I FINNALY HIT MY BOTTOM... (Complete Life Update)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 เม.ย. 2018
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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.
I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
Just thankful to be on my 7th day of sobriety and once again on a path of healing and recovery. It does not matter what has happened before, all I have is today.
I myself am allergic to drugs and alcohol as well... That shit always made me break out in handcuffs! Humor helps. You got this brother!
You got this, I'm right there with you, day 18 off suboxone....oh and Panda lol
You can do this! I know how hard it is to get though the first weeks and months. But I am so proud of you for every day you make it though towards recovery
try journaling get a sponsor work the steps join a.a keep it simple be gentle on yourself too
panda
Panda!!! My husband and I are almost 7 months sober after 26 years of drinking! One minute at a time my friend!!! You got this!
Way to go! Be careful of the thoughts that will come into your mind to use, if it wasn't your intention to drink again, at the time you quit
Congrats!!!!
Praying for you brother. I went from having "the job" at Johns Jopkins to meeting w/ the head of my department trying to explain to him that while I was a 'good worker" I was having a heroin lunch every day. A year later I had a needle in my arm every day. And a year later from that I was working the streets of Baltimore for drug money.
That was 14 1/2 years ago. There is hope in hopelessness and desperation. That is where you will find the door to freedom (for most of us addicts at least). Thanks for being real!!
I've watched a bunch of your videos today while typing papers for school. I swear the universe put your channel in my path for many reasons. All I can say is thank you for being so candid and making me not feel so alone.
Panda. Hey man, just want to say that your video's have really helped me feel not so alone. I'm a 30 year old dude that has a lot of parallels to your life. Keep it up, stay strong brother, I believe in you. Life has ups and downs and its on its way up for you!
I've recently discovered your channel. You are the first person I've come across who gets it. And makes sense. And makes me FINALLY feel not alone. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for doing this video. I will pray for you and I think you have so much courage. Your honesty about your feelings and what you have been through means so much to me. It will be wonderful to have you vlog your days and also keep your regular vids too. We will always be here for you. I respect you so much for never giving up. Take care of yourself.
Hey dude, I believe in you. I'm going through a tough time rn and your vids have helped a lot. The amount of time you've put into talking and helping others is honestly amazing, I really don't know what I would do if you weren't on TH-cam man.
Man I love it when you slow down and get methodical about recovery, I have been giving you a hard time the last few weeks but it's only because I care about you, I'm sorry. Be brave and smart bro, be kind and humble, be the super nova, the star you know you are. You can do this, if you don't love yourself right now you'll never brake the chain❤️ and think your the one, my hero.
Panda! You got some balls shairing this! I only starting watching your channel about a month ago because I was diagnosed with Low T but can relate to other things as ive had OCD all my life! Stay strong!
Three weeks sober today. I just found your channel and there’s so much relevant content to gain benefit from with this hard work I’ve decided to commit to in order to finally start LIVING my LIFE after ten years of struggle and losses. Will follow you for sure. Thank you already, hope youre good today mister!
Loads of fighting spirit from Finland!
Panda. Keep on trying bud. I'm 33 and have been drinking for about 16 years. I have tryed to quit on multiple occasions myself. Hit my rock bottom recently. 2 days sober at this point. I am a mean drunk a lot of the time. I consider myself a fairly nice person while sober. I'm digging your videos. I've watched a few at this point. In the past, I've had months of sobriety on multiple occasions. It's good to know that I'm not alone. You aren't either man. All the bridges I've burned, all the friends and girlfriends I've lost, the DUIs and health problems (seizures). Nobody is perfect. I am also at the point to where alcohol = death for me. Everything bad that has happened to me is a direct result of alcohol. God willing this will be it for me. One day at a time.
Panda. I really appreciate your videos on addiction and recovery. You are a fresh face talking about what I'm going through and is even the same age. Really look up to you. I've got to take care of this problem once and for all the right way, and then...get my life in order. Not the other way around. Hasn't worked for years.
