Neglect in Childhood and Disorganized Attachment
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ม.ค. 2024
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Anna, your messages are life-changing. When do you start touring? I will be part of your road crew. I’m being serious.
"addiction to half-love" perfect description.
Isn't that a huge statement of wasted time... 🤔 🙄
I'm cautious whenever I hear someone say "we had an instant connection." I think it is possible but I've been an observer who heard from one person 'we had an instant connection' and the other person hearing that and saying they had 'no idea what [other person] was talking about'. Someone being 'not that into you' doesn't necessarily mean they have avoidant attachment issues.
What a good timing! Now, I've been doing this for years and ended up alone, jobless, homeless and broke. Not easy to be fair with ourselves, by not accepting toxic people and situations, AND, fulfilling our basic needs. I've been appliying or a decent part time job since March, and all I got are very miserable jobs opportunities despite being highly educated, skilled, polyglote, creative, etc.
So sorry sending you love and light 💕
You can do it and you will do it❤ believe in yourself, if much less smart people can get great high paid jobs, why not you. What holds you back from believing you deserve only the best of everything😊😊
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 Thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate.
@@fleck36 Thank you.
Rebuilding yourself does indeed take time, patience, and being kind to yourself. I was always pushing, going. I took a break in '23 after years as a caregiver, working through the 'demic with elderly and disabled. I was, as I usually did in my work life, running ragged as I filled in (as did others) for all those who jumped ship during that time. Like you, I've been job searching for quite awhile, but now only for a basic part-time thing. I understand how dejecting and demoralizing it is as a responsible, reliable adult with a degree and many years' working as everything from an editor to a paralegal to a business owner to a caregiver, to apply and get nothing but crickets as employers lament that no one wants to work and they can't find people. Also, and I don't know your age, ageism is alive and well out there, as older friends can attest.
Have you considered doing something on your own with whatever your skill set/interests are? Do adult schools still use ESL instructors? Perhaps your language knowledge could be utilized? I knew two people way back who did that...one of them on a cruise ship, how cool...on a freelance/hourly basis, along with their other work. I created and had my own small business for many years, the impetus being no longer wanting my future to be dependent on the whims, myopia, and peculiarities of most employers. Nor my value determined by them. Just a suggestion to you.
Stay strong and have faith in yourself. I wish you well.
Seems to me avoidant people only “work” with a straight anxiously attached person because the anxiously attached generate an extraordinary amount of energy to propel the relationship as the avoidant person pulls away. It felt like I put my partner on my back as I climbed Mount Love 💕 In the end, he pushed me off just as I thought we reached the top, but that is another story. 💔
You’re 100% correct. They’ll play hot and cold and surprise you with intermittent reciprocated effort- but only when they want to trigger your energy to boost them. It’s kinda sickening, reminds me of how narcissists keep their roster on the shelves.
I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm healthy enough to do this. Thank you so much for your message!
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
"It's propably just me"....then you deepdive into seriously harmfull relationships, being chained...
I like how Anna speaks in a way that is factual, to the point as well as very caring.
To anyone who hasn't tried Anna's daily practice I highly recommend it. I started last week and results for me were noticable the first day. Thank you Anna for making a difference in my life. For over a year I have been pressured by a certain time period in my life that was a very hard time but it was also a time when I was most hopeful of better days, a happy adulthood. Just before I began the daily practice I was listening to music from that era hoping for a breakthrough for something deeper. It came when I remembered some people I met who welcomed me into their arms and held me there awhile. Everything was ok, nothing was unforgivable and acceptance was all. The key that unlocked my heart and restored my hope was another memory of the same people who showed up to help me decades later. All but one is deceased now but no matter. It's a memory that will hold me in it's arms and remind me that I can trust that good people and good things are here for me somewhere. Since I had these recollections I sleep better and longer. It seems like holding these memories close has accelerated my healing. It's almost like in Peter Pan holding onto the happy thoughts and I'm good with that. I'm nearly 70 and have been scouring my memories for just these to restore my hope. And the daily practice helped me get here. Happy healing everyone.
What happy news!
Thank you Anna, this helped. From an early stage in my life, probably my late teens, I watched people to learn how to interact socially and how to respond in specific situations. I honestly did not know how and was continually amazed at "people stuff". These typical life activities which came so easy for others caused me great anxiety. I have continually suppressed any anxiety or emotion throughout my life as that's what I learned at a very early age. I was diagnosed with Severe White Coat Hypertension in my mid-30's and it still rules my life some 3-decades later. Faced with any kind of authority figure or having my integrity challenged by anyone will send my blood pressure racing to the 215/115 range.
