How To Really Listen To People | Jordan Peterson | Best Life Advice
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ส.ค. 2019
- Dr. Peterson explains the importance of listening and how to engage in healthy conversation.
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➤➤Speaker:
Jordan Peterson
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"They may not be able to express themself very well but they still have something to say". Gut wrenching line
PosessedPear True and enlightening.
People gotta be more responsible to others
PosessedPear yeah it really hurts when you look back at past relationships and realize how selfish you were by not really understanding the other persons point of view
Ive been an asshole at times and totally convinced myself i was doing it for them. Yeah, that hit like a ton of bricks.
Yessssss! Gut wrenching!!
That hit me too!
I hope before I leave this world, I have the chance to look this man in his eyes and shake his hand. Letting him know how much he’s truly helped my train of thought, that truly helped me realize so much about myself.
I as well.
Next best thing would be to talk to like-minded people like most of us viewers.. it's really awesome to hear people's stories about how they overcame something by listening to Jordan Peterson
@@Roxas935 funny i read your comment and agreed! But then proceeded to say nothing. I met him in NZ on his 12 rules tour, it was an emotional and powerful moment. My hubby came too, he got the ticket for me for my birthday *best ever.. We had been on a road to self betterment and JBP accelerated that. I started with the biblical series and was hooked. Hes my internet Dad 😍 You?
@@RR-gi9vo I regret not spending that extra bit to shake the man's hand. I went to the Wellington talk
@@azzag2414 Next time and don't regret it, you still got to listen to and see one of the most important men of our century... I can hear him saying "that's something man" haha... The next time if i get to meet him again, I know I will be more confident and stronger in myself. I could barely speak my name. He held both my hands smiled with so much care. I watched others walk up to him, he was so amazing and attentive. So where are you with your progress?
He seems to be genuinely trying to make a difference.
Jordan for Prime Minister of Canada! 10 000 times better than any past PM.
And he has.
He’s changed my life with his words.
I admire Jordan
Imo we all make a difference but some of us solve problems
Imo jordan offers viable solutions to some big problems ..
That is what I respect about him
I'm really impressed with the fact that you actually _listened_ to people's criticism about your videos and took active steps to fix it. That's a very honorable and self-sacrificing thing to do.
Great job man. The subtitles and lack of music is perfect. This is the perfect format for Dr Peterson.
Thanks for the great video.
lmfao, this guy is a doctor?
@@ef6042 ?
@e f he has a ph.D. in clinical psychology from McGill university and has contributed to more than 100 scientific papers with colleagues and students.
@@ef6042 he used to teach at harvard
@@ef6042 peasant
Some people would rather be right then happy.
People in mental institutions seem to be happy. But very few are right
Being actually right (aka finding the truth) is important. Believing that you're right or being acknowledged as right even when you're not is dangerous and counterproductive.
SO true!!
That's exactly how my boyfriend is.. he never even makes any good points..he just wants to be right and it's the end of discussion 😔
Some people would rather be right and lonely
I'm not sure if you are all talking about Dr. Peterson, and whether in the pejorative, or not. I'll just say this...I've watched enough of the man's lectures and speeches to know, in my heart, that he's not being disingenuous when he says, or otherwise purports, to want to help people, all people, with the ultimate goal of making the world a better, and safer, place to live in.
By the year 2040, I've heard or read somewhere, there will be over 9 billion people on earth. It's getting to be pretty damned crowded, so, we'd better learn to live together much more peacefully than we have so far, or we're really going to be in trouble.
I've seen the man shed tears on stage in front of huge, live audiences, he feels so strongly about wanting everyone to just care about one another, as he says, as if we all matter. Because we do. And I'm pretty sure he's never done Shakespeare in the Park. That's what I know of Dr. Jordan Peterson.
You must understand this, my dear brothers. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 interesting! 🤔
The Bible says it the best. Because it's God's own voice
Definitely God sent. Thankful for His word and sending His Son for sinners, of whom I am the worst.
I was just reading one of the oldest writings in the world, the Maxims of Ptahhotep from Egypt c. 2350 BC, which includes various similar bits of advice, e.g. "If he who listens listens fully, then he who listens becomes he who understands"
Ben Finn "Proverbs" is 3000 years old and is amazing.Try reading that book,it's incredible if you are honest.
