7 Comments That Easily Trigger A Narcissist's Anger
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ค. 2024
- Simply put, narcissists can struggle with anger. Dr. Les Carter describes how you can inadvertently trigger that anger with certain comments. You may have the best of intentions when you attempt to speak truth to the narcissist, but you will avert unwanted strain when you understand what comments may prompt reactions that you neither want or need.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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The only thing worth saying to a narcissist is : Goodbye!
Vintage Audio from RadioShack sfmkm.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_68.html From back in the day when the working-class were being spoiled.
Exactly 👏 💯
Unfortunately, Not everyone can say “ goodbye” unless you are independently wealthy and walk away from a good job if the narcissist is a coworker, boss or supervisee.
But you better be able to run like hell and have an escape plan !!!
Better to just disappear and leave no trace of where you went and DO NOT EVER contact them, they will do everything to their last breath to destroy you !!!
Oh how I wish I knew this when I was my former self :(
True
A narcissist will always accuse you of being the thing you call out in them.
Constant deflecting. True.
Yes!
The devil is the accuser of the brethren.
Or that’s not what they doing 😂 selfish bastards
@@achach5055 deflection and distortion
The one word answer that gets all narcissists going is, “No.”
Absolutely! But be prepared for the full narc assault. I'm currently dealing with 2 narcs, I said no to carrying in their groceries for once...that was 6 weeks ago. Since I have been given the silent treatment, told I need to leave, additional attempts to control me and demand I do things that have nothing to do with me and only serves them, phone calls to family members telling lies about me, etc. I will die before I relinquish control over my soul again.
NO!!!... That would be the big one. But you have to be fearless to pull this off. Because you will feel all they're rage. And it's ugly. Lol
Oh yeah...u say No and they boil....
When you think about, "we've already talked about this" is kind of a Japanese way of saying no.
Exactly...they fume when u say no...or I do not want to....lolol
The most vicious response I've ever given (after the more polite ones didn't work) was "Get diagnosed. I know many normal people and none of them behave like you."
🤯 Love it! Great response! Gonna have to give that one a try...
I told her once that she should discuss her control freakiness with a doctor. Nothing was accomplished. My life got much much worse after that and now I live in a van down by the river... well not quite.
Plus all the women I meet seem to be vapid chatterboxes... ugh.
@@69eddieD Change your taste in women. If you choose based on superficial standards, you get a superficial mate or companion.
There are plenty of beautiful, fun loving women who are very intelligent, productive, and successful. Change where you look and what you choose.
For example, go to cultural events, not pick up bars. Sure you can find vapid and superficial people everywhere. But different locations change your chances.
I'm not suggesting you're superficial. I have many guy friends, both young and old. This is the counsel I always give them.
I wish you luck.
@@DonnaSnyder What to, the fat feminists?
My ex-wife's favourite was always, "My way or the highway." The last time she said that before I left I responded with, "You know what... The highway is starting to look really good."
I had the same with my ex in 2006.. he said ...” shut up and put up “.. which is more or less the same thing.
The highway eventually was the best thing I did
I wanted to laugh but no this is so truee...that definitely the best route right about now.
My ex (not a narcissist, but definitely has a few things a little fucky upstairs) got in a silly fight with me over god-knows-what which, of course, turned into a full-on blowout fight. When she didn't get her way or I stated an indisputable point or something, she ran into the living room crying, waiting for me to come in after her to apologize and calm her down. I didn't take the bait this time and went into the bedroom, flipped on the tv, and kicked back. She kept purposely crying louder so I would hear her through the wall lol but I just cranked the volume up. Finally, she comes bursting into the room all red-faced from fake crying LOL and I just laughed in her face! 😂 I finally saw through her little game she had been using to control me and I just couldn't take her seriously if I wanted to. The flipped out and screamed for me to get out lol I said, "Thank you!" lol grabbed my wallet and my phone and walked out the door :) never regretted leaving her
@@dougtond1380 My ex-wife started to do that crying crap too. The same thing would happen, it would get louder and louder to the point where it was almost like a dog howling.
When the straw that broke the camels back finally dropped I hit the highway, 16 years later still driving down it and haven't looked back.
The crap she did to me during the divorce made me realise that I had made the right choice.
She said to me one day when I went to pick up our son for his access visit that she "Regretted that we fell apart." I said, "I don't. I regret ever falling in love with you, but hey, we all make mistakes. At least I learnt from mine."
She just looked at me gob-smacked.
@@jasa9707 👍 how is your kid dealing with it all?
Narcissists don't see it as a "control issue", they see it as being right.
You or them?
I'm not sure what you're asking?
Looking good, feeling good, and being right.
Mirror moments....
100%
My ex-wife told me in front of a marriage councillor "it's always been my way or the highway". The councillor instructed me to file for a divorce and that was the best advice I have ever received.
Its insane to me that there are real people out there who can say things like that and not realise how unaware and self entitled they sound
Yes John! Because narcissists can’t be fixed!!!! They deny their abuse forever! Only decision is to leave them!
Man that says a lot coming from a marriage counselor lol
😂😂😂 I'm telling you these narcassist have 0 shame
@@Kaiser8361N No doubt, they usually do everything possible to keep it together, even if it's terrible for one person *cough* thehusband *coughcough*
NEVER got forgiveness and NEVER got an apology either! Disgusting!
And when you finally do it’s because you asked for one or they say it with anger with no genuine nature to it.
It's so hard to remain calm all the time with a narcissist. They lull you into this safe place and then take the wind out with a comment out of the blue. Can just never let your guard down with them. And I mean NEVER.
And that’s why we’re not really living when the narc is a main character in ones life.
Nwver ever ever!! AGREE!!
See that's how I feel about a co-worker of mine. I'm relatively calm when their not around, yet things build up if I'm around them for a few shifts, then OMG I'm a rage monster at them questioning my behaviour and "lack of self-regulation ". I'm not the only one they have this effect on...but I know I need to toughen up and not get so emotionally charged...the other sign for me is I feel so drained afterward and rotten. Like a deliberate inflation only to be poked to burst and release. You should have seen how quick they can switch their "emotions" on and off! Wow! For me...I'm in a reflection mode of, " why am I so angry? What's wrong with me?" mode.
@@Eowyn3Pride maybe and that's final...!
This is so true. It’s like your house is surrounded by snipers and you don’t dare walk out the back door.
The 100 dislikes are probably from narcissists
They dont like to be called out.
@Ronald McFondle , lol
As long as they get the message, it's ok. ;)
Thank you for making me laugh.
It is now 171 narcs.
