@@tylerdurden1430 true haha..i am seeing this at 2 am cause i had fight with my dad . i have to care about what my dad says. bt i also have to be in controle of me. really this type of comment doesnt help at all
*_Are you sure???_* If you say yes, you are a fool. Maybe you know you are a fool, which would make you a wise man. Maybe you know you're a wise man, which will make you a fool. If you say no, you are wise man who doesn't know wether he is a wise man or a fool. If you don't know the difference between a wise man and a fool, not even you should believe your statement in the first place.. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 I love this quote. It so perfect yet paradoxical.
@@khunpaciny7273 Sure, no problem. AreyousureIfyousayyesyouareafooMaybeyouknowyouareafoolwhichwouldmakeyouawisemanMaybeyouknowyoureawisemanwhichwillmakeyouafoolIfyousaynoyouarewisemanwhodoesntknowwetherheisawisemanorafoolIfyoudontknowthedifferencebetweenawisemanandafoolnotevenyoushouldbelieveyourstatementinthefirstplaceIlovethisquoteItsoperfectyetparadoxical.
Problem here is that person will then love to be around you because you listen and validate them. I don't want to attract people like this into my life.
Shilan Hassan I try but it's tricky if they're family or friend-of-a-friend who happens to turn up at the same event and there's only a small group of people.
Kat Earls Exactly!! Be very careful to validate these types of people. You just are feeding them to continue to be the way they are. Like you are encouraging them to continue to "always want to be right".
Shilan Hassan. Ignore them?? Not possible in many situations. For example in your career. You often have to work closely with this person. The only way to keep yourself out of any trouble is to "take the beating" over and over from them. Trust me, you can't go to management because these types of people are pros at what they do. They get the benefit of the doubt.
I know someone like this. It's very hard to have any conversation with them. Besides them completely dominating the conversation and cutting me off every other word I say. What I do say gets devalued and I'm either always wrong about what I say or they get upset because I told them something they don't know. Quite literally I told them something one they didn't know and they got mad and asked me why they didn't know that. I told them that they don't know everything and walked away. But no letting them finish talking wont solve anything. They will keep talking and talking or even change the subject just to keep talking. Once you talk, not only will they not listen but they will either not care about what you say or just cut you off and talk themselves.
I wind up not caring about who I'm discussing with a topic with if the other person is a know it all. You can't have an intellectual conversation with a know it all, because they truely believe that they know everything from a factual point of view. They forget that progress is also achieved through visionaries and mistakes, and because they know it all, they don't want to be reminded
I think that those who feel they know everything about you either feel challenged by you or feel entitled to something. Sometimes folks just can't accept that all people are unique.
That's good advice when its someone you don't live with. When it's your spouse, you learn to just keep your mouth shut and nod then just try to avoid conversation (which is always a one way conversation). I love when his friends call. It keeps him from talking at me!
A trauma for me growing up with my mother would invalidate me ,make it seem like what I was saying was not important, she made me feel dumb and stupid ,and SHE was always right. She is still like that.I definitely have some obstacles to overcome. I remind myself Constantly how smart and intelligent I am by reminding myself of the wonderful awesome , smart things that I HAVE accomplished ,I don’t put my value and my validation in someone else’s hands.
Dont agree with this advice, narcissist don't listen even when they are done, in their minds once they shared all their thoughts the conversation is over.
So for me, the narcissist is my father. I tried this approach. When I brought back up that point I could most grasp/get behind from their 'spew' (and it was a long spew too, most of an hour) they immediately said 'No no no, you didn't get it, let me begin again." After that second near-hour lecture I was done. Point is I agree with you, have a like!
Isn't it that sometimes you just have to stop a person like this? You don't always give people like this validation, it just makes them want to think that they're right and better than others.
heavythinker16 ... validation isn't saying you agree with them or their delivery was acceptable, or that you are taking it onboard, it's saying "I heard you", which is an adult response. You have basically diffused the situation and are more likely to be heard in response or able to work away unscathed.
I find that sometimes when they are done, they leave. They feel like they’ve proven them selfs right and that there mission is complete then they somehow loose the ability to hear and leave.
I talk to myself out loud when I’m alone. It allows me to hear my own words and voice and decide if my inner self even agrees with my emotional response. Very often I’m embarrassed when I think about it and I’ve become much better at not arguing the last 5 years. Besides I’m getting older and I really don’t care what other people think.
This dont work in relationships because when its ur turn to talk, the other person will feel they have said it all but u disagree so they will then leave the conversation.
No this is terrible advice... for example one person says hey you want fried eggs on steamed rice, I know you like it? Person 2: no fried eggs go on fried rice. Person 1:no you like the eggs with steamed rice. Annnnnd BOOM! Person 2 knows exactly what they like but for some reason person 1 keeps persisting otherwise. Then person 2 tries explaining how they never thought eggs go with steamed rice but person 1 decides to walk away instead of listening and the conversation never gets resolved and person 1 pretends it didn't happen while person 2 has disdain for 1 due to the fact that person 1 is living in a fantasy world where they decide what to let in and instead of being correct and getting a solution they choose to be wrong and believe they are right. The cycle goes on and on about many topics because people like you walk away mid sentence and you wonder why they are so argumentative... it's because you never find a solution to a difference in opinion. You don't have to say which side is better but get across to each other about your beliefs
@@rao3704 well I don't have to pretend to value a person or their ideas when I don't. For me, it feels SO GOOD to make decisions and fully own them instead of doing things I've been told I should do. I'm not afraid to be the bad guy when needed. And I will always be unapologetic when it comes to protecting my precious self 💅✨
I have a slight variation on this. What about people who play one-upmanship? I'm talking about people who, no matter what, have whatever you have and more. They have, and have had, it all. They've traveled farther, they've done more, they know more influential people, they've experienced more, they have a better position, they went to better schools, they know more, they own more, they earn more, their investments are better, their relationships are better, etc. And it applies to negative things too, like sickness and disease. Got a terminal illness? So did they, only worse-and they beat it. How do you deal with people like this?
Panglos The same way she demonstrates here. Me... I find I learn a lot from people who have stories to share. Frankly I think what you call the "one uppers" are just trying to demonstrate that they feel for you, by showing you they went thru a similar situation. They aren't trying to put you down. You do that to yourself.
They sound like someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My mother suffers from this condition and there is no way you can deal with them at all except to cut off contact. They are toxic, and the advice Mel has wouldn't apply in this instance. A person without this type of disorder, sure, I've found it works quite well.
Laurie Paris No. you will notice the one uppers will NEVER ask you about your life or how you are doing. It will always be about them, their life and their stories.
You know what Mel, the person who is always right creates more work and loss of precious time. They fill out paperwork incorrectly and then sends it out. The paperwork comes back and I end up wasting the clients time and my time because I am the one who is redoing the work. They ARE getting acknowledged all the time! These people enjoy pointing out “wrongs” and being nitpicky and lying. And that makes them look like they’re wonderful and great all the time to the employers who don’t really care or pay attention. They need constant validation.
I see this all the time in social media. I’m always wrong and everyone else is always right, so right in fact that they go to great lengths to tell everyone else how wrong they are.
