im so glad you brought on dr k. this man has genuinely changed me from a lifestyle perspective. i cant wait to see him enter more of the mainstream side of podcasting and youtube
Here's the Islamic perspective: In islam this dark force and "whispers" is the voice of satans/demons. There are many satans/demons amongst man and jinn, varying in power. But there is only one "iblis" (he is the original Satan that approached Adam and eve, (may peace be upon them). He has sworn revenge and eniminity towards humanity until the final day. This life is a test to see who repels evil with love/good/patience having believed in God. And follow God's guidance and avoid sin and whispers of iblis/satans. In addition to this our souls (rhuu) have the ability to do both good and bad without the whispers. God tells us to take the path of goodness. The part of our soul that lends ear to desire and weakness and excess love for this worldly things, is called the "nhaffs". When one battles with his nhaffs to do good while a believer they are fulfilling the purpose of their creation. The jinn reside in the filthiest of places. In the home those places are usually the bin or toilet. Guess where the tissue goes after watching po**? This way they gain access to ur seed. The life forming best part of u. And u give it away cheaply for a fleeting pleasure. When this happens a type of magic takes effect and this can amplify their whispers to u. Possibly causing low self-esteem, anxiety, paranoia, self doubt, fear. Notice that distinction sense of guilt, shame, embarrassment straight after PMO. If u were interested this is just a perspective. You are feel to believe and explore as u will. Providing its legal. Peace
I genuinely saw this and gasped! This was the collab I'd thought in my mind would be awesome and it actually happened! Love your content - working through your Guide. GG.
Here's the Islamic perspective: In islam this dark force and "whispers" is the voice of satans/demons. There are many satans/demons amongst man and jinn, varying in power. But there is only one "iblis" (he is the original Satan that approached Adam and eve, (may peace be upon them). He has sworn revenge and eniminity towards humanity until the final day. This life is a test to see who repels evil with love/good/patience having believed in God. And follow God's guidance and avoid sin and whispers of iblis/satans. In addition to this our souls (rhuu) have the ability to do both good and bad without the whispers. God tells us to take the path of goodness. The part of our soul that lends ear to desire and weakness and excess love for this worldly things, is called the "nhaffs". When one battles with his nhaffs to do good while a believer they are fulfilling the purpose of their creation. The jinn reside in the filthiest of places. In the home those places are usually the bin or toilet. Guess where the tissue goes after watching po**? This way they gain access to ur seed. The life forming best part of u. And u give it away cheaply for a fleeting pleasure. When this happens a type of magic takes effect and this can amplify their whispers to u. Possibly causing low self-esteem, anxiety, paranoia, self doubt, fear. Notice that distinction sense of guilt, shame, embarrassment straight after PMO. If u were interested this is just a perspective. You are feel to believe and explore as u will. Providing its legal. Peace
I'm 42 yrs old now. I've Been a heavy addict since I was 16, 3 years ago, I Lost my wife and daughter because of heavy porn use . the guilt almost killed me, so I said enough and decided to escape from this shithole. I read a ton of books (the only one that changed me was "Befapless" because it had the most realistic steps for quitting), joined communities(like "r/nofap"), and gave it all to quit. . I'm clean for 3 years now. I feel regret every day about the time that passed. I wasted my life. I wish I hadn't. God, I wish I hadn't. If you're young reading this, please do anything at all necessary to overcome this ASAP!
You haven't wasted your life. There's a lot of things you still need to live, so not everything is lost. Even though you suffered a lot in the past, you did your best to eliminate that pain: you have quit porn and masturbation, two habits that are usually problematic and affect a lot of people to this day. Don't look that much to your past, enjoy your present! I hope you have a fantastic life.
Wow, he hit it right on the head. I noticed that when I gave up pornography I was also forced to confront many issues in my personal life that I was avoiding through porn.
I’m 23 and have watched porn ever since I was around 10 years old. The past few years I’ve struggled immensely with motivation and have struggled with anxiety and depression. Only now am I realising the damage this addiction is actually doing to me. I can’t believe porn is normalised when it literally effects the brain the same way many drugs do with create an absurdly high dopamine spike followed by a drop that is below baseline. I’m only on day 5 right now of not watching it but I already feel more clear minded and less ashamed of myself!
Same! I was exposed to porn at the age of 12. A classmate in elementary school introduced me to porn, anal sex porn for that matter. It has now traumatized my brain like never before. After anal sex got boring, at the age of 15, I started watching a genre called sloppy blowjobs to get a new dopamine high. It has just been downward spiral up until I was age 19. I started slowing down on porn consumption. Age 23 now, one month clean from porn, 40% to a Bachelor’s in CyberSecurity, lost healthy weight, confident, my communication skills has improved.
I’m 26 days into quitting porn, it’s wreaked havoc on my ability to intimate with someone and has been such a source of shame/brain fog/diminishing self respect over the years. My head is so much clearer at the moment and I actually respect myself for the first time in my life
I quit years ago. I've now realized just how much coping goes into justifying its use. Now I'm totally against its use in many aspects. It's so weird, like it was brain washing.
Guys, I have a crippling prawn addiction. Just the other day, I was driving down the freeway when I saw a sign for red lobster. I nearly took the exit, but I stayed strong. Haven't touched prawn in three months. I'm doing this for myself as well as my family. I'm tired of living shellfishly.
As an addict for over 2 decades and now 10 years in recovery from neurological addictive patterns from fantasy and porn addiction, I can vouch this is more powerful than substance abuse
lil bro, having "fantasies" isn't something you recover from. Bad thoughts don't exist, it's completely natural and normal to have immoral thoughs. Acting on them is a different story.
@@therealzizmon1748 porn addicts see people as sex objects first and foremost. Often regardless of their age or gender. That’s not normal or healthy and definitely something that can be changed.
The big problem with being addicted to porn, is that it's literally free and available everywhere on the internet. Imagine if someone struggling with alcohol could get free drinks all the time, then that person would probably never quit because they don't need to pay anything. This is a serious issue when fighting a severe porn addiction and it needs to be addressed with governments and internet providers around the world.
Absolutely. One momentary slip up of the wrong type of thoughts and you can relapse before u know it. I’ve been an on and off addict for years now for this reason.
I looked on Fight the New Drug, and one thing that might help is knowledge that the porn industry is notorious for abusive practices toward workers. There is no guarantee that it's been ethically produced. It took the major credit card companies cutting off Porn Hub for it to delete a ton of its stuff.
Not only that, but you actually need technology for your everyday life, which would be the equivalent of needing to carry a bottle of Jim Beam to work if you're an alcoholic.
1:54 absolutely correct. I told someone one time, I have very little support group to break my porn addiction. I said, "If I told you I was trying to beat a heroin addiction, you'd be immediately empathetic"
I feel for you but the thing is you've just made that up. Actual drug addicts do get some empathy, as do porn addicts. But there are a huge contingent of people who just say "shouldn't of done drugs then" and leave it at that
You don't need support group to not watch pron lol don't be so dramatic. Just do it bro. You can still yank it without in fact you should also its not THAT hard. Stop thinking its too hard and you need a lot of support it will only make it harder. Take your time and don't feel bad about slipping just try again. All this support bs is just a form of externalized control which is in fact what you should not want to have since it makes it easier. You want it to be as personal and on you as possible only that way you will grow that self control you need to quit for good.
Well you can find a way to work through it now. If you haven't already. I also started rather early and honestly I needed it to survive. Why did you start, what were you dealing with, what are you dealing with now.
Right, i completely agree. I have watched him for a while as well, but this is the first video I see of Chris, ever. Man, I gotta say the opposite of your comment is true for this guy. While Dr K articulates himself perfectly and you understand everything he wants to convey, you can't even understand the QUESTION Chris is posing. How can you not articulate a QUESTION when a man on the other side is busting himself to answer and help people?
@jessicaras4540Yeah, no. Don’t do this. Grew up one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and it just made me feel like shit whenever I’d relapse, not only am I failing myself, but God’s going to damn me.
@@evanmorse8778 that’s the same reason why everything else that’s addictive is legal. Take it from me, a person who is voluntarily excluded from gambling in four states… Making something illegal or putting personal legal consequences on your use of that thing does not make you want to use it less. You have to do the internal work to put yourself in a better mind state.
I don't think it should be illegal as people deserve their rights and unlike substance abuse doesn't cause physical harm to others. It's use anyway. Can't speak about its production. However something should absolutely be done. Education if anything.
Holy shit this is a crossover I didn't even expect. I've been watching Dr K for like 3 years and he's helped me tremendously. Really looking forward to the entire episode coming out!
Honestly, he's been one of the most requested guests by you guys so we had to make it happen. The episode is 2 hours long and absolute MONEY. One of my favourites this year. Pepper your angus.
I found him first (his longform interviews with regular people are his BEST work) last year and then Jordan Peterson. I've hoped for the two to talk to each other in camera since.
Not entirely true... Porn was exposed to me at 15 had no idea about being high self esteem or not bh I became so addicted to it ..I'm now 24..I still haven't been able to break free..bh I'm 16 days without porn and masturbation ..I will say it isn't entirely true that people go to porn cus of low self esteem bh rather porn makes one look down on himself...I've made my mind up it's now to break free
Bullshit. There are people watching regularly from all walks of life. Don't tell me every single one of them have low self esteem now its such generalizing and objectifying way to think. People do it becaues it feels good and develop a habit there is nothing deeper than that.
This explanation is so spot-on. People smoke pot to excess out of a sense of meaninglessness. It’s the same with any other coping mechanism where the person feels horribly ‘stuck.’
talk for yourself. folks smoke cannabis for all kinds of different reasons. some thinks it makes their aches goes away. some think it's makes them more sensitive and aches worse. some think it makes them think clear and creative. cannabis itself isn't addictive, some folks just have compulsive behavior issues with anything.
I was addicted to porn unknowingly since I was 12 till last year at 34. I have a long road ahead to re-wire my brain but I am already seeing benefits such as actually feeling emotions, better outlook on life just to name a few.
@@editopia46 no I wasn’t a goner in the sense of being completely consumed by porn but I use to watch it religiously before going to bed. The time watching could vary from 5 mins to an hour, keep trying to get more explicit content to feed my dopamine.
He is spot on about everything. I was molested at age 7 by my nanny and at 13 I discovered pron lol ohhhhhhhhhh boy. where I was spending hours outside using that as a distraction, not eating, just being outside all day, after discovering pron, I was always inside. I was spending something like 6 hours a day using pron trying to numb those feelings. Although i've lost many many years to pron i have no regrets, that's just how life is, we all get dealt a card in this life and now i'm making the most of whatever time I have left. If you're young and wondering if you should quit or not, i would say first figure out what is the underlying issue that causes you to even seek out pron, video games, and other distractions to NUMB your feelings in the first place. What you trying to run away from? if you say 'nothing' well that's what I would've said when i was your age. You are running away from, it doesn't have to be as big as being molested, or civil war like me, it can be bullying, it can be neglect from your parents, it can be just being a teenager. I don't know but you should investigate and spend some time with yourself ALONE instead of trying to run away from yourself so much. Hope this helps.
