10 Things About You That Can Drive A Narcissist Crazy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2024
- Over time you can decide not to go along with a narcissist's many dysfunctions, much to the narcissist's chagrin. Dr. Les Carter highlights 10 distinct responses you can make to a narcissist that can drive them crazy, even as you become more healthy.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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What really drives a narcissist crazy, is loving yourself and being healthy and independent. Im speaking from my experiences.
So true. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Doc. Im sick with what I think is Omicrom. I was vaxed but no booster. Im ok. Im gonna make your show tomorrow because you are one of the only people that make sense to me. Im really glad you came into my life. I miss Rupert. My dog .He is at the narc mom's house. Maybe sometime you could talk about how narcissist use animals. Poor Rupert. He is getting old. I hope he has one more summer. I should have been a better dog mom. Well, you know how emotional people get when they are sick. Anyways, see ya tomorrow. Respectfully, Kelly Sims
Thank you
Absolutely and ignoring the Hell out of them! Take there number out of your phone, don’t acknowledge them, you just disappear! Oh Hell to the yessssss
100% agree!
Best one yet! Over 45 years as pastors wife, been lied to, cheated on, gas lit, all my fault, of course!! I’m the angry one and he’s sweet, kind, caring, charming. Divorced nearly a year. Can’t afford counseling so your videos really help. Thx!
Keep learning, Mary, and thanks for taking me along on the journey! Dr. C
Just continue to be strong.....God is with you ❤ 💕
My Pastor was like that and i left his ministry 3 months after when i found out he was such a narcisist person, and for a Pastor to be that it was disgusting, i could not continue in such a lie.
Sorry , i didn’t find out 3 months later, i saw it right away but at 3 minths i had enough of him and his mask.
There is online counseling that offers financial aid.
A narcissist hates your individuality because they can't control you. Narcissists are emotional vampires and they will suck the life right out of you.
This is so true and they don't like Jesus.
@God IS Love and then there are religious/spiritual narcissists who wear an invisible religious crown claiming superiority over non religious people and then gaslight those people into thinking that they are sinful because they don’t strongly believe in spaghetti monsters
Ive repeated this behavior quite enough. First my mom was the vamp then the last narc.....oy. I finally came to and saw what i was doing!! Wake up wake up!
Exactly. That's why my sister hates me because I had to go NC. She seriously thought she was going to break my engagement and make sure I was alone because that would make her control me and make her feel like she's better than me.
@@christina6103 that's what my sister did all her life. She is a malignant religious narc.
They hate when you are doing great , and also when you ignoring them drives them crazy. They seem weak and down when ignored. A monster without batteries.
My narc babbles anytime there's silence. It's neverending word salads about nothing.
45 years of therapy didn't help me and then along comes Dr. C. 1 year later I have found my place of peace and love. Feels so good.
So pleased, Ann! Dr. C
Amazing what is available for free! Yes Dr. C. is one of my go to people. 🏆
It's been my experience that finding a good therapist that really understands narcissism and NPD is impossible. I had to educate myself and Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramini have helped immensely !
👏🏼💖🙏
@@deborraholiveri6202 - ‘The Little Shaman’ is on my list too.
In my personal experience the thing my narcissist hates the most is the fact that I don't belong to them. I belong to me.
Your independence and happiness away from the narcissist destroys them.
Narcissists loathe other people's happiness - they graduate from being the child who destroys siblings toys and games into being an adult with the same mind set.
Guesses - They dislike your capability, originality, living a values based life, knowing yourself, having an inner light, self care, sociability, extraversion, clarity, focus, committment.
You're on it! Dr. C
I value civilized conversation, she tramples over that willy nilly interrupting questions before I've finished asking and saying by definition she was talking....
Then when I try to get back to my original question she scream shut up at the top of her lungs.
So that I never get a place in a civilized conversation...
Trampling over what I value
@@AdamEdington The one I know simply closes his eyes when I speak. Literally closes his eyes and sits there until I have said whatever I have to share. When I am finished he will open his eyes and start talking about himself again. He simply cannot bear to hear anything that has nothing to do with him. He told me once, "I only want to talk about myself or may the other person a little." He was telling me about a friend who frustrates him because she talks about things that don't interest him, and that would be everything except things about him. I found this to be one way to drive them away. Talk about things other than them, and they will fall into a coma after five seconds or they'll leave, hang up, or try to get back to talking about them. I've played this game by springboarding to the general from things he would say about himself. If he said, "I got my glasses today." I might say, "That's good. I wish we had organizations that would donate glasses to the poor." Instead of responding to my opinion, he would say, "I had to go back three times to get fitted." Me: "Oh. They're making glasses so much better now." This game doesn't go on for long. He gets very irritable. If you do that every time you're with a narcissist, they will lose interest in you. "Poof!"
@@yellowbird5411 oh you're lucky,
Mine just screams shut up. I get an average of 2 words in edge ways before she brings the conversation back to herself, ...by definition we were talking about meeeeeee
When I started the conversation, which by definition means I wanted to talk about something, not her...
