MY BATTLE TO GET SOBER (Life Update) | so much harder than I thought
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ม.ค. 2018
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I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
I know this was long, repetitive, and filled with tangents but thank you for letting me share. This has been a far more difficult transition then I could have imagined but I am pushing ahead until my mind settles down. Then the real work begins. I believe that simply not drinking will not be enough and that I have some baggage and work to do to be healthy and happy sober. Alcohol has clearly been doing something for me these past couple years that I felt I could not do for myself and as it has stopped working I know it's time to ask for help or be consumed.
Please share your own experiences or thoughts as they benefit me and others who might read them.
Don't apologize for that Noah. I'm around if you need to talk.
Noah I have been doing a TON of research lately on causes of depression/anxiety. #1. One huge was in Magnesium deficiency (People who improved magnesium levels were able to quit things like alcohol, smoking, drugs). Stress, alcohol, soil nutrients are huge factors. Estimated 80% of people are deficient. Blood tests that doctors usually use are useless if you do the research. You need to ask specifically for a Magnesium Red Blood Cell test instead of the Magnesium blood serum tests doctors normally order. Look up Magnesium deficiency and you will see how damaging it is for Anxiety/Depression. #2. Seasonal anxiety/depression. Especially in northern states people do NOT get enough sunlight. This often leads to depression especially in the winter months. Look it up, and how to treat it with special lights that simulate sunlight. Hope this helps!
Happy happy let's just be happy I been watching this more then once
HAPPY
I am a new follower of yours and I am Soo glad I found you. I am married to a wonderful man who struggles with depression. And lately I've notice some feelings happening with myself that I don't like and feel like it might be anxiety, which is new for me because I've never that as myself as an anxious person but I've have been noticing when certain things are happening or being said I feel myself about to blow and I hate it! I am still doing some research and trying to figure out what to do. Thank you so much for your honesty, you are so amazing for opening up to all of us!
Hey man we all have struggles. Let’s attempt to get a grip on them together. My struggle is eating like a friggin king everyday. Food is my drug. Your is just another substance that can be overdone. I pray for people like us.
HAPPY... Hey dude, I too drank again after a long period of sobriety. I had almost 7 fantastic years sober in the 1990’s and I figured that after that long, I could drink normally again. Well, I stopped going to meetings, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped working with other alcoholics, and finally, stopped praying. Within about 2 months, I drank again. At first, it was kinda controlled but it soon resumed to “alcoholic” drinking almost every time I drank (zero control once I start). Well, fast forward 11 years and my “controlled drinking experiment” had ended up with me losing my marriage, almost losing my job, and worst of all, I lost any remnants of happiness and serenity that alcohol once gave me. The fear, depression, anxiety, loneliness, despair, and hopelessness were overwhelming in my last several years of drinking but, I just couldn’t imagine life without alcohol and I so desperately hoped that the booze would do its magic once again; but that day never came. So, on the 10th of November 2013, I surrendered once again and began my current journey into sobriety. I’ve heard someone say in a meeting that “the first time you get sober is a “gift”, the second time we’ll, you gotta work for it.” How true this is... The last 4 years have been a fucking roller coaster ride of emotions but, I’m happy to say that it has been worth it. I got a sponsor, I do lots of service work, I go to loads of meetings, and I put one foot in front of the other and trudge through this thing called life. Yes, sometimes sobriety sucks; not every day is sunshine and orgasms but, it’s a shit ton better than the existence I experienced in active alcohol addiction. So, stay strong my friend, keep doing what you are doing, trust the process, and stay away from that one little thing that fucking destroys folks like us - the first drink. You got this man. (Oh yea, read up on rule 62 when you are thinking too much... It helps me sometimes...)
Barry Mueller , Barry, that was some gift, to share the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Thank you.
Well said Barry.