I have noticed my mom doing the way of tackling people like these 😍seems like she's also experienced in this.. Proud of my mom Thank you Love from India 🇮🇳❤️
This video has been invaluable to me. Married 40 years, and I'm just realizing that he is a passive/aggressive narcissist? The work I have done to try to figure out how to handle his subtle manipulation, making me out to be the villain, and anytime a valid issue is brought up to him he immediately redirects to something I'm not doing right. He also "can not" apologize. Not very many people would be able to let a narcissist talk and talk about their issues. In my case, I followed your instructions to the letter. I've learned how to diffuse him quickly and have restored peace in the house-plus given me back my own peace. My daughter asked me who I was-she didn't recognize me. He's not a mean person, so this isn't a divorce situation. He just needs someone who knows how to manage him. Thank you for restoring my happiness!
Omg it must be very very difficult i cannot even marine myself being w a person like this in a room for even 5 mins , lots of love to you i hope you are doing ok
I rent a room in my girlfriend's house and I'ma try to take your advice. I care about my roommate alot but wow since I moved in it's a whole side of her that's difficult to handle. She's never wrong even when she's wrong and knows it. Everything has to be her way. I am swallowing alot because I'm trying to be respectful cause she's my friend but OMG I now just stay in my room with the door closed just to avoid conversations. I even noticed on Facebook she has to have the last word on other people's post. She's really annoying to deal with so I'm going to try your advice. Thank you
Great video. I AM that argumentative person that always has to be right. This made me realize how I come off to others. Love the ego vs. heart discussion.
Thanks Mel for giving such an amazing strategy. ❤I truly believe it’s a superpower to stand in our own confidence and still be kind and to respond in a detached manner. Then you can move on .
Wow. I just realized that I can also use this tactic on MYSELF! Like when I’m spinning my mental wheels in the mud of some injuries or mental garbage. Thank you, Mel. You’re a lifesaver. 💕😉
I tried this and the person kept talking over me when I allowed them to finish up countless times. Each time I tried to say something I felt they just argued over me more so I continued yet again repeatedly with the “anything else?” Tactic. He just wouldn’t stop. It ended with me very frustrated and having to walk away while they followed me going on and on. It would never end. Safe to say I told this person I don’t want to converse with them when they even admitted they don’t care what anyone else has to say. They have hurt me greatly over the last few months with their in right your wrong and I am the only one to speak attitude. I’d rather not deal with them ever again. Friendship gone but they were impossible to deal with anyway. Nobody really likes them tbh. I was their final friend.
Claireables Louise I had an online friend I had to let go, that reminds me somewhat of what you went thru. It wasn't that I didn't like him or share common interests, bc that's how we started talking. It's just that the conversations were so one sided, debates over minutae, misinterpreting in a bad way so many things I said, putting words in my mouth that I did not say, (I was glad our conversations were in text, bc I had proof I hadn't said that!) attributing feelings to me i was not feeling, accusations that I wasn't a good friend, bc I wasn't on his side calling his "foes" names, drama with so many people in his life, over the smallest things, violent talk... in short our personalities were so far apart, that I found our conversations exhausting. Had to call it quits... which really is the best thing you can do for both of you! 🌱
Welp... That's my sister! She always thinks that she is right. Here's an example! She gave me a gift and past 45 mins she started to make me mad. And she just couldn't see that im mad and actually wouldn't stop blaming me on it! She said "I gave you a thing you wanted!" Me: "Bruh I never asked for it! And you say that im ungrateful?! Hold on what does a gift have to do with anything! That dosen't give you a right to do something bad even tho I never asked for it!" I don't want to see ungrateful. I just walked away...
Imagine being in a relationship with a person like that... imagine being told multiple times that your opinion is not valid for xyz reason so it’s okay to constantly cut you off...even though you listen to what they have to say all the time. Out of respect. One day I hope to find someone who even if we disagree they at least respect me enough to hear me out, whatever it is.
i just came home from a friend's house early because of this I don't understand it this is what she does she'll ask me a question I'll answer her and then she'll say no its not your wrong or no I don't really think so but she does it over the smallest of things or she has tried twisting situations to where like say she buys me something months prior then I (say it's a shirt) I wear it she says that's cute shirt where'd you get and I'm like you bought it for me and she's like no I didn't I'm like yes you did .. it's little stuff like this but it adds up plus just last night I caught her in another contradiction/lie about her home life growing up and certain stories she has told me before , we just happened to talk about it like 10 hours ago again and she completely changed her story for the 3rd time which leads me to believe she is making certain memories up about her childhood/life growing up ..why?? I have no idea, but she seems like a habitual liar/ covert narcissist possibly. I just don't know what to do cus I've known her for like 14 years been friends with her during that time I do love her but I know if I confront her she will deny it and say I'm just trying to argue with her
@@tshexisawesome5977 "Therefore, my beloved brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another-even to Him who was raised from the dead (Jesus), that we should bear fruit to God"......Romans 7 nkjv
@@tshexisawesome5977 "But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none (indifference), those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away".....1 corinthians 7 nkjv
FINALLY! After 15 videos I found what I was looking for. This is pure gold and I'll be watching until I get it memorized. This is sage advice for thoughtful people. Why, yes, I would love to like and subscribe!
Ive let them speak for 3 hours straight.. I validated their feeling and acknowledged their opinions and even agreed to some of their points for 3 HOURS STRAIGHT... Then after asking for permission to speak and if they haf anything else to say, i was ready to share my thoughts and views about the topic. Only to be interrupted before i could even finish my first sentence with that they their opinion was to my respond (which I didn't even finish because i havent even got to the part about what i think about it) to which i asked them back.. " but i wasn't finished, actually havent even started giving you anything for you to have an opinion or thought about" and then they spoke for another hour.
This resonates with me. I have a family member who does exactly this to me, siblings and even mother. It’s painful and tough to navigate through. Its often when they end theirs sentence and one of us starts replying -“no no no!! Let me finish!” Has been hard to reason with
Excellent advice! I don't visualize a person vomiting, bc that's disrespectful, but what I do acknowledge is that a person who needs to be right is passionate about a topic, and desperate to be heard. They just don't know how to go about communicating their knowledge/feelings in a way that isnt like a tsumnani! Ive noticed once these people get going, they are going to take any input as an argument and steamroller over you, so ya just got to listen for content, ride the wave so to speak, and do just as you have described here, encouraging them to go on, pick out a point that you agree with, and explore that with them to show them you have been listening. That's all people really want... to know they have been en heard. I've been doing this intuitively pretty much my entire life, but it was great to see this process broken down into simple steps for others to follow. Great going! Life would be so much better if people stopped reacting, and started listening without ego getting in the way. And so it goes. Thank you for sharing this tool!
GREAT advice. Love it. Mel you know your stuff! I’ve dealt with lots of know-it-all’s and it’s quite frustrating. I find myself getting annoyed, and if the topic of conversation is something that I truly know and they don’t, I usually have to say something. But then they argue with me and try to tell me otherwise. It’s ridiculous. So this is excellent advice to know how to handle it!
You can never ever win a conversation with them. Cause they are always right. How can you win a conversation with someone who knows it all. And is walking away the best option. Cause they will continue to harass you.
2:33...? Remember when they are done ... Conversation is over... Imagine waiting till they're done talking ... Then the minute u talk they take over the conversation to the point you forget your point , or you get into the don't cut me off argument...🙏🏿
And then what, after validating is done? Why should I be the punch bag? Why should I be the validator, the mom and take other people's issues? I have tried this with a narcissist and I just started being the punch bag even more.
From a child I've never had a normal conversation ppl constantly tryna prove they're right n not wanting to build w/ me like let's start a music group or somethn always arguing
Aurelian Spodarec People that LOVE to COMPLAIN and that like DRAMA tend to be ignorant, Negative, Mentally lazy, and don't like people from my experience.
