Why You Shouldn't Resist Watching P*rn
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 พ.ค. 2024
- In this video Dr. K dives into why trying to resist watching porn might actually make your cravings worse. He explains the neuroscience behind addiction and shares some counterintuitive tips on managing your habits more effectively.
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▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────
00:00 - Introduction
01:47 - What does resisting look like?
04:22 - Why do addicts get caught in a cycle?
06:27 - Evidence Based Interventions
09:38 - Pick your battles
11:01 - Don’t fight battles you can’t win
13:24 - A source of emotional regulation
16:50 - Meaninglessness in life
18:02 - Conclusion
────────────
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Therapist when the credit card gets declined:
Edit: I did not expect this to get this much attention
😂😂😂
fr
Legendary comment
LMFAO
He's doing a great job presenting this information for free.
He's not saying, "Go watch right now!" He's explaining the downsides of losing to cravings when you try to stop enitrely immediately. If you're beating the addiction, stick to it.
we need to ban all porn and promiscuity on social media to save this society from collapse in the coming 30-50 years
Thank you for reciting the video in a dumbed down version, genius…
@@SergiusXVII whats the problem??
@@SergiusXVII It serves as a warning to commenters that have just read the title and are coming to comment something about it without watching the video.
@@bside6859 Growth ponzi scheme.
Literally cried when he said the biggest driving force to porn addiction is a sense of worthlessness
Definitely hit me, too.
Yes that hits now extra hard partly also because of AI.
It wasn’t even a week ago I was asking myself “why should I stop?” And this comment just hit me like a ton of bricks
*sense of horniness
always
I’m a licensed addiction counselor in CA and one of the most effective treatments for porn addiction I’ve found is address touch starvation. Many people (mostly men) I work with who have PA often don’t know they’re craving basic affection and use porn and masturbation as ways to simulate and inmate affectionate experience. One exercise that I asked someone to do was literally ask his friends for a hug.
It's actually obvious. You don't have to be an addiction counselor in CA to understand it. The problem is that the vast majority of guys don't have a girlfriend, a normal family, or normal friends
@@romanishchenko6310 you’d be surprised how many people don’t make the connection. Especially for men it’s incredibly easy to fall into your routine and completing the process of your day to day life ie work, errands, etc. many people never reflect on how they’re feeling they just act on those feelings
That makes so much sense and yet is so incredibly disheartening. Most of us aren’t even craving sexual pleasure merely the simple feeling of warmth that comes from hugging someone who love us.
@@HKRAQ I didn't make the connection, but now you say it, it's so obvious :/
I kinda wished i had a wife that loves me.
*"You couldn't live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me."*
-Grape Man
-The man who did nothing wrong
Exactly
Honestly porn is an avengers level threat
Bars
"It's not about beating it." - Dr. K
Was looking for this comment.
@@Pebbledrop I'm happy someone noticed lol
Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it (Beat it)
Beat it (Beat it)
But it is, in fact, about beating it :O... Dr. K be misleading us
@@thenew4559King of Pop
Something I’ve found to resist porn is simply finding other things to fill my time with. Hanging out with friends and family, working on a project, playing video games, watching tv, lifting weights, it all takes my mind off of porn and makes me tired enough at the end of the day where I just go to bed and don’t even think about porn.
Yes instead of filling our socks and pillow sheets. We need to fill our minds!
You're 100% correct and Dr. K is sort of saying it at the end when he talks about the sense of purpose. Even if you are not working on a greater purpose at the moment, just give yourself a bunch of tiny ones to keep yourself busy (do an online course, go for a walk, even play a game for a while). Fun fact: I spent last week at my grandparents house preparing it for the summer so I was busy all day every day - didn't even think of porn once. Now I'm back home and I spend more time in front of my laptop, I definitely think more about it.
thats not necessarily resisting porn. It is giving yourself value within your day and giving yourself a sense of worth, even if it is from small things.
Keeping yourself busy gives you a purpose and as such a feeling or worth, which causes the addiction to mostly go away.
This is all that porn addition is (A lack of purpose in one's life). Your brain is craving dopamine releases, you are not getting it throughout the day.
It's the root issue. Address it and the problem disappears.
This is why just using discipline doesn't work as you eventually cave in to needing that release because you are not getting it elsewhere.
The jokes are funny but this is genuinely one of the most mind-opening things I've watched in a long time
@gottisttott6350 everyone wants attention by typing these comments! pathetic
just when I thought i was out, they pull me back in
Exactly, its a terrible idea... Like saying to an ex drug addict that its bad to resist drugs like wtf
That’s what she said
Say the line silvio!
@bingbong2721 I recommend watching the video, my guy. If you're certain of a conclusion with minimal evidence, you're probably more likely to be wrong. I assume he means that you should improve your own life elsewhere rather than simply remove the coping mechanism... because that's what it is, drugs and behaviours and cravings exist to suppress suffering, just try and take the bottle from the alcoholic- if you succeed, which you probably won't, but if you do... see what happens. They'll be jittery. Annoyed. Physiological responses; nausea, headaches, etc; Withdrawals.
Compare that to being put in an environment where alcohol is LESS gratifying than quality socialisation (replace fellow alcoholic friends with sober friends, you'll notice they won't have NEARLY the same amount of cravings) studying for a purpose, learning engaging hobbies, etc. You'll be less likely to crave, more likely to put the bottle down yourself. Don't resist; Divert attention and intention.
Watch the video, compare our assumptions.
@bingbong2721 he literally talks about that in the video. Please watch videos before commenting instead of spreading misinformation.
everything is getting brighter, bouncier, jigglier
I read this right as he said it
Bro tempted somebody just then😂
He is trying to tempt people so that they stay in the cycle of hedonism, making then weak, so that they can become more effective consumers of his “content”. Disgusting.
@@thegreatandmightyseff7214 and why are YOU under one of his vids?
@@temperino I just clicked on it, I am not subscribed to him. Classic assumption fallacy.
