How To Spot a Narcissist and Heal From Them w/ Dr. Ramani Durvasula | The Psychology Podcast
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ค. 2024
- This week Scott is joined by clinical psychologist and author Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Dr. Durvasula is one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism. In this episode, they the common myths about narcissism, the warning signs of narcissism to look for when a new person enters your life, and how to heal and move on with your life after you've been hurt by a narcissistic person.
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Dr. Ramani is a rare, concisely, clear, empathetic, and supportive voice for those of us who suffer from antagonistic relationships. I value her insight, her knowledge, her understanding, and her compassion! Dr. Ramani, well said in this broadcast!
And well said Lois! She is amazing. Gives us clarity. The confusion is being unravelled.
Dr Ramani - I am astounded that folks have been hateful towards you. What? This hurts me for you. I am so sorry there are so many jerks out there. Keep on keeping on!!
I love how Dr. Ramani is not wishy-washy. Often when people tell us to let go of the awareness of narcissism, and the damage that comes from these relationships, it’s similar to the concept of spiritual bypass. Which further invalidates people that were victims of narcissist abuse. It also does cause that confusion she talks about. Because we know the experience we had, and the damage it caused, and then we are made to feel shame around it like oh, they just had a traumatic childhood, and all these other excuses for their very harmful behaviors. The conflict between our felt experience of abuse and having that experience minimized and justified is what creates.. hello birth of cognitive dissonance. We are not blaming everything on the narcissist. We are blaming them for everything that was that direct result of the entanglement with them (hate to call it connection, that muddies something healthy). Which ironically is a lot. They are the cause of lots of damage. When we are clear on this, that is when progress is made. No more excuses that is a form of enabling narcissism to continue running rampant.
As a provider in health care, Dr Ramani has been tremendously helpful to me personally and professionally. She is very empathetic, clear, concise and articulate. She is a MASTER communicator of some very complex concepts. Thank you Thank you Dr Ramani!!🙏🫶
At 15 years of marriage, when I finally went for help, my psychologist asked why I was there; I said “My husband is driving me crazy” She told me I was married to an alcoholic after many questions, but Dr Ramini made me realize that primarily he was, and is, a narcissist. 10 years in Alanon, it still didn’t come together until she filled in the blanks. Thank you Dr R!
Dr. Ramani, you outshined the host and were so good at making your intelligence known on this subject. 👏 Course everyone knows you are THE person to go to for in-depth knowledge of narcissists. I can't thank you enough for saving my sanity.❤
My daughter called me a narcissist and have convinced others that I am a narcissist.
I had been on therapy at this point 9-10 years and making good progress. Because she said I just found a therapist that would tell me what I want to hear, I got referrals to a psychologist that his specialty is diagnosing behavioral issues and narcissism, so I went and had a complete psychiatric evaluation done. I got the report of his findings and gave it to my daughter and therapist, it showed I was not a narcissist, that I had extreme trauma and low ADHD. My daughter didn’t back down from her claim I was a narcissist and smear campaign.
There's a narcissist there but it's not you.
Dr. Ramani is absolutely wonderful in her knowledge! She’s a gift to this world.
Ramani is a legit warrior
I listen to the podcast on the Alexa Echo Pop and come here to leave a Thumbs Up. This one was especially good because it hits every key point of every single stage as it progresses to reach FINALLY the state of going no contact. I'm 64 and came out the other side of a narcissistic mother and a collection of narcissists I "collected" and played the victim although being in a co-dependent relationship there is NO victim, just a dance between two playing a sort of game. They use other terms other than "no contact" but it's the same... changing the narrative is what is needed because taking a victim mentality makes one inapproachable because the "victim-hood" becomes an addiction. No one likes "Victim Personalities". Setting boundaries that we enforce for our own well-being is key to shutting out these blind humans. No, you're not being "Selfish", it's called self-preservation. Narcissists can and will destroy you if you let them. Don't let them!
