Victims might not kiss the narcissist so that’s not always the case that you’re the narcissist just because you don’t kiss your husband or if you don’t have sex with him some narcissist, especially if you show me your little crazier than them they don’t raise their hand to you anymore and if they haven’t overreaching Parent like Their in-laws that have been involved over domestic then they’re more careful what they do remember they don’t want to be known they hide it so they find other ways to abuse you it’s not always physical abuse and it’s not always withholding sometimes the victim withhold sex and other things because they don’t want a venereal disease and again not narcissist physically abused there are times where they do throw things push you against the wall, but they’ll never leave evidence there’s a big difference so please clarify that
The narcissist in my life makes startling scary noises everytime he walks by (he would suddenly hit a pan while he is cooking). I tell him to stop and he blame shifts this and that. Deep down I know his intention is to abuse.
🤔😨 Ohhhhh!!! You're SO RIGHT!!! BCUZ they're vapid & empty inside! They have ZERO substance! And without a human~puppet doing their bidding, they feel powerless & unable to control themselves & their environments!?!??💜🖤☄
I can’t stand this! I feel my ex did this to put on a show to gain sympathy from whoever was around because so many times she’d start saying things like “please stop, just stop”, or “you’re laughing at me?” “You think this is funny?”, and I’m on the other line like, hello? Who are you talking to? What’s going on? Finally I figured it out… she was pretending I was this heartless monster with her pretend a😊 Sometimes I would call her out on what she was doing , or just speak the truth about something and she would get so mad and hang up right away because I was blowing her cover , that’s what it seemed like anyway.
One thing I recently noticed when I have to visit my narc inlaws, they ALWAYS have noise on. The tv at capacity, the nonstop noise from their tablets. All the lights on. It's overwhelming and chaotic. Before I realized they were narcissists, I'd tell them how the noise negatively affects the kids and of course they didn't listen. Thank God they don't stay in our house anymore. I have both of them blocked and they definitely try to send insipid texts. I know it enrages them. That part about the more silence the more clarity you get is 1000 percent true. That's literally why I don't speak to them. I know exactly who they are.
That makes sense looking back at my narc ex and his parents (he lived with them). The lights were always on even in the middle of the night, the sound on the tv was at full bore all the time. There was music in one room and tv in the other and then laptops and computers and smart phones....it was awful. I had to go outside to get some peace and quiet. His parents also had the tv in their bedroom going all night. My ex would also have some tv show playing on his screen while he slept as well. No wonder they were all stressed and tired all the time. All that stuff going into their subconsciouses all night. And my ex used to love shows about serial killers or war snipers or cop shows or air crash/car crash investigations. And he'd try and engage me in conversations about them all the time. It got to the point where I snapped at him that it was sick and twisted that he identified with serial killers. It was almost like he admired them and wished that he could be like them. I was glad when I went home after my visits to get some peace and quiet. Even now, I can't stand loud noises and enjoy just sitting and reading or knitting or sewing or painting something else quiet and productive. It's even better now that I've blocked him and gone complete no contact. He must be going nuts living on his own now, especially as he's alienated everyone who used to give him supply. What a moron.
Lol I've just had an aah ha moment reading this comment. He would always try to blame me for the light bill being high. I said to him the lights are off when I'm home. When he comes back from his trips the next day he unpacks does his laundry and leaves the lights on and TVs on. I Said to myself "Im sorry but this man is crazy". Now I know why he leaves all the lights abd TVs on. Thank you for this video and comment.
So true i was almost shocked when i dated a girl and her familys living room didnt have a tv. When it was so normal to my narc fam, i was like what. But now i understand.
I love and appreciate your teachings. This lesson on silence is perfect. My narcissistic sister can't stand when I'm silent against her. Drives her crazy. Yes, narcissists are paranoid. They don't care about other people. Unpredictability is awful to them. Thank you for everything you teach!💚
My ex-husband literally would say, "It's too quiet! I gotta go!" Then he would dash out of the door! Moreover, when I would go silent, he would literally go crazy and his eyes would become glassy. This is when he would become unhumanly "nice" and leave the house.
I literally get a headache around the non-stop chatter of the narc inlaw. Once I get home, it's great to just sit and listen to the silence. My silence definitely drives them all crazy!
Noise. They have to have it. Slam bang, crash. TV on high volume, yelling. I can be dead asleep, and one of them is hollering on the phone, early in the morning or late at night. It's insane! I used to tell my nephew if you want to talk to me, come in the house where I am, and talk in a normal voice. Don't sit on your butt and scream across the house. He was always very well behaved at my house. No yelling no disobedience, no breaking furniture. His parents couldn't believe it, lol. 😂 My home was uncluttered and clean. Their house was dirty, cluttered and chaotic. They liked it that way!
When my narc husband is home, he has to have the TV and his phone blaring from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. I've begged him to use ear buds atleast for his phone, but he refuses. I can't freaking stand it, so I stay in my room, office, or outdoors as much as possible. The worst is he then comes to "check" on me to see what I'm "up to." There is no peace to be found when living with a paranoid narcissist. 😢
Yes! 100%! Narcissist husband turns the tv on as soon as he comes in the door and watches it all evening, otherwise "It's too quiet". What does he mean?! The silence is glorious. He just loves to watch tv all of the time (instead of actually having a conversation with a real person in front of them) as it's "escapism from real life because real life is sooo depressing"... I understand his words differently now, having learned so much about narcissism recently.
Going no contact brought me peace. Never mind the five reasons why my silence destroys a narrcissist. I needed and still need that silence myself. To recover from the abuse and to grow into who I want to be. Thnx Danish for bringing me where I am now. Watching your vids a few years now. You among others made me recover and prosper. Not prosper again. Talking about my dad the narc. Like you do. Took me 54 years to find out. I am 58 now.. It has been a hell of a journey. Thnx again bro.
