WHY IS IT SO HARD TO STAY SOBER...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ค. 2024
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I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
My Story
My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.
I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.
Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked
In the past 15 yrs, I’m now 31, I had the longest stretch at 16 months sober. I had an 8 month relapse, back into recovery again, and now 10 days sober. Alcohol isn’t my problem, it was always my solution. Thanks for the vid!
For me is wasn’t the substance I used, but the realisation that I had no substitute for dealing with any emotional situation in my life. As I have severe and chronic mental illness and trauma, I started to understand that all of my addictions and crutches, my “go-to’s”, were going to kill me in the end. One day I was going to do too much of something, and I would really die. And I didn’t want to die. I don’t want to die, I just want the shit in my life that makes everything feel worse, to end.
This is all new. I don’t have any grand solutions, other than cutting the addictions out of my life, one by one, and getting therapy and medical support from my doctor while I am transforming. I’m down to the last two, nicotine therapy (currently), emotional eating next. From what I’ve learnt so far, more emotional trauma is going to keep showing up for me, all those addictions and abuse weren’t bandaids for nothing. The real me is stepping into the light, and I’m terrified and alone in this part of my journey. I consider it a rite of passage, a trial I never got to pass in my youth. All I have is faith in the unknown, and unknowing, that I am doing the best I can for me, in this moment.
Thank you for taking some time with me. Please don't hesitate to share your experience and opinion in the comments. This is not a me thing but a WE thing I assure you.
Thank you for sharing this. Honestly, what you said is the truth for most addicts. I am a recovering addict, and I also have mental illness. I am bipolar, PTSD, anorexia, self harm and borderline personality disorder. My pills were my get away. I knew from the first time I misused them. They made everything stop and I could actually look at myself in mirror. So I can totally see and feel the same as you. You are doing so great! I know you dont know me but i am so very proud and know your family is also.
Thank you for letting us have time with you Noah!
Thanks for sharing Noah...One day at a time. I came across your videos two years ago via another you tube video about depression. I don't recall the man's name, but the message was clear. Your candor is well appreciated. I'm starting to to to the rooms again. Thanks for your openness and sincerity, it comes through in your videos.
Alcohol and the military. As clique as it sounds, thats how i lived and functioned all the time
Just wanted you to know that yesterday, I shared your reframe with a client who was struggling with sobriety! Paying it forward:)
I'm on day 31 no booze. W00t
@Ben Well done Ben
Awesome keep it up you can do this
4 months, 18 days
@Ben congrats! One day at a time.✌🏼
@@ekscholl Awesome! Hoping to get there too!
This was the exact relationship that I had with cannabis. Without writing a full book here, but still sharing enough, I used to glorify the plant, and use it even knowing that I was being consumed by it. I would stop because of the guilt associated with not being productive, flaking out on things, feeling detached, reacting with a short fuse, and basically blaming everyone and everything else, except me. It came to a point where I realized that it wasn't the plant, it was me - it has always been me, and the only way that things would change is if I put the work in, and stopped blaming, and sitting in the "others can use it and function and seem all right, why can't I." Here is the pat on the back part...lol... I have gone on and off the wagon in cycles for many years, but now can say I have been sober for 3 months along with no booze, and yes it has been challenging, but facing my own shit has been a blessing. I'm more productive, but also with days of "I don't feel like doing nada" but I still manage to pull myself out of it and do something, I'm reading more, spending quality time with my family, and overall just feel more "here." Anyway, Noah, I appreciate you and your videos. ✌
Well said son.
I'm crying as I watch this. Thank you and God bless your soul!
Im in no way an alcoholic and haven't drank for five years due to anxiety and depression however when I used to drink I would always go over board and it was because I was trying to cope with stress and loneliness etc in my life. I agree alcohol isn't the problem mate
Had sooo many relapses because of exactly what you said: things and feelings and my childhood etc. become too much to handle. For 25 years alcohol has been my crutch and self- medication. As I am aging, it is not doing me any favours. I really need to stop for good. Thanks for the great video!
I have been clean and sober for 5 and half years now and it is still a everyday thing of making sure my mental health and stability is on point and being taken care of. It took me 10+ years to get clean and stay clean. I had to get myself out of a very bad abusive relationship and get myself back. Cause I know that I was using drugs to numb myself from what I was dealing g with on a daily basis. But once I started to listen to myself and my spiritual being it made it easier to not use drugs and want to numb myself anymore... But like I said it is still a daily thing of taking care of body, mind and soul... Thank you for always sharing your story with use all!!!
