Narcissists use THE SILENT TREATMENT to MANIPULATE you into APOLOGIZING
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They will go silent even when they know they’re at fault. To exploit your empathy and make you question yourself. And also so that they can avoid accountability for their actions.
You said it so perfectly 🩷 I will be saving this 🤭 thank you
It’s always their responsibility & that’s why they do it to you
EXACTLY
I apologized to my narc husband many times fully knowing he was involved with prostitutes. Just long enough until .y private investigater got proof. Now divorced and 4 months no contact I use the proof to keep him away. Or I will play the tape for everyone
@NarcSurvivor,🎯 Thank you Christopher.
“The silent treatment of adults to
Children lead to adults who apologize for their own existence”😳
Ikr 😭
So sad
Not necessarily. I have a cousin who is EXACTLY like her narcissistic mother, so now you will get double silent treatment and not know what you did to deserve it. I have come to enjoy the silent treatment phase. I don't want them to talk to me anymore. Since I have been working to be the best version of myself, the new me doesn't give 2FS in engaging in their mental malfunction. It may have worked when I was younger, but i'm an adult now and they can go use those tactics on someone else because they don't work on me. I'm also an avoidant, but at least now I am an avoidant who doesn't care about the narcissistic person's "feelings".
So true! I always said I am sorry for everything until age 42
Yes... Sad 😢. My narcissist punushed me with the silence treatment. I saw her doing it to a kid last year and it was heartbreaking. The kid tried to be nice. The narcissist used the silent treatment but also left the room when the kid entered and tried to make up. 😢
Silence from a narcissist is golden. Enjoy it while it lasts. Never be the first to speak. Never.
Lol
I'm pretty sure you didn't have a parent giving you the "silent treatment" as a child. I would have cut off my own arm just to have my mother talk to me again.
@@PlumbTuckeredOut I’m sorry you got hurt by this type of treatment ! 😢
I did it at work. When the former boss went silent, I didn't care for him. I already had an exit plan. After a while, he tried to fire me, but finally, I escaped without saying anything. 🤐
@@PlumbTuckeredOutI felt this way into adulthood😔 Trauma bonding. It's hard to break out of. They condition us. As children we had no choice but to give in, to get some peace. I hope you're doing better now? I'm still trying to break it. So thankful for people like Dr Ramani🙏
The silent treatment is THE moment to get out of the relationship with the narcissist if you can! Run!
I like this thought, and it's a good CBT switch from negative to positive. Thank you for sharing your point of view. It's incredibly helpful. ❤
Oh yes...I got the silent treatment for months at a time! He would come home angry and leave angry! Stomping around like a juvenile! I'm so glad I divorced him!
Not the stomping 😭 that puts me so on edge.
Congratulations 🎉
Yep, I’ve had it months at a time. Awful, soul destroying and darn right insulting 😔
That's my nex too. He was always angry. He was very emotionally unbalanced.
OMG! 😭
I’m 54, my mom has gave me the silent treatment all my life. She is a pouter. She does this because she wants you to know she’s unhappy. She does this to manipulate and control. Then she will lure you in to make you trust her again, she can appear to be normal. Then she will backstab you.
Yup
So true! For me, they want me to think they are sick as well. In reality, they are fine and have everything need. My mother is in her 60s, and now she's saying she's not going to be here much longer 😭 okay bye then 👋🤭
This is terrorism at its finest. I am 78 years old and I can still remember my mom using this cruel treatment until she died.
My mother was the same way. She would sit in her room and just pout.
My father did this exact same thing.
Giving the silent treatment to kids is bad enough but not feeding them on top of it is horrible.
Agree
I wonder if anyone here has observed that the narcissist also seems to have an "elephant's memory" where they remember minute details of *your* life that you've forgotten about (e.g. exactly when you bought your car)?
At the same time, they hold eternal grudges against you for *imagined* insults, or misinterpretations of what you said to them many years ago.
Boy is that the truth.
Yes!
Yes!!
100% my mother
👆🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Narcisistic parents torture their children with silent treatment and cripple them for life until they awaken and find the knowledge on Narcisism and start learning from wise and loving teachers like you dr Ramani ❤ thank you 🙏
Yes, until a person forgives their mother, returns to their father, then to their Heavenly Father - and wakes up - always they will be on a therapy couch, in some man-made 12 step fellowship, identifying with many labels, etc.
