Gabor Mate: The Childhood Lie That’s Ruining All Of Our Lives. | E193
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 มิ.ย. 2024
- Gabor Mate is a multi-bestselling author and a world leading expert on trauma and how it effects us throughout our whole lives. A holocaust survivor and a first generation immigrant, Gabor’s knowledge and wisdom on the scars trauma leaves behind is deep and drawn from personal experience.
Topics:
0:00 Intro
02:04 Early context
08:16 How does someone correct their traumatic events?
09:33 How did your traumatic event show shape you?
14:54 What did you focus on in your career?
16:40 What did working with patients towards the end of their life teach you?
20:34 The importance of following our passion
27:13 The Myth Of Normal
30:57 How would our approaches change if we took away the concept of normal?
41:06 How parents behaviour can impact a child
44:27 How do you define trauma?
46:57 Does everyone have trauma?
50:51 Why can two people with the same trauma turn out differently?
01:01:44 Being controlled by our trauma
01:04:20 Do we ever cut the puppet master strings?
01:05:56 How does someone become more aware?
01:09:18 Addictions and how we develop them
01:13:28 How do we find our sense of worth?
01:14:05 Why is authenticity so important
01:18:51 Taking personal responsibility
01:20:09 The 5 Rs to take control of your life
01:26:36 ADHD
01:40:40 Do you think society is getting more toxic?
01:50:27 What are you still struggling with?
01:54:25 The last guest’s question
Gabor:
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This is one of my top 3 favourite episodes of all time. Genuinely changed me. Please hit the like button on the video if you like this guest 🙏🏽
Steven, what are the other 2?
aka: "Therapy with a CEO"
Bigger Chanel bigger guests? I think every guest you’ve had on here is as relevant and ultimately beneficial as anyone else who may ‘cost’ more.
No human is bigger than another. We are the same sea.
I've had to stop everything to listen to this one . And uncomfortable as it is, at the same time switching some mental lights on, there are so many pieces of life's jigsaw slotting into place .. I'm learning at high speed here.. Thank you..
This podcast and the way Gabor describes trauma and you mention emotional wounds becoming the puppetmaster of our lives really reminds me of the podcast where you talked about the monkey brain side of us humans. How emotion controls so much of what we do. Awareness is the key thing people need to learn to heal on this, once you take a step back out of yourself and look at your life as an outsider, it is only then you start to see whats really happening and gain the ability to question, react without emotion and fix your problems.
My father was prone to rage. Mum would often say we'd walk on eggshells around him. His anger could well up at any time and especially around practical things like mowing the lawn, packing the car or on the rare occasion when we went on holiday. He was a workaholic and moved us constantly for his "career". By the age of 15 we have moved 9 times and I went to seven different schools from the north of Scotland to the S East of England. To this day he sees it as our failing that my brother, sister & I didn't "do well" at school. I became a workaholic myself & know I was also trying to prove my worth and I carried a lot of learnt behaviors. I felt strongly that unless I carried a "big job title", made money, drove a big car and lived in a "good area" etc. I would never gain his respect or feel worthy. Bonkers I know! Thankfully I was able to stop, getting off the hampster wheel aged 57 when the doctor told me I was carrying critical hypertension. I've moved to North Devon to be by the sea, work part time and mostly ride my bicycle. I'm walking the SW coast path at weekends. I'm also trying to rediscovery my sense of self and what an authentic life looks like now. Good luck everyone.
Mike Sheridan. Well done for stoically carrying on against the tide, I've been there and still struggling we are not alone! 👍 from SW England
Thanks for support Mike. It all helps I didn't fully realise that they could bring you so low spiritually. Christy (SW England)
I had a similar father. Prone to rage and violence. Always trying to be a big fish in a small pond! Moved us 30 times by age 16. Blamed me for all types of things (that we often never did). He finally threw us out one by one...which basically saved me and set me free. I became very successful once I got away from him. But I had to unlearn all the bad habits he taught us.
Toxic parents really suck. It's especially difficult if there is no other adults around it all to provide any kind of support. I had to learn really early on in my life not to respect my parents or to trust them or to like them or need them for anything or to lose a moments sleep worrying about them. Thank God I made such great decisions as a little kid. One of my best moments was throwing them out on Christmas eve because they were disrespecting me and I was hosting and made the meal. I said you can come back tomorrow if you can behave yourselves. Believe it or not they came back the next day hat in hand. I still needed lots of therapy though LOL. Never being loved or feeling safe or that you can let your guard down take a toll on you.
@@leslielandberg5620 You threw you parents out as little kid? Man I wish I could have done that and sent them packing 😂. It's tough and so many of us effected but I think it is in big lie that been foisted on society to control us.
So this man is saying you provide a safe, nurturing, environment for kids in their first 3 years you can change the world... This is a gift
Well done. Janet Hogan, the 5th Door, has a practical program to do this
How is this news?
do it for yourself every day, then your kids will be happy. FOR YOURSELF
First 7 years.
I think he is fully right
If parents stop loving their child, the child will continue to love it’s parents, but will stop loving itself.
Ouch. Unfortunately true.
that hits hard
Word up 💯
If parents stopped loving their child, they never loved it. Many parents lack empathy.
It's possible to love oneself, ❤but you're correct about the empathic child never stops loving her mom. I think this is the deepest love. The mother wound is difficult to resolve, but possible. Keep working for personal resolution. The final step is to experience the Dark Night of the Soul. Then, when you say goodbye to everyone in your past, an invisible wall goes up so that your past is truly a different lifetime. None of this emotional work is easy.❤
Well said. Thus, creating complicated PTSD from childhood, as a result from neglect and abuse (the lack of love, nurture, care, comfort and meeting the child's basic needs).
Gabor Mate is a genuine pearl of humanity. His intention is beyond exceptional? He deserves a Nobel prize awarded
He is better than the elitist Nobel prize club
I agree!
❤ Ca😂n He Get Two Nobel Prizes 🎉❤❤ ?
Bob
Ya Gabor literally would actually restore some shine or pride to the Nobel prize. Obama and even bernanke got a Nobel prize and they created massive wealth inequality by keeping rates so low for years. Just insane some people are rewarded. Could you imagine if Trump got the Nobel prize? Haha people would be so mad yet Obama got it and he did drone strikes on civilians and effectively did huge tax cuts for the rich when he kept rates so low for years.
If you got to graduate school for accounting then you realize yes the cost of capital for borrowing is a legitimately important expense. It explains why there’s huge amounts of stock buy backs ever since bill clinton ended the million dollar plus salary for CEOs by banning tax writes above a million. Ya cost of capital of debt vs cost of capital from equity are huge Hugely important variables.
I truly wish ther was a nobel priz of nobel prizes🎉😊To be awoded in all langwedgs.
+ its mind bowing humanity
Based
For HUMANITY
THIS VIDIO TO BE SPRED TO THE MASSES GOBALY ASAP REALEY
PLEASE LET US TRY YOUR VERY
TO SHARE PLEASE
DR GABOR Matè
❤Dr matè ❤
We are i ore of your laymans terms work here
In this talk.
Genious i my mind. 🎉
😊 thank you very much Dr😊
I read 'The Inner Child' book 20 years ago and it changed my life. I did the excercise where the adult you approaches and wrapts their arms around their child at its most vulnerable point. This is hard, the child kept vanishing as I approached. I finally managed to cradle her, wipe away her tears and promised that the adult me would look after her in the right way from now on. My life changed very positively from that point: I started Uni at 40, finished well and am generally happier, healthier and wealthier.
Good work terry!
Janet Hogan, the 5th Door, has a practical program to do this
@@extremeresponsibility4325
You keep saying this. Are you Janet Hogan?
Who's it by?
@@kindauncool
Janet Hogen.
There is a reason why Dr Gabor Mate is revered by so many. His insights, humility and humanity is beyond. Love him so much.
Yet he still fails to elucidate the number one trauma done to babies! G3nital mut!lation. He's a coward just like everyone else.
Why tf does he have to inject Trump though and NOT any other politician! Does he have TDS. Like why doesn’t he speak on the narcissist pathological lying tyrant Joe Biden?!
Gabor Mate validated my own experiences of 25+ years ago. So grateful I found a way to “walk through the rage” and learn the lessons rage came to teach me. It was a difficult path but one that put an end to my feelings of not being “good enough” and not being a worth while human being. Now I know I am and am helping others find their way out of that misery. The process also broke my addictions and stopped the cravings. I’m so grateful to be free!
Well done. Janet Hogan, the 5th Door, has a practical program to do this
@@Coco_90683 Agreed, that was crass. I only liked him because he is into psychedelics but when he quoted Eckert Tolle I was very disappointed. I don't think he's the person he wants to be. He mentions in an interview that he no longer bases his self-worth on whether his latest book is successful, but he had to mention that it was #1 on the NY Times ranking. If he really separated his self worth from how his output is received he wouldn't have had to stipulate that the book was successful. He's like, "If my book doesn't do well on the market, that doesn't reflect poorly on me, but it is #1 on the market". He's not quite there yet....
As a Palliative care nurse one of the best things I was told, was to live your life as if each day was your last. Because in reality we all think we have time…until we don’t.
But then we wouldn’t go to work or plan for our future.. the list goes on
My favouite Nickelback song is 'If Today Was Your Last Day'. The words, the music, the message sits deeply in my soul. Please listen to this song. Blessings to you and yours. 🙏
That's really not true for those of us who have already faced death.
Tears came to my eyes when he said he sat there and listened to the people who were dying because people who are dying want to be heard. I've waited my whole life to be heard and I hope that I get heard on my deathbed. What a wonderful gift. He is amazing.
The internal pain of not being heard is horrendous .
I know 💔
My wish for you is that can sit with someone and have your words heard and understand your trauma ……its poisoning to the physical mental and spiritual ❤
I was lucky enough be heard by my second husband. We're a perfect match, alas, he was a lot older than me and died, but I can say HE REALLY HEARD ME AND HELPED ME...and I did the same for him, love ❤u Herb!
@@robynhope219
What a spiritual journey you’ve achieved……so happy for you ❤️
@@celestemetcalfe3527 thank u!
