It's so true, it must be approached with Grace . In my case I'm referring to my ex-husband, I did notice that other people treated me as well as badly as he did. It was unsettling and I didn't have words for it but now I have a name for it and I'm so thankful. Flying monkeys . He told everybody I was a big fat ugly slob would never amount to anything, and when they met me they were astonished that I was quite the opposite. So, they stopped associating with him
I learned from my life experience to never defend myself in front of the flying monkeys. They already picked a side and will never believe my side of the story. I just walk a way.
I totally agree with you. It was hard for me to do so but now I've decided not to explain myself in front of other people even if they used to be my friends. The only way is to cease communication with such people.
@@lalili1358 it's called smear campaign. I understand your feelings,I'm going through this now. At first it hurt me, a Narc tried to isolate my best friend from me but I had sent her a message via Twitter to explain what's going on and warned her that she shouldn't answer questions about our friendship, and my friend understood me. I've "lost" some mutual "friends" of course. One of them became flying monkey and tried to provocate me when she was my guest at my flat. I realized that only when she left and became less emotional with her- I'm not texting her first, when I'm online, I've muted her on Twitter, I don't call her first, not replying to her messages via social media at once as I did before, don't share something too personal, always say that I am doing well, repeating that I'm doing nothing special- reading books, learning Japanese, cooking and that's all. I also don't involve other mutual friend whom I know as loyal. This flying monkey tried to do the trick and said that I must be hurt that our mutual friend don't text to me much as it was before, I said something like : well,she works a lot ,she must be tired after work and smiled to my flying monkey like a fool 😂 It maybe a coincidence but this mutual friend texted me after a while and we had a nice talk about poetry and literature and were both happy to talk to each other again. We live in different places ,my town is not far away from her city but these days we can't leave our houses to see each other due to the quarantine rules,so we use internet to communicate. It may sound strange but this smear campaign against me helped me to see real people's attitude towards me,who are my friends and who are pretending to be ones,I became more understanding when my friend is not calling me back or texting me back at once, I've moved my focus from the world outside me to my innermost,all this quarantine time made me sit and reflect on this situation- I ceased or blocked all the contacts which are poisonous to me,I don't care what these people post about me via social media,I don't care about who unfollowed me on Twitter during the smear campaign, I'm more myself than I ever had been, realising that every day can be my last when I go shopping for food made me free,it made me more compassionate, loving, caring and sincere. When I want to say that I love someone or something on social media,I say so, and I don't care if these flying monkeys of a Narc will shit post a screenshot of my words to a Narc- they won't change and they are not my tribe, and I won't stop being sincere to the people I love because it's who I am. I stop being open-hearted to flying monkeys but it does me good and I become stronger every day. Don't be upset about the fact that someone left you because of a narcissist, they were never your tribe. I truly believe that when you move on, becoming stronger every day, you will attract healthy friends who will love you for who you are and won't believe any gossip about you, and won't involve in a smear campaign against you as a flying monkey of a Narc. I wish you much health, take care of yourself and stay home 🤗 warm hugs from Russia ☺️
you have to first even hear the story. the "skillset" of this guy to "adjust" the fabricated story was incredible. each person got a 'custom fit'. my uncle got a "vague" story as he knew me well, relatives once removed got a more specific story, other people who didn't know me at the time got a "full meal deal". Wow.
Like the time a beautiful red haired gang stalker invited me over, a very long drive for me, and met me at the door with a glass of fruit juice loaded with Prestone anti-freeze - then when I got such pain I thought I was going to die, really began to die and went into convulsions she had wild sex on me knowing the exertion would make the poison act faster? 'Chaos' would be a step up for that Heather.
@@gordonanderson3111omg I'm so sorry that happened....my sister thought I wouldn't believe that her ex husband poisoned her cat with what her vet said was antifreeze. I told her I absolutely believed it bc I have heard that same antifreeze poisoning story from others and worked as a veterinary technician seeing first hand the animal victims of narcissist/sociopath/psychopaths. There are a lot of sick people out there and everyone needs to protect themselves and loved ones.
@@AngiO-f1s Yes, i was told as a boy and young man "Don't bother trying to tell anyone what we are doing, no one will believe you." So now that these videos have helped me figure out what is going down, I say 'At the center of the word believe is the word lie'. I would say more but it would not be allowed up to be seen - many, such as my 89 year old mother Shirley, have dissappeared and many in law enforcement and gov. have resigned (up to our senator Al Franken)- because - my new song about it all will be a HIT - 'Corporate funded gang stalkers rape & murder with impunity' is the woking title. Act cold hearted and unfeeling and like you can not hear me, like your life depends on it - because... Sing it with me - if yu dare 'CORPRATE FUNDED GANG STALKERS RAPE AND MURDER WITH TOTAL IMPUNITY!
I went through this. Honestly, I don't even care anymore. If people can't be bothered to learn the truth and hear all sides of a situation, then those aren't the kind of people I want around me anyways.
For me, it was the step dad that forced my mom to choose between him and me, and later the younger brother who survived the abuse by becoming a clone of the step dad. I still can't escape them three decades later
Yes. She passed but said before that she had arranged for this to continue after she left. She predicted that I would run out of money in a few years. Only child. Relied on me since she was diagnosed with lupus when I was 9. Leaned on me then abused me.
A narcissist will annihilate your families/close relationships like their life depends on it. This behavior dynamic acts like a filter for emotionally healthy people. Those who sign-up to be a narcissist's "flying monkey" usually lack critical thinking skills or are narcissistic themselves. Hurray for anyone in the group who sees through this.
Good point. It is like a filter. Sad to see people you thought had good critical thinking skills and empathy be recruited as flying monkeys. The ones who are clearly narcissistic as well are easier for me to let go of...
It's awesome when they finally do it. I had a weird feeling around my partners family, everyone was nice to my face but I could feel something underneath. Turns out my narcissistic mil has been turning them against me for years. I'm happy I know, I wish I had of told her what I think of her and cut contact sooner because then I wouldn't have had to be around them people for all that time. But now I know, no love lost, didn't enjoy being around ppl who hated me anyway lol.
@@aporue5893 Yeah, I fell on hard times and had a severe mood disorder, and only found out the day I was being kicked out, that my N mother had told people I slapped her and threatened her with a knife. I only found this out after getting into it with my stepdad. He believed her bc she's his wife, but had to grow up with her, and he's a nice guy so it was hard to be mad at him, but I'm homeless now over Christmas, and running out of my antidepressants, but she was gaslighting me the last couple months, and it might've been worth it just to stand up against insanity.
When you reach a Point in this life with a narc....you can't be bothered about what other people will say ...just continue being you..its nothing to do with us. .
Kathryn Sullivan He’s never held accountable for any actions or things he says. 😢. I’m blamed for everything, yet I’ve been the one over the years that has tried to work things out. He knows how to pout and say things like, “I really love her”, and “I really love your mother “.
In my situation my wife started an affair with a narcissist. I was amazed how many "friends" disappeared. What was clear to me was that the best thing as a target was distance. Clearly this narcissistic paramour was being supported by my now ex-wife at the time. Later she became the victim. Being outnumbered and available as a target was not a good situation for me. As explained in this video, for me this was a gift as I could see exactly who my wife was, the betrayal and many of the "friends" were not really friends. I moved countries for work and ...it took time before the narcissist was outed for the person he was. But it happened. Eventually the narcissist is often clearly exposed.
The best advice I was ever given regarding that type of character assassination was to continue being my true self. The world isn't nearly as clueless as sometimes acts. Narcissists end up, exposing themselves to anyone who sticks around them long enough, and they kill their credibility. My ex went so far as to file a restraining order against me under false pretenses, and then went to a family reunion of mine and slandered me to anyone who would listen. I was beside myself until somebody gave me this advice. I relaxed, she's gone, and those who I care about knew me for who I am and have even applauded me from my decency and for not responding to her in kind.
Not responding in kind to the narcissist is so important. My narc mother tried her best to antagonize me so she could use my words in response as if I had attacked her unprovoked. My values were so different from hers that she could not understand why I chose to act and not react. It was important to me that I behaved honorably regardless of her behavior.
The worst part of this , is that you know something is going on ( people all of a sudden avoiding you, being cold towards you , smirking at you behind your back etc. etc.) but you don't know what it is and you don't know , who it is ,that is doing this to you . Truly, evil and cowardly stuff done by people with a head full of messed up wiring.
Same with my situation except their are other people involved that use the situation she created by framing me as a foothold to make their selves feel good and be able to get away with stuff too. (Do not report this i will not get helped and my family will just make up a lie on me and I'll get locked up in a mental hospital Which is worse than prison.) I have been going through abuse my whole life and now i'm nearly 18.Now my parents can get away with it even more easily. cause my mom has false diagnoses all over me 11 That i know of but I am sure there's more.Which I didn't actually start getting diagnoses put on me till I moved in with my mom for the first time when I was 10 which I moved back and forth so when I was 12 that's when she started getting serious diagnoses put on me.my family takes advantage of those diagnoses so now when someone makes a DSS report or the police get involved my parents can just bring up the diagnoses and the social worker or police won't even talk to me or look at my video evidence going back to when I was 8 over 320 Videos.My parents just say I am "hallucinating,delusional,manipulative,lying" the list goes on with excuses they can make.here are the people that are calling me crazy (THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ME LABELED AS INSANE,VIOLENT AND MORE.)⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇ (MY MOM she is first cause she is the one who got all the diagnoses put on me mostly by her self but with the help of Steven when he eventually came along) th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxHdpwnsxPLoIc0ySGqo1t2.html (MY DAD🌟) th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxRDG9ajRU5Np94Xhco5HXW.html (MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND) th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxvOn_PGnjpgkW0cL5REW56.html (MY SISTER although she is not the cause of the diagnoses and had no say so in it she does try to make it seem like I am the crazy one well plane out lying and that things aren't as bad as i think they are.#gaslighting) th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzG5KucsJdpwQPsJX4DckQl.html (HERE IS THE CHANNEl OF DAILY VIDEO EVIDENCE) going back to when I was 8 Of different types of abuse I go through. th-cam.com/channels/jkV9F3jkP3r-qVIHB3gwww.html. ⬆⬆has to be typed into google.here's a playlist VIDEOS IN CORRECT ORDER⬇⬇⬇⬇ th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzaFRmkDx4pj9Fk0Kq5IVqr.html There are a lot of playlist that put the different things that are happening in different categories so if you want you should look at all the different playlist.some of the categories are specific people do abusive stuff that they do. here's one of the playlist from the channel.it has the videos in it that I think are the top craziest. th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHwyMQxKOXNcGygBaEo7coSZ.html So here is the channel focussed on what mental hospitals are like and how deadly antipsychotics are it's my story of side effects I had and how I almost died from the pills over an abuse cover up. with proof of the stuff i say in the description and video.it also give people advice on the description it really depends on what they know and believe. th-cam.com/channels/S9hlrcVz9SUw_anmcAXbIQ.html Tell me who is really crazy me or them? I already know I don't actually have the diagnoses everyone knows. th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHyP-MtrqCI4RwnCQvOt_9FN.html ⬆⬆⬆⬆There's people admitting it or agreeing look at the first video. people that have been around me and my parents have even told my parents this.Like girls my dad was around were questioning why I have diagnoses put on me that I obviously don't have and why I am taking pills that make my digestive system stop working, has me shaking with fevers,and makes me basically go into comas and lay in bed for 2 weeks straight
@@betsy3075 I do at one point I got to my breaking point when I was 12 after getting abused and basically attacked once I moved in with my mom i no longer could take it.
I expect it from a narcissist. What really disappointed me was how easily others fell into their "flying monkey" roles. Leaves you disappointed in mankind as a whole.
Narcissists are VERY adept at picking the types of people that will believe their narrative and smear campaigns. If a person has high empathy and weaker boundaries they are more likely to be swayed by the narcissist.
Erika People sadly misuse religion too - some “religious leaders” are also Spiritual Narcissists. They are truly dangerous types - thankfully most are not that way, but far too many are. Be aware always.
@@carly582 I too ended up in a psych ward, for 7 a/2 weeks - SO I was motivated to find out who worked with my family members to do the series of crimes that totally destroyed my life and al my hard work - a family with over 120 BILLION dollars - name rhymes with coke, Charles Coke, can hire an army of flying monkeys, with bat like wings, crazy eyes, long fangs, that swoop down to carry children off to be ... well you know, eaten alive while a wicked witch named Chuck laughs with sadistic glee! IS THAT BETTER THAN SAYING 'gang stalkers'? How about NSA "Disruption Operations" hired to destroy citizens?
@@carly582 Ugh - my comment got deleted - Silenced - just like when MY narci-sadist sister got ME sent to a mental ward, for 7 1/2 weeks. The docs said they knew I was not really mentally ill but did not know what to do with me since she had me locked out of our family home and it was way below zero that winter of '08.
I think you're oversimplifying the situation. When a narc wants to destroy your relationships with other people, they do it secretly. The victim doesn't get to know what's going on. Everything is intangible. Things can't be addressed and resolved because there aren't descriptor words to articulate your suspicions. The alienation of community and family groups happens over years. It's a long game. Things change by inches. By the time a victim begins to suspect people's attitudes have changed, there's solid groundwork that's been laid and built on over a long period of time. And it's the way people treat you that contributes to your personality, so when it's the long game, the victim truly believes they are unloveable. Narcissists are truly evil.
He turned my grown kids against me. They ignore me...they dont call, text or email me back when I send them an email. Now they're attacking me saying things about me that are not true! Its like they don't know me! I've been feeling so unloved but I got back into understanding narcissism after going to years of therapy when we first got divorced 25 years ago. I'm happy to see how the understanding of narcissists have evolved! I KNOW I'm a good person and deserve love. I'm probably going to go down to NC to live with my sister and her husband. I'm tired of the abuse. But I have grandchildren so I will miss them. But I'm afraid they will eventually turn them against me. I've put so much love and energy into my family...and now I dont have the love and support that I need in my golden years! Thank god I have my sister and her family!
I agree they plan their undermining over years the victim has no idea what's going on Its too late when you figure it out They are evil Shakespeare villains
Thank you Anna Leone for your comment. What you write is exactly how it is to tangle with a sociopath/narcissist. I feel fortunate to have gotten out of my situation with my life. My sister in law played the long game for 30 years smiling in my face while destroying every relationship she could detect I had. I went no contact, but she is a master of subtle destruction and still out there destroying the lives of others. Attractive, charismatic, and throughly rotten on the inside. Thank you for summing up what goes on.
@@jaydeecee1643 I am so infinitely sorry for what you are going through. How deeply sad that is. But we have to keep in mind that if people are that easily brainwashed and turned against their own mother or any friend then those people are not good for you to associate with. They are unhealthy companions. In order for us to heal we have to stick to healthy and supportive people only and nobody else. In work based relationships we have to discuss only the things that pertain to the profession and keep personal things to ourselves. There are not that many compassionate people in the world to begin with and it's always better to have fewer friends than deal with those who are cold. I have only one human friend in my life and I value him deeply. And All non human animals are my friends.
You are so right! It happened to me with my ex turning my three kids against me and my family. I have not heard or seeing my kids for 15 years. He did really turned them against me!!!
Yes, and you have to wonder why your family is so quick to believe the flyin monkey routine begs belief... Even after they have proved to be a liar you would think they would question the Narcs whole artificial facade and pack of carefully constructed lies. But most Narcs are very successful and take all the credit for the life you built together so when you divorce your family would rather keep them in the divorce than you.. Just sayin..
Don't remember the origin but There's a saying that "bad news travels twice as fast as good news." Majority of people have a crabs in a bucket mentality. They want to drag you down (because of jealousy, envious, etc).
Some one said, if people want to believe a narcissist when they know you, THEY DIDN'T LIKE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE or they are WEAK MINDED or they DONT HAVE A BACK BONE.
It sucks but I’ve flown solo in my own family to get away from my narcissist sister. I gained a lot back, but she’s reentered the equation again, and is already splitting the family up again. I keep my distance from all of them.
It's sad that someone would even think that they are punishing you, they're just showing how insecure and unhappy they are at their spirit. I feel even sadder for those who use their status or money to show how close they are to the ground with their feelings, maybe depression... God gave us all free will, even to use and hurt others... praying for you hon (my narcissist, because they may read this) :) no hate here for you. God loves you. He's using you to answer my prayers.
@@debstein8685 You're welcome.No I’m agreeing with you. Was just saying what aI think of a narc I came across. This kind of people insist on enforcing their “power” o ver others, but the reason learned is that deep down they truly believe that the victim is better than they are, so they spend their time, energy, and money into convincing others and themselves that “No! this person is not better than I am” pfff, Still trying to erase this comment because everyone shouldn’t know they are envious of their victims.
If a narcissist no longer has control over you, he/ she will convince people around you that you are the issue. Hold your head up high, carry yourself with grace. Eventually, things will fall into place
But what about when you try to warn people about the narcissist and no one believes you? Then it makes you look like you’re the narcissist who sells lies. I’m dealing with that and although I know I don’t have to fight to be right; that it’s not worth the effort, still. People should know this person is not to be trusted.
That's what my husband is doing to me blames me for everything tells all his family and friends I'm a nutter but ill be the one who has the last laugh when I move away😮😮😢😢😢
If only I had known about Narcissism earlier in life, it would have explained a lot. My favorite saying is "They're not your Friend until they defend you in your Absense" So that's how I look at everyone I know and meet now.
Same here if I had known that what narcissist do or the type of behaviour they have I would cut off them no clue narcissist exist what a drama and truma of life
A true friend will try to bring up any positive side of you in a malicious gossip to balance the situation behind your back. If they don’t then there is not a true and healthy friendship there to begin with. You better walk alone, as hard as this may seem, and wait for karma do its thing.
People turned their back on you so easily means 1. They don't know you that well to defend you 2. They themselves might have some beef with you already (or secretly jealous of you on something) and that's just the right fuel for the fire.