I thought that only step father and step mother can behave like this but your story is miserable,but have faith in God he will endow your life with purest form of joy
Danish you are an Angel who has suffered a lot to help others finally, God knows what you went through and is always there protecting you not allowing you to break down
Danish, I really think you are a wonderful person. You have turned an extremely toxic, rotten, destructive, hateful, persons effect on you into something good for others. My goodness. I'm a victim like you are, and I have to confess staying silent is SO HARD because I want to tell my narc exactly what I think about her. And I know she enjoys it. But when all is said and done, no contact is more healing. My sister, Emily was the most evil person I have every had in my life and now I'm free. I check in with you now and again for a refresher.
Thanks Danish only after coming across your videos last year could I make sense of all that was happening to me both my partner and my in-laws and his siblings all are narcs only after watching your videos have I healed so much I now look at all of them like a third person I have stopped reacting and am so much at peace with myself now my children are grown up most of my family responsibilities are taken care of and I am finally coming to self love phase I am enjoying it and my sleep has improved tremendously a big thank you from the bottom of my heart to you Danish
This has been really encouraging for me, thank you. I only ever comment in video threads for my bit of group therapy and never to narcspouse. But even this has had me wondering if I'm not silent enough 😞
My narcissistic mother well I have been in no contact for six months now and the way she is acting asking around about me pretending to care about me is so awful. Some people don’t understand that this is a mask but some people do . And now the way she is acting is so funny to watch.
Mine would ask the same. Never understanding I am an introvert and I don't really talk unless I need to..My narc ex was always talking and would get mad if I didn't run my mouth as much as he did, They equate silence as either you're angry or you're plotting against them. Because that's what they do...or it could be they just wanna drown out the voices in their head with a lot of noise and chatter, either way it's frustrating when you just want a quiet moment and they just gotta disturb your peace somehow.
My narc mil daily shouts n morning after wake up scolding somebody,moving chair to wake others, breaking utensils n kitchen to prove she was the first to wake early morning
My ex narc husband would always ask me what I'm thinking about and I've always found it weird as why I couldn't be in my thoughts. So my answer would be that I'm not thinking about anything just so that I wouldn't have to explain myself and enter a never ending draining and pointless discussion.
I wasnt gonna post this but it may help someone, am sending u support God bless u're not alone and have faith u'll get out of there one day and live the peaceful n well deserved life. Whats "funny" is the more u stay silent the more crazier they get the more they tell u what they are tryna cook themselves bc they are so desperate of an answer they literally try everything. They start asking u literally repeating themselves over n over again "whats going on inside ur head, tell me so i know what to do" "did u lost ur tongue" "are u gonna leave me speak to myself like a crazy person". They try to be gentle at 1st then if it doesnt work they go crazy, angry or even violent sometimes (like gettin thrown some stuffs at u and even being physically abusive) and guess what the cycle repeat back to square 1, being gentle and valuing u by complimenting u and so on like wtf is even that logic. 😂 The most annoying thing is yes silence rly helps a ton but they get way too insistant, not leaving u alone or even breath so it can last a VERY VERY VERY long time & u just sit there wondering why u're forced to waste ur damn time w them when all they have been doing is repeating the same shit over n over again giving u an useless discours. But the sad part is u feel urself regressing u can feel ur inner child feeling soooo terrified of anything that can go wrong bc she doesnt feel safe at ALL. Feeling that fear feels so uncomfortable that its tempting to sometimes just answer shortly so it stops and tbh they only thing that works was doing that dropping the bomb they were scared to hear and just let them deal w it bc what is done is done and thats YOUR life ur decisions belongs to U not them.
I've found that this is true through experience. My mother is a narcissist and so are several other females on her side of the family. The worst thing I can do, what makes me into a demon. Is be silent or have nothing to do with them. My sister and I would be beaten often for being "too quiet". If I was in my room reading, even if my sister was asleep. It was an issue. When I was a teenager I thought my mother would antagonise us because she wanted to have something to complain about like other parents. Only later did I realise that she was a -satan- narcissist.
I was sent videos of them pissing on my belongings. Memes made that painted me in the worst possible light sent to me through their alt accounts Comments on my guitar videos telling me how terrible I am at it They didnt get a thing from me.
A true narcissist isn't trained. They are born that way - at least in my opinion. If a person "mimicks" a narcissist then I think it's done purposely. Whether the person realizes it or not. You know about the "fight or flight" responses I'm sure. I think a person (who is not a narcissist) will mimick a narcissist's words or behaviors strictly out of spite, or in the "fight" response. It's like, "Back at you!!" I've done something like that with my narcissistic sister - well, she's my sister, so...🤷🏼♀️ That's what sisters do sometimes. It's never gone well and she responds very loudly (ahem). I'd never recommend it, but she had it coming. We can only take so much. Take care of yourself! Hugs from California.🫂🌺
Yes, but I believe that the person who isn't naturally deviant will get hurt and eventually wake up. What they want to do is hurt the other enough where the identity swaps.
A narcissist craves control. They manipulate-isolate-control. So you are robbed of your social circle. In order to be a narcissist, you need to be apathic. No feelings whatsoever for nothing and no-one but themselves. So unless you are apathetic, chances of you becoming like them are slim. Especially because they want to keep the control over you.
Are you talking about reactive rage? When victim actually look like reacting like narcissistic person? From what I red that one question shows that 'ou are not narcissistic person
This helps so much ❤ I hate having to go silent. It brings up a lot of guilt. I'm trying to stand my ground this time. Silence brings some peace, but sadly she lives around the corner from me. So i am never fully able to relax. Always on high alert. Any moment her face could appear and all hell will break loose. I dont want to fight. I just want to be left alone. Living in survival mode, i just want to escape. She makes me feel like a child again. My finace and kitties are the only things keeping me going ❤ so grateful for them.
