He uses as an excuse that since im sick with over 10 disabilities... His cheating online is because he doesn't want to hurt me since im sick... He actually admitted he never loved me... There is rhe actual truth.... If hes deleting and hiding it... Hes not sorry
My husband claim he was going for a walk at 7:16pm just came back almost midnight....a few days ago he said if I go out there an mess up then you can’t say nothing...smell like a cheating dog to me I know he wants a reaction out of me but NOPE won’t get that...it seems like he try to pick fights it’s like it fuels up his desire to cheat almost like he use it to validate why it’s ok....he did a lot of emotional cheating now I’m noticing change in how he move sometimes
@@maliqsmom2010 I kept asking my husband why do hate me? He was always like I don't hate you. I love you you! Turns out he was cheating! He finally came clean and told me! I am lifting you and your husband up in my prayers.
Yep they can either throw subtle hints your way or tell you exactly what they're doing with other people and then DENY IT and GASLIGHT YOU... AND TRY TO TELL YOU THEY WERE JOKING AROUND..
YES. No hesitation, no blink of the eye...nothing. Just spitting it right out without missing a beat. Until you know how the person is, you think the person is so truthful because of HOW easy those lies are.
I feel the same way. It’s crazy how manipulative it is. It’s SO pre-meditated they know the situation won’t work out but still mess up the person. That sounds absolutely crazy to me.
Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.
@@SadFloweGarden Yeah, I got the gender-switched version of that one. "You know I like it harder, faster and longer than you're capable of, I can't help what I want!". Followed by "you're tired, go to bed and come back when you're someone I enjoy talking to..."
"I AM getting over it. I'm leaving"-- here's hoping you can quickly leave this relationshit! I'm saying that I hope he does not chase you and smear your reputation. Narcs have a way of keeping things going and refusing to leave well enough alone.
Sorry for what after over the hundreth time maybe 'good intentions''? Infidelity has permanent consequences. Like maybe later hardening of the arteries, Cancer, and compromising of the immune system to some degree or other which sooner or later leads to dementia without treatment; A set of truths a lot of men are in denial about because they still buy into the idea that women in general are the weaker sex.
@@FrancesShear, I'm apparently didn't make myself clear. It was my ex who said to me "I said I'm sorry, now get over it!" He was the one who cheated, not me. He was the one who felt saying I'm sorry one time, in a tone that was more a question than an apology, was sufficient for me to simply go on like it never happened. Of course I was wrong to be involved with him, to fall for his love bombing. Having grown up in a highly dysfunctional family with a narcissist mother, I was a slow learner. It hasn't happened to me again and it's been well over a decade.
My ex blamed his cheating on me... every time. He would say things like "if you were meeting my needs I wouldn't have been talking to anyone else" or "She's just a friend!" I'd say "If she's just a friend, why are you hiding it?" He'd say "because you're such a jealous person!" Always turned it back on me!
Elissa Griffin Davis I can empathize; but as I read your comment I’m taken aback at how similar the excuses are. My ex-husband used the same excuses when blaming me for his actions. I’m baffled how simple minded they are yet so manipulative.
Life is a Journey Thats tough!! Narcissist partner is awful, but having a narcissist parent is extremely heart breaking. I’m so sorry, I hope you and your mom are in better situation now.
' Remember that when someone cheats on you, it' s not because you're not enough, it has nothing to do with you, it has to do with the person who is making that choice. ' For some reason I really needed to hear that, thank you so much for your videos.
Both ex-boyfriends cheated and still, to this day, said they never did, even in the face of evidence. I often think that they believe their own lies after awhile.
@@MichyGW I caught my wife by going through her phone while house hunting of all things. We had just put in an offer on a $420,000 house the night before but my gut had been on full alarm with no hard evidence. Married 17 years. I will never forget her words when I confronted her...." Let's keep this between us." She immediately moved out and our teenage daughter voluntarily moved with her. I talked with her intensely over the following months but the gaslighting, truth trickle, and blame shifting let me know to file for divorce. Since then my life has improved exponentially on all levels. I still have a great relationship with my daughter. I got in excellent physical condition and was determined to not let myself drown in the pain. I wish you the best in future relationships as we all deserve honesty and respect. The minimum standard should be respect and fidelity whether married or in a committed relationship....Peace and Blessings to you!
I think that they tell the lie so many times to themselves and others that eventually they forget that it’s a lie. To them it has run over and over in their mind until they believe it’s the truth.
@@fronttowardenemy7972 I really appreciated your comment. Mine won't leave ( he has established residency) and after 14+ years says I belong to him, not really with him.
@@pam164 *Can i have my cake and eat it too? And can you watch when i do and understand life owes me all these things. I'm special and you need to overlook all my wrongs cause you'll never score someone like me.* They believe that about themselves than continue to cheat their entire lives. Truly rotten characters and need to be avoided at all costs.
Exactly...He didn't tell med the truth because he didn'y want to hurt my feelings!! LOL, then I asked, why didn't you just stop doing it then??? OH, because he didn't want to because I wasn;t behaving MYSELF!!
I found out 4 wks ago that I had been cheated on during my entire 13 yrs relationship...I thought I was gonna die of heartache....2 wks ago I discovered I was with a textbook narcissist for 13 yrs and it completely changed my perspective on being cheated on..... at first I was devasted thinking how could he cheated on me when even told by him we were 1000% compatible sexually and never deprived eachother.....but finding out he is a narcissist....It didn't feel as an attack on me as a person as a woman...I just saw it as this is what he does, he is gonna do it to anyone who is at the wrong place and the wrong time, like I was....I no longer saw it as a personal betrayal towards me...and THIS CHANGE OF THOUGHT HAS MADE MY HEALING MUCH EASIER.
Same here... the first month after knowing he cheated me , it was total heartbreak, severe nauseas, deep whole feeling in deep stomach, continuous tears. After few months i knew he is narcissist, felt much better, it's not my fault, he never *loved* me like i did, he was never real... and it healed me like 70%.Now i am more sad on my fate.
It's harder to tell when a narcissist is cheating bc they're always emotionally distant and treat you the same shitty way. Even more so when cheating I guess
FACTS! But their patterns no matter how hard they try to keep up, always give us pause! They get sloppy and start treating you worse, then they normally do. Sad cases!
Not always, they'll be smiling that certain way at their phone,act in dramatic emotional waves related to their extra relationships and then project it onto you,like they will tell you things such as,"you always start arguments",you used to be fat/skinny","you are still chasing other romantic intersests","you used to hoard useless old cardboard boxes",""you always use to add parsley to this dish","you are lying,you don't have a birthmark in the shape of a heart",that kind of thing ,which is all related to someone else.I remember at the beginning with my daughters dad, (diagnosed narcissist)he was vehemently denying having ever had relations outside of marriage,yet he would lie in bed ,eyes clothes and uncharacteristically talk about how he was happy that I'd gotten rid of the hamster because it always used to make such noise that it kept "us",up all night".I have not had a hamster in my bedroom since I was a child plus I had not been with him for that long,so I let him talk for a while before interrupting by saying, that's someone else,he still denied that it was someone else,I told him to open his eyes and look around to see where he was,then he stayed silent.So ,if you get blamed for sh*t you didn't do or get BSed about things that you used to do ,know that there's someone else involved,it isn't even a slip up such as calling you by an ex girlfriends name that you know about.
My "yuck" old best friend had to have my older overt bro, big drama, married, he even cheated with her mom, 5 houses over, ate teen years, he was all over elsewhere too, didn't she go ahead to tell me that she was still like a virgin as she'd had cesareans but no, he was attracted to older women and now that she's older he's attracted to her more! Puke! 😝 they're still together, gross!
Thank God you finally realised! It feels much better, right? Ultimately I learnt that : it was nothing to do with me and that I couldn't control the outcome. It's wasn't an easy .. experience! but I thank God for testing me.
Here it is I’m going to the doctors having them running testing on me trying to figure out and me fix me . How ever 2 doctors ran tests on me test came back normal I’m find. They said it him , I ask or you sure , yes . They told me I’d needed to do something about it . Still stayed after they told me that hoping things would be better, but no. Eventually I end up leaving when he left with no closure. Took his side son , one he cheated on me with a 19 year old girl while he was 36 years old had outside baby. The son is 10 years old. I dealt with that for 10 years, just a constantly reminder of him cheating on , slap 👋 in my ever time that boy came over. Smh it was hard
Omg that’s what mine did , This girl contacted me because she was mad I still existed started telling me everything bagging him out calling him names saying he was ugly etc, he never said anything to her took it out on me and months later would say that I was the one that said her words even though we had messages. It was like he was obsessed with her
@@eazyc404 This. You may get mad at the "new" person only to find they were there before you and you were the new supply and he/she was just playing you the whole time. Trust that they will be back to resume the cycle.
@@nbee6217just wow! 😮 I had no idea people are actually this deceptive. I just experienced something like this and idk how many of us are involved. As soon as I was able to basically confirm the emotional distance and avoidance that was the last straw. Now I’m seeing more popping up on his FB. It’s a whole new level of mind fu*king I’ve never experienced before. I’m happy I walked away, I won’t go back either.
I eventually felt grateful that I was cheated on by a narcissist. - I got to learn the tricks, lies and excuses people make while cheating - I got to practice approaching and catching cheaters and the people they cheated with - I experienced pure evil, which made me appreciate every single good person I knew even more The great thing is, when a narc cheats on you, it's not a surprise. It should be expected/predicted. Cheating for them is as normal as not cheating is for sane people. It would have been much worse if I'd been in a happy loving relationship for many years to then find out that my partner was a cheat.
Isn't it great that the narc gave you a gift unwittingly... The best gift you can ever have, The gift of being able to tell narcs from normal people and making you aware of sociopaths and phychopaths aswell. Because I have seen countless comments on vids like this of people who have had there lives ruined by these horrible evil people. Imagine having your whole life took from you without you even knowing... Missing out on meeting your soulmate that will bring bliss and happiness to your whole life. Imagine only realising and finding out about narcissism and that you have been played and made miserable for all your life at like 50 years old . So thank that narc for making you wise. Just like I did.
I remember when my Narc Ex came over on a Friday evening from school, cell phone in hand waving it in the air saying my phone just dropped in a huge puddle of water (it rained for two days before), but surly he didn't drop his entire phone in a puddle of water. But you don't expect the one to love to come right in kiss you hello, and LIE in your face. I honestly thought he was telling the truth, why because he made a whole show of it. Flowing around with his phone out of case, placing it in the vents (to dry out lol), placing the phone on the lite shade so the phone can dry out. We talked and of course he asked me for some money to go out with some random names, I could care less about, and pick up his daughter for the weekend. Of course he had to go in the house to use his Mom's cell phone since his has dropped in the puddle of water and now will NOT TURN ON. He kissed me Bye and flew out the door. I sat on my bed, TV on and started to play back everything in my head. I had to laugh at myself for being BAMBOOZLED by the NARC one more time! I felt stupid. He made up that whole LIE, played the ROLE just so he could be UN-AVAILABLE on that Friday night. Of course I called the phone into the night and the VM came out. At 10:00 AM the next morning, he texted me stating "Good morning the phone just came back on, I am going to call you after I get up. from my NAP" HA! Jokes on me right...stayed out all night cheating and NOW your PHONE has dried OUT! I am in NO CONTACT mode as we speak.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Am so sorry you had to experience that it the most heartbreaking thing ever no one is worth that kind of pain you don’t deserve that kind of behaviour I went through that for 26 years running on the hamster wheel the harder I tried to make things work the worse it got no matter what I did it was never enough I was always the problem and being stuck in a trauma bond I started to believe that I caused her to cheat on me because I believed I wasn’t good enough the first time it was an emotional affair where she was getting a high of all the attention the second time she cheated she was playing with multiple married men trying to destroy there marriages she was getting a high of of all that power and once again I took her back and forgave her and now here I am number three this time a physical affair with another woman which she discarded my kids and I for and moved in with her I guess the third time is the charm I now see clearly with my eyes wide open and with education learned to pick myself up and move on when you say no to them your saying yes to you and it’s time to put yourself first instead of putting them up on a pedestal they are soulless creatures that will always feel empty inside sad way to go through life keep your head up you will find someone truly love you and is genuine and not wearing a mask god bless
I’ve been cheated on by both. Equally as terrible when you find out, but at least the non-narcissist allowed me a little bit of closure. The narcissist never even acknowledged he did anything wrong.
18 years and a divorce from a cheating narcissist... and this video made me sob. It hit home... and so validated my pain and sense of betrayal. Thank you Dr Ramani from the bottom of my heart for being a voice for my feelings.
Heidi, I feel your pain, literally! 15 years and a divorce from a Histrionic, Borderline, Antisocial Narc! She covers all 4 and now she is trying to portray me as the bad one in family court to keep me from equal parenting time! Unbelievable! She physically attacked me last May because I caught her calling a man outside the marriage. Then she filed a false police report. I never laid a hand on her in harm in 15 years. To the contrary, she did 3 times. Their 'Grandiose Demeanor' is unreal. If I wanted to inflict harm on her, I could do so with little effort to say the least. She will find out what happens when she is dating a man w/o self-control and pulls these evil shenanigans.
2 years later and still EVERY day in pain from the betrayal. Flaunting the new man in my face from day one. If not for the children suicide would be the best option to stop the emotional endless trauma. Why do people like this have to come into our lives...
I’ve found you can confront a narcissist all you want they will make up any lie they can and will NEVER admit that they did it or say it wasn’t their intentions. You will never get an I’m sorry I messed up because that would mean they would have to take accountability
Pageanteen mine will not admit it. He always turns it on me, accusing me of doing it and more. Last week he gave me an std, then threw a huge fit and screamed horrible things at me. I packed my shit and left. His Bimbo had been coming there during the day and taking my things. She even slept in our bed one afternoon and bled all over the sheets! Still he wont admit a thing! Makes me indescribably angry. I cannot let go of the anger for all the lies and cheating. He says we were never together and yet when i dated other men he claimed i cheated on him. When i stopped seeing others he started being even worse. So controlling and cruel. He said and wrote the most horrible things to me. I cant let it go, i need to know who she is, if for nothing more than to tell her what i think of her.
@@bethwalker4640 Yes, but ultimately, it's on him. Remember, he is lying to HER too!!! Really, he was with you, she was just following his lead. He could have gone to her house to spare you addition insult to injury, but he enjoyed the excitement of the forbidden adventure and getting away with it, or getting caught! He was selfish and cruel. He was suppose to be faithful to you, but she has no honor towards you, especially if she was lied to also. Talk to her and tell her your truth. and she may not care thinking she's special. but down the road, he'll do the same to her, and then she'll remember you for sure!
If they do admit it they will call it only cheating. Or, they will help all the cheaters cover up the reason which is narcissism just in case they too fall later which if that includes how you look at a person is understandable.