When your mother is a raving narcissist: 1. They like patronizing and on this occasion they look down on you with e.g. "What a terrible daughter you are, I would never behave that way with my mother... Did you consider that she will be dead some day and how sorry you will be?" 2. Your mother always tells them the compliments they want to hear, so they feel in honor bound to defend her. 3. They are mothers / fathers themselves and feel that parents must stick together ("After all, childen are always ungrateful" etc.) In any case: run for your life. Who is not interested in even hearing you out is not worth your time.
I would have said the same thing 10 years ago don't always count on that to be the case these are Master manipulators as long as me and you have breathed as long as they have been breathing they have also been manipulating this is what they do for a living the only important thing in their entire universe as themselves no else that I mean no one no one no one else comes before then we Have No Boundaries No Limits and they will cut to the white meat we will not do that as an empathic person we have limits we don't hurt those that we love her care about or even strangers they don't mind doing all of the above I can billion times over if it gets them what they want and then include smearing your name and convincing others that care about you that you're not worth caring about please listen to me when I tell you don't always count on that
@@aprilpratt775 Despite clearly contradicting my first comment by saying this, I need to give you an example as to why what you're saying is right.How's this for master manipulation.I had a Police sergeant pull me over for a random license check in my car & he blew up at me like I was some sort of homicidal maniac when he realised who I was.His co-worker whom WAS what I thought to be a close family friend had been telling him that I hadn't been showing up to work & that he'd been having to take time off his work as a Policeman to fill in for me.The thing is that I've never not shown up for work ever, he was just using me as a scapegoat to not show up to work & blamed me for that to his sergeant.What a manipulative liar...& now he says to those in my social circle why he can't understand why I haven't wanted anything to do with him for the last 10 years
@@carpathianken one more thing my bad I absolutely cannot believe that I'm not been in more trouble for this by now up until this point I have done nothing but speak my messages instead of sight them so I'm not illiterate I promise I'm just the biggest ball of nerves all the time and I can't find time to sit down and breathe or even pee let alone type out messages :-) because grammatical errors drive me crazy but I had to clear that up LOL I'm wishing you luck and sending prayers your way keep your head up
I have lost a couple of friends thanks to my former boss who has done the gas lighting thing. I have reached out to them but they have chosen to not respond . It hurts but I will be okay :)
You are absolutely right. I found out a few years ago when my oldest sister and I were at the hospital with my mom. She started talking about how much her life changed for the worst when I was born? I couldn't believe my ears... She is almost 70 year's old. I am 8 year's younger, and all I could think was, seriously? You've been holding onto this like 60 years? The middle sister always helped in making me feel left out. This all made sense to me. I always felt left out and picked on, and now I know this is not anything I made up in my head. Thank you for your knowledge.
@@NOSHITification Exact same but I could see it since I was little. My mom turned everyone against me and her utmost to destroy anything I wanted to do, even turning my fiance against me. Now I'm the only one of her 4 kids that will take care of her 😩 so your not alone and welcome to your freedom . Cyber hugs from UK. Stay positive and get stronger and more happier as it will really p her off 😚😚😎
My narc tried to turn my friends of 20yrs against me. My friends told me later, We kept thinking it just didnt sound like you. So we showed him the door!!!❤❤real friends
Both of my parents supported my narcissistic ex and started inviting him and MY son to family holidays. My ex started a smear campaign and my parents jumped on the bandwagon-never ever asked my side of things. I cut them off- best thing I ever did for myself.
when my older son was born my sister wrote him a letter saying we will make him fat ? ,I kept that letter she is a jealous and evil and I didnt realize she was on a campaign to get him, she really wanted him and now he is older her husband walked out on her so she needs a son and has taken mine, she chose carefully which son she wanted, now she has a bunch of friends she can control , my son , my mother and has everyone I know on her side, but Im strong and have people I know that dont know her , Iv joined groups , I go to night school and I have another son who Im looking after carefully ..she tries to find out about us through my mother but I only tell my mother things that dont matter, Im onto the evil witch ..
Don't lose sleep over why narcs do what they do. Just know this: Narcs are playing a game, and the only purpose of the game is to win. Any threat to their 'winning' (i.e. you) must be annihilated. Don't play, just RUN!
I say don't run. Destroy them by not playing, But going in for the kill. the only way to destroy an Opponent is to Effing Destroy them. This is war! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER.... if the whole world becomes narcissistic, where are you going to run to then?!?
@@lordraiden777 it transcends race, colour, religion, Creed, class, age, profession - it's a universal disease where the narcissist isn't the sufferer - they're the carriers and everyone around them suffers from THEIR disorder! Forget reasoning or negotiation - just run!
If a person can be turned against you, then that is a person who is not worthy of your presence. Those who genuinely love and care for you will not believe negativity about you.
What about your own children being brainwashed, and walking away!?? You're telling me, my children are not worthy? They are barely legal adults...they know not what they do. I'll always love them and miss my babies. It's a horrible grief, too, to lose a child whom is alive.
@shannonyeung8491 My heartfelt compassion goes out to you experiencing such grief. Of course, your children are a different scenario. I hope the situation with your children turns for the better, sooner than later. 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾
@@shannonyeung8491been going through this with my daughter since 2013. She was brainwashed against me by her Dad, my MOTHER & SISTER! I'm beyond broken. I lost my first born baby girl AND her 2 beautiful baby girls. I saw them once 6 years ago. She allowed me to see them just to take them away immediately after I left & traveled home. Extremely hard grieving my daughter & granddaughters that are alive.
"What to do when the narcissist turns people against you " Answer: Let the people who believe in the narcissist continue to believe in her. Simply let those flying monkeys go. You cannot force anyone to like you or to acknowledge the truth. If there is one thing I know about the narcissist; it is that she will go to her grave denying the truth. She lives in the lie. I don't wast time anymore with people who are dedicated to misunderstanding me and not seeing me for who I truly am.
I've gotten to that point. Unfortunately ...I need to let go of my grown children and I wont be around for my precious grandbabies. But...I know they'll turn them against me eventually. Its heartbreaking!
@@LuketheFinn I have an update. After my narc daughter slammed me for whatever she thinks I did...She said "I still want you around"...I said OK...I've been to see her and my grandson and acted like nothing happened. My feeling is that I am done looking for validation or approval from my kids. I just don't care anymore. Let them think what they want. I'll continue to be nice and if they're shitty I'll just ignore it. The more I try to change their perception...the more ammo it gives them.
You are not alone. When your former spouse turns your child(ren) against you, it's called parental alienation. My ex husband did that as well as the family of my 2nd husband after he died. My daughter sided with this family even though she didn't really even know them. But it worked cuz of the parental alienation that worked prior to that so it was easy for them to convince her that I was the bad guy. Parental alienation is very common these days. I've had close friends who also suffered from this. It's horrific.
You are not alone. I have been going through this hell. My narcissist ex turned my teenager only child, my son, against me. He started doing this since my son's childhood.
@@mine1685Hallo for me IS the same,m'y daughter 22 Nevers talk to me nor answer the phone,m'y son 15en IS going the same way ,i tried everything possible i'm very ill and i should need help from them,i feel liké thé are waiting me to die i'm very sad and i dont knows what to do ,if you 've any suggestion should bé great i want to die in peace.already talk with psy
I had a narcissist “best friend”. She would tell people/mutual friends straight up lies about me to make me look bad. Even worse, the horrible things she told people were things she had done herself, not me! I’m pretty sure she is still spreading rumors. I really need to completely cut her off. Terrible idea to let her back in. NEVER RECONNECT WITH TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF LONELINESS!
I had many "friends" like that. Including virtual people online...Total farce. *No Contact* is the best decision a person can make. Good riddance! And yes, never reconnect with toxic turds because you're lonely... Or when they come around "wanting to know what's up", say they've changed or missed you etc. The best person to like is yourself. Don't look for validation in other people. Find it within..
😭 I have the same problem!! For years now, I regret it!!!! We became best friends not knowing who she was and I thought it would be a great idea to play Cupid and introduce her to my brother in law, 8 yrs later they are married and have children. It has been hell now sharing the same family 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Talk about losing my sanity throughout the years! I had my few bumps until I started doing research on what I was experiencing and little did I know this person was a narcissist the whole time made sense!
Right-projection. I just found out narc neighbor's son was a major alcoholic. Her husband used to beat her son. Her friend beats their dog. She called and reported other neighbor for beating his dogs and kids. She kept accusing me of being a drunk. It all makes sense!
In social and family relationships, that might be decent advice, but a smear campaign must be confronted in the professional arena as it can affect career, financial security, and even legal security. I know this from experience. My own life was set back by more than a decade by a narcissist’s smear campaign against me because I kept being the good person and going about my business, rather than confronting the rumors and simply asking people why attitudes toward me had changed. Just like melanoma, ignoring it won’t make it go away.
Sarah Kittelson, that is disastrous advice. These people are poisonous and cannot be allowed to lie without being shown up with the truth. Believe me from brutal personal experience.
I cut them all off and smiled inwardly and waited...years later they came crawling back with their own horror stories about the narcissist they once held on a pedestal and I just kind of shrugged and told them "oh well."
once you realise that jesus is everything yr life will be good. to have the almighty lord as a friend is the best way to live and he will NEVER hurt you.
If the narcissist is able to turn people against you , the people were against you in the first place. The narcissist is defeated and all this is desperate behavior. Game over for the narc.
Your first natural instinct when someone or people are making false accusations about you is to go on the defensive. It took me 33 years of my life to understand all the defensive strategies in the world won't change a toxic mind. It's also taken 33 years of my life to understand if I just step out of the way life takes care of itself. Be strong people the right people in your life won't ever go away.
@@Mondoshawn usually, they do, but narcissists move to the next Target and repeat the same process. They have no conscious about what they've done, and it's sad that others don't understand what they are doing. This happened to me with one of my neighbors, whom I helped out on many occasions. I didn't see the betrayal coming and found out after the damage was done. The narcissist would continue to speak and talk to me as though nothing was wrong. They are master's in different disguises, and most people do not detect their hidden agenda.
@@loris80 oh my, I thought my 33 years was tough. I have noticed that I have picked up some traits out of their playbook and it has worried me. However, I try to be loving towards myself, it's a long road. And look, at our age ,we are still learning
Most people in my life will not tell me what was said about me even when I ask them. They will say something like, "I don't want to start anything or I don't want to spread gossip" but at the same time treating you differently.
These people they turned against you with gossip are no better than the narcissist... "They don't want to spread gossip" but there they were listening to it and spreading it behind your back... They're low life's and cowards, you're better off without them
To validate that something was in fact said, and then to withhold it from you is cruel. Easier said than done but what someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Find people who can see you for who you are. Big hugs 🤗
As a friend, I some times dont tell a friend what was said, but i try to defuse the situation myself by being kind and reasonable. If a person is a narcissist, they walk away in anger because they dont want to fix anything. Later, if it is necessary, I will tell my friend and tell about all the steps I have taken to defuse the situation.. .and why I didnt want them upset day by day over something petty. Some times we have to be adults and decipher what is petty and refuse to participate in childish games. We can do this by asking the narcissist how did they try to fix a bad situation....the truth is, they didn't .
9:30-"If the narcissist is going around slandering you, doing a HATCHET JOB.. SHOULDN'T those people come talk to you?!" Exactly!! That's exactly why it's no loss to me if someone finds it that easy to put on the enemy mask against me out of nowhere. The upside of someone joining maliciously against me in their LAME GAME of pile-on? I get to find out who my secret enemies were ALL ALONG at least
@Matt Winstead -- Thank you for sharing this concise description,. "... joining maliciously against me in their lame game of pile-on".... exactly what I'm experiencing and struggled to find the words to describe what it feels like. In my situation, I have to swap "lame game" with "gleeful spite".... I now feel better prepared to handle the pile-on I'll be facing from a demonstrably contemptuous & passive-aggressive hyena-pack of self-righteous women who've spent 2022 slandering me behind my back. I'm following God's clear, step-by-step process (of behaving like an adult when you have a personal grievance against someone) described in detail in Matthew 18, Chapter 1, regardless of how their ringleader reacts to me taking our 1-on-1 conversation to Step 2 of Matt. 18:1. Dr. Ramani's & Dr Les Carter's videos are sanity-savers ... and so are all the helpful Overcomers in this audience! Thank you Matt & everyone here..... you're all part of my spiritual tribe and in my prayers for strength, dignity, peace, & joy in your journeys. 💜🙏🥰
The videos made by the wonderful men and women are really a life raft for me the exact same way as is as it is for you. Now I sometimes wonder if I'm getting stuck if I watch them too much? But the problem was I kept breaking promises to myself to stay new contact and I found that this is like a rehab or AA meeting of sorts for codependents or whatever you want to call it. I'm glad you mentioned the passage in the Bible because I used to I'm glad you mentioned the passage in the Bible because I used to be until about 2 years ago and I'm 49 years old. I don't go to church and I have nothing against the religions or anything like that, I just think doing the name of Jesus in the scriptures are great. Even for an atheist there's just so great wisdom in those books. At the risk of maybe sometimes fitting our problems to fit into the narcissism bubble, I find a lot of the patterns are very much the same and solutions for people are different varying. First time I think it's best for men to get paid advice from other men because they know what it's like women and for women to get advice for how to deal with them because only they know how it is and what their needs are too. Yet this narcissism life raft that I like to call these videos and comments like yours from many that I like to call these videos and comments like yours from many other women men and women have really helped me to calmly detach myself and not lose myself or get provoked when these people are trying to push my buttons. I don't could have done it nearly as naturally or effortlessly without the great advice from people like yourself and others talking about how not to take the bait and all. I got rid of a friendship and a romantic relationship that was causing too much sporadic problems in my life after a while. I have a feeling I wouldn't be where I am at without people like the great doctor here and so many other wonderful content producers like her. And basically the comments also gave me sort of a guide out of a situation that was becoming counterproductive for me to be involved in and also gave me Solutions on how to deal with it as I was detaching. I thank you for quoting the Bible because I don't read it enough and you and others quotations of it and the great wisdom of her Elders really helps me through the darkness sometimes when it gets dark. And there is no one size fits all method for dealing with someone else's insanity basically. No one has the right to tell you what you're telling timeline should be or when you supposedly be over it or whatever. It's different for everybody! I wish you a safe healthy Journey back to regaining yourself to as I am. If you haven't already.
I very often think of that. After all the long term dedication and forfeiting for their sake that one does for this “family” to just become null and void by them. I Never knew the human can behave like this, really shocking.
Covert narcs can be very subtle in how they turn people against you, very carefully planting seeds almost like they are so reluctant to share this information.
My covert narc sister precedes her awful comments/gossip by saying, "I'm worried about her" and blasts away with her toxic ideas. It makes me hate the people who believe her.
My mother turned her 4 brothers, her husband, 3 of my siblings and eldest niece against me. She was caught in the act of trying to turn a cousin against me. It was easiest to walk away from my whole family. The last ten years have been my happiest and healthiest.
My mother has gone though similar scenario in her family…. her aunt turned all her close ones against her…. Like my mother’s brothers and cousin sisters everyone stopped speaking to my mom like before and always sided my mom’s aunt…. Like she’s a angel to them ….. and the worst part was that my mother too believed that her aunt is an angel until I exposed her true face to my mom ….. now the damage is done and my mom feels lonely, but it’s ok she made many new friends and spends time with them
Good for you! My mom is going through the same thing. My late grandmother really did a number on my mom on multiple occasions. Put a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouth about my mom. A good family friend stuck with my mom and made her feel sane. Now that I’m old enough/mature enough to see the trauma my mom went through, she has yet another person in her corner (along with my siblings and some church friends). I can see her regaining health (she actually sent me this video 😂)!
I’m crying as I’m listening to this because my sister did the same thing and I was so devastated when my other siblings were so indifferent towards me on my birthday especially. These people are so cruel and manipulative. They don’t care who they take with them as long as they get the upper hand.
It's especially hard when the narc is super charming, gregarious, funny and extroverted so others only the good qualities. It's so much harder to defend yourself or be seen in a different light if you're a more introverted or anxious type.
Yes it is a case of, well all seemed to be going alright as far as I was concerned 😟, then comes the narc to point out that that's delusional on our part! 😞
It led me to ego death. I literally detached from my personality because I lost the fabric of my identity due to the level of emotional abuse, gaslighting and invalidation of my ‘truth.’ People can be absolutely terrible
REMEMBER THIS; INTELLIGENT MINDS WANT THE FACTS AND BASE NOTHING ON HEARSAY..THEY KNOW THAT THE RUMOR SPREADER IS TRYING TO MESS UP A PERSONS LIFE..THIS TACTIC IS COMING FROM A JEALOUS ENVY PERSON..YOU HAVE WHAT THEY WILL NOT AND YOU ARE GIFTED IN WAYS THEY AREN'T..TO BAD AND I DON'T CARE.. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW ME AND THE ONES THAT DO LOVE ME..I'M PRIVATE AND I SEE THROUGH THE SMOKE SCREEN..I JUST SEE THESE LOW LIFE LIARS AS DUST BEHIND ME...LIFE IS GOOD AND JOY SPEAKS LOUD...GOD BLESS EVERYONE..LIFE IS HARD AND THEY TRY AND MAKE IT HARDER AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU WILL WIN BY LETTING THE TRUTH OUT BY BEING WHO YOU ARE AWESOME...THEY WEAR A MASK AND ARE FAKE SCAMMERS ..WATCH THEM CRUMBLE..WITH THEIR CRONIES FULL OF B/S BALONEY..HEHE HE..THESE PEOPLE CAN'T GET WHAT THEY WANT IN LIFE..THEY CON IT...AND WANT YOU NOT TO MOVE ON AND STICK AROUND WITH THEIR DEMONIC PATHETIC AS8ES....YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE ABUSE TAKE THEM TO TRIAL..WATCH THEM CRY...REPORT ALL STALKING,SET UPS AND SCAMS TO LAW ENFORCEMENT AND CHILD ABUSE..THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ABUSE THEIR KIDS AND HAVE THEM HATE AS WELL...