Barry Mueller Well said Barry
Do you think your drinking was caused due to your marriage or was it just something you like todo?im trying to stay strong for my bf but sometimes I wonder if I’m the cause and my self esteem has been really suffering due to him drinking again .i don’t drink but I need help myself
@@noone3496 Hi "No One", to answer your question, NO, my drinking was not caused by the breakup of my marriage. The AA definition of "an alcoholic" is a person who "cannot stop drinking when they honestly want to, or, have little control of the amount they take, once they start to drink." Since my first drink at about 12 years old, I absolutely had little control of how much I drank (once I started) and always drank to excess. I guess I could attribute that to being young but, that drinking pattern carried on at 16, 21, 30, 40 and 45 years old; I could almost never have "just a couple drinks". As well, I had many "reasons" to stop drinking over the years (mental health issues, relationship problems, risky behaviors while drunk, etc) but could never seem to just stop on my own... Anyway, after getting into "recovery" (via AA) I've discovered that alcohol was never really my problem; in fact, it was my solution. The solution to low self esteem, the solution to anxiety, the solution to depression and fear, awkwardness, loneliness, and despair... And booze was a fantastic solution for many years as it made me "fit in" and feel "whole" and "good enough". But, if someone is an alcoholic, the "magic" that alcohol once gave us is replaced with the very things that they once soothed... That is when the drinker is faced with an age old dilemma... Keep doing what you are doing (drinking, losing relationships, sinking into self pity, etc...) OR, try something different (recovery). Ugh, its a shitty place to be but, the price of admission into a new life is self honesty, willingness, desperation and surrender. I guess I've gone off topic here... Sorry... What I am saying is that, I am an alcoholic and no matter if I had the #1 wife, greatest sports car, best job, and unlimited access to joy, I would not be happy within myself. Until I entered "recovery" I didn't know that happiness was an inside job nor did I know how to access it; now I'm on that journey... As for you, please find an Al-anon meeting and see whats its all about. There is magic is people helping one another and the knowledge that you are not alone... I wish you well... Good luck!
I stopped drinking 30 something years ago and just recently started again and it's worse than it ever was I want to stop but I'm afraid of the consequences thank you so much for being you you're helping me
Yo! I had 18 years sober, started drinking 2 years ago, it got really bad, and I decided to quit drinking again 23 days ago. You said in your video "I don't remember recovery being this hard"... I have been thinking the same thing. It's crazy how we throw away sobriety so recklessly when we choose to drink again. It is always difficult getting sober... it's just after we get some time, we forget the early days. You know it gets better. At 23 days, my mood is pretty stable...and I feel good/hopeful. But the first 3 weeks was emotional roller coaster... prepare yourself...and just power through it.... You got this!
HAPPY. U MATTER. PEOPLE LOVE U AND WE ARE ON YOUR SIDE. JUST KEEP GOING.
I drink everyday, each and everyday I drink alone in my house and I have done this for just under 20 years. I am sick to death of my life and the effect alcohol has on me. I stopped for one month. Completely stopped and in that month I felt like a different person. Everything in my life changed. My anxiety went, my self hate went, I was sleeping good and waking up positive. Then I bought 12 cans of beers and have been back to drinking every night since. I am truly sick and tired but I just cant seem to get back to where I was a month ago. Every night after the beers run out I tell myself tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
“Its not fun anymore its getting weird”
I just want to give you a big hug
Don't forget you have a huge community of people for support when you're feeling weak and nobody else is physically around to help you!
HAPPY 116 days sober. you can do this!!!! We are all in this together!
To all the people supporting him and thise who are in the same boat...im praying for all of you also. I think all of you are wonderful people and it lifts my spirits as i found noah and he also has been a big part of my recovery. You all being open honest and supporting shows me there are good people out there! Love you all!!
HAPPY
Your being "raw" about your specific journey continues to be far more helpful than you seem to realize...
Thank you.
Thank you again for sharing and being soo honest - believe me you are helping soo many people and you probably don’t even think you are but your really are !!!
