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No ... I mean if the bosses are ignorant none of this nonsense would help, you're either for them or against them and you know, I didn't find this video AT ALL helpful.
@@keplermission4947 How could you pick sides? Honestly bosses always have bosses.... your either the type that speaks up or the type that gets rolled over..... I'm not the roll over type GRRR
Recurring issue for me is being bullied in the workplace. I just stay true to myself, allow my values to guide me, demonstrate integrity and remind myself that no one can rob me of my authenticity... which only seems to infuriate the bullies more. Why can't we all just leverage each other's strengths and work together?
Absolutely Aimee. All communication begins with remaining strong and true to yourself. In families, in cities, in schools in geo-politics--in EVERYTHING we should be appreciating one another's strengths and virtues rather than being frightened of differences. Being number one is not nearly so important as being one.
@Ange Lom I think we may have a few things in common... previous two partners were extremely narcissistic. But apparently highly sensitive, empathic people attract them so I put the responsibility on my own shoulders to educate myself. Then I can work on the things I do that send the message to these people that I'm an easy target. Each experience teaches me something. Only thing is, I find that it is like playing a video game... when you level up, the boss you need to defeat at the end is smarter, quicker and stronger than the last!
Going through the same thing. Boss is so jealous that now she cant use, "She doesnt have a degree". I just got my Bachelor's last May and God Willing will graduate with my Master's this May. To rub it in instead of just being happy for me, she says, "Maybe I will go for my PHd". She doesnr want me to be equal ro her education wise because she always used it against me and now she is doing it to other co-workers. She is not a nice person
@@chilloften James 1:19-20 ESV “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
My boss said something derogratory to me once. My back was to him at my desk. I paused a moment, stood up. turned to face him looking in his eyes. I said Don't you ever speak to me that way again. He got all red and apologized.
The best way to stop rude people is to not take anything personally. The trick is not caring about anything they have to say. It’s your choice to be bothered by rude people. Simply choose to not allow them to get to you.
I have videos on this very topic, and I agree with you. I have other videos regarding boundaries, because whether you care on an emotional level or not--people should not be allowed to cross your boundaries.
Ur assuming "no one ever loved them enough" and that they don't have manners, which has a different definition for everyone, depending on culture, values and upbringing
I've always used: I've been called worse by better. Works like a charm. And it always takes them a minute to realize they've been insulted back, tenfold.
Much love to you - I’m glad you’re taking steps to not allow their behavior to affect how you feel & behave. We have the power to control our own body & mind, via the inner self, regardless of what’s happening on the outside of us, but many of us didn’t know that we even could. Dan has provided us with our User Manual. 💕😂 My husband was really stressed by toxic people at work (it seems like where there’s one, there are many more, it spreads), he told me one night that he was afraid it would cause him to have a heart attack. A few months later, right before he quit, he went to get some dental work done and the dentist sent him to the ER - his BP was sky high - his doctor said he got to the hospital just in time. He was very close to having a heart attack or stroke, the EKG even appeared like he might have had a heart attack - but he didn’t. Even though he knew how stressful it was, he didn’t realize just how bad it was until he quit and gained perspective. He’s fine now, BP is normal.
This channel is a ray of HOPE and SUNSHINE after 3 years of covert bullying from 2 people at an otherwise great workplace. In public these 2 women are all smiles b/c they know I have allies and support. In private they call me incompetent, give brutal critiques, and the latest was a poison pen letter (private of course) accusing me of massive improprieties ahead of being publicly acknowledged for my success on a project. I've cried my eyes out for the last time. IT STOPS NOW. I'm SO DONE. I'm practicing the techniques daily and am "locked and loaded" for the next bullying attack. Thank you again for making the world a better place one conversation at a time. Much love and blessings to you.
I'm nice all the time mostly and let myself get treated poorly because I'm not confident etc. I had one outburst due to someone being awful (long story in a comment above lol). She kept going so I let slip Mum had died (pathetic anyway as not the point). and she still wouldn't stop. I called her a name (remarkably restrained I thought) and banged a door. Well the scheming bully must have realised I may have a case together (don't know if she's been pulled up but she does it to others..this is a nurse who works with people smdh). Despite being upset and wanting to take her to HR I wouldn't have done it. I expected us to sort it ourselves. Long story shortish, evil genius involved the CEO and is sending me to HR with backup from 2 others, one a surgeon. She said I hit her but it's bullshit (not the point as point blank would never happen, I haven't heard of bruises etc ..touch wood she didn't already have). Put aside all the reason it is so ludicrous I'm still reeling, I'm clumsy with health problems so I'm dizzy and weak. I'm in by cleaners and kitchen staff, patients, families etc for being friendly and we (staff) agree we are invisible to some nurses and doctors so they know. Shit thing is, my outburst will be judged and a lying bully will get sympathy and even the cleaners etc may be turned. So many come to work cranky and get away with it. I have a stupid but human response once and I'm screwed Sorry for rant...seems to be nice people here that get it.
Yes, don't ever feel rushed to respond to anything. Taking time, rather than immediately responding has power, it allows us to discern what is happening, and to not allow our emotions to respond, but it also allows others a few seconds to see through the rude comment just made, and some silence often gives the rude person pause to realize what they've just said, and also kind of gives them a "wonder warning" - especially if they're used to people reacting immediately to their rudeness - give them a few seconds or more of silence as a warning. It's like when someone says something really odd and everyone just stops, like, 'what just came out of your mouth'?
