I like you Dr. Peterson, but you have a inability to practice what you're trying to preach in this video. You're constantly interrupting the person whoever you're engaging with that it gets tedious at best and unnerving at worst. That's the only criticism i can point out that can be levied at you, kind sir.
Though he's most likely not a psychopath, JP seems to have narcissist characteristics. He teaches men to avoid vices yet he seems completely oblivious to his own indulgence in these vices. His don't look behind the curtin moment for me was when he insulted respected trans man , Elliot Page by talking about his breast removal and deadnaming. I dare him to have called Muhammad Ali Cashious Clay to his face if we had a time machine. The real problem I had with this episode was that his reaction to having his account suspended was a video where he just came across as unhinged using language like “sons of bitches” and “I'd no sooner die than remove thar tweet”. He also analyzed his tweet 100 different ways. It just looked desperate and over the top. He also was in a dark room which gave the video dr evil meme like qualities. All of these elements were a revelation to me about how big his ego is. My observation was that he had this same “over my dead body” response to Canadian bill c-16 which he claimed would enforce pronoun use (though other sources debate this claim). This stance which was covered in the Kathy Newman interview, is what conservative outlets used to springboard him to fame. It's what he's most known for. Thus I believe when he perceived twitter as defending a transperson against his unflattering comments towards that person, it was as if his reputation was on the line. Kyle Kulinski told JP that he knew of a transman who claimed transition was very beneficial for his mental state. He asked JP if given that JP was all about supporting freedoms would he not at least support the freedom for this transman to transition? It was a perfect blow to Peterson. His whole freedom platform was turned against him. He was clearly upset at having his own words used against him. He either had to support transition for some transpeople or his persona of sacrificing his life for freedom was all a hoax. Cornered by his own reasoning at 6:50 in the video below Peterson devolved the argument to quibbling over syntax when Kyle made a simple point that the lgbt community has been historically marginalized. Any honest debater would have accepted that obvious point and moved on. Peterson was clearly angered and wanted to use cheap petty syntactic disputes to somehow in his narcissist mind, claim a small victory. This inability to respect another position that may be valid is the hallmark of narcissist behavior. th-cam.com/video/7IN7bR_z4Kw/w-d-xo.html
The majority of people, and I include myself in this unfortunately, hear to respond rather than to listen. It is something I really want to change about myself, because it is truly an invaluable skill as Mr P states. I feel everyone would progress much further in life being able to do this, even more so if one wants to be a leader of sorts.
I have a lot more work to do on myself. But I had my first real job the past couple of years working at a gas station and it was really challenging. I've had confidence issues to deal with, and learning how to do with stressful situations in customer service. But I think I can feel proud that I was one of the best employees that my boss has had, she told me herself. And I think that might have been down to the fact that I listened to her and co-workers when things went wrong in the workplace and it was affecting work relationships in a bad way. My boss was horrible at communicating what she wanted of the staff and got angry when things didn't go her way. This ended up in nobody wanting to talk to her and just leaving her alone. That only made things worse. So I decided voluntarily to talk to her on multiple occasions and listen to what she had to say, and one time she just ended up crying saying she's overhelemed and too stressed and that she needs to talk to someone like a professional about it. It didn't exactly solve the problem, but I think we were on better terms after that and she didn't get upset at everyone so much.
@@zonefreakman Firstly I want to commend you for not only doing the job you did, but also thriving in it, when you have confidence issues. I know what that's like and what it takes, so kudos to you! That's a great story about your boss. Usually anger is the layer on top protecting a wound, or some sort of vulnerability, which is why people get angry much faster than upset. It's far easier, as Mr P has said before. The fact you were able to penetrate that defence enabled her to open up, which is amazing! I need to take lead from your example more.
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
I read that as quickly as possible so I could respond... Lol, this is very true. It's so easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and opinions on what the other is saying, rather than trying to understand and as Peterson said, summarise what they're saying in order to propagate the conversation.
I got better at listening to people over a span of five years (around the time I started watching Jordan P.). It was really rough, other people reflected my own insufficiencies back at me. It was hard not to swipe at them, I habitually acted out "an eye for an eye". I didn't even realize I was doing it.. that's fascinating. Jordan, you helped me orient myself in ways I can't even begin to comprehend right now. I am eternally grateful for your work.
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
All that personal development, and yet you still have an anime avatar. lol I'm kidding, I don't give a damn, well done! Yeah personally I used to avoid social interaction when I could which obviously didn't help me to become a more social or articulate person. I didn't like this about myself, being so anti-social as well as not properly socialized, so with inspiration from Dr. Jordan Peterson I began going out of my way to have social interaction even though I didn't tend to like socially interacting. I worked at it for a few years, like yourself, but then I had just finished a long conversation with a young woman about a variety of topics including her loving relationship with her bf, her aspirations to be a mom but also to become a paramedic, and she finished off the conversation with something along the lines of "You know, you're a really good person to talk to." I don't believe I will EVER forget that, even though that conversation had taken place somewhere around 2018. More than five years ago yet it still has such profound impact, she revealed to me that I had indeed improved myself in terms of socializing, but even more than that I had become someone that was seen as valuable to talk to. When they speak, I LISTEN and I am NOT afraid to ask 'em to repeat themselves if I didn't catch word-for-word what they said, and when I reply I do so honestly & genuinely. Dr. Jordan Peterson is right; when you GENUINELY listen, people will tell you just about anything. I think I may have something of a therapeutic affect sometimes when I talk to people, in part because I have been TOLD by some that I have that affect. Even online via chatting behind a wall of anonymity; being listened to honestly and without judgement just seems to be good for the soul. It feels really good to sense that a conversation with someone was impactful in a positive way. I do not PURSUE my conversations to be 'impactful,' but they just tend to be. It's kinda miraculous... Anyhow, well done on becoming a better listener. We're just two people of many who have been VERY positively impacted by Dr. Jordan Peterson :)