I have a friend that is EXACTLY like this. That person, in their mind is always right, no matter what. The way deal with them is to avoid them whenever possible. I've tried this approach and all it did was strengthen their ego even more
Here's how I deal with it: If I let my ego take control, I will fight for what I believe is right. If I let my heart in control, I feel sad for the person for having narcissistic traits and I would be compelled to be passive and give the person "unconditional love" Well, none of them works. One thing that works: *Respond instead of React* I would put up resistance enough to let the person know that he's not always right and he's wrong right now. I would give enough empathy to make him feel that it's alright to be wrong. It's a balance of that. I did that as a respond and not because I was reacting to the person by being to fiesty nor passive.
99% of these type of 'discussions' are people's opinions and perceptions, so I rarely have a dog in the fight. I've used a similar technique you're talking about, but my motive is for them to de-escalate (because I'm tired of listening to them and they're getting on my nerves, lol), rather than to get them to listen to me; however there are times engagement is needed, as you point out. Great advice.
Never had much need to comment on you tube ever but this is a breath of no bull fresh air. Have watched loads of your vids... Everything i need.. Huge respect. Fan from Ireland and will chamipon you to more people. . x
I’m someone who struggles with thinking that I always need to be right. A lot of the time, I don’t even notice I’m doing it. And if everyone said that to me, I know I’d just get depressed. You have to think about the other side of the story. I’m trying...
Depends on the setting - relatively difficult to get up and walk away from a meal for example if a family member becomes argumentative. Easy to walk away from a stranger at a conference or in the street though.
Clare C Actually it is fairly easy to get up to use the bathroom or whatever else you can come up with in order to diffuse the situation. It is all about how you think about it.
I'm only 14 and I needed this my best friend seems to think he has a better memory than anyone and think he is the most knowledgeable of current affairs I love that guy but sometimes it's not worth it But the wait for them to finish is not helpful cuz they'll probably say u r missing the point
I’m having a familiar problem with my friend. I hate to admit it but lots of signs were telling me that he was an egomaniac. He was losing weight and talking about how the ladies would be flirting with him and that I wasn’t political enough for America even thou that was my own choice. I’ve known him since 8th grade and we became friends in 11th grade. We’ve reconnected after 3years of not talking and all of a sudden we were closer connected when we’ve shared our deepest and darkest secrets. Things were fine until a small argument about politics arose in our conversation. I’ve told him that I was sorry but he’s not responding and ignored for now a week I’m now 22 and still heartbroken from a good friendship that may end badly.
I accidentally drive these people crazy without even trying. I'm a very chatty person who likes to spend her time making friends, sharing facts, discussing information. If someone comes across as an expert in a field (or they present themselves as such), I'm naturally a curious person who loves to learn, so I end up bombarding them with questions trying to learn. They get exhausted trying to answer them. I'm just friendly and try to make conversation but I notice the know-it-all types avoid me. I guess that's one upside to me being the "friendly but annoying girl".
This is genius because one thing this person always says after spewing for what feels like an eternity is " your not listening" even though I've spent most of the conversation listening intently and I can barely get a word in. What they mean is " your not validating me and making me feel smart right now so im going to keep talking and interrupting until you do.
Great advice. Unless that person does this daily everyday, over every little thing. For many many years...now what. I can only control myself and how I respond. It is getting old. Have a great day and thank u again
Very interesting. My sister is this kind of people who only sees eye to eye with herself. Being her sister, it is impossible to not be around, but this technique is really helpful to keep a healthy relationship. Many many thanks Mel!! 😘🤗
This advice is all well and good when life is perfect. The problem arises when there are life challenges like no sleep the night before, car breaks down, hackers stole all your money out of your account and you can't pay rent or buy food and gas, children are home sick, spouse is a violent drunk, etc., etc. There were times when some of these things happened to me at once and that's when I had no strength to follow your advice. I just blew up at anyone who crossed my path or looked at me wrong. People sometimes have bad days. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Because I've been there I like to validate a person's pain and self esteem. Listen, use eye contact, ask questions and let them talk!!! This societal culture is becoming more and more self-centered, self-righteous and uncaring. Stop for a minute and be polite, respectful and patient. Yes...I am a Know-It-All. Sue me....LOL! 😂😂😂
I love it when someone thinks they're so smart like her, they think they can trick me into submission with a compliment or distraction. I let them go with it for a while, letting them think they've got me. Then I call out their tactic and watch them back down. They usually try to change the subject via a distraction again. And on it goes. Until I finally use their talent against them.
Agreed. In close correlation here, let em tire themselves out. You dont have to agree/engage; however. acknowledge em. "So, you alluded to/said X". "Yes." OK.....
My dad won't let me speak even when I let him say everything. He just threatens to further my punishment. Even when him and I both know at that point that he's wrong
Totally disagree. If you're bothered by such a person, it's because you're stuck with them (at least while you're in the same family or study-group or office or client or wherever) and you just have to deal with them. The sooner you sort them out, the better: the more arguments they _think_ they have the last word in, the harder they'll be to take down. There's nothing in what you said here that'll do anything but make the neurotic worse and waste a lot of your own nervous energy in the process.
As a person who needs to be right, thanks, Mel Robbins. Actually what i need to know is that the other person listened to me and understood what i was saying. Thought that may have gone in the wrong direction like "just ignore them" Love your ideas. Greetings from germany
so basically, we would react the same way, as we would to something we don't care about; but this time, validate the person..; would you agree that "agreeing to disagree" at this point is the same thing as a validation? as well is it egotistically if one listens through..but really just wasted that persons time..because the entire spew was just that.. or should we take it as a positive thing we're doing but letting them speak; mind you I hv some of these kind of people in my life..but the problem is..ones you let them be..they tend to think they're always right..and never stop the spewing..how and when would they get it to stop..or should we just know when it's time to just disengage..because i would hate to be encouraging a behaviour which in itself is egotistical..and interferes with my energy.. sorry I know I hv a lot to say here.. but I hope you get what I mean.. like when is it okay to say enough is enough..
Helen Rogers I know exactly.. at 34 going on 35yrs, I only recently learn..keeping your friends close..but your enemies closer..is a bag of bull crap..this saying is so backwards..most likely a motivational saying for the haters instead of the hatee to the hater.. seriously! The way I learned to deal with this..and I must say..I got so over whelmed.. at times I forget to pratice it.. is to agree to disagree.. and yes..if something sounds interesting..validation is a really good thing... we can't change how people are.. and it's true somes people just wants you to listen..and just that; but we should difinitely get the permission to say enough is enough though..it's very unhealthy to encourage a bad behaviour..more so unhealthy for us to have to allow ourselves to take on should negativity.. I would really like to see what Mel's opi ion is on this..
Nanda Singh I recently had to deal with one such person. She appears to be with a passive aggressive personality. If I would have "validated" her big spew of undermining myself, I would have been the biggest fool. I would have set myself up for more abuse in the future. Most definitely if she had something constructive to say and not have been so purposely contrary, I would have validated. I had to shut her down. This type of person will never change and will continue to covertly show me she is superior. However, I believe I put a damper on her ability to put me through so much BS. I have to work with this person and while avoiding to engage in conversation as much as possible does help the situation, she still indirectly, by her actions shows others she "knows it all". I can't and won't validate her condescending conversation. I would be in a state of constant frustration. I have to set boundaries with her!!! The best way to handle her is to avoid her as much as possible. I have no problem agreeing to disagree with anyone. But most of these "know it alls" have an ego that can't handle this concept.