YES, THEY ARE EVIL NO DOUBT ABOUT IT AND THEY THINK IT WILL WORK..NOT COPS FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER THE TRUTH IS OUT.. THESE MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE KNOW IT'S WRONG AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION..I'M SORRY YOU HAD THIS DEPRAVED ENCOUNTER..@@rjvasquez6385
This almost brought me to tears. I've just recently gotten out of a long friendship and while beating myself up about it, I came across your videos only to realize I was in an emotionally abusive friendship this whole time. Everything you've said was exactly what I had to live through!
It’s amazing how a narcissist would remember every.single.mistake.you.make. Plus all the things HE thinks is a mIstake that you made. I’ve stopped defending myself to everyone. The truth is the truth is the truth.
I dont think i have to justify myself to everyone its so draining with their twisted minds sorry for the words. What everever I write is my issues of what I get from trolls.
I think you have the best attitude to this situation. I had to hang on to the truth and trust that eventually it would be apparent to others. It’s terribly hard to have to do though and you have my sympathy!
Michelle Mykel House I think it’s different if it’s your mom. Having littles, it would be helpful to have her around, but sadly for safety reasons due to her refusal I have gone no contact. It is her loss because she’s getting older and missing her kids and grandbabies but it’s still hard for me when friends of mine get along with their moms and have support for childcare pretty much anytime.
People who are this manipulative in life, are completely immature. And so miserable with their own essence on this Earth. They just show how insecure they are.. Strong people sense this and ignore, ignore, ignore..
Yeah, but evil always takes for freaking ever to do it, and leaves a pile of corpses and ruin behind. Better that good openly and actively confronts, thwarts, and destroys evil rather than waiting for more and more destruction to be piled up.
I certainly hope karma does catch up with my narc. Abuse and smear campaign has been going on for decades. Only realised what this relative had been doing for years when I turned 50. It was like a light bulb turning on. It has impacted my health greatly. I truely hope it stops one day.
People believe things they want to believe. Those people they slandered you to who easily turn against you, were already having some sort of resentment towards you. You may have never known of this resentment, but it when they see a reason to dislike you they do. It's like they always treated you kindly to your face, but underneath they disliked you. However, they could never find a reason to dislike you openly. The slander gives them this outlet to dislike you and they may not even believe the slander. They may know full well that it's a lie, but they go with it anyways.
This is what I've painfully come to realize after an ex narcissist friend turned one of my closest friends against me. Years and years of "great" friendship down the drain. However... It's obvious this close friend must've had hidden feelings towards me and all they needed was a tiny outlet and a push to let it all out. Not sure which part of this is more painful, watching someone be turned against me by a monster's lies or knowing that they must've disliked me for a long time if they turned that easily.
This is so true. I think to myself that it’s best to not take it personally. Better to understand where this comes from Than seeking to be understood Its my reality. I do realize i am alone in this world. And there will always be that person who comes to you and tell you what’s going on eventually. I have one playing this with me nowadays. I got alot to envy in life and otherwise. And these big baby narcs are off the hook.
This is so true. I think to myself that it’s best to not take it personally. Better to understand where this comes from Than seeking to be understood Its my reality. I do realize i am alone in this world. And there will always be that person who comes to you and tell you what’s going on eventually. I have one playing this with me nowadays. I got alot to envy in life and otherwise. And these big baby narcs are off the hook.
My mother was a narcissist who destroyed my relationships with my siblings. I was her scapegoat, her constant target. I have had to learn to live without having my brothers and sister in my life, and I can never forgive her for what she did. The way I look at it today is it is their loss. they lost a wonderful sisterl
My "mom" tried the same with me.except it blew up in her face when I called her out in front of everyone at my brother's wedding and then cut her out of my life completely.its been 2 years,feels good
It's hard to cut all the narcissist out of your life when in reality, that's basically the only type of people I've had in my life! I am definitely a narc magnet!
Yes, some sheeple always believe whatever they’re told and lack the critical evaluation or independent opinions. Petty minions lose sight of most important quality in others, kindness, that’s the price they pay for their convenient compliance or participation in smear campaigns. I’ve seen people I really really cared about, loved and wished all good, to go cold on me - I’m perplexed as to why they’re so blind to the loss of the genuinely caring person, if my attitude towards them was evident. What, they didn’t care to be cared about? Ironically, I noticed people initiating the smear campaign are the ones who used to disrespect the minions, while I was trying to comfort their pain from it or protect them.
When people you don’t even know are suddenly in your business in an obsessive way ,that you did not invite to be involved in your business, then Be aware something is not right!
Exactly, like all of a sudden the details of our private lives are under a microscope. The issue at hand is that everyone thinks they know you when in fact they only know the lies that have been told.
My mother turned the WHOLE family against me with lies. And it was hard, as a 20 year old with no one else in the world I felt so alone. However, I knew that by leaving that toxic dynamic I was giving myself a chance to find real love. I hope everyone here gets the chance to experience real (NON narcissistic) love❤️
I understand, I had the same happen to me at about the same age. And it is hard being that young and being subjected to that. Sorry that happened to you ...
My mother started it when I was around 13-14 years- I was at her mercy and very much alone. She started programming my father and my two brothers. She painted the picture that she was ‘taming the shrew’ in me- she projected an image of me which was in reality not me. But the vicious cycle was that I began to rebel because my father and my brothers began to look at me and treat me with the warped up ideas in their heads that she fed them. I lost the love and support of my closest family growing up. I became an over achiever in school- thinking I could win my parents’ love and my brothers’ admiration if I topped it in academics and sports. But it didn’t- it sometimes backfired- kindling more jealousy, competitiveness and anger from my mother- she kept putting me down at every opportunity she got. She did a lot of gaslighting. Later she spread her tentacles to my husband, my extended family, my sisters in law and colleagues at work (unfortunately I was forced to work with her in our family business- which I regret to this day) She curtailed opportunities that I got to go further in my education- she stopped me from taking on a scholarship to do my PhD in Chemistry in Scotland by informing my husband that I might run away from him and my kids if he allowed me to go. She just cooks up stories and talks like it’s real. When it’s your parents it’s extremely difficult to distance yourself- and the world is very judgemental- especially the Asian society I live in. It’s a cardinal sin to cut ties with your aging parents. But a narcissist never changes. Now I’m 45 and still feeling that I was robbed of a happy life by a woman who actually needed therapy and an enabling father and brothers.
@@hasnaiflal5363 I'm so sorry this happened to you . My situation was similar. You have to think of yourself. You can't sacrifice your whole life because of tradition. Doing that you are playing along with some would call - MORE than toxic scenario. What is more important - not sacrificing a God given life or worrying about what others think ?? No one will reward you or think higher of you to go along with this nonsense and it will be all for naught. AND also you will kill the only avenue for change for your mother otherwise she will carry on till her death. If she doesn't take the chance at least one person can survive - you. PLEASE don't sacrifice your life anymore by someone who has let themselves be run by this darkness. I too thought you have to stay attached because their "family" - then I didn't. You can either leave completely or hold them at arms length with the least amount of contact And you MUST do that !!
Consider yourself lucky you figured it out so young. Now you have a whole life of being able to spot narcissists, avoid them, or deal with them in the right way (if you have work with them etc). It's like GOLD in the bank.
I became pretty immune to narcissism after figuring out what it was.... so my narc told everyone I "used and abused" her. The fact that people actually believed it really hurt, but the truth came out eventually.
@loveable rouge I am healing a day at a time. ❤️🙏🏼The defamation of my character was the hardest part but as all this time has passed nobody believes her anymore so the worst is definitely over. Thank you for the kind comment checking up on me!
Always does. I live next to one. Tried to turn me against neighbor other side of her. Found out she couldn't. So she enlisted a renter across the street, and her contractors. I wrote an email to renter's landlord because she threatenend me twice. As for all of us homeowners, everybody is against the narcissist, because yes-we all know the truth. As for renter, she will get discarded and nobody likes her because she has cussed all of us out. She will be alone. 🤷♀️
I wish I had known this many years ago. She's right when she says they actually did me a favor when they pulled those stunts. I have better people in my life now.
I needed to hear this 36 years ago (before TH-cam) I wasn't the direct victim per se but was included in the narcissist's scheme, it happened to someone very near and dear to me and they almost died by the hands of someone who believed her made-up story. I won't go into detail - read Genesis chapter 39 for the story outline of Potifer's wife - similar story. It amazed me how many people believed her. The ones who said they didn't believe her, but told others they really did - talk about backstabbing with a smile. It was so painful to go through - it affected me deeply and was isolating. We've established new relationships since then but the closeness with the family is gone. I no longer trust the ones who believed her even though the fabricator is no longer around the family. We're civil, get together occasionally for family dinners but the trust is gone.
This only happened to me once where someone wanted to "talk to me" about someone. I was kind of young but even then thought it was odd that they were talking so much crap about someone they always hung out with. I never paid it any mind until many years later that it happened to me... where one of my "friends" turned everyone against me and lied about it whenever I confronted him.
When a person really cares about you no one seen or unseen can make them turn against you. It is not important who left you, just dont leave yourself. Do not defend your truth. It is a waste of time. I wish all of you here nothing but the best.
Your comment is so spot-on and quotable, especially the "It is not important who left you, just don't leave yourself." Thank you. You sound like you're really at peace.
@Vashti Jones 25% of people will like you and won't ever be swayed, 25% dislike you but can be swayed to like you, 25% like you and can be swayed the other way to not like you, usually by the 25% of people who will never like you no matter what. That last group usually has an agenda that you stand against or don't fit into and it's nothing really personal. That group will look for people who share the same ideology as them. The third group disengaging from you is the most hurtful. However, we don't see the other people who start to like us, group 2, because we're so concentrated on the people who left us. In the end we all have the same individual who will always stay with us. The one entity that every major religion in the world believes in, and that's God. No group of people can change his mind against you.
As a Christian who believes in Jesus Christ, He did not defend the truth when Pontius Pilate asked Him what is truth? Pontius Pilate was looking at Jesus Christ and knew that He was innocent, but still went along with the masses to have him crucified due to the smear campaign of the Sanhedrin (Jews elders) who hated the truth. He felt that truth was relative. Hold to the truth of who you are and stand strong. The truth will prevail.
@@aharry31 Unfortunately some narcissists who call themselves Christians do the same thing. You confront them and ask for an explanation or the truth of what they have been doing and they 'become like Christ' and do not answer, saying that, like Christ, they are being persecuted. They then play the victim card and you look like the abuser....
I’m experiencing this at my workplace right now. I learned a few things. It’s important to keep a journal to record what happened, who was involved and when. It’s better to report harassment early. I made the mistake of trying to be patient with the narcissist and hoping they will change. If no real disciplinary action takes place even after you report the bullying, prepare to leave asap.
My mother had the WHOLE family against me. My father, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was a very shy kid and had no idea how to combat this. My sister mimicked her and had the neighbors and classmates against me too. I was 54 years old before I realized that I was NOT a defective piece of trash. Now, 12 years later, I still isolate myself out of self-protection, but I am learning to be content. This channel is helping me.
66 and right there with you timing and all! Had to look and see if this was MY post! Hah! You think you are the only one in the world who had to go no-contact, and it's embarassing. Then you start reading all of these.
Mine was also my Mother. Did exactly what you’re saying. I just couldn’t believe what people were telling me she had said about me, still struggling with it. I went to a family wedding recently where nobody was allowed to talk to me, The Bride and Groom made a fuss of me but nobody else dare talk to me. I’ve never felt so hurt in my life. I’m a grown man but when I got home and shut the door I cried like a baby. I think this must be how a victim of bullying feels,
I do the same thing. I have been at the bottom of the totem poll most of my life, right where my parents wanted me. They didn’t like me because wasn’t the pretty daughter they dreamed. I feel like a grease stain on the pavement.
@@StephanieGrantham I hope you can cut ties with the people who mistreated you. Reject their hateful opinions. You are worth loving. Accept and love yourself. Please don't criticize yourself. You need time to develop into the person you were meant to be. Abuse can slow that development so get free of it and get to know the real you. Clearly you are a strong survivor. Many people understand your situation and we support your efforts to have a happy life! Best wishes!
Not only am I happier now, I can really be myself and not waste time on someone not worthy. I am somewhat isolated too, but it's something I'm working on by learning more about what I like and what I enjoy spending my time with rather than what everyone else wants. Write it down to get it out of your head and create room for something new to take your attention!
Good point. However, the people who should have known better, cause a lot of pain and disappointment by believing the worst and behave as if they don't care.
No, then u missed the point of this whole video.... the ppl who know you are turned against you, even tho they know you. This is the pain and upset.. the truth is so easily ruined/tainted...
My daughter, when she was younger, said to me one day, very profoundly, "mom, do you realize you and your sister aren't speaking because your mother is telling her what you allegedly said and telling you what she allegedly said, and neither one of you said what you are being accused of!?" Why don't you and your sister get together and discuss what is going on!? Best way to resolve this is to like you saidm, shed light on the dark places and they disappear, She kept this going because she wanted to be included in our lives, and this was her way of thinking she could keep control.
Me too..... that's exactly what my first thoughts were! I have had my eyes opened very wide, this woman is amazing and helping to put sense to my life!
I said the same thing the other night when I found these videos. It made me feel less crazy than I have felt in the last 10 years when I started sticking up for myself
Right..I'm going through this right now..the father is so mean and hostile towards me because he can't control me..he's trying to turn my own daughter against me..
Parental alienation is very real, it's the ultimate smear campaign, to have your own children turned against you and even join in on the abuse against their own parent!
@@iamnottheone9765 thank you for your compassion. All we can do is adhere to our own core values and realize how much in life is not in our control. I wish for you civility, compassion, dignity, and respect.
these ppl are a waste of time. anyone with a brain needs to ask themself: why does this narc only ever moan and focus on 1 particular person who is obviously not bothering anybody?! honestly you gotta question the ppl who surround the narc.
Miss Davids yep seen that first hand she would whine & B --h about 1 lady a neighbor constantly was like WTH the women goes & comes doesn’t bother you what’s the problem ????? Now I know person didn’t hv a life --I had to move to just hv piece of mind told her this doesn’t make sense -/ stay away from no life people like this they will drag you down so fast you won’t know what hit you --/if they hv nothing to do that’s a red flag & be careful listen to your gut 💥😪😪💥😪
Yep, as soon as I detect a Narc I'm gone. I have no time for that kind of drama. It took me a long time though to understand what I was dealing with before I could get there. Empaths and HSP personalities don't walk away easily. There has to be a certain level of understanding before we can do that.
My son did this to me and I immediately severe all the ties with the people who tried to harm me because of his lies, including my daughter in law. It seems I'm going to be a grandmother soon, but I don't expect to even meet my grandchild. If it means to deal with my son, I'd rather not. It's VERY difficult but I have to protect myself
It is difficult and I'm sorry for your pain. I'm in a similar situation-continue to stay no contact-it's the only way to peace. My stepson and father in law are covert narcs and they are contemptible, shallow, cowardly demons. I will never, ever speak to either one of them again and sadly, they both live next door. Hold your head high and work towards ambivalence, it is attainable I hear.
The longtime “friend” who turned on me with no question doesn’t deserve my grace. I don’t want her back in my life. She went willingly because it worked for her. She wanted to.
@@Africangyal yep, best be gone from all of them. I left years ago. I didnt understand back then what I was ccx walking away from but soooo glad I did bc now I know and I did the right thing. Saved myself alot of grief.
I had a friendship with this girl who had feelings for me, we kissed at my house and shared how we felt. Once I asked her out she denied me and made no sense. I stopped talking to her for a week and her friend came to me and was like try being her friend before her boyfriend and I was like hurt.
@@BrickManiac maybe she has been hurt sometime,try and talk to her no pressure ,talk to find out where you stand at least you will know,perhaps that's what she wants right now is a friend not a full on relationship
@@maggspaine5419 I tried being a friend, but she said some really mean things. When we hung she just acted like she didn't want to be there not to mention that it was really awkward and she left after 30 minutes. I tried to make her stay longer but it was no use and not to mention embarrassing.
@@BrickManiac this may sound harsh,but she is not good enough for you leave her alone and wait for a girl that will respect you and not be mean,she sounds childish anyway and she shouldn't have made you feel embarrassed,its not right,stay away you deserve more
My mother had been lying about me for over 20 years and I had no clue. She lied to my own/her own family. They all sided with her because she always had her mask on. I blocked all those people in my life.
Rebecca Buschhorn 😳 same for me too. As a child I knew there was something off about my mother, but I couldn’t pinpoint it myself. Of course being a 80s baby, the internet didn’t come into play for me until the late 90s and everyone about made it seem like she couldn’t and didn’t do anything wrong. smfh
I thought I was the only one going through this experience. I am dating a Narcissist right now. I have had so many conflicts with my own family members and friends over him. My own family members took his side over mine and I don't understand why that can happen to a person. I feel so alone and disbelief that your own blood can turn against you.
Rebecca Buschhorn I agree, little girls do need their mother and about the abundance of information at our fingertips. For those types of mothers to take advantage of that love is supremely cruel. Truly a shame. I put everything about my mother together within the last 4 years (bomb dropped when I turned 35) but even though my heart is broken behind her actions, I started going to therapy, which has helped tremendously and I just can’t wait to start the next chapter of my life. My God is not done with me yet; the best is yet to come. Thanks for sharing, what I’m sure is just a snippet of what you’ve had to endure. Much blessings to you!
My sister has been trying to turn ALL family member's against me since she was in her early teens and I was several years younger. And yes, more than 55 years later, she's still attempting to do this.