"indulge with self awareness" is some of the best advice someone ever gave me. it helped me slowly do certain things less and less
How to quit porn addiction:
- Get a job
- Work out before or after work
- Do household chores
- Pick up a hobby, or more hobbies
- Go out with friends
At the end of the day you'll realize how time consuming porn addiction is and how much time you devote for a few seconds of pleasure. Once you live a socially active life, you'll have no time for such activities, and realize how much fun everything else is.
The "scheduling" thing is _exactly_ what I did to get over my addiction. Unfortunately I didn't have any external help, but I figured that setting progressively stricter limits on how often I could do it was much more realistic than quitting overnight, and although there were times when I wasn't able to respect said limits and I felt terribly guilty about it, in the end I managed to slowly take back control of my mind and body. If you're in the same situation as I was, then don't give up, your efforts will pay off in the long term!
hey, congrats on getting over your addiction!! I am curious on how long you have stayed clean for and what other things did you do to get over the addiction?
Great idea, i'll try this for sure
@@Dhr_v I was in my mid-teens, so unfortunately I could only resist for a couple months at a time before hormones would get the better of me, but even though that might not count as completely "clean", I didn't feel like it was controlling my life anymore and I was satisfied with where I'd gotten.
Nowadays I hardly feel the need to do it at all due to hormonal changes, but it should be noted that I'm a special case in that regard, so your mileage may vary.
Sadly I can't remember doing anything else in particular to overcome it. I just slowly but surely made progress towards my goal until it wasn't really a problem anymore.
@@Zakaker Np, this clears it! Tysm for getting back to me.
@@Zakaker Was it porn specifically or was it everything?
Do not resist it, replace it with something more meaningful and rewarding.
Like learning a new skill. Marshal art, sim racing, cooking, wood work, anything that requires generative attitude and learning, not consumption.
Yeah but... I want to whack it at night, I'm not gonna go to a martial art lesson or go to the shed and work on a DIY project.
Then play video games lol. Not the most productive thing but its not the worst thing ever and may be enriching if with friends or trying out new genres@@richardmccabe2392
Only thing that can truly replace it is a real relationship
@@jready1455it doesn't.
People who are good at delayed gratification are known to be much more successful in life and I want to be more successful, so I'm viewing my addiction as an obstacle between me and my dreams. So whenever I reach a certain goal, I allow myself to engage in the addiction once. This simple frame allowed me to no longer be engaged in the addiction every day (or even multiple times per day), instead it's easy to stay 'clean' for weeks.
Sure the urges are still there but recognizing that it's an urge and knowing that you shouldn't betray yourself makes everything easier.
mindfulness is powerful
This is a great video on behavioral addiction overall. Definitely didn’t know that the more you resist and fail, the worse your cravings will be. Planning to use these techniques for technology use in general.
I'm an alcoholic and can back this method up. I'm not even really trying to quit, but lately it's been horrible, so I had to like make hard line rules like "not until this time, do all of that first, stop drinking at work (yes, it was that bad), and try to drink socially more.
Surprisingly, I definitely cut back and it was mostly effortless.
I don’t drink anymore but when I needed to quit, I first cut back like you’re describing. I made rules for myself like light beer only, no drinking until 7 pm and in bed by 10:30, no more than 6 beers a night. Then it reduced to just weekends and drinking socially until finally I stopped for good. Knowing that I still could drink but not as much as before made it a lot easier to eventually get sober. Best of luck to you if you do ever decide to fully quit, but it’s great that you’ve learned to moderate.
At least you’re aware of the issue and you’re making better choices. That sounds like a W to me! ❤
thats great to hear. I guess for (some) addictions, its better to limit rather then remove. You cover the "need" while still functioning.
what worked for me is setting rules of where I'm allowed to buy alcohol. This is a big deal since I walk everywhere. So if I want a drink I'm not allowed to buy from the gas station 10 minutes away, instead I have to walk an hour to the bar or to the liquor store and suddenly getting alcohol becomes more trouble than it's worth and the craving goes away.
This comment is giving me déjà vu.
When he said something like “we don’t really know how people quit on their own” I thought about my journey quitting marijuana and it aligned with the things he was talking about in the second half of the video. It was all about a) redirecting when I had cravings, going on my porch for a few minutes, turning on a movie or video game, or writing down a list of reasons why I didn’t want to continue smoking, and b) getting a purpose in life. I chose my dogs as my purpose, making them happy, and instead of smoking I’ll do a training session with them instead, and the increase in their energy and tail wagging is so gratifying.
Congratulations! You quitted marijuana, but now...
You are addicted to DOGS! 🐶
ok now actually, congrats on quitting 😁
Congrat on quitting smoking that! I hope you have lots of fun with your dogs.
I remplaced my addiction with sport every morning, journaling BUT in the first place I just smoked RAW CBD wich was disgusting because to me tabacoo was the reason why I'd smoke 10g of mari juana an eveninf alone I felt like it.
Because mari juana feels nice AND I was reaaaaally addicted to tabaco.
Smoking raw Cbd is so useless and bruh that my brain said Ok you've had your dose but also, don't so it again please (with enough time) and mostly because doing anything else felt better
How long did it take you to notice improvements in your memory and stuff in day to day tasks?
Thanks for this! I will never be able to get a friend (and definitely never get a date or girlfriend) but I CAN get a pet. If that’s enough purpose for you, maybe it will be for me.
What would you like us to make a video on for Mental Health May? reply to this comment with your suggestions & upvote the ones you like
Samsara. If life is suffering, why engage in it?
I don't think Sisyphus would be happy if he's actually aware of his situation.
One must imagine Sisyphus pissed.
I think someone forgot to pin this comment
One thing I am struggling with is knowing that the environment I have no control over is damaging me, but I will need to wait out and keep doing what I am doing to have a chance to change where I am. Also I like my job but it would require me to stay where I am, where I am unhappy because of constant noise (and resulting fatigue), neglected youths and anonymity. And if I fantasize about where I would like to be, I can't find an answer even on the dream level where any place in the world and anything from a tiny apartment to a grand mansion is possible. I often think to myself subconsciously that I want to go "home", but I don't know where that is or what it means.
I guess to sum it up, how to feel at home in life?
