I keep feeling images of my Mum, angry at me, with her head leaning forward and with wide eyes like an animal. I'm an adult now and she was extremely angry at me a lot when I was a teenager. It's just like the snarling teeth in this video.
The teeth! I got the teeth from my mother and grandmother all the time. It was so distressing! But also a running joke in our family. In our family, trauma was funny, see? ;(
The feeling of having this: You might not even know what affection feels like. You want to commit to relationships, but something inside you tears you apart within into fragments. Even if you recover the fragments and put them together on your own, they would eventually fall apart. You can only do so much on your own. You have done everything you can. What you need, is something you have never received in those grey memories.
what arises in me as I watch this video: is my inability to let go of, and forgive, the past. I am raped by the past. it tortures me and fills me: with grief and regret and guilt and rage. I wish great suffering on those that I loathe. I wish upon them horrific pain. I don't know how I will ever heal. I am tortured...
That was a very easy to understand, helpful video. Thank you so much. It really helped me better understand and remember the concepts I was reading about.
amazing video, verified everything that I am going through in therapy and why i have dissociation symptoms IE depersonalization, thank you very much for this!
Is there an an Attachment for someone who can’t be alone but doesn’t want to be controlled, who wants unconditional love but has never believed anyone actually loves them tries to avoid conflict but ends up in lots of conflicts
Dr. Siegel, what if a child experienced this kind of trauma from both parents but did not become fragmented, or at least develop dissociative traits? I find this to be my experience. Though I do think I have fearful/avoidant attachment as an adult, I'm not sure I would call myself fragmented. Could there be an explanation for this?
You might have had some protective factor, such as supportive adult, been good at something like sport which would have given you self esteem or you might be a resilient person. Read Attachment Theory, very interesting stuff indeed!
there are a few therapeutic ways you can work with this. Finding a therapist who works with early developmental trauma with a somatic approach is very helpful. CBT not so much as it's talk therapy and doesn't incorporate the body. Trauma affects the nervous system physiology, so a body centered approach is most helpful.
lol so maybe sometimes you can blame your parents for your problems. And apparently ten percent of the population have this level of attachment, makes sense why so many people can't be in functional relationships. And I wonder if there are any differences between how each gender responds to this in later life, how it ties in with how we are expected to function as adults within our gender roles.
Doesn't every parent get angry at their kids from time to time? I'm sure some parents put on an angry facade to intimidate their children into compliance, even though mentally they're actually in a neutral to mildly frustrated state.
Yes it's normal but I think Dr Siegel is talking about prolonged and repetitive interactions that "shape" the baby's brain. Also there is such a thing as rupture and repair. Most of us who went thru largely unscathed (emotionally) went thru this
Thank you for the video. You very clearly explain the terror and internal conflict I felt as a child when my Mother or Father was out of control.
wow, now I know why I'm nuts.
I keep feeling images of my Mum, angry at me, with her head leaning forward and with wide eyes like an animal. I'm an adult now and she was extremely angry at me a lot when I was a teenager. It's just like the snarling teeth in this video.
my mother would do the teeth snarl so much that me and my sisters called it the dragon face.
"The intention to be harmed by the one who was supposed to protect" wow that might be one of the most tragic things I've ever heard in my life.
The teeth! I got the teeth from my mother and grandmother all the time. It was so distressing! But also a running joke in our family. In our family, trauma was funny, see? ;(
The feeling of having this: You might not even know what affection feels like. You want to commit to relationships, but something inside you tears you apart within into fragments. Even if you recover the fragments and put them together on your own, they would eventually fall apart. You can only do so much on your own. You have done everything you can. What you need, is something you have never received in those grey memories.
@michaelbrynkus omg please shut up
what arises in me
as I watch this video:
is my inability
to let go of, and forgive,
the past.
I am raped
by the past.
it tortures me
and fills me:
with grief and regret
and guilt and rage.
I wish great suffering
on those that I loathe.
I wish upon them horrific pain.
I don't know how I will ever heal.
I am tortured...
Excellent explanation of how a child fragments and why in the face of unbearable fear/terror from the one who is 'suppose' to Protect at all cost
Violated by a malignant protector mother is a mind-beep. The harm was incredible, as the extreme dissociative effect.
That was a very easy to understand, helpful video. Thank you so much. It really helped me better understand and remember the concepts I was reading about.
amazing video, verified everything that I am going through in therapy and why i have dissociation symptoms IE depersonalization, thank you very much for this!
So well articulated!
wonderful video! thank you!
I love you
Is there an an Attachment for someone who can’t be alone but doesn’t want to be controlled, who wants unconditional love but has never believed anyone actually loves them tries to avoid conflict but ends up in lots of conflicts
This one.
Yes, fearful avoidant
Generally that'd be a narcissist
Avoidant
@@cairosilver2932 not necessarily. Attachment style can correlate to personality disorder but not always.
oh, so that’s why i always end up in abusive romantic relationships
Are you seeking therapy? Is cost a barrier? Is it a scary prospect?
Dr. Siegel, what if a child experienced this kind of trauma from both parents but did not become fragmented, or at least develop dissociative traits? I find this to be my experience. Though I do think I have fearful/avoidant attachment as an adult, I'm not sure I would call myself fragmented. Could there be an explanation for this?
You might have had some protective factor, such as supportive adult, been good at something like sport which would have given you self esteem or you might be a resilient person. Read Attachment Theory, very interesting stuff indeed!
Thanks!
What therapeutic work can someone do to resolve this? is there a particular approach, i.e. CBT, Gestalt, etc.?
there are a few therapeutic ways you can work with this. Finding a therapist who works with early developmental trauma with a somatic approach is very helpful. CBT not so much as it's talk therapy and doesn't incorporate the body. Trauma affects the nervous system physiology, so a body centered approach is most helpful.
How to heal disorganized attachment In adults?
ABC intervention
If anyone can figure out how to fix this for under $5000 please let me know.
draimie.com/peter-levine-and-healing-trauma-with-somatic-experiencing/
sorry but LOL.My thoughts exactly .
This is really intersting indeed .
I'm fragmented.
What does this look like in an adult romantic relationship?
byhiswounds1975 troubled relationships or no relationship as far as I can tell.
Fragmentation
lol so maybe sometimes you can blame your parents for your problems.
And apparently ten percent of the population have this level of attachment, makes sense why so many people can't be in functional relationships.
And I wonder if there are any differences between how each gender responds to this in later life, how it ties in with how we are expected to function as adults within our gender roles.
Doesn't every parent get angry at their kids from time to time? I'm sure some parents put on an angry facade to intimidate their children into compliance, even though mentally they're actually in a neutral to mildly frustrated state.
Yes it's normal but I think Dr Siegel is talking about prolonged and repetitive interactions that "shape" the baby's brain. Also there is such a thing as rupture and repair. Most of us who went thru largely unscathed (emotionally) went thru this