1.3 K
They don't get angry because of being unaware it's because they know it's true and don't want to be forced to acknowledge it
I called mother, sister and brother out (all narcs) on email and they ghosted me. In my mind it's me who broke contact with them. they are all such empty shells, it beggars belief. My father, now passed, also was a narc. unbelievable. Sister and father both top executives in massive companies. I should have been better at noticing earlier they were narcs. Why oh why did I think they were different from all the other narc/psychopath executives or top politicians. i was just such a naive idiot. Good riddance now I tell you, but it is tough when it is all 4 of your family of origin. All quite different styles in their narcissism. Should write a book about it. hahah. the father was grandiose, vulnerable. The brother is a victim malignant sadist. the mother never took responsibility for anything always just making sure she was secured and could do what she wanted whilst demeaning me and saying cruel things. The sister was a covert underhand manipulator and I only recently discovered it (i am 59!) because I was too busy with the other 3 narcs. haha. She had played the game as if she was on my side all along. Stupid i was. Good riddance. I have now gone no contact with the other three.
They dont get angry?
"Do you have anything new to tell me. I don't want to hear the same crap you've told me a hundred times" works like a charm
The loneliest I ever felt was being in a relationship with a narcissist. No arguments were ever resolved, no honest reckonings, no responsibility ever accepted. Constant shaming and superiority. Took years to get over it, and finally free from it and happily married, I just shake my head and shudder at the memories.
Sounds a lot like my ex wife.
Oh my goodness, my ex was like this. NEVER EVER EVER resolved an argument, and it drive me up a wall!
Wow im sorry and that's all too familiar. If you can help please please let me know please...
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CONGRATULATIONS!!
Same here. I gave up after 14 years of marriage and 4 kids. It took me a good 10 years to get past it. I stayed single all of that time too ! Happily married to a humble, gentle soul for 18 years now.
I think the most despicable thing about a narcissist is that they know exactly what they’re doing and know it’s wrong and they simply don’t care.
Well stated. Dr. C
And they give you that subtle smirk of satisfaction when you try to talk to them about things. The head games never end. It is truly Devastating! And in my experience, whenever I would try to talk to them, the first word out of their mouth was ALWAYS... and I mean Always. .... YOU.. It was never a conversation, just an immediate transfer to Me. They go from zero to 100 in a split second.
that part! and they expect you to except it..
@@bluelagoon1875 that "smirk of satisfaction"!
Thank you (all) for helping me, not feel alone and put the pieces together! I am only now, after 20+ years, understanding what has been going on this whole time.
I am realizing it is the tip of the ice burg 😰
@@melindad180 I feel for you.... it took me well over 12 years to figure it out.. what a waste of life, time, effort, and joy. I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with :"me"... then I finally got it... it felt like I was in a revolving door that I just couldnt find my way out of. The lights came on when I came across Melanie Tonya Evans.. and she explained that it's really "all about me"!!! It's all about what inside of ME would "allow" this kind of treatment. When I finally SAW that, it was 'game over'. All the pieces fell into place perfectly. I wish you all the best.
I told my sister that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her and she yelled at me “You SHOULD walk on eggshells around me!” That was my wake up call right there.
Time to limit contact with her! Her loss!
I know that feeling to well. I hope you feel better now
Without any context that doesn’t really tell us anything tbh
You mean walking on eggs she threw down and she blames you for cracking them. Walking on eggshells is no big deal. Try walking on bombshells.
@@donmcron3334 so do you feel it’s ok to tell someone they should walk on egg shells around you?
Sometimes, it feels like one's very existence is all it takes to enrage a narcissist. Sure hurts when the narcissist is a close blood relative.
Try this: the narc is your "head" nurse in a small assisted care facility ...
My dad. So he had me in his control from the start. Mum was a marvelous singer and he liked the idea of being her manager. I was merely a another at this time but I remember when she was on tour in Europe and he was supposed to be looking after me. I was dumped off the moment she was gone to a cousin of his, whom I detested, because she detested me, because she didn't want the responsibility,( fair enough), and dad was just using her. She was horrible to me ànd her young son who about a year older than me used to pinch me and pull me hair when we had to share a single bed. We ere both no more than three, four maybe. I say that because I feel I was younger, only two but I haven't head of two year Olds having coherent memories like that. He would hurt me and pretend to be asleep when his mum came to see what the screaming was about.. I'd be bruised the next day from his pinches but I was tiny and not believed. I spat on his closed eyes one night in sheer fury at not being able to do anything else. I was young, yes, but ahead of my milestones and highly articulate for my age. I had a friend who was older, 5 or 6, and already in school. She lived in the same northern town as my granny and I wondered where she suddenly disappeared to. So one morning I got up early and met her at the alleyway, we're talking 1965 here, and I asked, and she said school and I was too little. But I was curious, curious about absolutely everything so I went along to school with her and wouldn't fo back to grand till I'd sèn everything. The teachers were wonderful and kind and just thought I'd go home when I got bored with the lessons. But they weren't boring. I could read already and writing was coming on nicely. So I stayed, and learned, and had school dinners and made many friends. And I went back the next day, because it was interesting, and I was learning, which I loved. And I went back so Often, everyday, that they put me on the roll. No questions, no charges, school dinners were still free then but only for the next year or so, and I had a ball. So I could make myself perfectly well understood from an early age. But the manipulation started then. When I got back to dad. I knew things he hadn't taughtme! I didn't have an uncontrolled moment to myself from then on, unless I was away from him. Which was fairly often until mum gave up the singing. Then it ramped up.i was very bright and this was good as he could brag about it and say, ' look what my daughter can do/read/paint , say, whatever. And I basked in his pleasure. Until I asked a Wrong Question. Then I was shut out. Completely. You know the rest. A lifetime of being conditioned to please. To be whatever was needed to maintain the peace. It was a great deal more unpleasant than this of course, it was truly dreadful to just never know which daddy was going to walk through the door at the end of the day. If he came home at the end of the day.And so my partners were the same as it's all I knew. And each partner, long term, I was loyal and no quitter. Each successive partner was worse than the last and built on the damage inflicted by the previous husband. 3 husbands. Each one a vulnerable narcissist as I've just found out this past year. The most recent had me in such a state I was admitted to respite care twice. He was directly responsible for working me to the point my health was ruined. He nearly had me. I stayed only because of our beautiful daughter. And the fact that he said he'd kill himself if I went and he lost her. And I know now he wouldn't ha e killed himself, but he would have made a lovely big messy show.