She actually said Call me to listen to me don't call to talk. As if my gripes had zero value and no hope of getting anything resolved
@@AdamEdington I've finally started telling people did they want to have a conversation cause I wasn't interested in just listening to them talk about themselves
Silence, confidence and independence drive the narcissist crazy. Rejection of them ( without even acknowledging them ) and your personal success kills them.
A relationship with a narcissist is just a constant pissing contest that you were never even aware that you entered. I don't understand how they just don't get physically and mentally wiped out by the constant drama and oneupmanship. Don't they ever just want to daydream and let some peace and quiet in?
I wonder if without the drama they would be left with themselves. The fear of facing the fact that it is they who is the loser - exposure I think is their biggest fear and threat
No. They only want.
Ps.23 and 138:2
You cannot give a narcissist a compliment it only makes their ego bigger and they feel more entitled
-normalcy
-self love
-no desire to judge
-positive attitude
-ability to endure
-appreciate for learning
-healthy curiosity
-honesty
-logic
-power to say NO
Looking forward to hear your list, DrC! These are the ones that seem to work for me personally. The bottom line is… just being myself drives the narcissists in my life crazy.
You're on it, Kelly! Dr. C
Me too. But I didn't recognize or learn about them in time for this last one. I learned about it while leaving a raging narcissist partner and, while I was learning, met a neighbor, who was not a partner, but is definitely a covert narc +++. Be careful ...
@@BeingLifted Right! It's getting so hard to detect these people, there's so many sub- types...hard to keep up with them all.
@@BeingLifted we don’t know what we don’t know. The key is doing things differently once we finally know. Glad to be in this healing journey with you
@@m.skinner6303 keep listening to Dr. Carter. Keep learning. You will be able to spot them a mile away with the help of DrC
Narcissist strategies
1.Shaming (don't cower)
2. Requirements or orders (say no)
3. Accusations (Refuse to prove yourself )
4. He's smarter,he's better,acclaimed (let him think highly of himself ) (have self respect for yourself )
5. Controlling (Just be yourself/be free)
6. Highly Argumentive (don't settle with a childish argument/opt out)
7.Jealous of your friends (live your life and keep your good friends )
8. Like others to take the guilt ( don't feed their ego)
9. Illogical-Irrational-Excuses (see through their excuses and don't settle, set your boundaries)
10. They hate to see you happy and at peace (still find things to make you happy and continue with that )
*Therapy helps if you have been in long term abuse from a Narcissist.
I wish I could copy and paste this list!
I just did a screen shot and will refer to it when needed! Thank you 🙏🦋🌎🦋🙏
What about when the abusive narcissist is your father and they demand you to do something dangerous so you say no and then they slap you?!
@@thornanglo-saxonalphabetfr2315 Report the abuse; file a police report.
They are bullies, in one way or another. As soon as they realize they can't bully, they're gone.
It also helps to not be in contact with them!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 unless you’re married to him! Almost 7 yrs and I am exhausted. Trying to work my way out of this relationship but it’s difficult. We’re both senior citizens, and what to do, where to go, how to start over is tough. Hard being alone in your senior yrs. I’ve decided being with him is harder.
“If I drive you crazy maybe it’s because you already are!” Excellent Dr C! Right on the head! Thank you and grateful🙏
I burst out laughing at that part
the best line ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love these words of wisdom from Dr C. Thank you Dr C for saving my life!
Lmao 🤣
I was hoping he'd go there.
¹ 2:20 you don't cower from shame, guilt
or intimidation
² 3:14 you use the word " no "
³ 4:02 you refuse to justify your decisions
⁴ 4:38 you refuse to be the designated "loser"
⁵ 5:30 claim your freedom and living into it
⁶ 6:26 you refuse to argue
⁷ 7:26 having your own caring, enjoyable,
meaningful relationships away from *them*
⁸ 8:16 refusing to be a flying monkey
⁹ 9:06 not buying their lame excuses
or their gross illogic
¹⁰ 10:02 you to have happiness and find peace
10 things *'about you'* that drives em crazy
Thank you👍
Thanks a million ❤
Thank you 🙏🏽 ❤❤❤
a willingness to grow up, an innocent smile, a kind heart.. all the things they can't attain to drives them to be extremely jealous and resentful
The one thing that makes the Narcissist hate you with all rage is when you have your own physical skills to take care of yourself. That is why anyone who is being groomed by the Narcissist for self destruction should learn a trade or a skill before the discard phase. The Narcissist especially hates people with sales and creative skills.
Explains why he bashed my laptop over his head
@@heyonope7682 My "S.O." in a moment of anger rage at one time (over a general topic- nothing abrasive) threw his keyboard at his monitor, what coincidence 😬
Good point
@@M_SC I lived it and I saw it, my dad tried to destroy his whole family, a Narcissist is after your will to live, they want to break it, I was the one seed he couldn't stomp out.
@God IS Love I am just putting up my business and am sure that when she'll found out, she'll try to sabotage it; but I won't let her control my life anymore. I forgive her and let her go. And if she does something crazy; I'll call the cops, again. Good luck with your online store.
