ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- The 1st part in a 4-part installment laying out the patriarchal structure and how men and women fit into it respectively, with an emphasis on how its being affected by current social issues.
Sources:
Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships - ohioline.osu.edu/factsheet/FL...
Gender Differences in the Relational and Collective Bases for Trust - hal.science/hal-00571600/docu....
Study Says Men Are More Narcissistic Than Women - time.com/3733275/men-narcissi...
Stereotype that women are kinder and less selfish is true, claim neuroscientists - www.theguardian.com/science/2...
Why Men Don't Last: Self-Destruction as a Way of Life - www.nytimes.com/1999/02/17/he... (use reader view if paywalled)
Gender Differentiation in Indirect Self-Destructiveness and Suicide Attempt Methods (Gender, Indirect Self-Destructiveness, and Suicide Attempts) - www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Violence Against Women - interactive.unwomen.org/multi...
On Male Self-Destruction - caffeineandphilosophy.com/202...
Even when women make as much as their husbands, they still do more at home - www.cnn.com/2023/04/16/succes...
More Women Outearn Husbands But Household Work Remains Inequitable, Pew Study Finds - www.forbes.com/sites/maggiemc...
More wives, husbands have similar earnings. But who’s doing the housework? - www.forbes.com/sites/maggiemc...
Is Marriage Better for Men? - www.americansurveycenter.org/....
#patriarchy #patriarchal #feminist #feminists #feminism #equity #equality #oppression #sexism #misogyny #misogynistic
I hear so much about how women file for divorce more than men. I've known a few women who file for divorce after their husbands leave them. They can't even find their husbands to serve them with divorce papers. So the wife legally ends the marriage, but in reality the husband ended the marriage by leaving. It's literally the woman doing the unpaid labor if legally ending it.
It goes hand in hand with all the stories men have been sharing of not wanting to be the one to break up relationships and just doing their worst so the woman breaks up with them.
This is a point that needs to be discussed more often because of how true it is.
It's not always a matter of independence or wanting to leave for some women.
It's literally the only choice because there's no one to be a wife too.
Having said that I recognize that a lot of women whose husbands are physically around get divorced because virtually all he is, is a body.
I don't believe most women want to get a divorce. They want their husbands to work to be better people.
My friend’s husband told her he didn’t want to be married anymore, THEN left the marital home and moved 3,000 miles away and then DID nothing for 3 years. He would dodge her attempts to discuss the messy finances and process of divorce.
She finally had to do it ALL on her own. Empty and sell the house. File the divorce. Deal with all the creditors.
She started dating someone during this process and then her estranged husband had the nerve to get jealous.
My ex started sexually and psychologically and financially abusing me and later admitted he’d done it so I would break up with him but he resented that I left him so quickly.
Men do not instigate divorce because their tolerance level is different to women. They can exist inside of an unhappy relationship and women can not. The divorce rate is perceived to be the woman at fault. Men use this to their advantage. Men benefit from marriage not women. Women lives is shorten inside of marriage where men’s life span increases. Let that marinate.
The 30% of abuse worldwide statistic felt low to me because almost all the women I know have been abused in some way, but then I remembered that there are so many cases that are either unreported or unaccounted for. This was extremely informative. I look forward to next week 🙏
probably because of a few factors like under reporting, not recognising it as abuse (I didn't until later on in hindsight), being afraid of the potential consequenses, etc.
🎯🎯🎯
@@ninipaintsyeah, so much is ingrained/normalized, that we don’t even realize what it actually is.
It's probably closer to 60% but that would account for more "mild" forms of abuse like emotional abuse, financial irresponsibility with joint accounts, uneven chore/home hygiene expectations, and gaslighting/talking over/intermittent episodes of low or no respect, light-hearted dehumanization and objectification, and deprioritization of a woman's free time.
@@Iquey Never mind the fact that some forms of physical abuse aren't as well known, such as withholding food, denying medical care, not letting your spouse physically leave an area, or sleep deprivation.
Yay! So happy to see you on TH-cam now!! I'm a 48 year old woman who did everything wrong basically, and can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of young women like yourself for standing up to decades of patriarchy. I'm a prime example of the "from trad wife to poverty pipeline"- tragedy and truly hope the 4B movement will gain momentum here. It is way overdue and women are finally in the position to have a choice and have standards for God's sake! Most men are extremely low quality and don't deserve to have any of us amazing women in their lives. I'm just so excited for this movement and so very proud of you.. truly ❤
Oh and I'm a mother of 4 and whole heartedly support the childfree movement! I love my children, but being a mother and trad wife kept me completely stuck in a very abusive marriage.
Ladies, don't do what I did. I threw my whole life away...
I absolutely love your videos and hope you keep doing what you're doing. You're intelligent and so very articulate and always spot on. I just love you! ❤
It is good when mothers, and tell the truth, about effects of pregnancy on your bodies etc., lack of help with ongoing daily care, maintenance for the kids from male spouse or partners etc.
Women sat in this info for too, too long and didn’t tell anything.
I am post menopausal, never had any kids, and in my 50s I was realizing that pregnancy, can leave women with continance issues (among other things)!
I think young women are making decisions (with confidence) to be cf or to remain single bec they have data and studies and added testimony (finally) from mothers and from married and divorced, or long time partnered women.
It is one thing for a dry study to quantify the degree that a man under your roof (spouse/parner) doesn’t help, another to learn from women who is recovering from childbirth (stitches etc) still expected to do all kinds of housework cooking etc., as soon as she gets home from hospital!
Ur life isn’t done yet! U write the rest of ur story. Be kind with urself! I’m 46 & relate to ur story! Picking up all of the pieces after being what u were programmed to b takes time. I have almost totally opted out of relationships with males b/c even the “best” of males still take so much from us women. I’m so happy that women r using these social media platforms to share info & validate each other, which in turn assists us ( & humanity really) to evolve & make wiser choices than many women before them. Be patient & kid with urself. U never had this info when u were growing up! Love & light to u! 🙏🏽 💖💖
I'm about 20 years younger than you and I just wanted to say from my perspective you're still not "done". 48 is not old. You still have so much ahead of you. Don't tell yourself your life is wasted. My mom started over at 48 or 49. Moved me and her across the country, found a new job, new friends and she also fell in love again.