Could have been my story with a few alterations, my teen cousin’s were my babysitters, around 4-5 yrs old, and they introduced the porn at that time. Boy did that mess me up, then my middle aged brother in law manipulated me into a sexual relationship the summer before I turned 12. I’ve struggled with what I see as severe perversion since, given the strict moral code found within the Catholic faith that I grew up in. Due to the sex of my abusers I was sickened by males, despite having romantic feelings towards them, but sexually I am only attracted to feminine women. It has been one of my most difficult trials…❤
That's true. I lived in rural America up to my early 20s. I would play video games so much because there was just nothing productive or fun to do that wasn't to get constantly drunk or high. I've been living with my parents for the last 3 years again due to pandemic-related reasons and so has my older brother -- I'm 31 he's pushing 40. My parents went on vacation for a couple of months and I don't have the best relationships with him, so I found myself escaping into video games after work. I felt like when I was younger all over again. I just felt so like, trapped. As for porn, I don't use it as most people do but I think the amount I use is enough to affect me. I had moments where I got deep into it because for years it was touted as "healthy", smh. I think I usually do it when I'm feeling either lonely or when I'm alone and just horny -- sometimes it's been out of boredom. Lately I've been trying to pick up hobbies though, which makes so much damn sense that not having a feeling of purpose helps people get out of that addiction. I'd go as far as saying one needs purpose and an overall healthy lifestyle -- hobbies, relationships, and physically/mentally healthy activities. I was in college and pretty addicted to it, even though my purpose was school, had friends, but my physical/mental health was shitty due to stress and not working out. I'm slowly making strides towards improving myself. I'm better where I was these past 3 years. It's very good to recognize the triggers.
@@joaquin67 Thank you bro, if I can give you some unsolicited advice, the reason you're both back in the same hosue isn't some coincidence lol i'm deeply spiritual, i'm not going to tell you what to do about it or how to do it but i know the universe doesn't create 'coincidences'. I'm sure you'll get there but pron should be the first thing you kick out. It opens the door to many many other changes, I know it did for me.
As a therapist who works with men struggling with sexual behaviors, your podcast has been incredibly helpful and informative and I use relevant conversations in my work with them from time to time, so thank you!
I’ve quit all kinds of drugs and quitting porn is more difficult. It’s not as complex as explained in this video - it literally just feels so effing good for free, that’s why it’s so addictive. The withdrawal symptoms (inability to focus, demotivation, irritability, etc) last a long time and we don’t tend to associate them to the porn use. There needs to be a cultural shift if we are to more effectively help people suffering because of this « super stimulus ». Thanks for the video. ❤
I dont think there will be any cultural shift. Nobody really gives a shit enough. Most people addicted don't see it that way and its fine because you don't really want to stigmatize something too hard and try to create external locust of control which leads to lack of personal responsibility and maturation. Every individual has to realize on their own how it affects them and make their own informed decision how to curb its use. Social collective BS just leads to totalitarian societies been there... You want to have your own control based on your own judgement based on personal experience, trials and tribulations.
This hits home so bad...I've been an addict since I was probably 11 or 12, and I have been experiencing all the issues brought up. Thanks for bringing these up and making me understand my issues better, as well as now attempting at solving them.
This whole video was a gem. Very insightful to know what is the #1 trigger for p*** usage (meaninglessness). However, that little moment from 11:51 until 12:23 is golden. The fact that society is moving more towards removal vs getting better at dealing with things. Can't wait for the whole video. This is awesome !
Yeah, thats a very fleeting part of the video but is something that far too many people need to hear and understand. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it is inherently bad or should be banned. We live in a strange time where some of the people who preach tolerance and acceptance are some of the most closed minded people you could hope to meet and they don't see the contradiction.
Its not N.1 trigger tho... he is completely wrong there. He is trying to blow it out of proportion and give it bigger meaning than it has. Its just how dopamine works. Give yourself something pleasurable and your brain will ask for it again. It so happens that sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences so porn hijacks that part of the brain. Without it you don't even feel like yanking it that much... That's how we are supposed to be rewarded when we have another person willing to have intercourse with us... that's what drives relationship and reproduction and all that for forever so makes sense it feel so damn good.
The “death grip” thing is no joke. Any man that says he has difficulty climaxing when with a woman is probably suffering from this. I’d bet everything I own on it.
I have no idea how a man can prefer his death grip hand to an actual real vagina. For me it's the exact opposite. Maybe that's why so many dudes are obsessed with butthole these days
My life motto has been "Real Men Don't Bust" and/or "Real Men Say No!" That way no woman can ever reject you if you don't express interest, and no woman can falsely accuse you of rape 37 years later if you don't put it in. C'mon bro. Porn use has become political!! Last time I climaxed with a woman was April 1, 2010. But I bet you I've orgasmed closer to 5,000 times since with OUT any need or participation from a woman. (aka: "the assholes of the world"). Not busting lets the woman know she has NO purchase or power over you. See, it's men chasing women who have become simps. It's pitiful. Women today have absolutely ZERO value and totally NOTHING to offer a man. A vagina?? Wow.
I mean, that's better than premature ejaculation. I'd venture to say it's the only positive part of porn use in men from the female satisfaction pov. I want to make it clear I think porn is one of the worst things people can get addicted to and nobody should be using porn too much and it's better to not use it at all. That being said, we can all agree that one of women's biggest problems when they have sex with men is their inability to go for as long as women like them to go. You see a conversation between women with no judgement and they'll always mention that a lot of guys simply can't last. Whether it's ED or premature ejacultation, that's a big issue. So the ONLY good thing of all the effects porn has might be just that. If those guys don't already have ED, they can at least go for some time. Even then though like I said, I want to be very clear that obviously that doesn't at all make it a positive to be addicted to porn or anything like that. I very obviously advice against it's use.
Spent over 2 decades addicted to porn. Could not beat it no matter what I did it was destroying me. Took a heroic 7g mushroom trip (psylocibin) about 2 1/2 months ago. Wrote my intentions beforehand and prayed over it. Haven’t looked at porn or haven’t even had the urge since that day. In fact the trip started with God telling me, “You aren’t addicted to porn, it’s done”. Most freeing feeling ever
The most interesting and useful interviews are the ones in which you hear and learn something you have not heard or considered before. This interview fits into that category. Dr K is also a good speaker.
he said men lived life on easy mode when it came to dating and also gave a really awful study about men "opening up" that was called out by several people in which they had to take down the video because it was just an all around awful video.
@@TheDezo0 he said this on a video addressing "incels of the community" and was talking about the dating scene. And no. He said it word for word. Regardless of context saying that is inexcusable. He didn't even apologize for it and at best he said "we at healthy gamer arent the best at tackling gender problems". Its just scummy and gross.
@@yeahright3901 kinda shocked and scared by the fact that most people don't understand how useless those online therapists are, it's literally an info-scums, same as all those celebrities with their "motivational" videos which all looks the same and very cliche and dumb
@@CamelliaFlingertit’s crazy because you actually whole heartily believe you’re right and you’re probably miserable. He’s helped me so it does help in a way, just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean everyone else is. If he doesn’t help you thne move on, stop leaving these comments.
My goodness, thank you for this response, it's a breath of fresh air from the types of people that get completely puritanical about the way these addictions function.
So true. It's a coping mechanism. It's also really difficult because women are so beautiful and sex is so amazing. The feeling of being sexually turned on is incredible. It's a very difficult thing to say no to. I think it's also connected to the desire for connection, attention, the desire for love, the desire for validation, etc. It's really connected to the feeling of needing to be satisfied in life. What REALLY sucks about it though is the fact that porn is so good sometimes that it's depressing. Youll never have what's happening on the screen. It makes you chase a rabbit you're never gonna catch and it makes you feel hopeless. And it makes you wish you had a woman in your life who acts like a porn star, and many women dont and never will. So it distorts everything.
Not only that, but the comparing yourself to the guys can make you feel inadequate, because often they are ripped, have a ton of stamina, and are very well endowed. Some guys can screw for hours without ejaculating and they can go like jack-rabbits for most of that time. I would lose it in five minutes at best, usually long before the woman felt satisfied.
It is indeed a very difficult desire to not succumb to, because how deep it's ingrained in our biology as humans to reproduce. But nonetheless there's a natural way to combat the desire. It has been shown that loneliness corelates very strongly to porn usage, hence why I myself am still struggling to quit. It's easier said that done, but try to prioritize social contact with whomever and if that's not possible, find meaning in other activities to fill your day so you won't get the urge as often and strong.
Then why you dont put that time and energy into getting real life women who look and fuck like that? Loooksmixing, game , social skills, using tinder and other apps, meeting women in real life ect. To actually moving towards your goal.
Hire prostitutes instead of desiring a girlfriend, this way she will be able to satisfy you like a porn-star, and unlike with having a girlfriend you will still have freedom
Something that may also make porn attractive in my opinion, is the lack of effort required. With porn, you can reach an orgasm without having to make ANY effort at all. But with sex, EVEN if you have a partner, it still requires effort. There is the psychological effort of being on the same wavelength as your partner. There may be the pressure you put on yourself to please your partner. And there is the physical effort you have to do to actually peform sex.
1000000% this. I have access to sex but most of the time instead of inviting someone over, which might be a 30min-2hour process depending on how quickly they come, I’ll just masturbate. Porn has made relationships harder for me because they feel like too much effort.
Well, as I said, there is still the physical effort required to actually perform sex. Also, you definitely should make efforts. I’ve personally witnessed myself, average looking guys who do have a partner. Beside, how do you determine if you, yourself, are pretty or average? We’re not really our best judge.
This is ironically why sex and porn are two completely different things. If porn was as hard as having sex then it wouldn't be nearly as appealing to people.
11:55 If I have a problem with something, our society is moving more and more towards "that thing needs to go away," as opposed to, "I need to get better at handling it." So the really scary cycle that I see is that the more that we remove things, the less tolerant we become, and then smaller and smaller things can set us off.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 Porn *addiction is often misunderstood and is a powerful emotional coping mechanism, not necessarily linked to sexual perversion.* 02:20 Research *shows that the main variable associated with pornography addiction is a sense of meaninglessness in life.* 03:32 Porn *use is not primarily a sexual trigger; it's driven by life circumstances and emotional regulation.* 05:23 Pornography *addiction is compared to other coping mechanisms like binge eating, alcohol, cannabis, social media, and video games.* 06:33 Downstream *effects of porn use include sexual dysfunction, such as "death grip syndrome" and difficulty with real physiological interaction.* 08:57 Shame *and guilt associated with porn use can lead to difficulty performing and maintaining erections, impacting psychological and physiological aspects of sex.* 09:51 Porn *usage can escalate to more extreme content, desensitizing individuals and making real-life interactions less stimulating.* 11:45 The *story one tells themselves about porn use contributes to its impact; demonizing it may exacerbate issues, and a healthier approach is developing better coping mechanisms.*
For those wondering...this is how you lose your family. The porn takes over your brain and becomes your priority. It becomes the coping mechanism fir all your problems. You ignore the ones that love you, porn becomes the great escape.