I was curious in the time of my break up post his cheating. He denied everything leading towards me actually catching him. When I got to a better place and a bit more understanding of his dark place, he was a lot more willing to open up. It was as if there needed to be a degree of safety like no consequences etc if he were to speak the “truth”.. as much a truth as he’ll admit
Married to a covert narcissist for 30 yrs, heard him talking on the phone with a woman about their relationship and how they're going meet again. Left me in shocked and devastated and to this day traumatized. When I told him about what I heard, his answer was " my fault, I talk loudly", not even a hint of shame, not an ounce of respect for what I could feel. Even that he felt entitled. I filed for divorce.
Mine, called me at lunchtime, and had oral sex performed on him while on the phone to me. Stopped, but was marked on his leg by said “friend”, and has had back scratches from his exploits. Always an excuse. I left. Dumped him. Found, at least with an older covert N. That they will tell you what they are doing, by saying this is not what I am doing. Very sick individual, not to mention the dysfunctional family dynamics. Glad I found out sooner than later. Be well, and know you are priceless. Much love to all who are going through this garbage. Freedom is costly. Fight for it, because it is worth it. You are worth it.🙏🏻. God Bless.
My dear lady..I also found out accidentally that my narcissistic boyfriend cheated on me. The hurt is unimaginable. I finally sought out help. I am working now with a therapist lady..who helped me understand that those problems were his & not mine.i was blaming myself. Please free yourself from this miserable situation & seek help & learn to love yourself again. It has helped me. God bless you.
That's the most honest answer I've heard come out of your pathetic crazy whore peice of shit self. You really are extremely pathetic did you have to be every person commenting on your own video pretending to be a f****** professional
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 He helps me get access to spy on my narcissist ex boyfriend device when I was looking for evidence about what he’s doing. He can help you too. If you want to find out all the secret of your narcissist partner.💯
I'm wanna write a book on my experiences. It sounds screwed up, but had he not cheated on me, I would still probably be with him trying to bend and contort myself into something acceptable to him until I was completely broken.
I had feelings he’d cheated , of coarse he always denied. When I caught him on the phone, he still tried . It was the end of our 26 year marriage, the beginning of my healing ❤️
A narcissist will always make sure that it's with someone you know personally or have heard them speak about in the past like a coworker. I think they get more supply from thrill of cheating with someone who you're aware of.
absolutely! my serial cheater covert narcissist husband actually introduced me at his company parties to the co-workers he was cheating with, would tell me"interesting" stories about his "women friends," had an affair with my best friend while she lived in the same apartment building as we did, and brought one of his women into our home while I was spending 7 weeks in hospital. it took me 30 years to learn about all this, and it was one of his women who finally shared the truth with me in a rage. how do you heal after something like this?
@@katecreates3 Wow I'm so sorry. It makes me really sad to hear stories like this because it always happens to good people. The most genuine people always get hurt the most because you can't get hurt unless you really care. My experiences have been hurtful but pale in comparison to yours.
@@katecreates3 The truth will set you free! It hurts, but it hurts worse when you are being hurt and you cant understand WHY, or WHERE it's coming from??? The truth is empowering. Living your life and making decisions based on lies that you didn't know about or have no control over is like covert control and being held a hostage living under the control of a predator and living in a false reality. Education and knowledge is EMPOWERING, so that you can make decisions based on the facts and the truth. No one can control you as long as you know the truth. The truth will set you free because that way, you are making your own decisions without someone else's influence or manipulation....It gives you the validation in trusting yourself in a true reality. Narcs lie and gaslight you in order to make you feel crazy and insecure. This is how they control you. This is what breaks us down. Seek the truth, and trust your gut and your memory...write things down...or RECORD CONVERSATIONS and don't ever let anyone tell you that you are crazy and that something didn't happen when you know it did... Now that you know that there are evil people out there who are like this, you are now empowered to protect yourself when you see the signs early on. Study this stuff, and share you education to help others. Bless you and bless us all. We are the lucky survivors. Some commit suicide because of this horrible torturous type of abuse...God Bless their souls.❤
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
Thank you. Your message really hit home. That was the best written summary of the subject that I've seen to date. I wish I knew it years ago. From my experience I would simply consider not trying to catch them cheating. It's not worth it. The chase was counter-productive. Just took me longer to get out, all just for the information I already knew. If there are some legal or financial circumstances, then I get it. If not, be content with what you know to be true and get out.
This is exactly what my ex-fiancé would do! Also, I always felt like I was worth nothing due to all his flirting, attention seeking, and micro-betrayals with other girls! Thank God I was able to see the truth and get out, 26 days away from my wedding I left. He said he didn’t even care..... all those “I love you more than anyone else in the world” meant nothing! It all makes sense now because narcissists can’t love anyone or anything over themselves. I feel bad for narcissists, what an empty shell of a life they live, crippled by low self esteem under all the false pride and ago.
That’s why I left 1 year no contact and no longer looking back I own my worth my dignity and self respect I love me in a healthy relationship with myself
Omgoodnesss! The excuses of the narc are EXACTLY things I have heard! "it's in the past. I dont do that anymore." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..... Dr Ramani, it is as if you were telling the story I have been living. They TRULY do not care how they hurt others, especially their partners. It is sick and they need help. They do not think so, but they really do.
yep yep yep in the past Its in the past! the past don't matter! She has cheated on every partner and marriage in her entire life. Her response is cheating doesn't matter if the partner doesn't find out.. well I did find out yet again, so then the story changes to I didn't cheat after all was just testing your reaction even with proof in hand. Gaslighting and crazy making at its best. Then Im suppose to forget about it, its been three days, lets just get back to business as usual!?!?! I reply... can I cheat if you don't find out? Hell no just rage rage and I'M, yes me, I'm the one with the problems invalidating her. I'm gaslighting her about the pattern in her life, I make her feel worthless about abandoning her child. Meanwhile we have a kid who is literally suicidal yet again. No real concern for child, abandoned yet again as she runs off with new lovers with no contact to child. no reconciliation, no remorse, no amends, no closure, no guilt, no financial obligation, no Truth and absolutely no therapy. No genuine care, fake crocodile tears, within the next few minutes contempt and anger. Covert narc all the way. Only thing I got was yet another (yes there are several in our relationship, my fault for being a doormat, home provider and nothing more than childcare)STD test results, horrible way to live. All her exes were the same, run away, blame them as the devil, STD test results. Professional victims who make false stories of the abuse to the next sucker who buys it hook line and sinker. I did. So have many others. Trail of destruction. Shattered lives and families. Generation after generation. Her mother agrees with her! Her mother's advice-Relationships are 50/50 and I have to see what I created in her to cheat(over 40 different affairs just with me). What about all the other marriages and relationships before me(multiple cheats and pregnancies with them too), am I responsible for those too? CRAZY just sad destructive CRAZY I also have 50/50 responsibility, according to her mother, in her substance abuse problem which actually started after her boob job from barely A cup to triple D on 120 pound frame. alcohol party girl and cocaine off breast in motels and car backseats when she was suppose to be at work or AA meetings. The stories are coming out now that she has fled the state. in come the covert narc flying monkeys/agents... You can just imagine what her mothers life is like and how it has played out. Only solace I have is that her exes were discarded for another quickly where in 14 years she never found better than me and I had to get rid of her since she refused therapy. Bad is I lost some of the best years of my life. My sons therapist says the family is all fake and a show for the outside world to hide their true self and deflect from their maladaptive deceitful and manipulating double and triple lives. Hard pill to swallow. I hope she gets help, I truly do, but she seems determined to use sex to land a rich guy (yes she admitted needing more money and world travel where she can cheat with young men on beautiful beaches) to bring her happiness. Emotional and Psychological abuse is real! more damaging than any Physical abuse. Just ask the kids!
My ex literally said after we broke up because I had a feeling he was cheating on me (he later told me he was): “maybe I just kind of lost interest in you because you don’t like watching horror movies with me” wow... literally something an actual child would say
My relationship with my narcissist ex ended due to cheating. I felt like there were multiple times where there was emotional cheating, but I was always treated like I was crazy. I would be upset and he would pretend to not know why or treat me like I was being too emotional/crazy (basically gaslighting me). I found out that he had sex with someone two after he came to visit me at my apartment. I asked him why and he said it was an impulse and a plethora of other excuses. I am an empath, so you can imagine how traumatic that was for me. It has been 4 months since it has happened. I am healed a lot, but my heart is definitely still raw regarding how things ended and the horrible decision he made that ultimately ended our relationship. I hate him for it, and I am working on that. Cut him out of my life and working on myself.
Its going to be a long road (most likely). It took me a year with counseling and church. But I came out of it sooooo much stronger & thankful that I now know what a narcissist is & what to look out for. Such a blessing in disguise
Yes I understand how you feel. I pray you release the anger in a healthy manner for your sake. It is more of a disappointed feeling then it is hate. But you will be fine in Jesus name. Take one moment at a time. Focus on setting boundaries, and setting standards prior to entering any type of relationship. God bless you. God loves you, and so do I. Again don't be hard on yourself, and take one moment at a time. You got this.
Ladenna Young doesn’t it just suck? I left him four months ago, after I discovered his love affair with our former foster daughter, and he is still harassing me. I need to just block him, like EVERYBODY has told me. But after 30 years… It’s really hard to let go. I feel like he’s stolen everything from me that I love! I’m still having a really hard time with this betrayal. I’m sure that I always will. My heart is shattered, and it’s going to be extremely difficult for me to trust anybody ever again. I feel your pain honey.
Eileen Daniel With your former foster daughter? What is the age difference? That’s really sick because that means he was looking at her in a sexual way the whole time 🤢
Mine never admitted it.... he’d scream at me how I didn’t trust him and was paranoid. He’d get mad at make me feel bad. Still I almost felt like maybe I was wrong. It went on for yrs.... but there were so many clues.
my ex cheated on me with another girl lied and hid it and then we started to get bk together again and he in nov dec cheated on me with my bff and didnt tell me out of worry and it made things worse on top of it all im pregnant with his child and its difficult living in our home but i have to for our son to be.
They always tell you that you're 'jealous' and 'paranoid' and "letting your imagination run away with you". That's called 'gaslighting'. They are after a total breakdown of your ability to be confident about how you assess a situation. they want you to also second guess your gut instincts. Then, when the bomb goes off and you actually catch them red handed, they've got you so worn down and second guessing yourself that its easy as pie for them to step in with the old trick, "honey, it's not like you think', and " if you had been what I needed I wouldn't have cheated". I went through years of exactly those scenarios and those very words.
This is exactly what I experienced. He was exposed and he wouldn’t allow me to be hurt and wanted me to just get over it and never speak of it again. My feelings weren’t validated and it was ALL about him!
Mine too, he's say shut up about it, why do you want to ruin our evening together??? If you don't shut up, then you''ll have to leave, because I'm not going to listen to your mouth anymore! He's also say if I weren't snooping AROUND AND STALKING HIM, I'd not know what he was doing, so it's all my fault for checking up on him!! Screw him!! And that would make it all much better???
Lynn Olmsted I’m sorry you have to deal with that. That is not someone who cares about your feelings or has any remorse. I hope you consider your worth and create healthy boundaries where others cannot treat you that way. Be strong.. you deserve much better!
How can they all be the same??? This fact amazes me. My ex wasn't even that smart and he still had all these traits and was able to condition and manipulate me for years. I had no idea about NPD I thought something was wrong with me. I wasted so many years my good years. I wasn't as good a mom as I could have been to my sons because I was always being a detective. I have so many regrets. I wish I had of known about this year's ago. How different might I be... I'm away from him it's been many years, he's remarried but he hoovers. He calls himself my buddy. I ask him to just leave me alone and he won't. The good thing is he's 800 miles away and I never see him. I change my number and he gives our son a sob story and gets the number. He knows his Dad is an asshole but still loves him. Even after all this time when I think of all he put me and the boys through I still get angry. I learned about NPD after I left so I'm matching things up in my mind and it's painful re-living that fricking nightmare that was my marriage. Reading these comments and being able to know exactly how you all feel. When you are in it, you feel so alone. I had to hide my feelings so my boys wouldn't know most of the time. Sometimes I couldn't hide them or they would witness the insanity. They kept me alive literally. They are grown men now and turned out ok my boys I love them and I'm very loved by them. I know I need counseling though because I'm not over it. I need to heal that deep hurt. I live alone and am not interested in a relationship at all of any kind. I avoid people and I don't want to be this way. Listening to these videos has made me realize that. Thank you Dr Ramani and thanks for listening.
@@WorldOfARandomVegan I’m so sorry. I know it really does a lot of damage to a person going through the things a lot of us have had to endure. I hope you are completely free now and on your healing journey. Xoxo
If you don't get the apology, if you don't get the vulnerability, if you don't get the wanting to work on the relationship after cheating is exposed then you're sadly with a narcissist. They feel entitled and you finding out is a major inconvenience to their needs. Don't give them a second thought, they never did about you. Don't try and save your relationship, they never gave a damn about you or your hurt. Heal your inner critic (super ego), set your boundaries and disentangle from them. Everything they say from now on is for their benefit not yours.
@@Mochi-fc6uy I wrote this two years ago, although separated and divorced, I am still finding my ex spouse invading my head, also other negative people in my life. It is less now. Look at all the videos Vaknin has in his playlist on recovery from Narcissistic Abuse. Aside from this concentrate on all the things you are good at and build back your self esteem, self respect, confidence in yourself and self love. You may find you never had enough of these things, hence you fell for a narcissist in the first place. Best wishes on your healing journey.
OR they have no real apology the say I’m broken and wanna fix us and say they want to work things out. They start counseling and sec anonymous groups and make it seem like they are changing…..but are they? Or are they just lying again and trying to manipulate Sex anonymous motto is “you are powerless to lusting so hand it over to God” which is the BIGGEST load of horse shi and the BEST way to remove any and all accountability and responsibility which is the narcissists main love language. NOT MY FAULT see?!?! …..THATS where im at. To believe or not to believe
"You weren't supposed to find out....I'm so sorry". Instead of saying I'm sorry I lied and cheated, I should have never done it. I didn't feel bad or guilty while doing it because I loved every minute of it. I would have never have told you if you didn't find out. I won't do it for a few months until I earn your trust and then when you're happy and enjoying life again that will be my cue to do it all again....and again...again because I'm entitled to. And the cycle continues......
Exactly!! The one I got was "I wish I could make that go away for you ". WTF!!??? No you don't!! They wouldn't know remorse if it literally knocked them out!!
because of the emotional abuse followed by the cheating, I honestly have no desire to endure another human relationship. yes, there may be loneliness, but being alone feels so much better than the emotional torture I endure with the a-hole narc.
Couldn't agree more! The pain of loneliness is NOTHING compared to the utter devastation of narcissistic gas lighting. I genuinely believed I was losing my mind. I lost every single friend. My family was estranged. I hated myself. 10 years married. 5 years divorced. My car brakes have been broken twice, I still get followed by strange men and I can't speak about anything personal at work because he's still milking my colleagues for information.