I’m the same age and I concur!!! I threw away my youth and ended up homeless on that same pipeline. When I escaped my abusive situation and tried to reenter the workforce, I was met with skepticism. Black women with a huge gap in work MUST have gone to prison. There’s no other explanation. It’s been a long uphill battle but I am not done yet and neither are you!!!! Life expectancy is long!!! Live it to the fullest!!!!!💯❤️
@@MoonAddict2024yeah it is old according to red pill men even i'm considered old and I'm 38 but I'll be 39 next month.
I've heard 30 year old women say they were labeled old even though to me there still young men try to put them in an old category just to make the older women feel insulted.
They won't let a woman retire in their 40s but I also noticed that they still insist that it's old there very rude men some of them don't respect there elders because there's something threatening about a woman that was alive before them. Apparently we are not supposed to be older then them or age at all. But they really want a family. It's very backwards how they treat women. Then they wonder why women are opting out. There's no point in even starting if we're just going to be discarded when he's done with us.
Lessons learned: Do not live with a man unless he pays for two afternoons of hired help a week. Do not have children unless you are happy to raise them by yourself. Do not continue to date men unless they show prosocial behaviour. Do not go steady with men unless they consistently take good care of themselves. Realise most men are unfit for romance and make sure you live a meaningful, stable and happy life regardless. If you meet a suitable mate, great! If not, cool too!
No offense, but you will end up NOT HAVING a relationship, because look at what are you demanding in men, and look at the men you know who have those characteristics.
The majority of men just can't DO some of those things you request here, and no amount of yelling at them will improve that.
Capitalism sucks...
@@Jamhael1 i opted out
@@ijeonu2405 men had done that as well - haven't you seen how its the situation with dating out there?
@@Jamhael1 They will do everything, even screech for "laws to be changed" in their favor to enslave women, they will keep some poor women locked up in their basement in chains, lie and deceive just so they don't have to evolve and become better person. Isn't men still more than 70% of population on dating apps?
This 🎉❤
I have come to realize women are more romantic then men. Starting to think the most successful and healthy romances were written by women but credited to men.
The way so many men behave about housework has always baffled me. They’ll put more effort into not doing things than it would take to just do them. Well I’m also a ppl manager and nothing makes employees more angry than getting stuck with tasks that are someone else’s job. Even if it’s just based on their assumption of what that person’s job is. I think men deep down truly believe housework is our job and they resent having to do any of it.
Could I provide a perspective from the men's optic?
This matter of housework ends up being a factor that men had discovered for far too long: our jobs are so TIRING, to the point that we end up having no energy for anything else.
And no, it no exageration - you can see it on many families out there, where the men ends up practically neglecting even the wife and the kids, because the jobs are this horribly draining.
And you can also see why many women end up having burnout when they enter into the labor market, because dealing with job, house, kids and romance proves to be IMPOSSIBLE to balance in a healthy way.
So, yeah - its a sad estate of affairs for both of us...
@@Jamhael1 LOL stop it! Most men I've worked with just sit in front of a computer all day long and some even goof around on the job! There are women out here who got to work, take care of the children AND tend to the housework...and you don't think they're tired as well? LOL
@@Jamhael1 Then why do they put in so much effort to avoid just doing what needs to be done. Sorry that makes no sense. And do you not think women’s jobs are draining? Sorry I appreciate that you seem to be finding some common ground maybe, but it just sounds entitled.
@@saramatthews7159 have you tried to discern the differences in emotional processing between men and women?
Why do women complain about housework? If you lived alone, wouldn't you be cleaning your house anyways? Why complain about someone not helping you, when you could just do it on your own?
Men are energy vampires too. I can’t do it anymore.
Girl I be soo drained, I really don't understand how women actually LIVE with them?? 🤔😩
As a men, I can provide perspective for this:
Men are NOT educated from childhood to engage in emotional intelligence - even the women in our lives (mother, sisters, etc) reinforce this conditioning.
Combine with the fact that the areas responsible for emotion in the brains of men are smaller then the ones of women, you end up with an individual that, in adulthood, has its ability to deal and process emotion so ATROPHIED that no amount of therapy can provide 100% recovery.
Normative Male Alexithymia - read about this, and weep...
Bullshit. Women are the ones who are draining. Having to constantly talk and vent about everything. Having to put up with their emotional tantrums and criticisms and nagging. There's a reason why husbands just stay quiet when a woman is talking. You can only listen to so much before you stop listening.
@Jamhael1 i don't care. I don't have to put up with men's nonsen$e. I am raising my son to do better and showing him what his life would be like if he derails. I am teaching him empathh and boundary and telling him I will not support or put up with misbehaviour if he is found guilty. I will not be an enabler. I am correcting the mistake of my ex hubby. Thankfully he is there to raise him but I am putting in more effort in emotional maturity and empathy which his dad lacks. I am intentional and want the best for him. I pray he gets it. His uncles are great amd he will also have good example of what great and egalitarian marriage looks like. For the already older guys, we dont have to deal with the errors of your parenting. You can change on your own. I am changing and evolving too. I am at my best but more intolerant to abuse and nons*nse
@@ijeonu2405 the problem is:
Do you LISTEN to him?
Do you not feel the sheer ABHORRENCE when he comes to you to talk about his own emotional issues?
Or you just "beat from him" the behaviour you consider "unnaceptable"?
Because that is unfortunately a problem that no one can see:
Women, being human, are capable of commiting evil under the pretense of good intentions...
This is why ladies, globally, we should all retreat
I'm glad you're here. I retreated in 2020. Hairy legs and pits to prove it. Many men can't stand it and it lets me know who to avoid.
It is happening globally.
@@YmustTh3w0rldG0r0und it is. It must.
To the woods to meet the bear.🐻
@@insomniacresurrected1000 we know we'll be safer
Dating has always been skewed, it never was any better then it is right now, Woman are just standing up for themselves nowadays
💯 There has never been a war between the sexes, but a war on women.
Nothing has changed, women are just waking up.
It was way better in the 00's, but at that time, women din't stand up for themselves.
Your content and ideas are incredibly potent and extremely revelatory. I definitely learned to appreciate my wife so much more than I already did having binged your videos. The feminine principle (not only in women but men as well) has been getting crushed for thousands of years.