@@SydMountaineer you do wonderful. You throw in some dashes & quotation marks which helps divide. On desktop compute, I'm better at catching my longer sentences--- removing some words. These silly cell phones...I need to PAUSE more before send >> to re-read. 😆
“You don’t exist to me…let’s stay on track.” 😂😂😂😂😂! That is so powerful! I will however engage you if you are being constructive and respectful. Soooooo GOOD!
Excellent tactics! Having dealt with narcissist people they will try anything to put you on the defensive and that is a losing position! PLUS,I like your humor :)
I love this channel! Why am I just discovering this? I have difficulty defending myself without being confrontational; the phrase "Let's stay on track" is brilliant.
I like the stop and block, i had to do that last weekend, she was trying to butt in, but i stopped and blocked her and i carried on talking to the person who asked me a question...
EXCELLENT ADVICE! Some people really feed off of trying to push your buttons, and get under your skin. To stay calm, and not allow them to manipulate your emotions and reactions is excellent advice!
My boss has been practicing bully for years. You can use these wonderful counterattacks against her but then suddenly, bam! she comes out with a whole new bully tactic. I am going to have to do a lot of research so I am properly armed for any aggressive/passive aggressive behaviors she tries to throw at me.
My former boss was a bully. Add to that the fact that he was 6' 9" tall and the intimidation factor was huge. (No pun intended) It finally drove me to early retirement because nobody in the corporation would help me. Finally, after so much turn over of good people at that location he was fired.
I honestly believe horrible bosses need to take responsibility for their own insecurities, aggressions & actions. I refuse to put up with passive aggressive attacks or statements insinuating untruths. It’s better to let go and move on to greener pastures, everyone has a right to work in a respectful and safe environment. Thank you for sharing, Dan. Keep well.
In a lifetime I could not find clear examples on specifically how to defend oneself or a group from aggressive behaviours. Why? Virtually all mentors advise us to tell the aggressor how the attack makes us feel. I have tried that approach and not only does it not work on real bullies, but it reassures them their attacks are working. It is like telling a physical attacker that you don’t appreciate being knocked down. Sure, that works great. (Sarcasm.) Unchecked bullies can destroy a defenceless person’s self-esteem, damage their reputations, interfere with their career advancement, and make working a miserable affair. You provide doable behaviour options that some of us have desperately needed. Your teachings could on some levels save a person’s life. I admire and appreciate what you bring to all of us.
Wow, thank you for your story and your kind words, Prairie Dog. I'm doing my best, as most of us are and trying to make a positive difference--as most people do. We just need a little help from one another along the way.
Thank you , this was a good reminder. Get very frustrated when toxic people keep coming back and don’t let go even when I try to deflect. Need to keep practicing, feel stressed when someone comes at my boundaries.
I like how you deflected the negativity and simultaneously didn’t validate/take the bait of the asshole at the same time. Very brilliant. You are demonstrating how to be human Teflon!!
I have learn the hard way; when you control and manage yourself the rest of the world go to hell! For me it works to remain silent, don’t react , give them a quick confident look and focus back on your work; it cracks them!
Media jobs are home to "The Impossible People". When mixed with a public sector environment such as a university setting, you have situations that defy any of the categories you talk about.
I work with the public and it helps to remember a lot of people have personality disorders. I go into robot mode and explain things like a script I'm reading. I never respond to their excuses or reasons they're exceptions to the rule. Just repeat the script. "Sure, I'll get the manager." Luckily, management has my back.
True ppl are work see it as weak…. Sucks but that’s corporate life. Now one should be ur therapist at work but ppls feeling so matter so let’s say “it’s troubling”
"Never defend anything." My boss often gets fixated on giving negative criticism about me during performance appraisal. As the boss relates past situations to point out those negatives, my boss gets lost in commenting about my other co-worker's negatives. I end up analyzing the situation with my boss and giving ideas how to understand others and even suggest possible solutions. My initial anxiety turned to a sense of relief! I wasn't really the problem. It's my boss who needs someone to help solve problems.
High respect for the stunning response: pause, sip of drink...raised hand (no eye contact)...now what was I doing?..Lets stay focused. This content is GOLD. Thank you! Thank you!...Especially with the holidays coming....
Oh my gosh, you are my hero! I had horrible role models throughout my childhood, who used violence to communicate. As soon as I learned that others don’t behave that way, I KNEW I didn’t want to do what I learned. The sad thing is that I never learned the right way to replace my old patterns. You actually have the precise lessons I’ve needed forever!
Excellent advice when dealing with people who are narcissistic. Keep in mind some have Autism spectrum conditions and they might appear rude, they just are honest ( most part) and are transparent. This video shall teach people how to deal with difficult persons
Another great example of this is an interview with Russell Brand, where he demonstrates the manners he wishes to also be shown. He transforms a moment of controversy into a proactive flip of the script. Brilliant!
Many thanks. I will adapt this approach to deal with the misogynistic, narcissistic bully, in the retirement home, who is extremely worried about his image - rushes about doing nice things for people ,when he has an audience, and is verbally abusive and insulting for no apparent reason, to some females.
I hear this so often from the medical community and people who work with the vulnerable. It is truly discouraging to see bullies anywhere, but ESPECIALLY in this environment.
This is beautiful! I've had the luxury of being my own boss all of my life, thank goodness! These are still good things to remember in general. There's always going to be someone, somewhere who displays behavior that needs to be called out or put in their place. Thank you!