Wow, it's great to hear you clear that up for me. I'd have been completely confused. I would have thought compassion and support would be the appropriate response, not criticizing someone who believes something other than what you believe. This may be Your Truth, does mean it's The Truth. Others have freedom of choice too, not just you. Criticism of narcissistically abused individuals is not just not helpful it critical, judgemental, and is bordering on abusive. You believe what you want to believe and stop pushing it on others.@@ExpectantHarvest
The silent treatment from a parent is so very isolating. As an adult I have become comfortable being on my own and being treated like I am invisible. I don't like attention now. And it is spot on how we apologize. I apologize for nearly everything.
Enablers disturb you from healing. It's so annoying. They are irresponsible to say things without understanding your situation. 😖
Yup! I hear excuses all the time. It really feeds the feelings that are already there. Self blame, guilt, shame🥱 the enablers would change their tune fast if they were in the grips of a narc. Understanding really goes a long way.
I feel only extreme rage and hatred, for the people whom colluded with my mother.
All true in my experience, the silent treatment feels like punishment. I put up with this for way too long, it is very painful. Tolerating this abuse will eventually make the victim ill. Physically ill.
I had a malignant narc parent. She would RAGE, then silent treatment, then smear me to anyone and everyone what a terrible child I was. I never understood what I could do and why she thought I was such a terrible kid. Thankful to now be no contact and understand that there was nothing I could have done.
They also do it to manipulate you into giving them supply. They want you to ask, "Is everything ok?" "Did I do something wrong?" When you know full well you didn't. They love that attention. They love to gaslight you, saying, "No, nothing's wrong." Yet, while continuing to stonewall you, to create anxiety in you and a sense of punishment and rejection.
They love the power trip it gives them, and it's usually concerning something that is really nothing at all. They love reading into things and making it about them, i.e., a social media post that had ZERO to do with them, yet they took it as an attack and are now punishing you for something you never did.
Ain't nobody got time for that. I love the "unfriend" and "BLOCK" buttons! Byeeee
Apologizing was in the beginning of the relationship when I didn’t know how deep his manipulation can be until I caught on, now, NEVER 🙅♀️
yep. Same
🙅🏻♀️
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
He did that, once. It was so peaceful! But it lasted 3 days. He was mad that I didn't get upset 🤣
Same😂
I was given the silent treatment as a child by my step mother every time my father spent “too much” time with me. I’ll never forget the time my dad took me to the movies and Ice cream and it was so enjoyable and fun and when we got back home she didn’t talk to me or him for 3 days. I was so shocked and hurt bcz was off guard. Went from a high of such a fun time to the low low guilt tripping that I never agreed to go out again anywhere with my father without her untill I was 22. Now I’m in my 50s and she still tried to turn him against me. She’s turned all my 4 siblings (from her and my dad ) against me with a smear campaign. And NO ONE aside from me thinks she’s a Narc. She’s convinced them all that I’m the problem.
So I’m not in contact with any of my siblings anymore. She did this with my aunt also. She isolated me and I learned that’s a narc tactic as well.
I suffered in abusive relationships untill my 30s. Narc parents can ruin you
What an evil woman your father married. Didn't he have a heart or eyes to see or sense you were suffering. Your situation makes me sick and want to cry for you.
The silent treatment was me being sent to my room for hours after being screamed at after literally being told no one could love me. I would finally beg to go to the bathroom. My mom had one child and told me they had wanted a football team but after I was born they decided they didn't want anymore.
I learned not to express opinions. To ignore my feelings. To smile and laugh to avoid punishment. To be invisible. To appease my mother.
That is SO wrong, my heart goes out to you.
How I wished you had a support network even as a child, like a Loving Aunty, Neighbour or a friends beautiful mum to take you under her wing..... show you this isn't right.
Wishing you a Better Future
So hard to read, i wish you peace from above. You are not a mistake. God created youand has a purpose for your life…😉
My exNarc would go silent cyclically. I never knew why, I had to guess why. Funny he could carry on at work and with everyone else but I'd be the person he decided to punish.
Yep, that’s what they do. They are street angels and house devils. They know what they’re doing, and this proves it. Evil gits 😔
When narcissists are silent, those are the best times. It's better than them screaming and arguing with you all day and keeping you up all night when you're trying to sleep.
It's a mini vacation...
Yes once you know what is going on their silence is a Dream
🤣
Once I realized what was going on, I also came to appreciate the silence. Sad but true.