I escaped 5 months ago. I stood between him and our girl the best I could. I ruled to make it till she left for uni. But I couldn't. I actually eventually fled, and after sleeping in the car found safety in a Safe House. It's been awful and when I was in hospital, he must have figuratively rubbed his hands with glee because he had her without me there to stand guard. When I came home, after being in and out of hospital for a total of about 4 months, she was a different girl. She actively disliked me and really felt I was an aggressive liar. The divorce is acrimonious and ongoing. I'm not there in person to terrorise and control so he's doing it by dragging and delaying and lying to deliberately run up the costs. He won't leave me alone. And he won't stop. His idea of a conversation or discussion about anything at all would be to take a position anf stick to it
Pressed a wrong button. Just this ladies, if you're unhappy, get out. It's not your fault and it's not your responsibility to be his mummy. And he can't be healed. If you've got kids, either take them with you even if you end up living in a tent. It will be healthier for them than th toxic atmosphere at home. Or, change the locks when he leaves and have the legal papers served while he's out. Be safe early on. Dont try to help him when he pulls the victim and Martyr routine. It's all an act so he can such you dry. Because he's empty. He needs what you've got and will steal the life from your soul. You don't need 'the house'. It's just stuff. You and the kids are valuable and worthy and allowed to have a life where you know who you're dealing with day to day. You're not happy, don't kid yourself and don't be EMBARRASSED and GUILTY. Get Out Now. There are thousands and thousands and probably hundreds of thousands of us all yelling at you. You are not alone. Not even unusual. But Noone talks so we never know.
So hear it now. From hundreds of housings of us.
Get out now. He doesn't love you, doesn't understand the emotion. He just reflects.
He's empty.
Be told.
@@anncarothers4481 😥 I'm sorry 🙌 my mother is my caregiver and she's the worst
All of them are teachers, learn from them. That's the true reality of it, nothing more nothing less.
I tried "you have control issues" and she yelled at me "no YOU have control issues. YOU just don't like being controlled". Haha I'm still laughing at such a transparent response. Pure gold.
Same lol
Lol!
So funny!
Same... i had the same response from my mother and when i started laughing, unfortunately at her face she slapled me hard😐😖
Textbook !
It's difficult to have a conversation with a narcissist because they don't let you make a complete sentence.
I don’t think I ever did.
You are SO spot on!
Ooh soo true!!
Yes! I asked my ex, respectfully, if I could just finish what I was saying. It was early on in our relationship and I was shocked by his response. He told me that I "obviously didn't know how to have a conversation because having a conversation involves two people." And he never let me forget that day I asked. He would always bring it up if he did talk over me which was all the time, he would mockingly say "oh! Oh I better let you finish"
Like, jeez it's just a respect thing to allow someone time to speak, because I genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say.
Not to mention it's difficult because the conversation is ALL about them. As soon as you try to talk about yourself they clock out. I felt like I was talking to myself. Even now I still apologize to people if I'm talking about myself because I feel like no one wants to know. I never felt so small as I did in that relationship. And yet I was such a strong independent person before that. Whew, gradually healing.
Right, my ex would yell and interrupt and twist everything up changing the subject
1 "you have control issues"
2 "this is how I see it"
3 "we've already talked about this"
4 "do you think I'm that stupid?"
5 "let's talk about what you did wrong"
6 "what's wrong with you?"
7 "idk if I can keep doing this"
You would like your the narcissist
I tried (very calm voice) "You always like to blame all your problems on other people, don't you?"
Watching narcissistic mother become unhinged was very entertaining! 🙂
It doesn't take much to bring it out! Dr. C
You are a sadist. It takes one to know one. 😆
@@tomtoss2463 Watching someone come unhinged should never be entertaining. Regardless of whether they are a terrible person. I think it is sad and stressful.
Right wanting to purposly work up a toxic person isnt better...i can say that because ive started to treat my narc husband the way he treats me. Except i feel sick and cant believe i acted that way because i realized it after
@@Amanda-ev3lg Go easy on yourself. It is easy to get caught up. I recently realized I have repressed anger due to everything. It will come out sometimes and then you feel shame. No doubt you have anger build up. I had an outburst with mine at the end and called him a narc and a bunch of other things. Everyone has a breaking point. It is really really good that you see it and disengage. I realize that was my problem. I kept trying to reach him when really I needed to start to recognize my own limits and learn to disengage before I had a reaction that I have to live with. Be kind to yourself. Just make a commitment to YOU that you will never do that again and will find healthier solutions. Take good care of you.
The best time with a narcissist is the day after the last day with a narcissist.
Free free at last!! That situation almost cost me my life...a long journey to escape and heal. Thank you for such a clear explanation of the danger...everything u said was right on the money. Been there done that never again!!!!
AMEN!!!!
🤣🤣🤣
I dont know about that. It usually takes a whole week or more for me to recover from even being in the same room as my ex husband narc. He left me and my 4 sons when they were teenages. Now he is back sucking up to them with money and " good advice".
Ha ha ha😁
Unfortunately the victim of a narcissist can often appear narcissistic themselves once they have been pushed to the point of being aware of the paradigm.
Yes. Thank you for pointing that out.
This is absolutely true and I'm working on that daily.
I was just thinking how the narc would use arguments in this video against me
So, why is that unfortunate? Because it'll make the narcissist even worse?
@@emotown1 It's unfortunate because blame can be misplaced. A Narc can make someone completely crazy. They can be skilled enough to use it against you in either the court of public opinion or elsewhere.
There is no way to fix a relationship with a narcissist. You MUST leave the relationship and move on with your life.
I once said to my narcissist, "how stupid are you to think I'm that stupid?" This was during a gaslighting session within a fight.
"Would you please extend the silent treatment by a few extra days? I could really use some peace and quiet. I would really appreciate that."
Once I figured out their game I loved the silent treatment, got my X to not talk to me for a month once, was bliss
That's perfect! Congrats! 👏
I love that!!!!
Extend it forever. I'm tired of these b@$/:'iz
Lmao
Complimenting others in front of a narcissist seems to drive them crazy.
Their victims being complimented is even more triggering.... only a little short of sprouting actual horns
🤣
LMAO
yes
Absolutely true, i do it to annoy them intentionally. How weird is that? Being rude by being kind?! Lol
Trying to use common sense and keeping calm is a trigger for their anger Trying to understand why they are so upset reasoning with them sets them off
Worst one was when my mom was lecturing me for over 3 hours. My Dad was sitting there, and I could tell he didn’t agree with her. I opened my big mouth and asked my Dad why he didn’t grow a pair and tell her she was wrong. 😬 That did not go over well.
Any question that requires them to be honest will result in problems.
Omg so true
If you can help please please let me know please...
vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/
Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on TH-cam
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Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on TH-cam
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Absolutely
Thats right
Amazing how true your statement is.