@@Leprutz He's saying that genuinely listening to people has a very powerful impact, to the point that when you genuinely listen to someone with patience and honestly and no judgement that some people will tell you just about anything about themselves. He is also saying that something you could do if someone does something you like that you want them to do more often is to POINT OUT that good thing that is done/said and let the person know that it was a good thing. It is positive reinforcement, and tends to result in the people around you more often doing things that you like them to do. It kinda sounds manipulative, but if it comes from a place of genuineness & honesty then I do not believe it is manipulative. Like compliments, for example. If you compliment someone on something you don't actually care about, then you're basically lying to them to manipulate them. But, if you compliment someone on something you genuinely like, then it is from the heart and is not manipulative. It can be very impactful, like when I compliment a woman on her nails if they catch my attention and I like the colour or design or what have you, the woman basically ALWAYS lights up with a smile and sometimes an exclamation of surprise/shock to have received such a compliment. It is very impactful, but if it's genuine then it is not manipulation. It's honesty, a genuine and pleasant interaction between two human beings. So yes, acknowledging good deeds is good if you want that person to continue to do those good deeds. If someone does something good, it's just a plain old GOOD thing to gently point it out and say "Right on, that was good, well done. Good for you." You know, something like that. The old saying is "No good deed goes unpunished." Well you can be the one to say "No good deed goes without positive acknowledgement." lol You can be a force for good in the world, which can include reinforcing people who also do good things. It promotes civility, social cohesion, and general happiness via morale boosts. That's a Military term, morale boost, and it's something I REALLY enjoy doing :) I don't limit myself to complimenting just women too; if a guy is wearing a cool hat or something then I'm not shy about giving a dude a compliment. The MAIN THING though, is that it must be genuine. If it's just something made-up, a lie, then it's manipulation. Also, because my compliments are genuine, if they asked me what I like about it then I'll have an answer for them immediately but I'm basically never asked what SPECIFICALLY I like about something. People just tend to glow when they receive genuine compliments, and I thoroughly enjoy that so I'm happy when I notice something on someone that I like. Compliment inbound, get ready for that mutual morale boost! Because I end up more happy too when I make someone light up with a compliment haha It's all win/win! I just can't believe I actually grew up with that feminist NONSENSE about "You shouldn't compliment a woman's appearance because that's objectification and thus sexist." I am SO GLAD I decided to experiment with compliments like 5 years ago or so; it's perhaps been the best experiment I ever conducted in my life. It has made me and so many other people more happy :D
Kinda? You also need your ego to listen at all, ears, a heart, senses, all of that. Don't be so quick to kill your ego, you're the one who created it.. when it's time to blame someone, better to use a mirror.
@@JoyfulUniteryou make a valid point. I would add the skill of humility which I define as 'right sized self esteem' if that is in place then it is safe and productive to leave our ego outside of the door because we can proceed with an open mind and be protected from a malign person. Thank you for comment. It gave me cause to reflect
As a teacher, I would often tell the pupils to put down their pen, close their notebook, and pay full attention. Too often, the note-taking distracts one's understanding. I was taught this at teacher-training and realised it was true.
@@nadeemamode Obviously not, since I know beforehand what I'm going to write, while it's new for the pupils/students. Also asked the students whether they thought it was a good idea first to listen without writing and only then write, and they agreed.
@@castelodeossos3947 thats fine. Writing during or after both have benefits. As long as youre capturing something. Even when i listen to my instructors, im not writing out everything. Maybe the things that stick out and others that are not so obvious.
Wow. This is the same kind of encouragement given in a book called "Transforming The Difficult Child: A Nurtured Heart Approach," which is very useful for parents dealing with oppositional defiance disorder and such like behavioral difficulties in kids. You try everything in vain, and the day you start to consistently show them that you saw the good they did, and not so much the bad, there's a shift in behavior.
Listening is respecting . There are few people that actually know how to listen properly at present . People talk , but few listen to each other . It is respectful to listen to the other persons point of view , even if it cannot be agreed with . It is frustrating to say something , and know it wasnt listened too In any relationship with parents, partners , children , friends and foes . The art of listening is essential It is lacking in in all walks of life . And thus we have conflict .
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
Summary: Active listening is a powerful technique that enforces principle of reciprocity in any kind of relationship. One practical tip is to watch people around you and if they do anything that you would like to see repeated, complement them in such a way that you make them feel recognized. Tell them you noticed what they did, tell them exactly what did they did and how that is an excellent thing to do. When you do this multiple times this person will repeat this behavior and improve drastically, you can make them do what you expect them to do.
This is one of my biggest issue of public education. They want to learn, but do not (generally) give the skills to learn such as listening, taking notes, ...
JP is the man. Fantastic segment. I was hoping this would be techniques on how to become a better listener, but rather it details the benefits of being s good listener.
Good job, Jordan. I consider this a "top up" of the teaching I received in the Psychology undergraduate course in the mid 80s at another Ontario university. Glad to learn more about Skinner.
Im so happy that the ability to listen before deciding is something that I have. I believe that those people who would just simply listen to Dr. PETERSON lectures couldn't possibly see enough evidence to hate him, much less Vilify him in the way that he's been. He is a perfectly place totem of positive change in our combined humanity, if only we'd take the time to listen.
Its important to notice when other people are testing you for reciprocity and not to be blinded by the prejudicial assumption that you are the authority.
What a great teacher you are! Not just because you teach but because you share in the celebration of the students actual learning! Jack Layton did the same for me at TMU 💜
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
@@Leprutz Right. So, in a relationship that should be reciprocal. It cannot be one sided, otherwise the relationship deteriorates over time. But, you don't want to be a complete pushover and say all the nice things you can. Like what he says about the ratio of positive to negative encounters. That literature has always stuck with me. So, it is important to not only acknowledge the good deeds, but also to stand up for yourself when you feel that the other person in the relationship isn't acknowledging your good deeds. And man, you'd better have your arguments straight before you try that. Because negative interactions hurt us a lot more than positive interactions, but both are important and necessary.
@@robertxaypanya8506 yeah I get that. I just wanted to make sure that I completely understood what he was saying. Good to k ow. Thank you very much for reassuring and explaining once again. 🤗
I think the main thing he’s stating is to become a great writer. You can keep observing yourself while looking at what is before you. In a simultaneous manner that compliments each other. The words written for you and the art itself
i have been trained in a field that uses active listening in a completely supernatural way. I've noticed if you listen too well, some may become very uncomfortable because they "maybe" notice the attentiveness and feel that they need to give encores. lol. and then they keep talking. I love to engage people because it's easier than observing from afar. Plus, the information you get is priceless and people are more willing to be heard rather than be seen.