I have learned so much from her! A LOT! Thank you very much for me it’s about maintaining my soul control no matter what the other person does, this is an opportunity for us to grow ,how would we grow if everyone were nice?
It’s usually due to their trauma someone probably has treated them less than smart intelligent. Make them THINK they’re right. Like she said , is it important? As long as you think you’re right that’s all that’s important. A good comeback is, tell them you’re probably right . Shuts them up IMMEDIATELY! When you respond and don’t react, the fight is over.
This is so crazy because I was just dating someone and the ONLY way I could calm the disagreement down was telling her, “ You’re absolutely right, boo.” And that ends it soo fast
@@MysticGoddess0728 you are so smart look at you! Years ago while attending Al-Anon a lady told me her alcoholic husband would love to start arguments and she would always react, going to the Al-Anon meetings you learn coping skills and to basically clean up your side of the fence ,so one day at the dinner table her husband was drunk and acting up and she said calmly you’re probably right he looked her in amazement and shut up ,end of the fight! The key word is PROBABLY! Or like you said you told the person you are right for sure do whatever works!
My partner is intensely into psychology ( in his first year of studys) and after introducing me to the subject I hav developed a interest aswel. I suffer from bpd caused by alot of childhood trauma so I tend to doupht myself alot. When do I know it's me or if its the person telling me it's me. I hav noticed that my partner links gasslighting spesificaly to my behavior alot. Since I also enjoy learning about psychology I know the traits or hav read and learnt about the traits. To me I honestly feel what I was recalling is correct and my partner the same when we get to this point he accuses me of gasslighting or sarcasticly tells me " oh so you hav perfect recall?". I hav resenyly been working on my bpd knowing how toxic a person I can be and not wanting tht in my relationships or in my life part of this journey was learning to communicate more clearly and listen more. Effect of this became me focusing hard in arguments or any dispute to try and keep my emotions in control and explain to the person what made me feel a sertain way and try and understand tht not every one has bad intent towards me. Given this I feel personally that I can recall more of what happend. I really love my partner and I strive on improving as much as I can mentaly, my partner the same I do not want this to become a problem or if I'm gasslighting for me to make him doupht himself generally I want to be the best me for me and my partner to do this I need to know am I gasslighting? If I am how do I stop?
Thanks! P.S. I laughed so hard at the vomiting part, I instantly imagined this person I have in mind (whom I care very much about, by the way) vomiting :)
My mother is like this and I am the comolete opposite. I like to listen to others and find a solution which benefits both people is a compromise on both parts. I am so tired of trying to talk to her. I am a very honest person and it feels so wrong to have to be dishonest with her.
I found this because although i can be very passionate about the things i talk about i constantly have ppl be out the blue mean emotional and try to challenge me over and over just so i can show them im listening. Look i think fast and like to break down things. But ppl accuse me of thinking im better or always right...........im listening but ppl dont like to listen to persuasive knowledgeable ppl. They get emotional and envious all the time
My family is like this, but I’ve accepted it as a “respect your elders” thing and I don’t care too much. But my bf is like this and I can’t deal with it.
Nope, my Gemini best friend is lovely - the Aquarian women are the ones who do this the most it seems. Funnily enough I’m Aquarian but not like that, and so they do it to me
Hearing someone else say this has somewhat opened my eyes... although when i think back about the recent situation with someone who wants to be right all the time i noticed that i was actually doing what Mel has said but i was doing it subconsciously
I was in an argument with someone, he (IDK it's gender) was being annoyed by rapidly correcting my words when chatting. so when I was arguing with him, I was literally getting defeated. but then I started searching up in youtube and I ended up with your video. it was really helpful and I get to get my final say in the argument (I still don't know, but I hope). thanks for the tips mam.
Especially can’t deal with people who are closed to other opinions when they are clueless that other option exist and try to shut you down and ridicule you. I have to bite my tongue cause I feel like ripping them to pieces.
I feel most ppl do this, it's just that they already have their mind set on being stubborn and salty no matter what advice you come up with. If they don't apprichiate your efforts in being a friend, well too bad for them, you should just leave them in their missery.
Life is to short to be wasted dealing with people like that.
True
Thanks. This kinda opens my mind. It's exhausting dealing with people like this...
Agreed. I just get quiet or avoid them. I don't have time.
And your advice then? That's what's needed, not comments like yours.
@@tylerdurden1430 true haha..i am seeing this at 2 am cause i had fight with my dad . i have to care about what my dad says. bt i also have to be in controle of me. really this type of comment doesnt help at all
A wise man doesn’t know everything, A fool knows it all
John Cronin no
*_Are you sure???_*
If you say yes, you are a fool. Maybe you know you are a fool, which would make you a wise man. Maybe you know you're a wise man, which will make you a fool.
If you say no, you are wise man who doesn't know wether he is a wise man or a fool. If you don't know the difference between a wise man and a fool, not even you should believe your statement in the first place..
🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I love this quote. It so perfect yet paradoxical.
@Joshualacruz I’m sorry could u repeat that but FASTER
@@khunpaciny7273 Sure, no problem.
AreyousureIfyousayyesyouareafooMaybeyouknowyouareafoolwhichwouldmakeyouawisemanMaybeyouknowyoureawisemanwhichwillmakeyouafoolIfyousaynoyouarewisemanwhodoesntknowwetherheisawisemanorafoolIfyoudontknowthedifferencebetweenawisemanandafoolnotevenyoushouldbelieveyourstatementinthefirstplaceIlovethisquoteItsoperfectyetparadoxical.
@Joshualacruz Thanks now I’ve lost all my brain cells ☺️
Problem here is that person will then love to be around you because you listen and validate them. I don't want to attract people like this into my life.
Kat Earls then you use option one ignore them
Shilan Hassan I try but it's tricky if they're family or friend-of-a-friend who happens to turn up at the same event and there's only a small group of people.
Kat Earls I have the same question too...
Kat Earls Exactly!! Be very careful to validate these types of people. You just are feeding them to continue to be the way they are. Like you are encouraging them to continue to "always want to be right".
Shilan Hassan. Ignore them?? Not possible in many situations. For example in your career. You often have to work closely with this person. The only way to keep yourself out of any trouble is to "take the beating" over and over from them. Trust me, you can't go to management because these types of people are pros at what they do. They get the benefit of the doubt.
I know someone like this. It's very hard to have any conversation with them. Besides them completely dominating the conversation and cutting me off every other word I say. What I do say gets devalued and I'm either always wrong about what I say or they get upset because I told them something they don't know. Quite literally I told them something one they didn't know and they got mad and asked me why they didn't know that. I told them that they don't know everything and walked away. But no letting them finish talking wont solve anything. They will keep talking and talking or even change the subject just to keep talking. Once you talk, not only will they not listen but they will either not care about what you say or just cut you off and talk themselves.
By experience, if he has to be right about everything, RUN AWAY !
I wind up not caring about who I'm discussing with a topic with if the other person is a know it all. You can't have an intellectual conversation with a know it all, because they truely believe that they know everything from a factual point of view. They forget that progress is also achieved through visionaries and mistakes, and because they know it all, they don't want to be reminded
Say it LOUDERR!!
@@czv5983 📣 From the rooftop!
Amen!
This actually made me laugh out loud because it’s so true
My mom is like this and I seriously try so hard not to laugh. One day this is going to come back to haunt her.
I think that those who feel they know everything about you either feel challenged by you or feel entitled to something. Sometimes folks just can't accept that all people are unique.