@@SylPaperworksexactly. It causes so much misery and stress, being totally ignored by someone you married and had kids with. My anxiety became more of a problem for me and he triggered panic disorder so the independence I once had, disappeared and I began existing. The silent treatment is the worst part in my opinion as nothing gets resolved. They don’t want to resolve anything with you anyway 😔
Every covert narcissist I know gives out the silent treatment. My grandmother was so upset that her favorite child got married that not only did she not speak, she didn't even get out of bed for an entire week!
What? That is so toxic. Was her child a male (like, did she look at the marriage like her kid abandoned her)?
@@RS54321 I think she just disapproved of his choice of wife as she was American and my grandmother was British. No one was good enough for her son.
The various forms of child abuse out there are so sad. I'm sure there are more cases than we can imagine of parents ignoring the plaintive desperate cries of their broken-hearted children. I wish I could run to all those children and wrap them in my arms to protect and comfort them.
Whole heartedly agree.
I have primary infertility, would have Loved even 1 child, but it wasn't to be.
I would have loved to take a few of these children, to show them life is much better in a loving home, and supportive Adults, even if there not your biological abusing parents.
I've teared up more than once watching your videos Dr Ramani, but this one hit really hard. The insight it just gave me into my childhood and the consequences of it, into the overly apologizing, self-loathing, socially maladapted adult I became, kind of chilled me. I was trained to be my mother's emotional support pet. To this day, the silent treatment remains nerve-wracking, so very painful and just overwhelms my entire mind everytime she decides I should be punished. But her power over me is thinning and I'm healing thanks to my therapist and to your videos. She made sure I never had a chance and yet here I am, giving myself one.
Keep going! 💪😤🙌
You can recover and you’re a lot stronger than you realize. You never deserved this treatment. I wish you all the peace you can find. 🌻
@@sensibeats thank you so much! that means a lot.
@@ericb8413 Wow, i really needed to hear that 🥲 Thank you!
❤🌹🍀
I didn't understand the silent treatment until one day, I got the silent treatment. I had
began to view the silent treatment as a mini vacation from the stress of repeating
myself, and them never leaving me to my own dealings. Then I turned You Tube on
and saw Dr. Ramani explaining narcissism and the silent treatment... Thank you!
Mother's silent treatment used to be horrible on me. For about 39 years, I actually preferred her relentless screaming fits to her silent treatment. It was in the 40th year when, in my anger, I finally realized her silent treatments were a relief rather than a punishment. Strangely, her noticing that I was not falling at her feet imploring her to communicate again, rather just doing my own thing, caused her to quit doing it after a couple of times.
Everyone commenting “Silence is golden with the narcissist, enjoy it while it lasts” - you’re not wrong but it depends on the victim recognising the pattern of behaviour at hand. This is why education is SO critical and SO effective for victims (so thank you, Dr Ramani!) For people who aren’t aware that they are dealing with manipulative behaviour and/or a narcissistic personality, the silent treatment can be hugely destabilising- time stands still in the household, you are suspended there in misery until he/she comes back online and is willing to be pleasant. During those silent hours/days/weeks, the rumination is torturous. But those who have educated themselves and can spot the behaviour and the manipulative agenda are at an advantage and I’m sure to some extent can “enjoy the silence”, Depeche Mode style. It is not just for Dr Ramani but for all of us to try to educate people on these harmful patterns of behaviour, we can put people on a healing pathway so much sooner! Xx
Especially when you're a child.
So true, and destabilising is a good word to describe what it’s like to be constantly given the silent treatment. Everything does stand still in the home, except your mind is racing 200 mph with every thought possible. It’s soul destroying, isolating and darn right insulting to us as human beings who have done nothing wrong 😢
In my family the silent treatment was a way of making my needs invisible. They didn’t admit that it existed. So until recently it seemed like they were good parents. Except for what was in that silent space. Which was parenting. I raised myself. I went through the school of hard knocks. I’d hit painful walls with nobody to help me at school and then figure it out myself.
I can relate 😔 I had to figure it all out myself. And yet they want people to see them as great parents. The perfect family. I can't go along with the bs anymore.
My story is almost exactly your story. So sad that people just popped out babies they claim to love and then treat us as pawns, props, and supply.
You describe my childhood (and adulthood) exactly. But if I were to tell them that, they would be deeply wounded and deny EVERYTHING!
@@deemaysie6568 nobody would believe me as an adult anyway. Both my parents are passed.