I think you're so interesting. I learnt so much about phylogeny. It's great to hear from you thanks. What bothing me at the moment is people not paying attention to thier inviroment. People walk across the road. They don't look. People on the pavement are not intressing about other people around them. Thier observed with their phone. Driver only looked one way before they drive away. People are not attention is lacking. They don't look about to see where they are in the world. They look about but seems lost. They don't use thier sence. Looking hearing that help our people move easily in the world. I was amazed about 4 years ago. I Was watching the traffic lights and a young lady how had earphone on was going to walk straight into the car and cross the road. I gently put my hand to her shoulders. She turned face to mine in anger. I turn my eyes to the road. She eyes followed mind. She saw the car. Her anger left her. I think she was a colleague student. The piont of tell you this is I should technology has replaced our sence and sence of the world. What do you think about that. I value your opinion.
Politics these days are too angry and “the left this” “the right that” and it’s a mess. If everyone, no matter where there are on the political spectrum, could simply acknowledge when they agree with other people, or when they like things people they disagree with say, like Jordan Peterson says, and they point that out, I think it would help us all come together.
It's very difficult to be somewhat selfless and just listen without jumping in about oneself. It's a great practice for patients and to lose those selfish tendencies. This one thing has changed my LLC construction business a total 180°. Don't get me wrong I still am at work with this.
Listening is a powerful skill - I know because I have trained thousands of individuals in active listening and empathy skills. You make reference to Carl Rogers in several videos and he did make a huge contribution with his research regarding the core conditions. I am however puzzled that you make no reference about Robert R. Carkhuff who at one period of time was a colleague of Rogers but went his own way. His journey resulted in both a broadening of Roger's original work that from my experience made significant improvements in how to actualize the skills of listening. Carkhuff also combined the client centered and the behavioral approaches which you model in your narratives. Carkhuff was a mentor to me and I feel compelled to make his work available to you. I know your time is tightly controlled so I have selected one article that you will read, because I am confident you will want to know more. On another note, in one of your videos where you referenced listening skills you made a comment at the end of the video that completely blew my mind. You raised the question of what would happen if you were soliciting peoples comments about a topic and the person next to the originator of the statements was required to paraphrase what the previous person said before giving their own opinion. I did this - I actually pushed it this far when working with senior level executive seeking team building or something like getting consensus on a vision and mission statement. Something unique happened when I leaped into the unknown, meaning it was all in the moment with no script. I was tired of doing all the work as the facilitator and frustrated at the insecurity so many so called executives had when wanting to challenge the CEO but contained themselves remaining speechless. The first time I did this was right after introductions were made and I stated I am not at all confident that we will get agreement on our agenda items based on my initial observation. I quickly, before getting challenged about where I was going, stated I plan to spend the first hour teaching you how to listen to each other in a way that will facilitate the accomplishment of an agreed to strategic plan. I need to point out hear that I knew I would not be able to train them in listening skills in an hour but I was hoping to strip them of their roles and ceremonial behavior. I made it just in time - getting each executive to write down what they feel the corporation needed to work on to improve profitability. I had each on write their statement on the flip chart. after that I said ok execs, any changes you need to make. Nope. I turned said so what do you want to do with these ideas and they were all over the place. I stopped and said, look, each of these statement fails to something actionable because it is just "A WHAT" statement. I gave examples referencing a few. I took the lead to demonstrate how it was important to understand and clarify why Joe's idea is so important to him. So I showed this and expanded on the what statement and everyone realized just from that how it is critical to get the context in place so the what would be nested so to speak with some underlying logic. It was painful at first, coaching and correcting these people who were so used to being in control. I did control the whole process, and most got better and paraphrasing and getting the nod from the presenter meaning he understands it. I stepped in repeatedly to bring the message home. This was the beginning and I then moved to requiring each person to reflect on each idea, pick one that they were not supportive of and be prepared to tell the person what your issue is with their idea. I then gave an overview of how to state your criticism in a way that would be acceptable. This skill requires the person to articulate "from the others persons perspective" the merits or positive connected to what they shared and to then state "my concern is.......! Need to stop typing - unable to put into words the experience due to a cognitive impairment. So here is the bottom line. After the one hour or sometimes longer exercise every person got the realization that the process I used to confront and train them in listening allowed them to go further on an important list of issues that the original contract I had to do whatever was piut aside and they insisted on staying focused on the real list of issues that was surfaced and making headway like never before. Carkhuff' created the empathy scale and coupled it with initiative skills - because insight without action is impotency. An empathic level 3 response is formulated "you feel blank because blank. The word because forces the person to share the reason. The feeling word, when accurate make it more powerful than you can imagine. If you have read this far then maybe "you feel stimulated because this approach appears to expand and makes it possible to train large groups of groups of people. Let me leave you with an example to bring this home. Imagine a high school history class reviewing the various wars and engagements that happened. The students are all trained to listen interchangeably with each other. Break the class into three groups and have them select a battle and have then see if they can create a better better battle strategy. You can Take it from there. I If you are open to it I would be willing to put together a video with me facilitating or processing with another person to give you a chance to view what I am saying. I struggle because of my disability and realize my writing it not on par where it should be. I have over 100M is results from using listening skills to improve productivity. I can be reached at 773-846-9145 if you want to know more. Ed Feder the referenced article is called "The THE POST-ROGERIAN THERAPY OF ROBERT CARKHUFF by Dharmavidya David Brazier
@@Sam-bc9ll I remember hearing Jordan being interviewed somewhere and he commented that he also noticed that his audiences were intentionally dressing well. He himself has said that he specifically dresses well as a habit, because he feels it's respectful to others to present the best version of yourself. I noticed the audience right away and even paused the video to see if it was consistent with most of the people shown.
It is, but as a rule people can only consistently listen to one of two things: external psychology or internal psychology. This is part of why listening is so difficult because you have to work on your back foot.