EXACTLY! 💯
Exactly
My boss is just like that everything has to be thier way or all hell breaks lose
THIS😭😭trying not to cry
Many people can't accept the fact that you are indifferent to them
That's good advice when its someone you don't live with. When it's your spouse, you learn to just keep your mouth shut and nod then just try to avoid conversation (which is always a one way conversation). I love when his friends call. It keeps him from talking at me!
Currently dealing with this BS. I’m learning to just shut up, nod and keep convos to a bare minimum. Then it’s looked at as I have an attitude etc.
doing this with my girlfriend right now. getting tired of it honestly.
Waw.. that's hard. Sounds like sufferation
A trauma for me growing up with my mother would invalidate me ,make it seem like what I was saying was not important, she made me feel dumb and stupid ,and SHE was always right. She is still like that.I definitely have some obstacles to overcome. I remind myself Constantly how smart and intelligent I am by reminding myself of the wonderful awesome , smart things that I HAVE accomplished ,I don’t put my value and my validation in someone else’s hands.
Exactly I just got through with an argument with my mother today she argues to be right and she doesn't think she's doing it
Word.
Dont agree with this advice, narcissist don't listen even when they are done, in their minds once they shared all their thoughts the conversation is over.
So for me, the narcissist is my father. I tried this approach. When I brought back up that point I could most grasp/get behind from their 'spew' (and it was a long spew too, most of an hour) they immediately said 'No no no, you didn't get it, let me begin again." After that second near-hour lecture I was done.
Point is I agree with you, have a like!
You are the spitting image oh a difficult person
@@123billybob1 lol
couldn't agree more
Pony_Power yup
Isn't it that sometimes you just have to stop a person like this? You don't always give people like this validation, it just makes them want to think that they're right and better than others.
heavythinker16 ... validation isn't saying you agree with them or their delivery was acceptable, or that you are taking it onboard, it's saying "I heard you", which is an adult response. You have basically diffused the situation and are more likely to be heard in response or able to work away unscathed.
heavythinker16
You can’t stop people Iike this. They are just the way that they are. We can only change
Who “we” are.
heavythinker16 I think you missed the point of what was being said...
shoutout to all the PEAR but the choice is yours to stand and listen or walk away....
Either way, your life, your choice.
@@SMee67 yep your right😇
Yes, and bullies spew and poke people in the chest. It is a debate that can seemingly last forever.
I find that sometimes when they are done, they leave. They feel like they’ve proven them selfs right and that there mission is complete then they somehow loose the ability to hear and leave.
I talk to myself out loud when I’m alone.
It allows me to hear my own words and voice and decide if my inner self even agrees with my emotional response.
Very often I’m embarrassed when I think about it and I’ve become much better at not arguing the last 5 years. Besides I’m getting older and I really don’t care what other people think.
This dont work in relationships because when its ur turn to talk, the other person will feel they have said it all but u disagree so they will then leave the conversation.
That's fine say yours and live at that
I agree with you.
It's so much distorting with such a sibling. You dread the surrounding so much.
You just walk away from them as their talking, mid sentence
No this is terrible advice... for example one person says hey you want fried eggs on steamed rice, I know you like it? Person 2: no fried eggs go on fried rice. Person 1:no you like the eggs with steamed rice. Annnnnd BOOM! Person 2 knows exactly what they like but for some reason person 1 keeps persisting otherwise. Then person 2 tries explaining how they never thought eggs go with steamed rice but person 1 decides to walk away instead of listening and the conversation never gets resolved and person 1 pretends it didn't happen while person 2 has disdain for 1 due to the fact that person 1 is living in a fantasy world where they decide what to let in and instead of being correct and getting a solution they choose to be wrong and believe they are right. The cycle goes on and on about many topics because people like you walk away mid sentence and you wonder why they are so argumentative... it's because you never find a solution to a difference in opinion. You don't have to say which side is better but get across to each other about your beliefs
BAM. There it is. and it works, btw
You are absolutely correct, then you avoid battery
Jason exactly I’m not standing there
@@rao3704 well I don't have to pretend to value a person or their ideas when I don't. For me, it feels SO GOOD to make decisions and fully own them instead of doing things I've been told I should do. I'm not afraid to be the bad guy when needed. And I will always be unapologetic when it comes to protecting my precious self 💅✨
I have a slight variation on this. What about people who play one-upmanship?
I'm talking about people who, no matter what, have whatever you have and more. They have, and have had, it all. They've traveled farther, they've done more, they know more influential people, they've experienced more, they have a better position, they went to better schools, they know more, they own more, they earn more, their investments are better, their relationships are better, etc. And it applies to negative things too, like sickness and disease. Got a terminal illness? So did they, only worse-and they beat it.
How do you deal with people like this?
Panglos avoid them at all costs
Panglos The same way she demonstrates here. Me... I find I learn a lot from people who have stories to share. Frankly I think what you call the "one uppers" are just trying to demonstrate that they feel for you, by showing you they went thru a similar situation. They aren't trying to put you down. You do that to yourself.
They sound like someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My mother suffers from this condition and there is no way you can deal with them at all except to cut off contact. They are toxic, and the advice Mel has wouldn't apply in this instance. A person without this type of disorder, sure, I've found it works quite well.
Laurie Paris No. you will notice the one uppers will NEVER ask you about your life or how you are doing. It will always be about them, their life and their stories.
Either narcissists or just superior. Whos using actual argumentation?
You know what Mel, the person who is always right creates more work and loss of precious time. They fill out paperwork incorrectly and then sends it out. The paperwork comes back and I end up wasting the clients time and my time because I am the one who is redoing the work.
They ARE getting acknowledged all the time! These people enjoy pointing out “wrongs” and being nitpicky and lying. And that makes them look like they’re wonderful and great all the time to the employers who don’t really care or pay attention. They need constant validation.
What a coincidence I just dealt with such a person a few hours ago... I needed this! Thanks Mel! 😁
Pole bro. 😂😂
Me too, because I spoke my truth. Get a life crossed my mind and I cannot stand precious people.
I see this all the time in social media. I’m always wrong and everyone else is always right, so right in fact that they go to great lengths to tell everyone else how wrong they are.
I have noticed my mom doing the way of tackling people like these 😍seems like she's also experienced in this..
Proud of my mom
Thank you
Love from India 🇮🇳❤️
It shouldn't even be called opinionated because you can't debate an opinion, it's when opinions become facts to people.
"Everybody knows something ' but ' Nobody knows everything "
This video has been invaluable to me. Married 40 years, and I'm just realizing that he is a passive/aggressive narcissist? The work I have done to try to figure out how to handle his subtle manipulation, making me out to be the villain, and anytime a valid issue is brought up to him he immediately redirects to something I'm not doing right. He also "can not" apologize. Not very many people would be able to let a narcissist talk and talk about their issues. In my case, I followed your instructions to the letter. I've learned how to diffuse him quickly and have restored peace in the house-plus given me back my own peace. My daughter asked me who I was-she didn't recognize me. He's not a mean person, so this isn't a divorce situation. He just needs someone who knows how to manage him. Thank you for restoring my happiness!
I live with a man like this. We have two children together. It's very difficult.
My husband is like this and keeps telling me that I need therapy. He said he fixed himself before meeting me, with therapy and I should have it too.