Bro i just discovered your channel tonight. Im now a subscriber. The first video i saw tonight was the one you did one the earlier anniversary of a year of sobriety. I am 39 and have been on this twisted journey for so long. I love your openess, honesty and resilience. You can beat this brother. I look forward to connecting with you soon. Congratulations on your 6 days!
Black bear,
This is probably the best video you have done man. I felt like most of the things you said were mirroring myself. I really hope the best for you in cleaning up you life and keeping your focus in sobriety.
I feel I have had adhd because I am always looking for something to fill a void in my scattered head and alcohol always seems to find it’s way to least resistance.
Good luck man!
Panda, I discovered this Channel tonight and I watched your videos for the last 2 hours, your story is inspiring
You are the man Noah. Stay strong dude. I’m 4+ years sober (via 12 step fellowship) and this isn’t my first time in recovery and it is tough some days. But, it is possible. You have described a “bottom” pretty well my friend and only you can determine if you’ve had enough. Hang around with others who are on this journey bro... Your HP is putting tons of awesome things in your life as to help you on this journey; be open and willing to seeing the gifts. One day at a time dude... Stay strong.
Thanks for the video. All of the worst times in my life, the most devastating things I've done to myself and others, alcohol has been at the root. I'm addicted to alcohol and xanax and I can relate to the cycle of depression and anxiety that comes with taking these drugs. I'm 35, and haven't had a drink since last wed. It really is one day at a time. I'm waking up every morning with a racing heart, feeling of panic, and feeling like I want to give up. I know I can't give up bc of my family. That's the only reason. Its good to have ppl you are accountable to. My therapist tells me I'm the worst kind of alcoholic. The kind that can always justify JUST ONE DRINK. It's such a slippery slope. One day it might just be one drink but it slowly becomes many drinks. There are so many mind games with this disease. Stay strong. I'll be praying for you. 🐼🐼🐼
I’ll pray for you too. This is not easy. I know in my heart it’s worth it but addiction is CRAZY.
Paul mark Thank you ♥️♥️
Paul mark I appreciate the positivity. In situations like these that is the best route...try not to look at the negative, but the positive and the progress that has been made 😊😊
PANDA:) The main thing you want is to get well. That is a big positive sign that you have shown in this video. You realise you need to change and fight. Nothing in life is easy especially addiction along with anxiety and depression. You have a good support network around you and you can do this. I am also looking at starting a vlog and just bought a gopro so I can look back on any progress made and think it could be encouraging for maybe you to do too? You got this and dont look back but look to tomorrow. One day at a time
Panda!!! Keep your head up, keep going! I found your videos when I started my TRT and I've followed ever since. Thank you for all your do!
Awesome job Noah. Lets do this thing indeed! Right there with you. Sixteen months sober, was feeling a little wobbly for a bit of time there. But you nailed it when you said Do I choose drinking or everything else this world has to offer (paraphrasing here). You're totally right and I needed to hear that today. Thank you for the reminder, and keep up the good fight. All the best. (Panda!)
Panda! Noah, I've watched your channel for awhile now and I've always found your videos to be so helpful. Especially videos like this one, I admire how honest you can be. I wish you the best of luck with your sobriety.
I'm rooting for you man. It's not impossible
Panda! You have helped me so much, especially in the past week. I am so grateful to you. Big hugs and prayers.
Just take things one day at a time. We believe in you!
Panda....this truly hits so close to home. Everything you described from the full all honest truth to your wife to the chronic diarrhea. Thank You so much for this video. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person who feels this way. I’m rooting for you and soon will root for myself. On another note, I took the survey and said vlog but then saw percentages for whatever makes u happy and changed my vote. I think your videos help and reach out to so many people more than you know, no pressure at all, I’m so grateful to have stumbled upon you while looking for self help videos about a month ago. I’m still struggling but appreciate you. 👊🏼
Dude I am 67 and in the battle of my life! No one has ever touched me like you! I love you!!!
you are truly an inspiration . your trials are examples and lessons to us and i say that respectfully, because you are spreading positivity. we learn all the best lessons from the bs we go through, right? stay up panda .