I took all his stuff clothes 2 his brothers house and now he's trying 2 get back with me ...he allways leaving me for 3days never call or text I had enough so I put my foot down
What could you do if they ignore your silence but act like you aren’t trying to ignore them and keep texting and trying to reach out in a passive aggressive nice way agh I think I’m dealing with a hyper intelligent narcissist
If you going "no contact" block everything. Including your friends - ask them not to give any information about you AT ALL and this way you'll check your friends also
Most of the comments say how much the narc loves to engage..Well..I am a chatterbox and love to engage..I love to switch on lights and also run the tv even if I am not watching it..Does it mean I am a narc??? I didn't know I am one.. Please ..can someone help????
It's just one symptom of narcissism just like a sneeze is one symptom of a cold. But, sneezing doesn't mean you have a cold. You are probably just an extrovert who likes a lot of stimulation or something like that. No harm in that. Malignant narcissists are deceitful, loveless people. If you do your best to be honest and loving, then this video is NOT describing you.😊
If you are going silent, make sure you have strong boundaries and/or you can go no contact. The hoovering will be very constant and can at times be destructive.
But we are very resilient And we can understand ourselves best And we can start to call for a manipulation by it's true name - MANIPULATION and we can keep our cards to ourselves
I "stopped listening" to my mother, who had never listened to me since I was born, but it looked like I wasn't speaking to her. I started when I was 25 years old and I figured that I had the next 25 years before I had to listen to her again. I'm not sure that she was actually a narcissist, but she did have some tendencies of it. This put her in the position of having silence from me. My sisters told me that she was crying a lot. After 15 years, she admitted that she had abused me while I was a child and apologized. I didn't talk to her right away, but after a couple of years I got in touch with her. Then we had the relationship that I had always wanted. I think that she got the space she apparently needed to take a look at herself.
The narcissist parent in my life sold my car while I was on vacation and he pocketed the amount for himself (he used it all on food). For quite some time I had to walk an hour to buy groceries even during winter. I didn't want to buy another car while he was still around because I know he would sell it again. Now my goal is to cheaply sell off my belongings, earn enough dough and move far away.
I’ve not heard about “not being allowed to stay silent” in any videos until this one. My dad used to say “you’re not going anywhere until we figure this out” but it would most always be about a something he started. Same dude used to ask me “what I was smiling about” if I came home from school “too happy”. He’s since passed and I’m much happier these days but it’s nuts how long that mental warfare can affect us as adults.
Thank you for amazing video. I have to say this resonate with so much. Given the Narcissist SILENCE is the best medicine going for them. Keep up the great work .
I could not work out how my ex could fall asleep within seconds of us having serious words about our relationship..to which she could not answer my questions but obviously realised I was distraught....with a long smirk and the notorious eye colour change from gorgeous green to black in a split second....I sensed the feeling of her absorbing my energy and loving every moment of seing me in emotional distress and feeling very content with her purposeful actions....I thought 🤔....is this for real....is this really happening....?...not humane empathetic behaviour....animals exhibit more empathy towards each other......Not human just sick....... Very well explained Danish.....Thank You....much clearer now 👍
I went no contact with my in-laws in January. I even blocked them via, online, email, and phone. Recently they came over and demanded to see us and then tried to pretend like nothing had happened. It was the oddest thing.
WOW !! This is Deep fellas. 100% Correct. I'm from a narc family. 8 out of 11 were narcs Against me. Don't argue . Don't talk back. just walk away. BUT they'll keep coming at you. GO NO CONTACT. !!!
I had to overcome inner guilt, then I was a thousand times better. That workbook called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels was a huge help, taught me mindfulness stuff.
Before i served divorce papers he screamed in my face he wanted a divorce even in front of his friends once... the last time he did i said okay and served him the next day stopped talking to him that day. He has not stopped trying to talk to me and trust me i want to respond but thats what my notes app is for lol every response is written out but i realize thats what he wants so ill never send. I also might be getting a restraining order because him and his "uncle" will not stop bothering me about nonsense when I specifically told him to leave me alone unless its in regards to the divorce papers.
I've been doing the grey rock method for a few months now. So this is why he's been such a pest, constantly asking what's wrong or did you call me? I'm in the living room doing what I enjoy while he's in the bedroom at the back of trailer.
Aslam Alaykum, Thanks alot for all your videos with all the details given in simple emotional language which help to understand. I am facing real issues from my sister which is now socialy is being a threat also because of some properties issue involved Kindly try to give me. The idea how to stop them even legally. Because the mainly reason is she is narcissist but can't report legally .I think
My NARC husband always...always has noise on. Headphones while mowing grass. Speakers on in bathroom while showering. Loud music in the garage. When coming home you can hear his music in the car a 1/2 block away. Can only sleep with television on. If I turn off the tv he immediately wakes up. Married to him 38 years...should have left a long time ago. Now I'm trapped financially and for health insurance. I am 71. He is 66 but never matured beyond 14.😢
I so, so appreciate your insight and reassurance. Despite (finally!) removing two very influential narcissists from my life, I'm still processing a lifetime of confusion, dissonance, and grief. Your words help my brain rearrange itself so my heart can rest after so many years of trauma. Thank you. ♡
Thanks a ton. Realisation is dawning. I hv been with this kind of spouse. Who sponges on me for every thing 24x7. Without acknowledge ment or appreciation.....
The craziest thing is when they think we are plotting with them. instead , some ideas never came up into mind or heart.like: "aha! now I´ve catch you!"...rsrs....or like trying to read our minds. what a power, no?
Yelp that's exactly what my ex would do, after he had cheated multiple times, he started lurking around listening to my phone conversations, going through my stuff, going in yo my phone looking for his ah ha moment and admitting to me he thought the only reason I got back with him was to plot against him and seek revenge and it never crossed my mind.