This is so very helpful to me. I have had a very difficult time as i am autistic and i just found out at 53. My work relationships have always been extremely problematic as my bosses have used my "hyper-skills" and then my coworkers seem to hate me for it. All the while i have kept thinking it would help further me socially 😢 I am finally learning ❤
When you say "hyper-skills" do you mean? Do you overachieve in the workplace due to getting more done than your co-workers and that's why they hate you for it? Do you do more work because the boss noticed you're ahead of the team and then the boss abused the situation and has given you additional work to get done? Then turns around and uses your spurt of work "energy" against the co-workers because you have a strength the others do not? I had this happen to me in the workplace. One girl had so much energy for one night drawing labs, that she expected and put pressure on the rest of us, why couldn't we get 9 lab draws an hour? Needless to say, I never once hated the girl that was able to achieve 9 draws an hour in just that one night. I was impressed. I was sourly disappointed in the manager for holding such an extreme standard for the rest of us to achieve. That was terrible.
Thank you for this excellent video! I’m always learning how to better express my feelings in a professional but firm way and in practice your strategies work 99.9% of the time. As a younger manager who usually has to manage people who are significantly older than I am sometimes they don’t respect my position and your magic phrases along with lots of other strategies that you have talked about have helped me settle a lot of issues and shut down inappropriate language. Keep up the excellent work!!
As an older person, it is very difficult to respect being ordered to do things by someone who could be your grandchild.You'll understand one day.But it also depends on the person.If you are rude and on a power trip, no one respects you , no matter what age you are.
You killed this shit man!!!! Omg so helpful. Like that biting yet polite demeanor that impresses onlookers and stops the bad guy in his tracks. Been looking for this
Hey Dan...Would you please consider making a video about confronting workplace gossip both when people are gossiping about you and how to discourage it in others? Thank you.
THAT IS A VIDEO MUCH NEEDED.but even a believer in God it's never gonna work on the devils playground.my work is so abusive I have no choice and gods answer is clear.bide my time then do what is needed.inflation is why I'm stuck.or I'd of left.today I was attacked scratched choked with my shirt and everyone gossips and it's always my fault.not a victim....but this drama I'm up against all men who do not act right.drinks at lunch.i mean help god.
I love 💕 this! I’m soft spoken and want to learn more about how I can express my feelings without being emotional and be more professional. I’m setting my bell 🔔 on! Hehe Thank You 🙏🏼
I like this style! The best part about doing things the way that as described here is that you don't stoop to the level of the rude person. Other people will notice that also. Remain calm, keep your wits... and win with self control. That's the biggest insult to someone who is trying to bring you down. Your response is their power. Don't let them have it.
I love this channel because when your going to college online. It can be amazing how rude younger people can be so it's nice to have an appropriate come back.
As an autistic person I find this idea very helpful for communicating with others. I normally practice scripts for day to day interactions with normal people I come into contact with. Thank you for your sharing these tools
I wish I had this in my tool belt a few weeks ago. The sales manager implied that one of my coworkers was problematic because he's gay. I was taken aback by his comment to me and didn't know how to respond. My coworker does have many problems, but it's certainly not because he's gay. I wish I could go back and say something like this to him to make him very aware that what he said was not okay. I know for the future at least!! Thank you!
I have had to leave so many jobs because of bullying and harassment. I'm so glad for your channel! My current boss is not scheduling me for the hours l was hired in at. It's a nightmare.
I had a boss that would come off condescending... It was only my 2nd or 3rd week there, but in general she was a rude one. She told me "If employees work the way you do none of us would have jobs." I told her "You're Site Coordinator... so how about you start coordinating your site?" She replied "How about you dont tell me how to do my job!" I replied "I'm doing a shit job but at least I'm doing it." She gave the nastiest look. I didnt see it but I sure as hell felt it 😂😂😂😂
I mean it’s also in her name description.Some people think they are more than that and end up not doing their own job title. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and taught her a lesson.😊
OH WOW! Finally I have confirmation that saying “I appreciate that...” is the worst ! It flicks a switch in me when someone says it and yet so many are using it!!😡 Start the revolution! ✊
I'm a non-native English speaker, and I'm loving your videos because the advice is so good but also because you speak in a clear and eloquent manner. I want to learn from that. 💕💕💕Thank you
I love the phrases & words Dan uses to describe certain things like "Duct Tape Phrases" and the names like Rudy for rude people - so fitting & appropriate. Plus, it truly makes these techniques easier to remember, and also helps to identify & discern situations.
I am freaking out. I am transitioning into a management position at my job. I will be managing the most lackadaisical people to ever walk the earth. I've been working with them for 2.5 years and rather than improving, they remain stagnant. They have so much potential, but I am not really sure how to get them to find value in their work and understand how impactful their contributions are to the team. I've subscribed to your channel because I think you can help me be an effective manager. Thank you for sharing your tricks of the trade. 👍🏻👏👍🏻👏
What I need is how to state these phrases when someone does their best to talk over you. These are brilliant phrases but what do you do when you start one of these phrases when someone undermines you by talking over you. How do you stay on course when someone interrupts you? How do you present strength in that moment. Do you just keep on talking? What if they yell so loud ... Is that when you can maybe wait for a gap and say "are you finished whatever you are doing? 🤷 I'm going through a season where it's crap on Sarah season. I need that to change.
Love that your work skips the blah blah blah explanations, excuses, justifications, labels, and background drama - You’re just like “Handle that, Honey. Here’s how:” Thank you!! It’s like being able to fast forward through genuinely otherwise valuable psychobabble and just get the desired effect in the moment without wasting time getting lost in a backlog of post-offense analysis. Seriously. Thank you!
Wow. These are the practical phrases i needed. I just defended myself at work last week when a coworker was rude and i walked away feeling somehow like I managed to look worse than the rude coworker. Thanks for the tips!
