I think I’m a narcissist’s worst nightmare. I’ll just go on about my business as if they weren’t even there. I prepare meals around them in the kitchen, watch movies, hold phone conversations, do household chores, play with the doggo. All while they’re “ignoring me”. I once booked a vacation, and was gone for 2 weeks. They had no idea where I had gone until I returned. Then they were VERY interested in talking . . . . . but by then, I wasn’t. 🤷🏽♀️
@@keilaz7253 - Good for you. They’ll figure out they won’t be fed by you and they’ll move on. How was the vacation? Hope you had a wonderful time, and a nice break from the drama.
My "friend" with narc tendencies is giving me silent treatment right now. Already tried getting in touch with her, but literally never talking to her again until she breaks silence
Finally going to start ignoring the sisters I have who are narcissists they've taught me not to care starting a new chapter I do not reach out to them anymore nor do I have a conversation with them about any of my business when they do talk to me I give it back to them when they say what are you doing I say oh just living my life enjoying it just always have something to do that's what they used to tell me that's all I tell them now never ever go back to the high jackals they'll just hurt you again even if they are family if they truly loved you they wouldn't hurt you hurt you
1. Personal weather report - name what's going on 2. Refuse to engage - no begging, no pleading, no apologizing. I am not playing your game. Take up space. 3. Enjoy the silence - enjoy the peace and quiet. Do what you want to do, go about your business the way you want. 4. Once silence is broken set new boundaries, your non-negotiables
I can’t see where it would help to ask them what the problem is and why they’re silent…they’ll just reply that it’s because you’re being difficult to deal with and won’t agree with them.
Exactly! I foolishly allowed my ex back in my life and within days he told me I had issues and pissed him off because I left him. I explained that I wasn’t willing to play his games especially the silent treatment which was especially painful. He promptly stopped communicating. That was over a week ago. So here I am ending it again… though I’m not even going to bother telling him this time. I’m just blocking him.
It's all control, power, and manipulation. Give them the silent treatment back. Ideally it's best to remove them from your life. If you need to respond, short answers.
@@KB-ih5gf Wise indeed. They don't change. .Women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men ----Julia Roberts. Wouldn't you rather be alone than alone in two? Healthy love doesn't correlate with abuse. Many women don't leave dangerous relationships. Staying is a risk and leaving is a risk of escalation In The Presence Of Danger Masterclass- Gavin De Becker How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date- - Dr Sam Vaknin The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De. Becker Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
it's truly amazing and baffling how people like this can switch so easily. they can be charming, supportive, helpful, etc but as soon as something comes around that is an inconvenience for them, even over the smallest thing, they can treat you so terribly. it really is an eye opener about what kind of person they are
Brace yourself. You’ll never know them until you file for a divorce. Then they go bad s#it crazy and put more stipulations on things . Mood swings, worst than a teenage girl on her monthly . Power , control , and more things for punishment .
I’ve had the silent treatment for years, I became silent as well I never interacted with him during the silent treatment. I regret staying in a relationship like that, it’s not a healthy way to live. I’m a talker I like to engage with people, it was painful, but in the end we had nothing to talk about anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
I m also facing narcassit husband ..... Help me out plz...he always control me ..... If not he hits me ..do silent treatment ... Avoiding love life with me..I have 2children ..what can I do
Best thing anyone can do if treated so badly and a lot, is to make a plan to leave, find a job in another town, borrow money if you need to, otherwise save up and hide it. Plan your exit when you have all of your ducks in a row. Don't tell Anyone..! If you have kids, don't tell them either until you're in the car and down the road.
The silent treatment is a gift. I compare it to an addict going through detox. It might be painful for a while, but you will never regret it once it's all behind you and the narc is gone.
The stupid games that human beings play all stemming from insecurity and fear and ego. This insatiable need to control and cause trauma and show that they’re so upset that they go this far and this long with this incredibly ridiculous drama and for what ?
After years of dealing with a “friend” that does them I finally figured out they are narcissistic and I would block my number and leave them voicemails not harassing but saying nice things to them and saying things like I know you ignoring me is just disciplining me and it’s okay. I am not mad at you. Silence is healthy. Lo and behold days later they would unblock me by saying silence is good for the mind.. Over the years it’s become easier to deal with their “silence” it’s almost becoming my peace. It doesn’t really hurt me anymore. But we are also growing distant from one another and it also doesn’t hurt me as it used to. They teach us to live without them.
Accept their silence and take your power back. Make their choice to be silent, become a permanent one. Block all contact. You will absolutely then hear from their friends etc, how badly they think your treating them. Wait and hear the lies. Let them all think all of what ever suits them. Protect yourself, let it all go and say goodbye to people who enjoy hurting you. Make space for those who do see your worth. But more importantly make space to know your worth yourself.
When they give you the silent treatment they are saying to you that they don't love you enough to talk to you.If you love someone you want to talk.Then they talk about you behind your back.They want you to say your sorry for things you don't even know what you've done wrong.
You're exactly right! They want you to beg and plead for them to talk to you, and part of that is that they want you to apologize for things you have not done. Sad. Nasty.
Exactly my goodness I just apologize to a friend again for what for expressing my wondering why he doesn't talk much to me anymore lately. He said he was in a bad mood and not willing to have this conversation internallyai felt angry and hurt as if he is superior and im the immature person while I only asked him if he wanted to stop talking He also said he won't play games so if i want to stop talking we will stop and if i wanted to keep talking, we will talk. Belittling and also reversed psychology talking about games? I was just ecoressing my heart. I apologized today and even ssid that im aware of my issue assuming things for others. His reply: it's ok I don't take it personal" That hurted again.....
Narcissists are the true monsters. They ruin family relationships and friendships. They will lie and say horrible things about you, when you go no contact. They are the worse nightmare!
Couldn't believe anyone could destroy relationships with me and my children I gave birth to If this happens to you know its the lies of the Narcissistic person. PRAY against this behavior
The day after Christmas, in 2006, he spent 3 days in the spare room completely ignoring me. He only left the room to use the bathroom, and at night, when he thought I was asleep, he would eventaully creep down the stairs to get food from the kitchen. When he did finally appear, he asked if I wanted coffee, which was his usual way of telling me that his tantrum, and my punishment, was over, but when I declined politely he continued with his childish behaviour, all of which I continued to ignore. This was the catalyst for me to finally get a divorce. My life has been so much better without this man child, financially and emotionally.
Mine sits in the garage for hours everyday on his phone. He ignores me when I ask him a question. Eventually, I just start doing my own thing and quit asking him questions or trying to engage with him. He then turns it around and says he is staying away from me because I am in a mood. There is no winning with these types of individuals either way they are the victim. It is constantly a mind game. I use to take the bait. Now, I just try to take care of myself and don't worry about him.
@@lahicks9773 this is exactly what they want. So they can be left to their own devices which is likely cheating and you will be trained not to ask questions
Dr Shaler- thank you.I finally had Enough of the silent treatment. Texted him to say I have had enough of the silent treatment. I said as he is unable to close the door on the relationship I will do it for him. I said he can delete my number. That I needed a man who is skilled and able to communicate about his emotions Wish me luck- I feel so much better.😊 Margaret
Just coming up to my 3rd week of total and absolute silent treatment. No eye contact nothing. Treats me like I don't even exist! It's pitiful behaviour for someone who is a fully grown adult but yet can't face problems or situations in a normal adult fashion. Turning the home into a house of death. 3 weeks and counting of wasted life for them trying to prove a point or to get you to beg and plead with them. No, not this time, I've learnt... My god, anyone who goes through this mental cruelty needs a huge medal....
How do you cope? I just came out of one week of silent treatment (including two tirades of accusations when I asked if we could talk) and it’s been giving me complete anxiety to a point where I barely ate because of constant nausea. Honestly I should have just left and gone to a hotel but I have two old cats that I didn’t want to leave with him. Why are we doing this to ourselves?
@@charmedLiebling I don't think it's a case of what we are doing to ourselves. It's first and foremost what they are doing to THEIRSELVES! We have to stand resolute when dealing with this cancerous and caustic behaviour. Pay attention to the experts so you are better equipped to deal in the best way possible that doesn't feed these people. Immerse yourself with interests and keep in touch with good friends who genuinely care about YOU! and lastly, think before you say anything.
@@kazsmudge5559 thanks for the heads up with this. Now 38 days today, it's very toxic plus the stonewalling too where they try to shut you down from tackling issues. It's unbelievable how far some people will go with all this, and when some poor soul somewhere in the world has been given a terminal diagnosis and want a little extra time to live. It's all so sad and unnecessary.
I used to sit through the silent treatment often . Huge arguments always end in the silent treatment and refusing to discuss what triggered my emotions . Only ever willing to discuss how I reacted ...how do I react now , I don't .I've stopped giving my time and energy to people who don't respect what I give
I just was dating someone that seem to good to be true. I was love bomb until I found out the real truth about him. I told him it's over. I told him not to talk to me. Bc I know that he would try to talk me out of breaking up. It's been 6 days no count. I'm healing and blessed that I stood up for myself.
Never grovel with these people. It doesn’t matter what you say, because to them, your mere response is a win for them. Leave, go to a friends house,shelter, the gym, anywhere. Just leave, then from that day , prepare for your own life out on your own, because this behavior NEVER WILL CHANGE. UNLESS YOU ENJOY ABUSE, THEN BY ALL MEANS STAY. YOU WILL GET MORE….THEY WILL ALWAYS HURT YOU. THAT MY FRIEND, IS A GUARANTEE…..BECAUSE THIS IS HOW THEY DEAL…..
😢 I have been enduring this silent treatment both in person and over text. It has been so corrosive on my soul. Grateful for these videos to remind me not to take this abuse on board. He has used this silent treatment for coercive control and punishment.
My Daughter hasn't spoken to me for 16 months and blocked me. No thank yous for the Xmas presents I sent last year. Last year my beloved cat and all 4 of her babies died within 8 days. Two months later the 7 kittens I fostered died. It was due to feline parvo. I would not have fostered them but the emergency vet I took my cat and kittens to said they were negative. That was a lie. Then I witnessed a murder. My Daughter said she has her own issues and cannot speak to anyone with a lot of drama/sadness in their life. Recently she told my other daughter who told me that now she isn't speaking to me because she recalled a repressed memory during counseling where she was molested at 9 or 10 years old by someone I left her with. This is confusing because I was careful who I left them with. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but she has told lies before about me when blaming me for her cheating on my Granddaughters dad. It hurts I cant see my Grandbabies either.
Moving from one relationship to another is monkey branching and narcissistic tactic, leaving a relationship and being alone first is how you stop the cycle
Sharing how much it hurts you can actually backfire. They might accuse you of being self-centered, point out that you were silent yourself, and claim they were just busy. In the end, you might end up appearing needy, selfish, and guilty, while they gain power and respect you even less.