What also drives them crazy is to have your own personal goals and needs not just taking care of their own and show that you matter just as much
Mom used to say, "Someday I hope you have a child JUST LIKE YOU!!" In her most vindictive tone. For years I thought, why does she think I am so terrible? Eventually I came to my senses and left her to herself. No more feedings or engagement. The abuse got worse. Then she went after my youngest daughter. My mom and I have now parted ways.
It never ceases to amaze me how absurd and insensitive some parents can be. I'm glad you've gone a different path. Dr. C
Me too, safe your children and so not let them " poison" too. It is a big " work" to vanish Narzissmus. 😘👍Susi
Shawni, I feel for your years of pain. A narcissist has to have a whipping post. I'm thankful to hear that you were able to remove yourself and your daughter from that role. God bless you!
Reading the comment section is like group therapy; it's so validating but disheartening how pervasive narcissism/ narcissistic personality is in society. Thank you for your replies Dr. C, Susi, Camille and Mr or Ms. God is Love. God bless us all on our journeys.
My mom told me several times how horrible a person I am. It hurt me. My coworkers and friends like me. I get along great with them. I'm not a different person around them than I am around my mother. If anything, I'm guarded around her and lose some of my spontaneity because I always seem to say or do the wrong thing.
Another thing that makes them crazy is going no contact and terminating the relationship. All of a sudden just leaving the picture with no warning. Dropping them like a pancake on a hot griddle. Going complete silent and making no attempts to contact them or returning their calls. Narcissists are big time paranoid and obsessive individuals and their ruminating thoughts drives them bonkers.
lol yes, a former friend of mine would leave detailed messages that sometimes sounded like poems about how wrong it was for me to end our friendship. When apple was able to make a transcription they were really weird messages.
@@tuffguydoe7937, I bet. I had an ex friend that did that. It was to weird and so very odd.
Yes!
Agree with you totally 💯 👍
" No," resulted in me being in the hospital December 29, 2020.
Consequences he received were 9 months of jail time, public & private humiliation and a large fine $$$. ..as well as court-ordered Anger therapy.
!!! 😀
I am so glad you said no . I am also so sad you went to hospital. Very very glad that he went to jail and had to pay fine . I hope you are safe and he is nowhere near you ! Please be super careful with yourself in future… narcissists are so charming… and easy to get involved with one if you are not super careful … I wish you all the best- stay safe and well and happy .please .
@@lucyt-c8092 Thank you, so very much Lucy!! I am very far away from him, although he lives less than 7 km away.
Having watched Dr C and and Dr Ramani videos for over a year, I am now so Narc-savvy I could pick them out of a crowd!!! Also in trauma-therapy. 😀
It took me a long time to learn that I didn't have to justify all my decisions and to have the need to "prove myself" to people. Now, I am going through thew consequences of being more honest and standing up for myself. Very disheartening,lonely but no more uncomfortable than when I put my feelings last.
In my advanced years, I look back and am happy with who I have been. What others say isn't very important. It isn't mean to stand up for yourself; it is honest.
@@MoonfishSparkle Well done!!
You are saying what? Don't I have to justify all my decisions and to have the need to "prove myself" to people? 😉 You are so correct. I am so happy for you, and I hope I will be there one day. I am working on it, but it's hard. I am 50 now and I'm always justifing everything in mye head, and to others. Always being afraid to be ridiculed or being thought of as stupid. I am not. I'm a bsuiness leader, I have a University degree... And whoops! there I go again, to a complete stranger, justifying myself... 😕
It sounds like you are already beyond the first step. I does get easier!
Namste and love to all who read.
This hits me on all 10 points. It's all about self esteem and boundaries which my narc tried to chip away for years. He has passed away (which he would have said is my fault) and I have freedom.
Praying for you. Try not to look back move forward with your life. Teach the younger women
“Which he would have said is my fault.” Lol! True.
I’m glad your free !
Remember that they can and will control you even in death, if you don't seek and get healing and deliverance from the abuse and pain that they inflicted on you.
My narc once got pinkeye in both eyes and said it was my fault that he got it. I didn't have it myself so I brought that up and he said that I caused him stress and that's how he got it.
Narcs' biggest asset is their inconsistency. What they say at 9 a.m. is completely undercut by what they do at 3 p.m. The person who tries to make sense or logic of it is at an immediate loss. The narc realizes his power is in not settling into any one place that he can be held accountable for. Therefore, he constantly shifts positions and moves goalposts so that the "victim" is never able to gain a solid foothold. It took many more years than it should have for me to figure this out. The prime manner of unplugging a narcissist is to disengage. There is no appeasement, remediation, counseling, therapy, or negotiation. Even if the narc pretends to participate in any of these, he is simply reloading or rearranging his arsenal, and he will not relent in his efforts to control you. Disengage. Disengage. Disengage. Otherwise, make do with the confusion, chaos, manipulation, passive-aggressiveness, and violation of boundaries and civility.
Well said! They also can't keep track of all their lies. Reloading, though... I'm going to memorize that one and watch for it.
Love it. Thank you. My narc is addicted to impulsiveness and seriously he lives like a moving object. I've learnt boundaries but it's just as you say. He's mid range. I choose to stay. I love him. U may ask why but I know his family. I have the grace of God over my life.