When it pertains to those who are transgender, Jordan is anything BUT a good listener. Jordan Peterson has the paper to prove that he is a psychologist. He doesn’t have any respect whatsoever or want to listen to those who claim to be transgender, that he in turn states are either male, or female.
Rather than thinking of his self as being merely a psychologist, Jordan seems to think of his self as being a reputable scientist … a would-be top notch Prime Minister of Canada, a truth telling theologian, and who knows what else? From the book … When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress … Author … Gabor Maté M.D. Studies in psychology-an art trying desperately to dress itself up in pure science-often find only what the particular researchers have the eyes to see.
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
I've been told that I'm a quite good listener but when it comes to talking and being listened to I seem to be wired differently. I remember people pointing out if I did things good or said something good like the rewarding behaviour he describes. But it doesn't make me feel good, I feel more like embarrassed if I find myself in this kind of center of attention especially in a group setup and it makes me hesitate to do those things again. Somehow I seem to prefer if they focus on the things I said or things I did instead of focusing on me.
Oh.Geez.YES!! I asked two separate women why it was that women always fell in love with me? They both said, separately, that it was because I paid attention to them! I'm just some caveman kinda' guy, what do I know?? Trained years ago at two different suicide hotlines. Have used those listening skills ever since and my listening abilities have been absolutely transformed. Now I do a weekly training session at Negotiation Practice Community. HOTLINE is basic active/reflective-listening and in the Hotline context it's all about labeling the emotions that you are hearing. Simple sentences, simple without commas, and absolutely no parends, lol. "Sounds like you feel angry/sad/overwhelmed/frustrated..." It's simple. And takes a lot of practice. All of this while applying RULE ZERO™: I don't exist. It's like some kind of monk-training, because it's other-focused. Try it. It really works. People often say to me that they don't know why they're telling me all this, and some pretty deep stuff.
I used to work with animals and training dogs as well using positive reinforcement methods. My sister has a 9 month old child and its really similar im noticing to train a baby, and now finding out I can do this with adults too. Great.
I really struggle with this. I’ve only just realized that in a bad listener. A passive listener. I only listen to respond, not to actually listen. I’m 30 and only just found this out My parents are similar so assume it’s came from them initially. Then just me being unaware How do I go about changing this though? Even listening to this video l, I’ve taken a lot in but I’m thinking of other things It’s something I want to get better at. People have told me I’m selfish for years and I’ve been denial, because I’ve always done things for people materialistically, but only this week I’ve started to understand my selfishness Any help or advice is massively appreciated
That's a really difficult one if we're talking about political opponents. But at least for family members that I don't get along with perhaps I could find that useful. It's really easy to focus on the upsetting and irritating things that my family are doing, I just have been wanting to get away from them.
You're welcome to subscribe to my main channel for more content including full podcast episodes: th-cam.com/users/JordanPetersonVideos
Beautiful clip. I learn/am reminded of something truly good every time that I watch one of these clips.
I like you Dr. Peterson, but you have a inability to practice what you're trying to preach in this video. You're constantly interrupting the person whoever you're engaging with that it gets tedious at best and unnerving at worst. That's the only criticism i can point out that can be levied at you, kind sir.
Justin Trudeau does not have the ability to listen. This is his key deficit.
Though he's most likely not a psychopath, JP seems to have narcissist characteristics. He teaches men to avoid vices yet he seems completely oblivious to his own indulgence in these vices.
His don't look behind the curtin moment for me was when he insulted respected trans man , Elliot Page by talking about his breast removal and deadnaming. I dare him to have called Muhammad Ali Cashious Clay to his face if we had a time machine.
The real problem I had with this episode was that his reaction to having his account suspended was a video where he just came across as unhinged using language like “sons of bitches” and “I'd no sooner die than remove thar tweet”. He also analyzed his tweet 100 different ways. It just looked desperate and over the top. He also was in a dark room which gave the video dr evil meme like qualities. All of these elements were a revelation to me about how big his ego is.
My observation was that he had this same “over my dead body” response to Canadian bill c-16 which he claimed would enforce pronoun use (though other sources debate this claim). This stance which was covered in the Kathy Newman interview, is what conservative outlets used to springboard him to fame. It's what he's most known for. Thus I believe when he perceived twitter as defending a transperson against his unflattering comments towards that person, it was as if his reputation was on the line.
Kyle Kulinski told JP that he knew of a transman who claimed transition was very beneficial for his mental state. He asked JP if given that JP was all about supporting freedoms would he not at least support the freedom for this transman to transition? It was a perfect blow to Peterson. His whole freedom platform was turned against him. He was clearly upset at having his own words used against him. He either had to support transition for some transpeople or his persona of sacrificing his life for freedom was all a hoax. Cornered by his own reasoning at 6:50 in the video below Peterson devolved the argument to quibbling over syntax when Kyle made a simple point that the lgbt community has been historically marginalized. Any honest debater would have accepted that obvious point and moved on. Peterson was clearly angered and wanted to use cheap petty syntactic disputes to somehow in his narcissist mind, claim a small victory.
This inability to respect another position that may be valid is the hallmark of narcissist behavior.
th-cam.com/video/7IN7bR_z4Kw/w-d-xo.html
😊aa away q😊😊quite a 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
I’ve noticed so many people not only do not “listen” but they actively hijack the conversation…
It’s called a dialog instead of a monologue for a reason.
The majority of people, and I include myself in this unfortunately, hear to respond rather than to listen. It is something I really want to change about myself, because it is truly an invaluable skill as Mr P states. I feel everyone would progress much further in life being able to do this, even more so if one wants to be a leader of sorts.
I have a lot more work to do on myself. But I had my first real job the past couple of years working at a gas station and it was really challenging. I've had confidence issues to deal with, and learning how to do with stressful situations in customer service. But I think I can feel proud that I was one of the best employees that my boss has had, she told me herself. And I think that might have been down to the fact that I listened to her and co-workers when things went wrong in the workplace and it was affecting work relationships in a bad way. My boss was horrible at communicating what she wanted of the staff and got angry when things didn't go her way. This ended up in nobody wanting to talk to her and just leaving her alone. That only made things worse. So I decided voluntarily to talk to her on multiple occasions and listen to what she had to say, and one time she just ended up crying saying she's overhelemed and too stressed and that she needs to talk to someone like a professional about it. It didn't exactly solve the problem, but I think we were on better terms after that and she didn't get upset at everyone so much.