It goes to show that truth is eternal.
Years ago I gave up trying to win arguments for just trying to be understood. Huge difference.
, and trying hard but failings at times 😔
...to understand rather than be understood.
How? I cant seem to!
The 466 who disliked this video weren't really listening.
1.4% (155 out it of 11,000+) had their volume turned off and couldn’t hear anything, or don’t like what Cathy Newman has said about Jordan Peterson.
Listening is a skill that must be developed and honed over time. Some people never slow down enough to be present in the moment.
@Andres Rodriguez-Marin Oh wow, you're so right and eloquent. Statistics can be biased and not always dependable. However, they also can be helpful in providing a ballpark idea of where we might begin.
Hahahaaaa!
239
Made me realize I don't have a relationship with anyone, gotta work on that
I have found great satisfaction in being a true friend. Best wishes
Wow good attitude, I almost never see someone not make a joke at the end 👏
I think I just realized the same thing. So many of my conversations seem to be at surface level.
I know the feeling.. appreciate yer honesty... we should hang on there.stay away from toxic people..peace.
@@davidraley3054 Yes, I often find I can't get past the polite Hey, how are you, I'm good, how are you, not bad, nice weather we're having, yes isn't it. Cool. Cool. Don't let me keep you. !!!.
Funny, I've had to do exactly that. I had to make multiple court appearances over several years trying to get custody of my sons. The downside being that the proceedings were in French and my spoken French was not good.
I adopted a technique of saying (in French) "If I understand correctly, you are saying......" and then rephrase the things I had heard.
There was a risk of slowing everything down and even alienating all the wrong people. In fact, it worked very well. They all knew I had been listening hard and more people turned toward me when it was their time to speak.
I did get custody of my sons and improved my French significantly. (I can't say it's the best environment to learn a foreign language.)
I'm glad it went well for you. May God bless you and your family.
Philip that’s a superb story. An example of getting what you deserve when you figure out what’s meaningful to you and you act on that realisation. No matter that you’re going into challenging terrain; only that it matters.
Bonjour. Comment tallez vous?
Philip I am so happy to hear that !
@@dianet2565 En Avant. I would have loved to have been there.
I'm hearing impaired, so I have to give people my full attention when they're speaking to me in order to make sense of the sound stream. I'm often amazed at how much people want to talk with me. Now it makes sense. In a world of all-too-often distracted listening, I'm probably rather rare. Unfortunately, this is also quite draining for me. It takes a lot of work to really listen to people!
Brooooo I’m sayin
My entire life, I have never looked up to a single human being. I've never been one to idolize other people, and I've never had a "hero". I started listening to Jordan Peterson speak, and I am fascinated and awed beyond words! He is a great example of why _everyone_ can benefit from therapy.
This man changed my life.
@Sandra Smith well im pretty sure he works at UoT, see him after class haha
Mine too.
Is changing mine
Me too! I'm happy for you ☺
"The place we end up is better than the place we left". I like that very much.
When a person tells me something , important to them, I usually say ' tell me more".
Jordan Peterson's talks are thought-provoking
This was hard for me to understand English is my 4th language and after listening to this 5times it changed me because we do argue a lot with my husband he always tells me to listen so now next time I can use this thank you 🙏
I don't know if you will ever look it up or if you just dont want anything to do with it but the book of proverbs in the Bible may help as well. It has alot of wise insight from some very wise people. (Just my opinion, not trying to force my beliefs on you just telling you about something that has helped me)
@@JosephKarsten333 Bible? Really? Quotes from thousands years ago influenced rewritten multiple times while following a insanely biased approach? Is that what you believe?
@@Seh_the_h_is_silent The guy gave a suggestion and said in the comment that he doesn't want to impose a specific belief if that's not what the other person is up for. You should really LISTEN and watch what people say and mean by what they say, which is literally what the video is about. Hope the best for you and have a great day.
@@peters.6069 thankyou man
@@Seh_the_h_is_silent if I find peace then I am actively looking or feeling my way to it in the now.
Big facts. The last statement is so true. God damn my ego gets in the way so bad
all is now
all I have any control over are my reactions
to what I perceive.
reality comes from my perceptions
if I find peace then I am actively looking or feeling my way through it.