Not making excuses for tantrums & grown men 🙅♀️
Like an *Adult child .....
And women
I have a narcissist ex who spent so much time trying to convince me that people are bad and not to be trusted, and that I should mainly be trusting him.
One day I told him (in regards to something I wanted to do)…..”I don’t need outside advice on this. I trust my own judgement. I’m confident with my own decision-making on this and how I feel. Thanks.”
As much as he runs his mouth, it was one of the few times I’ve seen him speechless.
It never even occurred to him that I can make and trust my own decisions, or that my own opinions for me even mattered at all.
Peace comes from not returning their calls. Another thing that drives them crazy. :) Thank you. I absolutely LOVE these videos!!!
love is the answer. at the end of the day they are retarded and need help.
@@jesusislukeskywalker4294 What did Jesus do to the corrupt officials who were running a racket on the Temple Mount? He beat the shit out of them and destroyed their business. The only language narcissists understand is pain. Especially their own. Greatest deterrent on earth. If you show a narcissist kindness, they will treat it as weakness and attack you. "Don't throw your pearls before swine, lest they turn again and rend you."
Ghosting is never the answer
@@chrischris711 Is is entirely dependent upon the situation. For me it is
@@jenniferjenful that’s for sure . However when you ghost a narcissist they blame you.
I have found that a "true" Narcissist will never admit mistakes, or take responsibility for their conduct/behavior; The difficulties in their lives are always someone else's fault-
I appreciate video presentations and content such as this one, it certainly sheds light on this personality disorder, as I have recently walked away from a six month relationship with such an individual who possesses many of these trates-
Yes !!
I had a narcissist ex who would admit fault but only after a couple days of shitting on me and the kids and then they always worked their way into being a victim. The “apology” was almost always worse than the original conflict.
They may admit to making mistakes, but not formulated in a healthy rational way of: I made this mistake, I will try and fix it/ Learn from it. They rather use their own "mistakes" as fuel to further victimize themselves or blame the world around them of their shortcomings.
@@wojtekwilk3938 or constantly blame others....
This is very true. I've apologized to family members many times for wrongs but looking back I basically never got apologies from them or if I did it was attached to a " but you don't know what I went through" or some reason what they did to me was still my fault for some reason.
It drives them crazy when you call them out on THEIR dysfunction/lying/projecting/stonewalling/gaslighting/scapegoating etc etc etc
💃
or bossy, demanding behavior, or irresponsibility or hypocrisy
You do that to them they gone blame you for everything , or hang up the phone and tell you they will never speak to you again . I had this happen to me last week
They do not like to be called out on their own bs
Their lies by omission are another dysfunction. It's disturbing because they feel leaving out important facts don't matter.
“If I drive you crazy…maybe its because you already are!” Best one-liner ever! Thanks Dr. Carter…you have helped and continue to help me SO Much! 🙏🦋🙏
I would never dare to say that. That would cause an angry argument: Explain what you mean?!!??
I so agree. Best one liner ever. Thanks, Dr. C.
BRILLIANT EH!!
Haha that couldn’t be more accurate! 😂
"Fuck off" has been my standard response to every narcissist I've ever encountered. It isnt politically correct or acceptable conversation for most people but narcissists arent 'most people'. Lost a few jobs over it and somehow I sleep really, really well at night.
You stand up to the narcissist, when they are wrong you stand up to them! You be strong say NO to there demands! Follow through with your program no to them yes to yourself! You be the healthiest person mentally spiritually and physically, be smart! If your narcissist is physically abusive you must plan your escape strategically with someone or folks you can trust! Keep get away clothes with those folks along with keys money etc never let in what you’re doing and don’t ever go back never nothing will change with this person! Save yourself and your kids! You’ll wonder where your kids got there abusive habits from❤️
When someone says "You're driving me crazy!", I always reply "How can you go somewhere you already are?". 😀
I say… “Short drive.” 😉😂😉
#10 is so sad, to me. Why in the world would parents (even narcissistic ones) not want their kid to have happiness and peace? They groomed me to be resistant to happiness, as if it was a bad and/or selfish thing, and, loyal kid that I was, I sure learned to faithfully resist happiness! As they taught me to do. Decades of unnecessary depression followed (to be fair, not just for this reason alone). But depressed has never been my true personality. I am transforming into the real me, finally. Thank you, and bless you, for your super helpful insights, Dr. C.
To have both parents treat you like that must have been horrible.Only my mother was like that.Her parents were both extremely narcissistic & instead of learning from it & doing the right maternal thing when she had children, she was more than happy to inflict the same sinister oppression on her children that she was subjected to while growing up.(My Dad wasn't narcissistic, but of course he was the one that got sick with leukaemia & died)My mother was never encouraging & if my brother or sisters ever took our focal point from our chores or studies then we'd get shamed & guilt tripped if out in public, but if it happened in the privacy of being at home then we'd be screamed at & slapped.I was loyal to my mother regardless of the mistreatment, but when I started getting counselling my therapist told me to sever all ties with my mother because she's so toxic.Now that she's out of my life hopefully my siblings & I can begin our transformation like you've done
I now think that, my Mom could have had a Martyr complex. Hence: sacrifice/no fun allowed
on the plus side , people who have experienced this from an early age i have found, are usually incredibly strong, intelligent , resillient , caring , usually non confrontational , and kind. bravo to all of you , and for the people who have had the courage to completely walk away from family members , (one of the hardest things to do socially i think) well done.