Pls do not wait to your death bed. Write, talk, listen to yourself and to your body, cry, heal, love so that you can live all days as happy ones.💌
I have waited 80 years to be able to understand. My eternal gratitude to you both
Many healing hugs to you my fellow warrior. You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing. I wish you all the happiness you can stand! How are you feeling? How are you feeling 2 weeks later? Much love and light to all. One*
Dear Margaret, I teared up reading your comment. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to understand. Hope you heal and enjoy the life.
@@0xmtk 🕊
Bless you so much Margaret I am so happy that you are on your life changing journey. ❤
@@NutbushAnnie Thank you for your kindness. Blessings to you 🕊🙏
The calm, gentle manner in which Gabor delivers his learnings is EVERYTHING.
I think you're right. At first I wasn't really into it, because it reminded me of the typically teacher of back in the days. But further I listened, the more I really enjoyed the way he delivered his argumentes in this calm manner. Was a really good episode. As usual.
I'm new here. Both of these men have a delightful calm manner. I can't believe the host is single. I hope he finds the right woman soon.
@@MikhaelYacobMalech5742 Hello. That's why I said "the right woman," not just "a woman." I know not all men need a woman, nor do all women need a man. And that's before you get to all the LGBTQ+ insanity. However, this guy seems to want to find a mate, by his own words, a woman in fact (thank God he's straight)... so I wish him well in his search.
@@MikhaelYacobMalech5742
Relationships are difficult, and despite our progressive technology and such, relationships still don't seem to be getting any easier. To make matters worse, it seems the government is doing everything it can to destroy the traditional family. I envy the old couple that has been married for decades, who have kids and grandkids, and all of them on a productive route thru life. Or at least most of them.
I am blessed to be living in Texas. Where do you hang your hat?
@@MikhaelYacobMalech5742 I didn't see anything with a Gmail address.
When he says: Who told you are not worthy? and then: You deserve that sense of worthiness...I start crying...As I never heard these words before!
Good for you ,moving forward with confidence ❤from Australia 🇦🇺
You have truth to hold on to❤
I have felt worthless all of my life.
Nothing like a pos father telling their son, he is a loser. Such a fantastic feeling to carry.
I cannot remember a time when I felt worthy just as I am. I've always been told I'm too much (insert bad thing)/not enough (insert good thing). So, I have consistently felt intrinsically and irredeemable flawed
@79eyre...Now you did and that might be a start of your own inner healing journey. Continue and learn how to love for real. Godspeed.
The social structure of school is like prison.
- Painfully boring schedule
- One random peer group that is inescapable
- No shared goals, only rivalry
- Crabs in a bucket mentality, constant bullying
- Authority unable to stop the bullying
The result is a grinding machine that kills time and creativity.
Indeed.The whole school system is traumatizing as are certain 'working systems'. Power over..doesn't work so well. Pls Check also i.e. Thomas Hübl's work about collective trauma.
So spot on!
So true abt school.
I didn't get much out of it.
I don't think either of my 3 boys did.
One bears intractable mental and emotional scars.
One mostly worked thru HS and barely passed. Now an over-achiever.
Another dropped out but is doing fine now...despite many emotional traumas.
All of it I see as my mother's and my grandmother's emotional unavailability.
At 77+ I am just seeing myself
in living color for the first time!
You got that right! well said! 👍
@@camc3640 I was a clever, only, child from an (already) already disfunctional family. My mother always pressured me to achieve in school, but I couldn't muster motivation to pay attention to subjects I didn't like.
Once, for reasons I can't explain, I made a straight A report card.
My mother was over the moon because I had "performed." Her bragging to others disgusted me.
Something in me rebelled at "performing" to please a parent I couldn't trust or respect, so I recall resolving wordlessly that this mustn't happen again.
I became a master of passive aggression My mediocre grades from then on meant I didn't get a scholarship to University, though I went. Away from home I became an "unexpected success" in a field which my mother didn't value. Years before she died, she told me with sorrow what a disappointment I'd been to her. I "divorced" her, only sending Christmas & birthday cards from then on; nor did I go to her funeral. One of the best decisions of my life.
This man saved my life more times than i can count. The world needs to listen to him.
Totally agree!!
Same
I totally agree
He's ON the money! My current teacher studied with him for 3 days. You ✨️ are correct. The WORLD needs to 'hear' him
I need a life saver. Or don't I? Maybe not this time, let life suck out the last of what is "me"..
Will listen to this man. Never heard of him. Thanks to this channel.
I was a stay at home mom, I was there every minute for my children. Then I had to push them into the hands of society, school. Where they learned bullying, hate, how the teachers acted different towards the kids whom parents owned a business, or were significant in the community. All the self esteem I built up in them, the system tore it down. No matter how I tried, all I heard from my children is, you don't understand, you tell us we're pretty, smart, an everything because you love us, they don't love us, so they must be telling us the truth. Society is sick, full of hate and greed. You can't save your children from it, only keep telling them and showing them you love them. But there comes a time, when your love isn't enough, they want friends and fit in. It's hard being a parent.
This is exactly why I chose to homeschool. 💔
@@karaa7595
As did we. But even that wall of love and protection was not enough. Our children still are broken by this world. When they were young I would have said this could never happen, it only happens (unfortunately) to other families
Overcompensation does not help, which is what a good amount of mothers and fathers try to use on their children, it only helps create traps in the personality which then, when faced with disagreeing reality, will unavoidably create psychological holes in certain aspects of the character which, most of the time will set up a loop of behaviors until they either brake you or make you realize after some point and/or experience that you have to find out why this happens to you and then what to change.
The secret is always balance and when to temporarily be unbalanced if you have to.
ouch this hurts my heart. I think having honest conversations with them about how that makes them feel and how they handle it is important too. Self esteem isn't just about saying nice things to yourself - it's about how you deal with the lows too. It's about how you stay true to yourself. Discovering who you are. Keeping promises to yourself. Figuring out what your values are regardless of society. Finding your tribe. Being able to handle betrayal, hurt. Being honest with yourself about negative feelings and experiences, allowing yourself to feel them without trying to change them, hide them, or invalidate them.
It's also about recognizing your strengths. It's one thing to tell someone they're pretty, it's another thing to point out exactly what makes them beautiful in detail. Using genuine expressions instead of platitudes makes a huge difference - it's about being mindful and present as well.
My kids went to school and were still confident and happy. They were taught how to handle themselves and self-love. Those lessons meant bullies didn't matter. They have been given unconditional love and allowed to be themselves and not who society thinks they should be. Once again, this attitude negates bullies. Stop blaming schools for all that's bad. It's your job to help them navigate in the real world.
Don’t ask why the addiction, ask why the pain ❤
That's the exact thing. Such a little thing on paper. But such a big thing for the society.
Oh how the world would change ❤
my best friend recommended Dr Mate’s book to me last winter. After years of trying to fix myself, I finally realised what was wrong with me. You see, I was a very sick baby living in a polluted area, so my parents made the difficult choice and left me with grandparents who lived in a countryside.
I grew up being an insecure workaholic addicted to proving my worth. I’m 40 now and realising I F am enough. We all are! Take care 🤗
In a world full of distractions, Gabor always holds my full attention....Steve you outdid yourself with this one.What a man, am so glad he simply exists. Thank you
hahaha, that man is clueless! You may just as well ask an orchid for its opinion!
@@tenbear5 Feel free to debunk any of his claims.
@@tenbear5 be more precise, please,Mrr Aggressive. better still, what have you found in your life which works well?? Dying to know.
@@tenbear5 which man is clueless??
His voice speaks for all those who were exterminated. He speaks for them because they were not allowed to but ironically they speak louder in death.
My father has passed away when my daughter was only 9 months old. I was very very attached to him. She saw my blues. Sometimes she could feel it even when i smile. This is who we are. Like the rock is shaped by the sea and the wind, human is shaped by the pain and fear, retouched by faith and people like Gabor. But it's natural. We are so fragile yet beautiful
Very beautifully expressed, and very true
Well said
The good news is we are also anti fragile. Pain and fear are pathways to growth.
My Mother visibly retracted into herself after her Father passing. I grew up with the script that Death meant irreparable loss and separation and a loss of love and connection. I grew up navigating around my Mom’s grief and abuse she suffered- I still think it’s me.
Beautifully written
His book on addiction really helped me get out of that rut. I read his book on parenting when I became a father. I am very grateful to have found out about this man. MY relationship with my children is great. Thank you Gabor!
And what is the title of his book on parenting?
@@mariaolszowska3935 “hold on to your kids “
At 75 of loved years I still weep when I watch your interviews with Gabor Mate
You have a wonderful steady way of talking to this fragile wise therapist
Well done and thank you
I came across one of Gabor Mate’s quotes years ago before even knowing who he was. It is because of his quote (I’m paraphrasing), “Don’t ask why the addiction, ask why the pain” that I’m such a huge fan. His work around trauma truly resonates with my soul. Thanks for this interview. 💜
How poignant. It is self medicating for most that fall down that rabbit hole of addiction. Speaking as one that did find myself surprisingly without hope or my life d/t just one time an acquaintance pressuring me to try crack cocaine at a party. I lost everything at that moment. I'd never found that absence of the lifelong psychological pain I never learned to cope with. Very hard to climb out of that hole and rebuild a life worth living. I'm old and disabled now. I'm so glad those days are over. I love your comment so much. Thank you
Yes, same here. That addiction talk he gave was so amazing.
True, its where AA and 12 step programs are missing the boat. They change the behavior but the pain is still underneath.
@@anthonyiacobucci3652 That's not what I experienced...it seemed to cause me to feel the pain over and over, and it triggered me so much to sit in those rooms and listen to everyone's war stories. I found a great small group that I was with for years. Much better, but I finally quit going. We were more of a family and we stepped out of the boundaries of AA and the program and talked about what we needed to to stay sober.
That's so important. I came across a short video years ago, summed up, about that addiction in its core is about the feeling that it helps to achieve, not about a real craving for a substance (of course the body comes dependent on those as well in the process) But it's like with emotions, none of them are "bad" , everyone of them wants to tell us sth about us in the world. And I find myself learning they're pretty good teachers to know where to change things in my life for the better. 😊
I was born into a psychiatric ward called family.
All families are dysfunction on a sliding scale. Abuse is not just sexual ( our sexuality is core to our self worth- it’s who we are) it’s mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. You don’t know what you don’t know. So you adapt to survive. It’s not just the parents who are dysfunctional it’s all the siblings. My sister ( three years older than me ) was the family’s scapegoat. Guess who was her scapegoat.