How a combination of fear and denial determine most people’s decisions.
" Don't fight battles you cant win" i heard this before but today it really hit me in a different way
If you experience hyperphantasia, there isn’t always a clear divide between “watching porn” and losing yourself in arousing fantasy. Your mind makes porn of the world and remembers it vividly in the perpetual theater of your mind.
Didn't expect the chocolate rain guy to be in a DR.K video about beating the urge to beat it. Small world.
the mind is a strong gateway to relaps indeed
how do you deal with hyperphantasia @tayzonday
Rare Aphantasia W
I read this in his voice.
"Don't fight watching porn. Lead it." - Sun Tzu, The art of war.
Hilarious underated comment 😂
@@funygameur who knows, may be people here are not fans of Sun Tzu's quotes😁
Create one
i actually read that book a while ago lol
@@shishlinsv when you're small appear to be large
"Flee from sexual immorality." You're supposed to make a habit of leaving the situation that's causing the temptation. Not staying. Not fighting it. Run.
Only way I could develop a habit of fleeing is by developing habits and practices that I am responsible for that I prioritize in my time. Then when the temptation is there, I can easily understand how it distracts from the priorities I am responsible for.
I believe "flee" comes with "fear". If there are things you love more than your own immediate self-gratification, then you will fear the possibility of losing what you truly cherish.
I had the same mantra last year
did u even see video? the whole video explains why that might not work and why people fall back to it again
@@JeyAnirudhJekka I spoke from experience in overcoming it, and, yes, running isn't the same as resisting. Avoidance isn't fighting.
"Only a little murder" isn't a thing. He may have good reason to talk about self control burn out, but Evolution is a very stupid theory and anyone who judges human behavior on such fairy-tales is losing in the area of understanding human nature.
This man is very wise. He knows alot about what he is talking about and is often very right, but iniquitous means will never lead to righteous ends. There is a way to not sin and overcome it; "To shun evil is understanding."
Addictions are not equal. With sex specifically, there is a spiritual component that is particularly weak against the environment. This is the only reason he is wrong. By treating sex the same as any addictive behavior, his recommendation is blinded. "Setting up the battle to beat the addiction." It means changing the environment with sex. Go to a place where it stops attacking, and stop feeding it by not giving it fuel to foster thoughts in your head. Running is the solution, not to addiction, but to sexual temptation. He even mentions the differences. He is floating around the right prescription. He is almost there. XD
@@JeyAnirudhJekka First: "Scheduled murder" is not a thing. There is a way to conquer sin without participating in it. Iniquitous means do not lead to righteous ends.
"To shun evil is understanding." With sexual sin in particular, and he mentions this, it is weak against environmental changes. Running is only the solution to sexual temptation, not every addiction, because it is different spiritually. Running is the key, and avoiding the triggers that feed it in the first place, because with time, particularly lust, goes away, unlike other addictions.
I have adhd & I couldn't help but notice how lovely your environment & background is!
Thank you for your work from sugar land tx!
i recently quit all my addictions, smoking, watching porn, staring in the mirror, binge eating, acne-picking, etc. I have barely any cravings to do any of them and i’m 100% certain it’s because I live alone now. I was constantly surrounded by my toxic family who put me down everyday, but now they’re all out the house, and i’m the only one here. When trying to quit an addiction, like he says, ur environment is the biggest factor. U can’t heal if ur constantly being damaged.
Staring in the mirror?
The book Atomic Habits talks about this heavily because the environment is a giant factor in building habits, both good or bad. You, as the architect of your environment, moved out of a place of stress which stemmed directly from your environment, therefore removing all the stressors needed to signal your brain to engage in those bad habits in the first place.
So you created your own environment and you did it my guy🎉🎉. Proud of you fam.
@@rgb2296 Probably a form of self hatred
@@9volt101 Goes hand-in-hand with acne, especially severe or cystic acne
@@rgb2296 my reaction as well
I know you gotta cook a title with a hook but what the heck
For real, the voices already coming
@@summersalix sounds like you havent finished the video yet.
The title is semi-true.
he changed it back to resist
but isnt that manipulation?
This is a fantastic insight on managing addiction that took me quite a long time to understand and accept as most people absolutely do not understand and socially expect the harmful opposite, that people must just push really hard constantly to "will" addiction away.
I pray at night to god to stop watching corn
Yes same, My Guy Student just yesterday watching corn at night. It's Worse, He having bullying every student including Form 1 or 2 Student. However, I think his brain didn't was destroying before late.
I hopefully he must going to church and reading bible everyday than watching corn. Amen.
Dr. k is person not have enough experience about it how is real dangerous all kind of corn and spicy stuffs on applications and plistic Sergry on women to who's look at them and how effect so extremely on men lifes and good women lifes. I tell u something about my life my parents were work hard to keep family together give values to their kids. I'm older one on siblings never want say (my) cuz they are evils that why i cut off them of my life forever till die. my parents trying to have good kids rising good. there 3 group on me of siblings who's under age then me when I was care about them all time when they were babies when I was still child also but I was care about them for who am I as child after years they are growing up be teens they are starting hate enemy 3 of them do group together to mocking on me all time call me stupid I was not care about it till my dad bought computer was for who's study to use it I not use it at all was also I don't care just read book about computer to also computer one of siblings that group who's hate me I trying understand it without use computer avoid problems with them put something on me but during these 5 years I was saw their behavior getting worse they starting doing unbelievable things even my parents still till today not know about it they also starting hate towards to my parents like they enemies but my parents still not pay attention about their behavior use my parents hurts me.. If someone really wants hear more about it ill do write it save a lot of families lifes from destroy it.
There are no misters.
-Yoda Master
@@ItzBinboyWhyNot
i feel like that just adds build-up and expectation , which makes u failing more painful
Allah SWT has dominion over everything, pray to him and he will answer insha Allah. But we have to put in the work as well
I wish I had had this piece of advice to "set aside a time to watch porn" before brute forcing my way out of addiction. The way I beat my porn addiction was by pairing up with a good friend and agreeing to tell each other every time we watch porn. It was extremely uncomfortable for both of us but we both got there in the end. Not everyone is lucky enough to have such a supportive friend, so this piece of Dr. K advice is fantastic.
wow that's a good friend.
risky
If you have to tell which kind of porn you're gonna watch even without going into specifics, you would resist even more. Just saying it's something from Japan and your friend wouldn't have to guess much.