I left my narcissist ex-husband 3yrs ago and he's still kinda stalking me. I won't talk to him and feel so good about it 😂 He also hit on every friend I had and that my teenage daughter had in addition to pork and dating sex sites and always thought he was so slick which he wasn't.! I've found myself again and love life again. ❤❤❤❤
My Narcissistic daughter and son will feel the wrath of my silence. I’m just realizing that both my children are Narcissists. My sisters are Narcissists too. They used me when I was younger and I’m the youngest. I went no contact along time ago not even realizing they were Narcissists at the time. I was just tired of being treated like an outsider. I’m not a Narcissists thank goodness. I’m nothing like them and I’m extremely compassionate and empathetic. but now I understand why they are so Fake and treat me like trash sometimes. My son doesn’t even communicate with me unless he’s faking the son of the year award for someone. Oh I’m very aware now and they better watch out: They are both going to get a Rude Awakening. Enough is Enough. I don’t even care cause I’m furious. Just gonna Mirror them. They are both full grown adults.
I stopped responding to my narc dad that I live with. Ive been grey rocking him, it drives him crazy, but Ive been journalling and writing down my plan to leave and be independent. This man aka my narc dad stole pages of my diary, I entered his room and I found my pages with my plans in his briefcase. Now it makes sense how he knew exactly what to sabotage. I dont understand what he wants from me. He doesn't want me to be free and independent. What does he what. He already drove my mum crazy and gave her chronic stress till she died. I look exactly like my mum. Is that the case? He sabotage my finances, I now have absolutely no money. I had been grey rocking him for a while and he told me he booked me to go to the therapist, long story short after sharing everything to the "therapist" I found it it wasnt an actually therapist but the woman he was cheating on my mum with. All these things have happened but I haven't confronted him. I just want out. How can someone be so deceptive, malicious agaisnt their own child that wants nothing but to be loved by them and love them back. I love to love people but Ive noticed it has put me in hot soup when I try to love my father
I've had similar experiences with my dad. I finally escaped him when a good friend of the family brought me to stay with family out of state for a while. I got a job and got out on my own. Years later I discovered that the family members I was brought to were also narcs. But, at least I got away from my dad. He has more psychological power over me because he is my parent l. I pray that things go well for you.
I truly dont think she cares at all about my silence whatsoever. Ive been in No Contact for 5.5mos now post discard from covert narky ex-gf. Not a peep from her but some gradeschool social media bashing that ive ignored. She never loved me and doesnt care about me at all.
OMG JW 2 SAY TYSVM 4 THIS VIDEO. ITLL HELP SAVE MY LIFE!! Im a 53 yr old F w/ BPD married to a covert narc for 34 yrs n just left last nite. left once 17 yrs ago wen he tried 2 kill me with a hatchet but went back 4 yrs later. this time just found evidence of him cheating a cpl yrs ago. TY again!!!❤
I love peace and quiet. I have a very happy home full of joy and peace. But every time they have come, they actually are always causing CHAOS. Turning TVs on super loud, talking super loud, just disrespectful behavior. They thrive n brining that into your home if you let them. Screw that! No more! But….Any time I’ve gone to anyone’s home they always have either a very dark house even with such beautiful large windows or they give me high anxiety with always being obnoxious and super loud! It’s like they live in a dark bat cave full of flying monkeys!
Danish, u are very correct my x husband did exactly what you said he just questioned me about something that happened a long time ago n why i said that what I meant n misunderstanding began i had to justify myself.
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
@@Spikypotato.p
Victims might not kiss the narcissist so that’s not always the case that you’re the narcissist just because you don’t kiss your husband or if you don’t have sex with him some narcissist, especially if you show me your little crazier than them they don’t raise their hand to you anymore and if they haven’t overreaching Parent like Their in-laws that have been involved over domestic then they’re more careful what they do remember they don’t want to be known they hide it so they find other ways to abuse you it’s not always physical abuse and it’s not always withholding sometimes the victim withhold sex and other things because they don’t want a venereal disease and again not narcissist physically abused there are times where they do throw things push you against the wall, but they’ll never leave evidence there’s a big difference so please clarify that
Sometimes they don't want u to sleep either. Sleep restores sanity and health.😊
Omg lights on for like 10 minutes I'm trying to sleep not cool
Not anymore it will all Fall back on them instead ! .
The narcissist in my life makes startling scary noises everytime he walks by (he would suddenly hit a pan while he is cooking). I tell him to stop and he blame shifts this and that. Deep down I know his intention is to abuse.
Very true! They know sleep will restore your thoughts and strengthen you. They prefer to keep your mind weak only so that they may control you.
Yes so true he will wake me up when I’m trying to sleep and have to work early in the morning to pick fights and drama
Their World is outside of them. Silence eliminates their Reality
🤔😨 Ohhhhh!!! You're SO RIGHT!!! BCUZ they're vapid & empty inside! They have ZERO substance! And without a human~puppet doing their bidding, they feel powerless & unable to control themselves & their environments!?!??💜🖤☄
When there is silence, they wonder what do you know....
They always make their phone calls on loudspeaker, no matter where they are or who else is in the room.
Oh my days. I never understood this at all.
@Gigi0408 I think it's actually a red flag that is easily identifiable but no one talks about
@ilovepeace-uq2hu🥰
I can’t stand this! I feel my ex did this to put on a show to gain sympathy from whoever was around because so many times she’d start saying things like “please stop, just stop”, or “you’re laughing at me?” “You think this is funny?”, and I’m on the other line like, hello? Who are you talking to? What’s going on? Finally I figured it out… she was pretending I was this heartless monster with her pretend a😊
Sometimes I would call her out on what she was doing , or just speak the truth about something and she would get so mad and hang up right away because I was blowing her cover , that’s what it seemed like anyway.
How?@@jenlovesthisstuff
One thing I recently noticed when I have to visit my narc inlaws, they ALWAYS have noise on. The tv at capacity, the nonstop noise from their tablets. All the lights on. It's overwhelming and chaotic. Before I realized they were narcissists, I'd tell them how the noise negatively affects the kids and of course they didn't listen. Thank God they don't stay in our house anymore. I have both of them blocked and they definitely try to send insipid texts. I know it enrages them. That part about the more silence the more clarity you get is 1000 percent true. That's literally why I don't speak to them. I know exactly who they are.