Thank you for your beautiful transparency. You are such a positive force for so many people, and I appreciate you so much! At your best, and on your rough days, you are loved! ❤️👸🏾
Im an addict. 10 years on opiates, injections, ODs and many heart stop. almost 3 years clean and sober now. When i have a bad day, i thinking that the absolute worst day clean is better then the best day when i was on drugs.
Noah, I have so much respect for your work. You are so kind and insightful. Thank you for giving of yourself to be of service.
I've been sober since May 2016. Had I not gone to rehab for 10 weeks I don't think I'd have been able to stop on my own. The addict often doesn't realize they're addicted.
I don't think about using as often, anymore, but every now and then I wish I could have a beer. But I know exactly where those "few beers" will take me. Once I start I quickly lose control.
I swear it must be twice as hard for someone with depression to stop an addiction as it would a normal addict. It's one of the few things that give us real pleasure on a deeper level.
A young girl in my outpatient group probably dropped the most knowledge on much older people people about a month ago... she said she felt that when you are trying to "get sober" you are so adamant trying to pick up the pieces... particularly after a bad incident where drugs or alcohol may have been involved. It is not until things go back to the state of being "normal" moving along with your life, getting comfortable and getting all things back that maybe you had lost, that it becomes a true test.
I completely agree... when you are happy and successfully staying sober I feel like that our disease may attack us because we are not actively staying involved and exerting effort in our recovery.... almost as if we forgot where we came from. After many years of heavy drinking and many relapses it was not until this attempt and doing everything I do including the daily vlog, staying aware and active, that I have found any degree of success. 159 days today... I will not say it is easy for me but it does require attentive action and work.
As I sit each and every day watching soo many friends that I have met in rehab and recovery programs simply give up and fall off, the only conclusion I have drawn is that they are just trying to stay sober... not actually trying to improve the quality of their lives. We are free from addiction and alcohol, we owe it to ourselves and others to forge a new path in our lives and try to help the next addict up.
Keep Moving Forward my man.
Daily Recovery: Better Healthier Living That’s some amazing knowledge she dropped there. Recovery is an ongoing active process. Just trying to stay sober breeds relapse because the real issues are not dealt with and there isn’t anything else substituting the behavior. There are days when I’m doing good and don’t think about drinking but the next minute I’m under a dark cloud and want to run away. Alcohol is the easiest thing to use to find a solution. I want to face my problems and allowing myself to feel is the only way.
Bignoknow - Noah, congrats on 10 months brother! AMAZING! You're making your wife and whole family so proud of you man. I can completely relate. I'm coming up close to 3 years off heroin, meth, benzos, and alcohol, and it is so damn hard to stop the addict thinking of "what if it's 'just once' i can get away with that" knowing damn well it doesn't EVER work that way. It has gotten less intense the past year staying clean, but i still have those days where all i want is a buzz (we both know it never stops at a little buzz, like we intend). After a little while that crave stops and i can forget about it. You keep up the hard work boss, you have so many people looking up to you, and your family I'm sure feels so blessed with you being back. We love you man!
Congratulations! Ten months is huge. I wish my Sister would have found sobriety before she found suicide.😢 She began as a teenager and continued to drink until her last breath. She kept drinking to "try" to numb the pain her drinking caused her and so the cycle began. If someone is in the same head space as she, search and keep searching until you find a program that works for you!
dr. mikeska this is so sad 😓. Very powerful for you to share such a heartbreaking cautionary tale. May she rest peacefully and may I never forget where I come from.
@@bignoknow Thank you! Addiction is a lose/lose situation. Some will not become sober until they lose to most important things in their lives. I pray you remain forever sober.🙏🏼
Noah, it is completely obvious that you have also gone through a major personality shift for the better through these 11 years. You have become more enlightened, more aware and wise. I personally have not had a history with alcohol or drug abuse but I can see how easily one can abuse it as a means to escape the pangs of reality. I sympathize so much with anyone who has gone through the struggle and I learn so much by watching videos like this.
wow this perspective is SUPER helpful-- i'm 37 days and my pink cloud has been deflating for the past few days. alcohol is not my only problem *or* solution, but by learning to identify other solutions i'm only doing myself better. much love
Existence is pain and lack of coping skills or channeling energy into positive engagement can lead to abusing alcohol/drugs to soothe it.