I’m currently still married to my cheating narc but we both know where it’s headed... It’s hard because he cheated while I was pregnant with our second child and now we have two toddlers. I’m a stay at home Mom with no independent income or support, so I’m just kind of waiting until I have some out. He knows it’s coming. He tries to make me feel like I couldn’t survive without him, of course. We have a very long history as well. It’s earth shattering. Hang in there
Tara 907 I feel you dear. I’m going through the same. Stayed for 2 years now, and the pain is just as bad. I’m a stay home mum too, so financial wise, not looking good for me to support myself and my children. But I think it’s time for me to move on and try to start a new and better life on my own with my children. I feel so disposable. And I need to move on to be able to feel happy. I wish you all the best ❤️🙏🏼
“Look anyone is better than you. I never said I was dating you. You’re crazy and I want nothing to do with you!” - what my Narcissist told me when being confronted.
same. my ex told his new supply that me and her never dated and i was the one with trauma and keep pushing and pulling away from him wanting to be my boyfriend. i’m so hurt
This is a really excellent contrast. Cheating is a deep wound by itself in a relationship. Add in the narcissistic pattern of invalidation, control, possessiveness, rage and treating their partner like a transaction, and you're talking about relational trauma that takes years to heal from. Dr. Ramani, your videos are a gift to the world!
Aha, my bf told me I "ruin people's lives" because I outed him and his gf, because she was married with kids. He even knew I had not done that intentionally. He knew I was just trying to let her know what he'd done.
I laughed when I saw this and thought surely Dr Ramani would talk about the serious gaslighting situation where he tries to convince you, YOU are the one cheating! Now that shit messes with your mind! You really have the feeling in fact you Know they are cheating, but they are starting abusive arguments regarding YOUR infidelity... Knowing it's not even possible. Crazy😨 If any of that sounded familiar to you, RUN, RUN Away from that person and FREE yourself!
My ex narc was caught texting her ex bf from our own bed. She changed his contact info, thinking I wouldn’t recognize his initials if I saw them. I also know that she initiated the contact because he was blocked for a long time prior. When I asked her why she reached out to him, she said “I missed his friendship.” I told her “well I think it’s time you missed mine for a while.”
The woman my husband cheated on me with ‘keeps contacting him” I think it goes both ways. My husband changed her name to a random mans name in his phone so she could message him whenever she wanted because she was upset they couldn’t be friends anymore. Apparently I am horrible for not letting them be friends after they both treated me terribly. I’m not sure if she’s a narcissists or it’s him or both. They both have, and continue to treat me terribly. I just don’t understand her as much as I don’t understand him
Thank you. I feel so validated just hearing this. When I was a child my father cheated on my mother and she used me as a confidant. Later, when my narcissistic boyfriend cheated on me it was very traumatic for me and I scolded myself for my extreme reaction. Just now I really realized that it had opened this old childhood wound and my feelings aren't that abnormal at all. So again, thank you. You're really making a difference.
If it helps, chances were that both men used sex and affairs to soothe their pain instead of confronting their demons to find peace. It's what damaged people do before they're willing to work hard on recovery and self-improvement. Most of us carry wounds that cry out to be healed.
I reflected so much on this and that's why I'm no longer a supply...discarded yet again for the third time because he refused to acknowledge that he cheated, I found out and I was hurt. I cannot begin to mention a million mistakes made in the past that he used to justify it. It was exhausting and even more painful.
I understood what kind of marriage relationship I was losing when my husband, who was then with the previously married woman he had been cheating on me with, came over to the house to get some of his stuff. We have a son and were working out the details of our legal separation. I told him that the cottage that we had owned when we first married had gone up for sale. "Oh, maybe I'll buy it," he said. "I don't think she'll appreciate living in our first home with you," I countered. "Well," he said, What she doesn't know won't hurt her." It was then that I realized that I had been that "she" for the last thirteen years, and now it was someone else's turn.
"I didn't tell you [that I was cheating] because you get so crazy and I feared you would hurt yourself or worse, commit suicide" I'm sorry, what? So going behind my back and accepting the risk and the inevitable consequences makes it any better? I wish I knew sooner, I'm so glad he is out of my life.
DestinyBlooms I’m glad she’s gone too. Too bad she’s not outta my life yet because we have a kid. But... yeah... she totally tried to blame me for her cheating. “It meant nothing to me. But it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you.”
My ex narc is blatant unapologetic cheater. He divorced his wife and immediately started “dating” a married woman lol. He had no problems justifying adultery, telling me point blank “I want to f...k. I want to eat p...y.” Disgusting human being, who alleges to be a man of God? But karma is a b...ch. That married woman cheated on him with another married man. Sick people with seared conscience. I can only imagine what kind of diseases he might have picked up from her. If I ever would have continued with him, I could never trust him.
DestinyBlooms ...It’s just mind boggling how far they will go to be right when they’re patently wrong. My ex wife did not cheat on me but she told me something extremely hurtful to me that was the tipping point and I felt YOU SAID THAT? And she said COME ON IT WASNT A BIG DEAL. LETS GO BACK TO THE WAY WE WERE. JUST FORGET I SAID IT.... what the doctor said was WORD FOR WORD. I’ve realized that the narcissist lives in their own daily personal hell. You’re busy trying not to deal with your true self. And you fill that with a new supply or a vice like alcohol or drugs.
It's not only me going through this. Oh gosh......I'm a person who got lost in all these kind of gaslightings. Confused, lost my whole self,and gladly found this channel. Thank you Dr Ramani.
I found out my narc cheated on me a week before Christmas. He ended up telling me that it was my fault he cheated. It was my fault because he wanted a baby and I didn't, so he was gonna go get a baby somewhere else. If I just got pregnant he wouldn't have strayed. Though it hurt at the time and I still think about it from time to time, I'm grateful I never had children with him. I don't think a baby would've stopped his cheating.
It doesn't, because it was never just about a baby. The baby was his rationalization of his bad behavior. They need a rationalizing to be able to sleep at night while leading double lives.
A narcissist would say: "I cheated on you because she is more beautiful, more hot, more experienced than you are." He would say this right in your face and then sit back and observe every little sign of pain he can notice. He will see you as weak for being this hurt, and he will inform you that after all it is your fault anyway: you should have tried harder to keep HIM around. And he will take pleasure of feeling his strength and how well he has managed as your world falls apart. -
I'm so glad reading these comments sometimes, just because it makes me feel less alone, and less "crazy" but at the same time it's so sad how many people are experiencing the same abuse pattern by entitled dickheads
Yep! Or "that was the past! I don't do that anymore!" Meanwhile, he sneaks around with terrible people, sleeps with them, and lies to me, telling me it is the past and I just can't let it go. Ha! Get over it already? Oh, I am. Getting over them!
@@cookies4isaac522 I used to ask him- WHY would you risk losing EVERYTHING.... for someone who meant NOTHING?? He would always just say IDK. I NOW realize that the answer was pretty friggin simple & obvious..... What he was risking meant NOTHING either!! He has been telling the truth the whole time when he says they meant nothing. NO ONE means anything to him.
@@mslnie It is absolutely CRAZY how they always accuse us of "Not letting go of the past" when THEY are the ones REPEATING IT!! Its NOT the past when you did it AGAIN last week!!! Its infuriating!
He actually would tell me stories of how mutual friends ouf ours had cheated on their girlfriends and how whacko that was, I found out that he had already cheated twice on me whilst he was telling me those stories. I'm crushed and I feel so betrayed
If you decode the narc"s explanation it sounds like this.....Hey honey, the reason I cheated on you is because I felt I needed the sexual practice in order to improve my skills just for you..Therefore, I need you to think of it as me having a personal trainer. And the reason I gaslit you is because I truly feel that you're just dumb enough to believe me. And that's why you need me. Personally, when the narcs in my world serve me up their Word Salad...I carry a a small bottle of dressing to help distort the taste.
Nailed it 100%. He said, “You didn’t provide an atmosphere for me to be honest.” Blames me for his cheating. “You don’t handle the truth well. You need live in a way that inspires me.” Once I educated myself through these videos, I realize how absolutely unbelievable it is! Oh, and you’re right about the difference. Genuine apology VS what I got, which was, “I might cheat again if God doesn’t do a work.” I can’t even imagine a real apology. Hard to believe it’s real.
Just hearing “you’re hurt and you do deserve to talk about it” was like a big hug. It’s hard to get over the past when they have so many triggers and always schedule an unnecessary fight or silent treatment through the week. Brings you right back.
Where as a narc-hole will say things like why are you so jealous of "insert the other persons name" and put you down, while building them up all while calling you crazy for accusing them of cheating.
@@shug_no_avery8172 yep! And usually act like somebody else around the same time they keep bringing up that certain someone. So obvious (when you learn their tricks, and they all pull from the same bag of shitty tricks). They always tell on their self.
Once again you are so right Dr.Ramani! Betrayel always hurts but there is a difference if your partner regrets and gives you space to express your feelings and your pain instead of gaslighting you and wanting to "not make a big deal about it". Also: a Narcissist does NOT feel guilty or responsible for your grief. He turns it around and blames you for his terrible behavior.
Thank you Dr Rahmani for explaining the difference between a regular person who cheats & a narcissist who cheats. This helped alot. The narcissist will try to destroy you & not think twice about it. They have no sympathy for hurt they have caused you & what makes it worse..they will turn it around & make it your fault. Absolutely insane. God bless you for exposing the narcissist & helping us to understand that this is their problem.
Dr.Ramani, you always have great content and there's so much to be learned because you do everything naturally. I love your gestures they really punctuate your statements, your facial expressions are priceless and you are a natural beauty because you're not constantly putting on the dog so you can make yourself seem more believable.. You are a natural to the bone.
Great video! My narc denied, denied, denied and then I showed her her own deleted texts and she went in to a rage yelling, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" to everything being my fault blahblahblah... Not the reaction I expected from someone that said they'd never cheat as they were cheating. Very interesting reaction to getting caught. Her boyfriend's wife caught them several different times. A great example of no boundaries. There is no bottom they can lower themselves too. They don't value marriage or family like normal people.
@@santoparfano1910 Install text recovery software on your computer and then connect the cell phone to it and run the software. There are a few software companies if you google it but this one will work. www.enigma-recovery.com/ios/recover-deleted-messages/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwjoH0BRD6ARIsAEWO9DtdjWyGQji3zwZOPZdISQljWSrb1Kl_Mg2Jvj_HHEqaF6UjwATHBJ4aAuC0EALw_wcB
They see marriage as tool to get social validation & admiration: normal and happy family. So people see them as a good partner, good person having an ideal family. It's ALL about them getting admiration
My ex never cut off the best friend of her's who had a crush on her. Instead, I was made to watch a play where they kissed while she wore a wedding dress, she then put more effort into their friendship than our relationship, then she left the country with him to London, Canada and New York for a university trip, while I just had to sit and watch as they posted photos together. While she barely called and would hang up on me to go hang out with him... Finally, I broke up with her. Months later I asked if she slept with him at all, she said yes... Because "I left her"... She left me long before I broke up with her... GASLIGHTING ON STEROIDS
My narc ex convinces his friends that he have to “move on” with his new girlfriend(actually his ex), because I left him. And the truth is I found out he cheated on me with his ex. They reconnected more than a month before I noticed. Well, they are both cheaters, so I just sit back with my popcorn:)
sounds familiar. I couldn't understand why whenever he was around other people, even just friends, he fell off the planet, as if I didn't even exist anymore. So weird. He would miss my calls & his best friend would Snap me videos of him right there not doing shit! like WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE! & they definitely slept together long before u broke up with her
Very true --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I have been here for quite a while and it’s safe to say cognitivehacks@yahoo.com can be trusted when it comes to getting things like this , I’m not sure I want to share what he helped me with to the public but take it from me , it came out way better than I was expecting. Very resourceful and confident and trustworthy , I owe a lot to him to be honest.
I love how you mentioned Friends. I'm trying to keep my distance from people who love that show. Two narcissists I know were watching it repeatedly over and over and I think they love that show to convince themselves that their behaviour is acceptable.
That’s one of the hardest parts of it all, the gaslighting the lies, even when you have hard evidence, than when you do have enough evidence the twisting back in you, mine was so hurtful and mean to me when I found out, he was also always a sexual monster to me so that even cut more when he was out getting plenty with whom ever he pleased, I just wanted the truth and even a real apology but only got the horrible stuff that’s what makes it harder to process, thank you this video puts it into a better perspective for the healing 🙏🏻💜
happened to me as well for 9 years I finally left after seeing his phone and seeing a picture of a half naked girl who was messaging him and being mocked when asked who was that girl in the end I felt so stupid because I knew he didn’t care he would ignore me for days at a time living under the same roof and when asked to talk he would ignore me or cover his ears I don’t deserve that and neither do you
norene02 😔 it’s horrible what they do and you are right we don’t deserve it, gosh it’s like they all do the exact same horrible things, we can at least be thankful we are free of that now 🙏🏻 stay safe 💕
My wife has gaslighted me so terribly that I has doubted my own reality. She never has admitted even though I seen her at his house. She went at me told me I was hallucinating and I’m crazy and how my kids are asking is dad going crazy are we going to have live somewhere else. She pushed literally to the brink and acted like she’s done nothing wrong. It’s pure misery
I'm sorry for your loss! It's a loss of trust; love, and sanity! You are obviously someone who cares a lot and feels it deeply! I stayed. I'm in my 50s and had my 3rd and 4th kids with him. I will stay prob until I die for them. You however deserve better!! She's not only a narcissist and abusive, it seems she actually thinks you and others believe her BS!! The shock when she's faced with what others really think of her will daze her! You need to get yourself and your kids out. I know it hurts, but you should stick around long enough to gather evidence. Take photos, videos and screen shots of her text messages if you can. There are hackers on the internet that can get into her phone without her even knowing it. I only say this because she will fight dirty just to save face! You get your evidence and lock it in a safe or safe deposit box. Don't tell anyone about it not even family. You have to make it clear to her with details that you have enough evidence to bury her in a custody battle and to ruin her reputation as a mother and trustworthy person. Keep it between you and her. Kids know nothing about it either. This is not just to prove you aren't crazy, it's for your protection and your kids protection. You deserve better for yourself and your kids!!!God bless and good luck!😉
There is a major difference between being betrayed or cheated on by a narcissist and a nonnarcisist. Thank you for bringing this distinction to light together with your great descriptions of both. Brilliant. Thank you dr Ramani . God bless you❤
Thank you so much. I never knew my ex was a narcissist, because it was 40 years ago and I am just learning about this now. But, like my father, my ex was a cheating, gaslighting narc. I spoke with him recently (after many years of estrangement) and he said he has never done anything in his life that he feels bad about. Wow!! Knowing just some of the things he did, I began to get a clue about who he is. Now I know - he's a venture capitalist narc. He was horrible to me. He can be extremely charming and charismatic, and he cheated with ALL my friends to the point where I didn't feel I could have any friends, all the while gaslighting and denying and making ME wrong. His favorite phrase was "Don't make such a big deal". Thank you Dr Ramani for saying that my feelings are important and valid. Having grown up with a narc father who despised me and wanted to kill me, followed by my first romance with my narc ex husband, I have never been able to trust a man again... or anyone for that matter. I can't imagine what it would be like to be with an honest, loving, supportive man - that is a total non-compute for me. Actually, I can't imagine they even exist.