Then we take our trauma trances ( bonds) into the world. Non the wiser.
Every moment of our life from jobs, roles, relationships, hobbies, activities will be driven as attempts to repair our wounds ( attempts at symbolic healing. They rarely if ever work, just exhaust us in the process.
Addictions, codependency , anxiety and health problems.
If we are lucky we wake up once, twice, three times from these abuse trances and go on a healing journey.
At 67 I am free of all abuse bonds for the first time in my life. Free to heal and be myself.
I'm 62 and so irritated at this age I still feel cray cray...
Families are mini cults I am too individualistic to identify with my family
I am fascinated by how this is written down. I had a dream about the psych ward too. Somehow the Spiritual seems on a different plane than my traumatically affected self, in my interpretation. That keeps me from seeing things as a dying light.
❤❤
@@rebeccahorton4570listen to a book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving "
As someone who is training in Craniosacral therapy, I'm so happy to hear Gabor mention it here. I haven’t heard it mentioned much by trauma experts. It's so gentle, calming and perfect for all ages and conditions. Thank you ❤
Cranial sacral therapy was the best way to get myself to calm down . My therapist is so kind and she made me question my beliefs and understand I am good enough
I’m an intervenes drug user and I’m 42, I e tried to get clean a lot of times been through the 12 steps 5 times been clean and sober for years at a time, but I can’t stay sober I have an inability to face reality and I’ve made up my own world and live in it, this has profoundly changed my point of view and I’m excited about tomorrow for the first time ever maybe, not a disease, I’m a child and my personal awareness is unbelievable, I can change with this knowledge! Thank you 🙏
Good luck. I hope this has truly made a difference for you. You are not a product of your past but your future
You can achieve it! You got this! Love yourself❤️
@@shirazvaldes4072 yes I can
We all can!! Thank you for the message!!!
❤️
Im a former alcoholic and Gabor Mate opened my eyes to the nature of addiction and how society keeps people addicted by piling on the shame and gaslighting them. Addiction is not a disease, its a coping mechanism for sensitive people like yourself who had traumatic upbringings. Once you heal the wound with somatic/trauma-informed therapies and deep introspection, the desire to continue using stops. 12 Steps have some good methods, but the idea that addiction is a disease that will never go away is simply wrong and disempowering.
@@JoeOG thanks for reaching out man!
THE GREATEST THING WE COULD EVER HAVE IN LIFE IS TO
HAVE A GOOD CHILDHOOD !!!
@@noname-hb8vk A good foundation is nothing to sneeze at. It's easier to build a good life on a safe and solid foundation that provided us with genuine confidence, strength and maturity to handle the bad things that happen in life in a good way. You should have listened to the interview while you were here.
So very true! But would have to be great and loving from inside out!
No the greatest we can have in life is a dog.
I did, and it helps you be resilient 😁🥰
@@jennklein1917 Actually, a cross filled, traumatic childhood is what helped me be resilient. Those I know who had a seemingly perfect "good" childhood? They are the impatient, entitled non-resilient adults.....hmmm
I was drawn to this man when I first saw him in an interview. I see him like a modern shaman. The way he speaks, that gentleness in his voive, the knowledge he has, how he cares about the people he is talking to...he is just next level.
He's like a father figure I've never had.
His new book the Myth of normal is already a bestseller in our country.
Of all the psychologists I’ve known of, Gabor is the most humble and honest. His book Scattered minds is also a must read, saved me from so much self-hate and confusion. Love this man and his son’s ❤!
At the age of 67, I’ve finally started putting myself first . Needless to say, my family and friends are very confused. I don’t think they like me as much, but that’s ok.
You got it all wrong!! A true father lives to serve and lift up his famely! Sounds like you became a ego narsisist
@@A_Hardy don't you sometimes need to sort your own shit out until you can help someone else?
As a person who finally got rid of inner rage and the habit of suppressing my feelings and thoughts at about age 70, it has been difficult to learn better, healthier ways to interact with people. No one taught me these as a child, and as an adult, you just kind of have to figure them out for yourself, by trial and error. Ultimately, I have to decide, in every situation, which is more important - being true to myself or causing no harm to other people. Sometimes, it's impossible to do both. In the beginning I think I was more adamant and ham-fisted about this than I needed to be. Five years in, I'm doing better, but there are still times when I struggle to find a consistently good way to balance being true to myself and not causing harm. It's a life's work.
You sound like my narcisistic estranged father who only tried to reach out to me after he survived a heart attack. He always put himself first and I was never raised from hearing from him or getting any help or parenthood. He only reached out to me because he needed a caregiver and he didnt even remember he had a daughter before that.
I told him he was never here for me even when I fell chronically sick and needed support the most, he replied he was the most generous guy in the world and he deserves the best in life. Delusional. He has become estranged again after I told him the truth because he couldnt handle the truth.
Gabor is a LEGEND.
Well done for having him on as a guest 🙏
AN honour!
How come his son turned out to be such an evil little psychopath?
Damn straight.
@@TheDiaryOfACEO What's incredibly powerful is any entrepreneur that faces their demons, and spreads the word to everyone in your audience. It's just lovely to see. This helps me in my work coaching clients at my tech company. They love evidence, and heart. Thank you.
Yes he and Zsa Zsa.
This interview seems like its a therapy session for the interviewer, interviewee, and viewers. Talk about quality content where there is a lot of learning to do. Thank you for sharing this insightful conversation.
Totally agree!❤
Exactly 💯 I know I am helped by his definition of trauma and descriptions of what it is.
I used to interview people for TV and print. Just about every interview I was involved in was therapeutic. I had to identify even with the worst of people. I discovered I have both a good and a bad side.
It is just that. There is so much help and understanding available to us if only we tune in.
I’ve forwarded this particular video to my three adult children. It makes sense of so much. I’m buying the book today.Thank you.
A denial of reality is a denial of how we feel about things. I've began healing a few years ago and used to listen to Gabor while I was in therapy. I am just starting to feel like I live in reality and it's such a relief and such a beautiful feeling of self assurance and independence. This mention almost got me in tears. My therapist used to talk about reality versus magic thinking a lot and even though I finished therapy this still keeps sinking in. To anyone looking for help, I hope you find the therapist that suits you, the work is invaluable. I personally recommend the Transactional Analysis field of Psychotherapy. Stay safe and strong 🙌
A TRAUMA therapist with 20+ years in practice is another good option for those disconnected from their childhood memories.
😂❤
@kirstinstrand6292 absolutely, the best what worked for me is EMDR
and also an audio book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving "
I 100 percent agree. I’m living in reality and I feel so normal and connected. I just turned 30
Every time I listen to Gabor talking about how you should treat a sensitive child so they can grow to be confidant and happy, I cant help but crying. in 2003 I was 7, in Iraq. Now, I am 27. Physically, i am not there, but mentally I feel like i never left. I cant help but feel for the little me who, since age of 7, lived in that horrible environment. I am not there now, i know that, but i still feel everything like it was yesterday. Sometimes it feels like a prison i cant escape. No matter how much I better my life now, i can never take away the pain, the stress and the lack of love little me had to live with.
Hi,
I found incredible relief from PTSD, which it seems like you are describing, through using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) .
It can trigger a feeling or sense of safety within you, instead of endlessly being triggered by memories and environment.
Some of ithe therapies using it are overly complex so just try this one...
Close your eyes when you are having flashback or physical upset. Hold your eyes as far left for 30 seconds as you can then move them as far right as you can for 30 seconds. Now open your eyes. Notice ANY shifts in thinking or feeling.
You are stimulating a complex bundle of nerves in your body with the technique and TELLING them to quiet down, that you are safe! Stick with it until until you realize the gift that it is. You will eventually feel any tight areas in body instantly loosening and the former stress response will unwind itself over time. Now you can move forward with ever more confidence in your capacity to handle the upsets from the past. It's not the total answer to your problems, but it will clear a space so you can move forward.
Good luck!
Memento, as an American who watched with horror my country's "shock-and-awe" of Iraq, tears streaming down my face as I got ready for work, I can only begin to imagine the trauma you suffered. Maybe I was thinking of someone like you as I saw the bombs explode on TV, broadcasting this shameful violence for the world to see. I'm glad you survived, and I hope you know that there are many like myself that grieve for the people caught up in that terrible war. (All wars are terrible.) I hope you find a way to heal your trauma. I never went through a physical war, but I still suffer from childhood trauma. However, I'm no longer a victim. I think that's the first step in healing: to decide that you are no longer being done too, but that you are in full possession of your own life, doing what you need in order to become whole. I wish you the best of luck and send you love. 🌹
That feeling of never having been loved is gut-wrenching. Hugs to you @Product-Guru
Hope you can feel my love to you
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I wish everyone that’s reading this Good health, success & prosperity in abundance ❤️
The same back to you 💜
Thank and same to you ❤
Thank you and same to you❤
Aww how sweet, same to you lovely x
And you
I always knew something was terribly wrong with my father but never knew anything about his family, childhood, etc. He refused to talk about it. Finally, years after his death, through a genealogy search, I learned what happened to him. When he was 2 yrs old his mother died suddenly (heart attack, age 27) and he was bounced around among relatives. At age 8 he witnessed the murder of his grandmother and aunt...old newspapers gave all the horrible details. For me, it was a mystery solved and also a sense of personal relief. There was nothing I did or could have done to change the course of his life. You can't help someone if they won't share their life, feelings, traumas.
Wow, he had been through hell and so, not surprising that he acted as he did. My father was a tyrant. I have ADD and wondered about childhood trauma as my mother was a very loving person but she was dealing with him and his unpredictability on a daily basis and was always trying to keep her six kids out of his way. He wasn't physically violent but he was mentally ill in some way and was extremely mentally and verbally abusive. We were terrified of him. If we were out on a day trip and one of us said a single word in the car, he would stop in the middle of nowhere and throw the 'offender' out on to the side of the road and drive off. My mother would have to beg and plead with him to go back. One time it was me and I hid behind a ditch on the roadside so that when he came back he couldn't find me. I watched him drive up and down the road from where I was hiding and took pleasure in the fact that he was now worried. It was only when I noticed my mother crying in the car that I showed myself and was picked up. But, as a young boy, growing up, he had the most abusive childhood where he was beaten and tortured by an alcoholic father and a non-protective mother. He was the product of that history and I am the product of him. He passed away about 10 years ago. I didn't attend the funeral but as time passed and I thought of the things that had happened to him I forgave him for the things he did and made my peace with him. I am still very much struggling with making peace with myself.