Some of these tactics seem passive aggressive. But they are good tools to combat rude people. Be careful of not turning this into normal conversational patterns you will turn into the rude person that you hate
I hope they are not passive-aggressive. I don't want to throw more darkness at darkness. They may be strong, but there's nothing passive about them, Jasonito. :)
Sometimes, that powerful pause doesn't work when you are speaking to someone who talks non-stop, cuts you off incessantly, and won't even allow for a pause...
I love the responses you have given, I need to practice responding to a rude person that unfortunately I have to deal with. I pray to God that person gets away from me and my finances.
I want him to follow me around and speak for me for a day! I can learn 'during' the issue, not prior to. He is amazing and fun to listen to. I would hate to be on the other end of his 'disappointment' though!
Thank you! I am a mental heath addiction therapist and I work with a staff member who is very difficult and inappropriate on a number of levels. This helped!!! Thank you so much Mr. O’Connor.
The glasses definitely add a touch of professionalism. Thank you just found your channel. This helped me a lot. I work in a school ; the staff environment can get quite awkward at times 😅
@@TheWizardOfWords " Online Communication Skills Training Courses "Within your hearing???" I would not be surprised if it were within her hearing. Some people are rude and quite bold about it!!
If I am dealing with a very difficult person I will alway look them dead straight in the eyes and proceed to tell him/her what I think then I walk away 💯👍
Stunning! I always get upset when coworkers are rude. I should always always be careful of how I address these situations, because some people talk in a way of wanting to physically attack another. I believe this information will help me. Thank you.
I've been treated rudely by government agencies, Dr's a participating organizations for over 20 years and my response has been to tell them to f%@k off but this is empowering. Thank you
It feels like my eyes have been opened for the very first time in how to properly communicate with others. These are vital, life skills that should be taught to everyone. Growing up in school, I was always taught to make “I” statements instead of “you” statements when speaking to someone. It doesn’t work in real life as this video has brilliantly pointed out…. These kind of skills need to be taught at every grade and level in life so people don’t forget them.
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No ... I mean if the bosses are ignorant none of this nonsense would help, you're either for them or against them and you know, I didn't find this video AT ALL helpful.
I love this channel & find it super helpful and effective in my life!
@@keplermission4947 he maid a point to not make it personal!!
@@keplermission4947 How could you pick sides? Honestly bosses always have bosses.... your either the type that speaks up or the type that gets rolled over..... I'm not the roll over type GRRR
Darn right!
Recurring issue for me is being bullied in the workplace. I just stay true to myself, allow my values to guide me, demonstrate integrity and remind myself that no one can rob me of my authenticity... which only seems to infuriate the bullies more. Why can't we all just leverage each other's strengths and work together?
Absolutely Aimee. All communication begins with remaining strong and true to yourself. In families, in cities, in schools in geo-politics--in EVERYTHING we should be appreciating one another's strengths and virtues rather than being frightened of differences. Being number one is not nearly so important as being one.
@Ange Lom I think we may have a few things in common... previous two partners were extremely narcissistic. But apparently highly sensitive, empathic people attract them so I put the responsibility on my own shoulders to educate myself. Then I can work on the things I do that send the message to these people that I'm an easy target. Each experience teaches me something. Only thing is, I find that it is like playing a video game... when you level up, the boss you need to defeat at the end is smarter, quicker and stronger than the last!
Media & TV & movies teach that hate, minute by minute. It's a very sick world.
Going through the same thing. Boss is so jealous that now she cant use, "She doesnt have a degree". I just got my Bachelor's last May and God Willing will graduate with my Master's this May. To rub it in instead of just being happy for me, she says, "Maybe I will go for my PHd". She doesnr want me to be equal ro her education wise because she always used it against me and now she is doing it to other co-workers. She is not a nice person
@@chilloften
James 1:19-20 ESV
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
My boss said something derogratory to me once. My back was to him at my desk. I paused a moment, stood up. turned to face him looking in his eyes. I said Don't you ever speak to me that way again. He got all red and apologized.
Excellent--desire to maintain boundaries and appropriate office comments outweighed fear of retaliation. Indicative of a very strong person. Kudos.
Proud of you😊
The best way to stop rude people is to not take anything personally. The trick is not caring about anything they have to say. It’s your choice to be bothered by rude people. Simply choose to not allow them to get to you.
I have videos on this very topic, and I agree with you. I have other videos regarding boundaries, because whether you care on an emotional level or not--people should not be allowed to cross your boundaries.
Put on a concerned look and say; "It's so sad that no one ever loved you enough to teach you manners."
It would work but it's just a tad passive-aggressive :) :) :). Just a tad :)
Ur assuming "no one ever loved them enough" and that they don't have manners, which has a different definition for everyone, depending on culture, values and upbringing
Im sure that would just escalate it.
I've always used: I've been called worse by better. Works like a charm. And it always takes them a minute to realize they've been insulted back, tenfold.
If it works for you--
Ohhhhh yummy! I like that.
Finally someone that gives real useful tools to help. I work with very toxic people.
Much love to you - I’m glad you’re taking steps to not allow their behavior to affect how you feel & behave. We have the power to control our own body & mind, via the inner self, regardless of what’s happening on the outside of us, but many of us didn’t know that we even could. Dan has provided us with our User Manual. 💕😂
My husband was really stressed by toxic people at work (it seems like where there’s one, there are many more, it spreads), he told me one night that he was afraid it would cause him to have a heart attack.
A few months later, right before he quit, he went to get some dental work done and the dentist sent him to the ER - his BP was sky high - his doctor said he got to the hospital just in time. He was very close to having a heart attack or stroke, the EKG even appeared like he might have had a heart attack - but he didn’t.