Back in my youth if you wanted to access to porn, you had to: be 18 yrs. old to access the video store to get it, or in certain sexshops for magazines a.s.o. Nowadays hardcore-porn is stuffed down the throat of minors via the internet and society does not see a problem with this.
one day i decided that for the next month iw as going to be as healthy as possible. i went to the gym at least 5 times a week, stopped all junk food, no alcohol and i also decided to stop porn consumption completely. and it was oddly very easy, and i think it was easy because of all the other vices i decided to cut out. after one month i got down to 64kg (i was about 70kg at the start of the month) i looked fit and cut and my mental clarity was definitely noticeable. i have resumed things like eating fast food every now and then and only drink maybe once every few weeks. but no porn at all and i dont desire to watch it either. it was a much needed reset! highly recommend everyone do what i did
Man, this was 🔥🔥🔥. Watch what we eat and discipline yourself. Brother, I am a firm believer in that. How can we overcome the devil and we are sloppy and can’t stop eating donuts? GREAT STUFF!!!!!
yep, i'm 15 months free. Figure out why you're using it in the first place, what you running away from? and now that you're 6 months off, what are you using as a substitution for pron? caffine? games? weed? Are you dealing with yourself first and foremost? I could go deeper into this but it is a journey that will last your whole life, congrats on opening your eyes, it gets deeper form here on in. Pron won't be the only thing you 'quit'
@dejuren It's shameful because youre watching people have sex... and pleasuring yourself to it. masterbation on the other hand has the handful of benefits but the cons out weigh them 10 fold, all i recommend is to do your own research (youtube,medical studies) and you will see what its actually doing to you. Also just to get you a perspective imagine watching yourself in the third person view watching porn and masterbating and then you will probably see why its shameful...
My dude, if you are not having a sex life, you are just trying to deny your sexual desires lol. Unless you are watching porn and fapping every day - you dont have an addiction. If you are doing it once to 3 times a week - you are fine. Coz thats the amount of sex your body would have been happy with. Seek out real women, invest in looksmaxing, game, social skill, new skills , hobbies, education, ect but dont feel bad coz you choked the chicken once a week coz you dont have a gf. lol.
You might not be religious but one thing I did was return to church (now go every Sunday) after so many years. I confessed (personally) to God about my sin of lust and have been porn free for several months. The physical urge is wearing off but the visual practice off watching is gone. My advice to you is to find something that gives you moral obligation to do better!
@@jamisonbernhardt3310 so far moderation. It’s been tapering off. Every now and again I delete videos from my computer. Beyond that I’ve also been very busy with my art so I don’t want to waste the time I have on porn.
im not surprised that people who felt meaningless ended up watching pornography. Ive noticed those self help dudes I watch all have said they started watching porn when younger too but when they started fixing their lives through working out, reading, and just overall self improvement they all have said they stopped. It's amazing how the body works.
@jessicaras4540I've prayed until I cried my eyes out...promise I would never do it again. Next day...watching porn. Just praying won't stop you from watching porn. You have to find the root cause along with support and love.
Might sound hyperbolic, but Dr K is gods gift to humanity. Nobody compares when it comes to describing and helping with psychological issues online. He makes every other "coach" or self-help guru look like a charlatan.
Because he knows the science. Same thing with Jordan Peterson, people online were not used to that, it blew their mind. There is a difference between those who have read 100 books on productivity and those who studied the science behind it for decades
@@drchtct It's the science for sure, but both Peterson and Dr K are highly influenced by religion/tradition/spiritual practices as well. There is a lot of wisdom in those areas we cannot yet explain with science. This is where even many scientists fall short, imo.
@@okaySam True. Maybe I should have said they are very well educated, and combine spiritual wisdom with rigid science, and life experience. They have a deeper knowledge than the average 23-year old "I read the 4-hour work week" self-help guru who can only talk about the surface problems often times. That's what I wanted to express.
@@filippians413 isn't crack on a league of it's own when compared to Alcohol? Like a league with all the best canonical hard drugs like meth, heroin and other like substances?
@filippians413 It was very easy for me to give up booze, but it was because I drank so badly one night, I probably almost died. I'm scared to drink now.
“In almost all cases of pornography addiction the person was exposed before puberty.” The average age of first time pornography exposure is 11, so nearly EVERYONE is exposed prepubescently.
One thing that helps with addiction is removing sources of the porn/drugs/etc. Block the porn sites, don't go anywhere near a bar or drinking parties if you're a recovering an alcoholic, avoid enabling friends who will cause a relapse.
Every time you engage with pornography, you weaken your will power. Every time you do something that requires discipline, you strengthen your will. At the end of the day, it comes down to having a strong will. I found to easiest way to ween off porn is to only masturbate without it. Still get the chemical hit, just now it’s downgraded. Eventually you’ll need to psychologically reframe your sense of a meaningful relationship and only end up orgasming through sex with a committed partner. Do this long enough (maybe within 6 months) and you’ll look back on the days of your porn addiction as if it happened to someone else. Speaking from experience.
*"Every time you do something that requires discipline, you strengthen your will."* -- Some ideas: 1. Oxygen-less minutes. Hold your breath for one minute every hour. It requires discipline, and will strengthen your will. 2. Foodless days. Don't eat anything for 24 hours, once every week. It requires discipline, and will strengthen your will. 3. Poopless weekends. Don't poop for 48 hours, once every month. If it has to go, keep it in. It requires discipline, and will strengthen your will.
Yeah I'm currently dropping cigs I smoked only few times during 2 months, clean for 2 weeks currently and it is much easier with that than no pornography. I can't last one week
@@lysy-zn2gg facts bro. Sometimes im like maybe trying to replace porn with nicotine with porn will help. But than just get off nicotine after im over porn lol.
I was addicted for 10 years, from age 17 to 27. I know how powerful this addiction can be and the utter distruction that can come from it. It's imperative that it's more understood by the general population and not the opposite.
@@loganderry5004 I had to realize the damage it was causing and aim for focusing on being more productive and also seeking out real women and making sure I appreciated them for them. You almost have to hit rock bottom or actually hit it to realize the damage though...
@@JH-sn8kg I am well aware of the damage. I have seen way too many videos and read way too many articles to be oblivious. In fact, I am currently living through the physical and mental damages that excessive indulgence in PMO has inflicted on my mind and body - especially in the past 3 years. But for some inexplicable reason, I keep going back no matter how many times and how strongly I resolve to quit it. I am physically and mentally drained. I don't know which way to turn. This thing has such a tight grip on me.
As a virgin I really thought that whole death grip thing was a myth. “I’m like come on, I can make myself “go” in a couple of minutes. Obviously the first time I’m with a girl it’ll be over in 30 seconds or less.” This thought process caused me a lot of anxiety with dating to the point that I avoided it. But when I finally lost my virginity, 5 minutes passed, then 10, then 15, then 30 and I still didn’t finish. We ended up stopping after ~45 minutes because both of us were exhausted and she was more than satisfied. In a way I was proud of myself for doing a good job and completely subverting my expectations, but I also felt ashamed because clearly something was wrong if I can’t get off literally the very first time I’m doing the deed with a woman. Subsequently I’ve always been able to finish. However there are still times where it takes far too long given the situation/intensity and I worry the girl thinks they’re doing something wrong when in reality it couldn’t be better.
I experienced the same exact thing brother. I hooked up with 8 different women after the first, and none of them could help me finish. One time, I was having sex with a woman for 2 and a half hours until we just stopped because we were tired. I realized that it was because of my heavy porn use, and although I couldn't completely stop my addiction, I was able to masturbate less and less. As soon as I started doing that, I was able to finish. Now my problem is I don't last long enough lol
I think one or the biggest problems these days, even bigger than porn, is social media and dating apps. It has turned normal women into celebrities and thus killed modern dating and healthy relationships leaving most average men alone and depressed. Hook up culture and shallow quick relationships based on status have taken the forefront to meaningful relationships
I have recently begun my journey into cleansing myself from porn and, so far, the best way I have been handling it is handicapping myself from it. My own willpower isn't enough to stop me from watching it so, I have created a system that completely handicaps me from even looking at porn. I can't access porn websites, keywords that could lead to me watching porn have been blocked entirely so, even if I see something that might trigger me, I am completely unable to act on it. And most importantly, I pray for God's grace and strength to help me overcome lust
I am an addict. I was addicted to pretty much anything I could get my hands on in my late teens. I almost died a couple of times and spent a good three months in which if I had been examined, would likely have been committed to an insane asylum. I managed to go cold turkey in my early twenties and have been clean ever since. I also worked as a pornographer for well over a decade. You'd think if porn were addictive I would, being an addict, be utterly consumed by it. The reality is the absolute opposite. I never look at porn. It has nothing to do with any moral aspersion or taboo. I'm just not interested.
Women have made it very clear that they want nothing to do with the vast majority of men, over 99 percent of us. Dating and marriage is an absolute non-option for most men, and a high risk enterprise when it does happen. Why not just crank one out and call it a day?
It’s important to disassociate porn use and masturbation. If you don’t have access to sex it’s just fine to masturbate. Just do it without porn. That is the harmful part.
@@rnt45t1 well that just shows there is a problem. Men have been masturbating without porn for thousands of years. And now people say it’s not possible without it. The more you feel you need porn the more you will benefit from reducing its use.
Like he said porn addiction is a coping mechanism. There’s usually always a rooted issue like boredom, insecurity, depression, stress and so on. Don’t forget to tend to your roots.
He analyzed this so perfectly...pple usually think porn addicts are sex addicts, far from the truth...it is a coping mechanism to escape some unhealed pain and trauma..and d sad thing is it has a tighter grip on u with more usage....that is why u have lots of married pple who still use porn aggressively.....it has to be one of d most addictive habits to stop....
I fell in porn trap when I was 6-7 years old, I was addicted till I discovered about nofap/semen retention at 19yo. Now I'm 23yo and my brain slowly starts to heal from it I still have to do something dangerous and life threathening to feel alive because porn kinda made me numb. Literally PORN made me drug dealer.
Never been a believer of the nofap trend so I clicked this video very luckwarmly...been sitting in my tabs for 2 days. But BOY am I glad I watched it !! So interesting and enlightening. Some truths almost made me uncomfortable I as felt very called out but y'all are truly doing Lord's work with this one. A much needed conversation, you guys can be proud of what you contribute to society on this topic.