I got one of these, an older brother version. Still at it at 49, I just ignore him and avoid contact which just infuriates him even more. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Family knows whats up, I just say I ain't making anyone choose sides.
my ex sister has even been around my neighbours to turn them against me and has even tried to get to some friends she doesn't really know . Its so strange they make it their lifes mission to try to destroy you but in the meantime Im having a life and enjoying it as best I can , losing my son though has destroyed part of me I just hope he see's what she is doing ..
I wish I knew your teachings 25 years ago, lost everything both personal and material and now as I sit with my son I told him; of all the people I lost you are the only one who I refuse to give up
I had friends who suddenly refused to give me hugs when I saw them. People started acting very distant. I knew it was my narcissist (didn't know she was a narcissist at the time) because some people I trust started letting me know this person was telling them things. So I just knew they were on a smear campaign. I even had people aggressively snap at me and say "(name) told me what you did!" Years later, one of the folks who had started to refuse engaging with me asked me directly what happened. When I shared, this person said: wow, I feel like she (the narcissist) lied to me -- She told me a very different story. -- but yes, the people who never came to talk to me and instead started to treat me negatively... Took me a little too long to realize they were not really good friends.
When the narc conducted a local smear campaign, I noticed my neighbours staring & giving me funny looks & rubbernecking, hoping I was finally breaking down, so this was the perfect opportunity to install Verisure & cut them all off, even the ones creeping up to me feigning sympathy, these were the morale-sifters, my walls went up so high only 1 neighbour has partial access & that's on my terms just in case they're flying monkeys too
What's wild is a stranger told me the words that been going around about me. The people that dissappeared said nothing. I was out and about when i cross paths with this stranger. I guess after meeting me and seeing i was not like what was being said, they told me someone been spreading rumors to keep people away from me.
@@nmc1859 Growing up with a narcissistic mother makes you a mouse having toxoplasmosis.. You are not coded to smell the danger. I’m sorry. Stay on the right path. The good ones will come around 💚☝️
The phrase "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" is a phrase the narcissist lives by. If you ever hear anyone say this is part of their life philosophy, run like your life depended on it. I want to keep my friends close and kick my enemies to the curb. Period.
I don't want my enemies close to me, but I understand the idea. I agree with a friend who said there are people she feeds...with a very long spoon. They,re not close to her, but they know they,re being watched. Thank God, at this point in my life I don,t have any relationships like that. The last one ended 12 years ago. We only "see" each other in a Facebook group.
Dean Allen you’re so right. This shocked me when my narcissist sister said it to me. I thought how devious and dishonest. Now I’m her scapegoat. Everyone who doesn’t adore and reverence her cops it. You know the virtue signalling type.
Out of all the cruel things narcissistic people subject their victims to, I truly believe this is the absolute worst play of them all. They turn everyone of their people against you and then start turning your own family and friends afterwards. They already caused narcissistic injuries for whatever many years, then they discard you, humiliate you and on top of it all if you’re able to get out they do a smear campaign to tarnish your image and isolate you.
There are things you can do though to help yourself. You can leave as soon as you know how they are, but if you're stuck with them you can secretly record the awful things they say and do. Just don't get caught. As soon as I hear him walk in the door I Flip the record button and turn my phone face down in an inconspicuous place. Everyone thinks he is wonderful. If they were to hear just one of his screaming tirades it would change their opinion.
I have two older sisters, one of whom is a narcissist. For years, he created a triangle against me. Now, thank God, my older sister and I have become dear friends.
You have written exactly what happened to me. The narcissist is my Mother. I see very few people now and sometimes get really down. I was recently invited to a family wedding where I spent most of the time sat on my own. The Bride and Groom were good to me so that helped me through what was one of the most horrible experiences I have ever had. I’m a grown man but as soon as I got home and shut the door I cried for about an hour.
The one thing that worked for me was when I said, "Wow, I must be really special to you, for you to spend so much time and energy thinking and talking about me". Nothing stops a narc in their tracks like shining a light, haha.
My narcissistic Sister did the very same thing to me. Started a whole smear campaign, I've lost so many people. She nearly destroyed my life, but I won't let her. I now have absolutely no contact with her, or most of my family to be honest. And I will never look back!!
My heart truly goes out to you.. mine did the same with relatives and close family ....sadest part is I lost them and went into a very dark time in my life... that resulted in revealing my Narsisitic mother💔.After years, people are starting to see it now🤯 it was soo sad , my sister would even approach my boyfriends /colleagues and try to see if she could turn them💔 ...but atleast now I discovered my true friends and family from this🙏
@@sheenafrida7446 Thank you so much for this comment! Its a lonely place to be in because it feels like nobody else could possibly understand what you're going through, but our stories are so similar 💔 I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this. Truly thank you for your comment and letting me know that I'm not alone. I know that dark place all too well. Reach out if you'd like to talk to someone with the unique perspective of experiencing the same thing. Sending you peace and positive energy 💕
@@snn2913 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had to go completely no contact in order to heal from the abuse and try to move on, which meant that I had to limit relationships with other family members in order to maintain no contact but to me it is worth it to cut that energy from my life. Its still a process day by day and I still become overcome with anger and sadness at times but I am definitely healing and on the right track. Don't give up! You've got this. Thank you for reaching out 💕
Also, I had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how painful it feels, and how evil it is, some of your loved ones just won't understand and will still see the best in your sibling, and it is frustrating. Try to enjoy relationships with your family members separately from your sibling and make it clear that you don't want to engage in conversations about your sibling anymore as you clearly have different views. Try to be understanding that although they were terrible to you, they still share your family members, and your family members will still care about them. This was a painful thing for me to accept. ❤️
My ex-husband did this to my entire extended family, all my cousins, aunts, and uncles. The fact that they were so easily led to believe the worst about me made me not want to ever be close to them again anyway. He can have them if they chose him over family.
Isn't that disfunctional that they would believe a crazy person? It's a flaw in them to not try to investigate and know another but in a whim believe in what they are told.
@@JaneSmith0709 so did I, it's the only thing to do . Sad to know this happens but good to know we are not alone in our suffering and in our resolution.
Going through same right now. Only have a couple people left in my world and I've recently found conversations with them about me. I do believe I truly am alone. Been with him almost 20years guess they are next because he's running out of things to take from me. Even my own child which he used to treat bad too M
When my ex girlfriend who was covert narcissist went on a smear campaign after I beat her to the discard, one of her friends came to me to tell me something she told them, I told her: I'm aware that Lisa can mold other people's reality and perception of me. And I left it at that, when I said it like that to them they didn't expect a response like that, I made them question themselves as to how were they so easily manipulated by her without questioning what she told them, and their attitude instantly changed after they just processed what I had said to them. Hope this works well for you too if you use it.
This is a really great response and I appreciate you posting it. Referring to it as a perception without outright saying they are lying creates the cognitive dissonance that will correct the problem.
Thats my narc mother to a T. When she has a fight with someone in the family she will act like a victim and involve the maximum people as possible as if it was a community project. She has so much rage inside that she would be yelling the same BS or the events of a fight for months. And then it becomes the topic of the moment until she jumps into another fight. Its so pathetic. I always say to her that I dont want to be involved in her toxic stories so she makes sure to talk loud so I can hear the crappy details. It pisses me off.
@@independenthoney1 Yeah get away from your mother. My mother destroyed every area of my life. I can't believe what she did to me, the sadistic abuse was mind boggling but it took me my whole life to work out how utterly hideous a person she really was and her legacy lives on. Get away from her. FAR away and NEVER go back.
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani! You have described my divorce and the narcisstic and dysfunctional family that I came up against! So Smart! So very True!❣️
The trouble is that normal, healthy people don't make up outright lies out of nowhere. So when such a person hears a narcissist make an accusation, they assume there HAS to be a least a LITTLE truth in it. Most people just aren't prepared for the level of cold cruelty and dishonesty that narcissists display as a matter of course. They think, "Who could, or would, make this kind of thing up?" A narcissist could, and a narcissist would!
If a piece of gossip seems to negate what you already know about a person (or believe about a person) then ask for hard evidence to back their assertions - no matter how carefully couched in concern it seems. Proof doesn't lie, opinions do.
phemyda94 exactly! I just posted something very similar to what you said. You said it much better! To understand a narcissist you either have to be one or have been a victim of one.
@@terrylemal5163 Hello there .. YESSSS .. their actions don't match their words and vice versa .. they are malignant, they have a Batchelor's degree in pathological lying and are soul-less spirits ..vapid and empty...
While it is true that people do reveal their true nature in front of the narcissist and you will be happy some actually did, in the long run a narcissist can do so much damage that before you know, you are basically isolated with no friends and that is the way they want it. Dont fall for this, even though you know that these people have somehow believe the narcissist, unless is too horrible what they have done, keep them close, don't give the narcissist the satisfaction of messing up all your friendships some of them will eventually see the truth, and not all will be lost. Narcissist are reckless and irresponsible and at some point their lies are exposed, not that that will make them have an epiphany but others will notice.
@@gingerfellah5665 unfortunately narcissist destroy every single relationship that they know will make you happy, hope for the best, be the best mother you can be, you can't really cut them off
I personally do not listen to other people when it comes to someone telling me about another persons behavior. I need to meet the person myself & make my own views.
Hello Maude Boggins...I invented the phrase " I'm not going to bite on that worm" when I was working and someone wanted to tell me something about another person. It still works for me.
I always say,, it's not fair for me to comment. I don't live there. And who knows what goes on behind closed doors. I don't know, and I don't want to know. My life is full and keeps me busy.
Thank you for having a heart for us victims of narcissistic abuse especially from a young age. My father is severely narcissistic and quite nasty and vile... And a mother who ignored me to constantly pander to his frequent outbursts of rage and me a little girl just watching it all and very early finding God in the suffering...
When a narcissist can no longer control you, he begins trying to control how others see you
He or she 😳☕
Yeah, a narcissist can also be a female, it's not just males.
@@gorgess IKR?STATISTICALLY THE FEMALE NARCS GREATLY OUTNUMBER THE MALES.
It's so true, it must be approached with Grace . In my case I'm referring to my ex-husband, I did notice that other people treated me as well as badly as he did. It was unsettling and I didn't have words for it but now I have a name for it and I'm so thankful. Flying monkeys . He told everybody I was a big fat ugly slob would never amount to anything, and when they met me they were astonished that I was quite the opposite. So, they stopped associating with him
Well said excellent. It happened to me.
When someone starts a smear campaign, I sit back and watch who believes the lies. And then I’ll know who aren’t my real friends after all.
😆 great point!
What goes round comes around.
Oh yes. I don't bother any more.
Although it hurts at the time, they are doing you a favour, cutting out the dead wood.
@Crystal Pei yes, you are a long time dead and we are only here for a nano second, in the grand scheme of things. Don't waste your time.
I learned from my life experience to never defend myself in front of the flying monkeys. They already picked a side and will never believe my side of the story. I just walk a way.
I totally agree with you. It was hard for me to do so but now I've decided not to explain myself in front of other people even if they used to be my friends. The only way is to cease communication with such people.
100% facts💝
Since I ignored her.. she started to only insult me around other people to isolate me.
@@lalili1358 it's called smear campaign. I understand your feelings,I'm going through this now. At first it hurt me, a Narc tried to isolate my best friend from me but I had sent her a message via Twitter to explain what's going on and warned her that she shouldn't answer questions about our friendship, and my friend understood me. I've "lost" some mutual "friends" of course. One of them became flying monkey and tried to provocate me when she was my guest at my flat. I realized that only when she left and became less emotional with her- I'm not texting her first, when I'm online, I've muted her on Twitter, I don't call her first, not replying to her messages via social media at once as I did before, don't share something too personal, always say that I am doing well, repeating that I'm doing nothing special- reading books, learning Japanese, cooking and that's all. I also don't involve other mutual friend whom I know as loyal. This flying monkey tried to do the trick and said that I must be hurt that our mutual friend don't text to me much as it was before, I said something like : well,she works a lot ,she must be tired after work and smiled to my flying monkey like a fool 😂 It maybe a coincidence but this mutual friend texted me after a while and we had a nice talk about poetry and literature and were both happy to talk to each other again. We live in different places ,my town is not far away from her city but these days we can't leave our houses to see each other due to the quarantine rules,so we use internet to communicate. It may sound strange but this smear campaign against me helped me to see real people's attitude towards me,who are my friends and who are pretending to be ones,I became more understanding when my friend is not calling me back or texting me back at once, I've moved my focus from the world outside me to my innermost,all this quarantine time made me sit and reflect on this situation- I ceased or blocked all the contacts which are poisonous to me,I don't care what these people post about me via social media,I don't care about who unfollowed me on Twitter during the smear campaign, I'm more myself than I ever had been, realising that every day can be my last when I go shopping for food made me free,it made me more compassionate, loving, caring and sincere. When I want to say that I love someone or something on social media,I say so, and I don't care if these flying monkeys of a Narc will shit post a screenshot of my words to a Narc- they won't change and they are not my tribe, and I won't stop being sincere to the people I love because it's who I am. I stop being open-hearted to flying monkeys but it does me good and I become stronger every day. Don't be upset about the fact that someone left you because of a narcissist, they were never your tribe. I truly believe that when you move on, becoming stronger every day, you will attract healthy friends who will love you for who you are and won't believe any gossip about you, and won't involve in a smear campaign against you as a flying monkey of a Narc. I wish you much health, take care of yourself and stay home 🤗 warm hugs from Russia ☺️
you have to first even hear the story. the "skillset" of this guy to "adjust" the fabricated story was incredible. each person got a 'custom fit'. my uncle got a "vague" story as he knew me well, relatives once removed got a more specific story, other people who didn't know me at the time got a "full meal deal". Wow.
Never vent to a narcissist. Either about their BS or others... Oh my you will regret it. They love chaos.
Learned this the hard way. They find the weakness in the venting and use it against you.
They can take one thing and make a whole different story out of it and get people to believe it.
Like the time a beautiful red haired gang stalker invited me over, a very long drive for me, and met me at the door with a glass of fruit juice loaded with Prestone anti-freeze - then when I got such pain I thought I was going to die, really began to die and went into convulsions she had wild sex on me knowing the exertion would make the poison act faster? 'Chaos' would be a step up for that Heather.
@@gordonanderson3111omg I'm so sorry that happened....my sister thought I wouldn't believe that her ex husband poisoned her cat with what her vet said was antifreeze. I told her I absolutely believed it bc I have heard that same antifreeze poisoning story from others and worked as a veterinary technician seeing first hand the animal victims of narcissist/sociopath/psychopaths. There are a lot of sick people out there and everyone needs to protect themselves and loved ones.
@@AngiO-f1s Yes, i was told as a boy and young man "Don't bother trying to tell anyone what we are doing, no one will believe you." So now that these videos have helped me figure out what is going down, I say
'At the center of the word believe is the word lie'.
I would say more but it would not be allowed up to be seen - many, such as my 89 year old mother Shirley, have dissappeared and many in law enforcement and gov. have resigned (up to our senator Al Franken)- because - my new song about it all will be a HIT -
'Corporate funded gang stalkers rape & murder with impunity' is the woking title.
Act cold hearted and unfeeling and like you can not hear me, like your life depends on it - because...
Sing it with me - if yu dare 'CORPRATE FUNDED GANG STALKERS RAPE AND MURDER WITH TOTAL IMPUNITY!
I went through this. Honestly, I don't even care anymore. If people can't be bothered to learn the truth and hear all sides of a situation, then those aren't the kind of people I want around me anyways.
100%
Knowledge is power
I totally agree with you after I experienced this with my sister whom I never suspected !!!!
Totally
Exactly. If they don't want to see the truth about the narcissist they will be sucked in by them forever
When you cut ties with a narcissist you realize who your friends really are.
Yes, when i cut, my "friends" are gone too.
Yeah they triangulate your siblings , then your cousins .. then they come after your young kids … so sad
I am living it.
So true. And don't be afraid to let them go, they were not worth it.
@@DArnez-c5n my experience too.. 😘
It's rough when your mother's the one who turns your siblings against you. Rougher still, when your siblings buy into it.
Hey love, we're in the same boat. Stay focused and strong. ♥️♥️♥️
For me, it was the step dad that forced my mom to choose between him and me, and later the younger brother who survived the abuse by becoming a clone of the step dad. I still can't escape them three decades later
Yes. She passed but said before that she had arranged for this to continue after she left. She predicted that I would run out of money in a few years. Only child. Relied on me since she was diagnosed with lupus when I was 9. Leaned on me then abused me.
are you talking about my mother ?)
Cynthia, me too my father and older sister. 💜
A narcissist will annihilate your families/close relationships like their life depends on it. This behavior dynamic acts like a filter for emotionally healthy people. Those who sign-up to be a narcissist's "flying monkey" usually lack critical thinking skills or are narcissistic themselves. Hurray for anyone in the group who sees through this.
It’s exactly what my sister did and then convinced others in the family that I was the problem! It broke our whole family up!
This is happening now with my narc sister @@donnahatchett3833
Flying monkeys are people of low moral character. They want to believe the juicy lies.
Good point. It is like a filter. Sad to see people you thought had good critical thinking skills and empathy be recruited as flying monkeys. The ones who are clearly narcissistic as well are easier for me to let go of...
It's awesome when they finally do it. I had a weird feeling around my partners family, everyone was nice to my face but I could feel something underneath. Turns out my narcissistic mil has been turning them against me for years. I'm happy I know, I wish I had of told her what I think of her and cut contact sooner because then I wouldn't have had to be around them people for all that time. But now I know, no love lost, didn't enjoy being around ppl who hated me anyway lol.
The sad thing is that most of us only find out when the damage has already been done
True, but I believe that the red flags are there. We just happen to ignore them.
True
if someone is too eager to know you thery'e probably a narcissist,here's your first warning sign.