I mean you also could've just used him lol
You're a good friend❤
It’s always better to replace corn with a new habit, because since your brain needs stimulation, you can’t just go from hyper stimulation to none at all, that’s how you start counting days instead of making the most of them
Yes the gym!
Agereed but I think it’s always good to think just one more day and you will notice how your day plays out the same except now your healing
Great comment and I couldn't agree more.
this comment needs more likes
The help this man has given me through his videos is wild. all of these tips he gives up all the time can be applied in so many different places and has helped me turn my life around.
God I've been trying to figure this out for so long. I was caught between the pendulum swings of unrestricted use and fully trying to shut it down. I knew there must be some balance in the middle, I knew it, but I could never figure out how. Thank you so much.
Basically, it's better to build our passive resistance via lifestyle/mindset change than it is to rely on active resistance via thought-stopping and temporary environment change.
Thought stopping? You mean like „don’t think about a blue elephant“?
yes our will has limited capacity we run out of fuel very fast and arent conscious most of time especially at our lowest points daily
@@iche9373 Google exists.
Using consumables to resist or develop passive resistance.
@@szymonbaranowski8184Just remember your will is only limited by the limit you place on yourself. You have much more than you realize.
“If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls you” - Stan Marsh, South Park (Context about Alcohol)
This was one of my first South Park episodes I’ve watched, and this advice made it one of my favourites. It’s amazing how one your patients brought up South Park too because I find it amazing at how well constructed their lessons actually are.
Just do a keto diet to cure your cravings or take Ozempic.
Great episode. I think it's spot on that the real willpower, or as South Park puts it, disciprine, isn't in resisting your demons but in moderating them. It's easy to run away from addiction, but that doesn't actually work. What's much harder and much more effective is developing the ability to engage in the addictive behaviour without losing control.
I haven't watched the whole thing yet but I think I'm really glad you made this one, I feel like it's a piece of the puzzle that may have been missing from the other videos about this. You talked about addictions before and referred to being aware of when you eat chips and still allowing yourself to have it but being aware of it. That's where I think this video is going.
After watching, I think it did go there partially. For me I try to develop a healthy relationship with the things I'm 'addicted' to. I try not to use something to fulfill a need that I can meet without that thing... I don't always achieve this, and I don't think I need to always achieve this. I think I need to focus on living a better life, and sometimes these things don't make it drastically worse, it gets that way without moderation, and awareness... but even then I don't think it should be something to beat yourself up about as it can make things worse, I think this still tracks with what he's saying.
I also, think for some people there can be a religious shame and trauma component, which I don't think has been mentioned in his videos, might be something to consider because I know it made things more complicated for me.
I have a lot of junk on my TH-cam feed, but this channel is one of the best things I've come across
For those confused or jumping to conclusions, he's saying when it comes to porn addiction a good strategy to quitting is a controlled moderation approach to slowly get off it. Quitting cold turkey with anything can make the addiction stronger, especially if we're not ready or strong enough to give it up yet.
And also a keto diet can regulate the cravings
I mean Cold Turkey helped me last 3 to 4 months
Can't break the edging streak.
I'm edging rn
@@pepito69 me 2
I’ve been edging since ‘97
ugh, I'm edging really hard to this comment rn
edging to all the edgers in this comment section
For me the "secret" to quiting was moving toward a greater goal. I set a vision of what and who i wanted to be and for me I connected it to my God-given and God-sanctioned mission here on earth. And a part of that was physical health, which means going to sleep early, waking up early and exercising. It also means eating less and eating healthier. And between work, kids and doing that, it just doesn't leave a lot of time for porn. Then once i learned what it can do to you energy, focus and motivation levels when you stop masturbating, i was totally "cured" of my addiction.
I don't "resist" porn; I'm just doing something else right now. Something that's more meaningful to me.
Our brain is like a child who's trying to get what they want. If you let a child cry, and then give in, that child knows that's how long they need to cry to get what they want.
I think till now this is the best video on TH-cam or anywhere anybody has ever made on por*n addiction .
By far.
Been watching some since 2014, never seen better even by someone with a PHD or else.
I agree!
Agreed
This one’s gonna be popular I can tell
Same. Heck, maybe this vid will be the most popular video by Dr. K
gulp
We'll see if that comes to be true
289k views in one day
I remember being that one person whenever I see a title I just thinks it's 100% correct and it's fked my life.
Thank you Doc, this is the type of stuff I love to see, didn't even need to watch the video 🙏🏻
This is for those who may be religious (specifically Christian). I hope you guys can see the parallels with Dr.K's scientific studies.
I got rebaptized, fasted for seven days (water only) and prayed. I got closer to God, and learned to emotionally regulate by going to Him whenever I was emotional. I didn't feel like a failure when I did slip up a couple of times because I believe God values me, and would continue to work it out of me, so I eventually stopped worrying about it and fearing it. I just focused on Knowing God, and forming a meaningful relationship with Him. I'm still tempted, but I'm always reminded of my love for Him and His feelings, which gives me strength to resist. I hope this helps.
P.s.
You can't free yourself imo. It feels like it happens to you and in you (which gives you the strength to stay free.)
Freedom is hard to find when you don’t have God to turn to.
say less
Like 😂😂😂
sigh. Unzips pants
less
@@UnderTheTutelage Dr. K video plays on
Young blud
This is going to confuse the living sh*t out of a lot of people in this community😂 Let's see if my guess of what this video is about is going to be right or not.
Was your guess right?
Was your guess right?
Was it right? Was it? You can't just leave us hanging...