That makes sense looking back at my narc ex and his parents (he lived with them). The lights were always on even in the middle of the night, the sound on the tv was at full bore all the time. There was music in one room and tv in the other and then laptops and computers and smart phones....it was awful. I had to go outside to get some peace and quiet. His parents also had the tv in their bedroom going all night. My ex would also have some tv show playing on his screen while he slept as well. No wonder they were all stressed and tired all the time. All that stuff going into their subconsciouses all night. And my ex used to love shows about serial killers or war snipers or cop shows or air crash/car crash investigations. And he'd try and engage me in conversations about them all the time. It got to the point where I snapped at him that it was sick and twisted that he identified with serial killers. It was almost like he admired them and wished that he could be like them.
I was glad when I went home after my visits to get some peace and quiet. Even now, I can't stand loud noises and enjoy just sitting and reading or knitting or sewing or painting something else quiet and productive. It's even better now that I've blocked him and gone complete no contact. He must be going nuts living on his own now, especially as he's alienated everyone who used to give him supply. What a moron.
You are AWESOME!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENT!!!❤🎉
Lol I've just had an aah ha moment reading this comment. He would always try to blame me for the light bill being high. I said to him the lights are off when I'm home. When he comes back from his trips the next day he unpacks does his laundry and leaves the lights on and TVs on. I Said to myself "Im sorry but this man is crazy". Now I know why he leaves all the lights abd TVs on. Thank you for this video and comment.
Mine has lights on even in the day time all day, every room!! He always needs noise too
So true i was almost shocked when i dated a girl and her familys living room didnt have a tv. When it was so normal to my narc fam, i was like what. But now i understand.
Silence confuses and triggers them
I love and appreciate your teachings. This lesson on silence is perfect. My narcissistic sister can't stand when I'm silent against her. Drives her crazy. Yes, narcissists are paranoid. They don't care about other people. Unpredictability is awful to them. Thank you for everything you teach!💚
My ex-husband literally would say, "It's too quiet! I gotta go!" Then he would dash out of the door! Moreover, when I would go silent, he would literally go crazy and his eyes would become glassy. This is when he would become unhumanly "nice" and leave the house.
In your silence the narcissist will start to hum around you. 😂☠️😭
Or whistle
I literally get a headache around the non-stop chatter of the narc inlaw. Once I get home, it's great to just sit and listen to the silence. My silence definitely drives them all crazy!
Noise. They have to have it. Slam bang, crash. TV on high volume, yelling. I can be dead asleep, and one of them is hollering on the phone, early in the morning or late at night. It's insane! I used to tell my nephew if you want to talk to me, come in the house where I am, and talk in a normal voice. Don't sit on your butt and scream across the house. He was always very well behaved at my house. No yelling no disobedience, no breaking furniture. His parents couldn't believe it, lol. 😂
My home was uncluttered and clean. Their house was dirty, cluttered and chaotic. They liked it that way!
Right again! They have the need for a radio, tv, and other noises all at once, non stop crazy making.
When my narc husband is home, he has to have the TV and his phone blaring from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. I've begged him to use ear buds atleast for his phone, but he refuses. I can't freaking stand it, so I stay in my room, office, or outdoors as much as possible. The worst is he then comes to "check" on me to see what I'm "up to." There is no peace to be found when living with a paranoid narcissist. 😢
Omg my husband does this exact thing too and I stay in my bedroom as much as I can to get away for peace!!
Leave them!
True
Yes! 100%! Narcissist husband turns the tv on as soon as he comes in the door and watches it all evening, otherwise "It's too quiet". What does he mean?! The silence is glorious.
He just loves to watch tv all of the time (instead of actually having a conversation with a real person in front of them) as it's "escapism from real life because real life is sooo depressing"...
I understand his words differently now, having learned so much about narcissism recently.
Be well Warrior ❤
Going no contact brought me peace. Never mind the five reasons why my silence destroys a narrcissist. I needed and still need that silence myself. To recover from the abuse and to grow into who I want to be. Thnx Danish for bringing me where I am now. Watching your vids a few years now. You among others made me recover and prosper. Not prosper again. Talking about my dad the narc. Like you do. Took me 54 years to find out. I am 58 now.. It has been a hell of a journey. Thnx again bro.
Awesomeness!!!🎉🎉❤
I thought that only step father and step mother can behave like this but your story is miserable,but have faith in God he will endow your life with purest form of joy
Danish you are an Angel who has suffered a lot to help others finally, God knows what you went through and is always there protecting you not allowing you to break down
Danish, I really think you are a wonderful person. You have turned an extremely toxic, rotten, destructive, hateful, persons effect on you
into something good for others. My goodness. I'm a victim like you are, and I have to confess staying silent is SO HARD because I want
to tell my narc exactly what I think about her. And I know she enjoys it. But when all is said and done, no contact is more healing. My sister,
Emily was the most evil person I have every had in my life and now I'm free. I check in with you now and again for a refresher.
Warrior!!! PERIODT 💯💯💯💯❤❤❤❤
Thanks Danish only after coming across your videos last year could I make sense of all that was happening to me both my partner and my in-laws and his siblings all are narcs only after watching your videos have I healed so much I now look at all of them like a third person I have stopped reacting and am so much at peace with myself now my children are grown up most of my family responsibilities are taken care of and I am finally coming to self love phase I am enjoying it and my sleep has improved tremendously a big thank you from the bottom of my heart to you Danish
Danish, l really appreciate your teaching most of the things u discuss are exactly what I went through in 10 years of my marriage. God bless u.
Both narcs in my life are extremely busy-out and about all the time. The lockdowns nearly finished them off mentally!
