Say This To Get Your Baby or Toddler To Listen & Behave (Without Yelling)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 พ.ค. 2024
- There is one phrase that I hear parents saying all the time to babies and toddlers when they're trying to stop an undesirable behaviour. They use this phrase when they're trying to stop their toddler from hitting or throwing toys or throwing food.
But what they don't realise is that this one phrase does the complete opposite. It actually encourages the baby and toddler to continue to engage in this behaviour and do it more often.
This phrase is not an effective discipline technique for toddlers and often lead to toddler tantrums.
So if you want to reduce your 1 year old's tantrums and stop them doing undesirable behaviours then you need to stop saying this phrase!
After watching this video you will know what this phrase is and more importantly what you should do and say instead.
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00:00 - 00:40 : Introduction
00:41 - 03:55 : The Phrase You Need to Avoid and Why
03:56 - 07:05 : What to Do and Say Instead
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This is good advice for all ages, even teenagers! As teacher my simple behaviour rules are:
1) Model good behaviour. If you want kid to say please and thank you, make sure you say it to them as standard, if you don't want them to get angry and yell, then learn to manage your own anger and frustration, if you don't want them to ignore you when they are on device/screen, don't ignore them when you're on your device.
2) Reward good behaviour. Smile, give them thumbs up, give some kind of positive feedback when they are doing things well. We tend to ignore kids when they are being 'good', eg playing quietly.
3) Don't reward bad behaviour. We most often do this by getting upset and raising our voice, and generally giving a lot of attention. In the classroom if you calmly ignore the kids mucking up and give lots of positive rewards to the kids behaving well you get a lot further, a lot quicker, than if you pay attention to 'naughty' kids and try to tell them to stop. It's hard because it's counter-intuitive, but it works.
Thanks so much for sharing this important information!
👏😊 Very well explained! Thank you a lot!
Wow that's parenting 101, in 1 paragraph. I'm 46 with only 1 child, she's 4, so this information was very beneficial!
0æ oi we
My mom was a teacher and I remember her telling me that when kids were running in the hallway she would always say "walk" and never "don't run" because inevitably they would skip or gallop or turn cartwheels 🤣
I work in daycare with infants but sometimes I have toddlers. What I have noticed is that teachers and parents will notice when a child is doing something they shouldn't be doing and fuss at the child but they don't say anything when the child is behaving. Like praise them. So, it's often the case where a child will do something they aren't supposed to do just to be acknowledged because it's attention. Children want attention and far too often , they will misbehave just to get that negative attention because negative attention is still attention.
Teach a child in the way that they should go and they will never depart from it….teaching them the RIGHT way means they will always do the right things but focusing on the bad behavior and never giving wisdom will teach the child the wrong way while they grow up confused and not able to trust us….thank you for your wisdom!!!
Thank you for putting a biblical perspective on this
Iam a Granmaw and I’m watching this at my age .lol I see now why Grandparents are the ones to get thru to the children and calm them down .I think it’s because we are selves are calmer .When my children were young I was always doing ten things at once ,I responded faster thinking I would prevent the episode,I would yell more .I find myself calmer now because I’m not under all the stress I had back then .Now I’m patient with the grandkids .Iam able to talk calmer and not jump up with quick responses .I guess it gets better with age .Itell my daughter ,just calm don’t ,don’t yell ,don’t react negative and she’s only copping what I did .So ,I think this is a great video for new mom or moms just looking for better skills .Thank you
Exactly this! As a grandparent I’m so much wiser and calmer now than in my 20’s when I had mine!
This makes so much sense. When ever my daughter hits me I yell no and she just smiles and continues to hit. This was very helpful, thank you.
I say be gentle with mommy. Then i grab babies hand to caress my face
My son loves throwing blocks especially seeing the reaction when it hits us lol now i used to say no throwing but he found this funny...his only 2 lol so now i put the blocks away when he starts n i take them out once he has calmed down. I do actually say play nicely and no throwing whilst putting them away because i think its important for him to know no throwing is allowed and he will associate the no throwing n seeing me putting them away so he knows for next time. It is working....
This is great advice. Thanks for sharing ❤
yes, as a 30 yr teacher, it’s called consequences for undesirable behavior. Talk means nothing. Actions mean everything. Show them that you mean business.