OP is clearly extensively analyzing the video in absolute detail
Even though the video is 20 minutes, and the comment was an hour ago, all to see if the guess was right
What a cliffhanger!
nope, i think we lost them
When I quit drinking I read Allan Carr’s “quit drinking without willpower”
The book starts off by saying you can have a drink while reading, and you don’t have to stop until you want, but by the end of the book you will not want it anymore. This seems similar.
There is a anti-porn book based by Alan Carr for free online too.
This was an incredibly interesting point of view. Thank you for the video 💪
the last part is important, thanks for mentioning that
you need a reason to stop addictions like this because even if you beat it you still havent changed your enviroment and its really easy to fall back into it
13:02 Dr. K is absolute right about this. I came to this conclusions which are given by Dr.K in this video myself.
I was a heavy smoker, now I'm almost a partially smoker, but how did I got managed that?
First of all, I started to avoid smoking in certain areas, my apartment, my car or meeting certain ppl.
Over a year it was so successful that I started to travel by car and even on 8hrs+ legs I didn't even think about smoking. Why? Because sitting in my car and smoking doesn't fit together.
And so I could reduce smoking without force to a minimum where I'm occasionally forget about it. I had several days without smoking without intend to. And it reduces further, without ANY force or "discipline" or other "super method 3000"-crap. Just kinda schedule it, set it on certain dependencies and add them time over time.
There will be a day where I don't even buy a pack anymore but without force, without fear of falling back. Just b/c it is natural to me that I don't even smoke, like being a "never smoker". No battles, just successes, without hatred to myself. Like finding a natural way to "de-programm" smoking step by step.
Like Dr.K. explains it with P*rn addiction.
Very well said!
yes it also ties ijn to this identity you catered towards yourself. Just imagine in all of those instances you identified as a smoker. Inherently you would have made decisions based on the mental frame that you created, and vice-versa!
Quit smoking in a similar way. That was loong ago. Keep doing what you're doing, it works well.
This very much sounds like the method of *Alen Car* in the book *_"How to stop cigarette"_* (or smth)
About that book I want to say :
It worked on me for two days, insanely well I didn't feel any craving BUT my body started to be insanely sick out of nowhere, like a flu in august, I was with a friend that had a cigarette.
Seeing it evokes nothing, absolutely nothing.
But I was of fuck head that by opposition to the guy Alen Car, wanted to prove him wrong or right.
I thought: OK it seems to work but I wanna know, am I sick because of my bodys addiction or is it something else.
If it is smth else, I'll just re read his book after this cigarette.
The only take away to this is that I ruined the effect the book had on me by smoking a cigarette I didnt even want and retook smoking after two days when I could have stopped, I feel like O really could have.
WHAT DOES ALEN CAR SAYS IN HUS BOOK ?
LISTEN TO MY ADVICES.
DO NOT SMOKE FOR NO REASON, WHY NO ENVY, IF YOU DO DON'T SAY MY BOOK ISN'T WORKING :
YOU JUST DIDN'T HEAR MY ADVICE.
I did just that.
I regret it.
This book doesn't have any science backing, more to the contrary, but people suceeded with it and it could have been me.
To me it's self hypnosis, re writing of though pattern and I really think it's worh the try.
@@funygameur Hmm I dunno, I didn't read a book or so. I simply switched to the weakest cigarettes available and reduced smoking by simply doing other things + restrictions as I've written above. It works well. Yesterday I smoked some cigarettes more than the usal 3 or 5 a day. Today I'm way below. In general the count goes down. That's all that matters to me. And it worked well. Last week I had 2 days without a cigarette and without craving. After the 2 days I had me "normal" 3 cigarettes a day. And so on. Those cig-free days are slowly but surely raising in numbers. And I don't have any regret smoking a cigarette b/c I know statistically I'm on a trend to quit. :)
15:33 "It's not about beating it"
Great summary in more than one way!
Very insightful and helpful.
I recently found myself falling into the PPU category of users, diagnosed by myself like so many are.
I’m thankful that it is objectively minor as I had people to talk to when I first discovered porn and have had resources helping me when growing up.
I knew that I wouldnt quit using porn forever, but i’d been going cold turkey for some time and I knew I needed some sort of battle plan to re-integrate it healthily and this seems to be a really great method!
Thanks mate
I appreciate the way seemingly contradictory phrases are used to clarify specific, complicated things about this. About the mind.
Dr. K is by far the best mental health content creator, this is all literally so helpful to hear. He feels like a REAL person too not just a doctor, makes it come through to me a lot better.
Very interesting watch. I have been trying to quit or at least drastically reduce my use of pornography for a while now and have actually been making progress. I was glad to hear the end part since it alligns pretty much exactly with my experiences. Once you make it through the initial part it becomes much easier to not use it at all and suddenly a few days have gone by and you barely even thought about it. I'm not out of the woods yet but I think I am on a good path and seeing that my strategy was the right one is very encouraging because when I read the title I thought to myself: "But this is what I have been doing and it's been working...". Great stuff.
This is the best help I've gotten with this issue, I finally feel like im winning, thank you doctor K
Many in comments are not understanding the nuance in his statement. The opening is shocking for retention.
Yep, lots of people seem to buy into moralistic nonsense about how porn is inherently bad and therefore complete abstinence is the only acceptable behavior
Then it shouldn't be.
But then again, a lot of them are also getting the point.
yeah, it's very subtle
When we try to use our willpower and like Dr. K said resist our cravings there's a part of ourselves in our mind that agrees with the idea of a relapse and resisting the craving or trying to use willpower to ignore it will only make it harder in the future. Instead what we need to do is have an open conversation with corn and yourself to realize that corn is lying and is not there for you. It will temporarily fill the void in our lives but it only makes it larger.
I read very similar things from an author called Celibate Yogi and his book completely changed me it was a very short read and very informative, i recommend it to anyone who's struggling with corn
Bro, for a few seconds I thought you had a weird relationship with corn. Then it dawned on me that you weren't actually talking about grains...
@@TheDalekCaan_He _is_ talking about corn. I am an Iowa corn farmer and this menace has wrecked havoc on our crops for years and is well known in our local farming community. Hell I've had to decontaminate my fields 13 times this month alone because of the unspeakble things he's done. He must be stopped!