Mine ended up in jail during that time. She couldn't text me to kill myself so she started writing letters telling me to kill myself
This has been really encouraging for me, thank you. I only ever comment in video threads for my bit of group therapy and never to narcspouse. But even this has had me wondering if I'm not silent enough 😞
My narcissistic mother well I have been in no contact for six months now and the way she is acting asking around about me pretending to care about me is so awful. Some people don’t understand that this is a mask but some people do . And now the way she is acting is so funny to watch.
The narcissist in my life kept asking why I was being so quiet?
Mine would ask the same. Never understanding I am an introvert and I don't really talk unless I need to..My narc ex was always talking and would get mad if I didn't run my mouth as much as he did, They equate silence as either you're angry or you're plotting against them. Because that's what they do...or it could be they just wanna drown out the voices in their head with a lot of noise and chatter, either way it's frustrating when you just want a quiet moment and they just gotta disturb your peace somehow.
Thank you.... I've been in so many narcissistic relationships....i can see it now.... thank you 💕
Wished Id of been your sister. We would of coordinated. I had a narcissist mom anyway. Im healing dearie
Danish, this is in your top 5 of videos. Thank you sir.
Thanks sir for this information, this ll help me a lot
My narc mil daily shouts n morning after wake up scolding somebody,moving chair to wake others, breaking utensils n kitchen to prove she was the first to wake early morning
My ex narc husband would always ask me what I'm thinking about and I've always found it weird as why I couldn't be in my thoughts. So my answer would be that I'm not thinking about anything just so that I wouldn't have to explain myself and enter a never ending draining and pointless discussion.
I wasnt gonna post this but it may help someone, am sending u support God bless u're not alone and have faith u'll get out of there one day and live the peaceful n well deserved life.
Whats "funny" is the more u stay silent the more crazier they get the more they tell u what they are tryna cook themselves bc they are so desperate of an answer they literally try everything.
They start asking u literally repeating themselves over n over again "whats going on inside ur head, tell me so i know what to do" "did u lost ur tongue" "are u gonna leave me speak to myself like a crazy person".
They try to be gentle at 1st then if it doesnt work they go crazy, angry or even violent sometimes (like gettin thrown some stuffs at u and even being physically abusive) and guess what the cycle repeat back to square 1, being gentle and valuing u by complimenting u and so on like wtf is even that logic. 😂
The most annoying thing is yes silence rly helps a ton but they get way too insistant, not leaving u alone or even breath so it can last a VERY VERY VERY long time & u just sit there wondering why u're forced to waste ur damn time w them when all they have been doing is repeating the same shit over n over again giving u an useless discours.
But the sad part is u feel urself regressing u can feel ur inner child feeling soooo terrified of anything that can go wrong bc she doesnt feel safe at ALL. Feeling that fear feels so uncomfortable that its tempting to sometimes just answer shortly so it stops and tbh they only thing that works was doing that dropping the bomb they were scared to hear and just let them deal w it bc what is done is done and thats YOUR life ur decisions belongs to U not them.
what if the narcissistic person is giving you silence treatment? then how our silence will work?
Your videos are really helpful in getting an insight about narcissistic behaviour. God bless you Danish.
This just explained my ex-husband geezzz. Thank you
Great video and spot on....agree 👌
I've found that this is true through experience. My mother is a narcissist and so are several other females on her side of the family.
The worst thing I can do, what makes me into a demon. Is be silent or have nothing to do with them.
My sister and I would be beaten often for being "too quiet". If I was in my room reading, even if my sister was asleep. It was an issue. When I was a teenager I thought my mother would antagonise us because she wanted to have something to complain about like other parents. Only later did I realise that she was a -satan- narcissist.
I was sent videos of them pissing on my belongings.
Memes made that painted me in the worst possible light sent to me through their alt accounts
Comments on my guitar videos telling me how terrible I am at it
They didnt get a thing from me.
You have helped me so much
Thank you, Danish
Yea, cruel ..he fell asleep , me crying besides him
Do you think if being with a narcissist could train the normal person to mirror them? And thus become a narcissist, too? Accidentally, of course.
A true narcissist isn't trained. They are born that way - at least in my opinion. If a person "mimicks" a narcissist then I think it's done purposely. Whether the person realizes it or not.
You know about the "fight or flight" responses I'm sure. I think a person (who is not a narcissist) will mimick a narcissist's words or behaviors strictly out of spite, or in the "fight" response. It's like, "Back at you!!"
I've done something like that with my narcissistic sister - well, she's my sister, so...🤷🏼♀️ That's what sisters do sometimes. It's never gone well and she responds very loudly (ahem). I'd never recommend it, but she had it coming. We can only take so much.
Take care of yourself! Hugs from California.🫂🌺
Yes, but I believe that the person who isn't naturally deviant will get hurt and eventually wake up. What they want to do is hurt the other enough where the identity swaps.
@@cindys.9688 thank you for that info! We all got to stick together. !
A narcissist craves control. They manipulate-isolate-control.
So you are robbed of your social circle. In order to be a narcissist, you need to be apathic. No feelings whatsoever for nothing and no-one but themselves.
So unless you are apathetic, chances of you becoming like them are slim. Especially because they want to keep the control over you.
Are you talking about reactive rage? When victim actually look like reacting like narcissistic person?
From what I red that one question shows that 'ou are not narcissistic person
I'll put one in court
Serious moral harassment in the workplace
Narcissistic friends
Known covert narcissists.
My God!
Not Anymore !.
This helps so much ❤ I hate having to go silent. It brings up a lot of guilt. I'm trying to stand my ground this time.
Silence brings some peace, but sadly she lives around the corner from me. So i am never fully able to relax. Always on high alert. Any moment her face could appear and all hell will break loose. I dont want to fight. I just want to be left alone.
Living in survival mode, i just want to escape. She makes me feel like a child again. My finace and kitties are the only things keeping me going ❤ so grateful for them.
Best way than.just saying silence is DONT CARE bcos we have different options ..life is full of options so choose best suits u ..