My fiance and I realized a couple months ago that we were leaning on alcohol as a crutch too much. We would have a few drinks almost every day for over a year. We got tired of waking up feeling like crap but just couldn't stop for whatever reason. 2 months ago we finally put our foot down and said 'no drinking at all during the week, couple drinks allowed on the weekend'. Fuck me, it was super tough at first. We'd finish up dinner and sit on the couch and my body would be like 'DRIIIIIINK'. After about 2 weeks that feeling eased up significantly and now we're waking up on the weekend after having just a few drinks hating the way we feel and might even cut it out completely. Long story short, it gets easier and easier. Hang in there buddy, this too shall pass :)
Thanks for sharing. We all have things we struggle with. Be proud that you are brave enough to hold yourself accountable for yours
Keep fighting you're slowly winning against it. Well done
❤❤❤❤❤ when I was getting sober I heard you on a random video a year ago and today I am sober and you really made me question myself throughout that horrendous period I hope you find the strength to live a sober life ❤❤❤
HAPPY!! You got this Noah! The struggle is real. I understand what you're going through 100%. It sucks. You have a LOT of people who love you, care about you, and are here to support you.
HAPPY! PRAYING FOR YOU! THANK YOU FOR THE HONESTY
Keep fighting bro. Get out in nature more. Dont give up
HAPPY! Thank you for your honesty, transparency, and sharing your journey.
The best technique I would suggest that you probably have heard already is to feel the urge when it comes.. sit down and feel it on a very deep level
Hope that helps
Best wishes for you
zain alabedien certainly feels better than the alternative
Interesting ...but how do u tolerate the feeling? It would be really helpful if u could explain that a bit more..thanks x
Appreciate your honesty and openness. Your videos have been therapeutic over the years. Keep it up!
HAPPY. I always appreciate how honest and raw your videos are. I know exactly what you're going through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You're doing all the right things to set yourself up for long-term recovery. Keep letting your support system help you! I believe in you!
Wishing you all the best Noah, you are so courageous being so transparent. Rooting for you all the way!
Thank you for being so open and honest. You help me with my struggle more than anyone. It's awesome to know that I'm not alone in my feelings.
HAPPY Thanks for being so open and honest about your struggle. I know it helps a lot of people.
HAPPY. For whatever it is worth I will be praying for you. Keep us updated, we are here to help as you have helped us!
HAPPY good luck, I’m rooting for you x
HAPPY. Good luck
David
Well from my perspective, you are just sharing your journey with everyone. There's no pressure on you to be this shining example. You just need to keep focusing on getting better and the fact that you share so much, is more than enough for me. You're helping others by sharing, there's no need to feel bad.
HAPPY. Your brutal honesty inspires me, Noah. Keep going, you are an amazing person.
HAPPY. Fingers crossed for you and sending lots of love to your wife and family.
HAPPY. This is so compelling, Noah. Thank you for sharing your journey. I strive for your self awareness.
A relapse is normal part of recovery, dont worry about it. keep posting your videos because is therapy for you and your helping others I'm finding them useful myself. it's good to see someone else's problems because sometimes they make you own problems seem less troublesome.
HAPPY. You can do this man! I’m praying for you. I appreciate your open honesty about your life and struggles. It helps me and others face our demons as well. Best to you man!
I know this feeling. Mine was narcotics. I just want to say as a former addict I really appreciate your honesty. I have a feeling God is using your current struggles to help a lot of people. Keep praying. Keep leaning on others and being rigorously honest just like the big book says. It will get better for you Noah. I'm praying that it will. God bless.
HAPPY
Sherman Smith , bless you and forever stay strong.
Lu Guy Thank you
HAPPY❤️ Watching your videos on my down days help bring me back to feeling like I'm not alone in the self-esteem, addiction, and depression struggle. It's encouraging to see your steady growth
HAPPY Your complete honesty, sincerity, and complete authenticity are really really helping me. Thank you.
You have something in you that is what world needs more. Openess and discuss feelings...pride is something that makes people unhappy. Am glad am also more open to my feeling than i used to. Its like an adaption to circunstances. And when i do it, i gain so much more. I feel understood by people...and articulation man...when you learn to explain exactly what you mean to other people and they exaclty understand (or understand well enough) its so freeing...
HAPPY. Good luck Noah.