Thank you
I think it just wears a person out.
I didn't realize what my mother was until after my father died. Wow! My brother is one also big time. Cut off contact my sister is unique too. Oh well, I've got thick skin now and life is good! Just need to figure out how to turn off the narcissist attraction. Just figured out my neighbor is one. Trying to shake her off.
@@rosemaryraplar8 keep talking to your neigbour about childhoods that should scare her off . i scare everyone away by talking about psychology.
@@NOT_SURE.. what a great idea! I'll try it! I've noticed they don't do personal game questions like "share a favorite childhood event". Was weird when the sister interrupted and tried answering because she didn't have an answer!! That's what alerted me to something may be going on.
When you simply don’t outwardly react 😌 it starves them and they get really hangry 😊😊😊🌅
When they start delivering a soliloquy about themselves ~ change the topic.
Also, use the word soliloquy and watch them pretend to know what it means. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism lol
@@SurvivingNarcissism Hahaha I am so sorry right now that English wasn't the language of my previous two relationshits. We only have the etymological equivalents of monologue, one-way communication and so on.
I just said no to him before watching this. He wants us to come over to take out his trash!
"If I drive you crazy, maybe it's because you already are." Priceless. I LOVE this. I will use it. Thank you, Dr. C.
What a great line. I love this guy.
So glad to be free from Alcoholics and Narcissists! Now I am having the time of my life.😂
Funny how that works!
You are spot on. No contact is the only way to find happiness.
Can you imagine someone that goes crazy when you’re happy..the direct opposite of what love is..and we cling to people like this …is this what we really want for oursel
“I don’t need to justify my decisions...I am not playing your game...Live as free person. We can choose.” Excellent
Saying "No" is a big one. Also, mentioning and identifying them as being, "mean and hateful" will drive them crazy also.
I keep worrying that maybe I'm trying to make them the bad guy so I can cope with my own short comings, but the more vids I watch the less denyable their behavior becomes. It's just been so subtle or "logically" excused(going on 15 yrs), and all I have are the memories of the way they made me feel...
I’m too nice. I’m too sensitive.🙄 I’m too forgiving, tolerant, doing for others. Oh well. It could be worse.
Please hold on to your good qualities, this world needs nice people.
@@mattdonna9677 lol I have tried to change to “keep up” but my soul won’t let me. Thank you, Dear One. You, too.
😘🙏🏼❤️
Thank you Dr. C, another sensational sensible segment. "The name of the game is shame" & "NO" not allowed. I said "No" to a narcissist, he told me how negative I was by saying no. This explains a great deal - better late than never. Now @ 69 years old I am looking forward to living as myself at peace, free from irrational narcissists.
The last point is very true. I struggle with mental health issues (BPD and crippling anxiety) that restrained me to have a job for some years, and I can see that my mother isn't that thrilled that I'm getting better, having a perspective to work again, or even happy that I found a stable, empathetic and loving partner. It's hard to dissociate my life from what she wants from me, but I'm realizing it now and it's a process ongoing! Good luck everyone, greetings from France
Treating them as an irrelevance is another
It's true they can't stand to see you happy or at peace. My ex narc came to my house and it was summer. I had my bird feeder full of seeds and birds came and went. I mentioned how I loved to sit and watch my birds and drink my coffee in the mornings and how at peace it made me feel. I smiled and was happy to show my joy. He looked at me bewildered and almost in horror like I had 3 heads. He tried to make me feel like doing this was very bizarre and weird and I was weird for doing it. I thought right then something was seriously wrong or disordered with him, because millions of people have bird feeders and it was a totally normal thing in people's backyards. All my Grandparents had them. It was normal. But he reacted like what I had just said was the most bizarre and unusual human activity he'd ever heard of. I knew then something was wrong with him. Now I see why.
1 act in my life drove all the narcissists crazy. I then realized I was surrounded by them most of my life.
LOL, "designated looser." I relate to that! And I am done being that to someone.
**loser
Narcissists want to break you . Anything less is failure to them and you're the cause of it and must pay the price for making them a failure . An endless loop of crazy .
"if I drive you crazy, maybe it's because you already are" God love ya Dr.C! Thank you for all you do for us ❤️
You're welcome!
A narcissist former friend of mine was so keen to reconnect with me after my dogs died this year. We had met at the dog park 15 years earlier, her dog had died a couple years ago. She was so mad my dogs outlived hers, she was so mad her dog didn’t live extra long, not only because she wanted her dog to exist but because she wanted proof that she was better at dog care than other people. she was happy when my dogs died because she wanted me to lose it emotionally like she did, and in her way of thinking because it meant I wasn’t better than her anymore. so so twisted. I used to just find her sadly unable to think properly and a slave to her twisted emotions, but now I see her as a malevolent person I am not going to waste my emotional energy feeling compassion for. She doesn’t extend compassion to anyone else.