Even though he knew how stressful it was, he didn’t realize just how bad it was until he quit and gained perspective. He’s fine now, BP is normal.
This channel is a ray of HOPE and SUNSHINE after 3 years of covert bullying from 2 people at an otherwise great workplace. In public these 2 women are all smiles b/c they know I have allies and support. In private they call me incompetent, give brutal critiques, and the latest was a poison pen letter (private of course) accusing me of massive improprieties ahead of being publicly acknowledged for my success on a project. I've cried my eyes out for the last time. IT STOPS NOW. I'm SO DONE. I'm practicing the techniques daily and am "locked and loaded" for the next bullying attack. Thank you again for making the world a better place one conversation at a time. Much love and blessings to you.
Many thanks for your taking the time to write, Queen. I hope these words help you going forward.
Some coworkers are just disgusting, I guess controlling one's temper is just the key,
Banks Euros !!! I guess that's one of the keys, yes. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, and I hope to see more of you.
@@TheWizardOfWords It's Ironic you said in your video never say d word I appreciate to anyone, and yourself not following
I'm nice all the time mostly and let myself get treated poorly because I'm not confident etc.
I had one outburst due to someone being awful (long story in a comment above lol).
She kept going so I let slip Mum had died (pathetic anyway as not the point). and she still wouldn't stop. I called her a name (remarkably restrained I thought) and banged a door.
Well the scheming bully must have realised I may have a case together (don't know if she's been pulled up but she does it to others..this is a nurse who works with people smdh). Despite being upset and wanting to take her to HR I wouldn't have done it. I expected us to sort it ourselves.
Long story shortish, evil genius involved the CEO and is sending me to HR with backup from 2 others, one a surgeon. She said I hit her but it's bullshit (not the point as point blank would never happen, I haven't heard of bruises etc ..touch wood she didn't already have). Put aside all the reason it is so ludicrous I'm still reeling, I'm clumsy with health problems so I'm dizzy and weak. I'm in by cleaners and kitchen staff, patients, families etc for being friendly and we (staff) agree we are invisible to some nurses and doctors so they know. Shit thing is, my outburst will be judged and a lying bully will get sympathy and even the cleaners etc may be turned.
So many come to work cranky and get away with it. I have a stupid but human response once and I'm screwed
Sorry for rant...seems to be nice people here that get it.
Being silent is key
With narcissist
It Dosent work to engage
Or comment
Actually with a narc or toxic person the rule is
Don’t engage
Don’t negotiate
Yes, don't ever feel rushed to respond to anything. Taking time, rather than immediately responding has power, it allows us to discern what is happening, and to not allow our emotions to respond, but it also allows others a few seconds to see through the rude comment just made, and some silence often gives the rude person pause to realize what they've just said, and also kind of gives them a "wonder warning" - especially if they're used to people reacting immediately to their rudeness - give them a few seconds or more of silence as a warning. It's like when someone says something really odd and everyone just stops, like, 'what just came out of your mouth'?
Enjoyed reading your comments. Excellent summary
@@Connie10000 Thank You, that's nice to hear. I make my sentences too long though, I need to use more periods.
@@SydMountaineer you do wonderful. You throw in some dashes & quotation marks which helps divide. On desktop compute, I'm better at catching my longer sentences--- removing some words. These silly cell phones...I need to PAUSE more before send >> to re-read. 😆
@@Connie10000😂😂😂 Yes, I know what you mean, as I’m usually on my cell phone.
I need to get some glasses so I can take them on and off for dramatic effect. This is awesome
Omg exactly!!!
Wow...so perfect for the moment!
The workplace has become a dark alley. Managers love it.
When Tony Stark gives life advice.
Lol!
😂😂😂😂 I can't get over this....
Love it!
Yes, and still doing it. Since Iron Man is taken, could I be Tin Man??
@@TheWizardOfWords HA HA HA HA!
I’m going to try these today. I have a nasty bully boss and she doesn’t like that I know my worth and do my job competently. This should be fun! 🤩
“You don’t exist to me…let’s stay on track.” 😂😂😂😂😂! That is so powerful! I will however engage you if you are being constructive and respectful. Soooooo GOOD!
Excellent tactics! Having dealt with narcissist people they will try anything to put you on the defensive and that is a losing position! PLUS,I like your humor :)
I love this channel! Why am I just discovering this? I have difficulty defending myself without being confrontational; the phrase "Let's stay on track" is brilliant.
Finally, a crash course on Office Politics, Haters and Difficult People. Thank You !
It’s 2024 and your video just came up in my feed. So thankful for you.
Hope it's still relevant, and that you're having a good day!
I like the stop and block, i had to do that last weekend, she was trying to butt in, but i stopped and blocked her and i carried on talking to the person who asked me a question...
EXCELLENT ADVICE! Some people really feed off of trying to push your buttons, and get under your skin. To stay calm, and not allow them to manipulate your emotions and reactions is excellent advice!
This guy is legit funny. Advice was good but the humor made it great.
My boss has been practicing bully for years. You can use these wonderful counterattacks against her but then suddenly, bam! she comes out with a whole new bully tactic. I am going to have to do a lot of research so I am properly armed for any aggressive/passive aggressive behaviors she tries to throw at me.
My former boss was a bully. Add to that the fact that he was 6' 9" tall and the intimidation factor was huge. (No pun intended)
It finally drove me to early retirement because nobody in the corporation would help me.
Finally, after so much turn over of good people at that location he was fired.