My covert always has the tv on also while asleep ..he cannot stand the silence
Thank you!
I took all his stuff clothes 2 his brothers house and now he's trying 2 get back with me ...he allways leaving me for 3days never call or text I had enough so I put my foot down
But I still love him but he is unable to love...
So true!
I tried with him, now he is abusing me more, what should I do. I have 2 little babies with me, i don't know what to do
What could you do if they ignore your silence but act like you aren’t trying to ignore them and keep texting and trying to reach out in a passive aggressive nice way agh I think I’m dealing with a hyper intelligent narcissist
You have to block them every where they won't give up quickly you have to tough it out
Go on a blocking spree.
If you going "no contact" block everything. Including your friends - ask them not to give any information about you AT ALL
and this way you'll check your friends also
Just keep the silence. Only if they interrupt it they winn
Most of the comments say how much the narc loves to engage..Well..I am a chatterbox and love to engage..I love to switch on lights and also run the tv even if I am not watching it..Does it mean I am a narc??? I didn't know I am one.. Please ..can someone help????
It's just one symptom of narcissism just like a sneeze is one symptom of a cold. But, sneezing doesn't mean you have a cold.
You are probably just an extrovert who likes a lot of stimulation or something like that. No harm in that.
Malignant narcissists are deceitful, loveless people. If you do your best to be honest and loving, then this video is NOT describing you.😊
Hhii
When you go no contact with a narc and don't give them a reaction, they will target someone else. They can't live without drama.
AMEN
So my baby mom is gonna target he new supply which is her new baby dad now since she's having their 4th child together.
@@daryleverettjr.8881 If she is a narc, her partner is probably an enabler.
@@daryleverettjr.8881 If she is a narc, her new partner is probably an enabler.
Or they recruit flying monkeys to harass/guilt trip you on their behalf.
Never interrupt a enemys mistake
Good advice
I need to adopt it
Amen to that!!!
And your happiness are their sadness.......
Silence is very intimidating to them
If you are going silent, make sure you have strong boundaries and/or you can go no contact. The hoovering will be very constant and can at times be destructive.
Thanks I'll keep that in mind
And deadly
They push us through many derogatory ways to break our silence and make us react
Exactly! They aren't as good as they try to make us believe and we aren't as bad as they try to make us believe. Excellent point!💚
But we are very resilient
And we can understand ourselves best
And we can start to call for a manipulation by it's true name - MANIPULATION
and we can keep our cards to ourselves
This may come as an exaggeration but I have defeated TWO narcissists in their own game just by silence. It really is their Kryptonite.
LMAO ME TOO!
Lucky you
I "stopped listening" to my mother, who had never listened to me since I was born, but it looked like I wasn't speaking to her. I started when I was 25 years old and I figured that I had the next 25 years before I had to listen to her again.
I'm not sure that she was actually a narcissist, but she did have some tendencies of it.
This put her in the position of having silence from me. My sisters told me that she was crying a lot.
After 15 years, she admitted that she had abused me while I was a child and apologized. I didn't talk to her right away, but after a couple of years I got in touch with her. Then we had the relationship that I had always wanted.
I think that she got the space she apparently needed to take a look at herself.
You are a WARRIOR!! I appreciate your comment!!🎉🎉
The narcissist parent in my life sold my car while I was on vacation and he pocketed the amount for himself (he used it all on food). For quite some time I had to walk an hour to buy groceries even during winter. I didn't want to buy another car while he was still around because I know he would sell it again. Now my goal is to cheaply sell off my belongings, earn enough dough and move far away.
I’ve not heard about “not being allowed to stay silent” in any videos until this one. My dad used to say “you’re not going anywhere until we figure this out” but it would most always be about a something he started. Same dude used to ask me “what I was smiling about” if I came home from school “too happy”. He’s since passed and I’m much happier these days but it’s nuts how long that mental warfare can affect us as adults.
And I can't stand silence either.... but only because I hear my abusers in my head
Thank you for amazing video. I have to say this resonate with so much. Given the Narcissist SILENCE is the best medicine going for them. Keep up the great work .
I have noticed that they laugh all the time, they say something and usually laugh, inappropriately usually.
Your words are always on point. Thank you.
I could not work out how my ex could fall asleep within seconds of us having serious words about our relationship..to which she could not answer my questions but obviously realised I was distraught....with a long smirk and the notorious eye colour change from gorgeous green to black in a split second....I sensed the feeling of her absorbing my energy and loving every moment of seing me in emotional distress and feeling very content with her purposeful actions....I thought 🤔....is this for real....is this really happening....?...not humane empathetic behaviour....animals exhibit more empathy towards each other......Not human just sick....... Very well explained Danish.....Thank You....much clearer now 👍
Lizard ppl
He would fall asleep after a fight leaving me awake all night.😢
Been There ... Burn the tee shirt... You are a WARRIOR... BEST WISHES FOR YOU❤
Same 😢
Me tooo😢
I went no contact with my in-laws in January. I even blocked them via, online, email, and phone. Recently they came over and demanded to see us and then tried to pretend like nothing had happened. It was the oddest thing.
WOW !! This is Deep fellas. 100% Correct. I'm from a narc family. 8 out of 11 were narcs Against me.
Don't argue . Don't talk back. just walk away. BUT they'll keep coming at you. GO NO CONTACT. !!!
I had to overcome inner guilt, then I was a thousand times better. That workbook called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels was a huge help, taught me mindfulness stuff.
I like this one Danish, it is giving more motivation to stay silent.
And also plz in Urdu also so I can also share to all seniors and some other friends all can't go with this language sir
Before i served divorce papers he screamed in my face he wanted a divorce even in front of his friends once... the last time he did i said okay and served him the next day stopped talking to him that day. He has not stopped trying to talk to me and trust me i want to respond but thats what my notes app is for lol every response is written out but i realize thats what he wants so ill never send. I also might be getting a restraining order because him and his "uncle" will not stop bothering me about nonsense when I specifically told him to leave me alone unless its in regards to the divorce papers.