Hopefully this message reaches you. Keep doing your thing, you’re not just helping women. Thanks again.
Thank you so much, I'm incredibly glad to hear that and to have you here!!
Iktr! For the men that pushback against this topic and the mammies who push back on women….I keep saying that this is the beginning stages (albeit this dynamic has been going on in my community for decades and spoken on in my community online for every bit of 10 years) that for the men who do not see this as an attack on their manhood but a way to push the good ole evolution…they will actually be BETTER partners for the young girls coming up now in about 10-20 years because this message will trickledown to even how people raise their children. I already see some small pockets of a few men online that get it and they have the sense and humility to not want to let the gift of a loving, nurturing, intelligent, innovative etc etc woman go. I’ve seen men ALREADY in relationships being better partners due to various women’s voices and a few men as well. MANY MEN private hide watch the women’s videos who have been consistently making sound points on this topic…they take notes, the ones with a modicum of good sense. At age 50 I understand that unless I luck up and find my ‘appropriate’ age energy male match….it’s a wrap for me so if you have a woman….keep her because if only due to that life span swap of about 7 years….I’m not chancing it at my age unless me and ole dude are vibing like seasoned ballroom dance partners ….he goes that way I go this way and we make it look easy or at least …easier….TOGETHER.
33 minutes of your content? I am SO HERE
Burbnbougie sent me. I am not on tt at all.
Welcome to TH-cam!
I get none of her notifications at all
Oh snap! BnB is awesome! ❤️
Love her!
I am 34 and unmarried but I lived so far with 2 partners. Both times I became their housemaid almost right away. The house became so disgusting in a way that would never happen if I was the only one living there and cleaning once in a lifetime. A shitty but effective solution I found was to start charging for labor around the house.
Very quickly your partner will start doing things. Or will leave you, which also solves the issue.
And about the violence, my first boyfriend crushed a phone in my hand and I bled due to the cuts. A flatmate beat me up because I politely refused to eat his food. That's being a woman, I guess.
That's being a woman around toxic men .
That is the world a woman lives in. 🙂
@@jul.escobar Every woman then
@@CharlieApples do you think every man is toxic?
Oh come on, just move on dude .... This is her experiences, her case ...for her ....out of 2 parnerts, two became lazy that want a mommy to clean after them, if we use that as data thats 100% of the cases.
Obviously she hasnt date the whole male population, what about it ???? Probably You still havent date a narcissist thereford You must thing all women are Saints ... SO yeah, life is about what we experence.... And she experence lazy bumbs @@jul.escobar
I absolutely believe that empathy and learning how to help each other is something that you learn through doing it.
When my niece and nephew were quite young, and their parents were having a hard time, I took them out shopping for Christmas presents. These kids didn’t have anything for several years and so they really were excited to go shopping.
They got to spend $100 at the store. It was a great time. We’re standing in line at the toy store to pay for everything. There are some mints that you can buy that will feed people a Christmas dinner and each package of mints would fit would feed people Christmas and kids each bought one and I bought one With the last of our money.
When we got to my cousins house and the kids were unloading all of their loot. My cousin was like what did you guys? The first thing they both said was that they got Christmas dinners for 21 people!!! That’s what they were the most excited about they love their toys, but they were most excited to share that they had helped 21 people who weren’t going to have a nice dinner. Have a nice dinner. I love these kids so much
Thank you
For months I have been feeling guilt for preparing to leave.
I don't feel guilty anymore. NOW I AM ANGRY
🫶
I left 3 months ago & this made me angry as well.
And I PROMISE. It'll be rough at 1st, but it gets SO MUCH BETTER.😁
Over a year ago i got a serious injury that took me to the hospital for a week. After being released, my (now ex-) partner picked me up and said that he missed me so dearly bc our home felt different without me, that i know how to make it a home, and he was so happy to have me back. Afterwards i told him the doctor said i should rest and do the bare minimum for a couple of weeks (basically he would have to take care of me), the story changed very quickly. Bare in mind, despite being sent home, i was still in so.much.pain.
One week after being released from the hospital, he left me (after +5 years together).
Mind you, months later, after i was healed and had the “glow-up” he said he regretted it and asked for a second chance, i said no, and if that was not enough, he told me i was as an abuser and i should get therapy before i go around hurting more people.
As a primary breadwinner, nurturer, and mom, it’s so much easier being a single mom.
Tell me I’ll hit the wall. Pity me for the single mom stigma.
But I have more peace, more time to myself, I sleep longer each day, feel freer, and calmer. My health has improved and so have my earnings since becoming a single mom. I never feel like I have to sacrifice anything for my son. He’s my sweet kid and I’d like to have another one in time.
But when I was in a relationship… oh boy… sacrifices were made… ugh.
this is exactly why I talk my 💩 lol. they can cope all they want but all they’re really doing is threatening women w a good time!!
Like the man didn’t make sacrifices. Like your son doesn’t need a stable male role model to teach him to negotiate the world. Good luck.
As a man who was raised by a single mother, I absolutely promise you that you are screwing him up and he'll be miserable as an adult. It took me decades to work out all the issues that not having a male role model caused me.
@@wolfofthewest8019 in all likelihood your dad was emotionally immature and very insecure. If this was your dad, it could have been equally harmful. For your mom and many women like the poster is alluding to. it's exhausting. You already have a child or a number or children is a child himself who drains her at best or abuses her at worst. That's not what women want. She needs a mature, stable life partner.
I sympathize with your situation. I was estranged from my father because of my domineering, hateful, vindictive mother. So l have both a mother and father wound inside me all this time. I'm still recovering from all of that as an adult.
It sucks, it's sad and it's been very hard on me but I must say it's been the most transformative thing. I'm attempting to write a book about this how it's been the greatest learning experience ever in terms of personal growth. Life itself has always been the greatest teacher.