She got that way before you came into her life. Happy when your dogs died?!! She doesn't even care about dogs, poor thing.
Well said
I've realized they see a compromise as a boundary and will refuse to meet you half way. Even if the compromise benefits them.
What you said, *the name of the game for them is shame.* So true. All to manage you down and incite _guilt_ so you can be easier manipulated and controlled..
You ended where I began. I was already thinking that they are crazy. Dr. Carter, I started on this journey with you about a year ago. Although I haven't been able to physically remove myself yet I certainly have removed myself in so many other ways. The situation is so clear now with all your insights. I have my power back and look forward to a new life . Team healthy all the way
He used the term, "crazy!" That's great! It's true that Cluster B types aren't psychotic, but their desperation to control others is, to use the term colloquially, crazy. Who the Hell do these ******** think they are, anyway? A decent society and an insightful individual value the things which set people free, not the things which shackle them to the whims of awful people.
Cannot count how many times I have muttered under my breath, she's f...king crazy !! Thanks Billy
#TeamHealthy. Dr. C
I'm in same situation...but knowledge is power and I'm true to myself. Finances keep me. I'm a senior working on affordable hsg. It's tough.
That’s the beginning me I have listen to Dr. C and Laura from the beginning they have help me stand tall again I don’t take the narcissist in my life’s crap anymore they hate it when you don’t care what they think !
I worked with a narcissistic person from another department for 4 months in 2020, and I could not figure out why she hated me and was always trying to put the screws to me. Now I know--you described me to a "t." This was a lifesaver.
Being happy, smiling, laughing, and having fun without them makes them lose their minds.
“If I drive you crazy, maybe it’s because you alrready are” Yes!
I have 6 people living with me. They come at me from all angles. They won't work and they won't leave. I have been doing a lot of the things you talk about. I've learned a lot in my life. They seem to try to come at me, when they can catch me off gaurd. I have to get away and think about things and do some praying. Your videos have helped tremendously. I will continue to listen.
Yes, stop supporting ungrateful dead beats.
‘Maybe the reason I drive you crazy is because you already are!’ 😂🤣. LOVE it!
Just say NO and enjoy your life after all it's not a rehearsal and I've wasted enough time on a fool . Live on your terms !
You are right. After years of abuse from my father, I stood up to him for the 1st time at 13 years old. He beat me until I was unconcious. In his own words, I was trying to kill you". But he never touched me again. He was hateful for the rest of my life until I cut ties completely. I'm 55 and still trying to figure how to maneuver through life to get over all of that crap.
God bless you t hunt. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm contemplating cutting mine off because he's a narcissist and against me and pretends to be for me.
Don't let him keep abusing you by memories. Set yourself free.
They hate when you don't agree to ridiculous sentiments. Some know they're being irrational but insist it's normal. I have a mother who've I been raised by like that and father who was never in life like that. It's confounding even as 32 almost 33 year old man but it's clarity because I'm responsible for me and not their insecurities.
Yes! It’s so bizarre how they’re desperate to make you agree their crazy story is reality.
when i said " please talk nice / no name calling" coWorker D said " OH I CANNOT SAY A WORD!" so i repeat to ' D" " I would like to Talk nice as professional Adult"
@@M_SC then when they can't keep the lie going, it's still somehow your fault.
@@carolnahigian9518 I've had a coworker and manager that were like that. Manager tried to control everything, coworker who was older than both of us was the same. Both were women coincidentally and it was always a power struggle between them. It was nothing but hostility and it caused me to react by cursing them out. I had to leave my job to find peace and I have since then.
Right they tend to not use logic when they try to lecture u on what it should be or how u should be towards them because they are using manipulation...when u break down what they are trying to force on u to make logical sense they tend to get loud, aggressive and sometimes violent! Then expect u to love them...like huh what...never!!!!
I accomplished a college degree. The first ever in my family. I never received a graduation card even from my grandparents on my narc mother's side, which are the only grandparents I ever knew 😔. This leads me to believe that this Narcissism runs deeper than my mother. The same pattern of dividing siblings into one good one bad was played out in my mother's childhood too. If I had learned or been identified as having this terrible family dynamic in my younger years, I just may have graduated from Stetson Law as I had planned. So why can't we push for a early childhood curriculum that involves a healthy mind and the ability to identify mental illness and a personal responsibility to one's self? How does it begin? For the children.
Don't count on others to set it up in schools. I wish it would happen, obviously, but who knows? It begins at home, which is a problem when home is where the narcissists hold court. Personally, my therapy, my education was in my graduate training. I had incredible mentors. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism You were blessed. But not just blessed ,a hard worker, a resilient person, and very very talented. So how do we take this knowledge and spread it through our society? That is my question. I guess one great mind at a time. I wish you had been one of my teachers.
I did have many great teachers but I always when back to the two great narcissists(my parents), for an easy out. Because growing is painful and there were always plenty of excuses and running home was easier and cheaper! Just not in the long run.
Taking responsibility for my part is becoming torturous!