Jp actually says there is no such thing as ego. He has a full 2 hour teaching on it. Pretty powerful stuff.
“I’m on the side of the part of the person, that wants things to be better”
I think thats a great way of letting a person know that you want to help them, but your not going to feed their ego. He has a way of speaking that takes something hard to hear and makes it palatable.
When you actually listen to a person and respond with questions from what they actually say, well they will tell you all sorts of things that normally wouldn't be said. Its stuff they gladly let out and feel happier for it. And Jordan is right it sometimes is really weird. But, sometimes its really personal to them. True listening is rare in conversations today.
You are using a pernicious approach. maybe not to you but either for negotiaters or social engineers. It is turning the person into a 'Yes-man'. this is an actual tactic for social engineers. whether good or malicious. intent is what matters also. not saying you have malintent.
Very true.
@@dojoparsnip9905 I have zero malintent. Actually sometimes I'd rather not have people share such personal information because on some level then I feel obligated to help. I'm just pointing out that its extremely easy to connect with individuals. It's called really listening. Its like everyone is desperate to be heard about their version of reality and tell anyone willing to actually listen. That alone sometimes helps them.
@@paulb515 I understand completely. This is quite late of a response. lol. I am not sure if i read you correctly the first time but I listen to people intently and things come out that seems personal and emotional. It has been that way since high school for me. But i do see that it can be a tool for the malicious. Not saying you are at all.
People, strangers if you will, have a tendency to spill things out that they may not have if you didnt you this listening skill. I have had this happen with an Uber ride. thats how effective this is.
@@dojoparsnip9905 Sorry, I wasn't aware of your first message until last night when someone else responded. Actually, I barely remember me writing my first message lol I had to re-read it.
What I think is happening with Jordan Peterson is that he says things just as they are. He doesn't put a "net"-pink cloud around anything. And he gives actually easy (....) solutions. We need to get trained for that. But I SO MUCH LIKE THE PRESENTATION OF THE FACT THAT LIFE IS DIFFICULT AND FULL OF MALEVOLENCE...And that WE CAN ACTUALLY CHOOSE TO SPEND IT WELL...
I like so much the fact that he actually talks to me, to anyone who's listening...and also that he uses such beautiful language.
I thank you Jordan Peterson, you make a difference....
Lateral thinker
I love this man. Not in a deranged stalker way, but in a way that I would love to have conversations with him and learn so much more. People who teach me have a special place in my memory
I tried this technique of "mirroring" with my wife today, and I did as JP says, I tried to make her arguments and reasons stronger by repeating and restating what she had said. We're pretty close to divorce, and I have been too defensive about my words and actions.
Later on, we were talking to our therapist, and my wife told me she finally knew I was listening to her, and that I FINALLY heard her and her pain.
It works.
It may have saved our marriage!
Try it.
Have things turned out good for you and your wife?
@@saschahein6332 probably not. Woman are such immovable creatures. Kinda like a brick wall with metal reinforcement.
@@shasmi93your own experience with women doesnt defineq women in general
@@HenryAttendant it’s not just my experience bud. Go look at art since the beginning of humanity. It always had a little explanation of how goddamn difficult women are…
@@shasmi93 said like that I agree women are difficult but not impossible to understand
I love the absence of the cliched "motivational" music in the background
You can hardly find some good content without garbage background music in it on these days.
Right? So corny
There are only a few people in this world who use language so analytical and well thought through like Jordan Peterson does :-)
"Exchange of truth is curative".
I’ve been praying “Oh God perfect my communication skills for me” and HE answered and sent me this video 😊🤲Alhamdullilah.
ALL conversations should be like this. You may not find many others to truly listen to you, but as long as you're truly listening to them and asking probing questions about why they feel that way, or even how they really feel about a particular incident, you can learn from their perspective
This must be practiced in every home and taught at schools ! Thank you so much Dr. Peterson! I am gonna try the experiment you have suggested with my teenage son with complete honesty. I am so grateful to you! Thank you again and God bless you 💗
I have been listening to Jordan's lectures for the past couple of years. I can honestly say my life has made a gradual and steady growth towards a better way of understanding life, myself and others. Change begins within yourself first. Create your destiny.
What I love about TH-cam and the technology we have today is, I can listen to people like this and enrich my day and my circle as if they were closer.