I think you should be proud of the progress you've made. You made it out and became a better person because you worked on yourself. Indigenous Peoples had their Vision Quests. That's literally what you went through, a spiritual quest. And when you choose to be a parent you will probably make a far better parent than previous generations because you became a parent yourself, the parent you never had. Maybe they just didn't know how to love. And you can't love anyone until you learn to love yourself. That's why Patriarchy, capitalism and monotheistic religion has been so terrible. It's hate programming. They made us learn to hate ourselves and each other. They took away individuality and free thought. This is the space and time to reclaim ourselves and free ourselves from stupid rules and preconceived notions we ought to be, and let us be our true selves. It starts here and now. This is magical part when you truly mature and transform into an adult. What it means to be a man or woman or non binary when you realize,
"I am my own person." I am much more than my gender, my job, my education, bank account balance or my looks. I am deeply thinking and feeling person both flawed and brilliant. I am free to allow myself to define who l am and to be all that l am. I don't need anyone to tell me anything otherwise.
This is how l know l "graduated" in my life. It's like coming home, and yelling "Mom, Dad, I am home, l've done it!".
Aren't you sick of man dictating who you are, what you are, and that you need them to tell you those things?
(Please don't be that guy or gal who does.)
I just want everyone to know, this is it. That's why you had go through hell to learn this. Why so many are going through an identity crisis right now, especially men. It is for the better.
Boys and girls are learning to forge their own paths in life. This the only way to man up and woman up, period. They will understand this is where true freedom lies and it is one of the most powerful and impactful things they will undergo.
@@arxsyn My late father was a Vietnam veteran who served in the Green Berets and was subject to intense psychological conditioning with absolutely no concern for how it would affect him when he returned to civilian life. He had intense, untreated PTSD which he self-medicated with alcohol and ultimately made him unsafe to be around. Please do not use the trauma that was inflicted on my father by our government to besmirch him.
I never married because I grew up in hyper-liberal Seattle and was raised by feminists. I attempt to be a good feminist man, which made most women treat me like dirt except for feminists, who treated me as worst than dirt. Meanwhile, I only dated feminists, and they were all broken, damaged women who hate themselves and had no idea what they wanted from life.
"That's why Patriarchy, capitalism and monotheistic religion has been so terrible. It's hate programming. They made us learn to hate ourselves and each other."
See, I think that's actually the exact opposite of the truth. I think you're a satanic to your core, and that you're the one who has been programmed by hate. I haven't never met a feminist under the age of 50 who wasn't a garbage person whose life wasn't a disaster. All of the decent people I know? All the people living the life I wish I had? Conservatives. Christians. Capitalists even.
"Aren't you sick of man dictating who you are, what you are, and that you need them to tell you those things?"
No. Not at all. I am, in fact, sick of people like you. I am sick of the chaos, the disorder, the lack of direction and guidance. I feel like people like you lied to me my entire life and I wasted that life. I am miserable and unhappy because I did exactly what people like you told me to do, to find my own way, to reject authority, to reject tradition, to be free and wild, and all it did was leave me a drug addict with an STD , with a string of bad relationships and nothing to show for the last 25 years of my life.
I hate people like you. I think you're a evil monster dispensing terrible advice that ruins people's lives because you're a sick, selfish degenerate who only cares about your own self-gratification. You don't know jack. You're a unenlightened, ignorant fool and any one who listens to people like you will have their lives ruined.
“women’s invisible labor”….. SPOT ON!! this is a huge reason why I choose to be child-free, I know what the end result would be…I dont know how my mom did it as a single mother leaving my abusive father. It’s a terrible life, and I choose to have better! thanks for your content, it’s super validating
You - in one person, online - make up for the brainwashed girlfriends (in their 40's, some even older), who I had to let go.
While I poured the same knowledge into their heads for ages until I couldn't be around them anymore.
I feel validated, even if it's parasocial.
I have noticed that women only benefit from relationships only during dating and if they live on their own!! In this case, a woman is stress free, no extra labour, no extra financial burden and the man tend to be forced to give more in this dynamic!! "atleast from my experience" ...Which is what I think women should opt for, just date when it is beneficial for you, dont have kids unless you really understand the changes that will come with it and you are okay with giving more and the risks thereof!!
Textbook behaviour. When they think they cleared you they mutate into a potato. 🙂
This is why coaches say never move in with a boyfriend! You become the maid.
Date and live separately.
My husband has not done this so far. For me, the key differences are (1) he's the kind of person to fret about whether he's treated someone fairly or not, and (2) divorce is always an option and we both know this. We are happy and content. It makes sense for us to be married, for legal and financial reasons. But he knows that if the relationship becomes a huge drain on me with no effort from him, I will leave.
That said, we know what we have is very rare. The majority of married women I know are not happy.
I never lived together with any man but when i had my own apartment the man i was dating would spend the weekend with me and during that weekend he would buy groceries, appliances and clean the apartament. Sometimes he would leave dinner ready on the stove even if he was already gone.
This dymamics only happened because i had my own money, my own apartment and he was a guest so he would do these things in order to keep access to me and my time and my apartment. I was also a temporary appliance for him that he was ashamed of and knowing he would drop me at any time he wanted to make sure that he owed me nothing, after all he contributed for my miserable existence and i was lucky having him in my life.
Once i understand the dynamics of men's way of thinking everything makes sense.
Yup - I found that you enjoy the love bombing but keep yourself dissociated and don't sleep with them that you don't get sucked into the empathy trapping codependent trauma bond and keeping strong boundaries from jump street makes these men turn tail
A common element that isn't talked about as much as that many of these men will discard you and their intent was always to discard you after use. They will say anything and come up with all kinds of problems and have suddenly and mysteriously lost their ability to reciprocate because the goal was always to hit it and quit it. The goal was to play with you and be a waste of time to begin with.
Fillers/placeholders
Interesting. I have heard a lot of men complain about being used as well. This shows the importance of communication and setting clear boundaries.
Every time I have been in any sort of relationship with a man, I lost valuable time, money, self-esteem, career advancement. The more seriousl relationships cost me much more than the short-term relationships. So my husband of 15 years cost me my entire career, all my savings, and mental health. While the casual boyfriends still cost me while they benefited. I have no reason to be in any relationship with men at all. A woman who has found inner peace, who has managed to balance all her needs, and weaned herself of codependency will not seek to provide benefits to men. There are plenty of men now who are asking what I need and what they can do for me. I appreciate that. But at this point I need nothing at all. I feel complete, but I also feel much more powerful not sharing what I've got.