@@aporue5893 Yeah, I fell on hard times and had a severe mood disorder, and only found out the day I was being kicked out, that my N mother had told people I slapped her and threatened her with a knife. I only found this out after getting into it with my stepdad. He believed her bc she's his wife, but had to grow up with her, and he's a nice guy so it was hard to be mad at him, but I'm homeless now over Christmas, and running out of my antidepressants, but she was gaslighting me the last couple months, and it might've been worth it just to stand up against insanity.
Mine talks to dr.s I don't know why.
What to do when "friends" believe a smear campaign perpetuated by a narcissist: walk away and find better friends.
Truly.
And don’t give a fuxk!
Yes! Exactly what I have done!
But sometimes it’s kids who can be easily manipulated
When you reach a Point in this life with a narc....you can't be bothered about what other people will say ...just continue being you..its nothing to do with us. .
The betrayal is so painful, especially when it’s family members who believe the narc and turn against you.
Kathryn Sullivan He’s never held accountable for any actions or things he says. 😢. I’m blamed for everything, yet I’ve been the one over the years that has tried to work things out. He knows how to pout and say things like, “I really love her”, and “I really love your mother “.
Yes, absolutely right. Going through that now.
@@carolinesand9711 Excuses... it works for him for years.. why should he change his program now, when it works for Him?
In my situation my wife started an affair with a narcissist. I was amazed how many "friends" disappeared. What was clear to me was that the best thing as a target was distance. Clearly this narcissistic paramour was being supported by my now ex-wife at the time. Later she became the victim. Being outnumbered and available as a target was not a good situation for me. As explained in this video, for me this was a gift as I could see exactly who my wife was, the betrayal and many of the "friends" were not really friends. I moved countries for work and ...it took time before the narcissist was outed for the person he was. But it happened. Eventually the narcissist is often clearly exposed.
Extremely painful. I realize it now as an adult and lost many.
The best advice I was ever given regarding that type of character assassination was to continue being my true self. The world isn't nearly as clueless as sometimes acts. Narcissists end up, exposing themselves to anyone who sticks around them long enough, and they kill their credibility. My ex went so far as to file a restraining order against me under false pretenses, and then went to a family reunion of mine and slandered me to anyone who would listen. I was beside myself until somebody gave me this advice. I relaxed, she's gone, and those who I care about knew me for who I am and have even applauded me from my decency and for not responding to her in kind.
Yes, to thine own self be true.
Not responding in kind to the narcissist is so important. My narc mother tried her best to antagonize me so she could use my words in response as if I had attacked her unprovoked. My values were so different from hers that she could not understand why I chose to act and not react. It was important to me that I behaved honorably regardless of her behavior.
The worst part of this , is that you know something is going on ( people all of a sudden avoiding you, being cold towards you , smirking at you behind your back etc. etc.) but you don't know what it is and you don't know , who it is ,that is doing this to you . Truly, evil and cowardly stuff done by people with a head full of messed up wiring.
Yep and trying to then deal with it becomes impossible without making you look unhinged, which is the narcs evil plan.
This was done to me by "trusted church" people
Totally nasty behaviour. I have a family member doing this me. It’s so distressing.
@@colleeninprayer1498 Once you can see that it is the narcissist that has the problem it will be less and less distressing.
@@psalm148.1 People are going to Hell
When it's your family who is doing this, you just have to move away from these people.
Easier said then done if the narc manages to control the parents as well
Same with my situation except their are other people involved that use the situation she created by framing me
as a foothold to make their selves feel good and be able to get away with stuff too.
(Do not report this i will not get helped and my family will just make up a lie on me and I'll get locked up in a mental hospital
Which is worse than prison.)
I have been going through abuse my whole life and now i'm nearly 18.Now my parents can get away with it even more easily. cause my mom has false diagnoses all over me 11
That i know of but I am sure there's more.Which I didn't actually start getting diagnoses put on me till I moved in with my mom for the first time when I was 10 which I moved back and forth so when I was 12 that's when she started getting serious diagnoses put on me.my family takes advantage of those diagnoses so now when someone makes a DSS report or the police get involved my parents can just bring up the diagnoses and the social worker or police won't even talk to me or look at my video evidence going back to when I was 8 over 320
Videos.My parents just say I am "hallucinating,delusional,manipulative,lying" the list goes on with excuses they can make.here are the people that are calling me crazy
(THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ME LABELED AS INSANE,VIOLENT AND MORE.)⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇
(MY MOM she is first cause she is the one who got all the diagnoses put on me mostly by her self but with the help of Steven when he eventually came along)
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxHdpwnsxPLoIc0ySGqo1t2.html
(MY DAD🌟)
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxRDG9ajRU5Np94Xhco5HXW.html
(MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND)
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxvOn_PGnjpgkW0cL5REW56.html
(MY SISTER although she is not the cause of the diagnoses and had no say so in it she does try to make it seem like I am the crazy one well plane out lying and that things aren't as bad as i think they are.#gaslighting)
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzG5KucsJdpwQPsJX4DckQl.html
(HERE IS THE CHANNEl OF DAILY VIDEO
EVIDENCE) going back to when I was 8
Of different types of abuse I go through.
th-cam.com/channels/jkV9F3jkP3r-qVIHB3gwww.html.
⬆⬆has to be typed into google.here's a playlist VIDEOS IN CORRECT ORDER⬇⬇⬇⬇
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzaFRmkDx4pj9Fk0Kq5IVqr.html
There are a lot of playlist that put the different things that are happening in different categories so if you want you should look at all the different playlist.some of the categories are specific people do abusive stuff that they do.
here's one of the playlist from the channel.it has the videos in it that I think are the top craziest.
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHwyMQxKOXNcGygBaEo7coSZ.html
So here is the channel focussed on what mental hospitals are like and how deadly antipsychotics are it's my story of side effects I had and how I almost died from the pills over an abuse cover up.
with proof of the stuff i say in the description and video.it also give people advice on the description
it really depends on what they know and believe.
th-cam.com/channels/S9hlrcVz9SUw_anmcAXbIQ.html
Tell me who is really crazy me or them?
I already know I don't actually have the diagnoses everyone knows.
th-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHyP-MtrqCI4RwnCQvOt_9FN.html
⬆⬆⬆⬆There's people admitting it or agreeing look at the first video.
people that have been around me and my parents have even told my parents this.Like girls my dad was around were questioning why I have diagnoses put on me that I obviously don't have and why I am taking pills that make my digestive system stop working, has me shaking with fevers,and makes me basically go into comas and lay in bed for 2 weeks straight
Amen ... 15 years NO CONTACT. ✌️
@@xahsinor4364 stay cool, if you react to their bad behavior, your the one who looks bad. The only way to help yourself is to stay cool headed.
@@betsy3075 I do at one point I got to my breaking point when I was 12 after getting abused and basically attacked once I moved in with my mom i no longer could take it.
I expect it from a narcissist. What really disappointed me was how easily others fell into their "flying monkey" roles. Leaves you disappointed in mankind as a whole.
They have been brainwashed, like we were 😬
Narcissists are VERY adept at picking the types of people that will believe their narrative and smear campaigns.
If a person has high empathy and weaker boundaries they are more likely to be swayed by the narcissist.
Matthew Tucker Most definitely.
Erika People sadly misuse religion too - some “religious leaders” are also Spiritual Narcissists. They are truly dangerous types - thankfully most are not that way, but far too many are. Be aware always.
The flying monkeys are weak minded individuals.
This is the most insidious abuse they do. I feel so sorry for all of us that have had this done.
'Gang Stalkers' as we call them destroy everyone and everything, including themselves, in the End.
@@gordonanderson3111ugh I hate that word. It made me end up on a psych ward. Please cal it what it is, which is flying monkeys.
@@carly582 I too ended up in a psych ward, for 7 a/2 weeks - SO I was motivated to find out who worked with my family members to do the series of crimes that totally destroyed my life and al my hard work - a family with over 120 BILLION dollars - name rhymes with coke, Charles Coke, can hire an army of flying monkeys, with bat like wings, crazy eyes, long fangs, that swoop down to carry children off to be ... well you know, eaten alive while a wicked witch named Chuck laughs with sadistic glee! IS THAT BETTER THAN SAYING 'gang stalkers'? How about NSA "Disruption Operations" hired to destroy citizens?
Recently had this done to me. It's insidious, diabolical, and man insanely effective. Not a single person would even let me get a word in of facts.
@@carly582 Ugh - my comment got deleted - Silenced - just like when MY narci-sadist sister got ME sent to a mental ward, for 7 1/2 weeks. The docs said they knew I was not really mentally ill but did not know what to do with me since she had me locked out of our family home and it was way below zero that winter of '08.
I think you're oversimplifying the situation.
When a narc wants to destroy your relationships with other people, they do it secretly. The victim doesn't get to know what's going on. Everything is intangible. Things can't be addressed and resolved because there aren't descriptor words to articulate your suspicions.
The alienation of community and family groups happens over years. It's a long game. Things change by inches. By the time a victim begins to suspect people's attitudes have changed, there's solid groundwork that's been laid and built on over a long period of time.
And it's the way people treat you that contributes to your personality, so when it's the long game, the victim truly believes they are unloveable.
Narcissists are truly evil.
He turned my grown kids against me. They ignore me...they dont call, text or email me back when I send them an email. Now they're attacking me saying things about me that are not true! Its like they don't know me! I've been feeling so unloved but I got back into understanding narcissism after going to years of therapy when we first got divorced 25 years ago. I'm happy to see how the understanding of narcissists have evolved! I KNOW I'm a good person and deserve love. I'm probably going to go down to NC to live with my sister and her husband. I'm tired of the abuse. But I have grandchildren so I will miss them. But I'm afraid they will eventually turn them against me. I've put so much love and energy into my family...and now I dont have the love and support that I need in my golden years! Thank god I have my sister and her family!
I agree they plan their undermining over years the victim has no idea what's going on Its too late when you figure it out They are evil Shakespeare villains
Thank you Anna Leone for your comment. What you write is exactly how it is to tangle with a sociopath/narcissist. I feel fortunate to have gotten out of my situation with my life. My sister in law played the long game for 30 years smiling in my face while destroying every relationship she could detect I had. I went no contact, but she is a master of subtle destruction and still out there destroying the lives of others. Attractive, charismatic, and throughly rotten on the inside. Thank you for summing up what goes on.
@@jaydeecee1643 I am so infinitely sorry for what you are going through. How deeply sad that is. But we have to keep in mind that if people are that easily brainwashed and turned against their own mother or any friend then those people are not good for you to associate with. They are unhealthy companions. In order for us to heal we have to stick to healthy and supportive people only and nobody else. In work based relationships we have to discuss only the things that pertain to the profession and keep personal things to ourselves. There are not that many compassionate people in the world to begin with and it's always better to have fewer friends than deal with those who are cold. I have only one human friend in my life and I value him deeply. And All non human animals are my friends.
You are so right! It happened to me with my ex turning my three kids against me and my family. I have not heard or seeing my kids for 15 years. He did really turned them against me!!!
They're so successful in this because so many people are overly ready to hear & believe negative things
Well, psychologically speaking were wired to see negatives and pay attention more to them as a survival mechanism.
Amen
Yes, and you have to wonder why your family is so quick to believe the flyin monkey routine begs belief... Even after they have proved to be a liar you would think they would question the Narcs whole artificial facade and pack of carefully constructed lies. But most Narcs are very successful and take all the credit for the life you built together so when you divorce your family would rather keep them in the divorce than you.. Just sayin..
Plus there are so many with latent traits of narcissism so they're glad to not only believe but spread the negativity too
Don't remember the origin but There's a saying that "bad news travels twice as fast as good news." Majority of people have a crabs in a bucket mentality. They want to drag you down (because of jealousy, envious, etc).
Some one said, if people want to believe a narcissist when they know you, THEY DIDN'T LIKE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE or they are WEAK MINDED or they DONT HAVE A BACK BONE.
Thank you cuz for the life of me I couldn't understand why people are so gullible about taking gossip at face value. 😔
@@sfr2107 WELCOME.
100% facts
@@williamivery1809 DEADASS.
So true.. and when you look at the people they all fit one of those if not all..
Withdrawing from everyone stops anyine being able to hurt you anymore. Its lonely but it shields you from ever being hurt again.
It sucks but I’ve flown solo in my own family to get away from my narcissist sister. I gained a lot back, but she’s reentered the equation again, and is already splitting the family up again. I keep my distance from all of them.
Narcissist want to do damage. They may not have empathy, but they definitely have a desire to hurt. And punish, and punish, and punish
It's sad that someone would even think that they are punishing you, they're just showing how insecure and unhappy they are at their spirit. I feel even sadder for those who use their status or money to show how close they are to the ground with their feelings, maybe depression... God gave us all free will, even to use and hurt others... praying for you hon (my narcissist, because they may read this) :) no hate here for you. God loves you. He's using you to answer my prayers.
@@celv181088 Huh? You are saying I am a narc?
@@celv181088 ok, thank you kindly
@@debstein8685 You're welcome.No I’m agreeing with you. Was just saying what aI think of a narc I came across. This kind of people insist on enforcing their “power” o ver others, but the reason learned is that deep down they truly believe that the victim is better than they are, so they spend their time, energy, and money into convincing others and themselves that “No! this person is not better than I am” pfff, Still trying to erase this comment because everyone shouldn’t know they are envious of their victims.
Yes, you hit it on the head, they thrive on hurting others ! F ing sickos !
If a narcissist no longer has control over you, he/ she will convince people around you that you are the issue. Hold your head up high, carry yourself with grace. Eventually, things will fall into place
But what about when you try to warn people about the narcissist and no one believes you? Then it makes you look like you’re the narcissist who sells lies. I’m dealing with that and although I know I don’t have to fight to be right; that it’s not worth the effort, still. People should know this person is not to be trusted.
@bigsistahtips for them to find out. When I left I left everything nasty behind. Worked on myself. What others do is non of my business.
Thank YOU! 🙏🏽💐💐
That's what my husband is doing to me blames me for everything tells all his family and friends I'm a nutter but ill be the one who has the last laugh when I move away😮😮😢😢😢
😊😊
If only I had known about Narcissism earlier in life, it would have explained a lot.
My favorite saying is
"They're not your Friend until they defend you in your Absense"
So that's how I look at everyone I know and meet now.
Same here if I had known that what narcissist do or the type of behaviour they have I would cut off them no clue narcissist exist what a drama and truma of life
A true friend will try to bring up any positive side of you in a malicious gossip to balance the situation behind your back. If they don’t then there is not a true and healthy friendship there to begin with. You better walk alone, as hard as this may seem, and wait for karma do its thing.
I've defended people in their absence and they turned around and betray me at the end of the day friendship is a two way street
I so get that.
Same Sam
Rewatched ive learned that if a person can easily turn against you from the lies of a Narc they are not for me👏👏wow😢
People turned their back on you so easily means 1. They don't know you that well to defend you 2. They themselves might have some beef with you already (or secretly jealous of you on something) and that's just the right fuel for the fire.
Thank you was so lost as it happened but as I ponder I realize they’re just insecure
I think you are spot on with two.
3. They are fucking assholes who doesn't deserve you
@livefree so true. Great comment
When your mother is a raving narcissist:
1. They like patronizing and on this occasion they look down on you with e.g. "What a terrible daughter you are, I would never behave that way with my mother... Did you consider that she will be dead some day and how sorry you will be?"
2. Your mother always tells them the compliments they want to hear, so they feel in honor bound to defend her.
3. They are mothers / fathers themselves and feel that parents must stick together ("After all, childen are always ungrateful" etc.)
In any case: run for your life. Who is not interested in even hearing you out is not worth your time.
True friends will always wait to hear your side of the story before believing the worst of you
I would have said the same thing 10 years ago don't always count on that to be the case these are Master manipulators as long as me and you have breathed as long as they have been breathing they have also been manipulating this is what they do for a living the only important thing in their entire universe as themselves no else that I mean no one no one no one else comes before then we Have No Boundaries No Limits and they will cut to the white meat we will not do that as an empathic person we have limits we don't hurt those that we love her care about or even strangers they don't mind doing all of the above I can billion times over if it gets them what they want and then include smearing your name and convincing others that care about you that you're not worth caring about please listen to me when I tell you don't always count on that
@@aprilpratt775 Despite clearly contradicting my first comment by saying this, I need to give you an example as to why what you're saying is right.How's this for master manipulation.I had a Police sergeant pull me over for a random license check in my car & he blew up at me like I was some sort of homicidal maniac when he realised who I was.His co-worker whom WAS what I thought to be a close family friend had been telling him that I hadn't been showing up to work & that he'd been having to take time off his work as a Policeman to fill in for me.The thing is that I've never not shown up for work ever, he was just using me as a scapegoat to not show up to work & blamed me for that to his sergeant.What a manipulative liar...& now he says to those in my social circle why he can't understand why I haven't wanted anything to do with him for the last 10 years
@@carpathianken one more thing my bad I absolutely cannot believe that I'm not been in more trouble for this by now up until this point I have done nothing but speak my messages instead of sight them so I'm not illiterate I promise I'm just the biggest ball of nerves all the time and I can't find time to sit down and breathe or even pee let alone type out messages :-) because grammatical errors drive me crazy but I had to clear that up LOL I'm wishing you luck and sending prayers your way keep your head up
I have lost a couple of friends thanks to my former boss who has done the gas lighting thing. I have reached out to them but they have chosen to not respond . It hurts but I will be okay :)
True!!! 💯
Sometimes the "narcissist" is your family. I'm sorry that people keep representing this as something you stumble into. Often you're born into it.
Absolutely
You are absolutely right. I found out a few years ago when my oldest sister and I were at the hospital with my mom. She started talking about how much her life changed for the worst when I was born?
I couldn't believe my ears... She is almost 70 year's old. I am 8 year's younger, and all I could think was, seriously?
You've been holding onto this like 60 years?
The middle sister always helped in making me feel left out.
This all made sense to me.
I always felt left out and picked on, and now I know this is not anything I made up in my head.
Thank you for your knowledge.