Its real difficult .. The kids will be affected the most. Stay strong Lisa
Omg it must be very very difficult i cannot even marine myself being w a person like this in a room for even 5 mins , lots of love to you i hope you are doing ok
Poor you. With that kind of person you're living with you'll soon have low self-esteem and the children will grow up hating their know-it-all Dad
You made a bad choice. He didn't change into that guy, you chose him.
I rent a room in my girlfriend's house and I'ma try to take your advice. I care about my roommate alot but wow since I moved in it's a whole side of her that's difficult to handle. She's never wrong even when she's wrong and knows it. Everything has to be her way. I am swallowing alot because I'm trying to be respectful cause she's my friend but OMG I now just stay in my room with the door closed just to avoid conversations. I even noticed on Facebook she has to have the last word on other people's post.
She's really annoying to deal with so I'm going to try your advice.
Thank you
Great video. I AM that argumentative person that always has to be right. This made me realize how I come off to others. Love the ego vs. heart discussion.
Stop the feminine energy
@@samolopo4597 What the fuck is your problem?
Thanks Mel for giving such an amazing strategy. ❤I truly believe it’s a superpower to stand in our own confidence and still be kind and to respond in a detached manner. Then you can move on .
Wow. I just realized that I can also use this tactic on MYSELF! Like when I’m spinning my mental wheels in the mud of some injuries or mental garbage. Thank you, Mel. You’re a lifesaver. 💕😉
it's the volume and duration that I have to wait for that moment that is maddening, sometimes you can only move so far away.
I tried this and the person kept talking over me when I allowed them to finish up countless times. Each time I tried to say something I felt they just argued over me more so I continued yet again repeatedly with the “anything else?” Tactic. He just wouldn’t stop. It ended with me very frustrated and having to walk away while they followed me going on and on. It would never end. Safe to say I told this person I don’t want to converse with them when they even admitted they don’t care what anyone else has to say. They have hurt me greatly over the last few months with their in right your wrong and I am the only one to speak attitude. I’d rather not deal with them ever again. Friendship gone but they were impossible to deal with anyway. Nobody really likes them tbh. I was their final friend.
Claireables Louise Sounds like a narcissistic friend
Claireables Louise I had an online friend I had to let go, that reminds me somewhat of what you went thru. It wasn't that I didn't like him or share common interests, bc that's how we started talking. It's just that the conversations were so one sided, debates over minutae, misinterpreting in a bad way so many things I said, putting words in my mouth that I did not say, (I was glad our conversations were in text, bc I had proof I hadn't said that!) attributing feelings to me i was not feeling, accusations that I wasn't a good friend, bc I wasn't on his side calling his "foes" names, drama with so many people in his life, over the smallest things, violent talk... in short our personalities were so far apart, that I found our conversations exhausting. Had to call it quits... which really is the best thing you can do for both of you! 🌱
Run. Don't walk.
Welp... That's my sister! She always thinks that she is right. Here's an example!
She gave me a gift and past 45 mins she started to make me mad. And she just couldn't see that im mad and actually wouldn't stop blaming me on it! She said
"I gave you a thing you wanted!"
Me: "Bruh I never asked for it!
And you say that im ungrateful?!
Hold on what does a gift have to do with anything! That dosen't give you a right to do something bad even tho I never asked for it!"
I don't want to see ungrateful.
I just walked away...
Imagine being in a relationship with a person like that... imagine being told multiple times that your opinion is not valid for xyz reason so it’s okay to constantly cut you off...even though you listen to what they have to say all the time. Out of respect. One day I hope to find someone who even if we disagree they at least respect me enough to hear me out, whatever it is.
i just came home from a friend's house early because of this I don't understand it this is what she does she'll ask me a question I'll answer her and then she'll say no its not your wrong or no I don't really think so but she does it over the smallest of things or she has tried twisting situations to where like say she buys me something months prior then I (say it's a shirt) I wear it she says that's cute shirt where'd you get and I'm like you bought it for me and she's like no I didn't I'm like yes you did .. it's little stuff like this but it adds up plus just last night I caught her in another contradiction/lie about her home life growing up and certain stories she has told me before , we just happened to talk about it like 10 hours ago again and she completely changed her story for the 3rd time which leads me to believe she is making certain memories up about her childhood/life growing up ..why?? I have no idea, but she seems like a habitual liar/ covert narcissist possibly. I just don't know what to do cus I've known her for like 14 years been friends with her during that time I do love her but I know if I confront her she will deny it and say I'm just trying to argue with her
My wife is a perfect person, according to her... I can't have a rational conversation with her, even after using these methods. Please help.
Mine to. It's bizarre and it just gets worse and worse with time. I don't know what to do. It's so depressing.
Live your own life and just be indifferent to them... You can't reason with the unreasonable
@@clarkkent3730 From my understanding what you are saying is a 'divorce', please correct me if I'm wrong
@@tshexisawesome5977 "Therefore, my beloved brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another-even to Him who was raised from the dead (Jesus), that we should bear fruit to God"......Romans 7 nkjv
@@tshexisawesome5977 "But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none (indifference), those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away".....1 corinthians 7 nkjv
FINALLY! After 15 videos I found what I was looking for. This is pure gold and I'll be watching until I get it memorized. This is sage advice for thoughtful people. Why, yes, I would love to like and subscribe!
Ive let them speak for 3 hours straight.. I validated their feeling and acknowledged their opinions and even agreed to some of their points for 3 HOURS STRAIGHT... Then after asking for permission to speak and if they haf anything else to say, i was ready to share my thoughts and views about the topic. Only to be interrupted before i could even finish my first sentence with that they their opinion was to my respond (which I didn't even finish because i havent even got to the part about what i think about it) to which i asked them back.. " but i wasn't finished, actually havent even started giving you anything for you to have an opinion or thought about" and then they spoke for another hour.
This resonates with me. I have a family member who does exactly this to me, siblings and even mother. It’s painful and tough to navigate through. Its often when they end theirs sentence and one of us starts replying -“no no no!! Let me finish!” Has been hard to reason with
@@placeholder_name321 that's a person you turn your back from, or put them in their place VERY FIRMLY
Excellent advice! I don't visualize a person vomiting, bc that's disrespectful, but what I do acknowledge is that a person who needs to be right is passionate about a topic, and desperate to be heard. They just don't know how to go about communicating their knowledge/feelings in a way that isnt like a tsumnani! Ive noticed once these people get going, they are going to take any input as an argument and steamroller over you, so ya just got to listen for content, ride the wave so to speak, and do just as you have described here, encouraging them to go on, pick out a point that you agree with, and explore that with them to show them you have been listening. That's all people really want... to know they have been en heard. I've been doing this intuitively pretty much my entire life, but it was great to see this process broken down into simple steps for others to follow. Great going! Life would be so much better if people stopped reacting, and started listening without ego getting in the way. And so it goes. Thank you for sharing this tool!
When someone attacks me unnecessary cos I made a mistake and he or she start scolding me, I feel really bad and I easily shed tears!
Pay attention to your TH-cam name taking charge of your life also means u don't cry for no body
GREAT advice. Love it. Mel you know your stuff! I’ve dealt with lots of know-it-all’s and it’s quite frustrating. I find myself getting annoyed, and if the topic of conversation is something that I truly know and they don’t, I usually have to say something. But then they argue with me and try to tell me otherwise. It’s ridiculous. So this is excellent advice to know how to handle it!
You can never ever win a conversation with them. Cause they are always right. How can you win a conversation with someone who knows it all. And is walking away the best option. Cause they will continue to harass you.
