I was on a dark path with my toddler daughter. I started yelling at her tantrums, something I thought I would never do. Yelling at my toddler solved the problem temporarily but made me feel like shit for doing so and distanced our relationship. The best thing I took from this dude is to be empathetic. Heck I do that with adults but it never dawned on me that I should do it with my toddler daughter. That whole segment changed everything for me and I no longer feel anger or the need to yell. Of course it’s takes patience but I feel like I am so much closer to my daughter now since I stopped yelling at her tantrums. This video saved my relationship and I could not be more thankful. 🤙🏽🙏🏻
I'm heading down the same path hence finding this video..getting angry...at my little girl...who's just trying to play too hard or have too much fun...I would never imagine that I'd ever be in this position but luckily we have a great relationship and I will make sure that I am the parent that she deserves...great video
Thank you I'm going through this with my 2 year old . I don't wanna yell anymore. I feel like I yell to much and to loud and I don't wanna be like that.
@@DogMommy. I'm trying to remember to pause..ask myself what damage is being done...go from there... But the hard part is remembering to not react instantly... A dangerous situation is totally different Other situations...anyway you know the rest....
As I’m sitting here crying and questioning everything I’m doing for my 2 year old I’m saving this video to look back on anytime I lose my way. Thank you for posting this.
Whenever I think about losing my mind, I remember that my little boy will be an adult in the future and I am forming this human being for the world. If I lose my head, he will use it as a model and as an adult will lose his mind with others
Thank you for putting videos like this out ! I'm a single mom and is soo hard not to yell after a long day of working , dinner and whatever else is needed to do . Im here because i want to raise a healthy adult. Kids grow up to be grown ups i hate when parent say hes just a child yes that may be true but everything is building them up for the futre . Good luck to all the parents that click here means you care and are trying !❤
Growing up i was disciplined physically by my dad. Even till I was a grown up, I promised myself whenever he beat me I would never do this to my own kid. Fast forward, i have a 3 year old toddler. She goes to daycare, she sometimes hits my wife and myself and then laughs. Its so frustrating and sometimes i give her timeout or take away the toys. I felt like shit whenever I did this. I want my daughter to be my best friend. This video is very helpful and i am looking forward to trying out these tips
Thx so much.i am so depressed about my girl's behavior.she is 2.5 year old.she cries a lot and she does not play alone.Whenever she wants to play she calls me.sometimes it is too hard to deal with her
I'm going through this right now. I have 20 and 17 year old boy's who never gave me any problems. Now I have a 2 almost 3 year old little girl who is very stubborn and determined to get her way. I pray to God every morning please help me with this beautiful little girl.
Omg.. I have a 13 year old and a 3 year old and my toddler is giving me a run for my money.... my first born was completely different, this girl is a handful. And not to mention I'm 2 months pregnant and she started acting up now... I'm scared she's going to continue acting up when the baby comes. I hope this video helps me out.
oh she will. mines been hell on wheels ever since my 2nd. but just involve her with everything. make her feel like the baby is her task too. make her empathetic to the baby. then she will love and protect it (mostly) and it will help curb any jealousy that ure taking time away from her to take care of the baby. just every time u get up for a diaper or bottle or cry, if ur 3 yr old is in the room, look over at her and say "we". she'll love it. it helped a ton with mine, hope it can work for you too:) congradulations!
Some kids respond really well to being given a special responsibility! My son is 3, when he has been really difficult I give him a job- not as a punishment but as a help, and he loves it. It turns him from being a pain to being such a good kid. He needed purpose, he didn’t like just free floating in the house. I gave him a broom and said “whew, I’m so overwhelmed with trying to clean, can you help me sweep? I’d feel so much better” Obviously they don’t actually help much 😂 but it’s a distraction that makes them feel like a big person with important things to do. They love something they can go back to for consistent praise. Some kids are just really stubborn too- and the consistency takes a lot longer to get through. I’m sorry it’s a challenge right now. I hope you find something that helps. It’s a hard phase of parenting.
I had 3 kids in 3 years. They are 5,4,and 3 now, and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes. I love my children with every bit of my soul, but they stress me out beyond belief. I really appreciated this video. It's given me good insight, and I look forward to more content from you, sir. Thank you
I needed to watch this video. My oldest daughter is turning 3 and recently has been preferring my wife more, challenging me a lot, whining about so many things and constantly trying to get my attention when I’m trying to play with my younger daughter. “I don’t want to leave the park, the car seat harness is too tight, I don’t want to wear that t-shirt, I want to watch TV, I want that toy (the one toy her sister is playing with).” This is after years of her always lovey dovey, cuddling, happy attitude always to see me and do anything with me. It’s so hard not to take it personally and makes me feel like I did something wrong for trying to discipline her or just do regular tasks with her.
I agree to an extent. Discipline can work, and can be affective is applied correctly. Punishing a child out of frustration is a bad idea, and will only make the child more frustrated and nobody wins. My parents always explained to me why it was necessary in a calm corrected way, showing control. Communication along with showing limits and boundaries is the parents duty and job.
As a Dad sitting on the toilet i take the approach of disciplining my 2 year old daughter like a hostage negotiator and after watching this video i feel like that lines up pretty well 😅. It's not always the case but i try to let tantrums phase right through me, and not take things personal. I'm naturally in empathetic person I'm just wired that way probably more than most people but I couldn't agree with you more with just trying to see it through your toddlers eyes. I also try to talk to my toddler like I'm talking to an adult with the exception of talking a little slower and very clear and bold. Bold enough so it sinks in, but not in a scary way. Either way no one's perfect and raising a toddler is pretty hard but it's so satisfying into all the other dads out there I wish you the best luck and please love the shit out of your kids
The love is important when they’ve found the juice stash and drank 5. Being the bad guy who says drinking all 30 isn’t okay. Yet coming out as dad hero and public enemy #1 takes grace.
Theres a book called 1 2 3 magic and it talks about how concise discipline may have better results than having an adult like conversation with your toddler that may open other argument avenues for them and even confuse them. I also talk to my daughter like she's older than she is because I feel like she understands it, but I thought I'd share that with you incase you find yourself in that situation having an adult conversation with a toddler and it may be counterproductive. Not sure how old your child is but best of luck bro 😂
00:00 intro 01:35 punishment doesn't work 04:46 be empathetic 05:46 affirming their feelings 06:31 don't take things personally 07:07 provide choices 08:01 positive reinforcement 09:17 ignore them 11:33 distraction/redirection 12:25 repetition
My daughter is less than two... Looks me square in the eye, takes a hand full of food at the table, holds it like a king deciding the fate of someone's life... then she drops it and laughs like a madman.
Children are such a blessing in our lives. At the same time, as parents we have a responsibility to teach them what's right and wrong. And oooh boy! it's a biggest responsibility I have never thought in my life as a single mom I will face. But to me it's like trial and errors. I try different techniques, if it works I keep that same and if not I try something new. But it takes a lot of work and patience which is one thing every parent out there needs to keep it together.
I literally felt alone cause a lot of parents seem to “ have it all figured out “ so the more seasoned mothers look at the struggling mother like we “aren’t capable” I had a lot of frustration moments with my 3 year old daughter and I’ve been on the soft parenting out look for weeks now it’s some progress and in other moments it feels like no progress at all but I’m still trying. Her favorite thing right now is crying literally for everything if she can’t do something she cries if she spills something accidentally whether if it’s on herself or on something else she will cry, if she doesn’t get her way she will cry if she hot she will cry if she wants juice she will cry…. It get hard yall seriously she suck an emotional person. Falling out is her favorite thing as well. With crying. Yall keep us in your prayers. I’m gonna try everything you said in this video.
Im a single mum to a 3 year old he will be 4 in 3 months and hes had me at my wits end i really appreciate your video ive just moved house and everythink is really overwhelming right now
One feedback is be careful with “ignore” as it varies by child. You don’t want to stretch to the point that the child would go in “depressed” zone that they are not being heard. (Reference book: raising girls). Thanks for this awesome video, I am going to apply quite a bit for my kid 😊👍
I agree with most of this video, and it is so nice to hear a dad promote positive discipline. What i don't agree with is the angle that kids misbehave to get our attention and we shouldn't provide it to them and just ignore them. Toddlers have no emotional control yet and a tantrum is a result of just that: They are toddlers, so many things are out of their control and their wishes and wants are constantly frustrated. That is how it is supposed to be, they souldn't be in control - but it is very hard for them. Crying doesn't mean "I want your attention!" It means "I am so frustrated! Nothing is going according to my will and these grown-ups don't understand me!" I belive ignoring your child when they are throwing a tantrum IS a form on punishment and it works like spankig: They notice that you give them the silent treatment and they get scared. Is dad mad at me now? Will he ignore me all day? Will he still tend to my needs now?" They desperately need you for their survival and wellbeing, so they stop the bad behavior, out of fear, like you said. You didn't teach them anything but "if you misbehave, something scary will happen", i.e the child will be ignored by their caregivers. Their bad feeling will remain. I also believe that you already explained in detail what it is you should do instead: Be empathetic! Stay calm and unbothered by their beavior. Affirm their feelings without affirming the behavior and talk them through the tantrum. " I know sweetie, you really wanted that candy and I said 'no'! That was really frustrating for you. I won't let you hit me but I am here to listen to what you have to say! Would you like to tell me all about it?" When they come out on the other side and they feel better, they will behave better - and you will have shown them how to handle these feelings: staying calm, naming the feeling, finding out what caused them, using your words instead of your fists and seeking comfort with people who care about you.
