is not lost
of course not. Nobody without a vastly severe physiological defect can be saved.
Great explanation. I know that process only too well. Hope you are going to tell us ways to overcome all the damage that is stored. Obviously just having the processes so well illustrated is a big help!
i'm already running in to something i disagree with in the first sentence: "most people are doing the best they can"
every time i talk to someone about a relationship that broke up or fell out, they never told me they tried to help the situation by calling in a mediator, or reading any relationship book, or consulting with a counselor. or when i talk to my peers, only a hand full have told me their parents read parenting literature or attended parenting classes before having children, or didn't do that themselves before having children.
most people want to believe they are doing the best they can, because it would be a crisis of conscience if they didn't believe that.
the first time I heard this it was with the added words, "...doing the best they can with the information that they have." Give people new information in a way they can integrate the information, people will choose a way that will serve them and the other." Check out Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
The really out of control people that don't want any help refuse to acknowledge the messed up stuff that they do and just turn it around on their partner or loved ones. It's insult to injury to the people they hurt and a violence to their mental wellbeing.
Oh wow . Powerful and i agree! Relationships aren.t one sided. So parents put your brains into work and get informed and evolve. Doing the best you can if you really try do do something for real.
@@dazelx doing the best they can with the information that they have. Yep. That is all what most of us are doing. And often we can admit to that, change can happen.
Reliving unresolved abuse, abandonment and trauma is so true especially when triggered by mirror neurons.
"Implicit memories" and mirror neurons are all missing from the current trend of cognitive therapy. I would really like to hear how these theories could be integrated with CBT where they believe all feelings are the result of thinking and that the past is mostly irrelevant. The theory presented here is that the past continues to shape behavior through implicit memories which then transfer via mirror neurons to unwitting children. I think this theory kind of explains how people who go through CBT can't make lasting change in their thinking behaviors because there are still implicit memories shaping their current behavior. I really wish I could find a discussion between this doctor and a cognitive behavior therapist.
Bryan, Escheme Therapy already brought them together!
From what I've heard, CBT isn't the right tool for issues like this. The therapy has to be feeling based, not cognition based. So psychodynamic, psychoanalytic therapy rather than CBT.
See Schema Therapy by Young, Klosko and Weishaar
WOW I love this
Wow! This is phenomenal. I would love to hear your thoughts on "unresolved trauma" and how it is truly resolved. I have an idea, but would like your explanation.
agreed
This is better known as transference and counter transference, first made known by Freud. But it described the physiological under pinnings of information processing, which helps explain this.
How to contact Dr Dan?
ehh as the child of an extremely abusive mother I don’t really think abuse has any excuses
sure there might be reasons
but no excuses
Who's making the excuses?
This is how a parent with unresolved trauma passes trauma down to the children. 🙁
Implicit memory
Holy crap. That is my soon-to-be ex-husband's story. Wow...he chooses to not move past it, though.
+Stephanie George Yep unsurprisingly - seeing how it is a fucked feeling and hard on the person psyche and mentally etc he will When he is ready/timing (his/divine timing) he will.
Although this account may sound scientific (as it draws on causal biological explanations), it is merely theoretical, highly speculative and excusatory of parental violence. As long as you can appeal to your implicit memories and switched-off prefontal cortex, you dont need to take responsibility.
Some people just shouldnt have children.
+KJP-Forum "...excusatory of parental violence."
i'd love to hear more about how you came to that conclusion.
And some people should not be in the helping profession (counseling, nursing, etc.) but they are.
I know I'm replying to a comment that is years and years old, but I don't understand what type of statement you are trying to make. Much of science is theoretical and speculative. That's how science works--you develop possible explanations for a phenomenon , and these theories are then empirically evaluated.
You strike me as someone who subscribes to very black and white ideals--a person did a very bad thing, and because this thing is bad, we should leave the subject alone, because any attempts at providing an explanation for why the bad thing occurred signals being on the side of that bad thing. I don't think this is excusatory of parental violence at all, and there is no suggestion that the presence of these factors removes the responsibility from the perpetrator. An explanation is not justification. An explanation opens doors for the possibility of lowering the incidence of this behavior. Do you think that reducing parental violence and child abuse is important? I'm sure you do. How does this reduction happen? By identifying possible risk factors, which can then be manipulated to change the outcome. I sure hope you've broadened your horizons over the past few years.
You fail to differentiate between descriptive and normative statements. The video gives just a description of the neurophysiological and psychological processes.