The problem with this is that every time my husband gives me the silent treatment, I end up hating him even more. Soon, I will just leave the relationship, but not before I get my financial ducks in a row..!!
I have a sister that would go for a week without talking to anyone if she did not get her way,my parents always did what she wanted,my whole family were narcissistic,I went from being abused by female family members to being mentally abused by parents,if it had not been for the Lord,I would not have survived,I was very abused as a child,I have to call myself a survivor
Very sad to learn that Dr. Rhoberta Shaler passed away on 3rd April 2024 🥺 I just discovered her powerful podcast here and visited the website to dive into additional material mentioned by her... 💔 She has created a resourceful deep archive during her life, I am glad a lot is recorded. According to a statement on her website, the family will continue to publish material that had not yet been shared from her archive. And she's left a message for us, too, before she passed peacefully. May the earth be light on her 🕊️
My “boyfriend” has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days now. He always makes me feel like I’m too much to handle and that’s why he ignores me. But you’re SO right. None of this treatment is okay 😢
He’s not going to change, it’s part of their control or maybe he’s checked out . Power trip. You don’t know what mood or phase he’s in ??? He needs help but that don’t happen. Get your escape in order & get out of there asap
I dated a guy for 4 months who who would go quiet for 3 pr 4 days in between our dates. At some point K cried in the shower hyperventilating feeling pain and confusing. Bc it was early dare stage i also thought I can't expect much but we kissed and hugged etc so it made me feel disrespected I eventually told him we are not compatible. He seemed polite and we had good moments but I also felt rejection vibes and cold distant tone in texting. He said he was emptionally unavailable. His last text "allright....next week I'm travelling but after that we can talk". I replied to nicely: sure no pressure. This was 7 weeks ago. Never heard of him again. In the beginning I also ecoressed confusion and he responded with empathy he even said " it has to work for both let's talk,can I give you a call? I was happy and surprised bc i was not used to a decent man. It turned out to be another heartbreak and much selfdoubtm
Shame they cant give the silent treatment to the voices in there own head. Because its there own voices that are hurting them really......but they project YOUR face onto there internal voice and punish you 😥
A friend of mine ended the "silence" perfectly...after 2 weeks of listening to crickets she had a realtor come do an evaluation of their house while her husband was home... suddenly he wanted to communicate! Cracks me up every time I think about it 😅
Dr. Rhoberta, you are helping me so much. My mother gave me silent treatment my whole life. I’m now 59 and she still does. I have gone no contact due to anxiety and rumination it creates. I ruminate the situation over and over. My sister is her golden child. So it’s 2 against 1. No contact however painful is only way for my sanity. As a little girl I begged and cried for her to talk to me. No more. JC
I'm glad the videos are helping...and, that you have found it possible to go No Contact. Anything less is a losing battle in the case you describe. If you want more support, you might like to join my Emerging Empowered Community, completely off social media: JoinInToday.com
Im nearly your age and relate 100% to begging to be talked to. It was more than just an instance of a "silent treatment episode" it was SILENT TREATMENT my entire life. I struggle to be seen, heard and valued. I was just completely overlooked.
So sorry to hear you went through this as a little child. That is so damaging. Fortunately, I had a responsive mother and father too. But my son does this to me, a learned habit from his Narc father. It is very painful. It is much worse if it is your parent and you are a child. ❣
😮 it’s the worst especially when your mom picks her favorites. My mom lives with me and plays this. So awful feeling but I’m your age and it literally makes me say anything just so she talks (I have a very sharp tongue) funny how she hears that part.
It's called "blanking you".....a strong form of invalidating you as a person. A way of saying YOU DON'T MATTER without actually saying it. And then when you call them out on it they will accuse you of being "clingy" or "too sensitive" or "reading into things", etc, etc. I always just BLANK them right back. The last time one did that to me as soon as I figured out the little game it was playing, I gave it the silent treatment right back. This went on for about a week and it decided to "test the water" by sending me a generic text about the weather or some BS mainstream "news" propaganda just to see if I would bite. I continued to ignore it, and didn't respond and the narc started calling repeatedly the next day. These creatures are so pathetic.
What about when they turn it around on you and say that you are the one not talking to them? And then when you do talk to them it’s passive aggressive comments, cold shoulder or short worded statements. I have drive myself crazy trying to figure out if it’s me or them , & why does this feel like such a sick twisted game :/ I want off this ride.
Tusha😂my husbands says those exact words or says this your always going back over the same things over and over..all you want is a pitty party n I'm not joining in..I answered by saying Actually this is completely new what I'm bringing up here there no way to keep bringing this up its the very first time I'm brought it up..My husband takes my things n says I don't know where this or that went.n hopefully I find it..then he says how did that get there..especially when he misplaced something..gotta go..GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h.
My boyfriend is doing this after a year of a wonderful relationship. We just signed a lease for one year and move in a few months. I don’t want this relationship anymore. The silent treatment is my deal breaker! He has fully switched. Covert narc for sure!
Wow! He managed to keep the mask on for a whole year? Umm, now you've signed the lease he's finally dropped the mask, and you're seeing him as he really is. If he's like this now, imagine what h'e going to be like in a year's time. Take it from me, it doesn't get better. This is only the beginning of a very painful journey, so would be well advised to bail out now, and save yourself a lot if misery.
Please RUN!!! I’m going through that now!! Great, loving(love bombing) 2 years. Got married in April 2024, moved in his house, 3 days later complete silent treatment as if I didn’t even exist. 10 days of marriage I made a comment on his snoring and he filed for divorce (10 days later) I got rid of everything I owned & had to get a attorney to fight for some money to get out!!! Please don’t move in🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My narcissistic ex best friend gave me silent treatments and one day I saw he called me up after a gap of a month. I didn't pick his call in the first attempt.. I saw he called me consistently for the fifth time to know if I was available for him at all or not. By then I knew he was a psychopath and a toxic man. He took advantage of my emotions because I am an empath. He still stalks me even after getting married and becoming a father. He married someone of his own character. She is still cheating on him. I am glad that he showed me his true colours by giving me a gift of suicidal thoughts and educating me about the concept of narcissism. Without his cruelty and abuse I wouldn't have become someone to help others. So yeah when they give you silent treatment, block them silently and never look back. This is exactly what I did.
I have had the silent treatment from my daughter for several years. She lives with me with her 2 sons . I have been there for them in every way possible to help my daughter get on her feet. We had a good relationship before her divorce. This causes a lot of stress.
I was raised in a home with parents who both used the silent treatment exclusively when they had conflicts. I never heard any yelling, only deafening silence that sometimes lasted 3 or 4 days. I was a teenager and it was miserable. I spent as much time as possible at my friend's houses. As much as I hated it, I did the exact same thing as an adult when I had conflicts with my husband, family, and friends. I am 62 and still struggle to communicate in a healthy way.
I'm exactly the same. I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a covert narcissist mother. I'm now 72 and find I cannot communicate with my partner if we have words about something. He's the same (maybe because he was abandoned by his father as a child). It ends up with none of us speaking until the silence is eventually broken after hours/days...then angry words are exchanged before we make up. So who's fault is it? We're giving each other the silent treatment! I don't think we're trying to have power over the other it's just we go into shutdown mentally and physically and can't speak. We have managed to talk about it and now we have agreed to just say sorry and give each other a hug next time. I hope it works because this wall of silence is horrid.
I give people back the same energy that they give to me. If they don't call me, I don't call you, you don't text me, I don't text you either. You don't email me and I don't email you either. If you don't want to make plans to see me, well I don't want to see you either. I treat the silent treatment like a free vacation that I didn't have to pay for at all. I just go about my business and living my own life. Whether they are in or not in it.
You sound like you have a secure attachment style (blessed!! 😭♥️). Those of us with anxious attachment styles find this a lot more difficult unfortunately.
silent treatment is the jackyl's favorite tactic- and so stealthy- if they "pretend" they just "need space" or make up another issue, like "i'm just down, can't talk right now..."- i fell for that one, and thought maybe I could "cheer" him up- he would go from hot and loving and fun to cold and sad and quiet. never knew which person i'd get. it took 3 silent treatments before i put it together- it was all an act. both the good times, and the bad times, all for control and to meet HIS needs, not mine. i realized i didn't want a life of intermittent silence, nor did i want a person who would control me, so i let the silent treatment go permanent. then, of course, he came BACK- wanted to have the final word. i wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. he's stayed away since! it was REALLY hard at first, feeling i'd lost something. but eventually i realized i never "had" anything- and don't need his validation to be a good/whole/happy person!
I have my narc brother figured out now. I’m currently going grey rock, he’s doing the silent treatment currently. It’s great! Only a few more weeks then I’m able to go fully no contact. Silent treatment is fine now that I fully understand that he’s ate up with narcissistic personality disorder. Update 3/9/24 As I was moving out he went into a psychotic rage, decided that I had stolen his forks and a picture out of the kitchen, then stuffed me on some utility bills, and I’m missing a few boxes. I ignored all of this and decided that was a fair price to pay to get him out of my life.
I get used to the silent treatment from my ex it's the same silent treatment help me get over him he do it so much until I detached from him , thank you lord it was a blessing for me.
Hi Dr. Shaler. I appreciate your videos so much. In MY CASE, the silent started little by little, at the begining he stoped talking to me for a few hours, then for a couple of days, then the days became weeks, and at the end he could stop talking to me for MONTHS only very short demands. I noticed that opposite of what your suggestion is, about sharing to him what his silent mean to me , every time I did that I just empowered him MORE, it was pleasent for him. It is VERY VERY difficult for people who suffer this kind of abuse to leave when there is children in the midle, some times we realize it is NOT OK at all but the FEAR of what would happen keeps the door close to get out. Thank you for your information.
I'm only now realising, the guilt I feel and the need to fawn to her is because she brought me up with that. I was so hungry for her love, when I got the silent treatment I'd apologise and beg and clean and do everything she wanted just to gain her love. But I never got it. And it's taken me 43 years to work her out 🙄.
I am so glad I came across this channel. I am currently living with my son and his partner and his partners mother and sister. The mother plays these mind games and ignores me when it suits her and is extra nice when she wants me to do something for her.The daughter is similar. This time around, I am done. So I am treating them like they don't exist & they hate it. But this time I won't be used by them again, I am done. I am hoping I will be able to find my own place soon so I can move out.
They are silent because we dont want the part they cast for us in their stage play. So essentially, we have to leave and find the job we want. Find our own community. I believe its Gods will for us to walk in faith and follow him. 🙏✝️
I left my husband after again giving me this treatment. He is so surprised and says it is unbelievable anyone would divorce for that. So ridiculous. Sorry but I don't want a hate relationship in my life. Still he doesn't get it. And probably never will. Oh well..