@@zonefreakman Firstly I want to commend you for not only doing the job you did, but also thriving in it, when you have confidence issues. I know what that's like and what it takes, so kudos to you!
That's a great story about your boss. Usually anger is the layer on top protecting a wound, or some sort of vulnerability, which is why people get angry much faster than upset. It's far easier, as Mr P has said before. The fact you were able to penetrate that defence enabled her to open up, which is amazing! I need to take lead from your example more.
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
I read that as quickly as possible so I could respond...
Lol, this is very true. It's so easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and opinions on what the other is saying, rather than trying to understand and as Peterson said, summarise what they're saying in order to propagate the conversation.
yes Mr Potato is very correct indeed
I got better at listening to people over a span of five years (around the time I started watching Jordan P.).
It was really rough, other people reflected my own insufficiencies back at me. It was hard not to swipe at them, I habitually acted out "an eye for an eye".
I didn't even realize I was doing it.. that's fascinating.
Jordan, you helped me orient myself in ways I can't even begin to comprehend right now. I am eternally grateful for your work.
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
All that personal development, and yet you still have an anime avatar.
lol I'm kidding, I don't give a damn, well done! Yeah personally I used to avoid social interaction when I could which obviously didn't help me to become a more social or articulate person. I didn't like this about myself, being so anti-social as well as not properly socialized, so with inspiration from Dr. Jordan Peterson I began going out of my way to have social interaction even though I didn't tend to like socially interacting.
I worked at it for a few years, like yourself, but then I had just finished a long conversation with a young woman about a variety of topics including her loving relationship with her bf, her aspirations to be a mom but also to become a paramedic, and she finished off the conversation with something along the lines of "You know, you're a really good person to talk to."
I don't believe I will EVER forget that, even though that conversation had taken place somewhere around 2018. More than five years ago yet it still has such profound impact, she revealed to me that I had indeed improved myself in terms of socializing, but even more than that I had become someone that was seen as valuable to talk to. When they speak, I LISTEN and I am NOT afraid to ask 'em to repeat themselves if I didn't catch word-for-word what they said, and when I reply I do so honestly & genuinely.
Dr. Jordan Peterson is right; when you GENUINELY listen, people will tell you just about anything. I think I may have something of a therapeutic affect sometimes when I talk to people, in part because I have been TOLD by some that I have that affect. Even online via chatting behind a wall of anonymity; being listened to honestly and without judgement just seems to be good for the soul. It feels really good to sense that a conversation with someone was impactful in a positive way. I do not PURSUE my conversations to be 'impactful,' but they just tend to be. It's kinda miraculous...
Anyhow, well done on becoming a better listener. We're just two people of many who have been VERY positively impacted by Dr. Jordan Peterson :)
@@Leprutz
He's saying that genuinely listening to people has a very powerful impact, to the point that when you genuinely listen to someone with patience and honestly and no judgement that some people will tell you just about anything about themselves.
He is also saying that something you could do if someone does something you like that you want them to do more often is to POINT OUT that good thing that is done/said and let the person know that it was a good thing. It is positive reinforcement, and tends to result in the people around you more often doing things that you like them to do. It kinda sounds manipulative, but if it comes from a place of genuineness & honesty then I do not believe it is manipulative.
Like compliments, for example. If you compliment someone on something you don't actually care about, then you're basically lying to them to manipulate them. But, if you compliment someone on something you genuinely like, then it is from the heart and is not manipulative. It can be very impactful, like when I compliment a woman on her nails if they catch my attention and I like the colour or design or what have you, the woman basically ALWAYS lights up with a smile and sometimes an exclamation of surprise/shock to have received such a compliment. It is very impactful, but if it's genuine then it is not manipulation. It's honesty, a genuine and pleasant interaction between two human beings.
So yes, acknowledging good deeds is good if you want that person to continue to do those good deeds. If someone does something good, it's just a plain old GOOD thing to gently point it out and say "Right on, that was good, well done. Good for you." You know, something like that. The old saying is "No good deed goes unpunished." Well you can be the one to say "No good deed goes without positive acknowledgement." lol You can be a force for good in the world, which can include reinforcing people who also do good things. It promotes civility, social cohesion, and general happiness via morale boosts. That's a Military term, morale boost, and it's something I REALLY enjoy doing :)
I don't limit myself to complimenting just women too; if a guy is wearing a cool hat or something then I'm not shy about giving a dude a compliment. The MAIN THING though, is that it must be genuine. If it's just something made-up, a lie, then it's manipulation. Also, because my compliments are genuine, if they asked me what I like about it then I'll have an answer for them immediately but I'm basically never asked what SPECIFICALLY I like about something. People just tend to glow when they receive genuine compliments, and I thoroughly enjoy that so I'm happy when I notice something on someone that I like. Compliment inbound, get ready for that mutual morale boost! Because I end up more happy too when I make someone light up with a compliment haha It's all win/win!
I just can't believe I actually grew up with that feminist NONSENSE about "You shouldn't compliment a woman's appearance because that's objectification and thus sexist." I am SO GLAD I decided to experiment with compliments like 5 years ago or so; it's perhaps been the best experiment I ever conducted in my life. It has made me and so many other people more happy :D
"If the envious part of you isn't jealous of the revelation of the goodness of the person" 💥 damn 💯
I did this with a relationship I had, and it seemed to improve immediately! The change was measurable. Never thought it would help so fast!
A relationship you "had".
What went wrong?
Same
@@Apeiron242 maybe it went right
truly listening means really removing the ego.
Kinda? You also need your ego to listen at all, ears, a heart, senses, all of that. Don't be so quick to kill your ego, you're the one who created it.. when it's time to blame someone, better to use a mirror.