So sad
I have started working the ACoA 12 step program. So healing. Give it a try ! Many blessings.
@@dearbh1736you're not alone many share similar trauma .Take care of yourself.
From experience, most people won't share bc they've learned that most people aren't equipped to deal w the level of trauma they've experienced and comments such as, "You can't be a victim forever, stop putting yourself, you've got to let the past go," etc etc are perhaps we'll intentioned but very hurtful
This book sounds right up my alley. I've been "abnormal " my whole life and have been fighting to keep my head above water throughout it all. I'm glad I came upon your interview.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 🧠 *Childhood experiences, especially during early years, shape our worldview and sense of self, influencing how we navigate life's challenges.*
03:30 🌍 *Gabor Mate emphasizes the impact of early experiences on an individual's worldview, explaining how his own early context shaped his perspective.*
08:40 🔄 *Traumas are not about what happens to us but about how we interpret and internalize those experiences, affecting our self-perception. Awareness is a crucial step in overcoming these interpretations.*
10:20 💼 *Workaholism can be a result of trying to fill an internal emptiness with external achievements, driven by a sense of inadequacy or lack of worthiness.*
13:19 💔 *Societal rewards for external success may perpetuate the emptiness, contributing to the "hedonistic treadmill" where achieving more becomes a constant pursuit.*
16:47 🌟 *Gabor Mate's experience in palliative care highlighted the importance of acceptance, patience, and intuition when facing the inevitable reality of death.*
18:36 🎙️ *People approaching the end of their lives often reflect on what truly matters, finding appreciation for meaningful connections and authenticity.*
21:38 📝 *Creativity is seen as an essential aspect of human existence, and Gabor Mate underscores the importance of following our creative urges to avoid frustration and embrace our innate capacity for creation.*
24:09 🚫 *The fear of not being good at a creative pursuit can hinder expression; the act itself should be the reward, irrespective of external validation.*
25:07 📚 *Identifying too closely with one's work can lead to anxiety and a sense of failure; detachment allows a healthier creative process.*
26:00 🔄 *Paradoxically, seeking approval while creating can make the process agonizing; releasing the need for external validation is liberating.*
27:34 📖 *Gabor Mate's book, "The Myth of Normal," challenges the concept of normalcy in society and explores the impact of life experiences on health.*
29:14 🔄 *"Normal" in society is not necessarily healthy or natural; societal norms can be detrimental, leading to illness and dysfunction.*
31:31 🩺 *Removing the idea of "normal" in medicine and psychology would lead to a more holistic approach, considering individual life circumstances and experiences.*
32:38 🤔 *Diagnoses in medicine don't explain the root cause; understanding the impact of life experiences on an individual is crucial for effective treatment.*
35:15 🧬 *Illness, even physical, is viewed as a process influenced by life experiences, not a separate entity; the disease model should be reconsidered.*
41:03 🧬 *Nurturing from parents influences an individual's ability to handle stress; the impact is passed down through generations via behaviors and epigenetic changes.*
44:49 💔 *Trauma is defined as a psychological wound, an unhealed and triggering experience that can lead to emotional scarring and inflexibility in response.*
47:13 📊 *A significant percentage of adults have experienced trauma, but understanding and acknowledging trauma are crucial for healing and breaking generational patterns.*
47:26 🧘 *Childhood traumas, both obvious (e.g., racial taunting, sexual abuse) and subtle (e.g., unmet emotional needs), contribute to long-term impacts on individuals.*
48:09 🚸 *Big T traumas, such as abuse, violence, and loss, are recognized, but "small t" traumas, like unmet emotional needs in loving families, can also significantly affect individuals.*
50:44 💔 *Trauma is more common than perceived, affecting a large portion of the population. Successful individuals often have abnormal beliefs or behaviors rooted in early traumatic experiences.*
51:55 🤥 *Traumatized individuals may exhibit pathological lying as a survival mechanism, creating a distorted reality shaped by their past experiences.*
56:42 🔄 *Survival mechanisms, such as aggression or lying, developed in response to early trauma, can shape an individual's personality and behavior in adulthood.*
59:29 🔄 *Repressing emotions, like anger, as a survival strategy can lead to mental health issues such as depression, highlighting the importance of addressing underlying traumas.*
01:02:29 🧠 *Awareness is a crucial step toward healing from trauma. Recognizing the puppet master of trauma in one's life allows for the possibility of liberation and reconnection.*
01:09:24 🔄 *Work, like other behaviors, can become an addiction when used as a coping mechanism to escape pain. The key is in the relationship to the behavior and its impact on long-term well-being.*
01:11:02 🧠 *Understanding Addiction: Addiction can serve as a temporary escape from distress, providing relief and a sense of accomplishment, even though it may cause harm in the long term.*
01:12:28 🔄 *Flipping the Narrative: Instead of asking why the addiction, focus on understanding the pain that drives it. Recognize the benefits the addiction provides and explore healthier ways to fulfill those needs.*
01:13:27 🌱 *Developing a Sense of Worth: Begin by acknowledging and validating what the addiction fulfills for an individual. Shift towards finding healthier avenues to build a sense of worth through meditation, therapy, and self-awareness.*
01:14:44 💬 *Authenticity for Healing: Authenticity is not just a way to heal but an essential aspect of being true to one's nature. Embracing authenticity involves dropping masks, fostering genuine connections, and experiencing expansiveness.*
01:19:00 🕹️ *Agency and Personal Responsibility: Agency in healing involves taking personal responsibility, making conscious decisions, and not using trauma as an excuse. It empowers individuals to shape their interpretations of the world.*
01:20:42 🔠 *Overcoming Limiting Beliefs (Five R's): To address self-limiting beliefs, employ the five R's: Relabel (acknowledge the belief), Reattribute (understand its origin), Refocus (create space), Revalue (evaluate its impact), and Recreate (consider positive alternatives).*
01:26:10 🧠 *ADHD and Sensitivity: ADHD is not a genetic disease; it's associated with sensitivity. Genes make individuals more sensitive to their environment. ADHD tendencies may manifest when a sensitive individual copes with stress by tuning out.*
01:32:52 🧠 *ADHD may be linked to environmental stress, not just inherited traits. A study with 65,000 children showed higher ADHD rates in parents with traumatic experiences.*
01:33:21 🌍 *Poor kids and kids of color in the United States are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, reflecting higher stress levels, including in men.*
01:34:29 💊 *Early medication for ADHD might be necessary, but addressing underlying stresses and helping parents understand their child's sensitivity can lead to more effective and long-term solutions.*
01:36:47 🤔 *While medication can aid focus, it's not a cure for ADHD. Long-term development, addressing traumas, and creating a positive environment are crucial for a child's well-being.*
01:37:44 ☕ *Medication, including ADHD medication, might have short-term benefits but often comes with long-term costs. Consider lifestyle changes, address traumas, and create a fuller life.*
01:40:54 🌐 *Society is becoming more toxic, evident in increased ADHD diagnoses, chronic illnesses, and various societal issues. Awareness and understanding trauma's impact are vital for positive change.*
01:42:32 🔄 *To counter societal toxicity, awareness is crucial. Acknowledging trauma's impact on health, education, and criminal justice can lead to a more empathetic and effective approach to societal issues.*
01:45:21 👨👩👧👦 *Parents play a crucial role in a child's development. Understanding and meeting a child's emotional needs, providing unconditional love, and supporting their own emotional well-being contribute to healthier outcomes.*
01:47:13 🏫 *Schools should prioritize promoting healthy brain development over cramming information. Safety, lack of pressure, and nurturing relationships with adults are essential for optimal learning and curiosity.*
01:49:17 🔄 *Teachers have significant power in shaping young minds. Understanding the impact of their behavior on children's vulnerable brains and promoting healthy brain development can transform the educational system.*
01:54:58 🌐 *Gabor Mate lacks personal selfish dreams, with desires focused on a better world for future generations. His aspirations involve global well-being rather than self-enhancement.*
01:55:37 💭 *Mate's dreams are centered on creating a better world, mitigating suffering, and ensuring children worldwide are free from harm. While labeled as "selfless," they have a profound personal impact.*
01:56:47 🌍 *Gabor Mate's aspirations include a world where children in Gaza, Israel, Ukraine, Russia, and Britain live without fear, poverty, or conflict. These hopes, while global, carry a personal sense of fulfillment for Mate.*
Made with HARPA AI
Hay thanks !
Thanks a lot! ❤
What are the 7 ‘A’s’ of healing?
What book is this?
Helpful
Thank you
Only recently realized that my constant anxiety is a reaction to my parents' untreated issues
Same
My mother text me a week ago to say she was flying into my State "to help me." Well I know better....I also know I broke out in angry hives all over my body. This morning it seems they might be going away. (I don't get hives) but that was my bodys reaction to her even coming to my State.
Mine too.
Same here. Depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. All because my father had his own childhood with a horrible mother. He was damaged goods through no fault of his own. That was his normal and he passed it on to me. I'm 63 and I still deal with the aftermath. This interview gave me a new understanding.
possibly alludes to 75% of the World Population...truthfully speaking
The Diary of A CEO never lets me down. Always so inspiring and joyful. It feels like I am on an adventure of exploring myself with Steven and the guests. Sincerely, thank you for the great content.
Agree ❤
"When the Body Says No" changed the way I saw myself, people, and how I interacted with people.
My mother told me, all the time, how depressed she was when she knew she was having me. How she had morning sickness throughout her pregnancy with me, How I was born at 5.45 am, "Just in time for breakfast. Typical Julie!" My baby book describes me in very unfavourable ways because I was jaundiced, and on and on..., no wonder of all my sisters, I was the only one who didn't cry at her funeral. You can't lose what you never really had.
I said the same thing about my family. I’m sad you felt as I had growing up. Hopefully your surrounded by more love now. 😊
I'm sorry for your early life experience. Are you speaking to anyone about it? Even after the source is gone, we need to process EV•ERY•THING. That usually requires dumping on a professional on a regular basis.
GOD loves you no matter what and you'll never understand how much.
Wishing you luck and love creating your new future.