I've been doing the grey rock method for a few months now. So this is why he's been such a pest, constantly asking what's wrong or did you call me? I'm in the living room doing what I enjoy while he's in the bedroom at the back of trailer.
Thank you God I got out just in time .. 🙏🙏
Amen ! 🙏🏻 Me too 💪
He is been ignoring me for days out of the blues he is sending me crying MoG attached to our wedding picture. It's My turn to ignore😂
Aslam Alaykum,
Thanks alot for all your videos with all the details given in simple emotional language which help to understand.
I am facing real issues from my sister which is now socialy is being a threat also because of some properties issue involved
Kindly try to give me. The idea how to stop them even legally. Because the mainly reason is she is narcissist but can't report legally .I think
Ikr you're quiet you good lol
My NARC husband always...always has noise on. Headphones while mowing grass. Speakers on in bathroom while showering. Loud music in the garage. When coming home you can hear his music in the car a 1/2 block away. Can only sleep with television on. If I turn off the tv he immediately wakes up. Married to him 38 years...should have left a long time ago. Now I'm trapped financially and for health insurance. I am 71. He is 66 but never matured beyond 14.😢
I so, so appreciate your insight and reassurance. Despite (finally!) removing two very influential narcissists from my life, I'm still processing a lifetime of confusion, dissonance, and grief. Your words help my brain rearrange itself so my heart can rest after so many years of trauma. Thank you. ♡
Thanks a ton. Realisation is dawning. I hv been with this kind of spouse. Who sponges on me for every thing 24x7. Without acknowledge ment or appreciation.....
The craziest thing is when they think we are plotting with them. instead , some ideas never came up into mind or heart.like: "aha! now I´ve catch you!"...rsrs....or like trying to read our minds. what a power, no?
Yelp that's exactly what my ex would do, after he had cheated multiple times, he started lurking around listening to my phone conversations, going through my stuff, going in yo my phone looking for his ah ha moment and admitting to me he thought the only reason I got back with him was to plot against him and seek revenge and it never crossed my mind.
Wow! That’s mind blowing ! Thank you !
You've just described 47 years with my sister...
I left my narcissist ex-husband 3yrs ago and he's still kinda stalking me. I won't talk to him and feel so good about it 😂
He also hit on every friend I had and that my teenage daughter had in addition to pork and dating sex sites and always thought he was so slick which he wasn't.! I've found myself again and love life again. ❤❤❤❤
# 5 "Just do what I say."
Very very good video. Thank you so much!
My Narcissistic daughter and son will feel the wrath of my silence. I’m just realizing that both my children are Narcissists. My sisters are Narcissists too. They used me when I was younger and I’m the youngest. I went no contact along time ago not even realizing they were Narcissists at the time. I was just tired of being treated like an outsider. I’m not a Narcissists thank goodness. I’m nothing like them and I’m extremely compassionate and empathetic. but now I understand why they are so Fake and treat me like trash sometimes. My son doesn’t even communicate with me unless he’s faking the son of the year award for someone. Oh I’m very
aware now and they better watch out: They are both going to get a Rude Awakening. Enough is Enough. I don’t even care cause I’m furious. Just gonna Mirror them. They are both full grown adults.
I stopped responding to my narc dad that I live with. Ive been grey rocking him, it drives him crazy, but Ive been journalling and writing down my plan to leave and be independent. This man aka my narc dad stole pages of my diary, I entered his room and I found my pages with my plans in his briefcase. Now it makes sense how he knew exactly what to sabotage.
I dont understand what he wants from me. He doesn't want me to be free and independent. What does he what. He already drove my mum crazy and gave her chronic stress till she died.
I look exactly like my mum. Is that the case? He sabotage my finances, I now have absolutely no money.
I had been grey rocking him for a while and he told me he booked me to go to the therapist, long story short after sharing everything to the "therapist" I found it it wasnt an actually therapist but the woman he was cheating on my mum with.
All these things have happened but I haven't confronted him.
I just want out.
How can someone be so deceptive, malicious agaisnt their own child that wants nothing but to be loved by them and love them back.
I love to love people but Ive noticed it has put me in hot soup when I try to love my father
I've had similar experiences with my dad. I finally escaped him when a good friend of the family brought me to stay with family out of state for a while. I got a job and got out on my own.
Years later I discovered that the family members I was brought to were also narcs. But, at least I got away from my dad. He has more psychological power over me because he is my parent l. I pray that things go well for you.
I truly dont think she cares at all about my silence whatsoever. Ive been in No Contact for 5.5mos now post discard from covert narky ex-gf. Not a peep from her but some gradeschool social media bashing that ive ignored. She never loved me and doesnt care about me at all.
Less is more. Slow is smooth & smooth is fast.
OMG JW 2 SAY TYSVM 4 THIS VIDEO. ITLL HELP SAVE MY LIFE!! Im a 53 yr old F w/ BPD married to a covert narc for 34 yrs n just left last nite. left once 17 yrs ago wen he tried 2 kill me with a hatchet but went back 4 yrs later. this time just found evidence of him cheating a cpl yrs ago. TY again!!!❤
My now ex narc would always shake their legs when I was calm
Wow
I love peace and quiet. I have a very happy home full of joy and peace. But every time they have come, they actually are always causing CHAOS. Turning TVs on super loud, talking super loud, just disrespectful behavior. They thrive n brining that into your home if you let them. Screw that! No more!
But….Any time I’ve gone to anyone’s home they always have either a very dark house even with such beautiful large windows or they give me high anxiety with always being obnoxious and super loud! It’s like they live in a dark bat cave full of flying monkeys!
Danish, u are very correct my x husband did exactly what you said he just questioned me about something that happened a long time ago n why i said that what I meant n misunderstanding began i had to justify myself.