It's the massive dopamine hit you get from porn viewing that makes it extremely difficult to stop. It took me years to finally overcome the urge. I'm still in recovery and the temptation is always there, but everyday that passes without me succumbing to the urge is a victory💪
Truthfully…I fucking hate the side of my family with a burning dark passion that introduced me to pornography. It was implanted in my brain during a house party and I won’t ever get over what I saw at such a young age. I would not call myself an addict but I sure fucking wish I hadn’t seen that when I was that young. I had to be only around 5-6th grade at that time.
I HAVE been off porn for several months by going to a social swing dance every day of the week. That was the only time ever I was able to stay away from porn. I’ve been in the drug since I was 11. I’m 40 now.
If only women were non-shaming. Porn never rejects anyone. It's a true shame that modern women have given away their value and power. Who in their right mind, in 2023, would go out of their way to desire or pursue an asshole species like women ? Esp. when these lazy good for nothing, overly entitled women (aka: "assholes") have willfully permitted porn to replace them! LMAO It's almost jokes now! I'd say it's called "Karma". If only sex and women could be as tantalizing and "addictive" as porn. Oh, what a wonderful world it would be! peace.
I think lack of meaning in my life not having a relationship with friends and girls make me feel like I am a loser.I thought that attending to college will help me socialise more and make me feel normal ,but I have been relapsing almost every day ,I learned that I can't really progress in life without tackling this urge and addiction, I really hope that this will be the last day
I know exactly where I went wrong with porn. When I was 17 years old, I worked at a video rental store and they had an adult section in the back. It was all down hill from there, haha!
You know what's really interesting is that we've only addressed visual porn which is obviously a massive problem. As a woman, I can tell you that we have those same issues which never get addressed and most of us read it rather than watch it. I'm sure Chris can tell you as a former cover model that erotic/romance novels are a huge industry and also highly addictive. I got introduced through my mother's collection and it's been insanely difficult to stop. You can go down a very deep rabbit hole with that stuff too and Dr. K is right about the death grip thing. I noticed my tastes getting really specific and had to back off for a bit to readjust. I'm working on quitting entirely now.
I mean it's literally the same idea...? Like you're creating your own boundary for this because you want to feel special when in reality the same rules that apply to visual porn applies to literature type porn. This isn't rocket science
@@yeahright3901 I was merely making an observation that women struggle in this area too as I find that the type of porn we gravitate towards doesn't often get discussed. There's no need for the sarcasm as this comment wasn't meant to be divisive but rather inclusive. I don't feel special for struggling with something millions already dealt with btw. It's not an addiction I would wish on anyone. If it's something you struggle with I hope you get the help you need and come out stronger for it. God bless and have a great day!
@@yeahright3901 I´ll try to explain. With men watching visual porn it´s almost a given, that they will also masturbate to it, which I would reckon is pretty rare with women reading erotica. I´d argue that means there´s a lower level of immersion if you will. Also: The studies that show the negative effects of porn are all done on visual porn, right? There´s no evidence that erotica is addictive in the classical sense or changes your brain patterns as far as I know.
Just stumbled across this vid...I've struggled for a number of years and always tried to understand the pull of it. Never had a desire to use any drugs, I drink but am not an alcoholic, was addicted to food early in adolescence but that one thing has always captivated me since seeing it for the first time at 5 years old. At first I thought it was loneliness or rejection. This is the first time I've heard lack of purpose but, looking back, it really makes a lot of sense and even now in my middle aged years, still is true. This is really eye opening.
I need to address the myth of a "healthy relationship with porn" statement that was made in this conversation. I am 50 years old, and I have been addicted to porn since I was 6 years old. Nothing destroys your ability to connect with people on an authentic level like porn. It has become progressively more mainstream over the years, and its effect on our culture at large is destroying us at our core. This is not a projection on my part. Look at how pervasive the sexualization of everything around you has become. We are, as a culture, incorporating pornagraphic mentality into our daily interactions with other people. Pornography is about objectifying people as sexual icons that are to be exploited. Even casual, intermittent porn use viewed as "healthy" rewires the brain to seek gratification from other people in non sexual ways that mirrors exploitation. There is no such thing as healthy porn use.
"Healthy" implies there is some benefit to its usage. Everything involved with watching porn is intrinsically unhealthy. There are some side benefits to having a beer or wine. There are even some benefits to most drugs and even nicotine use. What health benefit is involved in watching porn? I hear things like, "it can be a way to spice up the marriage. It's the novelty effect." Talk about playing Russian roulette with your marriage. Porn is an exploitive industry designed to hook people in at a young age. We keep hearing about how we need to stop kids from smoking cigarettes. Where's the campaigns to protect kids from porn? Exactly. They don't exist. Kids just click on an "I'm 18" button, and then they can be exposed to some of the most emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually damaging content that exists. I call bullshit. Porn is rotting our culture and normalizing the exploitation of people for sexual gratification.
for me it was so bad i stopped my addiction by just not doing it anymore. It was so bad and multiple times every day where now when it becomes a routine i just sigh and put my phone down... Ever since i never touched it again. I did nothing like dopamine detox, remove apps, lower my screen time or any of these things they say on youtube. So much happened inside my head i never look at my self the same ever since. I did and went on 4 or 5 days than replapsed. For over 2 years i was replasing again and again..... just own yourself. drop the ego look at yourself and be sad, be dissapointed in everything you are and youll stop
The only excuse I have is that I’ve been exposed to it since I was like 8 and I’m like 19 turning 20 in about 7 months and honestly I think it’s because I have nothing to do most of the time I failed to join the army of my country Jamaica and been depressed ever since Porn is disgusting and makes you think weird shit I pray everyday to overcome this obstacle 🙌🙏
You asked - we made it happen! Full episode goes live with Dr K this Monday - press Subscribe you beauties.
Good video you beauty
You tease. I want the full version, jk. Got arouse and then fufill. basic buisness model
im so glad you brought on dr k. this man has genuinely changed me from a lifestyle perspective. i cant wait to see him enter more of the mainstream side of podcasting and youtube
Where do you buy your plain tshirts? what is the brand?
Here's the Islamic perspective:
In islam this dark force and "whispers" is the voice of satans/demons. There are many satans/demons amongst man and jinn, varying in power.
But there is only one "iblis" (he is the original Satan that approached Adam and eve, (may peace be upon them).
He has sworn revenge and eniminity towards humanity until the final day.
This life is a test to see who repels evil with love/good/patience having believed in God. And follow God's guidance and avoid sin and whispers of iblis/satans.
In addition to this our souls (rhuu) have the ability to do both good and bad without the whispers.
God tells us to take the path of goodness. The part of our soul that lends ear to desire and weakness and excess love for this worldly things, is called the "nhaffs".
When one battles with his nhaffs to do good while a believer they are fulfilling the purpose of their creation.
The jinn reside in the filthiest of places. In the home those places are usually the bin or toilet. Guess where the tissue goes after watching po**?
This way they gain access to ur seed. The life forming best part of u. And u give it away cheaply for a fleeting pleasure.
When this happens a type of magic takes effect and this can amplify their whispers to u. Possibly causing low self-esteem, anxiety, paranoia, self doubt, fear.
Notice that distinction sense of guilt, shame, embarrassment straight after PMO.
If u were interested this is just a perspective. You are feel to believe and explore as u will. Providing its legal.
Peace
"When a person can't find a sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure" Viktor E Frankl
"And when you can't find either, one sublimates their life away into finding meaning" - Me.
Let's get real P### IS NOT THE PROBLEM, alcohol is not, neither sugar, nor weed. U name it,
SELF control 😅
best comment
"When a person can't find a sense of meaning, they make their pleasure a meaning." - Me
thats common sense how is that a quote
Great talking with you, thank you for the conversation 💚
Big love man
I genuinely saw this and gasped! This was the collab I'd thought in my mind would be awesome and it actually happened!
Love your content - working through your Guide.
GG.
Dr. K! I found you recently and you have AWESOME material that is so relevant for the modern world and it’s challenges.
Thank you!
Here's the Islamic perspective:
In islam this dark force and "whispers" is the voice of satans/demons. There are many satans/demons amongst man and jinn, varying in power.
But there is only one "iblis" (he is the original Satan that approached Adam and eve, (may peace be upon them).
He has sworn revenge and eniminity towards humanity until the final day.
This life is a test to see who repels evil with love/good/patience having believed in God. And follow God's guidance and avoid sin and whispers of iblis/satans.
In addition to this our souls (rhuu) have the ability to do both good and bad without the whispers.
God tells us to take the path of goodness. The part of our soul that lends ear to desire and weakness and excess love for this worldly things, is called the "nhaffs".
When one battles with his nhaffs to do good while a believer they are fulfilling the purpose of their creation.
The jinn reside in the filthiest of places. In the home those places are usually the bin or toilet. Guess where the tissue goes after watching po**?
This way they gain access to ur seed. The life forming best part of u. And u give it away cheaply for a fleeting pleasure.
When this happens a type of magic takes effect and this can amplify their whispers to u. Possibly causing low self-esteem, anxiety, paranoia, self doubt, fear.
Notice that distinction sense of guilt, shame, embarrassment straight after PMO.
If u were interested this is just a perspective. You are feel to believe and explore as u will. Providing its legal.
Peace
Dr K is the best! Harvard trained Dr, Yogi and Gamer who has insights that beat most Drs
I'm 42 yrs old now. I've Been a heavy addict since I was 16, 3 years ago, I Lost my wife and daughter because of heavy porn use . the guilt almost killed me, so I said enough and decided to escape from this shithole. I read a ton of books (the only one that changed me was "Befapless" because it had the most realistic steps for quitting), joined communities(like "r/nofap"), and gave it all to quit.
.
I'm clean for 3 years now. I feel regret every day about the time that passed.
I wasted my life. I wish I hadn't. God, I wish I hadn't.
If you're young reading this, please do anything at all necessary to overcome this ASAP!
What tipp helpef you the most? I realiced I tried no fap but then porn use increased.
Have you fixed the relationship with your family? God bless you sir I hope it has fixed.
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
I saw thiis on reddit on pornfree
You haven't wasted your life. There's a lot of things you still need to live, so not everything is lost.
Even though you suffered a lot in the past, you did your best to eliminate that pain: you have quit porn and masturbation, two habits that are usually problematic and affect a lot of people to this day.
Don't look that much to your past, enjoy your present! I hope you have a fantastic life.
Wow, he hit it right on the head. I noticed that when I gave up pornography I was also forced to confront many issues in my personal life that I was avoiding through porn.
like what?
@@Universal678zzzpast (burried) traumas
@@Universal678zzzRelax Dr Phil
@@shawnkay5462😂😂😂
@@Universal678zzz It's specific to every person, why do you wanna know what the issues in his life were?