You could do that with older toddlers thou, my 18 months old would have a tantrum because he can't throw his paci in the toilet and he won't even understand me explaining to him why that's nasty and we can't do it while he is scream crying on the floor😅. When they are older in my opinion is still better to be quick with words and walking away is fine. As an adult i also act stupid when i'm angry and nothing anyone says will help me more than just walking away and let the emotions calm down for a while before i put myself back in a situation. When you are calm and collected you can address things much better than during a hissy fit
I completely agree although a lot of the time when a child’s in a full blown tantrum they aren’t able to listen, rationalize and trying to calm them down at all may make things worse
@@annaomodeo7318why don’t you explore the consequences of throwing things in the toilet with him and validate him by throwing some toilet paper in there or something? Then after you’ve had fun tell him throwing pacifier in there is dirty
@@joshuawilson1544 because he wouldn’t understand the concept of “it’s dirty” and because it would start an obsession of him throwing toilet paper down the drain like it’s a game…
Misbehaving though DOES cause scary things to happen. This is important. What happens when as an adult you misbehave? Scary things happen, you can hurt someone extremely either emotionally or physically. You could break the law and go to jail. You can have your reputation destroyed. Teaching a young child that if you misbehave something scary can happen is not a bad thing. It's what you do AFTER that matters waaaaaay more. The moment things have calmed down you talk to them and help them see that what they did had a consequence. That consequence was losing your attention and the ability show them genuine affection in that moment. Why force affection on them when they're aupset anyway? All that shows is its ok to be mean and hurtful to someone else because im hurting. That's not an effective way to teach anyone at any age. You tell them you love them and you tell them you will always be there for them after they are done misbehaving. All that giving them affection and attention during the tantrum does is teach them I can be mean and stupid to someone else just cause I didn't get my way, or because I feel bad.
Thanks for this video. I have a daughter 3 years old and she is so anxiety ridden. I have to practice all of that.sometimes is to much and I got a lot stress.I apreciate the video.
This reminds me of when I was a teenager it didn’t matter what my parents took away or if they spanked me it was like early teens, but it was the teachers who would calmly talk to me and question me that helped made me realize what I was doing wrong or not doing
I have zero patience and never did. I don’t know what to do anymore it’s really difficult with 3 toddlers. It makes me not want to go anywhere with them or do things. I don’t like people staring at us in public when they throw tantrums and makes me even more angry. I hope to keep a lot from this video in the back of my mind and improve my attitude and become a better dad.
My husband doesn’t have any kids and I have a 3 year old son and he drives us both crazy. I know sometimes it can be hard for him and I can see the frustration. We both learning how to handle his tantrums and all the nooooooooooo. It’s so hard and draining because I know you are trying daily. We can’t even go to the grocery store or out to eat without him acting crazy because we won’t let him play with the condiments on the table or he wants to get out of the booster. We took him to bush gardens the other day and he acted a fool. It was my husband’s first time dealing with a tantrum out in public I just looked at him with hope and said this is just the beginning baby but we got this and so do you dad. Remember the greatest thing about being a dad is watching them grow up to be sooo amazing because you took the initiative to search for help. You got this, I say this to myself before during and after(you will not control me but I will control myself)718
I definitely can see how these can help.. but I’m also a parent that feels like aren’t too many choices not good? That isn’t always going to be the case for a child in different settings and even going into adulthood. I loved the positive reinforcement, distraction and ignoring one. I’ve found these work for us.. praying for everyone in toddler phase! It isn’t easy mines is 2 and 6 months and strong willed! He’s growing up but I’m also having to grow in many ways also
Well, as for the options, of course, parents should be guided by common sense in the first place. He's judt giving examples of how to introduce these options into everyday situations.
You're a good man! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom! My 2 year old son is giving me grey hairs and wrinkles. Lol I'm going to try your methods.
I try so hard to break things down and to speak, and have these conversations to learn and move forward. I do all of these things you've suggested ive studied SOAR in my work. Ive given empathy positive reinforcement made sure to show that im hearing her needs. Literally everything on this list ive hit, ive tried to ignore negative attention seeking, and just as you say 10:20 the power struggles keep going over and over. Im at a loss some time, whenever i got to work its worse and worse when i get home she bullies her mother and i cant get anywhere at this point. It's not easy to allow my child to scream without giving attention especially in this day and age when the rent cost to live in someone's basement is more than I can afford. So allowing our toddler to scream into the night doesn't help there. A family home isn't an option for a lot of families.
I feel you. I have kids and a neighbor that calls the CPS because of yelling if it happens at all in the night. The craziest thing is that this neighbor has a toddler too. Their toddler has just reached the terrible twos and the yelling has started. I think I am not going to call CPS because of any yelling (in the night too) but I might make a request for some sort of mental health check... Who doesn't understand that toddlers yell and who ruins neighbor relations like this for basically nothing? (Well, we do have an especially strong-willed child that likes to try and terrorize with the voice.)
No you should do the same and add the mental check in there aswell because calling CPS they are trying to get your kids taken away so do the same. Or do an anonymous report😂
My son is autistic and still pretty much non verbal. He’s smart. Like no lie about that. I can’t have a conversation with him. I can say things and he understand, but, he can’t say anything back or tell me how he feels even in the same level as other toddlers can. This seems to frustrate him even more. Giving options helps sometimes, in some aspects it’s easier because all I have to do is create a routine around something like bathing or getting into the car. I can tell him good job when he does well. I can’t always do these things and it work. He’s smart. He finds ways around things. There are so little options for ND kids here.
I’m just realizing how much my toddler mimics my authoritative parenting back to me and with his peers. And I don’t like what I see. I want him to be more gentle so I want to be more gentle toward him. Great tips my favorite one is to offer more choice. Not only for him to feel in control but to nurture his ability to choose. I might follow up with why he choose what he did. To know what he likes and encourage him to be able to express his likes or dislikes.
Thanks for a great video. We have an almost 3 year old and we are going through the phase of a meltdown when she doesn't get her own way. I practice most of the strategies mentioned in the video but also picked up some great pointers. I also use the "time out" and it seems to work well for us, most of the time, not always lol. It's just nice to know you're on the right track with disapline and hearing it from other dad's! If only they came with a manual 😅
My 3 yr old has speech delay and starting ABA in 2 weeks. Currently we're trying all sorts of tips. Thank you for your input, we already do some of these but will work on the rest!
Affirming their feelings is a must because we can often forget we were once them and not yelling at them when we don’t understand them or because of they are having a tantrum being more empathetic ❤ definitely helps. #6 ignore them 😂 my favorite trick not act irrational
There's some great advice in this video! Ignoring tantrums however is not one of them. Guys, don't ignore your kids. They have feelings too. Empathize with them
Sometimes you do need to ignore especially when you have repeatedly explained to them. Not that you don't Love them or sympathize with them but give tough love. I guess everyone does what works for them.
Agreed.. you don't "ignore" them.. you let them know you understand how they feel and you are there when they are ready to calm down. Doesn't mean we have to give them hugs and hold them why they go through it.. We just have to acknowledge them..
Interesting, I work at Boy’s Town and offering negative consequences for negative behavior coupled with positive consequences for positive actions (in addition to intense skill work) seems to do extremely well. We do only as young as 4th grade however!
I feel it's a mixture of both explain talk about what they did and how and why they did that. However they need to know that there are consequences if the act continues. Like in life if you break the law you may get a warning or a lighter charge however if it continues harsher punishment. Giving them choices works very well and makes them use their own brain
I truly feel like I’m losing my mind with my 1 year old son. I thought tantrum, yelling & screaming stage came after 1 years old. More like 2 & 3, but nope not my child. 😭😭 Anywho, Thanks for this reminder! I might have to watch this over and over again!!!