Only paying attention to a child when they misbehave reinforces the bad behavior because they learn to seek out the negative reward of your attention. I totally agree with this video, a calm and neutral voice is so powerful, guide by example not only by words and the child will follow. No matter how young, it’s never too early to create healthy communication and habits, a grown adult seeking negative reward is a terrible prospect, they will suffer in many aspects of life. Thank you for sharing this!
For the most part, I have adapted the approach of telling my toddler what he can do as opposed to what he cannot do. The problem is that for some actions, there is no alternative. For example, if he is trying to touch the stove, there is no alternative to that. The bottom line is that he cannot touch the stove.I’ll try to distract him with something, but he becomes locked in on the stove until I say “no”. Side note: he understands the concept of hot. He doesn’t touch the oven when it’s on. But he does try to play with the nobs when it is off.
Omg I love this video! For a little while now if my baby hits I say “We are gentle” and stroke her arm. Now when I say gentle she has just started saying it too and stroking her own arm! It provides her the distraction and she loves being able to do it too. Thank you for this video!
Well Done! That was all you!
Aww ❤
I love this approach and do something similar with my 18 month old!!
My daughter does this too now, i say "be gentle" and she would caress my face 😂
Easy when they're babies
Dear Abby said it years ago- instead of telling a child what not to do, tell them what to do.
Great advice from you both.
Asking for what you want is one of the most effective ways to improve children’s behaviour, great advice.
I love this so many people give advice telling me to say no and be more aggressive about it like Louder and make a stern face and that has made my son laugh and he doesn't stop so I've no learned what to actually do, plus I learned that people give stupid advice on things they know nothing about and have never tried to learn. My husband and my grandma!
Two years ago I had just gotten my puppy and would watch videos that explained how much further you can get with positive reinforcement, now I'm here watching for the benefit of my 3m twins and it's the same principles. ❤️
As someone who is married to an adult twin, please do take the time to read about twin-specific needs, and follow the recommendations (healthy individuation, supporting their bond, never treat them as a unit, teach them to celebrate each other's successes...) it's not as "fun" as dressing them up like cute dolls, but you'll save them mental health issues that they would otherwise have to carry for life. Thank you!
I was just thinking how much this has in common with dog training so I’m glad somebody else had the same thought as me! 😂
If you can't train a dog, don't have children. Simple as that. Should be law.
Behavior is behavior
I love how you’ve stayed so genuine and open and vulnerable throughout the years. It’s such a pleasure to share your family’s experiences and watch it grow! Always brings a smile to my face watching your videos ❤
Such good advice, Emma! Sometimes I feel like a broken record around my son "no, no, no, no". I will definitely be taking a different approach from now on!
Thanks so much. Hope it helps!
Excellent advice. Not for just children but relating with other adults state what you want not what you don’t want.
Your channel is awesome! Thank you so much for all your hard work!
From tracking my baby's growth in my tummy to now dealing with the toddler attitude almost 2 years later, you have given me so much helpful advice and encouragement, ideas, and knowledge. Thank you!!
Hello Emma, Thanks for your efforts to teach parents how to be better at parenting.
Sending to my daughter, thank you! Wish I’d see this as a new mother. ❤️
Great video! I dont yell at my child but I do become more animated when I am trying to divert her attention when she is making a mess. I noticed that if I say to not do something she does it. I figured she doesn't understand but I wasn't sure how to address these problems when they come up. Telling them what to so makes so much sense. Thanks!
My baby is 11 months and has started kind of testing what she can do. Whenever she does something she shouldn't, I sit there completely calm (unless I actually need to run and save her from something, obviously) and I say "uh-uh" (meaning no). Just a simple sound, but she will stop whatever she's doing. She MIGHT do it one or two more times. All I say is uh-uh and she will find something else to do. 😄🙌
Thanks so much for sharing. Sounds like this strategy is working well for you and your little one!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this video! I've been doing it wrong. I don't know why I didn't look this up sooner!
Thanks for telling me what to do. my baby is an example of this undesirable behavior
Im experienced in dog training and I'm a new nom. Every single advice here applies to dog training as well and is what I show owners work. I'm happy all the same principles apply to babies as it is my natural way of behaving as the mommy/owner.
Definitely!!!! Learning about positive reinforcement and animal behaviour in order to have a great relationship with my border collies made me so much better prepared for helping to raise three grandchildren. Of course, border collies are very smart and know that there are only two genders.
It's all based on the same behavioural understanding and condition psychology.
@@PureAdrenalin3342 What a strange ending to your comment.