I’m 23 and have watched porn ever since I was around 10 years old. The past few years I’ve struggled immensely with motivation and have struggled with anxiety and depression. Only now am I realising the damage this addiction is actually doing to me.
I can’t believe porn is normalised when it literally effects the brain the same way many drugs do with create an absurdly high dopamine spike followed by a drop that is below baseline. I’m only on day 5 right now of not watching it but I already feel more clear minded and less ashamed of myself!
Keep it up bro
Same goes here, on day 6.
Can you believe near the end of the video they where saying its a problem that we dont want porn normalized?
You still going bro? Keep going strong!
Same! I was exposed to porn at the age of 12.
A classmate in elementary school introduced me to porn, anal sex porn for that matter. It has now traumatized my brain like never before. After anal sex got boring, at the age of 15, I started watching a genre called sloppy blowjobs to get a new dopamine high.
It has just been downward spiral up until I was age 19. I started slowing down on porn consumption.
Age 23 now, one month clean from porn, 40% to a Bachelor’s in CyberSecurity, lost healthy weight, confident, my communication skills has improved.
I’m 26 days into quitting porn, it’s wreaked havoc on my ability to intimate with someone and has been such a source of shame/brain fog/diminishing self respect over the years.
My head is so much clearer at the moment and I actually respect myself for the first time in my life
Keep going it’s worth it!
W
I quit years ago. I've now realized just how much coping goes into justifying its use. Now I'm totally against its use in many aspects. It's so weird, like it was brain washing.
@@DoubleOhSilver Yeah, makes you wonder what else is programmed into our brains huh
Godspeed in your journey 🙏
Guys, I have a crippling prawn addiction. Just the other day, I was driving down the freeway when I saw a sign for red lobster. I nearly took the exit, but I stayed strong. Haven't touched prawn in three months. I'm doing this for myself as well as my family. I'm tired of living shellfishly.
Okay okay....high effort Dad pun of the year appreciated 😊
Unexpected second pun made this good.
Prawn hub
😂😂
Prawn must be that good. Was it Japanese?
As an addict for over 2 decades and now 10 years in recovery from neurological addictive patterns from fantasy and porn addiction, I can vouch this is more powerful than substance abuse
Have you been a drug addict?
My dude, have you seen crack whores? Or meth heads?
lil bro, having "fantasies" isn't something you recover from. Bad thoughts don't exist, it's completely natural and normal to have immoral thoughs. Acting on them is a different story.
@@therealzizmon1748 Idiot
@@therealzizmon1748 porn addicts see people as sex objects first and foremost. Often regardless of their age or gender. That’s not normal or healthy and definitely something that can be changed.
The big problem with being addicted to porn, is that it's literally free and available everywhere on the internet. Imagine if someone struggling with alcohol could get free drinks all the time, then that person would probably never quit because they don't need to pay anything. This is a serious issue when fighting a severe porn addiction and it needs to be addressed with governments and internet providers around the world.
Absolutely. One momentary slip up of the wrong type of thoughts and you can relapse before u know it. I’ve been an on and off addict for years now for this reason.
I looked on Fight the New Drug, and one thing that might help is knowledge that the porn industry is notorious for abusive practices toward workers. There is no guarantee that it's been ethically produced. It took the major credit card companies cutting off Porn Hub for it to delete a ton of its stuff.
Not only that, but you actually need technology for your everyday life, which would be the equivalent of needing to carry a bottle of Jim Beam to work if you're an alcoholic.
Using something like Covenant Eyes would help.
Look at it this way: I pay my time, my mental and physical health, I pay my life.
1:54 absolutely correct. I told someone one time, I have very little support group to break my porn addiction. I said, "If I told you I was trying to beat a heroin addiction, you'd be immediately empathetic"
A lot of my friends even bring up situations that can trigger it. It's hard to find groups that will even understand it, let alone support you.
I feel for you but the thing is you've just made that up. Actual drug addicts do get some empathy, as do porn addicts. But there are a huge contingent of people who just say "shouldn't of done drugs then" and leave it at that
@@stefanmirica6485you are so right
Check out an SAA meeting. There is support, fellowship, and a solution
You don't need support group to not watch pron lol don't be so dramatic. Just do it bro. You can still yank it without in fact you should also its not THAT hard. Stop thinking its too hard and you need a lot of support it will only make it harder. Take your time and don't feel bad about slipping just try again. All this support bs is just a form of externalized control which is in fact what you should not want to have since it makes it easier. You want it to be as personal and on you as possible only that way you will grow that self control you need to quit for good.
I wish I wasnt exposed to it when I was so young. I was super addicted before I even had capabilities to realize what an addiction is.
Well you can find a way to work through it now. If you haven't already. I also started rather early and honestly I needed it to survive. Why did you start, what were you dealing with, what are you dealing with now.
I am 17, and was exposed to it at like 14. I should have been more intelligent to avoid. I regret it so much.
@@Aurora-bv1ys that kind of attitude is going to cause you a lot of problems bro. Don’t hate yourself for it. Accept what happened and understand it.
@@coollary1 You know, you're right. I'll won't be bitter, rath I'll be better
@@Aurora-bv1ys keep watching doctor K, and meditate. Dude serious. Meditate
Great guest. He's extremely understanding and not condescending at all. Been subscribed to him for more than a year and a half. Amazing insight.
Who cares if it’s condescending? Do you want your life back or not?
@@sssweetnesss3483 not really.
@@sssweetnesss3483, he said “ he is NOT condescending”.
I love how articulate Dr K is. Always a pleasure to listen to.
Right, i completely agree. I have watched him for a while as well, but this is the first video I see of Chris, ever. Man, I gotta say the opposite of your comment is true for this guy. While Dr K articulates himself perfectly and you understand everything he wants to convey, you can't even understand the QUESTION Chris is posing. How can you not articulate a QUESTION when a man on the other side is busting himself to answer and help people?
@jessicaras4540Yeah, no. Don’t do this. Grew up one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and it just made me feel like shit whenever I’d relapse, not only am I failing myself, but God’s going to damn me.
Porn should be illegal.
It’s not cuz they want us to be addicted lol
You and me both
@@evanmorse8778 that’s the same reason why everything else that’s addictive is legal. Take it from me, a person who is voluntarily excluded from gambling in four states… Making something illegal or putting personal legal consequences on your use of that thing does not make you want to use it less. You have to do the internal work to put yourself in a better mind state.
Even if it was, in the age of the internet, it would pretty much be impossible to keep it out of people’s hands if they want it.
I don't think it should be illegal as people deserve their rights and unlike substance abuse doesn't cause physical harm to others. It's use anyway. Can't speak about its production. However something should absolutely be done. Education if anything.
I kicked vaping. I kicked weed. This is something else
I’m on day two. One at a time brother.
Let's see who's stronger I'm on the day 1@@Doc569
@@Doc569day one for me. How you doing
Good shit brother u got this
This is much harder
Holy shit this is a crossover I didn't even expect. I've been watching Dr K for like 3 years and he's helped me tremendously. Really looking forward to the entire episode coming out!
Honestly, he's been one of the most requested guests by you guys so we had to make it happen. The episode is 2 hours long and absolute MONEY. One of my favourites this year. Pepper your angus.
Couldn’t agree more
@@ChrisWillx Thank you for making it happen. His community is genuinely one of the best, most accepting online communities I've found.
I found him first (his longform interviews with regular people are his BEST work) last year and then Jordan Peterson. I've hoped for the two to talk to each other in camera since.
@@ChrisWillxdude please podcast with Dr Trish leigh
Chris is on a RAMPAGE with these great guests!
Low self esteem is at the core of porn addiction.
Doc was spot on here
Not entirely true... Porn was exposed to me at 15 had no idea about being high self esteem or not bh I became so addicted to it ..I'm now 24..I still haven't been able to break free..bh I'm 16 days without porn and masturbation ..I will say it isn't entirely true that people go to porn cus of low self esteem bh rather porn makes one look down on himself...I've made my mind up it's now to break free
Bullshit. There are people watching regularly from all walks of life. Don't tell me every single one of them have low self esteem now its such generalizing and objectifying way to think. People do it becaues it feels good and develop a habit there is nothing deeper than that.
Loneliness and the feeling of being unloved have got to be up there to I would think
This explanation is so spot-on. People smoke pot to excess out of a sense of meaninglessness. It’s the same with any other coping mechanism where the person feels horribly ‘stuck.’
agreed.
talk for yourself. folks smoke cannabis for all kinds of different reasons. some thinks it makes their aches goes away. some think it's makes them more sensitive and aches worse. some think it makes them think clear and creative. cannabis itself isn't addictive, some folks just have compulsive behavior issues with anything.
@@TimJohnson-x1o🧢
I’ve had a pron addiction for about 3-4 years and I’ve combated it this year and am now 6 months clean, hopefully I can keep this up
awesome job, how did you stay clean for so long?
Good man
Bro howw?
@@dovidschecter8623 bro dont watch porns i swear there boring ass fuck play fifa mobile at night or watch movies go to Training its better for u...
@@dovidschecter8623follow Jesus Christ he wants the best for you
I was addicted to porn unknowingly since I was 12 till last year at 34. I have a long road ahead to re-wire my brain but I am already seeing benefits such as actually feeling emotions, better outlook on life just to name a few.
Can I email you or get in contact with you somehow
were u a gooner
@@editopia46 no I wasn’t a goner in the sense of being completely consumed by porn but I use to watch it religiously before going to bed. The time watching could vary from 5 mins to an hour, keep trying to get more explicit content to feed my dopamine.
@@rorinotengo173 yes of course you can
@@gearoidmcsweeney6234 how
He is spot on about everything. I was molested at age 7 by my nanny and at 13 I discovered pron lol ohhhhhhhhhh boy. where I was spending hours outside using that as a distraction, not eating, just being outside all day, after discovering pron, I was always inside. I was spending something like 6 hours a day using pron trying to numb those feelings.
Although i've lost many many years to pron i have no regrets, that's just how life is, we all get dealt a card in this life and now i'm making the most of whatever time I have left.
If you're young and wondering if you should quit or not, i would say first figure out what is the underlying issue that causes you to even seek out pron, video games, and other distractions to NUMB your feelings in the first place. What you trying to run away from? if you say 'nothing' well that's what I would've said when i was your age. You are running away from, it doesn't have to be as big as being molested, or civil war like me, it can be bullying, it can be neglect from your parents, it can be just being a teenager. I don't know but you should investigate and spend some time with yourself ALONE instead of trying to run away from yourself so much.
Hope this helps.
Dude it really hit me in the head, when he said the people addicted to porn have been experienced porn before puberty.