I have an 87-yr old mom now who when i was a child, she would grab the largest knife out of the kitchen-drawer and wld start to swing it above her own forearm as if she was going to cut her arm (making crazy face). When she saw/heard enough tears & anxiety & apologies from me, she would put it back inside the drawer and tell me “one day u will come from school & will find me in a pool of blood & it will be ALL YOUR fault.” There were times when honestly I would stay after school outside the house in fears….. Eventually I developed PTSD & couldn’t pass the Florida Bar Exam as many times as I took it.
Hello. I'm sorry to learn that has been your experience with your mother. I hope you are okay and now know that it was NEVER your fault ( and never our faults) for what our biological parents and families do, and how they behave - it's easier said than done, but I hope you have been able to get support and healed, or at least in a better, clearer place.
And with all my respect, not intending to 'diss' your mother, but that was a clear giant red flag of how unsafe you must have been as a child. No adult has the right or choice to put a child in a situation like that.
She would do something wrong and blame me and gaslight. Then she would say, I'm not going to have anything to do with you until you apologize. I would eventually apologize even though I didn't know what for, just to keep the peace. This pattern went on for years, until I caught on. Maddening!
In another silent treatment right now. Honestly, I don’t feel bad anymore. Not having to talk to them is kind of nice. I finally can tell myself I haven’t done anything wrong.
I am listening to “It’s not You” and 2/3 through it is life changing. I wasn't going to read it figuring I have all the info from your videos… but walking through it in order like a great lesson plan has validated my radical acceptance of not only my nuear family of origin, but as far back in my tree as I have met. Thank you for your mission. It has been a bedrock in my healing.
Nothing angered me more when I became an adult than when my narc parent and sibling used to accuse ME of the silent treatment or being childish when they decided the silent treatment was over and I wouldn't respond to them with glee. I also heard that they bemoan what they are calling “the silent treatment” from me because I went no contact.
oh yeah when you go silent, they love to use that against you to try to guilt trip you!
Im thinking maybe because they use silence to manipulate, so they assume when we go silent we are trying to do it to them🙃 but really we just want peace. All they think about is control I believe🤔
Emotional abuse. The silent treatment is their way of punishing you for not agreeing or seeing through their mask. Until you apologise or agree with them you are persona non grata. It's probably the most insidious behaviour I have ever experienced.
I always found the silent treatment odd and immature behavior. And kinda relieving at times to not hear the narcissist talk. At first, I never understood the agenda behind it but it happened, I treated the narcissist as if they didn't exist. It drove them mad. Glad I don't deal with them as much as I used to
They can't take what they dish out
plot twist: dear narcissist, no contact or silent treatment has zero affect on someone who doesn’t give a shit about the person that’s going no contact/giving the silent treatment 😉
it's so nice, when a toxic person stops talking to you (be it discard or silent treatment). it's like the trash took itself out.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
I nicknamed my narcissist ex husband. The Silent Knight the Unholy Knight. I’m a people person. The silent treatment was absolutely unbearable.😭
It’s soul destroying, insulting, the cruelest part in many ways 😢
So, this begs the question: What is the difference between the narcissist giving you the silent treatment and you going no contact? Here it is: The silent treatment is meant to pull you deeper into the bad relationship, while going no contact is a way for you to get out of one.
In other words, the goal of the silent treatment is to get you to respond, while going no contact has the ultimate goal of you never responding.
Yes that happened to me a lot of the time when I shouldn’t be the one apologising.
I lived this my entire life with my narcissistic mother, everytime i would ask her if everything was alright, did i do something, what's wrong, im sorry, on repeat for decades, is the most evil thing a narcissistic parent can do to their own child, is a form to punish you since they are the parent they take advantage of their authority and the child can't do anything about it, im glad i went no contact and don't have to deal with that evil woman!
Now I will be silent for some decades and living in my peace.
They can keep their treatment.
Oh this resonates. My mother used to do this and it just taught me to be an apologetic people pleaser. This has carried over into my adult life. I am working up the courage to sort it out.
I grew up watching my parents do this and, now as an adult, I'm seeing this play out with a couple of my siblings who have poor communication skills. They rage, withhold, stonewall and silent treatment to get their way. It is a guilt-based relationship where you are there to serve the narcissist and if you don't, you will pay the price! They bully and play the victim in one stinky package.
i love their silent treatment. It's like a vacation for me
As soon as I see that a narcissist has gone silent on me, I know I've crushed them. I don't get manipulated into submissive or needy behaviour. Especially when they abused my sincerity and goodwill from the beginning.
Your videos helped me through my last relationship!