@@magnanimus9692
Find "healthy distractions" sport, art, design, or manual crafts etc
the healthy distractions will make you so passionate in your flow state
that "healthy distractions" will distract you from "unhealthy distractions".
So this way you will teach your brain to be passionate about healthy hobbies.
Ed Mylett said a few years ago in some video.
Be passionate about some hobby that, it will distract you from other distractions.
Just do a keto diet to cure your cravings or take Ozempic, Chico. The World is Yours.
Exactly what I was expecting you to say with this kind of Video Title.
Although it explains pretty well why I have no need to watch porn anymore.
Thanks for all the advice you've given me so far, Dr. K!
Why is this getting recommended to me? I don't want this in my life anymore.
Ask God to reveal Himself. Only Jesus will show up. He will heal you and give you peace ❤ Ever since I declared and truly believed that he's my Lord and Savior, my lust and porn addiction left the day after. Been free for 1 year❤ God bless you, stay strong and seek Him ❤
@@AntonioLexanTeh friend, I've been a Christian my whole life, and I take my faith seriously. Hasn't made the addiction go away.
If Jesus has healed you, great! But that doesn't mean he's guaranteed to heal everyone in the same way. He's not a vending machine for miracles, and I think it's dangerous if we accidentally give people that impression.
Watch the video
watch the video, scrub
15:31
of course it's not about beating it. it's about NOT beating it
So I shouldn't follow Michael Jackson's advice? :\
I tihnk people confuse nofap and quitting pornography a lot. NoFap is a community of weird people thinking they will get superpowers and ultra-high testosterone by not jacking it for long enough. But there is more than enough evidence to debunk that whole shabang. It's healthy and natural to beat it every now and then. The problem is with porn, not fapping. Getting off to watching other people fuck in front of you, messes up a lot of stuff in our brains. We tend to get more sad. We tend sexualize a lot more stuff in very weird ways. We tend to get angry at or objectify women a lot more. So it's not about not beating it. It's about not watching porn.
@@GrumpyDerg 😂
Don't beat it BUT you can FLOG IT!!
*grabs popcorn* 🍿
the "opc" is silent
Don't reach too deep in the popcorn or you might find a surprise
With a dune popcorn bucket?
@@marshmeowllow6816 Currently edging using the dune popcorn bucket
As a former poly drug addict junkie, I've never understood porn addiction. Like I get how it works, but it just doesn't matter enough to become an addiction. Like heroin, meth, ecstasy, etc they last several hours, masturbating lasts a few minutes maybe 10 or 15.
We used to talk about it in my old friend group and all of us agreed we'd rather get high than have sex. Now sex and masturbation after getting high was always awesome, but to feel that craving stronger than the craving for drugs, nah bro I just can't do it.
By the way before anyone says anything negative, I've been clean over 2 years now and no it's not like you're lead to believe, I don't consider myself still an addict and I don't think about heroin or meth anymore. I lost too much to want to do it again.
Thanks for the content bro.
Well fist of all. It does not have to be better than heroin or meth it just have to be better than other things I actually tried? Not all porn addicts have tried heroin I think. Lots of people avoid things that they think have a high risk of being addictive and then end up with a behavioral addictive problem instead.
Also are you a man cause 15 min? Haha no It can be hours 😅
Good thing mentioning the difference between behavioral addiciton and substance addiction. Too many people tried to claim the two things are the same.
This is great.
Gives some surface level tools to addicts to just tone it down. Setting a schedule is a great practice. Like he said, the real issue behind the addition is not that you're looking at porn but the effects of hardcore addicts wasting all their spare time doing nothing but that. Or failing to build a meaningful life and filling the void with porn. Non-addicts look at porn, sometimes even regularly.
There are plenty of good arguments that watching porn is harmful even if you’re not addicted.
@@imworkingonit2468I'm all ears
@@imworkingonit2468 Are any of them NOT based on ridiculous cultural hangups about sex?
@@imworkingonit2468please state these arguments complete with the links to scientific studies because I’ve been using them since I was a teen and I’m now 30+ with no major issues in life. I’ll wait.
@@LiftPizzas I’m the kind of person that doesn’t watch P that much, maybe 10-20 minutes a day max, and even if I don’t have an addiction, it still feels like a need to “discharge” (coupled with M). And it feels disgusting to watch P, I’ve always been not too fond of it.
Either way, it’s better not to watch P than to watch it. Nothing good about it. P and M contribute nothing to my life, it’s a waste of my time and emotional energy… I’d prefer to have a relationship with a real woman, and P and M are sort of a crappy substitute.
Also, isn’t it enough to qualify as addiction if it directly influences your life in a negative way? Consumption rate doesn’t even matter that much? I study and socialise occasionally, so I’n not that unsuccessful in life, but I feel like eliminating P and M from it would only improve it
Hot take - sex without romance, friendship, vulnerability, or mutual enjoyment gets really kinda boring
Then can I have it?
I wouldn't know
Sounds like an ice cold take to me
Ummm, yeah I think that's how it works
@@jinfin221addict talk here
Thank you for helping me connect the dots as a therapist!!
Nice try feds still not paying my taxes
All of the potential confusion and/or controversy that this video will cause would all be solved if everyone just watched the video rather than jumping to conclusions about the title 😂. What Dr.K explains in the video isn't to stop resisting porn addiction entirely, but to resist it in a way that is more efficient and conducive to success. Most addicts do desire to stop and resist their cravings just to unfortunately end in failure, causing their brains to subconsciously think it's unachievable. That's the main point of this video, he's saying there's a paradoxical effect associated with trying to resist that makes you worse off in the end because your brain punishes you for resisting in the first place. And in fact, punishes you the more you resist. So the superior approach he puts forward is to allow yourself a time slot to watch it, but disallow yourself from doing it during the time in between. By doing so, you train your brain to resist temporarily while also preventing yourself from being punished by the withdrawals or negative emotions that arise from resisting completely and eventually failing. If you're able to resist completely, by all means do it. But for those who can't (which is the most of us), this can be an actually fruitful long-term strategy.