My covert Narcissist is giving me the Slient Treatment for 5 days of agony and pain 😢I don’t wish this on Anyone I been losing weight and Appetite it’s a living nightmare 😢
Hmm...We ain't handing over the reins of our lives to anyone else, right? It's all about honoring yourself! When we step into relationships, we bring our own self-relationship along. So, ask yourself: are you ditching your own awesomeness? "♡ grant me the serenity to accept the people I can't change., The courage to change the one I can, And the wisdome to know that one is me :) Amen ♡"
My mom is a narcissistic. My home life ,growing up, taught me this is loving and normal behavior. It has taken decades to heal and set healthy boundaries. Thank God I made it thru.
Hi I’m definitely taking advantage of the silent treatment. It’s wonderful! Now it’s my time to make my own life first and start making the list of boundaries that will be put in place from here on out until the day I execute my exit plan and never look back ❤❤❤
Sometimes I will give the silent treatment I my relationships after a discussion because I want to avoid saying something that I or the other person will regret saying in the heat of the moment. I know it's not the best behavior but it's something I use as a last resort. I try hard to have open conversations but if I see the other person is just not getting it. I do the silent treatment for a few days not weeks or months. And I wont just disappear either.
My children are with holding themselves and my grandchildren. I didn't want the vaccine but want them to do whatever they want. It has been three years and my heart is breaking.
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that your medical decisions for your own body is the reason for estrangement. And incredibly sad that someone would comment, not to see your situation, but to shame you further... as if you've chosen something terrible instead of what was healthy for you (new studies daily stating this choice was very healthy in many ways). Just know that this goes deeper than a health choice. It's always about power and control. A loving person may take space to deal with their fear or disappointment, but it can be done kindly with respect
My narcissistic mom ghosted me two years ago and I have been celebrating every single of the peace and serenity that her absence has brought to my life! ❤❤❤❤
OMG, that “talking” hand gesture!! 😂 My knucklehead just did that to me yesterday! I called him out and said “that mocking hand gesture is proof of the problem. You don’t care about my thoughts and feelings, you only care about your OWN. When there’s room for someone besides you in this relationship, I’ll be happy to continue the discussion.” I actually LIKE it when he stops talking to me; I don’t like the anxiety of the tension, but I LOVE not needing to be there at his beck & call & not having to solve every problem!! I’m happy right now, I am FREE to take care of ME!! 🥰🎉❤️
My husband and I made clear that we were not attending his parents Christmas Day gathering because we were visiting my cancer patient mother who very likely won’t be here next Christmas. Also, this is the first holiday we haven’t spent with them unless they make other plans that don’t include us. We all gathered at my husband’s uncle’s house Christmas Eve like always so we brought his parents and brothers gifts which they refused to take home because they didn’t bring our kid’s gifts. Who cares? Take your gifts. My FIL called my husband Christmas Day around noon to say that I constantly withhold his grandchildren and that I’m the devil. Nothing is further from the truth. His parents are liars and have spent the past decade trying to convince the family that I’m a bad person, it hasn’t worked but they won’t stop. I’m done. If nothing is good enough, than nothing is what they get. I’m not allowing that toxic crap around my kids anymore.
some people say they can never know they hurt you due to lack of empathy .. I do not see that,, I see they are highly skilled in knowing exactly what hurt you in person, like in my case, I cannot walk and in extreme physical pain and in need of help.. so now my sister and father refuse to talk with me and not help me at all to hurt me the most.. they are 100% aware of how isolating me in a one room apartment with no ability to get out and no money to survive and no friends in this city just waiting to die .. they know 100% this is how they can hurt me.. they are consciously abusive ! they know what silence does
I believe in Jesus and God and believe that we will at some point answer for how we treated others. I have a situation with my son in law. Did everything to help when he was in a legal situation. If he doesn't get his way, he pouts with the silent treatment. My grandchildren lived with me most of their lives and now I rarely see them. Best way to hurt me. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going. Best wishes to you.
my sister is doing this same thing to me and also to my nephew's father... she lies to everyone about me, saying, he got no problems, just spoiled by our mother, this is to make sure no one notices that she is sick in her head of evilness and lack or normal empathy, because if other people would believe me and understand how handicapped I got after the surgeon cut my whole hip up incorrectly so I have not been able to walk and get outside for now soon two years, then everyone would see how horrible a person my sister really is. so she must lie to everyone we know about me so they think I am just a person who sits and complain over small petty things while I am a real severe injury... this is how these sociopaths work... she began cheating her son's father in 2018 in hotel bars and made videos with strangers and when her now ex discovered this she had found a neighbour in her area with more money when her son's father and moved into him and left the father of her son and so began to lie and brainwash her 8-year-old son to hate his father so now the son does not care to see me or his own father at all and think his mother is a queen, while in reality, she does not care at all about her son, she only cares what her neighbourhood and friends believe about her person.. she is the evilest person I have seen in years. The father is totally devastated and his son refuses to stay with him. The son said he forgot about me as his mother never talks about me and when he asks about me she says all your uncle says are all lies, never listen to him... she is totally manipulative and went to the school and lied about his father as well so they think he is not allowed to pick up his own son. I reported her to social services as she did crazy things driving in traffic like a maniac last Summer with her son and screaming to the son while she was driving right over the lawn in high speed like a drunk person, but she was just full of anger because the son asked me, why my father cannot be with me anymore and began to cry, and I tried to help the son understand what separation is in a pedagogic way he could handle as no one cared at all for him crying while my sister threat his father saying she work for the police (she is just a civil worker for recruitment for civilians in the police, but pretend to her son she is like a cop t impress him, but she is not, she does not even go to work but do all onn zoom calls talking shit about her colleges and fire them wildly) so she will call them and then he is finished if he does not let her do whatever she want,, she was also in the car another day before this, screaming to her son that she would throw him out in the farmer's fields or smash his head in the seat unless he shut up crying about his father being left at home... the social services bought her lies instantly as she knows how to charm people to love her in groups, so now the social service is her "friend" and hates me and his father who only try to make things right again... - is totally crazy how sociopathic narcissists manage to lure everyone else outside the inner circle to believe they are either the victim or the grandiose queen of the house everyone has to admire and submit to or else.... thanks for commenting, I need to ventilate a lot I feel. hope you are ok with reading so much. did not plan this, but as I began to reply to you who has also seen these kinds of people, I felt I share my story back to you. Wish you a good day! We need to leave these people behind, but is hard to abandon kids that end up in the middle of their lies... @@debrabrookham6670
My daughter and son haven't spoken to us in 6&1/2 years because the daughter demanded I not speak to her ex who lets us see our granddaughter. We haven't seen our grandson by another father at my daughter's decision.
Well when you lead a busy life, it's not always easy to recognize this, nut I'm glad you are bringing this to everyone's situation. I never thought of it that way. I've always thought people just need there own space sometimes. Thx for bringing this to my awareness.😂❤
The silent treatment is so painful, but the best gift i ever got. They think they're in control, but for the first time in my life....I am free. I have autonomy. I have self. I am
I got 25 years of silent treatment from my mother because I refused to go to Christmas Eve and tell relatives that I was workng when I was not. Guess there is shame to her if I'm not working.I was on the couch in pain that was diagnosed AFTER the New Year. IT was ANOTHER autoimmune issue. These people will destroy your health. Glad she is dead now. BTW, she disowned me because I was in NC when she died. I was her only child.
I had terrible narc neighbours. They demanded we do stuff they wanted. Frequently. Made our lives miserable. Until we decided enough was enough. We built a huge fence, grew huge hedges and blocked them from our view and never answer calls and texts. We turn away if we see them coming and if they look in our direction, we look the other way. The peace has been fantastic.
I’m getting the silent treatment because I communicated my non-negotiable boundaries while co-parenting. I’m in a situation of 50/50 joint custody with a person with BPD. Haha how dare I give myself peace right? Boundaries that were very reasonable so now she is “giving me what I want” while being totally fine with how it’s affecting our child.
Omg i experienced this,i had no idea what was happening when my husband of 12 years went silent with me. He would come home from work and act as if i didn't exist, later i realized he had been grooming his coworker. He brutally discarded me later & immediately moved into her house after 12 years. He did many mean & malicious things on his way out including sending me nasty text like he Faked loving me for all those years. The divorce process has been long,dragged out and very costly on all levels
Been through this so many times with my parents. Anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 years they would just ignore me and act like I didn’t exist. I asked them one time if they want a relationship with me? No answer. Was told my mother said she didn’t care about me and just a few weeks ago my father told me to my face that they don’t care about me. Never hear from them. This has been all my life and I’m 62. I’m done. You cannot make people care about you. Told them more than once that I wasn’t kissing their butts to just have a relationship. They don’t treat my sisters like this. Oh no. They are golden children. I wasn’t the boy they wanted when they tried one more time after two girls. They told my oldest son they didn’t want to be around me. Over and over again this has happened and why? Because I catch them in lies or backstabbing or deceitful behavior and ask them why. That’s it. That’s what happened for most of the times. One time it was because I decided to further my education. Mother didn’t talk to me the whole time I was in school. Then father would try to make me go to their house and “hug her”. That worked when I was young but at 50 years old I wouldn’t do it any longer.
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 Narcissists will value anyone else over their closest family members. Had it with parents and ex spouse. My ex husband valued his family and neighbors over me every time. My parents did the same thing and still do. Not sure why. I think it’s because they feel that close family HAS to put up with everything and anything but others won’t??. I’ve moved on from all of them.