Your mother’s behavior doesn’t define you. You are worthy of luv and great experiences in this life and the next. ❤
So you didn't attend your mother's funeral because she said she had a bad pregnancy?? This is your ultimate reason?? What a horrible person
I feel for your poor mother with a daughter like you
wow what a big sin she committed complaining about a bad pregnancy 😳
An important point to remember is that everyone's parents who may have inflicted trauma, had parents and were probably traumatised too. When we've worked through our feelings, we can hold compassion for them too.
End the chain of generatioanal trauma. A chain as old as history itself...Doesn't get more beautiful than that thought
A friend of mine once said that one day she suddenly saw her mother, whose influence had been unyielding, harsh, and unemotional, as the hurt and damaged little girl who she (the mother) truly was. After that, my friend was able to forgive. It's true: many of our parents were just young, inexperienced, scared, hurt people themselves.
That is so true. Philip Larkin had that insight too th-cam.com/video/1rjRYSfCJvM/w-d-xo.html
The really important thing is to take that first step to get help and healing it can be a huge step to take for many of us who have put a brave face on things to hide our pain.
Provided it does not get in the way of our own self-healing, or that it even helps with it, yes. If it does interfere with that, certainly not.
Thank you Dr. Gabor Mate! In the midst of darkness, your light shines bright, making a profound difference in the world
This was a terrific show. Gabor is honest and open about his own experiences and insightful regarding others> He is the kind of person that I could enjoy just being quiet with. He exudes peace and acceptance.
You described him perfectly: honest and insightful towards other people. 👌
Gabor was our family dr. for many years....great doctor, was driven that is for sure! He delivered our son.
You delivered your son, Gabor attended the birth and caught your son.
hes a nut job..
@@BEAUTYnIQ Huh? Is that a sentence?
He was our family doctor.
He delivered my daughter 28 years ago.
He asked me tough questions.
He changed the attitudes of millions to make compassion a basic component of care for people suffering from addiction.
I feel blessed to have had time to learn from this man I hold in the highest esteem.❤
Thank you Gabor. And the early 2000s I was taking care of my nephew who was labeled at school with ADHD. At that time I was into nutrition and decided to make better food choices. No more sugar cereals started his day with a good breakfast oatmeal, fresh fruit.
Eggs and better lunch choices. After a few weeks, I have better food choices. He was much better in school. In fact, his teacher thought he was on medication. I told her no I just changed his diet. I’m glad I did. He turned out to be 6 foot 10 healthy and love in his heart.
Oatmeal is not much better than sugar cereals. Read the labels for the amount of empty carbs in processed oatmeal.
@@cj3720 the empty carbs may not be best but it’s better than a bowl full of sugar, e numbers and chocolate not to mention they’ll actually be fuller for longer to
School offers ADHD label too easily.
@@cj3720 Minutia?
The secret ingredient ❌ in his auntie's breakfast was ❤ love.
I love the pause, the space you leave your guests to answer within. It's not too long, it's not awkward. It's just space. This was my favorite episode to date 🩷
Just listening to Dr. Gabor Matè's calming voice alone calms me, nevermind the hope to heal he gives me! Such a blessing! Excellent interview! Tyvm!❤
Repressed anger and embarrassment, shame , works itself out as Depression, and a life full of drugs to survive!! Face your past. You already lived through it.
🌹
ty
I like your comment and for me maybe how to proceed in this area. now to figure out how to proceed.
Yes!!!
@@robertmatheson9542 you got this. ❤️🔥(as they say) look what you’ve already overcome.
Don't ask why the addictions ask why the pain. Love this!
*OnLy a MorRon, Watched this for 2-HoRRiBLe Oras!!!*
*ME???? I Skipped through it in 3-minutes!!!! Done!!!!*
@@Justin.Martyr Are you okay?
*DaniFukaButta
yes, addictions are simply a symptom....you're running down a rabbit hole looking at yours or others addictive behaviors. Instead, ask....Why are you hurting? What are you running from. If you're struggling with porn or alcohol...invite God into your present moment....ask God, What am I needing right now...guide me to the truth. There is no shame, there is healing there if you are willing to let go of fear and judgement. We were taught to hate ourselves and to be fault-finding! God does not fault find...he gives freely to all who ask 'without finding fault' ! God does not judge judicially like man does 'guilty or innocent'. If you want freedom and to come to know God...stop judging yourself and others. I've learned it, you can too.
@@dfwguy7149 addiction is an attempted cope to trauma
I have thought countless times, 'Something is very wrong with me but I don't know what it is.' Thanks to Mr. Maté I'm starting to realize the truth. I have gotten so low, and was in such despair that the thought of ending it was actually put in motion, my plans were thwarted that night by an unexpected phone call. I don't know why I am still alive and I STILL battle dark thoughts daily but Mr. Maté is helping me to understand the profound and excruciating pain I daily live with. I cannot thank him enough. Sincerely, sincerely! Thank you Mr. Maté!
Good luck to you!I hope you are better.And may I give you a different perspective?
The more childhood trauma you had and you work on it,the better,the greater of a person you will become.
@lizuca0199 Thank you. It's a tough and long road, but I'm noticing improvements
Hey how are you now?
I have chronic pain, and my doctor's said it's psychogenic, now they are giving me trauma focused cbt, can you please share your details? @@mizt7643
@@mizt7643and Any improvements
never have I ever been more grateful for stumbling upon an unexpected find THANK YOU Gabor Mate. I look forward to reading your work. Thanks so much for having him on your channel
This man is the most emotionally intelligent person I’ve ever heard speak! I think he’s the first person who has come very close to helping me make sense of the “spinning wheel” that so many of us are stuck on day after day. We listen to that negative self talk in our own minds without ever questioning it. Why do we do the things we do? Whoa!
I know!
For the past several months I've been halting and questioning those negative thoughts. Delving deeper I found how I actually was addicted to the negative feelings! Geeez! But once I acknowledged out loud what I was doing - I swear those thoughts were banished from my brain - along with the negative emotion. The knots in my stomach (thru life) just disappeared as I addressed each time these emotions/thoughts.
I definitely I think we're all waking up to this then I know events I think we're all massively waking up but we all I think agreed to this I don't know just totally into I'm not saying that's fair a lot of people are talking about the Americans but I mean I don't know I mean if we've been lied to do about our history I do think we pick our parents to go through certain things and learn certain lessons. It does shape us but you can definitely retrain your brain I promise you that. But we all have trauma we have false beliefs we make up different perceptions and we all need to heal
What I missed most in my childhood ( I finaly understand it after 70 years of age), was to recieve a hug from my father, without being afraid of him.. He was angry for just the smallest things…. I felt guilty without understanding nothing was my fault at all…. Later in life I see myself as an surviver! Thank you, Gabor, I give you a big smile, wish your life will offer you peace and joy despite your past. ❤😊 From Grete, Norway
I feel guilty about my parent for no reason, i don't know how to handle this.
All my hugs to you.
I cried reading this. It was the same for me too. The sad thing is, I may be completely wrong, but his anger possibly came from not having this also as a child.
The cycles are so sad.
Take care my friend
Vanessa ❤🇬🇧
@@vanessas2363 Thank you! ❤️ It really warm my heart! I have two sons ( grown up), whom I often hug and say: I am so happy for you, or: Love you! IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO FEEL LOVED! My dear, I send you hugs to feel warm inside of you!
@@gretenaaden7613 that's wonderful. You broke the cycle. I bet you're a brilliant parent. Sounds it 🤗❤
Love this guy❤ Dr Mate...saving one person from their childhood at a time.
This has to be one of the most powerful and moving podcasts I’ve heard so far and I’ve heard so many. Thank you so much for your guest speaker and author and doctor, his compassion for mankind, accepting that what has been done was horrible but also accepting that those who are traumatized and hurt are victims of terrible childhood situations and cannot be judged and blamed for their actions in adulthood. Very eye opening podcast.
*We live in a sick society.* Dr Maté has remarkable insight into why our society is so toxic and dysfunctional. Materialism, greed and narcissism are killing us.
And let's not forget the fascist mass brainwashing of western societies with materialism, greed and narcissism.
Well said...this man is simply sensational and not normal...love it love him,life changing Thsnkyou wish you were my pyhschrist.....or my husband lol
Yes, we are self destructing. We can open our eyes, get understanding and start to make better choices in all areas of our lives. 💞
Yes n we all know who those people are, for the most part.....
There are some of us left who do NOT ride with GREED and Materialism and boy are we CRUCIFIED.
If only children could know peace, perhaps then world peace would be a given. Thank you both!
@Nancy Gray
Great peace have they which love Thy law: and nothing shall offend them. Psalm 119:165
My son forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments.
For length of days and, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the tables of thine heart.
So shalt thy find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thine ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to the bone.
Proverbs 31 thru 8.
@ Nancy Gray, this is the only way for humanity to know true peace.
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth , give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27
So profound.
@@kjshy social scientists maybe
@@kjshy The Bible says 10 generations. The stress of illegitimacy -- pre and post natal, then on.
@@kjshy Deuteronomy 23:2
I have a friend who tells me all the time "there are people out there worse off them me, i dont have truma, i don't have ptsd, i havent hurt enough"
We medicaded ourselfs with drugs and booze and within all the conversations we had i saw her truma and after very slowly and steadily telling her that truma isn't the same for everyone and that we don't get yo choose when it happens she finally realised why she was angry and scared. Shes now in a loving relationship and she recognises when her emotions are more then they should be.
Just like myself.
It's ok, everyone can feel hurt and its ok your not alone ❤ don't disregard your own pain just because you feel its not enough pain to be painful.
Everyone deserves to feel safe and healed, everyone! If you can ask for help do it ❤❤
I find now at 62 I like being alone with myself. I enjoy my own company. It has been years of developing and evolving through past trauma to get here. I am grateful to be here but i am still digging and working on addictions. Your conversation helps broaden my perspective. Thank you
He has a lovely voice, and speaks the truth about violence without sounding angry. Impressive. I'm reading everyone's comments. My male parent was a rageaholic, violent man who could only respond to life by threats, hostility and condescension. He looked down his nose at everyone. He couldn't keep his hands off me, he was viscious. When I flinched, he threw sideways punches, he was a brick shaped man and strong. I despised him and knew he was rotten. On the public side, he charmed everyone. I neither knew nor cared what his upbringing was, to make him so. I believe when you're a parent, it stops being about you. I believe it was wrong and criminal to put me in such a position and I blame both parents for throwing me away, even though the other parent wasn't physically violent, she did a half-assed job and did not protect me from the man she had spent ten years escaping who now unleashed his full force on me.