Panda. Thanks for talking as long as you do. I have freak outs every once in a while and your videos really help me. It’s nice to know someone else is going through the same things and feels the same things. Please keep making content and whatever it is, as long as you make it, it’ll be good. At least know you’re content is helping people.
Panda. Always glad to hear these updates from you, it's a nice reminder that being vulnerable and open is important.
PANDA BABY 11 years clean an sober but still need to keep hearing the TRUTH!!!
Wishing you all the best Noah! Congrats on 7 days!
PANDA, I can relate to you bro I have low T starting treatment soon and have battled drugs Alcohol so watching you is almost like looking into a mirror. It's refreshing to see your honesty there are a lot of people out there that need that. Stay strong bro!!
Congratulations on 7 days! As an addict in recovery I really like these videos of you just sharing your experiences of what you’re going through. Seeing someone that is in the middle of the journey of trying to become a better person and in the middle of all the pain and shame and suffering of that really makes me feel less alone in this fight, you’re brave and thank you for doing this.
Do more vlogs, Stay strong, PANDA!
HALT. Hungry angry lonely tired. Take care of those things. Worst case, SLEEP! A day sleeping is more productive than a day drinking
Way to go Noah! Im in the same exact position as you. About 2 years off the wagon, getting a few days at a time. I have 10 days today. I almost gave in yesterday and drank. Im grateful I didnt. Addiction is a beast!! Life or death..Im excited for it to get easier..
Hi Noah, been watching your and Dougs videos since my own depressive breakdown and hospitalization early last year. Your videos, Dougs book and counseling have helped keep me alive, so I just wanted to say my family and I are keeping you in our prayers and one day at a time
Go Panda! Thank you so much, Noah, for sharing your experiences with addiction and depression. I’ve been feeling pretty down on myself lately, so finding your channel and listening to you talk so openly and honestly about your fears and struggles has really helped me. I wish you all the best in your journey!
Panda.......I have only recently found you. I see my husband in your blogs. He is trying so hard and so am I to understand and try to help him and support him. I love how honest you are. Keep going Noah you can do this x
Panda, do whatever makes you happy. Always. Thank you for being so honest and open. A vlog will only allow us to get to know you more and that is awesome. Trying it out is a great way to see if it works. I wanted to add that one of the videos you made in the last 4 months is the one than sprung be back into sobriety. I was in the struggle. Couldn't get out. Telling myself I would stop and then drinking again later. Painful. But you said something that hit me and made sense I stopped.I jumped out and cleaned out the house of booze and have been sober since. Doing my recovery work full force. So in some selfish way, your video was purposeful. Day 70 for me today. Hugs!
Shit stay strong! I know this video was a while ago. I hope, and pray for your strength. I hate addiction and mental health. Your rambles make total sense to me. I get it. You are not crazy at all Panda. In fact, Panda, not everyone is as self aware, and intellectual as you are. You are amazing, and I so appreciate you saying all this one line, when it is exactly what I want to say. It is so therapeutic. I don't have the strength you do. You blow my mind, so Panda, I just want to infuse you with strength, happiness, and clarity.
panda! I always wait for your long-form videos. I love youtube because of honest pieces of content like this.
Love your blah, blah, blah cause it's inspirational. I myself can't go more than 3 days sober and have been drinking for 40 years . I've decided to quit and am going to AA for the first time next week. Wish me luck and you keep up the great work Noah.
I'm still here panda! This is one of my fav rants of yours, too. Stay strong and positive. I hope that you, I, and all those who are watching that are in similar situations can succeed in our end goals and become healthier people because of it. I look forward to your vlogs! 💗
Thanks for sharing panda!!