It was only 3 months long and he hit EVERY SING RED FLAG you ever mentioned, ever 😂
Thank you so much. This video feels serendipitously timed. I was starting to doubt my conviction, then I saw this video about 10 minutes before I left for work and then realized, nah, I'm good. 😤
I'm my own supply, I don't need a narcissistic d-bag in my life 🎉❤
I wish I saw this 3 months in.....didn't know anything at the time so I blamed myself. After only 3 months, although it feels awful at the time, you recover easier. 😢
My dad use to chuckle when my mother gave him the silent treatment. However, in time, he would apologize to her never knowing he was being punished and controlled. In their elderly yrs, he saw her True-Self as was surprised and learned he silent treatment wasn't funny anymore.
This is my mother’s signature move.
So Brilliant. Wow. To clearly see how the silent treatment in childhood affects us as adults is so powerful. You are an excellent teacher, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
Mother combined the silent treatment with triangulation so all my siblings would be PO’d at me to further encourage the apology. She used to threaten suicide ONLY in front of me for control. Once I grabbed the knife away, threw it in the sink and screamed “stop doing this to me” then grabbed my coat and ran away. I stopped downtown to call my father at work to tell him what was going on … then kept running. Once I returned home, mother was in full silent treatment mode in her room. Survived so much $h*t as a youngster and teen and healed myself!
I will avoid certain people when they've been consistently hatful to me for an extended period of time (months-years). I will speak to them if forced into an interaction with them, but I actively try to avoid them. I'm not giving them the silent treatment, I just want to avoid the verbal and physical abuse from them, in turn they think I'm giving them the silent treatment and will give me the silent treatment in response. I don't understand that level of pettiness, mistreating people then having the audacity to play the victim when they don't allow you into their lives. The childishness of "I'll show you, I'll hurt you! I'll give you the silent treatment!". All I have to say to those people is, thank you and please continue to leave me alone.
He would give me the silent treatment for hours or days after I told him off for mistreating me, then when he was bored of me not reacting, would ask “are you still sulking??” like I was being childish and HE hadn’t been the one ghosting me when I tried to have a conversation about the issue at hand.
You made me able to navigate my marriage.
I am one of those that cannot leave. But I carved my space in the world of the narcissist. The silent treatment is the hardest.
I always watch your video's when I am in it. Since I love my narcissist, I see it as a game now, to say sane.
Thank you Ramani! You are a life saver.
They're annoyed with us especially when we really had a very good time and enjoyed ourselves the previous day. How dare we have a good time. Next their behavior changes to this mean and rude monster.
I am 62 and I still find myself apologizing for everything to anyone I interact with. I hear my father's criticism (unfortunately now I hear his words but in my voice) in my head. I am disappointed and angry with myself every time I do it but it's so deeply ingrained If I don't apologize, I feel guilty for days. It's miserable. Thanks dear old dad.
And here's a real thank you to Dr Ramani. You help so much by giving perspective and that helps mitigate the guilt.
I think you have 'read the story of my childhood'!! Spot on. Silent treatments, shaming, having to fend for myself as a young child...as an adult, my mom gave me the silent treatment for 7 months one time. As a result I was anorexic from age 16 to 24....
I greet the silent treatment today by being me. Sent the birthday gift anyway. No response required. Unconditional love.. ❤
I used to apologize all the time when the silent treatment kicked in - no more, I only apologize when I know I have done wrong & will be accountable. I will not apologize for something that does not belong to me.
The silent treatment was a favorite until my parents and ex husband realized I liked the quiet. I was always at fault and wrong in their world. So apologizing was only going to stop the silent treatment. That just meant they'd start with all the other crap.
The silent treatment is now permanent no contact. Ahhhh Peace.
I got so used to apologising for everything all the time that one of my school friends had a word with me one day and asked me to stop. I was so used to doing it that I didn't realise I'd taken it into the outside world. Now I only apologise when I know I'm wrong (obviously we can all do things wrong sometimes and not realise).
Currently three months into silent treatment because of something the narcissist did to me and is waiting for an apology for. It's bliss 🙂🙃🙂 Mind you, I did get a birthday card a couple of weeks ago (after agreeing last year not to exchange them any more), which I know is another ploy to pull me back in, or to add fuel to the smear campaign. Bad child can't even say thanks for a birthday card! She does narcissism by the book!