Our major struggle is that my oldest will not fall for the “fools choice” tactic. He never has 😂 We give him 2 options and he will construct a 3rd, and THATS the one he wants. I have to give him a count down of when I will choose for him. There are so many moments I feel inadequate as a parent- but lately I’ve watched my son standing up for himself gently with my daughter, and it makes me think maybe this will all be ok. She’s 1, just started walking, and so she’s prone to hit if someone is in her face or she gets mad. When she hits my 3 year old, he calmly says “no no, we don’t hit. I need you to not do that again because it’s not nice to your brother, ok?” He doesn’t hit, he doesn’t yell, he even puts a hand on her shoulder sometimes. She even responds “ok” and smiles at him 4/5 times. I love it. Granted, I do have to step in to remind him that she’s limited in her speech and can’t say “hey I need personal space” so we need to be aware and respect her personal bubble. I’m not expecting that to stay- especially as their disagreements or fights get more complicated, but for now it’s so reassuring that they’re being kind to each other. I hope it’s because of how we’ve disciplined my boy so far- always explaining the “why” to him, and making sure he can repeat back why he is in a timeout or why a toy went away. It seems like he’s interested in explaining to his sister why the standard should be the same for her too.
Same here my twins will not choose from two options they want their own option or its a 40 minute tantrum to get what they want. Once thats finished I do the choices all over again and the tantrum start again. So I say ok we will not go to the park anymore then. Its usually to do with outdoor gear, its freezing cold or rainy and they hate thick gear. You know cant exactly let them have their choice in that matter. But for us its not improving, its just one un intended power struggle after the next even though I set out for them to have choices and be empowered. We go outside and I start walking towards the park...no we want the other park...tantrum...I make two snax, no we want something else, I dont give it so they go on a food strike and dont eat. And the hanger tantrum follows an hour later. And I run for yoghurt and jam to get blood sugar up. Omg they are almost 3 and we legit have a minimum of 10 tantrums a day here. I start to think either I just happened to be the worst mam in history or they have a diagnosis. Every hour, tantrum. Big fights between them. Sometimes I dont feel like being inside out own home and I have hard core day dreams of a peaceful home and cry...a home where I once get to see them content...peace. This is a warzone. I have tried so hard a gentle parenting but it musnt be clicking in my brain how to do it correctly because my toddlers will break it down in 30 seconds. I have tried this way since they were one and they have zero improvement, they are worse however, to the point of me feeling embarrased publically and withdraw from the fun things our small town had to offer...reading at the library small theatre shows...they wreck those events and I have to take them out kicking and screaming. They were difficult babies from get go..like tantrums from 9 months of age. I feel so sad and defeated and I dont know what to do anymore.
I have a strong willed, high drive, attention to detail 3 year old! I love what Dad University said. Spot on. I will add though on #6 he says to ignore. Be careful with that one, as they may learn to suppress when not heard (or learn to give up) I would say stay present but not dismissive. Silent but ready to listen when they calm down.
I have 3 young kids: 4, 3, 1. It’s awful. Well they are all healthy and a blessing, can be super sweet etc., but sometimes I feel like I could break. Thousands of years of humans parenting and yet, here I am. Redirection does work when I’m present enough to think of something. The worst thing is being stuck inside a house with all 3, which naturally occurs often. It’s not usually bad if we go somewhere, outside, a playground, errands, activities etc.
Im opening a daycare and must learn to deal with other people's children is different 😂. Im ALLLLL ears! I have a 16 y.o myslef, a 6 y.o and a 1 year old. However these are MY kids... other kids my goodness 😅
I have a 3 years boy who is not listening to me at all in public & at home. Stubborn and want to do whatever he wants. He doesn’t follow any discipline. I will try almost every possible way to stop him but ignoring him is the only solution sometimes work. I tried already all these solutions that you are offering. I love him so much and seeing him crying making me nuts but he doesn’t left me any choice to either raise my voice or ignore him. How I can deal with it better?
My son is 2.5 and omg I’m losing it, I keep walking away from him at times just to calm myself down, he doesn’t want to eat anything other than pb&j and well with activities such eating a food he’s had and loved. He is absolutely not interested. He used to love bath time, he now just hates it. I’m so confused. However I see the point you made about the attention and , patience tip I’ll have to practice more of that and that repetition is key🙏🏾
These are all good basic strategies. However, discipline absolutely does work. You mention that they don’t actually learn anything from discipline, and while I would first of all say that yes, they absolutely do learn something, secondly you wouldn’t just only discipline. Discipline + positive reinforcement + explaining is a good general combo that works. Tantrums are also one of the most challenging things to deal with, and they are only mentioned briefly in this video. Ignoring a child throwing a tantrum sometimes isn’t an option if they are causing damage to their surroundings, it’s also not an option in public, and also some kids will tantrum for hours even when being ignored. I would be interested to hear you talk more about how to deal with tantrums.
correct, but you are affirming that discipline alone doesn't teach anything. It requires explanation. But it's actually the explaining and teaching that works.
My 2 year old son likes to scream like a banshee to get my attention. For example, we live in a one bedroom apartment right now and his father goes to work around 6am.(He shuts the door so our son cannot get out, bc he has successfully opened our front door before..) When our son wakes up, he plays for a little bit. But, if im still asleep, he will come next to my ear and start screaming or smacking me to get me up. Or if he wants something, as well. He will scream or throw a tantrum for it, and it really drives me bonkers. 😭 I really want to teach him how to communicate better so that hes not just screaming for everything.... Hes not a bad kid. Hes so smart, and he listens most of the time. Like, I've successfully taught him how to clean up his messes himself if he decides to throw something on the floor. He will pick it up and throw it in the trash. And he will put his plates, cups, utensils in the sink when hes done eating. But the SCREAMING when he wants attention or a specific thing, is definitely bad. 😭😭
Im teaching my daughter like my father used to teach me 30 years ago, and she is 3 and she is amazing , we go out and she doesn’t move without my permission
Thank you very much for sharing your wisdom. Sincerely appreciate it raising a toddler and a 5.5 year old while still trying to be a good leader to the entire family.
My 1.5 year old is SUPER into throwing things lately and walked right up to me and threw his toy truck at my face so hard i have a bruised and swollen brow bone. I was so angry and stressed today. He's been so extra stubborn and wanting to do everything that is either dangerous or hurts. I know he's not doing it out of anger but rather that he's just a very active young toddler. I am struggling to to teach him what's appropriate to throw and when and how but he's not listening and doing it more 🥺
My one year old has brought me to find this after getting angry after hearing winning all weekend. He’s very clingy to me yet he be chilling on Monday-Friday when moms around. once the weekend comes he’s suddenly this very needed crying kid. I hot to find some good tips from this video.
Hard to ignore sibling rivalry!!! Watching this to learn how to best manage/gain insight on keeping my 20 month old son from hitting my newborn son… He’s sweet to him most of the time (will gently kiss his head, holds hands while they tandem feed….) but the times he is not allowed to nurse with him he gets upset/jealous. 😅 I usually try to be super fair but it’s still a huge change in routine for him!
Talk to me! I am not a Dad. But, I am a 68 year old great grandmother that has adopted my great grandson who is just turning 2 years old. I have raised 5 kids of my own, 4 grandchildren and a close friends son. Last one before my lil man is making 20 and on his own. This lil one is different. You can see his mind working things out. Smart baby like most I observe today. He throws tantrums. He waits just until I turn my back and he go for it. Old school won't work, and i can see. Soooo, help!!!
What did you do with the others (specifically at 2 years old) that worked and doesn't with this one? You may also be in a completely different place now than you were then. Now you have the time to pay attention to it and deal with it. If you had 5, you likely didn't have time to deal with their tantrums. You may have acted different (not paid attention to the tantrum) which then makes a kid realize they don't work. The child will continue to throw a tantrum as long as they feel it's working. By the way, the child behavior at 2 years old is totally normal.
My biggest challenge is that I try to implement other strategies for discipline and I revert back to punishment like taking toys or electronics away instead of hearing them out and I am tarnishing my relationship with them and my partner.
It's great that you are noticing it. It does take a lot of practice. We all have old habits and they are hard to change. But when you start to see the new techniques work, it is awesome and you get to be more calm. Stick with it and you will see the change in you and them!
@@DadUniversity I find it harder to focus on that and my patience isn't much...I'm trying to find parenting classes but because of this "wonderful" pandemic it is difficult to find some where that is offering these classes.
Check out joyofparentingonline.com. Susie is awesome. I have a low patience too. Exercise, meditation and other techniques helped. We have a video on patience too.
We have issues keeping our toddler from wanting to run around and scream during church. We try bringing distractions like coloring books, quiet toys, and snacks but it always ends in wishing we didn’t come. I understanding that asking a toddler to sit down and be quiet is almost impossible but we want to be there and be respectful to others. We have regularly attended another church that has drop off for kids which works for now, but how does one get their child to be remotely obedient/silent during events like church.
Church for toddlers is just going to be boring. They're going to want stimulation. If they have an overflow room, that's where you should go. Toddlers simply are not developmentally ready to sit and be quiet for 30+ minutes
unless strong willed or one parent doesn't displine. Stay at home mom looking beautiful cleans house and says no don't do that. Then the child out of control.