Perfect clarification.
I get that the title can be misleading and potentially even harmful, but the information in the video itself mostly justifies it. It's just that some people will sadly never know that and just think he's justifying people's addictive cycles.
😂 Exactly lol
Thanks for recap
He spittin kinda fax. Quitting cold turkey almost never worked for me but slowly tapering off of something worked most of the time.
my last therapist told me something similar but understanding this concept of picking your own battles, sitting with your urges is so underrated.
Just do a keto diet to deal with your cravings
I just discovered your channel and I think I will read again the power of the present moment by Eckart Tolle. Definitely will try delaying and "procrastinate" my porn addiction. I started reading again recently so I will say "later, now let's just get comfortable on the couch and have some book" and "Oh well, let's call X, I have a good one for him.". I always heard that at least talking is a form of therapy.
Phenomenal video once again Dr. K! Hopefully people watch this with an open mind, rather than writing it off simply based off of the title.
I haven't given in in over a week and thats big progress. I got addicted as an 11 y/o and have tried direly to disconnect. Now, I know I'm not missinhg anything by losing that habit. It would sap energy when I felt like it was giving me relief.
this sounds like an extremely defeatist mentality, assuming that your willpower is non-existent and "cravings" and "urges" cannot be kept under control and must be met with satisfaction or you will not function...
Loved this. Very helpful. Would also like a video that covers alternate techniques for things like substance abuse and nicotine addiction.
I feel so bad for people struggling with this
same with any other addiction
This so called addiction is literally 5 minutes of effort to solve, cost nothing and you can move on with your day, imaginary problem of the 1st world countries.
Just do a keto diet to cure your addiction
Everyone has an addiction. If you think you have none you better check it again
@@iche9373 addictions are alot deeper than just eating/consuming foods or beverages. its something that effects your mind as well as your entire body.
you can gradually change the chemistry in your body overtime an that will have some positive effects but it means nothing if you can't cull the mind telling you to do the thing that makes you feel better about a situation or circumstances. which is why its so important to re-wire or reprogram your mind to deceive yourself into thinking less is more and eventually you will no longer become dependent upon the thing which caused the addiction and can then make the decision to quit it.
Thanks Dr. K! I've been 3 months clean but I listened to your advice and started my edging/gooning session, going to aim for a new streak!
Listening to Dr. K's great advice reminded me of Nietzche's quote: "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." Also, Victor Frankl's book Man's Search For Meaning is another great resource and speaks of similiar concepts. Thanks for your thought provoking and insightful videos!👍
1 minute in. I've never watched it in my whole life, but I guess it's time to start right now. Thanks Dr. K!
The problem with pornography is that not only is it a dopamine dependent addiction like all others, it’s also hormonal, which I think is something that a lot of people overlook and makes it a lot more complicated than people think.
Just adopt a keto diet or take Ozempic to deal with your addiction
@@iche9373 Wat
@@iche9373 Are you serious? Or was this sarcasm?
@@LukeLane1984 Dr. Chris Palmer would confirm that a keto diet can handle an addiction and Ozempic regulates Cravings.
@@iche9373 stop copying and pasting this under every single comment and actually explain why you think keto is the cure to a porn addiction
I crank it to the DOOM ost
Give this man a beer!!!
You dont beat your meat to that, you defeat it
i crank it to MF DOOM
@@Max-ek4dn 😂
I crank it to opeth
Great Topic!
I managed to do" NoFap" for 2 months But then I got back into Watching again .
OMG!!! This is EXACTLY what i needed! Thank you so much, Doctor K! I've been struggling with a porn addiction since the age of 9 and now I'm 14. It's been affecting my social life and making me so sexual to a point that even i get uncomfortable hearing myself. For so long I'd go through the same cycle, trying to quit, failing and watching it again, feeling shame, and then giving up. But for the past few days i was thinking about putting a limit on it. My sessions have gotten up to lasting an hour and a half to two hours and i always felt completely worthless and ashamed afterwards. But i started putting timers on for only 45 minutes and it's been working. The reason why I'm here is because i messed up today and didn't put a timer on. I thought i was a failure, but really i just need to make sure i put the timer on and set a certain time range to do my thing. Idk if I'm ready for a time range yet, but it's just nice to know I'm going in the right direction. Again, thank you so much for talking about this in such a casual yet helpful way. I feel hopeful again, something i haven't felt towards this topic in a while.
jesus christ man
jesus christ man
2 seconds into the video *opens incognito tab*
I love dr.Ks content 😂. He basically baits people with his over-the-top titles & thumbnails, and then proceeds to give you a half an hour lecture on Addiction psychology 😂😂😂
Doc.It's literally the first time i focus on a video this will and like what I hear ty man
I've battled with addictions pretty much my entire life, starting with alcohol when I was 12. It was a spiral from there, now here i am at 22. One thing I found throughout this is that addiction is not a disease like AA and NA say which is why I never found them helpful. Addiction is instead more of a symptom of a disease (being a coping mechanism to a traumatic event). I have found through the last 10 years of battling that it is best to find out that reason, and *learn* to accept that it happened *and* move on. This has helped not only myself and other buddies who I have met through this journey. Resisting those cravings will always make you want to go back because using willpower is exhausting.
amazing advice, ive been doing that whole "my brain notices that im in the beginning stage of trying to resist a craving so it turns it up to 11 bc it knows that thats easiest way to push past it" thing for a while now and youve definitely made me a lot more concious about it, so thanks
moreso with video game/ technology addiction for me than pornography tho
This is what I thought it would be. Weaning yourself off rather than quitting "cold turkey", which makes a lot of sense.
With this particular subject though, I've noticed that age can provide some relief. As you get older, certain drives begin to decrease and can have the effect of decreasing interest in such things, which is exactly where you want to be.
Everyone wants to be old?
@@douglaswise6797 Age is inevitable, just like taxes and death.
Idk, old people get freaky
I feel like the essence of this video can be captured by the saying:
"The fastest way forward is by taking it as slowly as necessary."