P
dr Ramani done amazing here not sure id have coped as well.. tricky but she outdone herself as usual.
I like how she reframed people pleasing as a necessary survival strategy for those of us who had mothers who were narcissists. It became clearer to me that my mother’s adoptee status who never had a relationship with her biological parents evolved into a narcissistic personality.
I finally finalized my divorce with my narcissistic husband. Unfortunately we do have 4 children together, the youngest being 1, so I am stuck with him for some time, but I no longer am stuck in a state where I know nobody being an at home mother and going without just to satisfy his need for drugs and alcohol. I have come a long way, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I finally can not only see it, but look forward with excitement instead of fear to see whats on the other side. My story has only just begun, at the age of 37...
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Yes . “ what they are doing is not okay “yes.
Dr. Ramani's videos saved my brain from thinking I am totally worthless after experiencing narcissistic abuse from a younger guy. The silent treatment, the manipuation into getting what he wanted and the discard. It's all exactly like she talks about in videos and in her book. I hope she is not questioned to the levels that the host is trying to check her. She is right! That's all we know.
I’m glad I am reading: “It’s not you.”
Very thankful for the book which is not just a repeat of stuff I’ve heard on the many podcasts I’ve listened to.
Such a wonderful human being
Great discussion (I love Dr. Ramani’s work!) 😘
This dude was shaming himself each time he opened up his mouth, making unintelligent remarks and gibberish jargons. Why would the producer allow such an inexperience and immature fool to conduct this interview with Dr Ramani? She deserves better!! Dr Ramani is such an amazing and highly intelligent person and it was so degrading to assign this fool to interview her. It feels like Dr Ramani is parenting a teenager who pretends to be the cool kid throughout the whole interview.
I think this was done deliberately in order to introduce heavy and difficult topis of psychiatry with many people who are not much educated in psychology, or are not interested to learn all the clinical definitions - but they still suffer from NPD due to toxic colleagues or boss or family members in their lives.
I've just watched the whole video and this dude is catastrophe. At around 38 minute he is screeching mysterious sound, I thought at first there is some animal in my room. Rarely annoying person to listen. If there was no Ramani here, I would quit watching it long time ago.
Interrupting - out of his depth!
Wow. This brilliant lady doctor gets me. Totally resonate with her childhood psychology assessment and several other concepts, such as grief over opportunity costs, etc. I will be reading her book!
Super podcast
This guy is not happy that men statistically are more of the abusive mentality than women. This is historic. Don't check her book facts, check history dude.
👏👏👏 this dude is just not sharp enough..
It appears that he hides his laziness as being convinced that he is a nice guy.
I smell traits of narcissism here.
it depends whether or not you think the values of the world mean that you finish first. What is your definition of finishing first and what is your definition of finishing last? what actually matters? in this video you come across as somebody who is still very much bought into the values that the media and the world say are important. Have these values worked for the world? Have they made people happy? look deeper…
I’m so glad you said we don’t have to be shut down because we call someone a narcissist and we’re not therapists. After seeing so many videos on narcissism, there is no doubt that the person I know definitely has these characteristics. She even said after going to therapy with her family that the blame was put on her, but she never acknowledged that she was the cause of the problems in her family.
You just said that the victim gets to the point where they record a conversation/ argument with the narcissist.
Well I have known two narcissists that recorded a victim after reactive abuse, they get the victim worked up and pushed all the right buttons and then press record them having a reaction.
I came across a recording of me accidentally of a fight and I remember the fight and there were pieces of the fight missing, then at the end of the recording the narcissist says “ now you see what I have to deal with”.
So the victim can be made to look like the narcissist.
The recording is absolutely awful. Never had it in a relationship until my present one.