@@vlichtle Not sure exactly what you're meaning. Are you saying the child tells you not to clean the house? Nonetheless, if it's that bad then there may be developmental issues, adhd, anxiety, etc. So consider taking them to a psychologist for assessment. Not a pediatrician, unless insurance requires a referral. I say that because too many md's will blow off the problem. So, if they do then say something like.. "Well it can't hurt to be sure, so humor me please".. Worse comes to worse, find a new ped. This guy gives great advice Except to ignore the child! So try it first If you haven't already & be consistent.. BUT.. Not "ignore" the child! That's like saying, I don't give a crap what you're feeling! Sure, they may just want to get there way(sometimes) but there's ways to acknowledge & deescalate, distract, etc. Which helps them learn to calm down on their own(self regulate) eventually & that talking about feelings is a good thing! We don't ignore a friend that's crying, why should we ignore a child!?! The friend is crying because their overflowing with emotions. So is the child & they have no clue how to deal with them, unless we teach them. I'm sorry for the book! I'm passionate about it because I have a daughter that Isn't using these techniques, except the ignore one & it's hell to see her put my grandchild through that. Best of luck.. I hope you get it figured out..
I was raised in an abusive athoritarian household. It’s all I know, but I know it’s not how I want to raise my kids. For their sake, I need to get a handle on better techniques.
Ignore kids when they throw tantrums. Talk to them when they calm down. Praise them when they do things you want them to do. Model good behavior and most things get solved over time.
Great advice , I myself have a three year old boy that wants everything his way. He doesn’t want to share his toys or other kids toys and I get upset and give him time out I’m not sure what I should do when he starts acting up when I say Can you please share and he answers back “NOOOO” “MINE” “I DONT WANT TOO” that’s when I get overwhelmed and start yelling !! Need advice please been feeling super stressed since he cries over everything !!
Thank you so much for this video! Can I ask, what’s a good balance between teaching kids that it’s OK to feel their emotions, that crying is OK, but also teaching that throwing fits is not a way to get attention? There is a line between crying from emotion and crying for attention, but my kids do not understand that line and often point out the discrepancy. They’ll ask why sometimes I tell them it’s OK to cry and sometimes I asked them to calm down before resuming whatever we were talking about
Bro this was alot of really awesome information. This video has a ton of child psychology in it as well as great empathetic techniques. 👍 helps remind me to be the best dad i can.
The only thing that I would agree with is simply ignoring. Parents dont even realize how toddlers want to boss their parents around. Develop a new language with them instead of responding to their every cry. The remaining advice would only work in a perfect world when all children's characters are identical. In reality, each kiddo is different and needs to be disciplined differently. There is nothing wrong with spanking or corner punishment, not out of frustration but in a teaching, reasoning way. I dont care what the guy or gal says on TH-cam, its reality. My parents raised 7 kids, and we were well-behaved in public. I admit, I was the only one in the family (middle child) who got whipped the most, but I am so thankful for it and, looking back, totally needed it. Providing another alternative is teaching the kids that there will always be alternative options in this world; sadly, we are teaching them that there is always some trophy no matter what they do, which is a false world to raise your kids in. Instead, they should be taught the reality of this world, that things must not always go their way and we have to help them understand that.
My 3 year old is just very stubborn and wont listen how do I get her to listen to me and also when I ask her to play with me instead of watching TV she says no how can change her behavior for the better?
I have a small circle so this is great to hear some new approaches to this stage of my son's life and ours. I am definitely subscribing and look forward to all the content here Thanks again
Ty. I do all these things. Effective with my 4 year old. My 2 and half year old? Not so much. So the choice part. Getting dressed. Hold up two shirts. Which one do you want? Excitedly points to one. Great choice! Good job. I go to put it on? NOOOO !!! What then? If I provide another choice that makes things worse. He keeps choosing then saying no. Explaining does no good cause he’s in fit mode then
I have a 21 month old son, I try to implement all of this already, but he usually just throws a fit right through my best efforts. That's when I walk away, but it's obviously not always helpful. The frustration.
I will say that spankings did a lot of good for me as a kid. But my parents didn’t just spank me and never have a conversation about my behavior though. They explained the “why” behind what they were telling me to do or how I should behave. Spankings taught me that actions have consequences and they really did make me think twice before talking back or disobeying!
It’s just sad when I read your comment! This kind of treatment of kids makes adults later a match for abusive people who treat you shitty and abusive and without empathy. I hope you where able to stay safe from more abusive people now that you are an adult
Thank you for the tips. I ignore mine when she is screaming and crying for silly reasons and noticed the tantrum doesn’t last as long as it used to. But what should we do when they hit? Please, help! I have told her “NO that’s not good/nice” or “Gentle” and I rub her arm and face gently and she does the same and I compliment her. But she hits again right after 😅
Punishment definitely does not work in my household. My two year old has the attitude of a teeneager in puberty. I move away from punishment when my two year old would just laugh at me and repeat the bad behavior twice as hard.
I have a 1 going on 2 year old who refuses to eat. She is a very picky eater. It’s frustrating. It’s like she refuses to eat anything I feed her and I can’t stand not seeing her eat. I tried everything what els is there to do? What can I do?
I do most of this stuff instinctively. I often give attention, though, but that's because I think most of the time my daughter deserves attention. If she's inconsolable for something, though, I do ignore her because it's clear when she doesn't care that I'm trying to give her attention.
Great videos, I will share these with my son. One think worth mentioning that I see, is positive reinforcement extended way past the expiration date. Some things like playing nice are the norm and the reward becomes intrinsic. But if you keep making a big deal out of how well they played with the other children, it's going to backfire.
In my experience children respond incredibly to positive reinforcement. There is a stage whereby they need it constantly to learn a behaviour. Once the behaviour is learned it should still be reinforced from time to time to keep it up. It’s a nice thing.
@@quasimodem5260 yeah. until ur child cant handle criticism or thinks they should get a poptart every time they do 1 good little thing. thats not what life is about. life is a series of misshaps and fuck ups, you dont always get the job, everything doesnt always work out, and theres not always a parade and reward when we do good, often theres not, and some people turn in to cluster b borderline personalities with parents thatre constantly up their a$$ to pad the fall. it all depends on the kid. some kids are very sensative, but u must be careful then too, b/c they can get addicted to the need for constant affirmation. then we get this OBNOXIOUS society full of victims that wonder why the world isnt revolving around them, and cant handle being told no
Kids now are not like the kids 40 years ago. We adopted a baby that was addicted and she is already showing signs of adhd at 2 1/2. It’s a going to be a rough ride. So I’m here to do better with her.
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I was on a dark path with my toddler daughter. I started yelling at her tantrums, something I thought I would never do. Yelling at my toddler solved the problem temporarily but made me feel like shit for doing so and distanced our relationship. The best thing I took from this dude is to be empathetic. Heck I do that with adults but it never dawned on me that I should do it with my toddler daughter. That whole segment changed everything for me and I no longer feel anger or the need to yell. Of course it’s takes patience but I feel like I am so much closer to my daughter now since I stopped yelling at her tantrums. This video saved my relationship and I could not be more thankful. 🤙🏽🙏🏻
I'm heading down the same path hence finding this video..getting angry...at my little girl...who's just trying to play too hard or have too much fun...I would never imagine that I'd ever be in this position but luckily we have a great relationship and I will make sure that I am the parent that she deserves...great video
Thank you I'm going through this with my 2 year old . I don't wanna yell anymore. I feel like I yell to much and to loud and I don't wanna be like that.
@@DogMommy.
I'm trying to remember to pause..ask myself what damage is being done...go from there...
But the hard part is remembering to not react instantly...
A dangerous situation is totally different
Other situations...anyway you know the rest....
Lucky to find out early enough.
Good on you mate, you looked for help and did something about it. You're a good parent!❤
As I’m sitting here crying and questioning everything I’m doing for my 2 year old I’m saving this video to look back on anytime I lose my way. Thank you for posting this.
Same sis I am struggling feeling crazy my daughter will be 2 next month.
The same thing happens to me at times I cry.
@@lulukay40 me too, sometimes that’s all we can do
Whenever I think about losing my mind, I remember that my little boy will be an adult in the future and I am forming this human being for the world. If I lose my head, he will use it as a model and as an adult will lose his mind with others
Thank you for putting videos like this out ! I'm a single mom and is soo hard not to yell after a long day of working , dinner and whatever else is needed to do . Im here because i want to raise a healthy adult. Kids grow up to be grown ups i hate when parent say hes just a child yes that may be true but everything is building them up for the futre . Good luck to all the parents that click here means you care and are trying !❤
I'm a single mom to, I get it
Many blessings to y'all
Growing up i was disciplined physically by my dad. Even till I was a grown up, I promised myself whenever he beat me I would never do this to my own kid.