PTSD was not known when I sought therapy let alone today's C-PTSD. Now, some 3-decades later and with thanks to Anna I have learned that I check off roughly 95% of the symptoms of C-PTSD. This understanding in itself is an eye-opener and explains oh so many thoughts, decisions, actions, responses, and fears throughout the years. I have a very long journey ahead and I wish all of you the strength to be happy!
I'm right there with you at 65! This helps so much. Best wishes 💞
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It’s not our only merry go round - if there is reincarnation? all we’ve done here learning will shine through and we’ll make better choices to serve ourselves and others better.
I’m sharing this from the inside of this same struggle.
- 0:10 🧠 Disorganized attachment can develop from inconsistent love during childhood, leading to rushing into and quickly fleeing relationships in adulthood.
- 1:00 🏠 Mary grew up in a dysfunctional family with physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, making her the forgotten child.
- 2:06 💔 Mary's idealized relationship with her seemingly perfect dad was shattered when he moved away, leading to a series of regrettable romantic decisions.
- 3:00 🌪 Mary entered a volatile relationship marked by instant connection but left her feeling empty and anxious.
- 4:11 🔁 Mary's on-and-off relationship over five years involves a friends-with-benefits dynamic, marked by emotional turmoil.
- 4:48 🔄 Mary struggles with the pattern of hot and cold behavior, yearning for a stable, healthy, and loving relationship.
- 7:10 🤔 Mary seeks guidance on breaking free from the cycle and avoiding unavailable men.
- 10:58 🔄 Mary questions whether the problem lies in her partner's avoidant nature or his lack of genuine interest in her.
- 12:00 🚑 Mary is haunted by anxiety and insecurity when getting close to someone, highlighting the impact of disorganized attachment.
- 13:01 🩹 Suggested healing methods include therapy, 12-step programs, and self-awareness practices to address disorganized attachment.
As a humorous comment, I totally relate to the disorganized attachment style. Until just a few minutes ago I always describe myself as very organized. I jokingly say that 'organized' is going to be my middle name on my headstone and if anyone would put me in charge of the country, I would alphabetize it. Joking of course. So to realize I probably have DISorganized attachment has me half laughing and half perplexed. Love the videos. Have just found them a few months ago. Sure glad I did. I'll have to alphabetize them and watch again. Hahahahaha. Kidding of course.
Anna, your videos are very helpful! I have followed you for about 2 years now and your channel helped me love myself more and stop accepting crumbs from people, including potential partners. I have been single for 4 years now but I am more at peace than ever before and I am enjoying my life quite a lot! 😊 Thank you, greetings from Poland!❤❤
Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow Mary is sharing my story!! This was exactly what I needed to hear. Wishing for healing for all us 🫶🏽❤️
Family secrets came out recently. I now feel compassion for my father. It doesn't excuse him though... Let the healing begin.
Everytime someone says disorganized is the hardest attachment style im like 😢 cause it just affirms how hard it feels for me.
It’s hard though because I’m on the other side of her experience where the guy I was dating dumped me for “not fulfilling his emotional needs” but he didn’t even give me a chance to. We were a month and a half in and I was very upfront that I struggle with intimacy but I was working on it, and I made effort. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to just accuse someone of never being able to grow and have a healthy relationship with you, especially if they’re trying and they really care about you.
Hearing people with the same exact life story is crazy
Yes. We're not alone.
Nika@TeamFairy
OMG this is so important & helpful. I hate that there are so many in the world living through similar situations as Mary because its not how life has to be. I am so appreciative to Anna for sharing through her experience and collectively the membership. To know there exists a place with "misfits like me" is comforting. I have been watching for some months now, im in my 60's and I've lived so so many of all the things from my first memory on until about a year and a half ago. At this time im really tired and sometimes just watching the videos mess with me.... reflection, regrets also gratitude. ❤ The daily practice is so good and helpful as well as 12 step groups in my experience are very helpful. After seeing this today i am going to do the next thing, take the next step...There are so many wonderful and good people in this world if only we take the step. To anyone struggling i swear to you it is never too late to live life well if only for a moment in time... Pep talk here 😅 I believe you Anna when you say we were made for better, made for more 💞
I thank you from the deepest part of my heart. ☀️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We're so glad to hear the Daily Practice helped you and that the video motivated you to take the next step! Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
First! I've never been this early, and this topic could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much.