I wonder if there are children's books out there as such. I'd put a few in Nana's house toy shelf. 😊
@@kellysims5732 Congratulations on your college degree! I'm sorry your family does not know how to share in your joy, but you did it! I've walked this walk with my former marriage and my narcissist, cheating husband. You are a strong person. My advice to you is just be kind to others and as Jesus says "Don't look back." Keep going and be like the farmer plowing his field; when he looks back, he messes up his straight line.
Take good care!
Amen. The kids are really my biggest concern these days. We have millions of these types being raised right now. They deserve the freedom this information can give them so they can chase their dreams with an open trusting heart.
I had a friend in college who was a narcissist. She stopped talking to me for a month because I told her I liked going home and visiting my parents. I remember my boyfriend at the time telling me she sounded like a text book narcissist. At the time I didn't even know what that was. After reading up on it I understood it. I ended up going no contact and kicking her out of my life years later when she was mad that she wasn't in my wedding party.
Good for you!
So true!! Being you drives them crazy. My dad always hated it when I was my nerdy self (I love anime and would rather go to the bookstore or zoo than party), he thought it made him look bad. He also always hated how I looked, always told me to lose weight, dye my entire head blonde and wear more make up (maybe bias but I'm a normal weight and I think my hair is quite healthy as is, as for make up too much makes my skin break out) and he couldn't stand that I was okay with how I looked and would eat a piece of cake every once in a great while.
They definitely don't like these things. But if someone is unable to escape these relationships, unless they are extremely careful and know their N, they either can't or shouldn't try some of these things. Walk away from an enraged, violent malignant N and you better watch your back. Survival is the most important thing. If you can practice these things while avoiding endangering yourself, that's wonderful.
Dr C., that last line was a drop the mic drop moment. Narcs don’t own their own crazy, and we don’t have to own it for them. Good stuff! Thank you for that and everything you do.
I absolutely LOVE this guy. Healing my heart from my narcissist daughter.
Thanks, Alva. I wish the best for you.
Same
I have a narcissist 32 year old daughter. We’re currently estranged. It’s been such a mind-muddle. She’s my only child so it’s been difficult to let go but I must.
Someone once started blaming me. For their bad behavior I said you can't control what comes out of someone else's mouth but you do have control on how You react ...no one else is
I love that last statement about how healthy people drive the narcissist crazy, because they already are!
I was the alienated/scapegoat parent, in a 20 year marriage. Some of my adult children, we’re indoctrinated to believe that they deserve to control me, and often attempt to do so. I love them, wish them the best, and support them as I’m able. I also love myself, and my priority, is my own well-being. This can be difficult to manage, when you’re also open to discovering your own past failures/shortcomings as a parent. I’m able to acknowledge, and apologize when I’ve been wrong, but the reimagining of events, where I’m seen as nothing good, will not be tolerated, or internalized.
My dad. Mad at me for being too quiet. Mad at me for not being happy enough.
Thank you for reminding me that I am not crazy. At the end it reminded me of the last time I saw him…I tried to explain how I felt gas lit. He lost it. Came after me. He says, “something is wrong with you!”. All I could think of were his hands raised, fists clenched in mid air, coming after me. Yea, dad. Whatever you say.
I've waited for 31 years to be able to _connect_ with my family. To have that mature conversation of who you are and who am I and how could things be good between us? :) But like you say, mother and sister are narcissists, they just begin to rage if I disagree or point out I don't want to be insulted. That mature conversation will likely never happen because neither sees a problem and will get counceling. They just don't understand that _they cannot use vulnerable information I gave them in my weak moments to try to shame me with in moments when we disagree._ That level of maturity won't occur. Thst profound connection to family is just not a part of this life of mine. Accepting that feels very sad. 😔
You have the ability to make your OWN family. Those parasites don't deserve you. I made my own and never regretted it. Be well and *huggs*
I can totally relate, but you must stay No Contact. It's not easy, but you have to put yourself first. Good luck to you.
You are not alone.
Good sane friends can become your true family. Don't give up hope--sane, kind forthright people do exist!
Boom....you nailed it Dr. Thank you so much for validating my reality with the narcissist. These creatures are beyond help. Because as we know from experience they are empty shells that cannot ever be satisfied...with anything or anyone.
You got that right
I send my vindictive narc mother videos and books like this almost every day...
It passes her off so much and she doesn't even know it me sending them...
It's made her paranoid and she's lost all control of her adult children (none of us talk to her)...
Then she'll call all of us saying we're out to destroy her. When in reality we love her but at an AT&A long distance type of way...
yes , living your best life away from them drives them crazy it's true and it's the best thing to do to heal from these abusers!
Doctor, I wish you were there for me earlier with these incredible videos and content. I have wasted twelve years with an ultra toxic narcissistic mother in law but now I am determined to take action and save my husband who seems ready for a new life!
At some point you have to weed your garden.
The put out facial expression and anger which can follow refusing doing something after they've volunteered you for it, can be remarkable, something to wonder at.
I have recently heard about the concept of flying monkeys. This video made the concept very clear to me. I remember a time when my mom tried to get me, my husband (now my ex), and his parents to agree that my daughter shouldn’t wear a dress with a hole in it. First, she tried to get my daughter to agree with her. When that didn’t work, she tried to get me to agree with her. Then she went to my (ex)husband, then, his mom, then, his dad. Obviously, she was the only one who had an issue with the situation. I think she was frustrated because no one was siding with her. Oh, well. Not my problem.