2:33...? Remember when they are done ... Conversation is over... Imagine waiting till they're done talking ... Then the minute u talk they take over the conversation to the point you forget your point , or you get into the don't cut me off argument...🙏🏿
And then what, after validating is done? Why should I be the punch bag? Why should I be the validator, the mom and take other people's issues?
I have tried this with a narcissist and I just started being the punch bag even more.
Mel Robbins, You are so refreshingly smart. Thanks for your video. It help alot.
From a child I've never had a normal conversation ppl constantly tryna prove they're right n not wanting to build w/ me like let's start a music group or somethn always arguing
Yes Sophia, I feel the same way!
Thank you for being here. I’m learning so much. Thank you very much.
"Anything else" is arrogant and a sure way to end the negotiation, than to start it lol
Aurelian Spodarec People that LOVE to COMPLAIN and that like DRAMA tend to be ignorant, Negative, Mentally lazy, and don't like people from my experience.
It is a totally weak way to end anything. I would not let that stand.
She's right, I'm all ego when dealing with the conflictive people in my life.
One of the most knowledgeable person I have ever known.
I still use your 5 second Rule.
It works always.
God Bless You.
🙏😐.
"You may know some things but you don't know everything."
I have a friend that is EXACTLY like this. That person, in their mind is always right, no matter what. The way deal with them is to avoid them whenever possible. I've tried this approach and all it did was strengthen their ego even more
Here's how I deal with it:
If I let my ego take control, I will fight for what I believe is right.
If I let my heart in control, I feel sad for the person for having narcissistic traits and I would be compelled to be passive and give the person "unconditional love"
Well, none of them works.
One thing that works:
*Respond instead of React*
I would put up resistance enough to let the person know that he's not always right and he's wrong right now. I would give enough empathy to make him feel that it's alright to be wrong. It's a balance of that. I did that as a respond and not because I was reacting to the person by being to fiesty nor passive.
Right
99% of these type of 'discussions' are people's opinions and perceptions, so I rarely have a dog in the fight. I've used a similar technique you're talking about, but my motive is for them to de-escalate (because I'm tired of listening to them and they're getting on my nerves, lol), rather than to get them to listen to me; however there are times engagement is needed, as you point out. Great advice.
i so needed that advice right now :)
Never had much need to comment on you tube ever but this is a breath of no bull fresh air. Have watched loads of your vids... Everything i need.. Huge respect. Fan from Ireland and will chamipon you to more people. . x
Strongly disagree with this advice. The best thing to do is say I’m not interested in your conversational narcissism and then walk away.
Beavispdx totally agree
I’m someone who struggles with thinking that I always need to be right. A lot of the time, I don’t even notice I’m doing it. And if everyone said that to me, I know I’d just get depressed. You have to think about the other side of the story. I’m trying...
Yes don’t be afraid to walk away from such conversations! Ppl who want to do all the talking and be right about everything!!
Depends on the setting - relatively difficult to get up and walk away from a meal for example if a family member becomes argumentative. Easy to walk away from a stranger at a conference or in the street though.
Clare C
Actually it is fairly easy to get up to use the bathroom or whatever else you can come up with in order to diffuse the situation. It is all about how you think about it.
I'm only 14 and I needed this my best friend seems to think he has a better memory than anyone and think he is the most knowledgeable of current affairs I love that guy but sometimes it's not worth it
But the wait for them to finish is not helpful cuz they'll probably say u r missing the point
I’m having a familiar problem with my friend. I hate to admit it but lots of signs were telling me that he was an egomaniac. He was losing weight and talking about how the ladies would be flirting with him and that I wasn’t political enough for America even thou that was my own choice. I’ve known him since 8th grade and we became friends in 11th grade. We’ve reconnected after 3years of not talking and all of a sudden we were closer connected when we’ve shared our deepest and darkest secrets. Things were fine until a small argument about politics arose in our conversation. I’ve told him that I was sorry but he’s not responding and ignored for now a week I’m now 22 and still heartbroken from a good friendship that may end badly.
That does not sound like a good friendship at all. You deserve so much better.
"I work at CNN"
aight ima head out
😂😂
I thought the same thing. Who cares.
Yeah, that's not something I'd be bragging about. 😂
Right
"I don't want to bring politics into this," so here let me bring politics into this. You shouldn't have.
how can a person be grown enough to know better than to be thinking the way we be thinking?
Oh God. Thank you so much for this. I really need this at the moment.
I accidentally drive these people crazy without even trying. I'm a very chatty person who likes to spend her time making friends, sharing facts, discussing information. If someone comes across as an expert in a field (or they present themselves as such), I'm naturally a curious person who loves to learn, so I end up bombarding them with questions trying to learn. They get exhausted trying to answer them. I'm just friendly and try to make conversation but I notice the know-it-all types avoid me. I guess that's one upside to me being the "friendly but annoying girl".
I just usually give them the facts ! Most of the time it works. If that doesn't work I just let it go . 👍
This is genius because one thing this person always says after spewing for what feels like an eternity is " your not listening" even though I've spent most of the conversation listening intently and I can barely get a word in. What they mean is " your not validating me and making me feel smart right now so im going to keep talking and interrupting until you do.
Wow😱 This is going to change so many conversations, thank you
Huge pivotal moment for me watching this.
Thank you.
I loved your analogy for vomit and this was a great. I will definitely try and implement this in my own life experiences. TFS
Great advice. Unless that person does this daily everyday, over every little thing. For many many years...now what. I can only control myself and how I respond. It is getting old. Have a great day and thank u again
6+3=9 but so is 5+4
Respect other people's way of thinking.
Very interesting. My sister is this kind of people who only sees eye to eye with herself. Being her sister, it is impossible to not be around, but this technique is really helpful to keep a healthy relationship. Many many thanks Mel!! 😘🤗
I love this advice...the vomit metaphor..with follow up validation lol
I love it...thanks 🙂
This advice is all well and good when life is perfect. The problem arises when there are life challenges like no sleep the night before, car breaks down, hackers stole all your money out of your account and you can't pay rent or buy food and gas, children are home sick, spouse is a violent drunk, etc., etc. There were times when some of these things happened to me at once and that's when I had no strength to follow your advice. I just blew up at anyone who crossed my path or looked at me wrong. People sometimes have bad days. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Because I've been there I like to validate a person's pain and self esteem. Listen, use eye contact, ask questions and let them talk!!! This societal culture is becoming more and more self-centered, self-righteous and uncaring. Stop for a minute and be polite, respectful and patient. Yes...I am a Know-It-All. Sue me....LOL! 😂😂😂
I love it when someone thinks they're so smart like her, they think they can trick me into submission with a compliment or distraction. I let them go with it for a while, letting them think they've got me. Then I call out their tactic and watch them back down. They usually try to change the subject via a distraction again. And on it goes. Until I finally use their talent against them.
Agreed. In close correlation here, let em tire themselves out. You dont have to agree/engage; however. acknowledge em. "So, you alluded to/said X". "Yes." OK.....
My dad won't let me speak even when I let him say everything. He just threatens to further my punishment. Even when him and I both know at that point that he's wrong
Really helpful information...
Totally disagree. If you're bothered by such a person, it's because you're stuck with them (at least while you're in the same family or study-group or office or client or wherever) and you just have to deal with them. The sooner you sort them out, the better: the more arguments they _think_ they have the last word in, the harder they'll be to take down. There's nothing in what you said here that'll do anything but make the neurotic worse and waste a lot of your own nervous energy in the process.