Panda.
Congratulations on your 6 days.
Good luck in whatever is laid upon your heart/mind to do or upload. We love you and support you in everything. Also, many of us face some of your same struggles and are at different points in your journey. It is a journey, not a destination.
PANDA !! LOTS OF LOVE !! HAPPINESS IS SO SHORT !! LIFE IS SO SHORT !!
Hello my friend, that video was very inspiring very motivating for me I have been suffering from depression for at least 10 years now. Going on two years of extreme drinking my depression and drinking is not a good mix as you know. Just finished a therapy session this morning been going now for 2 months. In your videos also have been some form of therapy for me so I thank you for that my friend all the best! ❤👍
PANDA.- i respect you so much man. You demonstrate so much courage and it truly give me strength in my struggles. GOD BLESS YOU NOAH!
PANDA-Thank you for always being so open and honest! This too will pass. Much love to you
It really takes a lot to pour out like this, and I for one, can greatly appreciate your time and effort doing so. It's not easy. I in particular suffer with anxiety/OCD/indecision/lack of routine dealing with life's mundane tasks. The things "most" people do second nature are particularly challenging for me. I also feel like time slips by. And I have you by 15 years, I'm 46. All the cool things I HAVE done could've been, or could BE so much better if I can just stop doing, or figure out what I'm doing to break the cycle and improve my life.
There is more to this, I know. I have also been wanting to religiously write a journal, to no avail. THAT is something that I REALLY need to do. Pouring out on the pages always seems to help, even if temporarily for me.
Love your honesty
Much respect for facing your demons
It's hard work
And it will pay off
Brilliant video, your doing great 👍 so proud of you
Panda!! Thank you for sharing your story! I can relate soooo much! I lost an amazing job about 2 months ago from drinking. My body is hurting from drinking. I am done but scared as f@%K to become sober. I love how you are brutally honest and I don't feel like I am the only people dealing with this s@%t. Way to go and can't wait to see you success!
Wow Noah you hit this bang on. I’m 23 and currently in the same shitty cycle as you are. You are so correct about the manipulation alcohol seems to cast upon you. That brain fog you speak of is ever to firmiliar, and when you’re in that alcoholic cycle, it’s hell. As you’re in that hungover state- especially when you need to function socially- you feel like you want to turn off the whole world. Mornings where your mouth feels like a god damn cement mixer because it is so dry, the taste of booze still in your mouth as your body is striving to push it out until later that night when the hangover finally wears off- I’ve been through it all. And still I can’t seem to get passed the third day sober. You said it very well. When you drink again, it just comes out of thin air. It just happens. It’s almost as if you’re in a daze / spell while on the way to the liquor store, and when you take that drink, it feels so right. But it’s so wrong.
I want to stop too, but I love alcohol at the same time and it’s just such a mess. God bless man, and I wish you the best, I’d love to try this with you. Panda
Thank you for letting us into your life.
I admire your honesty man 💙 xx
Panda. You're an inspiration to me, I have had addiction problems too and can totally relate. Keep up the good work and know that you bring HOPE!
I found your channel about a year ago when I had my very first panic attack that seemed to come out of nowhere. It was 2.5 hours of the most acute terror I have ever experienced. Every moment since that terrible day has been spent trying to understand why it happened. I suffered from intense derealization after the initial attack and for the first time in my life actually understood why some people with anxiety and panic kill themselves. I didnt really want to die but just existing had become nearly unbearable. Its been a year and I'm finally feeling normal but I still sometimes lie awake at night in fear of having another panic attack like the first one. Your video on how DP/DR feels was the first one I saw from your channel and helped make some sense out of the insanity I felt I was experiencing. Thank you for your channel and please don't ever give up on yourself or your life.
I'm really excited for you and this jumping off point! I know my disease wants to kill me. If I forget and take a drink, I may never make it back to sobriety. Your video helped me stay sober today. So thanks. Panda!!