I'm not playing her game any more 🙂
I've been through it sooo many times with one or a few of them at a time, it can go on for months, years even and it's pathetic at this point. I refuse to allow them the satisfaction of knowing I'm bothered by their ego stroking, attention seeking tactics anymore. It's childish and petty. Shifting the focus back on me & my life. Narcs expects you to collapse because of what they want but life will go on, with or without them and their adult tantrums. My absence will speak whatever my words don't..
Yep those delusional idiots truly believe the world evolves around them. They think they're so special. They aren't
💯🙏👍👍👍 You helped me today and the silent treatment is brutal and mean but then you try one more time thinking you just might get the acknowledgement and NOPE 😢.
Two different forms of narcissistic personality parents, along with two siblings. There is such an extreme indoctrination on children born into these families. The silent treatment seems to be the most harmless to "outsiders," yet to a trained from birth child, it means failure and death.
That "failure is Death" mindset took me 56 years and 5 years with a therapist who also specialized in PTSD/CPTSD to crack that deep training and finally begin to find "me." The most incredible part of these life lessons is not only can you become aware and change within yourself, but you can then see these personalities and recognize traits in others within minutes.
The best part, though, is recognizing just as quickly those individuals who are facing/have faced a similar path as your own and recognize their light and their strengths ❤
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Watching your videos is like waking up from the fog of hypnosis that I existed in all my life. Suddenly so many patterns make sense and I understand the emotional turmoil I have experienced over and over again. I am slowly healing and learning how to be different around these people, how to stop giving them my power. I have a road ahead of me, but I see the light there.
Oh this so resonated with me. If I think of my father the first thought is of him giving me the silent treatment. It went on our entire relationship. The silent treatment is more cruel than the criticism because it destroys all your self worth trying to figure out why you're being put through it yet again. It makes you question everything you've done and said. It psychologically destroys you.
I recall years back that I couldn't understand why my friend did silent treatment with me when everything was fine. I pretended I didn't notice. Today I have detached from her for good. I would eventually realize she was cruel, sadistic and envious. I saw no solution for her ways except to disengage.
You did the right thing. Onwards and upwards.
My mom does this. It doesn’t work on me anymore. It used to devastate me, but now I just get on with my life, spend time with supportive people, and do things that I enjoy. If I need to cry I’ll cry, but she’ll never get the satisfaction of knowing. It has taken me years to get here. Fortunately, I’m an adult, and my mom’s silent treatment is a result of my narcissistic sister telling her how to handle me. I’m done with games. All of them.
The more I watch Dr. Ramani videos, the more I feel like a narcissist. And I watch almost all of her videos.
أملك مجتمعات جديدة لك يا دكتورة ❤
أملك مجتمعات جديدة لك يا دكتورة ❤
Get Help 😂
@@TheShadyGarden333😂😂 I totally should
It may be that you’ve just picked up habits from the narcissist(s) in your life. I think they’re called ‘fleas’.
I know that’s been my experience, at least. I notice some responses from myself in certain situations that I really don’t like and I need to actively work on shedding the negativity that’s been so ingrained into me over the years.
As long as we’re actively taking notice of and trying to improve ourselves, I think that’s all we can do.
Turns the child into a people pleaser. Some it's even more horrible. Especially, if it is with psychopath with MNP ect. Have to survive til can get away. Then get help. Then, making sure the help is trusting and understand this, or they are a ********" themselves. Be careful about these predators are grooming your child. 😢
He said he didn't call me after an argument because he wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him. He was afraid I would yell at him so he was waiting for me to call him. Then he would say he was willing to do whatever it took to fix us- therapy, anything.
This was manipulation.
1) Im not and was never a yeller. Even if I was angry, he should be strong enough partner to hold space for me to express my anger and hear me out.
2) he smears on the love bombing thick to prove hes still all in. But nothing changes.
3) if he cared he would have called... calling is a much simpler solution to try before therapy (therapy never happened, btw)
4) his not calling is a sick game of power. Im pissed at myself for calling him. But what else do you do in that situation? Communication lines have to be opened to resolve one way or another. He squeezed me into calling first like a python squeezes its prey.
I hate him for his sick manipulations. He played with me like a cat bats around a caught mouse.
I feel so stupid. Still. Doing so much better but still healing. Peace.
Breaking up a 3 year relationship with a bf because of this bullsh!t. Also left workplaces because of narcissistic Directors that target me. It's never worth it.
Only plus side from dealing with these people is that I fundamentally have less and less interest in human beings and require less from the world to feel happy. Confidence in yourself is the best thing.
When narcissists are giving you the silent treatment, honestly who really cares 😂. Show that it doesn't bother you by being happy in front of them.