It’s so hard for me to imagine doing this to my daughter… I guess that is because I am the one getting the silent treatment from HER…. I’ve only ever wanted her to find a happy and fulfilling life… yet it seems she makes one life mistake after another… I always felt she needed to make her own choices and learn to live with those choices… and find ways to make the best of things… I’ve always told her how much I love her and all I ever wished for her was to find happiness! I have never intruded into her life or tried telling her what to do but instead let her know those were HER choices to make. At times, in the past, she has asked my opinion on things and it seems, because I always told the truth on how I saw a situation, it was always different than how she saw it… It seems she was always upset with me for never backing her up, but at the same time, how can I lie and say she was in the right , in some situation with another person, if I believed she wasn’t being fair with that other person…. She has often been upset with me for NEVER agreeing with her… ( but of course that was an exaggeration, as there WERE a few times I DID agree) So many times SHE has given ME the silent treatment, as she is doing right now since around the first of September… and it just kills me because all I’ve wanted was to give her love and be shown love in return. Once she got mad at me for something and texted me, “I’ll deal with YOU, later!” Other times she has gotten mad and blocked me from her FB account… Yet, it has always been that she comes back around whenever she needed something from me. One time her and her youngest were staying with my husband and I ( not her father) in a home simply too small and too full of “stuff” to have enough room for 4 people…. We were barely surviving paycheck to paycheck, still I got a few items as gifts for each of them… just to say, “ you are in my thoughts and I care about you”…. There was a blow up where she got VERY mad at us and moved out, making sure to LEAVE BEHIND each and every one of the items I had bought and given them… It was a deliberate action MEANT to HURT… I simply can’t understand someone I want to be so close to purposefully being so cruel. Again, it breaks my heart and now I learn how narcissistic these behaviors are and that she feels such a need to have power over me… and then even had the nerve to call ME a narcissist! I was shock, until I realized that was a very normal thing for a narcissist to do. At some point, I know I must realize how this is so destructive to my health and I need to put an end to it. I just wanted her to have a good and happy life… but I wished I could be a small part of it… As a child, she was ALWAYS the one to want to be in the spotlight and loved to “pose” for pictures… but I LOVED photography and was completely willing to accept her being like that!! She was my only daughter. It’s been a hard struggle being her Mom, ever since she became an adult and maybe some of that relates to not having ANY picture of what that looks like. My father was killed when I was 4, I never had a good relationship with my stepdad, and them my Mom was killed in a car accident when I was 19… I never had a “Mom” to deal with as an adult…This is like unscripted territory without a mentor. My daughter is 44. She seems to have lots of ‘drama’ in her life and with me at 67, all I really want is peace. I just wish I didn’t have to give up a friendship with her, in order to have it. 😢
We are the same age and I have a daughter 2 years older than yours who was an only child until age 10. I have been suffering since she was 18 and began taking off to various points unknown and not contacting me for extended periods of time. I have been focused on finding her, getting messages to her, trying to understand her and have a relationship with her all these many years. Sometimes she comes back in relationship for a while, but never to work on or address any issues, as I feel we need to. Or as I feel she needs to, independently, as well. I do make a lot of suggestions for therapy and self reflection to her, as that helps me greatly. In finding this website two days ago during a new period of discard and stonewalling...(maybe? probably?)...I wonder if she does this to be manipulative. I have never dared to entertain that thought. Here we go again (so it seems)... Just before a planned trip together to visit family for Thanksgiving she has changed her living situation, has no phone number and is not contacting me about anything, even to confirm plans for the tickets I bought for her.
Thanks for putting this video up I'm actually learning from this video and other videos like it and reading up on this them here in your voice that makes sense yeah then they could hear the frustration in your voice cuz I have one and they the silent treatment last a long time and then they answer the phone for very short period of time just a long enough to hear my voice and hear the frustration in it yeah not letting them hear your voice no doubt silence them back tenfold
Grew up with a father who could stay silent for months on end ... literally. And then a sibling who learned the behavior well. It's been nearly five years since contact. I'm still healing and likely will for the rest of my life but at least I am not dangling by end of a narc's little string. There's freedom in that and a chance to heal.
My husband just did the silent treatment for over a month..I carried on like he wasn't even there. Now he wants to talk. He did understand he was just preparing me to be without him. He only talks again when he wants sex...
how to respond to silent treatment --- DON'T. Move on and ditch that person for good. They won't change. I know my mom has been doing this for 80 something years. I don't respond to her and eventually she gives up.
From my very own husband, for weeks at a time for 2 years, then he ghosted me, closed our bank account, and told people and my grown kids that it was all my fault.
I got the silent treatment for 9 years.Then he started taking depression medicine.Then they stopped most of it.It was about power and punishment.It was horrible.Now 12 years later I would never live like that again.Im a lot of a stronger person now.Yes a person is very alone.No one believes they are like that.
Hijackals think the Silent Treatment gives them power over you. Enjoy the silence! When you don't care about it, they get over doing it quicker...in most cases.
This is Jennifer Sinclair. This therapist must have built this podcast directly after meeting my mother. Every word was 100% my mom. Scary. I have to listen to this podcast multiple times. I can't believe she knows my mother without ever having met my mother.
I used to search for the answer of how to make it work with a narcissist. Two years after I listen to this and just agree. There is no hero or savior in this situation. There is just saving and caring for yourself. The good things will come after. But never “there”
When In decided to leave my family for good at age 16/ 17 die to my abusive mother my entire family , 2 brothers , my stepfather and my mother ignored me for 6 months I still had to live with them under the same roof, waiting for the contract for my appartement get settled and signed. It was aweful. Now I m dealing with a boss who regularly ignored me or my work related texts ... And it messes with my head .. I try to not get provoced, but sooner or later it will tip over.
I thought we became best friends and then came the silent treatment. Then after a few weeks best friends again. Now it had been six months and it is painful.
My mother probably had PTSD. Gave me The silent treatment as a child. I never understood it until I was adult. I can realise how it has affected me now. Feeling unwanted. I have A Bipolar disorder and my psychiatrist is now also examing IF I also have Borderline. This has affected my children very much and The guilt is so hard to handle. Feeling guilt for put blame on my mother.
What an amazing find. Thank you! I was like you have been sitting on my shoulder seeing everything that has gone on. Narcissists are monsters. I've been told - to not expect him to change. Thank you for reconfirming all the counseling I have had for the Silent treatment.
My mother has not responded to my messages for months, Five months since she responded last time to insult me. Before that she cut me off for 6 months two times. And won't respond for me to get my stuff back. It is hard to have to grieve that relationship while she is alive. SHe's 72, I never imagined she would turn that way.
My narcissist older sister used the silent treatment on my a 300-mile road trip I took with her. I felt the energy as soon as I got in the car. When asked her about it of course she says nothing is wrong, nothing at all. But all the way there and back she hardly spoke a word. I later found out it was because she jealous that I was taking a trip outside the country. I never knew she was jealous of me . Oddly enough I looked up to her. Always tried to please her. So very sad!
I would refuse to remain married to such a person. It's emotional abuse and I wouldn't stay in that relationship. I had a couple of friends this scenario reminds me of. One of them, I've limited the access and their importance in my life. I will never count on them ever again. The trust is gone, concerning this individual. I now love them from afar.
My mother would never let me get to the end of a sentence telling her how her behaviour affects me. Im not trying to get through anymore but she does think i should apologise to her. All i did was tell her she hurt me and i will not deviate from my own interpretation. She hurt me. She shut me down. That's what happened and she is 😡 furious that i wont apologise for hurting her!!
My older sister is very good at THE SILENT TREATMENT. The clearest memory I have of her in her our childhood was one day something happened in her experience that she felt empowered to make herself scarce. She had disappeared all day and into the early evening then she was getting hungry and need to use the bathroom, so she suddenly appeared. She had crawled up to the roof and hid behind the fireplace stack. We called out for her and were very concerned about her, but she heard and saw us trying to find her. She was really enjoying all the activity going on, but we were extremely upset by her antics. I am 82 yrs old and 7 yrs ago I finally caught her in one of her antics, and immediately decided to ignore her hurtful expression toward me, and caught her in a full blown tantrum. It was in that moment I figured out what she was up to, and she knew it. Thank you, for this amazing information!💓💓💓
im silent a lot because i do not have to physically talk to reply back to my jinns. I can use my conscience to communicate with them. If i want to communicate with them out loud, i can. Its my choice.
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I think I’m a narcissist’s worst nightmare. I’ll just go on about my business as if they weren’t even there. I prepare meals around them in the kitchen, watch movies, hold phone conversations, do household chores, play with the doggo. All while they’re “ignoring me”. I once booked a vacation, and was gone for 2 weeks. They had no idea where I had gone until I returned. Then they were VERY interested in talking . . . . . but by then, I wasn’t. 🤷🏽♀️
@@keilaz7253 - Good for you. They’ll figure out they won’t be fed by you and they’ll move on. How was the vacation? Hope you had a wonderful time, and a nice break from the drama.
Wow, that holiday part is really epic :D
My "friend" with narc tendencies is giving me silent treatment right now. Already tried getting in touch with her, but literally never talking to her again until she breaks silence
Me too
@TheBerkeleyBeauty I'd do the same thing!
They teach you how to leave without them. Eventually, you don’t care and you move on to a better relationship.
Yes, right on!
Yeah he's bad 100 percent
That happened to me and left her before it got deeper into the relationship 😮byeeeee
Not necessarily unfortunately.....
Finally going to start ignoring the sisters I have who are narcissists they've taught me not to care starting a new chapter I do not reach out to them anymore nor do I have a conversation with them about any of my business when they do talk to me I give it back to them when they say what are you doing I say oh just living my life enjoying it just always have something to do that's what they used to tell me that's all I tell them now never ever go back to the high jackals they'll just hurt you again even if they are family if they truly loved you they wouldn't hurt you hurt you
1. Personal weather report - name what's going on
2. Refuse to engage - no begging, no pleading, no apologizing. I am not playing your game. Take up space.
3. Enjoy the silence - enjoy the peace and quiet. Do what you want to do, go about your business the way you want.
4. Once silence is broken set new boundaries, your non-negotiables
Thank you for the summary.
Telling them how much it hurt you is giving them power so I would just act like it's no big deal as really they do NOT care
It make it worse for me saying any of that .but a do like that the silent treatment is nothing to do with me
I can’t see where it would help to ask them what the problem is and why they’re silent…they’ll just reply that it’s because you’re being difficult to deal with and won’t agree with them.
Exactly! I foolishly allowed my ex back in my life and within days he told me I had issues and pissed him off because I left him. I explained that I wasn’t willing to play his games especially the silent treatment which was especially painful. He promptly stopped communicating. That was over a week ago. So here I am ending it again… though I’m not even going to bother telling him this time. I’m just blocking him.
It's all control, power, and manipulation. Give them the silent treatment back. Ideally it's best to remove them from your life. If you need to respond, short answers.
@@KB-ih5gf Wise indeed. They don't change. .Women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men ----Julia Roberts. Wouldn't you rather be alone than alone in two? Healthy love doesn't correlate with abuse.
Many women don't leave dangerous relationships. Staying is a risk and leaving is a risk of escalation
In The Presence Of Danger Masterclass- Gavin De Becker
How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date- - Dr Sam Vaknin
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De. Becker
Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
it's truly amazing and baffling how people like this can switch so easily. they can be charming, supportive, helpful, etc but as soon as something comes around that is an inconvenience for them, even over the smallest thing, they can treat you so terribly. it really is an eye opener about what kind of person they are
Brace yourself. You’ll never know them until you file for a divorce. Then they go bad s#it crazy and put more stipulations on things . Mood swings, worst than a teenage girl on her monthly . Power , control , and more things for punishment .
How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date--Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
I’m dealing with that as well speak😩
@@Sinazo_Gulwa i'm so sorry. please don't let their behavior define you as a person. what they're doing to you is 100% a problem with them.
@@sherriflemming3218 😊I’m 😅
Don't ever threat to leave - JUST DO IT!
Great advice 😂thank you
Yes don't do that. Leave quietly.
I did .. the narcissist said ok
Return the silence and ensure they never see or hear your voice ever again that’s my advice
I certainly agree, at the are of 66 years old I realize people treat you like they view you.