Yes this is what I found, my husband before we had kids did so much house work and then we had one child and he did less and I had to talk to him about. Then a lot of the women, my mother, my sister, even stranger would be like why I was making him do all of this and I had to remind them that I had a full time job as well and I didn't know how to take care of a child anymore than he did. I told them we would learn together. Then we had a second child and it happened again and I didn't even catch on until I was drowning in work. So I had to put my foot down again and say simply that he needs to do his part in this family or I was walking and this was his only warning. Yes I meant it cause we as women need to prioritise ourselves cause as much as my husband does way more house work than 95% of the men we know I still do a lot more than he does.
Oh I have one, I have an aunt who passed away that had brain cancer. Before she died she fell in love with and began to cohabitate with a man who was her benefactor on the insurance. When she was on her deathbed she sent him for the money and he got it and burned off. My Grandma had to pay off her grave site and her tombstone for about 10 years after that on social security and family support.
Jeeezus... That's so awful. What an utter bummy loser.
The bear would NEVER
My ex did a pro/con list about me. When I found that list I could feel my blood pressure immediately spike. I called around and made appointments with divorce attorneys and then used that list in our divorce. His first pro was housework. His second pro was seggs on demand and no payment. His con list was 8 xs longer because it incluede things like me demanding boring conversation. He believed all convo was to be about him, wheras I wanted diverse topics and rehashing his egotistical talking points was not real conversation. At no point did he find value in me as a partner. My value was just as a service provider.
The sooner We accept that males add nothing but work to our lives, plus physical instability, financial instability, emotional abuse, stress, pain and isolation then the quicker we kick the Patriarch's indoctrination program.
I’m so sorry you went though this but I’m happy you found a way out. In a strange way the fact that he put it down on paper may have been a blessing. I think many of us suspect this is how men think about us based on their actions but it’s undeniable when presented for you like that. Many women are willing to pretend and gaslight themselves into believing otherwise. The hard proof may have saved you years of pain in the long run. I hope you’re thriving now!❤
I have a girlfriend whose ex boyfriend kept an excel spreadsheet of all expenses he had with her. Including a 1£ candy bar from that time/date they went to the movies and he bought it for her (note: each one bought their own ticket).
Impressive thing is that he didn't keep track of the times and monetary value of the things she gave him or when she paid for the dates.
I had the same robotic (but later turned psycopathic ex husband. Pro/cons listed in a rigid unbelievable manner 😢
None of these males ever talk about women's loneliness, coz if they do, they have to come fave to face with the fact how a lot of men keep us cut off from our support systems, or make ours theirs & be against us.
They are the reason why we don't know how to cultivate Sisterhood.
They have actively punished us for it.
"they have to come fave to face with the fact how a lot of men keep us cut off from our support systems, or make ours theirs & be against us."
There are actual people in this world that put up with this and then have the audacity to tell other people that its "le problem of the man".
@@grantwithers don't confuse the pick meishas with the rest of us normal folks. They exploit their female friendships too. They expect their gurlies to heal them as they hop from one toxic to the next toxic wasteman.
@@human-capital- facts & the trauma from being friends with their loyal pick me leeches
Or they joke about us being cat ladies
Marriage in a patriarchy takes from women and gifts to men.
I'm glad to see you on TH-cam! Your research lead me down a rabbit hole, as well. Men are statistically more prone to be bored. The oldest study I could find was from 1978, and the most recent is from 2022. Boredom proneness (it's theorized) comes from an external locus of control, meaning "I'm bored, bored is a thing happening to me." When women are left alone they tend to look for something productive to do, whereas men either become destructive or look for someone/something else to "cure their boredom." You've already looked into this so much, but I thought this was an interesting thing to add to the conversation .
I'm honestly convinced several entire wars have happened in history simply because a powerful man got bored.
I know that bored m3n invented cruelties like t0rture and r@p3, and shared them in their groups.
Often they band together just to cause mayhem.
That is why a woman encountering a group of m3n has been in mortal danger for all of patriarchal history.
@@ClaireGreen-wd2gm It's the macro version of what we see playing out in relationships. They get EVERYTHING they wanted, they still aren't happy, so they make it everyone else's problem.
Omg this is so interesting the guy i talk to now is so bored all the time. Always wanting to go out and so somethung usually eating he is overweight and im constantly telling him to stop eating. But when im bored i just sit in my bordeness or start doing stuff on my todo list. I hope she dives into this topic.
Interesting, I wonder if this is related to their propensity to become addicted to drugs, corn, gaming, gambling, drinking, eating, cheating etc etc
Followed you on here from TikTok. Longer form content is so your thing. Great video.
Yay, thank you so much for being here!!! Lots more coming your way :)))
Same 🫶 here for y'all - tell 'em I #4b'd before it was a movement and I am happy in free my agency and would never change that
I am glad you mentioned that married men are more likely to earn more. I can say from personal observations, in many fields that I have worked in, married men (aka fathers) are more likely to get promoted, even tho they work less than their female colleagues at the same job. I have seen this in many jobs repeating itself! 😒
Yes - it’s because they are supporting many more people than just themselves. They don’t spend it on their own desires, they spend it on food, shelter, clothing and wants for their wife and children.
@@rachelclare1398 That is literally discrimination. Your private life and work life should be completely separate. No one cares how many mouts you got to feed outside the work. That is your responsibility and nobody else's. One should not be promoted, just because they chose to have unprotected s*x.
@@rachelclare1398It is the same for women with children. Your math doesn't math.
@@teoleno4019 hmm. I don’t mean the boss gave him a raise because he had kids. I mean the guy may make different choices in their career because their family changes their priorities. For example, my husband switched industries when we were expecting my daughter because our goal was that she could be raised by me, her mother. He worked extremely long days his first year at that new job. (And I worked long days learning how to care for and parent a baby.) He made a lot of sacrifices to pursue higher pay, which is the experience of most of the husbands with kids that I know.
@@rachelclare1398 You assuming his female colleagues are not working long hours. Like I said before, i have seen men who spend half of the day chatting and not working, getting promoted over female colleagues who work extra hard. Somehow the male is always trying to suck up to the boss instead of actualy doing the work at least 50% of the time.
Men will say housework ain’t hard and it’s easy but pretend they don’t know how to put dishes in the dishwasher. Is it easy or not?