Yuo are a life saver Dr Ramani 😍
Thank you Dr 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I think the Psychology fields need to add a few more chapters into the existing psychological disorders such as Passive/Aggressive behaviors, CODEPENDENCY with NARCISSISTIC DISORDERS and their detrimental effects on the victims worst than anything else..I hope the APA would be able to get enough Federal Aids for research projects in these areas and last but not least I bet ya there are plenty of high profiles government's officials who might funded these programs are actually the Narcissistic themselves 😂😅..
I cannot get over him saying "Well atent you miss assertive". Hahaha Dr Ramani is talking fast because she has a lot damage control to do with this dude. He is clearly clueless and seems to want to "one up her"
Aren't*
Lol that comment 2 narcs absolute recipe for disaster made me chuckle to myself, which felt good as I've still been ruminating as just about to get rid of narc mate lol,!!!!
With people pleasing we need to take step back. What are the origins of this? Is this trauma informed behavior? Was this a way how person maintained attachments? If a person had narcissistic parent, being a people pleaser was the only way they were going to get any form of attunement from that parent. People pleasing now is literally may be safety behavior. What is function of people pleasing- only by doing I am going to be safe. Fixing becomes love
🟥 Dr. Ramani Durvasula
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this is the only person who recognize people pleasing - all other authors ashame it as being too nice syndrome.
“Un-crazying” someone! Yep. That’s me….
I beg to differ that everyone is attracted to narcissists. I am completely turned off and repelled by them.
Narcs do not come with narcissists tattooed on their forehead.
They are manipulative - and they are actors. They have glib charm like psychopaths.
All this means - that they will appear as saints and as saviors and the most perfect person you seen in your life. At first.
The fake social mask will appear as their true persona - and with honeymoon phase - they are like flash eating plant attracting the insects with the sweet aroma.
So people will fall into the predatory jaws easily.
This is why education in NPD is crucial and especially from deep experts like Dr Ramani.
You haven’t met the charming, love bombing one yet!
My sister is the narcissist that drives me to these videos; and I’ve never been loved bombed by her. Insult bombed, 💯 but there’s no love there. She is good at love bombing other people in my presence though, just to make sure it’s clear that I’m a horrible person. But it’s phony and hollow. She is a vulnerable narcissist which is even less attractive. As far as the smooth talking narcissists, I see right through them. I’ve only ever been attracted to nice men, and I’m married to the best one. I’m lucky and grateful for that.
I had a friend who from what I have been able to figure out is narcissist which reminded me of gaslighting until three months ago. Another format friend . could've been narcissist. I had a five year or so time away from a friend whom I've known over 35 years. I decided to write her and our friendship was revived. When I told Ann I was friends with Sue Ann said drop her insisted voice tone. I said no and slammed the phone down. After that Ann's and my friendship wasn't the same. I haven't heard from Ann in twelve years maybe eleven years. She moved to another state and her husband divorced Ann .❤They have a daughter. .
I think one of the expanations for people falling victim to narcissists or cult leaders is the deep desire in us to find an ideal person to follow. The narcissist presents an attractive ideal veneer.
Have you (the interviewer ) ever done any introspection??
They can't say your name properly. Dr Ramani
❤
39:20 💯
3:05 Finally... I was sick of clinicians' and therapist's egomania that like they can easily figure out if they see a narcissist in a consultation. And not allowing you to spot one.
You’ve mispronounced both her first and last name. Two minutes of research will help
It feels so disrespectful, doesn’t it? Some do that with Gabor Mate too
Makes you wonder where the host falls on the spectrum.
Do I hear judgementalness ?
Really ? How about looking in the mirror and listening to a surprise recording of yourself ..,,
Narcissism ….??? A hint of …
@@paularyan8400 what the hell does that mean?
It seems that his priorities are more in pleasure seeking than being professional.
At 20:30 is she talking about the cult of Trump
My experience has never been validated , and no one ever will , I am on my own , to live the best life I can
This was kind of an awkward interview. I've seen Dr. Ramani in other interview/podcast forums and did well in those, but for some reason this one feels grating and uncomfortable. I can tell Dr. Ramani is kind of irritated.