It is so hard Noah but you are doing so well, and helping so many other people dealing with similar issues. p.s. I love your beanie
I appreciate your videos. It helps to hear that I'm not the only one. Especially from people who seem to have it all together.
I was in my 30's when I destroyed my Navy carrier in one night of drinking. What I didn't know at the time was, this was a gift; been sober 12 years.
Noah, thank you for everything you do!
Its a LOVE/HATE relationship, I did it for over 30 years and. Sober now 15 Months and, im struggling at the minute to stay that way. Keep it up , and stay strong and safe 🙏
Great video and so much truth! Love shares like this and always one day at a time! Always find inspiration for my channel! All the support man and you got this!
Addictions are so hard, especially when it comes to balancing your life OUTSIDE of those additions moving on after you've left them. Congrats on your sobriety brother!
ErikTheElectric good to see your face brotha. Well said and thanks. Your video today was 🔥 😘.
I really like you. Youre a good open honest person Refreshing to see.
I relate with this allot. Also having social anxiety it was a good way for me to get the ball rolling. Hope your still going strong brother
I agree! It is definitely a “solution” to a deeper rooted problem! I am 7 months sober which is the longest I have been since I was 14. I am now 31.
Great video! Love the reframe from biggest problem to biggest solution. Congrats!
I smoked pot. I started when I was 17. Not knowing that I was a person with depression, it became my way of feeling better.
It replace the isolation that I felt with a sense, false as it were, of calmness. It settled the racing thoughts. I didn't have to think of myself in any way. I didn't have to think about being a boy of color is a racist world. Being gay in a world that hated ppl like me. Feeling that I was stupid...in other words, very low self-esteem. Pot was the best! Until I knew what I needed. I'm basically a person who needs spirituality in his life.
When I started smoking, I was simultaneously embarking on a spiritual quest that had longed to be heard since my early childhood. Pot sidetracked me. I lost my curiosity about spirit. I lost my artistic bent - those who say pot makes your talent more acute - hmmm...maybe not. My sex drive diminished. I didn't have to deal with being gay! Pot took everything away. Nonetheless, it never filled that empty hole in my heart that I tried to fill with getting high.
I experimented with other drugs including alcohol, but they never replaced pot. I guess I'm lucky that way. I tried relationships, which did more damage to my sense of self than pot did. Noticeably I would reduce smoking when I was in a relationship. But ultimately nothing worked. I knew pot was not the solution.
Cancer, and my last relationship breakup was the worst ever and sent me on a very destructive course, heavy smoking, prescription drug abuse, near 3 fatal car crashes. I knew I needed help! I'm lucky to be alive. But then thing got more complex.
My mom was getting sick so I moved back home to help with her care. I didn't stop smoking, but the desire to live a spiritual life reappeared. I became a Buddhist...but that didn't work. By the time I reached back to my original path...my mom was dying. Still smoking I started to practice my being a Hare Krishna devotee. By that time mom died, I was with her until the end...almost.
I had been present to two other loved ones dying, a partner, and the next, my best friend. I took care of both of them so I was well aware of the signs leading toward the final breath. When I realized that mom was about to die, I thought myself, "I don't know how long this is going to take, so I'm going to pee and smoke", and that's what I did...when I returned to mom, she was gone. I chose to smoke pot, while my mom took her last breath. I wasn't there for her, and to this day I'm riddled with guilt over it.
I didn't fully stop smoking after that. In fact it got worse. I was spending up to $500 a month on pot. That may not be a lot for some, but for me it was a huge chunk of my income. I was still practicing my faith, but smoking all along.
On Sept 17 2018, my birthday, I decided to stop...I practice daily... It's not been easy, but I wonder where I would be had I not started chanting again. My love for Krishna and my true self has grown incredibly since then. I cry. I get depressed. Frustrated. Angry...but I know it could be worse. I still get the urge to smoke, especially when I now smell pot everywhere I go since the laws have been relaxed in my city. But the urge dissapates as quickly as it appears.
Seeing all of my experiences as a path back to my spirit self - that's what worked for me.