Talks like this only improve us all. This guy presents ideas that teaches principles that when implemented, can bring forth positive change.
Thank you for uploading this video and thank you Mr. Peterson for sharing your thoughts.
I find that by restating the argument back to the person I disagree with, makes a better negotiation and when I can’t meet their request for concessions, they know that at least I understood them.
Mr. D this happened in a discussion with an argumentative man recently. After listening to his points, I acknowledged each one and first encouraged each point that I agreed with including examples or data for why I agreed. Then I acknowledged each point that I disagreed with and provided examples/data for why.
In the end he knew that I had listened, that I validated and encouraged where we were in agreement, and that I had considered all his points even if I still disagreed with some of them. All the hostility dissipated from the discussion.
Do you sell used cars?
a very great lesson....I watched this man in debate....he was the best listener ....relaxed posture ...even under attack,he never lost his cool...he created a level field...and an altruistic atmosphere...he looked to solve the problem of difference...not win the hidden competition...
Rashaad Price absolutely!! I find his body language when engaged in discussion so non-aggressive that it sends a message of “let’s listen to each other.”
@@Weissguys6 I've seen some of the best debate coaches and teams that ever existed in National US debate, and this guy................tops them all. And being Canadian, and being in academics, before the internet we'd never have heard of him.
I just found this channel and the videos are amazing. This man has changed my life and your ability to identify key points that he makes and synthesise them into a single clip is fantastic and incredibly helpful.
Looking forward to more videos from Peterson in this format, subscribed :)
1:10 my father says “Learn from other peoples’ mistakes because it will cost and hurt you less.”
His Knowledge level it’s like 💯percent higher than most scholars...the difference between him and the others ..it’s the fact that he’s the only one in youtube who has shared his lectures and classes ...think about it this way ..this man should be charging people for this type of knowledge, like a masterclass or something and he just have them in youtube ..this is why this man it’s a treasure
Your videos of people in conversation are excellent ! Thank you. I hope Dr. Peterson adds this to his website.
It’s true I thought I was a good listener because people will tell me their life stories within 10 minutes of meeting me. But this is a new level, thanks Dr. Peterson.
I put everything I can into listening to this amazing man.
Where do you get the energy.? You are something else😊much admiration, you get SO much “stick” but.... I could listen to you forever ❤️
This is seriously one of the best videos ever created. This is one of the best messages ever stated.
Simple and absolutely true!, may we all work to live this in our families and in the world. Maybe we'll stop mis-characterizing other people's views and work toward true understanding. We may even discover common ground!
Now I really know how to listen! Thank you Jordan! :) God bless this man
Extreme listening; Maybe you’ll tell me something I didn’t know and I won’t be quite as stupid. I can go for that.
7:20 onward. Absolutely bloody legendary opinion from Jordan in my opinion.
My advice is watch this video more than once this thing
is complicated but great
I have been born again since 1979 and usually listen to a good sermon by the late David Wilkerson or maybe Charles Stanley... HOWEVER!!.. I found this guy knows his stuff.. so I'ma listen to him this beautiful Sunday morning 😁
I think the son can shine down upon me through his sermon as well.
I did this, real listening. Ended up hearing many interesting stories and truths about people, also ended up with plenty of great relationships. However, there's also a tendency for some people to take advantage of your listening skills and use it for their own benefit. Not everyone will be grateful, so listen as much as you can but do it prudently.
Humility, open mindedness and respect. This video is healthy as hell.
WoW
Thx Doc
This man makes me feel like I can achieve..and helps me to see things for what it really is.
the exchange of truth is curative
@Preto do Zimbabwe
That which actually is, irrespective of personal opinion or viewpoint.
The universe answered my prayers with this video.
One of the most eye opening and inspirational videos I've ever seen. Every single word he said had real world value and substance. What a remarkable lecture!
Peterson is that little light inside of you ready to shine it’s really transforming once the answer and reasons has always been there so blind and oblivious to what’s in front of you
Brilliant. Pure wisdom.
This is probably one of the most important 9 minutes of monologue I've ever listed to. I believe to have heard this statement before. But i guess i have never really reflected on MYSELF.
The affinity between the title and the absence or lack of a musical score is brilliant!
I change and grow up a little more every single time I listen to you, and I'm happier person for it. More grateful, and more aware of the world as it is. Thank you- you are helping to change the world.