I can relate to this situation. Great insight! ❤ Again thank you for these videos!
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
No more crap fitting for me 🚫
I thought I was getting better at this, I'm doing everything you suggest. Yet two years into our marriage, I sit here locked myself away in the bedroom, scared, exhausted confused and mostly so very ashamed of the meltdown of last night, completely lost it in hindsight now should have known with the stressor after stressor I ignored instead of addressing it and hoping one more time I could let it go enough to get through the evening plans. And instead ended up hurting my husband in ways I didn't even know I was capable of such abusive cruel things I did. And I just am starting to believe I'm incapable of any real change.
We understand. When you say you're doing everything I suggest, what you have tried?
It’s true: Among other things, poor fitting environments, people and so forth have contributed significantly to what Laurence Heller and others call, roughly, fragmentation, incompletion and disorganization (internal). The internal parts do not and cannot cohere, work together.
Hard: I experience a great base, great framework, but some of this is - not sure what to call it.
Agreed with other commenters, timely video 🙏🙏 thank you
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm going through the SAME thing and this video was on my list to watch. I'm astonished how I find it at the perfect moment.... I feel like you read my story. I do therapy for like 15 years, but this attachment is more powerful than all these years of weekly therapy sessions....
I couldn't open the links :(((
Thank you
Thanks for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you i appreciate it.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks❣️
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Sounds like could be a trauma bond with this guy? "His actions don't match up" is often code for he's abusive, but those growing up in whose find it hard to name it
i get attached to those i shouldn't ,they never know but it always goes badly for me,best to stay alone no one can hurt you then
This is a Good One!! 💝💝💯🙌💫👱♀️ Ya' sadly, been there!! 😱🤮 It did not work out!! Relationships are two way!! Can't be the only one to give & Try!!! Ya' addicting' but never fulfilling!! Run!! 😀😀💯
A lil bit of Anna the fairy n a sprinkle of David Goggins - im healing y'all
I have watched many of your videos because I resonate very strongly with what you are talking about.
Do you or have you ever featured the experience of a man that can relate?
how can I write to you and have my experiences be evaluated by you?
I am not loved in the way I need
I am only loved by others who do not really get me
And when it is convenient by others.
But not truly loved just for me
I will leave without a word or I am obsessed, infatuated. 😂❤😢
Anna, in some of your videos, you have strongly advised that therapy didn’t do much for you and if you could go back you would save money spent on therapy and cigarettes. Here, you are advising therapy and in some of your recent videos too. Has your position on this changed with experience?
No. It doesn't work for me. It does work for some people and it's an important component of care for people with CPTSD. I teach how to be discerning about it.
That uhh at 1:44 😆 might trigger some people
❤❤✝
💔💔💔💔
I'm the 6th comment!
Oh crap😂
I keep doing this , over and over and over its the same scenario too , its not what i really wanted to happen, but it does no matter how hard i try it always sneaks up and bites me just like the 1st time, it ruins everything everytime, and if im brave enough to try and fix it it only snowballs and makes it 100times worse, its happened all my life at least 100plus times, i havent been able to overcome it yet i struggle on daily it kills me everytime it happens , talk about akward try explaining it to some one you just seemingly snubbed, anxiety is so intense that i just bolt , (exit stage left i gotta go see yaa) then not be able to juat go back and explain , it makes me look like a pos ahole, what a mess i am fuck , this sucks so much, i know it isnt anywhere close to being normal, is it good to know the truth? Not when your 53,now i just know why i had such a hard time , i hope my family suffers greatly , but just like all else it will never happen, no one probably knows what im bitchingabout anyway .
Healing is the key, I know it's not an easy path but it worthy of every tear, every pain. We have spent our entire life repeating the same toxic pattern without knowing why it has been happening over and over but when we finally are able to understand why, it's the first step toward healing.
I wish you peace and healing 🙏
Biggest red flag was she was on Instagram. That's not where anybody goes to heal.
Unavailable male.
😂 look out distant connection 😂..funny not funny.
Instant connection
LOL!
Auto correct strikes again 😊
2:45 I’m confused. What did you mark about some guy asking a girl for her Instagram? They met in person so there’s no need for devolving the conversation to an internet conversation. That’s the first thing that confused me…meet a person you work with means you have the ability to talk to them…so why ask for anything other than a phone number?
Second confusion is why did you mark the paper at that point? Same reason i just stated?
I needed this message today! 🙏🏼🩵