Could have been my story with a few alterations, my teen cousin’s were my babysitters, around 4-5 yrs old, and they introduced the porn at that time. Boy did that mess me up, then my middle aged brother in law manipulated me into a sexual relationship the summer before I turned 12. I’ve struggled with what I see as severe perversion since, given the strict moral code found within the Catholic faith that I grew up in. Due to the sex of my abusers I was sickened by males, despite having romantic feelings towards them, but sexually I am only attracted to feminine women. It has been one of my most difficult trials…❤
That's true. I lived in rural America up to my early 20s. I would play video games so much because there was just nothing productive or fun to do that wasn't to get constantly drunk or high. I've been living with my parents for the last 3 years again due to pandemic-related reasons and so has my older brother -- I'm 31 he's pushing 40. My parents went on vacation for a couple of months and I don't have the best relationships with him, so I found myself escaping into video games after work. I felt like when I was younger all over again. I just felt so like, trapped.
As for porn, I don't use it as most people do but I think the amount I use is enough to affect me. I had moments where I got deep into it because for years it was touted as "healthy", smh. I think I usually do it when I'm feeling either lonely or when I'm alone and just horny -- sometimes it's been out of boredom. Lately I've been trying to pick up hobbies though, which makes so much damn sense that not having a feeling of purpose helps people get out of that addiction. I'd go as far as saying one needs purpose and an overall healthy lifestyle -- hobbies, relationships, and physically/mentally healthy activities. I was in college and pretty addicted to it, even though my purpose was school, had friends, but my physical/mental health was shitty due to stress and not working out.
I'm slowly making strides towards improving myself. I'm better where I was these past 3 years. It's very good to recognize the triggers.
Great words broski
@@joaquin67 Thank you bro, if I can give you some unsolicited advice, the reason you're both back in the same hosue isn't some coincidence lol i'm deeply spiritual, i'm not going to tell you what to do about it or how to do it but i know the universe doesn't create 'coincidences'. I'm sure you'll get there but pron should be the first thing you kick out. It opens the door to many many other changes, I know it did for me.
As a therapist who works with men struggling with sexual behaviors, your podcast has been incredibly helpful and informative and I use relevant conversations in my work with them from time to time, so thank you!
@jessicaras4540we need a therapist for this person please ^
@jessicaras4540"Pretending God is reality works for some, but not all.
@jessicaras4540community helps
Women toooooooooo
@DazeDewDrop No, I work exclusively with men. Women generally see our female therapist.
Speaking the truth from childhood trauma, stress, lack of self worth
The way to stop is to keep being busy throughout the day. Workout and go to sleep on time. Put your phone down completely once you hit the bed.
I’ve quit all kinds of drugs and quitting porn is more difficult. It’s not as complex as explained in this video - it literally just feels so effing good for free, that’s why it’s so addictive. The withdrawal symptoms (inability to focus, demotivation, irritability, etc) last a long time and we don’t tend to associate them to the porn use. There needs to be a cultural shift if we are to more effectively help people suffering because of this « super stimulus ». Thanks for the video. ❤
I dont think there will be any cultural shift. Nobody really gives a shit enough. Most people addicted don't see it that way and its fine because you don't really want to stigmatize something too hard and try to create external locust of control which leads to lack of personal responsibility and maturation. Every individual has to realize on their own how it affects them and make their own informed decision how to curb its use. Social collective BS just leads to totalitarian societies been there... You want to have your own control based on your own judgement based on personal experience, trials and tribulations.
This is going to be by far one of the best episodes ever. Thank you so much for the content Chris!
Did not expect this awesome collaboration!!! Been listening to both creators for about 2 years now and honestly this has made my day!
This hits home so bad...I've been an addict since I was probably 11 or 12, and I have been experiencing all the issues brought up. Thanks for bringing these up and making me understand my issues better, as well as now attempting at solving them.
It is so difficult to start stopping these days. Its like everything you see online is hypersexualized. Its getting on my nerves.
This whole video was a gem. Very insightful to know what is the #1 trigger for p*** usage (meaninglessness). However, that little moment from 11:51 until 12:23 is golden. The fact that society is moving more towards removal vs getting better at dealing with things. Can't wait for the whole video. This is awesome !
I highly recommend the book “The Importance of Suffering” by James Davies.
@@arnoldcantu9583 thanks for the rec ! I'll give it a try
Yeah, thats a very fleeting part of the video but is something that far too many people need to hear and understand. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean it is inherently bad or should be banned. We live in a strange time where some of the people who preach tolerance and acceptance are some of the most closed minded people you could hope to meet and they don't see the contradiction.
Its not N.1 trigger tho... he is completely wrong there. He is trying to blow it out of proportion and give it bigger meaning than it has. Its just how dopamine works. Give yourself something pleasurable and your brain will ask for it again. It so happens that sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences so porn hijacks that part of the brain. Without it you don't even feel like yanking it that much... That's how we are supposed to be rewarded when we have another person willing to have intercourse with us... that's what drives relationship and reproduction and all that for forever so makes sense it feel so damn good.
The “death grip” thing is no joke. Any man that says he has difficulty climaxing when with a woman is probably suffering from this. I’d bet everything I own on it.
I have no idea how a man can prefer his death grip hand to an actual real vagina. For me it's the exact opposite. Maybe that's why so many dudes are obsessed with butthole these days
My life motto has been "Real Men Don't Bust" and/or "Real Men Say No!" That way no woman can ever reject you if you don't express interest, and no woman can falsely accuse you of rape 37 years later if you don't put it in. C'mon bro. Porn use has become political!! Last time I climaxed with a woman was April 1, 2010. But I bet you I've orgasmed closer to 5,000 times since with OUT any need or participation from a woman. (aka: "the assholes of the world"). Not busting lets the woman know she has NO purchase or power over you. See, it's men chasing women who have become simps. It's pitiful. Women today have absolutely ZERO value and totally NOTHING to offer a man. A vagina?? Wow.
I mean, that's better than premature ejaculation. I'd venture to say it's the only positive part of porn use in men from the female satisfaction pov. I want to make it clear I think porn is one of the worst things people can get addicted to and nobody should be using porn too much and it's better to not use it at all.
That being said, we can all agree that one of women's biggest problems when they have sex with men is their inability to go for as long as women like them to go. You see a conversation between women with no judgement and they'll always mention that a lot of guys simply can't last. Whether it's ED or premature ejacultation, that's a big issue. So the ONLY good thing of all the effects porn has might be just that. If those guys don't already have ED, they can at least go for some time.
Even then though like I said, I want to be very clear that obviously that doesn't at all make it a positive to be addicted to porn or anything like that. I very obviously advice against it's use.
I had that problem, it was SSRI’s. Now im on the other end of the spectrum
"a man who lacks purpose will distract himself with pleasure"
find a purpose people!!!! i certainly am trying to find mine.
Spent over 2 decades addicted to porn. Could not beat it no matter what I did it was destroying me. Took a heroic 7g mushroom trip (psylocibin) about 2 1/2 months ago. Wrote my intentions beforehand and prayed over it. Haven’t looked at porn or haven’t even had the urge since that day. In fact the trip started with God telling me, “You aren’t addicted to porn, it’s done”. Most freeing feeling ever
God rocks. It's interesting to see someone else who met Him through psychedelics. I was using LSA for my first meeting
I love hearing about the immense positive impact mushrooms can have on people. God bless 🙏
Sickest crossover. You're covering everyone man, I love it. Keep it coming!
The most interesting and useful interviews are the ones in which you hear and learn something you have not heard or considered before. This interview fits into that category. Dr K is also a good speaker.
He is saying a lot of extra that's just not true tho. A lof of assumptions about people he does not know.
this guy is a genius. glad he is getting more attention
he said men lived life on easy mode when it came to dating and also gave a really awful study about men "opening up" that was called out by several people in which they had to take down the video because it was just an all around awful video.
@@yeahright3901 where did he say this? I have a feeling it was much more nuanced than what you're presenting.
@@TheDezo0 he said this on a video addressing "incels of the community" and was talking about the dating scene.
And no. He said it word for word. Regardless of context saying that is inexcusable. He didn't even apologize for it and at best he said "we at healthy gamer arent the best at tackling gender problems".
Its just scummy and gross.
@@yeahright3901 kinda shocked and scared by the fact that most people don't understand how useless those online therapists are, it's literally an info-scums, same as all those celebrities with their "motivational" videos which all looks the same and very cliche and dumb
@@CamelliaFlingertit’s crazy because you actually whole heartily believe you’re right and you’re probably miserable. He’s helped me so it does help in a way, just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean everyone else is. If he doesn’t help you thne move on, stop leaving these comments.
My goodness, thank you for this response, it's a breath of fresh air from the types of people that get completely puritanical about the way these addictions function.
Maybe the best video on porn addiction I've seen. Keep up the great work!
So true. It's a coping mechanism. It's also really difficult because women are so beautiful and sex is so amazing. The feeling of being sexually turned on is incredible. It's a very difficult thing to say no to. I think it's also connected to the desire for connection, attention, the desire for love, the desire for validation, etc. It's really connected to the feeling of needing to be satisfied in life. What REALLY sucks about it though is the fact that porn is so good sometimes that it's depressing. Youll never have what's happening on the screen. It makes you chase a rabbit you're never gonna catch and it makes you feel hopeless. And it makes you wish you had a woman in your life who acts like a porn star, and many women dont and never will. So it distorts everything.
Not only that, but the comparing yourself to the guys can make you feel inadequate, because often they are ripped, have a ton of stamina, and are very well endowed. Some guys can screw for hours without ejaculating and they can go like jack-rabbits for most of that time. I would lose it in five minutes at best, usually long before the woman felt satisfied.
It is indeed a very difficult desire to not succumb to, because how deep it's ingrained in our biology as humans to reproduce. But nonetheless there's a natural way to combat the desire. It has been shown that loneliness corelates very strongly to porn usage, hence why I myself am still struggling to quit. It's easier said that done, but try to prioritize social contact with whomever and if that's not possible, find meaning in other activities to fill your day so you won't get the urge as often and strong.
Then why you dont put that time and energy into getting real life women who look and fuck like that? Loooksmixing, game , social skills, using tinder and other apps, meeting women in real life ect. To actually moving towards your goal.
Hire prostitutes instead of desiring a girlfriend, this way she will be able to satisfy you like a porn-star, and unlike with having a girlfriend you will still have freedom
Well said.
No way this collab happened!! Much love to you and Dr. K.
Something that may also make porn attractive in my opinion, is the lack of effort required. With porn, you can reach an orgasm without having to make ANY effort at all.
But with sex, EVEN if you have a partner, it still requires effort. There is the psychological effort of being on the same wavelength as your partner. There may be the pressure you put on yourself to please your partner. And there is the physical effort you have to do to actually peform sex.
1000000% this. I have access to sex but most of the time instead of inviting someone over, which might be a 30min-2hour process depending on how quickly they come, I’ll just masturbate.
Porn has made relationships harder for me because they feel like too much effort.