I deserved better. And if you're one of the others commenting, you do too.
NOW, TODAY, I have done work on myself, my beautiful self, my life, and my worth, that I can say:
-I have more worth when I am loved, safe and secure, and filled with joy.
-I am worth love,
I am worth safety,
I am worth joy, and presence.
I support myself and hold myself up. I honour and cherish myself. I will always be here for myself.
I love my sad bits, because they give me meaning, I love my uncertain parts, because I am in between and brave to have jumped. I love my lonely parts because they give me connection with my spirit.
Peace, safety for everyone.
Did you write this, if so write more and often, thank you, I'll save this for a morning mantra. Well done, well done.
So beautiful sister , proud of you
Tordy I felt such pain reading your testimony. I'm so sorry that your father was such a brutal and cruel person to you. Just grateful you are doing really well and at peace. You deserve it. We all do. Peace to you too.
Thank you for your communication to us ! We are all on a journey of self love & respect. I love that you hold yourself up, as we all learn to do
when we realize the trauma was never ours to hold ! I wish you peace for all your days. Thank you
😥you are a beautiful person. I wish you ❤❤
I was totally a workaholic to try to prove my worth - I’m grateful I recognised that and have pulled back significantly to be present for my family. That meant sacrificing many material things but I’m rich in love and contentment. ❤
May continued bless shower over you and your family!! So glad you have found the way to peace. ♥
If you watch anything on people with multiple sclerosis, that’s exactly how they are. I’m glad you were able to see that and I hope you’re doing well.
This was my story as well
Happy for you ❤
KK, this is me, i have been a workaholic for 50years, never been sick, but then i developed severe RA, i feel that it was a curse at first, now i realise it is a blessing in disguise. My mother told me at 5 years of age, if she could have drowned me at birth and got away with it she would have, that has stayed with me, i never had a relationship with my parents, never knew why she didn't want me, i have dealt with it by trying to prove my worth. Now i cannot work anymore, i thought my life was over, but instead it has shown me how to live without looking for other people's approval when i know i am worthy, and i have respect and love for myself, i now have time for me, at my pace, and i don't give time for those who don't give to me, wish i had wisdom years ago, much love to all xx
I'm surprised the topic of media and news outlets targeting stress responses never came up, but Dr. Gabor is a gift! Thank you for sharing him with us Steven and the DOAC team!
Listening to Dr. Gabor Mate makes you witness the best in humanity in the person of a doctor.
I was so stressed. My son wore my stress on his sleeve. I had a tiny bit of savings. Quit my job. Begged unemployment for a few weeks. Saved more. Changed my career. Starting actually taking care of my physical body/mind and my son's..fast forward 3 years later. We are calmer, relaxed, slimmer and fit. Poor but happy. He is talking more. He's 16 ASD non verbal. We learn at home and socialize with calm people only now. Within our bubble we cook great recipes, we garden veggies, we do so much learning by living our daily lives. Our daily tasks are based on our stress or mood. We pick tasks that align us for the day. We thrive for contentment. Do what is good for you:)
Wonderful ❤️
This makes me so happy to read - much love to you guys and besy of luck going forward!!
You're a wonderful mother!
yes. the outer world can be just too difficult or viscious or bad influence. It's not really that healthy to immerse kids in an outer world ( school) that isn't actually helpful or healthy. And adults need relief and refuge as well, maybe women more than men, usuallly. We need home and refuge more than we are allowed , very often.
@@theCosmicQueen i disagree with you
I totally agree with all the positives about Gabor. Listened avidly. Bought his book re addiction. My daughter yo-yoing in and out of mental hospital. Addictive behaviours. I had severe lack of attachment as a child, first 3 years in childrens home, abused after, divorced, adore my adult children but can see what has been generational relationship problems throughout my lifetime. My birth siblings, all separated from one another through our unmarried mother’s childhood and life trauma. She died of heart failure in her 50s. Also in and out of mental hospital. Relieved, enlightened by Gabor but honestly also overwhelmed by, now what? I’m 67 and my adult kids in 40s. We try to nurture my grandchildren in the light of Gabors work. My other mentally emotionally hurt daughter is suffering in hospital and don’t know how to help. Sorry offloading a lot here. Thanks if you’re reading
It sounds whacky … HEAR ME OUT AND LOOK AT THE STUDIES … psylosybin mushrooms completely changed my life . From a kid with all the potential that had thrown it away ,this substance helped reconnect with all my memories and the routes of them came to me objectively and oh my the beauty it’s as if you return to that state where life can be animating again.
I suggest reading Entangled Life and looking into clinical studies . These ancient religions that used these mushrooms and other natural psychedelics were not stupid!
No worries you were honest and vulnerable! That’s how change happens, when we can honestly look at ourselves and admit the truth! Best wishes to you and your family ❤
Reading this 2 months after you wrote it, and very moved. Prayers that your daughters have both improved/stabilized. Thank you for pouring good into your grandchildren's lives; your family, your mom included, sounds as though trauma and sorrow are a multi-generational thread that binds you all. And I mean ' binds ' in that you remain bound by it. I will hold you all in heart & prayer that the whole family experiences healing from trauma & trauma responses ❤
Maybe try Dr Amen work and podcast, he has helped us a lot. May the Lord give you peace.
Ok ask the question from last guest. You talk to much about yourself.
So profound, thank you. As a DV survivor, abuse survivor this speaks to the core of what I see and the work I do to heal.
Really love Dr. Mate's work. I can almost feel the weight he's carries on his shoulders. Such a kind and compassionate man. I can't thank him enough. And I love that he discusses workaholics in same category of the other addictions. People always assume addiction must be just of drugs, alcohol, and food. Absolutely incomplete. My parents were workaholics. Dad used to say follow the Protestant work ethic, which was comical to me before he was a Catholic. But, he was also a small business owner so he was always working. Even now he works part time and he's 80. He says it keeps him sharp, but at least he is making time to enjoy life in other domains. In any event, I want to share this message with my friends,loved ones, my colleagues, and students. Its a relief to hear it said. Our society glorifies working to the point of illness and exhaustion as a good thing. Europe and other countries are much better about work/life balance. I do like to work hard, but now because I enjoy the challenge, not to receive acceptance or acknowledgement. Frankly, most Americans don't get an acknowledgement anyway. So if you work hard or extensively at least do it because it brings you satisfaction in and of itself. Not for others to validate you. They often don't and it leaves you feeling overlooked, taken advantage of, and so forth. And find a way to carve out time to just be. You won't say on your deathbed, I should have worked harder and more. You're going to wish you spent more time with family and loved ones. You'll also regret things you wanted to do and couldn't. Don't put off things you want to do. It may not be easy, maybe you'll need a side hustle to earn some extra cash to make that dream trip or experience possible, but it will be worth it. I want to go to England and Scotland. Have my whole life. I'm actively saving a pirtion of each check towards that goal. Sendings hugs to anyone here. Know you are loved and more than enough no matter what your background is. Peace, love, and light to you all. Namaste.
In retirement, the last year. I dropped 250 lbs, an abusive husband and on a plant based diet, 50 lbs. 1 of my 3 children is an addict, 20 years, got councelling with an adddiction councellor, but I was sitting on the couch crying about it. Im better in action so I packed up my wagon with coffee, freshly baked muffins (healthy) and cleaning supplies, walked 4 km to the worst drug building in the city, where my son lives. Him and his girlfriend have infection from needles. I soaked rags in javex and used my foot scooping up needles etc. Cleaned apartment, fresh sheets and towels. showing love and compassion. The childhood trauma, they talk about is imaginable. My son is a good artist, tomorrow, moms coming to clean again with markers, drawing pretty pictures on his walls to change the gross ones. He lets me, always get hugs and kisses and meeting alot of interesting people, who need to channel their trauma into creativity and love themselves. We just need to be kind to each other specially the little ones. Im buying your books Addiction first.
Keep loving them Deb … your a very good mum 💙
It is loving and kind but also will not help his addiction in a long run. He has to face the consequences of it. Otherwise it is enabling....I know this is very harsh...but...
Amazing, the world needs more like you in it, you wonderful woman. Love your son and help him on his way to a more normal life. Strength to you because it must be agony
@@55linka she can agree not to pay for his addiction, but living in a rotten environment will never make them wanna quit using
Most of us were molested, or abused in some other way. Then sent to a school system that tolerates bullying and hate. Then cast out into a world where all that matters is your social circle and how much money you make.
Exactly. The more I listened to people childhood story the more I learned that this is way more common than I thought. That's some of the main reasons the world is mentally damaged. Along with teaching people to hate 1 another, then smile in their face because they have to work with each other or cross paths with them in some social ways. My heart is ripped to pieces over this. Innocence is no longer starting from beginning of time, and it's by force. Stay mentally strong on this earth.
Yes. I was molested at elementary school and the teachers did nothing (we were many girls molested) when it was time to go to high school I begged my parents to go to an all-girls school. By some miracle they consented. I felt so safe there for the first time. The nuns took such good care of the students.
Bullying out of control 2023😮😢😮😢😮😢😮🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙌
@ALT-vz3jn many nuns did wonderful work they educated us here in Ireland taught us Christian values too of humility forgiveness . They get a lot of negative press because of actions of some nuns esp in the Irish state funded orphanages that they ran . We live now with the guilt and shame for what was done in the name of Jesus . Suffer the little children .
That is my experience as well. I have been bullied relentlessly at work for the last 5 years. Never before that. 😥
Extensive studies on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) were completed in the late 90s. We say we care - but actually we don't. Because if we did, we'd all know the situation is desperate and we'd do more to protect children.
There is no collective "we" when it comes to child-rearing. Some individuals care and do better. Some are unconscious and perpetuate trauma.
@@Kraypaper The "we" I meant was, society as a whole and all individuals in it. We are all responsible for keeping children safe.
I agree. If I had known when I had my children that I would recreate in them the wheel of pain I suffered, I would have done things differently. We MUST educate ourselves as a species to the dangers of inadequate parenting in our societies. Generations of suffering yield their results, and we are in the phase of harvesting the fruits of our ignorance. Perhaps the next step is fostering a species-wide awareness that we can do better for our offspring.