Well said
@@JoyfulUniteryou make a valid point. I would add the skill of humility which I define as 'right sized self esteem' if that is in place then it is safe and productive to leave our ego outside of the door because we can proceed with an open mind and be protected from a malign person. Thank you for comment. It gave me cause to reflect
the line "you can be absolutely dead, but there is only so happy you can be" is quite profound
In business, i always appreciate it when colleagues write down whats being said.
Sometimes its not listening thats the issue but comprehension.
As a teacher, I would often tell the pupils to put down their pen, close their notebook, and pay full attention. Too often, the note-taking distracts one's understanding. I was taught this at teacher-training and realised it was true.
Comprehension is a skill unto itself.
@@castelodeossos3947 are you also writing things on the board? Or is talking while writing too much of a distraction for you?
@@nadeemamode
Obviously not, since I know beforehand what I'm going to write, while it's new for the pupils/students. Also asked the students whether they thought it was a good idea first to listen without writing and only then write, and they agreed.
@@castelodeossos3947 thats fine. Writing during or after both have benefits. As long as youre capturing something.
Even when i listen to my instructors, im not writing out everything. Maybe the things that stick out and others that are not so obvious.
Wow. This is the same kind of encouragement given in a book called "Transforming The Difficult Child: A Nurtured Heart Approach," which is very useful for parents dealing with oppositional defiance disorder and such like behavioral difficulties in kids. You try everything in vain, and the day you start to consistently show them that you saw the good they did, and not so much the bad, there's a shift in behavior.
Sometimes I find the need to improve my listening skills. Thank you Jordan. ✝️❤️
I’m definitely going to carefully listen to this one!
Not only listen but listen, learn and apply.
Im sorry.
What were you saying?
@@deanmccrorie3461 “See you weren’t even listening” 😂 if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me🤑
@@talmadhoun i like turtles too. But iguanas more
@@deanmccrorie3461 Not all who like turtles are zombies and some so-called intellectuals are zombies.
@@talmadhoun You mean like Vaush?
Listening is respecting . There are few people that actually know how to listen properly at present . People talk , but few listen to each other .
It is respectful to listen to the other persons point of view , even if it cannot be agreed with . It is frustrating to say something , and know it wasnt listened too
In any relationship with parents, partners , children , friends and foes . The art of listening is essential
It is lacking in in all walks of life . And thus we have conflict .
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
Summary: Active listening is a powerful technique that enforces principle of reciprocity in any kind of relationship. One practical tip is to watch people around you and if they do anything that you would like to see repeated, complement them in such a way that you make them feel recognized. Tell them you noticed what they did, tell them exactly what did they did and how that is an excellent thing to do. When you do this multiple times this person will repeat this behavior and improve drastically, you can make them do what you expect them to do.
This is my favourite video of Peterson.
Love from Germany!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. Peterson ❤️
Thanks!
Acknowledgement of what you learn is priceless, with financial benefit.
This is one of my biggest issue of public education. They want to learn, but do not (generally) give the skills to learn such as listening, taking notes, ...
Even as adults, learners sometimes expect the instructor to do the learning for them. Work/effort is a part of learning.
I tell my kids there is a difference between hearing something and listening to something. The sooner they can tell the difference the better.
100% listening is not a passive task.
"People hearing without listening" - Simon and Garfunkel
I really appreciate you Mr. Peterson, thank you for your passion 🙏 and attention to detail.
JP is the man. Fantastic segment. I was hoping this would be techniques on how to become a better listener, but rather it details the benefits of being s good listener.
Good job, Jordan. I consider this a "top up" of the teaching I received in the Psychology undergraduate course in the mid 80s at another Ontario university. Glad to learn more about Skinner.
Im so happy that the ability to listen before deciding is something that I have.
I believe that those people who would just simply listen to Dr. PETERSON lectures couldn't possibly see enough evidence to hate him, much less Vilify him in the way that he's been.
He is a perfectly place totem of positive change in our combined humanity, if only we'd take the time to listen.
MAN, lets talk about the timing of that commercial. WOW...
For real a gem.. And spot on as always.
*a man of revelations
I find these reruns to be quite refreshing to see again
“ delights of endless martyrdom “ LOVE THIS!!!❤️
Its important to notice when other people are testing you for reciprocity and not to be blinded by the prejudicial assumption that you are the authority.
I don’t understand what you are trying to say. Could you care to elaborate !?
@@antoneverbright its a beef ting
you really didn't say much there
What a great teacher you are! Not just because you teach but because you share in the celebration of the students actual learning! Jack Layton did the same for me at TMU 💜
I think an important part if listening is actually understanding and asking more out if curiosity
I really appreciate Mr Peterson's suggestions of techniques we can test out for ourselves.
Always loved that particular answer, glad they made it a clip.
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
@@Leprutz Right. So, in a relationship that should be reciprocal. It cannot be one sided, otherwise the relationship deteriorates over time. But, you don't want to be a complete pushover and say all the nice things you can. Like what he says about the ratio of positive to negative encounters. That literature has always stuck with me. So, it is important to not only acknowledge the good deeds, but also to stand up for yourself when you feel that the other person in the relationship isn't acknowledging your good deeds. And man, you'd better have your arguments straight before you try that. Because negative interactions hurt us a lot more than positive interactions, but both are important and necessary.
@@robertxaypanya8506 yeah I get that. I just wanted to make sure that I completely understood what he was saying. Good to k ow. Thank you very much for reassuring and explaining once again. 🤗
So nobody is even going to mention the gentlemen in the white suit half-kneeling in the isle like a statue the whole clip?
I think that’s the microphone guy
Probably microphone guy but still.... Quite insensitive to the people trying to see behind him. He should stand to the side and keep watch
Can’t stop looking at the guy now bahahaha
Sorry I was listening
@@alanalycan3986I find it very strange that you’d assume a professional doing his job chose to block their view and wasn’t forced to by circumstance.
So insightful as usual. Man you have helped me . Thank you
True Jordan, at the ultimate if you can go as far as listening to silence effectively, you can talk to God.
Thank you dr. Peterson! This is an amazing video.
I've usually felt as if I was being manipulated when people complimented me. It's always made me uncomfortable.
Ditto. I try to assume that most of the time people complimenting me are just trying to be respectful and polite.