If you are a guy that the girls actually want, there is little effort you need to put into it. If you are an average dude, don’t bother.
Well, as I said, there is still the physical effort required to actually perform sex.
Also, you definitely should make efforts. I’ve personally witnessed myself, average looking guys who do have a partner.
Beside, how do you determine if you, yourself, are pretty or average? We’re not really our best judge.
@@cubescihist6737 I guess by the level you attract females...
This is ironically why sex and porn are two completely different things. If porn was as hard as having sex then it wouldn't be nearly as appealing to people.
11:55 If I have a problem with something, our society is moving more and more towards "that thing needs to go away," as opposed to, "I need to get better at handling it." So the really scary cycle that I see is that the more that we remove things, the less tolerant we become, and then smaller and smaller things can set us off.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 Porn *addiction is often misunderstood and is a powerful emotional coping mechanism, not necessarily linked to sexual perversion.*
02:20 Research *shows that the main variable associated with pornography addiction is a sense of meaninglessness in life.*
03:32 Porn *use is not primarily a sexual trigger; it's driven by life circumstances and emotional regulation.*
05:23 Pornography *addiction is compared to other coping mechanisms like binge eating, alcohol, cannabis, social media, and video games.*
06:33 Downstream *effects of porn use include sexual dysfunction, such as "death grip syndrome" and difficulty with real physiological interaction.*
08:57 Shame *and guilt associated with porn use can lead to difficulty performing and maintaining erections, impacting psychological and physiological aspects of sex.*
09:51 Porn *usage can escalate to more extreme content, desensitizing individuals and making real-life interactions less stimulating.*
11:45 The *story one tells themselves about porn use contributes to its impact; demonizing it may exacerbate issues, and a healthier approach is developing better coping mechanisms.*
Thanks, so when does he talk about how to stop like the title implies
For those wondering...this is how you lose your family. The porn takes over your brain and becomes your priority. It becomes the coping mechanism fir all your problems. You ignore the ones that love you, porn becomes the great escape.
Thanks my g!
Back in my youth if you wanted to access to porn, you had to: be 18 yrs. old to access the video store to get it, or in certain sexshops for magazines a.s.o. Nowadays hardcore-porn is stuffed down the throat of minors via the internet and society does not see a problem with this.
as kids you never found magazines in the woods?
For some reason, society has decided in recent years that limiting what children can access/do is harmful because limits are harmful.
one day i decided that for the next month iw as going to be as healthy as possible. i went to the gym at least 5 times a week, stopped all junk food, no alcohol and i also decided to stop porn consumption completely. and it was oddly very easy, and i think it was easy because of all the other vices i decided to cut out. after one month i got down to 64kg (i was about 70kg at the start of the month) i looked fit and cut and my mental clarity was definitely noticeable. i have resumed things like eating fast food every now and then and only drink maybe once every few weeks. but no porn at all and i dont desire to watch it either. it was a much needed reset! highly recommend everyone do what i did
Very exited for this episode, really like Dr. K's insight on a lot of things!
Man, this was 🔥🔥🔥. Watch what we eat and discipline yourself. Brother, I am a firm believer in that. How can we overcome the devil and we are sloppy and can’t stop eating donuts? GREAT STUFF!!!!!
"The more that we remove Things the less tolerant we become"
Yoo that was soo bright!
It IS possible to quit, guys. I've been off for 6-7 months now. My recommendation is to change your day schedule / patterns.
yep, i'm 15 months free. Figure out why you're using it in the first place, what you running away from? and now that you're 6 months off, what are you using as a substitution for pron? caffine? games? weed?
Are you dealing with yourself first and foremost?
I could go deeper into this but it is a journey that will last your whole life, congrats on opening your eyes, it gets deeper form here on in. Pron won't be the only thing you 'quit'
@dejuren try quitting for 30 days and tell me how you do LMFAO
@@dejuren1367 well first, it's gay because you are touching a man's p3nie, but it also takes away your drive, your will to go seek it in real life
@dejuren It's shameful because youre watching people have sex... and pleasuring yourself to it. masterbation on the other hand has the handful of benefits but the cons out weigh them 10 fold, all i recommend is to do your own research (youtube,medical studies) and you will see what its actually doing to you. Also just to get you a perspective imagine watching yourself in the third person view watching porn and masterbating and then you will probably see why its shameful...
The problem is the more you do it the less desensitized you get, while also depleting your body of vital nutrients needed
Chris you legend you read my mind getting him on. Healthy gamer has been on my recommended and I know you’ll ask the right questions in the full pod.
Quit porn for 2 weeks, failed, now trying again. So far 1 week.
I believe in you! Everytime you try and every time uou get up after falling you improve and grow and improve!! You can do it!
My dude, if you are not having a sex life, you are just trying to deny your sexual desires lol. Unless you are watching porn and fapping every day - you dont have an addiction. If you are doing it once to 3 times a week - you are fine. Coz thats the amount of sex your body would have been happy with. Seek out real women, invest in looksmaxing, game, social skill, new skills , hobbies, education, ect but dont feel bad coz you choked the chicken once a week coz you dont have a gf. lol.
You might not be religious but one thing I did was return to church (now go every Sunday) after so many years. I confessed (personally) to God about my sin of lust and have been porn free for several months. The physical urge is wearing off but the visual practice off watching is gone. My advice to you is to find something that gives you moral obligation to do better!
How'd u do?
@@jamisonbernhardt3310 so far moderation. It’s been tapering off. Every now and again I delete videos from my computer. Beyond that I’ve also been very busy with my art so I don’t want to waste the time I have on porn.
Meaninglessness is probably correlated with addiction in general, not porn in particular.
1. Having a purpose. Getting a meaning to life.
2 Nothing to do with sex. It's for emotional regulation.
Thank you.
im not surprised that people who felt meaningless ended up watching pornography. Ive noticed those self help dudes I watch all have said they started watching porn when younger too but when they started fixing their lives through working out, reading, and just overall self improvement they all have said they stopped. It's amazing how the body works.
@jessicaras4540I've prayed until I cried my eyes out...promise I would never do it again. Next day...watching porn. Just praying won't stop you from watching porn. You have to find the root cause along with support and love.
Might sound hyperbolic, but Dr K is gods gift to humanity. Nobody compares when it comes to describing and helping with psychological issues online. He makes every other "coach" or self-help guru look like a charlatan.
Because he knows the science. Same thing with Jordan Peterson, people online were not used to that, it blew their mind. There is a difference between those who have read 100 books on productivity and those who studied the science behind it for decades
@@drchtct It's the science for sure, but both Peterson and Dr K are highly influenced by religion/tradition/spiritual practices as well. There is a lot of wisdom in those areas we cannot yet explain with science. This is where even many scientists fall short, imo.
@@okaySam True. Maybe I should have said they are very well educated, and combine spiritual wisdom with rigid science, and life experience. They have a deeper knowledge than the average 23-year old "I read the 4-hour work week" self-help guru who can only talk about the surface problems often times. That's what I wanted to express.
@@drchtct Agreed
@@drchtctStudied extensively and constantly, as well as had a large amount of experience.
I was addicted to booze and I was addicted to porn, and it was MUCH easier to give up booze than porn to give you an idea.
Ya not for me. Much harder giving up crack and booze. I think it depends on the person.
@@filippians413 isn't crack on a league of it's own when compared to Alcohol? Like a league with all the best canonical hard drugs like meth, heroin and other like substances?
@filippians413 It was very easy for me to give up booze, but it was because I drank so badly one night, I probably almost died. I'm scared to drink now.
i love how Chris always uses his words very intellectually.... I learned a lot from him.
“In almost all cases of pornography addiction the person was exposed before puberty.”
The average age of first time pornography exposure is 11, so nearly EVERYONE is exposed prepubescently.
One thing that helps with addiction is removing sources of the porn/drugs/etc.
Block the porn sites, don't go anywhere near a bar or drinking parties if you're a recovering an alcoholic, avoid enabling friends who will cause a relapse.
Real.
Every time you engage with pornography, you weaken your will power. Every time you do something that requires discipline, you strengthen your will. At the end of the day, it comes down to having a strong will.
I found to easiest way to ween off porn is to only masturbate without it. Still get the chemical hit, just now it’s downgraded. Eventually you’ll need to psychologically reframe your sense of a meaningful relationship and only end up orgasming through sex with a committed partner. Do this long enough (maybe within 6 months) and you’ll look back on the days of your porn addiction as if it happened to someone else. Speaking from experience.
Or find a partner who enjoys porn too. Porn with your partner is fun
great response
Haven’t you seen ‘Don Jon’?
*"Every time you do something that requires discipline, you strengthen your will."* -- Some ideas: 1. Oxygen-less minutes. Hold your breath for one minute every hour. It requires discipline, and will strengthen your will. 2. Foodless days. Don't eat anything for 24 hours, once every week. It requires discipline, and will strengthen your will. 3. Poopless weekends. Don't poop for 48 hours, once every month. If it has to go, keep it in. It requires discipline, and will strengthen your will.
It was easier for me to quit drinking and nicotine, than it is to quit porn. Im now 1 month no porn. Going for another month and building up
Yeah I'm currently dropping cigs I smoked only few times during 2 months, clean for 2 weeks currently and it is much easier with that than no pornography. I can't last one week
The worst thing there is so much soft porn everywhere over internet and youtube which results me to to relapse again and again
@@lysy-zn2gg facts bro. Sometimes im like maybe trying to replace porn with nicotine with porn will help. But than just get off nicotine after im over porn lol.
@@lysy-zn2gg What is soft porn?
Not going to lie this conversation is mind blowing and explaining more than i expected.
5:20- proceeds to name all of my favorite things.
Lol 😂
“It’s NO measure of health to be well adjusted to a Profoundly Sick Society” . J Krishnamurti .
I was addicted for 10 years, from age 17 to 27. I know how powerful this addiction can be and the utter distruction that can come from it. It's imperative that it's more understood by the general population and not the opposite.
I've been addicted for 10 years too. How did you overcome it
@@loganderry5004 I had to realize the damage it was causing and aim for focusing on being more productive and also seeking out real women and making sure I appreciated them for them. You almost have to hit rock bottom or actually hit it to realize the damage though...
@@JH-sn8kg I am well aware of the damage. I have seen way too many videos and read way too many articles to be oblivious. In fact, I am currently living through the physical and mental damages that excessive indulgence in PMO has inflicted on my mind and body - especially in the past 3 years. But for some inexplicable reason, I keep going back no matter how many times and how strongly I resolve to quit it. I am physically and mentally drained. I don't know which way to turn. This thing has such a tight grip on me.
Nonjudgmental clarity about the stigma. Looking forward to the conversation and hopefully more collaborative content.
As a virgin I really thought that whole death grip thing was a myth. “I’m like come on, I can make myself “go” in a couple of minutes. Obviously the first time I’m with a girl it’ll be over in 30 seconds or less.” This thought process caused me a lot of anxiety with dating to the point that I avoided it.