This video helps about 20% of people. Not every child is the same regardless if yelling or not some kids need reinforcement of their bad behavior. I've tried speaking calmly to one of my children who in turn continued. But when I raised my voice and expressed anger they stopped completely and moved on. As well as having to be removed from the area completely of something they wanted.
Every kid is different. And yelling is detrimental for each one.
It's not like making instant noodles, you probably need to work on your patience, instead of culling your child out from accepted and encouraged treatment methods.
And thank you for all your hard work and guidance. Knowing your research is peer reviewed along with your extensive experience really provides a comforting relief especially for this 1st time type A mama.
You always make me feel so confident in my parenting choices! Thank you!
That is so nice to hear! It is so nice to know that this information is making you feel confident in your parenting choices.
Enjoy the crazy ride of parenting!😊
Thanks, Emma. Another great video at the perfect time. I always look forward to what advice you will share next.
🙏
Hope the video was helpful!
I love all these advices which I did with my first son and it was affective how ever when he was barely 2 I had a second baby and he would almost get hurt many times which I did not have free hands to stop him in the moment with an infant and unfortunately yelling was the only way I could get him to stop, I ask people all the time what else I could have done better and the answer was always have someone help you and unfortunately I do not have that support in life but now they are both toddlers and I'm still engaging in anger when I can physically remove things more which after this video I plan on doing because I am causing bad behavior with my bad behavior
I hope you're doing well now 😊
I can assure you that when I say something in an “intense” toke my kid is NOT thinking I’m “funny”…
Great video! I learned lots of helpful strategies to employ with my little one. Thank you so much! Hope you can do a series on this and/or gentle parenting.
Thanks for the idea!
I wish I knew this before I had my 2 boys but never the less am still going to use it with my third boy he's only a month though but am preparing. Thanks Emma
Hi Emma I’m really going to try this technique thank you .
Loved the video! Thanks Emma for sharing your knowledge it is always appreciated! 😊
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much for this. We are really going through it with our 2.5 year old and I know this will help us a lot.
No worries at all. Hope it helps!
Same, girl! Hang in there! 😭
Can you please cover taking turns and how to stop a 2 yr old from snatching toys away from other kids. I have tried so many times but it is exhausting and he does seem to get it
Thank you !!! I do notice my son wanting to hit me even more when I tell him “no hitting mommy “ he thinks it’s the funniest thing I probably look silly to him with my reaction 😅
My son will be 2 next month.. it’s been so difficult the last few weeks I feel like he has gotten out of that stage where he was my sweet little baby boy and he’s more independent and doesn’t listen unless we raise our voice and even then that doesn’t work all the time. so stressful, and I try to just get through it day by day, without ruining him, and constantly looking for tools to be a better mother, to give him the proper tools to grow and express his self.
This make totally sense, for luck my little girl is 6 months old so I can try this from the beginning 🙏
Fantastic! Definitely a good idea to start saying this at the start because it will make it so much easier.
This is an AMAZING video!!! Such great tips with very clear “why”’s and what to do instead. It seems so simple, but this is a rare teaching video that’s ACTUALLY helpful. Thank you thank you thank you.
You're so welcome!
@@EmmaHubbardMy lil cousin Magdalene (she is 4)throws a tantrum and said to me swear words that i dont know the meaning like:Oh macarois poop or other swear words that i know the meaning:disgusting pervert,etc.,and my cousin's brother Is 8 and says words like:sh!t,etc.
Love your videos and advice. I have sent the links to my daughter who has a 17 month old. I know it will be helpful. She is a wonderful Mom but being a first time Mom of an active toddler is always a challenge.
Thanks for sharing!!
This is so useful! Thanks for sharing.
I have been yelling at my 18 months old baby boy and tngs went hard on me but now after seeing your video I know how to deal with him ....tnx Emma
No worries at all. Parenting can be so hard. Just remember to be kind to yourself. It’s ok to not do it perfectly every single time.
Perfect timing 👌 for us. Will gladly use these steps. Thanks
Perfect!
I know this comment is on an old video and might not be seen at all, but something really helpful to me as a soon-to-be new mom and current new stepmom to toddlers would be a video dedicated to alternative actions for undesirable behavior.
Often I find myself saying no or stop, and since I can't find an appropriate alternative in the moment, I get frustrated and just leave it at that.