They demand honesty from you but won't be honest with you
"Not everything is about you" TRIGGERED
So true
Oh wow yes.
How dare you! Lol
lol...that will do it
This is my favourite
I asked them to get control of themselves as they were just yelling nonstop, and they just exploded with rage. I’ve never seen anything like it, they went almost purple in the face!
What's so sick about the narcissist is that they refuse to accept the evil that they've caused people.🤔 They say, "I don't know what you're talking about." I left that negative energy twenty-five years ago and stayed no contact.
I almost gave a narcissist a heart attack by saying, don't you know I see right through you?
This is the one thing I have said that made him back down.
😂
Hahaha, mine just said how?
Oh, it's a dangerous game calling out like that! If it happens in a group (work for ex.) and nobody "sees" a narc, only you can, than it gives narc a devilish power of turning up the tables and make a drama where you will look insane or whatever narc will nake you look and it's very hard to get out of this, cause ince narc realised you see it - you're in danger. RUN. I'm glad in your story narc is the one who had a heart attack :)
Wow! Good for YOU!
Even when faced with the knowledge of being caught in A lie they will NEVER admit it
NEVER EVER, EVER.. MY GOD!
The only time I've seen one back down was to try to rope the person back in
I caught a Narc in a lie and she told me " It is not a lie,it is miscommunication." Lmao
Please, I had screenshots of him cheating and he still denied it, and said it "wasnt at that time, but when we were on a break", when THE MESSAGES HAD TIME STAMPS lmao
@@randomweirdo25 oooh that's so accurate!!! Their lies are miscommunication and our lies are sins!!! Such clear boundaries ☺☺☺
My ex said I had control issues because I wanted to know where she would go most Friday nights and usually stay the night at a ‘friends place’
When I found out she was having a 3 month affair, it was all my fault. No empathy, no remorse. When I contacted the other guy, he dumped her straight away because she lied to him from the beginning, same as me. That guy and I are now FaceBook friends and still chat about how unbelievable a person my ex is😎
My narcissist would always tell me “we’ve already talked about this” to me if I wanted to talk about a fight we just had.
To which you perhaps should have said (difficult to think of in the heat of the moment) "No, YOU talked and I listened. It's time for ME to talk and for YOU to listen."
YUP! and i’d say, you are not the only one in this relationship. if you want a relationship with yourself, go have one. my point of view matters. and he wasn’t clever enough to think of a way out of that.
A lifetime of walking on “eggshells thinly spread over land mines”! Been there, done with it.
Kathy, I copy and pasted this comment in my personal note page. Trying to work with my brother on some household obligations and I am walking on dozens and dozens of eggshells for now. Once in awhile I mistakenly hit a landmine and I did that yesterday. Still waiting for him to calm down and call me. That's another control issue, he'll call ME when HE's ready...sheesh what a baby.
Well said! Been there, done that! They are pure Evil.
Great quote!
Lord it is terrible
@@dm9152 When he rings, tell him you don't want to talk, give him the reasons, and then HANG UP! Refuse to deal with him.
I actually feel less bothered by them when they're angry, at least I know where I stand. It's the fake nice and manipulation that I have a problem with.
Yep
So true. In a way it is kind if a relief when he gets angry and insulting, simply for the fact it seems to be the one time that I don't have to wonder how he really feels about me. So much better than the fake kissassery where he pretends to think the world of me.
Makes Good sense!
Me too!
Same ... 😑
Lack of self-awareness is a hallmark trait for narcissists. They're too busy focusing on you to look at themselves. Their need to control stems from their complete lack of authenticity.
My youngest son is everything you have said regarding narcissism. In fact, we no longer have a relationship at all because of it. One example: When he was in college, I provided him with a credit card for an "emergency." It wasn't long before this card had a balance owing of more than $1,000 from foolish purchases. I confronted him, and he said I must have been buying things myself on the card. I called the credit card company and got an itemized statement of every purchase, all of which were made by him. When I sent him a copy, he was totally furious with me. His attitude was "How dare I do something like that"! I cancelled his "emergency" card immediately.............Barbara Whitman
It's really sad to lose somebody like that, but it's really good that you realized he was already gone.
Did you just… Sign you comment?
That’s unfortunate and I hate to cast stones but it’s well known that narcissism is created from severe neglect at a very early age so parents might need to take a long look at where they might have gone wrong if their own children NPDs. Yes narcs are friggin terrible as adults, but it is still a tragedy that at one point they were a lonely hurt child a long time ago. We have to be more vigilant as parents to ensure a tender loving and caring atmosphere from day one. After all they didn’t ask to be here. Everyone, cherish your children every day.
@@kiroc89 Thank you for pointing this out. I too had to hear this. I need to see what i can do to make amends. Looks like my son is walking down this path. He lives with his narc dad at this moment 🥺
You do not sounds like healthy person
Setting up boundaries with a Narcissistic person is like peeing in the wind.
In gale force winds ..
I needed this reminder today
Omg it is!!!
For me, it was like sparring with an empty trashcan liner...in the dark.
Upwind....
From personal experience with a narcissist:. Just run when you notice the first red flag. It's just not worth the pain.
Ha ha. So true.
I recently tried out for a new job and very soon realised that the woman hiring was a narcissist. She could not be wrong, at all, and then started the telling me one thing and then later claiming it was something different. I even found myself going back and re-checking the actual job ad, thinking I had been mistaken. I pointed out problem situations, which she denied, and then later I found her fixing them. Not taking that job..... OMG
Heather Smith Narcs in the workplace are the worst and with all of the downsizing, it doesn’t get any better because they feel threatened.
True!!!!
All I have to say is that I don't know about other narcissists, but a "trigger" was the last thing he needed!!! Anything I said or did or didn't say or do was always a handy trigger for him!!!
Anger always came out when I questioned something, tried sharing what I worry about, asked questions like “aren’t you excited for me, feels like you’re never happy about things I do for us” etc. (so much more)
They’d start arguments and fights, whenever they noticed I contained my anger and stayed calm they freaked out even more.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "they have an astonishing lack of awareness". I have a sister and brother with some of these issues and instead of getting them to see reason, I just listen and nod my head and let them go on because after many years I know they will never change because they are incapable of changing or being more aware. It's not in their brain wiring.
Same.
I realized that those sibs don't recognize me as an actual person separate from themselves.
In their lives, I am merely an extension of themselves. I have nothing of value to share with them or say to them
@@fran99080 It's a perfectly accurate assessment of narcissism
Yes. It is heart wrenching to accept that too. I actually love my BF but know that he can never really love me back and he will never become self aware. Radical acceptance. It makes me cry sometimes. He can be so great in some ways...and then....so horrible.