Agree
As a person who needs to be right, thanks, Mel Robbins. Actually what i need to know is that the other person listened to me and understood what i was saying. Thought that may have gone in the wrong direction like "just ignore them"
Love your ideas.
Greetings from germany
so basically, we would react the same way, as we would to something we don't care about; but this time, validate the person..; would you agree that "agreeing to disagree" at this point is the same thing as a validation? as well is it egotistically if one listens through..but really just wasted that persons time..because the entire spew was just that.. or should we take it as a positive thing we're doing but letting them speak; mind you I hv some of these kind of people in my life..but the problem is..ones you let them be..they tend to think they're always right..and never stop the spewing..how and when would they get it to stop..or should we just know when it's time to just disengage..because i would hate to be encouraging a behaviour which in itself is egotistical..and interferes with my energy.. sorry I know I hv a lot to say here.. but I hope you get what I mean.. like when is it okay to say enough is enough..
Nanda Singh Very well said!! My thoughts exactly. I would never validate them because it gives them fuel.
Helen Rogers I know exactly.. at 34 going on 35yrs, I only recently learn..keeping your friends close..but your enemies closer..is a bag of bull crap..this saying is so backwards..most likely a motivational saying for the haters instead of the hatee to the hater.. seriously! The way I learned to deal with this..and I must say..I got so over whelmed.. at times I forget to pratice it.. is to agree to disagree.. and yes..if something sounds interesting..validation is a really good thing... we can't change how people are.. and it's true somes people just wants you to listen..and just that; but we should difinitely get the permission to say enough is enough though..it's very unhealthy to encourage a bad behaviour..more so unhealthy for us to have to allow ourselves to take on should negativity.. I would really like to see what Mel's opi ion is on this..
Nanda Singh
I recently had to deal with one such person. She appears to be with a passive aggressive personality. If I would have "validated" her big spew of undermining myself, I would have been the biggest fool. I would have set myself up for more abuse in the future. Most definitely if she had something constructive to say and not have been so purposely contrary, I would have validated. I had to shut her down. This type of person will never change and will continue to covertly show me she is superior. However, I believe I put a damper on her ability to put me through so much BS. I have to work with this person and while avoiding to engage in conversation as much as possible does help the situation, she still indirectly, by her actions shows others she "knows it all". I can't and won't validate her condescending conversation. I would be in a state of constant frustration. I have to set boundaries with her!!! The best way to handle her is to avoid her as much as possible. I have no problem agreeing to disagree with anyone. But most of these "know it alls" have an ego that can't handle this concept.
Helen Rogers Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Just believe in your goodness, and push on. Hope you're feeling stronger! 🌱
Thank you Mel you have no idea how helpful this is. Love you
Mel, you're 100 times better than Tony Robbins.
xD
Honestly I love how she was able to actually give us examples like I loved how she gave us some really valuable advice thank you.
I have learned so much from her! A LOT! Thank you very much for me it’s about maintaining my soul control no matter what the other person does, this is an opportunity for us to grow ,how would we grow if everyone were nice?
It’s usually due to their trauma someone probably has treated them less than smart intelligent. Make them THINK they’re right. Like she said , is it important? As long as you think you’re right that’s all that’s important. A good comeback is, tell them you’re probably right . Shuts them up IMMEDIATELY! When you respond and don’t react, the fight is over.
This is so crazy because I was just dating someone and the ONLY way I could calm the disagreement down was telling her, “ You’re absolutely right, boo.” And that ends it soo fast
@@MysticGoddess0728 you are so smart look at you! Years ago while attending Al-Anon a lady told me her alcoholic husband would love to start arguments and she would always react, going to the Al-Anon meetings you learn coping skills and to basically clean up your side of the fence ,so one day at the dinner table her husband was drunk and acting up and she said calmly you’re probably right he looked her in amazement and shut up ,end of the fight! The key word is PROBABLY! Or like you said you told the person you are right for sure do whatever works!
I think I'm actually that person and I just really want validation, damn.
Oliver Bilgrav Nisgaard sometimes i am too 😓
Did you change
My partner is intensely into psychology ( in his first year of studys) and after introducing me to the subject I hav developed a interest aswel. I suffer from bpd caused by alot of childhood trauma so I tend to doupht myself alot. When do I know it's me or if its the person telling me it's me.
I hav noticed that my partner links gasslighting spesificaly to my behavior alot. Since I also enjoy learning about psychology I know the traits or hav read and learnt about the traits. To me I honestly feel what I was recalling is correct and my partner the same when we get to this point he accuses me of gasslighting or sarcasticly tells me " oh so you hav perfect recall?".
I hav resenyly been working on my bpd knowing how toxic a person I can be and not wanting tht in my relationships or in my life part of this journey was learning to communicate more clearly and listen more. Effect of this became me focusing hard in arguments or any dispute to try and keep my emotions in control and explain to the person what made me feel a sertain way and try and understand tht not every one has bad intent towards me. Given this I feel personally that I can recall more of what happend. I really love my partner and I strive on improving as much as I can mentaly, my partner the same I do not want this to become a problem or if I'm gasslighting for me to make him doupht himself generally I want to be the best me for me and my partner to do this I need to know am I gasslighting? If I am how do I stop?
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Thanks!
P.S. I laughed so hard at the vomiting part, I instantly imagined this person I have in mind (whom I care very much about, by the way) vomiting :)
My mother is like this and I am the comolete opposite. I like to listen to others and find a solution which benefits both people is a compromise on both parts. I am so tired of trying to talk to her. I am a very honest person and it feels so wrong to have to be dishonest with her.
I loved this, I'll be stepping to the side next time someone is spewing 😂
????
I found this because although i can be very passionate about the things i talk about i constantly have ppl be out the blue mean emotional and try to challenge me over and over just so i can show them im listening. Look i think fast and like to break down things. But ppl accuse me of thinking im better or always right...........im listening but ppl dont like to listen to persuasive knowledgeable ppl. They get emotional and envious all the time
My family is like this, but I’ve accepted it as a “respect your elders” thing and I don’t care too much. But my bf is like this and I can’t deal with it.
Yes respect your elders if you can't tell them in a respectable way move around.
thanks for everything, mel robbins!
epic advice here
Best and most concise bit of advice. Thank you.
This advice applies to most Geminis.
Nope, my Gemini best friend is lovely - the Aquarian women are the ones who do this the most it seems. Funnily enough I’m Aquarian but not like that, and so they do it to me
Gemini???
Hearing someone else say this has somewhat opened my eyes... although when i think back about the recent situation with someone who wants to be right all the time i noticed that i was actually doing what Mel has said but i was doing it subconsciously
Hillary didn’t genuinely say anything she respected about Trump. Nice ☝️
Hey. Thankyou so much. I needed this to deal with one of my childhood friend who has become very irritating lately.
I was in an argument with someone, he (IDK it's gender) was being annoyed by rapidly correcting my words when chatting. so when I was arguing with him, I was literally getting defeated. but then I started searching up in youtube and I ended up with your video. it was really helpful and I get to get my final say in the argument (I still don't know, but I hope). thanks for the tips mam.
"The one that knows everything knows nothing at all"
-Erykah Badu
Especially can’t deal with people who are closed to other opinions when they are clueless that other option exist and try to shut you down and ridicule you. I have to bite my tongue cause I feel like ripping them to pieces.
I feel most ppl do this, it's just that they already have their mind set on being stubborn and salty no matter what advice you come up with. If they don't apprichiate your efforts in being a friend, well too bad for them, you should just leave them in their missery.
Thank you. I think you have save a lot off people here.