Like treating a celebrity like a wonderful person because of how they're viewed? Some celebrities get 'undeserved' love.
My son I'm guessing is a narcissist, like his dad. He wants to hurt me as much as he can. I won't go into detail. It does hurt me terribly.
@@AvaSim-76that must be awful, I'm so sorry.
This is what I have chosen. I am happier & it is amazing how much more I hear, because they have no power over me.
I’m currently enjoying the Silence! 🤗!!
I’ve had the silent treatment for years, I became silent as well I never interacted with him during the silent treatment. I regret staying in a relationship like that, it’s not a healthy way to live. I’m a talker I like to engage with people, it was painful, but in the end we had nothing to talk about anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
I m also facing narcassit husband ..... Help me out plz...he always control me ..... If not he hits me ..do silent treatment ... Avoiding love life with me..I have 2children ..what can I do
Depending on the relationship?It could be difficult and soul killing.Bit really it’s a RESPITE! Enjoy the silence….
Best thing anyone can do if treated so badly and a lot, is to make a plan to leave, find a job in another town, borrow money if you need to, otherwise save up and hide it.
Plan your exit when you have all of your ducks in a row. Don't tell Anyone..! If you have kids, don't tell them either until you're in the car and down the road.
The silent treatment is a gift. I compare it to an addict going through detox. It might be painful for a while, but you will never regret it once it's all behind you and the narc is gone.
The silent treatment is essentially a form of "killing someone." Take that in for a moment...
Exactly 💯 percent
The stupid games that human beings play all stemming from insecurity and fear and ego.
This insatiable need to control and cause trauma and show that they’re so upset that they go this far and this long with this incredibly ridiculous drama and for what ?
After years of dealing with a “friend” that does them I finally figured out they are narcissistic and I would block my number and leave them voicemails not harassing but saying nice things to them and saying things like I know you ignoring me is just disciplining me and it’s okay. I am not mad at you. Silence is healthy. Lo and behold days later they would unblock me by saying silence is good for the mind.. Over the years it’s become easier to deal with their “silence” it’s almost becoming my peace. It doesn’t really hurt me anymore. But we are also growing distant from one another and it also doesn’t hurt me as it used to. They teach us to live without them.
@@rantsandraves2k687 I wish you all the best.:-)
It’s devastating when you’re a child. Think soul murder. It contributes to abandonment fears.
Accept their silence and take your power back. Make their choice to be silent, become a permanent one. Block all contact. You will absolutely then hear from their friends etc, how badly they think your treating them. Wait and hear the lies. Let them all think all of what ever suits them. Protect yourself, let it all go and say goodbye to people who enjoy hurting you. Make space for those who do see your worth. But more importantly make space to know your worth yourself.
When they give you the silent treatment they are saying to you that they don't love you enough to talk to you.If you love someone you want to talk.Then they talk about you behind your back.They want you to say your sorry for things you don't even know what you've done wrong.
You're exactly right! They want you to beg and plead for them to talk to you, and part of that is that they want you to apologize for things you have not done. Sad. Nasty.
Exactly my goodness I just apologize to a friend again for what for expressing my wondering why he doesn't talk much to me anymore lately.
He said he was in a bad mood and not willing to have this conversation internallyai felt angry and hurt as if he is superior and im the immature person while I only asked him if he wanted to stop talking
He also said he won't play games so if i want to stop talking we will stop and if i wanted to keep talking, we will talk.
Belittling and also reversed psychology talking about games? I was just ecoressing my heart.
I apologized today and even ssid that im aware of my issue assuming things for others.
His reply: it's ok I don't take it personal"
That hurted again.....
They won’t even text 😮
Omg 😮
EXACTLY what I am now going through with a once VERY trusted family member. She has TOTALLY discarded me. Its quite unfortunate.
Narcissists are the true monsters. They ruin family relationships and friendships. They will lie and say horrible things about you, when you go no contact. They are the worse nightmare!
Couldn't believe anyone could destroy relationships with me and my children I gave birth to
If this happens to you know its the lies of the Narcissistic person. PRAY against this behavior
The day after Christmas, in 2006, he spent 3 days in the spare room completely ignoring me. He only left the room to use the bathroom, and at night, when he thought I was asleep, he would eventaully creep down the stairs to get food from the kitchen. When he did finally appear, he asked if I wanted coffee, which was his usual way of telling me that his tantrum, and my punishment, was over, but when I declined politely he continued with his childish behaviour, all of which I continued to ignore. This was the catalyst for me to finally get a divorce. My life has been so much better without this man child, financially and emotionally.
Wow almost identical to mine!
Sounds familiar.. lock themselves in a room for days. Mine would also wear headphones for hours to ignore me and avoid accountability/resolution
Mine sits in the garage for hours everyday on his phone. He ignores me when I ask him a question. Eventually, I just start doing my own thing and quit asking him questions or trying to engage with him. He then turns it around and says he is staying away from me because I am in a mood. There is no winning with these types of individuals either way they are the victim. It is constantly a mind game. I use to take the bait. Now, I just try to take care of myself and don't worry about him.
@@lahicks9773 this is exactly what they want. So they can be left to their own devices which is likely cheating and you will be trained not to ask questions
Its been 2 days since he talked to me, i told him to continue this silence until after easter, so i can have a nice holiday!! Lol!!!😅😅😅😅😅
Did he honor the request and continue the silence? What happened?
Or why not leave him?
It very much sounds like like you are dealing with a narcissist, run!
Bahaha. Good one!
Dr Shaler- thank you.I finally had
Enough of the silent treatment.
Texted him to say I have had enough of the silent treatment.
I said as he is unable to close the door on the relationship I will do it for him.
I said he can delete my number.
That I needed a man who is skilled and able to communicate about his emotions
Wish me luck- I feel so much better.😊 Margaret
Good luck...You can do it...❤
How are you doing now?
Just coming up to my 3rd week of total and absolute silent treatment.
No eye contact nothing.
Treats me like I don't even exist!
It's pitiful behaviour for someone who is a fully grown adult but yet can't face problems or situations in a normal adult fashion.
Turning the home into a house of death.
3 weeks and counting of wasted life for them trying to prove a point or to get you to beg and plead with them.
No, not this time, I've learnt...
My god, anyone who goes through this mental cruelty needs a huge medal....
How do you cope? I just came out of one week of silent treatment (including two tirades of accusations when I asked if we could talk) and it’s been giving me complete anxiety to a point where I barely ate because of constant nausea. Honestly I should have just left and gone to a hotel but I have two old cats that I didn’t want to leave with him. Why are we doing this to ourselves?
@@charmedLiebling I don't think it's a case of what we are doing to ourselves.
It's first and foremost what they are doing to THEIRSELVES!
We have to stand resolute when dealing with this cancerous and caustic behaviour.
Pay attention to the experts so you are better equipped to deal in the best way possible that doesn't feed these people.
Immerse yourself with interests and keep in touch with good friends who genuinely care about YOU!
and lastly, think before you say anything.
@@kazsmudge5559 thanks for the heads up with this.
Now 38 days today, it's very toxic plus the stonewalling too where they try to shut you down from tackling issues.
It's unbelievable how far some people will go with all this, and when some poor soul somewhere in the world has been given a terminal diagnosis and want a little extra time to live.
It's all so sad and unnecessary.
Book: the language of LETTING GO
by Melody Beatty
He is an overgrown toddler. Pathetic.
I used to sit through the silent treatment often . Huge arguments always end in the silent treatment and refusing to discuss what triggered my emotions . Only ever willing to discuss how I reacted ...how do I react now , I don't .I've stopped giving my time and energy to people who don't respect what I give
Only willing to discuss your reaction. You are spot on
I just was dating someone that seem to good to be true. I was love bomb until I found out the real truth about him. I told him it's over. I told him not to talk to me. Bc I know that he would try to talk me out of breaking up. It's been 6 days no count. I'm healing and blessed that I stood up for myself.
Never grovel with these people. It doesn’t matter what you say, because to them, your mere response is a win for them. Leave, go to a friends house,shelter, the gym, anywhere. Just leave, then from that day , prepare for your own life out on your own, because this behavior NEVER WILL CHANGE. UNLESS YOU ENJOY ABUSE, THEN BY ALL MEANS STAY. YOU WILL GET MORE….THEY WILL ALWAYS HURT YOU. THAT MY FRIEND, IS A GUARANTEE…..BECAUSE THIS IS HOW THEY DEAL…..
😢 I have been enduring this silent treatment both in person and over text. It has been so corrosive on my soul. Grateful for these videos to remind me not to take this abuse on board. He has used this silent treatment for coercive control and punishment.
btw I've made every one of these mistakes in the past except threatening to leave and it has just made things worse
Leave. Change your life.
I got the silent treatment to punish and hurt me.
My Daughter hasn't spoken to me for 16 months and blocked me. No thank yous for the Xmas presents I sent last year. Last year my beloved cat and all 4 of her babies died within 8 days. Two months later the 7 kittens I fostered died. It was due to feline parvo. I would not have fostered them but the emergency vet I took my cat and kittens to said they were negative. That was a lie. Then I witnessed a murder. My Daughter said she has her own issues and cannot speak to anyone with a lot of drama/sadness in their life. Recently she told my other daughter who told me that now she isn't speaking to me because she recalled a repressed memory during counseling where she was molested at 9 or 10 years old by someone I left her with. This is confusing because I was careful who I left them with. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but she has told lies before about me when blaming me for her cheating on my Granddaughters dad. It hurts I cant see my Grandbabies either.
I hate the ghosting treatment it’s so childish
Moving on to a healthier relationship is the answer to hell with the Hijackal
Moving from one relationship to another is monkey branching and narcissistic tactic, leaving a relationship and being alone first is how you stop the cycle
Sharing how much it hurts you can actually backfire. They might accuse you of being self-centered, point out that you were silent yourself, and claim they were just busy. In the end, you might end up appearing needy, selfish, and guilty, while they gain power and respect you even less.
The problem with this is that every time my husband gives me the silent treatment, I end up hating him even more. Soon, I will just leave the relationship, but not before I get my financial ducks in a row..!!
Same girl same
Ditto
He just kept digging a bigger hole. I left. I’ve been gone for 3 months now. He is still trying to get me back. I’ve had to block him.
6 years 😳🙈
You will happier without that crap. They think they can control you. Walk away. It’s a beautiful world without them.
Narcissistic abuse!
"They need the power more than the connection. " 💯
I have a sister that would go for a week without talking to anyone if she did not get her way,my parents always did what she wanted,my whole family were narcissistic,I went from being abused by female family members to being mentally abused by parents,if it had not been for the Lord,I would not have survived,I was very abused as a child,I have to call myself a survivor
They are in charge until they are NOT. Thank you for this enlightening video.