Fast forward, i have a 3 year old toddler. She goes to daycare, she sometimes hits my wife and myself and then laughs. Its so frustrating and sometimes i give her timeout or take away the toys. I felt like shit whenever I did this. I want my daughter to be my best friend. This video is very helpful and i am looking forward to trying out these tips
Thx so much.i am so depressed about my girl's behavior.she is 2.5 year old.she cries a lot and she does not play alone.Whenever she wants to play she calls me.sometimes it is too hard to deal with her
Going through the toddler phase with my 3 year old and God give me strength… nothing I try works
I'm going through this right now. I have 20 and 17 year old boy's who never gave me any problems. Now I have a 2 almost 3 year old little girl who is very stubborn and determined to get her way. I pray to God every morning please help me with this beautiful little girl.
Girl I'm in the same boat...lol
Omg.. I have a 13 year old and a 3 year old and my toddler is giving me a run for my money.... my first born was completely different, this girl is a handful. And not to mention I'm 2 months pregnant and she started acting up now... I'm scared she's going to continue acting up when the baby comes. I hope this video helps me out.
oh she will. mines been hell on wheels ever since my 2nd. but just involve her with everything. make her feel like the baby is her task too. make her empathetic to the baby. then she will love and protect it (mostly) and it will help curb any jealousy that ure taking time away from her to take care of the baby. just every time u get up for a diaper or bottle or cry, if ur 3 yr old is in the room, look over at her and say "we". she'll love it. it helped a ton with mine, hope it can work for you too:) congradulations!
Some kids respond really well to being given a special responsibility! My son is 3, when he has been really difficult I give him a job- not as a punishment but as a help, and he loves it. It turns him from being a pain to being such a good kid. He needed purpose, he didn’t like just free floating in the house. I gave him a broom and said “whew, I’m so overwhelmed with trying to clean, can you help me sweep? I’d feel so much better”
Obviously they don’t actually help much 😂 but it’s a distraction that makes them feel like a big person with important things to do. They love something they can go back to for consistent praise.
Some kids are just really stubborn too- and the consistency takes a lot longer to get through.
I’m sorry it’s a challenge right now. I hope you find something that helps. It’s a hard phase of parenting.
I had 3 kids in 3 years. They are 5,4,and 3 now, and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes. I love my children with every bit of my soul, but they stress me out beyond belief. I really appreciated this video. It's given me good insight, and I look forward to more content from you, sir. Thank you
That's intense
I needed to watch this video. My oldest daughter is turning 3 and recently has been preferring my wife more, challenging me a lot, whining about so many things and constantly trying to get my attention when I’m trying to play with my younger daughter. “I don’t want to leave the park, the car seat harness is too tight, I don’t want to wear that t-shirt, I want to watch TV, I want that toy (the one toy her sister is playing with).”
This is after years of her always lovey dovey, cuddling, happy attitude always to see me and do anything with me. It’s so hard not to take it personally and makes me feel like I did something wrong for trying to discipline her or just do regular tasks with her.
I agree to an extent. Discipline can work, and can be affective is applied correctly. Punishing a child out of frustration is a bad idea, and will only make the child more frustrated and nobody wins. My parents always explained to me why it was necessary in a calm corrected way, showing control. Communication along with showing limits and boundaries is the parents duty and job.
As a Dad sitting on the toilet i take the approach of disciplining my 2 year old daughter like a hostage negotiator and after watching this video i feel like that lines up pretty well 😅. It's not always the case but i try to let tantrums phase right through me, and not take things personal. I'm naturally in empathetic person I'm just wired that way probably more than most people but I couldn't agree with you more with just trying to see it through your toddlers eyes. I also try to talk to my toddler like I'm talking to an adult with the exception of talking a little slower and very clear and bold. Bold enough so it sinks in, but not in a scary way. Either way no one's perfect and raising a toddler is pretty hard but it's so satisfying into all the other dads out there I wish you the best luck and please love the shit out of your kids
The love is important when they’ve found the juice stash and drank 5. Being the bad guy who says drinking all 30 isn’t okay. Yet coming out as dad hero and public enemy #1 takes grace.
Theres a book called 1 2 3 magic and it talks about how concise discipline may have better results than having an adult like conversation with your toddler that may open other argument avenues for them and even confuse them. I also talk to my daughter like she's older than she is because I feel like she understands it, but I thought I'd share that with you incase you find yourself in that situation having an adult conversation with a toddler and it may be counterproductive. Not sure how old your child is but best of luck bro 😂
I am also a dad sitting on the toilet.
I literally watched this sitting on the toilet. Lol
00:00 intro
01:35 punishment doesn't work
04:46 be empathetic
05:46 affirming their feelings
06:31 don't take things personally
07:07 provide choices
08:01 positive reinforcement
09:17 ignore them
11:33 distraction/redirection
12:25 repetition
I’m waiting his veins on his neck to pop, dude is screaming into a camera not to tell, what a joke, couldn’t watch this clown more than 2 mins
Real hero. Took the man 5 min to get to the point 😂
Thank you
Ignore the behaviour, not the child
Saved me a lot of time. Thanks.
My daughter is less than two... Looks me square in the eye, takes a hand full of food at the table, holds it like a king deciding the fate of someone's life... then she drops it and laughs like a madman.
Children are such a blessing in our lives. At the same time, as parents we have a responsibility to teach them what's right and wrong. And oooh boy! it's a biggest responsibility I have never thought in my life as a single mom I will face. But to me it's like trial and errors. I try different techniques, if it works I keep that same and if not I try something new. But it takes a lot of work and patience which is one thing every parent out there needs to keep it together.
Kids will make you think twice
🤣
The disrespect!! 😂😂😂
You should write a book. Very descriptive.
That intro explaining that the video is your opinion is GOLD. So many discussions could be avoided if people understood that opinions are not facts.
I literally felt alone cause a lot of parents seem to “ have it all figured out “ so the more seasoned mothers look at the struggling mother like we “aren’t capable” I had a lot of frustration moments with my 3 year old daughter and I’ve been on the soft parenting out look for weeks now it’s some progress and in other moments it feels like no progress at all but I’m still trying. Her favorite thing right now is crying literally for everything if she can’t do something she cries if she spills something accidentally whether if it’s on herself or on something else she will cry, if she doesn’t get her way she will cry if she hot she will cry if she wants juice she will cry…. It get hard yall seriously she suck an emotional person. Falling out is her favorite thing as well. With crying. Yall keep us in your prayers. I’m gonna try everything you said in this video.
Im a single mum to a 3 year old he will be 4 in 3 months and hes had me at my wits end i really appreciate your video ive just moved house and everythink is really overwhelming right now
One feedback is be careful with “ignore” as it varies by child. You don’t want to stretch to the point that the child would go in “depressed” zone that they are not being heard. (Reference book: raising girls). Thanks for this awesome video, I am going to apply quite a bit for my kid 😊👍
Thank you for your point of view, I came from a household where punishment was always implemented
I agree with most of this video, and it is so nice to hear a dad promote positive discipline.
What i don't agree with is the angle that kids misbehave to get our attention and we shouldn't provide it to them and just ignore them. Toddlers have no emotional control yet and a tantrum is a result of just that: They are toddlers, so many things are out of their control and their wishes and wants are constantly frustrated. That is how it is supposed to be, they souldn't be in control - but it is very hard for them. Crying doesn't mean "I want your attention!" It means "I am so frustrated! Nothing is going according to my will and these grown-ups don't understand me!" I belive ignoring your child when they are throwing a tantrum IS a form on punishment and it works like spankig: They notice that you give them the silent treatment and they get scared. Is dad mad at me now? Will he ignore me all day? Will he still tend to my needs now?" They desperately need you for their survival and wellbeing, so they stop the bad behavior, out of fear, like you said. You didn't teach them anything but "if you misbehave, something scary will happen", i.e the child will be ignored by their caregivers. Their bad feeling will remain.
I also believe that you already explained in detail what it is you should do instead: Be empathetic! Stay calm and unbothered by their beavior. Affirm their feelings without affirming the behavior and talk them through the tantrum. " I know sweetie, you really wanted that candy and I said 'no'! That was really frustrating for you. I won't let you hit me but I am here to listen to what you have to say! Would you like to tell me all about it?" When they come out on the other side and they feel better, they will behave better - and you will have shown them how to handle these feelings: staying calm, naming the feeling, finding out what caused them, using your words instead of your fists and seeking comfort with people who care about you.
You could do that with older toddlers thou, my 18 months old would have a tantrum because he can't throw his paci in the toilet and he won't even understand me explaining to him why that's nasty and we can't do it while he is scream crying on the floor😅. When they are older in my opinion is still better to be quick with words and walking away is fine. As an adult i also act stupid when i'm angry and nothing anyone says will help me more than just walking away and let the emotions calm down for a while before i put myself back in a situation. When you are calm and collected you can address things much better than during a hissy fit
I completely agree although a lot of the time when a child’s in a full blown tantrum they aren’t able to listen, rationalize and trying to calm them down at all may make things worse
@@annaomodeo7318why don’t you explore the consequences of throwing things in the toilet with him and validate him by throwing some toilet paper in there or something? Then after you’ve had fun tell him throwing pacifier in there is dirty
@@joshuawilson1544 because he wouldn’t understand the concept of “it’s dirty” and because it would start an obsession of him throwing toilet paper down the drain like it’s a game…
Misbehaving though DOES cause scary things to happen. This is important.