They are users until you cannot give any more, then they treat you like crap.
100%💥
Exactly
Agreed I have a family member that is so self serving and self centered it’s so sad
Wow! That's one of the most simple yet spot on definitions I've ever heard.
Or REFUSE to let them use you anymore!
"Show me some respect."
Huge trigger.
Omg yes!!
I should love and respect him no matter what and on his headstone he wanted the words A Good Man!
@@mishamandrake1677 😬 Jesus literally said no one is good but God.
@A when the rapture happens, just know it was Jesus and not aliens and look to the KJV Bible for answers. God bless
@A then you haven't read it much. There's a lot in the Bible that isn't necessarily religious. Like the golden rule, karma/reap what you sow, how to treat people. It's not just proof of past its predictions of future, your Destiny, and wisdom. Most of all its a love book written to us, we are imperfect humans but God still loves us and even came all the way here so we don't have to be perfect. John 3:16and 17
I used to tell my boyfriend "You're right" when he wanted to keep giving his opinion until I changed mine. He finally figured out I wasn't conceding anything, just putting a period on looped "conversation."
"What is WRONG with you?" was my narcissist's go-to phrase whenever I did something in a way he didn't agree with.
Trusting yourself is your best Defence against a narcissist
Yes! Ability to look inward, being your authentic self.
I always check in with myself by asking how l feel when l am around somebody. If l feel less than and/or CONfused then there is a good chance l am spending time with a toxic person.
Austr
Australian_888 why did they tell you to go kill yourself? I’m not sure how that tied into your statement? I only ask because I know a CNA whom says all the time people whom say they want to commit suicide should be allowed to and we shouldn’t stop them which has always bothered me. People need empathy and sympathy not abandonment and disregard of feelings. Sometimes people just need to be heard and validated as a person and don’t get it. He also recently spoke of Dr’s as being psychopaths. He’s a psychopath.. not a serial killer type psychopath but a psychopath nonetheless.
So true. And, holding to your boundaries. Because a narcissist won't have any boundaries so you might as well hold onto yours.
Here’s one;
: “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
The very best comment to throw at a narcissist...........The VERY best!
Also a brilliant way to expose cognitive dissonance! Both of narcs and the brainwashed.
omg i love this!
Good one
love it x
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself “i don’t know if I can keep doing this”. And now I’ve actually said it out loud a few times because I get so tired. Obviously it’s never a good outcome when that happens.
Well, if you aske me, a good outcome would be the following answer to that question to yourself: 😊
"I am making a new contract with myself. I absolutely need to be ME. That's my birthright since my first breath. And anybody who tries to prevent me from being my honest, loving, true self, won't be allowed into my life anymore."🎉❤
Same. Every time we have an "event" (no longer fights...they are events) I find myself uttering...I can't do this anymore. Straight from the heart...a broken one. Sad. It is inner knowing kicking in but it isn't easy because you love them regardless but know you can't stay.
I once said, "Yes, boss." to my narcissist brother who was... bossing me around, but that set him off tremendously. It's basically the same as saying, "You have control issues."
It is absolutely exhausting. The simplest of things are turned into extreme drama.
For no reasons I can think of.
the drama itself could very well be the only reason -- they get off on it. But more often than not, there are multiple angles they are vying for when they do this.... to wear you down and break you; to cause a meltdown in you in front of others so they can claim, "See? You are the problem, not me", etc.
We had a N neighbour, anyone visiting her house got the treatment, taxi drivers, binmen, postman, pizza delivery all for a "drama queen show". We moved house and 2 other neighbours are selling up too. It used to be a nice area before she came along. Yes, it was draining to keep hearing all the commotion "yet again". There was more of it when the family came visiting, all at the top of her voice, b***dy nightmare.
So true.
Yes. Especially at Birthdays and holidays.
this morning i helped a narc figure out money issues i work nights and get home at 12am she met me at the door and started screaming at me about what i helped her with in the morning. its funny to me cause I'm like we already solved the issue soooooooo whats your point thats what i said in my head. its all about drama!
My experience of the narcissist is they constantly are putting you down, never will they compliment you.
And slight you in front of others
Never compliment,encourage or listen to you. It's all about them.
My would actually compliment me in public and say nice things about me. Then at home, be a monster.
When I was shut down, or not recognizing his public comments, people didn't know why.
Finally figured out it was all about his image and how he appeared to people.
@@dorindab.5305 Go figure. They are wired especially when you finally figure out what they are doing
My mother in law will compliment but it always comes off as an insult. Like when she tells you "you look good", it comes off as "you normally look like sht but you've actually put yourself together today". The way she says it in a high pitched voice and looks you up and down as she says it with her eyebrows raised
“You seem really angry, we can go outside and take a walk and talk if you want!
The one thing that angered my narcissistic husband and enraged him with more madness than anything else, was plugging my ears. I started doing this about 10-12 years into the marriage as basically a desperate last resort to escape the verbal attacks, and from the very first time I did that in the midst of him screaming at me I recognized that he felt very disempowered by this because I was taking away his ability to influence or emotionally manipulate me or even hear the insults he felt I must listen to. It was empowering for me though, so I resorted to this tactic many times over the last years of that relationship. It is risky, especially if the narc is physically abusive, but it was a clear line I was able to draw to say "you've reached my boundary and you will not cross it, not even with your yelling voice".
I salute your bravery
3 years in narc hell, infidelity was the straw that broke the camel's back and I bounced. When he would start his abusive, toxic monologues I'd just get up and leave the room without a word, he'd blow a fuse every time.
Well done Riezel. Courage.
Left narcissist husband after 24 years. He used to say to me "you just can't take crticism". My answer " who the h' are you to criticize me ? He never once had an answer for that.
That's a brilliant idea! I can see why it would carry risk for a woman too, but brilliant all the same. Good for you 👍
I no longer care about narcissists' anger. It's theirs, not mine. Just walk away.
The best way to test a new person for narcissism is to disagree with them and see if they can defend their view calmly and rationally, or do they become offended and argumentative.
Krystina Townes,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈 cause you are too cute 🌷🌷🌹😍😍😍🤙
So you are actually saying that every liberal in the U.S. is a narcissist?
@Eddyy Read it again: 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦.
The default position of every liberal "debater".
@Eddyy SEE IF THEY CAN THEY DEFEND THEIR VIEW CALMLY AND RATIONALLY, OR DO THEY BECOME OFFENDED AND ARGUMENTATIVE. Liberals. In a nutshell. No intellectual rationale for liberalism exists; thus, they resort to identify politics, name calling, and personal invective. Liberalism is a personality disorder.
