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NTA. All my dad did was work. He believed it was to make a better living for the family. He was gone out of country for months at a time. He made good money but we rarly saw him. It drastically affected our relationship, even to this day. I mentally cant see him as anything more than family related. I just dont have that bond.
Yea it's kinda hard to talk with someone when they probably don't even know you
It's the same for me my dad works out of state and for maybe 3-4weeks at a time so don't really get to see him often😅😊
Sounds like your dad did everything he could for you and you still can't even talk to him. Some guys don't have any choice but to take the hard out of town work to provide for their family. Please talk to him with reverance, it wasn't easy for him to sacrifice time with you either. He did it because he loves you ❤
@@reetodd1 this is good advice actually
@@Angel_dust_fan Read above, more variables at play
A good example in why it's always important not to assume bad intentions. Sometimes, people just see the world differently. They believe they're doing good when in reality they're accidentally hurting those around them more.
Always talk things through, always try to express your intentions, and always be open to hearing what the other person thinks
Working every day so you can buy a second house no one in your family has asked for is not good intentions.
@@tracim3080Working as hard as possible to give your family the best lifestyle that you can afford is not good intentioned?
@@JohnDoe-vw4zf no it’s not. That’s not what the family wants or needs. It’s for you not them. Kids would rather have memories with their parents then a fancy house.
@@tracim3080 They aren't kids it's a baby and a fetus they will benefit from going to the best schools with a substantial inheritance but his wife would not. Since they're both working full time he needs to help her at home and he needs to think about what is happening to his family. Idk if people can remember things from 0-4 years old and I'm 99.99% sure kids would prefer a large inheritance and the best education instead of memories of family picnics at 1
@@JohnDoe-vw4zf no they benefit from time with their dad. This family isn’t struggling. He is trying to provide financial and nothing else and that shit don’t fly anymore. His kids need his time not his money.
I dont think only 1 day a week is enough. I understand that he's busy, but maybe he could split s
Saturdays between work and family time. Maybe 4hrs on saturday morning could be dedicated to work. So, Sundays and part of Saturdays could be family time
As a hope maybe he'll see that that Sunday just for family is worth it. Might not be at first because someone who is a workaholic is not going to be easy in it at first but gives crossed he'll seethe gain in family bonding and not think about the monetary loss
I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous, honestly to even have that option and want to call him a fool if they are set at a comfortable level where they can save, take decent enough already trips. Why even have a second house if it's not necessary? But I don't really want to call him a fool outright. There may be some internal pressures and issues (that therapy may even help with, like some husband and wife counseling). He could have been raised to believe he's nothing unless he gains all that. I don't want to assume but you never know
Next Update: He didn't follow thru.
Seriously, my dad was like OP husband. Their job is all their "value". The admiration of his students, the respect/envies of their collegues is all they represent in their eyes. Family is just something that is here to support them, no "social glorifying intrasic value", just a tool or a ressource so he can be/look better at what matter: how great people perceve him thru his job.
For me the clear understanding was when my mother started going into local(small town) politic and people started reconise her as town representative (mother's name) and not as (father's name) wife. His ego could not suffer to be seen as (her husband) instead of has (his job).
Same for OP husband. His ego will not accept to work (a.k.a. being seen as perfect job representation) less and spend more time with his family (a.k.a. something/someone that give no increase into his work reconition/glory)
Typical Indian guy mentality. U get married and have kids because "it's your duty" and "expected of you" but you put your time effort in your job and career because that's where u get the recognition/pride/dignity etc from. Wife will take care of the home, in laws and kids.
Thankfully, that get mentality is slowly changing. SLOWLY.
This is not the case at all and OP and her husband had a reasonable and loving relationship family dynamic before the second baby. Op and her husband also work full time with hybrid jobs so he's isn't worried about his social position or his wife working apart from him or the family. Your dad was/is just a twat.
Exactly.
This sounds like an inferiority complex. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
My partner tends to make similar arbitrary decisions rather than discussing them with me, and I'm supposed to be ok with them because they're for our future. Frankly, I'm far more concerned about our present, without which we don't have a future.