I think the main thing he’s stating is to become a great writer. You can keep observing yourself while looking at what is before you. In a simultaneous manner that compliments each other. The words written for you and the art itself
Conservative emotion was something I needed to hear. 2:50 damn...so true....
i have been trained in a field that uses active listening in a completely supernatural way. I've noticed if you listen too well, some may become very uncomfortable because they "maybe" notice the attentiveness and feel that they need to give encores. lol. and then they keep talking. I love to engage people because it's easier than observing from afar. Plus, the information you get is priceless and people are more willing to be heard rather than be seen.
OH. the training was Massage Therapy. As a bonus i've also learned how to listen with my hands. Try that one on for size, JP. lol
Listening is great but understanding is more importanr
Not to mention checking for understanding
I think you're so interesting. I learnt so much about phylogeny. It's great to hear from you thanks. What bothing me at the moment is people not paying attention to thier inviroment. People walk across the road. They don't look. People on the pavement are not intressing about other people around them. Thier observed with their phone. Driver only looked one way before they drive away. People are not attention is lacking. They don't look about to see where they are in the world. They look about but seems lost. They don't use thier sence. Looking hearing that help our people move easily in the world. I was amazed about 4 years ago. I Was watching the traffic lights and a young lady how had earphone on was going to walk straight into the car and cross the road. I gently put my hand to her shoulders. She turned face to mine in anger. I turn my eyes to the road. She eyes followed mind. She saw the car. Her anger left her. I think she was a colleague student. The piont of tell you this is I should technology has replaced our sence and sence of the world. What do you think about that. I value your opinion.
I agree. People are tuned out. No communication going on. People leaving a train just sneak past one anorher rather than politely ask to get by.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm so glad I've listened to you.
I love listening to you! Thank you. ❤❤❤
This guy opens my eyes every time I decide to watch one of his videos.
Thank you Dr Peterson for this gem
Awesome and so eloquent
Politics these days are too angry and “the left this” “the right that” and it’s a mess. If everyone, no matter where there are on the political spectrum, could simply acknowledge when they agree with other people, or when they like things people they disagree with say, like Jordan Peterson says, and they point that out, I think it would help us all come together.
Another great banger!! Love ya JP
This is wonderful, thank you.
I'm listening
Thank you, Professor 🙌🙏.
The best thing about you is dumbing down.... You just get every person
It's very difficult to be somewhat selfless and just listen without jumping in about oneself. It's a great practice for patients and to lose those selfish tendencies. This one thing has changed my LLC construction business a total 180°. Don't get me wrong I still am at work with this.
Only problem with Jordan Peterson is that now I’m watching all his videos on repeat.
Guilty myself ! Wise + Patient ! 🎯
True Word Wizard , Powerful Rhetoric !
That's a good problem to have 😁
Agreed 🤝
Dude... That audience! No one is fat and they're all dressed well. No one's hair is blue.
It's like a 1950's throwback.
I think this clip might be from his appearance at Bucknell University (Lewisburg, PA) from earlier this year. If that gives any context.
This clip is absolutely great 👍
Listening is a powerful skill - I know because I have trained thousands of individuals in active listening and empathy skills. You make reference to Carl Rogers in several videos and he did make a huge contribution with his research regarding the core conditions. I am however puzzled that you make no reference about Robert R. Carkhuff who at one period of time was a colleague of Rogers but went his own way. His journey resulted in both a broadening of Roger's original work that from my experience made significant improvements in how to actualize the skills of listening. Carkhuff also combined the client centered and the behavioral approaches which you model in your narratives. Carkhuff was a mentor to me and I feel compelled to make his work available to you. I know your time is tightly controlled so I have selected one article that you will read, because I am confident you will want to know more. On another note, in one of your videos where you referenced listening skills you made a comment at the end of the video that completely blew my mind. You raised the question of what would happen if you were soliciting peoples comments about a topic and the person next to the originator of the statements was required to paraphrase what the previous person said before giving their own opinion. I did this - I actually pushed it this far when working with senior level executive seeking team building or something like getting consensus on a vision and mission statement. Something unique happened when I leaped into the unknown, meaning it was all in the moment with no script. I was tired of doing all the work as the facilitator and frustrated at the insecurity so many so called executives had when wanting to challenge the CEO but contained themselves remaining speechless. The first time I did this was right after introductions were made and I stated I am not at all confident that we will get agreement on our agenda items based on my initial observation. I quickly, before getting challenged about where I was going, stated I plan to spend the first hour teaching you how to listen to each other in a way that will facilitate the accomplishment of an agreed to strategic plan. I need to point out hear that I knew I would not be able to train them in listening skills in an hour but I was hoping to strip them of their roles and ceremonial behavior. I made it just in time - getting each executive to write down what they feel the corporation needed to work on to improve profitability. I had each on write their statement on the flip chart. after that I said ok execs, any changes you need to make. Nope. I turned said so what do you want to do with these ideas and they were all over the place. I stopped and said, look, each of these statement fails to something actionable because it is just "A WHAT" statement. I gave examples referencing a few. I took the lead to demonstrate how it was important to understand and clarify why Joe's idea is so important to him. So I showed this and expanded on the what statement and everyone realized just from that how it is critical to get the context in place so the what would be nested so to speak with some underlying logic. It was painful at first, coaching and correcting these people who were so used to being in control. I did control the whole process, and most got better and paraphrasing and getting the nod from the presenter meaning he understands it. I stepped in repeatedly to bring the message home. This was the beginning and I then moved to requiring each person to reflect on each idea, pick one that they were not supportive of and be prepared to tell the person what your issue is with their idea. I then gave an overview of how to state your criticism in a way that would be acceptable. This skill requires the person to articulate "from the others persons perspective" the merits or positive connected to what they shared and to then state "my concern is.......!