Great news. I heard yesterday from two different people that the narcissist in our office believes or is afraid that our boss is going to "make her quit." This person has many, many control issues, and so if she really believes our boss is trying to "make her quit," I believe she'll want to get out ahead of it and try to find another job first so she can control the narrative. It doesn't even matter if it is true, I think it's a very good indication that she's on her way out. She may also be planning on leaving and has told a couple of people that our boss "is trying to get her to quit" so she can pre-frame others' perspectives and control the narrative as she leaves, that it isn't her fault because the boss is "making her do it". Either way, I think she's on her way out. And it's the best news ever. Ongoing close proximity to this toxic person is the SINGLE only thing that I dislike about my job.
Thank you. If you do one of these, you're in pretty good shape. Practice all ten and the narcissist will crumble like a troll at sunrise.
Been using the techniques I learned online. These are appreciated because I finally found my piece. I realize when he says the nasty things he does while no one is in the room to get a reaction then pointing out to those around how I'm crazy. Not reacting. Lost it for awhile but now on my way to healing. He is spiraling down.
Dr. C my mom was a narccissist & so were most of my partner's. I never had a proper partner to share responsibilities with. He always had his hand out, as I paid half of everything & did all the household tasks. He stirred up drama all the time, over nothing. I began to question myself. Now I'm on my own 16 years after living together for 12. I'm sorry I met this guy because he was the worst of all of them!!! He'd take hissy fits like a 3 year old. Just on the phone, he works himself into a state of rage over again absolutely nothing!!! I'm managing quite well on my own!!
Well done 👍 I’m 20 years on from my narc and can spot them coming! I bet you can too. One day I realised that I didn’t need a partner, that I could happily live without that type of relationship and damn me if the most wonderful person came into my life. 16 happy years have flown past, and I’m so glad I finally let go of what was holding me back.
I hope that wherever life takes you, it makes you happy !
I wish I knew about this a long time ago. Absolutely spot on.
The narc hates it the word NO
the narc wants you to believe your relationship with others are a lie and gaslight you into thinking you need them,
the narc resents any amount of time you spend with others especially if they can see you are treated with respect because it reminds them that they don't respect you,
the narc cannot stand you being indifferent to their intimidation.... the list goes on.
They don't know what to do with themselves at this point because they have exhausted every trick in their book, you are no longer following their script, so they implode and hopefully disappear from your life indefinitely.
My narcissistic ex told me he was triggered by the fact that I didn’t bow down to him. He told me that everyone in his life had always been submissive to him and he could not handle that I stood my ground.
Yeh - tell them that in their journey “ I Pray For You “ & “ That As I Leave You To Your Own Accord , ) young family ( I Pray You Find Your Peace “
Lol, they cringe when you tell them you are praying for them. May the demons scatter quickly! 🙏🏼
The thing is - once those personality traits become clear, it’s very difficult to feel “in love”. You just described a complete A-hole, who finds those traits physically & emotionally attractive? Nobody. So, game over if someone wants to have a good life.
Just remaining calm and refusing to join in the drama and chaos would see him running out of steam very quickly. My ethos was ‘no, it’s your drama, you can act it out, I refuse’.
Yes that's more productive- when disengaging is more productive
Yes, my mother used to literally lock me up all the time. The only way I survived is I knew I would be 18 one day and be free. I am 40 now and just cut her off. I should have done it way back then. She is old alone and miserable now though and I felt bad for her 🤦♀️ ironically what she did to me is now considered torture to a minor where we used to live. She got away with it though. My brother didn’t survive after she went after him
What do you mean your brother didn't survive?
Don’t feel bad for her - she caused her demise
People like this are demonically influenced. They need exorcisms. They have to want help though. If they don’t want help, then you can’t help them. If you do help them and they allow temptations and wickedness back into them, then they will be 7 times worse than they were before.
Matthew 12:43-45
Love it. All 10. And this: “If I drive you crazy, maybe it’s because you already are.” Bingo! 🙏
I lived with a narcissist couple. They constantly accused me of not listening. I explained I listen to what they say, but I make the choice to do what you say or not. They were incensed that I should have choice over my own actions.
OMG...my oldest sister and her flying monkeyes always shamed me...usually behind my back. The first time they did so in my presence I had pain all over my body. Seriously I was ill. Since then I have stood tall. Didn't justify, just laughed and said 'live with it.' Now the things they shamed me were normal things, like I bought a new car and hadn't told them. Or when I traveled overseas. It was not as if I did or said anythng awful. My narcissist sister is also hystrionic, can't be alone, very social. I am an introvert. Age, Covid, and having been a divider of people have isolated her. She complains and I just tell her how happy I am doing my own thing, my own projects, my books I read, movies I watch, gardening, and painting. She gets so frustrated....and I am not even trying to frustrate her.
I LOVE that line, "If I drive you crazy, maybe it's because you already are." (LOL!!!) I'll remember that forever . . . Good one, Dr. C.