Also, ask them if they could change anything about themselves, what would it be. Narcissists can't see themselves as less than perfect so they won't be able to come up with anything. They may even say, "Nothing. I'm perfect just as I am." Or ask if they're deep. They'll look confused as they try to figure out if "deep" is a desirable trait to have. If they decide that it is, they'll say, "Yes." (The trick is to watch for the pause and look of confusion.)
On Mother’s Day we were having a relaxing morning and I let my guard down. Talking about our moms and he said he wanted to wish one of his female friends a good day, and I off handedly said I needed to send a quick i.m. to my adult kids’ stepmom. He LOST it immediately. Started yelling about how stupid that is and who the heck wishes their ex’s partner a happy Mother’s Day. He said he didn’t like that one bit and I said ‘well that’s just to bad for you’….and I ended up kicked out of our home. Just like that. 💥 I spent the night in my car. The next month I was kicked out and spent three weeks in a hostel. As of end of July I left and that was two weeks ago today. I watch these videos and the anger rises up on me over the treatment I’ve put up with for almost four years.
Just started to recognize the narcissist i have been dealing with. I started to say ..no to being manipulated. I am going todo the next right thing. No yelling,no tears. Just the next right thing.
I used to ask him, “which one of us are you trying to convince that I’m stupid?” Stopped him in his tracks and pissed him off every time.
Lmao good one lol bet his ass stayed confused 😂😂😂💀
😆😆😂
this is funny my narc bf used to call me stupid i said the same thing to him he never called me stupid again
heres what i do i play the HAPPY song by Pharrell williams lol gets the narc everytime lol
That sounds like a fun question. Wonder how much it can be modified to cover other things besides stupid. If it confuses them a bit in their efforts to assert control, makes them uncomfortable enough such that they must avoid the subject to maintain their flawed ego defenses, that might have some value, giving us a bit of a break from some of their behavior.
Never tell them your past or give them any ammunition to them because they'll use it against you.
That happened to me. He wud question me about how many times I'd been married, how many people I slept with, always fishing for any dirt so he cud throw it up in my face, so he cud revel in his superiority & "I'm so much better than you !"
And yes he did use it against me. He thrived on trying to make me look bad. A very sick B_stard.
Never tell them your past.Then in a fight, they " throw it up".What you did before your marriage is for you.
Jealous ppl too & they sneak & lie to family members.So they get empathy & turn them against You.they feel Like Perfect spouse, lover,& Tell people
Quote " she is crazy", " Crazy shes crazy"...While they sit & listen & Be quiet....
Absutely true!
Yup...and never write anything down.or they will use it against you forever
It is so very important not to give them information about yourself, your past etc. When they seem so extremely interested in getting to know you it is just gathering information to use against you later. Also text messages get shoved in your face saying CU promised this or wait till I show your child this. Be careful I cannot emphasize this enough
Comments that easily trigger a narcissist's anger? Basically, any comment that isn't about totally loving their behavior. In 70 years of living, and having them either as employers or in personal relationships, I've finally learned that trying to "reason" with them, or get them to compromise, or asking to be treated with respect or fairness, just confirms to them that I am a pushover. The only thing that's worked for me and made my life better is no further contact. Not an option for everyone, I realize, but it's the only one that's worked for me. My favorite daydream is where all the malignant narcissists, bullies, and sadists live happily in a world populated only by other people just like themselves, because I DO want them to enjoy their lives on earth, just not at my expense.
I love this fantasy. If only it could come true.
low empathy individuals do not respond to emotion or communication. they respond to action. they don’t care if you say “i wil not stand for this” because they watch you and see that you do. what they will respect is you responding with actions. no contact being the best action to take as you said ❤❤
The simple "why" in a sentence drives them to rage
I'd rather 'make' them angry and see how it plays out rather than forever walking on egg shells. Their hypersensitivity is their problem not mine
what a brilliant idea! I think I may have to try this...
If you don't walk in their eggshells, they will throw the eggs...probably at you.
@@artieanderson604 well, I'm with Pabs and would rather see it as their problem not mine, They can shove their narcissism where the sun doesnt shine - and yes that is an immature thing to say, but why do we all feel we have to pander to them?
Totally ! Thats how I am. I'll say what needs to be said I'm not scared of children in adult bodies LOL F that!
Actually many times I find myself telling him how he really is and it drives him nuts I tell ya!!!! And I'm sitting there laughing at him. I look at the funniest memes and funny videos and laugh crazy loud from another room LMAO
But sometimes I need to just keep it quiet bc he goes on and on talking, making no sense whatsoever! and that is exhausting not scary but exhausting for me.
Oh and I told mine I will grind him to the ground mentally with the truth so I say the most ruthless things to him who he really is and his whole NPD family not everytime bc again it is exhausting.
Laugh so much in their presence it will drive them nuts
@@eyo6812 Agood attitude in my opinion. They need someone to finally tell them they are not as entitled as they may feel they are and there is no reason for this sense of entitlement.
They hate indifference. They need you doting on them or hating on them. It drives them crazy when you don't care. It works great for me because I actually don't care, and it's fun to watch them try to provoke you and try so hard to get a rise out of you.
great comment ty.
When you think about it, that might be the one rational thing about their condition.
All I had to do is tell mine that she was fired. I was in a power position to do it. She had concocted this carefully constructed facade that she was in charge of a business operation that I was the mastermind behind. She didn't have a business bone in her body or any common sense or any sense of professionalism. When I pulled the plug, I told her she finally got her wish: she was in the spotlight and had to explain to everyone why everything had gone belly up. She was already not well liked, but she was then in the position to have to explain why there was yet another setback and the whole project had been shelved indefinitely. She made a lot of enemies that way. The thing is, everyone knew it was her fault. She had no one to blame but herself.
I'm just now implementing the "whatever " response. It's working. But it's so hard for me to not defend myself when he says untruè hurtful comments about me to me
My standard response to wildly inaccurate accusations and characterizations of me is “You can believe that if you want to.” It shuts them down immediately when they realize that you’re not taking the bait. Defending yourself only reinforces their belief that you are the flawed person.
All my husband cares about is him. What he wants, what he needs. He’s one big secret keeper.
He once ridiculed a pair of shoes I loved. He told me "don't ever wear these in my presence again". I said to him "one day you will miss these shoes". I took them to my apartmemt and left him one month later.
I am just today trying to come to grips. I’ve finally able to leave. I’m so tired and depleted . Need a hug or anything, I’m so isolated. Pray for me please.
Here's a hug and you got this better to get away far away OR at least stay away from them
Sending good vibes
Aaron Smith. Thank you.