I feel for you and can relate as well. Your experiences mirror many who have been with someone like this. I have and i am a man. I can say with 100 percent certainty that there are decent men out there. I have even said the same thing as you...that I wonder if there are any healthy warm empathetic women out there bc my last two ladies were cluster B. Regardless of gender they appear to act the same way. Best of luck!
@@santoparfano1910 Thank you for your support. Yes, narcissism is not gender specific and all victims of their abuse are in the same boat, whether we are men or women. I am only beginning to understand what a healthy relationship could be like, and I do realize that there are good, kind, decent men out there! Yay - that's a new feeling for me! I also know there are good women out there, too, and I hope you find them. Best wishes to you, too!
I'm right there with you!! It has made me into a person that I never thought I would be. I'm here won't leave my kids but wouldn't be able to support them anymore coz of my age. I sometimes feel he should have to support me at this point. I'll never trust anyone again. Stay strong! You are worth so much more than that idiot!!😘
I was HORRIFIED when I found out not just about the cheating but the extreme gross ways they acted. The things they said. I have no idea who that person was. This person was not a person the represented themselves to me vs others. They lie about EVERYTHING. They were anything the other person wanted them to be. It’s so sad that you have to completely change yourself to be liked. I refused to take on anything negative. I’m a kind patient person. I will contribute to be a nice, kind and patient person always. That’s their baggage. The self hate is also something I can’t understand. Now they are fat and old. LOL. I’m in my physical peak and I’m making 10 times more money. I took the time to work on me while they are the same person. I now know how to understand and read red flags. They will always be the same. Take all that motivation and work on YOU. Get out when your ready and you can be happy. Yeah yeah I know you saw yourself with them forever but you create your own future. I wish you all the best. You are worth it!!!
That’s great that some couples move past cheating, infidelity, adultery but at the end of the day it’s the unforgivable sin of a relationship. Even if forgiven, it’s not forgotten. The trust is forever altered.
My ex didn't cheat on me but he used to tell me how easy it would be to do so but that he only wanted me. He said this often as if it was a compliment rather than just another way to build himself up and say how wonderful he was.
@@jokarr9349 ya I just want my freedom, while married, he pays for everything, he's no cheater just someone who tries to dominate, what's new, in this day and age too, as if that's gonna fly!
I was cheated on by A Narcissist boyfriend. I found evidence of the cheating, which a normal person couldn't deny. He continued to lie to me about cheating. Eventually, he became more sneaky about his habits.
100%!! Mine lied in the face of CLEAR and OVERWHELMING evidence. I told him, "I'd have more respect for you if you just admitted it" because lying made him look insane.
@Letty A - i had mine on such a pedestal. he was there to pick up the pieces in my life after my estranged husband was murdered and i inherited his 4 cats (i already had 9 myself). He actually helped me track down and catch 4 of the 5 cats. they were just thrown out on to the street like trash. we live about 40 minutes drive to where the cats were presumed to be. he got me rides when i didn't have a car to go and stalk them. we actually found 4 of them. he was my rock when i was paralyzed with grief. he even took a special interest in one of my deceased husband's cats who was having a hard time adjusting after being discarded on the streets for 3 months. He moved in and was absolutely wonderful. His ex-roommate was in a predicament one day and needed a ride to Long Beach from Burbank, so i got HER an Uber. She ended up at our place. Next thing you know, she's moved in. She was really good at helping out with the cats...at first. Soon my cats changed. They started peeing and pooing out of the box (never did that before). we have multiple-multiple boxes because of all the cats. ***note: your animals will tell you if you have shady person in your house*** anyway long story short me and the girl became besties. he would get mad when we would hang at the house and talk. Both were out a lot because of "work" yet never had money for bills. I paid for EVERYTHING. then when i got an RV and had to park it a few blocks from the house, he and i would stay in it because it wasn't registered yet and we didn't want it to get towed. Well once that happened i noticed that both of their habits changed. Now they were both home at the same time...ALOT He never wanted to get intimate anymore, would fall asleep in other rooms. Would go to the house to take a shower or get something, and not come back for 6 hrs, saying he got caught up doing some shit on the computer. what neither of them knew was that i had each of them on location sharing. one day she was going to spot X, and left the house. then about an hour later he mentions that he has to go help Tim "move". i played it cool, but said to myself I bet they end up together on the map....sure enough they did. then i started back checking all the times he had to go help Tim with a task that should have taken an hour takes like 9. and sure enough. I still didnt say anything. I just started writing shit down, and predicting shit based on how they were acting. one day i decided to check his phone. up till that point it had been circumstantial, but the smoking gun was the text messages and the phone log. i would lay traps that only guilty people would fall into. they did. also they would dry snitch on each other all the time. But this bitch takes the cake. all while pretending to be like a daughter to me, she was trying to wreck my life...she wanted me to know so bad. leaving clues and hints. i just played dumb. and he was super sloppy at hiding shit. Oh and i forgot to mention that they and his ex used to have 3somes. OMG this post is getting so long. bottom-line: when i finally confronted they (separately) i was not the one who mentioned infidelity first, i was kinda vague, both of them were the ones to blurt out "im not cheating'' or "i'm not fucking your man". only guilty people respond like that. Then they started trying to cover their tracks better. when i finally told them about all of the evidence and how busted they were. both denied. there is waaaaay more to this story, but i really get sick of telling it. i was crushed and felt like my whole relationship was a farce and that there's was the real relationship right under my nose. they both got the boot. at one point, to prove her innocence she gave me a code to one of her old phones she had left at the house and was like "its not true check my messages, check my time line". Everything incriminating had had been removed already. in fact there was only 3 text messages from him on the phone. Text messages i had ALREADY seen on his phone from and to her were suspiciously missing. then she even sent me a screen shot of him trying to get her to come meet him at the RV, but she deleted all of her responses to make it look like it was all him. she's just trying to get back in the house and clear her name....Dumb bitch doesn't realize everything she does to try to cover it up, proves it more. She offered to take a polygraph, and pay for it. I'm like you'll pay for a polygraph, but wont pay rent...get the fuck out of my face.
Thank you so much for outlining this very real distinction. The cheating was bad enough, but the gaslighting and denial (even in the face of the evidence) was even more frustrating. The lack of remorse was plausible. AND he had an incredible porn addiction - I'm off to your next video on this very subject!
I would love to see some videos on surviving co-parenting / parallel parenting with a narcissist. How can someone protect themself and their children from a person they can't legally escape?
TXLNC keep looking for her videos. She has the answer especially in one of the videos something about the price or the cost of staying in a narc relationship. Also look for TH-cam channels for Dr Daniel Fox and another one with Dr Grande. Les Carter is another well informed TH-cam channel. There’s also Alex Robarge (spelling?). Inner Integration is not a PhD but also helpful.
Omg my narcissistic ex said a similar thing. “My first bf cheated on me loads of times and it made me feel so bad. So since that day I always made sure I will never be the victim of cheating again. So I know how you feel.” I’m like “no you don’t know how I feel. You’d rather put me through it instead?” And then the next excuse comes out when the first doesn’t work. It’s like a mini mental note pad of excuses they can refer to and use to get around you. Stupid me fell for it more times than I’d like to admit. Live and learn.
I think a major difference is that a regular cheater will give you the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. A narcissist will NEVER blame themselves, it’s always going to be your fault.
Or others’ fault. They will come out innocent. And if their partner is naive enough to believe someone else or something else made them cheat then that partner will confront someone else who made him/her(narcissist) cheat. As they escape out of the grips of their partner holding them accountable, the narcissist will have a good laugh pitting you against the fake person or thing who made them cheat. So yeah, they’re wired differently than most of us.
I had someone from the narc's work slide into my dm's telling me that the narc was cheating on me and bragging about it at work. I confronted the narc and he said, "don't feed into that crap, I work with a bunch of high schoolers" and that was all he had to say about it and didn't want to talk any further about it. And if I tried it would be very bothersome to the narc. It was so frustrating! So glad I'm divorcing his ass!!
With all the evidence I had, my ex just said it is “fake problems” and he doesn’t bother to explain. He’s friend X told me he is with his ex(new supply) for a while, so I just ran away, no need to waste one more second on this piece of shit. He hoovered hard, still not admit he cheated. Later on X told me he blamed X betrayed him, said I left him and he had no choice but move on with his ex(new supply), trying to play the victim. Disgusting and delusional, they are sick and hopeless🤷♀️
Same. My ex told me not to believe the ones who told me something. Just dismissing it as people he has beef with and they are lashing out by telling me lies. Incredibly frustrating, but I bought it and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Only to find out that he was not only lying and cheating, but boasting about getting away with it as well.
Thanks again Dr. Ramani for putting words to my feelings... I’m amazed how you describe the typical situations that I think a lot of us have been through. The narcissist never take responsibility of their behavior and yes, they deny, minimalize or gaslight the truth, therefore, they minimalize the feelings of their partner. Plus they want to act like nothing has happened straight away, without having in count your feelings.
If someones absence bring you peace, you didn’t lose anything.
this is a really great comment
Amen to that.
Love it
Waaaw
So so true!
Being cheated on by a narc is being cheated on at another level and their cheating is justified & always YOUR fault.
Oh my gosh. Welcome to my husbands life 😪
They go & blame U for there cheating!
He uses as an excuse that since im sick with over 10 disabilities... His cheating online is because he doesn't want to hurt me since im sick... He actually admitted he never loved me... There is rhe actual truth.... If hes deleting and hiding it... Hes not sorry
leeanne OMG. Stay strong🙏🏾
leeanne stay away from sick people!
Narcissist's cheating is the next level of cheating. They will actually give you hints that they are cheating just to mess up with you!
That is so true!
True!!
My husband claim he was going for a walk at 7:16pm just came back almost midnight....a few days ago he said if I go out there an mess up then you can’t say nothing...smell like a cheating dog to me I know he wants a reaction out of me but NOPE won’t get that...it seems like he try to pick fights it’s like it fuels up his desire to cheat almost like he use it to validate why it’s ok....he did a lot of emotional cheating now I’m noticing change in how he move sometimes
@@maliqsmom2010 I kept asking my husband why do hate me? He was always like I don't hate you. I love you you! Turns out he was cheating! He finally came clean and told me!
I am lifting you and your husband up in my prayers.
Yep they can either throw subtle hints your way or tell you exactly what they're doing with other people and then DENY IT and GASLIGHT YOU... AND TRY TO TELL YOU THEY WERE JOKING AROUND..
What amazes me is how QUICKLY the narcissist can respond with gaslighting. It's like an instant reflex.
Agreed. It is their inner demon coming out. Pathological lying, probably since childhood.
Kelly S,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
YES. No hesitation, no blink of the eye...nothing. Just spitting it right out without missing a beat. Until you know how the person is, you think the person is so truthful because of HOW easy those lies are.
The are manipulators, its disgusting 🤢.
I feel the same way. It’s crazy how manipulative it is. It’s SO pre-meditated they know the situation won’t work out but still mess up the person. That sounds absolutely crazy to me.
Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims.
NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's.
However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you.
They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!!
Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.
How to know you were cheated on by a narcissist: A narcissist will cheat on you and then tell you it was your fault.
Yes my husband
Mine actually cheated on me got so upset when I was throwing him out and he sent me the proof of cheating
Just happened to me
@@SadFloweGarden Yeah, I got the gender-switched version of that one. "You know I like it harder, faster and longer than you're capable of, I can't help what I want!". Followed by "you're tired, go to bed and come back when you're someone I enjoy talking to..."
@@tomwiggins2869 dang I hate narcs like how didn't I see this coming
"I said I was sorry! Now get over it!" Yes. I'm lucky to be away from that narcissist.
Same here - I said I was sorry what more do you want. Crazy making!
"I AM getting over it. I'm leaving"-- here's hoping you can quickly leave this relationshit! I'm saying that I hope he does not chase you and smear your reputation. Narcs have a way of keeping things going and refusing to leave well enough alone.
Sorry for what after over the hundreth time maybe 'good intentions''? Infidelity has permanent consequences. Like maybe later hardening of the arteries, Cancer, and compromising of the immune system to some degree or other which sooner or later leads to dementia without treatment; A set of truths a lot of men are in denial about because they still buy into the idea that women in general are the weaker sex.
@@FrancesShear, I'm apparently didn't make myself clear. It was my ex who said to me "I said I'm sorry, now get over it!" He was the one who cheated, not me. He was the one who felt saying I'm sorry one time, in a tone that was more a question than an apology, was sufficient for me to simply go on like it never happened. Of course I was wrong to be involved with him, to fall for his love bombing. Having grown up in a highly dysfunctional family with a narcissist mother, I was a slow learner. It hasn't happened to me again and it's been well over a decade.
Yeah, i’m over it, there’s the door. Bye! 🤣
My ex blamed his cheating on me... every time. He would say things like "if you were meeting my needs I wouldn't have been talking to anyone else" or
"She's just a friend!"
I'd say "If she's just a friend, why are you hiding it?"
He'd say "because you're such a jealous person!"
Always turned it back on me!
@@MrRobot-jb5tI 😢
this is crazy, my ex uses the same line, "if u were meeting my needs i wouldnt have done this done that
Elissa Griffin Davis I can empathize; but as I read your comment I’m taken aback at how similar the excuses are. My ex-husband used the same excuses when blaming me for his actions. I’m baffled how simple minded they are yet so manipulative.
Life is a Journey Thats tough!! Narcissist partner is awful, but having a narcissist parent is extremely heart breaking. I’m so sorry, I hope you and your mom are in better situation now.
Life is a Journey Sending you a virtual hug 💞
"I can't be truthful with you because you would act crazy if I did." THANK YOU! This is exactly it.
If I did it--but I didn’t--how would telling you help. That’s a goood one I got.
' Remember that when someone cheats on you, it' s not because you're not enough, it has nothing to do with you, it has to do with the person who is making that choice. '
For some reason I really needed to hear that, thank you so much for your videos.
Rejection is God's redirection.
It's a blessing to be rid of these callous souls! They are not people of light.
thanks! I needed that reminder - I will have a better mind-scape today as I get on with chores! X
thanks 4 that reminder!
Ahhh, but the church is so good at enabling them.
so true Charlie
@@scratchoriginalsdh So true!
Both ex-boyfriends cheated and still, to this day, said they never did, even in the face of evidence. I often think that they believe their own lies after awhile.
Michelle Williams going through this same scenario now. With total unequivocal evidence. Still denies lol I am out
@@crystal-g2g the madness is real with these people. Once they believe their own lie, there is nothing you can do. Run!