What happens when as an adult you misbehave? Scary things happen, you can hurt someone extremely either emotionally or physically. You could break the law and go to jail. You can have your reputation destroyed.
Teaching a young child that if you misbehave something scary can happen is not a bad thing. It's what you do AFTER that matters waaaaaay more. The moment things have calmed down you talk to them and help them see that what they did had a consequence. That consequence was losing your attention and the ability show them genuine affection in that moment. Why force affection on them when they're aupset anyway? All that shows is its ok to be mean and hurtful to someone else because im hurting. That's not an effective way to teach anyone at any age. You tell them you love them and you tell them you will always be there for them after they are done misbehaving. All that giving them affection and attention during the tantrum does is teach them I can be mean and stupid to someone else just cause I didn't get my way, or because I feel bad.
Glad I found this video going through this toddler phase right now
Nice video, But don’t ignore your child. It may develop personality disorders such as narcissism etc. Always treat them kindly.
Thanks for this video. I have a daughter 3 years old and she is so anxiety ridden. I have to practice all of that.sometimes is to much and I got a lot stress.I apreciate the video.
This reminds me of when I was a teenager it didn’t matter what my parents took away or if they spanked me it was like early teens, but it was the teachers who would calmly talk to me and question me that helped made me realize what I was doing wrong or not doing
I have zero patience and never did. I don’t know what to do anymore it’s really difficult with 3 toddlers. It makes me not want to go anywhere with them or do things. I don’t like people staring at us in public when they throw tantrums and makes me even more angry. I hope to keep a lot from this video in the back of my mind and improve my attitude and become a better dad.
My husband doesn’t have any kids and I have a 3 year old son and he drives us both crazy. I know sometimes it can be hard for him and I can see the frustration. We both learning how to handle his tantrums and all the nooooooooooo. It’s so hard and draining because I know you are trying daily. We can’t even go to the grocery store or out to eat without him acting crazy because we won’t let him play with the condiments on the table or he wants to get out of the booster. We took him to bush gardens the other day and he acted a fool. It was my husband’s first time dealing with a tantrum out in public I just looked at him with hope and said this is just the beginning baby but we got this and so do you dad. Remember the greatest thing about being a dad is watching them grow up to be sooo amazing because you took the initiative to search for help. You got this, I say this to myself before during and after(you will not control me but I will control myself)718
I definitely can see how these can help.. but I’m also a parent that feels like aren’t too many choices not good? That isn’t always going to be the case for a child in different settings and even going into adulthood. I loved the positive reinforcement, distraction and ignoring one. I’ve found these work for us.. praying for everyone in toddler phase! It isn’t easy mines is 2 and 6 months and strong willed! He’s growing up but I’m also having to grow in many ways also
Well, as for the options, of course, parents should be guided by common sense in the first place. He's judt giving examples of how to introduce these options into everyday situations.
You're a good man! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom! My 2 year old son is giving me grey hairs and wrinkles. Lol I'm going to try your methods.
I try so hard to break things down and to speak, and have these conversations to learn and move forward. I do all of these things you've suggested ive studied SOAR in my work. Ive given empathy positive reinforcement made sure to show that im hearing her needs. Literally everything on this list ive hit, ive tried to ignore negative attention seeking, and just as you say 10:20 the power struggles keep going over and over. Im at a loss some time, whenever i got to work its worse and worse when i get home she bullies her mother and i cant get anywhere at this point.
It's not easy to allow my child to scream without giving attention especially in this day and age when the rent cost to live in someone's basement is more than I can afford. So allowing our toddler to scream into the night doesn't help there. A family home isn't an option for a lot of families.
I feel you. I have kids and a neighbor that calls the CPS because of yelling if it happens at all in the night. The craziest thing is that this neighbor has a toddler too. Their toddler has just reached the terrible twos and the yelling has started. I think I am not going to call CPS because of any yelling (in the night too) but I might make a request for some sort of mental health check... Who doesn't understand that toddlers yell and who ruins neighbor relations like this for basically nothing? (Well, we do have an especially strong-willed child that likes to try and terrorize with the voice.)
No you should do the same and add the mental check in there aswell because calling CPS they are trying to get your kids taken away so do the same. Or do an anonymous report😂
My son is autistic and still pretty much non verbal. He’s smart. Like no lie about that. I can’t have a conversation with him. I can say things and he understand, but, he can’t say anything back or tell me how he feels even in the same level as other toddlers can. This seems to frustrate him even more.
Giving options helps sometimes, in some aspects it’s easier because all I have to do is create a routine around something like bathing or getting into the car. I can tell him good job when he does well. I can’t always do these things and it work. He’s smart. He finds ways around things. There are so little options for ND kids here.
I’m just realizing how much my toddler mimics my authoritative parenting back to me and with his peers. And I don’t like what I see. I want him to be more gentle so I want to be more gentle toward him. Great tips my favorite one is to offer more choice. Not only for him to feel in control but to nurture his ability to choose.
I might follow up with why he choose what he did. To know what he likes and encourage him to be able to express his likes or dislikes.
Omggggg omg!!! This!!! This is me. Them mimicking you is crazy and a wake up call. The need to be gentle for me too so I can be gentler towards him.
Thanks for a great video. We have an almost 3 year old and we are going through the phase of a meltdown when she doesn't get her own way. I practice most of the strategies mentioned in the video but also picked up some great pointers. I also use the "time out" and it seems to work well for us, most of the time, not always lol. It's just nice to know you're on the right track with disapline and hearing it from other dad's! If only they came with a manual 😅
I just found out I'm gonna be a father and I'm binge watching all these kinds of videos
Congratulations 🎊
I'm not even halfway through this bid and I will defo be changing a whole load of stuff at home. Thank you man
Exactly the video I needed, my wife is having a tough time with our two year old.
My 3 yr old has speech delay and starting ABA in 2 weeks. Currently we're trying all sorts of tips. Thank you for your input, we already do some of these but will work on the rest!
Affirming their feelings is a must because we can often forget we were once them and not yelling at them when we don’t understand them or because of they are having a tantrum being more empathetic ❤ definitely helps. #6 ignore them 😂 my favorite trick not act irrational
I'm so glad I stumbled on your video, I will try this with my 4 year old son, as sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind...Thank you
I'm a mom and this video is very helpful.
There's some great advice in this video! Ignoring tantrums however is not one of them. Guys, don't ignore your kids. They have feelings too. Empathize with them
Sometimes you do need to ignore especially when you have repeatedly explained to them. Not that you don't Love them or sympathize with them but give tough love. I guess everyone does what works for them.
Agreed.. you don't "ignore" them.. you let them know you understand how they feel and you are there when they are ready to calm down. Doesn't mean we have to give them hugs and hold them why they go through it.. We just have to acknowledge them..
He means let them cool off so the kid knows he will not get his way by crying and yelling once they calm talk to them.
This video is very helpful I was overwhelmed. I had a three step method to discipline: warning, sitting in corner and then spanking the hand.
Interesting, I work at Boy’s Town and offering negative consequences for negative behavior coupled with positive consequences for positive actions (in addition to intense skill work) seems to do extremely well. We do only as young as 4th grade however!
What do you think about time outs as a negative consequence.
I think they are often mis-used. Teaching a child to calm and breathe is much more effective than having them sit in a corner.
I feel it's a mixture of both explain talk about what they did and how and why they did that. However they need to know that there are consequences if the act continues. Like in life if you break the law you may get a warning or a lighter charge however if it continues harsher punishment. Giving them choices works very well and makes them use their own brain
0jk000 of
Exactly right having no consequences whatsoever is not a life lesson I would want my kid to learn 😮
I am soo happy because this video is teaching me alot. Thank you and let God inspired you more in Jesus name!
I truly feel like I’m losing my mind with my 1 year old son. I thought tantrum, yelling & screaming stage came after 1 years old. More like 2 & 3, but nope not my child. 😭😭
Anywho, Thanks for this reminder! I might have to watch this over and over again!!!
Thank you so much for making these videos. I have been struggling with my 4 year old. I found this very helpful.
Everything so relatable in the video and comment section!!! We can do this yall 💪🏽
First time mother here and this help me allot in so many ways. Thank you
Our major struggle is that my oldest will not fall for the “fools choice” tactic. He never has 😂 We give him 2 options and he will construct a 3rd, and THATS the one he wants. I have to give him a count down of when I will choose for him.