Panda...your not alone my man. I'm right there with you
Couldn't be more proud of you, brother. Not only do you give hope to those who are trying to get sober for the first time, but you also give hope to the guys like me that have gotten sober before and are now trying to climb back up on that wagon. I think it's almost harder the second time because we know how much work it really is. But it is so worth it.
We take it one step at a time and lean on those around us when we need the support.
*Much love to all the damn Pandas out there!!*
It's my first time browsing through your channel and I just came across this video and watched every bit.. I just want to say that you are a beautiful person inside out with such a clean heart.. And you are so mentally and physically strong.. Yes, what you are going through is hard and painful but you have what it takes to defeat it and win over yourself.. So, please in the meanwhile don't hurt yourself one bit and give your heart and mind a break..
I believe you Noah. Keep going strong.
bro we have been threw this years ago and iv had your back from day 1 from your 1st videos!! you can do this its all in the mind. iv also been drinkin more than i should and sniffin coke regulary..its a habbit i have to get out off aswell as its fukin me up aswell. lets rebuild are selfs again man im here fir you and belive in you as you have helped me at my darkest times.
Panda! I’ve got a month and 29 days mate. You’re completely right what you said we HAVE to see this thing as it will kill us, it’s just the simple truth! Good luck with your journey, much love brother!
Panda, im on board with you. Alcohol is destroying me. You are inspiration. Im going to try my hand at lasting sobriety. Let's do this thing!
PANDA! Keep it up Noah, your life and marriage are worth it! Stay strong brah! 👍
Going through the same thing! My new sober date is April 7... I went out for 2 years after having 3.5 years sober. We got this homie. Your point about thinking about and internalizing societies and people around us opinions (who don't understand addiction) is so important such a downfall for me. .. thanks for the vid
Haven't watched you since losing my dad a month ago.
Keep doing what you're doing *for you*, but remember there are a lot of us who love you, dude. You're relatable and inspiring.
PANDA!! Hope you are having a good day. You are smart, extremely intelligent, have a great command of language and are easy to listen to. All the best in anything you choose to do and a long your journey in sobriety.
Panda. You are an inspiration to many, through all your struggles. 6.5 years clear and free as many in the comments do too kick it. Peace.
Never give up man. No matter how many day 1 you need never quite trying. I understand how hard it is. Almost 6 years for me without a drop of anything. You need to want it deep down. You will get there. Keep your head up. Take one day at a time. I still struggle with bad anxiety. But it is soooo much easier to cope with without alcohol. Congratulations on 6 days keep counting brother you got this!!
Thank you for making this, it honestly really helped.
Panda.
Stay strong brother! Love your videos! "Just for today, one day at a time." Sometimes, for me, it's more like "one minute at a time." We all love ya man!
Edit - Noah, i found your channel a few months ago when i started TRT. You have helped me immensely with more than just TRT. So glad I found your channel!
As a fellow panda, I struggled with binge drinking all throughout college to mask my untreated anxiety and depression. After I moved back to my hometown, I went through withdrawal, compounded by the side effects of starting up an SSRI and dancing around benzo usage to finally start treating my depression. It was rough, but I made it. One of the most helpful things for me was seeing my ex stop breathing on the way to the ER due to alcohol poisoning(he made it through that night, but I still had to be the most terrified man on earth for a good several hours). That night, I fully KNEW that me wandering around house parties drinking out of a bottle of tequila would land me in that ambulance too if I didn't change something. I definitely think that having that stark realization of all the ways that alcohol addiction can literally kill you or destroy your body is very helpful as a catalyst for starting that final stage on the end of the road to sobriety. I'm at a comfortable place now where I can drink socially several times a year, and have been able to build a healthy relationship with alcohol again. But I know that not everyone can, or it might take a long time, so whatever path you take, Noah, or anybody else reading this, you gotta take the hardest line you can with addiction. Stand up to it, beat the crap out of it, and take back your life. I fully believe that each of us has the capacity for positive change, so make it happen, guys and gals. Lots of hugs and good vibes from me to you.