@@MichyGW I caught my wife by going through her phone while house hunting of all things. We had just put in an offer on a $420,000 house the night before but my gut had been on full alarm with no hard evidence. Married 17 years. I will never forget her words when I confronted her...." Let's keep this between us." She immediately moved out and our teenage daughter voluntarily moved with her. I talked with her intensely over the following months but the gaslighting, truth trickle, and blame shifting let me know to file for divorce. Since then my life has improved exponentially on all levels. I still have a great relationship with my daughter. I got in excellent physical condition and was determined to not let myself drown in the pain. I wish you the best in future relationships as we all deserve honesty and respect. The minimum standard should be respect and fidelity whether married or in a committed relationship....Peace and Blessings to you!
I think that they tell the lie so many times to themselves and others that eventually they forget that it’s a lie. To them it has run over and over in their mind until they believe it’s the truth.
@@fronttowardenemy7972 I really appreciated your comment. Mine won't leave ( he has established residency) and after 14+ years says I belong to him, not really with him.
"See? this is why i didn't tell you about it. I knew you would react this way" - precisely!
Yea mine said oh for goodness sake its not that bad! Ive been seeing her but nothing has happened yet! 😂God they are like little 3 year olds!
@@pam164 *Can i have my cake and eat it too? And can you watch when i do and understand life owes me all these things. I'm special and you need to overlook all my wrongs cause you'll never score someone like me.* They believe that about themselves than continue to cheat their entire lives. Truly rotten characters and need to be avoided at all costs.
@@paige7684 God that is them to a T!! they have no soul.
lmao DUH!!
Exactly...He didn't tell med the truth because he didn'y want to hurt my feelings!! LOL, then I asked, why didn't you just stop doing it then??? OH, because he didn't want to because I wasn;t behaving MYSELF!!
I found out 4 wks ago that I had been cheated on during my entire 13 yrs relationship...I thought I was gonna die of heartache....2 wks ago I discovered I was with a textbook narcissist for 13 yrs and it completely changed my perspective on being cheated on..... at first I was devasted thinking how could he cheated on me when even told by him we were 1000% compatible sexually and never deprived eachother.....but finding out he is a narcissist....It didn't feel as an attack on me as a person as a woman...I just saw it as this is what he does, he is gonna do it to anyone who is at the wrong place and the wrong time, like I was....I no longer saw it as a personal betrayal towards me...and THIS CHANGE OF THOUGHT HAS MADE MY HEALING MUCH EASIER.
No excuses for cheating, if unhappy respectfully leave, its not complicated.
Same here... the first month after knowing he cheated me , it was total heartbreak, severe nauseas, deep whole feeling in deep stomach, continuous tears. After few months i knew he is narcissist, felt much better, it's not my fault, he never *loved* me like i did, he was never real... and it healed me like 70%.Now i am more sad on my fate.
It's harder to tell when a narcissist is cheating bc they're always emotionally distant and treat you the same shitty way. Even more so when cheating I guess
Exactly I feel the pain atm 😔
I felt mine gave me more affection I was like....?
Yep. Mine is sooooo nice to me. 😂
FACTS! But their patterns no matter how hard they try to keep up, always give us pause! They get sloppy and start treating you worse, then they normally do. Sad cases!
Not always, they'll be smiling that certain way at their phone,act in dramatic emotional waves related to their extra relationships and then project it onto you,like they will tell you things such as,"you always start arguments",you used to be fat/skinny","you are still chasing other romantic intersests","you used to hoard useless old cardboard boxes",""you always use to add parsley to this dish","you are lying,you don't have a birthmark in the shape of a heart",that kind of thing ,which is all related to someone else.I remember at the beginning with my daughters dad, (diagnosed narcissist)he was vehemently denying having ever had relations outside of marriage,yet he would lie in bed ,eyes clothes and uncharacteristically talk about how he was happy that I'd gotten rid of the hamster because it always used to make such noise that it kept "us",up all night".I have not had a hamster in my bedroom since I was a child plus I had not been with him for that long,so I let him talk for a while before interrupting by saying, that's someone else,he still denied that it was someone else,I told him to open his eyes and look around to see where he was,then he stayed silent.So ,if you get blamed for sh*t you didn't do or get BSed about things that you used to do ,know that there's someone else involved,it isn't even a slip up such as calling you by an ex girlfriends name that you know about.
"If you were enough..I wouldn't have cheated." I finally realized there NEVER WAS anything wrong with ME
My "yuck" old best friend had to have my older overt bro, big drama, married, he even cheated with her mom, 5 houses over, ate teen years, he was all over elsewhere too, didn't she go ahead to tell me that she was still like a virgin as she'd had cesareans but no, he was attracted to older women and now that she's older he's attracted to her more! Puke! 😝 they're still together, gross!
Thank God you finally realised!
It feels much better, right?
Ultimately I learnt that : it was nothing to do with me and that I couldn't control the outcome.
It's wasn't an easy .. experience! but I thank God for testing me.
sunnylilme oh my yes! Blame shift a la cart
Here it is I’m going to the doctors having them running testing on me trying to figure out and me fix me . How ever 2 doctors ran tests on me test came back normal I’m find. They said it him , I ask or you sure , yes . They told me I’d needed to do something about it . Still stayed after they told me that hoping things would be better, but no. Eventually I end up leaving when he left with no closure. Took his side son , one he cheated on me with a 19 year old girl while he was 36 years old had outside baby. The son is 10 years old. I dealt with that for 10 years, just a constantly reminder of him cheating on , slap 👋 in my ever time that boy came over. Smh it was hard
Yeah they make you feel unattractive and unwanted. It was terrible, but they will say I love you. I'm like ah no.
What's really disgusting is the person that they are cheating with and how that person becomes their partner in crime...
Omg that’s what mine did , This girl contacted me because she was mad I still existed started telling me everything bagging him out calling him names saying he was ugly etc, he never said anything to her took it out on me and months later would say that I was the one that said her words even though we had messages. It was like he was obsessed with her
and it’s usually an ex from what i’ve noticed. they just cycle through old flings
@@eazyc404 This. You may get mad at the "new" person only to find they were there before you and you were the new supply and he/she was just playing you the whole time. Trust that they will be back to resume the cycle.
@@nbee6217just wow! 😮 I had no idea people are actually this deceptive. I just experienced something like this and idk how many of us are involved. As soon as I was able to basically confirm the emotional distance and avoidance that was the last straw. Now I’m seeing more popping up on his FB. It’s a whole new level of mind fu*king I’ve never experienced before. I’m happy I walked away, I won’t go back either.
I eventually felt grateful that I was cheated on by a narcissist.
- I got to learn the tricks, lies and excuses people make while cheating
- I got to practice approaching and catching cheaters and the people they cheated with
- I experienced pure evil, which made me appreciate every single good person I knew even more
The great thing is, when a narc cheats on you, it's not a surprise. It should be expected/predicted. Cheating for them is as normal as not cheating is for sane people. It would have been much worse if I'd been in a happy loving relationship for many years to then find out that my partner was a cheat.
It is literally pure evil, my ex narc cheated while my grandmother was dying. I am so heart broken.
Anna Fidler, you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Isn't it great that the narc gave you a gift unwittingly...
The best gift you can ever have,
The gift of being able to tell narcs from normal people and making you aware of sociopaths and phychopaths aswell.
Because I have seen countless comments on vids like this of people who have had there lives ruined by these horrible evil people.
Imagine having your whole life took from you without you even knowing...
Missing out on meeting your soulmate that will bring bliss and happiness to your whole life.
Imagine only realising and finding out about narcissism and that you have been played and made miserable for all your life at like 50 years old .
So thank that narc for making you wise.
Just like I did.
@@naturallykinkyyy9940 I am so sorry you had to experience that! It is awful when your heart is broken and hurts so bad.
I remember when my Narc Ex came over on a Friday evening from school, cell phone in hand waving it in the air saying my phone just dropped in a huge puddle of water (it rained for two days before), but surly he didn't drop his entire phone in a puddle of water. But you don't expect the one to love to come right in kiss you hello, and LIE in your face. I honestly thought he was telling the truth, why because he made a whole show of it. Flowing around with his phone out of case, placing it in the vents (to dry out lol), placing the phone on the lite shade so the phone can dry out. We talked and of course he asked me for some money to go out with some random names, I could care less about, and pick up his daughter for the weekend. Of course he had to go in the house to use his Mom's cell phone since his has dropped in the puddle of water and now will NOT TURN ON. He kissed me Bye and flew out the door. I sat on my bed, TV on and started to play back everything in my head. I had to laugh at myself for being BAMBOOZLED by the NARC one more time! I felt stupid. He made up that whole LIE, played the ROLE just so he could be UN-AVAILABLE on that Friday night. Of course I called the phone into the night and the VM came out. At 10:00 AM the next morning, he texted me stating "Good morning the phone just came back on, I am going to call you after I get up. from my NAP" HA! Jokes on me right...stayed out all night cheating and NOW your PHONE has dried OUT! I am in NO CONTACT mode as we speak.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Shiiiit.. if you're in Cali ..I got you boo
They're called cerebral narcissists
Am so sorry you had to experience that it the most heartbreaking thing ever no one is worth that kind of pain you don’t deserve that kind of behaviour I went through that for 26 years running on the hamster wheel the harder I tried to make things work the worse it got no matter what I did it was never enough I was always the problem and being stuck in a trauma bond I started to believe that I caused her to cheat on me because I believed I wasn’t good enough the first time it was an emotional affair where she was getting a high of all the attention the second time she cheated she was playing with multiple married men trying to destroy there marriages she was getting a high of of all that power and once again I took her back and forgave her and now here I am number three this time a physical affair with another woman which she discarded my kids and I for and moved in with her I guess the third time is the charm I now see clearly with my eyes wide open and with education learned to pick myself up and move on when you say no to them your saying yes to you and it’s time to put yourself first instead of putting them up on a pedestal they are soulless creatures that will always feel empty inside sad way to go through life keep your head up you will find someone truly love you and is genuine and not wearing a mask god bless
I’ve been cheated on by both. Equally as terrible when you find out, but at least the non-narcissist allowed me a little bit of closure. The narcissist never even acknowledged he did anything wrong.
Yep!
Omg same
Yes they love to torture us real people they get some real sick pleasure of having a slave to demonicly torture,
Same
18 years and a divorce from a cheating narcissist... and this video made me sob.
It hit home... and so validated my pain and sense of betrayal.
Thank you Dr Ramani from the bottom of my heart for being a voice for my feelings.
I feel you, Heidi. Ditto - Same here.
I went through the same thing--after all those years together--i got OUT .
Heidi, I feel your pain, literally! 15 years and a divorce from a Histrionic, Borderline, Antisocial Narc! She covers all 4 and now she is trying to portray me as the bad one in family court to keep me from equal parenting time! Unbelievable!
She physically attacked me last May because I caught her calling a man outside the marriage. Then she filed a false police report. I never laid a hand on her in harm in 15 years. To the contrary, she did 3 times.
Their 'Grandiose Demeanor' is unreal. If I wanted to inflict harm on her, I could do so with little effort to say the least. She will find out what happens when she is dating a man w/o self-control and pulls these evil shenanigans.
2 years later and still EVERY day in pain from the betrayal. Flaunting the new man in my face from day one. If not for the children suicide would be the best option to stop the emotional endless trauma. Why do people like this have to come into our lives...
Broken Dreams stay strong!! 💪🏼
I’ve found you can confront a narcissist all you want they will make up any lie they can and will NEVER admit that they did it or say it wasn’t their intentions. You will never get an I’m sorry I messed up because that would mean they would have to take accountability
Pageanteen mine will not admit it. He always turns it on me, accusing me of doing it and more. Last week he gave me an std, then threw a huge fit and screamed horrible things at me. I packed my shit and left. His Bimbo had been coming there during the day and taking my things. She even slept in our bed one afternoon and bled all over the sheets! Still he wont admit a thing! Makes me indescribably angry. I cannot let go of the anger for all the lies and cheating. He says we were never together and yet when i dated other men he claimed i cheated on him. When i stopped seeing others he started being even worse. So controlling and cruel. He said and wrote the most horrible things to me. I cant let it go, i need to know who she is, if for nothing more than to tell her what i think of her.
@@bethwalker4640 Yes, but ultimately, it's on him. Remember, he is lying to HER too!!! Really, he was with you, she was just following his lead. He could have gone to her house to spare you addition insult to injury, but he enjoyed the excitement of the forbidden adventure and getting away with it, or getting caught! He was selfish and cruel. He was suppose to be faithful to you, but she has no honor towards you, especially if she was lied to also. Talk to her and tell her your truth. and she may not care thinking she's special. but down the road, he'll do the same to her, and then she'll remember you for sure!
If they do admit it they will call it only cheating. Or, they will help all the cheaters cover up the reason which is narcissism just in case they too fall later which if that includes how you look at a person is understandable.
They blame everyone around them
I was curious in the time of my break up post his cheating. He denied everything leading towards me actually catching him. When I got to a better place and a bit more understanding of his dark place, he was a lot more willing to open up. It was as if there needed to be a degree of safety like no consequences etc if he were to speak the “truth”.. as much a truth as he’ll admit
Married to a covert narcissist for 30 yrs, heard him talking on the phone with a woman about their relationship and how they're going meet again. Left me in shocked and devastated and to this day traumatized. When I told him about what I heard, his answer was " my fault, I talk loudly", not even a hint of shame, not an ounce of respect for what I could feel. Even that he felt entitled. I filed for divorce.
i treacly a copy of my ex
Yes, they have no shame
Mine, called me at lunchtime, and had oral sex performed on him while on the phone to me. Stopped, but was marked on his leg by said “friend”, and has had back scratches from his exploits. Always an excuse. I left. Dumped him.
Found, at least with an older covert N. That they will tell you what they are doing, by saying this is not what I am doing. Very sick individual, not to mention the dysfunctional family dynamics. Glad I found out sooner than later.
Be well, and know you are priceless. Much love to all who are going through this garbage.
Freedom is costly. Fight for it, because it is worth it. You are worth it.🙏🏻. God Bless.
My dear lady..I also found out accidentally that my narcissistic boyfriend cheated on me. The hurt is unimaginable. I finally sought out help. I am working now with a therapist lady..who helped me understand that those problems were his & not mine.i was blaming myself. Please free yourself from this miserable situation & seek help & learn to love yourself again. It has helped me. God bless you.
I’m so sorry, no one deserves this bullsh$&
Normal cheaters come clean, narcissists gaslight you and say it’s all in your head.
That's the most honest answer I've heard come out of your pathetic crazy whore peice of shit self. You really are extremely pathetic did you have to be every person commenting on your own video pretending to be a f****** professional
It scares me how accurately this describes my exact situation. Like every single word is spot on.
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
He helps me get access to spy on my narcissist ex boyfriend device when I was looking for evidence about what he’s doing. He can help you too. If you want to find out all the secret of your narcissist partner.💯
How is it going for you
Cheating is evil. It happened to me once and was life changing. I got rid of the "cheater"!