Not saying everyone needs to follow that path, but I implore all to check in with your spirit self, ask what you need to do to rejoin it. Try to find that love that is you. That's what worked for me.
I am over 1.5 years sober from alcohol. Exercise has helped me the best for my anxiety and depression. Eating less sugar, more veggies, etc. as well. Get in touch with your passions in life. Me, music. Recorded 5 new songs, found a job I like and live in a area I love too. Takes patience and have perseverance. Be grateful.
It is sooo hard. Most people don't even know my wife and I drink at all. From the outside looking in, it looks like we have it all. We have good jobs and are financially conservative. We arent people who go out and drink. We dont hang out with people that drink nor do we get black out drunk. But most of our days involve consuming liquor. It hasnt caused many problems hence it's so hard to quit. I would like to live a life without alcohol but sometimes I dont know if that will ever happen.
DemarkableP I really appreciate your honesty. Wishing you happiness and health.
A window of opportunity will present it self. Arm yourself with tools now to get sober and you will be able to leverage that window of opportunity when it lands at your feet.
I think for myself it has to be something you really want personally to get sober and stay sober. There is no law or barrier really that will prevent you from going back to old ways!
I've been subbed for a longtime, I used to drink while i watched your videos on struggling with sobriety. It was like you and I where struggling together. I come from a bloodline of alcoholics and addicts. I found myself in a routine after a separation that kept me drunk pretty much all off my offtime outside of work. Growing up here in Portland Or, I have friends and family who are no longer alive because of addiction..Its sad to even think about. I'm a sales manager who spent upwards of 200-300/mo on drinks..I still watch all of your videos, I havent drank since Christmas day 2017. A day turned into a week, then a month and so on. Now I just get a bunch of tattoos, full sleeve down to the fingers since September...not sure if thats related...Im sure it has something to do with my addicted personality now that I consider..
shawn kindred good honest share. Thx man.
Great stuff! Yes, to me, alcohol totally feels like the solution to anything and everything. It also feels like I'm filling up on the Love, affection and understanding that's lacking in my life. Thanks Man, I really value your humble wisdom!
Day 7 after drinking for 55 years. Started in pubs at 13. Born to a family of drinking in 60s UK.
Man I needed this thank you
TEN MONTHS! Am soooooo very happy for you. Honest, as is your usual, brings my heart such joy. Your right, it was just the beginning. Substitute, good word. Comfort and pain. So articulately aware and sincere. Yeah, my nature is to be addicted on something or someone. Finding balance is first and foremost to staying stable and not hook into bad habits. Support systems, leaning on good ppl, including you, your Dad, Douglas Bloch, my family and new friends are key, to me. Affirmation and mantra, exercise, self care and still asking or seeking help when am in need. Understanding that “I” have purpose or purposes, that I value me, for being just me, acceptance.
You're such an honest, humble and authentic dude, Noah. Been following you for a year now. Im struggling bad at the moment, and plan to start connecting with you and this community you have created more closely. Power to you and to everyone else journeying to recovery. Big love from Brisbane, Australia
The beard, the beanie, the brilliance! 😁👊🏻
Love your channel 😊
Tim Pool needs to exercise on the beard part.
and the beer
We never collabed :0
WHY IS THAT BRILLIANT?
The primary purpose of the 12 step program is to introduce us to the higher power of our undererstanding and to turn our will over to that higher power. It seems like a contradiction, but you have to surrender your ego, self centered fears and will in order to get victory.
That was some incredible information. Thank you
Thanks so much for your honesty. 10 months is HUGE. People always say how amazed they are when I say I have over 6 years clean but the reality is that 10 months is such a bigger deal. After 6 years it's my habit to not use drugs or drink. It's been years of me developing new habits and new associations. I don't wake up thinking about using and am not regularly triggered. In early recovery those are all obstacles you have to overcome daily. So keep up the great work and I look forward to watching your videos! Love seeing others in the recovery community sharing their experience on TH-cam!!
just passed my one month mark of being sober , and watching videos like these have been very helpful. while i'm obviously avoiding booze, my real demon was cocaine and the way you described your vice as a "solution" hit the nail on the head for me. subscribed and can't wait to follow your journey. stay strong brother!