For example: our almost 2yr old hits his big brother who is doing something he doesn't like. He doesn't yet have the words to TELL his brother he doesn't like that, so saying "use your words, bubba" doesn't really help. "Be nice" isn't specific enough, and "gentle" just ignores the fact that he's upset and needs something to stop happening.
Any advice?
She kind of addresses that @5:00
Maybe you could try grabbing his hands and say "nice hands" and then demonstrate by turning to his brother holding your hand up like a stop sign and say "no"
Excellent advices for Families and TEACHERS. Thank you for sharing this amazing information 🙏🙏
It's my pleasure
No wonder mine has started mimicking this behavior
I love love love these video's. However it is sometimes really hard to understand what you're saying due to the background music. Wish I could turn that off somewhere :D
Other than that, thanks again for all the insights!
LOL, I work with developmentally disabled adults and your strategy is basically what we do: ignore the behavior, redirect, and lavish praise for appropriate behavior. Although, sometimes, because I have a good rapport with most and know when they can take a joke, I'll react hysterically in a funny way and they'll get the message. Thanks for all your good advice!
Love this! I have two year old twins and one will often get frustrated and push her sister, even if they aren’t near each other. We’ve taught “nice hands” but that doesn’t help when she’s angry. I would love some suggestions!
Emma, I absolutely love your videos. They're unfortunately not timely for me because my kids are already grown up, and my first two grandsons are no longer toddlers. I have my fingers crossed that my daughter will change her mind and decide to have children in the next year or two... In the meantime, I will always recommend your channel to others.
I'm so glad!
I wish I had a mother in law like you. We told my mother in law that our 2 yr old is going to be a big sister soon and she started screaming in my face making a scene and screaming lies about my medical information to everyone who was congratulating her. Then slammed the door on me.
Thank you so much Emma! I'm going to be a prepared first momma 😄👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏼
You're so welcome!
Been stuck inside with teething baby on a stormy day.. video deffo came at the right time thank you!!
Glad I could help!
I have a very active and spoiled 12 month old. This video came just in time for me, thank you so much!
I was wondering why my son laughs and repeats the behavior 🙈...thank you!!
You’re welcome 😊
How's your baby now
Great tips and ideas 🥰 thank you so much for sharing!
You are so welcome!
Great parenting tips. Thanks so much!!
No worries at all!
Thanks for those advices , it's very helpful 😍😍
My pleasure 😊
Excellent video. Thanks Emma❤
Glad you liked it!
My 1 year old locked up screaming in the high chair with his eyes closed. I remained calm and realized he just wanted a bottle of milk before he continued with solids. It must be so frustrating for non verbal toddlers.
Great simple advice. And you're an Aussie. Instant subscribe. Thank you from Hokkaido Japan
Thanks for the sub!
Thank you for this information. Ive been struggling with this.
You are so welcome!
Such good information! This is a reminder for myself.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you. This is helpful
Emma you always read my mind at the right time. I have been thinking about buying a book to teach good manners to my baby to learn how to stop them from doing undesirable things and how to and wat to do. Thanks for putting up this video😀😍
It's my pleasure 😊
Great advice, thank you!
You are so welcome!
Yes perfect timing! We are constantly saying “no, that’s not a toy, why don’t we go play with your toys…no don’t throw your toys, they will break…no don’t hit mommy that’s not nice”
It makes sense they throw their toys when they’re done playing, since they throw food when they’re done eating.
We will try this
Hopefully it helps!
this was very helpful and makes a lot of sense! thanks! definitely in that phase now - food throwing and hitting ha.
Glad it was helpful!
Wow GREAT TIPS!! Thank you.
It’s my pleasure!
This is so timely, thanks for sharing
No worries at all. Hope it helps!
Much needed video at the right time..Thanks for sharing
My pleasure!
Thank you so much. My baby is 9 months. So glad I learned this on time. I just realise that this might work the same for adults. What do you think.
Emma, can you pleaseeee do a video on excessive thumb sucking?! My daughter is 16 months old ( not walking yet!) and sucks her thumb when she is: bored, annoyed, sad, tired… pretty much for everything! She never took a pacifier so I didn’t give much attention but don’t want her palate and teeth to be messed up. Redirecting or saying thumbs down doesn’t really work and am unsure of safety of nasty tasting polish. It’s even cracking the skin of this particular thumb:( I used to bite my nails for over 20 years and the idea of these harmful oral coping mechanisms really scares me… please share your wisdom on a detailed video!! Love your channel, it’s very helpful!! Priscila from Boston USA
Hi @Pri USA thanks for the suggestion. I don't currently have a video on this topic but I do have one on thumb sucking in general. Some of the information might be helpful. Here is the video in case you would like to watch it: th-cam.com/video/OZjLwaXcRWY/w-d-xo.html
I need that, too
Thank you for your videos. Always so useful!