@@NOSHITification Exact same but I could see it since I was little. My mom turned everyone against me and her utmost to destroy anything I wanted to do, even turning my fiance against me. Now I'm the only one of her 4 kids that will take care of her 😩 so your not alone and welcome to your freedom . Cyber hugs from UK. Stay positive and get stronger and more happier as it will really p her off 😚😚😎
Very true
Yes.
My narc tried to turn my friends of 20yrs against me. My friends told me later, We kept thinking it just didnt sound like you. So we showed him the door!!!❤❤real friends
For me my 20 year best friend was the narcissist. Then played games to where I ended up alone and isolated from my friends.
It is so emotionally painful when it's your parent turning family members against you, even the ones the narcissist doesn't like.
This is my story. My mother turned everyone against me. I’m an only child so now I have nothing.
No amount of feeling can describe their actions
My niece has just gone insane with her smear campaign
All my years I have never experienced such
FACTS
@@messue428 Same but those people are ridiculous to listen to only one side of the story and judge everything by that. So good riddance.
Both of my parents supported my narcissistic ex and started inviting him and MY son to family holidays. My ex started a smear campaign and my parents jumped on the bandwagon-never ever asked my side of things. I cut them off- best thing I ever did for myself.
I lost my entire family to my mother and sister. The pain was horrible. After years I got over it and I'LL never go back.
when my older son was born my sister wrote him a letter saying we will make him fat ? ,I kept that letter she is a jealous and evil and I didnt realize she was on a campaign to get him, she really wanted him and now he is older her husband walked out on her so she needs a son and has taken mine, she chose carefully which son she wanted, now she has a bunch of friends she can control , my son , my mother and has everyone I know on her side, but Im strong and have people I know that dont know her , Iv joined groups , I go to night school and I have another son who Im looking after carefully ..she tries to find out about us through my mother but I only tell my mother things that dont matter, Im onto the evil witch ..
same here
So sorry. I know how you feel.
It’s happening to me too❤️
Same here. I’m still trying to figure out how to heal.
Don't lose sleep over why narcs do what they do. Just know this: Narcs are playing a game, and the only purpose of the game is to win. Any threat to their 'winning' (i.e. you) must be annihilated. Don't play, just RUN!
Sounds like white supremacists i wish everyone would get it already and just love one another.
Which is why and how marathons were created!
@@lordraiden777 heaven on earth!
I say don't run. Destroy them by not playing, But going in for the kill. the only way to destroy an Opponent is to Effing Destroy them. This is war! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER.... if the whole world becomes narcissistic, where are you going to run to then?!?
@@lordraiden777 it transcends race, colour, religion, Creed, class, age, profession - it's a universal disease where the narcissist isn't the sufferer - they're the carriers and everyone around them suffers from THEIR disorder! Forget reasoning or negotiation - just run!
If a person can be turned against you, then that is a person who is not worthy of your presence. Those who genuinely love and care for you will not believe negativity about you.
What about your own children being brainwashed, and walking away!?? You're telling me, my children are not worthy? They are barely legal adults...they know not what they do. I'll always love them and miss my babies. It's a horrible grief, too, to lose a child whom is alive.
@shannonyeung8491 My heartfelt compassion goes out to you experiencing such grief. Of course, your children are a different scenario. I hope the situation with your children turns for the better, sooner than later. 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾
Yep. Love cares enough to get your side of things before drawing a conclusion.
@@shannonyeung8491been going through this with my daughter since 2013. She was brainwashed against me by her Dad, my MOTHER & SISTER! I'm beyond broken. I lost my first born baby girl AND her 2 beautiful baby girls. I saw them once 6 years ago. She allowed me to see them just to take them away immediately after I left & traveled home. Extremely hard grieving my daughter & granddaughters that are alive.
"What to do when the narcissist turns people against you
"
Answer: Let the people who believe in the narcissist continue to believe in her. Simply let those flying monkeys go. You cannot force anyone to like you or to acknowledge the truth. If there is one thing I know about the narcissist; it is that she will go to her grave denying the truth. She lives in the lie. I don't wast time anymore with people who are dedicated to misunderstanding me and not seeing me for who I truly am.
I've gotten to that point. Unfortunately ...I need to let go of my grown children and I wont be around for my precious grandbabies. But...I know they'll turn them against me eventually. Its heartbreaking!
I agree, BUT what if those FM"s have kids, your cousins and other contacts you want to keep in touch with/?
@@jaydeecee1643 Yes, same here. Incredibly sad.
@@LuketheFinn I have an update. After my narc daughter slammed me for whatever she thinks I did...She said "I still want you around"...I said OK...I've been to see her and my grandson and acted like nothing happened. My feeling is that I am done looking for validation or approval from my kids. I just don't care anymore. Let them think what they want. I'll continue to be nice and if they're shitty I'll just ignore it. The more I try to change their perception...the more ammo it gives them.
Him*
The worst is when this cruel,evil person turn your children against you! I do not think I will ever recover from that!
You are not alone. When your former spouse turns your child(ren) against you, it's called parental alienation. My ex husband did that as well as the family of my 2nd husband after he died. My daughter sided with this family even though she didn't really even know them. But it worked cuz of the parental alienation that worked prior to that so it was easy for them to convince her that I was the bad guy. Parental alienation is very common these days. I've had close friends who also suffered from this. It's horrific.
You are not alone. I have been going through this hell. My narcissist ex turned my teenager only child, my son, against me. He started doing this since my son's childhood.
You are not alone. At all. Keep loving them. No matter what. Tell God all your hurts and feelings. Keep telling Him out loud.
I'm sorry
@@mine1685Hallo for me IS the same,m'y daughter 22 Nevers talk to me nor answer the phone,m'y son 15en IS going the same way ,i tried everything possible i'm very ill and i should need help from them,i feel liké thé are waiting me to die i'm very sad and i dont knows what to do ,if you 've any suggestion should bé great i want to die in peace.already talk with psy
I had a narcissist “best friend”. She would tell people/mutual friends straight up lies about me to make me look bad. Even worse, the horrible things she told people were things she had done herself, not me! I’m pretty sure she is still spreading rumors. I really need to completely cut her off. Terrible idea to let her back in. NEVER RECONNECT WITH TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF LONELINESS!
I had many "friends" like that. Including virtual people online...Total farce.
*No Contact* is the best decision a person can make. Good riddance!
And yes, never reconnect with toxic turds because you're lonely... Or when they come around "wanting to know what's up", say they've changed or missed you etc.
The best person to like is yourself. Don't look for validation in other people. Find it within..
😭 I have the same problem!! For years now, I regret it!!!! We became best friends not knowing who she was and I thought it would be a great idea to play Cupid and introduce her to my brother in law, 8 yrs later they are married and have children. It has been hell now sharing the same family 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Talk about losing my sanity throughout the years! I had my few bumps until I started doing research on what I was experiencing and little did I know this person was a narcissist the whole time made sense!
I made that mistake twice with two different narcissists
Right-projection. I just found out narc neighbor's son was a major alcoholic. Her husband used to beat her son. Her friend beats their dog. She called and reported other neighbor for beating his dogs and kids. She kept accusing me of being a drunk. It all makes sense!
It is better to be alone than to be lied on a day to day.
It must've been nice to have someone who actually would've come forward and said something about it
I'm instead just stuck in purgatory with nobody coming forward and even asking my side of the story
My mother had a great saying about these people....."You just go and be your own sweet self, and don't pay any attention to them."
In social and family relationships, that might be decent advice, but a smear campaign must be confronted in the professional arena as it can affect career, financial security, and even legal security. I know this from experience. My own life was set back by more than a decade by a narcissist’s smear campaign against me because I kept being the good person and going about my business, rather than confronting the rumors and simply asking people why attitudes toward me had changed. Just like melanoma, ignoring it won’t make it go away.
Sarah Kittelson, that is disastrous advice. These people are poisonous and cannot be allowed to lie without being shown up with the truth. Believe me from brutal personal experience.
I tried that and but for a miracle it would have cost my life.
@@monstermcboo7282 👍💟
@@bobtaylor170 ‼️👍💟
I cut them all off and smiled inwardly and waited...years later they came crawling back with their own horror stories about the narcissist they once held on a pedestal and I just kind of shrugged and told them "oh well."
experiencing this now, your story gives me hope. i will wait and one day they will learn
I won't accept them back into my life. You survived for years without them, so continue surviving with them.
I wont even give them the shrug, I rather keep quiet and ignore what they said.
Yes, this exactly
I haven't experienced the return but I am going to say, your healthy attitude is beautiful and shows grace and composure. Good for you!!!
My mother does this to me. I've been ostricised by the whole family.😢
I'm alone now..well..not really Jesus is with me. I'm clinging to him now.
Same story here😒
Same here
I'm so sorry.
Same for me as well
once you realise that jesus is everything yr life will be good. to have the almighty lord as a friend is the best way to live and he will NEVER hurt you.
If the narcissist is able to turn people against you , the people were against you in the first place. The narcissist is defeated and all this is desperate behavior. Game over for the narc.
Your first natural instinct when someone or people are making false accusations about you is to go on the defensive. It took me 33 years of my life to understand all the defensive strategies in the world won't change a toxic mind. It's also taken 33 years of my life to understand if I just step out of the way life takes care of itself. Be strong people the right people in your life won't ever go away.
Yes exactly. It works the best and other people will find out the truth eventually anyway about the narcissist.
@@Mondoshawn usually, they do, but narcissists move to the next Target and repeat the same process. They have no conscious about what they've done, and it's sad that others don't understand what they are doing. This happened to me with one of my neighbors, whom I helped out on many occasions. I didn't see the betrayal coming and found out after the damage was done. The narcissist would continue to speak and talk to me as though nothing was wrong. They are master's in different disguises, and most people do not detect their hidden agenda.
It took me 42 years.
@@escapingnarcissists1549 50 for me.
@@loris80 oh my, I thought my 33 years was tough. I have noticed that I have picked up some traits out of their playbook and it has worried me. However, I try to be loving towards myself, it's a long road. And look, at our age ,we are still learning
Most people in my life will not tell me what was said about me even when I ask them. They will say something like, "I don't want to start anything or I don't want to spread gossip" but at the same time treating you differently.
A true friend would tell you what was said.
For sure, And they were more than willing to listen to the narcissist's lies.
These people they turned against you with gossip are no better than the narcissist... "They don't want to spread gossip" but there they were listening to it and spreading it behind your back... They're low life's and cowards, you're better off without them
To validate that something was in fact said, and then to withhold it from you is cruel. Easier said than done but what someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Find people who can see you for who you are. Big hugs 🤗
As a friend, I some times dont tell a friend what was said, but i try to defuse the situation myself by being kind and reasonable. If a person is a narcissist, they walk away in anger because they dont want to fix anything.
Later, if it is necessary, I will tell my friend and tell about all the steps I have taken to defuse the situation.. .and why I didnt want them upset day by day over something petty.
Some times we have to be adults and decipher what is petty and refuse to participate in childish games. We can do this by asking the narcissist how did they try to fix a bad situation....the truth is, they didn't .
9:30-"If the narcissist is going around slandering you, doing a HATCHET JOB.. SHOULDN'T those people come talk to you?!" Exactly!! That's exactly why it's no loss to me if someone finds it that easy to put on the enemy mask against me out of nowhere. The upside of someone joining maliciously against me in their LAME GAME of pile-on? I get to find out who my secret enemies were ALL ALONG at least
My family been gaslighting so long no lie they think it's normal even when I'm somewhere else still ....mindgames forever ?I'm not playing no more .
@Matt Winstead -- Thank you for sharing this concise description,. "... joining maliciously against me in their lame game of pile-on".... exactly what I'm experiencing and struggled to find the words to describe what it feels like.
In my situation, I have to swap "lame game" with "gleeful spite"....
I now feel better prepared to handle the pile-on I'll be facing from a demonstrably contemptuous & passive-aggressive hyena-pack of self-righteous women who've spent 2022 slandering me behind my back.
I'm following God's clear, step-by-step process (of behaving like an adult when you have a personal grievance against someone) described in detail in Matthew 18, Chapter 1, regardless of how their ringleader reacts to me taking our 1-on-1 conversation to Step 2 of Matt. 18:1.
Dr. Ramani's & Dr Les Carter's videos are sanity-savers ... and so are all the helpful Overcomers in this audience!
Thank you Matt & everyone here..... you're all part of my spiritual tribe and in my prayers for strength, dignity, peace, & joy in your journeys. 💜🙏🥰
The videos made by the wonderful men and women are really a life raft for me the exact same way as is as it is for you. Now I sometimes wonder if I'm getting stuck if I watch them too much? But the problem was I kept breaking promises to myself to stay new contact and I found that this is like a rehab or AA meeting of sorts for codependents or whatever you want to call it.
I'm glad you mentioned the passage in the Bible because I used to I'm glad you mentioned the passage in the Bible because I used to be until about 2 years ago and I'm 49 years old. I don't go to church and I have nothing against the religions or anything like that, I just think doing the name of Jesus in the scriptures are great. Even for an atheist there's just so great wisdom in those books.
At the risk of maybe sometimes fitting our problems to fit into the narcissism bubble, I find a lot of the patterns are very much the same and solutions for people are different varying.
First time I think it's best for men to get paid advice from other men because they know what it's like women and for women to get advice for how to deal with them because only they know how it is and what their needs are too.
Yet this narcissism life raft that I like to call these videos and comments like yours from many that I like to call these videos and comments like yours from many other women men and women have really helped me to calmly detach myself and not lose myself or get provoked when these people are trying to push my buttons. I don't could have done it nearly as naturally or effortlessly without the great advice from people like yourself and others talking about how not to take the bait and all.
I got rid of a friendship and a romantic relationship that was causing too much sporadic problems in my life after a while. I have a feeling I wouldn't be where I am at without people like the great doctor here and so many other wonderful content producers like her. And basically the comments also gave me sort of a guide out of a situation that was becoming counterproductive for me to be involved in and also gave me Solutions on how to deal with it as I was detaching.
I thank you for quoting the Bible because I don't read it enough and you and others quotations of it and the great wisdom of her Elders really helps me through the darkness sometimes when it gets dark. And there is no one size fits all method for dealing with someone else's insanity basically. No one has the right to tell you what you're telling timeline should be or when you supposedly be over it or whatever. It's different for everybody! I wish you a safe healthy Journey back to regaining yourself to as I am. If you haven't already.
I very often think of that. After all the long term dedication and forfeiting for their sake that one does for this “family” to just become null and void by them. I Never knew the human can behave like this, really shocking.
Yup. Out them all. No more backstabbing opportunities
Narcissist will do anything to turn people against you. Just to cut off your support.
Covert narcs can be very subtle in how they turn people against you, very carefully planting seeds almost like they are so reluctant to share this information.
My covert narc sister precedes her awful comments/gossip by saying, "I'm worried about her" and blasts away with her toxic ideas. It makes me hate the people who believe her.
@@heathergraham652 That's the exact tactic that was used against me.
Heather Graham Me three? Damn, they all read from the same script.
Erika Wow! The predator admits it.
You are describing "Sheeba" a dental assist I had to work with for a while....very covert and very vendictive.
My mother turned her 4 brothers, her husband, 3 of my siblings and eldest niece against me. She was caught in the act of trying to turn a cousin against me. It was easiest to walk away from my whole family. The last ten years have been my happiest and healthiest.
Wtfffff
My mother has gone though similar scenario in her family…. her aunt turned all her close ones against her…. Like my mother’s brothers and cousin sisters everyone stopped speaking to my mom like before and always sided my mom’s aunt…. Like she’s a angel to them ….. and the worst part was that my mother too believed that her aunt is an angel until I exposed her true face to my mom ….. now the damage is done and my mom feels lonely, but it’s ok she made many new friends and spends time with them
So sorry. I can't imagine. Stay strong
@@Blurufoodaz yes I think that’s the saddest when the victims don’t realise what the perpetrator is doing.
Good for you! My mom is going through the same thing. My late grandmother really did a number on my mom on multiple occasions. Put a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouth about my mom. A good family friend stuck with my mom and made her feel sane. Now that I’m old enough/mature enough to see the trauma my mom went through, she has yet another person in her corner (along with my siblings and some church friends). I can see her regaining health (she actually sent me this video 😂)!
I’m crying as I’m listening to this because my sister did the same thing and I was so devastated when my other siblings were so indifferent towards me on my birthday especially. These people are so cruel and manipulative. They don’t care who they take with them as long as they get the upper hand.
Your not alone
Your story is familiar to me also.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've come away from a family gathering crying,now I know why.
Very sad experience
My ex
Then my siblings!
@@anni50ful same....it literally sucks, and so do they!!!!!!😐
"With his mouth the hypocrite can ruin his neighbor,
but by knowledge the righteous are delivered." Prov. 11:9
I love this, thank you! God bless you!
Amen
It's especially hard when the narc is super charming, gregarious, funny and extroverted so others only the good qualities. It's so much harder to defend yourself or be seen in a different light if you're a more introverted or anxious type.
That's exactly my situation...
Do not worry. Eventually people will know who lied and who did not. Time works against the narcs. Always keep in mind!
Then I realized...These people don't know me, so why would I care ? Right ?!
much easier to get power over
Don’t waste your time , such as even thinking about it 😄
It's a disorienting experience.
I remember thinking I had entered the Twilight Zone.
Yes it is a case of, well all seemed to be going alright as far as I was concerned 😟, then comes the narc to point out that that's delusional on our part! 😞
@@joseenoel8093 ❤
It led me to ego death. I literally detached from my personality because I lost the fabric of my identity due to the level of emotional abuse, gaslighting and invalidation of my ‘truth.’ People can be absolutely terrible
🤦♀️.if only people around cud be empathetic.n help heal
"How easily people can be manipulated" that blows my mind too, and social media makes it easier.