well done Noah for deciding to take care of yourself, you are not in this alone. Im an alcoholic, im 41 years old now and have not touched any drugs or alcohol for 7 years now. I started drugs and alcohol at age 13 so 21 years of solid abuse. It started after I lost my oldest brother to heroine and some years later my youngest brother also to heroine. I guess I turned to self medication to numb the feelings but as time went on it didn't matter what the feelings were happy, sad, anger , stress I didn't need a reason to drink it was just how I functioned from wake till sleep. Ive lost so much through my addiction such as relationships, jobs, house and the list goes on but most importantly I lost myself. Ive had numerous DUI charges too. People today ask me why I cant drink and how much did I use to drink - I tell them ive spilt more than you have drunk. I got help from working the meetings as well as my D & A counsellor. Im getting better but I also Know that im one drink away from going back there. Good luck mate in your recovery.
Appreciate the video bro
For me it was getting fully engaged in my university course, engagement in music and my career. When I got fully engaged I found I really enjoyed what career path and education I had chosen.
I love your channel you are so real & down to earth 🌍!!
Thank you for your insight Noah. I needed to hear this as am on a slippery slope heading in the wrong direction. I know I need to pull up my boot straps and get more structure in my life.
You mention a program that you follow to stay sober. Are you referring to the AA 12 step program?
Hey man, watching this 2 years later and I'm really grateful for these videos that you make. I keep relapsing and I've thought for a long time that I'm just doing my recovery wrong but your share really puts things in perspective. Hope I can find a way to have a conversation with you someday. Peace and blessings.
Starting to stay sober..let's face the consequences together.who ever go through sobriety👍👍
hey noah i am your new viewer from across the globe, it actually took me 3 years to acknowledge i had a addiction and another 3 to seek help. keep making these videos, wish i had found it sooner
Oxy,benzos, drink and so much more.. Im day 3 clean again. I always go through this then soon as i feel good, BAMM!! I'm bargaining with myself in how i can control my habits. Damn man its hard to rebuild!!
Johnny ask God what the point of life is. Ask with a sincere heart and you will get an answer.
You nailed it Noah. My use of many things was my solution also. My solution to escape my crazy f'n mind and the inability to deal with my life and thoughts. It has taken me so long to figure that out too. I have suffered so much trying to figure this all out. I have relapsed more times than I can count. The self hate from failing so many times is also very hard to deal with. I am in a good place today being sober, practicing self love, and finding some peace. You, your channel, my family, friends, and this channels community have at times literally pulled me out of the depths of hell. When I could not see even a sliver of light. When I couldn't even read the comments or see the videos because of the tears and utter despair I was going through. I am so grateful for you and everyone that has helped me. You all have saved my life with all the support and the knowledge I am not alone. I don't have the words to express that feeling of appreciation other than thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.
Beautiful. 😊
For those that have quit drinking, did you just stop cold turkey? Did you go into rehab? Get sick? What were the first few days like for you?
Very well said. Good job with what you're doing.
8 months yesterday, struggling hard (literally I’ve had a succession of tragedies occur these past three months no joke), but when I look at all I’ve accomplished since I stopped it’s enough to keep me from smoking a joint or drinking. Spinoza’s perspective also helps me.
Thanks Noah. ❤
Your content helps people!
Thanks so much for talking about your problems I watch them at night when I'm having severe panic attack I have similar problems but mine is not alcohol all the best buddy
My father is the reason I don’t drink. He was an alcoholic, and it ruined my childhood. Never ever want to taste the liquid that made our lives hard. I need to be in control at all times, drugs and alcohol takes that control away. Best Wishes to all those in recovery.........my dad is 20+ years sober.
I got another question, how do you keep your car so clean???
Thank you Noah.
I wish I knew about your videos when I was was still with my boyfriend.
He ended up in the hospital with Delirium Tremens so many times and wouldn't go for treatment follow-up.
I wish he could have seen your videos, maybe it would have helped him to get the support he needed.
We ultimately lost everything between us . I continue to pray for him , wherever he is....