Where did you hide the body ?
@@fffffff6822 Haha! I wish! By "got rid" I meant dumped like a hot potato!
I'm wanna write a book on my experiences. It sounds screwed up, but had he not cheated on me, I would still probably be with him trying to bend and contort myself into something acceptable to him until I was completely broken.
Yup! I agree. If not for the constant screwing other females I would still be living that hell.
You write it girl!...and I'll buy it!!!
Well said!
I had feelings he’d cheated , of coarse he always denied. When I caught him on the phone, he still tried . It was the end of our 26 year marriage, the beginning of my healing ❤️
Same here, if he didn't cheat I'd be bending over backwards making myself responsible for his happiness
I had one who couldn't admit it even though it was clear. No remorse, no apology no guilty at all. Denial denial denial......
You can catch them in the act and they will gaslight you into thinking you imagined them cheating.
@@karajenkins4164 they make you feel like your eyes have deceived you. You didn’t see what you thought you saw. It’s cruel.
@@karajenkins4164 seriously they do and I have actually questioned my self too so many times. It's messed up I wish I could leave
Same right now
"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to be upset"
A narcissist will always make sure that it's with someone you know personally or have heard them speak about in the past like a coworker. I think they get more supply from thrill of cheating with someone who you're aware of.
Or somebody U don't like.
absolutely! my serial cheater covert narcissist husband actually introduced me at his company parties to the co-workers he was cheating with, would tell me"interesting" stories about his "women friends," had an affair with my best friend while she lived in the same apartment building as we did, and brought one of his women into our home while I was spending 7 weeks in hospital. it took me 30 years to learn about all this, and it was one of his women who finally shared the truth with me in a rage. how do you heal after something like this?
@@katecreates3 Wow I'm so sorry. It makes me really sad to hear stories like this because it always happens to good people. The most genuine people always get hurt the most because you can't get hurt unless you really care. My experiences have been hurtful but pale in comparison to yours.
kuunami OMGosh this is true 😞
@@katecreates3 The truth will set you free! It hurts, but it hurts worse when you are being hurt and you cant understand WHY, or WHERE it's coming from??? The truth is empowering. Living your life and making decisions based on lies that you didn't know about or have no control over is like covert control and being held a hostage living under the control of a predator and living in a false reality. Education and knowledge is EMPOWERING, so that you can make decisions based on the facts and the truth. No one can control you as long as you know the truth. The truth will set you free because that way, you are making your own decisions without someone else's influence or manipulation....It gives you the validation in trusting yourself in a true reality. Narcs lie and gaslight you in order to make you feel crazy and insecure. This is how they control you. This is what breaks us down. Seek the truth, and trust your gut and your memory...write things down...or RECORD CONVERSATIONS and don't ever let anyone tell you that you are crazy and that something didn't happen when you know it did... Now that you know that there are evil people out there who are like this, you are now empowered to protect yourself when you see the signs early on. Study this stuff, and share you education to help others. Bless you and bless us all. We are the lucky survivors. Some commit suicide because of this horrible torturous type of abuse...God Bless their souls.❤
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects.
To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control.
Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
Thank you. Your message really hit home. That was the best written summary of the subject that I've seen to date. I wish I knew it years ago.
From my experience I would simply consider not trying to catch them cheating. It's not worth it. The chase was counter-productive. Just took me longer to get out, all just for the information I already knew. If there are some legal or financial circumstances, then I get it. If not, be content with what you know to be true and get out.
This is exactly what my ex-fiancé would do! Also, I always felt like I was worth nothing due to all his flirting, attention seeking, and micro-betrayals with other girls! Thank God I was able to see the truth and get out, 26 days away from my wedding I left. He said he didn’t even care..... all those “I love you more than anyone else in the world” meant nothing! It all makes sense now because narcissists can’t love anyone or anything over themselves. I feel bad for narcissists, what an empty shell of a life they live, crippled by low self esteem under all the false pride and ago.
"Remember its nothing to do with you " :) Yes. Thanks doc.
Isabel Smith,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
That’s why I left
1 year no contact and no longer looking back
I own my worth my dignity and self respect
I love me in a healthy relationship with myself
Omgoodnesss! The excuses of the narc are EXACTLY things I have heard! "it's in the past. I dont do that anymore." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.....
Dr Ramani, it is as if you were telling the story I have been living. They TRULY do not care how they hurt others, especially their partners. It is sick and they need help. They do not think so, but they really do.
yep yep yep in the past Its in the past! the past don't matter! She has cheated on every partner and marriage in her entire life. Her response is cheating doesn't matter if the partner doesn't find out.. well I did find out yet again, so then the story changes to I didn't cheat after all was just testing your reaction even with proof in hand. Gaslighting and crazy making at its best. Then Im suppose to forget about it, its been three days, lets just get back to business as usual!?!?! I reply... can I cheat if you don't find out? Hell no just rage rage and I'M, yes me, I'm the one with the problems invalidating her. I'm gaslighting her about the pattern in her life, I make her feel worthless about abandoning her child. Meanwhile we have a kid who is literally suicidal yet again. No real concern for child, abandoned yet again as she runs off with new lovers with no contact to child. no reconciliation, no remorse, no amends, no closure, no guilt, no financial obligation, no Truth and absolutely no therapy. No genuine care, fake crocodile tears, within the next few minutes contempt and anger. Covert narc all the way. Only thing I got was yet another (yes there are several in our relationship, my fault for being a doormat, home provider and nothing more than childcare)STD test results, horrible way to live. All her exes were the same, run away, blame them as the devil, STD test results. Professional victims who make false stories of the abuse to the next sucker who buys it hook line and sinker. I did. So have many others. Trail of destruction. Shattered lives and families. Generation after generation.
Her mother agrees with her! Her mother's advice-Relationships are 50/50 and I have to see what I created in her to cheat(over 40 different affairs just with me). What about all the other marriages and relationships before me(multiple cheats and pregnancies with them too), am I responsible for those too? CRAZY just sad destructive CRAZY I also have 50/50 responsibility, according to her mother, in her substance abuse problem which actually started after her boob job from barely A cup to triple D on 120 pound frame. alcohol party girl and cocaine off breast in motels and car backseats when she was suppose to be at work or AA meetings. The stories are coming out now that she has fled the state. in come the covert narc flying monkeys/agents...
You can just imagine what her mothers life is like and how it has played out.
Only solace I have is that her exes were discarded for another quickly where in 14 years she never found better than me and I had to get rid of her since she refused therapy. Bad is I lost some of the best years of my life. My sons therapist says the family is all fake and a show for the outside world to hide their true self and deflect from their maladaptive deceitful and manipulating double and triple lives. Hard pill to swallow.
I hope she gets help, I truly do, but she seems determined to use sex to land a rich guy (yes she admitted needing more money and world travel where she can cheat with young men on beautiful beaches) to bring her happiness.
Emotional and Psychological abuse is real! more damaging than any Physical abuse. Just ask the kids!
@@kconnor2371 YES well said
Cheating isn’t a blip, it is a series of choices to betray you.
My ex literally said after we broke up because I had a feeling he was cheating on me (he later told me he was): “maybe I just kind of lost interest in you because you don’t like watching horror movies with me” wow... literally something an actual child would say
My relationship with my narcissist ex ended due to cheating. I felt like there were multiple times where there was emotional cheating, but I was always treated like I was crazy. I would be upset and he would pretend to not know why or treat me like I was being too emotional/crazy (basically gaslighting me). I found out that he had sex with someone two after he came to visit me at my apartment. I asked him why and he said it was an impulse and a plethora of other excuses. I am an empath, so you can imagine how traumatic that was for me. It has been 4 months since it has happened. I am healed a lot, but my heart is definitely still raw regarding how things ended and the horrible decision he made that ultimately ended our relationship. I hate him for it, and I am working on that. Cut him out of my life and working on myself.
Its going to be a long road (most likely). It took me a year with counseling and church. But I came out of it sooooo much stronger & thankful that I now know what a narcissist is & what to look out for. Such a blessing in disguise
Yes I understand how you feel. I pray you release the anger in a healthy manner for your sake. It is more of a disappointed feeling then it is hate. But you will be fine in Jesus name. Take one moment at a time. Focus on setting boundaries, and setting standards prior to entering any type of relationship. God bless you. God loves you, and so do I. Again don't be hard on yourself, and take one moment at a time. You got this.
Ladenna Young doesn’t it just suck? I left him four months ago, after I discovered his love affair with our former foster daughter, and he is still harassing me. I need to just block him, like EVERYBODY has told me. But after 30 years… It’s really hard to let go. I feel like he’s stolen everything from me that I love! I’m still having a really hard time with this betrayal. I’m sure that I always will. My heart is shattered, and it’s going to be extremely difficult for me to trust anybody ever again. I feel your pain honey.
Eileen Daniel With your former foster daughter? What is the age difference? That’s really sick because that means he was looking at her in a sexual way the whole time 🤢
Tay Wilburn you got this!
Mine never admitted it.... he’d scream at me how I didn’t trust him and was paranoid. He’d get mad at make me feel bad. Still I almost felt like maybe I was wrong. It went on for yrs.... but there were so many clues.
Exactly!
my ex cheated on me with another girl lied and hid it and then we started to get bk together again and he in nov dec cheated on me with my bff and didnt tell me out of worry and it made things worse on top of it all im pregnant with his child and its difficult living in our home but i have to for our son to be.
He must have been horny for his regular booty call.
This is me. Exactly
They always tell you that you're 'jealous' and 'paranoid' and "letting your imagination run away with you".
That's called 'gaslighting'.
They are after a total breakdown of your ability to be confident about how you assess a situation.
they want you to also second guess your gut instincts.
Then, when the bomb goes off and you actually catch them red handed, they've got you so worn down and second guessing yourself that its easy as pie for them to step in with the old trick, "honey, it's not like you think', and " if you had been what I needed I wouldn't have cheated".
I went through years of exactly those scenarios and those very words.
This is exactly what I experienced. He was exposed and he wouldn’t allow me to be hurt and wanted me to just get over it and never speak of it again. My feelings weren’t validated and it was ALL about him!
Mine too, he's say shut up about it, why do you want to ruin our evening together??? If you don't shut up, then you''ll have to leave, because I'm not going to listen to your mouth anymore! He's also say if I weren't snooping AROUND AND STALKING HIM, I'd not know what he was doing, so it's all my fault for checking up on him!! Screw him!! And that would make it all much better???
Lynn Olmsted I’m sorry you have to deal with that. That is not someone who cares about your feelings or has any remorse. I hope you consider your worth and create healthy boundaries where others cannot treat you that way. Be strong.. you deserve much better!
How can they all be the same??? This fact amazes me. My ex wasn't even that smart and he still had all these traits and was able to condition and manipulate me for years. I had no idea about NPD I thought something was wrong with me. I wasted so many years my good years. I wasn't as good a mom as I could have been to my sons because I was always being a detective. I have so many regrets. I wish I had of known about this year's ago. How different might I be... I'm away from him it's been many years, he's remarried but he hoovers. He calls himself my buddy. I ask him to just leave me alone and he won't. The good thing is he's 800 miles away and I never see him. I change my number and he gives our son a sob story and gets the number. He knows his Dad is an asshole but still loves him. Even after all this time when I think of all he put me and the boys through I still get angry. I learned about NPD after I left so I'm matching things up in my mind and it's painful re-living that fricking nightmare that was my marriage. Reading these comments and being able to know exactly how you all feel. When you are in it, you feel so alone. I had to hide my feelings so my boys wouldn't know most of the time. Sometimes I couldn't hide them or they would witness the insanity. They kept me alive literally. They are grown men now and turned out ok my boys I love them and I'm very loved by them. I know I need counseling though because I'm not over it. I need to heal that deep hurt. I live alone and am not interested in a relationship at all of any kind. I avoid people and I don't want to be this way. Listening to these videos has made me realize that. Thank you Dr Ramani and thanks for listening.
Exactly what I went through.
@@WorldOfARandomVegan I’m so sorry. I know it really does a lot of damage to a person going through the things a lot of us have had to endure. I hope you are completely free now and on your healing journey. Xoxo
If you don't get the apology, if you don't get the vulnerability, if you don't get the wanting to work on the relationship after cheating is exposed then you're sadly with a narcissist. They feel entitled and you finding out is a major inconvenience to their needs. Don't give them a second thought, they never did about you. Don't try and save your relationship, they never gave a damn about you or your hurt. Heal your inner critic (super ego), set your boundaries and disentangle from them. Everything they say from now on is for their benefit not yours.
This is golden...i have been thru the same.
@@Mochi-fc6uy I wrote this two years ago, although separated and divorced, I am still finding my ex spouse invading my head, also other negative people in my life. It is less now. Look at all the videos Vaknin has in his playlist on recovery from Narcissistic Abuse. Aside from this concentrate on all the things you are good at and build back your self esteem, self respect, confidence in yourself and self love. You may find you never had enough of these things, hence you fell for a narcissist in the first place. Best wishes on your healing journey.
OR they have no real apology the say I’m broken and wanna fix us and say they want to work things out. They start counseling and sec anonymous groups and make it seem like they are changing…..but are they? Or are they just lying again and trying to manipulate
Sex anonymous motto is “you are powerless to lusting so hand it over to God” which is the BIGGEST load of horse shi and the BEST way to remove any and all accountability and responsibility which is the narcissists main love language. NOT MY FAULT see?!?! …..THATS where im at. To believe or not to believe
"You weren't supposed to find out....I'm so sorry". Instead of saying I'm sorry I lied and cheated, I should have never done it. I didn't feel bad or guilty while doing it because I loved every minute of it. I would have never have told you if you didn't find out. I won't do it for a few months until I earn your trust and then when you're happy and enjoying life again that will be my cue to do it all again....and again...again because I'm entitled to. And the cycle continues......
Exactly!! The one I got was "I wish I could make that go away for you ". WTF!!??? No you don't!! They wouldn't know remorse if it literally knocked them out!!
Yes! So spot on
because of the emotional abuse followed by the cheating, I honestly have no desire to endure another human relationship. yes, there may be loneliness, but being alone feels so much better than the emotional torture I endure with the a-hole narc.
Couldn't agree more! The pain of loneliness is NOTHING compared to the utter devastation of narcissistic gas lighting. I genuinely believed I was losing my mind. I lost every single friend. My family was estranged. I hated myself. 10 years married. 5 years divorced. My car brakes have been broken twice, I still get followed by strange men and I can't speak about anything personal at work because he's still milking my colleagues for information.
Better to be alone than to FEEL ALONE in a relationship with a narc
@@clementeen Yes, I have said this for years!
I'm in the same boat. If I happen to meet someone fine...but looking for it is exhausting and probably narc filled!
@BB80Delta Hope so
10 years of marriage... and this brings me to tears because this is EXACTLY what Im going through. Just trying to end all ties at this point
I hope you did ❤️❤️❤️
I’m currently still married to my cheating narc but we both know where it’s headed...