Panda :)
Panda. ---- love you NoKnow.... and you will get this done. I believe in you. Cannot wait to see where you go.
I needed this bro
Thanks for sharing
You can do this
Oh how i can relate. Now that ive actively been trying to quit I find i drink more. I view a week of sobriety as my current goal. I just made it 5 days and this morning boom got it in my head and manifested itself into my hand. Drank 8 then slept it off. Feel like im in the bottom of a muddy pit and cant get out. I would like to give positive words so all i can say is each minute sober is a success and if you slip get back on track and keep going. I feel for you brother
Congrats my my friend. 14 days no smokes. Day 2 sober. I'm just like you back and forth. I enjoy your stories
Panda, thank you so much for this video.
Hi Noah....PANDA....... I was sober for 15 years in that period I suffered with a severe depressive episode and I suffered with Anxiety as well.with much support I made a full recovery until 2 years ago I decided whilst on holiday surely one drink won’t hurt. I even chose to have a glass of Red wine which I don’t like in the belief I would not want more than 1 Glass ! ! How wrong was I it led me back to drinking and 6 Months later. I relapsed with Depression and Anxiety. I have now been sober for over a year but am still stuck with the Depression and Anxiety.... I watch all your mental health videos and you have been a great support to me and I have learned so much from you... I believe in you I really do. You can do this... I’m behind you all the way....Thank You for all the help you have given me on your channel.... Regards from Tel boy in the UK.....
Panda ❤
My mom died September 18th from a relapse of a year at just 47 years old. Her liver failed. She left behind her 27 year old daughter (me), my 13 year old and six year old sister. Life is worth living. Fight hard. I believe in you. You're going to really change lives by recovering and sharing your story.
PANDA! I am going through similar feelings myself. Best of luck to you.
Hi Noah! I found your channel around a month ago in the middle of my fight with dysthymia. I don't know how it is to be addicted to alcohol (only emotional binge eating). But I send you lot's of love and hope that maybe if you get enough love from us, your viewers, it will help you as much, as you're helping us. You're helping so many people, we don't know you, but we love you so very much. It's obviously your personal battle, but I hope you can love yourself enough to keep on going. Panda!
PANDA!!! Appreciate your honesty and Transparency. My mother dealt with addiction for a long time, she hit rock bottom and nearly lost everything ( including her life), now she's been clean 7 years. It wasn't easy watching her suffer no to mention the hurt that she brought to my family but I am extremely proud of her recovery. She's an extraordinary person. You can do this dude! Stay strong. Do yourself a favor tonight ( I know it sounds cheesy but...) get in a mirror and flex tonight and tell yourself these things: " I am strong, I am a warrior, I am a conqueror!" and even if you want add some conviction to it and say "I am F----n awesome". We've all seen you putting those guns to work in other vids so we know it's the truth, but just another thing to encourage yourself that you can beat this!!!! Rooting and Praying for you on this journey, God Bless you brother!!!
Panda! You can do it! 6 days is amazing, keep up the good work!
I'm really struggling right now with the same sort of problems. Very foggy consciousness, confused, and it's because of Alcohol. Thanks for existing Noah. I hope you will finally slay this dragon once and for all.
PANDA. I support you 150%. If im being honest, i think i might actually have an addiction to being depressed. Idk how to explain it. I watch tou religiously becaise my husband is a chronic alcoholic and he doesnt talk about anything. You help me to understand my husband better. I will watch and follow you no matter what. Vlog, no vlog. As long as you are putting yourself out there for the world, im here. You ARE such an inspiration. Thank you.
And congrats on your sobriety no matter how long it has been.