But when I finally lost my virginity, 5 minutes passed, then 10, then 15, then 30 and I still didn’t finish. We ended up stopping after ~45 minutes because both of us were exhausted and she was more than satisfied. In a way I was proud of myself for doing a good job and completely subverting my expectations, but I also felt ashamed because clearly something was wrong if I can’t get off literally the very first time I’m doing the deed with a woman.
Subsequently I’ve always been able to finish. However there are still times where it takes far too long given the situation/intensity and I worry the girl thinks they’re doing something wrong when in reality it couldn’t be better.
I experienced the same exact thing brother. I hooked up with 8 different women after the first, and none of them could help me finish. One time, I was having sex with a woman for 2 and a half hours until we just stopped because we were tired. I realized that it was because of my heavy porn use, and although I couldn't completely stop my addiction, I was able to masturbate less and less. As soon as I started doing that, I was able to finish. Now my problem is I don't last long enough lol
Been there, my man. Good job making it to a better place 👍🏽
Be grateful. It can absolutely be the other way around.
lol not hot enough for you eh?
I think one or the biggest problems these days, even bigger than porn, is social media and dating apps. It has turned normal women into celebrities and thus killed modern dating and healthy relationships leaving most average men alone and depressed. Hook up culture and shallow quick relationships based on status have taken the forefront to meaningful relationships
I love Healthy Gamer! He speaks so well to young lost men.
When He said meaninglessness is one of the biggest factor in porn use. I silently cried inside. Wooo 😓😓😓 find meaning Damn that's good
Works for naive people when someone says shit like that. Its much simpler than that.
Chis won’t stop until he interviews God himself.
I have recently begun my journey into cleansing myself from porn and, so far, the best way I have been handling it is handicapping myself from it. My own willpower isn't enough to stop me from watching it so, I have created a system that completely handicaps me from even looking at porn.
I can't access porn websites, keywords that could lead to me watching porn have been blocked entirely so, even if I see something that might trigger me, I am completely unable to act on it.
And most importantly, I pray for God's grace and strength to help me overcome lust
Thank you for doing this interview Chris. This was a fascinating perspective on the reality of Porn, Shame & Guilt.
I am an addict. I was addicted to pretty much anything I could get my hands on in my late teens. I almost died a couple of times and spent a good three months in which if I had been examined, would likely have been committed to an insane asylum. I managed to go cold turkey in my early twenties and have been clean ever since.
I also worked as a pornographer for well over a decade. You'd think if porn were addictive I would, being an addict, be utterly consumed by it. The reality is the absolute opposite. I never look at porn. It has nothing to do with any moral aspersion or taboo. I'm just not interested.
Not all it's cracked up to be eh?
Congrats bro.
Holy shit! Doctor K and Chris ❤
For many, it’s better than getting rejected endlessly in dating.
Women have made it very clear that they want nothing to do with the vast majority of men, over 99 percent of us. Dating and marriage is an absolute non-option for most men, and a high risk enterprise when it does happen. Why not just crank one out and call it a day?
It’s important to disassociate porn use and masturbation.
If you don’t have access to sex it’s just fine to masturbate. Just do it without porn. That is the harmful part.
@@simonklus4222 where's the fun in that? I don't even think it's possible.
@@rnt45t1 well then don’t do it 😂
@@rnt45t1 well that just shows there is a problem.
Men have been masturbating without porn for thousands of years. And now people say it’s not possible without it. The more you feel you need porn the more you will benefit from reducing its use.
Like he said porn addiction is a coping mechanism. There’s usually always a rooted issue like boredom, insecurity, depression, stress and so on. Don’t forget to tend to your roots.
He analyzed this so perfectly...pple usually think porn addicts are sex addicts, far from the truth...it is a coping mechanism to escape some unhealed pain and trauma..and d sad thing is it has a tighter grip on u with more usage....that is why u have lots of married pple who still use porn aggressively.....it has to be one of d most addictive habits to stop....
The most ambitious crossover I never thought I'd see
I fell in porn trap when I was 6-7 years old, I was addicted till I discovered about nofap/semen retention at 19yo. Now I'm 23yo and my brain slowly starts to heal from it I still have to do something dangerous and life threathening to feel alive because porn kinda made me numb. Literally PORN made me drug dealer.
Never been a believer of the nofap trend so I clicked this video very luckwarmly...been sitting in my tabs for 2 days.
But BOY am I glad I watched it !! So interesting and enlightening.
Some truths almost made me uncomfortable I as felt very called out but y'all are truly doing Lord's work with this one.
A much needed conversation, you guys can be proud of what you contribute to society on this topic.
It's the massive dopamine hit you get from porn viewing that makes it extremely difficult to stop. It took me years to finally overcome the urge. I'm still in recovery and the temptation is always there, but everyday that passes without me succumbing to the urge is a victory💪
Truthfully…I fucking hate the side of my family with a burning dark passion that introduced me to pornography. It was implanted in my brain during a house party and I won’t ever get over what I saw at such a young age. I would not call myself an addict but I sure fucking wish I hadn’t seen that when I was that young. I had to be only around 5-6th grade at that time.
I HAVE been off porn for several months by going to a social swing dance every day of the week. That was the only time ever I was able to stay away from porn. I’ve been in the drug since I was 11. I’m 40 now.
That's quite some time. I'm sorry but remember, it's never too late to change. Be brave and embrace the suck.
Thank you for putting porn addiction as a non shaming non degrading way. Many of us, to be frank, is in this too.
If only women were non-shaming. Porn never rejects anyone. It's a true shame that modern women have given away their value and power. Who in their right mind, in 2023, would go out of their way to desire or pursue an asshole species like women ? Esp. when these lazy good for nothing, overly entitled women (aka: "assholes") have willfully permitted porn to replace them! LMAO It's almost jokes now! I'd say it's called "Karma". If only sex and women could be as tantalizing and "addictive" as porn. Oh, what a wonderful world it would be! peace.
I think lack of meaning in my life not having a relationship with friends and girls make me feel like I am a loser.I thought that attending to college will help me socialise more and make me feel normal ,but I have been relapsing almost every day ,I learned that I can't really progress in life without tackling this urge and addiction, I really hope that this will be the last day
Thankyou for this conversation ❤
I know exactly where I went wrong with porn. When I was 17 years old, I worked at a video rental store and they had an adult section in the back. It was all down hill from there, haha!
Lol, “sometimes erectile dysfunction, straight up.” No pun intended.
You know what's really interesting is that we've only addressed visual porn which is obviously a massive problem. As a woman, I can tell you that we have those same issues which never get addressed and most of us read it rather than watch it. I'm sure Chris can tell you as a former cover model that erotic/romance novels are a huge industry and also highly addictive.
I got introduced through my mother's collection and it's been insanely difficult to stop. You can go down a very deep rabbit hole with that stuff too and Dr. K is right about the death grip thing. I noticed my tastes getting really specific and had to back off for a bit to readjust. I'm working on quitting entirely now.
Preach!
Pray.
I mean it's literally the same idea...? Like you're creating your own boundary for this because you want to feel special when in reality the same rules that apply to visual porn applies to literature type porn.
This isn't rocket science
@@yeahright3901 I was merely making an observation that women struggle in this area too as I find that the type of porn we gravitate towards doesn't often get discussed. There's no need for the sarcasm as this comment wasn't meant to be divisive but rather inclusive. I don't feel special for struggling with something millions already dealt with btw. It's not an addiction I would wish on anyone.
If it's something you struggle with I hope you get the help you need and come out stronger for it. God bless and have a great day!
@@yeahright3901 I´ll try to explain. With men watching visual porn it´s almost a given, that they will also masturbate to it, which I would reckon is pretty rare with women reading erotica. I´d argue that means there´s a lower level of immersion if you will.
Also: The studies that show the negative effects of porn are all done on visual porn, right? There´s no evidence that erotica is addictive in the classical sense or changes your brain patterns as far as I know.
cant even make it through a 13 minute video without multiple ads anymore
Just stumbled across this vid...I've struggled for a number of years and always tried to understand the pull of it. Never had a desire to use any drugs, I drink but am not an alcoholic, was addicted to food early in adolescence but that one thing has always captivated me since seeing it for the first time at 5 years old. At first I thought it was loneliness or rejection. This is the first time I've heard lack of purpose but, looking back, it really makes a lot of sense and even now in my middle aged years, still is true. This is really eye opening.
Porn needs to be pay to view. I believe that would help stop most people from getting a addiction to it.
I need to address the myth of a "healthy relationship with porn" statement that was made in this conversation. I am 50 years old, and I have been addicted to porn since I was 6 years old. Nothing destroys your ability to connect with people on an authentic level like porn. It has become progressively more mainstream over the years, and its effect on our culture at large is destroying us at our core. This is not a projection on my part. Look at how pervasive the sexualization of everything around you has become. We are, as a culture, incorporating pornagraphic mentality into our daily interactions with other people. Pornography is about objectifying people as sexual icons that are to be exploited. Even casual, intermittent porn use viewed as "healthy" rewires the brain to seek gratification from other people in non sexual ways that mirrors exploitation. There is no such thing as healthy porn use.
"Healthy" implies there is some benefit to its usage. Everything involved with watching porn is intrinsically unhealthy. There are some side benefits to having a beer or wine. There are even some benefits to most drugs and even nicotine use. What health benefit is involved in watching porn? I hear things like, "it can be a way to spice up the marriage. It's the novelty effect." Talk about playing Russian roulette with your marriage. Porn is an exploitive industry designed to hook people in at a young age. We keep hearing about how we need to stop kids from smoking cigarettes. Where's the campaigns to protect kids from porn? Exactly. They don't exist. Kids just click on an "I'm 18" button, and then they can be exposed to some of the most emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually damaging content that exists. I call bullshit. Porn is rotting our culture and normalizing the exploitation of people for sexual gratification.
never gonna quit
for me it was so bad i stopped my addiction by just not doing it anymore. It was so bad and multiple times every day where now when it becomes a routine i just sigh and put my phone down... Ever since i never touched it again. I did nothing like dopamine detox, remove apps, lower my screen time or any of these things they say on youtube. So much happened inside my head i never look at my self the same ever since. I did and went on 4 or 5 days than replapsed. For over 2 years i was replasing again and again..... just own yourself. drop the ego look at yourself and be sad, be dissapointed in everything you are and youll stop
The only excuse I have is that I’ve been exposed to it since I was like 8 and I’m like 19 turning 20 in about 7 months and honestly I think it’s because I have nothing to do most of the time I failed to join the army of my country Jamaica and been depressed ever since Porn is disgusting and makes you think weird shit I pray everyday to overcome this obstacle 🙌🙏
I think death grip syndrome is more likely if you’re circumcised.