I see a lot of men who do this - get completely lost in their work, don’t have any relation with their family, and when their family talks with them about it they’re like “yeah but I’m doing it for you! So you can have better life”
I don’t think that’s healthy
You’re worth more than money and your presence and relation with family is priceless.
Unless you’re starving I don’t think anyone should work so much they become an empty shell of a human.
Personally (unless the family is literally starving) I see these men as they’re running away from their family and they simply don’t want to spend time with them.
Especially when your family tells you - hey we appreciate your effort but we don’t need more money, now we want your presence.
Who even needs a second house? Unless youre going to lease it for more income.
Maybe a cabin in the woods or at the lake? Vacation house...
LANDLORD BOOTLICKER NO ONE NEEDS A SECOND HOUSE UNLESS THEY HAVE AN INSANELY HUGE FAMILY
my parents are getting a tiny house on a lake in Minnesota next summer. it’s because 1) we lived there originally for a very long time but now we live a couple states away and it’s a pain in the butt to drive back and forth. 2) my grandma/my mom’s mom lives over there pretty much alone and she’s very old, so she never gets out of the house. we’d really like to visit her again regularly and help throughout the summer. 3) all of my siblings live there too and my parents want to see their grandchildren more often. and 4) for fun
No. That nut is gonna get left if he thinks that you should raise your boy alone when it is not necessary. You can lead a horse to water , but you can not make him drink.
And this is why communication is key in ant type of relationship! ❤❤
Nta my parents did the same and now that I’m older I don’t even know my parents they never spent time with me. I never took to tell him to get to know me or let me get to know them. We may be blood related but it’s more like a bunch of strangers living in the same house.
What a lot people (both men and women) fail to understand is that it doesn't matter what shack you live in, it doesn't matter that the kid might not have brand clothes or go to a less pretigious school but what matters is the time you spend with them (teaching, having fun, guiding, just watching a godd*mn movie) and what kind of energy you have. If you're overworked and absent, that kid is going to become absent from you as well, they don't connect with you, or worse, they see you as someone who hates/dislikes them and if it causes fights between the parents the kid might blame those fights on themselves. It's not abuse, but when you grow up and realise that dad or mom was never there, reconnecting when you might have three houses, eight fancy cars a yatch... it's though because you're both strangers to each other. There's no real shared memories of game nights, no memories of going to the movies, no memories of going exploring with them. I have those, and as an adult, that is all that matters. Those memories are precious, much more so than expensive vacations or second or third house
Workoholism is a thing. Comes from fear turns into obsessive behavior and high anxiety. Keep pointing out that success looks like LESS work not more. Encourage him to automate and hire out as much as he can to streamline things.
He’s a teacher, not a business owner
NTA. Communication is key here. Hopefully the husband is a good listener.
That cooking is badass
If you keep taking the lessons and students, we won't have time to do a vacation.
Second family vibes.
Men do this a lot they believe that they are giving there family a better life but unless they were starving working that much isn't something you should do and I always feel bad for situations like this I mean yes haveing a better life is one thing but never makeing a relationship with your family isn't giving them a better life it's just makeing them a starter to you and you end up just not haveing Any sort of relationship with them and trust me you will regret it
He might see himself as a good father, but that is up to his children to judge. Its hard to rely on such parent. They are not present, dont care about important events. Its amazing they even remember their children's age and birthday. Yet they see themselves as amazing parents, and might start to see their kids as ungrateful for being much closer with the parent that raises them. Its not like they can make up when they retire, their children will have their own families to spend time with, and they will still remember their own childhood.
Nobody is the AH I feel like he just needs to listen
Mf is Walter White
Rich people are fucking weird
And if he DID reduce his worktime You would then get mad at the loss in income. Cant ever make women happy.
She made 70k a year and he made 100k a year. I think they were fine on income
She already stated they have more then enough. The only one unsatisfied with their lifestyle wanting to up it is the husband. The wife wants his time not more money.
again, blaming the woman when she does all of the housework and helps with the children all day long 🤷🏽♂️ motherless behavior
Just so long as she doesn't complain when they can't afford something she wants.
She wants time with her husband, tf?
People standing against the father are just ignorant people
People standing with the father are the same kind of people who make the same mistake he is.