Please can you make a video on sleep regressions ?
Hi @Sumayya Vorajee I don’t have a general video on sleep regression but I do have one on the 4 month sleep regression. The tips in this video would apply to all sleep regressions though, so it might be worth checking out. Hope it helps!
Great advices..is kinda funny that the advices are similar like teaching a puppy😂😂😂
Hi everyone. I'm a breastfeed mom of 4months Baby Girl. She is co sleeper. She didn't sleep in her bed. And her cat naps in day time are not finished yet. She sleep well in night. Its hard for me to hold her all day her Dad went on work and i have no other member in ireland. Watch alot of videos and tricks to train her but she is the Boss 😍
I found the papoose was a life-saver for me in this situation.
When my boy were little I used to sit them down and tell them if they missed behave they get nothing and stuck to that so they learnt if their good they got a treat but if they wasn't they got nothing, simple.
How can I like this video a million times? Thank you so much ❤️
💕
Makes sense... I'm willing to try your method
Hi @Elijah let me know how it goes!
Thanks so much for your video! It helped me a lot with my 13 months old she likes hitting me,dad and her brother, since I started applying your advices instead of saying “ no! Stop!” I’ve had seen a huge difference!
That’s so good! Awesome work!
Thank you, this came at the perfect time.
You are so welcome
Perfect timing, thank you for this🙂… I’ve been struggling with my 10 month old ever since she turned 5months😅.
You are so welcome!
Emma thanks for all your amazing tips
You're so welcome!
Thank you Emma!
Any time!
Thats a great video!! Thank you very much for the resources!
My pleasure!
@@EmmaHubbard Hi
My 3 month old daughter excited to play and interact with me more than playing with rattles and toys. I usually make some funny noise and talk to her for giggling . She's following toys rattles and holding oball but not excited like playing with me. Is there any worrisome?
@@magickidsbrainhub2
I wouldn’t be worried. Babies at this age do prefer to play and interact with their parents.
Your little one is still learning to reach out and bat toys and can hold them. When she has more control of her hands and ability to hold toys for longer she will start to play with them more and become excited about them.
Hope that helps!
Really good advice, well explained, thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Great video. Thank you.
It’s my pleasure!
Beautiful video ❤
Good advice
So timely.
I have a daycare and I use the phrase no, no, no throughout the day and it works for me. Now granted I'm not yelling and waving my arms. I simply say no, no, no and state whatever behavior I'm no to, then redirect them. This works for me.
U r wrong
@@sanjidaislam1396 can’t be wrong when something works for you
My 6months old bubba throws more toys on floor when he's in high chair when I say NO
But when I realise he wants me there and my attention n I start play with him then he doesn't do that
Thank you for sharing this video to understand baby's behaviour 💜
So glad this video has helped you understand your baby's behaviour!
@@EmmaHubbard I wait for your videos as they're very helpful for new parents .
God bless you
That's so nice. Thanks so much!
Love this!
Thank you Emma.
You're so welcome!
@Emmahubbard Thank you so much for all your videos. They are so great. my baby keeps crying when we are going a lit bit away, how can we change this and can make him play independently. he used to play when he was younger, but these days he is becoming more cranky. He is 7-8 months old now. Please help.
Thank you for sharing 👍
My pleasure!
Great advice and video thank you
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hitting question, what would be an appropriate natural consequence for when my 15M son continues to hit people or the cat? We tried showing through our action or gently hold his had to show action to “pat/pet nicely”, but is continuing behavior to point where it’s hard to refrain from reacting to my eye getting whacked or cat grows impatient and scratches my son if I don’t see my son hitting/squishing the cat to pull him away.
Mind you this is a very loving, paternal cat to my son, and didn’t start reacting till the hitting began (which even then will always come attend my son if crying). We are still staying persistent on the gentle approach, and that I can tell he just seems excited/playing when it occurs. Hoping to work on a way to teach expressing his excitement/play without hitting, but wondering if it gets to a point of natural consequence what would be appropriate for this age? (Besides taking cat to another room which is one I do so far just to eliminate “I still see so I will still do”)
Thank you
How about sockets? Cables? The older brother’s toys?