Very sad to learn that Dr. Rhoberta Shaler passed away on 3rd April 2024 🥺 I just discovered her powerful podcast here and visited the website to dive into additional material mentioned by her... 💔
She has created a resourceful deep archive during her life, I am glad a lot is recorded. According to a statement on her website, the family will continue to publish material that had not yet been shared from her archive. And she's left a message for us, too, before she passed peacefully.
May the earth be light on her 🕊️
Oh no! 😥 I didn’t realize!!
Oh no, just started listening, I pray for her family’s strength
She was a very empathetic human. I hope she didn't suffer and that her family find comfort in our deep appreciation for her work!! ❤
Thank you for sharing this ❤
What happened Dr rhoberta
My “boyfriend” has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days now.
He always makes me feel like I’m too much to handle and that’s why he ignores me.
But you’re SO right. None of this treatment is okay 😢
My waited 8 months then came back lol
He’s not going to change, it’s part of their control or maybe he’s checked out . Power trip. You don’t know what mood or phase he’s in ??? He needs help but that don’t happen. Get your escape in order & get out of there asap
It’s not okay, not at all
I dated a guy for 4 months who who would go quiet for 3 pr 4 days in between our dates.
At some point K cried in the shower hyperventilating feeling pain and confusing. Bc it was early dare stage i also thought I can't expect much but we kissed and hugged etc so it made me feel disrespected
I eventually told him we are not compatible.
He seemed polite and we had good moments but I also felt rejection vibes and cold distant tone in texting.
He said he was emptionally unavailable.
His last text "allright....next week I'm travelling but after that we can talk".
I replied to nicely: sure no pressure.
This was 7 weeks ago. Never heard of him again.
In the beginning I also ecoressed confusion and he responded with empathy he even said " it has to work for both let's talk,can I give you a call?
I was happy and surprised bc i was not used to a decent man.
It turned out to be another heartbreak and much selfdoubtm
Run!!!!!!!!!
Shame they cant give the silent treatment to the voices in there own head.
Because its there own voices that are hurting them really......but they project YOUR face onto there internal voice and punish you 😥
This is a merciful and kind way of thinking of this difficulty its the high road. God bless you
Yes it is very abusive.The silent treatment.
Ambient abuse.
Yes, it is ambient abuse!
A friend of mine ended the "silence" perfectly...after 2 weeks of listening to crickets she had a realtor come do an evaluation of their house while her husband was home... suddenly he wanted to communicate!
Cracks me up every time I think about it 😅
Hope she went through with that threat and moved on 😅
Until the next time... these people Never change..! Best to find some happiness somewhere else. Life is too short..!
I love this. Good for her. Well done.
Dr. Rhoberta, you are helping me so much. My mother gave me silent treatment my whole life. I’m now 59 and she still does. I have gone no contact due to anxiety and rumination it creates. I ruminate the situation over and over. My sister is her golden child. So it’s 2 against 1. No contact however painful is only way for my sanity. As a little girl I begged and cried for her to talk to me. No more. JC
I'm glad the videos are helping...and, that you have found it possible to go No Contact. Anything less is a losing battle in the case you describe.
If you want more support, you might like to join my Emerging Empowered Community, completely off social media: JoinInToday.com
😔
Im nearly your age and relate 100% to begging to be talked to. It was more than just an instance of a "silent treatment episode" it was SILENT TREATMENT my entire life. I struggle to be seen, heard and valued. I was just completely overlooked.
So sorry to hear you went through this as a little child. That is so damaging. Fortunately, I had a responsive mother and father too. But my son does this to me, a learned habit from his Narc father. It is very painful. It is much worse if it is your parent and you are a child. ❣
😮 it’s the worst especially when your mom picks her favorites. My mom lives with me and plays this. So awful feeling but I’m your age and it literally makes me say anything just so she talks (I have a very sharp tongue) funny how she hears that part.
It's called "blanking you".....a strong form of invalidating you as a person. A way of saying YOU DON'T MATTER without actually saying it. And then when you call them out on it they will accuse you of being "clingy" or "too sensitive" or "reading into things", etc, etc. I always just BLANK them right back. The last time one did that to me as soon as I figured out the little game it was playing, I gave it the silent treatment right back. This went on for about a week and it decided to "test the water" by sending me a generic text about the weather or some BS mainstream "news" propaganda just to see if I would bite. I continued to ignore it, and didn't respond and the narc started calling repeatedly the next day. These creatures are so pathetic.
You're right! Frustrating, infuriating, invasive, pathetic.....and, so much more.
What about when they turn it around on you and say that you are the one not talking to them? And then when you do talk to them it’s passive aggressive comments, cold shoulder or short worded statements. I have drive myself crazy trying to figure out if it’s me or them , & why does this feel like such a sick twisted game :/
I want off this ride.
So true right on point. You don't matter...
Tusha😂my husbands says those exact words or says this your always going back over the same things over and over..all you want is a pitty party n I'm not joining in..I answered by saying Actually this is completely new what I'm bringing up here there no way to keep bringing this up its the very first time I'm brought it up..My husband takes my things n says I don't know where this or that went.n hopefully I find it..then he says how did that get there..especially when he misplaced something..gotta go..GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h.
How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date-Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
My boyfriend is doing this after a year of a wonderful relationship. We just signed a lease for one year and move in a few months. I don’t want this relationship anymore. The silent treatment is my deal breaker! He has fully switched. Covert narc for sure!
RUN...FAR AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK...! Find True happiness somewhere else ❤
Wow! He managed to keep the mask on for a whole year?
Umm, now you've signed the lease he's finally dropped the mask, and you're seeing him as he really is. If he's like this now, imagine what h'e going to be like in a year's time. Take it from me, it doesn't get better. This is only the beginning of a very painful journey, so would be well advised to bail out now, and save yourself a lot if misery.
Don't walk, run. Don't announce it, just do it. It will get worse with time.
Please RUN!!! I’m going through that now!! Great, loving(love bombing) 2 years. Got married in April 2024, moved in his house, 3 days later complete silent treatment as if I didn’t even exist. 10 days of marriage I made a comment on his snoring and he filed for divorce (10 days later) I got rid of everything I owned & had to get a attorney to fight for some money to get out!!! Please don’t move in🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Worse than the smirk is when they get in your face and you just see a twinkle of joy because they are enjoying themselves.
They are shockingly evil.
My narcissistic ex best friend gave me silent treatments and one day I saw he called me up after a gap of a month. I didn't pick his call in the first attempt.. I saw he called me consistently for the fifth time to know if I was available for him at all or not. By then I knew he was a psychopath and a toxic man. He took advantage of my emotions because I am an empath. He still stalks me even after getting married and becoming a father. He married someone of his own character. She is still cheating on him. I am glad that he showed me his true colours by giving me a gift of suicidal thoughts and educating me about the concept of narcissism. Without his cruelty and abuse I wouldn't have become someone to help others. So yeah when they give you silent treatment, block them silently and never look back. This is exactly what I did.
I have had the silent treatment from my daughter for several years. She lives with me with her 2 sons . I have been there for them in every way possible to help my daughter get on her feet. We had a good relationship before her divorce. This causes a lot of stress.
I was raised in a home with parents who both used the silent treatment exclusively when they had conflicts. I never heard any yelling, only deafening silence that sometimes lasted 3 or 4 days. I was a teenager and it was miserable. I spent as much time as possible at my friend's houses. As much as I hated it, I did the exact same thing as an adult when I had conflicts with my husband, family, and friends. I am 62 and still struggle to communicate in a healthy way.
Verysad
Yes that is very sad.
I'm exactly the same. I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a covert narcissist mother. I'm now 72 and find I cannot communicate with my partner if we have words about something. He's the same (maybe because he was abandoned by his father as a child). It ends up with none of us speaking until the silence is eventually broken after hours/days...then angry words are exchanged before we make up. So who's fault is it? We're giving each other the silent treatment! I don't think we're trying to have power over the other it's just we go into shutdown mentally and physically and can't speak. We have managed to talk about it and now we have agreed to just say sorry and give each other a hug next time. I hope it works because this wall of silence is horrid.
I give people back the same energy that they give to me. If they don't call me, I don't call you, you don't text me, I don't text you either. You don't email me and I don't email you either. If you don't want to make plans to see me, well I don't want to see you either. I treat the silent treatment like a free vacation that I didn't have to pay for at all. I just go about my business and living my own life. Whether they are in or not in it.
You sound like you have a secure attachment style (blessed!! 😭♥️).
Those of us with anxious attachment styles find this a lot more difficult unfortunately.
Who gives attention first?
But someone has to make the first move ...
@@LilBaftaAbsolutely!!!
Sounds like narcissist. Also your behavior.
silent treatment is the jackyl's favorite tactic- and so stealthy- if they "pretend" they just "need space" or make up another issue, like "i'm just down, can't talk right now..."- i fell for that one, and thought maybe I could "cheer" him up- he would go from hot and loving and fun to cold and sad and quiet. never knew which person i'd get. it took 3 silent treatments before i put it together- it was all an act. both the good times, and the bad times, all for control and to meet HIS needs, not mine. i realized i didn't want a life of intermittent silence, nor did i want a person who would control me, so i let the silent treatment go permanent. then, of course, he came BACK- wanted to have the final word. i wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. he's stayed away since! it was REALLY hard at first, feeling i'd lost something. but eventually i realized i never "had" anything- and don't need his validation to be a good/whole/happy person!
Well done❤🎉
The SMIRK!!!!! YES!!!!!!!! I am so grateful to hear you talk about this.
I have my narc brother figured out now. I’m currently going grey rock, he’s doing the silent treatment currently. It’s great! Only a few more weeks then I’m able to go fully no contact. Silent treatment is fine now that I fully understand that he’s ate up with narcissistic personality disorder.
Update 3/9/24
As I was moving out he went into a psychotic rage, decided that I had stolen his forks and a picture out of the kitchen, then stuffed me on some utility bills, and I’m missing a few boxes. I ignored all of this and decided that was a fair price to pay to get him out of my life.
I get used to the silent treatment from my ex it's the same silent treatment help me get over him he do it so much until I detached from him , thank you lord it was a blessing for me.
Hi Dr. Shaler. I appreciate your videos so much. In MY CASE, the silent started little by little, at the begining he stoped talking to me for a few hours, then for a couple of days, then the days became weeks, and at the end he could stop talking to me for MONTHS only very short demands. I noticed that opposite of what your suggestion is, about sharing to him what his silent mean to me , every time I did that I just empowered him MORE, it was pleasent for him. It is VERY VERY difficult for people who suffer this kind of abuse to leave when there is children in the midle, some times we realize it is NOT OK at all but the FEAR of what would happen keeps the door close to get out.
Thank you for your information.
I completely understand.
I'm only now realising, the guilt I feel and the need to fawn to her is because she brought me up with that. I was so hungry for her love, when I got the silent treatment I'd apologise and beg and clean and do everything she wanted just to gain her love. But I never got it. And it's taken me 43 years to work her out 🙄.