I would like to mention here, that in Chile, during the 1930 a woman (last name Caffarena) made a Thesis, abouy how the unpaid labor of the Stay at home women, was fundamental for the patriachy
Elena Caffarena
@@cyberpunkalphamale thanks You, for a moment My brain forgot her name
Your commentary is so validating of my own experience. Please continue to grow your platform! 💓
The part where housework is mentioned is really something I've lived through and it still shocks me. I was terrified of separating from my son's father (we have only one child) because I thought life would be harder and being a solo mom would be difficult. I AM SURPRISED by how easier it is, how much less housework there is to do, how much time and energy I have. Being a solo mom is easier (even without a huge support network). So to all women out there who feel indecisive about it, I hope you have the courage to do this, because you'll see the curtains open to another scenery in your life.
Thank you for speaking out about this you’re 100% correct
A lot of women act completely blind to the abuse other women suffer from at the hands of male abusers. Which leads me to believe some of them are lucky enough to have never been abused, and they spend every chance they can gaslighting women who have . All I’ve ever gotten from other women was contempt and apathy when I tried to share my story. Not a single one could relate. I still can’t fathom that I haven’t been able to find another woman who has suffered like I have, or they refuse to be vulnerable with me. It makes me feel like a freak.
Many WE channels refer to “the woman appliance” when discussing how we are seen by men and I believe it’s such an accurate term. We are a convenience device for them and when there is a “malfunction”, the immediate reaction isn’t to question their use or abuse of the device or reread the manual, so to speak. No, of course it can’t be user error. It’s obviously time for a replacement. 🤦🏾♀️ I feel disgusting even writing this, but it’s how they view women. Once you or your children (because they think of kids as yours and they occasionally “babysit”), become an inconvenience to them, it’s not a cause for negotiation or restructuring of duties. They start to blame the woman appliance for breaking down.
This is good picture. 🙂
They are like the person who kicks the computer or dishwasher when it is on the fritz.
This is something I learned about folks with narcissistic personality disorder 😬
The most annoying part of all this to me (as a trans man) is that it would be so easily fixable. TH-cam is a pretty easy place to learn how to do things of you weren't taught at home. So the proper way to clean, how to cook meals, how to maintain a household. This would be so easy for men to just step up and do basic human requirements and the fact that it almost feels like even younger men are pulling away from that is so disheartening. I've been married to my husband for almost a decade and we delegate tasks by skill and level of hate or enjoyment we have for that task but unless it's something one of us is physically incapable of doing, we'll step in and help each other if the other needs it. We're partners and I wish more men could understand that's how partnerships are supposed to be...
That's the whole point though: men don't refuse to do housework because of a lack of knowledge or even awareness. They don't do it because they know no one will require him to do it and because women will do it for them if they avoid the task long enough. They are aware and they may even know how to do it, but they simply don't have to.
@@annie1284 That also annoys me endlessly but other than bullying my immediate peers and teaching my children better, I have no idea how to change it.
The societal expectations for men had not kept up with the times, and because of that, they now struggle.
And because the "first teachers" of any person are its parents, if the parents do not show BY EXAMPLE, it gets VERY difficult to change a person later...
@@annie1284 Why should they when they have primary responsibility for maintaining the home financially. Her money is hers his money is theirs.
Yes. My ex was a parasite. I already used that word to describe him. Also "black hole", he sucks my time, my money, my space, the light of everybody around him (also from my male friends and relatives!!!) and every help we gave him in order to him to growm he took for granted and relax on expenses of me and our kids (he abuses the good will of our 2 boys also!). Guess what: I discovered hes father and all other men in his family have this "habit" of selfishness.
You don't even need to be in couple to do most of the housework. Just being born a girl living with brothers who do nothing in the house because your mom let them be as dirty as they want is enough 😊❤
Or when the boys get paid for chores and baby sitting but the girls are expected to do it for free and not allowed to have a social life because she has been tapped as the house serf.
This is…very reflected in my upbringing. While my parents have a more equal relationship post retirement, my mom did all of the emotional labor as well as the housework while her child (me) lived in their house. I never got why girls around me dreamed of being wives and moms.
OH MY GOD you have uploaded!!! So excited to listen!
My dear this was absolutely amazing. I love hearing this talk, nice calm explanations, really enjoyed it. Looking forward to the remainder of your series. Take care.
We saw Furiosa over the weekend. Masterpiece. We are going back for a second time this weekend. I wish they made screenings of Mad Max again to dovetail with Furiosa. I'm planning on making a custom coffee table book for the house of things that are important to us and the Furiosa and Mad Max posters will definitely be in there.
Thanks for coming over to TH-cam!! I saw you from Burb's posts. Will include you in the first edition of my magazine! Woot! 🎉
Me too
This content is so important, I hope you keep doing it. Just like all other creators. So important ! Thanks !😃
The women I know also do a great deal if not all of the traditional male tasks outside the home.
Finaallyyy 🎉 your knowledge is invaluable 💕
I was aware of the physical and emotional labor a wife/mother takes on from a young(ish) age.
My family lived on a hobby farm (lots of land, a few animals, but we weren't farming it or profiting from the animals). Mowing the yard took 3 hours on a riding mower. Shoveling the driveway was a punishment. Taking care of the animals was a chore (both in the sense that it had to be done, like washing dishes, but also that you would be outside tending to the animals for a decent amount of time taking care of them all).
Well, my mother did pretty much everything house related and my father did everything yard/farm related. My dad was the one with hobbies and had time for video games while my mother napped or read in her free time only.
Once they retired, they realized just how one sided it all was and so they split the household chores and do them on alternate days (cooking, cleaning, caring for animals, etc) and only now do they both have time for hobbies and fun things. Is it still my father's hobbies and my mother just tags along? Yeah, generally. But she finds she likes golfing and bowling and fishing, and she gets her preferred hobbies when us daughters come over (spinning, weaving, lace making, etc) that my father doesn't have the patience or desire to try to learn or spend money on. I do also notice when it's my father's day to cook that there's more likely to be fast food on the menu, but that's something they talked about trying to keep to a minimum in general so it's not fast food every other day.