I honestly believe horrible bosses need to take responsibility for their own insecurities, aggressions & actions. I refuse to put up with passive aggressive attacks or statements insinuating untruths. It’s better to let go and move on to greener pastures, everyone has a right to work in a respectful and safe environment. Thank you for sharing, Dan. Keep well.
You're welcome Linette, and you keep well too!
Silence is golden just walk away regardless there's no one there to argue or listen it leaves them irritated and usually speechless 😶.
However sometimes you want to address the comment head-on.
In a lifetime I could not find clear examples on specifically how to defend oneself or a group from aggressive behaviours. Why? Virtually all mentors advise us to tell the aggressor how the attack makes us feel. I have tried that approach and not only does it not work on real bullies, but it reassures them their attacks are working. It is like telling a physical attacker that you don’t appreciate being knocked down. Sure, that works great. (Sarcasm.) Unchecked bullies can destroy a defenceless person’s self-esteem, damage their reputations, interfere with their career advancement, and make working a miserable affair. You provide doable behaviour options that some of us have desperately needed. Your teachings could on some levels save a person’s life. I admire and appreciate what you bring to all of us.
Wow, thank you for your story and your kind words, Prairie Dog. I'm doing my best, as most of us are and trying to make a positive difference--as most people do. We just need a little help from one another along the way.
Rudy Rudison… I love it! 😂😂😂
Thank you , this was a good reminder. Get very frustrated when toxic people keep coming back and don’t let go even when I try to deflect. Need to keep practicing, feel stressed when someone comes at my boundaries.
I like how you deflected the negativity and simultaneously didn’t validate/take the bait of the asshole at the same time. Very brilliant. You are demonstrating how to be human Teflon!!
Ouch.. the eye went up and “let’s stay on track”. I love it
I have learn the hard way; when you control and manage yourself the rest of the world go to hell! For me it works to remain silent, don’t react , give them a quick confident look and focus back on your work; it cracks them!
Tried that but then was called passive aggressive!😂
I'm glad I found this guy he's really going to make me an alpha coworker
Same !
Very g9od and h3lpful Thanks
Love the “take a drink & pause” technique! Good stuff!
There are some toxic workers out there that will literally take what you say and twist it around through shady gossip
Media jobs are home to "The Impossible People". When mixed with a public sector environment such as a university setting, you have situations that defy any of the categories you talk about.
I work with the public and it helps to remember a lot of people have personality disorders. I go into robot mode and explain things like a script I'm reading. I never respond to their excuses or reasons they're exceptions to the rule. Just repeat the script. "Sure, I'll get the manager." Luckily, management has my back.
Wow. Great video. I have made the mistake of talking about how hurt I felt, making myself vulnerable. Huge mistake. Trying to come back from that now.
Thanks, Esmerelda; I hope this video helps.
True ppl are work see it as weak…. Sucks but that’s corporate life. Now one should be ur therapist at work but ppls feeling so matter so let’s say “it’s troubling”
Dude has great points and his delivery is cracking me up🤣🤣
Thanks, JP.
"Never defend anything." My boss often gets fixated on giving negative criticism about me during performance appraisal. As the boss relates past situations to point out those negatives, my boss gets lost in commenting about my other co-worker's negatives. I end up analyzing the situation with my boss and giving ideas how to understand others and even suggest possible solutions.
My initial anxiety turned to a sense of relief! I wasn't really the problem. It's my boss who needs someone to help solve problems.
Happy you discovered that the problem is not you, grandjette.
Thank you so much! I’m a sensitive person. Finding the right words can be hard in the moment. This helps me find my power.
Happy to help JRav.
High respect for the stunning response: pause, sip of drink...raised hand (no eye contact)...now what was I doing?..Lets stay focused. This content is GOLD. Thank you! Thank you!...Especially with the holidays coming....
Keep an eye out for holiday videos; they're coming.
Oh my gosh, you are my hero! I had horrible role models throughout my childhood, who used violence to communicate. As soon as I learned that others don’t behave that way, I KNEW I didn’t want to do what I learned. The sad thing is that I never learned the right way to replace my old patterns. You actually have the precise lessons I’ve needed forever!
Many thanks, Rachel. And for a deeper dive into this type of communication, go to danoconnortraining.com and check out the courses.
The Wizard of Words is simply on ANOTHER level. Certainly among my TOP recent discoveries!
Happy to hear that, Cleonemusician!
Man I love this guy.. so quick, so witty !
First time seeing you. I definitely want to know more. Thanks and subscribed.
Glad you found my channel, thanks for subscribing @BluePatriotWinner.
The moment when you take a drink... the look afterwards. Priceless!!❤
You are my spirit animal. Best advice ever. I actually love it when people try it on with me. It’s like sport.
I'm a bartender. I can use this to handle drunken misbehavior by my customers without damaging my place of works good reputation. Thank you.
Happy to help.
I need a videos like this for dealing with a narcissistic BF.. ASAP... THIS is SOOO GOOD!
You may have a narcissist or you may just have unhealthy boundaries. One clue is how often you seem to run into narcissists.
Excellent advice when dealing with people who are narcissistic. Keep in mind some have Autism spectrum conditions and they might appear rude, they just are honest ( most part) and are transparent.
This video shall teach people how to deal with difficult persons
Is it the same for a family member who can't stop worshipping herself while putting others down, and won't let anyone else speak?
Yes.
Another great example of this is an interview with Russell Brand, where he demonstrates the manners he wishes to also be shown. He transforms a moment of controversy into a proactive flip of the script. Brilliant!
Many thanks. I will adapt this approach to deal with the misogynistic, narcissistic bully, in the retirement home, who is extremely worried about his image - rushes about doing nice things for people ,when he has an audience, and is verbally abusive and insulting for no apparent reason, to some females.