How lucky should you be being a student of this man. Like YOU ARE IN A ENCLOSED ROOM AND HE IS TEACHING YOU😭
All and I mean all of his classes are online on his youtube channel. We can all be his students. He has given this as a free gift to the world.
I try to consume a hour a week. It will take me years to watch them all.
A full education is sitting there waiting for all of us.
Mr Peterson,thank you for caring so much about humanity and the unlimited potential of us, that you teach and lighten our load. As a reluctant mgtow,I see a serious correction coming, and you are making the solution bearable for so many young men who will need to be the heroes. May your ripple affect many!
'The Art of Actual listening' Thank you for this video!
Absolutely love this man. He's a very special person and we are lucky to have him in this world.
I love hearing your opinion. I always learn something from you.
I love this truth.
Thank you for being here Jordan Peterson. You say such intelligent things with priceless insight. It brings so much clarity to these entropic times
Wow. He is so eloquent in his lectures. And so insightful. So brilliant.
Being married to Cathay Newman she would go: "So what I'm hearing you saying is"
LOL.
And get it COMPLETELY wrong!
I firmly believe she only did that in order to aggravate Dr Peterson
I see Jordan Peterson I smash the like button before I even listen and type while the video has started. Lol
haha so true man
And that's pretty much exactly the opposite of what JP would advocate for. Appealing to authority on the basis of your valuation of his "persona", without having listened to the content. Whilst JP has much good content, his thinking is also often flawed. He is, after all, a perfectly imperfect person.
@dirk diggler Ah, a snowflake. Melting under a little heat, are we?
Dr. Jordan, you rock, help me in meany ways 🛷 become better person, listen without assuming before talking.
His interpretation of the relationships and society overall is so accurate and delicate. He is the definition of being wise.
Why on earth would anybody, let alone 100+ people, give this a thumbs down?
Liberals, feminsit liberals. They do not listen, they can not listen, with alll that chauvinistic hate.
People that don't listen and don't want to.
Mr Peterson, always the voice of reason... thank you...
he's the voice of kermit
I love Dr Peterson! Thank the Universe for conspiring to create him and for his sharing his thoughts on TH-cam one night soooooo many years ago.
Be smart open your heart, mind and listen to this. Nourish you souls. Thanks Dr Peterson
More people have to hear this
This is great, I really appreciate your sensible psychology. I was raised by a neo-Freudian psychologist.
Some statement that
As a therapist-in-training, I can vouch for what Peterson is saying here. It’s all 100% true in my experience.
Anyone here loving this man and his wisdom... send up a positive vibe / prayer for his strength and healing. He has given so much so let’s give back to him our thanks by hoping and praying strength and peace into his life. Thank you Jordan Peterson! ❤️❤️
Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.
I needed this video. Thanks 💙
My pleasure, thanks for watching :)
This guy is so awesome… thank you . Dr Peterson.
The best advice I've ever heard.
I would like to thank the Good Doctor for these powerful insights.
All of which have really resonated - and as a result, I am now literally the happiest guy I know!
Let's put aside the fact that I may not know anyone for a moment. Which isnt true, I met a girl, well we haven't been on a date yet, but she's the best.
Thanks Doc!
No, yer the best!
Naw, she's the best.
Ya your right.
Any sarcasm here? Heh heh
I’d watch more videos like this over the politicking dueling.
So simply stated... but so difficult to put into action. Well done, Jordan. Thanks for this.
“Why the hell wouldn’t you be after THAT?” ♥️
I really heard that.♥️
Dr. Peterson, I have been watching your videos with interest, trying to discern something about the essence of you behind the intelligence. Maybe there is a video where you relate improving one's character to a growth in essence, but I haven't found one yet. Thanks for all you are doing, we need it.
Check out “Stumble Towards the Light”:
th-cam.com/video/PrIrZRd0pGE/w-d-xo.html
May be what you’re looking for :)
@@WordToTheWise Yes, that video is part of what I was seeking. Thank you for the reply. Then I found a little-watched video Conscience, Experience, and Reality. In my life I find that I relate to the world in basically two states of consciousness. The first, ordinary and automatic, where the world comes to me through my senses and my personality is simply reacting - impressions come in, reactions go out. The second is when the sensory data comes in, but in addition to the personality just reflecting it back out of me, there is another element where something behind the personality is aware of what is happening. In this second condition, if I am sufficiently rooted in it, it is possible not to immediately react, but to hesitate and know more deeply what is happening. I think that is where the world is actually touching my essential nature. There are many levels to this state. It can occur randomly on its own, or there are methods to work with it. That is what I was looking for in you. This is my life's work. Best regards, Bob.