There are so many moments I feel inadequate as a parent- but lately I’ve watched my son standing up for himself gently with my daughter, and it makes me think maybe this will all be ok. She’s 1, just started walking, and so she’s prone to hit if someone is in her face or she gets mad. When she hits my 3 year old, he calmly says “no no, we don’t hit. I need you to not do that again because it’s not nice to your brother, ok?” He doesn’t hit, he doesn’t yell, he even puts a hand on her shoulder sometimes. She even responds “ok” and smiles at him 4/5 times. I love it. Granted, I do have to step in to remind him that she’s limited in her speech and can’t say “hey I need personal space” so we need to be aware and respect her personal bubble. I’m not expecting that to stay- especially as their disagreements or fights get more complicated, but for now it’s so reassuring that they’re being kind to each other. I hope it’s because of how we’ve disciplined my boy so far- always explaining the “why” to him, and making sure he can repeat back why he is in a timeout or why a toy went away.
It seems like he’s interested in explaining to his sister why the standard should be the same for her too.
Absolutely love this!
Same here my twins will not choose from two options they want their own option or its a 40 minute tantrum to get what they want. Once thats finished I do the choices all over again and the tantrum start again. So I say ok we will not go to the park anymore then. Its usually to do with outdoor gear, its freezing cold or rainy and they hate thick gear. You know cant exactly let them have their choice in that matter. But for us its not improving, its just one un intended power struggle after the next even though I set out for them to have choices and be empowered. We go outside and I start walking towards the park...no we want the other park...tantrum...I make two snax, no we want something else, I dont give it so they go on a food strike and dont eat. And the hanger tantrum follows an hour later. And I run for yoghurt and jam to get blood sugar up. Omg they are almost 3 and we legit have a minimum of 10 tantrums a day here. I start to think either I just happened to be the worst mam in history or they have a diagnosis. Every hour, tantrum. Big fights between them. Sometimes I dont feel like being inside out own home and I have hard core day dreams of a peaceful home and cry...a home where I once get to see them content...peace. This is a warzone. I have tried so hard a gentle parenting but it musnt be clicking in my brain how to do it correctly because my toddlers will break it down in 30 seconds. I have tried this way since they were one and they have zero improvement, they are worse however, to the point of me feeling embarrased publically and withdraw from the fun things our small town had to offer...reading at the library small theatre shows...they wreck those events and I have to take them out kicking and screaming. They were difficult babies from get go..like tantrums from 9 months of age. I feel so sad and defeated and I dont know what to do anymore.
I have a strong willed, high drive, attention to detail 3 year old! I love what Dad University said. Spot on. I will add though on #6 he says to ignore. Be careful with that one, as they may learn to suppress when not heard (or learn to give up) I would say stay present but not dismissive. Silent but ready to listen when they calm down.
I have 3 young kids: 4, 3, 1. It’s awful. Well they are all healthy and a blessing, can be super sweet etc., but sometimes I feel like I could break. Thousands of years of humans parenting and yet, here I am. Redirection does work when I’m present enough to think of something. The worst thing is being stuck inside a house with all 3, which naturally occurs often. It’s not usually bad if we go somewhere, outside, a playground, errands, activities etc.
Im opening a daycare and must learn to deal with other people's children is different 😂. Im ALLLLL ears! I have a 16 y.o myslef, a 6 y.o and a 1 year old. However these are MY kids... other kids my goodness 😅
I have a 3 years boy who is not listening to me at all in public & at home. Stubborn and want to do whatever he wants. He doesn’t follow any discipline. I will try almost every possible way to stop him but ignoring him is the only solution sometimes work. I tried already all these solutions that you are offering. I love him so much and seeing him crying making me nuts but he doesn’t left me any choice to either raise my voice or ignore him. How I can deal with it better?
The timing for this video was perfect. Thanks for making this.
These videos are helpful for most like me i have a daughter 14 months old and i never had a dad to teach me how to discipline.
My son is 2.5 and omg I’m losing it, I keep walking away from him at times just to calm myself down, he doesn’t want to eat anything other than pb&j and well with activities such eating a food he’s had and loved. He is absolutely not interested. He used to love bath time, he now just hates it. I’m so confused. However I see the point you made about the attention and , patience tip I’ll have to practice more of that and that repetition is key🙏🏾
Helpful info and great reminders. Well done!
These are all good basic strategies. However, discipline absolutely does work. You mention that they don’t actually learn anything from discipline, and while I would first of all say that yes, they absolutely do learn something, secondly you wouldn’t just only discipline. Discipline + positive reinforcement + explaining is a good general combo that works.
Tantrums are also one of the most challenging things to deal with, and they are only mentioned briefly in this video. Ignoring a child throwing a tantrum sometimes isn’t an option if they are causing damage to their surroundings, it’s also not an option in public, and also some kids will tantrum for hours even when being ignored. I would be interested to hear you talk more about how to deal with tantrums.
correct, but you are affirming that discipline alone doesn't teach anything. It requires explanation. But it's actually the explaining and teaching that works.
My 2 year old son likes to scream like a banshee to get my attention. For example, we live in a one bedroom apartment right now and his father goes to work around 6am.(He shuts the door so our son cannot get out, bc he has successfully opened our front door before..) When our son wakes up, he plays for a little bit. But, if im still asleep, he will come next to my ear and start screaming or smacking me to get me up. Or if he wants something, as well. He will scream or throw a tantrum for it, and it really drives me bonkers. 😭 I really want to teach him how to communicate better so that hes not just screaming for everything.... Hes not a bad kid. Hes so smart, and he listens most of the time. Like, I've successfully taught him how to clean up his messes himself if he decides to throw something on the floor. He will pick it up and throw it in the trash. And he will put his plates, cups, utensils in the sink when hes done eating. But the SCREAMING when he wants attention or a specific thing, is definitely bad. 😭😭
I may have to watch this every morning
😂 rightt me 2
This
😂😂😂
It should streaming in my earbud repeating all day long
So true. I NEED to watch this every morning to fresh my frustration
Im teaching my daughter like my father used to teach me 30 years ago, and she is 3 and she is amazing , we go out and she doesn’t move without my permission
What is the secret?? My 3 year old daughter has the brain capacity of a 10 year old and is very defiant.
I’m a restaurant manager and I thought you were talking about my current staff
Thank you very much for sharing your wisdom. Sincerely appreciate it raising a toddler and a 5.5 year old while still trying to be a good leader to the entire family.
My 1.5 year old is SUPER into throwing things lately and walked right up to me and threw his toy truck at my face so hard i have a bruised and swollen brow bone. I was so angry and stressed today. He's been so extra stubborn and wanting to do everything that is either dangerous or hurts. I know he's not doing it out of anger but rather that he's just a very active young toddler. I am struggling to to teach him what's appropriate to throw and when and how but he's not listening and doing it more 🥺
This video just goes to show that I've tried everything possible... and this nightmare's just gonna continue as is
Are you me 😂😂😂 I think we are living the same experience.
Same here… so difficult with my toddler son. I’m yelling to him and then I feel like shit… pls help me
My one year old has brought me to find this after getting angry after hearing winning all weekend. He’s very clingy to me yet he be chilling on Monday-Friday when moms around.
once the weekend comes he’s suddenly this very needed crying kid.
I hot to find some good tips from this video.
Hard to ignore sibling rivalry!!!
Watching this to learn how to best manage/gain insight on keeping my 20 month old son from hitting my newborn son… He’s sweet to him most of the time (will gently kiss his head, holds hands while they tandem feed….) but the times he is not allowed to nurse with him he gets upset/jealous. 😅 I usually try to be super fair but it’s still a huge change in routine for him!
Talk to me! I am not a Dad. But, I am a 68 year old great grandmother that has adopted my great grandson who is just turning 2 years old. I have raised 5 kids of my own, 4 grandchildren and a close friends son. Last one before my lil man is making 20 and on his own. This lil one is different. You can see his mind working things out. Smart baby like most I observe today. He throws tantrums. He waits just until I turn my back and he go for it. Old school won't work, and i can see. Soooo, help!!!
What did you do with the others (specifically at 2 years old) that worked and doesn't with this one? You may also be in a completely different place now than you were then. Now you have the time to pay attention to it and deal with it. If you had 5, you likely didn't have time to deal with their tantrums. You may have acted different (not paid attention to the tantrum) which then makes a kid realize they don't work. The child will continue to throw a tantrum as long as they feel it's working. By the way, the child behavior at 2 years old is totally normal.
Wow I wish my dad would adopt my toddler daughter as well. My life would be so peaceful without this little devil.
True. My first kid was not like the second. Tantrum King he is.
Spanking doesn't work - empathy does: I refer you to the millennial generation...
and they wonder why asian kids are better.
My biggest challenge is that I try to implement other strategies for discipline and I revert back to punishment like taking toys or electronics away instead of hearing them out and I am tarnishing my relationship with them and my partner.