HAPPY
Thoughts are going out to you, you got this. Your videos have helped me incredible ways, mainly learning about my boyfriends clinical depression so thank you so much for teaching me how to help him, stay strong
HAPPY... really happy at how much you share so people who love you can understand the true overwhelming nature of addiction. Really happy you are walking this uncomfortable path because you want something better in the future. Happy that you recognize the gains to be had outweigh everything.
HAPPY. I wish you a lot of strenght and patience.
At the moment I drink everyday and I can't stop. Everything is terrifying. You give me a thought that it's possible to not drink for more than at least one day. It sounds real. Thank you for your honesty.
This IS your show - this IS your honesty. You are doing it. Doing it right. And doing it right, right now. I am grateful and HAPPY for your sharing as I struggle with alcohol and mental illness as well. So, don't burden yourself with guilt feelings you're not following some kind of format or that some people may move on. This kind of honesty and courage is you and what makes this channel the gathering place and home for mutual support that it is.
I am profoundly grateful for your honesty and ability to post some of your deepest thoughts. Prayers to you bignoknow ....and your wife....xoxo
HAPPY. Thank you for being an inspiration Noah.
HAPPY. Noah acknowledging the issue is the most important first step. You have a great support system. I wish you all the best. Stay strong.
Love your honesty .
HAPPY. I am where you are right now. It is so hard to stop the madness... but we both know it can get better. Thank you for being so open and sharing. It is always good to hear we are not alone in what feels like complete insanity.
So on point. Cunning, baffling, powerful. Thats great you have support like that. My old sponsor used to say you are either in or out but riding the line between the two selves is the worst most painful and confusing . She also said if i went out i may never come back, and how right she was. Im in the same place as you in every way.."I see my keys and then im driving to the store". God help us. Hang in there Noah. I think of you in my nightly prayers.
HAPPY. I've been watching your channel for the last few years and I've also been struggling with alcohol addiction. I have to honestly say that your videos have helped me in so many dark moments it's been a relief knowing that I'm not alone. I thank you for being as strong as you are to share your life with all of us that subscribe to channel. I'm not a great writer so I'll want to keep this short and reply HAPPY to the video. Please know that this channel does a lot of good for a lot of people. God Bless you and stay strong Noah.
HAPPY. Don't give up Noah. We are all supporting you and you can do this. You are a wonderful, honest man Talk as much as u need to, if it helps you. Those of us who truly care about u will always be here to listen. Please don't stop making videos. Take care, Debbie
HAPPY!!! Good for you to recognize and start this journey! Your journey is awesome and it’s not over yet. Keep pushing. I can very much relate to you with addiction but a different kind. I have struggled with eating disorders for 15 years and am currently struggling with food addiction and it’s funny how similar the thoughts of addicts are. I am also trying to get by minute by minute with many set backs. I hope to conquer this!
HAPPY Noah! Stay strong and keep sharing with us. ❤️
Noah I understand your honesty is what keeps your channel going but I feel like you KNEW when you decided to drink again, this would happen. I love you man, stay strong. Maybe get out of your head by working with someone in person. I know my anxiety went down becasue I STOPPED drinking. 2-years sober now and worked the steps with a sponsor. YOU GOT THIS BRO!
HAPPY you're still with us Noah
HAPPYAfter listening to your struggles last week and commenting on my own I decided to detox myself of sugar and bad carbs. I have struggled every single day. That is when I realize I try to control so many aspects of life and yet I can’t control this. I know it is how I learned to cope and that is why it is so deeply engrained, I can understand why perhaps the child that used this for comfort is flipping out right now because I am taking it away. Thank you for documenting your journey. It’s not about having or being it all, it’s about how we grow while we are here.
I Struggle with this every day Noah you are always so brave, proud of you and your honesty you can win this battle, and I know I can too. HAPPY you got this!
Your videos are helping me man. Thanks for sharing
Im praying for you!!😀you are awesome and i love your honesty!