REMEMBER THIS; INTELLIGENT MINDS WANT THE FACTS AND BASE NOTHING ON HEARSAY..THEY KNOW THAT THE RUMOR SPREADER IS TRYING TO MESS UP A PERSONS LIFE..THIS TACTIC IS COMING FROM A JEALOUS ENVY PERSON..YOU HAVE WHAT THEY WILL NOT AND YOU ARE GIFTED IN WAYS THEY AREN'T..TO BAD AND I DON'T CARE.. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW ME AND THE ONES THAT DO LOVE ME..I'M PRIVATE AND I SEE THROUGH THE SMOKE SCREEN..I JUST SEE THESE LOW LIFE LIARS AS DUST BEHIND ME...LIFE IS GOOD AND JOY SPEAKS LOUD...GOD BLESS EVERYONE..LIFE IS HARD AND THEY TRY AND MAKE IT HARDER AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU WILL WIN BY LETTING THE TRUTH OUT BY BEING WHO YOU ARE AWESOME...THEY WEAR A MASK AND ARE FAKE SCAMMERS ..WATCH THEM CRUMBLE..WITH THEIR CRONIES FULL OF B/S BALONEY..HEHE HE..THESE PEOPLE CAN'T GET WHAT THEY WANT IN LIFE..THEY CON IT...AND WANT YOU NOT TO MOVE ON AND STICK AROUND WITH THEIR DEMONIC PATHETIC AS8ES....YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE ABUSE TAKE THEM TO TRIAL..WATCH THEM CRY...REPORT ALL STALKING,SET UPS AND SCAMS TO LAW ENFORCEMENT AND CHILD ABUSE..THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ABUSE THEIR KIDS AND HAVE THEM HATE AS WELL...
The Narc comes across with complete sincerity.
@@angelaparmelee9983 yes, I have a sister like that.
YES, THEY ARE EVIL NO DOUBT ABOUT IT AND THEY THINK IT WILL WORK..NOT COPS FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER THE TRUTH IS OUT.. THESE MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE KNOW IT'S WRONG AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION..I'M SORRY YOU HAD THIS DEPRAVED ENCOUNTER..@@rjvasquez6385
@@rjvasquez6385 How do losers like that sleep at night? I mean, I could not even live with myself if I was such a loser.
This almost brought me to tears. I've just recently gotten out of a long friendship and while beating myself up about it, I came across your videos only to realize I was in an emotionally abusive friendship this whole time. Everything you've said was exactly what I had to live through!
It’s amazing how a narcissist would remember every.single.mistake.you.make. Plus all the things HE thinks is a mIstake that you made. I’ve stopped defending myself to everyone. The truth is the truth is the truth.
I dont think i have to justify myself to everyone its so draining with their twisted minds sorry for the words. What everever I write is my issues of what I get from trolls.
And the Truth never dies. Never.
I think you have the best attitude to this situation. I had to hang on to the truth and trust that eventually it would be apparent to others. It’s terribly hard to have to do though and you have my sympathy!
Amen
@@allykatharvey awful
".....if they were that easy to loose, were they worth keeping in the first place?" that part!
WOW. Thanks for saying it out loud. ☀️
Stay strong while forgiving and setting boundaries.
If you miss your abusers without a doubt you're suffering from helinski-syndrome or stolkholm-syndrome.
Michelle Mykel House I think it’s different if it’s your mom. Having littles, it would be helpful to have her around, but sadly for safety reasons due to her refusal I have gone no contact. It is her loss because she’s getting older and missing her kids and grandbabies but it’s still hard for me when friends of mine get along with their moms and have support for childcare pretty much anytime.
Totally nailed it.
Yes , THAT PART!!
People who are this manipulative in life, are completely immature. And so miserable with their own essence on this Earth. They just show how insecure they are.. Strong people sense this and ignore, ignore, ignore..
Evil always destroys itself. So just watch...
I agree !!
Yeah, but evil always takes for freaking ever to do it, and leaves a pile of corpses and ruin behind.
Better that good openly and actively confronts, thwarts, and destroys evil rather than waiting for more and more destruction to be piled up.
I can't wait ❤
I certainly hope karma does catch up with my narc. Abuse and smear campaign has been going on for decades. Only realised what this relative had been doing for years when I turned 50. It was like a light bulb turning on. It has impacted my health greatly. I truely hope it stops one day.
Yess..I do agree🎉
People believe things they want to believe. Those people they slandered you to who easily turn against you, were already having some sort of resentment towards you. You may have never known of this resentment, but it when they see a reason to dislike you they do.
It's like they always treated you kindly to your face, but underneath they disliked you. However, they could never find a reason to dislike you openly. The slander gives them this outlet to dislike you and they may not even believe the slander. They may know full well that it's a lie, but they go with it anyways.
Good insight.
This is what I've painfully come to realize after an ex narcissist friend turned one of my closest friends against me. Years and years of "great" friendship down the drain. However... It's obvious this close friend must've had hidden feelings towards me and all they needed was a tiny outlet and a push to let it all out. Not sure which part of this is more painful, watching someone be turned against me by a monster's lies or knowing that they must've disliked me for a long time if they turned that easily.
Yes exactly.
This is so true.
I think to myself that it’s best to not take it personally.
Better to understand where this comes from
Than seeking to be understood
Its my reality.
I do realize i am alone in this world.
And there will always be that person who comes to you and tell you what’s going on eventually.
I have one playing this with me nowadays.
I got alot to envy in life and otherwise.
And these big baby narcs are off the hook.
This is so true.
I think to myself that it’s best to not take it personally.
Better to understand where this comes from
Than seeking to be understood
Its my reality.
I do realize i am alone in this world.
And there will always be that person who comes to you and tell you what’s going on eventually.
I have one playing this with me nowadays.
I got alot to envy in life and otherwise.
And these big baby narcs are off the hook.
My mother was a narcissist who destroyed my relationships with my siblings. I was her scapegoat, her constant target. I have had to learn to live without having my brothers and sister in my life, and I can never forgive her for what she did. The way I look at it today is it is their loss. they lost a wonderful sisterl
My "mom" tried the same with me.except it blew up in her face when I called her out in front of everyone at my brother's wedding and then cut her out of my life completely.its been 2 years,feels good
Same here. Along with the community around us and countless other ppl.
It's hard to cut all the narcissist out of your life when in reality, that's basically the only type of people I've had in my life! I am definitely a narc magnet!
This brought me TO TEARS 😭 Yes, same. I did so much for them it pains me to think what my narc mom had to make up. She’s out right evil.
Yes, some sheeple always believe whatever they’re told and lack the critical evaluation or independent opinions. Petty minions lose sight of most important quality in others, kindness, that’s the price they pay for their convenient compliance or participation in smear campaigns. I’ve seen people I really really cared about, loved and wished all good, to go cold on me - I’m perplexed as to why they’re so blind to the loss of the genuinely caring person, if my attitude towards them was evident. What, they didn’t care to be cared about? Ironically, I noticed people initiating the smear campaign are the ones who used to disrespect the minions, while I was trying to comfort their pain from it or protect them.
When people you don’t even know are suddenly in your business in an obsessive way ,that you did not invite to be involved in your business, then Be aware something is not right!
Yes! I've had people I didn't hardly know follow me... And stare me down. They're bullies
Exactly, like all of a sudden the details of our private lives are under a microscope. The issue at hand is that everyone thinks they know you when in fact they only know the lies that have been told.
...This!
@@accountcompromised2166 so true and I dont even know these people but carry on
@Silver & Cold same here
Sometimes you never know someone did the smear contest. The ones who are suddenly cool towards you either come around or they dont.
08:48
"if they were THAT easy to lose, were they really worth KEEPING in the first place?"
If someone could be tale away from you so easilhw...it does make you wonder.....how GOOD was the connective tissue in that relationship?
And then you have to go through the grief of the loss of comraidship. What a waste.
Nope 😌 they were also insecure & were intimidated by my enlightened soul 😎😎 i m more than happy to loose those wolfs in sheep skin 😌😌😌
Absolutely true
Facts! They are useless
My mother turned the WHOLE family against me with lies. And it was hard, as a 20 year old with no one else in the world I felt so alone. However, I knew that by leaving that toxic dynamic I was giving myself a chance to find real love. I hope everyone here gets the chance to experience real (NON narcissistic) love❤️
Amen
I understand, I had the same happen to me at about the same age. And it is hard being that young and being subjected to that. Sorry that happened to you ...
My mother started it when I was around 13-14 years- I was at her mercy and very much alone. She started programming my father and my two brothers. She painted the picture that she was ‘taming the shrew’ in me- she projected an image of me which was in reality not me. But the vicious cycle was that I began to rebel because my father and my brothers began to look at me and treat me with the warped up ideas in their heads that she fed them. I lost the love and support of my closest family growing up. I became an over achiever in school- thinking I could win my parents’ love and my brothers’ admiration if I topped it in academics and sports. But it didn’t- it sometimes backfired- kindling more jealousy, competitiveness and anger from my mother- she kept putting me down at every opportunity she got. She did a lot of gaslighting.
Later she spread her tentacles to my husband, my extended family, my sisters in law and colleagues at work (unfortunately I was forced to work with her in our family business- which I regret to this day) She curtailed opportunities that I got to go further in my education- she stopped me from taking on a scholarship to do my PhD in Chemistry in Scotland by informing my husband that I might run away from him and my kids if he allowed me to go. She just cooks up stories and talks like it’s real.
When it’s your parents it’s extremely difficult to distance yourself- and the world is very judgemental- especially the Asian society I live in. It’s a cardinal sin to cut ties with your aging parents. But a narcissist never changes. Now I’m 45 and still feeling that I was robbed of a happy life by a woman who actually needed therapy and an enabling father and brothers.
@@hasnaiflal5363 I'm so sorry this happened to you . My situation was similar. You have to think of yourself. You can't sacrifice your whole life because of tradition. Doing that you are playing along with some would call - MORE than toxic scenario. What is more important - not sacrificing a God given life or worrying about what others think ?? No one will reward you or think higher of you to go along with this nonsense and it will be all for naught. AND also you will kill the only avenue for change for your mother otherwise she will carry on till her death. If she doesn't take the chance at least one person can survive - you. PLEASE don't sacrifice your life anymore by someone who has let themselves be run by this darkness. I too thought you have to stay attached because their "family" - then I didn't. You can either leave completely or hold them at arms length with the least amount of contact And you MUST do that !!
Consider yourself lucky you figured it out so young. Now you have a whole life of being able to spot narcissists, avoid them, or deal with them in the right way (if you have work with them etc). It's like GOLD in the bank.
I became pretty immune to narcissism after figuring out what it was.... so my narc told everyone I "used and abused" her. The fact that people actually believed it really hurt, but the truth came out eventually.
@loveable rouge I am healing a day at a time. ❤️🙏🏼The defamation of my character was the hardest part but as all this time has passed nobody believes her anymore so the worst is definitely over. Thank you for the kind comment checking up on me!
Always does. I live next to one. Tried to turn me against neighbor other side of her. Found out she couldn't. So she enlisted a renter across the street, and her contractors. I wrote an email to renter's landlord because she threatenend me twice. As for all of us homeowners, everybody is against the narcissist, because yes-we all know the truth. As for renter, she will get discarded and nobody likes her because she has cussed all of us out. She will be alone. 🤷♀️
@@andreaberryman5354 that is sad.. :-(
Yes believing is seeing
@loveable rouge have you?
The universe is working for me and I will come out ahead.
I thought i would write this instead of complaining, to bring light in my life.
Let your light shine bright admist the shadows they hide in
I wish I had known this many years ago. She's right when she says they actually did me a favor when they pulled those stunts. I have better people in my life now.
Yes in a very twisted and perverse way but I pray no one ever goes through the same hell I did
@@articlight737 I wish the same, unfortunately it won't be reality!
Agreed.
I needed to hear this 36 years ago (before TH-cam) I wasn't the direct victim per se but was included in the narcissist's scheme, it happened to someone very near and dear to me and they almost died by the hands of someone who believed her made-up story. I won't go into detail - read Genesis chapter 39 for the story outline of Potifer's wife - similar story. It amazed me how many people believed her. The ones who said they didn't believe her, but told others they really did - talk about backstabbing with a smile. It was so painful to go through - it affected me deeply and was isolating. We've established new relationships since then but the closeness with the family is gone. I no longer trust the ones who believed her even though the fabricator is no longer around the family. We're civil, get together occasionally for family dinners but the trust is gone.
If anyone comes to ‘talk to me about someone’ my first thought is “Why are they doing this?”
Envy evil intent
And that's how it should be!! Some people for whatever reason are easily influenced..
Sometimes they might be the Truthteller, too. Targets can look like Smear Campaigners when they tell the #Truth.
If the Narc senses Your suspect, They will attack You also. Spot it and lend support secretively
This only happened to me once where someone wanted to "talk to me" about someone. I was kind of young but even then thought it was odd that they were talking so much crap about someone they always hung out with. I never paid it any mind until many years later that it happened to me... where one of my "friends" turned everyone against me and lied about it whenever I confronted him.
When a person really cares about you no one seen or unseen can make them turn against you. It is not important who left you, just dont leave yourself. Do not defend your truth. It is a waste of time. I wish all of you here nothing but the best.
Your comment is so spot-on and quotable, especially the "It is not important who left you, just don't leave yourself." Thank you. You sound like you're really at peace.
@Vashti Jones 25% of people will like you and won't ever be swayed, 25% dislike you but can be swayed to like you, 25% like you and can be swayed the other way to not like you, usually by the 25% of people who will never like you no matter what. That last group usually has an agenda that you stand against or don't fit into and it's nothing really personal. That group will look for people who share the same ideology as them. The third group disengaging from you is the most hurtful. However, we don't see the other people who start to like us, group 2, because we're so concentrated on the people who left us. In the end we all have the same individual who will always stay with us. The one entity that every major religion in the world believes in, and that's God. No group of people can change his mind against you.
As a Christian who believes in Jesus Christ, He did not defend the truth when Pontius Pilate asked Him what is truth? Pontius Pilate was looking at Jesus Christ and knew that He was innocent, but still went along with the masses to have him crucified due to the smear campaign of the Sanhedrin (Jews elders) who hated the truth. He felt that truth was relative. Hold to the truth of who you are and stand strong. The truth will prevail.
They enter like a parasite
@@aharry31 Unfortunately some narcissists who call themselves Christians do the same thing. You confront them and ask for an explanation or the truth of what they have been doing and they 'become like Christ' and do not answer, saying that, like Christ, they are being persecuted. They then play the victim card and you look like the abuser....
I’m experiencing this at my workplace right now. I learned a few things. It’s important to keep a journal to record what happened, who was involved and when. It’s better to report harassment early. I made the mistake of trying to be patient with the narcissist and hoping they will change. If no real disciplinary action takes place even after you report the bullying, prepare to leave asap.
My mother had the WHOLE family against me. My father, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was a very shy kid and had no idea how to combat this. My sister mimicked her and had the neighbors and classmates against me too. I was 54 years old before I realized that I was NOT a defective piece of trash. Now, 12 years later, I still isolate myself out of self-protection, but I am learning to be content. This channel is helping me.
66 and right there with you timing and all! Had to look and see if this was MY post! Hah! You think you are the only one in the world who had to go no-contact, and it's embarassing. Then you start reading all of these.
Mine was also my Mother. Did exactly what you’re saying. I just couldn’t believe what people were telling me she had said about me, still struggling with it. I went to a family wedding recently where nobody was allowed to talk to me, The Bride and Groom made a fuss of me but nobody else dare talk to me. I’ve never felt so hurt in my life. I’m a grown man but when I got home and shut the door I cried like a baby. I think this must be how a victim of bullying feels,
I do the same thing. I have been at the bottom of the totem poll most of my life, right where my parents wanted me. They didn’t like me because wasn’t the pretty daughter they dreamed. I feel like a grease stain on the pavement.
@@StephanieGrantham I hope you can cut ties with the people who mistreated you. Reject their hateful opinions.
You are worth loving. Accept and love yourself. Please don't criticize yourself. You need time to develop into the person you were meant to be. Abuse can slow that development so get free of it and get to know the real you. Clearly you are a strong survivor. Many people understand your situation and we support your efforts to have a happy life! Best wishes!
Not only am I happier now, I can really be myself and not waste time on someone not worthy. I am somewhat isolated too, but it's something I'm working on by learning more about what I like and what I enjoy spending my time with rather than what everyone else wants. Write it down to get it out of your head and create room for something new to take your attention!
Handle with grace and remember "Those that know you, know better! Those that don't, don't matter!" 💯
Exactly
Like this one!
Good point. However, the people who should have known better, cause a lot of pain and disappointment by believing the worst and behave as if they don't care.
wow thanks!! 🙌🙌this mindset helped me re think my fear of rejection from their flying monkeys
No, then u missed the point of this whole video.... the ppl who know you are turned against you, even tho they know you. This is the pain and upset.. the truth is so easily ruined/tainted...
Real friends push back on your behalf
Yes they do! I was very fortunate that my friends took up for me when exposed to the barc mom's attacks.
Yes, we need more loving human beings like this 💟
My daughter, when she was younger, said to me one day, very profoundly, "mom, do you realize you and your sister aren't speaking because your mother is telling her what you allegedly said and telling you what she allegedly said, and neither one of you said what you are being accused of!?" Why don't you and your sister get together and discuss what is going on!? Best way to resolve this is to like you saidm, shed light on the dark places and they disappear, She kept this going because she wanted to be included in our lives, and this was her way of thinking she could keep control.
OMG... Finally someone knows... For once in my life I can finally breathe this was fantastic
Petera Nuku,you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷 to be with a narc 😈!
Welcome to our no- longer-waiting-to- exhale community!
Me too..... that's exactly what my first thoughts were! I have had my eyes opened very wide, this woman is amazing and helping to put sense to my life!
@@oscarwilliamson1264 thank you
I said the same thing the other night when I found these videos. It made me feel less crazy than I have felt in the last 10 years when I started sticking up for myself
You have to watch your kids around narcs because they whisper hate against you in your children's ears and before you know it your own kids hate you!