Hugs to u. I am in the same boat. Hang in there. They suck. We don't
Prayers for you.. your doing the right thing!! Run and never look back! Hang tough..you got this!
“I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you.” Triggers their wrath and blame.
I don't think it does. To the ones i work with, it'll be considered a win. I'm 100% disengaged with them now because they're ridiculous. One guy will argue with me about facts then call me wrong and stupid as though the point of fact is my opinion. For example, a recent point the guy argued about is when i said Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but lost the election. "so you're trying to tell me that she lost with more total votes, etc? " I kept telling him to look up the electoral college system and he kept arguing that it's not possible. Another time i said how heavy pickup trucks are, he said they were light because of it's a big empty box in the back. geez. . BTW, this is in a break room where i'll be talking to other people and he'll just pick fights about things where he clearly knows nothing.
Right, like your not being able to manipulate/abuse me is a hardship. 😔
@@littlegoobie you sound like a triggered narc...😒
With me, you best be walking on broken glass.
If you can help please please let me know please...
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The one word I identified narcissist with is NO, it completely sends them into a rage and a vindictive mentality. I’ve seen it over and over again with people.
They truly believe their entitlement is suppose to be your top priority.
There's always, "I'm a good person and I don't like to be talked to like that".
Tell them in a casual kind of way how you admire somebody else's talent, abilities, intellect etc. They really hate that😂
I learned that the hard way and now know it's a great test to see red flags earlier. Once you're connected to one you learn not to say anything nice about anyone else if you want prevent them from being a target because 💯 of the time the narc will go after them if they can.
@@janellc900 I would never choose anybody accessible to a narc. Maybe a celebrity or similar. Just to wind them up.
Of course, all the others are just... stupid!
Deflecting. Awesome response ..!
you can not discuss with a narc. they are so deliberately cruel. energy vampires, liars, jeckal and Hyde...
Rather insulting to Mr. Hyde. Mr.Hyde at least admits his flaws and is open to his bad behaviors. True narcs aren't that honest and always want to be perceived as "perfect" model citizens.
The real Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde are those of us with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Our moods fluctuates but at the end we are open about our flaws and admit to our errors. Narcs aren't like that at all.
Exactly
If you can help please please let me know please...
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That is so true. I love that description... energy vamps, I wont allow that ever again.~!
Yes Jekyll and hyde..I heard some stuff from his coworkers how he flies off the handle in seconds..he goes from one extreme to another. I told him I thought he was multiple personality disorder because he claims so often he doesnt remember things he says or does
@@IsraelWillBeFree Jeckl for sure
They don't want you to tell them your perspective, they get mad. They would rather sit there and hack your phone and mirror you and hear your perspective that way and then judge you and still get mad at your perspective.
Anger + Perpetual Misery = Narcissist
"What's wrong with you?" IS the narcissist's favorite line
My narc's favourite line was "You know, you've got a problem. You need to sort yourself out."
@@SarahlabyrinthLHC Oh my God. My husband actually made me go to see a psychologist because he felt I needed to fix myself.
@@thebewitchinghour831 We tried marriage counselling and the counsellor told my husband he was too controlling and he told her she had no idea what she was talking about, and walked out. I'm so relieved to no longer be with him, he was destroying my health and sanity.
"so, you're perfect?"
He looked at me and asked what was wrong..what he did "this time" after sending me text about what a lying whore i was and telling me everthing i had just opened up to him about was all a lie and that i never loved him. There is basically no reason for me to speak anymore or cry. Its a waste of my time and energy. I have aged 15-20 years in the last 7.....
Dated a narcissist and tried to break up with him. He just kept refusing to accept. I finally realized the only thing he couldn’t stand was someone super needy. So I pretended to be desperately needy and he broke up with me immediately. Find their kryptonite and use that against their nature.
That's a good one. Definitely keeping that in my back pocket.
Love it 🤣🤣🤣🤣
genius-tier breakup strategy
Omg, lol!!! Please share examples🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
Smh yup...thats called hoovering. I just said this in my comment. Its exhausting & sick at the same damn time.
I told my boss I felt like he was pressuring me into doing something and he turned dark red, started shaking his pen hand uncontrollably, and told me to watch what I say while staring me down. Straight intimidation and it’s disgusting.
another good one is, "your behavior is not appropriate." it must be said authentically and calmly. i've used this in the past a few times, and it was very helpful because it established my individuality and independence.
All you get back is, “you should talk. Neither is yours.”
1/ The Word NO.
2/Setting Boundaries
3/If The Narcissists Is Criticized In Some Way.
4/Vulnerability
5/Disappointments
6/Not Getting His/ Her Way
7/If Their Not Treated As Center Attention.
Thanks for sharing siSTAR 💜🌈🌈💙🍀😇😘
The word “NO” ........... simple.......will cause a Narc to go batsh*t crazy......LOL
Absolutely, the word, "NO." I have seen it throw a couple into a fit of rage.
No is my new favourite word. Setting my boundaries 👏🏽
Any criticizm of any kind turns them into Satan.
If they don't win watch out all they want is revenge. They are so evil.
Agree!
Don’t you go back to them, just carry on with you like! Nothing to get from them.
Agree
Check out chosen won fits to a t live chats . Goes off at times . You be the judge
I agree. If they are on the losing end, they will seek to punish you severely
"Whoa. Do you honestly believe that I answer to you?" I got a lot of silence after using that comment.
"...all the circular arguments that go along with their lack of maturity." Exactly, so well said! @11:28
You cannot have a discussion with them . It always turns to what they want , you donot count . He's sleepy as soon as you start talking to him . He's bored with you
My gawd, he's sleep as soon as your start talking to him. My gawd. He's bored with you... All while denying he's tired and not bored.. You just read my life for Filth.
I like triggering them and laughing and grinning like an idiot while they implode in their head. The less positive attention they get (fear, submission and the like) the more funny they get. Laugh at them out loud and say, "just look at how ridiculous you are."
Same thing when YOU are the one who wants "together time", then THEY are too tired, not in the mood, or you're not attractive that night, they have too much on their mind.
But when THEY want it, they'd better get it or you get no sleep at all.
heres another one: "why are you so angry?"
What is up, dude?
"I'm not angry, god damnit!"
It is a good 0ne but narcs aren't immune to hypocrisy are they? Expect them to spend hours goading you then the minute there's a hint of irritation in your voice you get " why are you so angry?" And they feign full on concern when they do it. If you can just laugh and turn away you'll be alright , I find.
Classic.