I completely agree. I don’t think the interviewer was as informed or prepared as most, and Dr Ramani had to try to tactfully correct him a few times.
Oh my goddddd...the lengths this guy goes to make himself seem like he's a "GOOD GUY"....not only is it incredibly annoying, but it definitely guarantees he is NOT a nice guy. Not really.
I wonder if vulnerable narcissists can be successful - even by the world's standards - but it never feels like enough, either because part of the success is a facade OR because whatever level of success they have, they feel that they were thwarted from reaching the level they deserve.
I have two Coverts living next door. Every time they go to do yard work it ends with a few mean words then follows silent for hours. Sitting back and wondering how will that relationship end! The female reminds me of my mother. UGH
I opened up to my therapist through email and it looks like she didn't believe me and thought that I was only sending that email to convince her to help me get disability. It's not true cus I was afraid so that's why is ent it through email to avoid retaliation. I even told the clinician that I didn't feel safe were I lived but I didn't open up to her for those same reasons.
13:18 "She got a powder-keg vibe"
She said, "Doo-doo." 50:00😁
Loved this interview, especially the last 10 minutes; Dr. Ramani was perfect at correcting this guy's idiotic, misinformed takes
He is a tad narcissistic in the manner in which he conducted interview😮
I don't like the questions the host was asking Dr. Ramani, smells like red-pill
Yeah sounds like hes dipping into the red-bill-red-flag manosphere, hope he recovers soon.
@@Jaylade Let's hope he reads the comments and do something about his issues.
«Mostly female Audience” I am from Norway and you just don’t use language like that. For us it sounds as stupid and uninformed as “he was a male doctor”
Hes just adding details
@@Jaylade just unnecessary, and is it true? An intrest in psychology I would guess is gender neutral.
first step, bud: pronouce your guest's name correctly. I can't even watch this because you are too lazy to get that right.
Well 90 percent of men are like him.
Your guest is Full of Good Ideas. But she needs "to relax" to let us follow her train of thought.
Thank you both!
I have no trouble keeping up. Maybe it's your problem, not hers
@@robinantonio8870I agree with you!!!! They are obviously upset, that she is talking about them!
She’s great you’re far off
Relax?
What does that mean? I am curious what is your definition of being relaxed and talking about topic related to severe abuse and suicide issues?
Smoking weed and reggae music in the background?
Like this is like vacuous pop psychology for women.
You must not live in reality of the world we live in. But it's okay. If you did we would not have this issue.
Wow, how to out yourself as a narc. Well done
The male host maybe. Ramani is the real deal.
Tip: if you ran a "psychology" podcast - you won't get seriously if you use F word.
i love narcissists ❤
You don't need to - they already have that covered
@@devinbrunson3593 they're prob one lol I've now steered clear of the folks who say they see nothing wrong with narcissism....over time their personality showed these traits (thanks for the research from the last decade or so!). I've also heard folks say its better to be a narcissist and succeed than a good person who serves and gets stepped on...and of course this is taught to kids and passes down, will never end
🤮
Read her book Word for Word, yet can’t pronounce her name?
learning how to properly say a guest's name demonstrates true care/ not learning is careless
What wrong with this guy? He sounds so bleeeh and the questions he ask do nice guys finish last really? Shadap
My daughter called me a narcissist and have convinced others that I am a narcissist.
I had been on therapy at this point 9-10 years and making good progress. Because she said I just found a therapist that would tell me what I want to hear, I got referrals to a psychologist that his specialty is diagnosing behavioral issues and narcissism, so I went and had a complete psychiatric evaluation done. I got the report of his findings and gave it to my daughter and therapist, it showed I was not a narcissist, that I had extreme trauma and low ADHD. My daughter didn’t back down from her claim I was a narcissist and smear campaign.
Ok.
He is so rude to her.!! Very inappropriate for him to treat her that way. He doesn't say her name correctly.. wow