I hear this so often from the medical community and people who work with the vulnerable. It is truly discouraging to see bullies anywhere, but ESPECIALLY in this environment.
I wish I could remember these in the heat of the moment
Practice practice practice. These are learned phrases/techniques/responses and they require practice.
This is beautiful! I've had the luxury of being my own boss all of my life, thank goodness! These are still good things to remember in general. There's always going to be someone, somewhere who displays behavior that needs to be called out or put in their place. Thank you!
This is so very helpful to me. I have had a very difficult time as i am autistic and i just found out at 53. My work relationships have always been extremely problematic as my bosses have used my "hyper-skills" and then my coworkers seem to hate me for it. All the while i have kept thinking it would help further me socially 😢
I am finally learning ❤
Very happy to help, Angela :)
When you say "hyper-skills" do you mean? Do you overachieve in the workplace due to getting more done than your co-workers and that's why they hate you for it?
Do you do more work because the boss noticed you're ahead of the team and then the boss abused the situation and has given you additional work to get done? Then turns around and uses your spurt of work "energy" against the co-workers because you have a strength the others do not?
I had this happen to me in the workplace. One girl had so much energy for one night drawing labs, that she expected and put pressure on the rest of us, why couldn't we get 9 lab draws an hour?
Needless to say, I never once hated the girl that was able to achieve 9 draws an hour in just that one night. I was impressed. I was sourly disappointed in the manager for holding such an extreme standard for the rest of us to achieve. That was terrible.
I really appreciate this. And it does work in any situation or conflict. Don’t make it personal. Make it about the person displaying the bad behavior.
You got it.
Thank you for this excellent video! I’m always learning how to better express my feelings in a professional but firm way and in practice your strategies work 99.9% of the time. As a younger manager who usually has to manage people who are significantly older than I am sometimes they don’t respect my position and your magic phrases along with lots of other strategies that you have talked about have helped me settle a lot of issues and shut down inappropriate language. Keep up the excellent work!!
As an older person, it is very difficult to respect being ordered to do things by someone who could be your grandchild.You'll understand one day.But it also depends on the person.If you are rude and on a power trip, no one respects you , no matter what age you are.
You killed this shit man!!!! Omg so helpful. Like that biting yet polite demeanor that impresses onlookers and stops the bad guy in his tracks. Been looking for this
I love you!! 😆I needed this so much!! Thank you!!! A stop and a block.. Yes!!
Hey Dan...Would you please consider making a video about confronting workplace gossip both when people are gossiping about you and how to discourage it in others? Thank you.
THAT IS A VIDEO MUCH NEEDED.but even a believer in God it's never gonna work on the devils playground.my work is so abusive I have no choice and gods answer is clear.bide my time then do what is needed.inflation is why I'm stuck.or I'd of left.today I was attacked scratched choked with my shirt and everyone gossips and it's always my fault.not a victim....but this drama I'm up against all men who do not act right.drinks at lunch.i mean help god.
I just discovered this channel today. You are amazing!!
Thanks. I hope you subscribed and then pressed the "join" button.
I love 💕 this! I’m soft spoken and want to learn more about how I can express my feelings without being emotional and be more professional. I’m setting my bell 🔔 on! Hehe Thank You 🙏🏼
Me too! Xoxo
Me too
That’s one of O’Connor’s best tip bc it can be applied anytime i encounter toxic people ;)
Thank you Jay. Maybe I should call these "O'Connor's Tips." Yes, I think I will.
Omg this just happened to pop up on my feed and it is GOLD!!!! Thank you and wow!!!!
I like this style! The best part about doing things the way that as described here is that you don't stoop to the level of the rude person. Other people will notice that also. Remain calm, keep your wits... and win with self control. That's the biggest insult to someone who is trying to bring you down. Your response is their power. Don't let them have it.
I love this channel because when your going to college online. It can be amazing how rude younger people can be so it's nice to have an appropriate come back.
Oh this is by far my favourite. I’m storing that in my brain. Thank you thank you thank you!
As an autistic person I find this idea very helpful for communicating with others. I normally practice scripts for day to day interactions with normal people I come into contact with. Thank you for your sharing these tools
Very very happy to be of help, Fran.
I wish I had this in my tool belt a few weeks ago. The sales manager implied that one of my coworkers was problematic because he's gay. I was taken aback by his comment to me and didn't know how to respond. My coworker does have many problems, but it's certainly not because he's gay. I wish I could go back and say something like this to him to make him very aware that what he said was not okay. I know for the future at least!! Thank you!
You'll be ready next time, Anna :)
My fantasy of telling a coworker off has always began with "I'd APPRECIATE!"...thank you for correcting me!
Fantastic video. I was harrased at work by my boss. Ended with a heart attack, hair loss. Changed jobs I am happier and hair came back.
Omigod, I hope I can help going forward--if you ever have similar challenges again--which I hope you don't.
I have had to leave so many jobs because of bullying and harassment. I'm so glad for your channel! My current boss is not scheduling me for the hours l was hired in at. It's a nightmare.
I had a boss that would come off condescending... It was only my 2nd or 3rd week there, but in general she was a rude one. She told me "If employees work the way you do none of us would have jobs."
I told her "You're Site Coordinator... so how about you start coordinating your site?"
She replied "How about you dont tell me how to do my job!"
I replied "I'm doing a shit job but at least I'm doing it."