Let them rant for another 20 minutes...then repeat 'but why are you so angry?' 😏
““I don’t know how much longer I can do this😒”….PERFECT response!❤️
I get that response each and every time. It's hurts because I'm only expressing my concerns and feelings.
@@justinriley9875 you have every right to let your feelings be known. There are so many of us that understand how you're feeling. I know it makes you feel so alone.
"why do you want that to be true so bad?" That made her lose her mind.
I have 2 siblings that are narcissistic , I finally said enough is enough to myself . So they are no longer a part of my life ! I had to protect my self .
Same
If you can help please please let me know please...
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Ditto
I wish that hadn't happened to you, though good on'ye for taking care of yourself. Your siblings will manage.
Same here!! I’m much happier too ❣️
I have the same thing, and now my daughter has become part of their pact!
The statement I made "I'm not responsible for your relationship with your family or your happiness" (after YEARS of taking crap about this) he totally flipped out and I truly thought he was going to kill me that night. Good news is that situation was the catalyst that gave me the strength to leave. What a great feeling to live without fear!
a better adrenaline rush than sitting there wondering why "they dont like me" living on egg shells. i think we need to get a dig in and watch them implode.
Good for you, Donna! They really think people are their emotional pushing bags or regulators...
Donna. Good 4 u. .I am happy 4 u that u stood up & said that. Much happiness in years 2 come. ..💕💙🌻💛🧡💚😁😍🌷🏵
Angel, it sounds like he fooled you into thinking he was the family scapegoat, when all along...
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 my soon to be ex husband used that same tactic on me. Fortunately, I'm getting away from my narcissist husband, keeping his family and our small babies! Yay for me! I win...and it's a hard fought, painful win too.
a narc never listens when you become critical of the relationship or when you try to talk about yourself in the context of the relationship. ive tried to speak to my sister about quite a few dysfunctional aspects of our lifelong relationship and i suddenly realized after 50 years of trying to communicate that she doesn't hear what you're saying they're too busy trying to come up with a response to what they perceive as a direct attack or a deviation from what they consider reality. its all about them all the time. when you ask them if they think you're stupid they don't hear that they hear you calling them stupid. they're unbelievably out of touch so believe it. i suggested that my sister might want to look inward and try to see her part of the problem with the relationship her response was cut and dried and i quote "I have no problem". when i told her im leaving the relationship because she's impossible to speak to she exploded and accused me of being toxic and said "im done". always a reversal of anything perceived as a personal attack. the narc is never wrong ever.
I hate how they say “don’t bring up the past” to deflect away from their wrongdoing then they bring it up because the rules don’t apply to them.🙄
Number 7 was the one that freed me. The first time that I realized that I was dealing with a narcissist early on, I knew it was time to walk. In the middle of a Board of Directors meeting, I just looked at him and said that I was done. He flipped out. I just walked out the door. He contacted everyone he could and tried to get me to come back. Many of them admitted that I was right. But they still tried to get me to relent. I didn't argue or try to explain. I just said no. It was the most empowering thing I have ever done
Grad
What you did takes incredible courage, especially since your livelihood was at stake.
@@tuppencepetey It used to be easier when I was younger. I had my parents (safety net). I also had that youthful arrogance to believe that everything would work out.
Now, I am just too old for that garbage.
Also, your livelihood is never safe when a narcissist has power over it.
1. You know...you have some serious control issues.
2a. I'd like for you to listen to my perspective.
2b. Can I share my perspective.
3. We've already talked about this.
4. Do.you honestly think your neighbors are that stupid.
5. Let's talk about the time you made a major blunder.
6a. What's wrong with you anyway?
6b. Don't you hear yourself?
7. I don't know if I can keep doing this.
@@ACollegeSolution My most effective response was to mirror them. I mimicked their behavior. My mother had always insisted that it was a communication problem. I went away to boarding school when I was 14 and I never lived near them again.
So, I began to (subtly) recreate situations where I could get to use the same behavior against. Every Christmas, my siblings and I would have a family meeting. The opportunity arouse for me to use my meanest siblings' most devastating response. "I find that hard to believe."
She went beserk! As usual, my other siblings supported her claim that I was at fault. I pointed out that I had responded to her the way the same way they had to me. They called me a liar.
I gave them a print out of emails where they had treated me the same way. They just said that had always treated me that way and that I had never treated them the same way and that it was too late to change our family dynamics.
That was when I realized that I was done.
Everything is a competition and you are expected to “play” submissive and inferior to “make peace”.#NotPlaying
Stevie Crow Yup!
wow
Nah I’m good
#NotPlaying
This exactly
All I had to do is tell my narcissistic former friend that she expected everyone to stop what they were doing and make her, plus whatever bullcrap she had going on, their top priority and she would fly into a rage. Not unlike a spoiled child who just got told no. It was quite the sight seeing a grown woman, a mother and grandmother, throw a tantrum because she heard something she didn't like. Even more pathetic, was the fact that she lost her mind with rage, stomped her feet, flailed her arms and even punched a wall solely because someone called out her selfish behavior. I'm so glad I'm not friends with her anymore.
Also, after the healing process, I have found writing to be quite cathartic.
“With Friends Like You”
You look at me with dagger eyes.
The truth you believe is a web of lies.
Somehow I got off on the wrong track.
I'm done letting you stab me in the back.
I don't need the stress.
I don't need the pain.
You claimed you were my angel, but you're totally insane.
I helped you keep your head above water.
You're so selfish, you don't care about anyone, not even your daughter.
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
You're a soulless cretin who believes everything she sees.
Love has its limits, but your arrogance knows no end.
I've wasted too much time on you.
You were never a friend.
I once had the nerve to say “not everything is going to be about you” to a narcissist
"you are lying to me" is the best way to get them angry
Until you realize the futility of speaking to a narcissist at all beyond, "Yes" or "OK" you'll use all of these phrases and more and will reap the rage. I did a TON of things I didn't want to do just to try to keep the peace. There's no reasoning with them.
Very true
Even if you try to keep the peace they will find a clever way of baiting you into going in circles with them. Extreme control freaks they want to control how you feel an how you respond. Their behavior gets flat out psychotic.
Cheryl, You are so right. There is no reasoning with them. But I keep trying because it's a "close" relative I feel like I should have a relationship with, but it's not really a relationship is it? It's a one-sided effort. Him badgering me and the pretend personality I must present him to keep him in check and from getting overblown-angry is exhausting for me.
Wow! So very true!!
okay-- 'oh" ( only words allowed)!!!!
The most ironic thing I have heard when you confront a narcissist is the phrase “I am the best at ______! Better than anyone.” They are the top of communication, business, psychology- its endless! And completely DELUSIONAL.
They get offended but TRUTH of any kind