Unless they have your kids!
When it’s a parent or someone providing you with ressources and you’re a child it’s not that easy and I’m sure you know it.
Not everyone can do this, especially as a small child...but when you can, it's great!
Later, other Narkys tried to Silent Treatment me...but I was reared in a Narky Family. The Narkys that came after that...they were small sh*z, compared to my Mom.
And later, when they start to talk- before they can get a few words out, say: "oh, are you ready to apologize?"
@@barbaraschultz1442 Show that you and the kids are happy together, without Narky. Pop some popcorn and watch a movie.
My dad “80” and been in silent for 7 months now and I’m not giving in, it’s only amplified it since he had a stroke before Christmas, he’s also has dementia now and I’m not given in for his bad behaviour.
I hear you and don’t know you, but sometimes when a child behaves in a negative way, it’s a story they are telling themselves about a situation. It’s about them, not you. Maybe an approach to this (especially if they are on medication), is to make sure he’s okay. Chances are there is a story you don’t know about and you will probably outlive him.
This resonated with me on so many levels. I had narcissistic parents and a narcissistic partner who used the silent treatment all the time. My whole family did the silent ltreatment on me as a small child.
When I called out his cheating, I was awarded with the silent treatment and he got what he wanted, escaped out. They are good at doing this all the time.
Just realized why in my 60s I feel nauseous when I need to apologise to someone for real, when I really am at fault.
Thank you. Someone demands an apology from me, for literally nothing.
Civil, they got butt hurt for literally nothing, and they come at me demanding an apology?! And I say NOW, it is not my problem, it's yours. We are different people, and I am not going to apologize to you for something I did not do.
Only one narcissist that is giving me the silent treatment which is a blessing to me. She comes round with trying to create more drama out of nowhere, and I now change the subject, not sure what kind of narcissist she is, but thank gawd, she is easy to recognize and adjust being forced to deal with her
My entire family is giving me the silent treatment since May 14 2024 and still is, but it’s a blessing in disguise. It hurt a lot over the summer and I constantly blamed myself even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I realized that I was always going to be the problem and I always had to apologize. Their belief in the family is to cover up lies and not bring up the past when it has done more damage than good.
My family thinks I just want to be right when in reality, I just wanted to be heard and seen like everyone else.
In my life I have been exercised over and over again, each time a different person, by the silent treatment. I’ve learned that the silent treatment is the loudest form of communication. Now any time I notice someone using it on me, I recognize it fast and I’m out of there. They sit there with a shocked look and I don’t care. You play the game of choosing the silent treatment instead of valuing the relationship and talking to them, you are going to have to realize there are repercussions especially with someone who’s on to you right away. Next time you are pondering using the silent treatment on someone, be prepared to lose that person completely, or don’t use it.
I know this so well 😢
It’s so embarrassing to see that from a freaking parent to his child
I would call my now ex husband out on his silent treatment crap, and tell him since he didn't want to talk I was going to leave him alone and go about my day. And I didn't devote any more thoughts toward his childish behavior.
Yes that manipulative, abusive behaviour is not something I am interested in at all!
After 2 years of silent treatment my body reminds me that they should have no part in my life. Coming back like nothing happened sealed the deal. Its the end because you know you can never know such a person. So sad and so evident. There is no relief in them coming back unfortunately
I was helping my elderly neighbor with errands, but then he started disrespecting me and my family, and arguing until i agreed on certain subjects. I finally had enough, and he thought at some point, i'd apologize, like i have in the past. This video reminds me of so much, like the "gross" feeling. i have given him nothing to work with for 8 months, and i plan to continue for life. He tried the victim thing, then the threatening, sending texts "can we talk", then parking in front of my house. My mistake was thinking i could win an argument. Also, the advice of "i don't have to explain myself" is very helpful. No contact has made me so much more confident. He's right next door, and to make this short, he is not handling it well. I'm saving all texts. I win this time
The longer I learned about narcissism and the whole spectrum involved with it the more I realize that a relationship with myself is more and more important. It's really as simple as that. So silent treatments schmilent treatments. I have received them and I have given them, and neither of those two phenomena make me ultimately proud.
Love is the answer. The love is the answer for each and every individual on the face of this Earth regardless subsequent reactions that each individual has towards another.
If I can get out of that space (inner and /or geographical) of not being the peacemaker so much the better! It doesn't mean I have to participate with the tension. But boy the TENSION in whatever scenario you're in can be quite pronounced.