HAPPY. you are important and SO many people care about you. life is worth living
Don’t give up Noah, you’re clearly doing your best and trying sooo hard. Don’t beat yourself up for not achieving perfection, appreciate how well you’ve done so far because you absolutely have! You’ve got a great plan in place and slip ups are allowed especially in early days. We’re all here watching and supporting, and we mostly all know how it feels to be lost or stuck in some kind of mental struggle - that’s why lots of us are here! - and so we all understand how you’re feeling right now and don’t expect anything from you right now other than your best attempts at self care and whatever else you feel up to.
Erin.
Keep going with these videos, they will help keep lots of people sober including myself. It's difficult but there is is always a new bottom if you keep drinking and things are never so bad that they can not get worse the next time.
HAPPY! Since I’m a week late, I’m sure this has already been said...but it can be so overwhelming to think about never drinking again. Even trying to take it a day at a time is overwhelming! Take it a minute at a time or a breath at a time. All that you have to worry about is the present moment. The past can’t be changed and the future will come when it comes. Stay present in the now. It’s all you’ve got. You are so supported. Keep fighting!!
You are are not a fraud. This is all part of your honest journey. I thank you you for sharing. I struggle just as well.
HAPPY...stay strong Noah!!!
HAPPY
I don't struggle with alcohol addiction. I'm currently struggling with depression, PTSD, that I thought I was "over," and an apparent resurgence of self injury, that again, I thought I was over. I just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest.
One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.
smoupnhoize I have PTSD. Heavily medicated and felt on top of the world. Been on a bender since my little sister's 21st in December and I havent stopped since...... I'm happy to relate to others. This needs to stop. What makes matters worse is that my narcissistic abuser is a heavy alcoholic.... Refuse to be like him and if you want support I am here for you.... It would help us to have a support system.
Thank you so much for posting this. I'm come off a relapse after 3 solid months. This is really helping me out to see
Hey brotha thank you for your honesty I can feel what you are saying and you have related with me personally I appreciate your honesty.
You can't fix what you don't acknowledge and clearly you are honest about your problems and that puts you way ahead of the game. Sobriety and addiction is a battle as you know. Keep fighting!!!
HAPPY. Proud of you brother.... stay strong
HAPPY. Thoughts and prayers to you brother. You can beat this
HAPPY. You got this. Listening to you all this time, it's pretty clear you're an exceptional guy. Wish I knew what to say, but I don't. I do however have complete faith in you that you'll manage this successfully. Take it minute by minute. Day by day. whatever it takes. You're gonna do it. I can see a whole lot in you that maybe you can't see right now. It's there. You're gonna be okay.
HAPPY. We're rooting for you Noah. Your team is bigger than you imagine.
We're all here for you brother! It's a hard road, but you're not alone!
it is scary how much are stories are alike, i just found your videos a couple days ago when i was looking for help. It truly is incredible how much we are alike. The videos are almost like i'm self reflecting upon myself.
I can relate to you in multiple ways. Keep fighting. HAPPY
Noah your videos help me so much bro, old an new. God bless my friend
I'm right there with EVERYTHING you said in this video. Cross your fingers for both of us.
your honesty is such an inspiration to anybody going through addiction man. it's good to know we're not alone.
Noah, I can really relate to how hard it is to battle the urge to drink. I don't think enough people realise how much mental space it takes. Think of the amount of time we think about drinking/not drinking and battling between the two evils. Every day, week, month. That's a lot of time! Big props for being so open and honest about this. I also make TH-cam videos on mental health and your channel was one of the main inspirations in me starting. Keep going. x
ANYTIME you have the urge to drink you need to start a youtube live right away. Talk to us! You have a huge community so USE IT! You can do anything you want to do. Look at how far you have came from feeling like you couldnt go on. You are inspiration to everyone on thos channel.
HAPPY! It's more and more difficult to get back. If you're back now.....stay here and bathe in the gratitude that you DID get back. Time will change many aspects. Your intelligence where alcoholism is concerned, will do you in. This time, it can and will be different if you allow it to be. Sending love and strength and the joy of the utmost surrender, to join the winning team. Love you....Sometimes more than one meeting a day is necessary in early sobriety.