Actually took my breath away, the mirror and enhancing of ideas 💡 is indeed a lightbulb gesture
Great video and I love that there's no background music....It's distracting, unnecessary and I find it almost patronising. Being able to just listen to Jordan, be able to focus and take it in without the annoying background is bliss. Thank you and thank you Dr Peterson.
I love this guys advice because it makes so much sense. I will try this.
Me, upon hearing that rule: Whew! That's SO good!
My God, I love this man..
he is 100% describing the "relationship" between me and my boyfriend.. I like to talk things out, see different perspectives, understand the other person, try to be reasonable, compromise, and try to learn..
My b/f likes to roll his eyes and tell me to shut up..
Great conversationalist and very respectful 🙄 😣 😞
Your boyfriend cannot be your best girlfriend m girls have more words than guys. You don't have to talk everything over with your boyfriend, in fact maybe you shouldn't wear him out by it. Save the talking it out for important things, and call a girlfriend or your mom instead..... Every notice guys hanging out together all day, and the only thing they talk about is what they are doing? They fix a car, and they talk about parts. They move furniture and they talk about the best place to put it. They fish, and they don't talk.,...... Talking is not the only or the best way to communicate.
@@ludwigvonmiseswasright4380 um.. you're talking to a woman who has mostly hung out with guys since I was a little kid and has always been compared to "one of the guys"
I'm not a typical "girl" who likes to drive him crazy by talking about every annoying little thing and I don't have (or want) "girlfriends" that I can (or want to) complain to about him behind his back, that is childish actually..
We are adults in our late 30s and sometimes things need to be addressed and discussed, that's life and that's what adults do.. converse and compromise, especially if one person is unhappy about something specific, the other person should care, show respect and want to understand and help get past that problem, not ignore and continue the cycle.
When there is an issue, I confront the source and deal with our relationship directly because that's what REAL adults do.
Only children and immature people who can't deal with anything ignore problems or go behind someone's back and complain about them, especially their significant other.. that's just extremely juvenile.
Btw, you were only right about one thing.. MY b/f is NOT my best friend.. quite honestly he's a disrespectful prick and I KNOW that I deserve better.
BUT you are 100% wrong about bf/gf not being able to be best friends..
THAT is why most relationships don't work out these days..
a couple *should* be each other's best friends and should be able to share and talk through ANYTHING.
Thankfully I was fortunate enough to experience that beautiful type of relationship for 8 loving years, which were the best years of my life, with an amazing man who NEVER disrespected me and was my best friend through EVERYTHING.
Maybe someday I will be lucky enough to have that again.
Next time try not to ASSUME you know what you're talking about.
I wish I could have an hour talking with this guy. His thought processes fascinate me and I’m glad I found him on here.
6:45, this was my confirmation to let me know that I’m continuing to do it right, thank you Mr Peterson.
I love a story & conversation weather it's right or wrong. It's somebody's Truth it may be werid or odd or just silly but it's entertaining. Jordan says in life you must find meaning, I find meaning in other peoples conversation because you learn about them & you compare yourself.
Don't compare
The first duty of love is to listen.
Paul Tillich
Love this guy. Jordan Peterson is a very special human being.
So, I've been doing this for years. I have friends from vastly different backgrounds because of this practice. Now I see someone has made it teachable.
Peterson 2024
Another great video of Dr Peterson!!
About the music in these videos, I think that if it fits, Its perfetc, just as in the video "pick your damn sacrifice", the music really goes with his words! 🙌🙌 ( my favourite 😎)
Great work!!
Thanks! As you said, if it fits then I will probably use a specific song. In the case of this video, I didn't feel it was suitable.
What he mentioned here is exactly what I always thought and tried to achieve with my husband..
I'm hoping that if I listen to enough of his videos. Maybe, just maybe, something will sink into my head. I truly hope that he is healthy now and is able to continue to speak.