Thats how setting boundaries becomes next to impossible in narc relationship. Constantly walking on eggshells like this, enormous stress impacting our physical and psychological health is inevitable if we have to live those relationships. We have to give in everything and giveup everything at the end of the day . Wounds remain fresh forever💔
What terrible fear was instilled in me as a child from my mom's silent treatment! To this day I find silent treatment to be so triggering.
My aunt was so bad, that when you apologised for XYZ,, she would talk past you to whoever was witnessing it and say, "Oh, she thinks that just because she apologises, I'm going to accept it." Yeah, she wanted me to grovel longer than just one day. She said I should "Work on the relationship." which just translates into, "you need me to mold you into who I need you to be." That is her motto.Get out if you can! I did. I had to live with that and I didn't see it until it exploded. If you have to be homeless in your car, you are better off.
Thank you Dr Ramani 🩷 This is a hard one! I'm used to the silent treatment, growing up with it.
I'm standing strong this time. I have nothing to apologise for. But it is unerving! I don't want things to go back to "normal" heck no.
When I'm silent, they use that against me. Try to make me feel guilty for not talking to them. But they can be as silent as they want. They say that's them caring 🤷♀️
All true, unless they are not your first, and you know for a fact they are NOT looking out for you or your happiness. Then your angry side steps up to say no more from you. Like dancing with poison ivy, they only irritate and we can move beyond them understanding their intent and disinterest in change.
I was just completely shut out with a silent treatment because I broke the forth wall and finally called out massively bad behavior but in a kind and supportive way. It was met with a very cold and abrupt “take care” even though we are super close or so I thought 🙄
I don’t remember my mother interacting with us ever except to preemptively warn us to behave. I don’t think that’s the silent treatment. It was emotional neglect and her standard m.o. We basically raised ourselves.
The silent treatment then sometimes turns into being alienated!
My malignant narcissist father and Judgemental narcissist mother never used the Silent Treatment on me or my siblings, but my father used it on his sister and his cousins.
My narcissist sisters, one Vulnerable and the other Malignant definitely use the Silent treatment. It has become a frequent punishment by my Vulnerable Narcissist sister. I am the oldest, and have felt guilty for not having a good relationship with them. However, the Vulnerable Narcissist sister just, after over 50 years crossed my red line.
That I now have a red line is thanks to you, Dr. Ramani ❤.
And as one of your viewers wrote, I actually am feeling relieved for the first time with this Silent Treatment.
I know that she will return when her latest supply won't be sufficient. But this time, I am prepared to Gray Rock.
Wish me luck.
Silent treatment also included, for me, not looking at me at all, acting as though I wasn’t there. A refusal to acknowledge I even existed. So hurtful. I wasn’t worth even acknowledging as a person
I lived this horror from the time I naively started dating a 23 year old when I was barely 17. My mom told me he was too old for me but she didn't put her foot down. I kept his awful treatment hidden from everyone and everyone thought he was so sweet. It was my pride too even though I was so young. He showed I regret in me at 15 and he was 21 and I felt like I was special and chosen. He started with 1 day 2 day and got lo her and lo her to up to three weeks. I agonized for 28 years and was only able to escape after I inherited money. I feared the stress was going to give me a heart attack or a stroke. What little I have told people was actually 100 times worse. I feel so sorry for everyone here that experienced even an inkling of the abuse I took in every way.
She loved going silent on me and pretending she wasn't doing it on purpose. She'd get mad about something small, then shift her behavior to be avoidant/distant, and expect me to chase her down to talk, without saying ANYTHING to verbalize she was upset. She'd get angry when I didn't chase her down and make her talk, despite clearly telling her to come to me to talk whenever she's ready. People like this are just incapable of acting like an adult.
Currently going through this (for the millionth time) and each and every time it happens, I get better at not reaching out or paying attention to him. He’s usually the one to ultimately say something. I am so tired and emotionally wasted by this person that I don’t have it in me to care about what he has to say or what happens to him at this point. I rather be alone and cry if I need to, than to spend another day in this stupid cycle. I’m over it!
Ive got it ... Give Silent Treatment back. Dont fight with them nor try to beg by asking wjats wrong? I tried. They will say your acting like a victim.😢 as if your manipulating THEM 👀? So move on. Dont contact anymore. Wait for them to contact you. They will never apologize. No empathy from them. They think (?) They are in control.
😒🤐
My brother in law gave my husband and I the silent treatment for 4 years. We saw them every week at church. He stopped ignoring us after we moved to another state.