I am so glad I came across this channel. I am currently living with my son and his partner and his partners mother and sister.
The mother plays these mind games and ignores me when it suits her and is extra nice when she wants me to do something for her.The daughter is similar. This time around, I am done. So I am treating them like they don't exist & they hate it. But this time I won't be used by them again, I am done.
I am hoping I will be able to find my own place soon so I can move out.
Power. Winning. Domination. That is the tagline for these Hijackals! Love that you make this a term! This was extremely informative.
They are silent because we dont want the part they cast for us in their stage play. So essentially, we have to leave and find the job we want. Find our own community. I believe its Gods will for us to walk in faith and follow him. 🙏✝️
I left my husband after again giving me this treatment. He is so surprised and says it is unbelievable anyone would divorce for that. So ridiculous. Sorry but I don't want a hate relationship in my life. Still he doesn't get it. And probably never will. Oh well..
He is just playing victim now. I applaud you! It took me too long to leave mine behind.
He is his own worst enemy. Run.
My covert Narcissist is giving me the Slient Treatment for 5 days of agony and pain 😢I don’t wish this on Anyone I been losing weight and Appetite it’s a living nightmare 😢
Hmm...We ain't handing over the reins of our lives to anyone else, right? It's all about honoring yourself! When we step into relationships, we bring our own self-relationship along. So, ask yourself: are you ditching your own awesomeness?
"♡ grant me the serenity to accept the people I can't change.,
The courage to change the one I can,
And the wisdome to know that one is me :)
Amen ♡"
Dump him...! Find happiness somewhere else ❤
My mom is a narcissistic. My home life ,growing up, taught me this is loving and normal behavior. It has taken decades to heal and set healthy boundaries. Thank God I made it thru.
Block them out of your life. Thats how you free yourself and give the narcissist a taste of their own medicine
🎯
Hi I’m definitely taking advantage of the silent treatment. It’s wonderful! Now it’s my time to make my own life first and start making the list of boundaries that will be put in place from here on out until the day I execute my exit plan and never look back ❤❤❤
Sometimes I will give the silent treatment I my relationships after a discussion because I want to avoid saying something that I or the other person will regret saying in the heat of the moment. I know it's not the best behavior but it's something I use as a last resort. I try hard to have open conversations but if I see the other person is just not getting it. I do the silent treatment for a few days not weeks or months. And I wont just disappear either.
My children are with holding themselves and my grandchildren. I didn't want the vaccine but want them to do whatever they want. It has been three years and my heart is breaking.
Darling this isn't the silent treatment. They told you what you need to do to see your family, you just refuse to do it.
@@kathyschreiber9947 If that answer weren't so sad it would be funny
If they stuck a vaccine in your grandchildren, they are subhuman
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that your medical decisions for your own body is the reason for estrangement. And incredibly sad that someone would comment, not to see your situation, but to shame you further... as if you've chosen something terrible instead of what was healthy for you (new studies daily stating this choice was very healthy in many ways). Just know that this goes deeper than a health choice. It's always about power and control. A loving person may take space to deal with their fear or disappointment, but it can be done kindly with respect
Yep! The truth is coming out bout them vaccines... Join a girlfriend's club ❤ YaY
I have just started investigating this for about a month. NO ONE has explained this as well as you ESPECIALLY what TO DO or NOT TO DO. Thqnk you.
Wow. I just found you. MY LIFE. I am out, finally, but my adult daughters have fallen into the hijackal’s trap. ❤️🙏🏼
My narcissistic mom ghosted me two years ago and I have been celebrating every single of the peace and serenity that her absence has brought to my life! ❤❤❤❤
It's truly exhausting. These people are a waste of precious time and energy.
Very well said!
OMG, that “talking” hand gesture!! 😂 My knucklehead just did that to me yesterday! I called him out and said “that mocking hand gesture is proof of the problem. You don’t care about my thoughts and feelings, you only care about your OWN. When there’s room for someone besides you in this relationship, I’ll be happy to continue the discussion.” I actually LIKE it when he stops talking to me; I don’t like the anxiety of the tension, but I LOVE not needing to be there at his beck & call & not having to solve every problem!! I’m happy right now, I am FREE to take care of ME!! 🥰🎉❤️
My husband and I made clear that we were not attending his parents Christmas Day gathering because we were visiting my cancer patient mother who very likely won’t be here next Christmas. Also, this is the first holiday we haven’t spent with them unless they make other plans that don’t include us.
We all gathered at my husband’s uncle’s house Christmas Eve like always so we brought his parents and brothers gifts which they refused to take home because they didn’t bring our kid’s gifts. Who cares? Take your gifts.
My FIL called my husband Christmas Day around noon to say that I constantly withhold his grandchildren and that I’m the devil. Nothing is further from the truth. His parents are liars and have spent the past decade trying to convince the family that I’m a bad person, it hasn’t worked but they won’t stop. I’m done. If nothing is good enough, than nothing is what they get. I’m not allowing that toxic crap around my kids anymore.
some people say they can never know they hurt you due to lack of empathy .. I do not see that,, I see they are highly skilled in knowing exactly what hurt you in person, like in my case, I cannot walk and in extreme physical pain and in need of help.. so now my sister and father refuse to talk with me and not help me at all to hurt me the most.. they are 100% aware of how isolating me in a one room apartment with no ability to get out and no money to survive and no friends in this city just waiting to die .. they know 100% this is how they can hurt me.. they are consciously abusive ! they know what silence does
😮🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🙌💜💜
I believe in Jesus and God and believe that we will at some point answer for how we treated others. I have a situation with my son in law. Did everything to help when he was in a legal situation. If he doesn't get his way, he pouts with the silent treatment. My grandchildren lived with me most of their lives and now I rarely see them. Best way to hurt me. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going. Best wishes to you.
Keep reaching out. You are worth it ❤
my sister is doing this same thing to me and also to my nephew's father... she lies to everyone about me, saying, he got no problems, just spoiled by our mother, this is to make sure no one notices that she is sick in her head of evilness and lack or normal empathy, because if other people would believe me and understand how handicapped I got after the surgeon cut my whole hip up incorrectly so I have not been able to walk and get outside for now soon two years, then everyone would see how horrible a person my sister really is. so she must lie to everyone we know about me so they think I am just a person who sits and complain over small petty things while I am a real severe injury... this is how these sociopaths work... she began cheating her son's father in 2018 in hotel bars and made videos with strangers and when her now ex discovered this she had found a neighbour in her area with more money when her son's father and moved into him and left the father of her son and so began to lie and brainwash her 8-year-old son to hate his father so now the son does not care to see me or his own father at all and think his mother is a queen, while in reality, she does not care at all about her son, she only cares what her neighbourhood and friends believe about her person.. she is the evilest person I have seen in years.
The father is totally devastated and his son refuses to stay with him. The son said he forgot about me as his mother never talks about me and when he asks about me she says all your uncle says are all lies, never listen to him...
she is totally manipulative and went to the school and lied about his father as well so they think he is not allowed to pick up his own son. I reported her to social services as she did crazy things driving in traffic like a maniac last Summer with her son and screaming to the son while she was driving right over the lawn in high speed like a drunk person, but she was just full of anger because the son asked me, why my father cannot be with me anymore and began to cry, and I tried to help the son understand what separation is in a pedagogic way he could handle as no one cared at all for him crying while my sister threat his father saying she work for the police (she is just a civil worker for recruitment for civilians in the police, but pretend to her son she is like a cop t impress him, but she is not, she does not even go to work but do all onn zoom calls talking shit about her colleges and fire them wildly) so she will call them and then he is finished if he does not let her do whatever she want,,
she was also in the car another day before this, screaming to her son that she would throw him out in the farmer's fields or smash his head in the seat unless he shut up crying about his father being left at home...
the social services bought her lies instantly as she knows how to charm people to love her in groups,
so now the social service is her "friend" and hates me and his father who only try to make things right again...
- is totally crazy how sociopathic narcissists manage to lure everyone else outside the inner circle to believe they are either the victim or the grandiose queen of the house everyone has to admire and submit to or else....
thanks for commenting, I need to ventilate a lot I feel. hope you are ok with reading so much. did not plan this, but as I began to reply to you who has also seen these kinds of people,
I felt I share my story back to you.
Wish you a good day!
We need to leave these people behind, but is hard to abandon kids that end up in the middle of their lies...
@@debrabrookham6670
thanks, the more one reaches out the more one sees how common sociopathic narcissists are around us....
Is scary how common it is!
@@sac-5350
They just don't want to take responsibility for their lies and deception!! Diffently receiving punishment for his behaviors!
My daughter and son haven't spoken to us in 6&1/2 years because the daughter demanded I not speak to her ex who lets us see our granddaughter. We haven't seen our grandson by another father at my daughter's decision.
If one starts questioning if it is intentional or not then you are in it for the long haul.
Well when you lead a busy life, it's not always easy to recognize this, nut I'm glad you are bringing this to everyone's situation. I never thought of it that way. I've always thought people just need there own space sometimes. Thx for bringing this to my awareness.😂❤
The silent treatment is so painful, but the best gift i ever got. They think they're in control, but for the first time in my life....I am free. I have autonomy. I have self. I am
I got 25 years of silent treatment from my mother because I refused to go to Christmas Eve and tell relatives that I was workng when I was not. Guess there is shame to her if I'm not working.I was on the couch in pain that was diagnosed AFTER the New Year. IT was ANOTHER autoimmune issue. These people will destroy your health. Glad she is dead now. BTW, she disowned me because I was in NC when she died. I was her only child.
When our Hijackal neighbors gave us the silent treatment, we threw a party!
😂
😂😂😂😂
I had terrible narc neighbours. They demanded we do stuff they wanted. Frequently. Made our lives miserable.
Until we decided enough was enough. We built a huge fence, grew huge hedges and blocked them from our view and never answer calls and texts. We turn away if we see them coming and if they look in our direction, we look the other way.
The peace has been fantastic.
I’m getting the silent treatment because I communicated my non-negotiable boundaries while co-parenting. I’m in a situation of 50/50 joint custody with a person with BPD. Haha how dare I give myself peace right? Boundaries that were very reasonable so now she is “giving me what I want” while being totally fine with how it’s affecting our child.
I'm trying to reach my kids tools to deal w their dad and that the silent treatment is not their fault.
Omg i experienced this,i had no idea what was happening when my husband of 12 years went silent with me. He would come home from work and act as if i didn't exist, later i realized he had been grooming his coworker. He brutally discarded me later & immediately moved into her house after 12 years. He did many mean & malicious things on his way out including sending me nasty text like he Faked loving me for all those years. The divorce process has been long,dragged out and very costly on all levels
.....so sad!