Need to stop typing - unable to put into words the experience due to a cognitive impairment. So here is the bottom line. After the one hour or sometimes longer exercise every person got the realization that the process I used to confront and train them in listening allowed them to go further on an important list of issues that the original contract I had to do whatever was piut aside and they insisted on staying focused on the real list of issues that was surfaced and making headway like never before. Carkhuff' created the empathy scale and coupled it with initiative skills - because insight without action is impotency. An empathic level 3 response is formulated "you feel blank because blank. The word because forces the person to share the reason. The feeling word, when accurate make it more powerful than you can imagine. If you have read this far then maybe "you feel stimulated because this approach appears to expand and makes it possible to train large groups of groups of people. Let me leave you with an example to bring this home. Imagine a high school history class reviewing the various wars and engagements that happened. The students are all trained to listen interchangeably with each other. Break the class into three groups and have them select a battle and have then see if they can create a better better battle strategy. You can Take it from there. I
If you are open to it I would be willing to put together a video with me facilitating or processing with another person to give you a chance to view what I am saying. I struggle because of my disability and realize my writing it not on par where it should be. I have over 100M is results from using listening skills to improve productivity. I can be reached at 773-846-9145 if you want to know more. Ed Feder the referenced article is called "The THE POST-ROGERIAN THERAPY OF ROBERT CARKHUFF
by Dharmavidya David Brazier
“Whenever you see a behavior you would like to be repeated…” _this_ should be in the next james clear book (author of atomic habits”
So articulate.
Thank you.
Capacity for perception is not less than capacity for intellect in the pursuit of the truth.
Just Listening 👂 to a homeless person (who feels invisible) can be better than money!
The audience looks like they’re holding their breath. And they’re all dressed so proper with collars and sweaters!
@Miguel Silva i thought it was interesting ok I’m easily entertained
@@Sam-bc9ll I remember hearing Jordan being interviewed somewhere and he commented that he also noticed that his audiences were intentionally dressing well. He himself has said that he specifically dresses well as a habit, because he feels it's respectful to others to present the best version of yourself. I noticed the audience right away and even paused the video to see if it was consistent with most of the people shown.
@@stefc1289 that’s honestly really nice
It is, but as a rule people can only consistently listen to one of two things: external psychology or internal psychology.
This is part of why listening is so difficult because you have to work on your back foot.
When it pertains to those who are transgender, Jordan is anything BUT a good listener.
Jordan Peterson has the paper to prove that he is a psychologist. He doesn’t have any respect whatsoever or want to listen to those who claim to be transgender, that he in turn states are either male, or female.
Rather than thinking of his self as being merely a psychologist, Jordan seems to think of his self as being a reputable scientist … a would-be top notch Prime Minister of Canada, a truth telling theologian, and who knows what else?
From the book … When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress … Author … Gabor Maté M.D.
Studies in psychology-an art trying desperately to dress itself up in pure science-often find only what the particular researchers have the eyes to see.
This is very helpful, I’ll look out to use it
So basically what he is saying is the appreciation of others, right? Like apreciating the effort others do or when they say something. Acknowledging the good deeds. Right?
Robert Greene also mentions this in his book,it’s called empathy
Beyond superb.
This was really good
i could just listen and listen to this guy.
“You hear but you don’t listen. _hey, hey, hey,_ “ - Drizzy Drake
Jordan Peterson for president! (Wouldn't that be amazing!)
I need to listen to learn more and effectively Ms Bethany Williams Jackson MS
YES.
Amazing as usual
Yes peterson wish i whare in your classroom
Have you seen my key's? Never mind my shift just ended. He is an amazing human. Thank you.
I've been told that I'm a quite good listener but when it comes to talking and being listened to I seem to be wired differently.
I remember people pointing out if I did things good or said something good like the rewarding behaviour he describes.
But it doesn't make me feel good, I feel more like embarrassed if I find myself in this kind of center of attention especially in a group setup and it makes me hesitate to do those things again.
Somehow I seem to prefer if they focus on the things I said or things I did instead of focusing on me.
I agree.
Oh.Geez.YES!! I asked two separate women why it was that women always fell in love with me? They both said, separately, that it was because I paid attention to them! I'm just some caveman kinda' guy, what do I know??
Trained years ago at two different suicide hotlines. Have used those listening skills ever since and my listening abilities have been absolutely transformed. Now I do a weekly training session at Negotiation Practice Community.
HOTLINE is basic active/reflective-listening and in the Hotline context it's all about labeling the emotions that you are hearing. Simple sentences, simple without commas, and absolutely no parends, lol. "Sounds like you feel angry/sad/overwhelmed/frustrated..." It's simple. And takes a lot of practice. All of this while applying RULE ZERO™: I don't exist. It's like some kind of monk-training, because it's other-focused. Try it. It really works.
People often say to me that they don't know why they're telling me all this, and some pretty deep stuff.
4:31 11:37 13:10
I used to work with animals and training dogs as well using positive reinforcement methods. My sister has a 9 month old child and its really similar im noticing to train a baby, and now finding out I can do this with adults too. Great.
There is a lot more overlap than many people are aware of.
I love this💞
Wow so many introverts in one spot its beautiful
Can someone give an example for the last part
I really struggle with this. I’ve only just realized that in a bad listener. A passive listener. I only listen to respond, not to actually listen. I’m 30 and only just found this out
My parents are similar so assume it’s came from them initially. Then just me being unaware
How do I go about changing this though? Even listening to this video l, I’ve taken a lot in but I’m thinking of other things
It’s something I want to get better at. People have told me I’m selfish for years and I’ve been denial, because I’ve always done things for people materialistically, but only this week I’ve started to understand my selfishness
Any help or advice is massively appreciated
The trick is to not shortchange yourself if you're a good listener.
My question is... who is the guy in white suite standing there like a Sailed Jack!?!
Question - what is the biggest obstacles for not listening to ourselves?
Imagine what the divine aspect of Logos as Speech would be without the capacity to listen to it.
Legend
7:19 "if...if..if..."
man he looks so deviously villainous here even though he is saying a kind thing.
Bro, that one white tile in the back isn't orange. Otherwise I love this lecture it actually led to me getting complimented shortly after.
We're listening, Sir Knight
When does he talk about listening?
Perfectly describes the ups and downs of spongebob ripping his pants
That's a really difficult one if we're talking about political opponents. But at least for family members that I don't get along with perhaps I could find that useful. It's really easy to focus on the upsetting and irritating things that my family are doing, I just have been wanting to get away from them.
Full video??