Noah, this was fantastic! Yes, I definitely saw alcohol as the solution for everything. Honestly what got me to finally stop was last August I watched one of your posts and you were taking about getting sober. I had just come across your channel on TH-cam when I was so desperate to get some support for my depression anxiety dpdr. I was seriously at rock bottom. One of the things I really admire about you is that you don’t judge people or push anything on anyone. You just said it worked for you so I decided to stop drinking and smoking weed. First couple weeks were difficult. But then I noticed my anxiety was diminishing. DPDR was gone. Depression lingered but but wasn’t crippling anymore. I started gaining mental clarity and started having joy in the little things during the day. I never thought I would ever feel joy again! I should probably join a 12 step program soon. Even though I have not had alcohol or weed for 7 months, summer is coming and I can already sense the triggers that cause me to drink. I want to stay on this path of healthiness and never return the that mental hell. I have started exercising and have dropped 15lbs since I quit drinking why would I ever want to go back to that misery?!! But I have before so again perhaps it’s time for me to find support from a group who can teach me how to continue to deal with life free from alcohol and weed. Thank you for sharing this and always keeping it real!
Its nice to know others deal with similar issues. For some reason.
Dig it. Trying to find people talking about sobriety to support & vise versa which is also what I’m talking about on my new channel...This stuff isn’t easy to talk about! Respect! ✌🏼♥️
I just turned 40yrs old and have been trying to do this thing for 16 years. 3 years in, relapse; 1-1/2 years in, relapse; 6 years in, relapse; 2 years in, relapse; 2 years in, relapse; 9 months, relapse; 6 months yesterday...and going clean and sober for another day. So I began recovery just 12 days after I turned 24 years old and am so so very tired at age 40. I am the first in a long lineage of substance abusers to find recovery, though my mother has about 30 days again. Both sides of the family are riddled with substance abuse, mental illness, suicide, etc...only my aunt on my father's side is not one of us as far as I know. Since my initial entry into recovery most of the following took place. My younger brother and an uncle (substance abusers) both directly suicided. 2 grandparents, another uncle, and an aunt suicided by drinking themselves to death or overdosing. My 2 other grandparents died from complications due to substance abuse. Everyone left in my family is working their way to one of the above fates with the exception of my aunt who doesn't touch drugs (I choose to include Ethanol in that category), my mother who began honestly trying to recover 3 years ago, and myself. I've worked for 3 treatment facilities and have studied this thing to the ends of the earth. My mother was a psychologist, my father in upper management for a large corporation, my brother ran a construction company by the age of 24, and the list of accolades goes on from poverty to wealth, from humble lives to seats of power, from every end of the spectrum.
Asking why is it so hard to stay sober is a great question...It is the billion dollar question that no one has the exact answer to. The only thing I have in common with the rest of my family is our genetics. That doesn't explain why many of my friends without a family history suffer from this problem or have passed away from it. So, if it's not purely genetic, societal, a component of intelligence, or a matter of potential quality of life, then why do we do it? It discriminates against no one. Some of the most intelligent men in this world have tried to solve this puzzle, many are like you and I in that we suffer from it. In fact, it seems that the more intelligent the person is, the more difficult it is to recover.
This has been my experience. I was told all of the above was already established, but I've had to witness it myself...I learn things the hard way. The only thing I can say with 100% certainty is that there is no human science based logic to solve this problem. Like myself, I'm fairly certain that you have discovered others who have this condition by birth or development, and have found a way that makes little mathematical sense in the realm of science. I constantly have to stop myself from dissecting the problem and solution and follow the path that others have laid before me. I am always trying to give up what I think I know. It is the only way I have ever had any success in maintaining any lengthy sobriety/recovery. I wish us both diligence in our respective processes. It's when I am not thoroughly involved in my recovery and attacking this condition from every corner, that my life falls apart again. As you know, we only get so many shots at this. Sometimes I really wish this was as simple as figuring it out, joining a religion, going to a therapist, or just taking a pill...but then again "if there was a pill that made me normal, I'd take the whole bottle at once and be extremely normal" 😅.
I've been following your TRT process for 2 years and had no idea you truly suffered from the same condition as myself with drinking until you posted the video about your relapse. I'm glad you posted that video and I'm glad you came back. Now I have 2 reasons to subscribe to your channel...I finally started my TRT process last December. Thank you for being there, you have my gratitude.
I’ve always thought quite a few failures always leads to major sucsess. You’ll get their Noah ! Bless
How do i know if i am an addict? My mom is And i use opiats for serieus pain And a specialized paindoctor from a University Hospital described them. But how will i know if i am addicted? I used for years And my dossage doesn’t give me a buzz or any plassant side effect it just reliefs my pain. Can i prevent it? Am i it?