But this is something i struggle with in trying to take care of myself in my personal space or when i lived alone. It was easy to just not do the work, then let it get so bad it was unhealthy. I'll work all day and come home mentally exhausted so i don't have the willpower to do much more than turn on a long yt vid and nap. And the daily things are often the most i can do for myself (recently i didn't cook for myself for 2 months and dealt with the consequences of all the food in my fridge was moldy, including any containers they'd been in).
Im really happy to see younger generations of women get it. Im late 40s and have been through this whole process myself of realizations of the system I was raised into and pulled myself and daughter out of it only to see it seeping back into a new toxic masculinity round w next gen if men and woman and watching it happen all over again. Im glad to see you speaking o. This to all of us and I really hope you reach a ton of your peers. Women deserve better and men can do better.
Yesss!! So excited to see you on YT, we need more smart ass chicks on here, speak n preach!!
So glad your on TH-cam. I hated that some content creators where clipping your videos from tiktok and didn't include your handle.!!!! Haven't watched video yet. Grabbing my popcorn bc I know it's going to be good.
We also can’t forget the fact that when your boss knows your husband has a job or specifically a “decent job” the woman gets paid less or receives least raises because they believe the husband must pay for everything especially considering how little the know they are paying the woman
This part though 😤 I have a background in the military and construction...both myself and my husband (who prior had no experience and was a previously a line cook for decades) got on boarded and he made $4.50 an hour more than me
Wow! Ive seen snippets of you on burbnboogie and manifestelle so happy to see a whole video of yours!
Yes yes yes to everything you said. This is my lived experience.
Cant wait to see your next video.
I just binge watched your videos on tiktok and now I see there's more on yt I'm looking forward to it
The amount of single mothers I have met who say, with a tone of shock/surprise, that they have more free time, more energy, and less stress, being a single mother, even/especially when the ex husband doesn't pay child support and/or alimony, is all. I have yet to have met a mother who was single from divorce that wasn't better off after the guy is out of the picture, unless the guy was still actively interfering in her life.
Excellent! Thank you
Дуже рада нарешті бачити Вас на ютубі. Дякую за якісний контент і з нетерпінням чекаю наступного тижня ❤️
Hi Lisa, I’m sooo happy you came to TH-cam!!! I have seen many channels showing your TikTok videos but i didn’t want to get TikTok so I’m glad you’re here. Your content is possibly some of the best, most insightful info out there!!! I have been thinking of making a narcissism channel because a lot of these issues overlap imo. Thanks for your content!!!
I resemble the remark of being a breadwinner (with 2 jobs!) yet still expected to carry the majority of the mental load for family events/appointments, housework, childcare, meal planning, execution of said meal plan, shopping, home improvement planning, etc... I've rarely complained but I can't help but notice that I'm being played. It will not continue because I'm tired and not a fool. 49, married 13 years with 1 child.
There are so many tasks women do or are expected to do that go way beyonf the basic tasks listed here and have way less recreational time as they are often running mom taxis, non stop when they are home such as shopping for household goods, clothing, landscaping and are the purchasing agents for the entire househols, and bill paying, yardwork and often car care etc. Modern men work, if that, the end. The more children the more labor in all facets. 😊
I already need more! 😭 Love the new long format!
As much as one day I would like to be married I’m not gonna settle for a guy who isn’t attractive and doesn’t make at least $80k a year and wont string me along. People are pissed because at this point in my life at 24 I’m expected to be in a productive relationship but the guys I want are already in a relationship so I would rather just be single than be with someone I don’t want or don’t get excited to see and isn’t emotionally intelligent.
Interesting. I feel similar about many woman as a 30 year old man. I’m a quality man and I’m looking for a woman who is happy with her life too and sees a romantic relationship as a way to improve it.
Broke up with my last two serious girlfriends as I couldn’t see myself marrying either.
Main reasons:
A) first didn’t really have the desire to grow and improve as individuals and as a couple. Also she wasn’t a great money manager.
B) second was a mother and didn’t have a green card. I didn’t meet her children but wasn’t sure I could be a father figure to adolescent/young-adult girls and, the mathematical and biological possibility I could be a grandpa before a biological father if I stayed with her was unsettling.
I’m looking for a partner again but, in the mean time, I’ll focus on my life and getting the basement suite of my house finished and rented out so I can pay off my mortgage sooner.
Yay! I’m so happy you’re posting on TH-cam as well!
Proud to be the 1k Like. I love the way you talk and explain it so simply.
thank you so much 💗🙏
I love your videos so much. That first playlist you made about the invisible labor of women had such an impact on me, I decided at 13 I would never marry because I saw how hard it was for the women in my family, even my mom, who had a housekeeper and a nanny her whole married life, she just ever cooked for us during the week, but yeah, she is in charge of all the mental labor, my dad did share in the emotional labor, he was the one that my siblings and I would always go to talk about our feelings. Funny enough, I ended up engaged at 22 but canceled the wedding, and now we're in a living together-apart arraignment. I can't decide if I ever want to move in with my partner or if we will live the rest of our lives in an LTA arraignment like we are now! He can afford to pay for a cook and a house cleaner, and I need my space, so I would have my own bedroom, but many people have advised me not to move in with him, they say even with a housekeeper and a cook, men will find ways to push more housework onto women. I have traveled with him before, and he always maintained his bedroom and bathroom clean when we were staying with my grandmother in Brazil last Summer. Also, I might have a child with him (we will definitely adopt one or two kids). I have removed my tubes and have a few frozen embryos with him, and we'll be moving to the UK soon. I have contemplated moving together when we adopt or if I decide to have the child, but now I think it might be easier to co-parent whether we are still together or not if/when the time comes. I seriously don't know, I honestly think he's a responsible adult who would do his share of the mental load, mostly because he moved here from Australia at 17 to go to college when he got a scholarship and has since lived by himself. But I really don't know, might have to move in with him while keeping my place rented to someone else, so I have the option of leaving if things go sideways. Anyway, I have no plans for kids for at least 13 years, so I will have plenty of time to figure these things out.
Less children will be less people starving to death as climate change inevitably causes crop failures.
Hey girl thank you for this , would you mind putting the studies ?
just so I can have proofs when im talking about this in my social circle
Yes!! I didn’t realize I forgot to paste those in, they’ll be up by tomorrow thank you so much for letting me know 💗🙏
Your Tiktoks are some of my absolute favourites! TH-cam will make it so much easier to listen to the longer content, thank you!