HAPPY You got this bro
Happy ... i am with you you are not ugly at all !
We're here for you Noah, Keep being honest. We're all HAPPY to share this journey with you.
Super glad you made this video. I just made a video about your relapse and will include this as an update.
I’m here to help man. I’m glad you’re being honest with yourself and surrendering again.
Some people are in abusive relationships and it's harder than hell to leave. Alcohol is your abuser. You're a very intelligent man - You know what needs to be done.
*_There are no failures - only setbacks_*
HAPPY. thanks man, your vids really help
Once you draw that line in the sand (not to drink anymore), the evil one will be on the offensive through distraction and manipulation, so he can draw you further away from God - the true joy and fulfillment in life! 😇 Praying for you daily my brother!!! 🙏
Happy stay strong brother!
Thanks for sharing brother. You described in this video exactly what I have felt in the past. Even the keys- I remember giving my keys up to my parents. Then I "borrowed" my sisters car. I remember feeling like, in those moments, I was a marionette, with some outer force controlling me. Keep sharing, keep letting those in your life know when you are having those moments. You know what it is to be sober- I know you will get this brother.
HAPPY 🖒 keep going Noah. We are cheering for you
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
HAPPY! Good luck, brother...you can do this.
I hope you did stay sober today. I know this video helped me stay sober today. I surrender every day to the fact that I'm an alcoholic and that if I have any alcohol it's too much but I know that I just have to get through the day not forever. Please consider inpatient treatment, it may be what will work for you. You are worth it! Sweets help with the withdrawal symptoms. Big hugs hun. HAPPY!
Thank you for your honesty about addiction. I have family members who are at a crossroads and are really stuggling through this. Unfortunately, my sister lost her battle with alcohol and passed away in 2012 at 54 years of age. You can do this. Much in encouragement goes out to you.
mixtic shell so so sorry about your sister
mixtic shell , so sad for you and your family’s loss. Xox
mixtic shell I lost my sister to alcoholism in 2015. She was 44. I too am an alcoholic in recovery. It can be done! I don't have that "urge" to drink anymore, but it took about a good year. Now I can drink a glass of wine and Im fine. I don't need to keep on drinking. FYI I went completely sober for a whole year before I decided to try to drink one glass of wine this Thanskgiving.
Brandi Hakeem That's Wonderful. So sorry about your sister as well. It definitely made me think twice about addiction. So glad you were able to drink responsibly. Wishing everyone to be free from addiction. You're not alone.
bignoknow Thank you. That's why I am routing for you.
HAPPY! You are not alone, and your experience with this insanity is not uncommon unfortunately. Once you have a few weeks or months under your belt it will get easier. Thank you so much for your openness and honesty, and hopefully this can educate some of the normies what it is like to go through this.
Tried it again and it didn't work out? Me too, and getting sober the last time in Aug. 2018 almost killed me. I have two 11+ year periods of sobriety under my belt. The last time I was able to drink with no problem for about 1 year in 2014. I ended up losing my career of 26 years and almost killed myself during the next three years. Starting sobriety all over again 48 days ago. The withdrawals were much worse than ever. 5 days of hell at home from a 1.75 of vodka every two days. In 2014 it was a single malt scotch and 2 beers every day. I'm 60 now by the way.
HAPPY! Thank you so much for posting this. One minute at a time, and keep those close to you in the loop to hold you accountable. It's the only way to go. You got this tho. What has started to help me, not every time but some, is I think about the feeling after. It's so easy to think about the feeling you want of being wasted and it's so hard to ignore that, but I've started to think about how I'm going to feel the next day, how I'm going to make those close to me feel, the distortion of reality that comes with the anxiety that follows me for days after I drink anytime I drive because I am so used to being scared of something happening while I'm driving, and I think about it and sometimes it's enough for me to not go get it. Sometimes I realize that those few hours aren't worth it and sometimes I couldn't give a damn and I go. Like you, I'd give anything to just wake up one day and forget it even exists. It will be 4 months sober soon, longest in 5 years, and everyday is a struggle. ❤️