@julietteluus510 truly it is but at least I'm healing . He will never change for the better
Been through this so many times with my parents. Anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 years they would just ignore me and act like I didn’t exist. I asked them one time if they want a relationship with me? No answer. Was told my mother said she didn’t care about me and just a few weeks ago my father told me to my face that they don’t care about me. Never hear from them. This has been all my life and I’m 62. I’m done. You cannot make people care about you. Told them more than once that I wasn’t kissing their butts to just have a relationship. They don’t treat my sisters like this. Oh no. They are golden children. I wasn’t the boy they wanted when they tried one more time after two girls. They told my oldest son they didn’t want to be around me. Over and over again this has happened and why? Because I catch them in lies or backstabbing or deceitful behavior and ask them why. That’s it. That’s what happened for most of the times. One time it was because I decided to further my education. Mother didn’t talk to me the whole time I was in school. Then father would try to make me go to their house and “hug her”. That worked when I was young but at 50 years old I wouldn’t do it any longer.
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 Narcissists will value anyone else over their closest family members. Had it with parents and ex spouse. My ex husband valued his family and neighbors over me every time. My parents did the same thing and still do. Not sure why. I think it’s because they feel that close family HAS to put up with everything and anything but others won’t??. I’ve moved on from all of them.
It’s so hard for me to imagine doing this to my daughter… I guess that is because I am the one getting the silent treatment from HER…. I’ve only ever wanted her to find a happy and fulfilling life… yet it seems she makes one life mistake after another… I always felt she needed to make her own choices and learn to live with those choices… and find ways to make the best of things… I’ve always told her how much I love her and all I ever wished for her was to find happiness!
I have never intruded into her life or tried telling her what to do but instead let her know those were HER choices to make. At times, in the past, she has asked my opinion on things and it seems, because I always told the truth on how I saw a situation, it was always different than how she saw it… It seems she was always upset with me for never backing her up, but at the same time, how can I lie and say she was in the right , in some situation with another person, if I believed she wasn’t being fair with that other person…. She has often been upset with me for NEVER agreeing with her… ( but of course that was an exaggeration, as there WERE a few times I DID agree)
So many times SHE has given ME the silent treatment, as she is doing right now since around the first of September… and it just kills me because all I’ve wanted was to give her love and be shown love in return.
Once she got mad at me for something and texted me, “I’ll deal with YOU, later!” Other times she has gotten mad and blocked me from her FB account… Yet, it has always been that she comes back around whenever she needed something from me. One time her and her youngest were staying with my husband and I ( not her father) in a home simply too small and too full of “stuff” to have enough room for 4 people…. We were barely surviving paycheck to paycheck, still I got a few items as gifts for each of them… just to say, “ you are in my thoughts and I care about you”…. There was a blow up where she got VERY mad at us and moved out, making sure to LEAVE BEHIND each and every one of the items I had bought and given them… It was a deliberate action MEANT to HURT… I simply can’t understand someone I want to be so close to purposefully being so cruel.
Again, it breaks my heart and now I learn how narcissistic these behaviors are and that she feels such a need to have power over me… and then even had the nerve to call ME a narcissist! I was shock, until I realized that was a very normal thing for a narcissist to do.
At some point, I know I must realize how this is so destructive to my health and I need to put an end to it. I just wanted her to have a good and happy life… but I wished I could be a small part of it…
As a child, she was ALWAYS the one to want to be in the spotlight and loved to “pose” for pictures… but I LOVED photography and was completely willing to accept her being like that!! She was my only daughter. It’s been a hard struggle being her Mom, ever since she became an adult and maybe some of that relates to not having ANY picture of what that looks like. My father was killed when I was 4, I never had a good relationship with my stepdad, and them my Mom was killed in a car accident when I was 19… I never had a “Mom” to deal with as an adult…This is like unscripted territory without a mentor. My daughter is 44. She seems to have lots of ‘drama’ in her life and with me at 67, all I really want is peace. I just wish I didn’t have to give up a friendship with her, in order to have it. 😢
We are the same age and I have a daughter 2 years older than yours who was an only child until age 10. I have been suffering since she was 18 and began taking off to various points unknown and not contacting me for extended periods of time. I have been focused on finding her, getting messages to her, trying to understand her and have a relationship with her all these many years. Sometimes she comes back in relationship for a while, but never to work on or address any issues, as I feel we need to. Or as I feel she needs to, independently, as well. I do make a lot of suggestions for therapy and self reflection to her, as that helps me greatly. In finding this website two days ago during a new period of discard and stonewalling...(maybe? probably?)...I wonder if she does this to be manipulative. I have never dared to entertain that thought. Here we go again (so it seems)... Just before a planned trip together to visit family for Thanksgiving she has changed her living situation, has no phone number and is not contacting me about anything, even to confirm plans for the tickets I bought for her.
I always think ...your silent treatment...is a treat for me. Ahhhh peace.
Thanks for putting this video up I'm actually learning from this video and other videos like it and reading up on this them here in your voice that makes sense yeah then they could hear the frustration in your voice cuz I have one and they the silent treatment last a long time and then they answer the phone for very short period of time just a long enough to hear my voice and hear the frustration in it yeah not letting them hear your voice no doubt silence them back tenfold
Grew up with a father who could stay silent for months on end ... literally. And then a sibling who learned the behavior well. It's been nearly five years since contact. I'm still healing and likely will for the rest of my life but at least I am not dangling by end of a narc's little string. There's freedom in that and a chance to heal.
My husband just did the silent treatment for over a month..I carried on like he wasn't even there. Now he wants to talk. He did understand he was just preparing me to be without him. He only talks again when he wants sex...
HOW ABOUT WHEN A NARCISSIST MOTHER DOES THIS TO HER CHILD?
(The child can't leave. How it affects the child as a now-adult.😢)
how to respond to silent treatment --- DON'T. Move on and ditch that person for good. They won't change. I know my mom has been doing this for 80 something years. I don't respond to her and eventually she gives up.
Thank you for your post. I'm dealing with the same w/my elderly Mother who I am caregiver of.
This made almost too much sense, sadly. Thank you.
❤ Heavenly Prayers of Peace and Thanks. Rest well knowing you helped so many.
Thank you for your sweet sweet spirit.
From my very own husband, for weeks at a time for 2 years, then he ghosted me, closed our bank account, and told people and my grown kids that it was all my fault.
I got the silent treatment for 9 years.Then he started taking depression medicine.Then they stopped most of it.It was about power and punishment.It was horrible.Now 12 years later I would never live like that again.Im a lot of a stronger person now.Yes a person is very alone.No one believes they are like that.
You're right: people see the public side of these folks, never the private, at-home side. Hijackals are crafty that way.
So it was all possibly depression related? That's really interesting.
When my husband and i fight he wont talk for a day or so. He sleeps elsewhere…very annoying.
Hijackals think the Silent Treatment gives them power over you. Enjoy the silence! When you don't care about it, they get over doing it quicker...in most cases.
This is Jennifer Sinclair. This therapist must have built this podcast directly after meeting my mother. Every word was 100% my mom. Scary. I have to listen to this podcast multiple times. I can't believe she knows my mother without ever having met my mother.
Wow!! Where have you been?. Don't give your power away!! Have learned to let it stay where it started...over there!
I used to search for the answer of how to make it work with a narcissist. Two years after I listen to this and just agree. There is no hero or savior in this situation. There is just saving and caring for yourself.
The good things will come after. But never “there”
if it’s your spouse, that does this frequently. Try to get away, separate you don’t need toxic connections like this by marriage or friendships.
When In decided to leave my family for good at age 16/ 17 die to my abusive mother my entire family , 2 brothers , my stepfather and my mother ignored me for 6 months I still had to live with them under the same roof, waiting for the contract for my appartement get settled and signed. It was aweful. Now I m dealing with a boss who regularly ignored me or my work related texts ... And it messes with my head .. I try to not get provoced, but sooner or later it will tip over.
I thought we became best friends and then came the silent treatment. Then after a few weeks best friends again. Now it had been six months and it is painful.
When both parties are silent, how does one know who started it or leading? Its like a silent stand off. Are both being abusive? I think so
My mother probably had PTSD. Gave me The silent treatment as a child. I never understood it until I was adult. I can realise how it has affected me now. Feeling unwanted. I have A Bipolar disorder and my psychiatrist is now also examing IF I also have Borderline.
This has affected my children very much and The guilt is so hard to handle. Feeling guilt for put blame on my mother.
If you start trusting your instincts, inner voice, and any lil bit of confidence you feel, the symptoms of these disorders will start to dissipate.
What an amazing find. Thank you! I was like you have been sitting on my shoulder seeing everything that has gone on. Narcissists are monsters. I've been told - to not expect him to change. Thank you for reconfirming all the counseling I have had for the Silent treatment.
My mother has not responded to my messages for months, Five months since she responded last time to insult me. Before that she cut me off for 6 months two times. And won't respond for me to get my stuff back. It is hard to have to grieve that relationship while she is alive. SHe's 72, I never imagined she would turn that way.
My narcissist older sister used the silent treatment on my a 300-mile road trip I took with her. I felt the energy as soon as I got in the car. When asked her about it of course she says nothing is wrong, nothing at all. But all the way there and back she hardly spoke a word. I later found out it was because she jealous that I was taking a trip outside the country. I never knew she was jealous of me . Oddly enough I looked up to her. Always tried to please her. So very sad!
I would refuse to remain married to such a person. It's emotional abuse and I wouldn't stay in that relationship. I had a couple of friends this scenario reminds me of. One of them, I've limited the access and their importance in my life. I will never count on them ever again. The trust is gone, concerning this individual. I now love them from afar.
My mother would never let me get to the end of a sentence telling her how her behaviour affects me. Im not trying to get through anymore but she does think i should apologise to her. All i did was tell her she hurt me and i will not deviate from my own interpretation. She hurt me. She shut me down. That's what happened and she is 😡 furious that i wont apologise for hurting her!!
As a thriver, let me say I do look back and laugh about the silent treatment and all the other toxic traits that I was once victim to.
My older sister is very good at THE SILENT TREATMENT. The clearest memory I have of her in her our childhood was one day something happened in her experience that she felt empowered to make herself scarce. She had disappeared all day and into the early evening then she was getting hungry and need to use the bathroom, so she suddenly appeared. She had crawled up to the roof and hid behind the fireplace stack. We called out for her and were very concerned about her, but she heard and saw us trying to find her. She was really enjoying all the activity going on, but we were extremely upset by her antics. I am 82 yrs old and 7 yrs ago I finally caught her in one of her antics, and immediately decided to ignore her hurtful expression toward me, and caught her in a full blown tantrum. It was in that moment I figured out what she was up to, and she knew it. Thank you, for this amazing information!💓💓💓
im silent a lot because i do not have to physically talk to reply back to my jinns. I can use my conscience to communicate with them.
If i want to communicate with them out loud, i can. Its my choice.