Looking great with the beard Noah!
The song by Seether “Fine again” explains a lot about this topic… I appreciate you Noah… Thank you for your honesty.. Your gym videos of your lift’s really are amazing. You are a beast bro.
This is my 1st night sober. I made many promises I could not keep went on a drinking bender for the first time in months for the past 5 days. Woke up today feeling like I had met death. Thank you. I relate to this extremely
Bro, thank you for posting this video. I'm struggling immensely with getting sober. I want to be a sober person but the time it takes to get sober is what's taking a toll on me. Finding things to substitute my hours of drinking is hard to do yet I want to improve. I'm 37 going on 38 and I need to change. I welcome your feedback Bro.
I struggle with severe situational depression. Now I don't drink but I totally understand what it's like to feel totally overwhelmed by life and my heart goes out to anyone who suffers in this matter. My solution is to surround yourself with people you love and work and stay busy because when you sit around you will get depressed. I'm out of my house all day and at the end of the day I only come home to sleep and that's it because if I sit around I will get very depressed. Peace to you my friend and always keep fighting.
Everything... I loved this
I am so glad i found you today.
Very well said. I'm struggling with alcoholism, and agree with every word said. Life is made to be fought, not numbed.
You the man Noah
It’s fucking with my diet and causing depression and now I have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea + ruminating and depression and anxiety sucks. Enough for me to want to find a better way to cope with anxiety and depression than drinking. Plus it’s making me go broke.
Wow, that's a really good video, makes me re-think what my issues are, just because I feel the way you do, WHY get sober if life is no better once I do? I DO like sobriety better for sure though :) It's a rough road, LOTS of therapy and help, but it's worth the effort in the long run for me to not lose too many more years hiding/running away from my issues but to find out WHY and work on them. Yes, I still slip up now and then, but I am quicker to realize that wasn't what I wanted again and get back on track! Thank you Noah!
Some of the best people on this planet are in recovery. Living through their experiences and some hitting rock-bottom is often a catalyst to allow their mind body and soul to flourish in society reaching limits they may never have without recovery. Those in recovery are not a glumlot, they are the future leaders and role models of this world. You’ll never find true happiness if you have never had anything negative happen in your life.
Keep going keep going
what is your program today?
Looking good brother. Spot on with the sum up. The underlying problem is just manifest in an addiction
Could you please create playlists of your videos organized by year so that we can see your long-term progress? You appear to be becoming healthier and healthier over the years, and I think it would be encouraging for me and others to be able to easily witness your progress through your videos.
i try to stay sober from meth, its my 3rd day now..and rightnow miss my bong and lighter so much...
I totally needed this. This shit is hard 🤷🏽♀️
I'm off and on the wagon as they say.. Your right drinking is the solution to get away. To feel good. I've tried and tried to remain sober. The longest is 8 months. I hit rock bottom. That's what it took for me. I can relate with you big time. The behavior. The hangovers. Failed friendships and relationships that I fucked up with my drinking. Vicious cycle. I pray for strength.
When I first started drinking it was for fun..something that was socially acceptable that I did with friends. Then it became something I did to quiet my mind. It became a solution in a bottle when I started to feel sad or anxious. When things became to much in my head and the weight of the world was on my shoulder it became my go to solution. All I I’ve ever wanted is peace of mind and to feel ok in my own body. Binge eating has also been another of my go to solution. I’ve been looking for things to fill me up. By turning to alcohol and food I walked the path of least resistance. Those two things are in abundance so I turned to them when I did not know how to deal with my emotional state. I can hardly go a few days without using either of the two. That’s why it’s so hard for me to loose weight. If I restrict my food intake and alcohol I don’t have much in the way to cope emotionally so they call me back and welcome me. I can always rely on food and alcohol. They bring instant relieve and I hate myself for it and the vicious cycle begins and I feel powerless.
Been sober for a year now but im having intense urges at the moment.
If alcoholism started for you as a self-medication for your problems, alcohol will not heal these problems. The problems are still there no matter how much you drink, you just remove yourself from them for a while. It's like you have a problem with your Operating System on your computer and instead of fixing it, you turn off the PC, postponing it.