Burbnbougie alerted me to your new TH-cam channel
Your video essay is so well researched, powerful, and a welcome voice. I can't wait to hear your next installment and really hope your channel gains traction. More women of all ages need access to this type of information that actually centers women as the focal point. Liked, subscribed, and thank you. I really appreciate how you don't shame women. That video made me feel more empowered than I have in quite a while. I was looking for a way to donate, but didn't see one. Maybe you could add that for next week? Just a thought, no pressure or anything. You keep doing you.
Good content, can't wait for the next video in the series :)
Maybe we should pay women when they have and take care of children because they are raising the future generations. ❤❤❤
FWIW I’m trying real hard to raise my boy to be a great partner someday. He also sees his dad doing lots of household chores and that’s really helping. I hope society doesn’t get to him…
As a single 30s male 250k minimalist I cook and clean my own home, I can say my interactions with women make my life more complicate and require more more work
This video is so good I’m resharing it with my audience!❤🧚🏽♀️
Ahh thank you so much!!! That means the world to me I appreciate you very much!
Too many men want a mother instead of a wife
Thank for this video and this channel!
Great info! I'm a never yet married single 38 year old with no kids so life is great lol
Great video! Thank you for the hard work
you need to write a book about this topic, very deep study, thks a lot
so here for this
I love your content! Ty!❤
I've just subscribed. Looking forward to your next video👍
Thank you ❤
Well done and straightforward breakdown.
Thank you for your service ❤
Amazing! This video really shows a feminist world view. When you have time, please compare life and health outcomes on same sex couples as well.
Nope. This is for heterosexual relationship
Imagine women and men specializing into specific task because each gender naturally thinks / feels differently to save both genders time. Sounds silly right? Men should just be more like women to solve everything…
Each gender has their strengths and weaknesses. The only way for humans to not devolve is to acknowledge those strengths and weaknesses and work as a team. Treating each other with equal respect and dignity. Only when the males of our kind stop their desperate grasp for power can we evolve into a society that works together, offsetting weaknesses with the strengths of the other gender. Sadly, the stats indicate the opposite trend amongst our men.
One of the main issues of dating is the rise of same sex relationship. Fewer men for women and fewer women for men. And also the issue of age discrimination, as in, it's ok for 70+ men to be with a 16+ woman but not ok for a woman to be with a younger man if they really want/both single to be together.
Immidiately subscribed
Listening to this confirms why I left the U.S. Pure headache. But by all means, please liberate yourselves how you see fit. ✌🏽 SYSBM
I think the analysis is very problematic. All of the source shared by the host are based upon secondary observations and news articles, which are never considered as a credible source . on top of it psychology has the worst replication crisis. 97 percent of their studies can not be replicated with the identical research conditions. the rest has the problems of falling apart in meta analysis. A very small percentage of finding is acceptable provided you know how to make sense of statistical statements. the host has not shared one single statistical study by academics in a reputed journal. It also feels like the host is very limited in her imagination. she assumed that if a woman moved in with her boyfriend/husband her housework will decrease. which is just naive. when people get married and get somewhat steady, work for both spouses usually increases. secondly you are reading too much into man and their status. a significant minority of male would do that if they judge a girl to be a one off hook up or short term kind of person. If they fall in love then they talk too much , not in a gossipy style but to the point and sweet. when in conflict in marriage man usually take a long term view. also in point of hierarchy, well if you are a woman who is feeling proud of herself because you just caught a guy who is the top guy(?), then let me tell you this no one get to the top in a free market neo-liberal economy by making everyone happy. road to top is full of intrigue. those guy at the top are always calling the shots, they are like task master. so a task master you will get. I could go on and on. I hope you take a economics and statistics class. because man cannot be selfish(i.e I only care about me , meanwhile you can go f**k yourself) for 200000 years towards woman. and woman just getting awake in the last 200 years, which is just a blip in that 200000 years time frame. that is an awfully long time for this gender relation to exist. I believe most of it is our political economy. you can see where you are wrong by using ideas fro economics. thank you. But Rest assured men are not exploiting women as such. I might be old fashioned but I believe man falls in love with woman and vice versa.
Find the comment by MsGardener77, where I deconstruct many of the claims in this video with the original sources, if you're curious about how biased and/or misleading practically everything she stated is. I can't fix what caused her to weaponize these statistics by challenging them on factual grounds, but experience has taught me it is extremely important to create doubt in people's constructed justifications for prejudice. It isn't enough, of course; you need to appeal to the moral sense as well; but it is critical as a first step, once the claim of "facts and data" has been made to fortify a biased and self-serving worldview.
@@tradfluteman Yeah. I also find this sad in that how many women in the comment section tend towards a favorable view of the ideas presented. It seems like most of the viewers are not about trying to see the world as it is but rather to justify their bitter and certainly very less than optimal romantic relationship with men. The ideas presented here are certainly not going to be of any help for anyone, less alone be useful. All this can do is to create a prison where women will live in false fear they have concocted for themselves. I hope that the host starts being a little sincere.
You know it's funny, I didn't really have chores our housework before my ex moved in, I just didn't make a f**king mess and everything worked out well. The second she moved in, suddenly there were all these extra chores that just didn't exist before and suddenly i'm supposed to do these extra chores, but not the most efficient way (because that's cheating), I have to suffer as much as her, and even when I do it's not enough.
Conclusion, martyr complex, doing everything the most difficult way possible, to be the victim, critisise everything the man does, so he stops doing it and then play the victim even more. F*** it, I don't need that sh*t in my life.
I guess I am lucky. My husband cooks; I clean the dishes and kitchen. We shop together. We do our own laundry. We do cleaning as we go-- it is roughly even. We don't have children. I wonder if childless couples have been researched along these lines.
Just subscribed ❤ best of luck
4:11 This is because a lot of men see women as products that have functions.
I love the long form content! Do you have plans for blogging, on Medium for example? I am more of a reader. I'd also love a podcast so I can listen to this on walks! I'm happy to pay for the content too if you want to paywall it!
"I have quiet a few theories overall as to why this may be happening on such a large scale"
It's literally just one word: chad
Omg you're oh youtube! I love youuuu
love this content! commenting for the algorithm