It's great that you are noticing it. It does take a lot of practice. We all have old habits and they are hard to change. But when you start to see the new techniques work, it is awesome and you get to be more calm. Stick with it and you will see the change in you and them!
@@DadUniversity I find it harder to focus on that and my patience isn't much...I'm trying to find parenting classes but because of this "wonderful" pandemic it is difficult to find some where that is offering these classes.
Check out joyofparentingonline.com. Susie is awesome. I have a low patience too. Exercise, meditation and other techniques helped. We have a video on patience too.
@@DadUniversity ok I will check it out...thank you very much for all your words of wisdom and advice...God bless you
Totally agree! With the consistency you will see change 😊
We have issues keeping our toddler from wanting to run around and scream during church. We try bringing distractions like coloring books, quiet toys, and snacks but it always ends in wishing we didn’t come. I understanding that asking a toddler to sit down and be quiet is almost impossible but we want to be there and be respectful to others. We have regularly attended another church that has drop off for kids which works for now, but how does one get their child to be remotely obedient/silent during events like church.
Church for toddlers is just going to be boring. They're going to want stimulation. If they have an overflow room, that's where you should go.
Toddlers simply are not developmentally ready to sit and be quiet for 30+ minutes
He explains it so we'll so it's easy to process
yep,surely not easy. every single day and night. i will try to be calm and remember to implement some of it. thanks
This guy has nailed it in this video. Exactly how my wife and I are trying to parent and touch wood, so far so good.
unless strong willed or one parent doesn't displine. Stay at home mom looking beautiful cleans house and says no don't do that. Then the child out of control.
@@vlichtle Not sure exactly what you're meaning. Are you saying the child tells you not to clean the house?
Nonetheless, if it's that bad then there may be developmental issues, adhd, anxiety, etc.
So consider taking them to a psychologist for assessment.
Not a pediatrician, unless insurance requires a referral. I say that because too many md's will blow off the problem.
So, if they do then say something like.. "Well it can't hurt to be sure, so humor me please"..
Worse comes to worse, find a new ped.
This guy gives great advice Except to ignore the child!
So try it first If you haven't already & be consistent.. BUT.. Not "ignore" the child! That's like saying, I don't give a crap what you're feeling!
Sure, they may just want to get there way(sometimes) but there's ways to acknowledge & deescalate, distract, etc. Which helps them learn to calm down on their own(self regulate) eventually & that talking about feelings is a good thing!
We don't ignore a friend that's crying, why should we ignore a child!?!
The friend is crying because their overflowing with emotions. So is the child & they have no clue how to deal with them, unless we teach them.
I'm sorry for the book! I'm passionate about it because I have a daughter that Isn't using these techniques, except the ignore one & it's hell to see her put my grandchild through that.
Best of luck..
I hope you get it figured out..
I was raised in an abusive athoritarian household. It’s all I know, but I know it’s not how I want to raise my kids. For their sake, I need to get a handle on better techniques.
Your video was very knowledgeable & informative. I greatly appreciate your help! Thank you!
Ignore kids when they throw tantrums. Talk to them when they calm down. Praise them when they do things you want them to do. Model good behavior and most things get solved over time.
Thank you so much brother God bless you
i had to watch this a few times to keep reminding myself. Thank you so much Dad University
Great advice , I myself have a three year old boy that wants everything his way. He doesn’t want to share his toys or other kids toys and I get upset and give him time out I’m not sure what I should do when he starts acting up when I say Can you please share and he answers back “NOOOO” “MINE” “I DONT WANT TOO” that’s when I get overwhelmed and start yelling !! Need advice please been feeling super stressed since he cries over everything !!
Thank you so much for this video! Can I ask, what’s a good balance between teaching kids that it’s OK to feel their emotions, that crying is OK, but also teaching that throwing fits is not a way to get attention? There is a line between crying from emotion and crying for attention, but my kids do not understand that line and often point out the discrepancy. They’ll ask why sometimes I tell them it’s OK to cry and sometimes I asked them to calm down before resuming whatever we were talking about
how old are they?
@@DadUniversity My son is 4 and my daughter is almost 6
This definitely got me to follow. Gonna try these out now.
Bro this was alot of really awesome information. This video has a ton of child psychology in it as well as great empathetic techniques. 👍 helps remind me to be the best dad i can.
The only thing that I would agree with is simply ignoring. Parents dont even realize how toddlers want to boss their parents around. Develop a new language with them instead of responding to their every cry. The remaining advice would only work in a perfect world when all children's characters are identical. In reality, each kiddo is different and needs to be disciplined differently. There is nothing wrong with spanking or corner punishment, not out of frustration but in a teaching, reasoning way. I dont care what the guy or gal says on TH-cam, its reality. My parents raised 7 kids, and we were well-behaved in public. I admit, I was the only one in the family (middle child) who got whipped the most, but I am so thankful for it and, looking back, totally needed it. Providing another alternative is teaching the kids that there will always be alternative options in this world; sadly, we are teaching them that there is always some trophy no matter what they do, which is a false world to raise your kids in. Instead, they should be taught the reality of this world, that things must not always go their way and we have to help them understand that.
My 3 year old is just very stubborn and wont listen how do I get her to listen to me and also when I ask her to play with me instead of watching TV she says no how can change her behavior for the better?
I have a small circle so this is great to hear some new approaches to this stage of my son's life and ours. I am definitely subscribing and look forward to all the content here Thanks again
I love love the introduction of this video. And thank you so much for your help and share.
Ty. I do all these things. Effective with my 4 year old. My 2 and half year old? Not so much. So the choice part. Getting dressed. Hold up two shirts. Which one do you want? Excitedly points to one. Great choice! Good job. I go to put it on? NOOOO !!! What then? If I provide another choice that makes things worse. He keeps choosing then saying no. Explaining does no good cause he’s in fit mode then
I have a 21 month old son, I try to implement all of this already, but he usually just throws a fit right through my best efforts. That's when I walk away, but it's obviously not always helpful. The frustration.
I will say that spankings did a lot of good for me as a kid. But my parents didn’t just spank me and never have a conversation about my behavior though. They explained the “why” behind what they were telling me to do or how I should behave. Spankings taught me that actions have consequences and they really did make me think twice before talking back or disobeying!
It’s just sad when I read your comment! This kind of treatment of kids makes adults later a match for abusive people who treat you shitty and abusive and without empathy. I hope you where able to stay safe from more abusive people now that you are an adult
Thank you for the tips. I ignore mine when she is screaming and crying for silly reasons and noticed the tantrum doesn’t last as long as it used to. But what should we do when they hit? Please, help! I have told her “NO that’s not good/nice” or “Gentle” and I rub her arm and face gently and she does the same and I compliment her. But she hits again right after 😅
Love your videos. Thanks for adding more tools to the toolbox!
Okay I sent a request on the previous video bt received Great revelation on this one
Punishment definitely does not work in my household. My two year old has the attitude of a teeneager in puberty. I move away from punishment when my two year old would just laugh at me and repeat the bad behavior twice as hard.
I have a 1 going on 2 year old who refuses to eat. She is a very picky eater. It’s frustrating. It’s like she refuses to eat anything I feed her and I can’t stand not seeing her eat. I tried everything what els is there to do? What can I do?
I do most of this stuff instinctively. I often give attention, though, but that's because I think most of the time my daughter deserves attention. If she's inconsolable for something, though, I do ignore her because it's clear when she doesn't care that I'm trying to give her attention.
Thank you for the video. You gave me hope.
I think a month after my twins turn two is a bad time to try to get off my Zoloft meds 😅
Great videos, I will share these with my son. One think worth mentioning that I see, is positive reinforcement extended way past the expiration date. Some things like playing nice are the norm and the reward becomes intrinsic. But if you keep making a big deal out of how well they played with the other children, it's going to backfire.
In my experience children respond incredibly to positive reinforcement. There is a stage whereby they need it constantly to learn a behaviour. Once the behaviour is learned it should still be reinforced from time to time to keep it up. It’s a nice thing.
@@quasimodem5260 yeah. until ur child cant handle criticism or thinks they should get a poptart every time they do 1 good little thing. thats not what life is about. life is a series of misshaps and fuck ups, you dont always get the job, everything doesnt always work out, and theres not always a parade and reward when we do good, often theres not, and some people turn in to cluster b borderline personalities with parents thatre constantly up their a$$ to pad the fall. it all depends on the kid. some kids are very sensative, but u must be careful then too, b/c they can get addicted to the need for constant affirmation. then we get this OBNOXIOUS society full of victims that wonder why the world isnt revolving around them, and cant handle being told no
Kids now are not like the kids 40 years ago. We adopted a baby that was addicted and she is already showing signs of adhd at 2 1/2.
It’s a going to be a rough ride. So I’m here to do better with her.
I needed this. Thank you.