It’s hard because he cheated while I was pregnant with our second child and now we have two toddlers. I’m a stay at home Mom with no independent income or support, so I’m just kind of waiting until I have some out. He knows it’s coming. He tries to make me feel like I couldn’t survive without him, of course. We have a very long history as well. It’s earth shattering. Hang in there
Tara 907 I feel you dear. I’m going through the same. Stayed for 2 years now, and the pain is just as bad. I’m a stay home mum too, so financial wise, not looking good for me to support myself and my children. But I think it’s time for me to move on and try to start a new and better life on my own with my children. I feel so disposable. And I need to move on to be able to feel happy. I wish you all the best ❤️🙏🏼
I'm 30 years in. Been cheated on since day 1. I stayed to keep our son's family intact.
3 years of marriage, almost divorced. The most power you have is your silence. It is so hard, but that's how you win
“Look anyone is better than you. I never said I was dating you. You’re crazy and I want nothing to do with you!” - what my Narcissist told me when being confronted.
Vanna Marie same here! My ex dared to lye to the police before my eyes! I am so happy that troubled soul is out of my life!
same. my ex told his new supply that me and her never dated and i was the one with trauma and keep pushing and pulling away from him wanting to be my boyfriend. i’m so hurt
@@charmaineneshanathan2101
Same here
Cold! Now time to GROW
classic one
This is a really excellent contrast. Cheating is a deep wound by itself in a relationship. Add in the narcissistic pattern of invalidation, control, possessiveness, rage and treating their partner like a transaction, and you're talking about relational trauma that takes years to heal from. Dr. Ramani, your videos are a gift to the world!
My first, narcissistic husband SCREAMED at me for "being nosy" when I found love letters from his girlfriend. Ah, only a narcissist can be that cruel.
Extremely!
Aha, my bf told me I "ruin people's lives" because I outed him and his gf, because she was married with kids. He even knew I had not done that intentionally. He knew I was just trying to let her know what he'd done.
I laughed when I saw this and thought surely Dr Ramani would talk about the serious gaslighting situation where he tries to convince you, YOU are the one cheating! Now that shit messes with your mind! You really have the feeling in fact you Know they are cheating, but they are starting abusive arguments regarding YOUR infidelity... Knowing it's not even possible. Crazy😨
If any of that sounded familiar to you, RUN, RUN Away from that person and FREE yourself!
Jacki Clark same happened to me the gaslighting amazes me
I got out 3 years ago now-i ran sooooo fast.
Yes! They do try to turn it on you, claiming YOU are unfaithful. What a joke. A sick, sad, pathetic joke.
Yes i agree with that one--was NEVER Unfaithfull--i couldnt take any more when she sold all the jewelry i had got her every xmas for 23 years
This, this, a thousand times this.
He even tracked me using my phone. He truly believed because he was cheating, I was cheating.
My ex narc was caught texting her ex bf from our own bed. She changed his contact info, thinking I wouldn’t recognize his initials if I saw them. I also know that she initiated the contact because he was blocked for a long time prior. When I asked her why she reached out to him, she said “I missed his friendship.” I told her “well I think it’s time you missed mine for a while.”
OMG my ex did the same he put her as just Aa on his contacts 😂
Amateurs. Mine just gave the guy a girl's name and made up an entire persona for them.
OMG same here! My ex-husband gave her his best male friend's name!
Time for absolutely no contact at all. Time to truly let go, grieve, heal and fill your own heart.
The woman my husband cheated on me with ‘keeps contacting him” I think it goes both ways. My husband changed her name to a random mans name in his phone so she could message him whenever she wanted because she was upset they couldn’t be friends anymore. Apparently I am horrible for not letting them be friends after they both treated me terribly.
I’m not sure if she’s a narcissists or it’s him or both. They both have, and continue to treat me terribly. I just don’t understand her as much as I don’t understand him
Thank you. I feel so validated just hearing this. When I was a child my father cheated on my mother and she used me as a confidant. Later, when my narcissistic boyfriend cheated on me it was very traumatic for me and I scolded myself for my extreme reaction. Just now I really realized that it had opened this old childhood wound and my feelings aren't that abnormal at all. So again, thank you. You're really making a difference.
I'm sorry she wasn't mature enough to protect you from it instead.
If it helps, chances were that both men used sex and affairs to soothe their pain instead of confronting their demons to find peace. It's what damaged people do before they're willing to work hard on recovery and self-improvement. Most of us carry wounds that cry out to be healed.
Wow, I could’ve written this @Noname Jenkins
Same same same!
I reflected so much on this and that's why I'm no longer a supply...discarded yet again for the third time because he refused to acknowledge that he cheated, I found out and I was hurt. I cannot begin to mention a million mistakes made in the past that he used to justify it. It was exhausting and even more painful.
Stop going back…
I just want to be with a normal person..
When I can't get to therapy, I have Dr. Ramani❤I can't wait for the Toronto date.🤗
i would get there IF i could--would just love to see the DOC.--Im in Scotland--wish she would come here .
Come to Montreal, we're a French Free Zone! Kidding, not kidding! 😀
I understood what kind of marriage relationship I was losing when my husband, who was then with the previously married woman he had been cheating on me with, came over to the house to get some of his stuff. We have a son and were working out the details of our legal separation.
I told him that the cottage that we had owned when we first married had gone up for sale.
"Oh, maybe I'll buy it," he said.
"I don't think she'll appreciate living in our first home with you," I countered.
"Well," he said, What she doesn't know won't hurt her."
It was then that I realized that I had been that "she" for the last thirteen years, and now it was someone else's turn.
"I didn't tell you [that I was cheating] because you get so crazy and I feared you would hurt yourself or worse, commit suicide" I'm sorry, what? So going behind my back and accepting the risk and the inevitable consequences makes it any better?
I wish I knew sooner, I'm so glad he is out of my life.
DestinyBlooms I’m glad she’s gone too. Too bad she’s not outta my life yet because we have a kid. But... yeah... she totally tried to blame me for her cheating. “It meant nothing to me. But it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you.”
My ex narc is blatant unapologetic cheater. He divorced his wife and immediately started “dating” a married woman lol. He had no problems justifying adultery, telling me point blank “I want to f...k. I want to eat p...y.” Disgusting human being, who alleges to be a man of God? But karma is a b...ch. That married woman cheated on him with another married man. Sick people with seared conscience. I can only imagine what kind of diseases he might have picked up from her. If I ever would have continued with him, I could never trust him.
DestinyBlooms ...It’s just mind boggling how far they will go to be right when they’re patently wrong. My ex wife did not cheat on me but she told me something extremely hurtful to me that was the tipping point and I felt YOU SAID THAT? And she said COME ON IT WASNT A BIG DEAL. LETS GO BACK TO THE WAY WE WERE. JUST FORGET I SAID IT.... what the doctor said was WORD FOR WORD. I’ve realized that the narcissist lives in their own daily personal hell. You’re busy trying not to deal with your true self. And you fill that with a new supply or a vice like alcohol or drugs.
Exactly
My Narc ex.....would say things didn't happened that did. And would make up another version that is totally not what I remember.
It's not only me going through this. Oh gosh......I'm a person who got lost in all these kind of gaslightings. Confused, lost my whole self,and gladly found this channel. Thank you Dr Ramani.
I found out my narc cheated on me a week before Christmas. He ended up telling me that it was my fault he cheated. It was my fault because he wanted a baby and I didn't, so he was gonna go get a baby somewhere else. If I just got pregnant he wouldn't have strayed. Though it hurt at the time and I still think about it from time to time, I'm grateful I never had children with him. I don't think a baby would've stopped his cheating.
It doesn't, because it was never just about a baby. The baby was his rationalization of his bad behavior. They need a rationalizing to be able to sleep at night while leading double lives.
A narcissist would say: "I cheated on you because she is more beautiful, more hot, more experienced than you are."
He would say this right in your face and then sit back and observe every little sign of pain he can notice. He will see you as weak for being this hurt, and he will inform you that after all it is your fault anyway: you should have tried harder to keep HIM around. And he will take pleasure of feeling his strength and how well he has managed as your world falls apart.
-
Dio dio she would probably say the same thing.
Can't say it better than that.
They feel powerful when they see that you are crying from the pain they have caused 😔
I'm so glad reading these comments sometimes, just because it makes me feel less alone, and less "crazy" but at the same time it's so sad how many people are experiencing the same abuse pattern by entitled dickheads
They are horrible souless people!!
I wish I had a dime for every time he told me- OMG!! GET OVER IT ALREADY!! It wasnt THAT bad!! Its not like she meant anything to me!
D. Williams and there it is!! No one means anything to them!
Yep! Or "that was the past! I don't do that anymore!" Meanwhile, he sneaks around with terrible people, sleeps with them, and lies to me, telling me it is the past and I just can't let it go. Ha!
Get over it already? Oh, I am. Getting over them!
@@cookies4isaac522 I used to ask him- WHY would you risk losing EVERYTHING.... for someone who meant NOTHING?? He would always just say IDK.
I NOW realize that the answer was pretty friggin simple & obvious..... What he was risking meant NOTHING either!!
He has been telling the truth the whole time when he says they meant nothing. NO ONE means anything to him.
@@mslnie It is absolutely CRAZY how they always accuse us of "Not letting go of the past" when THEY are the ones REPEATING IT!! Its NOT the past when you did it AGAIN last week!!! Its infuriating!
It's a sorry boost for their even sorrier egoes!
Omg. Everything you said was on-point. It’s like every narc uses the same playbook. Verbatim, step-by-step, all the boxes checked. It’s sickening.
It’s the gaslighting that takes place with the Narc cheating that’s the worst
Yes.
He actually would tell me stories of how mutual friends ouf ours had cheated on their girlfriends and how whacko that was, I found out that he had already cheated twice on me whilst he was telling me those stories. I'm crushed and I feel so betrayed
@Aldo Caprione sick in the mind
If you decode the narc"s explanation it sounds like this.....Hey honey, the reason I cheated on you is because I felt I needed the sexual practice in order to improve my skills just for you..Therefore, I need you to think of it as me having a personal trainer. And the reason I gaslit you is because I truly feel that you're just dumb enough to believe me. And that's why you need me. Personally, when the narcs in my world serve me up their Word Salad...I carry a a small bottle of dressing to help distort the taste.
All kinds of female hairs in his bed and he "had no clue how they got there." Nor the nail marks on his butt. The gaslighting is real.
My BPD Covert Narcissist said "You asked me, and now you throw it back in my face."
Getting cheated on by a narcissist is more pathological
This explains so much... and he got mad when i discovered the dating sites.
So glad it's over
Nailed it 100%. He said, “You didn’t provide an atmosphere for me to be honest.” Blames me for his cheating. “You don’t handle the truth well. You need live in a way that inspires me.” Once I educated myself through these videos, I realize how absolutely unbelievable it is! Oh, and you’re right about the difference. Genuine apology VS what I got, which was, “I might cheat again if God doesn’t do a work.” I can’t even imagine a real apology. Hard to believe it’s real.
This is so painfully accurate. Thank you
Just hearing “you’re hurt and you do deserve to talk about it” was like a big hug. It’s hard to get over the past when they have so many triggers and always schedule an unnecessary fight or silent treatment through the week. Brings you right back.
Where as a narc-hole will say things like why are you so jealous of "insert the other persons name" and put you down, while building them up all while calling you crazy for accusing them of cheating.
When they say a certain persons name too much then they came back around for supply
@@shug_no_avery8172 yep! And usually act like somebody else around the same time they keep bringing up that certain someone. So obvious (when you learn their tricks, and they all pull from the same bag of shitty tricks). They always tell on their self.
Exactly!!
Once again you are so right Dr.Ramani! Betrayel always hurts but there is a difference if your partner regrets and gives you space to express your feelings and your pain instead of gaslighting you and wanting to "not make a big deal about it". Also: a Narcissist does NOT feel guilty or responsible for your grief. He turns it around and blames you for his terrible behavior.
Thank you Dr Rahmani for explaining the difference between a regular person who cheats & a narcissist who cheats. This helped alot. The narcissist will try to destroy you & not think twice about it. They have no sympathy for hurt they have caused you & what makes it worse..they will turn it around & make it your fault. Absolutely insane. God bless you for exposing the narcissist & helping us to understand that this is their problem.
Dr.Ramani, you always have great content and there's so much to be learned because you do everything naturally. I love your gestures they really punctuate your statements, your facial expressions are priceless and you are a natural beauty because you're not constantly putting on the dog so you can make yourself seem more believable.. You are a natural to the bone.
Great video! My narc denied, denied, denied and then I showed her her own deleted texts and she went in to a rage yelling, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" to everything being my fault blahblahblah... Not the reaction I expected from someone that said they'd never cheat as they were cheating. Very interesting reaction to getting caught. Her boyfriend's wife caught them several different times. A great example of no boundaries. There is no bottom they can lower themselves too. They don't value marriage or family like normal people.
Bro how did you get the deleted texts? Did you install a keylogger? Any help would be awesome...
@@santoparfano1910 Install text recovery software on your computer and then connect the cell phone to it and run the software. There are a few software companies if you google it but this one will work.
www.enigma-recovery.com/ios/recover-deleted-messages/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwjoH0BRD6ARIsAEWO9DtdjWyGQji3zwZOPZdISQljWSrb1Kl_Mg2Jvj_HHEqaF6UjwATHBJ4aAuC0EALw_wcB
@@zaneyenny thanks brother!
They see marriage as tool to get social validation & admiration: normal and happy family. So people see them as a good partner, good person having an ideal family. It's ALL about them getting admiration
My ex never cut off the best friend of her's who had a crush on her. Instead, I was made to watch a play where they kissed while she wore a wedding dress, she then put more effort into their friendship than our relationship, then she left the country with him to London, Canada and New York for a university trip, while I just had to sit and watch as they posted photos together. While she barely called and would hang up on me to go hang out with him... Finally, I broke up with her. Months later I asked if she slept with him at all, she said yes... Because "I left her"...
She left me long before I broke up with her... GASLIGHTING ON STEROIDS
A narcissist will never admit to cheating.
I'm sorry my friend. That's hard, but you did good. Hopefully you find someone even better now.
My narc ex convinces his friends that he have to “move on” with his new girlfriend(actually his ex), because I left him.
And the truth is I found out he cheated on me with his ex. They reconnected more than a month before I noticed.
Well, they are both cheaters, so I just sit back with my popcorn:)
sounds familiar. I couldn't understand why whenever he was around other people, even just friends, he fell off the planet, as if I didn't even exist anymore. So weird. He would miss my calls & his best friend would Snap me videos of him right there not doing shit! like WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE! & they definitely slept together long before u broke up with her
Nora Peace “WTF is wrong with these people” = my feeling towards the narcissists in a nutshell 😂
Very true --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I have been here for quite a while and it’s safe to say cognitivehacks@yahoo.com can be trusted when it comes to getting things like this , I’m not sure I want to share what he helped me with to the public but take it from me , it came out way better than I was expecting. Very resourceful and confident and trustworthy , I owe a lot to him to be honest.