Right..I'm going through this right now..the father is so mean and hostile towards me because he can't control me..he's trying to turn my own daughter against me..
Parental alienation is very real, it's the ultimate smear campaign, to have your own children turned against you and even join in on the abuse against their own parent!
Reba Miller Going through this right now.
@@iamnottheone9765 I'm so sorry for your loss. This is happening to me right now, and it is devastating. Exactly what the narc is after.
@@iamnottheone9765 thank you for your compassion. All we can do is adhere to our own core values and realize how much in life is not in our control. I wish for you civility, compassion, dignity, and respect.
these ppl are a waste of time. anyone with a brain needs to ask themself: why does this narc only ever moan and focus on 1 particular person who is obviously not bothering anybody?! honestly you gotta question the ppl who surround the narc.
Absolutely!
Miss Davids yep seen that first hand she would whine & B --h about 1 lady a neighbor constantly was like WTH the women goes & comes doesn’t bother you what’s the problem ????? Now I know person didn’t hv a life --I had to move to just hv piece of mind told her this doesn’t make sense -/ stay away from no life people like this they will drag you down so fast you won’t know what hit you --/if they hv nothing to do that’s a red flag & be careful listen to your gut 💥😪😪💥😪
Erika true but sometimes your so blind to it you don’t know what hit you sad 💥💥💥
They're needy they desperate and the narc is paying them
Yep, as soon as I detect a Narc I'm gone. I have no time for that kind of drama. It took me a long time though to understand what I was dealing with before I could get there. Empaths and HSP personalities don't walk away easily. There has to be a certain level of understanding before we can do that.
My son did this to me and I immediately severe all the ties with the people who tried to harm me because of his lies, including my daughter in law. It seems I'm going to be a grandmother soon, but I don't expect to even meet my grandchild. If it means to deal with my son, I'd rather not. It's VERY difficult but I have to protect myself
It is difficult and I'm sorry for your pain. I'm in a similar situation-continue to stay no contact-it's the only way to peace. My stepson and father in law are covert narcs and they are contemptible, shallow, cowardly demons. I will never, ever speak to either one of them again and sadly, they both live next door. Hold your head high and work towards ambivalence, it is attainable I hear.
I went through this recently! Was devastated to find how few real friends I had!
I quickly learned “I love all Gods children”, But, “I don’t have to like them”!!! No more ego issues either.
We’ll be okay...I’m hopeful 🤜🏽🤛🏼
Less is more. My narcissist did me a favor, he cut my grass for me and now it’s easier to spot the snakes!
Tiffany Jolly love that comment 😻
Jesus christ, you had a few real friends after it! I'm jealous!
Same devastating depressing
“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to”....W.C. Fields
Awesome quote!
THANK YOU!
Very insightful 💡
If only things were that simple!
Yeah it's not that simple.
The longtime “friend” who turned on me with no question doesn’t deserve my grace. I don’t want her back in my life. She went willingly because it worked for her. She wanted to.
I think it is more devastating when it is someone you trust
@@anotherdimensionalentity1040 ...it is.
Exactly. If it was that easy then go be on your way you werent worth the frienship of what a friendship truly is.
I've lost many and also experienced unneccessary harrassment in the work place because of my narcissistic brother
@@Africangyal yep, best be gone from all of them. I left years ago. I didnt understand back then what I was ccx walking away from but soooo glad I did bc now I know and I did the right thing. Saved myself alot of grief.
Exercise your ability to distance yourself from all of them and experience peace. It feels so good ✌️
Always amazes me just how much one person can cause so much damage,emotionally and physically,needed to hear this thank you
Maggs Paine I agree!
I had a friendship with this girl who had feelings for me, we kissed at my house and shared how we felt. Once I asked her out she denied me and made no sense. I stopped talking to her for a week and her friend came to me and was like try being her friend before her boyfriend and I was like hurt.
@@BrickManiac maybe she has been hurt sometime,try and talk to her no pressure ,talk to find out where you stand at least you will know,perhaps that's what she wants right now is a friend not a full on relationship
@@maggspaine5419 I tried being a friend, but she said some really mean things. When we hung she just acted like she didn't want to be there not to mention that it was really awkward and she left after 30 minutes. I tried to make her stay longer but it was no use and not to mention embarrassing.
@@BrickManiac this may sound harsh,but she is not good enough for you leave her alone and wait for a girl that will respect you and not be mean,she sounds childish anyway and she shouldn't have made you feel embarrassed,its not right,stay away you deserve more
My mother had been lying about me for over 20 years and I had no clue. She lied to my own/her own family. They all sided with her because she always had her mask on. I blocked all those people in my life.
Me too..much love. .💜
@Rebecca Buschhorn I saw it too as a kid but I never knew it was a disorder either until 2 years ago.
Rebecca Buschhorn 😳 same for me too. As a child I knew there was something off about my mother, but I couldn’t pinpoint it myself. Of course being a 80s baby, the internet didn’t come into play for me until the late 90s and everyone about made it seem like she couldn’t and didn’t do anything wrong. smfh
I thought I was the only one going through this experience. I am dating a Narcissist right now. I have had so many conflicts with my own family members and friends over him. My own family members took his side over mine and I don't understand why that can happen to a person. I feel so alone and disbelief that your own blood can turn against you.
Rebecca Buschhorn I agree, little girls do need their mother and about the abundance of information at our fingertips. For those types of mothers to take advantage of that love is supremely cruel. Truly a shame. I put everything about my mother together within the last 4 years (bomb dropped when I turned 35) but even though my heart is broken behind her actions, I started going to therapy, which has helped tremendously and I just can’t wait to start the next chapter of my life. My God is not done with me yet; the best is yet to come. Thanks for sharing, what I’m sure is just a snippet of what you’ve had to endure. Much blessings to you!
My sister has been trying to turn ALL family member's against me since she was in her early teens and I was several years younger.
And yes, more than 55 years later, she's still attempting to do this.
I got one of these, an older brother version. Still at it at 49, I just ignore him and avoid contact which just infuriates him even more. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Family knows whats up, I just say I ain't making anyone choose sides.
@shawn gibson so glad your dad realized her true colors . Blessings to you ✝️🙏
😨🤬
my ex sister has even been around my neighbours to turn them against me and has even tried to get to some friends she doesn't really know . Its so strange they make it their lifes mission to try to destroy you but in the meantime Im having a life and enjoying it as best I can , losing my son though has destroyed part of me I just hope he see's what she is doing ..
I know what it means, Im 51 and have an elder sister and the whole family as her team against me
I wish I knew your teachings 25 years ago, lost everything both personal and material and now as I sit with my son I told him; of all the people I lost you are the only one who I refuse to give up
I had friends who suddenly refused to give me hugs when I saw them. People started acting very distant. I knew it was my narcissist (didn't know she was a narcissist at the time) because some people I trust started letting me know this person was telling them things. So I just knew they were on a smear campaign. I even had people aggressively snap at me and say "(name) told me what you did!" Years later, one of the folks who had started to refuse engaging with me asked me directly what happened. When I shared, this person said: wow, I feel like she (the narcissist) lied to me -- She told me a very different story. -- but yes, the people who never came to talk to me and instead started to treat me negatively... Took me a little too long to realize they were not really good friends.
Ty💜
When the narc conducted a local smear campaign, I noticed my neighbours staring & giving me funny looks & rubbernecking, hoping I was finally breaking down, so this was the perfect opportunity to install Verisure & cut them all off, even the ones creeping up to me feigning sympathy, these were the morale-sifters, my walls went up so high only 1 neighbour has partial access & that's on my terms just in case they're flying monkeys too
What's wild is a stranger told me the words that been going around about me. The people that dissappeared said nothing. I was out and about when i cross paths with this stranger. I guess after meeting me and seeing i was not like what was being said, they told me someone been spreading rumors to keep people away from me.
Yes this has happened to me w my own mother ..she turned my brothers against me they are easy to manipulate it seems
@@nmc1859
Growing up with a narcissistic mother makes you a mouse having toxoplasmosis..
You are not coded to smell the danger.
I’m sorry.
Stay on the right path. The good ones will come around 💚☝️
The phrase "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" is a phrase the narcissist lives by. If you ever hear anyone say this is part of their life philosophy, run like your life depended on it. I want to keep my friends close and kick my enemies to the curb. Period.
🥂🍾 Yes, Cheers!
Excellent plan‼️
Dean Allen damn finally meant Someone think like I ,I don't get why people would want there enemy closed to them I never got it
I don't want my enemies close to me, but I understand the idea. I agree with a friend who said there are people she feeds...with a very long spoon. They,re not close to her, but they know they,re being watched. Thank God, at this point in my life I don,t have any relationships like that. The last one ended 12 years ago. We only "see" each other in a Facebook group.
OMG our narc said that EXACT statement about a "friend" of hers...she absolutely does this!
Dean Allen you’re so right. This shocked me when my narcissist sister said it to me. I thought how devious and dishonest. Now I’m her scapegoat. Everyone who doesn’t adore and reverence her cops it. You know the virtue signalling type.
Out of all the cruel things narcissistic people subject their victims to, I truly believe this is the absolute worst play of them all. They turn everyone of their people against you and then start turning your own family and friends afterwards. They already caused narcissistic injuries for whatever many years, then they discard you, humiliate you and on top of it all if you’re able to get out they do a smear campaign to tarnish your image and isolate you.
Very true
There are things you can do though to help yourself. You can leave as soon as you know how they are, but if you're stuck with them you can secretly record the awful things they say and do. Just don't get caught. As soon as I hear him walk in the door I Flip the record button and turn my phone face down in an inconspicuous place. Everyone thinks he is wonderful. If they were to hear just one of his screaming tirades it would change their opinion.
Just plain evil
I have two older sisters, one of whom is a narcissist. For years, he created a triangle against me. Now, thank God, my older sister and I have become dear friends.
You have written exactly what happened to me. The narcissist is my Mother. I see very few people now and sometimes get really down. I was recently invited to a family wedding where I spent most of the time sat on my own. The Bride and Groom were good to me so that helped me through what was one of the most horrible experiences I have ever had. I’m a grown man but as soon as I got home and shut the door I cried for about an hour.
TH-cam didn't recommend me this video for nothing. Great video. Thank you ❤️
The one thing that worked for me was when I said, "Wow, I must be really special to you, for you to spend so much time and energy thinking and talking about me". Nothing stops a narc in their tracks like shining a light, haha.
And in reverse don’t let anyone take up residence in your head rent free
"Shining a light "
Most definitely
My narcissistic Sister did the very same thing to me. Started a whole smear campaign, I've lost so many people. She nearly destroyed my life, but I won't let her. I now have absolutely no contact with her, or most of my family to be honest. And I will never look back!!
My heart truly goes out to you.. mine did the same with relatives and close family ....sadest part is I lost them and went into a very dark time in my life... that resulted in revealing my Narsisitic mother💔.After years, people are starting to see it now🤯 it was soo sad , my sister would even approach my boyfriends /colleagues and try to see if she could turn them💔 ...but atleast now I discovered my true friends and family from this🙏
@@sheenafrida7446 Thank you so much for this comment! Its a lonely place to be in because it feels like nobody else could possibly understand what you're going through, but our stories are so similar 💔 I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this. Truly thank you for your comment and letting me know that I'm not alone. I know that dark place all too well. Reach out if you'd like to talk to someone with the unique perspective of experiencing the same thing. Sending you peace and positive energy 💕
@@snn2913 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had to go completely no contact in order to heal from the abuse and try to move on, which meant that I had to limit relationships with other family members in order to maintain no contact but to me it is worth it to cut that energy from my life. Its still a process day by day and I still become overcome with anger and sadness at times but I am definitely healing and on the right track. Don't give up! You've got this. Thank you for reaching out 💕
Also, I had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how painful it feels, and how evil it is, some of your loved ones just won't understand and will still see the best in your sibling, and it is frustrating. Try to enjoy relationships with your family members separately from your sibling and make it clear that you don't want to engage in conversations about your sibling anymore as you clearly have different views. Try to be understanding that although they were terrible to you, they still share your family members, and your family members will still care about them. This was a painful thing for me to accept. ❤️
Your happiness is important, you are important. Narcs are life sucking monsters. They hate their own lives and try to bring others down with them
I've been on my own a very long time. The best way is to be your own support system. Then you can have true friends.
Like
Agreed
Currently hold this mindset. I see it to be true. On a journey of self-sufficiency and financial freedom
Exactly same in my case. It took years to figure out but now I know who is the next person she'll target to brainwash
@Tanya Brown Right! They weren’t real friends to begin with if they leave. You only need 1-2 true friends and family
That's so true. I have been going true this issue for a while and lost some friends and family also, at work place as well.
My ex-husband did this to my entire extended family, all my cousins, aunts, and uncles. The fact that they were so easily led to believe the worst about me made me not want to ever be close to them again anyway. He can have them if they chose him over family.
Good for you! Fk him and fk the extended family.
Isn't that disfunctional that they would believe a crazy person? It's a flaw in them to not try to investigate and know another but in a whim believe in what they are told.
@@DK-rd2bd Yep, that's why I disowned them.
@@JaneSmith0709 so did I, it's the only thing to do . Sad to know this happens but good to know we are not alone in our suffering and in our resolution.
Going through same right now. Only have a couple people left in my world and I've recently found conversations with them about me. I do believe I truly am alone. Been with him almost 20years guess they are next because he's running out of things to take from me. Even my own child which he used to treat bad too
M
When my ex girlfriend who was covert narcissist went on a smear campaign after I beat her to the discard, one of her friends came to me to tell me something she told them, I told her: I'm aware that Lisa can mold other people's reality and perception of me.
And I left it at that, when I said it like that to them they didn't expect a response like that, I made them question themselves as to how were they so easily manipulated by her without questioning what she told them, and their attitude instantly changed after they just processed what I had said to them.
Hope this works well for you too if you use it.
How about people get both sides of the story. These people are so convincing!
Thanks. Succinctly said.
This is a really great response and I appreciate you posting it. Referring to it as a perception without outright saying they are lying creates the cognitive dissonance that will correct the problem.
Thanks, I'll try use it in the future when dealing with Narcissist again
Narc girls like to provoke people out, entitled and having no respect around boys, no wonder they were never happy....
If someone is involving a lot of people in their conflicts, run.
Thats my narc mother to a T. When she has a fight with someone in the family she will act like a victim and involve the maximum people as possible as if it was a community project. She has so much rage inside that she would be yelling the same BS or the events of a fight for months. And then it becomes the topic of the moment until she jumps into another fight. Its so pathetic. I always say to her that I dont want to be involved in her toxic stories so she makes sure to talk loud so I can hear the crappy details. It pisses me off.
@@independenthoney1 Your mom is a complete loser. Why do you even have contact? Get away from that insanity. It is not healthy.
@@independenthoney1 Yeah get away from your mother. My mother destroyed every area of my life. I can't believe what she did to me, the sadistic abuse was mind boggling but it took me my whole life to work out how utterly hideous a person she really was and her legacy lives on. Get away from her. FAR away and NEVER go back.
This!!!!
Exactly.
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani! You have described my divorce and the narcisstic and dysfunctional family that I came up against! So Smart! So very True!❣️
The trouble is that normal, healthy people don't make up outright lies out of nowhere. So when such a person hears a narcissist make an accusation, they assume there HAS to be a least a LITTLE truth in it. Most people just aren't prepared for the level of cold cruelty and dishonesty that narcissists display as a matter of course. They think, "Who could, or would, make this kind of thing up?" A narcissist could, and a narcissist would!
If a piece of gossip seems to negate what you already know about a person (or believe about a person) then ask for hard evidence to back their assertions - no matter how carefully couched in concern it seems. Proof doesn't lie, opinions do.
phemyda94 exactly! I just posted something very similar to what you said. You said it much better! To understand a narcissist you either have to be one or have been a victim of one.
B G that's where the narcissist eventually gets tripped up, details that don't match up.
So sad and true it's really unexplainable for someone to begin to understand the depth and pain unless they've been in this type of situation
@@terrylemal5163 Hello there .. YESSSS .. their actions don't match their words and vice versa .. they are malignant, they have a Batchelor's degree in pathological lying and are soul-less spirits ..vapid and empty...
8:53 ‘If they were that easy to lose, were they worth keeping in the first place?’ I will remember this statement. It’s so true!
So true people who are so easy to manipulate are not worth my time. They are too gullible
While it is true that people do reveal their true nature in front of the narcissist and you will be happy some actually did, in the long run a narcissist can do so much damage that before you know, you are basically isolated with no friends and that is the way they want it. Dont fall for this, even though you know that these people have somehow believe the narcissist, unless is too horrible what they have done, keep them close, don't give the narcissist the satisfaction of messing up all your friendships some of them will eventually see the truth, and not all will be lost. Narcissist are reckless and irresponsible and at some point their lies are exposed, not that that will make them have an epiphany but others will notice.
@@gingerfellah5665 unfortunately narcissist destroy every single relationship that they know will make you happy, hope for the best, be the best mother you can be, you can't really cut them off
I personally do not listen to other people when it comes to someone telling me about another persons behavior. I need to meet the person myself & make my own views.
Hello Maude Boggins...I invented the phrase " I'm not going to bite on that worm" when I was working and someone wanted to tell me something about another person. It still works for me.
Not many people are that independent of mind
Me too. That's exactly as it should be.
Smart! When Maria says something about John, we know more about Maria than about John...
I always say,, it's not fair for me to comment. I don't live there. And who knows what goes on behind closed doors. I don't know, and I don't want to know. My life is full and keeps me busy.
Thank you for having a heart for us victims of narcissistic abuse especially from a young age. My father is severely narcissistic and quite nasty and vile... And a mother who ignored me to constantly pander to his frequent outbursts of rage and me a little girl just watching it all and very early finding God in the suffering...