I have been there so many times, Dr. K, haha. And I still find myself in these spirals, once in a while, but everything you have said, is very real. I have been (although for some years now not as intense) addicted to WoW for over 15 years now. And havent I started to play the game in these crucial, emotional teenage years, where I was just seeking some solace from school and private life, I probably wouldnt have fallen so deeply into that hole.
For me meaninglessness is something that I carry around in my bags for many years now and I kinda know how to juggle it around so it doesnt blow off my steam completely. But one thing, that mostly gets me into gaming is overwhelm. When there are many time-crucial things to be done in a short period of time or a bigger project that going to start soon, where I have to organize massive loads of differents kinds of information; I always feel the intense crave of logging into the game.
It usually starts days before with some warm-up teasers, that I sometimes dont even realize. I google what the current raid-tier is about or what changes some of my favourite classes have been incorporated. Than I get the feeling I have to try and see. But my higher-level brain tells me that there is no time for gaming - I have to work. And feeling like there is no time for anything but work, crashes me after a few days of resisting the urge. Then I download the game, play it at first very moderately and then within a few days, longer and longer. Usually though what tends to happen, as I said, that I am very over-satured after a week or two and I just cant find anything that I enjoy in the game and de-install it again.
I am greatful for the fact, that the quality of my work so far hasnt suffered from it. But any free time just goes to gaming and there is no real rest. Which is bad.
Last time I had the urge a week ago, but as this week was full of pleasant meet-ups and events, I completely forgot about the game in the meantime and now I dont feel like playing. Its still very fascinating to me.
What I take away from this is, being more mindful about setting restricted time periods for these intense times. And also, but that might come easier to me, after being addicted for so long, imagining what its like to play the game and how rewarding it will really feel compared to the alternatives that I could engage in, like meeting a friend, going to the gym, into the cinema, watching a movie, doing some self-care, what not. Sometimes this helps lessen the urge, because I know from experience, what I want out of the game. I want some peace of mind, some simple easy steps to get to a goal and get some satisfaction from it. But that can also be realized in real life. Puzzling, doing a Sudoku or learning a new language. Idk.
Cant do short comments, lol. Stay strong all of you - keep in mind that time makes it easier for you to reflect on life - and eventually you will even out. If you are already watching these videos, like me, you are on a good path anyways. 😁
I think the best way to think about it is that it's 2 different addictions at the same time, one is p*rn and the other is m*Bation. Quitting both at the same time is disasterous, while quitting one and not the other is possible. So if everytime you intensely want to watch, you could instead do option 2 without option 1 and just use your thoughts l believe you can succeed that way.
Interesting.I guess it'll also improve your cognitive capabilities since you actually have to imagine the scenario instead of just relying on your phone.But on the other hand you also get more creative freedom with how those scenarios play out
Is there a strong reason to quit the second one?
@@sauravthegreat Yeah l believe so too, either Dr. K mentioned this before or another Psych youtuber but l never truly got around to trying, it makes sense to me though
@@UGMD other than effect on mood (depends on the person) or being tired afterwards l dont think so
I have tried this and was able to quite porn for 2 months, then relapsed but significantly decreased my porn consumption afterwards down to once a week on average. Still masturbated a lot but I am five days free of that currently and I think not watching porn often has been helpful in that. I also have made a pact with a friend which has given me a reason to stick with it-so far so good.
Understood. Have a nice day
This actually makes a lot of sense. Don't "strength train" your addiction. Set yourself up for success and outsmart your addiction.
I've learned some of these strategies throughout my life. This behind the scenes of how they work makes a lot of sense.
That was very well put together, very good video, thank you!
Remember you are not a sigma lone wolf. Everyone needs help once in a while. A porn addiction is powerful just like any other, get help.
Just do a keto diet to cure your addiction
@@iche9373 it makes no sense. Absolutely 0
@@Aziz.500 According to Dr Chris Palmer, a keto diet can regulate craving and addiction. Just saying.
@@iche9373
According to Dr E.Rando keto diet sucks
excuse me! Who do YOU think you are to tell me I'm not a sigma lone wolf? I AM a sigma lone wolf. 🐺
This video is gonna do numbers 💀
This was immensely helpful. You've helped me understand why the same strategy I used to quit nicotine (9 months clean) hasn't worked with porn. I've been focused on meaning, but where I've struggled with regulating my emotions is in the romantic domain. I lost my longest streak this year (20 days) after I finally accapted that the girl I was pining for had no romantic interest whatsoever in me. It hurt like all hell, but the lesson has motivated me to double down on all my projects and lead the most successful life I can.
I watched the whole video, now I’m no doctor but I do have 15 years of experience with P so here’s a bit of what I know:
15:03 This is very accurate, one thing that has helped me is watching P but not engaging with M or O. Just watching it with no stimulation is pretty boring and sometimes the urge just passes.
I think I’m going to try what he recommended (planning my fights) but along with that I thought of a different strategy I’d like to try too, which is once the soldier is up, closing my eyes and going to town just based off my imagination.
Also as a man in my late 20’s who hits it at least twice a day every day, it’s not an addiction you want, trust me.
Also some warnings; if you want to go down the rabbit hole, don’t. Certain things can lead to real damage. I’ve lost tip sensitivity, due to probably nerve damage from certain “cages.” I’ve damaged a ball due to too much force. I bring these things up, because you may think, “oh it’s just a game and I’ll be fine when I quit.” You have 1 body, you don’t get to go back in time, you don’t get to fix mistakes, you damage something, it’s going to stay damaged. Not trying to scare anyone, but I kind of am because this is a warning that you CAN cause permanent damage and I have.
Best of luck to everyone on their journey. I plan to have this conquered within the year, but I’d prefer to have it done within the next few months before my birthday, but you just gotta take one step at a time, go slow and don’t punish yourself if you fail. If you fail, that’s ok, tell yourself you love yourself and understand your at war. War is awful and all it does is take and take, that’s what P addiction is, we are on an active battlefield.
I love all of you and I wish you well.
Also, I don’t check my responses often, but I’ll try to keep an eye out of anyone wants to respond to my message or ask questions or whatnot.