This fantastic man is a gift to humanity. I iove his softly spoken voice i could listened to him all day. He delivers all of him knowledge in such a wonderful manner. Easy to understand and impactful. His work has helped me immensely. Thank you for having Gabor as a guest. I love this podcast.
So true, it doesn't matter how "good" your parents were financially or in other ways, if they are unhappy people the child will feel bad about him/herself. They literally absorb their parents feelings. And then parents go "what did we do wrong?" Just being unhappy and carrying their own childhood wounds is enough to ruin a child. That will be absorbed by the childs brain. No one should have kids unless they go through therapy first. Should be a requirement.
Every human being on this planet carries pain and several inner wounds inside of them, our parents and grandparents etc as well. Not one human being should have children in this world, look at the world, it is insane, and being happy in an insane world is not possible at all.
" It is no measure of health to be wel adjusted to a profoundly sick society - Jiddu Krishnamurti
Agree on al, except the no one should have children (kids? Every one should have kids...goats are great! :) ) unless they go through therapy. Perfect world? Yes! However, narcissists will never go to the therapy. There is no support group or recovery for narcissists which make up about 80% of the population because they are not the ones who need help (liars, so I'm being sarcastic). Problem with your statement is, if people are having sex, they will get pregnant. if you suggest they use contraception, that adds to wounds and has detrimental effects on all areas of health (anything but the condom will cause cancer, inflammation, early abortions, emotional abuse/being used, and masculine by the pills, patches, inserts, etc. The condom has a whole other set of issues attaches to that, not to mention the zero protection from STDs, and doesn't prevent a heartbreak. Ergo, a lot of abortions come out of this mentality - and the truth is, those who put off children and engage in sexual acts before the committed place of healthy content of marriage (nope, not going "religion here," this is social truths and reality), become more unhealthy because sex hormones are a drug in itself and most people are not having children at all today, so they are living a selfish narcissistic lifestyle and not even desiring parenthood. I agree it should be a requirement but again, only those who want to change, will. Those who don't, won't and those are the ones that are screwing up their children. Ultimately, a lack of humility prevents all people from not moving forward in facing the hard stuff. A mouthful, I know, just saying it's an oversimplification to just "make it mandatory." All of us here, are motivated. Not narcissists most likely. I am a nurse, psychologist and also teach sexual purity (yes it works, yes it's beautiful, and it leads to increased marital satisfaction, sexual frequency and quality) before marriage, and they have 5,6, 9+ children and run a beautiful household, tight ship but s much laughter, joy, communication. Why? The parents didn't all have therapy before marriage, but they learned how to love, and love is sacrifice. Both parties put the other, above themselves. Children seeing this, grow up so much better. Yes on the no matter what your financial status...... and yup, on the rest. Good news though? We're all broken, all human, and I know 100% that with out the wounds of my childhood (and adulthood, the ones that followed me with managers, at work, etc), I'd have not acquired the tools to do this life in a healthy, peaceful, joyful way of pain to PURPOSE outside myself. Ergo, should my parents "not have had me?".....Nope :) Because of the dysfunction and abuse I endured, I stopped the cycle, and am no helping them, they are learning from me about forgiveness and deep inner healing. It's all good -- so, 'waiting for therapy for children'...we're not God. God is God. You do your best, and leave God the rest. He knows....imperfections
Maybe changing the focus, will change the perception.
@@IAMinfiniteandfree. Think about the miracle it is that you are alive today. Your ancestors since the dawn of time have struggled through famine and disease and war to provide for their children who themselves have struggled to provide for their children all the way down to you. They have poured their sweat and tears and blood for hundreds of thousands of years so that you would one day be born. And here you are, declaring not only that you will not have children, but also that no one should, because the world is too bad-and that in the most prosperous time in recorded human history. You would rather think about yourself, jump from temporary pleasure to temporary pleasure, thinking you will find happiness that way, trying to prove yourself smarter than all those who came before you, just because you won't look at the truth: the world IS hard by nature, and on top of that it is less hard for you than for all your ancestors before you.
Let me ask you: of all the meanings humans have ever tried to give life, which one is more true than the one inscribed in your genes?
And they think I gave them everything they could've wanted not thinking anything material would not fix the emptiness
This man has fullfilled his purpouse in life, he is a true healer.
Thank you for this amazing podcast. I've listened to at least a dozen interviews with Gabor Mate and I have been forever changed. I've been able to re-parent myself, regain and be in touch with my God-given gut instincts, and express my feelings and emotions with a new sense of freedom. Plus I have forgiven my parents and see them with love and compassion. Grateful and blessed! Thanks again.🙏🏽❤
Hearing this man speak and relating it to my life gave me literal goosebumps. Couldn't be more thankful!
Gabor is absolutely correct about Rheumatoid Arthritis at 30 I had just gone through a traumatic divorce following giving birth to my first child. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Once I got out of that situation I was free of it a year later and now 30 years later still free of it!
Thanks and all praises to Our Creator and Savior for delivering you from that awful situation for you and your child and freedom from RA ever since then!! Continued blessings always. ♥
@@denasharpe2393 Thank you so much and bless your kind heart.
Same thing happened to me with eczema
@@carriebell3566 I had eczema for 31 years on my right foot. I have no idea what caused it. But when I finally aggressively applied my prescribed fluocinonide USP .05% cream, the itching went away for good not long after. Funny thing of it is it was not prescribed as a cure, but only as a “treatment.” Therefore no guarantee you’ll have the same experience.
@@nonelost1 i didn’t apply anything at all. It went away on its own once my situation changed, suggesting an external link.
I grew up in an alcoholic family, I'm 64 now. It all started with I'm not good enough. That belief has ruled my life all my life.
Denise, your story is so similar to mine that I have to say hello and comment. I was born a premie at 3 pounds and was in incubator for 8 weeks. My mother didn't drive or work and my dad was busy working hard to feed 6 kids, 5 boys and myself. So, my parents didn't come to see me except for weekends, as the hospital was too far away. My mother was an alcoholic and was mentally and physically abusive. I often wonder if a premie baby is fully developed and how the lack of instant touch and sound by the parents, mostly the mother.
I am also a very sensitive person and was labeled depressed at an early age because I cried a lot. I have deep depression fueled by several incidents that I can't let go of. I am 72 years old and feel I'm too darned old to seek help now.
I wish you the best of luck and a Happy Holiday season.
My parents both told me how expendable I was before I was 5 years old if I knew 1 thing it was that my parents were capable of murder and I meant nothing to them.
I know what you mean and my household growing up was not alcoholic , it ain't just the alcohol !
No real need to tell my story, but suffice it to say that "I AM ENOUGH!" is written on my mirrors.
@@hospicedragon96 That is utterly heartbreaking. I do hope you have come to terms with the concept that their feelings had little to do with how they felt about you and everything to do with how they felt about themselves.
I was very privileged to meet Gabor at a conference in Ottawa. What a wonderfully smart and helpful man ❤
I truly rejoice at having found you. Thank you for the clarity you and Gabor gave to the matter. I have now understood some things that I never did before. Thank you!
"Become the friend of the puppet-master, then relieve them of their duties". Love that. Absolutely loved this episode. Totally absorbing and intellectually stimulating. Thank you.
I will tune in any time I come across Gabor Maté. And Steven, your ability to listen and ask great questions is beautiful. Thank you both for this conversation. ❤
Yes. The interviewer is listening for meaning and personal healing..... excellent at moving the conversation forward.❤️❤️❤️
I find it striking how the best advice is given by people who had a tough childhood themselves. As if it is necessary to understand and feel and gain insights that allow you to help others.
This guy is beyond amaaaazing to hear ! Never heard such an honest man ! Wow ! 💖 Glad mom got him safe to be here !!!!!! I am so grateful God talked to her best judgment to love him soooo much to give us this gift, he gave us all !!!!!! She made a tremendous giving 😭💕 So sadened how difficult her heart was breaking in her tremendous trust in hearing such a painful trial to sacrifice ...i feel like we have been given her very best and she knew to hear God first. Sooooo amazed in your spirit giving such love coming through you both and i'd love to be this much light to others ! This guy has given me sooo much back to my spirit ! My heart is grown larger. Thank you more than you could ever realize ! Cannot wait to hear more from you !!!!!!
When a child doesn't get love from either parent I believe when someone gives you love you don't know how to receive it
Yes truth.
Or trust it.
Good point.
Agree, but it doesn't have to remain that way for the child.
-How we 'Receive' (love, compliments) is a learned skill. Jus like learning to love oneself first.
@@suzannemills-wemm968 if we haven’t received love or learned to receive love them how are we meant to. MHservices in UK literally give 0 empathy and rubbish often inappropriate support and they screw up communications with DRs and that puts on waiting lists and because they didn’t communicate the person ends up at the bottom in uk it’s 3.4 years I waited autism assessment at aged 52 and now they have actually screwed up communications and not actually sssessed re adhd then sent a letter to me saying I wasn’t elligble for their services ( when I had 0 assessment and my dr simply refferred me to them to assess I was in that waiting list 6 months I e been on a 15 month waiting list for social services though I did see a lady from autism services . I have physical disability and issues re travel as I’m semi rural and I’m on the list for a bungalow . These had me on a waiting list for 3 years . When I updated with info on autism they then asked for id . Which I couldn’t get to work online and they sAid they’d refer me to a suppirt worker to help me apply and put the ID before I got the support worker some idiot closed my case saying I hadn’t complied putting the form in with the Id putting me back in the bottom with that. How am I meant to get well when thepeople I turn to are making me I’ll with stress and trapping me in my home effectively . The complaint system compartmentalising all this issues and no one is seeing the whole effects this is having on my MH. How can I get well if all they do is warehouse me every service. I run out of patience I’m thinking it’s deliberate personal and systemic nazi abuse in Britain they are driving us to suicide to save them paying disability benefits . People patients need change. All I feel is rage frustration and anger and I’m s armed it will turn very dark they keep pushing my buttons then demanding I respect them they are supposed to provide a service they aren’t my authority or bosses. They are established Nazi gate keepers for the private vultures thAt have stole our NHS . We have a government body politic press Tv social media encouraging hate of the disabled in the UK and they are preaching us live whilst giving g us 0 of the stuff fb twitter ect have no policy to protect the poor and disabled from trolls bullying us for being on welfare and or for their MH slurs and comments like benefit claimants are scroungers . Comments by bots and paid trolls saying we shouldn’t have TV or phone ( we need phones to comply with online benefit systems we need Tv for entertainment . This country is turning into Romania in the 80s I think amber Rudd visited there and learned how to kill disabled people . I mean the British public want us dead or slaves in pain looking at 4wslls till we are dead and when we crack up they drug us to an early death that’s what is going on in Britain
My mother suffered from schizophrenia and other mental health issues which sadly killed her. My father was abusive and neglectful. I don't remember anything that happened in my childhood before 13 years of age.