I love how you mentioned Friends. I'm trying to keep my distance from people who love that show. Two narcissists I know were watching it repeatedly over and over and I think they love that show to convince themselves that their behaviour is acceptable.
Is it me or has narcissism become more pervasive over the past fifteen years?
yes there is more now. the world has gone bad.
i concere..
I'm not sure it it's more pervasive or if we're just more aware about it. Probably a combination of both.
@@kuunami I dunno...it's like dogshit in a park - it's everywhere.
I blame the media. Its a very sophisticated weapon.
@@Rootword7 Absolutely - couldn't agree with you more on that...
That’s one of the hardest parts of it all, the gaslighting the lies, even when you have hard evidence, than when you do have enough evidence the twisting back in you, mine was so hurtful and mean to me when I found out, he was also always a sexual monster to me so that even cut more when he was out getting plenty with whom ever he pleased, I just wanted the truth and even a real apology but only got the horrible stuff that’s what makes it harder to process, thank you this video puts it into a better perspective for the healing 🙏🏻💜
happened to me as well for 9 years I finally left after seeing his phone and seeing a picture of a half naked girl who was messaging him and being mocked when asked who was that girl in the end I felt so stupid because I knew he didn’t care he would ignore me for days at a time living under the same roof and when asked to talk he would ignore me or cover his ears I don’t deserve that and neither do you
norene02 😔 it’s horrible what they do and you are right we don’t deserve it, gosh it’s like they all do the exact same horrible things, we can at least be thankful we are free of that now 🙏🏻 stay safe 💕
@Jen Jenn it’s the worst heart break ever I agree that last point that they knew
You have just explained my life. He has never really admitted or apologized. Deny deny deny. I think I hate this man
My wife has gaslighted me so terribly that I has doubted my own reality. She never has admitted even though I seen her at his house. She went at me told me I was hallucinating and I’m crazy and how my kids are asking is dad going crazy are we going to have live somewhere else. She pushed literally to the brink and acted like she’s done nothing wrong. It’s pure misery
I'm sorry for your loss! It's a loss of trust; love, and sanity! You are obviously someone who cares a lot and feels it deeply! I stayed. I'm in my 50s and had my 3rd and 4th kids with him. I will stay prob until I die for them. You however deserve better!! She's not only a narcissist and abusive, it seems she actually thinks you and others believe her BS!! The shock when she's faced with what others really think of her will daze her! You need to get yourself and your kids out. I know it hurts, but you should stick around long enough to gather evidence. Take photos, videos and screen shots of her text messages if you can. There are hackers on the internet that can get into her phone without her even knowing it. I only say this because she will fight dirty just to save face! You get your evidence and lock it in a safe or safe deposit box. Don't tell anyone about it not even family. You have to make it clear to her with details that you have enough evidence to bury her in a custody battle and to ruin her reputation as a mother and trustworthy person. Keep it between you and her. Kids know nothing about it either. This is not just to prove you aren't crazy, it's for your protection and your kids protection. You deserve better for yourself and your kids!!!God bless and good luck!😉
I CAN SINCERELY RELATE..RECENTLY SEPARATED FROM MY WIFE 4 MONTHS AGO. 13 YRS OF MARRIAGE TO A NARCISSISTIC WOMAN..SMDH
There is a major difference between being betrayed or cheated on by a narcissist and a nonnarcisist. Thank you for bringing this distinction to light together with your great descriptions of both. Brilliant. Thank you dr Ramani . God bless you❤
I am going through this as we speak.I am apalled.They will continue to do it no matter what it costs them and the lives they destroy.
Thank you so much. I never knew my ex was a narcissist, because it was 40 years ago and I am just learning about this now. But, like my father, my ex was a cheating, gaslighting narc. I spoke with him recently (after many years of estrangement) and he said he has never done anything in his life that he feels bad about. Wow!! Knowing just some of the things he did, I began to get a clue about who he is. Now I know - he's a venture capitalist narc. He was horrible to me. He can be extremely charming and charismatic, and he cheated with ALL my friends to the point where I didn't feel I could have any friends, all the while gaslighting and denying and making ME wrong. His favorite phrase was "Don't make such a big deal". Thank you Dr Ramani for saying that my feelings are important and valid. Having grown up with a narc father who despised me and wanted to kill me, followed by my first romance with my narc ex husband, I have never been able to trust a man again... or anyone for that matter. I can't imagine what it would be like to be with an honest, loving, supportive man - that is a total non-compute for me. Actually, I can't imagine they even exist.
Sphynx i feel like i could have written this. i’m so sorry this happened to you too.
I feel for you and can relate as well. Your experiences mirror many who have been with someone like this. I have and i am a man. I can say with 100 percent certainty that there are decent men out there. I have even said the same thing as you...that I wonder if there are any healthy warm empathetic women out there bc my last two ladies were cluster B. Regardless of gender they appear to act the same way. Best of luck!
@@santoparfano1910 Thank you for your support. Yes, narcissism is not gender specific and all victims of their abuse are in the same boat, whether we are men or women. I am only beginning to understand what a healthy relationship could be like, and I do realize that there are good, kind, decent men out there! Yay - that's a new feeling for me! I also know there are good women out there, too, and I hope you find them. Best wishes to you, too!
I'm right there with you!! It has made me into a person that I never thought I would be. I'm here won't leave my kids but wouldn't be able to support them anymore coz of my age. I sometimes feel he should have to support me at this point. I'll never trust anyone again. Stay strong! You are worth so much more than that idiot!!😘
I was HORRIFIED when I found out not just about the cheating but the extreme gross ways they acted. The things they said. I have no idea who that person was. This person was not a person the represented themselves to me vs others. They lie about EVERYTHING. They were anything the other person wanted them to be. It’s so sad that you have to completely change yourself to be liked. I refused to take on anything negative. I’m a kind patient person. I will contribute to be a nice, kind and patient person always. That’s their baggage. The self hate is also something I can’t understand. Now they are fat and old. LOL. I’m in my physical peak and I’m making 10 times more money. I took the time to work on me while they are the same person. I now know how to understand and read red flags. They will always be the same. Take all that motivation and work on YOU. Get out when your ready and you can be happy. Yeah yeah I know you saw yourself with them forever but you create your own future. I wish you all the best. You are worth it!!!
You're a rock!! Keep on keeping on!🤩
Yes!!!! Wonderful to hear how you turned heartache into a success story. Love it!!!
That’s great that some couples move past cheating, infidelity, adultery but at the end of the day it’s the unforgivable sin of a relationship. Even if forgiven, it’s not forgotten. The trust is forever altered.
I fell so dead inside like I'm just existing and not living. Kind of like auto pilot. I smile when I think about how happy I was before I met him.
My ex didn't cheat on me but he used to tell me how easy it would be to do so but that he only wanted me. He said this often as if it was a compliment rather than just another way to build himself up and say how wonderful he was.
More confusion!
Or just a covert confession, and the bloated version of how he was able to get away with it too.
He probably did cheat, you just never caught him
Jane Lapointe - “as a man thinketh in his heart so is he”
...if their lips are moving, they’re lying
Marriage just seems like a narcissistic prison sentence lol no thanks 😂
Haha especially with kids
Yes my narcississtic prison sentence was 12 years. With kids it is still going on until they are 18.
.-.-_- that’s for sure!
@@jokarr9349 ya I just want my freedom, while married, he pays for everything, he's no cheater just someone who tries to dominate, what's new, in this day and age too, as if that's gonna fly!
It is
I was cheated on by A Narcissist boyfriend. I found evidence of the cheating, which a normal person couldn't deny. He continued to lie to me about cheating. Eventually, he became more sneaky about his habits.
Letty A exactly the Same situation
100%!! Mine lied in the face of CLEAR and OVERWHELMING evidence. I told him, "I'd have more respect for you if you just admitted it" because lying made him look insane.
@@WorldOfARandomVegan yes exactly!!!
@Letty A - i had mine on such a pedestal. he was there to pick up the pieces in my life after my estranged husband was murdered and i inherited his 4 cats (i already had 9 myself). He actually helped me track down and catch 4 of the 5 cats. they were just thrown out on to the street like trash. we live about 40 minutes drive to where the cats were presumed to be. he got me rides when i didn't have a car to go and stalk them. we actually found 4 of them. he was my rock when i was paralyzed with grief. he even took a special interest in one of my deceased husband's cats who was having a hard time adjusting after being discarded on the streets for 3 months. He moved in and was absolutely wonderful. His ex-roommate was in a predicament one day and needed a ride to Long Beach from Burbank, so i got HER an Uber. She ended up at our place. Next thing you know, she's moved in. She was really good at helping out with the cats...at first. Soon my cats changed. They started peeing and pooing out of the box (never did that before). we have multiple-multiple boxes because of all the cats. ***note: your animals will tell you if you have shady person in your house***
anyway long story short me and the girl became besties. he would get mad when we would hang at the house and talk. Both were out a lot because of "work" yet never had money for bills. I paid for EVERYTHING. then when i got an RV and had to park it a few blocks from the house, he and i would stay in it because it wasn't registered yet and we didn't want it to get towed. Well once that happened i noticed that both of their habits changed. Now they were both home at the same time...ALOT He never wanted to get intimate anymore, would fall asleep in other rooms. Would go to the house to take a shower or get something, and not come back for 6 hrs, saying he got caught up doing some shit on the computer. what neither of them knew was that i had each of them on location sharing. one day she was going to spot X, and left the house. then about an hour later he mentions that he has to go help Tim "move". i played it cool, but said to myself I bet they end up together on the map....sure enough they did. then i started back checking all the times he had to go help Tim with a task that should have taken an hour takes like 9. and sure enough. I still didnt say anything. I just started writing shit down, and predicting shit based on how they were acting. one day i decided to check his phone. up till that point it had been circumstantial, but the smoking gun was the text messages and the phone log. i would lay traps that only guilty people would fall into. they did. also they would dry snitch on each other all the time. But this bitch takes the cake. all while pretending to be like a daughter to me, she was trying to wreck my life...she wanted me to know so bad. leaving clues and hints. i just played dumb. and he was super sloppy at hiding shit. Oh and i forgot to mention that they and his ex used to have 3somes.
OMG this post is getting so long. bottom-line: when i finally confronted they (separately) i was not the one who mentioned infidelity first, i was kinda vague, both of them were the ones to blurt out "im not cheating'' or "i'm not fucking your man". only guilty people respond like that. Then they started trying to cover their tracks better. when i finally told them about all of the evidence and how busted they were. both denied. there is waaaaay more to this story, but i really get sick of telling it. i was crushed and felt like my whole relationship was a farce and that there's was the real relationship right under my nose. they both got the boot. at one point, to prove her innocence she gave me a code to one of her old phones she had left at the house and was like "its not true check my messages, check my time line". Everything incriminating had had been removed already. in fact there was only 3 text messages from him on the phone. Text messages i had ALREADY seen on his phone from and to her were suspiciously missing. then she even sent me a screen shot of him trying to get her to come meet him at the RV, but she deleted all of her responses to make it look like it was all him. she's just trying to get back in the house and clear her name....Dumb bitch doesn't realize everything she does to try to cover it up, proves it more. She offered to take a polygraph, and pay for it. I'm like you'll pay for a polygraph, but wont pay rent...get the fuck out of my face.
Thank you so much for outlining this very real distinction. The cheating was bad enough, but the gaslighting and denial (even in the face of the evidence) was even more frustrating. The lack of remorse was plausible. AND he had an incredible porn addiction - I'm off to your next video on this very subject!
I would love to see some videos on surviving co-parenting / parallel parenting with a narcissist. How can someone protect themself and their children from a person they can't legally escape?
TXLNC keep looking for her videos. She has the answer especially in one of the videos something about the price or the cost of staying in a narc relationship. Also look for TH-cam channels for Dr Daniel Fox and another one with Dr Grande. Les Carter is another well informed TH-cam channel. There’s also Alex Robarge (spelling?). Inner Integration is not a PhD but also helpful.
He actually tried to apologize when the girl he cheated on me with cheated on him. Saying he realized how I felt- no, I doubt he could understand.
Omg my narcissistic ex said a similar thing. “My first bf cheated on me loads of times and it made me feel so bad. So since that day I always made sure I will never be the victim of cheating again. So I know how you feel.”
I’m like “no you don’t know how I feel. You’d rather put me through it instead?”
And then the next excuse comes out when the first doesn’t work. It’s like a mini mental note pad of excuses they can refer to and use to get around you. Stupid me fell for it more times than I’d like to admit. Live and learn.
damn, the audacity to make himself the victim once again. serves every cheater right to be cheated on.
Great ... That someone else.. Can understand and see this difference.
I think a major difference is that a regular cheater will give you the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. A narcissist will NEVER blame themselves, it’s always going to be your fault.
Or others’ fault. They will come out innocent. And if their partner is naive enough to believe someone else or something else made them cheat then that partner will confront someone else who made him/her(narcissist) cheat. As they escape out of the grips of their partner holding them accountable, the narcissist will have a good laugh pitting you against the fake person or thing who made them cheat. So yeah, they’re wired differently than most of us.
That hit home for me Dr Ramani! I totally feel the difference and realize now that I’m not crazy...Thank you!
I had someone from the narc's work slide into my dm's telling me that the narc was cheating on me and bragging about it at work. I confronted the narc and he said, "don't feed into that crap, I work with a bunch of high schoolers" and that was all he had to say about it and didn't want to talk any further about it. And if I tried it would be very bothersome to the narc. It was so frustrating! So glad I'm divorcing his ass!!
With all the evidence I had, my ex just said it is “fake problems” and he doesn’t bother to explain.
He’s friend X told me he is with his ex(new supply) for a while, so I just ran away, no need to waste one more second on this piece of shit.
He hoovered hard, still not admit he cheated.
Later on X told me he blamed X betrayed him, said I left him and he had no choice but move on with his ex(new supply), trying to play the victim.
Disgusting and delusional, they are sick and hopeless🤷♀️
Down with all narcs! Had proof and was told, "oh, people lie and those are all lies. Don't believe in all that."
Same. My ex told me not to believe the ones who told me something. Just dismissing it as people he has beef with and they are lashing out by telling me lies. Incredibly frustrating, but I bought it and gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Only to find out that he was not only lying and cheating, but boasting about getting away with it as well.
You ever have a realization 20 years after the fact? I am a little floored right now.
Amanda,you deserve better!
Dr, you are saving my life with these vid🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
“I couldn’t tell you because I never want to hurt you” like the cheating didn’t,dude?
Watching this was like a free therapy session. Thank you Dr.!
Thanks again Dr. Ramani for putting words to my feelings... I’m amazed how you describe the typical situations that I think a lot of us have been through. The narcissist never take responsibility of their behavior and yes, they deny, minimalize or gaslight the truth, therefore, they minimalize the feelings of their partner. Plus they want to act like nothing has happened straight away, without having in count your feelings.