I am praying for you. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
panda that.. found you today. Im in my 40's and dealing with the T issues you are and my teenage son is dealing with the depression. It's great to see you are managing it. thanks for sharing
Panda, brotha! I really need to hear what you are saying in this video. I've been dealing with stress and depression these past few years by abusing alcohol. It got pretty bad (a box of wine a night kinda bad; blackout drunk every night kinda bad). I changed jobs to something less stressful and soul-crushing than the one I was in. I still drink too much, but much less than I was. Sometimes I have to be happy with harm reduction so long as I don't let it cloud my sight of my final goal -- to not rely on alcohol.
I've always had a certain amount of pride in my kick-ass blood pressure. I was usually around the 110/80 mark. After a few years of heavy drinking, I'm up to 139/80. Lately, whenever I feel like making a poor choice, I remember my blood pressure and how my habits to date have effed it up. It's really helped me shoot for progress, not perfection. Hearing your words and experiences also helps me bigly. Thanks so much, Nate.
PANDA PANDA PANDA PANDA! I am 41 and right where you are in terms of depression anxiety alcoholism and still being into my fitness. I love your videos they resonate with me and I totally get it. Much love and hope from Scotland. I'm back at day 1 today. It can be such a fucking nightmare. I hate having no confidence but then i hate having false confidence and the brutal hangovers that make me feel i need to drink through them to not face the mortification of the ahit i've done.. I have all of the health anxieties too and just want to be happy and a good parent. Addiction is a helluva thing. Just remember you have got through every single hellish day 100% so far. The suffering the guilt the fear it's just overwhelming. You are NOT alone!!! You give me so much hope!! Thank you for your honesty and humility.
Hello Panda 🐼
So I found your channel a few days ago. I’ve seen you on your dad’s channel and never would of thought you had all of these struggles. Just goes to show you never know someone else’s reality.
I feel kinda old to be following you, but your struggles and openness and honesty speak to me. I’ve struggled with chronic depression and anxiety for a long time, and while it’s not as serious as a drug or alcohol addiction, I have a real problem with food. And it does cause health problems and ages you faster. I find your discussion about addiction quite relevant to my struggles with food and I hope to be able to make better choices for my health.
PANDA! I can relate to everything you are going thru. Physical issues from alcohol depression anxiety it's all there. I went to inpatient in Eugene or for 28 days, made it 110 days sober figured I would try smoking pot cause it "wasn't a problem" it led to my addict mind taking over and I can only get a month at the most sober. depression and the hopelessness that comes from it is so strong. thank you for sharing your struggle. I will be here with you. I have been wanting to document my story as well. I have a wife and 2 little boys I can lose today due to my alcoholism. It so hard...
I’m currently dealing with a worry/anxiety problem myself. I’m looking for solutions but I am feeling very frustrated. I realize that it may take time for me to finally feel relief but I just want the results to come. My anxiety is like a rollercoaster that goes up and down.
I am writing all of this just to show you that you are not alone.
Resolve to have a resolution that we can follow through with that has bumps and bruises, fits and starts and lots of grey tones! Resolutions and the struggle for sobriety is not a binary process, it is an ebb and flow like all of life! Let’s allow ourselves to heal in the realm of self forgiveness and self tolerance! This is what I have to say to myself each and everyday as I’ve struggled through depression, anxiety, PTSD, drug addiction and alcoholism! I am now 53 years of age and have survived suicide attempts, cancer, epilepsy and recently Congestive Heart Failure! Why I am still here is beyond me! But as long as I am here... well, you get the rest! Keep on keepin on!!!!! Love and peace to all of us who struggle within this realm of suffering!
Thanks for the video. I'm not addicted to alcohol or drugs. For me it was food. exercise is what helped me and that is how I got to you (videos). Thanks to you and your honesty I've lost 50lbs and my anxiety is manageable. You helped me and I thank you for that. You got this! And you are not alone!
Best luck dude. It is not easy.