His family is asking for his time and all he wants to give is money. Those are the men who complain their family uses them as an ATM 🙄 no sir that is all you offer them.
@@tracim3080Meaning men are NOT really family-oriented after all then?
@@Black-And-WhiteWorldview8488 not all men. Some men have their priorities straight.
I think crying would make her the ahole. He is doing the best he can for his family and support them. Perhaps they have been aiming for different targets, and talking about what the goals are a great way to gain perspective. That said, by crying, you make him feel he has been doing the best, he knows how.
Im sure some people would say not caring about crying women makes me the ahole, and yes I can be the ahole to, but I hate feelimg manipulated by tears.
Her tears were genuine. Not faked to manipulate him. Hiding the tears would have been dishonest as she would have not shared the true depth of her distress.
@@Soldrakenn then perhaps she should rehurse this until she is ready to talk about it.
“Crying makes her an asshole” that statement makes you an asshole
Reread the statement, I already said I'm an ahole. So thanks...
@@OneEyedOneHornedGian why though? she wasn't behaving in a bad way, not screaming nor calling him names, just crying because she was sad. I would say it's a very important part of communicating with your partner in an honest way. I don't see the point in hiding it.
Yes. Hes doing it for you
No, he wasn’t. He was doing it for himself. OP didn’t want or need a second home, he was working towards that because he sees his income as his value. He cannot and will not stop putting work over his family, even if they had 5 homes
@@averycheesypotato he was doing it for her and their kid
@@janette2691 giving something that is unwanted, inappropriate and takes the place of what is actually needed, is an AH move.
@@averycheesypotato hes literally working so his wife and kid can live comfortably. Op is an asshole
Doesn't mean he's right, kids need their dad not a second house
Men working and women complaining
They both work. He just kept taking extra shifts that the family didn't need to the point of which his son barely knew him
motherless behavior.
Yes, YTA. Cuz as soon as that extra income dries up as a result of you asking him to cut back, you will rag on him for not making enough to support the life-style his “over working” has produced. Wives want husbands around until they are around “too much.” You will have 100% of his time when he retires. He’s there for you even when he’s working.
In the previous video the wife explained how they are already earning more money than they need
Your tone seems a bit biased. Guess you missed the part about their income far exceeding their projected expenses? (Depending on their expenses, her income alone could have supported a family the size of theirs as a lot of families live on *far* less)
In the original post, she explains they had a deal he would work 6 days a week max, but lately he said he wanted to work 7/7. They have a child, i don't remember how old is he, and they already make good money (if i remember correctly, she also works and he is a university professor).
What could a second house do for their happiness when that means not having a single day a week to spend with their dad / husband?
And plus who the hell wants to stay married to ANYONE who isn't there for them while holding onto the expectation that they'll finally get to have their significant other *in retirement* 💀💀💀
Your pathetic, tiny brain obviously never processed part 1. Before you continue to flap your gums and spew bs like your mouth is a bovine’s a**hole, I suggest you do.
pin?? pls
Yeah, ur still the manipulative bad guy.
No not at all actually.
Nope.
Not the bad guy, you just told your husband he was a dick for trying to provide for you and your child AND destroyed his motivation, all in one conversation, say goodbye to your marriage, it’s over, I wonder how long the corpse will wriggle before it’s buried. Do you want to bet your next reaction is going to be to get pregnant to try to bind your husband to you more tightly?
What the hell is wrong with you?
First off, OP also works, so she’s “providing for him” and their child, too. Second, if his motivation is “destroyed” by a request to spend more time with his FAMILY - you know, the thing he is SUPPOSED TO value over all else - then he shouldn’t have become a father at all. Being a parent is not just providing; it is BEING THERE FOR YOUR CHILD. Also, did you miss the part where OP said they had more than enough money to be comfortable? They are not being deprived if he works less.
Also, nice random insinuation that the wife is going to “baby trap” him. What leads you to that conclusion? Oh, wait, I don’t even need to ask. It’s your attitude toward women - which is shit, by the way.
Did you even try to understand what was happening or did you just decide that whatever you understood was right?
They both make great money and have more then enough. He want to get a second home they are telling him they would rather he spend time in the one they already have.
You are... You are short sighted. He's working hard for now, and future.