Reconnected with my brother after 4ish years late last year and talking to him has given me clarity on our childhood and how we're very alike in terms of not fitting into this world and struggles we suffer with now as adults.
I'm on a journey of healing but I don't think I'll truly feel free and safe until my dad dies.
This video has helped me so much and understanding more about what I've been through. Thank you so much Steven for introducing Gabor to me ❤
@misschloe3678 Thanks for sharing. I feel bad for thinking it, but I also don't think I'll truly feel free and safe until my Stepmother dies. It's a fear that never goes away...its in the body. It takes a lot of somatic therapy
@@KLmoxie I have bad news for you: unless you work on dealing with your own trauma, (an inside transformation) your stepmother's death (an outside event) will not make you feel any more free or safe. Investigate psylobyn or ahuyesca therapy.
This has changed my perspective towards recovery before I was striving to get back to being normal but now my goal is to find myself and the things that make me happy
Gabe talks with such focus to what he says, he is more focused to it than when you give exams to enter university. What an interview listening to it again, think he is changing me like reading a book
Suffering from severe c-PTSD
and obsessive intrusive thoughts.
Sadness, frustration, guilt, shame,
heartbreak, grief, rage, loneliness,
depression, desperation, hopelessness, overwhelm.
I pray for Peace of Mind
and healing of my soul and heart.
🤗🌹💕🕊🙏🏻
❣💕🕊🌹🙏🏻
Thank GOD someone is addressing this stuff with a respected degree and career. Maybe then people will listen to this common sense and we can vindicate this toxic societal system we have collectively constructed.
THANK YOU. I don't know why people act like it's impossible to change society; we do it ALL THE TIME. Now it's time to break down the systems.
God/Jesus is the only answer I would like to know what he thinks about God/Jesus
@@chrisjohnson322 I suggest he is giving what followers of the Lord would be wise to say. His faith or not, is being used by the Master, of that I am sure. God bless.
People have to be open to hearing it, unfortunately the older you get the less open your mind and more set in your ways you become. Bless to those whose minds continue to stay open and welcome new information.
We? I think you meant the Rothschilds and their useful idiots.
Dr. Maté is so honest and authentic! He is so amazing ❤️
Excellent guest, so willing to share his experiences and a total acceptance of himself and the way you are do the work but accept who you are. Great, great interview. 👍🏻👏🏻☀️😎💃💃💃
A major problem I can see is parents are stressed from both working because work is so demanding now that very few people are not highly stressed. Companies want more and more from you, then you pass on this stress to the child. Often the choice is dont earn as much and have more time and be less work stress but deal with the problems of lower income, like living in a worse area, worst schools, economic stress, or work harder, and not have time for your child. Basically your screwed what ever you do. God help us all
Well said
Right on! Never gets talked about!
If possible. Try to get cheaper accommodation in countryside. Pray. God really does supply needs with kids. I have 4. Still juggle 🤹♂️ part time work etc. Teaching English from home etc. Where there's a will there's a way. 🙏
So true.
I think the answer is - the countryside. Get out of cities.
The "Big T" traumas describe my childhood. I really think I need counseling. My family would tell me things like, "Counseling is for weak white people!", "You are Native! You're not weak", "Showing your emotions is for the weak!" "Toughen up and quit whining!" So, I always thought I had to hide the pain and the emotional hurt so as to not bring shame to myself or my family! We are not meant to go through life feeling like you are a fake. Or, not knowing who you really are! I'm 54 now. I wish I would have got the help I needed, regardless of my family. As I get older and I have grandchildren, I realize just how much I need to talk to someone. If you are reading this, and you even think you need help, please get the help you need now. Don't live a life of regret like I do. You will be a much better person and you won't regret it. Don't let those around you suffer from your hidden pains. If I could have done things differently, I would have. Don't wait.
I am a counselor and the vast majority of people I work with are Native. You are not weak, you are strong enough to show your vulnerability and true self. I have clients ranging from 18 to 70. It is never to late to seek help from family, friends, or a counselor. I wish you the best :)
54 is young in my book, and I'm in my thirties. Never too late to seek help. You obviously have the courage to take the leap, I hope you'll find the strength too. Wishing you the best all the way from Poland
@@nohandle508 Your kind words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the support and understanding. May you be blesses!
I’m your age and have had major trauma. You’re not alone. EMDR was best trauma therapy I’ve done. Find a grounded therapist who is spiritual and will guide you from trauma to whatever is your idea of Spirit
@@allisonblaustein7898 Thank you so much for your enc ouraging words. I am feeling optimistic in regards to my ability to get the necessary help I truly believe I need. I am not ashamed. One day I will be the person who carries no more shame. No more hurt. No more anger. No more no mores! I know now it is never too late. Thank you!
Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.
This is one of my favourite interviews to date, I love Gabor Mate’s work, it’s felt life saving at times and I apply his Philosophy in my work. The the curiosity, intelligence, passion and responsiveness of Stephen, I am such a fan and inspired… keep up your brilliant work
Huge love and gratitude 🙏
I totally agree with Gobor Mate on the example given about the mother rats raising their children.
My other comment was that do to the fact that I was born into a bombed out country in Europe, my mom had more important things to do than to give me the time I needed as a child, she had to be working wherever she could to keep me from starving. People in the USA have no idea what really tough times are and I hope no one ever has to find out what life’s like when you go to bed many nights without food and cry yourself to sleep with hunger pains and a ice cold house in the winter 🥶 I wasn’t old enough to understand war and all the horrible things that happened but I do remember my family and extended family sitting around talking all kinds of negative discussions, I often cried when I heard my mom cry about what to do ? I remember scratching things with my fingernails on the ice that formed on our windows, washing up in ice cold water, going to bed and my body heat couldn’t generate enough heat to keep my teeth from chattering and so on.
When we had the Covid lockdown, my friends and neighbors panicked about not having enough toilet paper and other things, all I could think is that was a piece of cake ..imagine if your city wherever you live would be bombed ..there wouldn’t be any stores left to buy anything. My city was 89% bombed. I have learned to adapt and cope with what was at a very young age because I didn’t know any different. I didn’t complain and I never asked to get anything. I pray that none of us will ever have to go through this ..but it could ? The leaders of most countries are not all sane ?
It seems people with mental health disorders are highly driven and obtain positions of power and authority. Perhaps it’s up to us to learn/understand what good mental health looks like and not be attracted to the razzle dazzle of the mentally unhealthy person and work to keep them out of power.
Thank you for saying this. I can relate, although I was born in "the states".. I experienced the poverty and emotional environment of poverty and a home that could become a "warzone" at any moment. I am not saying it is the same, but I can relate. I gained from this video and comment because I have that sense of "not good enough" for help, relief, connection and safety or care. I also have that sense of being "revealed" in my human vulnerabilities and needs, and may get "angry" or frustrated and twisted up or resentful at whatever person who is close enough to me to be playing a reciprocal role of meeting some needs of the other. I'm more aware of the "why" being inevitable, given the self reliance that resulted in such unreliable environments for the first half of my life. MUCH has shifted out from under me due to the poverty, homelessness, death, disease and career ending result of the pandemic in my life. I think that may be why I have been so deeply confronted by the trauma scars that represent in my physical and mental processes, and which cause suffering in my daily life and heart. Peace and love to you, for you, in the eye of the storm.
That is quite a painful story of your childhood - i'm so sorry you had to live through that as a child. And unfortunately, this degree of suffering throughout childhood happens more often than most people would imagine here in the states. Definetly a far lower % of the population of course, but still...just talk to any of the mentally ill homeless in major cities such as San Francisco or LA and you'll hear story after story filled with unimaginar horrors of their childhood that left them with a mountain of traumas that continue to wreak havoc on their mental health. And instead of being shown compassion and empathy they are stigmatized and demonized, as if they are the source of the drug epidemics and overall decay of all areas of life in the states. All in the wealthiest country in the world....
@@Dbb27 Mushrooms are the answer. We can't trust any human to lead us out or show us the way. They always end up leading us astray at some point. But not Mushrooms. Mushrooms will show us what sane truly is. Mushrooms will heal us and show us the way out of this colossal shit-show of a crisis we find ourselves in. Sounds crazy, I know. But it's the truth. My source? 5 grams dried psilocybin mushrooms on an empty stomach, alone, dark room, closed eyes. Terence McKenna was so far ahead of his time it's absurd....
very sad😢 I’m glad you’re here
This is an early Christmas gift. I'm an orphan in my 30s, realizing a lot of childhood trauma and family loss still pulls the strings of my life. Thank you both for this exceptional podcast. Transformative to hear.
Hi. I'm al'so orphaned, older than you at 47 but without any family now..... It's lonely.
Ditto, im 58 and the loneliness cuts deeper as the years pass. Im finally reparenting myself in order to heal. I appreciate Gabor Mate so much✨
You guys were orphaned. past tense... stop making that define who you are... are you still orphaned? Do you have people around that love and support you?
@@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper
Hi! I'm also orphan and I couldn't help but notice you are into Astrology/are an Astrologer.
Do you happen to have Saturn or Capricorn connected to your 4th house?
Honestly the reason why I got into Astrology was because I was able to understand my life story through my own birth chart- there's something healing about being able to witness yourself. ❤️
You are greatly loved by your heavenly Father.
Dr. Mate’s description around the 8:55 point in the video is exactly what has happened to me, when you get that insight of the early wound’s effect on you, you can see it’s applications in yourself throughout your life. And as always he clarifies and helps to resolve confusion. 🙏🙏🙏
wow - i was moved to tears listening to some of this (especially the 5 "R"s). I've been doing my own mental / emotional / personal work throughout this past year and this podcast came at the exact perfect time in my journey.