She gave the nastiest look. I didnt see it but I sure as hell felt it 😂😂😂😂
I mean it’s also in her name description.Some people think they are more than that and end up not doing their own job title. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and taught her a lesson.😊
OH WOW! Finally I have confirmation that saying “I appreciate that...” is the worst ! It flicks a switch in me when someone says it and yet so many are using it!!😡 Start the revolution! ✊
I'm a non-native English speaker, and I'm loving your videos because the advice is so good but also because you speak in a clear and eloquent manner. I want to learn from that. 💕💕💕Thank you
I love the phrases & words Dan uses to describe certain things like "Duct Tape Phrases" and the names like Rudy for rude people - so fitting & appropriate. Plus, it truly makes these techniques easier to remember, and also helps to identify & discern situations.
I am freaking out. I am transitioning into a management position at my job. I will be managing the most lackadaisical people to ever walk the earth. I've been working with them for 2.5 years and rather than improving, they remain stagnant. They have so much potential, but I am not really sure how to get them to find value in their work and understand how impactful their contributions are to the team. I've subscribed to your channel because I think you can help me be an effective manager. Thank you for sharing your tricks of the trade. 👍🏻👏👍🏻👏
Francesca Charles try to read John C Maxwell leadership books
@@shonazef7351 Thank you. I will pick up a copy this week. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Work on them. Individually,,, find each person button
What I need is how to state these phrases when someone does their best to talk over you. These are brilliant phrases but what do you do when you start one of these phrases when someone undermines you by talking over you. How do you stay on course when someone interrupts you? How do you present strength in that moment. Do you just keep on talking? What if they yell so loud ... Is that when you can maybe wait for a gap and say "are you finished whatever you are doing? 🤷 I'm going through a season where it's crap on Sarah season. I need that to change.
Search INTERRUPT on my channel and you'll find several helpful videos :)
You are the King of putting people in check...professionally. #Love
Love that your work skips the blah blah blah explanations, excuses, justifications, labels, and background drama - You’re just like “Handle that, Honey. Here’s how:”
Thank you!!
It’s like being able to fast forward through genuinely otherwise valuable psychobabble and just get the desired effect in the moment without wasting time getting lost in a backlog of post-offense analysis.
Seriously. Thank you!
Wow. These are the practical phrases i needed. I just defended myself at work last week when a coworker was rude and i walked away feeling somehow like I managed to look worse than the rude coworker. Thanks for the tips!
Some of these tactics seem passive aggressive. But they are good tools to combat rude people. Be careful of not turning this into normal conversational patterns you will turn into the rude person that you hate
I hope they are not passive-aggressive. I don't want to throw more darkness at darkness. They may be strong, but there's nothing passive about them, Jasonito. :)
Sometimes, that powerful pause doesn't work when you are speaking to someone who talks non-stop, cuts you off incessantly, and won't even allow for a pause...
Then perhaps a hand gesture is in order--and I am referring to the full-hand stop gesture, combined with "I am still speaking."
Duck tape phrases can shut people up! Love it!
Like "oh you got a problem? Here, tape this over that trap ;o) Problem solved! Thanks!" Lol
I love the responses you have given, I need to practice responding to a rude person that unfortunately I have to deal with. I pray to God that person gets away from me and my finances.
Is this person a narcissist?
This guys communication skills are off the charts.
They should teach this stuff in Schools.
Love the phrase communication freeloader lol 😂😂😂
Amen
I am shook. I LOVE the head shake. And then stay on track. You MUST make a video series with other actors so we can see you shine on screen !!!!
Naaaaah. Other actors might upstage me. Easier just to play all the parts. :) :) :)
Where have you been all my life Dan O'Conner, this is Absolutely Invaluable information, Thank you looking for 2 more.
I want him to follow me around and speak for me for a day! I can learn 'during' the issue, not prior to. He is amazing and fun to listen to. I would hate to be on the other end of his 'disappointment' though!
I'll go with you if you pick up the check :) :)
Thank you! I am a mental heath addiction therapist and I work with a staff member who is very difficult and inappropriate on a number of levels. This helped!!! Thank you so much Mr. O’Connor.
The glasses definitely add a touch of professionalism. Thank you just found your channel. This helped me a lot. I work in a school ; the staff environment can get quite awkward at times 😅
Today a staff member was disrespectful and referred to me as an old thing. The shock of the inappropriateness shocked me. Thank you for help.
Within your hearing??? Or was this repeated to you? Unbelievable.
@@TheWizardOfWords "
Online Communication Skills Training Courses
"Within your hearing???" I would not be surprised if it were within her hearing. Some people are rude and quite bold about it!!
You are an absolute blessing you have helped me out so much ... thank you Dan
If I am dealing with a very difficult person I will alway look them dead straight in the eyes and proceed to tell him/her what I think then I walk away 💯👍
If you've found what is effective for you, by all means use it :)
Stunning! I always get upset when coworkers are rude. I should always always be careful of how I address these situations, because some people talk in a way of wanting to physically attack another.
I believe this information will help me. Thank you.
Great Chantall, and please share my channel with your friends!
Thanks
Thanks to YOU, Jo!
I've been treated rudely by government agencies, Dr's a participating organizations for over 20 years and my response has been to tell them to f%@k off but this is empowering. Thank you
You are welcome :)
The crispness of your voice combined with the subtle bass is very pleasant.
I’m glad you liked the audio quality! 😊
You are the ABSOLUTE BEST!!
It feels like my eyes have been opened for the very first time in how to properly communicate with others. These are vital, life skills that should be taught to everyone. Growing up in school, I was always taught to make “I” statements instead of “you” statements when speaking to someone. It doesn’t work in real life as this video has brilliantly pointed out…. These kind of skills need to be taught at every grade and level in life so people don’t forget them.
I agree Joe. Totally.