But there is one more thing, in my case. Years ago something happened in my brain and I became obsessed with pleasure. I started trying to obtain the biggest "high", the biggest "euphoria" or "pleasure" in things. As I didn't have something else, alcohol has become this tool that I tried to push into giving me this pleasure. And it kept failing. I can count on my fingers the number of times I really had an amazing pleasure while drinking. The rest of the times were just desperately trying to drink and feel great. The pleasure was not as intense as I was begging for.
Now, I understood the problem of self-medicating. As soon as my high social anxiety and depression started at the end of the high school, subconsciously I knew I wanted to become an alcoholic and self-medicate with it. But I didn't know what to do about the obsession with pleasure. Were they rooted in the same thing? Were they different? Were "obsession for pleasure" and "self-medication/coping/escapism" the same thing? I still don't know. Psychology is fucking hard, man. I don't have the understanding now for this dilemma. But maybe I've identified one more thing: Maybe I don't have much rewarding things going on in my life and maybe that's why I'm looking for pleasure in alcohol. Maybe. But one thing I know: If I don't stop living for pleasure and self-medication, I will fucking die. Not literally die but "die inside", if people know what I mean. I know I can't live like this anymore. It's taking a toll on my mental health. I need to find reward in life, not in a bottle.
More than a month ago I commented that I had a month of sobriety. I've relapsed after two months of being sober. I've binged 3 times in the last week. And guess why I did it? Pleasure. I wanted to feel pleasure. I've binged 3 times but the pleasure is nowhere to be found.
"Then why do you keep trying with alcohol if you know for sure you don't get the pleasure you want?" Good question. I guess my brain knows how to trick me into trying "one more time." "This time is the time. This time you will feel amazing." I started to need the "perfect conditions" for "having fun" with alcohol and it's still not enough. The "most amazing pleasure" is not there. Alcohol can't give it to me.
If you want to learn something from this text, learn this: Don't self-medicate and don't obsess with pleasure, if you can. If you can, don't do it. Don't choose this path.
Peace.
Keep going man you're looking healthy
A good book about drug and alcohol addiction is scar tissue, by Anthony keidis from scar tissue. I'll put a trigger warning though incase it would be something very very triggering for you, again I don't really struggle with those issues so I'm ok reading it
When I first got in rehab I read it and it really helped me relize that my crazy ass life is no different than all hafdcore drug addicts out there. God book
Not a God book,I ment good book sorry
I was a very depressed and anxious person, got into drinking. Now my life is amazing but I struggle to keep the routine down. I don’t want to but I still do by habit
I never ever drank any alcohol in my life. And I’m not a young person either. You need to understand Noah that our subconscious is the most powerful manipulator inside of ourselves. I know many people who are completely under the control of their subconscious will and wishes but are also completely unaware of it and in complete denial about it. And our subconscious makes you do things to reward or punish yourself depending on what you like/hate about your conscious behavior. Drinking is a form of escape/punishment by your deep moral compass which guides us but we ignore it most of the time. I do have many flaws just like most people and I make mistakes too, and at these times my subconscious tells me to drink and cheat but I always have it under control.
Noah - stay strong. For me it's a mental addiction that in the end becomes all too physical. Alcohol was my solution to the world and all its horrors of which it caused more than a few. Being sober is bad in that I have no real stress relief which in the early days a few drinks worked. But I cannot use drink responsibly and choose abstinence. I am in my third period of sobriety which has lasted 7 years and 2 months. I do not have another recovery in me. I think if I drink again I will be lost forever as my supporters of old are gone. I never thought of what you say that those who find sobriety great were not chronic drinkers like myself (a 100% alcoholic) and were really problem drinkers who solved the problem. I hear them all the time at AA. I try not to judge other ex-drinkers and those who say they are alcoholics, but shit at AA the world is rosy to most who share. Keep sober mate.
7 days sober today. I been sober for 3 months but i had to had a ankle monitor on me it was call a scram device i think. But after i got out of jail after doing 45 days in jail for my 2nd dui i started drinking again. But today right now im at my gym. I feel like drinking so im going to workout some instead. Im going to try to do this. Longest i ever been sober by myself is today 7 days. Im just doing 1 day at a time. I want 15 years 20 years + sobriety.
I have multiple mental disorders and didn't do drugs for about a year. Found myself not getting better with drugs and went for other things. You can stay sober💪